Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for '2003-08-17 23:59:59'

# of Comments

The 7 most %$#()* profane moments in sports. Link goes to SFW "clean" version

Thirteen house painters crammed into cargo truck with gear pick bad time for smoke break; Rush hour fireball ensues

When driving past radioactive abandoned uranium mines do not stop and get out of your car.

(25)

(Sunday Mail)

Maiden voyage of £7.5m Scottish flagship cancelled because "anchor didn't work". Titanic surrenders

Make a new fav icon for Fark. Link goes to an example (16 pixels by 16 pixels)

Pele scores with a verbal bicycle kick as he player-hates on Beckham

(47)

(Some Airhead)

6 foot long glider sets record by flying from Canada to Ireland in 38 hours (second story).

(22)

Chopper crashes in posh suburb

(31)

(Scotland on Sunday)

MI6 joins MI5 in using website to advertise vacancies. 007 need not apply. Shaken or stirred

(27)

New device invented drastically speeds up the time it takes to pour a beer

(30)

(guy and a girl)

These should be standard equipment in most Farkers' homes

(Some Bored Dude)

Still bored? Flash Pacman game

Shaun Micheel wins the PGA championship - Tiger sucks

Kremlin falling back on old Soviet ways

(97)

Do you want to buy my floating car?

Ice age coming to England after 2010. Residents want it now.

(Modbee)

Baseball team invites all 135 recall candidates to throw first pitch

(19)

Nude camping for teens, learn how to pitch a tent

(227)

West Nile Virus is so last year, all the cool kids are going retro and coming down with malaria

(Some Bored Guy)

Anybody up for a little Sunday putt-putt?

(the inquirer)

First from Hanford we get radioactive mice, ants, and tumbleweed. Now it's wasps that shoot laser beams out of their butts

(40)

Mysterious package containing $1,000,000 worth of pot delivered to Universal Records

(Red Vs Blue)

Red Vs Blue episode 16 up, 'A Slightly Crueler Cruller'

When trying to scare people at a party with a shotgun, be sure not to trip and fall. You might "accidently" shoot 6 people

(73)

Chicago spooked by ‘ghost planes’

(Some Farker)

Farker LimpDiskette just purchased www.hotbeaveronbeaveraction.com. Photoshop SFW pics for the site

(60)

Rare blue lobster caught, soon to be red lobster

If you want to get sheep to move off a mountain, use crackers and Doritos

Carny with long hair tries to spray lubricant on moving roller coaster while passengers are on the ride. Hair gets caught. Hillarity does not ensue

(142)

(Some Gal)

Shirtless celebs, from Ashton to Orlando. Safe for work

(37)

(Mr. Breakfast)

Mr. Breakfast answers the question, "What is gruel and did orphans really eat it?" Bonus gruel recipe included.

(The Guardian)

Man believed to have discovered new theory of time despite having no training in physics is probably incorrect

(138)

If you were the president and could accomplish only three things, what would they be? Link goes to the Constitution

(366)

(Some Butter Sculpture)

Photoshop this creepy New York State Fair poster

(143)

Surfers construct impromptu dam with surfboards to save teen trapped in sand

(36)

Tired of blackouts? Go solar for $5000

(96)

(Albuquerque Tribune)

Spice up your vocabulary and you can sound just like Bobby Flay

"Avast Ye." Discovery of Civil War-Era Shipwreck Off Georgia Coast Could Yield Up to $180 Million in Coins

(Seanbaby)

Decade of Rad: The 10 Eightiest Movies

(208)

Looting did take place during blackout, police say, including two bodegas. Say it with me..BO-DE-GAS

Enterprise continues it's mission to explore ways of getting higher ratings, seek out buxom new guest stars (with transparent pajamas), and boldly show catfights where there were none before.

(The Herald Times)

Lobsters miraculously escape seafood department by way of a "suspiciously propped open door"

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Sat August 16, 2003:

# of Comments

(Some Episcopal Church)

Jesus: Remedy for universal spiritual power outage. (Written for Y2K, but appropriate to the northeast blackout)

(309)

(Herald-Sun.com)

Evangelist says the water has healing properties. Science says the water contains human/animal waste bacteria. Hilarity expected to ensue at revival

Farkers photoshop Michael Vick, he goes down with a broken ankle. Hoping the hex continues, expect to see PS contests on Texas Democrats, 80 year-old drivers, farting whales...

