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Sun January 16, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(NW Florida Daily News)   Don't let your daughter throw the Holy Communion wafer out in the church parking lot, if not to protect her mortal soul than at least to avoid having the priest call cops on you  (nwfdailynews.com) (216)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this man and his magazines  (shorpy.com) (47)
(The Daily Beast)   A lot of actual Chinese mothers think that Amy Chua is a psycho biatch, too  (thedailybeast.com) (194)
(LA Times)   California prepares to be swallowed by the sea, float away into the Pacific. THANKS, CLIMATE CHANGE  (latimes.com) (316)
(WESH Orlando)   Shuttle astronaut injured after riding bicycle at 18 times speed of light  (wesh.com) (121)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this place of rest  (pics.livejournal.com) (27)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Meet the Indiana boy that embodies the sheltered snowflake lifestyle  (suntimes.com) (87)
(abclocal.go.com)   New York City Schools Chancellor regrets birth control joke. That's a tough pill to swallow  (abclocal.go.com) (108)
(Salon)   The modesty of the porn generation and how the day may be spent. Megan has an idea, "Let's grab some beers and do __________"  (salon.com) (456)
(MLive.com)   Early candidate for Mother of the Year leaves her 4 month-old daughter in locked car...in 21 degree weather. Fark: While shoplifting  (mlive.com) (54)
(Daily Mail)   What is the airspeed velocity of a laden squirrel?  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Daily Mail)   Zoo trainer who had been taken to the hospital after being knocked into a pole by a dolphin is finally taken out by an 8,000lb elephant that crushes her to death. The animal kingdom can rest easy tonight  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(UPI)   Brain scans can predict if basement dwelling is in your future  (upi.com) (16)
(charlotte observer)   Hello, and welcome to the Concord Police Department Resc-u-Fone. If you know the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, stay on the line  (charlotteobserver.com) (41)
(Daily Mail)   A psychotherapist is in danger of losing her job after using prayer in an attempt to cure a homosexual man of being fabulous  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(News on 6)   If an immediate family member has ever resorted to firing a shotgun blast into the floor in an attempt to break up a domestic dispute, you might be a redneck  (newson6.com) (27)
(Buffalo News)   Dispute between barbers getting hairy as one accuses the other of putting a wedge in her business, demands the other's sign get clipped. Judge to mullet over before coming to a decision  (buffalonews.com) (29)
(TBO)   Old man in Buick dies in wreck. Sheriff says if only he'd been speeding he would have lived  (www2.tbo.com) (88)
(Some Guy)   How to lose a job at Iowa State University: Just point out that cows naturally eat grass and not corn  (utne.com) (222)
(Boston Globe)   New head of Massachusetts parole board doesn't care about prison overcrowding, he just wants to make sure no criminals are released. Tick... tick... tick  (boston.com) (122)
(Some Guy)   Latest in get the fark off my lawn technology (UPDATE: link farked, but discussion continues)  (taser.com) (35)
(AZCentral)   Giffords taken off ventilator  (azcentral.com) (181)
(CNN)   She was just 17, and you know what I mean - Miss Nebraska crowned Miss America  (edition.cnn.com) (169)
(The Sun)   Courageous soldier defuses 12 Taliban bombs in 10 hours  (thesun.co.uk) (53)
(WLSAM)   Nude pictures of an 18-year old girl on Facebook if you are still reading this is not in the jurisdiction of the police  (wlsam.com) (130)
(LA Times)   Man dies investigating 12K volt line that fell in yard, additional family members die in rescue attempt. Survivors not shocked at all  (latimes.com) (129)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this clowny car  (cs9654.vkontakte.ru) (39)
(Some Guy)   You're a special kind of jerk when you break into someone's home and drink the sparkling wine that was meant to be drunk with the homeowners' three-year-old daughter when she came of age  (couriermail.com.au) (71)
(WLSAM)   $14,000,000,000,000 and counting  (wlsam.com) (237)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   So, apparently Iowa has its own team of paranormal investigators and they have found several haunted locations across the state  (press-citizen.com) (33)
(The Sun)   Harry Potter fan: "INCENDIO EXPLODICUS." Police: "ARRESTO DUMBASSICUS"  (thesun.co.uk) (83)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Ben Franklin busted for handing out fake Hamiltons (Subby: thanks for Lincoln)  (nwfdailynews.com) (17)
(MSNBC)   Zookeeper gives chimpanzee the finger. Literally  (msnbc.msn.com) (39)
(WLSAM)   Man attacks beer truck because he doesn't like beer  (wlsam.com) (46)
(STLToday)   Gategate erupts in small town over local ordinance outlawing gates for multimillion dollar estates  (stltoday.com) (116)
(The New York Times)   California: come for the earthquakes, stay for the 45-day "superstorm" that could drop up to 10 feet of rain  (nytimes.com) (241)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento)   Police seek suspect in Twin Peaks slaying. This is not a repeat from 1990  (news10.net) (78)

Sat January 15, 2011
(UPI)   80 skiers rescued after chairlift malfunctions. It's an uplifting story at first, but the ending lets you down  (upi.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these world leaders having a word  (cache.gawkerassets.com) (39)
(Yahoo)   Woman gets refurbished vacuum for Christmas, finds $280,000 in meth and cocaine inside. That sucks  (news.yahoo.com) (65)
(CBS News)   Don't ya just hate it when you're working in your garage and a neighbor comes over chanting that he's a "soul collector" and a "medicine man," then tries to cut your toes and scalp off  (cbsnews.com) (45)
(Salon)   'The right to bear arms' may not mean what you think it does  (salon.com) (518)
(Metro)   Woman finds gecko in bag of broccoli, decides to switch her car insurance company  (metro.co.uk) (34)
(Boston Globe)   Drug possession has been legal for nine years in Portgual and they can't decide if it's working. Typical lazy potheads  (boston.com) (70)
(Some Guy)   The first rule of nine-year-old Fight Club? Don't talk about nine-year-old Fight Club  (kgw.com) (24)
(KGUN9)   Eric Fuller yesterday: Sarah Palin's rhetoric caused Tucson shooting. Eric Fuller today: Arrested for issuing death threat to local Tea Party leader  (kgun9.com) (603)
(The Smoking Gun)   This weeks mugshot roundup features plenty of boobs, a little bit of derp, and a double take  (thesmokinggun.com) (121)
(FARK)   DFW Fark Party, Saturday 1/15/11- 8:00 PM-- Come celebrate with TFette on her last night bartending  (fark.com) (137)
(Boing Boing)   Taking a page from Thoreau, threatened library gets its patrons to check out ALL of their books  (boingboing.net) (60)
(Guardian.com)   Man lives with wolf pack for a year. 'I ate what they ate, mostly raw deer and elk, which they would often bring back for me, or fruit and berries'  (guardian.co.uk) (111)
(My San Antonio)   Forget getting busted for texting while driving. San Antonio will bust you just for *reading* a text  (mysanantonio.com) (124)
(Some Guy)   The Gastric Bypass kit. For sale on Amazon. The reviews make it worth clicking the link  (amazon.com) (54)
(nearmap)   Amazing aerial mapping of Brisbane floods is now complete (Tip: use date drop-down for before/after)  (nearmap.com) (60)
(NASA)   While 49 of the 50 US states currently have snow on the ground, now is the perfect time to tell you NASA reports 2010 was the warmest year on record  (giss.nasa.gov) (271)
