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Google Fark Advertise on Fark.com - Small - Large Campaigns To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants. Sun March 03, 2002: # of Comments Tips from "Hungry Man" Charles Hardy on how to win eating contests (28) (Mpls/St.Paul Tribune) America's new kick ass bomb. (142) (Some Guy) Everything you ever wanted to know about Pez (16) Man stuck in garbage chute while trying to retrieve sweater is rescued. Wife intends to trash sweater next week in attempt to get rid of them both for good. (11) (Some Guy) Llama for sale, cheap (21) (Dull Men's Club) Watching ice melt and other examples of "safe excitement" (11) (NorthJersey.com) Real life bounty hunters. And you thought Cowboy Bebop was cool. (39) (BigSpike) Site with links to 201 FREE Boobies site. Listed as equal airtime to oppose lame paysite listings (26) (dvdfile.com) Schoolhouse Rock coming to DVD. (44) (Some Guy) Photoshop this Farker's girlfriend (132) (Some Guy) Every Farkers soulmate Tourette's Syndrome Barbie (16) The Swiss, down to their last few tons of Nazi gold, decide to join the UN (147) Boy genius' mother admits she faked his tests (64) (Some Guy) The Political Compass quiz, how left or right wing are you? (136) (Some Guy) The fine art of scalp...er...non-traditional ticket reallocation (34) (Some Guy) Buy a pound of dilitant compound (silly putty) for 21 bucks. (28) (Some Guy) More Highlander. Lambert signs on for fifth movie (61) (Some Guy) Unexpected benefit of global warming: opening the North-West Passage (43) Experts warn that boodshed at Hellraiser's Ball was just the beginning of bloody new biker war. (31) (silive.com) Just What We Need Dept.: Moderate quake rattles India, Pakistan, Afghanistan (60) Woman runs for student body VP by showing them her "student body" (83) (Some Guy) Insane Cheerios guy... (43) Photoshop these Orioles stretching (139) (Some Chick) Better than Toby Maguire - MAXIMUS. (43) (Some Guy) Stripping for America (not safe for work) (67) Oxford plans to clone extinct dodo bird. The Red Queen rejoices. (38) Olympic freestyle skier Jeremy Bloom's tough choice: Play college football or cash in on Olympic endorsement deals. (19) US Secret Service in bar-room brawl after insulting local woman. (40) (Gabe's Bro.) Power Rangers Excercise video Now fat kids everywhere can get in shape...Power Rangers Style. (42) (Some Guy named Ron) You know that Lost Ark? Seems a guy named Ron found it in 1982. (110) (3dLabs) Video card with 416 MB of RAM (56) (Sydney Morning Herald) Catholic priest in Philippines decides he's not taking any more crap, now carries a .45 (43) (Guardian) The driving force behind advances in mobile communications is the sex industry. (24) (News & Observer) High tech VP sucks helium, talks funny then dies (55) (Some Guy) Photoshop this sword-wielding reference librarian (153) Kid dares other to eat only Peanut Butter and Frosting for 7 days; He did, and friend has to spend two days in Home Depot; full story and pics (40) (gainesvillesun) There can be only ONE.... man shot and killed as he attacks a Deputy with a sword. (67) Through billions and billions of miles, NASA contacts Pioneer 10 (53) (Travis) "Asian sirens" (not safe for work) (53) Sat March 02, 2002: # of Comments (Daily Soccer) Nigerian soccer team gets victory bonus: one goat per player, and a cow for the coach (12) (Some Farkette) The Official Weird Al Yankovic Site (66) (Forbes) Gene therapy "mouthwash" might treat cancer (14) Chinese version of 'Friends' in works (43) Tsunami strikes are imminent. (35) (DPPH) Every playboy centerfold from 1960 to 2000.. (not safe for work) (251) (Some Farkette) For the Farkettes: Tons of Info and Pictures of Tobey Maguire. mmm (49) (Some Sub) Stickfas: Cool little action figure guys (36) (Some Guy) it's farker nietzsche's 20th birthday today. (49) (Some Guy) Bronze toned beauties from blonde to brunette. Not safe for work. Popups (46) Democrats pushing socialized