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Sun December 18, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail) Sad Egyptian soldiers, having run out of men to fight with, are now beating helpless women in the streets  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(LA Times) Weird To all of you who wanted to live outside the law in the middle of the desert next door to a donkey-riding hippie named Half-Pint  (latimes.com) (45)
(Daily Mail) Amusing England says you are too dumb to get married or have a baby? No problem, just go to Ireland  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Miami Herald) Obvious About 20 seconds after the last U.S. HMMWV crossed into Kuwait, Iraq's Prime Minister launched a coup to take full control of the country. Mission Accomplished  (miamiherald.com) (179)
(Fox 4 KC) Amusing Best. Girlfriend. EVAR  (caller.com) (51)
(MSNBC) Asinine Trend: designer firewood. Subby gets his firewood from old-growth forest. It's independent woodland, you probably haven't heard of it  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (52)
(ABC) NewsFlash Is Kim Jong Il? No, he's dead  (abcnews.go.com) (976)
(LA Times) PSA This just in: students don't care for healthy school lunches  (latimes.com) (114)
(Huffington Post) Weird Things you can do in 33 seconds: C) Eat a lightbulb  (huffingtonpost.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these persons and poles  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (18)
(NJ.com) Obvious Even the cops still haven't figured out that all the 13 year-old girls in internet chat rooms are cops  (nj.com) (93)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida You got a D-minus on your report card, so we're giving you a raise  (palmbeachpost.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Amusing "As you can see from the video, he's not the most skillful burglar"  (miami.cbslocal.com) (72)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this deconstruction of a fake wall  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (26)
(Houston Chronicle) Cool When Harvey Stewart first went to prison 60 years ago, gasoline was 20 cents a gallon, a postage stamp cost three pennies and Harry Truman was president. After parole all he wants is "a good easygoing meal and a rootbeer"  (chron.com) (112)
(Mercury News) Dumbass Police nab jewelry thief who targeted...8-year-old kids  (mercurynews.com) (24)
(Houston Chronicle) Silly Jesus Crust  (blog.chron.com) (62)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida When you're dressed in women's clothes and trying to rob a McDonald's, running into a hungry Homeland Security agent can be a real drag  (palmbeachpost.com) (38)
(Yahoo) Sad Arktikmorneftegazrazvedka rig sinks. No, that's not a typo  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Scary Holy Split  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (61)
(Boston.com) Followup Man who earned $360,000 running small city housing authority didn't know his cell phone location history was a public record. Let's see how he spent his time  (boston.com) (132)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Fail If you're going to drunkenly send a picture message of your penis, make sure you input the right phone number and don't send it to a teenage girl  (press-citizen.com) (99)
(Some Occupied Stripper) Florida Tampa's take on national protesting? Occupy Strip Club  (wtsp.com) (112)
(ABC Action News) Florida Faith-based cupcake shop opens in Tampa. You believe you'll have another cupcake  (abcactionnews.com) (52)
(Fox News) Obvious It's not over until the fat lady sings. Or falls off stage  (foxnews.com) (28)
(Google) NewsFlash Dissident playwright and father of the "Velvet Revolution" and the modern Czech Republic Vaclav Havel dead at 75  (google.com) (175)
(BBC) Obvious Crashes take place on icy roads, Ric Romero reports  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this calculated contact  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (22)
(Slate) Silly So... just why did Apple name their new digital assistant Siri? A baby name expert has the answers  (slate.com) (86)
(MSNBC) Spiffy I'll see your gold coin dropped into a Salvation Army kettle and raise you with a $2,000 diamond ring  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (59)
(Deseret News) Dumbass Couple returns to their car from a busy day of shoplifting to discover someone broke in and stole the fruits of their labor, promptly notify police (with mugshots)  (deseretnews.com) (84)
(Daily Mail) Scary Man who died after getting arm caught in food grinder identified as anon hummus  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Haaretz) Sad A woman stood up to authority and refused to go to the back of the bus. Not a repeat from 1955  (haaretz.com) (470)
(MSNBC) Followup War is over (if you want it)  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (197)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Interesting Under a new ordinance, Atlanta parents can face a $1,000 fine and up to 60 days in jail when their precious little snowflakes skip school  (ajc.com) (158)
(Stamford Advocate) Dumbass Coach: "Wait, even after a 15 year old student tells me she's already smoking and drinking I STILL can't send her pictures of my penis? WHO KNEW?"  (stamfordadvocate.com) (126)
(Vancouver Sun) Silly Santa gets in shape for a long, difficult Christmas Eve via good old-fashioned bar brawl with another Santa. Bad Santa  (vancouversun.com) (22)

Sat December 17, 2011
(Some Guy) Amusing If you are a murderer, at least you usually get a cool and scary name, like "Hillside Strangler" or "Night Stalker". And then there is the "Toilet Lid Killer"  (calgarysun.com) (42)
(Oregon Live) Sad This. Suit. Burns. Better. LOOK. *thud*  (oregonlive.com) (65)
(Beatcalls) Stupid The same laws of motion that govern spitting out the car window while driving apply to throwing pot out the car window while the cops are chasing you (w/ pic)  (beatcalls.com) (53)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Pope Benedict XVI is looking weaker and more tired, refusing to meet visiting bishops. Looks like he's doing his best to live up to Malachy's prophecies  (chicagotribune.com) (241)
(The Argus) Unlikely There's 'Slow news day' and then there's 'Man fails to return library book' slow news day  (theargus.co.uk) (24)
(Fox News) Scary Florida A&M student who died in recent hazing incident was beaten like a drum  (foxnews.com) (108)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge -- make something coherent out of this childish drawing  (pix.am) (35)
(Some Guy) Florida Another redneck BBQ explodes as neighborhood is treated to flying ribs  (baynews9.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Scary South Carolina woman has first human rabies case in 50 years. Kentucky dissappointed  (news.yahoo.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Amusing Two gay dads discover they will be grandfathers. Fabulousness ensues  (jezebel.com) (186)
