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Sun September 18, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(LA Times) Interesting Drugs now more deadly than cars. Thanks a lot, Big Pharma  (latimes.com) (144)
(Daily Mail) Sad Boy could be killed by a blade of grass, speck of dust that's in my eye  (dailymail.co.uk) (86)
(Some Guy) Interesting The great American road trip has changed quite a bit in the last few decades. Old people are still 100 points, though  (bigthink.com) (101)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Video-game players take less than 10 days to solve molecular puzzle that a team of scientists couldn't figure out in over 10 years  (cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(UPI) Dumbass How many Polish people does it take to get arrested for venomous snakes?  (upi.com) (31)
(Some Hay) Photoshop Photoshop this boy on a bale  (static.pictorymag.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Little old lady: Get off my lawn and DON'T TOUCH MY FARKING TREES  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man brings two-year-old son to Take Your Child to Work Day. Too bad his job is selling cocaine. (w/ absolutely priceless mugshot)  (mcall.com) (66)
(PennLive) Sad State refuses to give inmate a copy of the state's Constitution. "It's the most open record there is"  (pennlive.com) (77)
(Daily Mail) PSA Americans should feel fortunate they live in a country that allows people to protect themselves and family from harm in their own home  (dailymail.co.uk) (521)
(Huffington Post) Weird Chicago restaurant cooks up 47 foot, three-inch wide, bratwurst. Curious women say they never sausage a scary sight  (huffingtonpost.com) (78)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Sappy If not for the courage of this fearless crew, the minnows would be lost. The minnows would be lost  (star-telegram.com) (68)
(Cracked) Amusing 11 products that are too embarrasing to actually use. Fark: Real products  (cracked.com) (237)
(Salon) Interesting The economics of love and sex: "The point of sexual economics is that sex is a resource that women have. Men trade women other resources for sex"  (salon.com) (439)
(Statesman) Asinine Texas wonders if homeless people should work in exchange for shelter  (statesman.com) (476)
(Daily Mail) Stupid 24,500 tickets thrown out because paperwork setting speed limit used local name instead of legal name of crossroad. Fark: 248 drivers didn't want refunds  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Some Bloke) Photoshop Photoshop this Australian on arid land  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (43)
(RedOrbit) Scary Experts are concerned that low-level rumblings at Alaskan volcano could mean it's about to do something big in an attempt to keep Sarah Palin in the news  (redorbit.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Amusing Accidental Porn  (beoue.com) (78)
(UPI) Interesting Self-delusion is a winning strategy, say researchers who try to convince themselves of that every day  (upi.com) (60)
(AZCentral) Sad The story of a family who lost a very special brother in the Reno air crash  (azcentral.com) (161)
(Telegraph) Asinine Problem: High winds mean British wind farms produce too much electricity. Solution: Pay them ten times as much not to produce any  (telegraph.co.uk) (150)
(Telegraph) Interesting Anthropologists and zoologists offer lessons in flirting. First rule: Don't mention you are an anthropologist or zoologist  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(Gawker) Dumbass Teenage lesbian crime spree interrupted by JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION (w/mugshot goodness)  (gawker.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists discover that heavy drinking might leave you tipsy for years. Whew  (myhealthnewsdaily.com) (24)
(Some Mother & Daughter) Photoshop Photoshop these table takers  (bigpicture.ru) (24)
(Cracked) Scary If you're buying a Halloween costume this year, get it anywhere except from Germany  (cracked.com) (76)
(Mr. Holmes) Hero Fark ready headline: "13 Inches Saved My Life"  (wowt.com) (80)
(Yahoo) Cool The most important story any Farker will read today - which is the best brand of mass-produced bacon?  (shopping.yahoo.com) (139)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting Try this one weird old trick zombies don't want you to know  (iheartchaos.com) (84)

Sat September 17, 2011
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Asinine With no lemonade stands to bust up, city cracks down on a man selling homegrown vegetables from his front yard  (blog.cleveland.com) (110)
(BBC) Interesting Government of Pakistan may be behind attack on U.S. embassy in Afghanistan  (bbc.co.uk) (140)
(Some Teeth) Photoshop Photoshop this catching canine  (designyoutrust.com) (36)
(Bangor Daily News) Sad Just when you thought Irene was behind us, now comes the great pumpkin shortage. Good grief  (bangordailynews.com) (34)
(The Atlantic) Strange "Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome" means that you really can die from a dream. Sleep tight  (theatlantic.com) (139)
(CBC) Scary WW2 plane crashes at an air show. This is not a repeat from yesterday  (cbc.ca) (91)
(AZCentral) Sad Daughter of Sen. and Former Presidential Candidate Ted Kennedy dies, age 51  (azcentral.com) (264)
(AZCentral) Interesting Daughter of Sen. and Former Presidential Candidate Walter Mondale dies, age 51  (azcentral.com) (78)
(The New York Times) Stupid You were just released on bail for embezzling millions of dollars intended for healthy meals for preschoolers. What do you do? Attack photographers of course. You'd better believe there are pics  (nytimes.com) (78)
(The Newspaper) Obvious Nonprofit company promoting red light enforcement out of the goodness of its heart just happens to be run by company that sells red light cameras for goodness of its bank account  (thenewspaper.com) (102)
(Google) Amusing UN officials say "sex strike" by women of remote Philippine island brought an end to a long simmering clan war in their village. Aristophanes considering copyright infringement suit  (google.com) (71)
(BBC) Scary Scientists to go on trial for not predicting the power of God  (news.bbc.co.uk) (122)
(English Russia) Sad The saddest little ugly ass baby seal you'll ever see (some site ads may be NSFW)  (englishrussia.com) (81)
(The New York Times) Ironic Constitution Day is unconstitutional  (nytimes.com) (76)
(NPR) Interesting In a damning testament to our nation's weak economy, Massachusetts woman resorts to picking mushrooms to survive. What? It's a hobby? She's been doing it for 40 years? What a weirdo  (npr.org) (63)
(STLToday) Cool Mentally disabled man whose Superman comic collection was stolen has it returned with the help of a bunch of super people. It's a little Kryptonitey in here  (stltoday.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Misc Man falls into Snake River Canyon while hiking on foot. Sure, it doesn't seem impressive, but Evel Knievel needed an X-1 rocket, a fifth of Cutty Sark and a hooker carved out of pure cocaine to do that  (ktvb.com) (28)
(NYPost) Followup The cat that miraculously survived an 1,800 mile trip from NYC to Colorado? Yeah, about that  (nypost.com) (53)
(CNN) Scary Bzzzzzzzzzz-  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (69)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine "Many students openly admit their goal is to succeed with the least amount of effort. And many universities make this easy for them"  (theglobeandmail.com) (192)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these eggheads  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (27)
(The Atlantic) Sad Today, I opened my last unemployment check. Tomorrow, I crack open my neighbor's skull and feast upon the goo inside  (theatlantic.com) (372)