(Denver Post)   News: Lawmaker introduces a bill that would ease rules for the medical marijuana industry in Colorado. Fark: He's a Republican  (denverpost.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   DEA to family: we're sorry if you were in any way disturbed when we barged into the wrong house with guns drawn, making your children faint and vomit, and dragging you outside into freezing weather in your underwear  (lohud.com) (179)
(Houston Chronicle)   Red wine. Good for the heart, good for getting into a Vassar grad's pants, good for inducing oxygen as a catalyst in low-temperature superconductivity. Bonus: study ranks many alcoholic beverages. Scientists currently incapable of comment  (blogs.chron.com) (18)
(Yahoo)   The worst credit cards of 2010. One has a 79.99% APR and another charges interest as soon as you swipe  (finance.yahoo.com) (92)
(Wired)   Jan. 15, 1929: birth of a moral compass. Murdered 39 years later  (wired.com) (133)
(Gawker)   The coolest pics of New York's abandoned North Brother Island you'll see today  (gawker.com) (47)
(WISN)   Mooooooove over, birds. Cows believe the "mass dead animals" theme hasn't been milked out enough  (wisn.com) (31)
(Some Invisible Monster)   Photoshop what went through this Amber Field of Grain  (1x.com) (48)
(Chicago Tribune)   Subby really wanted to write a headline mocking this guy, but kept getting distracted by his fivehead  (chicagotribune.com) (60)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Hipster wine douche explains why wine can only be enjoyed from a glass manufactured from the purest Egyptian sand under the solstice moonlight  (suntimes.com) (168)
(BBC)   Visit the Glens of Antrim, go on safari, see the squirrel with its majestic ears  (bbc.co.uk) (16)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Therapists think the snowflake approach to life will help adults  (suntimes.com) (65)
(Sioux City Journal)   South Dakota town removes its payphone after realising that it cost them almost 70 dollars per call, wasn't 1997 anymore  (siouxcityjournal.com) (118)
(Chicago Tribune)   This weekend's media-fabricated health scare is *walks over to manatee tank* IS YOUR DRIVEWAY COATED WITH AN INVISIBLE KILLER GOO??  (chicagotribune.com) (38)
(Some Guy)   Age bias outlawed in strip clubs. We are now safe from the dangerous and over-rated presence of strippers with teeth. Yay feds  (ultimatecyfair.com) (70)
(The Consumerist)   Oregon is suing Johnson & Johnson because they secretly recalled Motrin by having someone go and buy all the bottles they could without telling anyone  (consumerist.com) (44)
(Cracked)   Not News: Someone claims the government is controlling our media. News: Government has a program to control our media. Fark: Government agent says "You could get a journalist cheaper than a good call girl"  (cracked.com) (61)
(New Scientist)   100 baby bats nursed back to health at the Australian Bat Clinic, making today a very happy Baturday for everyone (w/adorable baby bats in blankies pic)  (newscientist.com) (79)
(AJC)   Next up: We can haz spicy Chick-fil-A nuggets  (ajc.com) (100)
(Some Guy)   Teacher fired over false groping allegation has spent seven years trying to clear his name  (thestar.co.uk) (142)
(Boing Boing)   3D printer for doll faces. On a scale of 1 to Clown Creepy, these are a solid 7  (boingboing.net) (44)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Minneapolis picked "Gayest City in America". And no, its not because the governor's a twink  (startribune.com) (114)
(WFTV)   Seven runners test positive for drugs before big race. Did we mention that they were dogs....on cocaine  (wftv.com) (28)
(Yahoo)   Not news: New York mobster shakes down strip clubs. News: Gets eight year prison sentence. Fark: He's 93 years old  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(Wikipedia)   Wikipedia is ten years old [celebration needed]  T-Shirt  (ten.wikipedia.org) (83)
(AZCentral)   With a 2011 theme of "Serving Children", Stephanie Edwards, living in a trailer park in Northern Arizona, accused of playing sex games with teen boys. With pic showing the bloom is off that rose. Well, whatever floats their boat  (azcentral.com) (91)
(Some Chick)   Man sues the Boy Scouts for failing to remove the dying tree that fell on him causing him to lose his leg  (thetelegraph.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Create a new drug to solve a problem that doesn't exist  (i.imgur.com) (33)
(Daily Mail)   Jinx the cat steps up to nurse and care for Alphie, a piglet abandoned by his mother. All pets are welcome on Caturday (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (796)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)   Not news: Man test drives truck. News: Man steals truck. Fark: Man leaves copy of driver's license at dealer  (post-gazette.com) (12)
(LA Times)   Police release Youtube video shot by Tucson shooter..and, yes, he's crazier than a shiathouse rat  (latimes.com) (309)
(The Local (Sweden))   A report states that the Swedish military staff surf porn daily. Well, they need to be doing something... why NOT surf porn?  (thelocal.se) (36)
(Komo)   The City of Seattle would like you to know that raising parking meter rates from $2.50 to $4.00 is not about the money  (komonews.com) (82)
(WUSA)   "They yanked me out of the car, put a knee on my back, and checked my rectum several times"  (wusa9.com) (82)
(Time)   How is babby formed in 163 toxic chemicals?  (healthland.time.com) (90)
(News.com.au)   Woman confronted by police for running breast job clinic out of her home asks, "Is this some kind of bust?"  (news.com.au) (41)
(KSTU FOX 13)   What's better than a drunk school bus driver? A drunk school bus driver with a gun, that's what  (fox13now.com) (37)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this production line  (spiegel.de) (24)
(Beatcalls)   If you break into a house and find nothing worthwhile to steal, it's only courteous to move the furniture around to your personal liking  (beatcalls.com) (43)

Fri January 14, 2011
(News.com.au)   Man whose heart stopped for three-and-a-half hours is brought back to life. He's fine now, but he has a helluva appetite  (news.com.au) (79)
(Huffington Post)   Best Lunch Lady Ever  (huffingtonpost.com) (31)
(Herald Tribune)   Not News: Substitute teacher can't figure out high-tech chalkboard. News: Punches the students trying to help him. Fark: They were eight years old, one vomited from blows to the stomach and another went to the ER  (heraldtribune.com) (206)
(Politico)   Good news: Homeland Security cancels ill-conceived $3 billion "virtual fence" designed to keep illegals out. Not so good news: but not before spending $1 billion  (politico.com) (112)
(FARK)   Because it's Friday and you're bored: the weekly Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (65)
(Gawker)   Jared Loughner took pictures of himself in a g-string with his gun. Sorry, ladies, but the pictures haven't been released  (gawker.com) (179)
(New York Daily News)   Did you hear the one about the NYC Schools Chancellor suggesting birth control as a solution to overcrowding in public schools?  (nydailynews.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   Guy can't recall the reason he stabbed another man in the leg with a steak knife, but it was probably a good one  (lehighvalleylive.com) (34)
(FARK)   Help a bunch of Farkers help a Farkette  (fark.com) (489)
(Some Scorched Guy)   Will go away if you shoot at it: A door-to-door salesman. Probably won't go away if you shoot at it: A repo man. Definitely won't go away if you shoot at it: A major house fire  (fireengineering.com) (65)
(Daily Mail)   Arctic night ends two days early in Greenland, possibly because of shrinking glaciers lowering horizon. Scary tag beats out cool  (dailymail.co.uk) (107)
(Some Guy)   Old straight guy seeks young lesbian with wife and ferret on Craigslist. That should go well  (clevescene.com) (54)
