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Sun September 09, 2012
Photoshop this dye job
Whar is Secret Service?
The R2-D2 Kegerator has arrived
Jay-Z confused by Occupy Wall Street, 'What are you fighting for?'
Here's why you will never forget that the phone number to Empire Carpet is 588-2300; it's all about the Sounds of Capitalism
Canadian National Defense guy: "Hey, I know...let's cancel the contract for American F-35s, dust off those plans of the Avro Arrow from the 1950s and build those instead. That'll be MUCH cheaper"
Not News: WTC memorial is magnificent. Fark: $60 million a year to operate magnificent
Baby piranha rescued in Amazon River. DId I say baby piranha? I meant baby manatee. With bonus ugly-ass pictures for extra "awwww" goodness. Oh, the...nevermind
It's not about the test scores. What's important is that school builds character
Photoshop this rustic recreational ride
Nanny state is all set to make sexist remarks and wolf-whistles criminal offences
Istanbul, not Constantinople, is a hotbed of spies, but that's nobody's business but the Turks
Cops raid bar packed with underage drunks. Local TV stations rush to air footage of kids being led away. Only problems were that they were all of legal age and none were drunk. So cops cite owner for unauthorized dance party
How Nerf came to dominate in kid's guns. Short version: by being AWESOME
When Reds announcer Marty Brennaman got his head shaved a month ago, four little girls were on the field because "now he'll look like us". Here are their stories
Hint: Your dachshund shouldn't weigh anywhere close to 77 pounds. Tag is for the foster home trying to help him shed the excess
"I think it's really absurd to be criminalizing possession or use or distribution of marijuana. I can't see any difference between that and cigarettes". Said by: A) Cheech B) Chong C) A highly respected, conservative, Reagan-appointed Federal Judge
Two women arrested for trying to steal underwear from a Sears, hitting a store employee with their car as they made their daring escape. Truly shocking that Sears would still have loss prevention
Hundreds of redheads converge on Breda, the Netherlands for the annual Redhead Day Summer Festival. Mmmmmm... redhead Netherlands
Caption what that guy is texting
Before you send out an email trashing a company for lousy service, make sure that: A) the statement is in fact, true; B) if unsure of A, do not send it to more than one person
The 1968 Playboy Bunny manual offers helpful hints for bunnies, such as "Good grooming starts with a daily bath and good deodorant", and to avoid having an unkempt tail
Crazy guy warns that the smug organic mob is coming, and if they have their way, you'll never be able to afford a chicken for Sunday lunch ever again. That's right, NEVER
While you were at the flea market happily picking up an 8 track tape of "Frampton Comes Alive" the woman next to you just found a $100,000 Renoir
Photoshop these strange birds
Amazon caves on Kindle Fire ads
This list of the top 10 nutritional pizza toppings insists that broccoli and spinach can be put on pizza. Yeah, and if grandma had a pecker, she'd be grandpa, but that isn't happening either
You know your principal is a hard ass when she only allows you to take one bathroom break during class a week. "The card reads: 'I am missing a super learning opportunity because I need a tinkle.'"
Former NBA star Yao Ming shines a spotlight on poaching, wishes people would quit shooting tranquilizers at him while screaming "YETI"
Scientists say that a constant humming noise that plagues Seattle residents is caused by fish either looking for a mate or continually singing about how it's better down where it's wetter under the sea
Bedbugs 1 Bookworms 0
FBI rolling out $1 billion facial recognition system. Sleep tight
Kali Ma Kali Ma
Pushy pimps need to pick up their porn pamphlets as Las Vegas police prepare to prosecute prostitution peddlers' pollution
News: Man receives ransom note stating "If you want Arturo and his friends, please call this number" Fark: "Arturo and his friends" are pink flamingo lawn ornaments
Cambodia agrees to deport Pirate Bay founder to Sweden. In unrelated news, Sweden grants $59 million in aid to Cambodia for "causes of democratic development, human rights, education, and climate change." Next up: Ecuador
That attractive woman befriending you on Facebook? She may be a Taliban soldier in disguise, trying to squeeze you for vital information
Woman has 12 babies, gives them all away: "I do it to help other people" (w/pics)
Live from Alaska, it's the Livingston Stapler Company Presents radio show, 2 hours of music hosted by a TFer. LGT stream or look for KRNN on TuneIn.com
Sat September 08, 2012
¡San Cristóbal está enojado¡ Apaciguar a Dios el volcán, insignificantes seres humanos¡
The 'day drinking' phenomena is getting more popular. Looks like Fark is setting trends now
Photoshop this fountain of youths
Billionaire to the poor: Work more, drink less. Rebuttal: "Getting ahead has as much to do with hard work as the price of oil has to do with whether or not you trim your pubic hair"
World's largest cappuccino: 2,012 litres, required 22 machines, promptly chugged by the brat belonging to the woman ahead of you in the checkout line
"It looks like someone dipped a pigeon in flour and then pressed it carefully against the glass"
'Google hitman' who threatened customers with rape and murder so his eyewear website would appear higher on search engines sentenced to four years in jail
How many people should a woman sleep with in her lifetime?
