FARK: Drew Curtis' FARK.com

# of Comments

Sosa beaned in head with fastball, helmet shatters. With pic

(8)

(Some Guy)

Episode three of everyone's favorite Halo sitcom is out

(15)

"I'll be back", "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" top list of 'best parting shots' in cinema. Got a better one? (voting enabled)

(179)

Hells Angels, Mongol bikers return to Nevada town for fun-filled week of happy family goodness

(22)

Woman becomes suspicious when boyfriend won't answer door or telephone. Hilarity ensues

(87)

Nicole Kidman sees the light and leaves Scientology

(176)

(Some Guy)

Football is the best sport ever. Soccer? Whatever (Fark Classic, not safe for work)

(Chicagosports.com)

Photoshop this dumbass who ran on the field at the Royals-White Sox game

Pizza Hut, Burger King set up operations in Iraq. In other news Charmin futures up 300%

Six U.S. congressmen live in a million-dollar townhouse owned by a secretive religious group. Rent? $600 a month

(126)

Bon Jovi "gets better with age"

(84)

What we can learn from Kuwaiti cereal boxes

(119)

When you are wanted by the police, do not appear on any TV gameshows

(73)

High Times explains origin, meaning of 420

(207)

Senior citizen accidentally backs over 13 Jehovah's Witnesses

(191)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop what these geologists are really viewing

(131)

(myinky.com)

Pastor marooned on trash bin trying to recover discarded sermon

(41)

Hear SbB Girl Maggie live on SbB Radio (Sunday, 4pm Pacific). Last week's interview with Drew now posted

(169)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop Farker GreaseMonkey busting some sweet skate tricks. Gnarly, dude

(136)

(Some guy at UNLV)

Final Fantasy the movie gets a traditional sequel

(222)

(Some Guy)

Police officers suspended after passing wind in woman's face

(96)

The chic new beer among young adults? Pabst Blue Ribbon

(336)

(Click On Detroit)

Detroit landmarks defaced by turtles

(74)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Sat April 19, 2003:

# of Comments

(MLB.com)

Instead of running onto field, fan hits Rangers' Carl Everett with cell phone

(133)

New mobile phones will play voice messages from your friends instead of ringing

(enquirer.com)

Cincinnati needs ads for their "New Cincinnati" campaign. Give them a few ideas

(91)

Tie up the neighborhood girls like a pony, or bowl with the French Navy in this review of a bizarre children's toy catalog

(104)

Minister arrested for bank robbery. Jesus was his getaway driver

(55)

Child prodigy who was solving math problems at 14 months to graduate college at age 13. Learned how to count to 21 hanging out with Michael Jackson

(312)

A collection of rare "Girlie-Mag" covers from the 50s and 60s (safe for work)

Court rules man must pay for ending marriage because of loud public abuse

(146)

(Delmarva Now)

Florida law prohibits having sexual relations with porcupines

(94)

Exotic dance club at high school career fair; insists they were recruiting "bartender's assistants"

Wife-subduing air raid siren confiscated

(60)

Theme: How would you get rid of 30,000 diseased chickens? Link goes to one method

(163)

Asshat on welfare spends all his money on lottery tickets then sues when he doesn't win

(196)

Kim Jong Il wants to feel on a par with the world's only superpower

(78)

Man falls overboard from cruise ship, treads water for 17 hours before getting rescued

(74)

Vietnamese prostitutes taking English classes to improve chances of luring lucrative customers

(73)

(Geekpress)

Police evaluations of doughnuts. Chief Wiggum too busy eating to comment

(The Orange County Register)

SpaceShipOne (the first "private" spacecraft) unveiled by famed aircraft designer

Pet cat shoots boy

(63)

(Dallas Observer)

Take a picture of your child breastfeeding, get arrested for kiddie porn

(204)

Twenty North Korean scientists and military officers defect to U.S. and allies

(78)

A tribute to the Transformers Cassettes -- Laserbeak, Ravage, Rumble and the Pink Gorilla

(47)