(Boston Channel) Fail Carpenter shoots himself in neck with nail gun. Way to go, stud  (thebostonchannel.com) (90)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Ok, how about a .03 percent tax on financial transactions that would (a) only affect the biggest financial institutions, (b) raise billions in needed revenue, and (c) actually work to reduce dangerous financial speculation?  (huffingtonpost.com) (278)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop a world where there is a actual war on Christmas  (google.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Misc Russia's failed Phobos-Grunt Mars probe, which failed to reach orbit, will fall to Earth sometime in early January. Where will it land? No one knows. When will it land? No one knows. Will it kill you? YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD. DO NOT PANIC  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Discovery) Hero Russian Icebreaker saw your hippie-ass bumper sticker and decides to actually do something about it  (news.discovery.com) (81)
(CNN) Spiffy One year ago, it all started in Tunisia with a 26 year old setting himself on fire to protest Government harassment  (edition.cnn.com) (100)
(SLTrib) Amusing Atheist, agnostic group launches holiday-season billboards in Utah, to the confusion of locals  (sltrib.com) (507)
(Washington Post) Amusing Members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will be erecting their holiday display this weekend at the Loudoun County, VA Courthouse. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (washingtonpost.com) (439)
(The Sun) Silly Nursery school bans children from making "diamond in the sky" sign while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", because vagina  (thesun.co.uk) (118)
(The Sun) Stupid Fruitarian: "I only eat fruit, seeds and nuts"  (thesun.co.uk) (292)
(The Consumerist) Strange Woman writes in to The Consumerist to complain about how Cracker Barrel gave her and her sister a free meal because they had to wait a few minutes for their lunch order  (consumerist.com) (103)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Obvious New Year opossum drop draws rednecks, ire of PETA  (newsobserver.com) (51)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing I don't know what a Justin Bieber is, but one school played its song "Baby" repetitively during passing periods until students paid a $1000 ransom to charity, just to make it stop  (suntimes.com) (71)
(Omaha World Herald) Ironic This headline is not from The Onion  (omaha.com) (81)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Curfew-breaking teen gets stuck in chimney. California flue season officially begins  (azcentral.com) (15)
(Some Boy) Photoshop Photoshop this classic clumsy Boys Life cover  (trussel.com) (27)
(Miami Herald) Florida South Florida charter schools keep scores up the easy way: by making sure the short bus doesn't stop there  (miamiherald.com) (77)
(UPI) Amusing Just sayin', but, like, this might seriously be the most annoying sentence ever written, you know - whatever  (upi.com) (92)
(The Atlantic) Amusing Most sites for their year end list have the deaths or major events of the year, not the Atlantic with "The Year in Volcanic Activity"  (theatlantic.com) (27)
(patch.com) Caturday After months of languishing in a shelter after the death of her person, Bouncy the cat is bouncing back with a new home just in time for Caturday  (avon-oh.patch.com) (1091)
(Telegram) Scary Online criminal background checks may be accurate 99% of the time. Maybe. The remaining 1% leaves you homeless and class action lawyers rich  (telegram.com) (77)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida What good is having a toddler if you can't send them out into traffic to panhandle while you smoke weed?  (tampabay.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Stupid A $1.5 million 24-carat gold Rolls-Royce would be the perfect vulgar holiday gift for the 1 percenter on your list  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Some Guy) Amusing Just how spicy is the food at this restaurant? "Pain. I can't breathe. I can't talk," he said  (boston.cbslocal.com) (104)
(NPR) Obvious This  (npr.org) (170)
(WXYZ Detroit) Fail Woman puts $700 worth of Christmas gifts in wrong car. Who needs the Grinch to steal Christmas when you can give it away yourself?  (wxyz.com) (77)
(LA Times) Scary Fatal shooting at Southern California power company leaves employees shocked. Shooter puts up no resistance  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (60)

Fri December 16, 2011
(The Raw Story) Scary All states which can confirm with 100% accuracy that there is no brain-eating bacteria in their tap water, please step forward. Not so fast, Louisiana  (rawstory.com) (105)
(Space) Sad NASA pulls the plug on Space Shuttle Discovery for the last time Friday, Dec. 16, more than 28 years after the NASA's retired fleet leader first came alive. A faint, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave" was heard  (space.com) (112)
(Some Grinch) Silly Leave the Christmas cookies, cakes, candy bars, and soda at home ya little fatties, school is no place for yummy holiday celebrations this year  (boston.cbslocal.com) (43)
(Japan Times) Cool Lost: 10+ ostriches. Large birds, temperament unknown. Please do not feed or approach. If sighted, contact the Fukushima Nuclear Exclusion Zone commander immedia---+++ATH0+++   (japantimes.co.jp) (47)
(WDTV) Dumbass Why do these 'mobile meth lab found outside hospital' stories always include the phrase: "It started as a disturbance at Wal-Mart"?  (wdtv.com) (18)
(The Consumerist) Silly "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't accept this tip." "Oh, you can't take tips as part of your job?" "No, I can only take real money as tips, not this fake money. I mean a $2 bill? Do you think I'm stupid?"  (consumerist.com) (170)
(Some Guy) Asinine Mrs. Claus is fired from the mall for A) Hitting the kids? B) Seducing the kids? C) Having her car stolen from the mall parking lot and telling the press thereby creating negative publicity for the mall?  (lcsun-news.com) (36)
(Henry's Tacos) PSA Just after celebrating 50 years as the roadside Googie home to the original gringo taco, Henry's Tacos in Studio City is about to get the heave-ho from their landlord. SAVE THE SAUCE CUPS  (dailynews.com) (49)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this Kuchi poochie  (boston.com) (19)
(Life.com) Hero Bad guys: "You're outnumbered. You're surrounded. Surrender, and we won't kill you." Good guys: "Nah. We'd rather fight." Bad guys: "D'oh." History: "Thanks"  (life.com) (279)
(CBS) Dumbass Two people hunting for scrap metal at nursing home score a ton of building supplies  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (59)
(Detroit News) Cool Out of ideas to save his failing state, Michigan governor signs law allowing residents to just blow the place up. Salute  (detnews.com) (60)
(LA Times) Sick Some throw rocks, others throw bottles, and then there's this guy  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (73)
(Fark) Scary Better late than never for the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (30)
(Some Dizzy Guy) Amusing Amusement park adds new ride and OMG IT SPINS  (wtae.com) (64)
(Gawker) Sick No. It's not. Seriously  (gawker.com) (140)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Just because you are driving a Ford ECSAPE doen't mean you will  (chron.com) (33)
(eBay) PSA Want to own a piece of Fark history for the holidays? Or need some load balancers for your network? You're in luck. (Proceeds go to a college fund for the late Carl Wade (Rabiddog)'s daughter)  (cgi.ebay.com) (169)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Silly Putty  (en.wikipedia.org) (19)