(127)

Concert revellers allowed to report crimes by text messaging. :-( hlp am bng mggd

(60)

(atlantafalcons.com)

Photoshop Michael Vick and the Atlanta Falcons' crazy new mascot

(147)

Kentucky candidate for Governor comes out in favor of mullets

Arnold now in 2nd place in CA governor race

(227)

(Post-Gazette)

Man attempts to exterminate beehive in rafters of 24-unit apartment building with a can of hairspray and a lighter. Hilarity ensues

(48)

Never before heard Elvis song to be realeased

(56)

72-year old man caught having sex with pig. With picture of pig with identity protected

(78)

(MSN)

The top 10 biggest box office failures

(187)

Idi Amin finally joins Generalissimo Francisco Franco in being still dead

Student writes politicians about possible jackass lifestyle, actually gets replies

(77)

Premiership underway today. Ooooole ole ole ole. Ole. Ole

(79)

(PopCap)

Waste your Saturday with Popcap's new addiction: Rocket Mania

A wonderment of Wet-T's. Guaranteed to increase your penis size. (not safe for work)

(85)

MP3 players abound - what features should you look for - which one is your favorite?

(220)

Power outage started in Ohio

(146)

(Tampa Tribune)

Is there a job more lonely than the Maytag repairman? How about the official scorer for the TB Devil Rays?

Census Department: Americans buy dogs over cats at roughly 9 to 7 ratio

(127)

(Some Redneck)

Photoshop a title of a badly named country song. Link goes to possible list

(100)

Hooray, the elephants are coming to town. Guess who is not happy about it

Cardboard ad of beer-toting model flies twenty combat missons with Air Force

(61)

20 Torontonians in hospital after stealing gasoline by siphoning goes horribly awry

(14wfie.com)

Homeowner covers replica of "David" with a sheet after neighbors complain

(128)

Golden State Warriors trade away their best player and some for a couple of bench warmers

Pet pig repaints pickup, then bites neighbor

(Pittsburgh Pirates)

Chester Cheese powers Pierogies past Sausages in long anticipated race

And the angel opened the second seal: Rob Lowe joins Arnold's campaign

Photoshop these California gubernatorial candidates lining up to file for the election

(Gotham Gazette)

Farker Archeds' wife writes about possible NYC blackout 3 days before lights go out.

Test your skills and see how many you balls you can hit out of the park

(47)

Man claps 721 times in 60 seconds, fapping speed unimaginable

After bad Monopoly hand, Isreal to return 4 West Bank towns

Former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin dead at 80

(283)

Rogue website vyagra.com, despite stiff resolve and elongated offers, loses cyber-squat battle to Pfizer

HP has over 100 new gadgets... still costs less to buy a new printer than new ink for old printer

(Herald Sun)

Architect sets dubious record by being drunkest woman ever caught driving

(88)

(Some Gal)

25 amazing men. Safe for work

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Fri August 15, 2003:

# of Comments

Man sunbathing on beach killed by falling car

Soccer beauty Heather Mitts (SFW)

(71)

(Some ex-captain)

William...Shatner...wantstocreate a...NEW...Star Trek series

(123)

Photoshop an unlikely "World's Best..." episode on Discovery Travel Channel. Link goes to show schedule

(107)

(HoustonChronicle.com)

Amazon.com wins tussle over lookalike site

(36)

Microsoft bracing for the second round of the blaster worm due to hit this weekend

(The Vindicator)

Virgin Mary statue with glowing eyes draws huge crowds. Atheists note for future use that christians are distracted by shiny things (with pic)

(367)

NOAA satellite shows difference in light coverage over NE US before and after the blackout.

How can Netflix beat Blockbuster and Wal-Mart? Porn

(175)

Tractor-trailer crash sparks garlic-scented blaze

(34)

Twins less prone to suicide, despite being four games behind

Cleveland Plain Dealer is doing a blog since the power failure prevented it from putting out a newspaper

(UT Library)

Find out which Native American tribes formerly occupied the state you are living in now, courtesy of these cool histroical maps

(179)

AAA puts up billboards advertising upcoming town is speed trap. Town officials not amused. (with pic)

(150)

Tired of sex? Cut off your penis

(137)

(kansas.com)

Art students build 12-foot long, 600 pound mousetrap. Looking for baby kangaroo with boxing gloves to be test subject