Author seeks to prove convicted murderer's innocence, that there are 'killer hippies' out there, and that acid is indeed 'groovy'
Smoking hot 29-year-old beauty editor: "Adderall is the devil. It ruined my life" (w/pics)
Stunning black and white images discovered in a grocery box capture the places and faces of '50s Chicago
With more Chinese flying, experts call for better passenger behavior on airlines. No punching other passengers, no abusing the stewardess, no all-female melees, no smoking in lavatory, no.... hey wait, keep those melees
What could make smashed potatoes better? Frying them, of course
A real son of a beech has birched the codes of a civilized society and has stolen walnut trees from federal lands. Now he pines away in jail feeling like an ash and wishing he had pecan somebody his own size
Photoshop this toro touch
Fortune teller sued for fraud can apply for a job as an online psychic
Six things that subby does at the office that apparently pisses everyone else off
Quick, to the Berlusconi cave
Exactly how does one say 'y'all' in Mandarin?
Microsoft support scam foiled when consumer notices lack of indian accent
Neil Armstrong to be buried at sea. Hero tag trumps follow up tag every time for this man
Researchers say popular kids are more likely to smoke, poke
13-year-old finds her man on the Internet, steals her brother's car, her mom's ATM card and drives 800 miles. Fark: He's a 12-year-old boy whom she met while playing Xbox
Good news: Toll road between Austin and San Antonio will have the nation's highest posted speed limit of 85 mph. Bad news: All major roads leading out of Texas are still only 55 mph
Government watchdogs outraged by Japanese town's plan to spend $1.92 million on 200-year-old pine tree killed by tsunami, $0 on residents left homeless by tsunami
Prince Harry returns to Afghanistan to show them what he's got
Lady Gaga's infamous meat gown is currently on display in Washington D.C. right between a fox fur worn by Billie Holiday and boots sported by Patti Smith
Archbishop blames split on insufficient homosexual action
Two hot girls and some cold beer. What more could a fella ask for?
World's oldest Ford headed to auction. Surely some Star Wars fanboy will snap Harrison up in a heartbeat
Honeybees are being wiped out by: A) Global Warming; B) Bee Parasites; C) being sprayed by idiotic city workers who mistake them for wasps
Prosecutor on the OJ Simpson murder case claims that Johnnie Cochran tampered with the infamous glove to make it not fit so the jury would acquit
Photoshop this eye on the ball
Philly Fark party: Victory Brewpub, September 8th, 8:00 PM. Who's interested?
C'mon, what woman is going to go out on a date with an Amtrak worker and let them drive?
Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts. They're such short shorts. Shut up f------ biatch
Mother cat brings whole new meaning to raising kittens -- 20 feet up an oak tree in an abandoned owl box. Caturday? Ya rly
Why is Vladimir Putin such a badass? He likes to reflect publicly about the benefits of group sex
Let's see if we can cram nine teens into a VW Golf. Hey, let's go get pizza
Cop fired for writing tickets for dead people to fill a quota that doesn't exist
Don't list "outsmarting the cops" and "the rush of outsmarting them all" among your interests on Facebook, especially if you're going to be caught on video brazenly stealing $200,000 in merchandise from area stores
A small example of what women have to deal with (Not safe for work language)
Problem: Foxconn doesn't have enough workers to finish the iPhone 5 on schedule. Solution: Get a few colleges to "suspend" classes for a couple of months and bus their students in for mandatory "internships" on the assembly line
Drunk airline passenger steals other passengers' food, demands crew put some farking music on
Macy's congratulates their 92-year-old employee with letter of commendation, flowers, 15% off all purchases for one day only with new Macy's credit card (w/video)
Thank you for your interest in a career with the Aryan Brotherhood. Please fill out Form 12 and forward along with a copy of your resume. FBI certification required, experience with drug dealing, kidnapping, and killing a plus
Having never watched any sci-fi or horror movies while growing up, scientists are about to drill deep down below a frozen Antarctic lake looking for forgotten life forms
Second photo of Emily Dickinson found. She appears small, like the wren, and her hair is bold, like the chestnut bur
Warning -- HEDGEHOGS CAN KILL YOU
Noted economist Lindsay Lohan tweets to Obama that even privileged millionaires like herself deserve tax cuts
River mysteriously turns blood red; no word yet on frogs, lice, flies, boils
Court rules that 1st amendment protects tattoos as freedom of expression and it's not the governments place to keep people from doing stupid things to their bodies, unless it's smoking or drinking soda
I'm getting a chance to briefly shake Obama's hand after a speech in a couple days. I'll have 3-4 seconds to say anything I want to him. What should I say/do? LGN, and I'm not going to do anything that gets me tackled by the Secret Service
Ohio teen crawled through a river of shait and came out clean on the other side
Millionaire US businessman spends fortune into improving idyllic English village he lives in but locals want to get rid of him for the greater good. The greater good
Fri September 07, 2012
Germany's real crisis: Oktoberfest beer shortage looms. EVERYBODY PANIC
This week's Mugshot Roundup features boozers and bruisers, bad hair and ..........him again?