(Some Guy) Followup Hospital won't perform surgery on your wife. Do you A.) Get second opinion, B.) File lawsuit, or C.) Threaten to kill Obama and blow up the hospital  (clarionledger.com) (99)
(The Consumerist) Amusing See? The TSA isn't ALL bad. They let this rapper keep his weed  (consumerist.com) (144)
(Yahoo) Followup At K-Marts across the nation, anonymous benefactors are paying off the layaway accounts of strangers. This blue light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine  (finance.yahoo.com) (229)
(Buzzfeed) Interesting "If you gave Jerry Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox" and 14 more of Christopher Hitchens' most memorable quotes. Bonus: Not a slideshow  (buzzfeed.com) (251)
(PennLive) Dumbass It is general rule of thumb that if you are driving drunk, avoid going over someone's flower beds. "He wasn't gardening. He was driving" police said  (pennlive.com) (18)
(WXYZ Detroit) Strange Students in Warren, Michigan learned that classes were canceled today after someone stole the batteries from all their buses  (wxyz.com) (45)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Mall Santa asks boy with autism if he wants a jail cell for Christmas  (news.com.au) (177)
(CNN) Followup We should paint the Medal of Honor recipient as an unstable drunk. That will totally work  (cnn.com) (139)
(My Fox DC) Florida "If he had to die so young, at least he died at a moment where he was on top of the world," said the mother of a man who was killed when a train dumped its load of coal on top of him at a power plant  (myfoxdc.com) (100)
(Some Sneezer) Florida It's all fun and games until the truck driver sneezes  (wtsp.com) (26)
(WSB TV) Dumbass Things not found on a list of Good Ideas: Walking into a fourth grade class and headbutting a student  (wsbtv.com) (97)
(AL.com) Stupid Lawsuit filed to prevent Obama from appearing on ballot. Even in birtherism, Alabama lags behind  (blog.al.com) (169)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest  (fark.com) (156)
(Some Guy) Florida Man arrested for sex with roommate's three-year-old Chihuahua. Sorry, but bestiality in Florida was so last year. Seriously, It was legal last year  (wptv.com) (118)
(CBS News) Spiffy Just in time for the holidays - your guide to regifting  (cbsnews.com) (33)
(MSNBC) Florida Goal: Finding Mr. Right. Usually settle for: Mr. Right Now. Try to avoid: Mr. At the movies left something in your car give me your keys ha ha I stole your car  (msnbc.msn.com) (65)
(USA Today) News Live updates on the Penn State hearing. Author will need to speak to father before posting updates to a second hand source  (content.usatoday.com) (337)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Putin puts a Playboy model in the Parliament. If this doesn't get more young people involved in politics, then it at least will wear out the arms of all the other male MPs  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(The New York Times) Obvious A) Beer  (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com) (42)
(BBC) Unlikely Japan's Prime Minister declares Fukushima nuclear site "stable", marking the worst stretching of the truth by a head of state since "Mission Accomplished"  (bbc.co.uk) (64)
(Yahoo) Spiffy It's time again for gold coins to mysteriously start showing up in Salvation Army kettles. Thank you, Pennsylvania  (news.yahoo.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Obvious Missouri poised to take back the top spot from Kentucky...in the number of meth labs  (news-leader.com) (53)
(BBC) Stupid ICC thinks killing Gaddafi could be a war crime. Wait till they hear about Bin Laden  (bbc.co.uk) (192)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida 12 rectal exams a day is a job outside of prison, too?  (sun-sentinel.com) (29)
(YouTube) Video Today's knock-down, drag-out hockey brawl brought to you by two Kazakhstan teams ... of nine-year-olds  (youtube.com) (51)
(YouTube) Spiffy Matt Damon plays Santa Claus, pushes...water bottles? With bonus kid asking for zombie dolls  (youtube.com) (38)
(LA Times) Interesting Congreƒs ƒays the Pentagon ƒhould ƒee if it can recover the remains of 13 Marines miƒsing ƒince the explosion of the Intrepid. In 1804  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (65)
(USA Today) Spiffy Dutch reconsider their cunning "kill our only industry" plan  (travel.usatoday.com) (60)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Driver going 25 over limit, playing with computer, and not wearing seat belt crashes into tree. In other news, there's a job opening in the Delray Beach police department  (sun-sentinel.com) (88)
(The Register) Stupid Rebecca Black was the most popular Google search in 2011. And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come  (theregister.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy) Obvious Even a mugger would prefer $1 rather than an Android phone  (nbcnewyork.com) (178)
(Daily Mail) Fail Protip: If your baby doesn't do anything for eight months, it may not be alive  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Whoops  (fark.com) (23)
(Short List) Interesting Survey finds that Brits are drunk in 76% of all their Facebook pics. Next stop, Ireland  (shortlist.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) Silly The War on Christmas gets real as canned reindeer meat goes on sale  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(News.com.au) Obvious Psychologist says dangerous older drivers can be identified by how poorly they navigate through a maze with a pencil -- much like a Farmer's Market with a car  (news.com.au) (20)
(Yahoo) Obvious You know, that's exactly what I'd expect the CEO of The New York Times to look like  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(CBS News) Spiffy The world's oldest stockbroker still trading at age 105, fondly remembers his first job with Smith Barney Rubble  (cbsnews.com) (27)
(The Tennessean) Scary Today is the bicentennial anniversary of the New Madrid earthquakes  (tennessean.com) (35)
(MSNBC) Interesting FDA trying to stop do-it-yourself sperm donor in California. Suspects narrowed down to every teenage boy in the state  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (38)
(Gizmodo) Cool If you are a multi-billion dollar international corporation, Google now offers you a service to censor your competitors  (gizmodo.com) (33)
(TheFW.com) Interesting Good Grief! Ten things you didn't know about "A Charlie Brown Christmas"  (thefw.com) (143)
(CBS News) Amusing Hi Ho Silverrrrr, AWAYBZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT ... *thud*  (cbsnews.com) (21)
(WQAD) Dumbass College student pulls a knife on his classmate and threatens to kill her over something she posted on Facebook which, as we all know, is serious business  (wqad.com) (31)
(Newsday) Fail 'Tebowing' a safety hazard, students suspended  (newsday.com) (122)
(Forbes) Cool Nanotechnology could spell the end of laundry. Normally I hate these fluff pieces, but this is pretty cool  (forbes.com) (48)
(Huffington Post) Cool Attention, foodies, it's time for The Year in Burgers  (huffingtonpost.com) (93)
(ABC) Obvious Today's Ric Romero media fearmongering story: Video voyeurs are hiding cameras in dressing rooms and public bathrooms  (abcnews.go.com) (31)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida And the sign said "The next salesman, Jehovah's Witness, will be greeted with a loaded shotgun. Ring my door bell or knock on my door at your own risk. If I blast you, you have nobody to blame but yourself" Hilarity ensued  (tampabay.com) (136)