(Mercury News) Cool After an unusually cool summer, gardeners ask "Should I give up on my tomatoes?"  (mercurynews.com) (59)
(Yahoo) Obvious Wisconsin discovering that if you vilify workers, cut their pay and slash their benefits, teachers just might not want to work for you anymore  (news.yahoo.com) (315)
(Some Guy) Florida Study: Florida Keys residents drink more than all of rest of Florida. Capt. Obvious toasts this news  (keysnet.com) (48)
(Patriot Ledger) PSA Massachusetts asks people to go car-free next week. Please comply; submitter hates getting stuck in traffic jams  (patriotledger.com) (53)
(The New Yorker) Amusing Senior alderman of the East Chemply, Pennsylvania, Town Board of Overseers, Walter K. Heblinger, would like to apologize  (newyorker.com) (36)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy The new phone books not here, the new phone books not here  (seattlepi.com) (75)
(Some Coin Guy) Stupid With all problems now solved, the federal government is now ready to tackle the most dangerous threats to our county...Liberty Dollars  (coinworld.com) (174)
(MyNorthwest) Sad Electron Boy breaks free of valence shell  (mynorthwest.com) (41)
(Mediaite) Spiffy Texas school district changes curriculum from abstinence-only to abstinence-plus, or friends with benefits  (mediaite.com) (117)
(The New York Times) Caturday Neither rain, sleet, snow, owls, and coyotes will keep this cat from finding her way home. 5 years later, just in time for Caturday  (nytimes.com) (¼)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Sometimes, there is a man who cares not for the safety of children, but rather how many he can fit into his van. He must have had a lot of candy  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(CNN) Obvious Internet - porn = ?? (with helpful pic of appropriate attire for internet porn viewing)  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (248)
(CNN) PSA Millions of birth control pills recalled nationwide. Side effects may include further "packaging errors" appearing in nine months  (cnn.com) (77)
(Daily Mail) Misc We're gonna need a bigger belt  (dailymail.co.uk) (17)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these so-called deer-men dancers   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(CNN) Asinine This week's cancer scare comes from... (spins the Wheel O' Carcinogens) ... CLACK... CLACK.... CLACK.... nail dryers  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Hero Firefighter completes Ironman Wisconsin while wearing full 100-pound turn out on 9/11  (ironman.com) (54)
(Slate) Asinine Girl Scouts of the USA unveil their newest cookie, Radical Feminist Lesbian Patties  (slate.com) (112)
(The Sun) Fail Who cares if my man bits are smaller than usual, MY ENZO FERRARI FLOATS  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(The Raw Story) Sad After 20 years, they've finally proven Gulf War Syndrome isn't all in the mind -- it's all in the brain instead  (rawstory.com) (72)
(MSNBC) Obvious Five-hour standoff between a suspected gunman and security at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base has finally come to an end. Since this is Fark, you know there's a "TA DA" ending to this story  (msnbc.msn.com) (23)
(Daily Mail) Strange Anybody who commits suicide is a loser...except the guy that hires a couple of hookers to help out  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(AP) Florida Florida Court says one spank isn't domestic violence, kinda hot  (hosted.ap.org) (79)
(Guardian.com) Strange The future of food on a planet of 7 billion people is bugs. "Which wine works best with insects? The answer, apparently, is beer. How many locusts would one need to eat for breakfast to replace two eggs? About 74"  (guardian.co.uk) (152)
(Telegraph) Sad World's largest sperm bank tells redheads to beat it  (telegraph.co.uk) (147)
(NPR) Interesting Aiming to close the wealth gap, San Francisco is creating college savings accounts for all kindergarteners. $50 for the rich. $100 for the poor. $150 for the uncircumcised. $200 for pet guardians. $250 if you don't use bottled water  (npr.org) (64)

Fri September 16, 2011
(Telegraph) Interesting Police baffled by mystery of English speaking boy who has been living in a German forest for the last 5 years. What mystery? He speaks English, he probably just crossed the border from Australia  (telegraph.co.uk) (64)
(Some Guy) Cool Woman sets Guinness record for largest afro, sets her sights on record for tallest platform shoes, largest 8 track tape collection  (wdsu.com) (54)
(Boing Boing) Interesting If you ever wondered what a live human stomach stuffed with 72 cocaine capsules looks like, then today is your lucky day  (boingboing.net) (34)
(CBS Cleveland) Sick Cousin of dying 14-year-old girl steals the $120,000 raised to grant her final wish. When a reporter asks the guy how he could do that to a dying girl, this heartless assbag says, "We're all gonna die." Hopefully he does IAF  (cleveland.cbslocal.com) (152)
(Some Guy) Spiffy With all the teacher/student sex scandals in the news these days, it's nice to hear the lunch lady is getting a little action too  (ktvb.com) (34)
(Oregon Live) Obvious Protip: Don't try to rob a Chinese restaurant if the workers have access to butcher knives. "I made some stabbing motions, but I don't think I got him"  (oregonlive.com) (22)
(The Consumerist) Fail Corn producers: "Sugar is sugar. Your body doesn't know the difference." FDA: "Not so fast there"  (consumerist.com) (245)
(SeattlePI) Unlikely Newspaper columnist puts on his beer snob hat and describes having a Budwesier for the first time in 21 years. "It tasted exactly the same: like a wet piece of the cardboard that comes in new dress shirts"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (119)
(CBS Cleveland) Hero Man takes two bullets from an armed robber for his beer. "That would be a crime if I just let him have the beer," he says. Give this man a purple heart, please  (cleveland.cbslocal.com) (22)
(MLive.com) Dumbass 35 year old woman has sex with 15 year old boy she met playing World of Warcraft. ANGIEEEEEE JJJJJEEEEEEENKINS  (mlive.com) (124)
(MSNBC) News Pilot crashes into crowd at air show. He probably shouldn't have had the fish (w/video)  (msnbc.msn.com) (504)
(Irish Times) Silly "What is the greatest thing in life?" "To crush your students, see their GPA driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their helicopter parents"  (irishtimes.com) (52)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup features...........what is this I don't even  (thesmokinggun.com) (222)
(AP) Scary Bad: being confined to a wheelchair. Worse: being confined to a wheelchair and getting attacked by a swarm of angry bees  (hosted.ap.org) (54)
(Some Guy) Amusing The hedgehog could never be snuggled at all  (getwokingham.co.uk) (63)
(CSMonitor) Spiffy African nation is not Ghana put suspected witches in camps any more  (csmonitor.com) (64)
(CBS News) Spiffy When former Marine Sgt. Dakota Meyer had a beer with the President at the White House the other day, they were drinking Obama's own home brew. And according to historians, it's the first beer ever made at the White House  (cbsnews.com) (362)
(q13fox.com) Scary Paper covers truck  (q13fox.com) (14)
(Life.com) Cool Evolution ate the brown acid  (life.com) (208)
(AnnArbor.com) Weird Man hoarding raw meat runs out of room in house, stuffs chicken in mailbox [with photos]  (annarbor.com) (59)
(Wired) Interesting Can bird poop crack your windshield? Here comes the science  (wired.com) (56)
(Some tv guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy Intelling us something  (askaboutcomputers.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Stupid School to remove blackboards and text books, replace them with $399 million in dry erase boards and ipads. That outta fix the problem  (dc101.com) (242)