First they came for yourcaque, and I didn't speak out
The Pulitzer Prize in photojournalism looks like an easy call this year (Not safe for work: combat photos)
Community rallies to save nuns' sausage fest
Photoshop this man catching a cat nap outside of Kathmandu
Apparently, stealing erotic sentences from 50 Shades of Grey and texting them to teenage girls hasn't gotten old for teachers in Polk County
While looking for lions at animal park, couple picks up unusual hitch-hiker in the form of a 16-foot python
Robot Chicken presents: The DC Comics special. League of Doom REPRESENT (sponsored link)
Judge to woman who was sexually assaulted by cop at bar, after letting him off lightly, "If you wouldn't have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you"
FBI probing Facebook event scheduled for Littleton, Colorado--home of Columbine High--where "180 people had been invited to the 'KILLING SPREE,' and 37 had responded that they were coming
"Make it Nasty" mansion pool party shuts down neighborhood when 1,500 show up
Scotland's games industry 'adds no value' according to study, citing lack of international appeal for region's sheep dating simulations
Man withdraws money from ATM, calls police to report money stolen. Man quickly learns ATMs have security cameras
Photoshop this addled actor
Roger Goodell heard to scream "VILMAAAAA" as arbitration panel turns over suspensions of "Bountygate" players
Is it Friday? Y/N Did you read any of the stories this week? Y/N Do you think you'll do well on the quiz? N/N
Portland police stymied in attempt to catch hipster bank robber, release his photo to public. Do you know this man? Have you seen him at a CD release party lately?
I fought the AP and the AP won: "Hope" poster designer from 2008 election gets two years probation for Associated Press copyright infringement
Woman accused of teaching her cockatoo to swear at neighbor
Bizarre court document blames the Aurora theater shooting on the Illuminati
Bottom trawlers: Apparently the Politics tab is not the only thing they're farking up
Fark ready headline: 'Butt-smuggling' a direct result of government profiteering from tobacco
You can't really blame Israel for being so adamant the US foot the bill for destroying suspected Iranian nuclear research facilities. Subby wouldn't want to pay a thirteen figure bill either. Especially when it's not a fix to the problem
Couple decides best place to hide the gun is in the stroller with the baby. With 'Mom rode side-saddle on a motorcycle' mugshot hair
In A.D. 2012. War was beginning
Basketball player on burglary charge claimed he had Olympic call-up to avoid court date
Photoshop this flooded out old guy
Ugly-ass baby otters...I can't even finish because D'awww
New PA law "Turn around Don't Drown." No word as yet on how soon Time Warp or Electric Slide to remain permitted
Overcrowding forces NYC students to eat lunch at 9:45 AM, however it will make it easy for them to fit in their other seven meals a day
Colombia rejects FARC rebels calls for a ceasefire, a "Food" tab, and requests to go back to the pre-2007 site design
Woman shocked, SHOCKED as dead husband's face appears on bedroom wall, even MORE SHOCKED when her dead dog appears in the bathroom (w/pics)
Finally an entertainer openly admits the biggest mistake of his career was not making a sex tape
How do you tell your identical quadruplets apart? Hair's the answer (w/video)
Family's 'parked' car used as airport shuttle, clocked up 400 kilometres
Millions of contact lens wearers are at risk of getting an eye-devouring amoeba that can turn them blind. Sleep tight
Bank robber discovers it's not so easy to break out of a bank
Airbus wants to make future airline flights more exciting with catapult takeoffs and steep-dive landings
Having problems sleeping could be an early sign of Alzheimer's. Sleep well
Navy SEAL Matt Bissonnette: "I'll donate *mmmmmmmmmmost* of my book's profits to the Navy SEAL Foundation." Navy SEAL Foundation: "How does, 'STFU, GTFO' hit your ears?"
