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Sun February 05, 2012
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Six trees older than human civilization. You submitted this with a "your mom" joke (mentalfloss.com)
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Kansas City is being torn apart by a chocolate beer. Of course it is (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Note to wanna-be human traffickers: If you're going to transport five illegal Mexican immigrants in your SUV, always remember to put on a license plate (tampabay.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A 9-year-old boy at a Catholic school was suspended Thursday night at a school lip-sync fundraiser after mimicking Michael Jackson's famous groin grab during a rendition of "Billie Jean." That's just nuts (winonadailynews.com)
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| (Some " guy) |
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If you are going to claim that burglars stole your TV and took it out through a window, it's probably a good idea to take some measurements first (thisissouthdevon.co.uk)
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Photoshop this goal-oriented guy (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Remember how Obama said that US drone attacks have "not caused a huge number of civilian casualties?" Yeah, turns out they've been targeting rescuers at the scenes of previous attacks. And firing on mourners at funerals (salon.com)
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Public school lunchlady demands the deep fryers in the cafeteria be removed so she can force students to eat healthy instead of trusting them to make their own choices (qctimes.com)
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How you can hide from Google. If you dare (howto.wired.com)
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25 Most awkward cat sleeping positions. Beware of cuteness overload (buzzfeed.com)
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For all those who have wished Josh Powell would diaf, here ya go (sltrib.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Passenger thwarted in his attempt to speed up the Southwest Airlines boarding process (wbaltv.com)
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What's worse than being gay in the Bible Belt? Being an atheist (ft.com)
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When asked why he was drinking beer from a wine glass, this guy didn't know, but he took a stab at it (chicagotribune.com)
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Moderate drinking, which was bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, then bad for you, then good for you, is now bad for you again, doubling your risk of pancreatitis and cancer of the bowel, mouth, throat and neck (dailymail.co.uk)
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From the "Who didn't see this coming?" files: Insurance companies and lawyers screw 9/11 families out of large portions of their entitlements (foxnews.com)
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| (Para-Power Ray Gun) |
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Photoshop this clay Dr. Quest (rogerevans.tv)
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"The power of Christ compels you" apparently works on home intruders, as well (abcnews.go.com)
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Bacon - Best prepared via pan fried, baked or microwaved? (fark.com)
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Model with 20' waist looks positively freakish (dailymail.co.uk)
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Deadbeat homeowner discovered after five years of skipping out on taxes, utilities, lawn care, living (jsonline.com)
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Enterprising young entrepreneur sells pot brownies to her 8th grade classmates for three dollars per brownie. That's even cheaper than Pepperidge Farms (foxnews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman receives Facebook friend request from the man who raped her when she was 14 years old. She gets the hero tag for how she handled it (moxiebird.com)
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What to do if you are one of the lucky jerks going to the Super Bowl (latimes.com)
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How cold is it in Europe? Water is freezing and Russians are putting on their underwear (pics) (boston.com)
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Dogs and cats living together. Next up: mass hysteria (thesun.co.uk)
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New scratch-and-sniff jeans can be worn for months without washing. What's new about that, you ask? These jeans smell like raspberries, not basement damp and Cheetos dust like yours (mirror.co.uk)
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Photoshop this powder blast (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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| (Q2) |
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Pilots say any landing you can walk away from is a good landing--even if you have to walk through the living room and out the front door of the house you crashed into. With pic (ktvq.com)
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Amazing pictures of New York's abandoned leper colony, North Brother Island (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Positive side of the bad economy: More and more dry counties are seriously thinking about legalizing the sale of alcohol. "There is nothing good about liquor" (courier-journal.com)
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| (Clarion Ledger) |
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Boy wears "I Heart Boobies" t-shirt to skate party. Then things get weird (clarionledger.com)
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| (WTSP) |
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Eight arrested for soliciting undercover male police officers in park include Denny's consultant. Maybe he shouldn't have asked for the "Sausage Slam?" (wtsp.com)
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Sat February 04, 2012
Fri February 03, 2012
| (Some Bacon Lovin' Guy) |
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Two words: Bacon Milkshake (sfist.com)
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Great Britain could get up to 4" of snow this weekend. EVERYBODY KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP (guardian.co.uk)
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"You put your naked supermarket burglar in my chocolate and peanut butter" -- "No, you put your chocolate and peanut butter on my naked supermarket burglar" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Busch Gardens welcomes ugly-ass baby giraffe to.....oh who are we kidding. She's adorable (mysuncoast.com)
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Buying generic is now just as expensive as buying name brands (consumerist.com)
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Man died while playing video games at internet cafe, but the blank stare and smell of soiled clothing allowed him to go unnoticed by fellow gamers for nine hours (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dejected bank robber wearing shorts on his head, not covering his face, leaves without money when teller nearly laughs at him. With pic of what a shorts-on-head bank robber looks like (keysnet.com)
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Photoshop this hall of hams (boingboing.net)
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1-800-GET-THIN: "They cut her liver three places during the surgery and put her in a wheelchair and sent her home to die" (huffingtonpost.com)
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features assaults, DUI's, bench warrants and wait........... they arrested a melted candle? (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (Asheville Citizen Times) |
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I-40 in western North Carolina which was closed due to a rockslide is now closed due to two rockslides (citizen-times.com)
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Worker falls into nuclear reactor pool trying to recover flashlight. Worst. Origin. Story. Ever. (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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London's first "shared space" road is a misery for drivers, blind people, and cleaners, but at least it looks weird (thisislondon.co.uk)
