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Google Fark Advertise on Fark.com - Small - Large Campaigns To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants. Sun April 28, 2002: # of Comments The Fonz joins Hollywood Squares. (23) (Some Nordic Guy) Figure out your Viking Name, and other fun Scandanavian junk. (21) (Yessum, master.) Website dedicated to slavery reparations. Of course more popular search is Britney Spears (46) Thundercats episode review with download. Snarf. (25) (Orlando B) Lots of Orlando Bloom for the ladies (SFW) (26) (Some Guy) Local Newspaper Reveals Location of Newly Discovered 50,000 Year Old Cave. Vandals do their deed within the week. (79) (Castrated Kitty) All the cliche kitties you could ask for. (92) (Contra Costa Times) Science project goes bad, really bad (58) (Some Guy) Rent Marvel superheroes for your next BASH ..-With Video-(Now, if we could only get Storm to do lapdances too..) (47) (USA) For the LAST time all you americans WALES is not IN England, and therefore Cardiff is neither. thanks (113) (annistonstar) Civility in U.S. has gone to hell. (61) Bricklayer Accident Report (59) CIA: The next attack is unavoidable and the measures to prevent it would sacrifice alot of civil liberties (113) List of the government's airplane carry-on bans, including Transformers toys. (54) (Some Guy) ZomboCOM has returned to normal (61) (Alternet.org) How Wal-Mart bullies the world. (189) (Antiwar.com) Why George W Bush should be considered a liberal. (102) Photoshop camel on the loose in Milwaukee (173) People afraid of reality can rent "sanitized" versions of movies. (87) (Some Guy) Waste your Sunday away with this great addictive game. (59) (marsden archive) Spooky pics of old castles and towers. (54) (Some Guy) All your home science experiments are belong to us. -- Rainy day fun for kids. (not responsible for exploding microwaves, burnt children or miscellaneous emergency room visits resulting) (41) Modern skateboarding was developed by kids from broken homes. (48) Saddan Hussein doesn't show up for own birthday celebration. Asks for 'death of Israel' as a gift. (84) (KATU) Police not happy about Tonya Harding's DUI report being leaked to thesmokinggun.com (32) Photoshop Dick Clark (135) (darksites.com) Too lazy to come up with an evil plan? Let the autogenerator help. (43) (h4x0r) Pentium's 2.4gig P4 already overclocked to 4gigs--AMD surrenders (101) Self heating cans allow you to buy some coffee, then heat it up and drink it whenever you want. (25) (kissmyass) Send a friend an Ass-O-gram. (24) Saudis ask that no women direct prince's flight while in US (126) More than 1,000 people pose for series of mass nude photographs (36) Dog survives lightning strike (48) (Some Guy) Listen to MP3s from your shirt. (40) (Canada.com) Man ordered to demolish brand new $500,000 home; it was built 12 feet too close to the road. (106) (Some Guy) Just when you though the world couldn't get any worse... Britney's Dance Beat (PS2) (70) (stripper-faq) So ya wanna be a stripper? Find out how. (60) (Some Guy) Kylie Minogue in "world's most erotic lingerie" ad. (Safe for work?) (127) Sat April 27, 2002: # of Comments Stripper charged for 'fondling' woman in audience (67) (The Times Leader) City's computer breaks, 25,000 tax forms have to be entered by hand since they don't have a maintenance agreement (28) (Some Cat) Cat on rampage in California city, dogs being cautious (43) French right-winger calls for putting immigrants in work camps (195) Derek Lowe throws a no-hitter vs Tampa Bay (42) Reviews of the new sountracks for "Spiderman" and "Star Wars AotC" (25) (Tweakers.net) Nintendo said no to $25 billion offer from Microsoft, world domination avoided. (246) FOX to air MASH reunion, 2 1/2 hours of old friends and new teeth (37) US Economy roars ahead because of tax cuts for the rich (135) NRA takes credit for Bush election, says not owning gun is unpatriotic, criticizes campaign finance reform, calls gun-control activists 'political terrorists' (132) (New Jersey Online) Every day for the past five years, man orders and eats a medium pizza and four diet cokes from Dominos (104) (Winamp.com) Cliche Kitty appears on WinAmp skin, Four Horsemen bookmark it in their PalmPilots. (54) Train engineer blames sun for crash. Sun flees