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Sun June 26, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(ktvb.com) Obvious Farmers markets growing in popularity on news that old people are dying  (ktvb.com) (70)
(Des Moines Register) Sad If you're driving a giant SUV and back over your child in the driveway, clearly the answer is stricter federal regulation  (desmoinesregister.com) (252)
(Some Guy) Asinine "The Internet was created by the United States of America - a Christian nation - and should not be used to spread anti-Christian, secular, or non-Christian propaganda and hatespeech"  (objectiveministries.org) (255)
(We're Fukashima'd) Scary Flood walls fail at Ft. Calhoun nuclear power plant. Everybody panic. No, seriously. There is a damn good reason now. EVERYBODY PANIC  (therepublic.com) (145)
(Some Guy) Sappy "Oh 99, I've been waitin' so long"  (wect.com) (69)
(The Times of India) Scary Delhi man decapitated. Talk about a cold cut  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (66)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this Mayan man  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (33)
(Daily Mail) Stupid British obstetrician says that it's perfectly natural for women to give birth through a huge incision in their belly, and that it's dangerous to give birth naturally. He then sped away in his helicopter to his yacht  (dailymail.co.uk) (235)
(The Hill) Amusing Pelosi demands seat at table, large buffalo shrimp cocktail & a fine bottle of Merlot in final debt-ceiling talks  (thehill.com) (200)
(BBC) Sick 'Acts that defy belief' might be a good tagline for a travelling circus, but don't work as well when describing your pedophiliac sex tourism arrest  (bbc.co.uk) (93)
(Sign On San Diego) Sad If you're driving a van with "Jesus Christ is Lord" painted on the side, you might consider stopping for wheelchairs in crosswalks  (signonsandiego.com) (81)
(WRAL) Asinine Sweden has lost their damn minds  (wral.com) (292)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid Jane, cancel my 2:30 AND GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING  (suntimes.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Your grandparents had copious amounts of hot monkey-love sex. But they didn't enjoy it  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Telegraph) Sad British politician does an Elvis impersonation at the Glastonbury Festival  (telegraph.co.uk) (31)
(Click Orlando) Obvious Bikefest tattoo slideshow starts with "Yeah, I could do that", quickly goes to WTF  (clickorlando.com) (177)
(The Sun) Followup There is a 99.69503341784% chance that the Lulzsec hacker is autistic  (thesun.co.uk) (131)
(BBC) Interesting Turn your goddamned phone off on my plane or I'm throwing it out the window  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Some Guy) Florida JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LIONFISH. GET IN THE BOAT  (wpbf.com) (54)
(CNN) Interesting 130-year-old Billy The Kid just got away with stealing $2.3 million from billionaire  (cnn.com) (45)
(LA Times) Scary Hmm, you know those things that we're charging you with? The residential burglary, kidnapping, torture, attempted murder, anal and genital penetration with a foreign object? Well, about that  (latimes.com) (205)
(Some Link) Photoshop Photoshop this link  (i.imgur.com) (26)
(LA Times) Interesting The California city of El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula wonders why people have such a difficult time pronouncing its name  (latimes.com) (101)
(WFTV) Florida Wait, are you telling me that a cop caused an accident and HE actually got the ticket?  (wftv.com) (44)
(Some Zombie) Obvious At least one is confirmed dead at funeral  (france24.com) (9)
(Sky News) Obvious Meet Yoda, the world's ugliest damn dog, uglier than the last ugliest damn dog  (news.sky.com) (58)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida First, they banned dogs on the beach, and we said nothing. Then they banned thongs on the beach, and we said nothing. Finally, they came for the horses on the beach, but there was no one left to neigh them  (mysuncoast.com) (42)
(LA Times) Obvious The only winning move is not to play  (latimes.com) (64)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Want to say hi to Tom on Myspace? Visit him on his Facebook page  (businessweek.com) (131)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you have a cell phone tower in your back yard, please refrain from shooting at the guys wearing hard hats  (4029tv.com) (49)
(The Smoking Gun) PSA Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Annoy gramps and you'll be picking bits of fender from between your teeth. It's the Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (104)
(Google) Scary Two suspicious items found inside Borders Bookstore in Denver .... customers, bombs  (google.com) (20)
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious Florence Henderson's affair with former NYC Mayor John Lindsay finally gives insight into why she was so crabby in the '70's  (orlandosentinel.com) (69)
(CNN) Sad News: Standout HS basketball player critical after plane crash. Fark: This is his second plane crash and it killed his father and stepmother. UltraFark: His first crash killed his mother and two siblings  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (102)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this big boy welcoming a wave  (inapcache.boston.com) (32)
(WXYZ Detroit) Silly Man robs same dollar store twice in one week. Police believe he walked away with at least $100 in cash  (wxyz.com) (39)
(News.com.au) Scary Suspicious fire destroys dance school. Police tell suspects to put their jazz hands where they can see them  (news.com.au) (18)
(News.com.au) Fail Neglecting to refrigerate soda is no big deal. Neglecting to refrigerate bodies is something else altogether  (news.com.au) (55)


Sat June 25, 2011
(ABC News) Misc Old and busted: Female teachers molesting their teenage students. New hotness: Female teachers cyberstalking their teenage students  (abcnews.go.com) (56)
(Gizmodo) Unlikely LulzSec has called it quits for no reason other than they just decided to stop. Nothing to do with the FBI or other hackers  (gizmodo.com) (196)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Want to see who won the award for best bum in England? With pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(UPI) Sad District upset that high school students wore short shorts, G-strings, 6-inch heels to graduation, will ask for lengthy study. Giggity  (upi.com) (75)
(The Morning Call) Scary Bomb squad removes military explosive device from 7-Eleven parking lot. Big gulps heard from bystanders  (mcall.com) (28)
(Canoe) Hero Dog alerts family to gas leak, Snausages  (cnews.canoe.ca) (49)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this person mostly hidden in a hammock  (inapcache.boston.com) (37)
(KHOU Houston) Asinine Good: Your wife has a baby. Bad: The kid doesn't look like you. Good: DNA test says "zero percent the daddy." Fark: Too bad, cuckold, pay up  (khou.com) (392)
(The Sun) Weird Giant snack food items overrun the UK. The Sun Chip is there  (thesun.co.uk) (50)
(The Morning Call) Scary "The go-kart was made of pipe, wheels and a lawn-mower-size motor. It did not appear to have brakes"  (mcall.com) (66)
(The Week) Cool New trend in parenting allows teens to have sex at home, which is better than the classroom like most teens these days  (theweek.com) (128)
(CNN) Sick Possessing an ounce of marijuana? Five years in prison. Sexually assaulting a hotel employee? Five days of community service  (cnn.com) (111)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing How to troll Chicago: Ask for ketchup on your hot dog  (suntimes.com) (331)
(AP) Unlikely Atheist claims harassment by Florida sheriff. Would deeply appreciate any and all attention  (hosted.ap.org) (489)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool After popping bungholes for nearly 50 years, master distiller sets out to make the perfect sipping bourbon  (chicagotribune.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "He picked up the front of his dress and followed me, blissfully unaware of stereotypes, blissfully unaware of gender, and blissfully unaware that someday, I will not be there to protect him from ignorance"  (hellogiggles.com) (274)
(SFGate) Sick There's kiddy porn in there - I can tell by some of the pixels I mean tiles  (sfgate.com) (105)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this boat and bike  (online.wsj.com) (24)
(Yahoo) Strange An elite force of Bulgarian border guards with night-vision goggles is on patrol against the country's greatest menace: Arms dealers? Drug smugglers? Human traffickers? No. Cherry thieves, of course  (news.yahoo.com) (17)
(Gothamist) Hero Man has tongue bitten off by church lady after forcible assault in street. Tongue bitten off trifecta now in play  (gothamist.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Amusing Frustrated woman takes a Louisville Slugger, hits the Target. Well, she did have a point  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com) (47)