Gene found that affects people's absorption of fat. Still no genetic explanation for eating a bucket of chicken

(Some Guy)

Theme: Write or borrow a limerick and photoshop a corresponding picture. Link goes to limerick examples. Difficulty: Hard

(105)

Bill introduced in Alaska would let businesses pay teenagers less than minimum wage

(197)

(MissInformation)

Just in time for Easter (again): Poke the Bunny

Pistol turned in in amnesty program is rare WWI weapon, will be sold instead of destroyed

(119)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Fri April 18, 2003:

# of Comments

Dog show champion cleared of face-lift accusation, finally gets to hump his bitches

(47)

Scott Peterson arrested; hires Iraq's ex-Information Minister to do PR

(497)

Saddam's golden gun shows up at Heathrow. Scaramanga unavailable for comment and/or surrenders

(66)

(thedartmart.com)

Game: What are you most likely to put on a dartboard? Link goes to ordinary dartboard, British darts announcer not included

Alaskan villages banning alcohol sales after experiment finds they're too irresponsible to drink

"My co-driver got arrested going 158 mph in Tennessee," Abi said. "He was arrested, handcuffed and taken to jail. I couldn't stop laughing."

(140)

At least 13 Filipinos nail themselves to crosses today. Good times, good times

(Some Guy)

Just when you thought you were safe, your washing machine calls you a dumbass for mixing whites and colors

(66)

(Herald-Tribune)

People offended by PETA ad calling Jesus the "prince of peas"

(164)

Giant colon replica educates Arkansans. Ironically, one used to govern them

(34)

Lawyer duct tapes man and hides him in basement crawl space when he refuses to sign real estate papers

(WFTV.com)

Turkeys seek revenge for Thanksgiving, attack school girls

(Some Artillery Guy)

Help Farker Air Assault rename his M119 105MM Howitzer for upcoming deployments. (Winner may get their idea painted on the barrel of a cannon, if chain of command approves it)

Is sex better for Farkettes after 40 or before?

(226)

(Some DJs)

Pics from Don and Mike's Wet T-Shirt contest with some flashing (not safe for work)

After milking 10 cows and getting his wife pregnant, Michael Schumacher leads qualifying at Imola

(38)

If local man won the lottery, he'd paint pictures of Jesus and his wife naked

(69)

Ikea names children's bed with German words for "good f*ck"

(127)

(Bangkok Post)

Man invents inflatable church

(58)

(Grand Forks Herald)

Making bikini waxing legal the highlight of North Dakota legislative session

(56)

(St.Augustine)

When a cop stops you, don't tell him you're carrying explosives

(29)

(Canton Repository)

Marines in Iraq go gazelle hunting with 9mm handguns to replace MREs. First tried to hunt them with rocks, "caveman style"

(Flashlight Brown)

Photoshop a cover for the Flashlight Brown CD. Its possible that we might be able to get a band to use Fark-produced art for a real CD. Same drill, free CDs to the five best entries

(174)

(The Royal Gazette)

Plane diverted after man shows fellow passengers his penis

(Edinburgh News)

Climber falls to his death achieving his lifelong ambition of climbing Vodafone tower naked

(Some Guy)

Caption what farker Dtinferno's principal is thinking. (Voting enabled)

(118)

Flight attendant's bra sets off metal detector, forced to go through security again braless. Sues

(145)

(Cornell Daily Sun)

Cornell bans Farker PhilPhil's Segway from campus. Anal sex still okay

(187)

(Some Pirate)

Hollywood alters movies to foil camcorder pirates

(66)

Quacking preacher leads ducks to water

(19)

What's the Straight Dope on handwriting analysis?

