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Sun July 08, 2012
Noted compassionate John Stossel dresses up like a homeless man and asks people for money to buy beer. The donations he received are obvious proof we should not give money to "these people", sponsor liters
Chicago's hierarchical street gang structure has broken down into chaos, with small factions of freelancing gangsters driving up murder rate. Police have no GD idea what's going on
Photoshop this employee and endives
Whatever you do in the Philippines, don't try to sing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" in karaoke bars. You've been warned
Scotland may ban cars capable of exceeding speed limits
Anonymous stages a protest of new draconian copyright laws by c) cleaning up litter. This is considered normal in Japan. And people say nuclear contamination is bad
This just in: People who are in the wedding party have to spend money too
Somebody stole a six-foot tall statue of a famous Mohawk chief from a park. How
A Category 5 hurricane barreling towards the East Coast could be stopped if you dumped 100,000 tons of kitty litter into the eye of the storm. Or you could just tow an iceberg in front of the storm. Or nuke the damn thing
News source reports woman being struck by 'lightening'. What, is she blonde now?
Mother-of-the-Year candidate gets early start as she smokes bath salts, strips naked, punches a nurse and tries to eat a cop while still in the hospital after giving birth
Gitmo getting $40 million in upgrades. Your HOA still won't allow a flag in the front yard
The Navy is getting new hovercraft, which will be able to transport several tanks of eels
Photoshop these tunnel technicians
Snowflake dining 101
Big upset at cherry-pit spitting contest in Michigan, your Mom failed to place after swallowing
Is your crazy uncle going on about the NSA reading his email in a secret room at the phone company? Don't call the guys in the white coats just yet
300,000 pounds of meat recalled over listeria hysteria
The city of Scranton, Pennsylvania announces it cannot afford to pay its public workforce more than minimum wage, so they're cutting everyone's pay. Maybe Dunder-Mifflin is hiring
Couple arrested for dancing in the subway. LET THAT BE A LESSON TO THE REST OF YOU HEATHEN KIDS
Two children visit local business saying they're selling candy, and while the owners are distracted they steal electronics. It's like a modern day Oliver Twist
Biologists and chemists have trouble finding jobs... because there are too many of them. Sheldon Cooper and Gregory House gloat triumphantly
New York City: It's the new Chicago
Old news: Firing the teacher accused in the sex scandal. New Hotness: Firing the school's entire staff - from custodians to the principal
Authorities say they have found the culprit in a rash of cemetery flag thefts: woodchucks
Rosé wines are making a comeback
Come visit Yreka, California. Where the locals are currently trying to secede from the rest of the state
Want $100 million? Tax free? You only have a few hours left to claim it
You have not experienced true food and wine snobbery until you've read this food critic's account of his search a good steak house in Washington, DC. Bonus hash brown snobbery as well
Rich countries in the west are lit up brighter than Mel Gibson on a drunk dialing weekend. Third World countries are almost in complete darkness, like the way you feel after seeing an Adam Sandler comedy
Olympic torch + white water rafting. What could possibly go wrong ? With excellent Fail pic
Ridiculously attractive London boy's school teacher who lost her job when topless pictures became viral takes part in sexy photoshoot... that's enough, I'm done here. You all enjoy
Nearly 80 years after Prohibition ended there's a very good chance your neighbor right now is brewing moonshine on his stove and you would never even know it
The U.S. punishes New Zealand for banning nuclear warships by making it park its navy boats next to bars, restaurants, nightclubs and strip joints during a joint military exercise. "I think they are the happiest guys in RIMPAC"
Old-time photos of Florida motor camps and cottages document how Northern tourists discovered the state, vacationed there, moved there, and made it what it is today
Florida woman, not in good humor, hits cheating husband with bag of ice cream. Now faces rocky road of legal trouble
From the "This Will Not End Well" Department: Four men attempting to cross the Arctic Ocean in a rowboat
Photoshop this single-seater submarine
When you die, most people want to leave behind in their will money or a family heirloom for their children. This guy is going to leave behind a nine-foot saltwater crocodile. Thanks, Dad
Would you date a woman who is rich and successful but is addicted to mahjong?