medicine again (278) (VH1.com) Watch puppies watching videos on VH1. (34) Hollywood to remake Seven Samurai (77) New game coming out for the PS2 that will simulate the sensory mixing effects of being on acid as part of the game (67) Woman saves stranger's dog with mouth-to-snout resuscitation after it jumps out of moving pick-up truck with leash on. (45) (Some Guy) Farker Rassleholic turned 21 years old today. Please help get him drunk. (71) (Sci-Fi Channel) Sci-Fi Channel to air widescreen director's cut of "Bladerunner." (55) NASA pilot thanks the lord he racked up a million points on ASTEROIDS. Galileo dodges moon by only 63 miles. (35) Library of classic TV themes, cartoon songs, and TV commercial audio to download (34) (The Bikini Hut) Sometimes women can be sexier with (some of) their clothes on (55) Bootsy Collins at the Grammys (149) (BBDN) It's not SA, it's Brice Beckham Dot Net (35) (kvue.com) Small plane crashes near RelaximusPrime's apartment. "High impact crash, no survivors" (I have video, of the press conference near crash, someone help me post it.) (24) Photoshop thise cops and PETA Kitty (98) How to build a transformer (40) (via Slashdot) Make your own Gauss rifle (41) Controversy threatens to rip the world of garden gnomes apart as company breaks tradition and makes female gnome. (42) Probe detects ice on Mars. (62) Photoshop Drew in "jail" for charity (105) (UPI) State Department creates a new high-level job especially for Dick Cheney's daugher. (31) (ICv2.com) Cartoon Network plans Herculoids, Dyno-Mutt and Thundarr action figures. Soon Gleep & Gloop can be yours. (20) Daschle refuses to apologize for giving comfort to the enemy. Liberal media says nothing (130) (Some Guy) Christina Aguilera is really Dee Snider from Twisted Sister (42) (RedSox.com) New Red Sox owner John Henry playing with his balls (84) (Sky Watch) Weird radar rings happening everywhere. Even Kentucky. (Fark would be on the west side of that ring) (38) Another female Farker's favorite hunk: Orlando Bloom (32) Orlando Bloom pictures and tons of wallpapers (34) Fri March 01, 2002: # of Comments (Peoria Journal Star) Redneck trucker uses semi in barfight, entire bar loses. (68) It's official: Arkansas buys out coach's contract (40) What would jesus surf? (60) (Union Tribune) Our vice president is protected by a couple of rowdy drunks (31) New tapes of 1972 conversation between Nixon and Billy Graham discussing the Jewish media conspiracy (96) (Baghdad Black) Photoshop three Berkeley dudes who had their Sex-ed class cancelled. (107) Package with toxic substances sent to Tony Blair, Scottish legislator. (27) (TMC) Shuttle Columbia Suffers Cooling Failure (44) (FHM) Lets make some more FHM logos (51) Lady discovers her husband is actually a woman after three months of marriage (46) (MSN) A woman's purse reveals her true personality (67) Enron ethics manual enshrined in Smithsonian (29) (silive.com) Woman attempts to cut off husband's wang, flees country, calls husband & asks for $6000 (51) Top EPA official resigns; says White House undermining enforcement efforts (65) (health.org) Signs your freind may be using marijuana: Acting silly for no apparent reason. This and other federally-funded marijuana "facts" (302) (ew.com) Fox trying to put together reunion special for "Three's Company." (65) Caption everybody's favorite intern (144) Going for the hat-trick: Letterman may move to ABC (61) (Some Guy) Sheriff's Office finds drugs, guns, frozen dogs. Frozen dogs? (43) (philstar.com) Skulls found in Bohol not Cyclops after all. Who could've guessed? (30) Ravaging assault on U.S. patriotism (348) (Some Guy) Cold war fallout may have cause 15,000 cancer deaths in the US (61) (Some Guy) Vote for Wil Wheaton in FHM's top 100 sexiest women of 2002. Update: FHM is playing along with us, check out the banner now (too many) (Palm Beach Post) After making appointment to renew license, 101 year old wrecks. Still plans to pursue license next week: 'If I