A Japanese ship has just set a record by drilling more than 6,926 feet beneath the seafloor. The Morlocks are going to be pissed
Gabrielle Giffords leads an emotional Pledge of Allegiance at the DNC. Damn, it's dusty in here (w/video)
Child rescued from UPS drop box. Using a flat rate box from the USPS would have been cheaper, and might have actually made it to its destination
I shot a man in Reno, just because he hit a golf ball through my window
Inside America's abandoned asylums: Haunting images of the deserted institutions in which thousands suffered horrific ordeals
Woman charged with misdemeanor after running through wet cement, risks becoming hardened criminal
Despite their Condom Museum, the town of Condom would like you to know that they do not make condoms. Also, please do not snicker at the name of their Farking River
Thu September 06, 2012
Today's scary MSM story: Calcified brain parasite epidemic
It's perfectly fine to walk around SF's Castro District naked, but you have to be fully naked. Wear a cock ring, and you're in trouble (Not safe for work)
Son of famed sex researcher William H. Masters arrested for waving his Johnson at undercover sheriff's officers
2,500 foot tall, 20 mile wide haboob envelopes Phoenix metro area
Pissed ex-girlfriend makes Carrie Underwood's "Before he Cheats" chick look like June Cleaver
Restaurateur sets up fake sex site profile to avenge bad review
I'm afraid of SPIDERS
Photoshop this gentleman's gesture
Burglar apprehended before he had a chance to use his "hood speed" to get away
When being asked about the whereabouts of a 72 year old man and a 100 year old woman, the answer "they're on a trip" might be a little suspicious. Especially if it's in the course of a Social Security fraud investigation
Will Barack Obama give an even better speech than Bill Clinton, or will he just put Bubba's speech on the JumboTron and bail? How many more states will Mitt Romney concede after tonight? Day 3 of the 2012 DNC discussion thread, right here
American companies could lose $6.5 billion because of fantasy football, according to firm of Donkey Punchers, Cleveland Steamers and 69ers
Yes, the Drew Peterson jury really did ask the judge what "unanimous" means
West Seattle residents report return of mysterious hum. Christopher Nolan wanted for questioning
North Carolina redneck arrested yesterday after tweeting "Ima hit president Obama with that Lee Harvey Oswald swag" and "Gotta get this monkey off my chest while he's in town"
No one shall shave Hasan? Skycap? Oh, Skycap--a razor, please
Most people know it's not a good career move to moon their bosses shortly before vesting in a multi-million dollar bonus. And then there's this guy
Fark Food Thread. This week's topic: What are your favorite after-work meals? Ones that involve some cooking but nothing that takes hours. Difficulty: no frozen pizzas, Hot Pockets, etc
Cool: kid wins $1,000 in scavenger hunt. Cooler: He donates it to his 2 year old neighbor with leukemia. Totally dusty in here: Local business matches donation, and even Some Guy from Canada chips in
Pregnant women, have you ever looked at a sheer rock face and thought "I wish I could climb that"? Well, you're now in luck with this maternity rock-climbing harness
Did stereotypes evolve like language? Researchers say quick judgements can be useful, even when they are flawed you hoser
Losers last night: Giants, DNC
Hurricane Isaac forming in Gulf. This is not a repeat of last week...more of a weird follow-up
Man shot himself in the face, got hit by a semi and now is sitting in jail having a really bad day
Mars' company: "Deep-fried Mars bars are unhealthy"
"Radio Shack Burglars" make off with merchandise valued at $40,000 store, $250 street value
"Police say Turner shook her leg and a Chihuahua fell out"
Photoshop this bareback Bavarian
Is your job as a district attorney boring? Why not write anonymous letters to the editor about the people and businesses you're prosecuting?