81-year-old gaucho has lived alone in Chilean wilderness for 46 years, has watched TV only once in his life, is happy: "I have enough to eat. Life seems to be better when you're alone"
Impromptu North San Diego County Fark Party... LGT Venue.. Close to Mass Transit
If you're going to mobilize the SWAT team and attempt to negotiate with a fugitive who barricaded himself inside his home, make sure he can't escape out the back
Man induces SWAT standoff after barricading himself in a hotel room and demanding pizza and to marry Paris Hilton. Man begged to be taken in after the police complied with his wishes and delivered Paris Hilton
A woman walks into Chuck E. Cheese. Does she bring A) a child B) some tokens or C) a knife and brick to attack her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. No word on how many prize tickets she got for her arrest
Sat July 07, 2012
I'm stuck in the lake. I'm so very scared. Help
Thieves bust through a wall and steal...a) lots of money...b) expensive electronics...or c) hair extensions
California deliberately lets homes sit empty rather then let homeless veterans use them
Hope someone buys this guy a cone: Ice Cream Man gets his work van stolen, has it back a few days later only to have cops called on him for not being "legitimate"
Correction: Only 600 Geek Squad employees were laid off. We'll make up for it by laying off another 1700 employees later
Man killed in head-on crash on Boggy Creek road. Crenshaw unavailable for comment
Not news: Rob two gas stations. Slightly news: Flee in a distinctive vehicle. Fark: Smash though a barricade into a site that processes weapons-grade plutonium
Anyone up for a Pittsburgh Fark Party?
There are plenty of great ways to beat the heat in the summer time. Trying to walk out of a department store with a $400 air conditioner is not the smartest of them
Man sues strip club over $50,000 credit card bill
Photoshop this wedding weirdness
Turns out Dr. Drew is a paid shill. Who would have guessed?
Apparently, the one thing NASCAR fans won't tolerate is having the Pepsi logo on banners welcoming them to races
In 2011 the small Pacific island of Palau topped the World beer drinking league. Fark.com: In 2012 Palau tops the World cannabis smoking league
Ignoring the several miles of signs warning of low clearance, a semi manages to get stuck underneath a bridge and snarl traffic for miles and miles (w/failtastic pic)
Little girl who took six bullets defending her mom in 2007 now making a full recovery
I Smell Sex and Fromage: Singles are turned on by those who know their way around food and wine pairings. Your offer of Thunderbird wine and a Cheesy Gordita Crunch will not bring them running
Police arrest drunk man pushing round a 5-year old girl in a shopping cart at Winn-Dixie. That kind of thing might fly at Publix, but not Winn-Dixie
Photoshop this tour bus
Scientists insist that toxicologists were wrong and the Florida face-eater was indeed high on bath salts and synthetic marijuana and they lied in order to protect the synthetic drug industry
The Outrage Never Stops: Pro-anorexia website brands Kate Upton a 'cannibal' following Carl's Jr. burger commercial
Thanks to an abundant supply, lobster is now cheaper than deli meat. Thanks, Obama
Bomb found at golf course. No word on whether it was shaped like the harmless squirrel or the friendly rabbit
Police remove woman from plane when she won't stop singing loudly -- and that's the name of THAT tune
It's your weekly feel good thread. Brace yourself, it's a doozy (warning: slideshow)
Furby returning for 2012 - With terrifying video of glowing eyeballs Chucky level possessed toy
Police plan to charge man whose homemade cannon put holes in nearby houses as soon as they figure out what law he broke
Not News: Man faces 60 days in jail. Fark: For hosting Bible study in his own home
Men have come full circle. Me want food
Equal rights in action: mayor designates parking spaces 'recommended for men' - because they're harder to get into
Now, the story of the man who provides the voice for pedestrian traffic signals - like the one that says either WAWK or DON'T FARKIN' WALK, YA HUMP
Bus driver says caffeine made him grope girls. Lawyer to use the famed "Coffee, tea or me?" defense
"Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man" plus 17 other ways to prove your manhood. Fark needs a food tab
Photoshop this toy track
Great news, finally America will get the green light to start the nation's first dedicated high-speed rail system. Welcome to the 21 century. Wooh wooh, chugg, chugg
Dutch Olympic athletes being charged full university tuition penalties for taking time away from studies. What should make Americans weep: "Full tuition" is about $3,700
Li'l Bub is a one of a kind cat. Born (not bred) a dwarf, she also has 22 claws, bulging eyes, no teeth, and basically waddles everywhere. With videos that will make you fall in love with her on Caturday
Scientology sends out panicky email to members instructing them how to censor the internet from all this nasty talk about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Nobel Prize-winning novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquéz slipping into One Hundred Years of Solitude
Company in Scotland is using dirty diapers to create patio furniture. Because if it's not Scottish, it's crap
Not News: Town celebrates its centennial. Ultrafark: The town's entire population is 2 people
Your life is in the gutter when you get busted for smoking pot in the bathroom of a bowling alley. You can say you've been framed but in reality you're going down the wrong lane and just hope this is the last strike against you. Pinhead
Man blames the late afternoon heat for needing to expose himself in public. w/mugshot
I'd rather take a bullet to the head. Woman describes agony after she passes 63 kidney stones
Facts pro-lifers don't want you to know: Fetuses can cause car accidents
Trading Places 2 in production
Utah mayor puts fate of his amazing handlebar mustache in hands of the voters
What happened to the more innocent time when 12-year-old girls just played strip poker?
