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Sun October 16, 2011
Cindy Sheehan, riding huge hammerhead catches massive air and does triple lindy over Occupy Sacramento
Just in time for us Sunday night drunks, here's this weekend's Mugshot Roundup
Barber shaves "FOOL" into hair of man with severe learning disabilities. I pity him
Conservative computer security expert hacks 'Occupy Wall Street' e-mail access, gives internal information to FBI and NYPD, leaks emails to Andrew Breitbart. Enjoy the wrath of Anonymous, douchebag
(Gizmodo)
Caption these very happy dinosaurs
Photoshop this proud pumpkin person
Organizers urge conference attendees not to "engage in the debauchery for which Las Vegas is known." So, other types of debauchery are okay, then?
School funding has become so scarce that schools are now selling wall space to advertisers. No, really
Still no cure for cancer, but at least the American Cancer Society is refusing a half million dollar donation from atheists
Kids are remorseless sociopathic bastards who won't hesitate to destroy your life in order to get some attention
Today's wonderfully obtuse question: Why do men and women talk differently?
Okay, Fark fencing experts... what in the world is going on in the linked photo?
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this listing vessel
Using a five-foot long alligator to guard your indoor grow room probably seemed like a good idea at the time
Australian drinking establishments turn to rubber sidewalks to reduce injuries. Kentucky soon to pave entire state with rubber
The actions of a douchebag: he steals from a church. The photo of a douchebag: he cheeses in his mug shot
If an Amtrak train departs from the west coast and arrives in Illinois with a Florida man carrying 45 pounds of pot, does it still warrant the Florida tag?
MR. MAGOO BANDIT CONTINUES TO TERRORIZE THE GREATEST CALIFORNIA AREA. What do you mean turn off my capslock key? THAT RUINS THE WHOLE JOKE, DOY
Ever wonder what happens to all those obsolete public pay phones? Here is where they come to die. "This is the graveyard"
(Some Guy)
Airline to remove toilets in order to save money. Yes, it's Ryanair once again
Best job ever: determining the ideal breast shape by examining Page 3 girls. With a rather Not Safe For Work illustration of the perfect breastastic geometry
(Some Guy)
Today is dictionary day. dic·tion·ar·y [dik-shuh-ner-ee], noun
Japanese air force zeroes in on new fighter orders
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this proud patriot
Just in time for Halloween, your canned seasonal article about the horrors of... snow-sledding?
23-year-old political candidate goes topless in her election video. "It was the best way to attract young voters" (Safe for work, sadly)
(Asian Journal)
The Philippines would like to emphasize that 60% of male tourists are there for reasons other than sex
Just another day of traffic stops in Australia: Women speeding, men dodging red lights, a 13 year old boy with rifles, 100 rounds of ammo, dragging a dead donkey
Eau de irony
Catholic church steals, sells 300,000 babies in Spain over 50 years. Well, they have to make money somehow
Not news: Memorial dedicated for victims of 1979 plane crash. News: A class of 6th graders made it happen. Fark: American Airlines wrote them a letter telling them to "let it go"
(Some Guy)
Special ed teacher makes fun of his students and posts picture of himself online wearing student's seizure helmet. This actually pissed off quite a few folks, it would seem (with helmeted pic)
If you like eating live Madagascar hissing cockroaches this theme park has the contest for you
Difference between cleaning the dishes & cleaning your gun: if you screw up while cleaning the dishes it's unlikely your mom's going to the hospital
Mexico's newest export to US: water
Your mom needs a beer
Sat October 15, 2011
People are lining up in Los Angeles to stuff themselves with foie gras ahead of the coming California foie gras ban. Soon their livers will be rich and succulent
Occupy protests make it to Toronto, where a good natured water gun fight erupted between protesters and police, soaking dozens. This is why the terrorists hate Canada
New "Guitar Hero : Hardcore Edition" debuts in Libya
Occupy Wall Street protests go global
Massachussetts principal single-handedly cancels Halloween and Thanksgiving. No word on the status of Christmas yet
Based on how much people are spending on elaborate Halloween props, you would never think the country is on the brink of an economic collapse
Chinese tourist dodges castle's £2.50 admission fee by free-soloing its 70-foot outer wall. She made the route look way casual, but two others now have broken legs after trying for second ascent (with pic of tourist mid-climb)
Three women charged in sex attacks on men. "17 men came and positively identified the women as having raped them"...... indeed
♫ Walked out this morning, Don't believe what I saw, Twelve Somali pirates knocking on my door ♫ I'll send an SOS to the world, I'll send an SOS to the world, I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle ♫
Photoshop theme: Amish time travelers
These over-the-counter cosmetic contact lenses seem legit. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OH GOD. MY EYES
(Park Record)
Don't like the speed limit? Order some signs and post your own
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this fabulous picture of Hank Williams, Jr
(Some Guy)
Prosecutor opposes DNA testing because we should have respect for the jury's verdict, and it overrides what a jury has already decided
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to deliver a semi full of pipes to New Jersey"
Stop dressing your pets up for Halloween
DARPA crowd-sourcing the development of its next generation of hunter-killer drones
Speed camera company may have violated Fair Debt Collections Act, according to $6 million class action suit
Is Nutella unhealthy? Shut up reporter, Nutella is the most perfect food in existence
Bhutan enters a new contestant in the Hottest Royalty competition
(Some Guy)
Key Wester chosen the best rum-drink maker in the U.S. What's your best rum drink?