(Kansas City) Ironic Man has tongue bitten off by crack whore during forcible sodomy attack in motel room. The aristocrats  (kansascity.com) (79)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Mom, Dad, it's your fault I'm a dirty tramp. Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(Some Guy) Florida Here are pictures of the undercover cops watching you. If the sheriff finds out I gave these to you, I'll get fired (with bug eyed mugshot)  (wokv.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this flight plan  (img.ibtimes.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Asinine Builder of "Phonehenge West", a treehouse complex made of reused telephone poles, faces seven years in prison because county lost his paperwork  (vimeo.com) (70)
(St. Petersburg Times) Asinine Foreclosure company comes in and destroys a lifetime of memories. All over a misplaced zero. The Florida tag is unable to convey enough rage  (tampabay.com) (158)
(fierce pharma) PSA 40,000 bottles of a schizophrenia medication recalled by Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson  (fiercepharma.com) (38)
(Telegraph) Interesting Ladies BEWARE. Once you've gone through "the change", you are likely to come down with "man flu"  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(UPI) Silly Two blue lobsters caught off Canada's coast named after Will and Kate -- which is appropriate considering their upper crust station in life  (upi.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Caturday Melia the cat falls out of truck engine compartment, is hit by a car and jumps 70 feet off a bridge. TA-DA Welcome to Caturday, indestructible kitty  (peoplepets.com) (911)
(CBC) Amusing BUTT₄ + 2 PENIS₂ → BUTT₂ + 2 BALL₂PENIS + energy  (cbc.ca) (59)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this serious swinger  (online.wsj.com) (26)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing 15 year old boy tells his principal "good job", 1950's style. (with handy picture showing how)  (thelocal.se) (106)
(Somewhere in Illinois) Sappy 28 years after a hospital saves their newborn son's life, family repays the bill. With interest  (dailyjournal.net) (50)
(Some Stalls) Caption Caption these hot horses  (bigpicture.ru) (36)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Warning: Old people are dying  (mirror.co.uk) (55)
(Nola.com) Fail According to police, the murderer was wearing a big gob of MS Paint on his head  (nola.com) (71)
(AL.com) Fail Dressed for the occasion, Christian radio station manager stops to ask underage girl which way to the beach. The nude beach, that is  (blog.al.com) (75)


Fri June 24, 2011
(Fox News) Sad "We're no longer able to save the city." Minot, ND now almost completely under water  (foxnews.com) (231)
(The Morning Call) Scary Driver decides that high beams aren't enough to express his impatience toward another motorist, so he pulls out a .32 caliber pistol  (mcall.com) (59)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this scaffolding and symbol  (online.wsj.com) (22)
(MLive.com) Interesting From the early 1900's until 1974, Michigan sterilized over 3,000 of its citizens. Why they stopped is still unclear  (mlive.com) (182)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "Man beat woman with hose over crack..." It's Florida so you know there are multiple ways that headline could end  (sun-sentinel.com) (28)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Mother:"My daughter had an accident that gave her a 4 inch long gash across her ribs. Please send an ambulance." 911 dispatch:"Tell you what: Just wash out the wound, give her some aspirin and see how that plays out, mmkay?"  (thelocal.se) (139)
(Fox News) Interesting Jackass' Star Steve-O wants to be a foster parent. Presumably with 16-year-old twins from Sweden  (foxnews.com) (50)
(the daily breeze) Amusing Fed up New Hampshire apartment complex manager buys DNA testing kits, and if your dog poop isn't cleaned up, then you're in deep doo doo  (dailybreeze.com) (91)
(OC Register) Fail Protip; if you're a washed-up 3rd-string NFL linebacker don't brag about what you'd do to your mistress' millionaire boyfriend around the complex pool  (articles.ocregister.com) (25)
(The Morning Call) Scary Taking candy from a baby is easy. Taking candy from a 2-year-old is slightly more difficult, as this bear finds out  (mcall.com) (86)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting CBO releases two charts, one showing our current fiscal trajectory and the other showing what would happen if Congress simply did nothing. Guess which is the rosier scenario   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (301)
(Canada.com) Interesting Good news, being gay is genetic so we don't have to argue about it ever again  (canada.com) (312)
(The Week) Cool Four things that Go the F*ck to Sleep's success says about parents  (theweek.com) (255)
(Some Guy) Asinine WHY would you want a bagel inside your forehead??  (litefm.com) (107)
(Discovery) Followup Remember that poop burger story? You may have been punked  (news.discovery.com) (55)
(KTLA) News Just one more thing  (ktla.com) (285)
(Orlando Sentinel) Amusing Take a bow, America. Nearly everyone in Europe is drunker than you  (orlandosentinel.com) (170)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this strange snow removal  (inapcache.boston.com) (26)
(AL.com) Unlikely In 1911, sea-turtle hunting was predicted to be the world's 'next great sport' (2nd story down)  (blog.al.com) (39)
(Local10) Florida Woman gets panties in wad after store sells sex toy to her underage daughter  (local10.com) (323)
(Canada.com) Followup Upon further consideration, The Winklevi bring new charges against the Zuckerborg, one day after dropping the previous suit  (canada.com) (68)
(Daily Mail) Cool Today's newly discovered uncontacted tribe comes to you from the Vale do Jovari Reservation on the Brazilian/Peruvian border  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(Air Force Times) Dumbass If you're going to fake your way onto a military base so you can shop at the commissary, why not do it as a 2-star general?  (airforcetimes.com) (131)
(FARK) Cool Take a crack at this week's Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Cool 16th birthday: A concert at the beach. Farking awesome 16th birthday: You're called up on stage and discover your dad's taken a two-week leave from deployment in Afghanistan to wish you a happy birthday in person  (wtkr.com) (68)
(Some Bald Guy) Obvious Pittsburgh inundated with Furries. "Many furry fans are already bunking four to a room." Dude, that's what they want  (post-gazette.com) (263)
(The Consumerist) Followup Fatties, gays and grannies come together to sue pilot for having an opinion they don't agree with  (consumerist.com) (369)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida No, the police with lights and sirens on are not escorting you to get something to eat. Probably not best to flash them the peace sign, either  (jacksonville.com) (8)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Obvious "I guess the lesson is, if you want to operate an illegal club you shouldn't do it if you can see the police precinct from your front door"  (startribune.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Fail Bad day: Getting pulled over and having to toss your weed. AWW CRAP: It lands on the police car  (kpho.com) (55)
(Wired) Cool Blind runner starts off on 100-mile ultramarathon - let's hope he's pointed in the right direction  (wired.com) (25)
(Seattle Times) PSA Good news: After being unemployed for over a year, you can finally afford to buy that new yacht  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (25)
(Evening Express) Amusing Man told police: 'I see dead people ... and a monkey'  (eveningexpress.co.uk) (18)
(The Consumerist) Stupid Moving on to the important question: Could you pass a psychic credit check?  (consumerist.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Sad Pioneering Rawandan woman shatters the old sexist myth that girls are no good at genocide  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Some Guy) Strange Awkward family pet photos. And a question for # 13, at what point did sitting a bath tub with a baby, a pink assault rifle, and a wolfhound start to seem normal to you?  (fox40.com) (235)
(AFP) Obvious Pakistani Intelligence: How DARE you accuse us of helping Al-Qaeda, we hate those guys. US: Then why did Osama bin Laden's courier have you on speed dial?  (news.yahoo.com) (110)
(Some Guy) Scary Mexican troops engage in kinetic military action in Texas. No need to get Mexican congressional approval, though, since it's not war  (pro8news.com) (134)
(BBC) Interesting Brytysh tyre fyre wyll cost myllyons  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious "People came to the G20 summit not to engage in debate or discussion or demonstrations but to infiltrate lawful, peaceful protests and use them as cover to commit vandalism and violence." And not all of them were cops  (torontosun.com) (73)