(Boston Globe) Sad Photo essay reveals a North Korea bustling with life and unbridled enthusiasm  (boston.com) (272)
(UPI) Dumbass Burglar tries to break into restaurant through rooftop vent, ends up exhausted  (upi.com) (18)
(Hartford Courant) Sad Of all the cities that can claim a connection to the troubled author Edgar Allan Poe, it's Baltimore. He lived there, he's buried there and his family is from there. But now his museum may not be there because of budget cuts  (courant.com) (129)
(Alan cross) Asinine Stage collapse caused by illegal file sharing  (alancross.ca) (172)
(National Parks Traveler) Scary Injured man's four-day crawl across the desert inspires rescuers, future "New Yorker" cartoons  (nationalparkstraveler.com) (49)
(FARK) Spiffy It's Friday, and you know what that means. Okay, yes, you're slacking off. But also, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (41)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine So now consensual sex between minors means the football team has to forfeit. Good to know  (baltimoresun.com) (432)
(My San Antonio) Amusing Not news: good samaritan stops to helps out-of-gas couple. Fark: Samaritan tells hubby to stop cussing out his wife; hubby beats up samaritan. Texas: Samaritan shoots hubby with concealed handgun  (mysanantonio.com) (276)
(Some Trouser Snake) Florida Today's "Brazilian caught smuggling reptiles in his pants" story is brought to you by Miami  (wtsp.com) (28)
(Stars and Stripes) Scary Defense Secretary Leon Panetta reminds Congress that, if it doesn't act, they'll add 1.0% to nation's unemployment rate from laid-off military, civilian personnel  (ap.stripes.com) (93)
(CTV) Fail Just in case you were hoping fo a new PC term for homeless people you're in luck. Introducing, "Rough Sleepers". What, do you have a better one? Voting enabled  (calgary.ctv.ca) (267)
(Some Guy) Followup Scarlett Johansson's lawyer confirms the leaked nude photos of her are real and they are spectacular  (heraldsun.com.au) (203)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting A list of home remedies if you suffer from insomnia. Surprisingly, smoking a joint while drinking two beers didn't make the list  (mnn.com) (85)
(Daily Mail) Weird New study finds one in five men never use deodorant. Results of 1000 men listed according to rank  (dailymail.co.uk) (141)
(Palm Beach Post) Scary Giant mollusks invade, Miami under siege. EPIC SNAIL  (palmbeachpost.com) (87)
(Huffington Post) Scary Keep your dog away from nail guns  (huffingtonpost.com) (35)
(Huffington Post) Strange Nigerian government assures its citizens that no, they won't die just because they answer a phone call  (huffingtonpost.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these classroom posters  (blogs.westword.com) (132)
(News.com.au) Strange I swear to God, we weren't drinking. That sheep was the size of a house  (news.com.au) (14)
(The Ledger) Florida Do you know what a squirrel looks like? The University of Florida could use your help  (theledger.com) (69)
(Denver Channel) Sick Buddies attempt to re-enact Weekend at Bernies... or was it Things to do in Denver When You're Dead? Sorry, dude, but the strip club has a strict 'no corpses' policy  (thedenverchannel.com) (45)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary Everytime you eat a fish, the jellyfish get one step closer to taking over the oceans  (mnn.com) (62)
(The New York Times) Interesting Theory: failure is the secret to success. Conclusion: the Chicago Cubs are the greatest organization in the history of space-time  (nytimes.com) (51)
(Short List) Amusing The full extent of Spongebob's crime is now revealed. With harrowing video footage  (shortlist.com) (42)
(Wired) Scary The US can't account for 5900 pounds of "weapons usable" nuke material. Sleep well  (wired.com) (111)
(Some Marksmen) Dumbass Those who can, teach. Those who can't, shoot themselves in the hand (wIth suspicious accident description)  (bnd.com) (26)
(CNNGo) Spiffy Seven tips for manipulating children into not being screaming monsters from hell during your next flight. Difficulty: They should probably be *your* children  (cnngo.com) (272)
(Some Cable Guy) Florida "A woman waiting for cable installation at home wound up getting a more explicit display -- right in her own living room"  (venice.wtsp.com) (94)
(All That Is Interesting) Photoshop Photoshop these guys fixing an antennae on the Empire State Building  (i.imgur.com) (22)
(Fox News) Stupid Soldiers seek to rid Afghanistan of opium. Good luck with that  (foxnews.com) (158)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this artistic auto  (inapcache.boston.com) (24)
(Daily Mail) Cool Why do they pick on me? Someday, I'll show them all. When I grow up, I'll be a model. Or a doctor. Or a model AND a doctor. And THEN they'll be sorry. *Snif*  (dailymail.co.uk) (158)
(Some Guy) Scary In what is in no way a trolling or AW stunt, California atheist congregation will rip pages out of a Bible this Sunday  (ocregister.com) (512)
(Some Guy) Scary 80 year old man car-jacked by a pack of women, or is it a pride of women? Anyway, a biatch of women beat up an octogenarian  (chicagoist.com) (82)

Thu September 15, 2011
(Komo) Obvious Tomorrow is "Stay Away From Seattle Day," which is something the Lombardi Trophy has been observing for decades  (capitolhill.komonews.com) (131)
(The Local (Germany)) Unlikely "Leftists stir up fears about Catholicism in almost the exact same way that right-wing populists do against Islam"  (thelocal.de) (260)
(Some Guy) Florida Drunk, stupid and standing in the Taco Bell drive thru calling 911 because they won't serve you is no way to go through life, son. w/mugshot  (baynews9.com) (38)
(Toronto Star) Amusing From the Department of Made-Up Math, Angry Birds costs employers $1.5 billion  (thestar.com) (91)
(CBS News) Interesting Supremes upstage Rick Perry  (cbsnews.com) (212)
(Quad City Times) Cool City lowers speed limit on major thoroughfare to reduce risk of drunk college students getting hit  (qctimes.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Since there aren't any jobs and it doesn't look like there will be for some time, here's a list of ten cars to make your get away in after you rob a bank  (chicagotribune.com) (31)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Cruel and Unusual Punishments  (en.wikipedia.org) (51)
(Cracked) Amusing Five things you do every day that are actually addictions  (cracked.com) (244)
(Statesman) Strange Fight over a teen's dance routine leads to a broken jaw. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way  (statesman.com) (31)
(NBC Bay Area) Dumbass Today's poorly-worded headline: Mom Gambled Away Donations to Fight Son's Cancer  (nbcbayarea.com) (71)
(CBSSacramento.com) Sad All the world's a stage, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to take whatever you want from the drama department  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (24)
(Daily Mail) Strange 20-year-old student self-harms herself in her sleep by cutting. Judging by the photo, she's cutting cheesecake  (dailymail.co.uk) (149)
(azfamily.com) PSA How to get the most beer for your buck at the ballpark  (azfamily.com) (73)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida In a development that is sure to make most Americans feel rich, you can now deposit your excess fat in a bank  (sun-sentinel.com) (23)
(Some Toe Sucker) Dumbass FTA: A male suspect with an apparent foot-fetish is keeping police on their toes  (katv.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Weird House plants, leather, toothpaste, and other common items around your home you can eat in case of an emergency  (survivalfood.net) (92)
