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Sun July 01, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail) Cool Hello? Yes, this is God  (dailymail.co.uk) (247)
(WHDH Boston) Scary Knock knock. Who's there? Stinging scorpion hiding in your luggage. Stinging scorpion hiding in your luggage who...OUCH  (www1.whdh.com) (33)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Trucker learns that duct tape cannot fix a traffic ticket  (nj.com) (51)
(New York Daily News) Sick It didn't take long before people in Colorado decided to raid and steal from homes evacuated due to the threat of wildfires  (nydailynews.com) (147)
(WXYZ Detroit) Silly Survey suggests more men are using makeup products and getting beauty treatments. RU PAUL  (wxyz.com) (89)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop this bamboo boy   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (21)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup runneth over with awesomeness  (thesmokinggun.com) (125)
(AL.com) Interesting It was unknown when investigators deemed the find of the body of a nude man who was inside his upside down pickup truck located in this driveway as "suspicious"  (blog.al.com) (21)
(The New York Times) Followup Soda industry uses facts to fight NYC ban. Just kidding, they're going full R.J. Reynolds  (nytimes.com) (222)
(USA Today) Spiffy Soyuz capsule bringing three astronauts back from the ISS lands very nicely in Kazakhstan  (usatoday.com) (41)
(Myrtle Beach Online) Asinine Biker bar sues county, charging restrictions on burnouts violates patrons' 1st Amendment right to express "their manliness and macho" by filling the air with smoke & noise. That's a mighty small tailpipe you have there  (myrtlebeachonline.com) (127)
(Deadline) Followup Our long nightmare is over: Rupert Murdoch has returned to Twitter and is lashing out at Scientology, Mitt Romney, and Tom Cruise  (deadline.com) (69)
(Newser) Interesting 43% watch TV or a movie; 35% do chores around the house; 24% have a drink; 20% play video games. Answer C) What telecommuters really do at home  (newser.com) (137)
(St. Petersburg Times) Followup Elderly, diabetic Wal-Mart greeter loses home, family after Black Friday shopper attacks her. Wal-Mart: Always low morals. Always  (tampabay.com) (209)
(Time) Scary Are your dreams nightmares? Take this quiz to find out  (healthland.time.com) (147)
(Japan Times) Scary Primary and backup cooling systems for reactor #4 at Japan's Fukushima plant have failed. Reactor pool temperature rising. This is not a repeat from 2011  (japantimes.co.jp) (96)
(Some Guy) Stupid Texas Court rules that pulling off the road to use your cell phone gives police the right to stop and interrogate you, so remember citizen, if you do not wish an encounter with the police, be sure to use your cell phone while driving  (cca.courts.state.tx.us) (138)
(NPR) Interesting The type of candy you like tells a lot about where you were raised  (npr.org) (192)
(LA Times) Spiffy Peace between India and Pakistan could happen through the power of beer. Hooray beer  (latimes.com) (17)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Another female teacher chooses her student over a studly Farker to have sex with. She's certainly too hot for us Cheetos stained Subby Wannabes. But we don't care, her knees are too sharp for our taste  (nydailynews.com) (110)
(CSMonitor) Photoshop Photoshop this puffy shot putter  (csmonitor.com) (32)
(Independent) Obvious Japan does the only logical thing after realizing that living standards cannot be maintained without nuclear energy, restarts the 1st of 50 nuclear power plants  (independent.co.uk) (109)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Obvious If you're reading this, you're most likely college-educated making over $50,000 a year  (cleveland.com) (113)
(KTTS Missouri) Dumbass In the epic battle between rock, paper, scissors, we can now add that GUN trumps all three  (ktts.com) (16)
(BBC) Scary Because it ended so well last time, Turkey scrambles six jets on Syrian border  (bbc.co.uk) (64)
(Examiner) Scary President declares Ohio and West Virginia to be disaster areas. Oh, and they're suffering from widespread power outages, as well  (examiner.com) (97)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Man watching porn experiences "severe, exploding" headaches that develop gradually and peak about 10 minutes into a sex scene. You're doing it wrong  (m.nydailynews.com) (63)
(Miami Herald) Florida It wouldn't be July 1st in Florida without ignoring the State's constitution and teeing off the ACLU, chiropractors, school boards and probably the Courts  (miamiherald.com) (67)
(Newser) Spiffy So, according to this research, we need to have teenagers take antidepressants all the time to make life easier for all of us  (newser.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Followup FunnyJunk lawyer Charles Carreon asks a Federal court for a temporary restraining order against The Oatmeal, Indiegogo to protect his $10. Or something  (popehat.com) (118)
(BBC) Asinine In addition to having a high-vi$ibility ve$t and warning triangle, French motori$t$ mu$t now have two breathalyzer kit$ in their car$ at all time$ or risk an immediate fine  (bbc.co.uk) (88)
(Palm Beach Post) Spiffy Only in America can you see one of the nation's top cheese artists carve Mt. Rushmore out of a 640-pound block of mild cheddar before donating it to a soup kitchen. "There's no greater gift than the gift of cheese"  (palmbeachpost.com) (53)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Remember last week's gun-buy-back program in Chicago? A pro-gun group received over $6000 for turning in "rusty, non-firing junk" and will use that money to buy ammo and rifles for its NRA youth summer camp  (suntimes.com) (287)
(Bay News 9) Florida Teens decide to play Russian Roulette. Florida: With a loaded gun  (baynews9.com) (141)
(Some OG Gander) Weird California no longer allows the tattooing of geese in unstickered junk cars, or something like that  (thereporter.com) (37)
(UPI) Stupid Transport official suspended for face lick. Kid in photo gallery to the right of the story demonstrates the technique  (upi.com) (16)
(Mental Floss) Interesting 15 fake holidays to celebrate in July. I want to believe in July 2nd  (mentalfloss.com) (46)
(SeattlePI) Fail This is exactly why a 34-year-old is too young to be driving an RV, even if it is for a test spin  (seattlepi.com) (62)
(Boston.com) Interesting Chris can't see signs, so despite being blind he's basically like every other urban bicyclist  (boston.com) (113)
(Daily Mail) Strange Look at me. I'm a 67-foot-tall pregnant Attention Whore  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(Patch) Interesting Tomahawk wielding trio of burglars attacks convenience store. Fark: Officer recognized tomahawk from a previous encounter with the war party  (dacula.patch.com) (31)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Who said bacon had to be pork? EVERYONE, THAT'S WHO  (suntimes.com) (101)
(Flickr) Cool Today is Canada's 145th birthday. Why not spend some of it checking out this huge collection of historical photos posted by the UK National Archives  (flickr.com) (105)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these flooded Floridians  (s.wsj.net) (28)
(Telegraph) Silly France is facing the greatest crisis it's ever seen: fresh-baked, hand-rolled croissants are being replaced by frozen, industrial-pressed croissants  (telegraph.co.uk) (118)
(TMRZoo.com) Advice 9.5 beers you MUST drink this summer  (tmrzoo.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Amusing Woman wins $2012 for wedding dress made out of toilet paper. Well isn't that charmin (pics)  (stockhouse.com) (47)
(USA Today) Asinine Gas companies are now planning on drilling in cemeteries. This should end well  (usatoday.com) (180)

Sat June 30, 2012
(Fark) NewsFlash BACK UP BIATCHES -Drew  (fark.com) (552)
(Fark) FarkParty Shuck me, suck me, eat me raw NOLA Fark party at Cooter Brown's at 7:00 pm on 7/14/2012. Oyster bar, great food, and 400+ types of beer. Join the fun at your own risk, and bring $1.25 for the streetcar  (fark.com) (134)
(Fark) FarkParty Los Angeles Fark Party July 14th 7:00pm  (fark.com) (146)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop this proto Zamboni  (shorpy.com) (14)
(KTLA) Sad After arguing with gun-toting customer, employee of Hoagies N' Wings now has a pair of the latter  (ktla.com) (71)
