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Sun January 09, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Yahoo)   Dead bird epidemic continues: 53 eagles found dead on a field in Philadelphia  (sports.yahoo.com) (238)
(PennLive)   Dick Winters has joined a new company of heroes in Heaven  (pennlive.com) (223)
(Chicago Tribune)   Tens of dollars of merchandise saved when a grenade donated to a Goodwill turned out to be fake  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Chernobyl: 25 years later  (totallycoolpix.com) (238)
(AL.com)   Preacher creates a sermon inspired by the life of Johnny Cash. He's hoping to save souls from the ring of fire  (blog.al.com) (32)
(TwinCities.com)   A war has erupted over indoor tanning in the United States, but often one side is trapped in their glowing blue foxholes  (twincities.com) (48)
(The Real Ric Romero)   "Remember the old Polaroid instant camera? Well now, instant photos have caught up with technology." You heard it from Ric Romero: THE FUTURE IS *HERE*  (abclocal.go.com) (50)
(Buffalo News)   Woman tries to charge 255 grilled chicken sandwiches worth $3,000 on a stolen credit card  (buffalonews.com) (71)
(TechSpot)   US government has developed an 11 page strategy document on how to prevent further leaks. It has, of course, been leaked  (techspot.com) (69)
(Foreign Policy)   Photoshop this Beijing beauty  (foreignpolicy.com) (26)
(USA Today)   As a young person, the validation I get from this greenlight is worth more than sex, booze, or money  (usatoday.com) (69)
(Dayton Daily News)   Like claw machines? Play one on the web, and get your prize mailed to you (including awesomeness like the complete Dokken collection on vinyl, Old English cologne, and zebra-striped Snuggies)  (daytondailynews.com) (96)
(BBC)   Politician calls for every man in Bristol to be DNA tested in hunt for killer. Forget the nanny state and say hello to the police state  (bbc.co.uk) (111)
(Some Guy)   Growing vegetables in your own garden on your own land? Sorry, citizen -- that's a $5,000 fine  (eatdrinkbetter.com) (167)
(Great Falls Tribune)   What happens when two Haitian orphans are adopted following the earthquake and move to a tiny town in frozen Montana? I'm not sure; something was in my eye and I couldn't read it all  (greatfallstribune.com) (57)
(Huffington Post)   Leaked memo indicates Arizona shooter may have ties to anti-immigration hate group  (huffingtonpost.com) (794)
(Sun Sentinel)   Year of recovery in full swing as bootstrappy Florida sees the highest number of food stamp applications in the program's history  (sun-sentinel.com) (94)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Headline: "Cougar-cub pairings not always easy over long haul." For once, this article is exactly what you think it's about  (suntimes.com) (107)
(Yahoo)   Jupiter, the Moon, and Uranus to align Sunday night. Submitter uncomfortable that the article references using your fist as a metric to find Uranus (no, really)  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(WBAL Radio)   REMINDER: There can be only one... and if you're carrying a pint of vodak and a restraining order from your pregnant girlfriend in addition to the sword, it probably isn't you  (wbal.com) (43)
(Google)   Former fisheries chief scientist Steve Murawski is excited by end of overfishing, election as Senator from Alaska  (google.com) (27)
(AZCentral)   "When the shots began, he ran toward them"  (azcentral.com) (257)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this merchandise move  (online.wsj.com) (29)
(Some Upset Liter, I'm Guessing)   "Fark commentors named internet's wittiest." Yes, it's actually satire written by someone who clearly gets mocked in various threads but is too passive aggressive to lash out  (crystalair.com) (248)
(The Sun)   Let's take off our clothes and go shopping. (Why, yes, there are pictures). Hey, wait, there's a dude in there. WTF?  (thesun.co.uk) (66)
(Chicago Tribune)   One thing Illinois pols didn't budget for in their 75% income tax hike? A 60 foot high wall, with razor wire on top and guard towers, equipped with police dogs and surrounded by an acid-filled moat to keep desperate taxpayers from fleeing  (chicagotribune.com) (181)
(Chicago Tribune)   Are antipsychotics overused in this country? OH NO, NOT THE BEES. NOT THE BEES CRAWLING UP MY ARM AND ALL OVER MY FACE  (chicagotribune.com) (94)
(MSNBC)   Fark Media Friend Keith Olbermann asks for a change in rhetoric  (msnbc.msn.com) (428)
(Houston Chronicle)   Ugly ass baby penguin born in Galveston, Texas. With ugly ass video goodness  (chron.com) (8)
(Globe and Mail)   Q: My 5-year-old child still sucks his thumb, what should I do? A: Get your own thumb out of your rear and tell the kid to stop  (theglobeandmail.com) (95)
(MSNBC)   Old guy in wheelchair leaves his lawn behind him, goes cruising down Interstate 95. You go, Gramps  (msnbc.msn.com) (21)
(BBC)   Britain passes new law guaranteeing people's right to lick the Queen's backside  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(YouTube)   Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords talks about being on Palin's target list  (youtube.com) (1442)
(Dallas News)   When you give the cops the name of your cousin instead of your own name be sure he isn't wanted on molestation charges first  (dallasnews.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: When technology attacks  (goodcleantech.com) (22)
(Washington Post)   "We're not convinced he acted alone" - authorities are seeking second person in connection with Tuscon shooting  (washingtonpost.com) (548)
(The Cambridge Chronicle)   Not news: Angry customer at local cinema. News: Smashes entire concession stand. Fark: Because he couldn't get a refund when "Sound of Music" went out of focus for a few minutes  (wickedlocal.com) (72)
(The Times of India)   Man complains about girlfriend's infidelity. Naturally, she bashes his head in with a cricket stump and dumps his corpse in a septic tank  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (76)
(Some Guy)   The cutest prison escapees you'll see all week  (dispatch.com) (49)

Sat January 08, 2011
(Orlando Sentinel)   Today's Fark-ready headline: "Why do prison inmates love honey buns so much?"  (orlandosentinel.com) (76)
(NYPost)   Soon, there could be bare butts all over the boob tube. Giggity  (nypost.com) (128)