Mother of twins of differing colours tired of explaining she's the mother of both. Subby not so sure that the maternity is what's in question
WWII vets receive mystery postcards from China, thanking them for fighting against Japanese invasion. But Hu sent them?
New Jersey approves deer contraceptive. Stag parties will never be the same
64 years ago today, Chuck Yeager got inside Glamorous Glennis and beat the demon who lived in the air at Mach 1
Hello? How many ounces in a 8 foot tall, several foot in circumference "tree"? How many ounces in 35 of those trees? No, no reason, just curious. Thanks. Bye
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these sexy songstresses
(wdsu.com)
Here I stand, broken hearted. Needed to use the bathroom at McDonald's, but the token system has started
(Some Derp)
The real reason for the rollout of HDTV: The Defense Department's subliminal programming only works on digital TV signals
As I was going to St Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks. Every sack had seven cats. But one wife lost her purple sack. It was found but not sent back. Welcome these seven cuties to Caturday
10 things Drew tells the mods to keep them in line
(Some Guy)
Man: "My ex-wife is stalking me." Judge: "LOL, you pussy." Wife: *BLAM BLAM BLAM*
(Some Guy)
"Father' and 'mother' will be replaced with official terms Parent 1 and Parent 2 in Britain. Nanny State now officially "Primary Caregiver" state
(Some Guy)
Father stabs son over lima beans. Okay, maybe he had a point
Yet another tale showing that the IRS is all heart
(Some Guy)
Man cuts off his arm, severs the hand, and hides the pieces in his house
Couple films live sex sessions to pay the bills, support their 20-month-old daughter. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (w/pics)
Little girl loses teddy bear that stands in for her dad while he is deployed overseas. Highway workers find the bear and return it, raising a lot of dust in the process
Not news: Starting your day with a cup of coffee & a cigarette. Fark: A 2-year old starting their day with a cup of coffee & a cigarette (w/photos)
San Francisco man pulls gun on cops in the Tenderloin district. Cops respond by pumping 10 rounds into suspect. Just kidding, they tackled him instead. No, really, that's what they really did
Guns don't kill people, people with Samurai swords whose application for a gun license was rejected kill people
In 1800 it was one billion. In 1960 three billion. On or about October 31st, 2011, the 7,000,000,000th person alive on earth will be born. Then what?
Fri October 14, 2011
(Some Guy)
Things have gotten so bad in America that now they're even drug testing goats
Man has logo of The Sun carved on his grave. The Sun is there
Clint Eastwood was almost George H.W. Bush's vice-presidential running mate. Your move, Chuck Norris
(CBS NYC)
Latest attack inside a McDonald's takes place in NYC's Greenwich Village, where a cashier takes a metal rod and beats down two unruly female customers. Have you had your broken skull today? (With extra value video craziness)
(The Real Ric Romero)
Ric Romero: "Cybercriminals are becoming more sophisticated in the way they steal personal information and infect computers." It's good to know that Ric's mustache doubles as a firewall
Needles in a Burger King hamburger to the left ... thread to the right
Planking, puppets, topless women and 14 other photos of dumb things protesters do
One industry that hasn't been hurt by the economy? Pork. That's right; even in a recession people can't live without bacon
(Some Guy)
Meth-addled, naked, trying to eat grass and dig a hole in the ground while in the fetal position and wearing Mr. Grinch underwear is no way to go through life, son
Drunk, wearing only boots and sprawled unconscious on your neighbor's lawn? Actually, now that you mention it, that does sound like an excellent way to go through life
Police are hunting a Segway user who witnessed a sex attack. In other news, a Segway user has witnessed sex
(KRIS)
Texas HS suspends male cheerleader and kicks him off the squad, because he was seen on CCTV kissing another boy
That professor who wouldn't let the stutterer ask questions? Ab ab ab bou bou bout tha-tha-tha-tha-that
"In one scene he summons the spirit of wisdom...by pouring a bottle of Stolichniya into a mystic cauldron to summon Darth Vader, who uses the flaming heart of democracy to turn the Russian Bear Spirit into Dmitri Medvedev"
(Geekologie)
Introducing ZombieMax bullets, because the undead aren't just going to put themselves back in the grave
Remember how San Francisco was going to make the tipping rate 25%? Turns out that's bullshiat
(Some Old Guy)
Photoshop these ladies sailing on the sand
Chinese-made yacht valued at $2.5 million completes maiden voyage to the bottom of the sea
Police arrest Bo Diddley for protesting in Bo Diddley Plaza
Social Security agency might need to work on that whole "security" thing
Bacon. Funnel. Cake
(Some Potato)
My potato is a tortoise. Your argument is invalid
Hong Kong's Victoria Harbour is swimming with E. coli. So are a thousand race participants this weekend. Talk about a can-doo attitude
If you are still opposed to same-sex marriage after watching this, then you have no farking soul
Did Shea Stadium have a porn room? Play ball
Police's extraordinary advice to girls: Don't wear uniform on way to school - you'll attract perverts
Why it's time for a dollar coin to replace the paper bill. This is not a repeat from 2007, 2000, 1979, or 1971
Seamen leaving ferries in Greek ports
(Some Guy)
We can all sleep well knowing the Feds raided another medical pot co-op in Northern California. (Bonus:Picture of sad hippy with wilted plant)
Man undergoes successful double hand transplant. High fives all around
(The Bay Citizen)
San Francisco shuts down preschool bake sale because it didn't have a permit. Next target: lemonade stand scofflaws
(Some Guy)
Photoshop what you really see in the mirror
Yes, but apart from the roads, parks, dams, schools, bridges, runways, playgrounds, and public buildings... what did the New Deal ever do for us?