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Miami named most miserable U.S. city by panel of judges who have never been to Hartford (old.news.yahoo.com)
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37 people gunned down at South Sudan peace conference (bbc.co.uk)
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Photoshop this out of the world probe (farm6.staticflickr.com)
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Fark Quiz time, you know the drill. Can you beat your score from last week? (fark.com)
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| (LA Weekly) |
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There's dick, there's douchebag, and now there's "dart player" (laweekly.com)
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Bad: You're repairing a yacht when it sets sail with you on board. Worse: It's going to Antarctica. Fark: The skipper's last trip there sank (telegraph.co.uk)
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Canadian Senator wants to give prisoners the option of being in the loop (ctv.ca)
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All right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what has infrastructure done for us? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit? (wral.com)
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February is National Children's Dental Health Month, or as it's abbreviated in Mississippi ... February (marketwatch.com)
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Spokeswoman says that a few thefts by TSA agents shouldn't make us forget all the good that they've done. You could tell the Spokeswoman was a pro, because she managed to say that with a straight face (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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College student gives up cell phone and all social media for three months--and actually survives to tell the tale (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you buy a hotdog near the Super Bowl over the next few days, you will be buying from an unofficial undercover Homeland Security Agent (infowars.com)
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Komen reverses funding change due to it not having broad appeal (npr.org)
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Jewish Indiana Jones faces 20 years in prison. He chose...poorly (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most clever, conniving way to adopt your own baby ever (nbcphiladelphia.com)
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World Court says Germany has immunity from lawsuits over Nazi atrocities, says the country was only following orders (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark ready headline "Christians Boycott Starbucks - Because Romans 1 Explains Starbucks Hates God" (usachristianministries.com)
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Court battle over cat ownership collapses after star witness dog dies (news.stv.tv)
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Rabid 900-pound cow attacks Georgia farmer. Okay, okay, we'll eat more chicken (wrcbtv.com)
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Things you don't want to have written in your obituary: "Killed by hair extensions" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Come down to Marina del Rey. Enjoy the seafood, marvel at the yachts, see the bales of pot floating near the dock (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Machete wielding rapist deemed dangerous offender. You don't say? (torontosun.com)
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| (WJAR) |
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Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic) (www2.turnto10.com)
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Cain not able to explain why he attacked his brother (huffingtonpost.com)
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Woman takes crack at driving (ctpost.com)
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America: Love it or leave it*. *$450 charge for leaving it (nydailynews.com)
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| (Wait, what?) |
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Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec (thechronicleherald.ca)
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Woman picking her kid up from school enters through bus-only lane, hits gate with her car, drives over curb, and exits through entrance, and is busted for DUI and other charges. Ta-da (orlandosentinel.com)
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Utah prosecutors clear police of all charges for using pepper spray and batons on a group of Polynesian students performing a haka at a football game, because no one in Utah can be expected to have the slightest idea what a haka is (stuff.co.nz)
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The violence is spreading across Egypt as the football riots continue. Here is a timeline of the events (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Heck of a job, Brownie (nbcdfw.com)
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No happy ending for masseuse who gave customer unexpected discharge (mcall.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sure, we've all sped when we were running late for work. It's just that most of us didn't have weed and meth on us, nor did we decide to start a fight with the cops who stopped us (dailycommercial.com)
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| (Some Shoggoth) |
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Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials (globalpost.com)
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Employees at Detroit McDonald's locked in freezer after store robbery, enjoy the break from Michigan weather (clickondetroit.com)
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Researchers say men become nicer, kinder, more caring when a beautiful woman is nearby. Well, duh (dailymail.co.uk)
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The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I (rollingstone.com)
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College student sues fraternity for negligence because he fell off a deck after a bottle rocket went off in another student's rectum (upi.com)
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Drunk woman tells officer she cannot take DUI test because "of these big boobies" ...it almost worked until she started to dance (with mugshot goodness) (wptv.com)
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Jack Sparrow injured "in the fight that included Cat Woman, an alien and a second pirate" (ktla.com)
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My Father always told me, "If you're doing something that will make you wanted by the police, remember not to ask the police if you're wanted" (chicagotribune.com)
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| (NosINT) |
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In March there will be four carrier battle groups in the gulf region. Sleep tight, Ahmadinejad (nosint.blogspot.com)
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Russian attack plane headed for Everett. WOLVERINES (komonews.com)
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Woman dies on her 110th birthday. Perhaps the surprise party was a bad idea (suntimes.com)
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| (Stroked Out Daddy) |
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Yeah, that's pretty much my exact reaction upon hearing Kenny Chesney, too (theboot.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Susan Komen Foundation introduces pink handguns to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Really (wisconsingazette.com)
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Sure, I know a little Nepalese. He's right over there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can tell Valentine's Day is near, because the media has produced the first "ZOMG, PERVERTED CANDY HEARTS" story of the season (kcra.com)