galaxy before trial. (23) (post-dispatch.com) 'Beat Me In St. Louis' opens today; grab your extra towels & linens at the front desk (44) Derek Lowe throws Fenway's first no-hitter since '65 (42) Glass bottle, designed to look like a grenade, being thrown by kids (60) Bud selig "not unhappy" with twins/expos success. He's not a nonidiot (26) You won't have to talk to a human being ever again. Meet Pino you cyber companion. (41) (fredericksburg.com) Suicidal woman blocks traffic on bridge. Angry drivers tell her to jump. She does. (with photo) (209) 7.2 earthquake rocks Guam. (17) (stltoday.com) Apparently it's OK to let police hide in your home and shoot burglary suspects dead (113) Judge declares video games too violent to be speech, not protected under First Amendment (129) Backpack-lugging sends 5000 students to hospital yearly. California to bring back lockers so kids don't have to carry all those drugs and guns.. (38) (Some Guy) Congress plans ban on TP, check your racing stripes (51) New Japanese toilets do more than blow hot air up your ass (56) Womens groups mad at Catholic Cardinal for saying that Priests shouldn't be punished so much if they have sex with teenage girls (110) (Some Guy) Mountain Lion wandering a Minneapolis suburb. St. Paul surrenders. (38) Rom Hack Review - "Ernie & The Muppets Take It All Off" (with rom download) (25) San Francisco 49ers Player has testicle removed to 'better fit in with the locals' (48) Sony-Ericsson P800. It's a phone. No, it's a PDA. Oh yea, it has a digital camera too (30) Dog on the loose with its head stuck in a plastic jar. (45) Are Internet celebrities the next big thing or one-hit wonders? Including a look at Wil Wheaton (30) (E! Online) HBO cuts back on sex. (45) Anna Kournikova denies nude pictures are her. On a related note she is currently ranked 69th in the world. (41) (NewsLtd) Bill Clinton may co-host morning TV show. Possible title: "Morning Glory" (38) (The Toronto Star) Japan spends $7.2 billion on this year's World Cup. Half went to fortify stadiums against Godzilla attacks. (19) The Grim Reaper asking for directions (158) Scientists find weird quark stars. (53) (Some Site) Celebrity Weeners ('bout darn time, farkettes) (74) Captain Crunch Battles Against The Soggies (w/ downloads) (24) Funny old trading cards of current NBA coaches, when they were players (24) Photoshop these soldiers having a swordfight (138) Fri April 26, 2002: # of Comments Caption Harrison Ford and this mutated moth. (102) (Some Guy) Recreational Hovercraft (28) Supreme Court Ruling: The one million Canadians who steal U.S. dish feeds are breaking the law. Canada surrenders. (92) (Information Week) Database at the Stanford Linear Accelerator reaches 500 Terabyte mark. Pr0n possibilities endless. (37) (ZFilter) Hire Phil the Ninja. Millenium Special - Kick In The Balls: $25.00 (37) Massive 1000 carat diamond unearthed in Sierra Leone, dealers may try and smuggle it out (48) (Some straight guy) One flaming gay club. Wow, it's really really gay. At least the ladies might like it. (81) (Some Guy) Cool new credit card designs are coming. (50) (Some Guy) Proud day for Einstein: Nevada plates depict relativity theory and a mushroom cloud. (45) Intel will offer P4 2.53 ghz this quarter. (113) Israel developing bioweapons that only attack Arabs (235) (Winamp) Winamp 2.80 released (86) (Hockey Fights) Everything you ever wanted to know about hockey fights. (49) Beer truck overturns, Fark mourns the tragedy... (74) GIs Get Free Phone Calls On Mother's Day (46) Ear candling grows in popularity (136) EPA to allow coal mines to dump into waterways. Great job guys, well done. (98) (SBB) Agency for Anna Kournikova sues Penthouse over nude beach pictorial - claims photos aren't her (81) TLC's Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes dies in car wreck. (People apparently did not see our original story) (185) Hershey employees walk off job, fat chicks panic (48) (www.miami.com) Dave Barry on "planning a birthday party for your 2-year-old child" (44) Federal judge prepared to rule death penalty unconstitutional because of the number of death row inmates who come through his court that are innocent (327) (Some Superfly) When afro's ruled the basketball world - Big hair of the ABA (53) (Some Guy) Dutch company makes