(54)

Disgruntled Yankees fan tries to sell Weaver on eBay

Don't want another speeding ticket? Don't pull over. Seattle Police told not to chase suspects for minor infractions

(145)

Man wanting to slow down traffic in his neighborhood carves dead oak tree into nude woman, succeeds in his goal

(112)

(SMH)

Unemployed man murders his parents when they demand he divorce his inflatable bride

(159)

Top destinations for single men. Surprisingly does not include the local nudie bar

(112)

Girl maintains viginity, no knowledge of pregnancy despite birthing baby in shower and leaving it under the kitchen sink

Microsoft co-founds and launches a new digital music download service. Screws Apple again

(242)

Iraqis offer U.S. tips over blackout

(120)

After Libya finally agrees to compensation deal for families of 1988 Pan Am bombing over Lockerbie, French asshats derail settlement with additional demands

(137)

(News and Observer)

Bystander shoots robbery suspect

(366)

The hotness of Francesca Rettondini. Some pictures not safe for work

(93)

3 Sniper shootings (including headshots) in the W.Va area. Sniper said to be l33t 5nip3r

Lets just blame Ohio

(230)

Theatre full of toddlers shown Slasher Flick instead of Piglet movie

(wilstar.net)

AudioEdit clips from "O Brother Where Art Thou"

(18)

Busted grandma claims giving toddlers beer is completely normal

(San Diego Union Tribune)

Pentagon & White House back away from troop pay cuts after nationwide public backlash

(317)

Athens, Greece has one year to build 27 Olympic venues for the 2004 games

(167)

New Yorkers use black-out as excuse to go out and get loaded

(177)

(ctv.ca)

Looting reported in Ottawa during blackout. No looting in U.S. cities

(174)

The bizarre world of internet prison penpal dating services

(43)

(Some Freshman)

Photoshop these two farkers at start of college life

(152)

Ashton Kutcher's ex on fling with Demi: "I suppose the crux of their relationship basically means to him that age doesn't matter and to her that size doesn't matter"

(155)

Big Ten to test instant replay

(134)

Scientists capture first ever photo of whale farting (with pic)

(94)

500 Tarantulas stuck in customs at Mexican airport

(84)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Thu August 14, 2003:

# of Comments

(ua.edu)

Farker's cousin is leaving for the University of Alabama tomorrow. Farker wants to send him an email with all the things every college freshman should know (i.e. drugs are bad, don't get a credit card). Any other advice? (voting enabled)

(387)

Top Ten stores least likely to be looted in a power failure

(93)

Mike's ad-blocking hosts file updated. Now wit Messenger Service spam fix. Penis pump sales fall 20 percent

(Billings Gazette)

Russian scientists are eager to drill into a liquid lake 4km under Antartica's surface

(91)

Eleven struck by lightning during really irritating talent show

(Space.com)

Saturn's moon Titan has a smoggy atmosphere, much like LA. Unknown if it is also full of jackasses

(60)

Cricket club offers reward to first man to sink his balls in Catherine Zeta-Jones's shrubbery

Man tunnels underground for week to steal Tampa Bay Buccaneer jerseys from store

Scientists discover life "could" exist on other planets. Still no cure for cancer

(News-Journal)

Naked man arrested by cops claims he's shooting porno, despite no video equipment

(36)

(KSTP)

Minneapolis wants to make it legal to go in whichever restroom makes you feel better

(51)

Arctic ice cap will melt entirely in 100 years, leading to more bad Kevin Costner movies

(126)

Banking giant introduces lie detector technology on its insurance claim phone lines. Still no cure for cancer

Lightning caused the big blackout today, flux capacitor working perfectly

(132)

"The Osbournes" was scripted. Ozzy reportedly shocked by the news

(96)

(newsnet5)

Judge rules constitution doesn't mandate comfortable prisons

(Montanta Standard)

Nintendo to release a GameBoy Advance game that uses the sun

(109)

(Fox Mulder)

History of the 1965 Northeast Power Outage (I want to believe)

Fox News' website is run out of NYC

(294)

Power outage possibly caused by Niagra-Mohawk overload. Many major US and Canadian cities affected

(479)

Major power outage hits US East Coast. New York in the dark. That's New York, the State

(497)

Scientists find supplement that will actually boost your memory and intelligence

Tomorrow night Milwaukee’s racing sausages will take on Pittsburgh’s prancing pierogies in an epic food-based mascot battle for the ages

Bush aviator doll made in China

(97)

Defense Department wants to cut pay of troops in Iraq

(272)

Journalists test airport security. Report from their jail cell indicates that it works.