live that long' (29) (NCBuy.com) Taco Bell in trouble for creating fake magazine reviews (73) Runs in the family: Hockey Dad's brother goes nuts at Best Buy, assaults clerk. (80) (news&observer) Man steals rocks from construction site. Says its ok because he paid his taxes. (39) (Some Guy) Prince Phillip asks Aboriginal leader "Do you still throw spears at each other?" (92) 27 college dropouts among 497 billionaires in the world. (67) Gennifer Flowers says that Hillary is becoming 'Hitler-esque', at fault for Flowers' failure to get acting jobs (116) Alcohol abuse conference loses electricity thanks to drunken hunters. (20) Picture of Coach Pitino checking out Farker Flyinglemur's Unit (187) Enron's Code of Ethics booklet (22) (Some Guy) Man in crowd holds sign asking girlfriend to marry him at Olympics. Girlfriend says yes, he says, 'oh, I just wanted to be on TV, not actually marry you' (88) (NCBuy.com) Britney Spears to use ass-boosting pantyhose. (54) (Hemp TV) RealVideo Pro-Marijuana US Propaganda from 1943 (53) US shadow government in full operation (104) (Project Insomnia) Now that morpheus is farked, learn how to install Grokster without spyware (110) Man steals rare monkey to get crack (36) Thanks to all who donated to the MDA to get Drew out of jail. You raised $1046.17. Drew still has to go to jail for an hour this morning (49) (Pittsburgh Live) Lemieux done for rest of season (37) (Some Guy) A story of efficient german love, told in flash (48) (ILoveBacon) Engagement ring was supposed to "Shut her up" (77) (Wayne State University) Followup to "Islam Sucks". Writer explains self. (332) (Dotcom Scoop) Excite@Home officially dies, relive all the pain (23) (Some Guy) Photoshop Farker's dog trying to catch a frisbee (175) Use this link to tell MNF hiring John Madden is the stupidest thing they've ever done. (112) (Some Guy) Another psychotic Animutation for your viewing pleasure: Jesus H. Christ (71) (Wayne State University) Islam Sucks..A very strange editorial printed in Farker's college paper. (181) (Artbell.com) Man offers $250,000 if you can prove evolution. (lots) Lots of pictures and vidcaps of Vin Diesel. Safe for work? (110) (Cinescape) Star Trek: Nemesis will star Ron Pearlman (with spoilers) (79) Thu February 28, 2002: # of Comments Theme: Alien response to the Pioneer 10 'We're here' plaque. (163) (ajc) Coach Bobby Knight yelling at someone (127) CBS asked not to show graphic footage in upcoming "9/11" documentary even though there isn't any (49) "Iritable male syndrome" causes men to be assholes (147) New Timex watch can buy gas, burgers (50) (Philstar.com) Cyclops Skulls found in Bohol, Bukidnon, and Agusan (86) (Drews Brew) Mmmmm Beer (34) (Orlando Sentinel) Oy Vey. Krispy Kreme to open kosher store. (48) Air India jetliner has landed & is being led to the middle of nowhere (live on MSNBC) (75) (Some Guy) Iowa considers law making English official state language. Protesters say that ain't right. (188) Scientests can clone you, but your clone will be a lard ass. (43) (Orange County Register) California wants to tax sugary soda because kids are fat blobs (184) Attack of the Clones script review. Mostly spoiler free, no major details given away (80) Explanation of diagram sent out with Pioneer 10 spacecraft (72) (Star Tribune) Student granted lifetime supply of Arby's curly fries (64) (Star Tribune) Bucket of pecans blamed for house fire (40) (myCFnow.com) Man on flight to JFK may be on FBI's terrorist watch list (147) (Denver Post) Breast-baring ex-stripper mayor says she smokes pot (81) (Springfield News-Leader) Cops urge women in bar to show boobies - women comply, cops get off (safe for work) (56) Wil Wheaton, John Schneider, and HP Lovecraft run through the meat grinder of Mexican cinema (38) (ricn.ru) Russian web-design company gets paid with spy satellite in freak transaction (24) (boston.com) Dan Duquette fired. Red Sox still won't win the World Series. (55) NYPD officers who sodomized prisoner with