(Some Foodie)   How to find real food at the supermarket. Or, how to alienate your microwave  (foodpolitics.com) (120)
(Believe)   Photoshop this Mayan space pig  (bigpicture.ru) (40)
(CNN)   If you're in Mexico today and find 15 stray heads, the Acapulco police have the matching bodies  (cnn.com) (54)
(CBC)   Police confuse skunk with whatever they want  (cbc.ca) (54)
(Some Guy)   52-car pileup after 1 inch of snow provides more proof that Virginians can't drive  (www2.insidenova.com) (177)
(CNN)   Tucson shooting press conference started (new thread)  (cnn.com) (3451)
(NPR) NewsFlash Six killed, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) injured in Tucson  (npr.org) (3434)
(Contra Costa Times)   Human remains discovered under Mexican-American cultural center in downtown Los Angeles. Drug cartels unimpressed  (contracostatimes.com) (16)
(WIVB)   Woman staples man's forehead in domestic dispute. There. That was easy  (wivb.com) (38)
(Yahoo)   Jehovah's Witnesses say they were harassed in southern Sudan. So, pretty much like everywhere else then?  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Daily Mail)   Today's luckiest 15-year-old boy in the world brought to you from Lancashire courtesy of his presumably supple ballet teacher  (dailymail.co.uk) (160)
(io9)   A crazy architect is trying to build a skyscraper theme park. What could possibly go wrong?  (io9.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   If you have $1.65M lying around, and your life's dream was to own Cameron's house from "Ferris Buller's Day Off", I've got some great news for you  (autoblog.com) (73)
(The New York Times)   New York Times helpfully presents the 41 places you can't afford to visit on the vacation you don't have this year  (travel.nytimes.com) (53)
(Cracked)   Bad will always win because good is dumb. And science backs that up  (cracked.com) (92)
(Canoe)   Woman walks into glass door. Clearly, she's going to sue the store for $175K  (cnews.canoe.ca) (68)
(Chicago Tribune)   Man being sued by his jilted bride for $95,000 is countersuing her for $45,000 because she kept his engagement ring. If only there were some form of compromise  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (69)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this cluster of carrots  (bigpicture.ru) (16)
(FARK)   Happy Saturday, and here is the first Fark News Quiz of 2011. And it's totally easy for the new year (bumped from yesterday)  (fark.com) (53)
(Globe and Mail)   "I've tasted several [beautiful teenagers] already, and there are some standouts"  (theglobeandmail.com) (64)
(Gizmodo)   Would you pay $4,000 to see Steffi Graf naked?  (gizmodo.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   Companies are finding that it's just as cost effective to outsource to Detroit as it is to India  (positivedetroit.net) (72)
(Lincolnshire Echo)   We have health and safety concerns about your smoking act, but the dwarf pulling a vacuum cleaner with his penis isn't a problem  (thisislincolnshire.co.uk) (21)
(Top News)   1) Videotape yourself having sex with hundreds of different women. 2) Post the videos on your blog. 3) More women line up to try you out. Cool story, bro  (topnews.in) (112)
(CTV)   Oh, bra-vo, MOTY candidate - you set the standard for all mothers around the world. *clap, clap*  (ctv.ca) (32)
(Daily Mail)   You got rocket science in my water sports. NO, YOU got water sports in MY rocket science  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(C|Net)   Department Of Justice orders Twitter to release Wikileaks activists' account info. Begun, the info war has  (news.cnet.com) (105)
(O.C. Register)   36 year old woman arrested for allegedly having sex with a 13-year-old boy; pop quiz, hot shot: Would you hit it? Well, would you?  (ocregister.com) (122)
(wtsp.com)   Twelve of the ugliest prostitutes you will ever see rounded up in Lakeland. Warning: Faces of meth  (lakeland.wtsp.com) (85)
(tonic.com)   Maty, a rescued 3 legged Australian Shepherd mix, has retired from the World Frisbee competitions to start her new career: socializing feral kittens for adoption. With adorable pics for Caturday  (tonic.com) (747)
(Huffington Post)   Virginia may print its own currency. This is a repeat from 1861-1865  (huffingtonpost.com) (173)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You are at a hotel and discover your boyfriend is already married. Do you: C) Push him out of the hotel room, trigger the fire alarm with wire hangars, and give the hotel manager the finger?  (nwfdailynews.com) (15)
(New York Daily News)   Bronx high school teacher getting an insulin shot from co-worker, "when a janitor saw her naked from the waist up with another nude teacher kneeling between her legs" (w/photos of the two sweet teachers)  (nydailynews.com) (154)
(Some Guy)   You know how Google has those cool doodles of their logo for holidays? Create some Fark.com doodles  (img.fark.net) (47)
(Daily Mail)   The YWCA changes its name because having Christian in the name "no longer represents who we are." The new name: Platform 51. Yeah, that's real representative  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(CNN)   Why is spending half my income on rent a good idea? Because the gym is only 26 minutes away  (money.cnn.com) (163)
(Some Chef)   Whoa, slow down Paula Dean... some of us can't follow the complexity of your recipes  (foodnetwork.com) (151)
(Some Guy)   In a story certain to outrage nobody, couple aborts the twin boys they conceived through IVF because they really just wanted one baby girl  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (136)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida marine authorities would like you to know the shiat levels have returned to normal on the Intracoastal  (sun-sentinel.com) (10)
(News.com.au)   Mary had a little lamb until it wandered into a sewage pond and an elderly farmer died trying to save its life  (news.com.au) (18)
(WIVB)   Worst PTA meeting EVER  (wivb.com) (50)
(Some Canadian)   School: We don't allow gay students to form a club for the same reason we don't allow Nazi clubs  (xtra.ca) (251)

Fri January 07, 2011
(KHOU Houston)   Houston 4th-grader does the "Hammer" maneuver in the school cafeteria to save the life of a classmate choking on a cheeto. How dancing in silly, baggy pants saved the kid, I have no idea  (khou.com) (67)
