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Sun August 07, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this metallurgy man  (spiegel.de) (32)
(Some Bullitt) Dumbass BAC of .332? Check. Passed out in your truck on the interstate median? Check You're a Cop? Holy FARK. Bonus: Chief Steve McQueen has placed him on paid sick leave  (wcax.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Interesting Congrats, tall guys, people view you as a symbol of competence, masculinity, and confidence. Don't fret tall ladies, people view you as competent, masculine, and confident too  (jezebel.com) (375)
(Nerve) Asinine Guy with breast cancer denied Medicaid coverage... because he's a man, baby  (nerve.com) (139)
(evil dinosaur) Scary "My neighbor gave my 8-year-old toy dinosaurs. I don't know what to do"  (community.babycenter.com) (304)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Airline investigating photos of pilot letting flight attendant take the joystick. With appropriate use of stock photography  (news.com.au) (77)
(My San Antonio) Unlikely "I've been to a lot of clubs. I've dated strippers and escorts. This is a great club but I don't know why there aren't more men. There are so many pipe-layers down here. I can't believe this place is not full"  (mysanantonio.com) (82)
(Hartford Courant) Amusing Banned license plates. A55•RGY suspiciously absent  (courant.com) (137)
(New York Daily News) Interesting The United States of Conspiracy: Why more and more, Americans cling to crazy theories  (nydailynews.com) (264)
(MSNBC) News Eight dead in O-hi-o  (msnbc.msn.com) (189)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Are you a thumper or a sniffer?  (suntimes.com) (80)
(LA Times) Interesting How to be a cheap bastard on vacation  (latimes.com) (74)
(Buffalo News) Interesting In old country last month, I was Prime Minister. Now, I work as civil servant in office cubicle near Buffalo. NY  (buffalonews.com) (62)
(Some Soap Making) Photoshop Photoshop ma and pa and their kettle  (shorpy.com) (27)
(ABC News) Weird Activists try to save Yvonne, the Runaway Cow. And they wonder-- they wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder, Why, Why, why, why, why, why she ran away  (abcnews.go.com) (30)
(Toronto Star) Cool Man uses old BBQ tanks and mop handles to build a full size Fokker DR1 (the Red Baron's plane), with not too shabby results  (thestar.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Scary $5,500 in medical expenses after a weeklong hospital stay for a puppy? He'd better have been the cutest puppy in the world. (checks pic) Well, all right then  (lohud.com) (170)
(AL.com) Strange Not to alarm anybody, but since July the Feds have been quietly dumping dead birds and synthetic dummy carcasses into the Gulf of Mexico  (blog.al.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police investigating discovery of dead shark in woods 45 miles from ocean. Seeking information on last known whereabouts of the Land Shark  (nhregister.com) (53)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting "That truck driver you flipped off? Let me tell you his story"  (startribune.com) (399)
(WLBZ.com) Dumbass Which is worse: Having your pot and money stolen by police impersonators or calling the real cops to report it?  (wlbz2.com) (19)
(Forbes) Interesting That woman who won over $20 million in four separate Texas lottery jackpots? She was "born under a lucky star." Her PhD in statistics probably didn't hurt either  (blogs.forbes.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Stupid Proving the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 has officially jumped the shark, deaf man sues to force a nudist camp to hire a sign language interpreter  (syracuse.com) (68)
(Toronto Star) Silly "States such as New York, Virginia, Texas and California have passed a bathroom equity bill, demanding a 2 to 1 ratio of women's toilets in public places"  (thestar.com) (184)
(io9) Interesting Caught you playing hide the banana again, you weasel  (io9.com) (36)
(NewsOK) Obvious More people would watch golf if this was a regular occurence  (newsok.com) (107)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass "My Daddy doesn't love me enough so I'm going to drive his van into a lake. w/ bonus "my Daddy doesn't love me and now I'm all wet, and the van is in the lake" pic  (nydailynews.com) (124)
(Yahoo) Spiffy You may not be getting that pile of "junk mail" any longer. Is it time to panic yet?  (news.yahoo.com) (120)
(BBC) Fail Fark: Police efficiency agency, tasked with helping forces in England and Wales save money, runs up £6.5m credit card bill. TotalFark: The money was spent on judo apparatus, karaoke equipment and lingerie  (bbc.co.uk) (50)
(UPI) Spiffy Number of U.S. farmers markets reportedly on the rise. Elderly participation expected to accelerate  (upi.com) (58)
(enid news) Interesting Heat derails train near Dallas, Texas. This comes only two months after a Dallas locomotive derailed the Heat  (enidnews.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Sappy Teens in Arizona visit lonely elderly patients in the hospital and write down their life stories. Another haboob must have blown through because all this dust is making my eyes water  (ktar.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this side view of a seated statue  (bigpicture.ru) (39)
(Fox News) Followup "Tim Mayfield, a police chief, told The AP that pictures of teenage girls in their swimsuits was sent to him as part of an ongoing investigation. He declined to provide more details"  (foxnews.com) (113)
(Quad City Times) Stupid Iowa woman swims English Channel. No one had the heart to tell her it wasn't the 1970's anymore  (qctimes.com) (41)
(New York Daily News) Sad Rolling Stone photographer busted for 10 pounds of weed, tangerine trees, marmalade skies  (nydailynews.com) (58)
(Canoe) Scary Ottawa performance of "Romeo & Juliet" is a crashing bore  (cnews.canoe.ca) (33)
(Japan Times) Obvious Japan begins hoarding old rice to protect its bodily essence from Fukushima radiation crop. "It's like a rice panic"  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (94)
(Huffington Post) Silly Contact lenses should not be a place for bling  (huffingtonpost.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption Obama and these future voters  (i.imgur.com) (80)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these geese going through green  (online.wsj.com) (32)
(Military Times) Silly If you've ever wanted to smell like Patton, now you can  (militarytimes.com) (68)
(BBC) Scary London's burning  (bbc.co.uk) (271)

Sat August 06, 2011
(France24) Interesting Hacker group AntiSec declares war on US police agencies for arresting Anonymous peers. Yeah, big farkin' deal ... Hey, who unlocked all the cell blocks?  (france24.com) (160)
(Copenhagen Post) Unlikely Politician declares nation's daycares are stuck in "hippie era," wants to reform them with standardized testing, employee pay tied to results  (cphpost.dk) (50)
(CNN) Dumbass TSA doing its part to reduce deficit by firing an air marshal for being honest  (cnn.com) (68)
(Salon) PSA Spending a lot of time trying to send your kids to schools with "smaller class sizes?" Guess what; class size doesn't matter. At least, not until you get to college  (salon.com) (106)
(Google) Misc Subby feels bad about threadjacking the Afghanistan helicopter thread, so here is the official "Anniversary of the Bombing of Hiroshima" thread  (google.com) (176)
(LA Times) Interesting We have 100 years to finish the warp drive Captain. I'm giving her all she's got  (latimes.com) (166)
(Some Moran) Fail What kind of idiot jumps into the river AFTER being handcuffed to escape from the cops? (looks at picture)...Oh  (gadsdentimes.com) (55)
(YourTango) Spiffy WooHOO. Hey Farkers, we actualy have a chance  (yourtango.com) (77)
(Huffington Post) PSA "Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm." Luckily, this long national nightmare is over  (huffingtonpost.com) (48)
(Fox News) Followup Goddammitsomuch part 2: U.S. officials confirm 20 of the dead Navy SEALs were from SEAL Team Six, the elite team that killed bin Laden  (foxnews.com) (339)
(Some Guy) Obvious How could a casino run by Hooters girls go bankrupt?  (businessinsider.com) (76)
(LA Times) Silly 'Mad Men' inspired clothing line goes on sale at Banana Republic. You are free to point and laugh at the first hipster douchebag spotted wearing this while drinking a nonfat soy latte, instead of scotch, for breakfast  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (142)
(The Local (Switzerland)) Amusing Nothing spoils a nice day going fishing ... except for those pesky elderly people having group sex along riverbank  (thelocal.ch) (90)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this isolated individual  (bigpicture.ru) (24)
(The Union Leader) Strange New Hampshire reclassifies smugness as a disability, leaving physically disabled people hop -- (gasp, wheeze) -- ping mad  (unionleader.com) (138)
(CTV) Asinine "SWATting" - the new prank all the 'cool' kids are doing nowadays - call in a fake emergency to the cops who respond with a SWAT team  (ctv.ca) (158)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA Chicago to switch to white UFOs instead of orange  (suntimes.com) (39)
(MSNBC) Interesting Edible clay for kids? This can't end well  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(Wired) Spiffy Gary Gygax to be commemorated by 1" high statue, lovingly hand-painted  (wired.com) (107)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy "Spam King" Sanford Wallace in custody, now faces 40 years of unsolicited male  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(Time) Cool The Fark guidebook to a long life  (healthland.time.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Interesting Two KY sisters achieve the near-impossible and reach adulthood without ever once interacting with any part of the state or federal government. But now they have to sue to get birth certificates and SS#'s  (news.yahoo.com) (123)
(Slate) Spiffy It's amazing how fast Al Gore's child grew up. In just one more year, it'll be old enough to drink  (slate.com) (42)
(ABC News) News Dozens of US Special Forces die in Afghan helicopter crash. Goddammitsomuch  (abcnews.go.com) (639)