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Woman holding baby gets into argument over rent with boyfriend. After boyfriend douses woman in lighter fluid and sets her on fire, woman throws baby out window, where it is caught by attentive neighbors. The Aristocrats (nydailynews.com)
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Vulcan man arrested for sexual assault. Look, there are better ways to deal with Pon Farr, dude (calgary.ctv.ca)
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"Yeah, fill 'er up and check the radiator Josés under the hood" (ktla.com)
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Photoshop a flag for the new lunar state (popsci.com)
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Meet the man with over 1,500 boardgames and exactly 0 girlfriends (omaha.com)
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A game similar to freeze tag being played at school "except that a person had to be humped to be unfrozen" (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Woman who slept with 1,000 men reveals: "I was born a man" (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)
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The number of Brits dying from alcohol related causes is equivalent to a major plane crash every 17 days (mirror.co.uk)
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Long lost Indonesian twins run into each other three decades later in Sweden living 25 miles from each other. Bonus: After viewing pic, you would wish you were a couch pillow (telegraph.co.uk)
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How do you say, "Thank you for your service, sergeant. May you rest in peace," in Navajo? (azcentral.com)
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Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Ocala Star Banner) |
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Deputy's attempt to apprehend suspect results in foot chase, pitbull attack, Tasering, and a bystander stabbing himself twice (ocala.com)
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Is Hillary Clinton styling herself to be the next Bond villain? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Subby's looking for a new beer to try. I know you won't disappoint, Fark (fark.com)
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This is why you don't let the inmates print the logos for the side of your police cars (news.yahoo.com)
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Thu February 02, 2012
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Secret of red wine as revealed by scientists: "You'd have to drink more than 600 bottles of wine to get the amount of resveratrol that would deliver any noticeable health benefits." Subby: "Challenge accepted" (news.yahoo.com)
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Everyone in town wins. Except you, you get nothing (wgal.com)
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Disabled artist paints beautiful landscapes with his mouth. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Girl) |
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Komen for the Cure goes full derp, halts funding for stem cell research (lifenews.com)
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Photoshop this bronze statue beginning (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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| (DCist) |
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Three Occupy DC protestors are on the fourth day of a "sleep strike" to protest the Park Police's ban on camping in McPherson Square and the bugs BURROWING UNDER THEIR SKIN (dcist.com)
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John Boehner (R) claims providing co-pay free birth control to women is unconstitutional (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Calgary Sun) |
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New distracted driving law leads to drivers who are even more distracted than before (calgarysun.com)
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NJ power station spills 10,000 gallons of mineral oil. Hazmat teams describe the scene as "regular" (nj.com)
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Theme: Make truly honest movie posters for any movie. LGT examples (uproxx.com)
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Susan G. Komen Foundation's top public health official resigns over new anti-Planned Parenthood policy (theatlantic.com)
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A look at how classic cereal boxes have changed over the years. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was even creepier in 1963 than he is today (buzzfeed.com)
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I could be wrong, but I believe that this resort advertisement has been Photoshopped (boingboing.net)
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Online singles seek parenthood but no sex, which is like going to a strip club only for the beer prices (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Sum Gai) |
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Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights (woodtv.com)
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So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid" (cnn.com)
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How hardcore are bears? They're purposely killing themselves to protest the horror of bile farms (mnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teen boy who had sex with his 36-year-old fitness trainer tells a judge his life is ruined because girls in his class want to date him because he's experienced and boys come to him for sexual advice (thespectrum.com)
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For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please (latimes.com)
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Ugly ass baby gorilla born in Florida zoo (nwfdailynews.com)
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Lions apparently not enough to keep intruders out of animal refuge, may have to switch to the Cover-2 defense (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yet another example of Facebook shares no one wants to see (duluthnewstribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Man arrested after attempting to move the vehicle blocking his car. News: It was an ambulance. Fark: Paramedics were loading it with a patient at the time (y100.com)
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Woman robs bank for denture money after being turned down for bridge loan (usatoday.com)
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| (Some Rustled Cattle) |
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Florida's new red light cameras are catching video of interesting things besides red light runners. Like cattle rustlers. With video (wtsp.com)
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| (Some Fake Agent) |
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Apparently, the idea of pretending to be a federal agent and pulling people with Ontario plates who visit strip clubs so you can check their car for bombs hasn't gotten old in Hudson (newportrichey.wtsp.com)
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Crackers recalled due to egg allergen concerns, white people problems (reuters.com)
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Problem: the renters you have in your flat aren't even paying close to the prices with which you could gouge Olympic tourists. Solution: evict the tenants. Wow, that wasn't even really much of a problem, now, was it? (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Bike riding in Tampa Bay just got a little more Mad Max-y (tampabay.com)
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| (Public Intel) |
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If you like online privacy, yooooouuu might be a terrorist (publicintelligence.net)
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Woman criticises your website for stating that 85 per cent of rapes go unreported is 'good odds'. Should you C)Take to Twitter to ask if she is a lesbian? (thisisplymouth.co.uk)
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Employees taking stacks of cash from a bank vault for an auditor to count, forget to remove the ones with the exploding dye packs (denver.cbslocal.com)
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Quake strikes off coast of Vanuatu, only one survivor (abc.net.au)