frozen treat containing booze. (50) (Some Zipps) Explanation of the Poincare Conjecture (109) (rockstar) Nothing spells romance like sending the one you love a pet Rhino or Elephant in the mail. (54) (nola.com) Louisiana car burglars break into car. Unable to break into own getaway car after locking keys in it. (51) Detroit beats Vancouver 4-0. Leads series 3-2. (112) Nevada takes Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dump in stride, now offers nuclear-themed license plates (83) Drew Bledsoe, traded to Buffalo, takes out full-page ad thanking New England fans. What a guy (134) (canada.com) Canada has a new national horse (232) Welcome the 21st century with your own air-hockey playing robot arm. (32) Michigan resort owner charged with allowing topless dancing (147) Bell Labs discovers how to find one (that's, count 'em; 1) impure atom in silicone wafers. (48) (Billboard.com) Shaggy sings on Scooby-Doo soundtrack (56) Rob Zombie taking Mazda Motor Co. to court (110) Johnnie Cochran seeks to break up NASCAR (166) 18 dead in Germany school shooting (lots) (Microsoft) Windows XP Powertoys Released (111) If you recently purchased hot dogs, do not eat them. You may die. (118) Widow tries to figure out how to remove 22 foot boat from her cellar. (28) (Glass Walker) Humans to upload thoughts - Matrix Style (55) Every day 1,500 Vietnamese trade 100 tons of rat meat for 6000 dong/kg. That's a lot of rat dong. (33) (Some Guy) Bush Sr. old buddies with Bin Laden family (72) Octopuss throwing at Detroit Wings playoff games is dead. (81) Raleigh Fark party tonight (63) Israeli soldier talks about what happened in Jenin (124) (Sky News) Christopher Walken in Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice named the greatest video (57) (Some Guy) Teenie Boppers who look like their Idols (69) (Some Guy) Hampsterdance is old and tired. Let's do a DOMO-DANCE. (72) Nevada Supreme Court says police can hide monitoring devices on cars without a warrant (40) (Some Guy) New Jersey Big Game Lottery winner refuses to share wealth with the lottery pool he was in. (39) TLC Singer Killed in Car Accident (149) (some NASCAR guy) April 29th has been declared "Dale Earnhardt Day" in where else, but Alabama. (90) (telegram.com) Two bishops and a cardinal walk into a bar..... (142) Yahoo's got a new game. More addictive than nicotine (131) Streaker's hall of fame (not safe for work) (76) (elmundo.es) Photoshop this man holding things (99) RIAA looking for federal money to combat piracy - In other words, taxes. (93) (Kuro5hin) A coder's guide to coffee (48) (Some Guy) Proof: Developers are troglodytes. Error message collection (65) Thu April 25, 2002: # of Comments Chimps should have a right to lawyers too (Stupid Brits) (55) Hello, I'd like to put in an order for delivery? One lapdance, please. (29) Thank you, Dr. Damn; unknown programmer releasing file-swapping programs with spy-ware & ad-ware stripped out (130) (Some Guy) Photoshop this kung fu man (92) George W. Bush's action figure before he shoots and stabs the Osama bin Laden action figure to claim the 25 million dollars (119) Photoshop the Evolution of Star Wars (97) (Some Guy) Just when you thought that the Winger tour was the sign of the Apocalypse, Dokken, RATT, Warrant, FireHouse and LA Guns have all signed on for summer tours. (middle of the page article) (86) Good News - Google has almost completed Klingon language support, and they've already started on Sanskrit (85) Taking a snapshot of carbon nanotubes using an ordinary camera flash can cause them to explode. (with video) (55) (Brooklyn Museum of Art) Star Wars exhibit comes to the Brooklyn Museum of Art. (April 5 - July 6) (41) (U of Southampton) A proof of the Poincare conjecture - Professor Dunwoody (Not for the math challenged) (pdf) (123) (Some Guy) Six men being treated for exposure to radiation. Florida Power and Light forgot to shut the reactor door. (63) (Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Make your own Magic The Gathering card (274) (Pensacola News Journal) Neighbor tells area kids, "If you want to see my 9mm Glock, come and toilet paper my house." (294) (Something Awful) Flames from SA's 'TruthMedia' review of "Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones" (39) New dynamic web ads piss people off