Ex-Cop Drew Peterson found guilty of murder in Illinois. Rob Lowe has begun filming the Lifetime Presents "Drew Peterson, The PMITA Years
When hiring pilots for your airline, please ensure they are, in fact, pilots
German designers invent bizarre suspended foot-powered bicycle resembling a sex swing. Mr. Garrison unavailable for comment
Why you shouldn't use a drill to rob a store. Especially if it isn't plugged in
Farc offer Colombian government a ceasefire, also to stop greenlighting American Thinker articles ahead of peace talks
Four words that shouldn't ever appear in the same article: Disney, Nazis, menstruation, surrealism
The hours stink and the pay is crap. But damn the titles of jobs like ackerman and weirkeeper sound awesome
Annoying and bizarre elevator behaviors, surprisingly farting is not on the list
Space: the final frontier. These are the whiskeys of the International Space Station
Octomom has never heard of Mitt Romney, and would like someone to give her a radio. Ladies and gentlemen: THIS is your undecided swing voter
Technology is advancing so fast, gravestones are now interactive
Family finds $80M in gold coins in grandfather's safety deposit box. US Government: "Woah, not so fast there." *YOINK*
"What are you in for?" "Rape. You?" "Cursing at a YMCA. How about you?" "I stole a toilet"
More cases of syphilis found in LA porn industry, your mom
Welcome to your nightmare. Real-life Ernie and Bert
Police on Green Lake Naked Man : "We don't believe he has any weapons, especially considering the temperature of the water" Sadly, there is no Shrinkage tag
Surely Airplane is the funniest movie of all time
"Hello, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation - Doug speaking", "Yeah - would you believe Mike Hunt can squeeze into 300 sq ft? lolz"
Remember that lady who got stung by a scorpion and was charged $80K for the antivenom? Due to public shaming of the hospital, the hospital is "going to review the pricing of the medicine and work with her to adjust the cost"
If you ever drop a hand grenade in an ammo dump, forget it man. You're gone
Miami cop charged with being a perv, having an unpronounceable first name
This is exactly why you never mock a man over his new neck tattoo when he's wielding a stolen meat cleaver
Maine woman uses two "bug bombs" in her basement without turning off any pilot lights. The good news is that her home is now bug free
"Like I tell all my friends, once I get the third of my skull back, I'll have my brain back"
Kimberly-Clark wants you to know that there may be metal in your tampons
Dear Consumerist: KFC's chicken pot pies are disgusting, so I demand coupons for free KFC chicken pot pies
"I attempted to take (the money), but the exchange was not successful. Therefore nothing was stolen," said the woman who wanted to steal $1,300 from a program to feed hungry kids to pay her electric bill
No matter how much you insist, cops in South Carolina won't accept the "cocaine is legal tender" excuse
Tom Brokaw rushed to hospital in wake of Clinton's speech
Queen asks Prince Harry to take DNA test and prove he's actually her grandson
Whatcha do, see, is put all your valuables in a bag and bring them to me so I can get rid of the ghosts. Also maybe put a sandwich in there. The ghosts missed lunch
Man rescues woman by pounding beaver with hard pole
Photoshop these gust gaugers
"It was like a war zone"
What are you in here for? Rape. What are you in here for? Murder. What are you in here for? Cursing in front of children at a YMCA after a woman gave me some shiat
Judge praises the courage of a) 12-year-old rape victim b) Witness to mob shooting c) A burglar
Okay, so not ALL Hummer drivers are douche-bags
Nothing says Fark like butt dialing 9-1-1 when you are drunk driving
Poor grammer can effect you're career
News: 31-year-old's 47-year-old mother's 19-year-old husband and 70-year-old ex-husband shot dead by 31-year-old's 43-year-old husband. FARK: They all lived together
Paging Mr Darwin. Mr Charles Darwin, please pick up the white courtesy phone
Ben & Jerry's sues over "Ben & Cherry's" series of pornographic films based on ice cream flavors. "Boston Cream Thigh," `'New York Fat & Chunky" and "Peanut Butter D-Cup" all sound delicious. Come up with more flavors to help them out
Smoking hot mum, cute daughter about to go head-to-head in International beauty pageant (w/pics)
Man arrested for calling 911 twice to say that his dreams were happening in the real world; rumors that the arresting officer's name was 'Agent Smith' still unconfirmed
Woman attacks her husband with a knitting needle and scissors. Seams to me it's a good thing he didn't need stitches at the end of this yarn. If you think differently, feel free to comment in the thread. Macrame
Dude, I'd kill for some Cheetos right about now
Vladimir Putin's newest publicity stunt will feature him flying in a motorized hang glider with a flock of rare Siberian cranes. After that he'll water ski over a trapped shark off the California coast
"Show Me Your Papers" provision of Arizona's controversial immigration law is perfectly legal after all
Normal: Sleeping naked in the hot weather. Florida: on a table at Sonic
"HAPPY TO SIT ON YOUR FACE" billboard raises eyebrows
Pssst. Wanna buy a newt?
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 383: "Skylines 2: I Know She's Out There Somewhere". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed September 05, 2012
Private security contractors process 65% more passengers, three times better at finding contraband than TSA, cost less - "federalize/professionalize," indeed
Weird: Sex Toys Stolen. Weirder: Victim Had Photos Of Them
Twenty-six-year-old hottie charged for the SECOND time for stripping naked and parading around on top of the ice park. Anyone have a problem with that?