You're a drug dealer up a pylon, negotiating with police who want you down; what do you demand? Note: you already have a beer
Friday Fun Photo Match Game: Match mugshot to item stolen (ham, thong underwear, breast enlargement inserts, python cowboy boots, or 5-Hour Energy)
Computer program to reveal who wrote the Bible
(Some Walking Dead Guy)
There's a slim chance they'll survive Season 2. But a slim chance is better than none. (Sponsored link)
Climate change may destroy the world's coffee supply. It may not seem like a big deal now, but sooner or later you're going to want to sober up
While removing your bra may get you out of speeding ticket, it generally won't work in getting your DUI charges dropped. But please, don't let that discourage you. EIP
(Some Guy)
When dropping off your prescription bottle to be refilled, make sure it isn't the one you keep your weed in
Fark's Weird News Quiz, demonstrating the inverse relationship between how well you score on it and how much work you actually accomplished this week
School system has counselors meet one on one with bullies and explain to them that being a jerk is a crime in Massachusetts
Quarry fire near Peculiar is suspicious. That's odd
(Some Guy)
Theme: Propaganda signs for geeks (LGT inspiration)
(Kankakee Daily Journal)
What do you do when the criminal you're chasing hides in a cornfield? Harvest the corn (with hands-in-the-air picture goodness)
(Some Hungry Guy)
You're never going to get another drink refill at any restaurant in San Francisco
Top universities in India no longer have space for kids with grades below 94%, forcing them to accept scholarships from Ivy-league schools. Poor dears
Nothing to see here. Just another hot teacher story
Rumor that a customer at a Chinese restaurant choked on a greyhound's microchip is apparently traveling fast
When you're trying to figure out what's clogging the pipes down at the wastewater treatment plant, you're probably not guessing a 32-inch eel (with wastewater pipe clogging eel pic)
Skydiving couple joins the mile-high club. And the 2/3rds of a mile high club. And the half a mile high club
How do you get a Space Shuttle from the airport to a museum? Well, you start by tearing down trees, power lines, and traffic lights
Thu October 13, 2011
When you breed a goat with a sheep, is the baby called a geep or a shoat?
Opposing school board candidates learn that models in stock photos are duplicitous, two-faced mercenary biatches
Twin sisters got knocked up within one hour of each other...and it wasn't even the same dude
(Some Guy)
Vicks: The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, been in business for over 1,000 years company
Six-year old on school bus complains she isn't feeling well, so bus driver does the only rational thing, and leaves her at a stranger's house. The lesson here? Give your kid a stupid name, stupid things will happen to them
Architects in Mexico manage to turn 65 floor skyscraper inside out and upside down
New poll finds that almost one tenth of parents regret the name they've given their child. Subby is certain the numbers would be much higher if celebrities had been included
Kentucky man who doesn't want anyone to know he browses Fark sues Facebook on behalf of 150 million Americans
For the record, nobody likes getting a pencil or a coupon on Halloween
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this gravity defier
Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your mugger's health
That nice gesture by the Mayor and NYC to clean up the OWS Zuccotti Park on Friday. Yeah, about that
"Here we stand / With some whores / Like we did the month before." Your Philadelphia Mummer Hooker Lineup
PNG no longer lossless
Lady gets a $1500 cell phone bill...Verizon says it's likely from "music or video streaming." Her phone isn't even capable of streaming. Verizon's response: Fark you, pay me
Tokyo neighborhood has a higher radiation level than the Fukushima evacuation zone
Drunk driving cop discovers limit of professional courtesy when witnesses see him have his blood-soaked girlfriend switch seats to take blame for crash
(Some Drunk Zombie)
Today's bike riding zombie pub crawl brought to you by Tampa
Man eats nothing but roadkill for the last 30 years to avoid having to shop at the supermarket. Surprisingly not from Alabama
(Northrop HL-10)
Photoshop this cool craft
(business insider)
For those of you still confused about the Occupy Wall Street protests and why they are happening, here's everything you need to know in an easy-to-understand format
What's creepier than an augmented, skin-bleached Filipino who thinks he is Superman and hangs out with kids all day? Not much. (w/ video)
We are the 99 percent. We are here to occupy Wall Street. We will remain here until we have changed our corrupt...hold on, is that rain?