Insane Clown Posse rated worst band ever

(300)

Alabama Judge announces new criminal career for Jesus

(403)

Accused mastermind of the Bali bombing arrested.

(76)

Cryogenic company to Ted Williams' son: "Pay us or we thaw the corpse"

(118)

Study confirms that families making minimum wage can't make ends meet. In other news, people are most likely to walk into your office when you're picking your nose

(433)

(ny daily news)

Judge rules convicted child molester can perform clown act in park, fines county for trying to keep him out

(158)

Man asks judge to get off probation early because he's been eating plain bagels instead of ones with poppy seeds

(23)

Final California recall election list. 2 strippers, Larry flint, Gary Coleman, Michael Jackson, Richard Simmons and Arnie too

(130)

Anthrax scare at City Hall turns out to be coffee creamer

Norway: Home of the high-tech pleasure center for cows

(30)

Erin Moran aka Joanie Cunningham on Happy Days, is queen of the fake orgasm

(111)

(NY Daily News)

Everybody on Everybody Loves Raymond is backstabbing everybody else on Everybody Loves Raymond

(122)

Photoshop this BabyStorm

(205)

If you want your boss to give you a raise, don't climb a TV tower to get his attention

UT freshman enjoy nine percent tuition increase, while university president enjoys $4k grill, $7k rug and $80k holiday party

Lou Piniella goes on yet another rampage, kicking his hat all over the field. "It was begging for it," says crazy Lou

Scientists report sighting of a thought-be-extinct wild cat. Cat captured on film licking its crotch in middle of living room in front of guests

(54)

Man's fake leg falls off during roller coaster ride, all out "leghunt" ensues

(97)

(Rolling Stone)

Gentlemen, I give you the Olsen twins latest photo shoot (safe for work)

(408)

Arms dealer boasted that Osama bin Laden "did a good thing," planned to attack jetliners on second anniversary of September 11

(255)

(wpvi)

Philadelphia Eagles in handicapped-parking dispute with fans: 22,000 spots now reserved for "mentally challenged"

(176)

For closing arguments, I'll start by flinging my shoe at the judge

Third moon of Oprah discovered

"New breast hope for cancer women." ?

Remember Farker Null vs. Owens Community College's tuition increase? Guess where the money went

(303)

(Sudbury Star)

Robbers learn knives no match for expertly wielded pickle jar

(110)

Photoshop whatever the hell is going on here

(75)

Bluehairs revolt and take to the street trying to ban children. Apparently, town does not have a farmers market

(190)

The lovely Leilani Rios. No silicone here, boys (not safe for work)

(147)

Beached pilot whales given Tums antacid tablets to help upset tummies

Scientists reveal that Celebrity Worship Syndrome is good for you

Scientists find new dinosaur in India. DNA tests reveal it to be distant cousin to Courtney Love

How your mind can learn what your ass already knows: Differences between UFOs and UAVs

(40)

U.S. developing a new "death ray" bomb. Taco Bell suing for copyright infringement

(474)

Principal takes young girl to Disney World 81 times. Parents begin to get suspicious

(203)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Wed August 13, 2003:

# of Comments

Heatwave finally subsiding in Europe. French need no longer resort to extreme cooling off measures, such as showering

(174)

(11 Alive)

Atlanta's police officer of the year turns out to be a gang leader

(79)

Texas governor to keep on keepin' on calling special sessions. Farkers getting sick of this story

(188)

Theme: Don't be that guy (link goes to example)

(151)

FDA approves wheelchair that can climb stairs, maneuver on gravel, raise users to have eye-level conversations, find Sarah Connor

Whale flatulence stuns scientists. Literally

Millionaire lives double life for 20 years, raising two families 20-miles apart from each other

Drunk fire-breather demonstrates prowess. Fast-acting friend extinguishes the inevitable outcome

(This is London)

Britain has to import emergency beer due to heat-related shortages

(96)

Colorado senators driving to Albuquerque, N.M. with beer and peaches for Texas runaway democrats

(154)

Don't cook or wash clothing in public toilets

Girl catches fish with legs, horn on head (with pics)