(The New York Times) Sad Photographer documents where children around the world sleep. Apparently only American kids have actual bedrooms  (lens.blogs.nytimes.com) (217)
(Discovery) Interesting Ten useless organs we have anyway. Subby's johnson conspicuously absent  (science.discovery.com) (223)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Woman who gives swim lessons to infants in her backyard pool may have to fold her business because the howls and shrieks from the babies are disturbing the peace  (palmbeachpost.com) (51)
(Click Orlando) Florida Why the Florida tag exists: Description from blind woman leads police to the man who knocked her down and took her parrot  (clickorlando.com) (33)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this passing of a pint  (online.wsj.com) (19)
(Some Ric Romero) Dumbass Protip: If somebody at Walmart offers to sell you a gold bar for 20k then drops the price to 3k, there is a bit of a chance the bar does not exist. You might just end up losing your money  (timescall.com) (82)
(Daily Mail) Obvious From the "You say that like it's a bad thing" department: Female binge drinkers are promiscuous  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(The Sun) Cool Next time you have a picnic, the ants will look too cool to burn with a magnifying glass, even though the Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (11)
(My Fox NY) Dumbass Today's hot female English teacher having after-hours motel sex with a student comes to you from Long Island, NY  (myfoxny.com) (91)
(LA Times) Interesting Meh News: LAPD seizes 120 guns. WTF News: From their animal control officers  (latimes.com) (40)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary Without realizing what it's doing, the government may be creating a newer, younger, more durable smoker that's more adaptable than ever  (mnn.com) (80)
(New York Daily News) Ironic Man who dresses as a woman sues the TSA for having to pat down men. With "Hmm... maybe if I was really drunk" pic  (nydailynews.com) (247)
(The Sun) Strange With any luck, all of your comments will be corrected by GRAMMAR MAN  (thesun.co.uk) (42)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious Forget the Dow, the only numbers that matter are 24kwh, 50,000 MW, 35 to 49 minutes, 10,000 sq. ft, and 6  (mnn.com) (80)
(joplinglobe.com) Caturday Ducky the cat, missing since a tornado destroyed his home on May 11, has been reunited with his person just in time for them to share Caturday together  (joplinglobe.com) (862)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass WHAT kind OF PERSON STEALS A BLIND MAN'S WALLET???  (chicagotribune.com) (55)
(NPR) Interesting A look at why wedding dresses are so expensive. Well, if the ring's got to equal three months' salary, the dress has got to measure up, right?  (npr.org) (180)
(Some Guy) Scary The chicken patty your kid had for lunch may had been made by a serial killer  (truth-out.org) (55)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad The only harmonica manufacturer in the US announces that it is shutting down after being bought out by a foreign company. If only they had something on which to play the blues  (chicagotribune.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hopeless romantic  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Mother Nature Network) Stupid Your priorities are misplaced if you want to be in New York City so badly, you're willing to rent a 78-square-foot studio for $800 a month  (mnn.com) (179)
(NPR) Sad Massachusetts hates beer  (npr.org) (71)
(Some Gravedigger) Weird You've been accused of murdering your teenage girlfriend. Do you A) Dig up her tombstone, B) Replace it with one using your own name, C) Spell her name out with Taco Bell wrappers. Fark) All of the above  (mynorthwest.com) (36)
(New York Daily News) Misc It will soon cost 15 dollars to drive into Manhattan, thanks to the WTC, 9/11 security, Snake Plissken  (nydailynews.com) (84)
(The Sun) Scary I'm not a mechanic, but it probably isn't good when your mobility scooter bursts into flames  (thesun.co.uk) (51)

Fri August 05, 2011
(CNN) News Math be damned, S&P downgrades US debt from "Great" to "Meh"  (money.cnn.com) (783)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man tries to rob 7-Eleven store with a tree branch. Subby is going to go out on a limb and say this guy's an idiot  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (32)
(WLSAM) Cool Happy International Beer Day  (wlsam.com) (61)
(Some Thermals) Photoshop Photoshop these spa soakers  (bigpicture.ru) (45)
(The Cambridge Chronicle) Misc "An employee at Massage Envy reported seeing a man smelling the dirty sheets behind the building"  (wickedlocal.com) (51)
(SLTrib) Asinine Woman says boss subjected her to "Miniskirt Monday"  (sltrib.com) (400)
(WIVB) Sick Disabled man starts choking at restaurant. Naturally, his mother repeatedly screams "LET HIM DIE"  (wivb.com) (213)
(MSN) Spiffy [slaps cheeks with both hands, looks into camera] "¡Ay, Dios mioỊ PIPIPIPIPIPIPI" [runs off]  (money.msn.com) (50)
(News4Jax) Florida In Florida, tossing an air freshener can from your car at another vehicle at highway speeds will land you in the slammer. However, shooting a passenger in the leg of the aforementioned vehicle will not warrant any charges  (news4jax.com) (59)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Let's look at Texas governor and future GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry's college transcript. D in economics. F in chemistry. Wait - a C in gym? really?  (huffingtonpost.com) (165)
(WLSAM) Cool Women around the world set to bare their breasts for those who are still reading in an effort to promote breast feeding awareness  (wlsam.com) (88)
(Wall Street Journal) Asinine S&P Debt downgrade warning also contained mathmatical error, of $2 Trillion. Good to know the people who assign credit ratings are up on their math  (blogs.wsj.com) (761)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This week's Mugshot Roundup is more than just lip service  (thesmokinggun.com) (119)
(WGAL 8) Sick Wal-Mart refuses to say what kind of rodent has infested one of its Pennsylvania locations, leaving the distinct possibility that the store has been overrun by capybaras  (wgal.com) (69)
(Gizmodo) Sick Wood you like to know why your bag of shredded cheese never congeals into one solid lump?  (gizmodo.com) (198)
(Some Guy) Followup Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library offers to ship free copies of Slaughterhouse Five to students at Republic High School  (vonnegutlibrary.org) (43)
(Forbes) Obvious Forbes most innovative company bc: A) Products. B) Value. C) avoids IRS  (forbes.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man has picture taken with record breaking striper, on his lap. Now he can't get rid of the fishy smell  (wtnh.com) (93)
(Philly) Weird Math professor jumps to conclusion  (articles.philly.com) (141)
(Nashua Telegraph) Sick Deadly virus found in cemetery. I've seen this movie and it doesn't end well  (nashuatelegraph.com) (120)
(FARK) Survey Maybe you got lucky last week. But the only way to know for sure is to take this week's Fark Weird News Quiz and compare it to last week  (fark.com) (46)
(Not the NRA) Dumbass Here is why a man should never tuck his wife's pink pistol in his waistband  (abc15.com) (164)
(SMH) Interesting Cuba on cusp of property boom as government plans to allow private ownership of property. Housing construction may be slow, however, as everyone who can build anything already built boats to sail to Florida  (smh.com.au) (108)
(The Ledger) Florida You need more time to study for a college exam. Do you: A) Get up early on the day of the test? B) Stay up all night cramming? C) Call in a fake bomb threat?  (theledger.com) (62)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these two in transit  (bigpicture.ru) (28)
(Some Guy) Florida From the Human Skulls Chewed On By Animals Bureau, today is Friday  (wpbf.com) (37)
(My Fox DC) Fail First the good news - the playground sure does look beautiful this year  (myfoxdc.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 1) Go to woman's apartment to fix leak. 2) Play dress up with her clothes. 3) Post the pictures on Facebook. 4) Get ridiculed by farkers everywhere  (abclocal.go.com) (57)
(Q2) Scary Two men found dead in septic tank at Devil's Tower. It's a Close Encounter of the Turd Kind  (ktvq.com) (71)
(Reuters) Interesting "Wild Dog Urine May Hold Secret Message". Like what?  (af.reuters.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Followup Good news: officers convicted in cover-up following post-Katrina shootings of civilians. Bad news: everything you'll read about the case. Excuse me while I go punch the wall  (news.yahoo.com) (175)
(Washington Post) Asinine Defense Secretary: If we don't make drastic cuts to Social Security and Medicare, how will we afford to fight a half-dozen wars at once?  (washingtonpost.com) (317)
(Some Guy) Fail If you're a deadbeat dad and you get an offer for "FREE" tickets to the Alabama/Auburn football game, you should probably be more suspicious than these guys  (wsfa.com) (206)
(Some Waitress) Florida Credit card skimming waitress busted by Detective Suess: "People she skimmed were the ones that ran her around, made her work real hard"  (newportrichey.wtsp.com) (149)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Hi, I wanted to add 'F*** You 102' to my schedule this year but wanted to see if 'Eat S*** and Die 101' transferred over  (myfoxdc.com) (60)
(620WTMJ) Asinine Witnesses describe racially-charged attacks outside Wisconsin State Fair. Cows ask "can't we all just get along?"  (620wtmj.com) (679)
(Fox News) Amusing Roseanne Barr announces she's is running for President. Unlike some of her competition, Roseanne actually has experience as a professional comedian  (nation.foxnews.com) (113)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Winning the hearts and minds of travelers, one confiscated insulin container at a time  (thedenverchannel.com) (95)
(BBC) Interesting Syria has killed 2000 civilians in recent days -- with video of Sexy of State Clinton with her hair down  (bbc.co.uk) (85)