(The Sun)   Former world's fattest man suing health service for letting him grow into Jabba the Hutt. With not safe for anyone pics  (thesun.co.uk) (150)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop these shamans shaking  (inapcache.boston.com) (22)
(The Consumerist)   The sign says: "Walk, jog, run, and have lots of fun on the water... while completely dry." The sign also says: "YOU MAY GET WET." Stop dividing by zero, stupid sign  (consumerist.com) (45)
(New York Daily News)   Ted Williams may have the golden voice of an angel, but his ex-wife might actually be one, raising their three kids and one of his girlfriend's while he lived on the streets  (nydailynews.com) (136)
(The Smoking Gun)   Bundle up, it's a stormy Mugshot Roundup this week  (thesmokinggun.com) (163)
(Bangor Daily News)   A Maine woman arrested for stabbing her husband in the back did it because, "I can't stand him and he drives me nuts." Bangor Daily? I bet he wishes he didn't  T-Shirt  (bangordailynews.com) (67)
(Rockin')   Man tries to rob store armed with rock. Bonus: it was a bridal store  (ketv.com) (32)
(WMCTV)   He was a cameraman in the Army and earned the Bronze Star. He was the first person to run from the Atlantic to the Pacific along the Panama Canal. He killed a man-eating tiger and a raging bull in Indonesia. Now? He wants his Eagle Scout badge  (wmctv.com) (82)
(Asbury Park Press)   Man kills himself after learning he was sober in NJ  (app.com) (78)
(click2houston.com)   Man dressed as mummy has community on edge. He probably has a long wrap sheet  (click2houston.com) (70)
(KCRG)   Woman who felt like her girlfriend was "stabbing her in the back" by breaking up with her responds in kind, sans metaphor  (kcrg.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   The hairspray on these retro cheerleaders explains why we have a hole in the ozone layer (slideshow)  (wtkr.com) (170)
(AZCentral)   Government finally admits it has put too much flouride in our drinking water  (azcentral.com) (158)
(The Morning Call)   Library president steals $99K. Book 'em, Danno  (mcall.com) (24)
(kcra.com)   Authorities detonate boxes of picric acid at station. Officials have their hunches about what happened, but they're all baseless  (kcra.com) (31)
(AZCentral)   Arizona law enforcement mistakes a man for a fugitive. Wronged man is patient and understanding. Then shoots up a mall, takes hostages and gets in a gun battle  (azcentral.com) (39)
(Scientific American)   The top 10 life-forms living on Lady Gaga  (scientificamerican.com) (50)
(MSNBC)   Today from the pages of World War 2 history you didn't know: The Nazis got so angry that a Finnish man trained his dog to mimick Hitler, they tried to ruin his life  (msnbc.msn.com) (85)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Can't decide between church or the bar? Problem solved  (startribune.com) (51)
(The Register)   Problem: thieves steal the copper cable used to control traffic lights. Solution: make them wireless. New problem: now thieves steal wireless equipment to make free phone calls  (theregister.co.uk) (26)
(Mother Nature Network)   Egypt threatens to remove an ancient obelisk from Central Park. Free masons not amused  (mnn.com) (113)
(MSNBC)   Sexual Stereotypes based on nationality might not be 100% accurate, unlike all those other stereotypes you know and trust  (msnbc.msn.com) (141)
(CNNGo)   Restaurants across Singapore have banned kids  (cnngo.com) (469)
(Boing Boing)   Snooze button set for 7+ years  (boingboing.net) (93)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this cider-pouring ceremony  (inapcache.boston.com) (18)
(WTAM)   I'd like a grande skim sugar free extra hot caramel teen prostitute macchiato, please  (wtam.com) (71)
(USA Today)   How pirates are getting a peg up on their victims  (usatoday.com) (47)
(Gamma Squad)   Important research finds Africanized bees are angry drunks, punch tiny holes in beehive drywall  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (24)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   One year ago: Voters approve a new school tax. Today: OMG My taxes went up  (cleveland.com) (85)
(Yorkshire Evening Post)   Even if you have a tracking device that tells you where your stolen laptop is located, don't expect the cops to do anything about it  (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk) (102)
(Mercury News)   Criminal mastermind gets nine months in jail for reporting theft of identity he had stolen fair and square  (mercurynews.com) (8)
(Des Moines Register)   You know the crows in your town are hardcore when the only thing that scares them off are 'crow coffins'  (desmoinesregister.com) (29)
(Some Guy)   Mattel introduces 'Rockabilly Barbie' with black hair, heavy eye makeup, tattoos, 1950s clothing, and upright bass. No word on release date for 'White Trash Ken' complete with wifebeater, greasy pompadour, and empty PBR cans  (crawdaddy.com) (119)
(Yahoo)   LA police ask public's help in indentifying 10 men they say are farking retarded  (news.yahoo.com) (58)
(Chicago Tribune)   Puppy thrown out of vehicle during rush hour has been reunited with his owner  (triblocal.com) (57)
(NYPost)   Reassuring news for NYC subway riders: 90% of signal inspectors faked their inspection reports  (nypost.com) (45)
(Daily Mail)   Another day, another 8,000 birds falling dead from the sky  (dailymail.co.uk) (196)
(Independent)   How bad are things financially for the UK? Sherwood Forest will soon be sold for firewood  (independent.co.uk) (27)
(The Local (Sweden))   There ain't no party like an elderly Swede party because an elderly Swede party ain't over til the snow shovel fight  (thelocal.se) (17)
(Some Guy)   One good thing expected to come from the garbage situation in NYC. They can expect a bumper crop of rats this year, so there's always that  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (44)
(Some Guy)   Lord of the Flies is happening right now on D.C.'s Metro  (tbd.com) (605)
(Herald Tribune)   State investigator finds unfair and unconscionable behavior by banks in foreclosure cases, expresses it in clip art   (legal-ease.blogs.heraldtribune.com) (17)
(Chicago Tribune)   Great Dane stops rape, holds suspect at teethpoint until cops arrive  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (229)