(The Daily Beast)   Apparently the "Straight-Talk Express" has become the "No-Talk Express" since the Tucson shootings  (thedailybeast.com) (114)
(IOL)   Man: "Hey, uh, this snake bit me earlier and my arm is numb. Is it a python?" Vet: "No, it's a deadly puff adder." Man: "Thanks, I'll just be on my way then"  (iol.co.za) (43)
(KFOR)   Met your wife while in prison and mad she put beans in the chili? Kill her in front of your kids  (kfor.com) (166)
(The Smoking Gun)   911, what's your emergency? Daddy is being bad, can you write a letter to Santa?  (thesmokinggun.com) (20)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this reined deer  (spiegel.de) (26)
(Komo)   Never a city to hold a grudge, a Seattle-area school sent a kid home from school. For wearing a Steelers jersey  (komonews.com) (90)
(Mother Jones)   What's happening in Tunisia right now explained. Wikileaks, Twitter, people lighting themselves on fire - the lowdown on the revolution  (motherjones.com) (65)
(Washington Post)   Some states considering using Martin Luther King Day to make up for snow days. Three guesses for which geographical region  (washingtonpost.com) (181)
(wtsp.com)   Ugly ass stranded baby dolphin rescued at the JN Ding Darling wildlife preserve. With ugly ass pics  (wtsp.com) (14)
(Slate)   What do you do when your parents die tragically and another couple is trying to blackmail you over their swinging sex tapes?  (slate.com) (75)
(Pravda)   The Apocalypse, mass kills, and the magnetic pole shift  (english.pravda.ru) (65)
(Funny or Die Presents)   Zebras. Baboons. Two women and a child repair technician. Half-naked secretary under a desk. Hat boner. Soapy women in the shower pulling up their shirts. (Sponsored link)  (hbo.com) (120)
(Oregon Live)   Wii safety warnings don't address hitting your BF in the face with console  (oregonlive.com) (32)
(HelenaIR.com)   "Hunter harassment" bill is the only way to keep environmentalist hippies from bullying delicate, sensitive sportsmen armed only with starlight scopes, survival knives, .44 Magnums, compound bows, 30.06 rifles, bone saws, etc  (helenair.com) (196)
(The Morning Call)   When you host foreign exchange students, the exchange isn't room and board for videos of them using the bathroom  (mcall.com) (44)
(Huffington Post)   New Palin-backed Governor of Oklahoma promises to "offend" the Constitution. Well, duh  (huffingtonpost.com) (74)
(Slate)   You're no longer gonna get raped  (slate.com) (149)
(AZCentral)   Christina-Taylor Green's organs were donated and have already saved the life of a child on the East Coast  (azcentral.com) (102)
(Some Guy)   Lawyer's plan to improve his divorce settlement: I've got nude pics of your sister, when she was 16 we had sex and that was the age of consent. I've kept them for 30 years. Court: why don't you have a seat right over there  (dailynews.com) (92)
(The Atlantic)   "If American workers demand 10 times the paycheck the rest of the world gets, then they need to deliver 10 times the value. It sounds harsh, but the American middle class needs to take a pay cut"  (theatlantic.com) (342)
(Neatorama)   Food By State. Forget failing geography, Subby can't even identify some of the food  (neatorama.com) (406)
(CNN)   Tunisia dissolves government in effort to restore stability. Wait, what?  (cnn.com) (69)
(Yahoo)   Still no cure for cancer, but at least we know why teenagers are stupid  (news.yahoo.com) (23)
(PennLive)   Right-wing Pennsylvania talk radio host asks his listeners to "burn down the NY Times" because he is sick of hearing about how right-wing talk radio hosts incite violence  (pennlive.com) (212)
(Houston Chronicle)   Please don't feed the homeless in Houston unless you have a permit  (chron.com) (68)
(Slate)   Many people insist on putting two spaces after a period. This is an ABOMINATION  (slate.com) (470)
(wtsp.com)   90 pregnant students at Memphis High School clearly took sex ed literally  (wtsp.com) (145)
(Discover)   Why this zodiac shift is nonsense. No, for the other reason. Still no cure for Cancer  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (91)
(Yahoo)   Alaskan shelters strain to care for 157 starving dogs rescued from puppy breeder. Why authorties didn't solve the starving dog problem by locking the owner in the kennel with the dogs is a mystery  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Yahoo)   Man wins award for counting to potato  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(The Smoking Gun)   Who's the preacher and who's the pot grow in today's TSG Friday Photo Fun? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (20)
(The New York Times)   N.Y. Times columnist whose free wireless honey hole dried up thinks 'net access should be free and wireless. Subby wants free roads, puppies, newspapers  (nytimes.com) (430)
(Al-Jazeera)   "As female journalists working in this region we constantly find ourselves putting clothes on to please Hamas and taking them off to please the Israelis"  (blogs.aljazeera.net) (90)
(Some Guy)   Bad: detailed map of terroristic bombing plan found. Good: Suspects in Custody. Fark: They're 6th graders  (wlky.com) (67)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Apparently having never heard of the concept of a liquor store, a corrections officers smuggles pot hidden in a sub sandwich to an inmate in exchange for a bottle of tequila  (orlandosentinel.com) (34)
(Talking Points Memo)   Will Reince Priebus Surge To The RNC Chairmanship Tomorrow? Well, he's no McGeorge Bundy or Saxby Chambliss   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (48)
(Mother Nature Network)   A pasty-skinned vegetarian is more attractive to the opposite sex than a tanned meat eater  (mnn.com) (273)
(Some Guy)   Englishman who spent $100,000 on hair treatment furious after having swearword etched on scalp. (With "you've wasted how much?" illustration)  (swns.com) (95)
(The Toxic Avenger)   You will probably be as shocked as I am to find out that Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars imported from Pakistan are actually toxic  (ottawacitizen.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   Guy goes to law school, runs up over $100K in debt, and now can't get admitted to the bar because having huge debts and no plan to pay them back fails the "character and fitness" test  (abovethelaw.com) (146)
(Yahoo)   And now for the lesser known Da Vinci Belly Lint Code  (news.yahoo.com) (9)
(Some Guy)   I guess you could say this hunter was...outfoxed  (asylum.co.uk) (27)
(Contra Costa Times)   Because what's an omelet without 2.5 lbs of cheese, potatoes, and gravy?  (contracostatimes.com) (68)
(Washington Post)   Maryland school system uses 4:30 a.m. robocall to inform parents of the obvious. The following morning, one cheesed-off parent returned the favor  (washingtonpost.com) (236)
(Toronto Sun)   School goes to four alarms when firefighter's classroom lecture gets too sexually heated  (torontosun.com) (53)
(Some Contest)   Photoshop these backstage beauties  (fototelegraf.ru) (34)
(Washington Post)   Husband of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords may miss the next space shuttle delay  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (57)
(BBC)   Rat, mouse, whatever, the point is something bit the man's penis  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(Google)   Want to know how farked up the US patent system is? Someone patented a stick. As in a branch from a tree. Seriously  (google.com) (108)