more than banners ever did (174) (SBB) Exhaustive research study finds bungee jumpers 107% more likely to drink imported beer than average person and 47% of inexpensive beer drinkers like to garden (60) (Washington Times) Conservative and Liberals get together and hold hands to fight for privacy rights. (112) (Via Opinion Journal) Saudi paper accuses France of being xenophobic (119) (SBB) Shaq nominates Mark Cuban for NBA commissioner (55) (Commercial Appeal) 17,310 seats in the 19,185-seat Memphis Pyramid For Tyson-Lewis fight set aside for HBO, Showtime, fight promoters and Tyson litigants (66) (TPC) Attorney: Woman justified in leading police chase. (53) F***edCompany gets some press (49) Backdoor to CNN (67) (Newschannel 4) Explosion in NYC (130) Explosion rocks Manhattan building (27) Mice to explore space for us (with picture of space ship) (44) (Some Guy) Buy M&Ms in all kinds of wacky color combinations. Like black, cream and silver. Yuck. (47) Church stolen as couple prepares to get married, hilarity ensues (26) (comedyclub) Your questions answered: by The Guy Who Writes the Metatags for Porn Sites (37) Moby recreates the Electric Ladyland cover. (not safe for work) (69) Eating bread will make you die (153) FBI warns against terrorist attacks on grocery stores. Might want to recheck the expiration date on that milk. (81) Prisoner who mutilates self with broken toilet in hopes of deadly infection told by judge: go right ahead (63) Vibrating cell phones start new communication craze -- "Vibra-language" (79) (WWN) Osama bin Laden's wild night with a goat (55) (Some Guy) Help some college kids buy the Expos (30) (ajc.com) Horse doing fine after throwing Jewel to the ground (137) Popup Fark party tonight in San Jose, CA at Trials. 7PM (45) Man who killed dog with hunting knife allowed to buy another dog. (128) (bayarea.com) Two-headed calf dies (39) (phillyBurbs.com) Flyers scoreless in regulation now 316+ minutes. Bob Clarke busy preparing list of why it is Eric Lindros' fault. (50) Catholic church will only defrock "Serial Predator" priests. So remember. If you're a priest and going to molest, only molest one. (147) (via Popculture JunkMail) Kelly Osbourne's advice column in YM (112) Charles Manson denied parole for 10th time. "He's really not much different than he was in 1969 or 1970." (74) (Forbes.com) The Yugo is back in America. Be the first on your block to own one. (72) Expos and Brewers ignore Geneva convention prohibitions on torture, end up playing 15 innings (19) Scientists build robot for sole purpose of opening beer bottles. (35) (Sydney Morning Herald) Happy ANZAC day to our Australian Farkers (51) (Some Guy) Pics from the new over-hyped Anna Kournikova / Penthouse topless layout. not safe for work (103) Robocop 2002: My Way or the Segway (110) (Some Guy) Photoshop David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar (95) Max Burbank's "My Wild Life" - Chapter 3 (21) RetroCrush opens a strictly not safe for work site (90) (Some Guy) Objective: Landover Baptist Shutdown (162) Masked protester saying hello to his mother while protesting the IMF (60) Wed April 24, 2002: # of Comments (abc.net.au) Attention out-of-work Farkers: British circus taking applications for knife-thrower's assistant (26) (Some Guy) Photoshop these soccer players. (167) (archaeology) The real Scorpion King was one really bad dude (46) Judge orders prison escapees to watch 'Cool Hand Luke' (48) (Space.com) Gravastars vie to replace black holes in theory. Rosanne Barr cited as possible example. (50) Streaking, the 'new' craze (76) NASA pinpoints the exact age of the Universe (278) Blue tits on the rise in Britain (75) (Some Guy) Entire school voucher movement funded by conservative philanthropists (222) Flyers GM lights up stogie at Senators' arena. It's illegal (39) Kazaa moving headquarters to an offshore tax haven (35) (nerve.com) How to collect the ejaculate of a 2000 lb. bull. (99) (Maxim) Girlfriend working long hours? Have a "new" friend suddenly? How to catch her cheating (242) (craigslist) $700 for a 1300sq.ft apartment in NYC. There's just one catch... (157) (WBAL Baltimore) Pot sales down, middle schoolers turn to pushing Viagra (41) In light of the Chuck Finley incident, ESPN's list of songs that should be played for troubled athletes (39) 47% of Detroit can't read and Starbucks wants to help. (88) Clouds are responsible for global warming (79) (Some Guy) Every Alyson Hannigan picture ever published (safe for work?) (231) (Some Guy) Hockey fans, get your inflatable Stanley Cup right here (57) British ships back to being called "she." Pretty sure same goes for Elton John. (39) (Right Wing News) The Democrats are going to lose in November because they don't stand for anything (367) Dodgeball reality series coming to TV (88) New anti-impotence cream to challenge Viagra, Great demonstration animation in article (101) (MuchMusic) Eminem buys every copy of "The Face" magazine and destroys them, because the cover shows him in a pink T-shirt (second story) (207) (PSU Daily Collegian) Photoshop Cookie Monster meeting his fans (201) Bush's insurance policy: conquer Iraq in 2003; perfect timing with elections (177) (Some Guy) Strip club owner surprised his business isn't thriving in remote Alaskan village (38) We posted the LPGA golf trophy pic Monday morning, no need to keep submitting it to the queue (71) Good news: No school in Greece today. Bad News: It's to stem a mysterious killer virus outbreak (32) Woman kept captive by trucker rescued after she writes messages on bathroom walls (69) The FHM football fan rant (12) Ad-man who created Energizer Bunny has died (47) Experts baffled at the failure of the 'Just Say No' approach to sex ed (146) For the first time in nearly 40 years, not a single British artist is on the Billboard Hot 100 (159) (Palm Beach Post) West Palm Beach mayor wants to close down homeless feeding station because it attracts the homeless. (55) Four Horseman saddle up: Winger announces summer tour. (77) Soap star writes sex manual. Claims she's had 4 orgasms by standing next to bass speakers at clubs. (104) In a long standing Canadian tradition, Canada unwittingly buys dented sub from the British (158) Streaker disrupts World Snooker championship (25) (Some Guy) New spyware that uninstalls Ad-Aware released (103) (Some Bounty Hunter) Photoshop Jango Fett's action figure (130) A look at deadly playground toys of yesteryear (154) (Some Guy) The real Watership Down, home of the coolest rabbits this side of Caer Bannog (76) (Some Guy) Naked gay men in the woods (80) (Some Guy) Man with too much time/money builds monorail in his backyard. (97) Tue April 23, 2002: # of Comments Americans eating even more French fries, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, pizza and Mexican food (80) (Some Guy) Happy 438th birthday William Shakespeare. For you literary types, here are his complete works.. (183) Man calls telemarketers at odd hours (101) (Arab News) Saudis as rude as Americans, are requested to shut off cell phones in mosques (42) Lightning can strike inside airplanes (53) If we can't see black holes, how do we know they spin, and what happens to all the stuff they suck into the void? (62) (via NYC-Geeks) You can collect money from spammers in small claims court; check your state laws here (56) Woman arrested for throwing cat at police officer (63) (Jersey Journal) Woman beat up after trying to get a burrito, given 15 "Taco Bell Bucks" for her trouble (62) (Philly.com) Dick Clark and Little Richard. Combined age: 2752 years old. (165) (SLO Tribune) Man jailed on unfair "33 strikes and you're out" rule (54) Poll: American public sick and tired of Middle East, blame both sides for bloodbath (263) (BoCoMoFo) Sophia Vergara (safe for work, but we'll keep looking) (139) (Newsday) Go buy another SUV: Underground oil and gas fields once thought to be exhausted are refilling. Maybe. (121) (dayton daily news) Lisa Bonet turns down Cosby Show reunion saying it lacked artistic merit (129) A quiz for the English Farkers- Happy Saint George's Day (76) Convicted child killer passes out fliers in neighborhood saying he is perfectly safe (150) (WBRC) Man running for governor in Alabama creates motorcycle gang to get votes (33) "Butch" from the Little Rascals sticks up for Robert Blake. Says "Our Gang sticks together" (66) Group is demanding that CNN hire mentally crippled news anchors. I thought they already were (91) (SacBee.com) Wil Wheaton and Drew (named as "Drew Fark") named among top net celebs (71) (phillyBurbs.com) Which will happen first - Osama getting