Fri July 06, 2012
The tallest building in London shootin' friggin' lasers for its unveiling? It's more likely than you think
Are you a Real American? Take this quiz to find out. Subby is 61% Real American, 39% Ignorant
On a hot summer day, there's nothing like... 130 tons of molten glass
If you dropped a bag of flour onto a school athletic field from an ultralight plane, Toledo Police and subby would like to ask you "WTF?"
Well, it's one, two, thee, four, five strikes you're out at the old booze game
You know it was a good night drinking when you get arrested naked in a stranger's bathroom in their home, with "Yeah, he's crazy" mugshot goodness
Why we get cranky when it's hot out. "Swamp nuts" suspiciously absent from list
If you ever drop your .45 from the waistband of your pants, let it go, because man, you'll shoot your leg off
DynoMegaCorp Foodstuffs Inc. to open several Olive Garden-Red Lobster combo restaurants so hoverounders and other assorted hayseeds can have a one-stop outlet for creamed salt and boiled fat while waiting for their diabetic foot to fall off
Not news: car stolen near Detroit. Fark: A 1930 Model A right from the parking lot of the Henry Ford Museum
Man on trial for dismembering roommate, storing his anus in marshmallow bag. Not weird enough? Enter: "the entity"
Heroic firefighter who saved woman from burning home is honored by the City of Philadelphia. Just kidding he is under investigation because he gave her his air mask during the rescue
Graduating too quickly? That's a lawsuit
Photoshop this scoop service
Vapors blamed for man's death--but only after the apothecary ruled out consumption, ague, scrivener's palsy, lumbago, the French pox, scrofula, dropsy, mortification, and impetigo
You can stop posting pictures of your car's thermometer on Fb now. Thank you
Hitler personally intervened to protect a Jewish WWI veteran. Hey, maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all
My boss showed me this great website he discovered : fark.com. Thank god I stick to TF and he can't see my shenanigans
There are some men who wish they *could* forget their anniversaries. This is one of them
Dogs prefer Romney chew toys to Obama chew toys 2 to 1. This is...weird news for both
10 Noteworthy things that 'Star Wars' can teach us about dating, will be lost on Star Wars fans
Another week of weird news, another quiz, another opportunity to see how much your booze-addled brain remembers. It's quiz time
Photoshop this swung open Super Guppy
"Intermittent explosive disorder" is all the rage with young people nowadays
If you see hundreds and hundreds of dead fish floating on the surface of a river for 20 miles, don't eat any of them
Millionaire's hot blonde wife had been trying to get her prenup agreement voided just before he went missing. Police and Walter Sobchak searching for a group of nihlists
Apparently, there's so little to do in the town of Central City, Iowa that teenagers have taken to jumping off bridges for fun
If you don't want a DUI, don't drunkenly fall asleep in your car in front of the police station. And definitely don't wake up and run over two officers
Despite the politics and the controversy, the election of Mexico's new president has one silver lining, and her name is Angélica Rivera
*inhaaaaale* - that was Ric Romero reporting
100 is the new 80
Hey, does anybody want to try a bite of this new environmentally friendly snack bar made from insects? Anybody? *crickets*
More and more cities are doing "Daily Living Bans" to cut down on the visible presence of homeless persons living in their cities
Remember that couple photographed kissing in the street in the middle of the Vancouver riots last year? They're still together and sleep under a blown-up version of the picture. "It was just a kiss to calm her down"
Clearly proving he lack the "fire in the belly" to win this election, Obama declines to arm-wrestle a bar patron for his vote
Now that they're retired from piloting spacecraft, astronauts say they're finding joy in piloting small personal aircraft again. Much in the same way that retired NASCAR drivers get a big kick out of riding mopeds
Scientists pinpoint gene responsible for breast size. Just let that one sink in for a minute
17-year-old thrilled to be a contestant in the first Miss Big Beautiful Woman pageant. The Sun is eclipsed
Fireworks spook dog at party, so he runs home. Across NJ. And then the George Washington Bridge. At rush hour
Best Buy's Geek Squad to become Unemployment Squad
Victoria Azarenka finds out the hard way that, at Wimbeldon, they'll let you wear any color you like so long as it's white
Fireworks company offers free show to make up for failed July 4th show with a catch: "it only makes up about $125,000 of the roughly $400,000 cost of the event, leaving the city to cover about $275,000"
Deputy fire chief retires after boss learns he let swimsuit models pose with fire trucks. With helpful pictures of swimsuit models posing with fire trucks
Bikini waxing, 50 percent off. Must be 15 or younger to qualify
Creation Museum runs into funding troubles. If only there were a group of people who believed in donating their money to an omnipotent being they could affiliate themselves with
Look, sometimes when you're naked and tripping balls while watching fireworks you get a little thirsty