(AP) Interesting Be on the lookout for a 12-foot long, 6-foot tall green dinosaur. Last seen in Montana. Reward  (hosted.ap.org) (22)
(CBC) Interesting "Five Steps To Avoid Reno Disaster." Step 1: Don't Go to Reno  (cbc.ca) (53)
(BBC) Interesting Pot plants lead to stunted growth, munchies  (bbc.co.uk) (28)
(io9) Amusing It's not news, it's the physics of toilets  (io9.com) (22)
(AZ Family) Amusing Imagine having to call your insurance agent and tell him a naked guy carjacked you and caused an accident. At least there's video proof  (azfamily.com) (24)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this foul-smelling flower  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (17)
(CNN) PSA July 1 sees new laws nationwide: In Illinois, it's now $50 to barf in a cab, and in Kentucky, it's now illegal to release feral hogs into the wild. In related news, Kentucky bar ladies' night attendance drops drastically  (cnn.com) (52)
(Jalopnik) Scary Missed it by THAT much  (jalopnik.com) (93)
(The Consumerist) Fail This just in: Consumerist readers don't understand what "save UP TO" means  (consumerist.com) (160)
(Fark) FarkBlog Fark site move (and 2-4 hours downtime) on the evening of Sat June 30. We'll try to webcast the carnage  (fark.com) (453)
(Roanoke Times) Asinine Pro tip to cops: if you always want to be able to search a stopped motorist's car, just carry along a drug sniffing dog that always says there are drugs present  (roanoke.com) (187)
(Denver Post) Obvious Colorado Springs residents may be rethinking the decision to cut firefighters rather than raise taxes  (denverpost.com) (181)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Americans just as likely to be killed by their furniture as they are by terrorism. I'm so very scared. Help  (theatlantic.com) (72)
(Spokesman Review) Misc Where was Sam during all this?  (spokesman.com) (40)
(WPTV) Florida Perhaps the best way to close a post office without customers complaining  (wptv.com) (23)
(Metro) Amusing The New York MTA is apparently staffed by some really excellent trolls  (metro.co.uk) (88)
(CBS Sacramento) Obvious Man arrested for public intoxication after arriving at...anyone? To face charges for...anyone?   (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (61)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Rampage, trailer park, baseball bat, smashing, death wish, arrest, with a bonus red Kia sedan. These are all words I want in my Florida stories  (jacksonville.com) (25)
(Gizmodo) Interesting How to drink all day and not pass out? Yes, practice makes perfect  (gizmodo.com) (55)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Amusing Okay, which Farker is writing headlines for the Yorkshire Evening Post? Bonus "Hey, no touching" photo  (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk) (32)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this victorious vaulter  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (27)
(Palm Beach Post) Spiffy The most awesome prank you could ever play on your neighbor ends up with an isolated Alaskan town getting 10,000 free tacos flown in courtesy of Taco Bell  (palmbeachpost.com) (100)
(Patch) Caturday Active duty military man facing multiple year deployment seeks homes for his 4 cats. If this man can risk his life to protect our freedom, surely Caturday can help keep his cats from ending up in a shelter  (hellertown.patch.com) (lots)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Women should give up bikinis at age 39, say women who don't look good in bikinis (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (227)
(Daily Mail) Obvious The world needs ditch diggers with degrees too  (dailymail.co.uk) (148)
(News4Jax) Florida If you live in the Jacksonville Florida area and bought enema saline laxatives at a drugstore lately, you might want to read this  (news4jax.com) (60)
(Kansas City) Asinine Get a DUI? Don't worry, pay me $199.99 and I won't blitz your neighbors with your mug shot. w/ pics of said douchebag  (kansascity.com) (168)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Most German students unaware of their warlike and murderous past, think Hitler was swell  (dailymail.co.uk) (245)
(My Fox DC) Sad Sick infant dies, lies in bed for almost a day before mother can tear herself away from the Internet  (myfoxdc.com) (83)
(Daily Mail) Hero "They are genuine heroes". President Obama praises first responders as he tours charred wreckage of smoldering Colorado neighborhoods destroyed by wildfires (w/photos) (tag is for the first responders)  (dailymail.co.uk) (134)
(CNN) Cool Today's dose of awesome WTF: an article on leather clad metal heads in Botswana  (edition.cnn.com) (49)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Today's Mad Libs-inspired headline: Man is [stabbed] after [feeding peanut butter] to his [dog]  (mysuncoast.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) PSA McDonald's worker: DO NOT order the grilled chicken  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(CBC) Spiffy Six-year-old boy keeps grandfather alive overnight, will finally be allowed to eat those decorative, plastic grapes  (cbc.ca) (42)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Couple leaves cell phone full of child porn in Walmart shopping cart. Judging by the mugshots: He looks guilty, but I think she looked the other way  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (65)
(USA Today) Scary One moment you're giving a lecture, the next two chimpanzees grab your feet and pull you under an electrified fence, drag you for almost a half-mile, and bite off multiple important parts of you  (content.usatoday.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Sad Toddler drinks brake fluid for the second time this year. Claims not to be an addict; says he can stop any time  (sowetanlive.co.za) (38)
(CNBC) PSA What do you eat with a $168,000 bottle of wine?  (cnbc.com) (133)

Fri June 29, 2012
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Stupid Kid carves a permanent cross on his back with salt and ice cubes. Apparently Facebook told him it was a good idea to do this. With a pretty scary pic of what salt and ice cubes can do to you  (post-gazette.com) (144)
(Gothamist) Cool The 10 best hot dogs in New York, and therefore the world  (gothamist.com) (88)
(NPR) Interesting Can you imagine the Colorado River running dry? It's happening. This is a big f*cking deal  (npr.org) (236)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Meet Oklahoma's mug shot thespian  (thesmokinggun.com) (50)
(Baltimore Sun) Hero After deployment, a Marine meets his match. Bonus: Marine is a Farker we all know and love  (baltimoresun.com) (189)
(New York Daily News) Strange Man has something wiggling in his eye from eating raw food, a 5 inch live worm to be exact  (india.nydailynews.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: reboot some Romantic Comedies with Sci Fi Characters  (hollywire.com) (48)
(Huffington Post) Silly Get all the legal opinions you want, but we'll just wait on our insightful analysis of Obamacare from the Octomom  (huffingtonpost.com) (128)
(Legal Juice) Strange Woman learns the hard way that it is illegal in the UK to use more than 20 pennies at a time  (legaljuice.com) (157)
(The New York Times) Silly First World Problem #4937624: Which luxury doghouse should you choose?  (nytimes.com) (42)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this Russian dance  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Silly You know who hates bronies the most? Adult women who grew up in the 80s and collect the original My Little Ponies. "We've been here forever, and nobody seemed to care"  (collectorsweekly.com) (424)
(The Daily Show) Video You knew it was coming. Here's the Daily Show's reaction to CNN and FoxNews blowing the Obamacare ruling  (thedailyshow.com) (167)
(Wired) Obvious Racist, cruel, idiotic, nonsensical, and barely literate? YouTube values your comments  (wired.com) (82)
(BBC) Sad 80,000 rare freshwater mussels die in English reservoir. Authorities issue urgent call for 600 tablespoons of butter, 80 cups of shallots, 250 cups of dry white wine and 160 cups of chopped parsley  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(WPBF West Palm Beach) Florida Do not under any circumstances ask this man for a cigarette  (wpbf.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Florida Man kills baby. Wait, it gets worse... In front of baby's mother -- his daughter. Wait, it gets worse... In front of baby's brother, his grandchild. Wait, it gets worse  (news-press.com) (202)