(Gamma Squad)   BBC astronomer on live broadcast complains of poor visibility and no sign of meteoroids while one passes behind him. Meteorowned  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (27)
(Philly)   "The live crabs on my buttocks made me do it" not a valid excuse for stealing from a church  (philly.com) (17)
(Kansas City)   Good news everyone, you can now go back to posting pictures of you with a stranger's placenta on facebook  (kansascity.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   I bet the local maritime Search and Rescue guys love this artist. Not your average three hour tour  (gizmag.com) (42)
(The Consumerist)   Scientists discover that drinking more makes you work out more. So join me in raising a frosty, appropriately-seasoned stein of your favorite micro ... for science  (consumerist.com) (107)
(The Smoking Gun)   TSGs Friday Photo Fun is back for the new year. What item did each of these youngsters try to abscond with? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (29)
(WLKY)   Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggies a bone. But when she keeled over, the doggies took over, and gnawed on some bones of their own  (wlky.com) (172)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this perched percussion  (fototelegraf.ru) (30)
(CNN)   British terror alert status upgraded to "What's all this, then?"  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (113)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Ever wonder where today's teens got their massive sense of entitlement from? Maybe it's from parents like this one who is asking a high school to reschedule its graduation ceremony just to suit her schedule  (press-citizen.com) (251)
(citizen.com)   Police have a six hour standoff with unconscious man  (citizen.com) (41)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Your 'World's Best Boss' coffee mug means nothing the day an employee sets fire to your home  (nwfdailynews.com) (29)
(WLSAM)   Apparently telling a cab driver to wait while you commit a robbery only works in the movies  (wlsam.com) (16)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Bad: Getting caught on surveillance camera while robbing a bank. Worse: Police notified after a woman recognizes you on the evening news. FARK: The woman is your wife  (nwfdailynews.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   You know those drones we said we'd only use on those terrorist brown people in the middle east? Guess where they're being deployed next  (wsvn.com) (281)
(Stuff)   Man tries to kill campers with machete and arson. "He's one of the nicest guys who comes in here. But he's obviously got a few issues at the moment." A few issues that needed to be sorted out with stabbing and fire of course  (stuff.co.nz) (61)

Thu January 06, 2011
(Denver Post)   Man pulls into Burger King drive-through, penis in hand, asks employee if she would like to "handle his Whopper"  (denverpost.com) (142)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this serious 1976 computer guy  (traken.chem.yale.edu) (65)
(AP)   Today's "did you know": Did you know that Las Vegas casinos receive regular deliveries of sulphuric acid? Why? Presumably so this Wynn hotel guest could slip and fall into a 200 gallon "puddle" of the stuff  (hosted.ap.org) (108)
(The New York Times)   Best Interactive Census Map you'll see in 10 years  (projects.nytimes.com) (270)
(Gizmodo)   Noted computer programmer and victim of childhood sexual abuse takes his own life. He left a suicide note. It may be the most uncomfortable things you ever read, but also one of the most poignant  (gizmodo.com) (lots)
(Some Guy)   Egyptian Muslims gather to form human shield to protect Christmas Eve mass. Wow  (english.ahram.org.eg) (195)
(Sign On San Diego)   Ugly ass satanic leaf-tailed gecko born at San Diego Zoo  (signonsandiego.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   Bjork. Karaoke marathon. The captain of the Icelandic handball team. The comedian-turned-major of Reykjavik. Then it gets weird  (timescolonist.com) (44)
(Yahoo)   In case you ever need to get your penguin safely out of the lion enclosure, the preferred method is apparently a "trail of herrings"  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(Some Guy)   Ted "The Voice" Williams reunites with 90-year-old mother. No, it's just something in my eye, why do you ask?  (dispatch.com) (119)
(NPR)   All those folks who told their local NPR station they weren't going to donate again until NPR got rid of Ellen Weiss for firing Juan Williams better start coughing up  (npr.org) (160)
(NJ.com)   Kitty litter companies in catfight  (nj.com) (66)
(10 News San Diego)   When I see the headline "international jewel thief", I expect more than a $9000 ring stolen from a Macy's  (10news.com) (36)
(Washington Post)   Research shows a lap dance really isn't better when the stripper is crying  (washingtonpost.com) (98)
(NYPost)   NYC throws a couple of sanitation bosses under the plow  (nypost.com) (24)
(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)   Chicken Magnate Don Tyson died today, authorities are not suspecting fowl play  (arkansasonline.com) (76)
(Some Guy)   Family loots tornado victims, puts stuff back when they get caught, then return later to try again  (blogs.riverfronttimes.com) (42)
(Nola.com)   Veteran district attorney says the most dangerous drug he has encountered in his law enforcement career is bath salts  (nola.com) (59)
(Boston Globe)   In today's issue of Personal Accountability Daily, we'll share the story of the woman who blames the iPhone glitch for making her lose her job  (boston.com) (211)
(New York Daily News)   Las Vegas police issue jaywalking ticket to 13 year-old girl hit by car walking home from school...while she's in a coma  (nydailynews.com) (182)
(CNN)   Fiscal conservatives will save us -$230 Billion if they repeal the Health Care Reform bill  (cnn.com) (384)
(TBO)   Tampa International Airport closes its main runway because the Earth's magnetic pole is shifting. Even TSA agents are scratching their heads on this one  (www2.tbo.com) (96)
(Life.com)   When your own mum refers to you, at an early age, as "The Beast," surely fame, fortune, and lavish postmortem praise from drug-addled rock stars must follow  (life.com) (44)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this bunch of birds  (farm6.static.flickr.com) (40)