(Some Guy)
Famous last words, literally: "Honey, the gun isn't loaded. Watch"
November 5th is Bank Transfer Day, where everyone will take their money out of big banks and put them in credit unions and small local banks. Sure, this will mean they'll become the new big banks, but WE'LL SHOW THEM
(Some Guy)
Woman sues airline after turbulence gives her PTSD. "When driving, if I hit a pot hole I have to pull over because I'm having a flash back"
Why we hate Wall Street: A history
(Olney Daily Mail)
Some women celebrate their birthday with shopping, eating, or romantic nonsense. They obviously haven't heard about the annual Squirrel Count in Olney, Illinois
(Some Guy)
It's not often you find a 65-year-old sex worker dead in a street and 12 yellow rubber ducks arranged across the dashboard of her Mercedes
That guy who threw the hot dog at Tiger Woods has explained his motives: "I was inspired by the movie Drive. I had to do something courageous and epic"
Boris Yeltsin would like to apologize to you for the Blackberry outages
(Some Guy)
It's 106 miles to Los Angeles, we've got a full tank of steroids, a hundred roosters, a million dollars of meth, 7 unsupervised children, it's light, we're not wearing sunglasses. Hit it
Grocery store recalling its own brand of "Moose Tracks" ice cream because while it shows a picture of ice cream with peanuts, it doesn't say on the carton it contains peanuts
Japanese company will make a hyper-realistic 3-D mask of your face, accurate down to the individual pores and eye vasculature for a mere 4-6k. You know, in case you wanted to go out as a rich, creepy, narcissist this Halloween
(Some Guy)
Father and son arrested and charged with..ah, fark it, you'll never make it past the mugshots anyways
Dear Penthouse Forums: I was hitch-hiking along the freeway in Lower Gweru, when this carload of women pull over... ... ... (WTF: They had to drug me??)
"Sydney voted the world's number one city", reads subby, as she sits in her $400 a week cockroach-infested hell-hole, listening to the ravings of the schizophrenic next door while observing the joyous play of his pet rats
Family says a woman who was killed afer being hit by a truck in a crosswalk "looked out for everybody"
(Some Guy)
NYC Mayor Bloomberg to bring in the water cannons to crush the Occupy Wall Street protesters from Zuccotti Park. Just kidding, but they do need to bring in the power washers to clean the park on Friday. So please let them, then you can go back
If you buried your guns in a PVC pipe near I-66 when Obama took office, you probably should have picked a better spot
Dead balloonists 'inexperienced', dead
404,000 error: Jobs not found
Everyone in gritty Gila Bend, AZ, "the fan belt capital of the world," excited to receive monster visit from Prince Harry, in town for Apache helicopter training
Buffett: "There has been class warfare going on ... It's just that my class is winning. And my class isn't just winning, I mean we're killing them"
(Some Balance Bar)
Photoshop this gymnast jury
Screw you guys, I'm going home *(With "You would rush back home to her too" pic)
Do your Saturday plans include a skull mask, a flare gun, robbing a hoagie shop and having mom drive the getaway car? If so, you're not alone
Remember that bartender who shamed a guy on Facebook after he insulted her and stiffed her on a tip? Looks like she identified the wrong guy. Oops. "I'm a douche for that. SO SORRY. Blinded by rage"
Costco has contributed almost 10 million dollars to the campaign to privatize liquor sales in Washington. Hey, who doesn't want to buy a 55-gallon drum of vodka?
If you like collecting Saddam Hussein memorabilia, you can buy his shiny metal ass
Argument over barbecue ribs leads to an arrest for destruction of property, assault.Oh, Flor--wait, Iowa? Really?
Man in hospital for gunshot wound visited by his pregnant girlfriends who promptly start a knife fight
Chicago suburb considering a ban on eating while driving, using common sense
Snakes on an I-75
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 336: "Infrastructure". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed October 12, 2011
1001 phone calls, 712 emails, egging his house, shattering several of the windows of his west Houston home, first with a tire iron, and then with a 5-foot sword. Hell hath no fury.....,
It's all fun and games, until somebody hears a snap and pulls out a sex toy covered in blood
(Some Guy)
Who hasn't been found naked in a hotel bathtub while attempting to inhale the fumes from a fire extinguisher and scratching at your eye so intensely that it nearly gets ripped from the socket?