(KRISTV.com) Sad Your elderly mother, and roommate, dies. Do you a) notify your family to prepare for the funeral; b) call the authorities to remove the body; or c) bury the body in your backyard and have a bonanza with her checking account  (kristv.com) (40)
(Fark) Survey Time again for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Take it topless or don't take it at all  (fark.com) (53)
(Click On Detroit) Scary If you're having gull problems, I feel bad for you, son  (clickondetroit.com) (49)
(WPTV) Followup Matt Lauer regains 120 pounds  (wptv.com) (54)
(Bitten and Bound) Scary Usher was granted a restraining order against a woman who claims she has been on his payroll, was promised a home and career help. He went to court, she hit YouTube. w/vid  (bittenandbound.com) (57)
(The Detroit_News) Sick Detroit's bus drivers complain of bed bugs on their buses, thus proving that the city still has a few living people left with real blood and isn't just full of undead zombies  (detroitnews.com) (37)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange A veterinary surgeon from Sweden has been issued a warning after amputating a cat's penis. With helpful picture of what a penis-less cat might look like  (thelocal.se) (53)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Strippers share their thong stories. Remember that time you put it on backwards? Good times, good times  (blogs.wsj.com) (64)
(Rolling Stone) Sad "There is no moral or substantive difference between a hundred-year flood and the near-destruction of the global financial system by speculators immune from consequence"  (rollingstone.com) (121)
(Wired) Hero On this day in 1956, President Eisenhower signed an historic bill that brought the United States closer together  (wired.com) (241)
(Buzzfeed) Fail Baltimore records hottest day ever: 775 degrees (w screen cap)  (buzzfeed.com) (92)
(Cracked) Interesting The 5 most ridiculous pop culture predictions that came true (even though we're still waiting on those damn flying cars)  (cracked.com) (65)
(Radio Australia) Stupid Today's most ridiculous photo attached to a news article comes to you from South Australia  (radioaustralia.net.au) (36)
(Mother Nature Network) PSA 90% of the bugs in your backyard are good. Here's how to identify the other 10%  (mnn.com) (81)
(News Channel 5) Dumbass Hello, our motel offers complimentary breakfast, late check-out, and thousands of dollars in charges on your credit card that our clerk will use for online gambling  (newschannel5.com) (18)
(politics.hu) Ironic Poetic justice: leader of Hungary's antisemitic party finds out he's Jewish  (politics.hu) (202)
(MSNBC) Obvious Compassionate Shanghai subway system tells scantily clad women that if they are harassed it's their own fault  (behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com) (536)
(The Sun) Spiffy A critically ill man wakes from a coma and his first response is a request for a KFC meal. Doctors put him back into coma  (thesun.co.uk) (64)
(ABC) Hero Houston police arrest woman for warning drivers with a "Speed Trap" sign. Maybe she should've flashed her high beams instead  (abcnews.go.com) (179)
(WTKR) Obvious Study finds women who fear childbirth are in labor longer. The rest just want the damned obvious tag OUT NOW  (wtkr.com) (73)
(Reuters) Hero Playboy Playmate admitted to U.S. on Genius visa for creating Frisky Friday Meme on Twitter  (reuters.com) (121)
(Yahoo) Fail The Global War on Drugs Drives HIV and AIDS, or what sociologists and economists might call unintended consequences  (news.yahoo.com) (93)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: But wait, there's more  (en.wikipedia.org) (14)
(LA Times) Dumbass Fat, drunk, stupid, and waving a machete around at a kindergarten graduation is no way to go through life, son. Oh, and I'm going to have to confiscate that meth, too. (w/ mug shot)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Man raped and abused 3 MN preteen girls, fled to Ireland and abused 2 more. US: Can we have him back, please? Britain: No. You'll just be mean to him. Besides, we already gave him a good talking to, and he's promised not to do it again  (dailymail.co.uk) (248)
(My San Antonio) Strange Inmate kills self with plastic spoon. That's forked up  (mysanantonio.com) (59)
(KOB4) Amusing Not news: town has only two cops. Fark: neither of them can legally carry a firearm. Bonus: because they both have criminal records  (kob.com) (59)
(The Sun) Spiffy Old and busted: Cabbage Patch Kids. New hotness: Cabbage Patch Kids  (thesun.co.uk) (58)
(Daily Mail) Florida Cute 32-year-old arrested for sex with under-16 in park bathroom, presumably wants to be a teacher (w/mugshot)  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)
(ABC) Sad Blazing hot firefighting babe's first blaze was her own house. Maybe she should change her name to Alundra Blaze  (abcnews.go.com) (110)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this photo of Nancy Pelosi and a sad Boehner  (p.twimg.com) (94)

Thu June 28, 2012
(TC Palm) Florida Neighbor: You wait here, I'm going to kick your ass... I just gotta go home and poop first  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (50)
(CBS News) Scary Toughest hole at the mini golf course - the electrocuting pond  (cbsnews.com) (73)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Former president spots hot chick getting married, crashes wedding. I think you know which one  (dailymail.co.uk) (104)
(WebProNews) Sad (R) (E) (S) (T) (i) (n) (P) (E) (A) (C) (E)  (webpronews.com) (89)
(Ars Technica) Asinine SWAT team throws flashbangs, raids wrong home due to open WiFi network that allowed the teen next door to make online threats against the local cops. But wait, there's more  (arstechnica.com) (210)
(Daily Mail) Strange Man with erectile dysfunction nurses himself back to health (NSFW if your boss considers breastfeeding images offensive)  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(AZ Family) Weird You've just been convicted of setting your home on fire. Do you: A) Accept the verdict with dignity? B) Vow to appeal? C) Pop a cyanide pill into your mouth?  (azfamily.com) (78)
(USA Today) News Battalion commander dead in Fort Bragg shooting  (content.usatoday.com) (164)
(Some Braying Guy) Amusing You know some TSA agents do have a heart when they say "Here's your bag, it's vibrating" saving a man from a practical joke  (mauifeed.com) (49)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Followup Anti-Semitic Elmo identified; used to run a rape fantasy porn site and worked for the Girl Scouts of America  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (104)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these human towers  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (16)
(NYPost) Amusing If you're stuck on a plane after a five-hour delay, don't complain to this flight attendant  (nypost.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Followup Contempt of Congress? I'm going to Disneyland  (redalertpolitics.com) (73)
(Toronto Sun) Amusing Shatner shows TSA the moon  (torontosun.com) (101)
(Fark) Followup Reminder: Royal Oak Michigan Fark Party: Monday, August 13th, 2012. Come for the movie premiere, stay for the Dream Cruise. LGT thread  (fark.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Texas woman accused of forging prescription, attempting to feed Luke to the Rancor (w/ pic)  (ktre.com) (62)
(Sunderland Echo) Silly Jesus Christ in an Eggroll  (sunderlandecho.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Strange My local grocery store has weekly "meal deals" where if you buy all the components of a standard dinner (spaghetti and meatballs etc) you get a discount. LGT this week's deal. What the hell could you make with those ingredients?  (flyer.harristeeter.com) (152)
(News1130) Ironic Hand sanitizer recalled due to bacterial contamination  (news1130.com) (54)
(CNN) NewsFlash Apparently, contempt for Congress is a crime. Subby needs to hire a lawyer  (cnn.com) (353)
(The Onion) Satire Yes, this is a repeat. Yes, it's old. But if there was ever a day to revisit The Onion's legendary "Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be", it is today  (theonion.com) (63)