Photoshop this lady and her lawn mower
(Some Political Guy)
Will Bill Clinton score more than the Dallas Cowboys? Will Barney Frank use a teleprompter, or will he keep his place using a bent-over page? Will we mock names like Fluke, Nutter, and Hickenlooper? It's your Democratic Convention thread, night 2
Lincoln's widow to face insanity hearing. This is not a repeat from 1875
Tax court rejects Geithner/TurboTax defense
Privately-owned islands claimed by both China and Taiwan may have just been purchased by the Japanese government. That should fix everything
Meet Peter Magic, who wins stuffed toys at carnivals for kids. Not to be confused with Magic Mike who does something similar for the kids mothers
Photoshop theme: If animals replaced humans in Hollywood
Pentagon considering legal action over secrets in "No Easy Day," according to Pentagon spokesman Barbara Streisand
Taking a page from Apple's playbook, shoe designer trademarks red shoes, wins in court
"Sorry, I am a Christian and I did not mean to plant marijuana on church property....I just wanted to get high on Jesus"
Yuavtxhawbpabraukojsawv yuavntxivzograukoj mus
Man swallows $13,000, 1.5 carat diamond at Sri Lankan exhibition: If it wasn't a blood diamond to begin with, it probably is one now
Hey, gramps, is that $68 worth of packaged meats in your pants or are you just glad to see me?
10 (not entirely batsh*t crazy) famous musicians you'd be surprised to learn are probably voting for Mitt Romney
Finally--all of the prestige you've come to expect, without any of the expense (sponsored link)
Naked man, woman arrested for re-enacting famous scene from Grease where hot dog jumps into the bun
Israel waits on President Barack Obama to take a tough public position on Iran's nuclear program - and waits and waits and waits some more
FBI reports they have successfully destroyed all evidence of being hacked
Taco Bell trying to reinvent breakfast, 17 teaspoons of sugar at a time
So it's the day after the first day of the Democratic National Convention. What does that mean? UNLEASH THE FACT CHECKERS
Sorry, ma'am, but your son can't board this plane, he might be a security risk. I mean, look at him, he's got this weird expression on his face and looks like...oh, Down Syndrome? Hm, never heard of it. Still sounds too risky. Have a nice day
Henry Herx, 30 year film critic for the Catholic church, dies at age 79. Millions of Christians thank him for enjoying their viewing selection of three movies
Vote for America's best restroom. Unfortunately, the men's room at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport is not an option
If you work in an environment where you regularly inhale exhaust fumes from diesel engines, the good news is that you can take up smoking and it's not really going to matter
For those of you who never click on the Politics tab, you probably missed the world's most hilarious "OMG, I'm on television" moment in history last night
NY to decide if shaking your money maker should be exempt from shakedowns by the states money taker
'Wait, those aren't sunflowers?' Farmer starts accidental cannabis plantation
After a beheading, a suicide, and two throat-slashings, police in New Jersey think the local PCP might be tainted with something. Subby suspects there's PCP in it
Photoshop this fellow with his find
Women in bars get pregnancy pep talks. Vending machine condom sales go through the roof
"Socking it to the puppets of reviewerland." An excellent article, five stars out of five, would read again
Research reveals the more obese you are, the harder it is to get pregnant. Especially without any flour
Doctor who graduated from Hollywood Upstairs Medical College prescribes a drug used to treat prostate cancer to an 18-year-old after the teen asks the doctor to cure his homosexuality
"I'm on medication and I stole some eyelashes"
I said, everyone take a Valium
Commander of Naval Special Warfare Command tells Navy SEALS to shut the hell up. "For an Elite Force that should be humble and disciplined for life, we are certainly not appearing to be so"
Witness who shot spree shooter at Detroit party cruise terminal wakes up to find three of her family's cars on fire. And you thought 'Come back to Detroit, we missed you the first time' was just a funny t-shirt (w/video)
If you've been awaiting the 1st issue of "Orange County Whore" your ship has come in (NSFW images on page)
Parents of 14-week-old twins hand out bags of candy and ear plugs along with a preemptive apology note to passengers on airplane
Swedish team hunts for the Battlestar Galactica in Lake Nammajaure (with pic & video)
The perfect gift for your favorite basement dweller
3M Post-It deal fails to stick
Teenagers attempt fake arrest scheme to steal Yu-Gi-Oh cards from Walmart, but store manager activates trap card in time to win the duel (w/video)
♪♫ Pants in your town. Pants in your town. You're looking mighty silly with a building shaped like pants in your town. ♫♪
I have no idea what you are talking about, so here is a car parked on a guy wire. Simplicity factor: woman driver (w/photos)
Family First NZ Forgot to re-register their domain name. How fabulous
Researchers say results should be interpreted with caution... oh fark that, OMG TEFLON CAUSES HEART ATTACKS
Smoking hot 26-year-old mum, 4-year-old daughter triumph at the Miss Glitz Sparkle 2012 (w/pics)