(Mother Nature Network)   If Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh have their way, the Republicans will soon outlaw CFL bulbs. "I hate fluorescent light bulbs, hate them with everything in me. Hate them, hate them, hate them"  (mnn.com) (732)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Police dept. employee suspended for using city vehicles for personal trips. Fark: It was the helicopter  (tampabay.com) (48)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Protip: Don't call the same pizza place and keep trying stolen credit card numbers until one works. The police may deliver the pizza  (suntimes.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune)   Mailbox baseball is much more epic when you use a car instead of a bat  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (29)
(NW Florida Daily News)   The NRA's newest cause: Making it illegal for your doctor to ask you if you own a gun  (nwfdailynews.com) (455)
(UPI)   Research suggests moderate beer drinking can provide health benefits - besides improving singing, dancing and dating skills  (upi.com) (26)
(AZCentral)   Sheriff's Deputies have discovered Loughner's ammo cache, in a diaper bag, in a desert wash. That's some good hiding there Lou-ghner  (azcentral.com) (76)
(Village Voice)   McDonald's Fruit and Maple Oatmeal steals "Nastiest Thing You Can Buy at McDonald's" from the McRib  (blogs.villagevoice.com) (264)
(Sacramento)   Photoshop these spectators on steps  (fototelegraf.ru) (32)
(Yahoo)   Amazing features of best new cruise ships, one having a a 22,000-square foot park  (travel.yahoo.com) (149)
(NPR)   "Research found that spiritual fitness decreases the odds of attempting suicide and has a positive impact on quality of life, coping and mental health." So, naturally, the Army is making all soldiers take spiritual fitness tests  (npr.org) (151)
(Yahoo)   Thirty percent of Americans are financially unfaithful to their spouses  (news.yahoo.com) (183)

Thu January 13, 2011
(Fox News)   14 year-old girl wears rosary beads to school. OH YES, THERE IS OUTRAGE  (foxnews.com) (213)
(Metro)   Chinese man designated world's best at throwing up. What is this, some kinda gag?  (metro.co.uk) (35)
(Some Gal)   If you're about to get your 5th DUI, why not be drinking a beer when the cops show up at the scene of your overturned pick-up?  (kpax.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   The Bible passes all historical tests. Suck it, non-believers  (www2.tricities.com) (372)
(King 5)   Your baby died after being alive for only one hour? You better believe that's a taxin'  (king5.com) (183)
(Daily Progress)   Today we'll practice parallel parking, highway driving, and escaping from a burning vehicle  (www2.dailyprogress.com) (16)
(AOL News)   "Neighbors are usually there to help their neighbors, not shoot their zebras"  (aolnews.com) (41)
(Some Pug Owner)   Kentucky/Indiana pug rescue organization is no longer taking in rescue pugs. They need help. Won't someone think of the pugs?  (kentuckianapugs.com) (102)
(Telegraph)   British troops in Afghanistan not allowed to tell locals to have a seat over there  (telegraph.co.uk) (134)
(Oregon State Legislature)   Oregon joins the nanny state ranks by proposing to make it illegal to carry or tow kids on a bike  (leg.state.or.us) (117)
(Guardian.com)   WikiLeaks Manning up and honouring its promise  (guardian.co.uk) (118)
(Some Guy)   One of my students is pregnant. What to do? Let's have the class vote on her grade  (scienceblogs.com) (186)
(Some Guy)   Potential cancer cure lost with stolen laptop. Still no cure for cancer  (thinq.co.uk) (64)
(Wikipedia)   Photoshop theme: If cars looked more like what they were named after  (en.wikipedia.org) (82)
(BBC)   From the "life imitates CSI" files - bird drops murder victim's thumb: "No other remains have been found"  (bbc.co.uk) (37)
(Life.com)   "Inside the Westboro Baptist Church". God hates slideshows  (life.com) (152)
(CNN)   Gabby Giffords now moving her arms and legs  (cnn.com) (269)
(TechCrunch)   Gooseberry Natural Resources files suit against Reddit, The Atlanta-Journal Constitution, Digg, Geeknet, TechCrunch, Newsvine, Yahoo, and - that's right, ladies and gentlemen - Fark  (techcrunch.com) (108)
(LA Times)   Red state right-wing anti-intellectual calls for eliminating all state support for libraries. Wait, Jerry Brown? California? What is this I don't even  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (273)
(HelenaIR.com)   Woman experiences burning sensation in her leg while asleep in her apartment; diagnosis reveals case of "next-door neighbor cleaning loaded gun at 2am"  (helenair.com) (54)
(NPR)   Enough about nancies in combat. Let's talk about Nancy in combat  (npr.org) (142)
(WLSAM)   It appears that Illinois raising income taxes is great stimulus for the American economy  (wlsam.com) (143)
(Baltimore Sun)   Animal control seizes 64 rabbits... make that 128.... 256... aw hell  (baltimoresun.com) (48)
(NPR)   We've placed images of Haiti right after the earthquake next to photos of Haiti now. Let's see if you can tell the difference  (npr.org) (91)
(Great Falls Tribune)   Woman arrested for wounding her husband in the head with an axe. Looks like it might be Splitsville  (greatfallstribune.com) (38)
(Guardian.com)   British diplomat spills the beans on England's Afghanistan efforts. Sample -- 27% of helicopter usage was to ferry "military tourists"  (guardian.co.uk) (25)
(SalisburyPost)   Man wearing cowboy boots and boxer briefs holds beer thieves at gunpoint until officers arrive  (salisburypost.com) (49)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Hello? Is this 911? I want to report a dead cell phone battery  (nwfdailynews.com) (12)
(Yahoo)   Pat Robertson: Snow is God's way of punishing Americans planning to drive to do something gay  (news.yahoo.com) (235)
(Yahoo)   Proof the town just ain't what it used to be: Vegas showgirl found dismembered and encased in concrete turns out to have nothing to do with the mob, instead was whacked by one of the fruity French clown guys from Cirque du Soliel  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(Yahoo)   Tanker filled with sulfuric acid capsizes on the Rhine river. Authorities say no leak has been detected, but caution cleanup crews to follow basic procedures  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(Yahoo)   Actor Peter Fonda found dead ... body in car, L.A. police say  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(NPR)   Experts now say that you should buy a house if you want a place to live in for a long time, not as a guaranteed investment that will only go up in value  (npr.org) (121)
(TampaBays10)   Teacher & husband accused of hoarding 84 animals, including a teenager  (wtsp.com) (15)
(WTNH)   During yesterday's snow storm a News Team stops reporting to clear the driveway of an elderly blind man and drive him to his dialysis treatment when the city refused to help  (wtnh.com) (36)
(Gamma Squad)   Dr. Jenny McCarthy reacts in a completely rational way to new evidence that data in the Wakefield study was falsified  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (279)
(IndyStar)   Dr. Richard Kimble knows how this ends, is already back in hiding  (indystar.com) (34)
(WLKY)   Man takes dump on church property. Pew  (wlky.com) (44)
(National Review)   U.S. on the way toward losing AAA credit rating. "Note to Washington: If you thought the Tea Party looked like an angry mob, wait until you see what happens when Social Security checks start bouncing"  (nationalreview.com) (279)
(Fox News) NewsFlash Massive quake hits South Pacific. Oklahoma OK  T-Shirt  (foxnews.com) (205)
(National Geographic)   ARRRrrrrr matey, we found Blackbeard's sword from the wreck of the Queen Anne's Revenge?   (news.nationalgeographic.com) (52)
(STV.tv)   Three-year-old boy calls cops on his drunk babysitter  (news.stv.tv) (78)
(Gawker)   Your zodiac sign may have changed. Most likely from "gullible" to "sucker"  (gawker.com) (205)
(10 TV)   Ohio lawmaker wants to overrule court decision saying police can ticket any driver who looks fast  (10tv.com) (77)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Stealing money from the evidence room and replacing it with paper towels only works in the movies, deputy  (orlandosentinel.com) (18)