Costa Concordia captain claims a "divine hand" guided him. God was all like "Hey, don't bring me into this"
Protip: If you're going to rob a store at gunpoint, don't take your Mom. **With gun-takin' Mom video goodness.**
Grand Theft Auto: College Park
Actual headline: Man dressed as ninja robs Milford hotel. But how do they know? It's not like you can see a ninja
It turns out a naked carjacker had PCP in his system (w/ "I think poop is coming out now" mugshot)
Some say the world will end on December 21st. And on December 22nd people will wake up and predict a new date on which the world will end
If anybody knows how to translate 'hashtag' into French, the Quebec government would like to hear from you
Same Bat-actor from The Animated Series, "Batman & Robin", and The Dark Knight to return in The Dark Knight Rises. Why so serious, Senator Leahy?
Photoshop this sandy stop
Woman puts her 'slightly used' soul on eBay for $2,000
Westboro Baptist plans a protest at a Texas A&M alumni's funeral. Students form a human wall to block them from the church *I've got some dust in my eyes*
Police: Burglar crawls into woman's bed, strikes up conversation
Kitty litter: Tag is for binmen who saved three-week old kitten from crusher
Stonehenge upgrade to Ironhenge to finally begin
You're at the pizza parlor and your young son keeps reaching for your pitcher of beer. Do you: C) Pour some in his sippy cup until he gets so drunk he falls off his seat?
The closest you'll ever come to riding in the ISS. Why yes, it will blow your mind
Experts in Arizona say the wave of recent crimes committed by naked men is probably because of drugs, but since this is Arizona you can never be certain
Police in Alberta are looking for several million stolen bees. So far, their beeline toward sting operations and swat teams have given only greater buzz and a waxing public interest
When trying to spray bear repellent at others, make sure you check the wind direction
You eat magic mushrooms, fall asleep for a while, then wake up. To make sure you aren't dreaming, do you: c) shoot yourself in the head?
Thu July 05, 2012
School to bullied lesbian student: "It's your own fault. Your gayness confuses and scares the other students"
Lottery winner on winning:"I've been shaking like a leaf, I had to come home and have a few beers." On not claiming his prize yet: "I was too excited to go in today -- and I was going to get drunk"
There is a burger made of 100% ground bacon, because this is America
Which animals cause the most deaths in the U.S.? Bears? Crocodiles? Snakes? Sharks? Nope; try cats, cows, horses, pigs, raccoons, etc
Driver hits a girl jogging across the street. She gets up and keeps on running while the driver calls police and demands she stays at the scene. I didn't know it was Backwards Day
Atheist group strongly believes in Jesus being omitted from invocations at local city council meetings. Where is your God now?
When filing an insurance claim for a non-existent cat of yours, make sure that cat picture isn't 1) the second result for "white cat" in GIS and 2) in the Wikipedia article for cats
I like my whiskey like I like my women - a hundred years old and buried under the floor boards of an attic
If you're a teen boy, you never want your first sexual encounter to be alone in a hotel room with a cross-dressing housekeeper who calls himself "Vanessa"
China builds replica of Tower of London bridge which features a coffee bar. Because the English are famous for coffee
Best way to protest money in politics? Throw a bunch of cash off a building top of course
Man golfs all the way through Detroit and lives to tell about it
This man knows his priorities - power goes out in his neighbourhood? Hook up a solar panel to the beer fridge
Rightful king of England dies
Photoshop this athlete giving his all
It's not "flaming young," you flaming idiots. It's "filet mignon." Plus 9 other words idiots need to stop misspelling
You're an orangutan at the zoo and you want to let the zookeeper know what you want to eat? There's an ape app for that
In an effort to decrease office productivity even more, the Wisconsin Humane Society wants you to visit the interactive cat playroom. KITTIES
AL Pastor who organized "Whites only Christian conference" says the highlight of his event is not a horribly racist cross burning, but merely a tradtional sacred Christian "cross lighting" ceremony
Canada has passed legislation intended to keep illegal immigrants from taking the "exotic dancing and sex trade-related" jobs that Canadian women refuse to do
Math fail of the day: "30 squirrels escaped the zoo, 38 were recaptured" Oh, and SQUIRREL
Zimmerman's new bond set to "holds pinkie to corner of mouth"
As thousands in Maryland enter their second week without power, energy company PEPCO just goes ahead and admits that people need to call "at least three or four times a day to report outages" if they're ever going to get attention
Photoshop this tape-wielding protector of the beach
This just in: Indiana residents captivated by cloud
How to tell if you're not cut out for a life of crime: your attempt at mugging using a bottle of vodka as a weapon is foiled when your target punches you and runs off with your vodka
You can't see me with all these (expletive) glowsticks?