(WWL) Dumbass Today's "college student uses own phone to email bomb threat to get out of exam" story brought to you by New Orleans  (wwl.com) (41)
(AL.com) Sappy Ugly ass baby orangutan born at the Birmingham Zoo (with pic)  (blog.al.com) (13)
(MSNBC) Asinine Ebook prices to rise under new agreement amongst book publishers, resulting in ebooks being priced above the physical book price. You can thank Apple for this  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (285)
(Vanity Fair) News Christopher Hitchens, God.....God, Christopher Hitchens  (vanityfair.com) (823)
(Seattle Times) Dumbass Seattle burglar scales homeowner's 10-foot fence, lands in a pack of hungry pit bulls. It's Gary Larson's town, we just live in it  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (54)
(Yahoo) Asinine More proof America lacks a work ethic. Working three weeks at a Starbucks was the hardest job one precious snowflake has ever had  (finance.yahoo.com) (302)

Thu December 15, 2011
(Yahoo) Scary London Police classify Occupy movement as a Terrorist organization. How long til the US follows?  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (182)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Asinine Teacher A misses a staff meeting and is questioned on her absence by Teacher B, whereupon Teacher A pulls out a screwdriver and gets all stabby. If the screwdriver is 16cm long, what is the probability of the stabbing happening in Poughkeepsie?   (poughkeepsiejournal.com) (52)
(Oregon Live) Dumbass If police arrest you for assault with a "lightsaber" at Toys R Us, strong with you, the Force is not  (oregonlive.com) (39)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: the future is now  (images.google.com) (32)
(Huffington Post) Weird Woman claims her poodle was possessed by a demon. Aren't they all?  (huffingtonpost.com) (87)
(Fark) FarkBlog Headline of the Year contest will be tomorrow at 11AM EST, so mark your calendars. Also a few of Fark's favorite Headlines Of The Week for 12/4 - 12/10  (fark.com) (11)
(CBS News) Obvious The Wall Street Journal will stop using "GOP" to refer to the Republican party because people who read the WSJ don't know what it means  (cbsnews.com) (209)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: A former administrative assistant for the Maine Trial Lawyers Association admitted in court this morning to embezzling $166,000. FARK: Most of the money was used to purchase sheep and thugs  (kjonline.com) (29)
(CNN) Interesting Victoria's Secret under fire for use of child labor in cotton fields, spandex orchards and sequin mines  (cnn.com) (90)
(Yahoo) Scary Q: Did the cable guy get a big surprise on a house call? A: Does a bear sleep in the basement?  (news.yahoo.com) (63)
(Some Beer Snob) Florida In this woman's defense, throwing beer away IS a punishable offense. . "The affidavit didn't state whether the beer was domestic or import"  (tcoasttalk.com) (21)
(Mother Nature Network) Stupid Ellen DeGeneres is going to launch a brand of vegan pet food. Trust me, your dog really just wants steak  (mnn.com) (310)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Stokes stretcher  (shorpy.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Cool Let's Bring 'Em Home is underway again for 2011 and asking the Fark community for any help contributing to help buy plane tickets to fly soldiers home for Christmas. Farkers have stepped up every year since 2005 to help  (lbeh.org) (139)
(MLive.com) Amusing Ahh yes, The Intergalactic Lactation Federation. Set your phasers to "AWESOME"  (mlive.com) (98)
(Fox News) Asinine Southern Baptist publisher recalls pink Bibles being sold to raise money for breast cancer awareness because the money raised was being used to fund breast cancer awareness  (foxnews.com) (304)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Guess which state will not be participating in the NTSB's suggestion to ban texting while driving, because all the lawmakers already do that. Go on, guess  (tampabay.com) (179)
(BBC) Interesting Well all right, but apart from inventing a white Christmas, sympathetic view of poverty, red tape, modern character comedy dialogue, modern film conventions and meaningful character names, what has Charles Dickens ever done for us?  (bbc.co.uk) (121)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Obvious New study conducted by Andre the Giant and Paul Reiser shows Americans are using the internet more, but trusting information on it less  (abc2news.com) (98)
(Boston Herald) Followup Police defy order to release black box data from politician's wrecked car, saying public would be misled by facts  (bostonherald.com) (160)
(Some Guy) Cool Ugly-ass baby Gentoo penguin chick makes its debut at Sea World Queensland. With pics and video  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (28)
(The Daily Beast) Interesting The real dirty little secret is that the economy is actually doing okay  (thedailybeast.com) (184)
(CBC) Obvious Police ask that you please stop Tweeting the exact location of their drunk driving checkstops (specifically, 34th Avenue and 50th Street)  (cbc.ca) (219)
(MSNBC) Sad Eventually, the free market will step in and say "Hey, we don't like dying from tainted liquor" and "Hey, we don't like hospitals that burn up because there are insufficient inspections". Don't fret, marketeers  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (91)
(Fark) Survey Do you have a dream car that you can actually afford? If so, why haven't you bought it yet? What is it?  (fark.com) (553)
(Foreign Policy) Strange Saudi Arabia still accuses women of practicing witchcraft. Hey, maybe we could have Christine O'Donnell be our ambassador to Saudi Arabia  (foreignpolicy.com) (66)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Residents want stolen baby Jesus returned, say, "You want to take him for a little joy ride, that's fine. Just make sure he's back for Christmas"  (myfoxdc.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Florida Daddy says: "My son is not that kind of a person." TFA says: "... other arrests were on charges of burglary, car theft, aggravated battery on a pregnant woman, drug possession and resisting arrest." Bonus: DRT  (news4jax.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Strange "Attention all units. Be on the lookout for a large truck stolen from 122nd Street. It's 75 feet long, 12 feet wide, 14 feet tall and has a PC300 Track Excavator on the back. So far no one has seen it"  (floridakeyssheriff.blogspot.com) (35)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Drew Peterson demanding apology from Illinois State Police, insisting that he didn't kill his fourth wife, she's just 'disappeared without a trace'. Oh sure  (news.yahoo.com) (51)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Driver manages to drive the wrong way for eleven miles on the Edens Expressway  (chicagotribune.com) (39)
(Fox News) Scary There's normal hungry, and there's "my body ate one of my breast implants" hungry  (foxnews.com) (33)
(Some Student) Florida School resource officers start using Facebook to connect with students. What could possibly go wrong?  (newportrichey.wtsp.com) (19)