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Taco Bell customers may be spending even more time on the toilet than usual (link updated) (uk.reuters.com)
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10000 people placed on the No-Fly List in 2011. Take that, really lousy terrorists who didn't have a backup plan (hosted.ap.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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74-year-old man dies after choking on his dentures while having sex with a 62-year-old prostitute (asiaone.com)
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Virginia may be about to pass a law that separates school year planning from King's Dominion's schedule. In other news, Virginia currently plans its school year around King's Dominion's schedule (wtop.com)
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Step 1: Counterfeit buffet restaurant chain certificates Step 2: Go on cross-country roadtrip Step 3: Arrested (dailybulletin.com)
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Remember back in 2009 after the economy shiat the bed and the experts said Americans had learned how to be frugal again? Well, we're back to buying expensive lattes and renewing magazine subscriptions (mnn.com)
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Tonight on Hoarders: Top secret (thesmokinggun.com)
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: "Put down those damn teabags and use me, you lout" (mirror.co.uk)
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Photoshop this man taking his dog for a walk (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)
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Woman caught after high speed chase through Seattle in stolen cherry picker tells cops it was always on her bucket list (seattlepi.com)
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Seattle library lets man watch internet porn, presumably because it's easier to clean the computer screen than to unstick book pages (seattlepi.com)
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Woman's body found in Lawrence Welk (utsandiego.com)
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Residents complain about too many bare pekas on Peka Peka Beach, Sergeant Bigwood sent to investigate (stuff.co.nz)
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Hey, good news everybody. Your frequent flier miles might now be taxable (travel.usatoday.com)
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| (brobible.com) |
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Larry, Curly, and Moe busted for running $1 million LSD ring at Drexel University (brobible.com)
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Ferry in New Guinea carrying 350 sinks. That's a lot of sinks (ajc.com)
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Couple sue In Vitro Fertilization Doctor for giving them what they wanted, but not how they wanted it (foxnews.com)
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Yreka Gold found in California; this is not a repeat from 1848 (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Groundhog Day festivities where the movie was filmed may be canceled due to a blizzard. Now where have I seen this before? (articles.chicagotribune.com)
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"Yes, your bum does look big in that" (thesun.co.uk)
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Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill: "If you double a teacher's pay scale, you'll attract people who aren't called to teach" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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145 skiers, 1 boat (motorboatsmonthly.co.uk)
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Remember that lady who sued Honda over false mileage claims? Well, she just taught them a lesson in civics (suntimes.com)
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You've traveled in time from the present to 1985. Paradoxes aside, how would you explain the world of 2012 to a group of high school kids? (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ladies, your chance to be the 2012 Bacon queen is upon you (desmoinesregister.upickem.net)
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Dad hangs on to his son who was clinging for his dear life after slipping from a chairlift, finally dropping him 25ft to rescuers below (dailymail.co.uk)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 352: "Go out and get some strange" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)
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Wed February 01, 2012
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Mona Lisa had a twin sister (thestar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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For most 9 year olds, cancer is the most terrifying thing in the world. For some, a transplant is even more so. Meet the only 9 year old who gave the finger not once but 6 times to her tumors (boston.cbslocal.com)
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Intent on losing all 10 of its customers, Spirit Airlines unveils a new $2 fee to protest a new rule allowing passengers to change their flight without penalty (cnn.com)
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How to be black (npr.org)
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| (WBNS) |
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Look, let's go over this one more time. If you rob someone, don't brag about it on Facebook (10tv.com)
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Eighteen percent of Americans would give up sex for six months in exchange for someone else paying their bills for just one month (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Want a job in 2020? Become a nurse, teacher or fast food worker (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A little kid kicks dirt on your car, do you A) tell him to get lost B) Threaten to tell his parents C) Pick him up and dangle him over an aggressive, chained pit bull? (charlotteobserver.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crystal collection (api.ning.com)
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Scientists say sugar is as toxic as alcohol & there should be a drinking age for soft drinks (io9.com)
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Tiny amount of radiation 'could have' leaked from nuclear power plant but there's absolutely nothing to worry about, say officials in Japan. Oops, I mean California (mercurynews.com)
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Having solved all other problems, Illinois wants to ban texting while biking (stltoday.com)
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| (Some Frakkin' Guy) |
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Cylon monitors are analyzing American energy consumption (businessandleadership.com)
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Tanning beds PREVENT cancer. And treat lupus and fibromyalgia. And skin cancer comes from sunscreen, anyway (theatlanticwire.com)
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The FBI likes to intimidate suspects by using a chainsaw to go through apartment doors, a technique that's especially intimidating when they saw through the wrong door (thedailybeast.com)
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Dinosaurs that can't hit a chip shot, a note from Epstein's mother, and the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 1/22 - 1/28 (fark.com)
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| (Readers Digest) |
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26 Things to do with petroleum jelly. Uhm, yea...that's not one of them (rd.com)
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Teacher suspended for putting hot sauce on crayons to keep the special ed kids from eating them (wftv.com)
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Researcher who spent 18 years seeking a cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease dies. Of Lou Gehrig's Disease. Still no cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease (latimes.com)
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Photoshop this view of Lake Egirdir Golu in Turkey (nasa.gov)