Governor survives "carrot attack"
Female teachers: If you're going to have sex with your 15-year-old students, don't do it in your classroom. Twice
All male Hooters coming to N.C
If you're going to lock your toddler in a hot car, don't forget to close the sunroof
Why did Air France flight 447 plunge into the ocean? I know. It was the Brazilian pilots. Way too many
Since there are no longer any serious issues to solve in LA, voters are about to go to the polls to decide whether porn stars should have to wear condoms on set
You're not going to believe this but it'd beginning to look like members of Congress were bought off by Countrywide
Casey Anthony wears a reminder of her daughter around her neck: a) a locket with photo b) a lock of her hair c) her ashes
Company creates world's largest strapless bra, coming in at a whopping 42K. (with pic of a model wearing nowhere near a 42K)
Security camera shows 'Derecho' storm ripping apart an outdoor party. FARK Bonus: at the "Aloft" Hotel
"The device, made from 144 sparklers wrapped in duct tape, went off when Daniel Duzac tried to remove the fuse"
And the title of Most Misleading Headline of the Day goes to
July 5th is a National Fark Day. It's the day all farkers share 'what the hell happened yesterday?' thread
If you're going to encourage three-year-olds to fight while filming it, you might not want to post the video to Facebook
Fireworks explode while man attempts to light homemade cannon. "It's no big deal" he said offhandedly
Crazy 21st birthday: Naked golf, superhuman strength, and the sudden desire to eat human flesh
Someone presses the "Alpha Strike" button on one of San Diego's fireworks displays
Iran: We can destroy Israel and US Middle Eastern bases in minutes. Charles Darwin: Challenge Accepted
Photoshop this graceful glider
Company explains why it fired lifeguard who saved life of man swimming outside designated area: "We are not a fire-rescue operation...We limit what we do to the protected swimming zones that we've agreed to service"
Turns out, it's okay for children to hate their parents and it's really good for them
Update on Caleb from LeadFootSpiderMonkey
Caddyshack reenactment goes horribly awry
Old and busted: Taking a limo to your grad. New hotness: Flying in a helicopter
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 374: "Tiny...Tracts of Land". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed July 04, 2012
Swedish court rules that it's impossible to rape a man
Four teenagers find wallet containing $700 cash in field, go on wild spending spree. Just kidding; they turned it in to its owner, who needed the cash to pay rent. Free ice cream for everybody
Body without head, arms and legs washes up on beach. Police say it only took an instant torso to rule out suicide
Three bears breaking into cars. The first car was a Volkswagen Bug and that was too small. The second car was a Cadillac Escalade and that was too big. But then they found a Nissan Altima that was just right
What do you call a man with no legs who goes to the Olympics? An Olympian
Eleven-year-old Russian girl has a pet lynx. What could possibly go wrong (w/pics)
If you have military-age children who have not served in this decade's wars, should you have to pay the ones who did serve?
Not news: A farmer decides to mark the wedding of his little sister by sentimentally writing the bride and groom's names. News: The message is visible from the air. Fark: It's written in 150-ft lines of manure
Ten "American" things that are not actually from America
You call that a pothole? THIS is a pothole
Live free or die (in a fireworks explosion)
Photoshop this melodramatic man
Basically, everyone has OCD
If you were thinking, "What's the deal with this Higgs Boson? And can somebody explain it to me in cartoon form?" well... you're welcome
Man suspected of breaking into the graves of Johann Strauss Jr. and Johannes Brahms and stealing their teeth, which authorities say composes a serious crime
Photoshop these saluting space explorers
With newsrooms across the country nearly empty, what are the remaining luckless few forced to work on a holiday going to come up with for news?