(Time) Ironic Why practicing Muslims often gain weight during Ramadan  (time.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Obvious Editor with a sense of humor has his go-to reporter for covering stiffs, ballgames, urology, and this story on a cook peeing on the roof  (charlotteobserver.com) (11)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Can you tell a Barbie doll thief from a gun thief? It's TSG's Friday Photo Fun match game  (thesmokinggun.com) (5)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Psychologist charges insurance company for "sex therapy" with patient. Florida tag goes down on Hero tag  (nwfdailynews.com) (49)
(CNN) Stupid Mexican beauty queen follows Fark advice and eats a sammich, and then loses crown for being fat  (cnn.com) (142)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida In Florida, pawn shops can force theft victims to buy their stolen property back, even a sweet old lady who just wants her dead husband's guitar. Then it gets heartwarming  (sun-sentinel.com) (110)
(CNNGo) Interesting So, it turns out real people DO actually click on banner ads. At least the ones that say "Let's Go To The United States And Be A Landlord"  (cnngo.com) (30)
(The Australian) Dumbass Piers Morgan in 2011: I never had any knowledge of any phone hacking during my time at the News of The World and the Daily Mirror. Piers Morgan in 2006: I had Heather Mills' hacked voicemail played to me  (theaustralian.com.au) (73)
(Marketwatch) Fail Telecom Italia suffers major losses, but it still wasn't as bad as the time PowerGen Italia tried to create their web presence  (marketwatch.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting For some reason, some people have a problem with fashion label Dangerfield's newest ad campaign. "DANGERFIELD F-- OFF WINTER SALE"  (heraldsun.com.au) (32)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's rude to throw your drink into the face of your designated driver as she drives you home. And shifting her car into park as she drives down the road is kind of a dick move as well  (kitsapsun.com) (57)
(Stuff) Interesting Borrower has library book out 23 years. Accumulated fines now reach $6852  (stuff.co.nz) (50)
(Some Catcher) Florida Fan catches seven balls during one Rays game, which was more than the Rays caught  (wtsp.com) (47)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You know things are bad when the Governor has to go back to his roots as a doughnut seller  (nwfdailynews.com) (38)
(The Sun) Dumbass One more time, because apparently the news hasn't reached England yet: if you're on benefits because you say you're too crippled to climb stairs, don't play in golf tournaments where everyone can see you  (thesun.co.uk) (16)
(Business Insider) Obvious Jay Carney states "The White House Doesn't Create Jobs", which should become a GOP meme in the 2012 campaign  (businessinsider.com) (310)
(Daily Herald) Asinine Her name is Myrtle. She's 75 and flies her own homemade plane. She also gets intercepted by two F-16 fighter jets  (dailyherald.com) (131)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup July's weather described as "extreme." Which I think means it came in on a skateboard slugging down cans of Surge  (chicagotribune.com) (39)
(NYPost) Obvious Concrete-testing lab faked results for an airport control tower, the new Yankee Stadium and other projects around NYC. Officials say it shouldn't be an issue unless someone flies a plane into one of the affected buildings or something  (nypost.com) (35)
(IndyStar) Followup Mellon Bank: Thank you for the $50 million in cash, we'll need real money to cover the deposit fee  (indystar.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Asinine You do not have the constitutional right to make fun of police over the internet, Mr. Cyberstalker  (kirotv.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Strange Doesn't it suck when you stay up all night writing a book report for school and the next day when you're supposed to give your presentation your teacher is arrested in front of everyone?  (heraldsun.com.au) (12)
(CNN) Followup Radical white-supremacist attack in Norway kills 1, injures 4  (cnn.com) (66)
(NYPost) Ironic "Rent is Too Damn High" candidate being evicted from his rent controlled apartment because his landlords say his rent is too damm low  (nypost.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Asinine Hero: Sergeant Major in US Army. Sad: Injured by rocket blast. Stupid: Four-year fight to prove injury. Fark: Receive Purple Heart in mail. Ultra Fark: C.O.D.  (keloland.com) (88)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these Ani-Com conversations  (online.wsj.com) (22)
(WWL) Amusing "Van man in the can who ran down man he thought he fought." He did not fight him in a box; he did not fight him wearing socks. He did not fight him in the air; he did not fight him anywhere  (wwl.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Misc Britain cutting income taxes for the rich. Let's watch  (dailymail.co.uk) (184)
(Dayton Daily News) Asinine Teacher suspended for calling little snowflakes exactly what they are  (daytondailynews.com) (147)
(SMH) Obvious Some are concerned that Australia's miners are spending too much time in hot steamy holes  (smh.com.au) (10)
(Daily Mail) Strange Dude, she's 10  (dailymail.co.uk) (245)
(CNN) Obvious American Psychological Association says it's crazy we haven't legalized same-sex marriage everywhere yet  (cnn.com) (398)
(News.com.au) Hero Bear Grylls' son rescues girl from river, drinks own urine  (news.com.au) (151)
(Arizona Star) Sick As a Border Agent you encounter drug smugglers on a winter night, do you C) make them eat the pot, strip to their underwear, burn their belongings and make them flee naked into the desert because you are too lazy to apprehend them?  (azstarnet.com) (164)
(MSNBC) Interesting This just in: America's National Parks are racist  (msnbc.msn.com) (298)

Thu August 04, 2011
(MSNBC) Stupid MSNBC considering giving Al Sharpton his own show. Biologists wait with bated breath, saying it would be the first time a parasite ever became a host  (msnbc.msn.com) (176)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this sunflower child  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (43)
(Gizmodo) Cool Baby stroller company wants $250 for replacement part. Guy has new parts 3D-printed for a tenth of the cost, will probably find a horse's head in his bed  (gizmodo.com) (186)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Paralyzed man uses PVC pipe to drive ATV, with predictable results  (nwfdailynews.com) (38)
(News.com.au) Strange If you spent five hours stuffing $100,000 in the toilet at Channel 9, the cleaning crew and police REALLY want to talk to you  (news.com.au) (37)
(UPI) Amusing In a call for transparency, 50 people shed their clothes on Wall Street, 3 deemed ugly  (upi.com) (30)
(UPI) Strange Vladimir putin to get video game made in his honor. Source say the game will be an action-packed thrillride of shirtlessness and bear wrestling while fighting terrorists  (upi.com) (127)
(Some Guy) Followup The sequel to the "how to fight and not get your ass kicked" for guys is here, with a new guide for the girls: a simple guide to injuring, maiming, and if necessary, killing bad guys  (blog.joethepeacock.com) (354)
(Siesta Key Observer) Florida Obscure state law requires state-funded pro sports arenas to also be used to house the homeless; Baltimore Orioles are seriously not happy about giving up their spring training facilities  (yourobserver.com) (62)
(The Smoking Gun) Obvious 22 year old man loves "Hello Kitty". Is also a complete pervert. TSG is there  (thesmokinggun.com) (148)
(NYPost) Cool Would you like to live in a yellow submarine? For $1.75 million, you too can live in one of the trippiest apartments in NYC  (nypost.com) (83)
(Digital Trends) Spiffy "Sir? This isn't a credit card. And also, you're HIV positive"  (digitaltrends.com) (48)
(Canoe) Scary If you're apiphobic, you may want to stay away from Hwy 13 near Bawlf, Alberta for a few days  (cnews.canoe.ca) (60)
(Dayton Daily News) Sad We're not saying stoners are disorganized slackers, but supporters of medical marijuana in Ohio needed 1,000 signatures to put the issue on the ballot but could only get 534  (daytondailynews.com) (77)
(Yahoo) News Dow down over 500 points. Commence autodefenestration  (news.yahoo.com) (842)
(Some Sputnik Guy) Scary Old and busted: Stuxnet shuts down Iranian nuclear program. New Hotness: Prison break Stuxnet style. Is it just me or did the amount of time between old and new just get way too short?  (gcn.com) (19)
(BBC) Followup Now I understand why it took 10 hours to remove a fake bomb from an Australian girl's neck  (bbc.co.uk) (167)
(Some Squarepants) Hero Every year, this out of shape, beer swilling TFer with MS rides 150 miles to raise money and awareness for MS. Every year, subby pulls a muscle getting his wallet out to chip in. Let's cheer him on and help out  (main.nationalmssociety.org) (197)
(The Union Leader) Strange Thief returns property to victim, with apology and extra cash, after unfavorable media coverage  (unionleader.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Strange Todays' "True Face of Jesus Christ" story brought to you by Knoxville, Tenn. "Haha, I've lived here for 17 years. It's been in there... or in my bedroom ever since"  (volunteertv.com) (43)
(BBC) NewsFlash NASA find running water on surface of Mars, herd of buggalo drinking from it (maybe not that last part)  (bbc.co.uk) (343)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Cheetah cub and puppy are totally bestest friends forevers. Awwwwwwwwww  (cfnews13.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Florida If you are the person who left all of the weapons parts in the bathroom at Tampa International Airport, the TSA would like a word with you  (wtsp.com) (46)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this archeologist uncovering art  (online.wsj.com) (37)
(KSAT) Dumbass Jesus burgles neighbor's home, gets caught, breaks into another neighbor's house and threatens her with rake. THE ARISTOCRATS  (ksat.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Scary Ladies, if you're going to dress that way, you have to learn to accept the consequences  (wtsp.com) (125)
(SMH) Interesting British woman who survives 3,500 foot fall into a bog without a functioning parachute survives with only a broken ankle and burning desire to hunt down Sarah Connor  (smh.com.au) (80)