(Daily Mail) Sick Man who hasn't washed himself in 37 years looks, smells exactly as you might imagine  (dailymail.co.uk) (209)
(AJC) Scary Emory University researchers searching for escaped two-year-old monkey. That's a lot of people who want to check out macaque  (ajc.com) (31)
(Wired) Strange Does this ink-redible dress made out of vibrating pen nibs make me look fat?  (wired.com) (33)
(Some Gal) Cool Lifeguard saves drowning marmot. Oh, did I mention the lifeguard was an elk?  (kpvi.com) (62)
(CNNGo) Scary China's Got Talent contestant whose talent is hitting himself in the balls gets sacked  (cnngo.com) (35)
(Yahoo) Asinine As the number of Chinese companies caught cooking their books grows, fears spread among the "Big 4" US accounting firms, who audited many of them, that their reputations may be destroyed by the scandal. Yeah, just like last time  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Americans are fed up with the nanny state telling them how much salmonella they can get with their arsenic burger  (marketwatch.com) (44)
(Telegraph) Hero Another magnificent bastard passes on: this time, the English bomber pilot whose idea of fun was to borrow a plane and give Hitler a little how's-your-father at his mountain retreat  (telegraph.co.uk) (65)
(AZCentral) Followup Fugitive 'King of Infomercials' Don Lapre captured by U.S. Marshalls. Tip came from Miss Cleo in a tiny classified ad  (azcentral.com) (38)
(Short List) Cool New Banksy hits London. London hits Banksy back  (shortlist.com) (75)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Dating an underage girl can get you in hot water  (chron.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Scary Not news: Rich man gets hammered at lunch. Fark: by his wife  (dailymail.co.uk) (19)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Old and Busted: Arrested for sex on the beach. New Hotness: Arrested for sex on a scooter  (tampabay.com) (32)
(Miami Herald) Florida Bad: Being busted for burglary. Worse: Being caught a second time. FLORIDA: At age eleven  (miamiherald.com) (19)
(BBC) Interesting Libya rebels 'in secret talks' with Tripoli's underground network, can now call and text each other for free any time as long as they're not roaming  (bbc.co.uk) (4)
(St. Petersburg Times) Hero College football player saves man... BY LIFTING A FARKING CAR OFF OF HIM. Florida tag, take a break on this one. Just this once  (tampabay.com) (77)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Suppose you had a twin, and he was gay and you were not. Now imagine you were also joined at the head  (dailymail.co.uk) (284)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this person on the edge  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Florida "Hey Mom can u go to my bedroom and get the glass bowl under the bed and wash it with water really good and don't give the cops permission to search"  (wpbf.com) (79)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Smart:Telling a cop you can't perform a sobriety test because you have a bad foot. Florida dumb: Lifting up your pant leg to prove your point and revealing an illegal weapon concealed in an ankle holster  (nwfdailynews.com) (26)
(truTV) Cool Ten dumbest military operation names  (blog.trutv.com) (95)
(Yahoo) Stupid People who probably complained that Nike's "Just Do It" slogan was sexually suggestive are now complaining that Nike's new slogans promote drug use  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(WCNC) Fail Congratulations Garinger High School Class of 2011. Good luck in the future. Come on up and get your diplomas. Not so fast there, class valedictorian  (wcnc.com) (102)
(AJC) Scary Mother caught with blood-alcohol content of .392 percent, wins the John Bonham Award for Dedicated Drinking  (ajc.com) (40)
(Nola.com) Weird New Orleans Mayor thought the Federal Government wanted to kill him with a poison dart after Hurricane Katrina  (nola.com) (99)
(Hartford Courant) Amusing The best mugshot of a fireplace poker wielding statue and marble table smashing burglar sent by God that you'll see all week  (courant.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Fail Criminal mastermind turns up in court wearing the jacket he is charged with stealing  (dailymail.co.uk) (20)
(UPI) Strange Police frustrated in attempts to find rightful location of headstone found near caves, privately admit it's a grave undertaking  (upi.com) (17)
(Ark Times) Spiffy The Second Annual World Cheese Dip Championship is in Little Rock on September 24th. If my hoverround is fixed by then, I AM SO THERE  (arktimes.com) (47)


Thu June 23, 2011
(Some Guy) Scary 7.4 magnitude earthquake in the Aleutian Islands, AK  (earthquake.usgs.gov) (90)
(News.com.au) Asinine The first rule of South Australian Student Fight Club is: you do not talk about South Australian Student Fight Club. The second rule of South Australian Student Fight Club is: YOU DO *NOT* TALK ABOUT SOUTH AUSTRALIAN STUDENT FIGHT CLUB  (news.com.au) (30)
(IMDB) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: create a poster for the worst movie of all time  (imdb.com) (76)
(BBC) Obvious Scots and coke don't mix  (bbc.co.uk) (43)
(Some Guy) Asinine ... As for the hubcap, it's presumably just fine  (blogs.westword.com) (23)
(Some Guy) News LulzSec announces "Operation Chinga La Migra", releases personal data about hundreds of Arizona law enforcement officials. I think they've gone past doing it for teh lulz now  (techcrunch.com) (980)
(CNN) Cool Who's a good little political protester and rioter? You're a good little political protester and rioter, yes you are   (globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Renowned horse trainer arrested for driving naked while smoking meth to "relieve the stress" of being arrested for child molestation. This guy doesn't sound stable  (accessnorthga.com) (39)
(CNBC) Hero Obama's tapping of America's Oil Reserve? Yeah, it was a "genius move"  (cnbc.com) (207)
(CNN) Obvious Fark ready headline of the day: Does 4-H desensitize kids to killing?  (eatocracy.cnn.com) (123)
(Reuters) Ironic Twin Towers steel sent out across America for memorials, amateur forensics tests  (reuters.com) (74)
(KETV) Scary Iowa orders half the state to evacuate  (ketv.com) (55)
(Columbus Republic) Obvious Democratic candidate thinks it's ridiculous for him to end his candidacy because he called Eastern Kentuckians "barefoot toothless inbreds" in 2006, hopes anybody offended 'gets over it'  (therepublic.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Strange There I was reaching the summit of Mt. Everest and lo and behold, there's my best friend.... preserved in ice  (dailymail.co.uk) (145)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing Traffic sign warns drivers to watch for zombies. Looks like Mark Twain was right about Cincinnati  (nky.cincinnati.com) (80)
(The Consumerist) PSA Dole recalls bagged salad because listeria isn't part of a balanced diet  (consumerist.com) (57)
(KTLA) Strange Casey Anthony's attorneys are taking the high moral ground and shying away from controversy. Ha, kidding -- they've hired a "mitigation specialist" who divorced her lawyer husband and married a Death Row inmate over the phone  (ktla.com) (76)
(KTVZ) Obvious Obligatory summer warning: Fun Can Turn Deadly Fast  (ktvz.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Sad By a 5-4 vote the Supreme Court rules that state's rights only trump federal laws when the outcome would HELP big business  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(Albany Times Union) Sick "Missing boy" from Bill Clinton's White House bill signing under arrest for rape, attempted murder of 10-year old girl. With bonus Southern Gothic novel childhood  (timesunion.com) (120)
(WCHS 8) Dumbass "And police say they spelled out exactly what they were doing in the room on Twitter, talking about smashing a TV and stabbing a couch, they even posted pictures of themselves peeing in the hotel's safe"  (wchstv.com) (25)
(NPR) Interesting NPR has heard of one couple who won't ID their child's sex, an androgynous model, and a boy with pink toenails and is asking the obvious question: Are we as a society about to give up gender?  (npr.org) (252)
(Daily Mail) Weird Woman dies at her own funeral. Convenient  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Miami Herald) Interesting World leaders announce measures to stabilize out of control food prices. This time, the steaks have never been higher  (miamiherald.com) (43)
(Government Technology) Interesting LA city council deadlocks on issue of red light cameras. Some say the cameras are extorting too little money from drivers. Others say much too little  (govtech.com) (17)
(Something Inside) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Cross-sections  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (15)
(Gothamist) Weird Copper heiress leaves $300 million to arts, $34 million to nurse, $500,000 to convicted sex offender and diddly-squat to family. Shoulda smelt it coming, ore something  (gothamist.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Got your nose  (sheboyganpress.com) (45)