They can have my beer cans when they pry them from my hot, sweaty hands
Holy smokes Batman -- Secret passageway leads investigators to the stoner version of the bat cave
Aggressive mountain goats prompt trail closures in Olympic Mountains. The Mighty Hercules not impressed
If a tree falls in a subdivision, does the HOA make a sound...decision?
Tatu palor pays beg for mispelt tatu
Happy 4th Farkers. What are you doing, grilling, drinking on this fine day?
The British may not have an Empire anymore but they lead the world in balancing buses on top of buildings
The finer points of the U.S. flag code. See, this is why God hates flags
Charles Carreon drops suit against Oatmeal, realized it was too much of a mess
Cat in 60 foot tree, fire department only has 50 foot ladder. Who you gonna call?
The Constitution's final boss is too hard so we should reset it to easy level where we can change it every other week to make it work says apparent teenaged article writer
A look at all the crazy objects Katy Perry uses to cover her breasts. Yeah, it's a slideshow, but it's basically a slideshow of Katy Perry's breasts
Stopped by the police and want to secretly record the encounter? The ACLU has an app for that
Gas prices go under $3 a gallon in some places as oil companies conspire to get President Obama a second term
Fifteen food combinations that were meant to go together. Pretty sure the hot dog crust macaroni and cheese pizza is on the wrong list, but other than that, yeah...delicious
Bad Astronomy's more detailed explanation of the Higgs-Boson announcement
Yasser Arafat had a glowing smile when he passed away
Happy 237th birthday, America; why not take Moyers' advice and read the Declaration of Independence today? Then down 2 fifths of Jim Beam and polish your shotgun like the founders intended
Don't worry, that mysterious island being built in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay is not going to be an evil mastermind's hidden lair. It's the Army's. Nothing to see citizen, move along. (With time lapse video goodness)
Mayor Bloomberg at the Nathan's hot-dog contest presser: "Who wrote this shiat?"
Remember at your tenth birthday party there was that giant inflatable water slide that left scratches on our backs and the giant sno-cone machine your mom rented broke her glass patio table? That was awesome
Man who is lacking in money and sex does the only rational thing many Floridians would do in that situation
Photoshop this resuscitation recipient
Mountain hiker, a stranger to Switzerland, raises alarm and is found by police after five fellow hikers fell to their deaths. Now do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?
Yakety Sax Fark Move
That's it. Science is done. Time to pack up all this stuff and go home (w/video)
162 years for a first offence? That's outrageous. Wait - seven armed robberies? Well, OK then
Texas town bans display of flags on veterans' graves just in time for 4th of July
Conga protest leaves two dead, future in limbo
Lifeguard fired for saving drowning man's life
10 most badass prints of American historical figures you'll see this Independence Day
Mother of the Year candidate leaves 19 children living alone in a sweltering house... for a week
Tue July 03, 2012
Where do fireworks colors come from? Here comes the science
The owners of Chuck E. Cheese are rebooting the giant mouse as a hip, electric-guitar-playing rock star. No word if Poochie will provide backup vocals
She put on her robe and wizard hat
Want a free boat? It's all yours - but there's a catch: It's lying on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico
France surrenders to fabulousness
Arkansas woman tells cops she left scene of an accident because "I did not want my ice cream to melt"
Townie mundanes squicked by furry yiffing at rescue squad station
Photoshop this carrying crew
The Salvation Army is helping the homeless by giving them: A) Jobs? B) Resume tips? C) Free ice cream?
Dear Prudie: my niece gets more toys than I can afford to buy for my kids. How do I explain to my sister that it's her fault my kids and I feel deprived?