(Wired) Obvious Biologists discover that the drive to impress females drives males to earlier graves. They have named this phenomenon the "Hold My Beer, Y'all, And Watch This" Effect  (wired.com) (49)
(El Paso Times) Obvious Did U.S. federal agents allow a drug cartel to move cocaine into the U.S. for information on their rivals? The one line answer: ______________ (snort)  (elpasotimes.com) (65)
(Washington Post) Ironic We'd have 50% fewer abortions if only the same nuts that are against abortion weren't also against contraceptives  (washingtonpost.com) (604)
(Boston Globe) Interesting The most effective government stimulus yet -- hoarders have increased sales of incandescent light bulbs by 20%  (boston.com) (293)
(Forbes) Interesting FAA investigating News Corp's "The Daily" for possessing and using an aerial spy drone in the U.S., which explains how they got those wide shots of your mom  (blogs.forbes.com) (88)
(Philly) Hero New program provides early intervention for New Jersey children in danger of becoming guidos  (philly.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "I have zero sexual interest," attention whores the Octomom while posing in a bikini. "The feeling is mutual" cringes the world  (dailymail.co.uk) (214)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Jail deputy in trouble for letting female inmates play Truth of Dare while on duty, encouraging topless, dancing inmates, and sending a photo of his penis next to a toothbrush  (sun-sentinel.com) (40)
(Some Iron Age Guy) Cool If you built a 5 metre long house in the Gulf of Bothnia 1500 years ago, archaeologists would really like to know why  (yle.fi) (35)
(NBC29) Dumbass Woman threatens to bomb courthouse if she can't get an appointment with the judge. She no longer has to worry about getting an appointment  (nbc29.com) (9)
(National Post) Amusing Stephen Harper likes brrrrraaaaainnnns   (news.nationalpost.com) (61)
(CNNGo) Interesting After World War II, the US Army left behind a large fleet of military jeeps in the Philippines. 65 years and several airbrush jobs later, the Jeepney is still ghetto-fabulous as ever. (Pics)  (cnngo.com) (65)
(My Fox DC) Strange So anyway, I was collecting seashells right over there - no there - yeah there, and then there was this bag itchy bag and I was collecting seashells by the sheshore - AGHHH - I can never get it right - when I found 55 lbs, uh, 54 lbs of cocaine  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(Heisenberg Daily) Fail "Hey there little buddy, whatcha doing?" "Making a batch of crystal meth from these two coconuts"  (chicoer.com) (25)
(UPI) Asinine Not news: guy has heart attack on Ryanair plane. News: cabin crew suggests eating a sandwich as a remedy. Fark: when they come by later, instead of checking on him, they demand he pay for the meal  (m.upi.com) (47)
(EFF) Scary If geek groups are having conventions to see who is the best at hacking your voting machines, you might have a probem  (eff.org) (83)
(Washington Post) Stupid Veteran diplomats at US Embassy in Kabul speak Pashto, Dari, LOLcat  (washingtonpost.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) Cool Scientists find fossil of ancient ape in volcano, no evidence of a Brain Cloud  (dailymail.co.uk) (62)
(Yahoo) Asinine German court awards compensation for child murderer because investigating police hurt his feelings  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(9 News) Strange Guy in Palm Springs bar sitting next to drag queen "Ms. Puppy" uses his iPhone to find out 'she' was Person Of Inter-OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE  (9news.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Strange Man says he was wrongfully accused. Police say "Son, you got a panty on your head"  (tidewaternews.com) (15)
(WSB TV) Dumbass Here's a tip, smart guy: When being interviewed by the local news on why you feel there's so many break-ins in your neighborhood, try not to advertise the fact that you and all your family and friends love keeping gold in the house  (wsbtv.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Strange Unmanned dirigible crashes. Oh the lack of humanity  (wtae.com) (21)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Stop me if you've heard this one before: The head of the IMF is in trouble with the law  (huffingtonpost.com) (13)
(CTV) Interesting Amazing story of the first people to have sex on the moon  (ctv.ca) (25)
(Reuters) Unlikely China accuses Japan of exaggerating it as a military threat, says to pay no attention to the new aircraft carriers, continuing global computer hacking and support of naughty regimes  (reuters.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Silly Annoyed J.J. Abrams wants to know how the hell YOU would have ended "Lost"  (filmschoolrejects.com) (422)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The "Plankton Generation" - single women over 45 with kids - say they're at the bottom of the food chain for romance, and it's just krilling them  (dailymail.co.uk) (420)
(LA Weekly) Dumbass Deputy/COSplayer jailed over alleged on-duty shenanigans with Police Explorer, gets bail hike after posting Galactica "payback" speech on Facebook. Bonus: co-defendant is also fellow member of "Ghostbusters Club"  (blogs.laweekly.com) (29)
(CNN) NewsFlash Gunman on loose on the campus of Virginia Tech. Let's all hope this isn't a repeat from 2007  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (284)
(WTOP) Dumbass Many people, idiots mostly, don't factor in their commute to work when they're deciding how expensive their living situation will be  (wtop.com) (126)
(Star News Online) Fail "Director's cut" of Jean-Claude Van Damme's "CYBORG" appears 22 years later. FARK:uploaded from an old VHS tape onto the director's website   (wae.blogs.starnewsonline.com) (36)
(Gothamist) PSA Starbucks tells customers their $1.85 coffee doesn't entitle them to an electrical outlet and free WiFi for the entire day  (gothamist.com) (217)
(Some Doppelgänger) Strange Police have released a sketch of the man suspected of punching a woman along I-83. Boy he looks familiar (w/ pic)  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (49)
(BBC) Scary Italy will default. Never mind that it has a budget designed to be balanced within a couple of years; we want blood for the blood god  (bbc.co.uk) (125)
(Abc.net.au) Sad Unexpected consequence of global warming: filming of Mad Max 4 delayed because of green grass  (abc.net.au) (39)
(WTOP) Unlikely Only the rich can afford to eat healthy, which is why only poor people are fat  (wtop.com) (369)
(Some Guy) Strange Police wondered who would drag a donkey with their car as the jackasses drove back by. Yes, alcohol was involved  (wxii12.com) (15)
(Jesus, apparently) Asinine Jesus Christ has returned. He's kicking ass and "mooching off everybody"  (thechronicleherald.ca) (45)
(USA Today) Interesting Ten years after the Sept. 11 attacks, the American psyche has bounced back better than psychologists predicted. That, or they forgot  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (138)
(azfamily.com) Cool Female inmates throw their pink underwear at Sheriff Joe Arpaio while he's onstage with an Elvis Impersonator. And they say Tent City is a place you don't want to go  (azfamily.com) (35)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unusual ingredients  (images.google.com) (37)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Local businessman upset after school district hands their printing contract to inmates making 55 cents an hour  (tampabay.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Asinine Residents protest against man who put up sign for his neighbor that read "Glad you have canser. So die stupid"  (newsblog.projo.com) (104)
(AP) Strange Sao Paulo city council calls for Heterosexual Pride Day. That's umm.. don't know if this is fabulous  (hosted.ap.org) (112)
(Huffington Post) Sad Suspect acquitted of murder confesses guilt years later and is promptly incarcerated for life. Just kidding, he walks free thanks to double jeopardy. God bless America  (huffingtonpost.com) (155)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Judge says it "totally blows my mind" that bank refuses to accept gas station owner's money after he was one day late on his mortgage payment  (tampabay.com) (118)
(Telegraph) Scary Newborn girls stand a better chance at living to 100 than newborn boys  (telegraph.co.uk) (78)
(Some Guy) Stupid Being beaten by your husband, getting a manicure. It's all the same to Fox News  (addictinginfo.org) (143)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 326: "Sports Photography" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (177)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this white-haired man in a window  (spiegel.de) (43)

Wed August 03, 2011
(Some Guy) Dumbass Crash car into condo, pour bucket of feces over yourself to throw off police dogs. "It looks like alcohol may have been involved"  (tdn.com) (37)
(OC Register) Obvious Hipster-run gourmet burger joints, which charge $10 for a burger, $5 for fries, and another $10 for a beer, just might be ripping you off  (foodfrenzy.ocregister.com) (324)
(Canoe) Obvious Can the name you give your children determine their future? Case history #1  (cnews.canoe.ca) (170)
(Local10) Florida Bad day: You and your girlfriend are robbed and kidnapped. Farking bad day: They then rob your home and introduce your girlfriend to your wife  (local10.com) (82)
(NPR) Sad Chinese town bans dogs...as pets. So, deliver your beloved dog to a drop-off center where he most certainly will not be turned into tasty tasty food  (npr.org) (66)
(AJC) Dumbass Parents of children from Atlanta school caught in cheating scandal say 'I'm okay with this'  (ajc.com) (114)
(Think Progress) Obvious For some reason, holding a "Wigger Wednesday" might be considered offensive  (thinkprogress.org) (286)
(KTLA) Weird Ashton Kutcher and Colonel Sanders have some explaining to do  (ktla.com) (31)