(News.com.au) Stupid Man accidentally kills himself while removing his legs with a hack saw  (news.com.au) (78)
(AFP) Asinine Three people in Britain arrested for stabbing a burglar to death as he and his gang tried to break into their house- Just three days after the Prime Minister promised that they would stop prosecuting people for defending their homes  (news.yahoo.com) (260)
(UPI) Strange Man has stick up his butt for 25 years. Oddly enough, this has nothing to do with Rush Limbaugh  (upi.com) (38)
(STLToday) Interesting MU art museum opens to glowing reviews  (stltoday.com) (36)
(WTOP) Fail Only Washington DC could implement a photo-enforcement program that ends up leaving a bigger budget hole than before  (wtop.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Asinine Maybe my bible is defective but I missed the part where the "good Samaritan" pulled out .45 and tried to pop a cap in a punk's ass  (smdailyjournal.com) (130)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Pontiff ponders pimping Prius Popemobile  (wheels.blogs.nytimes.com) (54)
(Talking Points Memo) Advice Hey if you wanna get away with shooting at military buildings, maybe don't make a video of yourself doing it   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (39)
(Herald Tribune) Florida If you made a woman your slave, including having her wear an engraved collar and get a tattoo stating she is your property, she just might get all murdery if you break off the relationship  (heraldtribune.com) (354)
(Some Guy) Followup Remember the dog that died after his owner spent the night in jail for being drunk in public? Guess who's getting blamed  (leesburg2day.com) (218)
(Yahoo) Interesting As she files for bankruptcy, Patricia Kluge, once known as "the wealthiest divorcee in history" once again proves that the best way to make a small fortune in the wine business is to start with a very large one  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(io9) Strange Nice ass, butt can you use it to fly?  (io9.com) (390)
(TC Palm) Florida At 6 a.m. in South Florida do you: A.) Accuse man in dress of taking $125; B.) Discuss your cocaine and alcohol bender; C.) Complain about being ripped off in sex deal; D.) Dial 911 repeatedly; E.) All of the above  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (26)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man drives drunk, hits utility pole, gets tased by cops. The days are just PACKED  (mcall.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Strange Family members now say a cow did not attack and kill a Benton County woman  (thegazette.com) (29)
(AZCentral) Strange Assault by poodle  (azcentral.com) (30)
(News.com.au) Strange Cop gets his arm stuck in the window of witch's car. What a drag  (news.com.au) (40)
(BBC) Interesting Australia rescinds biker-gang ban after a heart-to-heart with Clay and Jax from SAMCRO  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Women, will crying at work wreck your career? The Daily Fail says go for it  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(Some Guy) Weird Woman abandons her three kids at a gas station. And then it gets weird  (big1059.com) (49)
(Some Nut) Ironic Passenger in SUV killed by a bolt from the blue  (bnd.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Strange Grenade found in sewing machine, deputies in stitches  (abclocal.go.com) (17)
(CNN) Obvious The Winklevi have surrendered to the Zuckerborg  (cnn.com) (31)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Fail Binge drinking at the University of Iowa has "decreased 8%." Of course this number is true and factual, because underage college students never lie about drinking  (press-citizen.com) (33)
(Bloomberg) Interesting There goes the gayborhood  (bloomberg.com) (145)
(Some Guy) Strange Thanks to improvements in health care over the years, you're never too old to run from the police  (kirotv.com) (6)
(Some Guy) Scary #robbery @7-11, 8pm. TTYL  (mega949.com) (79)
(Seattle Times) Sad Soviet general Vladislav Achalov dies at age 65, taking most of Russia's vowels with him  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (31)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Fox Lake claims another victim after their boat failed to remain fair & balanced  (chicagotribune.com) (41)
(AZCentral) Followup Self-help author James Arthur Ray found guilty on three counts of negligent homicide, might just get to experience 11 years in a different kind of hot steamy sweaty hell  (azcentral.com) (107)
(CBC) Obvious Bones given back to Labrador, who had really just wanted steak  (cbc.ca) (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting Today's teacher/student sex scandal comes to you from Plano, TX, where the teacher claims that not all student-teacher sex is the same  (blogs.dallasobserver.com) (253)
(BBC) PSA Bullet beats Rock in a game of Rock, Fence, Bullet  (bbc.co.uk) (39)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Many turn to Facebook and Twitter during hurricanes and natural disasters. Which is great until the power goes o  (sun-sentinel.com) (38)
(NPR) Interesting An exploration of why we tip. Hint: your own self-loathing and guilt figures into it  (npr.org) (310)
(Some Cop) Interesting Officer Saade suspended for breach of trust, witness tampering, being a smooth operator  (thechronicleherald.ca) (31)
(CNN) Followup TSA changes child molestation policy, sticks with feeling up grandma  (cnn.com) (100)
(Some Orrereo) Photoshop Photoshop these brass balls  (upload.wikimedia.org) (30)
(Wall Street Journal) Hero Sgt Major of the Marine Corps addressing the troops on allowing gay soldiers to serve: "How dare we, then, exclude a group of people who want to do the same thing you do right now, something that is honorable and noble?"  (blogs.wsj.com) (497)
(Rolling Stone) Caption Caption Betty White, Slash, and their reptilian friend  (assets.rollingstone.com) (70)
(Washington Post) Interesting Harvard study: here's the bottom line on staying thin--never eat french fries and eat more yogurt  (washingtonpost.com) (343)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Suspected drug dealer nicknamed 'Crab' gets pinched by the cops after being caught red-handed. He'll have to shell out some clams to hire a good bottom feeder to defend him in court. Butter  (nwfdailynews.com) (95)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Man discovers that hitting his naked roommate with a platypus statue was a monumental mistake  (news.com.au) (74)
(UPI) Interesting Marriage increases colon cancer survival, is still a big pain in the ass  (upi.com) (43)
(LA Times) News James 'Whitey' Bulger arrested by the FBI. Howie Carr seen furiously writing new book  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (205)
(Some Guy) Asinine Bad: Homeowner's association blocks group that was prepared to build home for a wounded veteran. Fark: Because the home was too small and could bring down property values  (chronicle.augusta.com) (177)
(PhysOrg.com) Stupid Are you sitting down? You might not be for much longer  (physorg.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Amusing St. Louis residents up in arms about: A) rampant violent crime, B) failing school districts, or C) Del Taco closing?  (stlouis.cbslocal.com) (99)
(Some University) Photoshop Photoshop these ugly-ass peregrine falcon chicks  (uwosh.edu) (34)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 320: "Volcanoes, Waterfalls, and Mountains". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (199)


Wed June 22, 2011
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida Parenting 101: (a) Steal from Walmart (b) Flee through six lanes of traffic (c) Jump off building into lake (d) Don't drop child  (sun-sentinel.com) (44)
(Free Press) Fail Detroit schools submits plan to help improve 34 failing schools. Naturally, the teachers' union is delighted. Just kidding -- they're threatening to punish any teacher who cooperates with the improvement plan  (freep.com) (116)
(Metro) Scary "Well, this pork chop is undercooked, but I'll eat it anyway. What's the worst that could happen?"  (metro.co.uk) (135)
(Forbes) Scary Fed Chairman Ben Barnake on the economy: "Fark it. I don't have a clue"  (blogs.forbes.com) (203)
(Canada.com) Obvious Saskatchewan's population reaches record high, according to guy at Statistics Canada who is now counting on both hands  (canada.com) (88)
(The Sun) Cool Hey, Cameron Frye, THAT'S how you get rid of a car  (thesun.co.uk) (93)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail I'm Sylvester. That's my brother Sylvester. And that's my other brother Sylvester. We steal beer at Wal-Mart  (chron.com) (88)
(Some Guy) News In desperate attempt to provide us with more tsunami footage, Earth launches a 6.7 earthquake at Honshu  (earthquake.usgs.gov) (56)
(Washington Post) Spiffy FDA says new silicone gel breast implants appear to be safe, spectacular  (washingtonpost.com) (207)