(Yahoo) Amusing Elitist liberal professors offer $10,000 reward to someone who can prove Bachmann's Jenny McCarthy-esque "I heard of a girl who turned retarded after getting an HPV vaccine" story  (news.yahoo.com) (539)
(Some Guy) Interesting "You could ultimately pay the price for going to a strip club or tattoo shop." Surprisingly, this article is not about the herps  (wjrr.com) (104)
(truTV) Sad Drinking Bud Light is terrible for your waistline, so you might as well just drink real beer  (trutv.com) (152)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Judge to talk to longshoremen in the afternoon, since what can you do with a drunken sailor, what can you do with a drunken sailor what can you do with a drunken sailor ear-a-lee in the morning?  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (93)
(The Daily Beast) Sad SAT reading scores at lowest point in...I dunno, I can't really figure out what it says LOL  (thedailybeast.com) (156)
(The New Yorker) Interesting Like your mom when she's with Subby, society capable of multiple sexual revolutions  (newyorker.com) (34)
(LA Times) Spiffy My name is Inyo County. You burned my acres. Prepare to die  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (53)
(BBC) Interesting New species of dolphin discovered. Tony Sparano hopes to have him signed by Sunday  (bbc.co.uk) (42)
(USA Today) Scary Apparently bees like bacon. Lots, and lots of bacon  (content.usatoday.com) (75)
(Canoe) Spiffy In survey of most intellectual Canadian exotic dancers, the girls from Toronto come out on top of the pole  (cnews.canoe.ca) (107)
(USA Today) Scary This may come as a surprise to you, but the people who are only charging half the going rate for plastic surgery may not always be the best at it  (usatoday.com) (56)
(STLToday) Silly Man changes his name from George F. Blackburn to Led Zeppelin II, somehow that's better  (stltoday.com) (87)
(Network World) Cool A great new look for the Windows 8 blue screen of death  (networkworld.com) (176)
(Reading Evening Post) Fail Psychic fails to predict fifteen month prison sentence  (getreading.co.uk) (46)
(Some Carbon Guy) Followup Turns out it wasn't cleaning chemicals. But it is in every fast food restaurant  (wctv.tv) (86)
(The Province) Fail Church-run shelter for homeless women, alleged site of at least a half-dozen sexual assaults, hires a night shift supervisor who likes to masturbate in front of women. What could possibly go wrong?  (theprovince.com) (67)
(Daily Mail) Fail Judge rules breasts are a moral threat. This happened in a) Pakistan, b) Saudi Arabia, c) New Jersey  (dailymail.co.uk) (773)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Judge rules state law preventing doctors from discussing gun safety with patients violates 1st Amendment. Suck it 2nd Amendment  (naplesnews.com) (225)
(LA Times) Misc US seeks to ban electronic cigarettes on all flights, presumably because non-smokers are bitter assh*les who hate joy and will do anything to make other's lives as miserable and unfullfilling as their own  (latimes.com) (516)
(MSN.com) Cool Twelve 'Special Edition' cars that really are pretty special. That 1972 Beetle with the fake Rolls-Royce grill you have rusting away in the backyard unavailable for comment  (editorial.autos.msn.com) (77)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida A man who graduated at the top of his class when he got his GED in property law informs deputies that he's entitled to beat and kill anyone in his yard  (nwfdailynews.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Gov Perry asked to halt execution--but he probably won't be able to hear the request over the sound of the crowd cheering his record execution streak  (news.yahoo.com) (371)
(Yahoo) Hero Marine being awarded the Medal of Honor for saving 36 of his fellow soldiers has asked that the day be marked by memorial services for the 4 he couldn't save "It's hard, ... getting recognized for the worst day of your life"  (news.yahoo.com) (171)
(CNN) Interesting Amish men jailed after refusing to display orange safety triangles on their buggies  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (88)
(National Post) Dumbass After careful review of the facts, Toronto District School Board has concluded that genital mutilation is not suitable for children  (news.nationalpost.com) (31)
(The Local (Sweden)) Weird Apple season in Sweden continues, this time with a drunken elk carrying children's swing set into the forest and leaving it in a tree  (thelocal.se) (15)
(International Business Times) Unlikely Okay, okay, global warming exists. But it's good for you  (ibtimes.com) (140)
(My Fox DC) Fail Health nut Michelle Obama unveils new fresh menu. FARK: at Olive Garden  (myfoxdc.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Interesting Strange light seen in sky above parts of California and American Southwest. I'm not sayin it's aliens, but it's aliens  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (74)
(Boston Globe) Spiffy A pet rabbit wakes a woman just in time to get herself and her daughter safely out of the burning building. And just in time for Bunnerday  (boston.com) (40)
(Fox News) Obvious Fox News asks: So is anyone going to object to this Archie Comics gay wedding or what?  (foxnews.com) (185)
(AZCentral) Spiffy Oh my God. It's not even October, it's still warm outside, and school just started, but they're already hiring people for seasonal employment during the Christmas season. Can you.... actually, I don't have problem with this  (azcentral.com) (36)
(ABS-CBN News) Unlikely In the latest news about Philippine rebel forces, farkable moms are fighting against the Green Hornet's sidekick, or something  (abs-cbnnews.com) (30)
(WGME) Dumbass Note to self: if I see a strange bottle filled with sweet smelling liquid, it is probably best that I let it be and not drink it  (wgme.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this font. Difficulty: no text  (lh5.ggpht.com) (29)
(Salisbury Post) Strange Salisbury man banned from hunting "anywhere in the world" by Kentucky authorities  (salisburypost.com) (48)
(Short List) Scary Miles Dyson invents AM04 room heater. Next project worryingly entitled 'T-800'  (shortlist.com) (66)
(NPR) Scary "Col. Latifa Nabizada, the only female pilot in the history of Afghan aviation, travels...with a devoted partner next to her in the cockpit - her 5-year-old daughter Malalai"  (npr.org) (55)
(My Fox DC) Interesting And here's one for all those Spanish guys in the stands who bought tickets to the football game thinking it was a soccer match  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(WSB TV) Sad While authorities investigating who shot a dog in the head with an arrow, the clinic that saved the dog's life have been busy adding insult to injury by naming the dog 'Arrow'  (wsbtv.com) (72)
(Delmarva Now) Strange Police: Thief said "give me your dog, or I'll shoot" to man who was pushing his terrier in a wheelchair  (delmarvanow.com) (14)
(Google) Strange 'X' now a gender option as well as signature in Australian passports  (google.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Scary Peru declares state of emergency in Amazon. Damn, my package was late, too, but that's no reason to freak  (globalpost.com) (18)
(Belfast Telegraph) Strange Princess Zara's husband in scandal over kissing another woman during a dwarf-throwing contest  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk) (17)
(Some Guy) Obvious If the fortune teller you hire to exorcise spirits from your daughter's body tells you he needs to take her back in private to his place to heal her, he may be a fraud  (forums.asiaone.com) (25)
(Charlotte Observer) Sad Actual Headline: 'Vibrator' Gives Lots of Pleasure. Actual Reaction: That went fast in a direction I didn't care about  (charlotteobserver.com) (21)