(Boing Boing) Amusing Public perception of science vs. science in reality. Submitted by a scientist who wholeheartedly agrees  (boingboing.net) (182)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Ironic University of Iowa Officials after being ranked the #9 Party School: Let's enact dozens of strong armed crackdowns on drinking. Same officials after being ranked #4 one year later: We don't put much stock in the rankings  (press-citizen.com) (44)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup The Unabomber checks are in the mail  (thesmokinggun.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Followup It may have taken 7 years but courts finally ruled blind father should have more custody than homicidal mother  (fathersandfamilies.org) (88)
(Toledo Blade) Silly The University of Toledo's new female mascot wants you to take her to your leader  (toledoblade.com) (63)
(ABC Action News) Dumbass LOL d00d wtf brb drvng bus g2g  (abcactionnews.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Spiffy San Francisco mayoral candidate rakes in donations from strip clubs. Campaign hires temp workers to sort the $1s and $5s  (sfexaminer.com) (20)
(The Scotsman) Spiffy Academic has easy solution for paying off student loans: Sell your kidneys  (thescotsman.scotsman.com) (108)
(The Brooklyn Paper) Weird Breaking News: NYC couple frantically searching for missing son. Except it's a not really their son, it's a doll. Fark: a monkey doll  (brooklynpaper.com) (95)
(Q2) Dumbass Montana supreme court denies "Cheetos" appeal for truck driver convicted of DUI after cops caught him orange-handed  (ktvq.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this underwater volcano  (i.imgur.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Scary H  (wfmz.com) (90)
(AZCentral) Sad Happy 18th birthday to Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Tent City. You are old enough to smoke today, no more simple smouldering for you Tent City, you are all grown up. Oh look, a haboob is coming to blow out your candles  (azcentral.com) (240)
(Telegraph) Strange Hey, has anyone seen a 'floating island' sail by in England?  (telegraph.co.uk) (88)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Iran doesn't have a nuclear bomb for the same reason subby doesn't have a girlfriend: they're not sure they want one, yet. Yeah, that's right  (theatlantic.com) (52)
(CNNGo) Obvious Thai government warns that Viagra sold under the trade name "Night Fire Heartily Burnable Lady's Intense Emotion" may be fake  (cnngo.com) (21)
(Boston Globe) PSA If you punch your infant in the face, other bus passengers may hold you for the police  (boston.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Obvious Actual headline: "Man known to lie in road is run over and killed"  (pressherald.com) (25)
(Gizmodo) Scary Jesus loves nukes, this I know, for the Bible tells me so  (gizmodo.com) (127)
(NYPost) Asinine Women not being allowed to vote, blacks being owned, detention without trial, cruel and unusual punishment...and not having a free a cell phone. Seems like civil rights might be getting a bit watered down as a matter of wording  (nypost.com) (156)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Wildlife officials vow to save all captive bears in Russia forced to drink vodka in restaurants by replacing them with sorority girls  (mnn.com) (36)
(Trib Local) Dumbass Uh, hello, police? I'm stupid as hell, please come arrest me  (triblocal.com) (44)
(Discovery) Cool Ugly ass gentoo penguins born at Edinburgh Zoo, promptly begin giving Glasgow kisses to dirty fookin' langbarn zookeepers  (news.discovery.com) (24)
(Some Leg Spreader) Florida "A woman in Hernando County was arrested for DUI, after deputies say she told them she'd drank half a pitcher of Bud Light and one 'Leg Spreader' shot"  (springhill.wtsp.com) (51)
(AJC) Scary "There are random boxes of garbage, empty fields where buildings have been torn down, drug packets. I once saw a torched mattress. It looked like a Lady Gaga video"  (ajc.com) (44)
(El Paso Times) Amusing 'I am the only person here': Pro tennis player flies to wrong Carlsbad for tournament  (elpasotimes.com) (73)
(Gateway Pundit) Interesting Obama hires non-union crew for his 50th birthday party. To be fair, he had to go non-union or else the Republicans wouldn't give him any presents  (thegatewaypundit.com) (166)
(The Onion) Satire Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke refuses to pay his bar tab with US currency, claiming that it's worthless  (theonion.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Strange "We don't want publicity", the mother of a baby born without an anus told journalists  (thejakartapost.com) (142)
(Japan Times) Scary Fukushima drenched by record rainfall, forcing calls for evacuation of those not already evacuated  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (60)
(MSNBC) Scary Complete this series: work orders, stolen quarters, denial, choking, pepper spray: A) gun, B) chair, C) medieval battle axe  (msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(700 WLW) Dumbass Prosecutors play 90 minute tape of polygamist Warren Jeffs "training" 12 of his wives on group sex and being comforable nude. No word yet on it being available on iTunes  (700wlw.com) (329)
(Wall Street Journal) Asinine How does a four-year-old spend $46,000 a month?  (blogs.wsj.com) (345)
(Ithaca Journal) Stupid School: We want to put nets under bridges to stop suicide jumpers. City: You can't do that because somebody might get hurt  (theithacajournal.com) (67)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Your mom is the Prime Minister. Do you c) get a job at McDonald's?  (myfoxdc.com) (44)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Not News: Pat Buchanan doesn't like the president. News: Refers to him as "Boy." Fark: On MSNBC. TotalFark: During Al Sharpton's show  (huffingtonpost.com) (433)
(herald net) Amusing National Clown Week being celebrated across USA. New festival coordinator has big shoes to fill  (heraldnet.com) (55)
(The Atlantic) Hero Gallup survey shows Muslim-Americans more likely to say targeting and killing civilians is always wrong than any other American religious group  (theatlantic.com) (333)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida For Drew's sake, I damn sure hope Fark never posted any snarky headlines about Mindy McCready  (palmbeachpost.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Sad Guy wearing monitoring bracelet for prior offenses steals a car and leads cops on chase. Not bad for a 12 year old  (therepublic.com) (17)
(WTAM) Misc Someone's been a busy beaver  (wtam.com) (11)
(SLTrib) Silly Salt Lake City has the most polite and conscientious beer thief in the known universe  (sltrib.com) (39)
(CNN) Followup Sydney teen freed from explosive device. Apparently the bomb forced her to stay in the back of a volkswagen  (cnn.com) (45)
(KOLO News 8) Asinine Good news, underage drinkers. Reno police can't arrest beer thieves if they're gone by the time the cops show up, even if they have your name and photo ID  (kolotv.com) (10)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Americas most sober colleges. Otherwise known as why the hell would you go there and why is the AF Academy the only service school not there  (huffingtonpost.com) (43)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass ♫ Cops arrest Peaches ♫ Peaches won't flee ♫ Cops arrest Peaches ♫ Peaches ain't free ♫ LOOK OUT ♫  (mcall.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Hef tries planking and has people thinking he died. And the second pic shows us why he's a lucky old bastard  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's hard to claim "it was self defense" after you pour the second pot of boiling water on your friend  (610wiod.com) (28)
(Google) Obvious Things are going to get worse in Norway. The Westboro Baptist Church is going there to protest the children's funerals  (translate.google.com) (265)
(LA Times) Obvious Study finds that people who abuse prescription drugs are more likely to abuse other drugs. Huh  (latimes.com) (30)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Mubarak's trial in Egypt has started, and he has already taken the Rupert "As the leader, I can't possibly be responsible" Murdoch approach  (guardian.co.uk) (28)
(Reuters) Scary Biggest-ever series of cyber attacks uncovered; victims include the nets of 72 organizations, national governments and the UN. No suspects announced, but China, your seven proxies aren't that deep  (reuters.com) (117)
(Wired) Cool On this date 519 years ago, Christopher Columbus boldly went  (wired.com) (130)
(Yahoo) Fail Congress: Well, that's done. Nothing really important needs our attention. Everyone take a month off. FAA: Ummm...guys? Hello? Anyone?  (news.yahoo.com) (164)
(MSNBC) Scary Protip: If you are one of your country's richest families, do NOT let strangers with collar-bombs into your house, because they WILL attach it to your kid, and demand a ransom  (msnbc.msn.com) (61)
(Today.com) Obvious How to survive August: Fake work. Like what submitter is doing right now, furiously typing on his computer while staring intently at the words being written. See how easy that is?  (lifeinc.today.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Obvious How to predict your social security payout: Take any number and multiply by 0. That's your payout  (finance.yahoo.com) (172)
(Canada.com) Obvious Study shows that comfort eating fights off the blues, and any possibility of sexual experiences  (canada.com) (31)
(Washington Post) Obvious Obama's central campaign strategy for '12? "I'm older and wiser. Look, see? I have gray hair. No way would I make so many mistakes this time"  (washingtonpost.com) (145)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Dumbass Man robs, shoots a drug dealer, netting him a gold chain and an empty wallet, then writes a "gangsta rap" song about it. Cops find the lyrics strangely compelling  (rgj.com) (21)
(WLWT) Amusing KY judge out-rednecks 'em all in his order "And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box"  (wlwt.com) (34)
(Philly) Dumbass Shooter shoots sh*tter at Shooters  (philly.com) (21)
(Marketwatch) Obvious The U.S. is unable to maintain its AAA credit rating following the debt crisis  (marketwatch.com) (106)
(Marketwatch) Unlikely The U.S. maintains its AAA credit rating following the debt crisis  (marketwatch.com) (22)
(ABC News) Followup News: The name of the latest FBI D.B. Cooper suspect is out. Fark: L.D. Cooper? Seriously?  (abcnews.go.com) (81)