(Boston Globe)   Florida got 33 inches of snow yesterday  (boston.com) (54)
(Yahoo)   If you're worried about "your food being overcooked, your clothes not fitting quite right, or your kids not doing their homework, don't bother. Civilization coming close to collapse. And, now, sports"  (finance.yahoo.com) (128)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this feeding Sciurus Carolinensis  (i256.photobucket.com) (31)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Its so cold, last night I saw a chicken with a capon. HEYO. But seriously, it sucks here  (startribune.com) (59)
(Talking Points Memo)   Conservatives are outraged that free t-shirts bearing the slogan "together we thrive" were distributed at the Tucson shooting memorial service. Because socialism?   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (457)
(STLToday)   Politicians want to force some people on welfare to take drug tests. Still no drug tests for politicians  (stltoday.com) (234)
(Cracked)   The six most disastrous attempts at internet damage control  (cracked.com) (73)
(Daily Herald)   "Did she consider that some students might feel uncomfortable participating in or even watching [The Vagina Dance] and that they might fear being ridiculed if they chose to opt-out?"  (dailyherald.com) (169)
(Wall Street Journal)   Shoe designer: Asian feet are narrower and higher-arched. Podiatrist: This. Except the exact opposite  (blogs.wsj.com) (78)
(The Morning Call)   Ah winter...the nip in the air, the snow days home from work, and the fine in the mail for putting a chair where you shoveled out your car  (mcall.com) (178)
(Boston Herald)   Drinking impairs your ability to drive, take a decent mugshot  (bostonherald.com) (80)
(Philly)   Don't accidentally blow snow at someone's car in Philly, because they hate that  (philly.com) (118)
(Discovery)   After 60-year absence, the harpy returns to Belize. Huh. Subby coulda sworn his ex was younger than that  (blogs.discovery.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Woman hid fur in her underwear. A $6,500 mink coat. For three days  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Iowa City's new tourist attraction : Beer Caves  (kcrg.com) (70)
(sf examiner)   Amtrak conductor accused of trading train rides for sex. Cops charge him with a loco motive  (sfexaminer.com) (82)
(My Fox Los Angeles)   Flood victims receive $37K in underwear, now fully prepared to take it in the shorts  (myfoxla.com) (18)
(KRDO)   Man pleads with thieves to be respectful and return wife's ashes, says he's urned at least that  (krdo.com) (23)
(Free Press)   Ever heard of "facilitated communication"? Turns out it can be used to jail you for months on sex charges. With bonus video of cop lying to Asperger's child to try to get him to confess to raping his disabled sister  (freep.com) (262)
(Daily Herald)   Corpses are stacked two to a tray at Chicago's Cook County morgue due to so many people dying to get in  (dailyherald.com) (54)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop who should be playing in this sandbox  (greenproducts.info) (44)
(UPI)   Moose attacks skier and dog. Squirrel accomplice in custody, considered flight risk  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (37)
(NewsChannel5)   Woman uses shark to fend off intruder as she waits 35 minutes for police to arrive  (newschannel5.com) (147)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 297: "Five is Right Out" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (200)

Wed January 12, 2011
(Forbes)   Think your landlord installed a hidden camera to spy on you? That's an institutionalizing. Fark: your landlord installed a hidden camera to spy on you  (blogs.forbes.com) (116)
(The New York Times)   But what did I know? I was a 35-year-old virgin, preparing for my own "first time"  (nytimes.com) (225)
(SFGate)   Who clubs an officer with a shoe? Honestly  (sfgate.com) (49)
(The Scotsman)   Accountant's blood alcohol was more than five times the legal limit when he parked in the middle of the highway to sleep. Guess he couldn't handle his ten fortys  T-Shirt  (news.scotsman.com) (51)
(BBC)   "Grow a beard for Belgium' political movement begun. In other news, 'Muttonchops for Mozambique' and 'Landing strip for Latvia' movments gaining traction while the political landscape in Brazil is bare  (bbc.co.uk) (61)
(Mother Nature Network)   The Discovery Channel is currently hiring a celebrity chief shark officer. "Looking delicious in a wetsuit is a plus. Sense of humor required"  (mnn.com) (59)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this man and his lamb  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(Scientific American)   Oxytocin, the "feel good" drug, linked to xenophobia, radio shows  (scientificamerican.com) (119)
(Some Guy)   "They can't go anywhere without me and I wasn't going anywhere without you. Now relax. We'll get you there. And again, I'm so sorry"  (consumertraveler.com) (170)
(Yahoo)   Fark-ready headline: Breast implants catch eye of tax agents  (news.yahoo.com) (47)
(truTV)   The 22 dumbest things people do on Facebook while tweeting about being found guilty for barbecuing endangered animals from their wedding out of town  (trutv.com) (127)
(Canoe)   Man has nicotine fit after being fined $2,106 for smoking on a plane  (cnews.canoe.ca) (86)
(Chicago Tribune)   Want AIDS with that epidural? No extra charge  (chicagotribune.com) (35)
(SeattlePI)   Seattle officer: I had no 'reasonable alternative' but to shoot woodcarver  (seattlepi.com) (345)
(Chicago Tribune)   Indiana police: BB on the lookout for some asshat with an air rifle  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   One of Vermont's biggest vegetable farms was destroyed by fire this morning. Lettuce have a moment of peas and quiet  (wcax.com) (51)
(fox11online.com)   School makes 340-year-old discovery. No, I'm not talking about the cafeteria's tuna salad  (fox11online.com) (47)
(Talking Points Memo)   Jared Lee Loughner Internet Postings: Crazy currently at 12   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (637)
(Forbes)   Fark's headline typo of the day: "Arizona shooting victims remembered at pubic Mass"  (forbes.com) (76)
(Mother Nature Network)   The best country songs are written on January 17th  (mnn.com) (36)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Mayor of Orlando: "Fark the arts"  (orlandosentinel.com) (102)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Human skull surrounded by rotting fruit and candles found in the garden of Jared Loughner  (mirror.co.uk) (157)
(AJC)   Transvestite purse snatcher on the loose; police believe criminal still a broad  (ajc.com) (28)
(Deseret News)   Members of the Westboro Baptist Church decide that no, getting beaten to death and dragged through the streets by an angry mob is not the way they would like to spend their Thursday morning  (deseretnews.com) (374)
(Daily Mail)   Haiti one year after the earthquake resembles the post-apocalyptic world of The Road Warrior...without cars...or that flying copter thing..unless you count chopper supply drops  (dailymail.co.uk) (171)
(Some Guy)   It took an Ohio man the full minute to realize he was having sex with a corpse  (wtol.com) (205)
(Some Guy)   Do not cure sides of beef by stringing them from your roof; the steaks are just too high  T-Shirt  (ksla.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this dye job  (bigpicture.ru) (18)
(MSNBC)   Chicken pot pie gets a spicy makeover. Chicken pot pie. My three favorite things  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (103)
(Google)   Pope calls civic education an attack on "religious freedom". Ironic tag gasses Obvious tag  (google.com) (157)