Tue September 04, 2012
Eighteen-year-old Lake City man to police: 'The devil' tried to use his body to rape 13-year-old girl
Unable to find any lemonade stands to shut down, city officials in Phoenix order a woman to stop giving away bottles of water to thirsty people
Eighty two year old woman charged with multiple burglaries. Facing a life sentence of five years in jail
I lost a book that I was about 20 pages away from finishing. Please fill me in on what happens in the end
People Magazine publishes a picture of Neil Armstrong with his moon rover on the Apollo 11 mission
Scorpion sting? We've got a treatment for that. $100 in Mexico. $40,000 in Arizona
PQ government elected in Quebec. Everyone take a valium
The mobile stripper pole is the one accessory that makes an Escalade EXT useful
Naturally occuring melatonin may be harmful to kids, say docs who need to write enough sleeping pill prescriptions to buy that new boat
Car club members shut down Atlanta interstate during middle of the day to do doughnuts in tribute to friend who died in a car wreck. Official: "I have seen and done some stupid things in my life, that's a whole other realm of stupid." (w/ video)
Before proposing to girlfriend, man fakes his own death to show her how much he means to her...you should date around a little more dude
Photoshop these girls in a spooky park
(Some Political Guy)
Will they run on merit, or attack the opposition? Will Michelle wear Coldwater Creek or high-end designer? Will we goof on it all? You betcha. It's your opening night Democratic National Convention discussion thread. LGT schedule
Maryland Officer: "I only beat that kid down because that teen attacked me, and I had to fire my gun in self defense." Investigators: "OK, let's take a look at this surveillance tape of the scene." Officer: "Aw, crap"
Yeah, 911? There's a clown with a knife on my property
Recent thefts may be the work of thieves
Price is Right spays or neuters Bob Barker's invitation to the show's 40th anniversary episode
Longtime TFer EviLincoln has an art exhibition opening this week. LGT interview with him
From the man who brought you the flamethrower glove, the wrist mounted crossbow and the rotary saw blade crossbow, I present the homemade Gauss Rifle
Bribes aren't tax deductible? What is this, Russia?
Come at me and Photoshop this
New research discovers difference in visual acuity between men and women: men have greater sensitivity to fine detail and rapid movements, and women can see everything you ever did wrong
Obama releases video of himself consorting with notorious drug users
Summer is almost over, and you know what that means. Yes, California is on fire again
High speed naked sex games in a Ferrari allegedly killed the...why waste more words
Two teens attempt to carjack a vehicle, but fail because neither can drive a manual transmission. SHIFTLESS PUNKS
Found this alien invading a branch on a tree in my backyard, should I smash it? Apparently this alien breathes hornets
Seattle police officers open fire on 'prolific vehicle prowler' and miss repeatedly, raising concerns over use of force, lack of marksmanship
Hey, what's this beeping box with flags and a parachute? And why is it in my driveway?
Three armed punks burst into Internet cafe and find their plans thwarted by the security guard's quick draw, cool demeanor, accurate aim, and huge brass balls (w/ video badass-ness)
How come we can put a man on the moon, but can't make a tire that land crabs can't puncture?
Recordings of Ringo's first band discovered in the basement, right where the Billboard charts said they were
Bear "epidemic" in the west. Stephen Colbert warned us about this, but we all just laughed at him. Well, who's laughing now Colorado, Montana, Wyoming?
Photoshop this camper confiscation
Maybe the Angry Birds are on to something: "...so far the most significant levee damage has come from wild hogs"
Secret Service recovers Biden's truck full of paddleballs
Vets are seeing more and more cases of dogs eating late-summer mushrooms before freaking out and vomiting and crapping all over themselves. Sounds like a typical Dave Matthews Band concert
Nothing adds that small town feeling to a live television weather story better than a naked Arkansas man casually walking out of the woods (w/video)
Best Korea could actually become a better Korea if new leader Kim Jong Eun continues with his hints of reform
News: Egypt's women are harassed sexually in epidemic scales. WTF: Egyptian men say a woman who wore a tight niqab was up for it
Scientists track killer whales by using A: GPS devices B: Satellite imagery or C: Poop sniffing dog
Introducing the dumbest blonde in the whole entire universe
"The teenagers reportedly hosted parties in the house during which they consumed alcoholic beverages, charged her credit card for thousands of shekels, abused her dog and defecated in her washing machine"
You might be a redneck if you call police to report your son stole your banjo and a double-link bracelet with a turtle, heart, bear, and Tigger and Pooh charms
Miami's Cocaine Queen gunned down in Medellin butcher shop
Biggest. Cheeseburger. EVER (w/pic)
This stuffing blows
RIP: Donald Pepin. A man who witnessed the first U.S. shots of WWII -- an hour before the invasion of Pearl Harbor
Teacher shows up drunk for first day of school. Can you blame her?