(Ocala.com)   Modern day Goldilocks finds the back porch just right  (ocala.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Days after discovering him, the media is already crushing and devouring the soul of the homeless man with the golden voice  (dispatch.com) (139)
(Metro)   Unicorn-man, Unicorn-man, does whatever a unicorn can  (metro.co.uk) (48)
(ABC News)   Peer-to-peer lenders offer new way to get loans without bank involvement. Also, 'peer-to-peer lender' sounds so much nicer than 'loan shark'  (abcnews.go.com) (37)
(Some Gorilla)   Local library card holders can soon visit Zoo Atlanta free, please remember your gorilla is due back in three weeks  (romenews-tribune.com) (19)
(Yahoo)   Things babies born in 2011 will never know, or: How you farkers know you're getting old  (finance.yahoo.com) (324)
(Some Sic Semper Guy)   Booth relatives want to DNA test John Wilkes Booth's body against Edwin Booth's body to make sure the guy in the grave is thier relative  (wbir.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   It's come to this: Man gets arrested on a plane for having a suspcious package that included keys, a bagel with cream cheese and a hat  (nbcmiami.com) (104)
(News.com.au)   Man keeps dead dad in closet for five years. Family considers pressing suit  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (35)
(WTOP) NewsFlash Unibomber 2.0 Attacks Two Government Buildings In Hanover, MD  (wtopnews.com) (217)
(Some Guy)   "People joke when they say that in this day and age you need to nail things down. In this case it was nailed down. That still wasn't enough"  (swns.com) (21)
(Some Guy)   You knew the meme would eventually come to this: Women Being Suggestive with Burgers  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (49)
(WGRZ)   Squirrel takes on pack of tigers and wins by being cute enough to get humans to rescue it  (origin.wgrz.com) (39)
(WESH Orlando)   So, naturally, if your brother owes you $3, you shoot up a Pizza Hut  (wesh.com) (53)
(BBC)   Malaria parasites suffer from jet lag  (bbc.co.uk) (7)
(TwinCities.com)   Missing Duluth man turns up OK in OK. OK?  (twincities.com) (49)
(Business Insider)   Despite the fact it sits half empty, China is copying Dubai's Burj Khalifa  (businessinsider.com) (53)
(WSB-TV)   Valet's life saved when bullet strikes the cell phone in his shirt pocket. Valet downplayed the situation, as the impact was still less painful than dealing with AT&T  T-Shirt  (wsbtv.com) (38)
(KPTV)   Friends say Omaha school gunman was fun, outgoing, aimed high  T-Shirt  (kptv.com) (56)
(Omaha World Herald)   The Nebraska teenager who shot and killed the vice-principal at his high school was angered at having been suspended for 19 days for driving across the football field  (omaha.com) (185)
(Some queasy guy)   The latest gulf spill includes a quarter-million gallons of animal fat in the Houston ship channel (w/ do-not-want pics and video)  (swamplot.com) (53)
(Detroit News)   Mood of Michigan upgraded from total despair to mostly despair  (detnews.com) (89)
(Stuff)   I has a shoes  (stuff.co.nz) (62)
(National Geographic)   The eeriest photos of "bodies" from Davy Jones' locker you will see all day  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (90)
(Some Snickering Proctologist)   Endoscopic hunt for colorectal cancer turns up world's saddest cockroach  (weinterrupt.com) (159)
(Telegraph)   Say what you will about the Nanny State, but they're now giving drunks special 'booze zones' so they can drink in peace  (telegraph.co.uk) (33)
(Some Guy)   Man charged with making a bomb and putting it in a sex toy that he planned to give to his girlfriend after their relationship went sour. With mugshot goodness  (wasecacountynews.com) (69)
(SFGate)   Depositing a check in red ink may result in closing of your account, inability to pay your mortgage, and your paycheck not being direct deposited in your account  (sfgate.com) (64)
(Nevada Appeal)   Six middle school girls share their scheduled "attack a teacher day" event on Facebook. Zero cops like this  (nevadaappeal.com) (68)
(CSMonitor)   US Treasury to add color to the 100 dollar bills, preparing people for the eventual transition to Chinese currency  (csmonitor.com) (56)
(The New York Times)   Respected psychology journal to publish paper on ESP which is guaranteed to make the believers in the paranormal excited. Real scientists never saw this one coming  (nytimes.com) (179)
(Mother Nature Network)   Newest foodie movement is being an invasivore, where you only eat eat invading species of plants and animals  (mnn.com) (160)
(WFTV)   When making bogus 911 call to divert police while you commit a robbery, don't give them the description of your getaway car  (wftv.com) (4)
(Google)   Government says pay your taxes or you can't take taxis. And don't even think about being a jerk  (google.com) (18)
(Boston Globe)   Police officer didn't respond to calls because he was at his girlfriend's house, and his chief didn't notice because he was too busy banging his secretary  (boston.com) (22)
(CBC)   News: Passengers stranded for 14 hours. Fark: On a bus  (cbc.ca) (32)
(Fox News)   News: Gisele Bundchen has body most desired by women. Fark: Marky Mark has body most desired by men  (foxnews.com) (136)
(Some Guy)   Who will stand up for the "horses are food industry" in a world that loves its pets? Thankfully, Nick Naylor is there to represent the best interests of Big Horse  (theindychannel.com) (55)
(Yahoo)   Good news: rare Siberian tiger spotted in China. Bad news: spotted killing and eating the driver of a tour bus in front of his horrified passengers  (news.yahoo.com) (64)
(CNNGo)   The Chinese government is moving on from blocking websites to cockblocking everyone  (cnngo.com) (10)
(Daily Mail)   My New Years resolution is to drink more  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Daily Mail)   My, you're looking thin. *scratch nose*  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Daily Mail)   Speaking of "Twilight", check out my new tattoo  (dailymail.co.uk) (103)
(Washington Post)   IRS Ombudsman in report to Congress: The IRS "is inflicting unnecessary harm on financially struggling taxpayers"  (washingtonpost.com) (66)