broomstick get convictions overturned. Yes, even the guy who confessed. (103) (E!) Grammy Red Carpet Pics. Who the hell dresses these people? (99) Drew is going to jail tomorrow for the MDA, needs bail money so he can get out and update Fark in the morning. $825.71 so far (69) Kentucky Legislators say code of ethics is too strong (17) (Pitchform Media) Johnny Cash to cover Nine Inch Nails on forthcoming album (third story down) (64) (Washington Times) Even though USA saved Kuwait, 41 percent of Kuwaitis still think USA sucks. (112) "Wild party girl" nets 5 million from video company that boozed her up and held wet t-shirt contest (167) Bush Sr. apologizes to northern California for calling John Walker Lindh "some misguided Marin County hot-tubber." (79) (Palm Beach Post) Former Hooters girl may be campaigning illegally for FL House Speaker (48) (Star Tribune) Grade inflation? Middle school defends having most of its kids on honor roll (49) (Billboard) Music Industry has spent $4B on secure digital music downloads. Has made $1M of that back. (82) (KOTV.com) Man tries to make change for $1,000,000 dollar bill. (34) (Minneapolis Star Tribune) Tight, red sweater makes Clinton intern applicant stand out among those rejected in undercover media test (103) (Some Guy) New short film from Kevin Smith. Randall and Dante ask, "Where are the Flying Cars?" (70) Bad mouthing the Detroit Lions could lose you your season tickets. Not that it's any great loss (18) Dog brings master smoking grenade (34) Monday Night Football tries to win back 'stupid' demographic; all but fires Miller, hires Madden (122) T-Rex couldn't run fast after all (27) Extraterrestrials helped Johann Muehlegg win three gold medals in cross country skiing (18) (Some Guy) Insult someone like a literary master (repeat from 2-28-2001) (27) Blow-up dolls join Colombia's army (24) (Lycos) Dell refuses to sell laptop to gun customizer (244) (Some Law) Attention Texans: you can only own 5 dildos or you're breaking the law (Sub 43.23 2f) (115) Authorities find massive assassination plot in Montana (244) Tonya Harding and Amy Fisher to box on Fox; odds-makers scratching heads. (57) Electric train once used to deliver bonuses to top Enron executives auctioned off. (19) Iraqi officials to meet to devise ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein. Remember the good ol' days when this was a secret from the people? (25) "Sir, your inflatable eagle is illegal. And you're fat." (176) "Weapon of Choice" wins Grammy for Video of the Year (54) (Bomis) Bomis reporting Jennifer Love Hewitt will be in August Playboy (site not entirely safe for work) (74) Enron Field to be renamed Astros Field. "Lying, cheating, stock-manipulating, greedy bastards field" wouldn't fit on a marquee. (12) Those idiots waiting in line to see the next Star Wars have lost their loser title to these parents. (57) Protesters are funny (122) (ufocatcher.com) Domo-kun now available with cute little outfits (31) From the 'It couldn't happen to a nicer guy' department: Israelis wrap pigskin around the bodies of dead Palestinean terrorists to deprive them of paradise (¾) (Some Chick) How to become a male model including *sweet* photo for the Farkettes (very slightly not safe for work) (85) The 9 types of tech support callers (68) Coach who unleashed unsubstantiated racist tirade to be rewarded with $3 million buyout (68) (Some Guy) Watch "Domokun's Terror on Campus", the apex of indie film (63) Closed misinformation office employees keep showing up for work. (29) Wed February 27, 2002: # of Comments (Some Farker) Photoshop Farkers Tentimesone and DarthPhunk at Adobe's Seattle office (217) Turkey abolishes virginity test for girls attending high school. Turkish boys rejoice. (57) (Some Guy) Stupid Human tricks (60) (Sydney Morning Herald) Flame grilled - "Hippie" firewalkers were KFC managers. (46) Police are udderly amazed that a penis found in Nebraska wasn't a penis after all. (49) (Some Guy) Farker