(MSNBC) Obvious Research finds most bar fights begin on the dance floor, most entertaining fights begin in the ladies' room  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (59)
(SFGate) Dumbass Ah, lawyers. Is there anything they won't steal?  (sfgate.com) (20)
(USA Today) Fail Two-thirds of job creators say that sluggish economic growth means they won't be creating any jobs for the next six months. Which I suppose means they're not job creators right now and we can raise their taxes, right?  (usatoday.com) (102)
(Short List) Unlikely Hey, honey? You know that CCTV snapshot of a middle aged man that looks like me, in my car, squeezing that college student's boob? Yeah... Photoshopped by the cops  (shortlist.com) (68)
(Life.com) Misc 78 years ago today, Prohibition ends ... putting the kibosh on mass protests that featured the only placards subby could ever really get behind  (life.com) (61)
(Telegraph) Strange Angry Fruit God pelts English town with apples  (telegraph.co.uk) (41)
(USA Today) Sad Try harder, Texas: The number of State executions has dropped to a 35-year low  (usatoday.com) (39)
(CNN) Dumbass Yes, frat boys, we know you like rape. But creating a "who would you rape" survey for your brothers to take online will probably strike some people as inappropriate  (cnn.com) (149)
(Some Guy) Strange Not content with simply having a milkshake with your buffalo chicken, now there's the Buffalo Chicken Milkshake. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?  (thepostgame.com) (28)
(Short List) Asinine So guys, what shall we wrap our 204kgs of cocaine in so as not to draw the attention of the law? Adolf, your hand was up first  (shortlist.com) (24)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man decides to play with his conch while on his balcony. Neighbors not amused, especially when he starts blowing himself. (with faaabulous mugshot goodness)  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (32)
(Pravda) Interesting "Imagine one day that suddenly and without warning, every single vehicle in the United States built after the 1970s was totally incapable of running"  (english.pravda.ru) (199)
(USA Today) Followup Pentagon official confirms that Iran's captured stealth drone is a fake  (usatoday.com) (207)
(Some Guy) Asinine New York Rabbi: A Tim Tebow win will cause Christians to burn mosques, bash gays  (hoosieraccess.com) (132)
(USA Today) Obvious Bahbwah to the Kardashians: "You don't sing, you don't dance, you don't act. Forgive me, but you don't have any talent"  (content.usatoday.com) (172)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves  (host.madison.com) (17)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Chinese haxxors are stealing petabytes worth of proprietary data from foreign countries and corporations. In other news, the US just passed legislation to put you in jail for stealing photoshop  (mobile.bloomberg.com) (56)
(CNN) Interesting Playboy magazine moving from Chicago to Los Angeles. Circulation office now nearer to their 12 subscribers  (money.cnn.com) (58)
(CBS News) Followup USPS to delay closure of 3700 post offices until May. Officials say it should give today's mail a good chance of getting there  (cbsnews.com) (61)
(Some Garage) Photoshop Photoshop this compact car  (shorpy.com) (26)
(WWL) Dumbass If you suspect a neighborhood kid of stealing from your vehicle, a sure-fire way of getting the cops' interest is to chase the kid into his own home, kick down the front door, and then wave around a stolen shotgun at everyone  (wwl.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Florida "I'm here to eat candy canes and steal Porsches, and I'm all out of candy canes"  (news4jax.com) (23)
(Short List) Cool Single bottle of whisky sells for record $70,000. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my cellar  (shortlist.com) (81)
(Denver Post) Sad Booie, the smoking chimpanzee, dies at 44.... BUH BYE, BOOIE  (denverpost.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Interesting Freedom From Religion Foundation: "If the county can put a Nativity scene on the courthouse lawn, then we can hang a sign saying there are no gods." County officials: "YOINK"  (kltv.com) (475)
(KAAL) Strange Team sports captains at high school pep rally told they are going to be kissed by member of the opposite sex, then are blindfolded and kissed by their parents. Awkward  (kaaltv.com) (88)
(Some Zabaglione) Florida Zamboni sickens score of schoolchildren. They should have had the spaghetti  (baynews9.com) (30)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Ladies: stop searching for the 'perfect man'. He does not exist  (dailymail.co.uk) (281)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely The 55 year old woman visiting accused killer Joran Van der Sloot insists her interest in him isn't sexual despite the fact she's written songs for him titled "Haven't Kissed You Yet" and "Come Ride With Me"  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(The New York Times) Interesting Men are oppressing women by allowing women to earn more with better jobs while staying home playing video games, drinking beer, watching porn and boffing their mother-in-laws  (nytimes.com) (251)
(Onion AV Club) Interesting Loud music makes alcohol taste sweeter  (avclub.com) (44)
(Daily Mail) Fail Not news: Girl writes letter to Santa. Fark: Spoiled rotten snowbrat writes a letter to Santa telling him that she'll hunt down & cook his reindeer if she doesn't get at least two of the lavish gifts she's demanding  (dailymail.co.uk) (127)
(The Local (Germany)) Spiffy Old and Busted: Christmas markets. New Hotness: Erotic Christmas markets  (thelocal.de) (22)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange So, a wombat and Yo-Yo Ma walk into a bathroom...stop me if you've heard this one before  (suntimes.com) (49)
(Daily Mail) Interesting China's new aircraft carrier goes to sea. But don't worry its just for 'research' purposes, like researching on how to take on a Nimitz Class  (dailymail.co.uk) (218)
(Yahoo) Interesting Six Walton family members have more wealth than the bottom 30% of Americans. OCCUPY MARY ELLEN  (news.yahoo.com) (287)
(Yahoo) Strange Waiter, I'll have the Saddam Hussein Platter please  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(ABC) Amusing Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?  (abcnews.go.com) (94)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 345: "Mandatory Procrastination". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (98)

Wed December 14, 2011
(Some Guy) Dumbass During November and December of last year over 13,000 people were treated in ERs nationwide due to injuries involving holiday decorations. If there is a "war on Christmas" I'd say Christmas is winning  (emaxhealth.com) (44)
(Slate) Obvious The number of married adults in America is at an all-time low  (slatest.slate.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Your high school chemistry students won't keep their safety goggles on. Do you: C) spray them in the face with Lysol?  (triblocal.com) (101)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Dumbass Naked from the waist down, urinating, defecating, and peeking in windows is no way to go through a hotel's parking lot... Officer  (news.cincinnati.com) (43)
(Chicago Tribune) Hero Rahm Emanuel wants to raise fines for resisting arrest, just in time for the G8 summit and the inevitable protests. That is some smart thinking, Rahm  (chicagotribune.com) (62)