(BBC)   Nanny state to teach police the importance of minding their manners. Example: don't refer to the public as muppets  (bbc.co.uk) (11)
(BBC)   "Secure hospital" actually just as insecure as its patients  (bbc.co.uk) (8)
(Some Guy)   Nine great vacation destination ideas for 2011. New York, Barcelona, Peru, Albania, Japan....wait...Albania?   (theindychannel.com) (78)
(Lac du Bonnet Leader)   Woman has a nagging cough, so doctor conducts a very thorough chest exam. Surprisingly, she isn't appreciative  (lacdubonnetleader.com) (104)
(USA Today)   USA Today wants to know: What's the dumbest souvenir you've ever brought home from a trip?  (travel.usatoday.com) (289)
(CSMonitor)   "Could you pass a US citizenship test?" Pfffft, did John Tesh sign the Demarcation of Independence?  (csmonitor.com) (389)
(NPR)   Fox might blatantly lie about their objectivity, but the rest of the media is lying to themselves about their "view from nowhere"  (npr.org) (182)
(Vanity Fair)   Julian Assange threatened to sue if newspapers leaked leaks leaked to them from WikiLeaks  (vanityfair.com) (199)
(Some Chief)   Yeah right, lady. An emu ran through your front yard. Okay  (thebaynet.com) (32)
(NW Florida Daily News)   If you stupidly add an extra zero on a check from your dead boyfriend's account, cops will usually say your story is null and void  (nwfdailynews.com) (17)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this trampoline tot  (spiegel.de) (74)
(UPI)   Researchers find metabolic cost of losing a night's sleep isn't enough to lose any sleep over  (upi.com) (34)
(channel 3000)   Remember the three Illinois guys who traveled to Wisconsin to dig up a corpse and have sex with it? Well, one of them has graduated to a live body. Unfortunately, she's only 14 years old  (channel3000.com) (146)
(Telegraph)   Good News: There is plenty of food in the world to feed everyone. Bad News: There isn't enough money in the world to pay for it  (telegraph.co.uk) (128)
(WLSAM)   84% of workers say they are going to look for a new job, and 100% of employers will surely make that a necessity if they don't stop looking for a new job on company time  (wlsam.com) (90)
(channel 3000)   Perhaps it's not wise to celebrate your alcohol rehab by drinking a 12-pack while going the wrong way down the Interstate  (channel3000.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   If you're going to do renovation work on a foreclosed property, make sure you actually buy it first, get a building permit, insure it and check to make sure it isn't next to a house that's going to be demolished  (wtae.com) (40)
(Chicago Tribune)   STOP THE PRESSES: Drug-sniffing police dogs are wrong over 70% of the time and are used as an intimidation tool  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (225)
(Fox News)   Strange: Girl has date in Court after writing her name in wet cement Stranger: She is eleven years old  (foxnews.com) (230)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida will no longer be allowing people to take the driver's license test online after it was found that almost everyone who had taken it online couldn't pass it in person  (orlandosentinel.com) (62)
(Gizmodo)   What could possibly go wrong with a wooden chair sporting a flexible accordion-like surface? The opposite of what first crossed your mind  (gizmodo.com) (99)
(Daily Mail)   Man holds dinner party for 14 people, douses them with kerosene and lights everyone on fire. Dude, that's harsh  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 296: Sparks, Arcs, and Other Flashy Things. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (146)

Wed January 05, 2011
(TMZ)   'Golden Voice' Ted Williams' plans to see his 92 year old mother delayed by airport because he doesn't have an ID. The TSA, keeping us safe yet again  (tmz.com) (161)
(Daily Mail)   40,000 dead crabs wash up on British beach. Brits didn't even know Paris Hilton was in the country  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(Washington Times)   Nickel bag tax dissuades D.C. shoppers. Zig Zags are next, biatches  (washingtontimes.com) (59)
(Johannesburg)   Photoshop this security sock in Soccer City  (sportpicture.ru) (27)
(SacBee)   Chinese to help build California's rail system. This is not a repeat from the 1860's  (sacbee.com) (104)
(Onion AV Club)   The inventor of The Beer Gauge cracks down on the short pour  (avclub.com) (207)
(Some Icy Guy)   While you were busy shoveling all that global warming from your driveway, Arctic sea ice fell to its lowest December extent since satellite records began  (nsidc.org) (257)
(JSOnline)   Would-be grocery store robber thwarted by customer with pickle jar--everything's kosher now  (jsonline.com) (24)
(STLToday)   A new ocean has been discovered on Earth  (stltoday.com) (95)
(Some Guy)   C-I-L-L my landlord  (hometownglenburnie.com) (67)
(The Daily Beast)   One day into the new term, the Republicans look as if they already have their very own Charlie Rangel  (thedailybeast.com) (64)
(PostChronicle.com)   If you're a woman that's using Implanon as your birth control choice and haven't gotten pregnant, please take a step forward. Not so fast, 584 of you  (postchronicle.com) (87)
(WXYZ Detroit)   Detroit Police search for fake cops who are kicking down doors and robbing and terrorizing people in their own homes, say they can't stand competition  (wxyz.com) (86)
(Some Guy)   A 23-year-old math teacher plus two 14-year-old girls equals 29 counts and a $1.2M bail  (www2.journalnow.com) (251)
(JSOnline)   Man who attends concert by The Hold Steady, doesn't  (jsonline.com) (30)
(Yahoo)   Britain's "sex-toy queen" target of incompetent poisoning attempts. Buzzkill  (news.yahoo.com) (35)
(AJC)   1 in 13 residents are in prison, on parole, or on probation. What third world country is this? The answer is Georgia. No, not Soviet Georgia, the Georgia between SC and FL  (ajc.com) (260)
(Fox News)   Nazis take over East German town: This is not a repeat fro.... well, I guess it kind of is  (foxnews.com) (240)
(Some Guy)   One hurt in LSD crash, 25 have spiders all over their faces  (abclocal.go.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Librarian of the Year dislikes Huck Finn being edited. Also agrees that Han shot first  (mynorthwest.com) (193)
(azfamily.com)   Nobody said crooks were smart. Robber demands a bank teller give him all the $40 and $60 bills  (azfamily.com) (35)