Ex-FBI agent who was one of the first on the scene of the crash of Flight 93 on 9/11 says she saw "legions of angels guarding the crash site", which may go a long way towards explaining why she's an "Ex" FBI agent
Man survives harrowing ordeal after getting lost in the Ontario wilderness. For 15 HOURS he subsisted on nothing but fresh water and a warm fire. FIFTEEN HOURS
Meet June/Jun a valiant crusader in the "Transethnicity" movement, also apparently a pangender asexual tabby cat
27,000 undiagnosed cases of dementia estimated in Wales, as no one can tell the difference between demented babbling and the local accent
IKEA criticized for clear-cutting Russian old-growth forests. I didn't even know Russia had particleboard trees
Arabian customs officers shocked to find that Western sex dolls come "complete with genitals...It is believed such dolls are sold in their countries in an open market"
Normal Behavior: Driving naked and masturbating next to a tow truck driver on the highway. Florida: The arresting officer finds a toy gun in said driver's arse
When taking your Jeep to the mechanics, first remember to remove the 30 cats inside
A Galapogos tortoise named "Antonio Cromartie" is the father of 40 to 45 percent of the 1,781 tortoises born in the Galapogos tortoise breeding program
Fotoshop these Floridian Flood Floaters
I once was blind, but now I see... sort pf. Farker would like to thank the community for the fundraiser that helped save his eyesight. LGT original thread
North Carolina lawmaker presses wrong button, accidentally legalizes fracking
Well thanks a bunch Daily Mail, first all my teeth melted and now I have the diabetus
One woman cooks her way through greasy professional food taster Guy Fieri's cookbook, including such dishes as No Can Beato This Taquito and Tequila Turkey. "Remember Julie & Julia? This is like that but with more Sammy Hagar"
Best Korea is going 21st century and getting better for women, they can now wear pants
When your girlfriend enters the police station she has officially escaped and you have to stop chasing her
Say what you will about Bill O'Reilly, but no one half-apologizes like this guy
A Massillon, Ohio, man tried to pay his $24 cab fare with marijuana. I'll give you one guess as to how that went
36 terrible sex tips for men. Your all inclusive guide to quickly ending a relationship
The more the media talks about the potential risks of zip lines, the more popular zip lines become. "Kits are available online for as little as $200"
Mitt may go to Israel to explain why Mormons posthumously baptize Holocaust victims
Toddler takes 20-hour nap, giving parents answer to the question: who stole the cookie from grandma's pot cookie jar?
"If you post a tweet, just like if you scream it out the window, there is no reasonable expectation of privacy"
Thieves rob home of Israeli PM's daughter... while she's at his funeral
No Winners: Nana to be tried in shooting death of crackhead teenaged grandson
So the Taliban blew up a shrine, it's not like it was the end of the world...oh, yeah I guess it is
Homeowner claims thieves who stole his "Vote Satan" sign from yard committed hate crime
"Several men were standing outside a Florida Blanca unit, drinking beer. An officer asked if they'd seen two men run by with a case of beer. They all said no"
Where's the beef? Well, some of it is behind your ear, there, and in your eyebrow
Pope fires a 3rd bishop for mismanagement of his diocese, more or less blowing out of the water the Vatican's legal arguments that the Pope had no power to remove the bishops who covered up for pedophile priests
Flood insurance rates scheduled to quadruple in the next four years. No word whether or not volcano insurance rates will increase either
"Adults only" ice cream truck features Dove bars and massage, and a last chance for hope to survive in Detroit
Blind? Don't like dogs? How about a seeing eye miniature horse?
Children's book club selection of the week goes to #1 on best seller list at Walmart (photo)
Andy Griffith now has something in common with his viewers
"Women's Ten Biggest Complaints About Men's Ten Biggest Complaints About Women." Or, how to create an internet flame war the likes of which God has never seen
21 year old Oregon woman catches a 2 year old boy who was first clinging from roof then fell from a 3 story building
50 things America does better than anywhere else, including porn and artesian weed. U-S-A U-S-A (slideshow warning)
Seven-fingered man still loves fireworks
International Whaling Commission fails to ban whale hunting in South Atlantic, where there is no whale hunting
Has Rick Romero Moved to Chicago? This Headline Could Lead You to That Conclusion
NASA's amazing picture of "Odysseus" crater on Saturn's ice moon Tethys. The crater is 280 miles wide, much like your mom last night
Because, when seeing the doctor, discussions about firearms always come up and I want to know the doctor's opinion on the stopping power of a .357 vs a .45
"I can't take responsibility for stupidityness", says mayor who's wife runs a fireworks stand in a drought area
"The dead are the dead, no matter what kind of ceremonies you do, the results are the same"
100 great things about America - Founding Fathers "Son I Am Disappoint". Interestingly CNN not on the list
The highest paid careers in America. Strangely missing is the "internet armchair quarterback"
What's the top story on Chicago's #1 news outlet? DOG ON THE LOOSE. GET TO THE NEWS CHOPPA
Note to elementary school teachers: It's not a good idea to compare one of your students to "the evolutionary link between orangutans and humans" on Facebook, even if seven people liked it
Photoshop this moist man
Legs found near Butte still attached to Feete, toddler caught drinking brake fluid says he can stop at any time, and Caps haul in Oates: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/24 - 6/30
You have custody of your two kids. It's midnight. You have an ignition interlock breathalyzer system in your pick up truck. You want to open a nightclub. What are you going to do, hotshot?