(WGAL 8)   In Urbana Illinois, it is not illegal, per se, to own a monster. However, should you decide to get one, you must get a license from the city clerk. Carry on  (wgal.com) (50)
(Daily Mail)   Having no other stories to report on, the Daily Mail asks the pressing questions like "Is size 12 the perfect size?"  (dailymail.co.uk) (175)
(Washington Post)   Think you know everything about drinking? Think again. Some myths about alcohol debunked and also confirmed. This may surprise you  (washingtonpost.com) (188)
(MSNBC)   Scientists have finally figured out what is killing off birds. They're just wasted and keep crashing  (msnbc.msn.com) (34)
(Des Moines Register)   Would-be robber has his plan foiled as the clerk he held up just walked away  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (16)
(Philly)   Georgetown University student survives gravity experiment for Introductory Physics course  (philly.com) (27)
(AL.com)   Scientists discover a "pink meanie" which is not a new STD  (blog.al.com) (55)
(The Newspaper)   Small town mayor's speed trap is about to be caught in a speed trap trap  (thenewspaper.com) (58)
(National Post)   Canadian Museum of Civilization will open without foie gras. You call that civilization?  (life.nationalpost.com) (63)
(MLive.com)   Crackhouse font used in logo for Detroit "I'm a Believer" volunteer campaign to rebuild the city  (mlive.com) (73)
(CNN)   The US House of Representatives is set to vote today on whether or not the Arizona shootings were bad  (cnn.com) (146)
(Yahoo)   Supreme Court to hear the case of a man arrested on drug charges after police kicked in his door without a warrant while looking for a fleeing suspect. Yes, sadly, this HAS gone all the way to the Supreme Court  (news.yahoo.com) (239)
(Some Guy)   Greenhouse gas capture company turns groundwater into soda pop  (winnipegfreepress.com) (69)
(ABC News)   Obama phones the sheriff, did not phone the deputy  (blogs.abcnews.com) (69)
(TC Palm)   'Oh crap,' moment No. 1: Realizing the beer you just stole is non-alcoholic. Second 'Oh crap,' moment: Getting arrested after then stealing alcoholic beer you meant to in the first place  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (14)
(Guardian.com)   The spy who loved me...and then separated my glass into clear, green and brown  (guardian.co.uk) (36)
(The New York Times)   Lebanese government expected to collapse. Too bad, I thought they had their problems licked  (nytimes.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   If you poached the Minnesota DNR's "Poachers Wall of Shame" over the weekend, St. Paul officials would like a word with you. And the correct spelling of your name  (sctimes.com) (11)
(Some Snowflake)   CAUTION: Sledding will kill your children. Take that thing away right now  (enterprisenews.com) (154)
(Some Guy)   Ice-skaters find WWII bomb in frozen river  (austriantimes.at) (58)
(The Smoking Gun)   Florida police are investigating a large all girl brawl outside a gas station. (With Not safe for work video goodness)  (thesmokinggun.com) (508)
(eBay)   This thread is about what hilarious or awesome things I will buy from Ebay, right now, while drunk. Difficulty: 20 dollar limit  (ebay.com) (288)
(USA Today)   Three words: Stealth Motorcycle Cop  (content.usatoday.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Blocking a cemetery entrance with your pants down and meth in your pocket? Son, I am disappoint (w/mugshot)  (kob.com) (24)
(NW Florida Daily News)   "The man then turned his pockets inside out and showed the officer that he did not have any food stamps, but he did have a small baggie with white residue"  (nwfdailynews.com) (10)
(Yahoo)   Why teens and young adults are leaving the church: (shakes magic 8 Ball) oohh, that's a good one... (shakes magic 8 Ball again, and again and again)  (news.yahoo.com) (821)
(Google)   Photoshop theme: Video game characters in real life  (video.google.com) (70)
(Forbes)   Most affordable cities in the United States, or where no one else wants to live so it's still cheap  (forbes.com) (148)
(KTNV.com)   Las Vegas baby born at 1:11 on 1/11/11  (ktnv.com) (79)
(BBC)   Canadian motorists injured when moose slammed into their cars sue provincial government for not preventing the accidents. If they win it'll be a huge moose carriage of justice  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(Telegraph)   One more thing to blame America for: A decline in the number of marmalade-eating British kids  (telegraph.co.uk) (90)
(KCTV)   Wife shoots husband in genitals, leaving a teeny wienie hole  (kctv5.com) (21)
(Nerve)   It's a well known fact that marijuana is behind 100% of all violent crimes. If you want to prevent more shootings, all you have to do is continue to not legalize marijuana  (nerve.com) (204)
(Beatcalls)   It's always a good idea to make sure you don't have any open warrants out for your arrest BEFORE you head to court to try and get custody of your kid. FARK: As for the heroin and marijuana...just leave those at home too just to be safe  (beatcalls.com) (30)
(Canoe)   If you can find this couple's missing dog, they'll name their first-born child after you. That sounds like a reasonable reward, I don't see what could possibly go wr... THE HELL?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (147)
(Some Guy)   Frog hitches ride through flood water on back of deadly snake, vows to pay it forward one day  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (62)
(Metro)   Police identify a "hotspot," launch raid, and recover two guinea pigs with an estimated street value of.. wait, what?  (metro.co.uk) (92)
(MSNBC)   New law passed banning picketing at funerals in Tucson area. Which begs the question: Why isn't there a national law banning this so the WBC can finally STFU?  (msnbc.msn.com) (398)

Tue January 11, 2011
(CNN)   There's snow on the ground in 49 out of 50 states. Yes, even Hawaii. Guess which state spoiled the fun. Go ahead, guess  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (177)
(CBC)   Alcohol swabs recalled over bacteria. You're REALLY doing it wrong  (cbc.ca) (44)
(Under New Management)   Photoshop this ♪ workin' at the car wash ♫  (fototelegraf.ru) (25)
(News.com.au)   Teacher lets students play on sled in the snow. Hilarity ensues  (news.com.au) (114)
(Nerve)   All you silly scientists can stop looking for the cause of the mass bird deaths, it's obviously gay marriage  (nerve.com) (122)
(NPR)   Remember that money you donated to help Haiti after the earthquake? Yeah, it's still just sitting around  (npr.org) (60)
(Daily Mail)   This is why you never go ATM  (dailymail.co.uk) (128)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Proof that we as a nation are getting stupider: Florida ranked 5th in education, up from 54th  (orlandosentinel.com) (61)
(MLive.com)   According to United Van Lines, Michigan is no longer the #1 state to move from  (mlive.com) (77)
(Talking Points Memo)   Republican chairman calls on Obama to "stop the blame." Yes, he really said that. No, he wasn't being ironic  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (237)
(New York Daily News)   Japanese airline becomes the first ever to offer draft beer during flights. Next up: Mile High Kegstand Club  (nydailynews.com) (70)
(WLSAM)   Indiana Governor to state of Illinois: it's like living next door to Homer Simpson  (wlsam.com) (102)
(Daily Mail)   Tales of a Polish cleaning lady: One woman rubbed the lenses of her glasses regularly with excrement to check up on whether or not she cleaned them  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(Some Guy)   Police chief outed after gay sex sting  (newser.com) (73)
(So Good)   McDonald's new Fruit & Maple Oatmeal might be banned in Vermont for using the word "maple" because it's in direct violation of the state's "maple law"  (sogoodblog.com) (131)