caught on fence sneaking out of college stadium (153) Election reformed stalled by, who else, elected officials (65) US Government takes first step toward destroying Fark (163) Jersey omitted from stamp collection commemorating 50 states. (106) (BartCop) Lies debunked about Clinton, Enron, and Ken Lay connection. Hordes of print media tycoons issues retractions. (134) (Thy Sydney Morning Herald) Hippie firewalkers learn that fire is hot. 20 sent to hospital with foot burns. (90) (washtimes.com) Illinois still hasn't received a 2000 tax form from Jesse Jackson's Rainbow/PUSH organization (56) (clarionledger.com) 7 year-old lights homework on fire. Homework lights bedroom on fire. (42) Theme contest, who *should* have been chosen for the Wheaties box? (262) DNA samples wanted from Osama's family, let's hope these aren't the cloning scientists (22) (Some Guy) Oddtodd.com Creator... Sued by Dept of labor for collecting benefits while working (on his site) (27) (The Birthday Girl) Farkette Alexandra is 29 today. Feel free to leave your condolences on her message board. (96) (WTAE News) Judge thrown out of restaurant after removing pants (27) Jayson Williams appeared in gun safety ads (35) (Minneapolis Star Tribune) Wisconsin governor caught on TV calling reporter 'dumb son of a bitch' (101) (The Scotsman) Bram Stoker's original Dracula manuscript, with alternate ending and 120 deleted pages, on auction for $1-2 million. (46) Full moon tonight will be brightest of year (73) (charlotte.com) Mr. Potato Head turns 50 today. (84) Oslo Moose goes berserk (59) California candidate legally changes middle name so he reads "John Lower Taxes Loew" on ballot (47) (AJC) Georgia shuts down interstates after less than one inch of snow (86) (Charleston Gazette) Tyson-Lewis may be in... get this... West Virginia (51) Obi-Wan McGregor makes his opinions on the subject of Puerto Rican polar bears known to the US government (88) (NASA) The Orion Nebula (difficulty = hard) (229) Pharmacist pleads guilty to diluting chemotherapy drugs with salt water. (85) Hot Vulcan love coming to a TV near you (safe for work) (77) (Minneapolis Star Tribune) Heinz adding 3 more colors of ketchup (65) Kentucky college beauty pageant turns into catfight over 'talent' of roping a stuffed pig. (40) (New York Daily News) Bush wants to spend $300 million to encourage single mothers to get off wellfare by getting married. Doesn't matter to whom (320) Teen drinking report flawed, based on flimsy "we pulled the number out of our asses" statistical method (64) (NCBuy) Fans want to clone Elvis from lock of the King's hair. (34) Pakistan to hand over Pearl killers to US for trial (190) Michael Jordan's season over due to injury (57) Mother sues Nintendo for killing her son with a N64. Thirty year old son played 8 hours a day, 6 days a week (90) Regulators investigate Clear Channel for not playing enough Britney Spears (62) (Hartford Courant) Man breaks into own car. While on interstate. While it is being stolen. (47) Rejected Masters of the Universe characters (not really safe for work) (28) Toilet Paper that lives up to its name (37) O'Reilly of Fox News vs. Michael Moore of Flint Michigan go ten rounds. Moore wins by technical knockout (251) (Lek) Wonderful, wonderful Norwegian boobies (not safe for work) (55) (Some Guy) The various boobage of various ladies in various places (not safe for work) (50) (Some science site) Forget Phobos. The Death Star is orbiting Saturn. (42) How many atrocities does it take to get into USA Today? (Fark has been in twice) (21) New York ponders selling the Brooklyn bridge (27) (IHTonline) Robots with energy guns to replace U.S. Army armored vehicles (69) (Guardian) Get your scuba gear together: 17th century shipwreck found off Gibraltar may hold £2.5bn of gold. (44) (Dark-America) Farker Cyberpunk gets early look at KMFDM's new album (117) Tue February 26, 2002: # of Comments Toddlers found home alone, drinking vodka. Mixed it with formula to