(32)

(WorldOnline)

Restauranteur proves worm is edible after customer complained he had found it in his food

Revamped Playboy magazine will have less nudity than before

(133)

Philadelphia Daily News readers fume over sex-with-dog column

(192)

Columnist responds to woman about having sex with her dog

(257)

Britney Spears goes clothes shopping. The Sun is there, and struggling to come up with puns

(Some Guy)

How to boil and dye eggs with recipes for 14 additional colors

(MaineToday.com)

Police find explosives, gunpowder, fireworks and a sawed-off shotgun in self-storage shed. Man claims it's all to hunt varmints

(53)

(eweek)

Dell regains PC sales lead despite the shame and humiliation of the "whole Benjamin Curtis thing"

People who inhale plutonium have a higher risk of lung cancer

(102)

(Koko)

Koko the Singing Gorilla releases her own CD, explict words not on Wal-Mart version

(109)

(IFILM)

Barney the Dinosaur does gansta rap

(85)

New Yorker busted for trying to have his wife killed, had an urn prepared labeled "Bitch's ashes"

Principal of Marion Barry High School busted for possessing crack cocaine

(189)

Man doesn't make it to traffic court after being caught driving 110 mph to get there

(126)

(WNBC)

Workers and spouses launch lawsuit against company and coworker who kept peeing in their coffee

(117)

Toxic vodka loose in London. First the food, now this

(50)

Volvo driver surprised after ass catches fire

(115)

(Some Guy)

Farker DuckOfDeath made his first solo flight

(142)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Thu April 17, 2003:

# of Comments

(India Times)

Scientists study ejaculation: "It's more complex than it seems"

(177)

Priests suspended for blessing brothels

(silive.com)

U.S. Coast Guard scrambles rescue plane for turtle in distress

(35)

(WBAY)

All five runners in this year's Naked Mile only run a few yards before getting arrested. All twelve spectators boo

(Mail Tribune)

Police department switches to four-cylinder Saturns, requests that you please not drive over 55 if they are chasing you

(385)

Reporter uncomfortable watching porn with old man wearing a fish tie

(74)

8,600-year-old writings discovered in China. Believed to be Strom Thurmond's grocery list

(65)

Despite solid run at record, Wilt Chamberlain fails to secure highest career scoring average from Michael Jordan

New action figure of Comical Ali (Iraq info minister), in tribute to his "one-man battle against observable facts"

(90)

Tommy Lee not negligent in child's drowning, still a moron

(78)

Navy rescues giant turtle from sorcerer's home, puts Mario's job at risk

Eleven-pound toy poodle can pull 180 pounds

(64)

Binge drinkers fill blackout gaps in their memory with fantasies of good times and hot sex, study finds

(KOMO )

Three members of the Seattle Mariners knocked up their wives during last year's All Star Break, will probably have opportunity again this year

(click10.com)

Federal marshals not only got their man, they let him walk right out

(14)

McDonald's refuses to hire man because he weighs 420 pounds

(213)

(Some Guy)

Wholesome, natural Euroboobies. Not safe for work

(211)

Photoshop Orioles' Tony Batista throwing his bat away

(105)

SARS spreads to hundreds of people when "infected diarrhea leaked through sewage pipes into the water system". Yet another reason to only drink beer

(115)

Researchers recreate interior of world's oldest theater, find view of stage was lousy

Man denies he is one of the AOL spammers despite his enlarged penis and Nigerian bank account

(71)

500-year-old carpet on display, with 499-year, 364-day-old wine stain

(49)

Study by Spanish finds Portugal the laziest nation in Europe. Portuguese to retaliate by taking a nap

Egret gets sucked into van's bumper in Orlando, survives 850-mile trip to Pennsylvania -- then bites first person it sees

(87)

(slashdot.org)

Slashdot falls for the "Time Traveler Insider Trading" story. Weekly World News laughs evilly in its beer

(103)

Russian politician and opponent of Vladimir Putin mysteriously gunned down

Robber sues clerk who shot him during holdup

Man tells mother he won $5 million in state lottery. Told to go rake the lawn

The longer a firefly glows, the better he is in bed

(46)

CNN explains pre-obits. In other news, AP drops all mention of Fark from its release. Number of visitors sent to AP-flagged articles since Fark began: 1,995,356

Ten nations join European Union, including Poland, Hungary and Dr. Doom's Latveria

(123)

More tips for bank robbers: Avoid banks that are inside of FBI buildings

Dr. Atkins dies; mourners consoling selves with bread and mashed potatoes

(too many)