(The Star) Scary Man dies in a car crash while "lamping." So stick to planking, owling, horsemanning and batmanning, and don't try to look like a lamp, boys and girls  (thestar.co.uk) (70)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You should be suspicious if your live-in boyfriend says that he has a job but never goes to work. And borrows your credit card so he can go to Texas for his grandmother's funeral, but none of his purchases are made in Texas  (nwfdailynews.com) (13)
(Short List) Weird Restaurant charges you for leaving food on your plate. Blames diners for ordering too much as a "sign of status". Guess where the restaurant is  (shortlist.com) (67)
(NBC Chicago) Scary Well, you know the Bible says "spare the naked, tied-to-a-chair beating, spoil the 21-year-old daughter." It's in there somewhere, really  (nbcchicago.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Boner arrested for DUI -- no, politics tab, not that Boner. Not yours. Can't have. But he was a police captain so you didn't make the popcorn for nothing  (theindependent.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Elderly couple unintentionally record themselves via webcam trying to make their new laptop work. Yes, this is how IT sees you, too  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Windsor Star) Obvious Authorities seek sick sex sect sexton  (windsorstar.com) (13)
(Yahoo) Followup Evicted 101-year-old Detroit woman is getting her home back thanks to HUD  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(CNN) Sick Bodies hanging from bridge in Mexico are warning to social media users, "This is going to happen to all of those posting funny things on the Internet". Whew. Glad to hear that everybody at Fark will be safe then  (cnn.com) (387)
(Reuters) Weird Nicolas Cage's life is turning into a bad Nicolas Cage movie after the Oscar winner is awoken by a naked man holding a fudgesicle  (reuters.com) (73)
(Wired) Scary Group says mainstream Muslims are violent and Mohammed was a "cult leader". Is the group: a) a Tea Party Chapter, b) a Texas Church, or c) the FBI?  (wired.com) (326)
(azfamily.com) Sick Hey, let's all play a game of cowboys and decomposing corpses  (azfamily.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Drivin' around town blaring music at 9:40 in the morning when your fifteen-year-old self should be in school is a pretty decent way to go through life, son. Not sure about the rocket launcher, though  (ktvu.com) (63)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Reinventing the wheel  (en.wikipedia.org) (17)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool The pinnacle of Things On A Stick technology has been reached with the introduction of liquor on a stick  (chicagotribune.com) (61)
(Denver Channel) Ironic Consumer reporter $78 million in debt could use his own referral network to find bankruptcy attorney. Meanwhile, he's still giving advice  (thedenverchannel.com) (68)
(Sign On San Diego) Cool Not News: Waitress trips. News: At Chargers game, tossing $1,000 down onto the fans below. Fark: The fans gather the money and return all of it  (signonsandiego.com) (161)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 332: "Summer Daze". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (200)

Wed September 14, 2011
(NBC new york.com) Dumbass Washington Township, NJ's 9/11 Memorial is engraved with the names of the town's politicians, not the names of any victims. Because there were no victims from Washington Township, NJ on 9/11  (nbcnewyork.com) (117)
(The Daily Beast) Interesting New book alleges Sarah Palin snorted coke off an oil drum. Well, it's Alaska, silly; of course she did  (thedailybeast.com) (221)
(National Post) Weird Waiting times for crematoriums in Japan are so bad, that families are now booking bodies into $154.33 per day motels for dead people while waiting  (nationalpost.com) (50)
(LA weekly) Interesting Man chews off another guy's eyebrow in a fight, leaving him forever quizzical  (blogs.laweekly.com) (67)
(Telegram) Dumbass Man charged with shooting BBs at judge's car hopes his honor doesn't preside in a pellet court  (telegram.com) (30)
(Washington Post) Interesting Plane getting ready to take off from Dulles evacuated via emergency chutes. Three injured. Ruth Bader Ginsburg escapes unhurt which makes you wonder how farking lame those three people are if an 80-year-old female cancer survivor can do it  (washingtonpost.com) (38)
(AJC) Ironic It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Or, it's like blowing yourself up when trying to set your ex-girlfriend on fire  (ajc.com) (51)
(Oregon Live) Fail There are better ways to impress a woman on your first date than by getting liquored up and trying to climb a school's 40-foot chimney. "He does stuff like that all the time. He longboards without a helmet"  (oregonlive.com) (38)
(The Tennessean) Cool Tennesseans like to read PETA's "I LV TOFU" license plate as "I LV TO FU"  (tennessean.com) (92)
(Miami Herald) Florida Protip: When the defendant has dual citizenship, remember to let the consulate know. Also, when his mother ponies up a house for bond, make sure she owns it  (miamiherald.com) (42)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme contest: Consumer products of the future "As seen on TV"  (fark.com) (30)
(KVLA) Interesting Laptop charged. Check. Kick dog off sofa. Check. Popcorn made. Check. Okay, here it goes: "Mayor bans guns"  (kvia.com) (285)
(Huffington Post) PSA Alleged nude photos of Scarlett Johnansson warble piecemeal middling tenacious forego zippy two-step weeping nattering questionable credibility bingo  (huffingtonpost.com) (659)
(Some Arby's Lover) Dumbass Quick, while he's shaving the roast beef for my sandwich, grab that Rembrandt  (johnsoncitypress.com) (62)
(NPR) Obvious Anxiety over depression medication causes anxiety, depression  (npr.org) (195)
(The Berkshire Eagle) Cool Jealous ex's attack ends in naked mixed martial arts type choke hold  (berkshireeagle.com) (114)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid How to properly sexually harass someone if you are a politician. "He turned around and grabbed a breast, passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there, this is it. I'm done"  (suntimes.com) (132)
(BBC) Interesting Menem cleared of weapons smuggling charges. Narrowly avoided conviction under the Terrible Music Ban Treaty of 1995  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Fox News) Followup Evil evolutionists are infecting record numbers of good Christian people with TB  (foxnews.com) (195)
(ABC News) Stupid The national anthem did not become official until 1931, leaving plenty of time to botch the lyrics  (abcnews.go.com) (76)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Welcome to Oktoberfest - would you like an unsweetened iced tea?  (myfoxdc.com) (139)
(New York Daily News) Followup Robbery suspect to police: I'm Gumby dammit  (nydailynews.com) (24)
(Some Bandit) Florida Reason No. 34 that Florida is the best state in the nation - Two words: Burt Reynolds. Two more words: Moustache ride  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (63)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird New dating website matches people up based on their gut bacteria. "There must be a lot of frustrated people out there"  (mnn.com) (30)
(Guardian.com) Scary Iranian judiciary: Ahmadinejad is not the boss of us  (guardian.co.uk) (42)
(BBC) Silly MSM discovers trolling, immediately ending the entire phenomenon  (bbc.co.uk) (174)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Sick Stalker flies from California to Minnesota to drop-off burned copies of four restraining orders at victim's house. Reporter says that's kind of creepy  (myfoxtwincities.com) (31)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Obvious In it's bid to win the Hell on Earth Award, DFW hits 70 days of temperatures over 100º F  (star-telegram.com) (133)