(Waterloo Courier)
Suicidal man said nothing was going right in his life, so he jumped off the top of a third story of a parking garage. He survived
(lehighvalleylive)
Veteran lies about receiving medals in order to feel like a hero, says he was addicted to the ego boost. Twist: He raised more money for veteran services as a fake hero than he did as a real veteran
In this tough economy, the only businesses doing well are banks and casinos. But subby repeats himself
Former FBI agent stops* Ponzi-like investment fraud scheme [*after he's arrested and charged]
Florida man indicted for exposing the poor cyber security practices of celebrities like Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis
(Some Guy)
Mother/daughter team rob bank, get caught, require eye bleach
Original Tappan Zee bridge...80.8 Million...New Tappan Zee bridge....5.2 billion Subby Figuring out the inflation rate/index thing....impossible
Arrest warrant issued for Moss Man. Two-Bad and Stinkor wanted for questioning
Shave and a haircut, six dead
(Greek USA Reporter)
Turns out Columbus was just looking for a place to open a deli
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this classic beauty
(Daily Bugle)
Five paintings, stolen by thief named "Spiderman" and worth $135 million, including works by Picasso, Matisse and Modigliano, may have been accidentally destroyed by Garbage Man, Garbage Man, who crushed the art in a garbage can
Nothing screams apocalypse like reconstructing the genetic blueprint of the Bubonic Plague circa 1347 which may result in zombie Bubonic Plague. You may panic
Most fascinating part of using a 1975 guide to tour Asia? "Meeting folk who were written about in the old guidebook, still running restaurants, cooking in the kitchens and manning hotel desks." That and getting high everywhere you go
Just your everyday obituary for a 93 year old woman...who was REALLY freaking mad about what the Germans did to her fiance
People are not happy that the frat houses in their neighborhood keep burning down. "The proof is in the pudding, and in this case, it's a flaming figgy pudding"
After a great white shark knocks him off his surfboard, man does the logical thing and starts to surf the shark
Biden opens mouth, declares war on Iran
You know times are tough when you're an Oscar-winning actress that has to wish happy birthday to an evil dictator just to pay rent
We've secretly exhumed the bones of eight of John Wayne Gacy's unidentified victims. Let's see if anyone notices HEY WHAT ARE THOSE CAMERAS DOING HERE?
Woman running a drug dealing operation on Scooby Doo Drive accidentally sends a text message to a cop asking if he wants to do business. Would have gotten away with it if weren't for those meddling kids
(ksla.com)
School uses permanent marker to fill in lines shaved into student's hair. Amazingly, some people have a problem with this
Radio station's win-a-baby contest draws outrage. Ooh, that's bad. But you get to make the baby yourself. That's good. With the help of doctors. That's bad. But the baby will be Canadian. ??? Can I go now?
Incredible sex can wipe memory clean. Which explains why subby's wife remembers EVERYTHING
Angry and easily provoked Puerto Rican man gets all goddamn batman when someone accuses him of being an angry and easily provoked Puerto Rican
2008 Problem: only banks are eligible for bailouts; JPM and GS solution: we're banks now. 2011 problem: banks subject to new Volcker rule forbidding prop trading. JPM and GS solution: we're not banks anymore
While Craigslist is still suitable for hiring sexual slaves, promoting auditions for movies that don't exist and selling human skulls, it's still not a great way to buy pot
Gucci stores in China have a new fall line: a 'flamboyant gown' that 'hides a lot of lice'
"He asked the jury to consider whether a decorated and accomplished special forces member who had a role in the 2011 movie 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' would risk everything in a scheme to sell arms in the US"
Saudi Arabia says Iran will "pay the price" for that trying to kill their ambassador thingee. Hey isn't the penalty for attempted murder beheading? How would they behead an entire coun-- oh
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania files for bankruptcy. It can be all yours for just $1
Charges dismissed against a woman who killed a man with one punch
(Some Real Guy)
Vancouver restaurant bans peeing while standing up because of the men-can't-aim problem for their one unisex bathroom
Michelle Obama nearly trampled by kids after jumping-jacks record attempt. Better luck next time kids
(MyNorthwest.com)
Amanda Knox ad...too soon?
(WLKY)
Night of the Hiking Dead to be held for fitness-conscious Kentucky zombies
(Some Guy)
Man believes he is in heaven after finding a free beer truck
(Some Guy)
Energy summit interruptus: 'oil orgy'. Bonus: with video
Eating fruits and veggies may outwit bad heart genes, if you can get past the sequins and crutches
(Some Zapped Bear Hunter)
Protip: Think twice before poking a dead bear with a hunting knife
Got $185 you're looking to spend? Pop on down to Mount Vernon and buy a bottle of rye whiskey distilled according to George Washington's own personal recipe
First Jenna Jameson, then MC Hammer and now Jordan. Are standards at Oxford University slipping?
(Some Guy)
Photoshop Photoshop
In surprising new study 80% of teen boys used a condom the first time they had sex. What's more surprising is why they were concerned about catching an STD on their hand
(kfor)
Artist wants Oklahoma governor to hang nude pics of Susan B. Anthony in Governor's mansion. Apparently some peope have...wait nude pics of Susan B. Anthony? I'd buy that for a dollar
(Derry Journal)
Not news: teenage girls go riding around at high speed. News: around two countries. Fark: in a stolen hearse, driven by one of their dads
(Some Guy)
Nigerian prostitutes caught selling used condoms for use in demonic rituals
Food is "making a comeback". Funny, when I look around at people, food seems to be saying "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years"
(Some Guy)
Apparently, the idea of getting naked and trying to rob a state trooper with a bow and arrow hasn't gotten old in Pensacola
(This is Staffordshire)
Man is heartbroken after his $150,000 Ford Escort is stolen. Wait, Ford what?