(94)

(Amazon)

Fox's suing Al Franken causes his book to shoot up from No. 800 to No. 1 on Amazon top sellers list

(224)

Surrey, BC: Canada's bizarre-crime capital

(103)

(Newsfilter.org)

Estella Warren could have saved Planet of the Apes if she (un)dressed like this (not safe for work)

(90)

Beyonce's mom says she is dressing like a hoochie trying to keep up with Britney and Christina

(103)

(wpvi.com)

A couple morons shoot at the wrong crowd during a paintball driveby and learn a valuable lesson

(212)

Peter Jackson paid record amount to direct King Kong

(92)

Man on motorized bar stool leads police on slow-speed pursuit

(Tennessean)

When throwing a beer can out your car's window by driving, try not to hit a Tennessee Highway Patrol car in the windshield

Officials think "subway smell" is caused by feces

Iowa State Fair offers Salad on a Stick

(98)

Low water levels in Germany expose eight unexploded WWII bombs. Reportedly no Texans riding any of them

(Detroit Free Press)

The Bengals play the Lions on Saturday. The only reason one team will win is because someone has to

(104)

Three-year government-funded study concludes men like porn

Confessions of an airport baggage screener: "I go elbows deep in your underwear"

(86)

Painless needles developed

(86)

Presence of exotic wildlife in Chicago neighborhoods due to "people being morons"

(47)

Photoshop a campaign poster for Schwarzenegger's run for governor

(122)

91-year-old man caught robbing bank -- again

Harvard's planned blogging conference draws scorn, outrage, insults and abuse. So in that sense, it's already a success

Psychic dogs that predicted President Bush's victory predict that Arnold will win recall election

When giving police a fake ID, be sure it doesn't belong to your sex-offender cousin

(News4Jax)

Armed police storm daycare center to arrest robbery suspect. Nap time canceled

(48)

(NBC)

Woman -- 5 feet 3 1/2 inches tall and 105 pounds -- kicks bear's ass. "Apparently, it was planning to eat her"

(91)

AudioEdit the theme song from "Green Acres"

Norway's military uses classified intranet for porn

DNA tests prove Courtney Love is one of Marlon Brando's grandchildren. DNA tests also prove talent gene skipped her generation

(101)

Liberians celebrate freedom by looting everything that isn't bolted down

(151)

Dog performs sobriety test flawlessly, owner will be riding shotgun for a while

(28)

(Left-Handers Day)

Today is 11th Annual Left-Handers Day. Next they'll be wanting to vote

(203)

Road-commission employees find what appears to be a meteorite impact crater in their parking lot (with pic)

Johnny Cash to earn royalties from new volcano

Apocalyptic preacher giving advice to White House? As seen on Fark

(253)

Mississippi trailer parks littered with drunks just waiting to shoot random objects

Bush Administration pushes to reinstate online porn law

(NSX Prime)

Farker going professional auto racing in seven weeks. Seeks advice on raising money to help pay for it and how to get -- and where to put -- the Fark.com graphics on the car so it's visible on TV

(104)

Downloads of movie clip of Kylie Minogue in lingerie expected to slow computer networks worldwide

(101)

Daryl Hannah, 42, recognizes career in toilet, poses nude for Playboy

(204)

Microsoft virus shuts down Maryland MVA. Fortunately, the difference between open and closed is virtually imperceptible

"Kidnapped" Miss Vietnam emerges, announces she's just hiding from her parents, disappears once more

When in Norway, never insult the kebab

(27)

The French heatwave gives the unexpected bonus of a boobiefest

(270)

Governor Gray Davis secretly called Jay Leno to go on the Tonight Show; Jay Leno: "No."

"The missile, which was inoperable, was built in Russia specifically for the sting operation and brought to the United States aboard a ship to make the deal seem real, officials said."

(176)

(masslive.com)

When growing thousands of dollars of pot in your basement, don't get drunk and try to burn your house down

Given this unseasonable hot wether, London Farker is bored of saying he's "sweating like a paedophile on a kids adventure holiday" and is looking for more similes. Link goes to pic of sweaty man. Voting enabled

(330)

"Queer Eye" making it tough on gay slobs

(110)

Dead woman told by council to tidy own grave

Photoshop Representative Hal Rogers reacting to this sign

(cnsnews.com)

Time to recall California from the Union

(140)

Britain has the highest rate of road rage in all of Europe

(65)

Do you have proper gym etiquette?