(Kansas City) Spiffy Kansas raises speed limit to 75mph, thus making it easier to get out of Kansas  (kansascity.com) (108)
(Some Guy) Interesting Jews and Muslims cease being snippy, come together in favor of pulling back circumcision ban  (1035superx.com) (381)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this twisting topper  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(Washington Post) Spiffy It took 17 years and $4.5 billion to renovate the Pentagon, which took 17 months and $83 million to build  (washingtonpost.com) (96)
(Some Floridian) Florida There is now a madlib for Rick Scott's form letter. This should be fun. Voting enabled  (pinksliprick.com) (80)
(Some Guy) Ironic Firefighter who was honored for responding to the most fire calls is arrested - for setting fires  (lohud.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Bollywood actress and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai is pregnant. Fb- is the father  (news.yahoo.com) (380)
(Cracked) Scary Nine scenes from kid's movies that keep therapists wealthy  (cracked.com) (224)
(Baltimore Chop) Fail So, we have this cool deal on ziplining and an open bar, and just park at the Walmart, it's cool  (citythatbreeds.com) (70)
(SLTrib) Asinine State archaeologists: This proposed commuter rail stop would be right on top of a 3000-year-old settlement site, could you put it somewhere else? Utah: State archaeologists? We don't need no stinkin' state archaeologists  (sltrib.com) (98)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious You may carve your initials in my white pine, my birch, and my oak trees. But don't you dare carve your initials into my arborvitae patch and God help you if it's my larch  (courant.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Obvious New study indicates people who live in cities are more likely to develop mental illness, be jerks  (news.ca.msn.com) (59)
(The Daily Caller) Fail Al Gore wants you to have fewer children so he can feel less guilty about his huge energy-sucking mansion  (dailycaller.com) (277)
(Yahoo) Hero Illegal aliens are writing the Pulitzer-winning articles Americans won't write  (news.yahoo.com) (181)
(WFAA) Obvious Texas Southern Baptist theological seminary hires Muslim-convert minister who claims he has former terrorrist ties, and even worse, has worked for Jerry Falwell  (wfaa.com) (52)
(NPR) Spiffy Want to show your patriotic? Shop at "Made in America," where everything is 100 percent 'merican. Difficulty: nothing electronic or generally useful. Cool anti-China t-shirts, though  (npr.org) (191)
(Some Evil Chick) Amusing "Dude. Nice chicken"  (thebloggess.com) (73)
(BBC) Fail Sometimes, moving the goalposts can be a good thing. Like when you're building a fence through the middle of the field  (bbc.co.uk) (26)
(Some Guy) Fail Southwest pilot has his microphone get stuck inflight. Accidentally transmits his opinion of the airline's flight attendants for hundreds of miles  (click2houston.com) (250)
(YouTube) Cool If this pooch story and video doesn't bring tears of sadness and joy to your eyes, either you're dead, or you were born without tear ducts  (youtube.com) (77)
(AZCentral) Dumbass You are hiking along a trail in wildfire-ravaged Arizona on a dry, windy day. Do you: C) Decide to light the consumer fireworks you just purchased?  (azcentral.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Misc Woman attacked by rabid groundhog - that's six more weeks of shots  (macombdaily.com) (38)
(Mother Nature Network) Sad You know that floating garbage patch in the Pacific? Thanks to the Japanese earthquake, it's got some friends  (mnn.com) (91)
(FARK) FarkParty Impromptu Twin Cities Fark Party Our favorite Farker from SC is here again and he is ready to paaartaaay Tonight at 5pm-ish. Grumpy's on Washington  (fark.com) (164)
(IBD) Followup That guy that robbed a bank because he needed healthcare? The bank he robbed was about five miles away from a free health clinic  (investors.com) (165)
(Independent) PSA Note to all addicts: Leave drug production to the professionals  (independent.co.uk) (44)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing "Teenagers are not pests to be repelled"  (startribune.com) (148)
(Gawker) Sick Not news: Delta screws up. News: By sending a guy's luggage all over the place. Fark: For four days. TotalFark: And then peeing on it  (gawker.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Man trying to sell an old, wooden chair with the image of Angry Jesus on it for $25,000. "I really have no place to keep it"  (ocregister.com) (49)
(STV.tv) Scary Scottish couple suffer admin error, Texas-style  (news.stv.tv) (185)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Tenney, MN is no more after a majority vote of two dissolves the town. Population? Five  (startribune.com) (42)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Something smells fishy here; photoshop it  (online.wsj.com) (35)
(Albany Times Union) Sad 24-year-old man out on bale  (timesunion.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Florida Old and Busted: "I've fallen, and I can't get up". New Hotness: "I'm stuck up to my neck in mud in the mangroves and I can't get out"  (610wiod.com) (16)
(Chicago Tribune) Strange Body pulled from Des Plaines river. Police looking for markings or tattoos to help identify the victim  (chicagotribune.com) (60)
(CNN) Stupid Doctors are growing concerned that fat teenagers are starting to see bariatric surgery as nothing more than a quick and easy cosmetic procedure. Gee, why would they think that?  (cnn.com) (159)
(STV.tv) Fail Teacher at exclusive private school was locked in cupboard and bullied.Obviously mistaken for a pupil  (news.stv.tv) (20)
(Some Guy) Asinine 68-year-old woman is released after six years in prison for shooting neighbor in the leg. Promptly attacks same neighbor with pepper spray and a stick. Kudos for showing restraint this time  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (24)
(Short List) Scary Daring Chinese workers create mountain footpath with few safety measures. Quite possibly the scariest job ever  (shortlist.com) (57)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Defendant: Yes I was driving drunk when I ran over the woman, but I can't remember it because of the war in Albania, therefore, I should be set free. I rest my case. Jury: Oh my, poor thing, think of the post traumatic stress...wait a minute  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida It's just another school board meeting in Palm Beach County, as members vote whether to fire: the principal accused of stealing furniture, the teacher having sex with student, or the janitor naked in storage room  (sun-sentinel.com) (43)
(SFGate) Weird Lumberjacks cleared to fly on US Airways  (sfgate.com) (54)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Deputies discover marijuana hidden in the front of a man's pants. What a dickweed  (nwfdailynews.com) (26)
(My Fox DC) Interesting When scantily clad models appear on the course and flash their breasts at you and your golf buddies - add two strokes to your score (w/ "hate to see you go but love to watch you leave" pics)  (myfoxdc.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Weird Bed, Bath & Blaaaaaarf  (radnor.patch.com) (68)
(JSOnline) Spiffy Green Bay packers  (jsonline.com) (145)
(WFTV) Florida Mom of the year candidate busted for giving her six-year-old a contact high on the way to Department of Children and Families office  (wftv.com) (61)
(WLSAM) Cool Here's good news: Women are catching up to men in having affairs. So just keep on trying  (wlsam.com) (155)
(Yahoo) Scary Woman using port-o-potty notices "something moving" in the waste storage reservoir below. Then the shiat gets weird  (news.yahoo.com) (116)
(Some Coke deal gone bad) Amusing Suffolk County police remain on high alert while perp who shot soda from water-gun is still at large. All units issued napkins as a precaution. "No injuries were reported"  (commack.patch.com) (24)
(Fox News) Stupid New York atheists are answering the call to battle to save you from a memorial sign implying that seven of the 9-11 victims are in a sinister place called "heaven." Way to fight the important fights, guys  (foxnews.com) (553)
(The Daily) Scary Remember what the Fourth Amendment protects? No? Good  (thedaily.com) (93)
(Fox News) Fail Note to self: don't hire Dom Deluise to be a hitman  (video.foxnews.com) (41)
(CNN) Obvious Mexican police shock The Monkey  (cnn.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Sick California mom accused of killing baby in microwave, starting a new round of those jokes  (news.yahoo.com) (144)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Man smuggling marijuana in wooden clocks gets ticked off after being caught red handed. Will now face hard time unless someone springs him  (chicagotribune.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Criminal "mastermind" behind LulzSec is pretty much exactly what you'd expect. (w/ Forever Alone pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(SMH) Dumbass Man updates his Facebook page during standoff with the police. 'Got a cute 'Hostage' huh'  (smh.com.au) (86)