(The Daily Beast) Interesting David Frum on today's SCOTUS ruling: "this a Waterloo, brought about by a dangerous combination of ideological frenzy, poor risk calculation, and a self-annihilating indifference to the real work of government"  (thedailybeast.com) (178)
(Cracked) Fail "Oh I see we are sinking, how about we imprison the passengers and everything will be fine, won't it?" The 5 Least Courageous Things Ever Done in a Crisis, since not everyone can be like Chuck Norris in dangerous situations  (cracked.com) (49)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this Philippine National Combat Wushu Team training session  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Followup The AP has ordered its reporters to stop taunting CNN and other news outlets who got the Obamacare ruling wrong  (jimromenesko.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Fail Not surprisingly Fox News engaged in a little "wishful reporting" and initially announced that the Healthcare law had been struck down before reading the whole opinion. Only slightly more surprisingly, CNN did the exact same thing  (news.yahoo.com) (130)
(Detroit Free Press) Silly Someone considered the problem of drunk driving and said "You know what we need? Talking urinal cakes"  (freep.com) (52)
(Boston Herald) News In the other news everyone was waiting for out of the Supreme Court today, men all over America can go back to their favorite pick up line of "I am a millionaire, astronaut, cowboy, medal of honor recipient" without fear of prosecution  (news.bostonherald.com) (346)
(Miami Herald) Florida UPS truck hits a tree, which peeled back the roof and sent the out-of-control truck careening through a guardrail into lake. And yes, there are pics  (miamiherald.com) (78)
(Some Gal) Sad TV news anchor arrested a 2nd time for DWI doesn't bother using the Skittles and rum cake excuse she used last time: This time she was chugging wine in a drug store drive-thru  (journalgazette.net) (125)
(YouTube) PSA Today is Tau Day, the day to raise awareness that pi is wrong and we should switch to 2*pi instead for everything. Wait, what?  (youtube.com) (200)
(Local10) Florida City council votes to allow Sesame Street strip club to serve liquor, Elmo reportedly quite tickled  (local10.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Obvious New report shows seniors are confused by reverse mortgages, that new TV you bought them. And how come you never call anymore?  (finance.yahoo.com) (94)
(Radionz) Weird That's called kite assault, and it's illegal  (radionz.co.nz) (23)
(MSNBC) Interesting For the first time in 100 years, American cities are growing faster than suburbs. McMansion owners, HOAs, PTA parents inconsolable  (msnbc.msn.com) (223)
(WTAE) Scary You may add red phosphorus and fiberglass to your list of stuff not to mix together  (wtae.com) (41)
(AZCentral) Obvious Maricopa County Sheriff's Office's new $93 million headquarters, currently under construction in downtown Phoenix, is apparently being built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. Well, of course it is  (azcentral.com) (99)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Air Force plane that vanished on Nov. 22, 1952 with 41 passengers and 11 crew members has been found on an Alaska glacier after the ice gives them up  (nydailynews.com) (117)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Study from the 1940's that claimed men are hard-wired to be promiscuous is found to be flawed because their flies weren't adequately monitored  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)
(Orange County Register) Sick Trinity Broadcasting Network embroiled in rape/rape cover-up allegations. That kind of thing sinks religious institutions in a week or so, right?  (taxdollars.ocregister.com) (172)
(WWL) Scary Judge reduces bond of woman suspected of the death and dismembering of a New Orleans stripper. Based on her picture, the bond was probably reduced to save on eye bleach costs at the local jail  (wwl.com) (25)
(Miami Herald) Florida State says it will not return the 700 cats confiscated from a man's home  (miamiherald.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Dumbass You've recently been hit with two speeding fines so it's a great idea to get revenge by shooting glass balls as you drive past a manned speed camera van - they'll never know how to find you  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(Miami New Times) Strange Can't improve this one: Legal complaint alleges that Kim Kardashian is an Al Qaeda operative and made a sex tape with a unicorn  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (48)
(BBC) Scary Spain is collapsing under debt and the solution is jointly issued EU bonds allowing the continent to default in unison  (bbc.co.uk) (43)
(Telegraph) Obvious Someday Italy and Spain will cry out to be saved...and Merkel will whisper...."no"  (telegraph.co.uk) (45)
(SOME GUY) Obvious It's INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. Did you hear that, Drew?  (capslockday.com) (66)
(NYPost) Dumbass This is what happens when you bring a knife to a hot-dog relish hauling  (nypost.com) (13)
(The Star Press) Dumbass "A Muncie man was arrested this week on allegations he battered his sister after she criticized how much maple syrup he had placed on his pancakes"  (thestarpress.com) (50)
(The Atlantic Wire) Followup That $2 billion that JP Morgan lost on what its CEO called "stupid, reckless " trades? Yeah, it's looking more like $9+ billion--and JP Morgan has known this since April  (theatlanticwire.com) (106)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Spiffy Hillary Clinton has now officially touched down on more landing strips than Bill  (ajc.com) (36)
(BBC) Asinine FDA approves new weight loss drug, after only finding some evidence that it might possibly cause cancer  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Baltimore Sun) Obvious "Really guys, this is ridiculous..I just don't know what to say"-foot stamp-  (baltimoresun.com) (21)
(Journal Times) Dumbass "I'm not a danger to society. I just have a problem with women". Apparently the problem is they keep on moving when he's trying to beat them with a belt  (journaltimes.com) (47)
(Stylist) Amusing London. The most over-charged subway prices in the world but you can still get ballet lessons for free  (stylist.co.uk) (27)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Texas 'stand your ground' killer gets 40 years to stand his while showering  (chron.com) (112)
(WPTV) PSA Matt Lauer drops 140 pounds  (wptv.com) (95)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these empty desks  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (25)
(Stuff.co.nz) Amusing Four-year-old plays with computer, spots an old train on an auction site, promptly bids $29,990  (stuff.co.nz) (37)
(Mediabistro) Fail CNN has worst ratings quarter since 1991. Apparently 21 straight years of war coverage is finally growing a bit stale  (mediabistro.com) (64)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Tip for Florida residents: If you drop your gun in a fight and the other guy grabs it and runs away, it may not be a good idea to chase the guy and yell at him to give the gun back  (mysuncoast.com) (20)
(Japan Times) Amusing Escaped animals are good for ratings. "In fact, a certain type of commentator dominated social media, cheering the errant penguin on and lamenting his eventual capture. A few of these boosters named him Steve"  (japantimes.co.jp) (16)
(ABC) Obvious Adderall addiction increasing in young moms. Wait 'til they get a taste of the demon vodak  (abcnews.go.com) (67)
(Fox News) Scary Your house no longer needs to have been the site of mass murders or built on Indian burial grounds in order to kill you  (foxnews.com) (62)
(LA Times) Hero The first Black Marines who trained in segregated camps and fought in WWII as second-class citizens finally got their Congressional Gold Medals today. Who's awesome? THEY'RE awesome  (latimes.com) (87)
(Russia Today) Fail For $1,000 you too can hack into and control one of the 30,000 drones soon to be flying over the US  (rt.com) (73)
(AZ Family) Dumbass Good idea: Bonding with your wife's sisters over some drinks. Bad idea: Your wife's sisters are only 10 and 11  (azfamily.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Interesting Man hires hitman to kill a hitman. It's like a spiral in a circle and a wheel within a wheel  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (75)