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At least 73 people dead and scores injured as rivals clash in Egypt. Against the government? No, football (aljazeera.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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20 common grammar mistakes even the grammar nazis get wrong (litreactor.com)
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I'm not a doctor, but I think you died after inhaling carbon monoxide at a Holiday Inn Express last night (msnbc.msn.com)
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Russia's fifth-generation Sukhoi PAKFA T-50 fighter jet loses competition without battle (english.pravda.ru)
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Problem: Australia infested with invasive African grass that fuels wildfires. Solution: Import elephants and rhinos as lawnmowers (canada.com)
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So you want to join my credit card-fraud gang? How do I know you're not an undercover Fed? *WAKKA CHIKKA WAKKA CHIKKA* (wired.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Large cock attacks Deputy Wood with his pecker. Guess where (newsplex.com)
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Anthrax mailings, once the tool of domestic terrorists, are now being used by wannabe rappers and apartment hunters (slate.com)
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Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske (suntimes.com)
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Pfizer advising pharmacies to pull-out contraception (boston.com)
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This super slow motion video of how great tits move comes with a bonus -- a porn music soundtrack (newscientist.com)
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Zookeeper: "Now watch, children, as the barn owl majestically soars over the lion's head and OH MY GOD" (thesun.co.uk)
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Not News: The director of "Priscilla Queen Of The Desert" comes out of the closet. Excuse me while I put on my shocked face (abc.net.au)
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UK remains in full EVERYBODY PANIC mode as temperatures plunge to 14°F, which newspaper notes is colder than Antarctica (where it is currently summer) (thesun.co.uk)
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*Yoink* (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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US Army develops new method for dealing with overweight soldiers: injecting them with more fat (wired.com)
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Inner-city school enters NASA contest. Apparently, there was some kind of misunderstanding when the students were asked how high they'd like to get (schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com)
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Washington, D.C. desperately needs a groundhog. No prairie dogs need apply (washingtonpost.com)
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Mayor bans Rocky Horror Picture Show performance from city-owned theatre for being 'too risque', so supporters rally funds and move the performance to a theater that's just a jump to the left (carrollton.11alive.com)
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Birdwatchers? They kidnapped birdwatchers? What kind of crazy terrorists think anyone would want to ransom birdwatchers? These are the people that make stamp collectors seem interesting (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you hate when you get wrongfully arrested as a pedophile and have your face plastered on all the newspapers? Again? (kfoxtv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Roll over. Stay. Good car (whiotv.com)
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Los Angeles classroom teacher arrested after being too dumb to use a digital camera (latimes.com)
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Police seize 1500 pounds of pot from NY apartment, estimate its street value at $7.5 million. Dude, $5000 a pound? In New York? Must have been some crappy stuff (foxnews.com)
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Just for the taste of it, Diet Stroke (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you don't stop masturbating in front of the bank teller your face might freeze like that when they take your mugshot (blogs.riverfronttimes.com)
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"The best thing I can do for today's youth is quit" (theglobeandmail.com)
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Girls of the Vancouver hockey riots 2011. Hhhmmmmm....yeah, want some of 'em (vancouversun.com)
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Prospective Olympic luger was just underwear company PR stunt (thelocal.de)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It is a most elusive fish (heraldextra.com)
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Aussie boss sells business and gives $15 million bonus to staff (rawstory.com)
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Houston faces penalties over 1970's smog limits, 1970's Astros uniforms (chron.com)
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Good: Set meeting to balance budget. Bad: To avoid emergency state takeover. Detroit: Majority of city council doesn't bother to show up (freep.com)
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Americans about to create super weapon of the future - railgun. Russia surrenders (english.pravda.ru)
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Arab League goes before UN to plead for help in stopping Syrian govt massacring its own people. Guess which nation is putting a kibosh on any assistance (aljazeera.com)
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The latest home product that can kill you? Your dishwasher (wxyz.com)
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How to survive tornados. Step 1: leave Missouri and Oklahoma. Step 2: repeat Step 1 as necessary (huffingtonpost.com)
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NYPD officers no longer allowed to wear NYPD clothing (nypost.com)
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Polo club founder adopts his adult girlfriend. He incests he had a good reason to (palmbeachpost.com)
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World's strongest boy does push ups the hard way (youtube.com)
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Man busted for driving around on a moped armed with a Walther P22, a Steyr M9, and a Japanese dagger-shaped martial arts weapon while looking for "the man" (palmbeachpost.com)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Jesus saved (billingsgazette.com)
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For those keeping track of the dissolution of the Occupy movement, you can now cross Miami off your list (upi.com)
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American home ownership has plummeted to record lows on news that home values are plummeting even more (usatoday.com)
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After 20 years of drilling, scientists have almost reached a subglacial lake in Antarctica that hasn't seen daylight in 20 million years. Which means great scientific advances or the release of an unstoppable evil from its tomb, hard to say (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Defense Tech) |
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Sexiest headline of the week (defensetech.org)
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Glowing nebula looks like giant human face in new photo (with "ehhh....if you say so" photo) (space.com)
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Claiming you fought in Vietnam War to the press while serving in Afghan War is double daft (stripes.com)
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Things not to say to same-sex couples, such as "I'm so thrilled to meet you. I was bisexual in college" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man crashes the boards at hockey rink. While drunk. While driving the Zamboni. Surprisingly, this story does not take place in Canada (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Cardinal Bevilacqua paternos his way out of testifying at upcoming church sex abuse trial (msnbc.msn.com)
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High school English teacher under investigation for showing former female student how to use his Longfellow in porn video (theage.com.au)