(131)

(Computer Weekly)

Anti-U.S. hackers deface Australian government site. Geography not being a strong point in the hAx0r community

(43)

Fox vs. Franken: Al shoots back

(158)

Microsoft admits on own site that they are powerless against the almighty MSBlast, which was probably written by a five-year-old kid

(216)

Schick adds fourth blade to razors. Gillette sues, counters with infinity plus one blade

(78)

Model aeroplane, "The Spirit of Butts Farm", crosses Atlantic

Dear Penthouse: I never thought I'd write to you, but this is a true story: You filed for bankruptcy

Ted Williams DNA samples missing. In other news, George Steinbrenner to buy Roslin Institute

Rutgers president mugged in New Jersey, marks first time a New Jersey mugging makes the news

Theme: Proposed Jackie Chan movies

(93)

AudioEdit Ahhhhnold talking about running for governor

(Outer Banks Sentinel)

Drunk guys attempt to rustle some fake horses. Jailarity ensues

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Tue August 12, 2003:

# of Comments

Image of Christ appears immediately after wallpaper ripped from plaster wall (w/photos)

(156)

Ten Most Controversial Video Games of all time

(185)

Ralph Nader takes pie in the face in California

(106)

(NBC4)

Schwarzenegger films and Diff'rent Strokes episodes will trigger FCC Equal Time Rule

(Zanesville Times Recorder)

Keyboard-playing, guitar-strumming, flag-waving, floor-stomping horse wins local talent contest. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs

(14)

Boston Radio station buys all tickets to last show of "Gigli" Thursday night, thus doubling nationwide film gross

Parked pickup gets great ratings in reared-end bumper test versus go-kart with 12-year-old driving (with photos)

Heat from Fark's flame wars kill 100 in Paris

Reports on Pete Rose's reinstatement "totally unfounded" and "wholly inaccurate"

(52)

(Watch Out)

ATMs rigged by thieves to nab your PIN. Thieves discover 40 percent of Americans use "1234" as PIN

Lisa Marie Presley describes marriage to Wacko Jacko: "I was insane"

Flight -- $600. Ship missile from Russia -- $10,000. Rent car to meet "client who wants to shoot down Air Force One" -- $200. Finding out your buyer is the FBI and your about to get "Malvo'd" in prison for 20 years -- priceless

(145)

(FORTUNE)

Hooters: A case study

Earthgrazers, Perseid meteors and Mars, oh my

(22)

(NBC5.com)

U.S. Navy brings back the dolphins to help in Iraq. Dolphins want lasers

(34)

Three thousand pounds of weed found in U-Haul with Woodstock, NY painted on side

Domain name: Arnoldforgovernor.com. Only $50,000.00 U.S.

A lesson in convergent evolution: Hedgehogs, echidna, porcupines and Ron Jeremy

(98)

Boy survives after growing in abdomen. Wouldn't ask for directions

(43)

(nj.com)

Air France pilot jokes about bomb in his shoe in JFK. Hilarity ensues

Fark mentioned on CBS Marketwatch on AOL-TW name change

(New Zealand Herald)

Giant sex-crazed squid easily get confused coordinating their metre-long penises

(54)

Scientists find 98 percent of people get songs stuck in their heads. Still no cure for cancer

(119)

(NY Daily News)

OJ experts called in to help defense in Peterson case

(23)

Singapore soldiers will soon brush up on their killing-people skills by playing video games at home

Schwarzenegger didn't cast ballot in five of past 11 elections; will go back in time to cast missing ballots, kill reporter

(111)

Theme: What really happened to the Stanley Cup in the 24 hours it was missing?

(147)

Film trashing that evil bitch Mother Teresa dropped from festival

(211)

Cops recover $3,700 stuffed down thief's pants; thief was reportedly not happy to see them

(21)

(News-Press)

Man accused of hiding deer meat allows cops to search freezer where he keeps his pot

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservative

High Times presents Chef Ra: Ganja Gourmet and his Random Munchie Generator

(120)

(Newsnet5)

Cleveland youth use homeless as toilets. Humanitarian awards forthcoming

(130)

Polish farmer sues balloonists for scaring ostrich to death

Linda Park (Hoshi from Star Trek) (mostly SFW)

(190)

(Rochester D&C)