(Abc.net.au) Amusing Penguin does a bugs bunny, ends up in New Zealand  (abc.net.au) (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Magazine Covers for Foreign Editions (LGT example)  (i129.photobucket.com) (40)
(BBC) Interesting Who killed U.S. crime?  (bbc.co.uk) (159)
(BBC) Obvious Nigel Romero goes to a concert and discovers hippies. In other words, the dangers of concerts include: sex, drugs, alcohol, poor hygeine, sunburn, heat stroke, sprains and minor ailments, probably related to bad food or playing hacky-sack stoned  (bbc.co.uk) (29)
(Grantland) Amusing In an effort sure not to offend anybody, Chuck Klosterman attempts to create Rock VORP, fails miserably  (grantland.com) (26)
(azfamily.com) Weird If standing naked while you masturbate in front of a bar at closing time won't pull chicks, I don't know what will  (azfamily.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Teacher who gave oral sex to students having trouble swallowing the consequences of her actions  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Patriot Ledger) Sick Walking around the mall wearing only a shirt and see-through underpants is no way to go through life, son  (patriotledger.com) (33)
(Topless Robot) Sad One...two...three... ah ha ha ha eleven Muppets that still haven't gotten the action figure treatment  (toplessrobot.com) (15)
(USA Today) Stupid School district spends $105 million building a new high school. The school is complete, but will not hold classes in the fall? Reasoning: It costs too much money to open and run the school  (usatoday.com) (124)
(wtsp.com) Florida Today's couple arrested for having sex on a crowded beach in the middle of the day brought to you by Treasure Island  (pinellasbeaches.wtsp.com) (147)


Tue June 21, 2011
(Some Guy) Stupid Miniaturization has led to everything from the walkman to smart phones. And now, the pocket meth lab  (newson6.com) (68)
(Seattle Times) Scary You can be positive something negative happened after 3000-pounds of car batteries fall on a man  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (58)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Hospital apologizes for forcing elderly to bang tambourine, shake maracas to signal emergency, vows there won't be any re-percussions  (myfoxdc.com) (44)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Mother of victim to pillhead who assassinated four people in a drug story robbery: "You better hope the police find you before I do"  (nydailynews.com) (207)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this plotted course  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(News.com.au) Scary Special needs student survives fall from moving bus. Thankfully, it was only a short fall  (news.com.au) (51)
(CNN) Sad World's oldest person loses title yet again  (cnn.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Scary Fear not Virginians, that spill of 450 gallons of radioactive tritium-laced water evaporated within the nuclear plant's grounds. When? Oh back in 2009  (wtkr.com) (122)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Mayo faces gun charges after squirrel's death. If only he mustard some self-control  (mcall.com) (42)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Spirit Airlines realizes the cost of printer ink has gone up as high as oil and passes that cost on to you  (consumerist.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Sappy Couple re-creates their first date, at the same restaurant where they celebrated her 16th Birthday. FARK: 70 years ago  (kptv.com) (53)
(Denver Channel) Silly HOA determines homeowner hasn't demonstrated a need for getting handicap parking space. Homeowner and his wheelchair respectfully disagree  (thedenverchannel.com) (79)
(Government Technology) Spiffy Ohio town using high-tech bracelets to track down missing seniors, autistic kids, disoriented Warriors fans  (govtech.com) (22)
(The Week) Amusing Five new revelations from Bristol Palin's new memoir  (theweek.com) (228)
(Some Guy) Weird Bad: You're in a Turkish prison. Good: Their Internet access is really fast  (ricochet.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Sick EMT plays doctor with car crash victim in ambulance  (silive.com) (78)
(Queerty) Scary Leave Britney alone and buy my new gay porn film instead  (queerty.com) (144)
(Mother Jones) Asinine Not satisfied with the ability to grope people in airports, the TSA goes mobile  (motherjones.com) (189)
(Gawker) Obvious This is what gay men in America really look like. NTTAWWT  (gawker.com) (245)
(Mercury News) Obvious "None of the deer has acted aggressive, but I still worry about their intentions"  (mercurynews.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Cool Cracker Barrel waitress discovers ancestors' photo hanging up in her restaurant as wall decor  (wbkr.com) (141)
(Pressconnects.com) Dumbass Drunken lawnmower ride leads to charges  (pressconnects.com) (41)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Bad news: You just lost half of your worth in the stock market. Good news: We used your data to find a cure for AIDS, maybe  (online.wsj.com) (50)
(Fox News) Obvious FOX News uncovers the deep dark secret of why summer starts today  (foxnews.com) (154)
(BBC) Scary "Pilot error" blamed for north-west Russia plane crash. Also, gravity  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Baltimore Sun) PSA "Federal prosecutors are cracking down on people who sell drugs that lead to overdose deaths." Drug dealers, please begin to better educate your consumers  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Amusing Breakdancing zoo gorilla. That is all  (edmontonjournal.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Obvious Marvel announces the death of iconic superhero Spiderman. But of course it won't really count because it's in an offshoot series rather than the "main" book. Why yes this is a repeat of every damn comic series since about 1999  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(FARK) FarkBlog Ascot ass caught, rabbis working for tips, and understanding alcohol's braining effects on the damage: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/12 - 6/18  (fark.com) (5)
(io9) Interesting The top ten failed states of the past year. Sorry Florida, that early loss really hurt your chances this year, maybe next time  (io9.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lofty lunar ride  (i.imgur.com) (30)
(NPR) Plug Help NPR name the Top 100 Best Science Fiction/Fantasy books ever written  (npr.org) (762)
(MLive.com) Asinine Shoplifting pair flee in 1978 orange Ford Pinto and are caught in their trailer with an active meth lab. Ah, Michigan  (mlive.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Thailand might elect a hot female 'clone' as Prime Minister (w/ pics)  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(The Consumerist) Obvious McDonald's has worse customer service scores than Burger King, and Delta Airlines has the worst scores in their industry  (consumerist.com) (86)
(The Raw Story) Followup Obama impersonator wasn't pulled due to his material -- he just went over three-fifths of his allotted time  (rawstory.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Stupid HOA sues homeowner for having the American flag, on a pole, in his yard  (newsnet5.com) (314)
(My Fox Boston) Dumbass Reed College, B.A. Physics, 1964. Columbia University, M.A. Physics, 1966. Yeshiva University, Ph.D. Physics, 1969. Busted for using your smarts to run a 200-prostitute-strong web site, 2011  (myfoxboston.com) (43)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Test has pilots using iPads in their cockpits as electronic flight packages. Why do I have to turn off my mp3 player during takeoff and departure again?  (washingtonpost.com) (102)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Followup Woman arrested for making Meth in more trouble after tests prove her child was exposed to the cheap, dangerous drug (w/pic of what is allegedly a woman)  (press-citizen.com) (36)
(OC Weekly) Amusing News: I have Anthrax in my back pack Not News: Ha Ha Just a hoax. Fark: It's actually poop  (blogs.ocweekly.com) (20)
(USA Today) Interesting Ten places to get great craft beers. I mean, great for you, maybe. The ones I drink are way better  (travel.usatoday.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Followup The guy busted for having sex in his backseat of his car while driving 85mph is on Twitter. Shocker: Not safe for work language. Bonus: Team Blackout profile pic  (twitter.com) (47)
(USA Today) Interesting It doesn't look like they're dying anytime soon, so many Baby Boomers are looking to re-invent themselves. No, not as anything useful  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (57)
(NYPost) Dumbass Woman hides stolen police car license plate in her pants. Cops find it after a brief enquiry  (nypost.com) (9)