Sales of penis-numbing condom expected to droop

(WorldOnline)

Armed with stinky fish, protesters demand fascist vegetarian landlords change their rules

John Paul Getty dies; CNN caught flatfooted with no graphics to memorialize him

(119)

Pope gets new mobile throne with mobile phone

(154)

(ScienceDaily)

Researcher dispels myth that "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

(200)

Church and strip club make for interesting neighbours: "Sometimes we get their mail by mistake. I just stay focused and look the other way"

Detroit Red Wings get swept in first round of playoffs, oh the humanity

The evolution of the Marshmallow Peep

Other half of Saddam's brother found

(Warner Bros.)

Photoshop this picture of Neo and Agent Smith from "The Matrix Reloaded"

NewsMax scampers into Fark-induced pre-obit whirlwind. Marks first time NewsMax has ever linked to Fark. Number of visitors Fark has sent to NewsMax since June 2000: 648,293

(103)

(starbanner.com)

Proposal would allow golf carts on public roads at night

Displaying a gun during an argument at a stoplight is not smart, especially if you played in the most recent Superbowl

(58)

"Lawn mower racing" comes to England. UK census reports dramatic increase in the number of mullets and Camaros

(54)

When McDonald's first came to the UK, it was considered "upmarket"

(161)

(tdn)

Sony drops bid for "Shock and Awe" trademark, stating it was "an exercize in regrettable bad judgement"

Drunks may not act as recklessly as you'd think

(127)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Wed April 16, 2003:

# of Comments

The AJC is asking for suggestions for the new Georgia flag. Make some and email them to Features@ajc.com with subject: Flag

(99)

Golden feces wipes smile on Japanese faces

(116)

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion"

Mistrial declared after field trip student asks judge about the sleeping juror

(NBC5)

Swearing now legal in Chicago, dammit

(72)

U.S. serviceman about Saddam's palace: "I was in his bedroom about 20 minutes before I got hit," he said. "He had pink sheets"

"Dentyne gum, one of the most brazen frauds ever perpetrated on a gullible public"

(75)

(silive.com)

Man pleads guilty to flooding Fox website with 500,000+ e-mails after network aired Red Sox game instead of NASCAR race

(114)

Psychologist claims ADHD is a myth seized upon by drug companies

(393)

Extreme motorcycle rider gets arrested for doing wheelies, speeding on I-95

One out of 100 lesbian pop duos agree: "We like naked 14-year-old girls"

(132)

(WQAD)

Ugly mom who had problems with Hooters fieldtrip for kids now shunned by other parents

(84)

Police in Merseyside, UK, announce gun amnesty. Anonymous well-wisher hands in rocket launcher

(154)

Metallica releasing first good album since Reagan presidency

(301)

Man beats crap out of a visible six-foot white rabbit

(77)

Iowa: Home of corn, pigs and the Miss Nude World Pageant

(63)

Bob Dylan and The Dead set to tour again. Grilled cheese sandwich sales skyrocket

(103)

Theme: Photoshop other CNN obituaries. See TSG link below for originals

Farker submits CNN pre-obit articles to Fark. CNN yanks them 20 minutes later. The Smoking Gun is there (and damn fast too)

(174)

Royals threaten to not play in Chicago unless Sox fans can stay off the field, cut their mullets and put a shirt on

Over six million Americans got plastic surgery in 2002

Man forges W-2, claims refund of $1.5 million. IRS gives it to him

"London is a teeming haven of loutish boors whose idea of sophistication is to get drunk and tell bawdy gags"

(80)

Men who shave less than once a day have fewer orgasms

(213)

(Scientific American)

The physics of parallel universes

(222)

Formula One fans encouraging Schumacher to get his wife pregnant and start milking cows

(69)

Rumsfeld wants Syria, but Bush reportedly says "No"

(486)

(News Journal Online)

Man finishes month-long sentence of sleeping in doghouse, says it was "Rrrruf"

(67)

(This Is Gloucestershire)

Boobies divert soccer player from vital penalty kick

(98)

(DFW)

Teen puts a frog in a potato gun. Frog exacts revenge.