(BBC) Obvious Police recover diamond swallowed by thief. According a police spokeswoman "It was retrieved in the simplest and most natural way"  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Short List) Weird Well, you know what they say: Easy thumb, easy toe  (shortlist.com) (22)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing Fark-ready headline: "University of Iowa warns art lovers about penis exhibit at gallery"  (desmoinesregister.com) (41)
(AlterNet) Obvious Columnist attempts to debunk 10 myths about atheists, manages to prove 9 of them are true  (alternet.org) (917)
(Canoe) PSA So, oddly, it turns out that appropriate treatments for a reaction to penicillin do not include nipple play  (cnews.canoe.ca) (21)
(Mercury News) Asinine Cheerleaders ordered to wear sweat pants under their skirts or face punishment. "Cheeks are hanging out. We don't want them bending over"  (mercurynews.com) (368)
(Some cake eater) Florida Woman assaults fiancée for calling her "Debbie Cakes", then reporter spends a few paragraphs discussing the awesomeness of Little Debbie snack cakes before finally rejoining the story again near the end  (tcoasttalk.com) (106)
(Canoe) Scary Sleeping passenger in SUV has nightmare, screams, scares the hell out of the driver who rolls SUV. Sometimes dreams do come true  (cnews.canoe.ca) (29)
(Yahoo) Followup Lawyers for Giants' fan beaten outside Dodger's Stadium say his medical bills are likely to top 50 million -and he won't even make that cool "nuh-nuh-nah" sound when doctors are finished  (news.yahoo.com) (101)
(Yahoo) Scary Cantaloupe warning issued after Listeria outbreak. Dip trip, flip fantasia  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(Guardian.com) Followup Civil suits beginning to be filed against Rupert Murdoch and News Corp. Upon hearing the news, Murdoch said there was no way he could have known and if anyone *isn't* responsible, it's him  (guardian.co.uk) (27)
(Philly) Scary Hot former dominatrix has had two fetish-enthusiast boyfriends die, which leaves her single. Do you feel lucky?  (philly.com) (85)
(Yahoo) Amusing Dear Abby, I found a sex video on-line involving my wife with another guy from before our marriage. Do I tell her? Fark needs "Awkward" tag  (news.yahoo.com) (293)
(St. Petersburg Times) Amusing Did Mitt Romney really drive twelve hours with a dog strapped to the roof of his car? The answer might surprise you  (tampabay.com) (135)
(CBS News) Obvious Apparently no-bid contracts given to political supporters cost twice as much as hiring people. Who knew?  (cbsnews.com) (31)
(The Register) Silly Facebook has heard the outcry for "Circles" and has granted your wish  (theregister.co.uk) (24)
(The Raw Story) Hero Republican male archetype Clint Eastwood: "I don't give a f*ck" if gays marry  (rawstory.com) (261)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida And then there's "drunk enough your wife calls 911 because you're in the garage trying to practice dentistry on yourself"  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Sad 101-year old woman evicted from the house she's lived in for 60 years; but this is less a "banks are evil" situation and more "her son is complete asshat" one  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(CNN) Interesting Restricted driver's licenses cut fatal accidents among 16-year-olds, but the 18-year-olds make up for that  (cnn.com) (47)
(Some Lizard) Photoshop Photoshop the event that will cause mankind (and womenkind) to become extinct  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (44)
(kfab) Silly If you lost your six-foot weiner, police in Iowa would like to have a word with you  (kfab.com) (22)
(The Atlantic) Cool No photograph will ever be able to capture the true awesomeness that is Vladimir Putin, but these come pretty close  (theatlantic.com) (303)
(UPI) Cool Despite having about 15 of the street's signs stolen each year, town's officials are sticking with Stoner Avenue. Far out, man  (upi.com) (71)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Today's squee-worthy link...sleeping puppies  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting Smoking ban supporters: Smoking bans in private restaurants and bars will lower heart ailments. Journal of Community Health: Actually, studies in seven states with smoking bans show no connection between the ban and heart attack rates  (reason.com) (544)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Mom takes time off work to donate a kidney to save her son's life. When she returns to work, does she: C) get fired?  (nydailynews.com) (244)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Don't want your loved ones flying close to the 9/11 anniversary? Call in a bomb threat on their plane. With cheery "I'm such a GOOFball" mugshot  (nbcnewyork.com) (37)
(Some Lizard) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: The real reason Duke Sucks  (sportsbookgurus.com) (14)
(UPI) Spiffy Chicago company creates single-dose PMS cure  (upi.com) (89)
(AL.com) Dumbass Yo, dawg, I heard you like to eat dead chickens so I put some dead chickens in the drive thru of the place where you eat dead chickens  (blog.al.com) (68)

Tue September 13, 2011
(MSNBC) Dumbass "I don't want to grow up, 'cause if I did, I wouldn't be able to pay a hooker $31,000 a week"  (msnbc.msn.com) (126)
(MSNBC) Scary Your face -- and the Web -- can tell everything about you  (redtape.msnbc.msn.com) (91)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Drivers will no longer get traffic tickets for warning drivers they are about to get traffic tickets  (palmbeachpost.com) (75)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious Pennsylvania Republicans don't like their state's winner-take-all electoral rules, so they're going to change them to favor GOP candidates   (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (201)
(Right Wing Watch) Dumbass Pat Robertson: "You can divorce your wife if she has Alzheimers, it's allowed in the Bible. You know, in the footnotes"  (rightwingwatch.org) (269)
(ABC News) Sad Autistic boy missing in Southern California woods who can't see the forest through the 993,054 trees  (abcnews.go.com) (51)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Libya's war-tested women hope to make gains in the emerging new Libyan government  (nytimes.com) (33)
(CBS News) Obvious After realizing that there has never been a single case of a 12-year-old trying to hijack or blow up an airplane, the TSA is adopting new procedures for screening the little darlings  (cbsnews.com) (95)
(NPR) Followup James Murdoch recalled by British Parliament, though not fondly  (npr.org) (17)
(Houston Press) Asinine Restaurant wishes Muslim customer "Happy 9/11" on to-go box, complete with illustration of a plane crashing into the Twin Towers  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (179)
(FOX6Now) Interesting If you Wisconsinites smell something funny in the air, don't worry... it's only Minnesota  (fox6now.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Discussing a bad dream relieves anxiety. Dreaming about the commuter train that you're on blowing up, and then passing a note to the conductor detailing that dream causes anxiety, and panic, an evacuation, bomb-squad arrival, etc  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (24)
(Some lizard) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Rejected Photoshop Themes  (i1-win.softpedia-static.com) (24)
(CNNGo) Sick Beijing to build airport the size of Bermuda, with nine runways, two to three times the passenger capacity of London Heathrow, 54 square kilometers of area coverage, its own international calling code, and no fewer than six hundred Au Bon Pains  (cnngo.com) (176)