(The Sun) Interesting Coca-Cola apparently contains at least as much alcohol as Coors Light  (thesun.co.uk) (108)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Waitress sues bar after she was forced to wear a schoolgirl uniform with a fan blowing up her skirt. Problem?  (dailymail.co.uk) (404)
(KTLA) Dumbass Pro-tip: When pumping gas, avoid the temptation to test your lighter. (w/ video clip)  (ktla.com) (63)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 373: "Birds 2: Boid Watching". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (210)

Wed June 27, 2012
(CBS Miami) Followup Medical Examiner determines Miami cannibal did NOT have bath salts in his body, only marijuana. So this was just one really, really, really intense case of the munchies  (miami.cbslocal.com) (175)
(The Sun) Dumbass If you've pocketed £135,000 from being a benefits cheat while holding down two full-time jobs maybe you shouldn't have your picture taken scuba diving at exotic spots around the world  (thesun.co.uk) (15)
(Daily Mail) Strange Okay, you're a wife that's discovered your husband's cheating on you. Do you...never mind, she went straight to D, E, and F  (dailymail.co.uk) (77)
(The Sun) Asinine Military pallbearers in uniform turned away from pub because the uniforms violated dress code  (thesun.co.uk) (56)
(WXYZ Detroit) Scary 11-year-old boy takes his family van for a joyride; according to police he was "going at least 90 miles an hour before he lost control and crashed"  (wxyz.com) (24)
(Denver Post) Scary Raw video of homeowners evacuating Colorado's Waldo Canyon Fire  (denverpost.com) (101)
(The News-Star) Strange Woman promises to show up nude at city council meeting if ordinance isn't passed making it illegal for youth to wear saggy pants that dip below their buttocks  (thenewsstar.com) (107)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Study claims men are happiest when sharing the housework, because sharing the housework usually results in less nagging from their partner. Well, duh  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Woman takes three children shopping but leaves them in the car in unbelievable heat while she shopped because "the 3 year-old is a handful and it's just easier to leave them in the car"  (tampabay.com) (108)
(Oregon Live) Sad Signs that your boyfriend you met online isn't Mr. Right: On your first date he takes you to Wendy's. And then later forces you to have sex with strangers in a motel room for money  (oregonlive.com) (137)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this devout supporter of Stonehenge  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Asinine Scientists continue to be divided over whether a double amputee would have an "unfair advantage" competing against able-bodied sprinters in the Olympics  (news.yahoo.com) (180)
(New Zealand Herald) Silly Court reporter kicked out of murder trial for wearing gold sequinned "disco pants". Of course there's a photo - you be the judge  (nzherald.co.nz) (92)
(WTVR) Repeat Man ingests K2, then ingests K9  (wtvr.com) (80)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid Discarded toilet set afire in driveway, police at the scene say they have nothing to go on  (suntimes.com) (22)
(CBS News) Followup FARK-ready headline: Downgraded Debby still soaking Florida  (cbsnews.com) (21)
(US News) Fail PROTIP: When you want to manipulate the media, you should not leak a PowerPoint presentation to the media saying you are trying to manipulate the media  (usnews.com) (69)
(The Week) Asinine Oh FFS, do we really gotta have THIS discussion? Actual headline: "Is Brave's Heroine Gay?"  (theweek.com) (237)
(ABC) Scary Navy study reports 15% percent of incoming recruits had attempted or committed rape before entering the military - twice the percentage of an equivalent civilian population  (abcnews.go.com) (119)
(CBS San Francisco) Amusing Tree-climbing dog amazes until it's time to get down  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (17)
(Philly.com) Scary Officials have so far failed to trap a vicious wolf-dog hybrid roaming a Philadelphia park (with picture of the ravenous beast)  (articles.philly.com) (81)
(Tumblr) Spiffy A website dedicated to Nicolas Cage-cat-pictures-mash-up = Your argument is still invalid  (nickcagecats.tumblr.com) (36)
(HelenaIR.com) Scary Pair of human legs found near Butte; apparently still attached to Feete  (helenair.com) (46)
(io9) Sappy Carnival "freaks" of the 1800s just want a hug  (io9.com) (142)
(AZ Family) Sappy Help make the dreams of a 5-year-old boy with leukemia come true and send him a picture of a fire crew and fire truck from another city, state or country  (azfamily.com) (48)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this South American native using modern technology  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (23)
(Gothamist) Unlikely Baby born on NYC subway this morning; "I want to have something to do with naming him Metro or something like that," says MTA transit chief (no, really)  (gothamist.com) (45)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious Sweden rejects Stephen Colbert's demand to takeover the country's Twitter account, prepares for wrath of Colbert Nation  (thelocal.se) (50)
(USA Today) Spiffy News: 65% of Americans think Barack Obama would be better suited than Mitt Romney to handle an invasion of American soil. Fark: An alien invasion  (usatoday.com) (146)
(The Ridge News) Amusing No matter how hardcore you look or act, being in a motorcycle gang loses some of its street cred when Australians refer to you being a "bikie." (marginally Not safe for work middle finger photo of bikie)  (theridgenews.com.au) (75)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Syria claims they mistook a ☪ for a ✡ when shooting down Phantom jet  (algemeiner.com) (95)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Why did the farmer and five thousand ducks cross the road? (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Stylist) Interesting 'Peter Pan' generation is single, baby-free, broke and can't buy a house. At least they can fly  (stylist.co.uk) (342)
(Madison Courier) Strange When submitting a "Just Married" picture to the local newspaper, perhaps its best not to wear your prison jumpsuit  (madisoncourier.com) (79)
(CBS News) Misc A gallery of mugshots of some of the worst criminals from the 1870's. Fark: They're kids  (cbsnews.com) (75)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass He rips a fart, you pull a gun. That's the New Jersey way  (huffingtonpost.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Advice Farker just found out that Westboro Baptist Church is going to be picketing a location minutes from his home Sunday morning and at Miller Park on the Fourth. Got any good counter-protest sign ideas?  (620wtmj.com) (449)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Police officer quits after texting a tip about an upcoming SWAT raid  (sun-sentinel.com) (49)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Shark bites young child, gets mocked by other sharks for failing to keep hold of one of the small ones  (sun-sentinel.com) (22)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Well, if anything should be attached to a flood insurance bill, it's a "fetal personhood" amendment  (huffingtonpost.com) (158)
(Live Science) Interesting The Army's newest weapon? Lightning Bolt Lightning Bolt Lightning Bolt  (livescience.com) (106)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Floridian copes with Debby by getting naked and attacking a pizza delivery car with his putter  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (25)
(Enterprise News) Amusing Burglar spends 9 hours with head trapped under garage door (w/ "I'm crushing your head" pic)  (enterprisenews.com) (63)
(CBS News) Fail CBS News report says Stockton, California will be the largest city ever to file for bankrupcy. In other news, CBS believes that Stockton is larger than Cleveland, Ohio  (cbsnews.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Silly Experts recommend that doctors screen for obesity. Apparently, looking at the patient and saying "You so fat, little patients orbit you" isn't sufficient  (rttnews.com) (69)
(AZ Family) Unlikely Man sues for the right to use the 'Google' in his website domain name, arguing that the word has become as generic as escalator, zipper, thermos or aspirin  (azfamily.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Scary Consumer Product Safety Commission recalling 2 million Flushmate systems that are meant to make flushing easier, but instead can EXPLODE. In related story, Taco Bell feeling vindicated  (houselogic.com) (37)