(Manchester, England) Photoshop Photoshop this person painting   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (37)
(The Consumerist) Ironic Stolen credit card used to buy credit protection from TransUnion  (consumerist.com) (28)
(USA Today) Asinine FAA: iPads safe for use in cockpit, still not safe for passengers because of 'interference'  (travel.usatoday.com) (336)
(SeattlePI) Scary If you like drinking Mountain Dew, Squirt, Fanta Orange, Sunkist Pineapple, Gatorade Thirst Quencher, Powerade Strawberry Lemonade or Fresca congratulations: You're drinking flame retardant  (blog.seattlepi.com) (263)
(Some Nice Guy) Sappy Mystery Santa walks into Kmart, pays off poor families' layaway items in time for Christmas. Dust cleanup in Aisle 5  (kpax.com) (137)
(Some Guy) Scary For the latest round of "Real Story or Syfy Channel Movie?" we have black widow spiders infesting a navy warship  (connecticut.cbslocal.com) (63)
(Norwich Bulletin) Obvious Man argues that lawyers should be permitted to f*ck their clients outside the courtroom as well  (norwichbulletin.com) (67)
(io9) Amusing Why toast always lands buttered-side down. Behold the Law of Toast  (io9.com) (83)
(Gawker) Sick Gawker finally gets a response to the Freedom of Information Act request they put in four years ago for documents on Blackwater. Here are the lowlights. Anyway, has anyone figured out what those Occupiers are upset about?  (gawker.com) (223)
(BBC) Spiffy President Obama gives the only two-word slogan the troops and their families want to hear. "Welcome Home"  (bbc.co.uk) (202)
(Forbes) Fail Top 10 best Christmas movies of all time...as per Forbes  (forbes.com) (184)
(Some Adjustments) Photoshop Photoshop this man and monitor   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (21)
(NPR) Amusing The 20 unhappiest people you meet in the comments sections of year end lists, now taking your questions to the right  (npr.org) (103)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Ohio landlord fights 'White Only' pool sign ruling  (news.yahoo.com) (370)
(ksl.com) Interesting School district "outs" gay 14-year-old to his parents because they were worried he'd be bullied  (ksl.com) (164)
(Oak Creek) Dumbass Stupid: Calling the police to report your escort didn't give back your change. Embarrassing: Finding out "she" is a "he"  (oakcreeknow.com) (74)
(Fark) Fail LP 400 - Last Post wins a modest prize. . No purchase necessary. Void everywhere. LGT LP399  (fark.com) (lots)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting The earthquake in Haiti may not have been a natural disaster. I knew the mole people were behind this  (mnn.com) (115)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Well, how in the hell else am I supposed to fill the 3900 square foot ice hockey rink in my backyard with water...officer?  (myfoxdc.com) (88)
(The Register) Followup Industrial controller weakness used to ruin Iran's enrichment plant is worrying the US now that the cat is out of the bag  (theregister.co.uk) (66)
(Some Guy) Obvious If your nickname is 'Bang Bang,' try not to leave a backpack with half your name written on it at the train station. It might cause people to freak out . "It had the name 'Bang' on it"  (couriermail.com.au) (84)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Scary Prisoner given bipolar medication even though he's not bipolar, causing him to go blind and have all of his skin blister, blacken and slough off. Now he's going to need some anti-depressants too  (startribune.com) (124)
(The Local (Sweden)) Followup Remember that woman who was opening a school for sex in Austria? Yeah, she was faking it. Cocktease  (thelocal.se) (43)
(UPI) Spiffy A London man takes his loyal pet everywhere he goes, like to the burger bar or the pub. FARK: His loyal pet is a reindeer  (upi.com) (23)
(Life.com) Spiffy Old and busted: Ditching a plane in the English Channel. New hotness: Ditching a plane that resembles a prototype D'deridex-class Romulan warbird in the Channel ... and living to tell about it  (life.com) (76)
(BusinessWeek) Misc I, for one, love this new plan to protect the value of the American dollar by letting the rest of the world starting with the Euro, fall to our level  (businessweek.com) (86)
(Mental Floss) Amusing 11 offbeat holidays you still have time to celebrate. It's a Festivus for the rest of us  (mentalfloss.com) (41)
(NPR) Silly Tiger Mother? So over. Meet Wolf Dad, author of "Beat Them into Peking University"  (npr.org) (101)
(The New York Times) Amusing The latest economic prediction model, based on one rack-solid indicator: nail polish  (nytimes.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you've ever studied your naked body in front of a mirror and felt you looked like an orangutan, here's why  (health.asiaone.com) (94)
(Mediaite) Cool Pearl Harbor veterans do what WWII vets do when some mamby pamby actors on some mamby pamby Hawaian Five Oh show decides to mamby pamby film during their solemn Pearl Harbor rememberance ceremony. Bunch of jack wagon actors  (mediaite.com) (162)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Ugly Ass baby cyclops pig can drink two beers at once  (huffingtonpost.com) (32)
(CNN) Cool Google joins fight against slavery with $11.5 million grant, covered wagon full of muskets  (cnn.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Increasing numbers of students are turning to lap dancing and prostitution to pay their way through university. Amazingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk) (613)
(Some Guy) Strange Florida's drunkest cities also tend to be their grayest, with nightmare-inducing photo of what drunken grandparents might look like  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (53)
(The Times of India) Scary No no no no no no no no no no no no no   (articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (166)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Substitute teacher cries out to God after, during affair with 15-year-old boy  (dailymail.co.uk) (111)
(11 Alive) Asinine It apparently needs to be said: Do not give $10,000 in cash to the 'stock broker' you met in a parking lot  (roswell.11alive.com) (51)
(STV.tv) Interesting Russian navy arrives off the coast of Scotland, possibly with questions over whether Loch Ness Monster is displaying enough enthusiasm for Vladimir Putin's re-election  (news.stv.tv) (29)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Tired of corruption, beatings and arrests, villagers chase out government officials and set up local democratic rule. The Arab Spring marches o... huh whut? no way. China?  (telegraph.co.uk) (66)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this traffic officer doing his very best  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (50)
(3 News New Zealand) Spiffy Church puts up billboard showing the Virgin Mary shocked as she reads the results of a home pregnancy test  (3news.co.nz) (223)
(The New York Times) Obvious NYT reports on increasingly popular trend of hipsters abandoning Facebook because it's too mainstream. With pic of prototypical hipster  (nytimes.com) (201)
(MSNBC) Interesting Tip #1 for how to spot a liar in 20 seconds flat is to look for their lips moving  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (77)