(BBC) Interesting Computerized face-monitoring lie-detection camera sees what you did there  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting You mom doesn't know how much you drink or smoke, but she thinks all your friends are alcoholic pot heads  (wjrr.com) (50)
(FARK) FarkBlog Broncos waive their Cox, aftershock strikes off Vanuatu Barada Nikto, and a women's hockey game with lots of periods: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/4 - 9/10  (fark.com) (7)
(Spalding Today) Weird Tales from The Old Country: Man in court for pooping on a dead hedgehog. Your move, America, your move  (spaldingtoday.co.uk) (49)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Not news: Store institutes unpopular policy. News: That you can't try on the merchandise before you buy it. Fark: The merchandise in question? Condoms  (consumerist.com) (87)
(Toledo Blade) Hero Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night nor 23 slashed tires stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds  (toledoblade.com) (48)
(Houston Chronicle) Ironic Humanitarian of the year is on trial for assaulting his wife with his humanitarian award  (blog.chron.com) (65)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Some TSA agents got caught at a checkpoint with more than the allowable amount of oxycodone  (msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(BBC) Scary Bad: Bus accident. Badder: Bus-train accident. Superbad: Bus-train-train accident  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(US News & World Report) PSA US News releases its annual college rankings. Duke (#10), and slideshows suck  (usnews.com) (73)
(Albany Times Union) Asinine A model of judicial efficiency, New York sends a jury duty summons for a murder trial--to the defendant  (timesunion.com) (50)
(BBC) Obvious Forensic expert reconstructs face of man beheaded in 1381. For some reason, he doesn't look happy  (bbc.co.uk) (52)
(Metro) Scary Okay guys, you might want to sit down for this one: Erratic wriggly eel removed from man's bladder after entering his penis (w/ pic that says *Oh Jesus God NO*)  (metro.co.uk) (146)
(BBC) Spiffy Skynet seeking out unused capacity of networked computers to further its goals, isn't even bothering to try to hide it any more  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Bozeman Comical) Silly Couple's statue of of St. Francis of Assisi stolen, returned a month later painted to look like St. Francis as a sissy (with pic)  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (36)
(Some Married Guy) Obvious 9. You had to read this list to find out  (manofthehouse.com) (150)
(CNN) Dumbass Gallant properly disposes of his dead bodies through cremation. Goofus asks his neighbors if he can put it with their trash  (cnn.com) (37)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida You know your life sucks when you're arrested for one thing then arrested again while in jail for robbing a bank. You also get the dumbass award for wearing a t-shirt that easily identifies you  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(WSB TV) Stupid Church: 'So this Jewish carpenter did some magic and came back from the dead.' Residents: 'That's amazing.' Church: 'We leased our property out to a cell tower. You were sent notices.' Residents: 'BS'  (wsbtv.com) (148)
(KAYU Spokane) Sad Woman shocked to discover that a man she sent her nude photo to didn't delete it after viewing it, and shared it online -- with her email address  (myfoxspokane.com) (519)
(Some Guy) Advice 22 rules for airline passengers, from those of us who know what the hell we're doing and are trying not to strangle you  (blog.joethepeacock.com) (405)
(PennLive) Weird Man charged with felony after eating raw meat at Walmart and putting packages back on shelves, claims it's all just a big misteak  (pennlive.com) (35)
(CBS News) Hero Hey man, pull my finger... or my leg, whatever. Thanks  (cbsnews.com) (46)
(Telegraph) Stupid Roald Dahl's granddaughter makes an appeal to save the author's writing shed. No word on the disposition of his other shed  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (30)
(BBC) Obvious Former Bishop of Derry calls for an end to clerical celibacy "before we all explode"  (bbc.co.uk) (62)
(My Fox DC) Strange What numbers did the horses wear when they won the first three races at Belmont on September 11, 2011? You guessed it  (myfoxdc.com) (30)
(Canada.com) Followup B.C. abductor who mysteriously returned kid may not be as ninjaesque as previously believed  (canada.com) (28)
(Maui News) Misc Not news: Tips for improving your relationships. News: With dogs. Fark: Every bit as useless as most relationship advice  (mauinews.com) (18)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If you lost a Hello Kitty bookbag the police have it and you can claim it at the station. Must be able to identify the guns and ski masks stuffed inside  (tampabay.com) (17)
(LA Times) Spiffy Students' skirts have gotten so short, some UK schools say they should just come to school with no skirts on at all  (articles.latimes.com) (1288)
(Google) Followup Sharp splits emerging in Libya's new ruling council, between those that want death to America and those who'd settle for serious injury  (google.com) (40)
(My Fox DC) Weird One of Fark's favorite mugshot subjects wants to gain 50 pounds before his trial  (myfoxdc.com) (27)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing When receiving street lap dances, police officers should keep their "weapons" holstered at all times (pics)  (thesmokinggun.com) (19)
(Guardian.com) Sad Happy Feet the penguin may have changed his name to Happy Meal  (guardian.co.uk) (26)
(KnoxNews) Interesting Levi Johnston says that Bristol Palin's pregnancy was less of an "oops" and more of a "THIS is how much I hate you, mommy"  (knoxnews.com) (103)
(Balding server monkey stalking) PSA Fark db downtime 2: electric boogaloo at noon ET, should be under 1 hr. LGT data center webcam  (lamecam.com) (238)
(Mother Nature Network) Silly Madonna: "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas." It kind of puts your problems into perspective  (mnn.com) (62)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this person being pulled by a parasail  (inapcache.boston.com) (21)
(CNN) Unlikely The US citizens who were jailed by Iran for "hiking" too close to Iran will be released...for one meelion dollars  (cnn.com) (64)
(Channel 3000) Dumbass Bad: Your car is stopped in a crosswalk. Worse: Because you're passed out. Good: A passing doctor comes to your rescue. Bad: You can't even remember driving. Fark: Because you did it right after taking heroin  (channel3000.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Management reckons the broadcasters were unaware that 'punani' was sexual slang for female genitals"  (heraldsun.com.au) (49)
(Post Chronic le) Unlikely For his 58th birthday, Hulk Hogan's daughter took him to a photo exhibition. Of naked women. Including her. Awkward?  (postchronicle.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Followup Pageant mom and future stripper generator Wendy Dickey is confused about backlash, thinks dressing toddlers like prostitutes is better than letting them play sports  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Pope and three top cardinals named in criminal complaint filed before International Criminal Court at the Hague. This actually might end well  (guardian.co.uk) (99)
(Wired) Dumbass Woman gets threatening stalker calls because A) she has a crazy ex, B) guy has the wrong phone number, or C) Toyota had a "brilliant" idea for an ad campaign  (wired.com) (109)
(Reading Evening Post) Weird Dick Fiddler stalked by something "big and black" in the woods. Yep, I know that feeling  (getreading.co.uk) (38)