(KWQC) Fail City removes Native American artifacts and religious items from home because they violated the city's clean yard law, tells couple they were sent a notice but it went to the wrong address  (kwqc.com) (65)
(MSNBC) Stupid An economics professor patents a way that stops students from buying and selling used textbooks. Students will now have to buy access codes for his economics class "College Costs and Bankruptcy 101"  (msnbc.msn.com) (191)
(610 WIOD) Obvious Facebook pulls "friends near you" app for fear of stalking potential; "in tree with telephoto lens" app still available  (610wiod.com) (31)
(NBC New York) Asinine King Bloomberg of the Democratic Republic of New York City prefers his SUV to be a brisk 68 degrees while no one is in it, but you should conserve energy  (nbcnewyork.com) (68)
(Yahoo) Obvious 75 Percent of women say they won't date unemployed men. Thanks, Obama  (news.yahoo.com) (278)
(AZCentral) Scary Mexican doctors remove a 33-pound tumor from a two-year-old child. The kid is doing fine. The tumor is looking for an agent  (azcentral.com) (20)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Kids have imaginary friends; cokeheads have imaginary enemies...specifically, Croatians  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (19)
(CNN) Interesting Scores rescued from water after ship capsizes off Australia. Composers everywhere rejoice  (cnn.com) (24)
(WCPO) Amusing Modern day Gladys Kravitz stands next to newly installed stop sign to biatch at drivers who run it. News crew shows up because they're bored & promptly film cop car running the stop sign too  (wcpo.com) (100)
(TwinCities.com) Interesting Today: Minnesota State Fair announces new 2012 food offerings including more meats-on-a-stick and lamb testicles. Tomorrow: National Organization for Marriage urges boycott of fair  (twincities.com) (25)
(Philly.com) Scary Remember the bird flu? 500,000 people don't either  (philly.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Sad World's first and only Cake Museum set to close, unless of course it's lying  (ediblegeography.com) (36)
(WUSA9) Cool Ugly ass Kori Bustards born at the National Zoo. These balls of fluff will turn into the heaviest birds with flight capability, with males weighing in the 35 pound range  (wusa9.com) (24)
(NBC Miami) Florida Caught on Tape: McDonald's workers kick around a dead rat 'like a soccer ball'  (nbcmiami.com) (44)
(KnoxNews) Unlikely Federal task force says obese adults need...counseling. Yeah, just lemme jump on my rascal scooter and I will get right on that  (knoxnews.com) (85)
(Daily Mail) Followup Remember Victoria Beckham shooting down rumors of a Spice Girls reunion, saying it "won't happen" in 2012? Well, the weight loss commercials and greatest hits sales have apparently run out  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Not news: 18-year-old girl tells judge she didn't know "smoking marijuana and driving would be a DUI" after getting arrested three times in 18 days. Fark: It works  (tampabay.com) (83)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this stretching swarm  (s.wsj.net) (26)
(Pixel Bark) Amusing I don't know what potassium chlorate is, but if you drop a gummy bear in it, step the hell back  (pixelbark.com) (130)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy Tips for helping your anxious dog cope with Fourth of July festivities. In case there's no beer and pot at your party  (mnn.com) (51)
(Dallas Observer) Spiffy Finally, Global Warming has paid off. Say hello to Let's Get Fahreinhammered (The Biatching-About-Weather Drinking Game). "Ermahgerd, you remember last year when it hit 100 over 70 days in a row?" (That's four drinks.)  (blogs.dallasobserver.com) (50)
(BBC) Scary Greek gunmen set fire to Microsoft office. Police believe they snapped after sitting through yet another tedious PowerPoint presentation  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(Short List) Scary The wedding ring that imprints the word 'Married' on your finger. Presumably targeted at women who know they're marrying a scumbag and are going ahead with it anyway  (shortlist.com) (103)
(CBC) Amusing University's maths placement test forgot to carry the 2  (cbc.ca) (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting Eight differences between Australia and Canada that don't involve vegemite or the wildlife murdering you in your sleep  (lifehacker.com.au) (87)
(Patch) Dumbass It was such a grand plan: You call in sick to work so you can stay home, play video games and drink. And yet here you are now in the back of a squad car, in a strange office parking lot, with a bloody Clark bar wrapper stuck to your shirt  (plymouth-mn.patch.com) (30)
(truTV) Hero An official call against men's underwear manufacturers who've corrupted silly underpants into an orgy of completely lame sexual jokes. "I take my silly underpants seriously and the underpants you're selling are too stupid"  (blog.trutv.com) (42)
(The Union Leader) Weird Mysterious Litterbug discards blank lottery slips on the side of the road. "They're just wasting their time littering and no one knows what they're trying to say"  (unionleader.com) (22)
(io9) Amusing And now, 80 Teddy Ruxpin dolls strapped to a wall, screaming the subconscious of the internet... 'cause why the hell not?  (io9.com) (86)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sad "We were teenage Nazis... then we discovered marijuana"  (mirror.co.uk) (121)
(Daily Mail) Amusing I'm stretched in front of ur door, blockin ur visiting dignitaries  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(The Sun) Amusing Let's just say after viewing these Leonardo Da Veggie's, you're going to be seeing green  (thesun.co.uk) (12)
(WQAD) Scary Pro tip: If two teen girls willingly go to your hotel room at four in the morning, expect a robbery (with teen girl mug shot goodness in the video)  (wqad.com) (111)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Study finds that men obsessed with their muscles are more sexist, more likely to head to the gym in 26 minutes  (nydailynews.com) (93)
(The New York Times) Interesting HOWTO: Spend a weekend in Oslo for only $100. Fark: It doesn't involve selling plasma or digging pizza crusts out of the trash   (frugaltraveler.blogs.nytimes.com) (37)

Tue June 26, 2012
(Buzzfeed) Amusing McDonald's 1976: Hey black people, you will really like it here because you don't have to tip, or get dressed up  (buzzfeed.com) (285)
(Fox 31 Denver) News 32,000 evacuated as Waldo Canyon fire has moved into Colorado Springs. Where are your Gods now, Garden?  (kdvr.com) (324)
(Death and Taxes Magazine) Obvious Eight years ago, people thought Americans were dicks. Today, they still pretty much do (video)  (deathandtaxesmag.com) (253)
(Buzzfeed) Asinine Eating Oreo cookies is now a sin  (buzzfeed.com) (562)
(New Haven Register) Obvious Wanna get rich? Start a school for "fattie class". For 80% of Americans, it's about to be mandatory. Thank you Obama  (nhregister.com) (171)
(Telegraph) Interesting Acknowledging that many people outside the church view Christians as "weird, "mad" and "primitive", Archbishop of Canterbury says Christians need to overcome their "disgust" about homosexuality  (telegraph.co.uk) (245)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this flying bat  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (34)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary The mirrorerd siding on Dallas' newest skyscraper is so bright, it may be damaging artwork at a nearby sculpture center  (blog.chron.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Followup Judge allows rape victim to sue sheriff's office for confiscating her emergency contraception pills  (courthousenews.com) (341)
(The Local (Sweden)) Followup Jealous husband ate wife's lip "on impulse". Presumably because he was out of toast  (thelocal.se) (76)
(The Lost Ogle) Weird Oklahoma City Police need your help in identifying the creepiest damn thing you've ever seen in your life  (thelostogle.com) (95)
(The New Yorker) Sad It almost seems as if we're trying to raise a nation of "adultescents"  (newyorker.com) (299)
(Some Social Media Gal) Photoshop Photoshop contest: Fark's Facebook needs a Timeline cover photo. Winner gets photo featured on Fark's Facebook page. Rules in thread  (facebook.com) (61)