captured OR the Flyers scoring a regulation-time goal in the postseason? (83) Australian schoolboy stopped from selling chrysanthemums on his front lawn because he didn't have a $5 M public liability insurance policy. (73) One teaspoonful of a neutron star would weigh ten billion tons on the surface of the earth. (64) Transformers are always cool. (225) (Mac Observer) Creationist site says Mac users are Godless Communists (139) California freight, commuter train collide (101) (Some Guy) Guide to Star Wars action figures. Contains reviews of each figure. (32) (RMN) Council member who criticizes police for take-home cars has own city car, sees "no hypocrisy at all" (33) (Bloomberg) Question: How do top NFL draft picks handle sudden wealth? Answer: They don't (61) California Supreme Court allows local bans on gun shows (lots) (Faceoff.com) Photoshop this hockey Vancouver vs. Detroit hockey scene (143) (Broken Newz) Gateway users demand CEO upgrades to hairdo 2.0 (42) (Tampa Tribune) Pat Robertson says he sees no contradiction between his condemnation of gambling and his ownership of racehorse. Say he "just enjoys watching horses running and performing." (116) Malaysia plans to publicly flog people found guilty of sex crimes (90) Police ticket dead man (48) Linda Lovelace remembered with tribute and gallery (not safe for work) (90) The new "Hulk" movie is based on the comic book, but only insofar as they were both written in english. (50) Emperor Bush - true evil has a banal appearance (324) CNN pays travel expenses for Margerry Bakley, sister of Blake's slain wife, so she present for Blake's arraignment on murder charges. By coincidence, the victim's sister spoke to no one but CNN (44) Fark party in Raleigh, NC begins Friday evening. Drew and Mike will be there (42) Privileged students donate prom gowns to less fortunate girls. "They usually just end up on the hotel room floor anyway." (89) Britney has a new boyfriend. Apparently he's not hitting it either. (109) Pub crawling dog keeps routine after owner's death. (32) (telegram.com) Judge convicts car dealer of obstruction of justice after lying about the condition of a car. (16) Linda Lovelace dead at 53. (91) (thestar.com) 5 year old travelling from Colombia to NYC caught with two suitcases of heroin at JFK (39) (Beacon Journal) 4 foot, 150 pound concrete Jesus stolen from in front of couple's "God Pond" (48) Teacher arrested for showing porn to 8th grade students (55) Gore blah blah Earth Day blah blah Environment blah blah blah (85) AOL may be spun off from AOL/TW (65) (Some Guy) Help critique Farker Dejobaan's upcoming game (60) (Some Guy) Death metal pioneer/guitarist James Murphy's site (79) (Some Guy) Photoshop theme: Verb-based product names, i.e. Wash n' Scrub (125) The Scorpion King: what were the MPAA thinking? (128) (al.com) Alabama is #1. In extinction of plant and animal species, that is. (50) Ozone hole is killing our sperm (189) Mon April 22, 2002: # of Comments (Kansas City Channel) Here they come: Sept. 11 babies (55) (UPI) Sioux City, Iowa wants to change its airport identifier from SUX (62) President Bush thinks Corporate America will reduce pollution on a voluntary basis (158) (nola.com) Louisiana public schools serving "Domino's Pizza" to kids every day for lunch. Helps potential college students meet LSU's minimum weight requirement. (80) (Some Guy) Man loves roller coasters so much he builds one in his back yard (57) College degrees in gambling being offered in Manila (16) NASA photographs galaxies in the aftermath of titanic collision (35) Boy running past the giant bronze head of a statue (197) (MTV.com) Eminem to dress up like Bin Laden for new video. (120) (Sacremento Bee) Defrocked priest gets new job as frat house advisor (41) (Online.ie) Canadian woman fills strip club with tuna after being fired from it (61) (NW Cable News) Tonya Harding pleads not guilty on DWI charge. Obviously not a Smoking Gun reader. (21) Bill Gates warns judge in Microsoft Antitrust case (137) IMDB listing for "Fantastic Four". Starring Steve Ballmer and Lowtax (42) "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones" toys go on sale tonight (50) Two roommates both score perfect 1600s on SAT. Suspicion arises (83) (What Really Happened) Conspiracy of the day: US is land-grabbing using