Rest in peace to Count Robert de La Rochefoucauld, who escaped Nazi execution twice - once by stealing a German limousine from in front of Gestapo headquarters, once by dressing as a Nazi guard and then as a nun
Kitty litter linked to increased risk of suicides, crazy cat lady behavior
Old and busted: honor killings. New hotness: reverse honor killings
Don't curse at the cop who pulls you over for a license plate problem since everything you say will be on the dash cam. This goes double if you're the county Sheriff
"On a per capita basis, Illinois residents drank an average of 28.9 gallons in 2011, falling behind Wisconsin residents, who chugged 36.2 gallons of beer per capita"
Manufacturer creates baby outfit featuring a bikini clad female body. Some people are outraged by this
Mon July 02, 2012
MILF and four daughters have 13 boob operations, more than any other family in Britain (w/pics)
Did you even know that there was a truffle kerfuffle?
An 82 year old woman asks your child to stop harassing a goose. Do you c) beat the woman until she nearly dies?
Atheist threatens to sue restaurant he's never been to for their Sunday church-bulletin discount program. Tag is for restaurant owner, who tells atheist he'll get over it
Window cleaner + London's tallest building + high wind = sharded
Two words: Kosher Cannabis
Career test for kindergarteners in the works. You are raising a carny
SCOTUS: "Obamacare mandate is a tax." GOP: "Awesome, we can call Obamacare a tax." Romney advisor on national TV: "Obamacare is NOT a tax." GOP: collective facepalm
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has finally taken a clear position on mermaids
NJ man pours boiling water on his 11-year-old nephew. With a helpful picture of what a pot of water looks like
First it was "Amber Alerts", then "Silver Alerts", and now "Blue Alerts". Hurry, we are running out of things to be alerted about
Rush Limbaugh comforts his listeners, "Your power is out. Aren't you glad you don't own an electric car?"
Photoshop these Oklahoma City voting booths
In grandpa's day, a stogie left on the arm of his favorite chair would just smolder and self-extinguish. Modern synthetic sofas are only slightly less flammable than sitting in a bucket of gasoline. What could possibly go wrong?
Man stabbed over taste in music. Anyone know a popular Nickleback board where I can post this?
The truth about broken penises about how to WAIT WHAT?
Well, we finally got us a bunch of summer heat waves going on across the country, so it must be time for another "look at what kind of food you can cook in your hot car" article from CNN
Not news: Man arrested for public intoxication. Fark: In a bar
The secrets to a successful family road trip. No, frequent threats to abandon your children at the side of the road didn't make the list, but we all know it's there
The first rule of customer service is not "Hit the customer of the head with a metal pipe"
Drone industry to implement the three laws. Will Smith inconsolable
Smokey Bear is really, really pissed at one Arizona bachelor party attendee who fired a shotgun shell that has already burned almost 18,000 acres of forest
It's so friggin' hot out there that people are holding their air conditioner repairmen at gunpoint until the job is done right
Your tax money was used to fund this helpful July 4th study
Chinese stink bug invasion at malodorous level in 38 states
What does an employer do after getting caught planting cameras underneath his female employees' desks? Oh that's right, he sues them for deleting the images
Photoshop this swimmer and sunken ship
This should end well. Zoo offers a tiger tug of war
Some of the coolest vintage photographs from the 4th of July that you'll see today. As presented by the Daily Mail?
Study shows spanking boosts odds of mental illness. Could we just do it until things get hard for me?
FTFA: "Donkey I want to have sex with you come and I'll give you 30"
Refuse to give haircuts to strangers in your house? That's a stabbin
Katie Holmes now says she isn't divorcing Tom Cruise because he's gay, it's because he wanted to ship Suri off to a Scientology indoctrination center. The gay thing wasn't helping either
Hey Mitt, I found these fetus disposal company stocks in your desk drawer. What? What do you mean be quiet, they are still good
In what was probably a well thought-out, and completely rational decision, man at trailer park decides to moon police responding to a noise complaint at a trailer park
Can she get anymore awesome? Brittany Spears lends homeless man her car
This just in: Farting could save your life
Anderson Cooper comes out in favor of individual man date
"Hey mister, hold my baby, I think the guy at the bar just winked at me." Why not? You're on a Florida vacation
Man attacks three women with a 4-foot sword and a peanut-butter sandwich. Check the tag if you don't believe me