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If you've stayed at Las Vegas's Luxor hotel recently, congratulations, you've won a case of Legionnaire's Disease (upi.com)
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| (Jezebel) |
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The 21 Most Lesbianish Cities in America (jezebel.com)
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Photoshop Challenge: a bean, a queen, and a magazine (google.com)
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Skyrim: The Andy Richter voiceover reel (youtube.com)
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Prince William deploys for six-week tour of the Falklands. Presumably Harry is busy infiltrating Argentina, because one more person in a Nazi uniform over there wouldn't stand out (guardian.co.uk)
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Last surviving member of original SAS dies at age 92, will be buried in a quiet ceremony together with his enormous brass balls (mirror.co.uk)
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Breaking Bad gets the retro 8-bit makeover (laughingsquid.com)
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Backlash: Osama Bin Laden death photos may be released after all. Judicial Watch has sued for release of the materials under Freedom of Information Law, and they apparently have a case (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Federal Government would like to charge pro weed Montana state lawmakers as "conspirators" to sell and distribute medical marijuana (missoulian.com)
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Dust off all the usual comments, it's time for today's hot teacher with teen student story. Seriously, can we get a tab for these? (mcall.com)
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Women reveal their "morning face" and OMG KILL THEM WITH FIRE (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Tue January 31, 2012
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After hearing some sports cars are being driven dangerously police revoke the license of the next guy they find driving a sports car. Judge finds a flaw in their cunning plan (ctvbc.ctv.ca)
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| (Some Communicator) |
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Caption this inter-species communication (i.imgur.com)
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So while we're all talking about global warming, Canada didn't have a winter this year (cbc.ca)
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Two women sexually assault man with pliers, article includes a helpful picture of what a pair of pliers may look like (twincities.com)
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The hell with pizza, you can have a sex toy delivered to your residence in 60 minutes or less (brooklynpaper.com)
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Secret NATO report seems to indicate that Pakistan intelligence and the Taliban are BFFs (bbc.co.uk)
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People in Seattle after a major snow storm in 2008: We don't have enough snowplows. People in Seattle after a major snow storm in 2012: We have too many snowplows (seattlepi.com)
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Photoshop this disgusted drop (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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The most polite "Fark you, you S.O.B." letter it's ever been subby's pleasure to read (news.yahoo.com)
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| (KDGE) |
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"It's not what I fought for...to be treated like this. It's not right to think they can come into your house and do this to you," says disabled Vietnam veteran who lives in fear of the authorities taking away his monkeys (kdge.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five beers no man should drink after 25. I don't know about you, but after 25 beers, I stick to shots (Sucky beer slideshow) (mademan.com)
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New tapes of the day JFK was shot were found back and to the left of the archive (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Cop) |
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Sir, I'm going to have to ask you for your license, registration, and man card (thecabin.net)
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Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield (nj.com)
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| (Mail) |
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20-year-old babysitter's diary entry about 14-year-old boy: 'I don't care about the law.' The law: 'Ahem' (middletownpress.com)
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Shipwreck hunters find second streetlight on floor of the Baltic Sea (huffingtonpost.com)
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Photoshop this stranded ship (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Woman learns the hard way that pythons don't like to cuddle (upi.com)
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Man in clown costume robs convenience store, seen escaping in small car with 15 to 20 accomplices (wxyz.com)
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John thought he could casually walk into the supermarket, pour bleach on the chicken and pork, and slip out without anyone noticing. But something - SOMETHING - made him stand out (w/ mugshot goodness) (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man beats ex unconscious, sticks around to discuss repairing their relationship (thecabin.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's nothing quite like buying a car, taking it for a spin, picking up the ladies, and watching it roll down a hill into a brand new swimming pool (heraldsun.com.au)
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| (The Gloss) |
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Designer unveils bizarre 'boob gown' at Rome fashion week. Looks like a 'One Tit Wonder' to subby (thegloss.com)
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Twilight as reimagined by Wes Craven (thelocal.se)
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Protip: Before you post your crazy driving antics on YouTube, remember that the police watch the internets, too (news.com.au)
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Government report says Japan's population will shrink by one third by 2060, which is shocking considering how short they already are now (bbc.co.uk)
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Porsche Girl's father gets $2.37 million for enduring epic trolling (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man shot in thigh near McBaine Ave. MENDOZA (columbiamissourian.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 10 colleges where kids in America pretend to be wizards and compete in Harry Potter Quidditch...is this really higher education? (collegemagazine.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just because your grandmother snuck you a shot of brandy when you were a kid doesn't mean you need to give yours Methadone and Nyquil (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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So Newt was told he couldn't use Eye of the Tiger as music for his campaign anymore. What song do you think he should use from now on? (fark.com)
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| (KCCI Des Moines) |
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Losing your house or car in bankruptcy proceedings can be bad enough but this guy just lost his flock of llamas (kcci.com)
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| (WUSA9) |
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And now the opening scene to Season #3 of "The Walking Dead" (wusa9.com)
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| (charlotte observer) |
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Made for Fark headline brought to you by North Carolina. "Cox indicted in Flying Biscuit Death" (charlotteobserver.com)
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Fourth-largest Spanish airline collapses. You'll have to forgive them; they're from Barcelona (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Demon Ocracy) |