Massive manhunt for gunman underway at major Xerox facility

(263)

Details of Franken-Fox fiasco from the "pot calling kettle black" department: Fox News calls Franken an unstable, shrill C-level commentator

(264)

Today is Sir Mix-A-Lot's birthday. He's 40 years old and still likin' the big butts

Dominos-toppling expert trying to break solo record has 8000 dominos knocked over by cockroach

(75)

(WSMV.com)

The average Tennessean is overweight, needs 18 prescriptions a year and faces a one-in-three chance of developing heart disease. "Tennessee, sounds obese to me"

(143)

Top 11 rejected names for Star Wars: Episode 3

(217)

(Critic.co.nz)

Why amputee fetishism stumps the medical profession

(164)

Jeb Bush glad Gary Coleman lives in California. "A guy like me that believes in limited government probably would have a tough time against a fellow like that because he probably symbolizes smaller government"

(135)

Photoshop Larry Flynt with his magazines

(77)

Man says his $95,000 license plate is a good investment

(84)

Man drops pants so he can get through airport security checkpoint

(200)

(Omaha.com)

"We found a beaver that is completely new to science." And the people rejoiced

Dubiously legal drug checkpoints postponed

(130)

(Townhall.com)

Naivete and narcissism: What makes a liberal

(Greenville Online)

Car runs off road at high rate of speed, rolls down embankment, lands on train tracks, hit by train moments after. Everyone in car survives

Man warned after sex act with cone

(85)

Going to Chicago soon? Don't be a fool and smoke your dope on camera

Worm MSBlast still spreading like the clap in a midwest town with only one whore, get your patches in now

(238)

(Symantec)

Here's the fix for all your pesky MSBlaster needs

Tornadoes' effects defy simple models and theories; avoid the "suck zone"

Horse latte: Norway's new café sensation

College student afraid he'll be living out of his car until school begins

(95)

(No Apologies! Press)

Eleven million candidates solve California's budget crisis

(15)

(Haaretz)

Suicide bombing in Israel makes the roadmap to peace damn near impossible to fold up and put in the glove compartment

(361)

Ninja Burger: The Delivery. New Flash movie on Newgrounds.com

Theme: Create an NFL team for your city and photoshop the helmet

(110)

British to probe moon, unsure who will light post shag fag

(Sun Herald)

What do drunk people in a trailer park in Mississippi do? If you guessed "shoot varmints," you were right

(37)

(Craigslist)

"To the guy defacating on my front lawn"...

Scientists say 5300-year-old murder victim was killed in fight that lasted at least two days

(Tennessee Beacon)

University of Tennessee student wears a Speedo, writes column about it

(50)

Geraldo Rivera enters sanctimonious, unbreakable bonds of marriage for fifth time

Druids used to lower Austria's road toll

Game Show Network to air "Who Wants to Be a Governor of California?" -- plans to host debate among the lesser and odder candidates. Now that's comedy

(21)

Friend of Fark and all-around MILF Sherry Davey appears on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn tonight at 11:30pm EST

Fox sues Al Franken over use of "fair and balanced"

(308)

Men prefer their women with long brunette hair

(230)

Nude team wins shirts-vs-skins rugby match against clothed opponents (with sorta not safe for work pic)

(Some Bostonian)

Boston Fark party scheduled for Sept. 27. Post comments or ideas. Link goes to one idea. Voting enabled

(186)

Car crashes through roof, over pool, and into house. Police believe drugs may have been involved

Fruit vendor chases banana thief dressed in gorilla suit

(37)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Mon August 11, 2003:

# of Comments

Ebay reverses ban on Axis of Weasel Cards, still no decision on Ghost in a Jar

(46)

(Bloomberg)

Car accidents up 14 percent during full moons. Werewolves decry higher premiums

(Click 2 Houston)

Authorities come to rescue man from 20-foot drainage ditch. Find him drinking beer, doesn't want to leave

Agent Orange still lingers in Vietnamese food chain

(95)

Workplace thermostats may be nothing more than placebos

(87)

Photoshop this pregnant bacon-bearing man with Farker focusyn crying in the background

(86)

Bush administration announces EPA chief pick: Former Utah governor who tried to build highway through wetlands and wants feds out of environmental regulation

(166)

(Bugtraq)

Blaster worm released, spreading quickly. Link goes to removal/prevention details

(242)

(The Omaha Channel)

87-year-old man drives car around barricades, into gaping hole because "the sun was in his eyes" "Where's the damn farmer's market?"