(The Atlantic) Followup More pics from Japan tsunami with six-month before/after pics (click on images to see after)  (theatlantic.com) (108)
(Click Orlando) Florida Dude, your girlfriend dumped you because you're bald, 51, and still living with Mom. So don't try to kill Mom like it's all her fault  (clickorlando.com) (60)
(Canada.com) Scary Good news: Climate change isn't going to kill us all. Bad news: Ocean acidification caused by climate change is going to kill us all  (canada.com) (330)
(Yahoo) Interesting Ghaddafi's son slipped into Niger last weekend, says he'll never go back  (news.yahoo.com) (144)
(Farm Online) Unlikely Impaled man puts on a tourniquet, pulls out the metal, crawls an hour and a half to his car to call for help. Meanwhile, Subby drags himself up the stairs for some more Pringles  (theland.farmonline.com.au) (42)
(LA Times) Amusing Coyotes have taken over a California home, using the space as a den and the mailbox to receive sundry Acme products  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (78)
(Some Highlander) Dumbass When you see a volunteer taking photos of flood-damaged houses in your neighborhood, do you a) offer to help, b) point him to areas with the most damage, or c) drunkenly threaten him and his wife with a sword?  (timesleader.com) (26)
(CBC) Amusing Female graduate student chooses cybersex for research paper  (cbc.ca) (89)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Ten-year-old boy returns to school after summer holidays as a girl, as "he believes he is trapped in the wrong body"  (dailymail.co.uk) (852)
(Fox News) Asinine Fox headline: "US boots on ground in Libya". FTFA: "four unidentified troops are there working under the State Department's chief of mission to assist in rebuilding the U.S. Embassy"  (foxnews.com) (135)

Mon September 12, 2011
(life.inc) Obvious Census Bureau says average home built today is 650 square feet larger than homes built in 1980. Coincidentally, most people are 650 square feet larger than they were in 1980  (lifeinc.today.com) (148)
(Oregon Live) Hero "A Boise man who caught someone trying to steal two guns from his unlocked pickup chased him down and sat on him until police arrived"  (oregonlive.com) (52)
(Oregon Live) Strange What's creepier than a school bus driver who gets busted for child sex crimes? He's also a clown  (oregonlive.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mushroom building   (cup2013.files.wordpress.com) (33)
(Denver Channel) Stupid News: Police evacuate apartment over a meth lab scare. Fark: It turns out to be home brew beer. Cheers  (thedenverchannel.com) (112)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Standing in an open sunroof and waving your schlong at passing traffic is no way to go through life, son  (sun-sentinel.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Weird Young man refuses to have sex with older man. Then it gets stabby, nakedy, police standoffy  (channel961.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Silly You have excess trash because of a mix-up of the trash pick-up schedule due to the Labor Day holiday. Do you: C) Haul your garbage to the mayor's office? "We're gonna be in a real pickle"  (portsmouth-dailytimes.com) (63)
(Google) Sad "Shibari" is apparently the Japanese word for "Fark this up and someone is going to die in a very embarrassing way"  (google.com) (152)
(Anorak.co.uk) Weird Actual headline: "Gordon Ramsay porn dwarf eaten by badger"  (anorak.co.uk) (101)
(Yahoo) Obvious Apparently finally realizing that we don't want to be there any more than he wants us there; Iraqi cleric Muqtada Al-Sadr orders his followers to adopt an "ignore them and maybe they'll go away" strategy against US troops  (news.yahoo.com) (110)
(KSEE24.com) Followup "TV weatherman found in bathtub with naked dead man resigns from job"  (ksee24.com) (112)
(CNN) Strange I have a fried egg on my forehead; your creationist argument is invalid  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (291)
(WXYZ Detroit) Sad Borders' flagship store has capsized  (wxyz.com) (119)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Using a heated butter knife to discipline your child leaves the trial judge absolutely no margarine for leniency  (nydailynews.com) (53)
(The Smoking Gun) Scary If a mugshot were to ever haunt your dreams, it's this one  (thesmokinggun.com) (194)
(CNN) Followup Russian plane crash survivor is no longer a Russian plane crash survivor  (cnn.com) (58)
(National Parks Traveler) Dumbass Clumsy tourist butt-maces entire visitor center at Grand Teton National Park  (nationalparkstraveler.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the world's oldest marathon runner  (i.imgur.com) (48)
(The Consumerist) Obvious More and more college grads are defaulting on their student loans because even with that Liberal Arts degree, you don't earn more than $9 an hour at Starbucks  (consumerist.com) (437)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird Freeze-drying, plastination, resomation, and five other weird burial alternatives that are going mainstream  (mnn.com) (76)
(Verizon even frowns upon) Asinine 4G Wireless, based out of Irvine CA, is fastest at: a) bidirectional data speeds b) dropped calls c) multi-level pervasive fraud perpetrated by many employees, including upper management  (presstorm.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious ♫ Ohhhhh, who gives all of our children ADHD? ♫  (wtvr.com) (235)
(Some Guy) Sad Tinfoil magnate assassinated by aliens under the control of the Illuminati in vast government conspiracy  (bendbulletin.com) (46)
(Yahoo) News Sacre boom  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Cops stop ammo swap and pop nonstop gun op with hip-hop shop  (dailymail.co.uk) (77)
(UPI) Obvious While they found the larger a woman is the more likely she is to have sex on the first date, researchers were reluctant to brag about it to their friends  (upi.com) (195)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this WAAL president and patient  (shorpy.com) (31)
(Telegraph) Interesting Is monogamy making us miserable?  (telegraph.co.uk) (603)
(SFGate) Obvious Propping your iPad 2 on the table at a fine restaurant and watching sports during the meal will ruin people's image of you as a hip, tasteful, upmarket consumer. So please, be ironic enough to make it WWE instead of tennis  (insidescoopsf.sfgate.com) (176)
(Daily Mail) Scary Pirates raid luxury resort in Kenya, kill husband, kidnap wife. There is never a ninja around when you need one  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(Slate) Hero How one former Marine saved two people from the rubble at Ground Zero, after driving impulsively from Connecticut in the car he'd prayed about buying a month before--a Porsche 911  (slate.com) (114)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Not news: Man has murder charges dropped under "Stand your ground" law. News: Victims were unarmed. Fark: They were also the legal owners of the boat they were killed on  (sun-sentinel.com) (261)
(Denver Channel) Amusing Couple attempts to join the Mile High Club. Proper response is: C) Scramble F-16 jets, notify the Feds, bring in bomb sniffing dogs and question over a hundred passengers  (thedenverchannel.com) (110)
(kfor) Interesting Cops respond to possible burglary and find woman dead in apartment. To make matters worse, her neighbor falls through ceiling while cops are there  (kfor.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Miserable? Of course you are, it's Moanday  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(SLTrib) Spiffy Local company has developed the means to turn garbage into building materials. And no, it won't work on your wife's cooking  (sltrib.com) (46)

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