Endangered sea turtle lays six eggs at Florida hospital, and by endangered they mean "the hospital bill will probably kill it"
If you've ever dreamt of having perfume made from the sweat of Swedish glass-blowers, your dream has come true
Mon September 03, 2012
Red Bull may give you wings, but it does not give you immunity
Madea goes to jail in the Labor Day edition of the Mugshot Roundup
Photoshop this dog on that water buffalo
Sometimes catching a burglar is as easy as just ringing the door bell
Michael Clarke Duncan has walked the Green Mile
City: "Hey you know that guest cottage that we told you was a legal rental back in 1976? Yeah...about that"
Israel begins spraying Palestinians with disgusting goo that smells like "a chunk of rotting corpse from a stagnant sewer, placing it in a blender and spraying the filthy liquid in your face." Yay allies
Red Sox owner and GM fly to Seattle for the Red Sox/Mariners series, which may signal that Bobby Valentine will be fired. UPDATE: John Henry says Bobby Valentine is safe for the season
Photoshop this costumed chick in the can
Everyone, paint your bedroom purple, IMMEDIATELY
Boys sexually assaulted by women often overlooked, high-fived
While not sure if Todd Akin's (R-epulsive) rules of conception applied, rape victim instead shoots rapist multiple times in the crotch, stabs him in the gut, and then cuts off his head and leaves it in the village square
Thirty-year-old hottie has £3.5k eyebrow transplant after 'over-plucking' as a teen (w/before and after pics)
The era of cheap food is over. Maybe biofuels weren't such a great idea after all
Jealous wife of London commuter demands answers after a YouTube clip of another woman snuggling up to her husband on Tube train goes viral
Drunk, nude, and performing sex acts with liquor bottles is no way to go through life girl
"A white limousine screeches to a halt and a bride, resplendent in frothy gown and veil, is hauled outside by her abductors"
Over 300 busted in porn party at a hotel. "Semi nude women were seen dancing to English music and others were throwing the currency notes at them"
"I wrote Lace in the days when most men thought the clitoris was a Greek hotel"
Swimming, canoeing, carving, and hunting - Canada's shameful treatment of German POWs in WW II
Prince rappells 800 feet down a building, makes everyone pancakes
The girl wasn't able to clearly identify any suspects because she was dressed as a bobcat
"Put down that leaf blower and back away from the weapon"
Study says men who pay prostitutes for sex are really looking for true love, want to buy the cow instead of just enjoying free milk
Frat house booted over hazing cases, sleeping with Dean Wormer's wife
Kirk wears a red shirt
Bullying is helping to make the world a more beautiful place. Quite frankly, you could use a little work yourself
Kind of unbelievable that Isaac could cause this kind of destruction to this kind of tree, given the obvious extensive massive root system (photo)
Photoshop this captivating DJ
Literally just inventing things for women to be self conscious about, Eva Longoria will help solve the crippling problem of women who don't like eating steak while men are around
A little something from every fark thread. Karaoke, spoiled crotchfuit, Chinese food, meat cleavers, drunk parents and a blood bath. Oddly though, no Chuck E. Cheese
Are we addicted to discounts? Probably
Problem: You win $100k on a gameshow before your divorce is finalised. Solution: Blow the lot before the show airs and she finds out
In news that only may come as a surprise to Fark's favorite criminals, having large tattoos such as "Most Wanted" on your forearm or an unsolved murder scene on your chest, well, that may help the authorities a little
Having never visited New York City, MTA officials decide to banish garbage cans from subway stations to help keep them cleaner
Police arrested two 12 year-olds and a 13 year-old for trying to rob a Burger King drive-thru with a pellet gun at 12:30 AM, though they demanded food, not cash
Cops recovered two handguns, 26 magazines, 10,537 rounds of ammunition, 32 machetes, 60 knives, 16 air pistols, an air rifle, seven tasers, eight brass knuckles, nine batons and 10 handcuffs, upon executing a search warrant
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