make "Little White Russians." Fb- is the father (77) Rumsfeld's closing misinformation office. Are we being misinformed? (60) Dead, famous show up on woman's caller ID (64) Man steals car, runs from police, runs out of gas. Asks to be able to finish his beer before being arrested. (47) The City of Gold "El Dorado" was found back in the 16th century (48) Arkansas head coach refers to himself in 3rd person numerous times while ranting and raving (149) (Journal Star) Bill (LB1306) proposed to re-create 5 mile buffer zone around reservation from alcohol retailers. Native Americans will have to drive or walk drunk 15 miles to nearest town to buy booze. (128) Man says woman slipped him a micky, brought him back to hotel and had her way with him (125) (ScienceDaily) Artificial Intelligence now being used to look up your ass (23) Gentleman, light your BBQ's - PETA could be deemed terrorist organization (lots) (Some Guy) Saudi Crown Prince says Arabs need to get their sh*t together (66) President Bush boozing it up. (254) Eisenhower claimed Mars moon Phobos was giant spaceship (46) (The Jersey Journal) "Sorry, I don't have any ID on me but how about this crack pipe?" plus two bonus police blotter stories about drunks making asses of themselves (26) (myCFnow.com) Wonderbra Makes Chocolate Bra (with pic) (89) (Orlando Sentinel) Surgeon drills into woman's head in the wrong spot - "I needed that like another hole in my head" says patient (37) Juror sent to jail for a week for going on vacation during deliberations (35) Inventor of Voice Mail Dies: Press 1 for Information About Funeral (26) Russell Crowe thows temper tantrum and threatens TV exec for pulling the plug on his poetry reading (72) (Some Guy) Looks like every pic of Anna Kournikova in existence, starting with the not safe for work ones (121) Drew is going to jail for the MDA (139) (Some Guy) Arab software company makes new game where players kill Israelis with rocks; claim it's a non-violent game because Israelis are servants of Satan, and not really human. (lots) (PalmBeachPost) Elderly couple scammed by psychic. Psychic said she needed Cadillac to pray in. (58) Olympic security plan for Cheney left in souvenir shop (46) 240 lb woman not allowed to teach Jazzercise (237) Underage drinking accounts for 25% of all alcohol consumed (143) Something else to worry about: Mega-Tsunami (71) (TPC) High school coach suspended for biting head off live bird (73) (Tampa Tribune) Dwarf tossing suit to be short lived. (28) (thestar.com) Canadian speech writer who coined phrase "Axis of Evil" getting the axe. (62) Woman became suspicious of doctor who felt her breasts during office visit for a sore throat. (59) (WESH TV ) Fugitive cow finally captured in Cincinnati (63) Men and women are equally jealous of infidelity (25) (Some Guy) President Bush doing something (164) (mostbeautifulman.com) Farkettes--feeling ignored? Check out the models here. (89) (Some Guy) Mexico to unite with the United States and Bush is incahoots with the Trilateral Commission to create a World Government headed by the UN (72) (IranMania News) President Bush has "sparrow's brain in a dinosaur's head" (171) Monkey Island - The Director's Cut (flash parody movie) (60) (The Scotsman) Armed robber runs away from restaurant empty-handed after staff pelts him with chicken drumsticks. (27) Photoshop customer at McDonalds snowmobile drive-through. "One heart-attack in a bag, please" (88) Raising a Jedi apprentice is harder than you think (21) Communism is alive and well in the US under the name of 'Political Correctness' (120) (Eskimos!) Funky Microwave Experiments (32) Want to be a highly trained killing machine? The SAS is starting unprecedented recruiting drive. (40) New virus circulating that sells your soul to Satan. Probably redundant for most Microsoft Outlook users. (21) (Some Guy) Princess Leia-style holograms can be yours...for a mere $45k. (41) The U.S. wasn't founded by Christians but by Deists. A breakdown of