(WLSAM) Unlikely FBI looking for guy on the lam for 16 years with his girlfriend who has perfect teeth and visits beauty parlors a lot. (w/ pics)  (wlsam.com) (43)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Amish sexter busted after setting up rendezvous with 12-year-old girl in buggy. An Amish man using a cell phone? That's just wrong  (thesmokinggun.com) (83)
(Yahoo) Interesting There are now more barrels of bourbon in Kentucky than residents. "It's gone from a disrespected swill to the selection of connoisseurs and young trendsetters the world over"  (finance.yahoo.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Followup Westboro is going to picket Ryan Dunn's funeral. Link goes to the flyer on their site. This should end well  (godhatesfags.com) (353)
(Some god) Stupid Want to save Harrisburg, PA from financial ruin? Then join the mayor in a three-day fast with spiritual guidance from god, because god has cash  (pittsburghlive.com) (94)
(MSNBC) Sappy A full metric plethora of ugly-ass baby animals  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (15)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting Canada to eliminate paper money, put everything on plastic  (theglobeandmail.com) (95)
(AJC) Fail Murderer: I did it. 1984 court: Cool, have some prison time. 2011 court: We forgot to inform you that by pleading guilty, you could incriminate yourself. So, um. You're free to go  (ajc.com) (53)
(Canada.com) Interesting Chef gives up Michelin star so he can focus on not spitting in the soup  (canada.com) (19)
(KSAT) Sappy Epileptic girl reunited with missing dog, seizes the moment  (ksat.com) (32)
(Life.com) Interesting Remember all those great WWII propaganda posters with Rosie the Riveter or hot girls urging you to buy war bonds? Ever wondered what the posters for the other side looked like?  (life.com) (102)
(Telegraph) Scary LulzSec steal personal details of every person in the UK from Lockheed Martin. Maybe. In other news, Lockheed Martin have personal details of everyone in the UK  (telegraph.co.uk) (50)
(Gamma Squad) Amusing Robert Smigel talks about his insane Green Lantern script starring Jack Black which somehow never got made even though it finally united Elmo and Barbara Walters. Carnally  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (29)
(ABC News) Followup John McCain baffled by controversy, E-Z Pass lanes, and new fangled cell phones  (abcnews.go.com) (107)
(Boston Herald) Cool "Americans are using 700 percent more fireworks than in 1976. Meanwhile the Consumer Product Safety Commission reports that, during that same period, the number of fireworks-related injuries fell by 90 percent." Take that, Massholes  (bostonherald.com) (74)
(Life.com) Spiffy Is that an oak branch under your robe, Druid dude, or are you just happy to see the solstice? Happy first day of summer  (life.com) (28)
(Seattle Times) Unlikely Moammar Gadhafi personally shot down five Apache helicopters, defeating the American aggressors. Or we lost one of our drones  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (18)
(Fox News) Asinine Congress: "We lack the political courage and decency to find a way to pay for our troops' baggage fees when they're flying home, but we have no problem proposing legislation that mandates the airlines pick up our slack"  (foxnews.com) (78)
(WFTV) Florida As soon as Prince Mongo goes out of town we'll send in heavy equipment to get the sand and underwear out of his yard  (wftv.com) (52)
(CBS Philly) Followup West Philadelphia man fell in with a couple of guys who were up to no good, started a flash mob in his neighborhood, got in one little beating and the judge got scared he said you're moving in with Bubba and White Power Dan in state prison  (philadelphia.cbslocal.com) (26)
(The Sun) Asinine Not news: Giving birth to three children. News: In three years. FARK: Starting at age 13  (thesun.co.uk) (73)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Reckitt Benckiser introduces the new CSD500 performance enhancing condom. Leather interior, stick shift & racing stripes optional  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(My Fox DC) Strange Some people sit up in bed, some walk to the kitchen and make a sandwich, some beat a $4,000 prostitute with a baseball bat and have sex with her unconscious body. Just try not to take a pee in the closet  (myfoxdc.com) (71)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Health officials unveil graphic new tobacco warning labels. They're about as funny as cancer  (chicagotribune.com) (209)
(Denver Channel) Dumbass Frontier Airlines: Go be paralyzed somewhere else  (thedenverchannel.com) (64)
(TMZ) Followup Bam Margera to Roger Ebert in response to Ebert's Twitter comments regarding Ryan Dunn, "Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat f**king mouth". Oh snap, the Jackass-Ebert Twitter war has begun  (tmz.com) (701)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Hero: You and your tow boat come to the rescue of stranded boaters. Dumbass: You're so drunk you drive around in circles for hours until you run out of gas  (palmbeachpost.com) (29)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Your marriage may be in trouble if your wife is arrested for domestic assault on your honeymoon  (orlandosentinel.com) (64)
(modbee.com) PSA If you are going to collect money for the funeral for your fake dead baby, you should be sure to know the fake birthday and fake date of death for the fake dead baby  (modbee.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Hero Soldier who survived the infamous Bataan Death March passes away at age 96. He served with the Army's 26th Cavalry Philippine Scouts, a decorated unit that still rode horses into battle in the early days of World War II  (wtkr.com) (66)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this old nag for rent  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (28)
(NPR) Spiffy Summer scientists explain why hammocks rock  (npr.org) (33)
(JSOnline) Dumbass I guess you could say (puts on sunglasses) they went overboard. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  (jsonline.com) (21)
(MSNBC) Weird Worried about your teen's texting habits? Get 'em Botox  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Followup Woman pleads guilty to stealing a mink coat by hiding it in her underwear. How big are her underwear? Look at her mugshot and take a guess  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (108)
(PhysOrg.com) Scary We are at purple alert. I repeat, PURPLE alert. Killer dishwashers on the loose. Scramble the monkeys  (physorg.com) (46)
(AZCentral) Fail .40-caliber pistol safety tip: Keep the barrel pointed down range, away from your groin  (azcentral.com) (73)


Mon June 20, 2011
(Toronto Star) Sad Man beaten to death with golf club. Fore-nsics say it was a five iron. Cops teed off  (thestar.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Fail Q: What do you do when you're hiding in a closet with a fishhook stuck in your butt cheek? A: Fire off a few rounds in the hopes that the police will show up  (fredericknewspost.com) (20)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop Obama's visit to Puerto Rico  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Stupid Accidents at intersections rise up to 1,300 percent after red light cameras are turned off, according to company that was once contracted to run the cameras  (app1.kuhf.org) (96)
(Some Guy) Scary Coyote chases cat through cat door and inside of owner's home. No word if anvils or rocket-powered roller skates were involved  (kgw.com) (64)
(Quad City Times) Strange Medieval battle ax doth make for a good tool for ye murthering needs  (qctimes.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Scary Identity thief purchases Netflix movies, jewelry, and an FTD bouquet for the victim  (939mia.com) (86)
(Chicago Tribune) Sick Just because you pretend to be a cardiologist when drunk doesn't make it okay to perform surgery on your dog  (chicagotribune.com) (63)
(Fox 5 Atlanta) Asinine Step 1 - As Governor, appoint chairman of Ethics Commission which is investigating you for corruption - All other steps are now pretty easy  (myfoxatlanta.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ten famous people who made the correct life choice not to attend law school, plus Ted Bundy  (bitterlawyer.com) (59)
(NJ.com) Obvious Did you hear the one about the sleepy woman who drove into a mattress store?  (nj.com) (40)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Folks, here's your first confetti assault arrest. Bonus: last year he punched a guy for refusing to hug him  (press-citizen.com) (59)
(Huffington Post) Interesting SCOTUS Rules unanimously against cutting greenhouse emissions  (huffingtonpost.com) (140)
(USA Today) Hero "He often jokes that if he is shot in his prosthetic leg he can just change it out. He carries a spare leg with him on missions"  (usatoday.com) (80)
(truTV) Obvious Google Earth now blocks secret bases, alien beacons, racetracks. Wait, what?  (trutv.com) (107)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this line laying  (online.wsj.com) (16)