(Fox News) Scary Well, we're all farked. Twitter is sending a reply to the Wow alien signal that will be composed of Tweets from anybody who wants to send one. Please, people, don't taunt the aliens  (foxnews.com) (221)
(Patch) Stupid Today in Super Classy Parents: cat-fight and groin-kicking breaks out at middle-school moving-up ceremony  (pleasantville.patch.com) (66)
(BBC) Interesting EU: 'So, we're ready to discuss your country joining the EU.' Montenegro: 'Wait, aren't you in the middle of collapsing?' EU: 'Montenegro, please'  (bbc.co.uk) (92)
(Yahoo) Interesting Big Ben to become Big Beth  (news.yahoo.com) (111)
(NJ.com) Interesting Fire at NJ pork roll plant was three-alarm, hickory-smoked, delicious  (nj.com) (94)
(The Sun) Spiffy Ugly ass rare Sumatran Rhino born at Kambas Way National Park. Mom needs a nap  (thesun.co.uk) (14)
(610 WIOD) Sad Aggressive coyote removed from state park. Meep-meep  (610wiod.com) (78)
(WBIR Knoxville) Dumbass Don't you hate that nagging feeling when you're on vacation, and you keep thinking you left something behind?  (wbir.com) (101)
(Washington Post) Followup HBO gives George Bush's severed head a facelift on Game of Thrones, the terrorists have won  (washingtonpost.com) (181)
(ABC) Sad So why didn't Matt Sandusky come forward earlier with his claims of being abused by his father? He was afraid of being charged with perjury because he'd earlier denied the allegations to a grand jury  (abcnews.go.com) (102)
(Yahoo) Strange Oh, I'm afraid the Yemen-trained Norwegian Terrorist will be quite operational when your friends arrive  (news.yahoo.com) (51)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Massachusetts man charged with "assault and battery with a dangerous weapon to wit french fry." The weapon was provided by a clown named Ronald  (thesmokinggun.com) (45)
(Complex) Cool One for the Farktographers: the 50 greatest street photographers working right now. Not that photographing a street is difficult, you just point the camera at the ground  (complex.com) (29)
(ABC) Silly It's stories like these that make you realize that the British Monarchy is really just a Cosplay LARP that people have taken way too seriously for way too long  (abcnews.go.com) (174)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Famous last words: "Go ahead and search me because I ain't got nothing on me"  (nwfdailynews.com) (35)
(The Indy Channel) Dumbass You're a TSA worker and want to continue its legacy of terminal stupidity. Do you a) Open jar of cremated ashes - against policy, b) Test contents with your finger, c) Spill contents on floor, d) All of the above  (theindychannel.com) (289)
(NYPost) Asinine You spend a $100 million a year on busting fare cheats in NYC and what do you get for it? 1,228 arrests - most of them children who have outgrown the 44-inch height limit but continue to ride for free  (nypost.com) (58)
(BBC) Ironic Three ultra-Orthodox Jewish men have been arrested in Israel, suspected of defacing the national Holocaust memorial with anti-Zionist graffiti. Wait what  (bbc.co.uk) (229)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida If you want to 'save the beach', you should A: Clean up the trash? B: Organize a community watch program? or C: Wave a gun around in the middle of an intersection?   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (9)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man known as Papa Smurf tells the smurfing cop who woke him up he got too smurfing drunk on smurf juice and forgot he had a smurfing court order barring him from passing out where he did  (nwfdailynews.com) (11)
(TwinCities.com) Dumbass Man laughs during murder sentencing, blames hearing loss and ADD. With "ADD has spread to my hair" mugshot goodness  (twincities.com) (38)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious "Jenny McCarthy owes me an apology"  (mnn.com) (154)
(NPR) Interesting Where America spends money on Booze: Then and Now  (npr.org) (80)
(Big 1059) Weird "Four men charged with noodling catfish in old bathtubs"  (big1059.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Lack of attention paid to the sexual needs of residents in nursing homes is 'concerning' and denies them a 'basic human right'. Your Nana needs it........now  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Today in Bath Salt news: a man on synthetic drugs eats a dog. Is there some sort of chemical reaction between the Florida air and synthetic drugs that causes a person to start eating live mammals?  (sun-sentinel.com) (112)
(WTKR) Stupid Small Virginia city puts out request for 'Strike Team Vehicles' that don't exist yet to haul workers and gear to remote locations. With concept art that looks like the bastard child of a Humvee and a cherry picker  (wtkr.com) (108)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA The ten most respected companies in the world. Difficulty: McDonald's is on the list  (chicagotribune.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Colorado wildfire press conference: "Do any of your resources happen to include weather control satellites?"   (citydesk.freedomblogging.com) (98)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Dave, Dave, Dave of Florida, friend to you and me. Watch out for that tree  (nwfdailynews.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Asinine So what's your email address? No, It isn't; at least not according to Facebook who now tells the world it's "You"@facebook.com even if you never asked them for an account  (news.yahoo.com) (190)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Google creates 16K processor neural network which immediately starts watching cat videos on YouTube  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(Yahoo) Cool Subway work in Greece unearths ancient road, terrible sandwiches  (news.yahoo.com) (61)
(Carlsbad Current Argus) Obvious Alcohol is believed to be a factor in the accident, authorities said  (currentargus.com) (27)
(Tumblr) Photoshop Photoshop these purple people  (24.media.tumblr.com) (27)
(Exotic Dancer) Dumbass Today in Fark Mad Libs: A suspended Rhode Island police chief says he did not steal $714 from a stripper after chasing an SUV in which she was riding during Tropical Storm Irene  (thesunchronicle.com) (31)
(Village Voice) Spiffy The 2012 Coney Island Mermaid Parade: freaks, pasties, half-raw hot dogs on a stick (Not safe for work - slideshow)  (villagevoice.com) (62)
(Kennebec Journal) Sad If at first you don't succeed, try, try again  (kjonline.com) (21)
(SFGate) Amusing Based on user-submitted photos of them from the 60's and 70's, the winners and runner-ups in the My Father the Hipster contest  (blog.sfgate.com) (38)
(CNN) Interesting Turkey has changed its rules of engagement toward Syria from "defense only" to "biatchslap"  (cnn.com) (66)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Trio of criminal masterminds kill old man for the £30,000 rumored to be in his safe. You should never believe those sort of rumors  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(NPR) Interesting We evolved to eat meat--which clearly means vegetarians and vegans are subhuman--but how much meat is too much?  (npr.org) (223)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Women invited to join in annual beard championships, Katie Holmes expected to receive honorable mention (w/ pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(Onion AV Club) PSA The AV Club reviews the greatest candy bars ever conceived: Nestle Crunch Limited Edition Girl Scout Cookie candy bars. Naturally, the Thin Mint ones are the best. Chilled, of course  (avclub.com) (46)
(QC Online) Strange Woman chases two guests who overstayed their welcome out of her house with a pooper-scooper. "We believe it was empty, but it had residue on it," said a police officer responding to the scene  (qconline.com) (28)
(Bay News 9) Florida Firefighters blocked from getting to house fire by flooding, alligator  (baynews9.com) (12)
(News On 6 Tulsa) Fail Mother drags semi-nude woman out of tanning booth for making out with her teenage son. With mugshot goodness  (newson6.com) (185)
(Great Falls Tribune) Scary One grizzly bear in Montana has killed so many sheep in the last two weeks that wildlife officials have fallen asleep trying to count them  (greatfallstribune.com) (43)
(Time) Unlikely Our "extreme work culture" is to blame for why "women can't have it all." But apparently men can because America is sexist  (ideas.time.com) (254)