(WQAD) Sappy 3 years, 9 months, 13 days, 2 states, and more than 70 miles later, a family is reunited with the dog they gave up for lost after it wandered away while doing its business  (wqad.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy "If a man looks good in that bra, it must be good stuff"  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(Abc.net.au) Amusing A baby fur seal has made its way into a New Zealand home and taken a quick nap on the couch  (abc.net.au) (68)
(Daily Mail) Obvious When you are loading £2m into the trunk of your car to go on holiday, it might be a good idea to employ some sort of security measures  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(Hartford Courant) Fail Driver hits gas instead of brake and crashes into clothing store, owners forced to press suit  (courant.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Train conductor channels Silent Bob/Indiana Jones. NO TICKET (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(HelenaIR.com) Sappy Mall security guard finds envelope containing $300 in Christmas money and note with kids' clothing sizes, goes all CSI and tracks down grateful and dumbfounded owner using only the note and security camera footage  (helenair.com) (76)

Tue December 13, 2011
(WLSAM) Asinine Why will it take until December 2012 to get TV commercials to turn the volume down?  (wlsam.com) (170)
(SacBee) Cool Medical marijuana dispensary closing, giving away free pot this Friday. In related news, flight bookings to Sacramento spike  (sacbee.com) (53)
(MSNBC) Asinine That slot machine with the lights and sirens going off telling you've won $57 million? Sorry, just a software error, how about $100 and a comped buffet ticket instead?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (159)
(Above the Law) Fail Man sues Google to remove results related to his Nazi sex orgy. Google results now show thousands of hits for "Man sues Google to remove results related to his Nazi sex orgy"  (abovethelaw.com) (151)
(My Fox DC) Strange DC wants to make sure you recycle your cat litter. If you don't, they'll go through your trash to make sure  (myfoxdc.com) (54)
(Market Place) Scary The smog is so thick in Beijing that it's been shutting down air travel due to poor visibility. But according to the Chinese government, it's not pollution, but "bad weather"  (marketplace.org) (125)
(Telegraph) Strange Japan to release packs of wild monkeys to test radiation levels in Fukushima. Best case scenario: hundreds of dead monkeys. Worst case scenario: Planet of the Apes II  (telegraph.co.uk) (125)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Spiffy 100-year-old doctor still makes house calls. Attributes his long life to unfiltered cigarettes, regular leechings, and a thimbleful of apple vinegar everyday  (news.cincinnati.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this genial gentleman  (pics.livejournal.com) (31)
(Baltimore Sun) Scary What happens when an 18 foot tall excavator tries to go under a 16 foot tall bridge at 55 miles per hour?  (baltimoresun.com) (88)
(Washington Post) Obvious Obama's NTSB wants to take your cell phone away  (washingtonpost.com) (509)
(The Ledger) Florida After being banned for years, Florida is finally allowing same sex couples to adopt  (theledger.com) (135)
(CNN) Fail United States servicemen will sally down to the Seychelles seashore to secure a slightly smashed drone  (security.blogs.cnn.com) (69)
(CBC) Scary And the award for most gratuitous use of the word "Belgium" in a serious grenade attack goes to Mr Norodine Amrani  (cbc.ca) (92)
(Yahoo) Scary Two students were shot and wounded outside Texas middle school. Police suspect nearby hunters but have not determined if they have the correct license for teens  (news.yahoo.com) (151)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this quiet queue  (farm8.staticflickr.com) (41)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Eggnog, undercooked poultry, and nine other things that could ruin your Christmas. Your in-laws surprisingly absent from the list  (mnn.com) (90)
(Some Guy) Amusing Remember "Slut Walk"? That's old news. OWS? Soooo yesterday. Today's outrage is brought to you by the "Muff Walk"...a march in protest of designer vaginas  (newswire.xbiz.com) (581)
(Reuters) Stupid Nativity scene in Caracas features Hugo Chavez next to baby Jesus. Who could POSSIBLY have an issue with this?  (reuters.com) (55)
(WXYZ Detroit) PSA It's time for the annual list of TOYS THAT CAN KILL YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN  (wxyz.com) (123)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Like two ships, colliding in the night  (blog.chron.com) (31)
(LA Times) Fail Kentucky educator complains biology test omits creation theory -- proving that the term 'educator' carries a broad definition in Kentucky  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (464)
(Some Evader) Strange US European Command requires traveling speakers to undergo Survival, Evasion, Resistance, Escape (SERE) training before visiting dangerous, exotic locations like Edinburgh, Scotland  (cnas.org) (69)
(Your Houston News) Obvious Being crazy won't keep Texas from executing you. But to be fair, it won't stop Texas from electing you governor, either  (yourhoustonnews.com) (72)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Target continuing its holiday customer relations makeover by refusing to allow a group of students into to their store to spend their money raised to purchased needed items for abused babies  (consumerist.com) (240)
(Independent) Scary And He maketh the deep sea to boil like a pot. Job 41:31  (independent.co.uk) (204)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida You're homeless and you find a credit card on the ground. Do you use it to buy: A) Booze B) Drugs C) A pedicure  (orlandosentinel.com) (43)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely Every person has some fundamental human rights, like the right to vote, the right to worship, and the right to enjoy recess. Wait, what?  (suntimes.com) (27)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool Scientist creates living cells out of metal. Sarah Connor making vacation plans  (mnn.com) (92)
(Scotsman) Dumbass Member of the Iranian parliament: If the world wants to make the region insecure, we will make the world insecure." So we'll start by playing this little game of closing the Straits of Hormuz  (scotsman.com) (118)
(CNN) Obvious Iran says it can control downed American drone, bringing the grand total of countries able to do so to one  (cnn.com) (187)
(Some Guy) Weird Hybrid taxidermy, or as I like to call it, nightmare fuel  (bangstyle.com) (84)
(ABC) Asinine Bank: We charged you so many fees that your account became overdrawn so we had to charge you more fees. That'll be $229.10 to close your account please  (abcnews.go.com) (380)
(Smh.com.au) Ironic News: Govt Minister drops F-bomb. Fark: On live TV during children's programming hours. Total Fark: It's the guy who's setting up Australia's Big Brother net filtering... you know, for the children  (smh.com.au) (45)
(Short List) Stupid University of Tokyo students make world's biggest KitKat. Your move, Harvard  (shortlist.com) (59)
(NPR) Amusing This year's Christmas must-have gift for kids: Spinning Tops. Next thing you know, those little whippersnappers will be pushing steel hoops down the pathway with a stick. Now excuse me while I go get some fresh onions for my belt  (npr.org) (73)