(Some Biker)
It's never a good time to have a motorcycle collision, particularly when you're escorting the President of the United States
If you picked "less than one day" as your answer for "How long would it take Fox News to start calling for war against Iran," come on down
Why the Republican primaries are like a Jane Austen novel
(Some Welfare Guy)
Over 1500 welfare recipients in Florida refuse to take drug test. Coincidence?
University of Iowa may allow a fraternity for gay, bisexual and "progressive" men. The lesbians already have sororities
Richard Dawkins: "The country club canceled my appearance after learning I was an atheist." Way to do your research
Israel, Hamas agree on Shalit release, concluding longest Middle Eastern bazaar haggling session on record
Liar liar extinguishes pants on fire, pleads guilty
Things I would like to not have to worry about: Removing my contacts and having bits of my eye come with it
(The Republic)
Tennessee lawmaker sponsoring bill to allow handguns in bars arrested for having a handgun while driving drunk
4 Girls, 2 cops (with video goodness)
Dear Penthouse Letters, It all started when my Mom dropped me off at the hospital (I'm 15), and my nurse took me to the beach (with 'yeah, you would too' pic)
FDIC approves Volcker Rule; banks announce $25 monthly "Volcker Regulatory Recoupment Cost" Fee
It's been a year since the whole world was focused on the trapped Chilean miners. So, what have they been up to?
(The Local France)
Pierre : "Holy blue - I hev left my béret and stripey chemise in zee Café"
Iran: Oh, we just plan to blow up ONE Saudi diplomat in the United States and now they're trying to turn the whole world against us
Police clerk faxes local newspaper instead of local court: "Dismiss the case. He's a deputy's son." Was that wrong? Should she not have done that?
Good news, everybody...it's okay to import your teenage Russian bride into the UK
(Some Gay Boy Scout)
Boy Scouts in Florida get rejected for giant grant. The reason? In spite of what those uniforms make you think, they don't include the gays
US Air Force cyber division found out about the drones virus issue from Wired report. Fail tag blows up Followup tag with a predator drone
(My Fox Philly)
Clubhouse of Mummers - burly dockworkers who dress up in feathery carnival costumes and strut drunkenly through Philadelphia on New Year's Day - raided in prostitution sting. As if any of those guys could pass for women
How to clean an oil-slicked penguin. No, that is not a euphemism
(This is North Devon)
No injuries in crash of van carrying oxyacetylene. Darwin and Michael Bay weep bitterly
Photoshop theme: alternative cover art for classic albums [LGT "special" example]
Woman charged with bigamy after stealing a truck. And with a mugshot like that, it's no wonder she was able to steal two men's hearts
Las Vegas priest steals over $650k from parishioners to feed gambling habit. Talk about your holy roller. (w/ creepy pic)
While Steve Jobs is getting nominated for sainthood the still-living Bill Gates and his wife saved 100,000 Indians from HIV
WTF, Africa? No, seriously, WTF?
Marathon runner hits wall, gets bus, finishes third. Bus not late for a change
You might be a redneck if...your capital city repeals the law making beating your wife illegal
Precious snowflake who was "swept along by 'mob mentality'" when he was arrested for looting during London riots, gets his sentence cut in half because he's having trouble sleeping due to stress
Police chief arrested for hit and run while on patrol. Just kidding no charges to be filed, he was just "confused". The confused defense, why didn't I think of that?
Mess with the deer, get the horns. Doe
Six ways to never get lost in any city that don't involve a GPS, compass, map, or listening to your wife
Tue October 11, 2011
Spain wants to exhume body of Francisco Franco in order to move it to different cemetery, check to make sure he's still dead
(Some Gal)
Hospital offers breast massage to reduce pain. "One woman went from feeling full of little pebbles (in her breasts) to feeling smooth and supple" Who doesn't like a hospital that takes a hands on approach to medicine?