the EPA to pay off foreign debts (60) (NW Cable News) Man sets goal of visiting every Starbucks in the world (73) (MSN) Americans are in favor of sleeping on the job (28) Border agents banned from using face-covering headgear because people trying to cross the border illegally complained (47) (csindy) Fashion magazines lie to women about sex (91) The felony complaint against Robert Blake (32) (The Japan Times) Two Japanese research vessels return from Antarctic expedition with 440 minke whales in hold. Institute of Cetacean Research has 2-for-1 "Filet 'O Cetacean" sale. (53) (Arizona Republic) Mexico condemns the US arresting illegal Immigrants. (57) The most insightful review of "The Scorpion King" that will ever be written. (79) We tried to put up a 120x600 ad in the sidebar today but it looked like crap. So we took it down. In other news, if you haven't checked out TotalFark already, it's pretty cool (65) (earthday.net) Happy Earth Day (44) (Some Guy) Free Ice Cream Cone Day at Ben & Jerry's nationwide (70) Who should be the next space tourist? A nice teacher/mother or the guy from N'Sync? (49) P. Diddy's fear of clowns is actually clown discrimination, says clown organization (60) Pope insists priests be perfect. (50) Teenagers need more sleep. Like hell they do, lazy bastards (52) (NewsLtd) Australian military told to stop blowing money on pens and pencils, buy more guns instead. (21) (kmov.com) Senator joins women's group in wanting to outlaw 'Beat Me In St. Louis' sex seminar (42) Crowd at Detroit-Toronto basketball game boo the Canadian national anthem (144) Cigarettes lower Parkinson's disease risk (30) (Jaybill.com) Guy points hidden webcam at "friend" about to watch Jaybill.com's "What's Wrong With This Picture". Hilarity ensues. (54) Tonya Harding got a DUI this weekend. The Smoking Gun is there... (37) More than half China's rural citizens don't brush their teeth (46) Stories of how sports fans go nuts - including stripping their idols down to their underwear after games (7) Happy Earth Day: NYC stops curbside recycling (21) We have been told that we would run out of oil in 10 years since the 1920s. We still have oil (86) What really happened in Venezuela. (50) (canada.com) 69% of Canadians polled think government is corrupt. (44) The average guy lasts 14-Minutes in bed (160) (Pensacola News Journal) "How many axles do I have?" asks local dumbass at toll booth (29) Cristie Kerr kisses "trophy" she received for winning LPGA tournament (pic) (97) Chicago Farkparty site updated. Sign up today (22) Hollywood is out of ideas: Jurrassic Park 4 in the works (22) The Boigah Report (aka: What happens when you eat hamburgers from 7 different fast-food establishments in one day. Includes pics.) (44) Pets don't need shots every year. Annual vaccinations are a vet scam (57) French march in streets, carry signs reading "I'm Ashamed To Be French" (211) President Bush happy to spin a Camaro and perform a "J-turn" in a Secret Service demonstration (113) (Some Guy) Tennessee politician hosts raccoon dinner. (21) Pilot in Milan didn't kill himself, he 'voluntarily collided' with the building (24) (Post Gazette) Southeast Asia bearcat found sleeping on porch in Pennsylvania, nobody knows where it came from (51) Anna Kournikova will appear in Penthouse. (109) Ozzy Osbourne's hair sparking fashion trend (38) (Some Guy) Al-Qaida inmates 'outwitting interrogators' (86) (TIME) Airline security still sucks. "I can kill you with a magazine, a soda can, a compact disk, a wine bottle, and a fork," (61) (SkyNews) Jennifer Aniston ordered to show nude pictures of herself to a US court (56) Pupils fled in tears when teachers told them Osama Bin Laden had nuked Britain. (40) Heroin killed Layne Staley of Alice in Chains (82) (Homestar Runner) New Strong Bad email (28) Rock to keep day job. (25) (sportserver.com) Photoshop "The Rock" posing with his own wax likeness (128) (Some Guy) How to chug milk (36) (Some Guy) Exciting choose-your-own-adventure on-line games (32) (Some Guy) Send a voodoo curse online. (35) (Some Guy&Some Girl) For the Goth in your life:Casket Furniture (64) (EHOWA) Ernie's fan club o' boobies (not safe for work) (55) (KREM.com) Girl sprains ankle in pothole, sues city, wins $3000 (63)

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