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Wondering just how large the Euro debt problem is? This frightening infographic shows you using 18-wheelers packed with 100 Euro notes (demonocracy.info)
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Banning zombies is discrimination, AND IT'S WRONG (ajc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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HOLY JEEBUS. Your two favorite things are now combined. Could be four if served between boobies (esquire.com)
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| (WSB TV) |
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You know your day is going to suck when it starts with a police chase ending on your ass, literally (wsbtv.com)
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Man pleads no contest to multiple counts of assault and battery with toy lightsabers, and one count of impersonation of a jedi. With "that's no jedi" mugshot (msnbc.msn.com)
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"Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised we may experience some chop up a head" (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Why not spice up your stale sex life with some hot threesomes between you, your husband and your 15 year old cousin? Apart from the court case and the awkward family dinners of course (stuff.co.nz)
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Nurseries urged to look for signs of drug-addicted babies, such as if the babies sleep a lot, soil themselves, or speak only in incoherent babble (latimes.com)
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...and the horses will never look at him the same way (thesun.co.uk)
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Award-winning teacher had sex with two students, kissed a third and sexted a fourth. Yeah, I'd say that at least deserves an award for effort, if nothing else (cbc.ca)
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Recipe for fun: downtown Des Moines Marriott to be shared for a week by just two groups---Chinese government officials and high school wrestlers in town for the state high school wrestling tournament (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)
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When having an amorous encounter with your mistress, check first to make sure your wife is not also in the room. That way you can avoid getting strangled and having the cops show up. With pics (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Three-year-old boy in Peru has an abortion (cbsnews.com)
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Home birthing advocate dies giving birth in own home. Alanis Morissette tapped to perform at funeral (au.news.yahoo.com)
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England soiling its collective pants as temperatures may drop to 12°F. What ever happened to "keep a stiff upper lip"? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Beware the Jabberwock, my son / The jaws that bite, the claws that catch / Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun / Celine old Bandersnatch (blog.sfgate.com)
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About that female douchebag who dumped her cancer boyfriend and took the Super Bowl tickets? Yeah about that. Pro tip guys: You have to meet a woman more than once to consider yourself in a relationship (dailymail.co.uk)
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Photoshop these lanterns on a lake (inapcache.boston.com)
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Alaska gears up for a hostile takeover of Central Park (mnn.com)
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Illinois needs more female prison guards. Giggity (qctimes.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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This just in: Fat doctors less likely to tell you you're fat (medpagetoday.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Walkin' your dog off leash? That's a taserin' (hmbreview.com)
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Mother: Okay kids, here you go. Bye bye. Good luck (dailymail.co.uk)
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Fark headline recipe: article about female teacher having sex with students (check), vodak (check), Not Sure if Want pic (check) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Don't let their oppressive shyness, lack of collaboration skills, unwillingness to speak up, and self-imposed isolation fool you -- introverts can be a real benefit to the workplace (npr.org)
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Religious leaders falling over themselves in scramble to excommunicate philosopher who's building a temple to atheism (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Mon January 30, 2012
 |
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An elephant in Amsterdam's zoo has made history after vets fit her with jumbo-sized contact lens. Win Thida sees what you did there (spiegel.de)
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Can a woman be a douchebag? This is important, because I'd hate to use the wrong word to refer to the woman who dumped her boyfriend when she found out he had bladder cancer, but still wanted to take his Super Bowl tickets (news.yahoo.com)
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Wal-Mart is now getting rid of door greeters entirely. But now who will harass us, demanding to see the receipt for the 24-pack of toilet paper we just bought but was too big for the bag? (bloomberg.com)
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Baffled homeowner finds man on his porch at 2:30 AM screaming that his house is possessed. Creepy red-eyed pig refuses comment (tampabay.com)
|
| (the daily wilton) |
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Connecticut teachers will now be evaluated mainly on student performance, which makes you wonder what they were being evaluated on before. No, seriously. What were they evaluated on before? (thedailywilton.com)
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Man found passed out in SUV urinates on Chicago police station floor, insists his air piano performance sounded awesome. The percussive handcuffs really killed it (chicagotribune.com)
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Man returns $8K left near road, forgets about the "Finders Keepers" clause (wftv.com)
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Husband turns in dance teacher wife after he finds out her 15-year-old student is tapping that (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio's offices evacuated because something white and powdery was found there other than Sheriff Joe Arpaio (news.yahoo.com)
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Photoshop a little bit more action into this placid scene (cdn3.spiegel.de)
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A thief breaks into a car and steals c) a woman's false teeth (wpxi.com)
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In Phoenix you can get a bacon-wrapped hot dog piled high with beans, mayonnaise, cheese, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, guacamole, salsa and jalapeño peppers. Your move, Chicago (azcentral.com)
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Scientists determine global warming caused by the Wall Street Journal's and Daily Mail's pants being on fire (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Mother-of-the-year tarts up 5-year-old for TV, sues media for $30M because her snowflake is "perceived sexually" (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Missing community activist found. Apparently, he fell down a well. Onto a bullet (washingtonpost.com)
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"Austerity in the face of depression is a very bad idea." By N. S. Sherlock (nytimes.com)
|
| (DailyFinance) |
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The list of America's 25 most dangerous neighborhoods. Chicago? NYC? Cincinnati laughs as it robs you at gunpoint (dailyfinance.com)
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| (CBS-NY) |
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State Senator wants to ban eating on NYC subway trains. All other bodily functions still encouraged (newyork.cbslocal.com)
|
| (NBC New York) |