(KAIT.com) Sick Man arrested in love triangle involving 3 dogs and 1 horse  (kait8.com) (128)
(Statesman) Interesting You know all those things they confiscate at the airports? They're turning a profit at the surplus store  (statesman.com) (89)
(io9) Amusing Bulgarian street artists turn Soviet war memorial into Superman, Wolverine and Ronald McDonald, who, as everybody knows, is a stone cold killer  (io9.com) (121)
(Yahoo) Obvious Study: Child dies in portable pool every five days. Well, get him out of there for Christ's sake  (news.yahoo.com) (155)
(WLBZ.com) Obvious Man robs bank of $1 so he'd get free health care and to kill time until he can buy a condo on the beach. At least he's not on welfare  (wlbz2.com) (254)
(Some Guy) Followup An ER nurse's response to an instigators 'apology' from the Vancouver riots  (riot2011frontlines.tumblr.com) (493)
(NYPost) Weird This is one street that is literally paved with gold: 'Prospector' finds enough hidden treasure on the sidewalks and gutters of Manhattan's Diamond District to make a living  (nypost.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Interesting The seven rules of the men's room. Apparently, asking "Can you hold this for me?" is still okay  (manofthehouse.com) (345)
(CNN) Interesting It looks like a real Acropolis but let me call a friend who deals in Acropolises  (cnn.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Amusing They legalized the gay marriage and grow their own pot. Spider Skull Island? No, va scotia  (news.ca.msn.com) (56)
(USA Today) Unlikely Pope: Look at the crime of sex abuse in the face. Altar Boy: Eyes are up here  (usatoday.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Weird The coolest parade floats made from duct tape you'll see all day  (y100.com) (18)
(Yahoo) Obvious Gladiator's epitaph reveals referees have been getting calls wrong since 300 A.D  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(AFP) Asinine Israel very upset that we didn't let a convicted felon (that they have granted honorary citizenship to) out of jail to travel to their country  (news.yahoo.com) (413)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Finally, an athlete that said he failed the steroids tests because he didn't know the drugs were banned - actually failed the steroids tests because he didn't know the drugs were banned  (myfoxdc.com) (53)
(TBO) Florida "The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Rick Scott, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your governor"  (www2.tbo.com) (122)
(The Sun) Unlikely Feel like you were in a trance during that last lap dance? There's a good reason for that (with unfortunate pic of what British lapdancers might look like)  (thesun.co.uk) (117)
(Click On Detroit) Dumbass ♬All around the party bus, bachelor party drinking, drunk guy sticks his head out a hatch, POP freeway overpass ♬  (clickondetroit.com) (90)
(CNN) Hero Meet Thomas and Ann Rose, grandparents who over this weekend welcomed their 72nd foster child into their home  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (23)
(Yahoo) Misc President Assad blames saboteurs. But what do people taking off their shoes and throwing them in machinery have to do with Syrian unrest?  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(The Macomb Daily) Amusing 300-pound basketball players lose to 7- and 13-year-olds, then pull guns on victors  (macombdaily.com) (71)
(AL.com) Spiffy It's kind of sad when a young woman from North Dakota who has only eaten an oyster once before can win an oyster-eating contest while visiting the Gulf Coast. "Oysters are just like giant boogers"  (blog.al.com) (58)
(WTOP) Stupid For several decades now, the Federal approach to enforcing nuclear regulatory standards has been to weaken whatever standards the industry was having trouble meeting. Don't worry, though, nuclear power is totally safe  (wtop.com) (47)
(CNN) News So, the lesson here is that if you're going to discriminate against women, make sure you do it to enough of them that the Supreme Court throws out the class action suit against you for getting too large  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (199)
(9 News) Hero Father rescues drowning son on Sunday, performing CPR to revive him, automatically securing father's day props for eternity  (9news.com) (33)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Hitler's drinking glasses expected to fetch up to £8,000 at auction. Article does not mention if they come with Third Reich swizzle sticks  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Some Guy) Sad Teen dies trying to swim across canal. Erie  (syracuse.com) (35)
(TMZ) Amusing News: Star of "White Bubble Butts #4" claims to have been an intern under Clinton. Fark: Hillary Clinton  (tmz.com) (117)
(Yahoo) Hero James Bond is a pansy compared to these guys: during the Civil War, free black men and former slaves snuck into Confederate Army camps and posed as a slaves to spy for the north  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Lawyer arrested for removing his monitoring bracelet. Which raises the question: Why aren't we monitoring ALL lawyers?  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (20)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing "Tattoos make grandmother's body a conversation piece" One big, flabby, inky blur of a conversation piece  (chicagotribune.com) (41)
(My Fox DC) Cool Best picture of the new US Open champ getting blasted by guzzling champagne from the trophy you'll see all day  (myfoxdc.com) (40)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this drenched dark lord  (online.wsj.com) (31)
(Fox News) Hero You get killed in Afghanistan do you A) leave your family $161,600 B) leave a Wounded Marine Charity $80,700 C) leave your friends $161,500 to party in Vegas D) all of the above  (foxnews.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Study: Arkansas women are dying younger due to smoking, obesity. Shame surprisingly absent  (big1059.com) (64)
(TMZ) Ironic Jackass star Ryan Dunn, best known for shoving a hot wheel up his ass, dies in a car crash  (tmz.com) (506)
(Yahoo) Obvious Vladimir Putin is running Russian politics like he is Frank Sinatra  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(11 Alive) Obvious Study: 'You can drown in water.' Whew, thanks for clearing that up  (11alive.com) (26)
(Cracked) Stupid A psychology article on Cracked uses particularly poor writing to make readers subconsciously averse to one-page lists  (cracked.com) (19)
(Oregon Live) Dumbass After dumping 7.8 million gallons of water after somebody peed in a lake Portland Water Bureau administrator David Shaff: Consensus is that I'm an idiot  (oregonlive.com) (101)
(TC Palm) Florida What happens after too much Wild Irish Rose? A.) You spill the beans about your undercover work with the CIA, B.) Call all cops within earshot 'sexy,' C.) Demand police pay for your hotel room, D.) All of the above  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (30)
(Abc.net.au) Sad Syria: No Exit  (abc.net.au) (106)
(LA Times) Amusing It's not news, it's Fark.com  (latimes.com) (109)
(CNN) Obvious Lamestream MSM media, not content with scaring the pants off you, wants to remind you that raves are dangerous and will kill your children  (cnn.com) (136)
(Some Pub Guy) Cool Australia's biggest pub boasts 9 bars, 100 taps, and capacity of 7000 people. Caveat for beer snobs: "We didn't go for the widest range. We don't want to have beers that people won't drink"  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (76)
(Kitsap Sun) Dumbass The best last line ever in a story about naked burglar arrested for stealing teenage girl's computer; "He never explained why he took his clothes off"  (kitsapsun.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Cool Soldiers now regrowing limbs lost in combat. My god, the US Army is a bunch of X-Men  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Fark ready headline: Man allegedly wounded by two 'booty call ninjas'  (heraldnews.suntimes.com) (33)
(Des Moines Register) Strange Cow attacks, kills woman. What an udder disaster  (desmoinesregister.com) (36)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Our government invents enemies in order to constantly increase military spending. In other news, it gets hot during the summer  (guardian.co.uk) (238)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man with a fan  (i.imgur.com) (28)
(Google) Spiffy Republicans select their 2012 Vice-Presidential Candidate  (google.com) (127)
(Globe and Mail) Caption Caption this egg sucking moment   (beta.images.theglobeandmail.com) (21)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine Step 1) Do crappy concrete work at woman's house; Step 2) When woman's daughter slams your work on Craigslist, sue; Step 3) Profit, $2,000  (startribune.com) (76)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida I'm an infoooooooooooographic. I'm an infoooooooooooographic. Suck my meta tag, I'm an infooooooooographic   (sun-sentinel.com) (85)

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