(Washington Post) Hero Woman traumatized by skeletal Santa describes how she overcame her ordeal  (washingtonpost.com) (193)
(Gizmodo) Amusing Need ideas for passive aggressive gifts to give to your ex? This might help. Yes, the Avatar Blue Fleshlight is in the list  (gizmodo.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this draw 5 driver  (bigpicture.ru) (30)
(Washington Post) Sick But really, who among us hasn't accidentally killed his prostitute fiancee during a meth and bondage party, then driven cross-country with her corpse in his truck before burning it all?  (washingtonpost.com) (163)
(Examiner) Stupid If you are going to lie about your son-in-law pulling a gun on you, be sure he didn't record you putting two slugs into his chest on his iPhone  (examiner.com) (182)
(truTV) Amusing An impassioned manifesto against people who clip their nails in public. "You littered with your body parts"  (blog.trutv.com) (144)
(Time) Interesting New study says cremations are hot, burials are dying  (moneyland.time.com) (166)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Can your brain remember the 25,000 streets and 20,000 landmarks of London? Congratulations, you can pass the taxi exam  (mnn.com) (65)
(LA Times) Dumbass Now U COLLEKT UNEMPLOYMINT   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (217)
(The New York Times) Silly Giant egg resurrected to terrorize another generation of children  (nytimes.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Scary Beware of fake "designer" gifts this holiday season, in particular these exploding candles  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(Mirror.co.uk) Spiffy Boy, 14, tricks terrorists and escapes from captivity  (mirror.co.uk) (37)
(Reuters) Cool Atheists donate over $180,000 to Doctors Without Borders, your move Theists  (reuters.com) (536)
(CNN) Dumbass My bad: you forget you left a loaded handgun in your carry-in. Totally not my fault: TSA officer accidentally fires it at checkpoint  (cnn.com) (153)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool Hand grenade Christmas balls? Who could possibly have a problem with that?  (thelocal.se) (56)

Mon December 12, 2011
(LA Times) Asinine With $666,000 in federal research money, scientists examined whether distant prayer could heal AIDS. It could not  (latimes.com) (195)
(Denver Post) Strange Tats for toys for tots  (denverpost.com) (42)
(Telegraph) Weird A silent streetlight with pulsating lights and five extended tendrils filmed hovering over protesters in Russia  (telegraph.co.uk) (94)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Take something that looks shopped, and fix it  (s3.amazonaws.com) (51)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This week's Mugshot Roundup features geriatric facial tattoos, 18 year old twins, runny mascara, and one hell of a uni-brow  (thesmokinggun.com) (191)
(BBC) Unlikely Iranians becoming more like Americans every day; they're threatening to sue the US over the drone that went down in their territory  (bbc.co.uk) (101)
(Telegraph) Interesting 200 new species discovered, served as street food in Vietnam  (telegraph.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy) Cool Segway inventor come out in support of gay marriage cause that's just the way he rolls  (advocate.com) (113)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this Russian reading  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(io9) Misc How is candy cane formed?  (io9.com) (119)
(CNN) Scary Hacker who caused the National Emergency Alert System to send out a text telling NJ cell phone users to "seek shelter immediately" due to the "extreme threat to life" owes a few thousand people new underwear  (ireport.cnn.com) (176)
(Short List) Fail 50 goldfish dead in publicity stunt gone wrong. They're with cod now  (shortlist.com) (93)
(BBC) Interesting Police to test 'anti-riot' laser that can temporarily  (bbc.co.uk) (273)
(Miami Herald) Spiffy Christian evangelist climate change scientist doesn't believe in global warming... because "belief" is faith in things not supported by facts  (miamiherald.com) (410)
(BBC) Amusing Royal Mail gets Christmas card in mailbox addressed to "James Carrigan, My Best Mate, Stays in Cardonald, Glasgow." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED  (bbc.co.uk) (102)
(Huffington Post) Sick BAD SANTA  (huffingtonpost.com) (73)
(The TSA Blog) Asinine TSA: "We did not intend to order her to remove a medically-necessary back brace. We thought it was a money belt"  (blog.tsa.gov) (287)
(MSNBC) Caption Montana launches winter tourist advertising campaign. Suggest some slogans (Voting Enabled)  (msnbc.msn.com) (236)
(Washington Post) Scary Living on a former US Army chemical warfare testing range is great up until your feet turn black  (washingtonpost.com) (50)
(CNNGo) Scary It's almost time for the annual Seoul Doll Fair. Sleep well (some maybe Not safe for work pics)  (cnngo.com) (42)
(The Local Norway) Interesting Butter priced at $515 a pack on Norway's black market as demand soars. What's smør, people are willing to pay for it  (thelocal.no) (111)
(Some Guy) Asinine Do you collect rainwater in big barrels? You're now breaking the law because, according to the government, "that rain belongs to someone else"  (majortrend.tv) (285)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Oprah and Louis Farrakhan will visit Haiti. Best Buddy Movie Ever  (suntimes.com) (35)
(LA Times) Strange Pattern of tuba thefts indicate perpetrators have big brass ones  (latimes.com) (30)
(Washington Post) Stupid Blackwater, which renamed itself Xe Services, is changing its name again to Academi, and from now on will be known as "Blackwater"  (washingtonpost.com) (132)
(Canada.com) Followup Russian President orders election investigation to find nothing wrong  (canada.com) (17)
(Fark) Spiffy Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: September through November  (fark.com) (67)
(Fark) Sad A few more Headline of the Year nominees that didn't make the cut (fourth quarter)  (fark.com) (9)
(Palm Beach Post) Obvious US Coast Guard issues stern warning about overweight American's gross tonnage  (palmbeachpost.com) (55)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Disappointment  (fark.com) (35)
(Jezebel) Cool 17-year-old girl invents nanoparticle that kills cancer. Still no cure for Fark memes  (jezebel.com) (314)
(Boston.com) Amusing Finally, for that filthy, dirty beatnik on your holiday gift list; Jack Kerouac Soap  (boston.com) (78)
(Life.com) Obvious Believe it or not, my son, there once was a time when grown men were excited by the sight of cheerful, full-grown women and felt sorry for dour, underfed teenagers ... rather than vice versa (some NSFW-ish pics)  (life.com) (764)
(CBS News) Dumbass Need some time off from work? Try the old "fake obituary of your mom" trick  (cbsnews.com) (60)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool Around the world in cookies. This is why you are fat  (suntimes.com) (60)
(Daily Mail) Sad One in three will go into debt to pay for holiday presents. Merry... Christmas?  (dailymail.co.uk) (125)
(Daily Mail) Cool Is this heaven? (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(Some Guy) Fail Some advice from the TSA on how not to mess up their Christmas  (bbc.com) (219)

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