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Hey, remember that "Welcome to Vassar" message you got on our early decision applicant web site? Well, about that... funny story (nbcnewyork.com)
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Challenge: What war propaganda would look like if the US went to war with Luxembourg (en.wikipedia.org)
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You have a fight with your pregnant girlfriend - do you a) take the blame even if it's not your fault. b) walk away and come back when things cool down. c) rip off all of her clothes and leave her naked in the street. HINT: Florida Tag (beatcalls.com)
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Find out what your animal name is. This link submitted by Flopsy the Laughing Rhino (buzzfeed.com)
|
| (Washingtonian) |
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White House sources: Obama will be forced out of the Oval Office in 2013 (washingtonian.com)
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You thought we were done with the horrible neighbors that taunted the dying little girl? They're on the Dr. Phil show today (mlive.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Woman gives birth to toddler (abclocal.go.com)
|
| (Kitsap Sun) |
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Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit (kitsapsun.com)
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A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded (slate.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What's the most useless true fact you know? (pmbc.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
More lemmings last summer mean more snow owls on the hunt today. No, this is not a metaphor for the political scene in America (battlecreekenquirer.com)
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School science building burning. Must have been one hell of a paper mache volcano (news.com.au)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: when you go to pick up your ten kilogram shipment of cocaine, you should probably wait until you're off duty. And out of your uniform. And not driving your patrol car (todaysthv.com)
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Condo board bullies man to euthanize his pit bull - a "betrayal" of his best friend which drove him to suicide. Yep, there are no winners here. Unless you're the f**king condo board that is (nypost.com)
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Reminder: When using a government computer network, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any communications (washingtonpost.com)
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Not saying there is any need to panic or anything, but apparently just using one arm to measure blood pressure COULD END UP KILLING YOU (edmonton.ctv.ca)
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Muslim preacher arrested in Kenya, Secret Service plans rescue mission (iol.co.za)
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Just an "accident," officer, you know how confusing those pedals are when you're angry (tampabay.com)
|
| (Gwinnett Daily Post) |
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Illinois man sends murder threats and mailbombs to Georgia schools in hopes of getting personal enemies investigated. How'd that plan work out for you, big guy? (gwinnettdailypost.com)
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Detectives give up on murder case, turn evidence over to the public to see if they can figure it out (heraldtribune.com)
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Deceased multimillionaire leaves $1.5 million to chauffeur and doorman. Stiffed ex-wife is nonplussed, but classy: "He could f*ck a nun. I couldn't give a sh*t. We're divorced. The man is dead" (nypost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Crowd gathers in North Carolina for chance at sexual chocolate beer. "I am very warm in my coat. Had to skin a wookie to be here, it's basically a walking sleeping bag" (wdam.com)
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A most peculiar case of blue balls (dailymail.co.uk)
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Tourism tip: If you're planning a visit to the U.S., don't tweet about your plans to "destroy America" or dig up Marilyn Monroe (thesun.co.uk)
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Supermarket IDs woman buying pack of spoons, because spoons can be used to shoot heroin. With helpful instructions on how to prepare heroin with a spoon (dailymail.co.uk)
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Woman's rape claim suddenly loses credibility when police notice all her bruises wash off (news.com.au)
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Facebook detective tracks down attackers (lep.co.uk)
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Employees at new casino facing "term limits" (npr.org)
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Man leaves Catholic church, can't get off god's mailing list (npr.org)
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Rick Santorum: We need to cap medical malpractice awards to $250,000. World: Didn't you file a $500,000 malpractice suit against your wife's chiropractor in 1999? Santorum: That was different (washingtonpost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Colorado ranchers are using an aggressive breed of sheepdog that will savage any wolf, coyote, or tourist that gets too close to the flock (gazette.com)
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Two neighbors, one cup. Or, how to deal with thin walls when your neighbors are screwing like mink (gothamist.com)
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Yoga can make grandma flexible enough that she can get her legs behind her ears again (sun-sentinel.com)
|
| (CONTEMPORIST) |
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Photoshop these screw stools (contemporist.com)
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CEO of government-owned bank decides he doesn't need that £963,000 bonus after all, would rather not go through life with everyone in the country hating his guts (bbc.co.uk)
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*Knock knock* "What is it Leftenant Sebastian?" "It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here and they've brought a flag." "Damn, that's dash cunning of them" (abcnews.go.com)
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If you break into the CNN newsroom, it's probably best not to use their computers to check your Facebook status (upi.com)
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If you're in the Phillippines, do NOT put on your robe and wizard hat (abs-cbnnews.com)
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6.3 earthquake hits Peru. Twelve injured, flights delayed, travelers still not able to get over Machu Picchu (bbc.co.uk)
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CNN graphics department doesn't know where London is (mirror.co.uk)
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Another foot washes ashore on Vancouver beach, is immediately offered roster spot with Baltimore Ravens (huffingtonpost.ca)
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Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic) (dailymail.co.uk)
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American insurance company is branching out to act like dicks in the international market (news.com.au)
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88-year-old former Marine reveals his life as a Hollywood rentboy. Nailed Katharine Hepburn and had orgies with every celeb of the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's. Semper Fi bro, you're now my hero times two (dailymail.co.uk)
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Fisticuffs at Cowboy BBQ: "The argument began over whether food was done cooking, with the cook saying it wasn't done and that he would cook it until it was" (helenair.com)
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Five things to never feed your kids, which is basically everything we ate as kids (huffingtonpost.com)
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Change one word from the title of movie or TV show that it sounds like it could be something shown on late night Showtime or Cinemax (fark.com)
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Ow, My Balls (bbc.co.uk)
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