(MSNBC)   78 missing as 'instant tsunami' hits Brisbane Australia  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(AJC)   Kryptonite : Superman :: snow : liquor store burglars  (ajc.com) (13)
(The Local (Germany))   Cycling enthusiast hospitalized after attempting to bike through Siberia. "I didn't think Siberia would be so cold"  (thelocal.de) (88)
(Bloomberg)   Sales of Glock pistols soar after successful product demonstration in Arizona  (bloomberg.com) (608)
(CBC)   Terrorist Canadian has egg on her face after attempting to choke American children  (cbc.ca) (94)
(The Smoking Gun)   Drunk, chainsmoking, and screaming, "F*ck you, I'm french" is no way to fly, son  (thesmokinggun.com) (55)
(NPR)   Giffords' doctor: "She has no right to look this good," asks if he can buy her a drink  (npr.org) (149)
(Herald Tribune)   Police want help identifying skull. That they found in a box labeled "SKULL." Which they found in their own evidence locker. 45 years ago. That's some good work there, Lou  (heraldtribune.com) (57)
(AU)   Assange lawyers fear death sentence, surprise sex, being lectured about things, and very small birds  (sbs.com.au) (128)
(MSNBC)   No surprise here : Bill being introduced to outlaw carrying a gun within 1000 feet of officials and judges. Surprise : By a republican  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (312)
(MSNBC)   Armed hero almost shot unarmed hero at Tuscon shooting  (msnbc.msn.com) (350)
(Some TV Land Guy)   Photoshop one of today's stars into one of yesterday's TV Shows: LGT Inspiration  (images17.fotki.com) (95)
(CNN)   Welcome to Hoth-lanta  (ireport.cnn.com) (186)
(Yahoo)   Ugly ass cross-eyed opossum has more Facebook "likes" in Germany than The Hoff  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(Chicago Tribune)   Today's thousands of fish dying mysteriously comes to us from *spins wheel* Chicago, IL  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (77)
(Gesundheit)   Ah... ahhhh... ahhhhhh.... AHHHHHHH-PEW  (digitalspy.com) (52)
(News9.com)   Despite numerous viewings of 'A Christmas Story,' some kids just can't resist the dreaded Triple Dog Dare  (news9.com) (70)
(Mother Nature Network)   We're not saying your college classes are easy, but a mosquitofish does just as good as you on your math tets  (mnn.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Hamburglar's wife demands burgers, Robble robble  (ksdk.com) (24)
(Yahoo)   "German police have told an employee of a Russian circus group that he can take his tigers for walks as long as the authorities are notified in advance"  (news.yahoo.com) (17)
(FARK)   Drew is currently unavailable for comment from the Bering Sea, but here are some of Fark's favorite headlines from 1/2 - 1/8  (fark.com) (25)
(Comics Alliance)   Online comics retailer applauds Giffords shooting. "1 down, 534 to go"  (comicsalliance.com) (437)
(Some Guy)   When listing your baby for sale on craigslist..well... dont list your baby for sale on craigslist. (Spoiler: no actual baby)  (nbcwashington.com) (62)
(AOL News)   Today's "pranksters turn river fluorescent green" story brought to you by Prestone  (aolnews.com) (57)
(TC Palm)   ER doctor who fled the scene of a boating accident without rending aid kindly asks witnesses to stop pointing that out  (tcpalm.com) (156)
(Chicago Tribune)   Disgraced Chicago police chief convicted of beating and torturing suspects wants special treatment due to his public service  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (70)
(The Morning Call)   You hardly ever see these kind of manners in robbers nowadays  (articles.mcall.com) (7)
(Some Guy)   Firefighter can't control his hose, even after putting a diaper over the nozzle  (denver.cbslocal.com) (26)
(CBS News)   Take heart, Libs. Loughner wasn't one of you. Not so fast, though, he wasn't a tea bagger either. He was a real life troll, says person who received last known phone call from the would be assassin  (cbsnews.com) (639)
(Some Guy)   Maine woman learns that the "It's coming right for us" defense only works in cartoons, Florida  (wmtw.com) (40)
(Washington Post)   The Washington Post debunks five favorite conservative fantasies about what caused the Civil War  (washingtonpost.com) (434)
(Some Ginger Lovin' Guy)   Scientists using ginger to attract endangered stags. Proving once and for all that she is hotter than Mary Ann  T-Shirt  (yorkpress.co.uk) (356)
(AOL News)   That perfect intersection of pompous affluence, shock art and political incorrectness: artist produces diamond-studded baby skull  (aolnews.com) (94)
(NYPost)   Batman never ended up with a broken nose when he confronted the Joker or Catwoman  (nypost.com) (117)
(About.com)   Sorry to hear that you were flooded out of your house. We don't have any food or water for you, but how would you like a nice thong? No? Okay, here's a tiger costume instead  (weirdnews.about.com) (37)
(New York Daily News)   Naked maid on trial for ... you don't care, you're already checking to see if you have jury duty this week aren't you?  (nydailynews.com) (202)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this solar stare  (inapcache.boston.com) (21)
(Tonawanda News)   If your girlfriend's gotten a restraining order already, the two of you really shouldn't go out for drinks, then race each other through a small city. Especially not with drug paraphernalia in the car  (tonawanda-news.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   News: man kills his own grandfather. Weird news: Man sleeps nekkid with murder weapon afterwards. Fark: 28 year age difference between grandfather and grandson  (roanoke.com) (72)
(Daily Herald)   Please do not actually go wild at Buffalo Wild Wings  (dailyherald.com) (109)
(The Scotsman)   Scottish builder working on 17th-century mansion has brassy millionaire lady laird constantly begging him for sex, tells her he's got a girlfriend, gets sacked, sues her for damages, then settles out of court. McGiggity  (news.scotsman.com) (66)
(Washington Post)   Church burglar over the weekend: a). Stole $400... in pennies. b). Cooked and ate a hamburger. c.) Left porn up on the church computer. d). Punched out a preacher. e). All of the above  (washingtonpost.com) (41)
(KTVZ)   A colonoscopy is uncomfortable, yes, but not as uncomfortable as being told the equipment was used on 4 different patients prior to you without being sterilized  (ktvz.com) (104)
(SMH)   Brisbane facing the worst flooding in 100 years  (smh.com.au) (181)
(io9)   Eleven reasons that 2011 could be one of the worst years on record  (io9.com) (96)
(WWL)   Not news: Hot MILF leaves baby in car while drinking in bar. Fark: When she tries to drive off, other drunks box her in until cops arrive (w/ mugshot)  (wwl.com) (142)
(Washington Post)   Remember how DHS had linked Jared Loughner to some right-wing group? Yeah, about that  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (516)
(Some Guy)   Not News: New Jersey town to begin randomly drug testing students. Fark: In the sixth grade  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (141)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this changing of the guard  (online.wsj.com) (36)
(Some Gal)   ♪♫ Goodness gracious great balls of fire ♫♪  (ocala.com) (31)

Mon January 10, 2011
(ABC)   Jared Loughner mugshot released, and yeah he looks as crazy as a shiathouse rat  (abc15.com) (610)
(Time)   Top ten legal drugs linked to violence. #1 is exactly where it should be  (healthland.time.com) (258)
(Reuters)   "The United States will need to come to terms with the fact that its prevalence in the world is fated to come to an end"  (reuters.com) (388)
(kltv.com)   Man builds and flies world's largest kites for charity. Charlie Brown bitterly wonders what he's doing wrong  (kltv.com) (14)
(NJ.com)   Housing authority's chief of security suspended for posing with a gun in picture captioned "ILL KILL YA KIDS" on MySpace. Yes, MySpace. Yes, this story is from 2011  (nj.com) (88)