(MSNBC)   Engraved Aramaic symbols on the exterior of a Renaissance church turn out to be concert for stringed instruments, not directions to the Castle Uuuugh as previously thought  (msnbc.msn.com) (80)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Man given life sentence for helping woman passed out drunk behind the wheel of her car. With his penis  (orlandosentinel.com) (98)
(Daily Mail)   England and Scotland brace themselves for four inches, as their womenfolk have been doing for years  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(fox chicago)   An S&M enthusiast asked by police to stop walking around town wearing just his leather fetish outfit. The law is so confining  (myfoxchicago.com) (89)
(JSOnline)   To be "In", you have to know how to brown butter, find gluten-free breads, eat Artisanal hot dogs and keep bees in your backyard  (jsonline.com) (208)
(Some Guy)   Doctor sues university because his precious snowflake couldn't pass admission criteria, even after he made a $40,000 "donation"  (abclocal.go.com) (177)
(Yahoo)   Sometimes the nanny state is right...like in the UK where they have to sell beer in pints. Sometimes it's wrong...like in the UK where they are going to change that law  (news.yahoo.com) (96)
(NJ.com)   "It's not just a warped potato leaning toward the shape of a heart, it's really a perfectly shaped heart, and there is no other explanation than God sent it"  (photos.nj.com) (178)
(Some Guy)   Evolution and why you may have been selected to stay behind   (culturingscience.wordpress.com) (85)
(Business Insider)   Dead birds fall from the sky all the time  (businessinsider.com) (120)
(Wanaka)   Photoshop this steep slope  (sportpicture.ru) (37)
(ABC News)   Ice breaker sent to free Russian ships gets stuck in ice  (abcnews.go.com) (79)
(Chicago Tribune)   The firefighting business is so bad in Indiana, some firefighters are panhandling on the street. No, really  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   Give that little old lady with the walker some respect: she might have fled the Bolsheviks in 1919, survived Japanese internment camps in WW2, carried a tommy-gun in Bangkok, met Ho Chi Minh and helped raise Yul Brynner in Shanghai  (timescolonist.com) (48)
(Telegraph)   China stayed off the radar with its stealth fighter program, until now  (telegraph.co.uk) (174)
(NYPost)   Homeless man with 'golden radio voice,' who became a worldwide hit after video of him begging on an Ohio roadside was posted to the Internet, gets his big break  (nypost.com) (146)
(Daily Mail)   Oh Hai, I are polar babby  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)
(Some Guy)   The American Cancer Society's CEOs make a total of $1.7mil per year and only 10% of your donation goes towards research. But it's still a charity, so it's ok to give to it  (charitynavigator.org) (102)
(Daily Mail)   Woman finds out who her true friends are when she threatens suicide on facebook  (dailymail.co.uk) (294)
(fox chicago)   Internet approaching TV as primary news source. No, I believe it has already caught up, smacked it around, written on its face with a Sharpie and ran away giggling  (myfoxchicago.com) (46)
(NPR)   You call that an open-faced sandwich? *This* is an open-faced sandwich  (npr.org) (81)
(Boston Globe)   If you won the Mega Millions last night, do not get on a plane from Sydney to Los Angeles today  (boston.com) (56)
(Stars and Stripes)   With DADT repeal, Christians focus on another abomination in US military besides homosexuality: Surf and Turf Night at the chow hall  (stripes.com) (182)
(Chicago Tribune)   Phys-ed teacher in trouble for getting a little too physical with her student  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (114)
(Some Home Ownin' Guy)   Why owning your house outright may not be the best idea  (littlehouseinthevalley.com) (257)
(WPXI)   Monroeville Police Chief Lou said more than 50 empty and unopened cans of alcohol were found in the truck. Investigators are trying to determine if alcohol was a factor in the crash  (wpxi.com) (28)
(Yahoo)   Finally, that 1% of lawyers that keep us from killing all the rest  (news.yahoo.com) (85)
(Canoe)   Pilot spills coffee. EVERYBODY PANIC  (cnews.canoe.ca) (55)
(Just News)   Ugly-ass baby hippo makes zoo debut  (justnews.com) (13)
(Government Technology)   New highway technology threatens to destroy Seattleites rep as the country's worst drivers. Bonus: One of the people in the accompanying video is a Farker. Can you guess who?  (govtech.com) (184)
(Daily Mail)   Skiing 40mph down the New York City streets is as cool as it sounds  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Some Guy)   Yes, Swedish birds too  (monstersandcritics.com) (157)
(Google)   Man who used to be a woman and woman who used to be a man support daughter who used to be son  (google.com) (81)
(Kansas City)   Good: FBI arrests heavily armed band of criminals. Bad: Those arrested were the Police department's tactical squad  (kansascity.com) (100)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago authorities would like the public to know there was no radioactive spill at O'Hare, stop asking questions, and there's no such thing as Spider-Plane   (chicagobreakingnews.com) (18)
(USA Today)   Hm. You know, maybe Jon Stewart was onto something with his whole "Obama as Luke Skywalker" thing. Resist the dark side, Obadawan  (usatoday.com) (124)
(PennLive)   Gas drillers in Pennsylvania insist their fracking isn't harming drinking water, because they're pumping it directly into the rivers instead  (pennlive.com) (125)
(Daily Mail)   The Daily Mail would like to inform you that this story about Lucy the 39-year-old cat may or may not be true  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Dr Nick's Evil Twin)   Nipple sucking doctor told to suck it by Supreme Court. Wait. Isn't that how this whole mess started in the first place?  (yle.fi) (78)
(USA Today)   Don't look now, but the invasive medusahead weed is sidewinding its way across the West  (usatoday.com) (52)
(Reuters)   Janet Napolitano is skeptical that reducing the United States to a single state religion that bases citizenship and suffrage on ethnic and religious hegemony is the best way to deal with security issues  (reuters.com) (218)