Who says heroin addicts can't be productive members of society? This one chaperoned part of her daughter's field trip
Free door-to-door breast exam man cops a plea feel with prosecutors
(King 5)
Man goes out for stroll with his grandchildren, sets new world record for oldest person to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
Sixteen shots and what do you get? A dead 21-year old college student who couldn't handle her liquor
It's October, which means the annual Pumpkin Ale Wars have begun, pitting insufferable beer snob against insufferable beer snob
Study finds that large daily doses of Vitamin E may protect middle-aged men from heart disease, dementia and lack of prostate cancer
(News 4 JAX)
Man arrested for animal cruelty after capturing and decapitating a duck. Quote one witness at the scene "He's dethpicable"
(Some Guy)
Headlines you've never seen before: "Girl punished with fire and a dog"
Highland Park can't pay their electric bill. There can be only one solution
Dumb: Single dad leaves five-month-old in his car. Dumber: While he's on a hot date. Fark: At McDonald's
U.S. citizen faces 15 years in jail after admitting to insulting the Thai royal family. Fark: because he posted the insult online while living in the U.S. state of Colorado years ago
Sleep well tonight, Florida, for the serial pooper has been arrested
High ranking CDC official charged with being in her lab
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this dairy farmer with cold hands
Honkey factory employees sending condolences, Hyundai builds your mom, and Kim Kardashian's $325k car that hauls ass: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/2 - 10/8
Okay, you're going to want to sit down for this. Ready? Reiki, a form of touch healing, shown to be no more successful than a placebo
(Some Guy)
"They're taking our jorbs" No not them, not the other ones either
(myfoxdetroit.com)
Remember the neighbor who taunted the girl with Huntington's disease? A year later, she's still hateful: "She saw Kathleen getting put in a wheelchair, she is on her phone yelling, 'Oh, I just saw the best thing ever'"
Police: Crook accidentally himself
Bank robber who used furnace filter to hide face from tellers should have duct from security camera
Montana Fish and Game department looks to change car-hunting rules, so take note if you're planning on shooting a car this fall
As Bangkok prepares for its worst flooding in decades, it's nice to know that folks can still make time for planking (3rd photo)
17-year-old driver pursues car driven by 88-year-old woman, blocks it in, forces it off the road, gets it stuck in the mud and finally commandeers it. For his actions, he's getting a $10,000 reward
Sixteen zombies hurt after platform collapse. Authorities say injuries are not life-threatening
New research shows that many students are involved in "social combat" -- a constant verbal, physical and cyber fight to the top of the school social hierarchy. Which is, as you know, totally different than the way adults behave
Three 80 year olds hospitalized after mistakenly eating potluck brownies at funeral
Had this happened five years ago, GW would be running through the halls yelling "Casus belli" and firing a revolver into the air
A bunch of hacks try to 'erase' the New York Stock Exchange from the Internet "like four nine-pound weaklings running into a sumo wrestler"
(Some Guy)
Dwarf Tossing Follow-up: "It is not up to the state to decide who citizens can or cannot toss"
NATO finds it "surprising" that Ghaddafi hasn't turned himself in
How could I have known my husband was a violent offender? Other than the murder conviction, I mean
(Some Guy)
Man with tear tattoos on his face busted for holding girlfriend captive will now be held captive himself, and have real tears
(Some Guy)
State Trooper finds more than 1,300 Xanax in car air filter. Driver claims he was only trying to increase smiles per gallon
Hello 911? I'm trapped in a corn maze, and also, I'm an idiot
Photoshop Theme: rare & unknown Tarot cards
(Some Leprechaun)
Lucky Charms has reached Minimum Sugar, which makes the competing Maple & Rum Smoothies that much cheaper
(Dan Savage)
Hey rich douchebag: Your name is Andrew, you live in Kent, you work at Microsoft, you were in a frat, and on Friday night you stiffed a popular Capitol Hill bartender. Oh, and you may also be about to find out who John Fitzgerald Page is
Ventura man attacks his son with a sword in dispute over chores. Which is odd, usually that kind of thing happens in Highlander Park
(Some 1% Guy)
An analysis of "I am the 99%" photo uploads, or "Gee, why didn't my major in Post-Gender Literary Criticsm History get me a better job?"
TV chef claims eating puppy meat is no worse than pork, and also likely to fetch more in the market
Upon further review, "Booty Lounge" stripper bus was offside. Five-yard penalty, FIRST DOWN
(Some Wildcat)
Elitist liberal scientists at Northwestern University may have cured peanut and many other food allergies. Still no cure for cancer, but they're working on it. Your move, Joe the Plumber
(Nevada Appeal)
Today's "hoarder with house full of filth dies and leaves behind 11 cats" story comes from Virginia City, and in a surprising twist was a dude
Occupy DC organizers: Hooray...we've got a four-month extension on our permit to use Freedom Plaza. DC Park Police: How about no
How America became obsessed with primary debates, which are the political equivalent to the American Idol audition phase
National Hot Dog and Sausage Council calls Tiger Woods hot dog attack reprehensible
Teacher: Please refrain from asking questions in my class, your speaking style is disruptive. Student: Aww, son of a bi-bi-, son of a bi-bi-, son of a bi-bi-bi-... gun
(wtoc.com)
How to turn a simple 30-day jail sentence for public intoxication into 40 years of PMITA federal prison
Man arrested for drug possession said he got he got marijuana and prescription pills from his wife. She then said that she got them from her son, and eventually police arrested the whole family for maintaining a "drug house"
FARK's favorite ex-PMILF lands in jail over gas deal. NO JUSTICE NO PEACE
Boy Scouts may soon be able to earn a badge in Sharia law
Don't pick a fight with a mad chick with a broken beer bottle, guy who did is dead
Gulf shrimp are looking very rare this season, but nobody seems to know why. Hmmm, why could that be?