(The Smoking Gun) Sad You're jobless, 28, and live with your grandma. "Well?" You ask yourself, "Why wouldn't a beautiful S. African model want to see my junk up close?" as you're being driven to the police station: A cautionary tale  (thesmokinggun.com) (106)

Mon June 25, 2012
(Independent) Unlikely "Michael Jackson is the reason Barack Obama was elected president," claims noted political pundit and power broker Jermaine Jackson  (independent.co.uk) (62)
(Popular Science) Amusing Automatic lamb boning machine does the job of a dozen Scots in kilts and high top Wellingtons  (popsci.com) (92)
(Yahoo) Interesting Turns out that Mexico has been unloading more than just their working poor on the U.S  (news.yahoo.com) (137)
(Vancouver Sun) Amusing I like my historic downtown districts like I like my women  (vancouversun.com) (150)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these strolling nuns  (s.wsj.net) (33)
(Colorado Springs Gazette) Interesting The military steps in with C-130s to take on the Waldo Canyon fire just outside Colorado Springs. Go get 'em boys  (gazette.com) (253)
(WMUR New Hampshire) Unlikely Fire during birthday party causes $60,000 in damage, firefighters say. Next time, just get those candles with the numbers on them  (wmur.com) (16)
(KRQE News) Amusing On today's episode of "The Andy Griffith Show", Barney leaves his gun in the bathroom  (krqe.com) (59)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop Germany's Federal Constitutional Court  (s.wsj.net) (34)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Police stop the "Anti-Semitic Elmo" show in New York's Cental Park, removing the star in an ambulance  (thesmokinggun.com) (276)
(Detroit Free Press) Stupid "We have an invasive species on our hands, displacing native species and overfeeding on native vegetation." "Well, they're cute, and you guys are just big meanies"  (freep.com) (241)
(Patch) Amusing As seen in the Cumming Patch: These Salads Should be Tossed, Says FDA  (cumming.patch.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Crack researchers claim people with no interest in food are more likely to use cocaine  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Huffington Post UK) Asinine Since the "intelligent design" argument wasn't really panning out, fundamentalists created a brand new theory to teach kids: the Loch Ness monster disproves evolution  (huffingtonpost.co.uk) (978)
(The Local (Sweden)) Weird Skateboarding is not a crime...until you kill a lady while doing it  (thelocal.se) (73)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Fun: shooting off fireworks. Fiery: shooting at fireworks  (seattlepi.com) (43)
(Fark) FarkBlog Mega-brothel becomes the next big box store, Operation Sea Weed, and drive-by squirtings: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/17 - 6/23  (fark.com) (13)
(Washington Examiner) Ironic Zoo director charged with animal cruelty for doing something other than keeping wild animals who like to roam free in enclosures to be gawked at all day  (washingtonexaminer.com) (88)
(WOWK Charleston) Dumbass "Hi, 911, this is Bobo. I just overdosed on Oxycontin and am having chest pains." "Oh, hi first responders, I never took Oxycontin or had chest pains; I just want a place to sleep and a good meal. And my name's not Bobo"  (wowktv.com) (59)
(InsideNova) Interesting New law in Virginia intends to make DUIs extra miserable for first time offenders with mandatory ignition interlocks and court costs of about $10,000  (www2.insidenova.com) (358)
(The Raw Story) Asinine Loophole lets cruise ship rapes go unreported. Who on Earth would rape a cruise ship  (rawstory.com) (163)
(WAFB) Unlikely Apparently in Louisiana "sexting" is an official criminal charge. Sending unsolicited BIE or WIE a Class III felony  (wafb.com) (166)
(Salon) Strange Man becomes obsessed with becoming the #1 Thomas Rogers in the world on Google  (salon.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Listen fool, if you're going to skip town fine we won't miss you. But don't taunt your probation officer on Facebook saying "I'm in Alabama". The sonogram with the hospital's name on it was a nice touch, too  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(Popular Science) Scary Climate change shows that we are on the path to 'worst case' scenarios  (popsci.com) (483)
(Boston.com) Dumbass You're on a mountain. It's dark. You have an iPhone, a boyfriend, and a dog. What do you do?  (boston.com) (206)
(BBC) Interesting 200,000 British women set new masturbation record  (bbc.co.uk) (94)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Remember: If you're going to give the cops a false name, make sure you remember how to spell the false name  (nwfdailynews.com) (13)
(Y100) Fail "Okay guys, the teacher would like us to sodomize the new kid." Man, summer school hasn't changed at all  (y100.com) (35)
(Ars Technica) Interesting What What (in the Court)  (arstechnica.com) (20)
(NewsOK) Scary Train A is heading west at 40 MPH. Train B is heading east at 40 MPH. At what point does someone realize they're on the same damn track?  (newsok.com) (59)
(My Fox Dallas) Weird Bull-riding suspect claims he shot a hitchhiker in the calf after an argument because the hitchhiker "attacked his father with a case of beer"  (myfoxdfw.com) (25)
(CBC) Scary For the second time in a month a Cape Breton woman's body has been found floating in the river prompting elevated concern among community, recyclers  (cbc.ca) (23)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Strange U.S. hit by wave of used cooking oil thefts; restaurant owners fear for the safety of their retirement grease  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (41)
(US Supreme Court) NewsFlash Supreme Court says asking "Papers, please" is perfectly okay, but overturns rest of Arizona immigration law  (supremecourt.gov) (393)
(Cover It Live) NewsFlash Supreme Court summarily reverses Montana's Citizens United challenge, continues to believe that unlimited soft money is a good thing  (coveritlive.com) (505)
(Time) Scary ♫ Daaaaaaaah dum...♫  (newsfeed.time.com) (58)
(Kennebec Journal) Strange Maine now dealing with the ongoing problem of flying bears  (kjonline.com) (55)
(Times of Israel) Sad Don't give the TSA any ideas. After shoes, underwear and your rectum, your email account is next  (timesofisrael.com) (115)
(Yahoo) Florida Debbie Does Florida  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(CBS Houston) Cool How can you make a day of fishing even better? Taking a wounded veteran along with you  (houston.cbslocal.com) (27)
(Click Orlando) Florida ♫ If you dive in a lake, and your head starts to ache - that's ... amoeba. ♪ When you're sick and in pain, cuz it's eating your brain - that's ... amoeba. ♫  (clickorlando.com) (64)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Man gets caught shoplifting a bottle of beer, defecates on sales floor, because hey... it's Walmart  (azcentral.com) (62)
(Daily Star) Asinine 'Waistline of 57% of women too big' says researcher Studman69  (dailystar.co.uk) (211)
(Short List) Cool Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?  (shortlist.com) (85)
(CNN) Amusing Hmmm. Sacrilicious  (eatocracy.cnn.com) (106)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this face painting scene at a Dragon Boat Festival in China  (s.wsj.net) (31)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Female author claims women no longer want sexual intercourse. She obviously failed to ask any teachers about it  (telegraph.co.uk) (366)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Obvious Prison inmate with history of seizures dies when doctor requesting his transfer to a hospital is overruled due to 'protocols'. Did I mention it's a for-profit prison, and that ambulance rides cost $3,000?  (startribune.com) (265)
(KATU) Dumbass Man throws his wife out of a moving car on I-90, throws himself out the window of the arresting officer's police cruiser, throws down with the officer, gets thrown in jail, will likely have the book thrown at him  (katu.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass lion cub called Simba forges ugly-ass friendship with ugly-ass dog and Thumper, an ugly-ass rabbit (w/ugly-ass awww pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(Huffington Post) Sad Lonesome George no longer lonesome  (huffingtonpost.com) (131)

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