130 mph winds sweep through New Mexico. Preliminary reports blame chili cook-off

(64)

Norwegian postal service offers to filter junk mail

Terror Alert level dropped to "elevated"

After drinking vodka, do not attempt to find out how strong your forehead is

(55)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop MrSnrub trying to be quick with the camera

(Some Guy)

Sanja Matic. Have mercy... (not safe for work)

(205)

(Some Guy)

If you know nothing about weather and aviation, and believe that contrails are really poison being sprayed by the government, then this site is for you

(132)

Man assaults Easter Bunny. Great Pumpkin, Santa Claus and Honest Politicians all seen running for cover

Amish buggy drag race ends in crash. New two-horsepower horses hard to control

(67)

Apparently, shark biting media sensationalism season has arrived

(60)

Casino with slot machine in "demo mode" buckles and pays winner

Being in the buff not just for protestors anymore, it's art (Slighty not safe for work)

Man auctioning off container of his mucus which may or may not contain Paul McCartney's "flu germs"

(50)

Theme: Unlikely travel posters. (Link goes to Hong Kong's fine example)

(110)

(The Indy Channel)

Man plows marriage proposal in cornfield. Conspiracy theorists want him brought in for questioning

Tellers stunned when would-be bank robber passes out on bench from hunger

Artist cooks pork chops near five-pound keg of gunpowder. Hilarity ensues

Beefeaters attacked by bees. Queen giggles. Did you know England has a "royal beekeeper"?

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Tue April 15, 2003:

# of Comments

67-year-old man mowing in the nude; "quite a scary sight," according to police

(Some Weener Factory)

Bigmuscle.com (not safe for work)

(94)

Inmate caught with $4,500 woven into his dreadlocks

(48)

Another asshat White Sox fan runs on field during Sox-Royals game, jumps umpire. Beatdown ensues

(132)

(Charleston Times)

Cops escort Mr. Heywood Jablome from protest

(128)

TNN: Once The Nashvile Network, then The National Network, now Spike TV. Ratings expected to still suck

(124)

Prestigious Taiwanese university posts several explicit links on its website involving sex with animals

(25)

Can't find enought time in the day for S&M and excercise? Try Slavercise

(41)

(some legislator)

Iowa Legislature wants to outlaw "dangerous dogs"

(44)

(Some Guy)

Match the penis to the blogger -- it's The Penis Blog Project (not safe for work)

(98)

British soldier's helmet was a hoax. The Sun was there

(53)

NYC won't charge man who fatally stabbed bouncer in the groin

(77)

(CourtTV via Metafilter)

Police take 12-year-old to jail for stomping in a puddle

(118)

(Some haXX0r)

Cryptographers warn of perils of million-dollar, next-generation security scheme: "The Microsoft approach lends itself to market domination, lock out and not really owning your own computer"

(129)

(Some Guy)

Farker Knobee has been given a phone previously assigned to an unknown employee. How should he answer when asked for "Mike Waters"? (voting enabled)

(213)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop Farker unchellmatt in his cozy new office

(163)

Swedish government decides not to subsidize Viagra, figures Swedish women are enough to cure impotence

(68)

Vanilla Ice believes in an alien god

(145)

Murals and paintings in Saddam's palaces reveal a tiny dictator obsessed with his tiny penis

(115)

(TDN)

Cat being chased by dog jumps into tree while dog runs off 70-foot cliff right next to tree (dog is fine)

(110)

Raised by a cup of coffee, the original ladies' man Homsar available on a t-shirt. Now you too can be the pride of the peaches

(184)

Where lucky men have gone before, the naked women of Star Trek (not safe for work)

(151)

When pleading guilty to four bank robberies in front of the judge, don't volunteer information about the other 23 nobody knew about

(36)

Wil to appear on TechTV's The Screen Savers tonight. Plans to show off his computer-assembly skills. No word on what shirt he'll wear

(136)

(8march2003.com)

It's official -- the "March 8" publicity campaign was for a novel

(138)

(ebaumsworld)

Did you see the memo? "Office Space" soundboard.