Heather Carolin: Redheaded suppleness (not safe for work)

(165)

PayPal employee auctions off his facial hair pattern

(Jack Van Impe Ministries)

Men seeking penis-enlargement surgery display "profound psychological disturbance"

(56)

White House asks Jack Van Impe to brief them on coming Apocalypse

(255)

(Knoxnews.com)

River rafter loses his leg in French Broad

(31)

(Sea Coast Online)

Prosecutors use DNA evidence to charge dog in chicken massacre

(31)

Runner stripped of gold medal after testing positive for five gallons of coffee

(NBC4.tv)

I want to run through the halls of my high school. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. At age 34. Naked

(56)

Ask Jeeves removes butler from adverts. Hopes punters will visit website looking for him. Oh how we laughed

(79)

(kare11.com)

Herb Brooks, coach of 1980's "Miracle on Ice" gold medal hockey team, has died in a car crash

(161)

Disabled Dutch man who is allowed to claim a monthly sex allowance can't find a prostitute willing to give him a receipt

SCO Group to shoot babies

(Poughkeepsie Journal)

Angry eBayer travels 1300 miles to threaten couple who outbid him on $500 band costumes

(75)

AskMen is listing the top 99 most desirable women (safe for work)

(262)

Farker's mom is tired of housing 40 boxes of crap for emotionally unstable friend. Needs a tactful way to say "Hey nutjob, get your junk out of my basement." Voting enabled. Link goes to Fark

(134)

Snoop offers drugs to see the boobies. The Smoking Gun is there

(138)

College freshmen suffer from "Friendsickness"

(76)

Scientists designing spacecraft to crash into comet. Looking for elderly person to pilot it

Jesus Christ, it's Mel Gibson

(291)

AOL may drop AOL from name. OMG!! LOL!!!!!!!11

Nordic countries want to erase 20th-century athletic world records since they were all set by dopers

(34)

Hollywood continues to dole out million-dollar opportunities to once heavy-hitting actors who're long since past their primes

(153)

Donny Osmond hurt in a surfing accident

(48)

Transgender arrested for performing illegal surgery on other transgenders with brake fluid

(88)

"Brown Bunny" director taking credit for giving Roger Ebert cancer

(87)

Private jet of Mao Zedong's wife, the "white-boned demon," to become a restaurant

(25)

(TDN)

Photoshop this farker in his furniture store

(84)

Can't sleep? Blame it on UFO Abduction Syndrome

(46)

Human shield fined upon returning from Iraq, refuses to pay

(Irish Medical Times)

Irish doctor can't believe the crap he gets sent in the mail

(68)

Japanese monks hold temple ceremony to honor pinball machines. "We want to tell the machines, 'Thank you very much for all your hard work'"

(this is north scotland)

Coastguard called out to rescue fish from river

RealNetworks and Sprint teaming up to offer... buffering... buffering... buffering...

(126)

Want 39 paid days off? Get a job in Finland

(170)

Blah sworn in as Liberian president. Supporters chant, "Blah Blah Blah"

(113)

Drugs are bad. Young people keep taking them

(256)

Chicken tossers wreak barnyard havoc

When not fronting Iron Maiden, Bruce Dickinson is an airline pilot

(191)

Saddam Hussein found driving an ambulance in Baghdad; poses for pictures with U.S. troops

(tennessean.com)

Three-hundred protesters show up to rally 58 years too late

(361)

(Stockport Express)

Couple have wedding reception at McDonald's

(168)

Police detain smelly monk, ask him why he hasn't washed in 60 years

(61)

Athlete's gold medal from Pan-Am games pulled because she drank too many Dr Peppers

(Some Farker)

Photoshop a new Monopoly card

(140)

Charles Taylor resigns, blames America for civil war

(237)

The Bengals actually won a game... ha ha, no

(90)

If you attack homeless people with a stun gun, don't video tape it

(Red vs. Blue)

Red vs. Blue #15 is out

(52)

Not quite sharks with frickin' laser beams, but close

(22)

3000-can vessel, "Mighty Quick Beer Sinkers," claims victory in Darwin Beer Can Regatta due to sudden undertow after breakfast

(25)

Teen rigs stuffed panther to scare bejesus out of passing motorists. Hilarity ensues