our Founding Fathers. (265) (Corporate Mofo) Corporate Mofo infiltrates Nerve.com party, Boobies ensue. (72) (FunReports) Russian athletes pose nude + pics (37) Mon February 25, 2002: # of Comments (Deseret News) Riot occurs in SLC after Bud World closes early (60) (NewsNet5) DJ Livin' high on the hog gets sued by PETA after slaughtering wild hog on air. (128) California inkeepers set up "bud and breakfast" (107) Free speech survives; USSC rules Voyeur Dorm can still show boobies. (31) (Some Guy) Farkansas Boobies (113) (The News Mexico) Puebla, Mexico orders its police to wear neon green vests covered in anti-bribery slogans (23) Jayson Williams manslaughter documents (19) Salt Lake's airport can't handle the fleeing of thousands (27) (myCFnow.com) Tom Cruise gets braces (53) (accessatlanta) Bert and one unhappy baby (79) (homestarrunner) New Strong Bad email (42) (Gazettenet.com) A news story about 50 ferrets frolicking (20) Baby born after surviving fetal heart surgery; pro-choicers' heads spin (104) (PopCap) Productivity high? Download PopCap's new game Dynomite and fix that work problem. (26) (Reason.com) DC is giving Tyson a tax break to fight there (22) (NewsNet5.com) Man sues library to be allowed to go barefoot. Library says no because... (125) Bored professor builds giant stone calendar (31) Pat Robertson criticizes religious Islamic nutcases (247) (NCBuy.com) Self-proclaimed "sexpert" looking to pad his ego by bedding 30 women over Spring Break. (111) (Petrats.org) Who needs jumping kittens? Jumping rat is much cuter. (172) (njo.com) Jayson Williams turned himself in (23) Man pours acid on zoo bears (79) Buddha's finger heads to Taiwan (with pic) (34) 5 London Bankers fired for spending $66,000 on liquor in one night. (63) (KnoxNews.com) Some of Tennessee's "musical heritage" quarters to have colorized Elvis head. (60) Americans outraged that corporations cheat just like they do (34) (Aldark.com) Take Aldark's Photoshop Poll (106) Web rage is sweeping the nation (139) Beached whales arrive just in time for dinner (51) Former NBA star Jayson Williams may turn himself in for manslaughter (82) FBI reports to have anthrax suspect in custody (61) Barfing air traffic controller forces closure of 400-mile flight corridor because nobody wanted to take his place (27) (Some Guy) These Two Kiss Wanna-be's (163) (myCFnow.com) Overturned truck dumps 6,000 gallons of St. Pauli's Girl beer on I-95 (51) (news&observer) Food Lion grocery customers win class action lawsuit, 28 cents per person after attorney fees (57) UK navy chopper pilot in trouble for having sex with cadet on board carrier for "familiarisation training" in back of his chopper. (50) New electronic skis wont let you go faster than the speed limit (50) (Guardian) Scientists working to create the mother of all stink bombs for use against rioters and protesters. (115) New automatic taxi transport in the works (35) (Some farker) Farkman: episode 2 (134) (Washington Times) Amtrak runs out of steam, now slated to be privatized. Pork-barrel politicians cry foul (64) (landover baptist) Gotta buy 'em all: It's a Baby Jesus blowout sale. (44) (SeanBaby) Everything you ever wanted to know about Afghanistan's national sport: Buzkashi. (Also known as Hairy Men on Horses Dragging a Beheaded Goat All Over the Place.) (21) (CincyPost) Cow still on run. Chick-Fil-A offering 100 sandwiches for capture, Marge Schott offers cow a home. (32) Freaky German rainbow colored chicks.... France surrenders. (100) (New York Daily News) Rival biker gangs at "Hellraiser Ball" swap bullets and go at it with knives. (49) becoming a cyborg just got easier (24) (www.enn.com) Scientists say Earth getting warmer (131) (Marlas_Cancer) In memorium to Chuck Jones (1913-2002) here are some great audio quotes and cells from his cartoons. (27) bobfromaccounting.com Dr. Atkins admits diet started as a joke (25) (Some Guy) Amateur hovercraft racing (20)

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