(UPI)   Baby survives tornado, flying cow, being born in Minnesota in January  (upi.com) (45)
(New York Daily News)   No Pants Day. It's all it's cracked up to be  (nydailynews.com) (90)
(Yahoo)   The Pope lets potential parents know that they should forget trendy names like Chrystal or Apple and give their child good Christian names like Joseph or Matthew or Fisty  (news.yahoo.com) (285)
(Yahoo)   Pay your dog taxes, or else  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(The New York Times)   Other than all the fighting, the voting in Sudan went very peacefully  (nytimes.com) (22)
(Huffington Post)   Congressional Affairs Director found DIACF  (huffingtonpost.com) (159)
(Some Surfin' Guy)   Photoshop this colorful water tunnel  (lh4.ggpht.com) (44)
(Talking Points Memo) NewsFlash Tom Delay is going to prison. Hammer - time   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (280)
(Some Guy)   Time traveling cigarette snatchers rewrite history (Some unlabeled NSFW links on page)  (iconicphotos.wordpress.com) (126)
(CNNGo)   Chinese farmer's 13-year search for his kidnapped son hasn't led him to his son, but it has turned up seven other missing kids  (cnngo.com) (62)
(Yahoo)   Bank building badly damaged on 9/11 is finally scheduled to come down. Truthers to be watching carefully for signs of controlled demolition  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (268)
(Yahoo)   Lizzie Borden museum gets the ax  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(USA Today)   Washington, D.C. is the most read city in the nation when considering newspapers, bookstores, magazines, education, libraries and the Internet. Notice nothing is said about "bills" or "legislation"  (usatoday.com) (49)
(Cracked)   The six most pointless supervillain schemes ever hatched  (cracked.com) (136)
(National Post)   School board chair who compared gay students to Nazis says comments were taken 'out of context'. Because we all know context is important when invoking a Nazi reference  (news.nationalpost.com) (119)
(Talking Points Memo)   Nazi-dressing jihadi sympathizer bites two FBI agents in a Burger King parking lot. Then it gets weird   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (67)
(MSNBC)   I know you may be tempted to speed home when you find out your daughter just had a seizure. Just try to not crash into the ambulance transporting her to the hospital on your way  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(Yahoo)   Dan Rather says he would have been more careful about airing reports saying Giffords was dead until he had a reliable source. Like an anonymous 35-year-old fax, for instance  (news.yahoo.com) (101)
(Government Technology)   To battle contraband cellphones, state prisons may start jamming them, which, ironically, is how they usually come into a prisoner's possesion to begin with  T-Shirt  (govtech.com) (69)
(Some Guy)   You've just watched your underdog team win against world famous opponents. Do you C) knock one of your players out and run off celebrating  (swns.com) (24)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Point: Elderly people are afraid of dying alone and homeless. Counterpoint: Eat the elderly  (suntimes.com) (60)
(The Consumerist)   Man says that the penis enlarger he purchased did not work as promised. Even after 500 hours of use  (consumerist.com) (104)
(The New York Times)   Education is an investment in the future. Unless it's law school  (nytimes.com) (133)
(Some Guy)   Man seeking portal to hell stabs two, not realizing he was already in New Jersey  (kxly.com) (37)
(Yahoo)   Basque separatist terrorist group the ETA calls it quits after realizing almost nobody knew what the fark a "Basque" was, let alone had ever heard of the ETA  (news.yahoo.com) (128)
(Washington Post)   Will bigger paychecks strenghten the economy? Subby willing to be a test subject  (washingtonpost.com) (86)
(Denver Channel)   Dirty water found near hole in Butte  (thedenverchannel.com) (70)
(Yahoo)   Study shows that forcing you to sign in blood in a store's Big Book Of Shame every time you want a package of decent cold medicine hasn't slowed the meth trade even a tiny bit  (news.yahoo.com) (192)
(Paste Magazine)   As if they have not already suffered enough, Sean Penn announces that he is making Haiti Relief his life's work  (pastemagazine.com) (57)
(Huffington Post)   Believe it or not, somebody is actually trying to explain Jared Loughner's actions without making it into a political blame-game  (huffingtonpost.com) (887)
(AJC)   Corrections officer turned serial rapist foiled by old woman who had fallen and couldn't get up  (ajc.com) (29)
(Brought to you by Carl's Jr)   Photoshop theme: When corporate sponsorship gets out of control  (i.imgur.com) (50)
(Metro)   You can scratch "taking my goat on a date" from the list of excuses which will get you off a drunk driving charge  (metro.co.uk) (30)
(CNN)   Winning the lottery may not actually make you happy  (cnn.com) (325)
(WSAZ)   Would someone please check the Kelley Blue Book and see how much meth it takes to trade for an Oldsmobile Intrigue  (wsaz.com) (33)
(DFW Star-Telegram)   Dallas/Ft Worth officials oppose new adult club near the airport. City council fears men getting too close to runways, landing strips  (star-telegram.com) (84)
(Daily Mail)   When burgling a house, it's best not to empty their liquor cabinet on a three day bender that leaves you unable to find your way out of the house (w/ pic of what a drunk burglar might look like)  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)
(Chicago Tribune)   Men not allowed at ladies underwear exhibit. Man threatens to hold a similar mens event and to bar women. That'll show 'em  (chicagotribune.com) (148)
(WFTV)   Company owner of Pastors4u.com expands business plan with new ChoirBoy4u.com, arrested for masturbating in front of boy he kidnapped from Walmart  (wftv.com) (49)
(Canoe)   Like mom always said, if you're going to get caught stealing and tied up with your pants down, make sure you have on clean underwear, or at least some underwear  (cnews.canoe.ca) (28)
(Telegraph)   Smoking could disappear by 2050. Unlikely tag laughs and coughs up some brown phlegm  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (116)
(Daily Mail)   Good news: Beating breast cancer at the age of 50. Better news: Beating breast cancer at the age of 25. The best news: Beating breast cancer at the age of 3  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Foreign Policy)   Photoshop these snacking sheikhs  (foreignpolicy.com) (30)
(Wall Street Journal)   Why the Chinese are superior to you  (online.wsj.com) (442)
(Daily Herald)   Bereaved mom sues police department for shooting her innocent axe-wielding son  (dailyherald.com) (90)
(Some Guy)   PA man bites another man's genitals during fight. That takes balls  (cumberlink.com) (34)
(Chicago Tribune)   Protip: If you are going to break into your ex-girlfriend's house, make sure she isn't capable of kicking your ass so bad everyone on Fark laughs at your mugshot  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (37)
(Yahoo)   It is offically time to panic: Alaska pipeline closed, oil prices rise  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(New York Daily News)   F. Lee Bailey says he has evidence that will exonerate OJ Simpson once and for all. I though the ill-fitting glove that led to his acquittal did that  (nydailynews.com) (103)
(ABC News)   61-year old woman wrestled fresh ammo clip from killer in Gabrielle Giffords' town hall meeting  (abcnews.go.com) (152)
(NJ.com)   Latest TSA buffoonery involves whether they screened a dead dog  (nj.com) (41)
(SMH)   Your wombat wants steak, and a beer as well if you have one. Cheers mate  (smh.com.au) (28)

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