(TC Palm) Florida Today's episode of insane ramblings from the opinion page: That blasphemer Darwin had it all wrong. Here's why God and Jesus was responsible for everything  (tcpalm.com) (232)
(Telegraph) Sad FBI agent assigned to keep an eye on Lee Harvey Oswald dies, and is survived by the guy who thought letting the local titty-bar owner into the Oswald prisoner transfer was a swell security move  (telegraph.co.uk) (33)
(STLToday) Weird Rental cars are being turned into rolling advertisements. This one is apparently for dropping acid  (stltoday.com) (35)
(BBC) Followup Not News: People who will believe IQ can be correlated to browser choice shown to have lower than average IQ  (bbc.co.uk) (90)
(New York Daily News) Followup #Centralpark peacock: 5th Ave sucks, I'm going back to the zoo for some grub  (nydailynews.com) (2)
(WFTV) Followup NORAD abandons tracking Santa to hunt down Casey Anthony, finds her lurking in the streets of Columbus, Ohio  (wftv.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this absolutely perfect scene  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (49)
(News.com.au) Hero Plus size model graces pages of Vogue for the first time in 52 years. You'd hit it  (news.com.au) (904)
(Some Guy) Dumbass GPS tracking device? In my stolen bank monies? It's more likely than you think  (lancasteronline.com) (47)
(BBC) Obvious Good news, America. China's central bank governor "welcomes" US debt deal. And it's even in quote marks so you can laugh at it too  (bbc.co.uk) (63)
(Yahoo) Interesting Bosnia gets its first McDonalds. Haven't these people suffered enough already?  (ca.finance.yahoo.com) (70)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this fuel for fertilizer  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (25)
(WLSAM) Fail Maybe Puffer fish toxin isn't the best way to kill a loved one so you can collect the insurance  (wlsam.com) (61)
(Gawker) Dumbass Homeless man jumps White House fence live on CNN, lands on face, gets arrested. TA DA  (gawker.com) (92)
(MSNBC) Interesting Does the FDA know something we don't?  (msnbc.msn.com) (142)
(News.com.au) Sad Mourner spreads cremated remains during lightning storm, gets his ash handed to him  (news.com.au) (36)

Tue August 02, 2011
(Techdirt) Asinine UK appeals court rules a news aggregator infringed publishers' copyrights by merely offering links to stories. Watch out Fark - The Sun is there and wants its money  (techdirt.com) (55)
(Stuff) Stupid Cheerleaders as young as nine used to promote strip club. You can bet some people have a problem with that  (stuff.co.nz) (75)
(AL.com) Fail One day after getting out of prison for defrauding FEMA in the wake of Katrina, woman dedicates her life to helping the poor. Just kidding. She gets busted for fraudulently obtaining a loan in someone else's name  (blog.al.com) (30)
(MSNBC) Followup Cream pie in the face gets man six weeks in prison. Porn stars visibly nervous  (msnbc.msn.com) (46)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary Man decapitates himself with a home-made hovercraft, inspiring what will no doubt be a killer episode of Mythbusters  (3news.co.nz) (95)
(Fox Sports) Dumbass Good things about Applebee's: decent food, diverse menu, lots of locations, reasonable prices. Bad things about Applebee's: knife fights between Texas and Oklahoma fans  (msn.foxsports.com) (192)
(Some Guy) Fail "We have unmarked units that are Crown Victorias with tinted windows that are a little bit darker, and the public knows that they're police officers," except for 13-year-olds with BB guns, apparently  (ksat.com) (81)
(News.com.au) Amusing Loud music? Check? Leafblower? Check. Headbutting neighbours and creating 1.2m middle-finger sculpture with a chainsaw? This isn't going to end well  (news.com.au) (43)
(CBS News) Sick Restaurants turn to preparing whole animals. Not like Taco Bell, I mean on purpose  (cbsnews.com) (155)
(nhregister.com) Dumbass But that mountain lion was attacking me. From up a tree. Surrounded by dogs  (nhregister.com) (95)
(wgntv.com) PSA Authorities can't figure out where this missing boater is. Canoe?  (wgntv.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cartwheeling guy  (s.wsj.net) (32)
(Some Guy) Weird Man asked to stop wearing bunny suit because it scares little children, freaks out Donnie Darko  (kpvi.com) (99)
(FARK) FarkBlog The unyielding seat of Rosa Parks, Usama to bring down the Jets in New York, and Alex Trebek's can of whoopass: Fark's favorite headlines from 7/24 - 7/30  (fark.com) (12)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool That woman in the bar drinking lemon shots that should be drunk by now, stay away from her. Alcohol metabolism increases about 10% right after ovulation  (online.wsj.com) (43)
(NPR) Scary Libyan rebels are waging a Mad Max-like war. No word yet on who run Bartertown (w/ Mad Max-like pics)  (npr.org) (83)
(ABC News) Interesting After flesh-eating bacterial infection threatened his life, boy says he spoke to God. No word on who God wants him to kill  (abcnews.go.com) (125)
(ABC News) Stupid Remember the climate change scientist who was suspended for "integrity issues" related to his research? Yeah, about that  (abcnews.go.com) (69)
(Boston Globe) Scary Scariest pictures of the South Korean landslide damage you will see today. Scary bonus: land mines washed away by landslides  (boston.com) (67)
(Yahoo) Interesting New research shows starved brain cells may cause diets to fail, which may explain Kim Kardashian's ass  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(Government Technology) Interesting Obama's IT team says complex technology systems will be on their way out in a few years, just like Obama  (govtech.com) (105)
(Washington Post) Obvious Norwegian right wingers backpedaling away from Anders Breivik faster than Lance Armstrong from a urine test  (washingtonpost.com) (215)
(Gawker) Amusing Fark Ready Headline du Jour: Teacher's MacBook Presentation Begins with Surprise Vagina  (gawker.com) (124)
(National Parks Traveler) Spiffy When a grey wolf encounters a grizzly bear in Yellowstone, is it a battle royal or cuddly love-fest? With pics  (nationalparkstraveler.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Obvious Snausages. Snausages. Snausages. Snausages  (wafb.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Strange Anybody can get arrested for beating a car with a tire iron, but if you expect to make Fark you'll have to get naked, throw your stuff around the high school parking lot, and put some tape on your leg before the cops arrive  (newarkadvocate.com) (22)
(The Raw Story) Followup "Key figure" arrested in Murdoch hacking scandal probe  (rawstory.com) (66)
(SacBee) Asinine California Assembly says public has no right to see where public money is being spent  (sacbee.com) (52)
(NYPost) Dumbass Ground Zero mosque developer says project may take years, unicorn-riding construction workers  (nypost.com) (33)
(CNN) Interesting "United flight diverted to Cuba due to 'unfamiliar' odor in plane" - what, competently prepared food?  (cnn.com) (37)
(The New York Times) Interesting Want to be part of a group that is at the forefront of the battle against hunger, genital mutilation, AIDS, or human trafficking? Become an evangelical  (nytimes.com) (91)
(SeattlePI) Stupid Next up in letters to the editor, possibly the worst legal advice someone could ask for in Seattle  (blog.seattlepi.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Polygamist Warren Jeffs: "Everybody involved with this case... they will have death either by disease or by accident." Beaten in a prison shower surprisingly absent  (mega949.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Interesting 51% of Americans expect to take a vacation this year. So far, only 9% have  (mega949.com) (157)
(WWL) Dumbass Where there's smoke, there's fire. And 241 marijuana plants. And Cheetos®  (wwl.com) (16)
(KERO) Dumbass Town water department stages mock armed robbery without telling employees first. What could possibly go wrong?  (turnto23.com) (45)
(The New York Times) Followup I'll take "Prison Sentences That Are Out Of Proportion To The Crime Committed" for $200, Alex  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com) (189)
(FARK) Fail Seeing as we're in the home stretch of intern season, anyone got any good stories so far?  (fark.com) (240)
(Yahoo) Asinine Obama administration cites national responsibility, sues Alabama over immigration law. 12-15 Million Illegal Aliens shrug and go about their illegal ways  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(MSNBC) Ironic Italian parliament approves bill banning the wearing of silly clothing for religious purposes  (msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(Bloomberg) Fail Radiation at Fukushima is off the scale, much like your mom  (bloomberg.com) (40)
(The Macomb Daily) Dumbass Judge tells child molester 'This isn't the Academy Awards' as perp starts to give out thanks for plea deal  (macombdaily.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Followup Senate passes debt deal. Rich get to keep on partying, rest of us are to pull down our pants and bend over  (news.yahoo.com) (359)
(Short List) Cool Post-It war breaks out in France. French expected to surrender to themselves within the hour  (shortlist.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Obvious Zero Detroit cops have taken up the city's offer to basically pay them to move into Detroit: "It's too dangerous"  (myfoxdetroit.com) (90)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida Great police evidence photo of a stolen polo shirt. And 25 pairs of women's undergarments  (thesmokinggun.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Amusing "The sheep shot out of the gates like ballistic missiles"  (gazettextra.com) (41)
(Yahoo) Stupid The CIA: Winning the battle, yet losing the war in Pakistan 'cause Leon was miffed  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool In other news, it's possible to build a nuclear reactor in your kitchen  (thelocal.se) (56)
(MSNBC) Interesting A slideshow worth viewing: the amazing cleanup around Japan's tsunami zone. How many years was WTC a hole in the ground?  (msnbc.msn.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing College journalists publish issue of campus newspaper without using any digital technology. Hilarity ensues  (journoterrorist.com) (88)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Obvious Ohio University in Athens wins #1 party school and tops in beer drinking, despite the fact subby graduated in 2005  (blog.cleveland.com) (73)