MBAs are the new English degree
When in doubt, blame a shark
How one of the other 99% lives well on $20k per year. Since it excludes owning a $5k gaming rig, most Farkers would prefer death
(News9)
Hey, if running around the streets stark naked with a bottle of gin and a Bible is wrong, this guy doesn't want to be right
Photoshop theme: Screwing with ergonomics
(abc local)
Teller: What does that say? You want to rib a bunk?
(Some Guy)
7 survive 20 hours in the ocean clinging to capsized boat and they saved the beer cooler
Last week, oral sex supposedly was the new leading cause of mouth cancer. This week? Vitamins may increase womens risk of dying. Conclusion: Ladies shouldn't swallow...anything
(Some Guy)
These gummy bears brought to you by Smirnoff. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY
You pilot a space shuttle, safely steer a stalled airplane to a controlled crash, what do they remember you for? Some crazy, diaper wearing, nut-job who dragged you into an "Astronaut Love Triangle"
This is bad news for Oba, ma
Foreigner in Tokyo, tired of being stared at on public trains, whips up wraparound book cover entitled "Why do Japanese stare at foreigners?" to ease travel tensions
(azfamily.com)
You've run away from your chain gang. Do you: A) Try to cross the border into Mexico? B) Lay low for a week at a flop house? C) Rob a bank armed only with a lighter and a cup of flammable liquid?
"Don't worry ma'am, I'll save your jewelry for you," firefighting inmate says
Apparently the Canadian translation of 'cantaloupe' is 'smoked salmon'
There's something happening here. OCCUPY BOSTON SF SEATTLE ATLANTA ETC. discussion thread
(Some cunning planner)
If you are going to try getting out of school by calling the cops to report a man with a gun near the school, keep in mind that the cops have caller ID
Your cell phone is killing Africans
Think you had a bad day? At least you didn't get stabbed in the scrotum with a hypodermic needle during an argument
Schools are scrambling to comply with new federal regulations mandating all students have A) iPads B) after school programs C) water
Mon October 10, 2011
"Bedbugs aren't contagious," claims columnist Gregor Samsa
(Some Guy)
I don't mean to split hairs, but seriously, just how valuable is a ponytail?
Not News: Dad enjoys the day with his four-year-old daughter in the mall. Still Not News: He takes her picture eating ice cream. FARK: The police ban him from the mall and threaten to arrest him for terroristic activities
"So there I was, walking, when all of a sudden I slipped on a banana peel, landed on a food cart, and the next thing you know I was having sex"
And for the record, Christopher Columbus did not introduce syphilis to Europe
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this feline fighter right meow
Cop keeps bad guy from shooting by giving him the finger
(Some Farkette)
What was that noise heard throughout Michigan yesterday? Oh, yeah...screams from a guy with a fear of heights skydiving to help his friend with brain cancer. Thanks to the Farkers who donated to the cause
Leads in the case of the impromptu enema are still in the crapper
(Some Guy)
"Sorry, but 'Occupy Iowa' will have to be postponed due to lack of permitting"
Iranian actress sentenced to 90 lashes for starring in the story of why she's about to receive 90 lashes
Internationally acclaimed attention whore Al Sharpton to broadcast LIVE from OWS. Yeah, no one saw THAT coming
Fatal shooting raises questions about Des Moines bar, such as "'Did he fire six shots or only five?" To tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement
You know it's October when punks start dropping pumpkins off overpasses onto the cars beneath them
Number of encephalitis victims swell
The Department of Homeland Security catches four pedophiles in a 19-month long sting using a fake tourism website that portrays Canada as a safe haven for pedophiles. For some reason, Canada has a problem with this
(WKYC)
Mullets responsible for aggravated beard trimming, Hannah Montana
If you are Mayor and your city is called the laziest in America, you're not going to turn that around by hosting a parade where your float is a couch
(Some Guy)
Ben & Jerry's becomes the first high-profile company to support Occupy Wall Street. Time to start taking bets on when Ben & Jerry's owner, mega-conglomerate Unilever, puts a stop to that
You really need to get a life if your hobby is to secretly film men with prostitutes and then post the video on the men's Facebook pages. Bonus: Man who does this compares his mission to the 'Save the Whales' movement
(Some Demographer)
NJ town of 15,000 is 52% female and 20% minority, yet has a 35-member police force comprised entirely of white men. Let's see what happens
Photoshop this screamer
The seven strangest non-human policitians. Some joke about them being better than the real thing
Underwear thief racks up his hundreth arrest, which I think gets him a free sandwich
George W. Bush says the only thing he misses about his presidency is his interaction with the troops: meeting them, posing for pictures with them, sending them off to get killed in unnecessary, poorly planned, wars; stuff like that
(Some Guy)
100-year old shares secret: live stress free **swills beer** and behave yourself. You know my great-gramma said nearly the entirely same thing but she didn't live to see 101. Old people got nothing but lies