(150)

AOL files five federal lawsuits suing spammers. Sign of the apocalypse: AOL granted a hero tag

(91)

Governor looks to unmask wrestler

(Daily Telegraph)

Would you pay hundreds of dollars for a napkin Brad Pitt once used? Maybe you suffer from Celebrity Icon Disease

Naomi Campbell's fashion advice to men: "Don't wear underwear"

(260)

Shoplifting suspect leaves DNA evidence behind -- his baby daughter

(41)

Customers leave interesting documents on Kinko's copy machines

(100)

Barfing ghost haunts college dorm

(53)

Comedy Goldmine: Baghdad Bob tells it like it is

(72)

You won't see this Flo working in a diner (safe for work)

(75)

Bill O'Reilly pulls a Trent Lott. In other news, this is the 500,000th link

Muslim cleric forbids Iraqi wives from having sex with looter husbands, loot being returned

(67)

Rodney King slams car into house at 100 mph

(237)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop Farkers hurtcow and wickedsatyr (and hurtcow's son) at the paintball field

(Sun Herald)

"She referred to Combs' statement last week that residents of the North Gulfport area were 'dumb bastards' because they opposed land development that Combs favored."

Research finds watching exciting soccer matches "cuts heart deaths"... if your team wins

(116)

Gorilla stew coming off the menu in Cameroon

PETA pissed at Al-Jazeera for refusing to air ads

(190)

Daytime TV finally gets it, will show "soft, flirtatious lesbian erotica"

(127)

Naked man who set fire to Houston Hindu temple may suffer from psychiatric disorders

(27)

(WNBC)

When smuggling in heroin molded into furniture, make sure the smell emanating from house doesn't anger neighbors

(47)

Britons baffled by food

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Mon April 14, 2003:

# of Comments

"People are more likely to be injured by a hamster than by a shark"

(176)

Montreal Expos fans travel 1000 km to find out what PR means

(Some Guy)

Farker Halfempty is doing a writeup on Fark for his school paper. What should he include? Voting enabled.

(191)

Laci Peterson possibly found dead. As usual media decides not to wait for confirmation before running with the story

(211)

Roy Williams taking Tarheel job. Duke to suck even more next year

(63)

Feathers ruffled at Humane Society over farmer pitching live fowl into wood chipper

(249)

Leeann Tweeden supports our troops with boobies (SFW)

Bad: Son calls dad to pick him up after DUI arrest. Worse: Dad gets DUI while picking son up

Woman who won $12,000 on slot machine told "sorry, the machine was in the demo mode"

(thestar.com)

Bachelor stunned to find out he's been married since 1995 to a woman he never met

(54)

Colombia's lovely Maria Checa (not safe for work)

Monica Lewinsky to host Fox reality TV series. Her resume provided by The Smoking Gun

(Some Guy)

Dita Von Teese. Not safe for work

(116)

BBspot interviews author of XP.BSOD Virus

(39)

The Pac-Man Board Game. No quarters necessary

Louisiana: Two school shootings in one day

(203)

U.S. cash so contaminated with cocaine, heroin and ecstasy that the latest drug craze has become sniffing paper bills to get cheap high

(104)

(The News Star)

Store employee tackles shopper, begins barking at him

(59)

Woman whacks robber with aluminum baseball bat, gets more hits than Mets have all season

(129)

J-Lo named most abusive celeb by new magazine for making a large ass of herself

(133)

Man walks into men's room, unzips, encounters female janitor, gets sued

(210)

Human genome project finally completed. The answer was 42

(161)

(Some Guy)

Theme: Photoshop this Farker's son at Legoland. Link goes to original picture

(126)

London police issue alert on escaped owl

(55)

Professional wrestler wins election, won't remove his mask even in Japanese Assembly. Challenges anyone who tries to remove it to exploding barbed wire cage match. (with pic)

(176)

Mum holds funeral for lizard son