(KTVZ) Scary Blown transformer sparks fire, idea for new X-rated Michael Bay movie  (ktvz.com) (23)
(NYPost) Amusing Real-life troll gets busted on a suspicion-of-battery charge and as you can see from this mugshot, he needs to get back to his rock before his hair turns back to normal  (nypost.com) (20)
(Bloomberg) Followup Obama: Israel-Palestine negotiations should be based on 1967 borders. Netanyahoo: OUTRAGEOUS. ABSURD. IMPOSSIBLE. OK, I'LL DO IT  (bloomberg.com) (151)
(Salon) Ironic New homosexual converstion therapy aims to "cuddle the gay away" using same-sex hugging  (salon.com) (165)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Breivik demands resignation of government, football helmet filled with cottage cheese and naked pictures of Bea Arthur  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass 3 out of 4 CHA candidates haven't even tried to finish the job they started on the moon  (chicagotribune.com) (21)
(Gawker) Amusing Feeling inadequate, and intimidated by the massive size of Dubai's Burj Khalifa tower, Saudi Prince will erect world's tallest skyscraper  (gawker.com) (54)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Asinine Say, that's a nice view of the lake you've got there. It'd be a real shame if someone illegally taxed the hell out of it  (rgj.com) (38)
(Washington Post) Asinine Are you a long-time AT&T customer who grandfathered into an unlimited plan and have worried ever since about unfairly using too much bandwidth? Well, clear your conscience, they're about to start throttling your connection  (washingtonpost.com) (96)
(Washington Post) Scary Most Verizon customers are probably used to the company trying to rape them by now. Learning that Verizon might want to kill you, too, though...that takes some getting used to  (washingtonpost.com) (16)
(WTOP) Fail Those noble and heroic Tea Party Patriots, in forcing a partial shut-down of the FAA, will end up spending over $1 billion to save $16.5 million. The future of America, ladies and gentlemen. The fuuuuuture of America  (wtop.com) (244)
(USA Today) Fail President Obama live at 12:15pm et  (content.usatoday.com) (365)
(PhysOrg.com) Asinine The FCC wants more cable channels in cable lineups, so get ready for 'The Egg Net' and 'Shoelace Central' in your basic plan rather than the good stuff that's somehow up in the higher tiers  (physorg.com) (106)
(Boing Boing) Photoshop Photoshop these hatching crocs  (boingboing.net) (27)
(Yahoo) Silly Gaddafi wants to hire PR firm to improve his public image. After all, he's a murderous dictator, but he loves cats, but he can't hug every cat, because that'd be crazy  (in.news.yahoo.com) (22)
(Toledo Blade) Cool 53 people were shot in Toledo in the last two months with three fatalities, making it the safest city to get shot in  (toledoblade.com) (44)
(KSLA) Interesting Authorities in Louisiana may have found part of the Space Shuttle Columbia. Or, there may be a dinosaur on the loose  (ksla.com) (41)
(BBC) Fail As Fark experts predicted Egypt is transitioning smoothly into a secular democracy with the Muslim Brotherhood and other Islamic groups playing little role  (bbc.co.uk) (252)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc CDC says that 1 death, 76 illnesses linked to ground turkey; investigation continues as to the flying variety  (chicagotribune.com) (23)
(My Fox DC) Interesting And in other news, man was almost hit by car, building could have caught fire, and thieves may have thought about robbing bank  (myfoxdc.com) (12)
(Gawker) Hero Dear Penthouse, I was at summer camp and I met these two lesbians while running away from a gunman  (gawker.com) (86)
(The Daily Record) Amusing She turned tricks at Dunkin' Donuts, obviously the only one in America the cops hadn't frequented  (dailyrecord.com) (46)
(Short List) Dumbass Man crams 800 straws into mouth. Spots irritating fly mid-stunt  (shortlist.com) (28)
(Seattle Times) Unlikely No, I'm not trying to commit suicide, these train tracks are curing my diabetes  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (15)
(Donnybrook Mail) Scary Coming up next, stay tuned for "When Yacht Sex... Goes Wrong"  (donnybrookmail.com.au) (45)
(NPR) Cool "The optimist in me says the White Castle 'Chicken Ring' is just a Chicken McNugget with all the unhealthy stuff poked out the middle"  (npr.org) (42)
(Washington Post) Ironic Beltway sniper tries to change his name to some unpronounceable French word  (washingtonpost.com) (44)
(Telegraph) Hero Mayor, sick of people illegally parking in his city, drives a farking APC over an illegally parked car  (telegraph.co.uk) (61)
(MSNBC) Scary There's some sort of monster/meme growing at Japan's crippled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant. Its body looks squarest with growing facial features, and it's looking to kill everyone near it  (msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(The Courier) Followup Dundonians say demolition of their skyline marks a new start for their city. All other Scots think it's a good start and hope the explosions continue  (thecourier.co.uk) (12)
(CNN) Scary Toothing starts down 14 percent; Fairy's Union reports "grim times ahead"  (cnn.com) (29)
(kesq.com) Sad (One- one-thousand) Father of (two- one-thousand) CPR (three- one-thousand) dies  (kesq.com) (26)
(Herald Sun) Fail Wet firewood made grandma's cremation burn too slowly, so grieving relatives added a couple liters of gasoline. And lo, Darwin did smile upon them  (heraldsun.com.au) (34)
(MSNBC) Obvious Submitter doesn't remember buying anything of note in June. Seems the rest of the US is right there with him  (msnbc.msn.com) (162)
(Click Orlando) Florida OCULAS OBLITERATUS. Accio lawyer  (clickorlando.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Hero Woman defends her grandchildren on today's episode of "Ow My balls". Quoted as saying, "Sore balls. Sore balls is all he got from here, and a limp"  (kmbc.com) (31)
(BBC) Obvious Panamanian police seize more than half a ton of heroin, say it's just not that difficult to spot a guy with a balloon that big in him  (bbc.co.uk) (7)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious Miss Teen Canada surprised by victory, geographical location of North Dakota, buttsex  (torontosun.com) (603)
(Some Guy) Sad Dog burns down house while making Victory Steak for finally being rid of cat  (9wsyr.com) (16)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida In Florida people celebrate their birthday by calling up the Sheriff's department to request a hazmat team because they concocted an explosive device with chlorine and brake fluid and needed help disposing of it  (nwfdailynews.com) (30)
(The New Yorker) Cool The closest look yet at the SEAL mission that got bin Laden. With bonus cartoon  (newyorker.com) (72)
(NYPost) Interesting If you reprogram Dunkin Donuts gift cards to get cash at ATMs, dollars to donuts you're gonna get caught  (nypost.com) (44)
(WXYZ Detroit) Sappy Ten year-old starts up a lemonade stand to help his parents pay for his sister's funeral  (wxyz.com) (47)
(OCRegister.com) Hero Actual Headline: Survivor skydives to spite Hitler  (ocregister.com) (34)
(Yahoo) Hero Greater love has no one than this, that a 13 year old lay down her life for her friends  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Ironic Jeffrey Dahmer could've prevented a murder, if it weren't for those pesky police  (suntimes.com) (26)
(Telegraph) Strange Man goes to doctors complaining of stomach pains, has uterus removed  (telegraph.co.uk) (56)
(WUSA9) Asinine Apparently if you try to save a baby woodpecker from being eaten by a cat, you've violated a federal migratory bird act, you'll be fined $535, and you could face a jail term. Peckers  (wusa9.com) (125)
(Salon) Dumbass Stilleto heel: apply directly to his forehead  (salon.com) (25)
(Daily Star) Spiffy Pippa Middleton's tan voted 'most desirable skin tone of the summer' (w/pic)  (dailystar.co.uk) (85)
(Some Guy) Interesting Crop circles are getting increasingly high-tech as the aliens continue to secretly harvest our brain waves to power their monstrous machines  (catholic.org) (61)
(Some Story) Photoshop Photoshop this finger-pointing person  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(WSAZ) Scary Things you don't want to hear from an amusement park: "Some rides are so old, we don't have a manual, so we've written our own checklist over the years"  (wsaz.com) (65)
(Time) Interesting You can now use the economy as an excuse not to attend pet funerals  (moneyland.time.com) (39)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Sad Iowa woman dies after being attacked by a cow, the second leading cause of death in the state after meth lab explosions  (press-citizen.com) (61)
(New York Daily News) Sick Chicago CBS affiliate in hot water after it was learned they took a quote said by a black child out of context; he said he would still be around guns when he grew up...because he was going to be a cop. But they left out that last part  (nydailynews.com) (147)
(News.com.au) Strange Mother angry after pageant awards her autistic daughter Best Personality  (news.com.au) (122)

Mon August 01, 2011
(News.com.au) Asinine Prank calls tie up Australia's National Security hotline. On the bright side, their refrigerators *are* running  (news.com.au) (47)
(Chicago Tribune) Hero A clearly shaken Muhammad Ali writes an open letter to the people of Norway  (chicagotribune.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Fail Embarassing: drinking too much at a float trip. Worse: a photo montage in the newspaper detailing the emergency response  (stltoday.mycapture.com) (62)
(The Sun) Weird The fabled Kit Katfish has been weaned off its chocolate diet. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(Yahoo) Hero "Giffords brings down the House." I do not know if I should use the Kleenex for my eyes or throw the whole box at the TV because this stupid bill passed  (news.yahoo.com) (496)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this big bunny  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(Missoulian) Obvious Nobody knows why the quadriplegic skydiver didn't pull the rip cord  (missoulian.com) (136)
(The New York Times) Interesting The ever-reasonable Nate Silver reads through the fine print of the debt deal. The bottom line: it's not as bad as Dems think   (fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com) (271)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Demonstrating how the bible is more important than science and doesn't need to be in textbooks anyways, Texans declare lake water that turned red from dead fish and algae is actually a "Sign of the Rapture"  (blog.chron.com) (216)
(AJC) Scary Great, first day of school and we're all gonna be late (pics)  (ajc.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Cool Unexpected winners from the BP Oil Spill Settlement Process? The children of deadbeat dads  (wwltv.com) (456)
(MSNBC) Florida Woman caught with crack in her..crack. This is not a repeat from a few months back  (msnbc.msn.com) (66)
(Yahoo) Obvious Banks discover that the best way out of the foreclosure crisis is to bulldoze half of Cleveland  (news.yahoo.com) (148)
(TMZ) Weird I don't know what you're talking about, so here are Casey Anthony's parents with a dolphin  (tmz.com) (36)
(AZCentral) Strange Police find cocaine in man's prosthetic leg. Apparently the knee was cracked  (azcentral.com) (21)
(MSNBC) Florida Police investigate "suspicious man" who kept trying to light things on fire. Fark: Man tries to light deputy on fire. Yes, alcohol was involved  (msnbc.msn.com) (19)
(Google) Obvious Putinland could expand to include Belarus. Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania seen shopping for land mines  (google.com) (59)
(Time) Obvious World of Warcraft banned from Norway retail chain following massacre. Wow  (techland.time.com) (211)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Why wasn't Borat greenlit last week? He's even wearing green There is a hilarious picture and everything. Possibly Not safe for work  (thelocal.se) (40)
(Slate) Cool Thanks to innovations in intersection technology, left turns are now obsolete. Sorry, NASCAR fans  (slate.com) (121)
(Some Lashkar) Obvious China's finding out that when you get into bed with a girl, you're also getting into bed with everyone she's ever slept with. And Pakistan still drunk dials that crazy person who's always talking about blowing things up  (old.news.yahoo.com) (81)
(Fox News) Obvious "Colonic Irrigation" is about as useful as having your buddy shove a hose up your butt  (foxnews.com) (161)
(Some Guy) Amusing Two words ... Nutria Attack  (eunicetoday.com) (70)
(The Smoking Gun) Interesting Chancellor of embattled for-profit university runs a different, kinkier sort of school at his suburban home, er, dungeon  (thesmokinggun.com) (64)
(CNBC) Silly Not only does China have to deal with fake Apple stores, they have to deal with fake Ikea stores too  (cnbc.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Okay, women, time to weigh in. Is it pimping to set up pretty young ladies with older rich men willing to pay their tuition?  (dailymail.co.uk) (230)
(Some Guy) Interesting 50 years later, message in a bottle found thousands of miles away. U.S. Postal Service said to be investigating this speedy new method of delivery  (wmur.com) (43)
(Boston Globe) Cool His plan to single-handedly destroy the world economy now in shambles, Obama turns his attention to putting OshKosh B'gosh and Fisher Price out of business forever  (boston.com) (162)
(AlterNet) Amusing The perviest US cities -- or, what small Indiana town combines a naked chili cook-off and Ron Jeremy?  (alternet.org) (81)
(Fox News) Asinine "Speaker Boehner's long-standing support for a Balanced Budget Amendment has nothing to do with Darth Vader"  (nation.foxnews.com) (137)
(Outside Magazine) Dumbass OnTheSnow.com editor chased by cops after a domestic incident, jumps from bridge to escape but lands OnTheRocks  (outsideonline.com) (19)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Tysoned  (sun-sentinel.com) (9)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Hillbilly John Cleese impersonator sought in robbery  (wesh.com) (22)
(CNN) Spiffy You know how the world used to mock Americans for only speaking one language (and speaking it badly)? Well, up yours, world -- bilingualism is becoming the norm in the good ol' US of A  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (110)
(nhregister.com) Scary Honey, what's that giant thing slithering toward me? Don't worry, we got it on video  (nhregister.com) (69)
(PC Gamer) Interesting Wirt on the street is that there will be a cash cow level in Diablo 3  (pcgamer.com) (372)
(CNBC) Unlikely 10 ideas that made $100 million. The idea for web slideshows strangely absent  (cnbc.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Obvious What can a marshmallow teach you about retirement? Well, if you let Wall Street manage it, much like a marshmallow, they will hold your retirement over an open flame until it is gooey, delicious, and practically worthless  (finance.yahoo.com) (23)
(Some Marker Beard Chick) Amusing Not news: Woman dresses as a man to rob banks. Fark: Draws beard on with a Sharpie. With gratuitous pic of Sharpie just in case  (wtsp.com) (18)
(Nola.com) Misc FEMA will spend over 12 million dollars to remove mold from a Louisiana Courthouse. The effects will be temporary, however, as lawyers will eventually be let back in  (nola.com) (32)
(With Leather) Interesting Little girl has Stage 4 neuroblastoma, is invited to sing The Star Spangled Banner before a Braves game, receives longest standing ovation Braves players have ever seen. That's not dust, those are tears  (withleather.uproxx.com) (47)
(Some Puritan) Fail Congratulations Washington D.C. adults, you're the biggest drunks in the country. And you don't do bad with marijuana and cocaine either, according to new survey  (nbcwashington.com) (66)
(PennLive) Strange Pittsburgh man tries to steal a cop's car and blames it on Batman. Police say he's the Bane of their existence  (pennlive.com) (18)
(Government Technology) Interesting CHP officers to use electronic citation devices to issue tickets, inform you you're a homo  (govtech.com) (45)
(SeattlePI) Stupid Jenny McCarthy's reign of terror continues as WA leads nation in unvaccinated children. "Some people feel we're the enemy because we're not vaccinating," said an enemy  (seattlepi.com) (345)
(CNBC) Fail Just in case you thought there were any winners in this debt deal: S&P still likely to downgrade US credit rating  (cnbc.com) (324)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Emotional valedictorian apologizes for concluding graduation speech with F-bomb, explains she just farking did it on spur of moment (w/ video)  (sg.news.yahoo.com) (77)
(Some Farkette) Obvious Noted expert says the best way to avoid being eaten by lions is to #1: get in the car. Jesus Christ  (enn.com) (52)
(News.com.au) Weird Man hears own body sounds so loudly it's deafening. "I can hear my eyeballs moving"  (news.com.au) (56)
(Seattle Times) Stupid Made for Fark Headline: "Rescuers sue Ohio woman they saved from flaming vehicle"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Interesting Navy to commemorate Tomahawk missile's 2,000 launch with ceremony on destroyer that launched it. Officials still trying to piece together someone to represent those who received it  (wtkr.com) (40)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly Police raid apartment to free hedgehog from woman holding it hostage with cat food, bread, water, little sausages. "We carried out a raid this morning. And there was indeed a hedgehog in there"  (thelocal.se) (48)
(Toronto Star) Fail One of Canada's purchased submarines can't dive very far because of rust damage. Thanks England  (thestar.com) (116)
(TMZ) Followup If you believed that Amy Winehouse was going to adopt, I have a bridge covered in drug residue and vomit to sell you  (tmz.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: US Government Officials in their Roles in Middle-Earth  (newsworks.org) (29)
(CNBC) Followup That stock rebound set for today (after the debt deal) was poorly manufactured  (cnbc.com) (78)
(Telegraph) Obvious Survey finds alcohol helps people relax more than spending time with children or partner -- two of the biggest reasons for drinking in the first place  (telegraph.co.uk) (113)
(NPR) Amusing When promoting the 2012 London Olympics, 'London Calling' by the Clash doesn't usually leap to mind as a way to lure in tourists. Usually  (npr.org) (181)
(My San Antonio) Hero If you have a young child drowning in a swimming pool, a Time Warner Cable tech will save his life between 9-11,11-2 or 2-5  (mysanantonio.com) (79)
(Daily Mail) Sad 35 pound cat thinks it is anorexic because it looks fat when it sees itself on television  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Nothing good can happen when you've been drinking Natural Light and vodka and decide to a pay a visit to the neighbor who slept with your girlfriend  (nwfdailynews.com) (74)
(UPI) Florida If you wear masks and are dressed in all black from head to toe, you should expect something bad to happen  (upi.com) (68)
(CBC) Stupid When finding better uses for your municipal tax dollars, do you (C) start free distribution of crack pipes?  (cbc.ca) (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this color coordinated culinary  (potsandpins.com) (21)
(Daily Mail) Fail Apparently, Britain has rednecks, too: 14-year-old gives birth to daughter, then celebrates 15th birthday in the maternity ward  (dailymail.co.uk) (171)
(Fox News) Obvious You mess with the bull, you get the horns  (foxnews.com) (45)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Girl born with only half a right arm has special bicycle designed for her by local school children. Now, lil' sister can make it on her own  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Some Guy) Strange Man stopped by police while riding his bike, carrying an axe, and covered in blood has one statement: Heeeere's Johnny  (thepeterboroughexaminer.com) (51)
(Telegraph) Hero Entire military leadership of Turkey resigns  (telegraph.co.uk) (270)
(PC Magazine) Stupid Missouri bans student-teacher friendships on Facebook. Meaning you'll have to ask her out in person like a man  (pcmag.com) (87)

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