(NPR)   The rise of mobile banking, and why you should treat your cellphone like a credit card  (npr.org) (44)
(AJC)   Did you get an e-mail Christmas card from the White House this year? Congratulations, Obama just hacked you  (ajc.com) (42)
(CNN)   One in five heart defibrillator recipients shouldn't have received them. Shocking  (cnn.com) (44)
(CNN)   Talking out of turn? That's a shootin'. Looking out the window? That's a shootin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a shootin'. Being a bleeding-heart liberal? Oh, you better believe that's a shootin'  (cnn.com) (115)
(The Matrix)   Photoshop Morpheus on a bench  (dl.dropbox.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   Soylent tacos are people  (m.spokesman.com) (58)
(My Fox Los Angeles)   Clowns killed after drug gang accuses them of working as army informers, acting funny  (myfoxla.com) (62)
(USA Today)   Cross atop San Diego mountain ruled unconstitutional. On your mom's lower back just tacky  (content.usatoday.com) (284)
(AZCentral)   Congratulations, America. The War on Drugs just nailed Montel Williams for carrying around a pot pipe he uses to ease the pain caused by multiple sclerosis  (azcentral.com) (381)
(NYPost)   NYPD to crack down on hipster cyclist douchebags  (nypost.com) (385)
(Some Guy)   If you're going to give away your computer at an estate sale make sure to erase any trace of the child porn you left on it  (chicoer.com) (32)
(AZCentral)   Two thieves robbing the house of an 82 year old man with diabetes and leukemia is usually a piece of cake, unless he happens to be a former Army combat veteran  (azcentral.com) (78)
(Daily Mail)   Your hermaphrodite dog wants steak and lipstick  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(Newsday)   Long Island food bank to hand out Snuggies to the homeless in exchange for dignity  T-Shirt  (newsday.com) (39)
(MSNBC)   Want to live longer? Walk faster  (msnbc.msn.com) (118)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Tampa cop of 24 years resigns after using his nightstick to interrogate a suspect in the back seat of his patrol car. And by nightstick, I mean penis. And by interrogate, I mean schtup with vigor. And by suspect I mean LAAAADY, HEY LAAAADY  (tampabay.com) (95)
(Some Guy)   You're driving home from work and your phone accidentally dials your wife, does she c). call 911 and have a SWAT team sent to the school where you work  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (61)

Tue January 04, 2011
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this cricket dance  (cache.boston.com) (12)
(Windsor Star)   St. Joseph's students suspended after wearing duct tape uniforms in the stands. Yes, they were female students in the Catholic School system, how did you know?  (windsorstar.com) (96)
(Some Guy)   Man accidently shoots a "large hole" in his hand when cannon mis-fires. Loose cannon puns and redneck jokes to the right  (dailyjournal.net) (46)
(Jalopnik)   Virginia DMV revokes Internet-famous "EATTHE Kids First" vanity license plate, on the grounds that it promotes underage oral sex, instead of harmless and socially-acceptable cannibalism  (jalopnik.com) (122)
(Daily Mail)   Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Pens?  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Some Guy)   Teenager falls off cliff after being surprised during sexytime. With a helpful SFW picture of what a sexytime liking teenager may look like  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (122)
(Some Guy)   Neighbors dog poops in your yard do you: 1. Frown and clean it. 2. Pollietly ask neighbor to clean it up 3. Start shooting at everything moving including a Police Officer  (springfieldnewssun.com) (91)
(Oregon Live)   You know that giant floating garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean? Turns out it's just another exaggeration by the media  (oregonlive.com) (240)
(People Magazine)   Manslaughter hearing underway for Michael Jackson's doctor. This should be a thriller  (people.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   You, who bought the Xbox Kinect on eBay for $360? You owe California about $36. And you, who bought the Barbie dune buggy on Amazon for $200? You owe California about $20  (taxdollars.ocregister.com) (337)
(Some Non-Expedited Guy)   Remember when you hijacked that plane from New York to Cuba about 42 years ago? Yeah, good times. Btw, you're under arrest  (wkyc.com) (40)
(The Smoking Gun)   I'd like you to meet my anaconda of love  (thesmokinggun.com) (64)
(Courier Press)   Small town mayor shocked, SHOCKED to learn that dinner for 14 at a fine restaurant, including 26 cocktails, 8 bottles of wine, and 5 bottles of champagne cost $3,000  (courierpress.com) (126)
(MyNorthwest)   If you see a UFO in Seattle DO NOT attempt capture bare-handed  (mynorthwest.com) (43)
(MSNBC)   Now is the Golden Age of Air Travel, according to this guy who loves being nickel and dimed at the ticket counter, fondled by the TSA, and spending hours on the tarmac and charged a "sitting on the tarmac" fee  (msnbc.msn.com) (106)
(Washington Post)   Parents "giving up" on making their children dress warmly and wear coats in winter. Submitter suggests they try "parenting"  (washingtonpost.com) (167)
(Chicago Tribune)   I AM TIRE IRON MAAAAAAAAAN  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (46)
(KMBC)   100 year old helps deliver Meals on Wheels  (kmbc.com) (22)
(wfmz.com)   HA HA, QUAKERTOWN MAN TAKES WOMAN'S CAR AND TRADES IT FOR CRACK COCAINE  (wfmz.com) (182)
(Slate)   Slate writer: "I'd rather my son not wear a helmet while sledding than not sled at all" article soon to be followed up by "I wish my son hadn't gone sledding rather than splattering his brains against that tree trunk"  (slate.com) (264)
(Huffington Post)   Hundreds of dead birds fall from the sky. This is not a repeat from last week  (huffingtonpost.com) (233)
(Washington Post)   Hi, I'm an 18-year-old lesbian with cancer, and only pictures of your vagina can cure me  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (117)
(Houston Press)   That sushi you're paying $10 a piece for here in America? Used to be scraped off the side of Maine fishing boats as a pest until the Japanese decided it was tasty a few years ago  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (231)
(Some Guy)   Honey... What did you do with my super suit? With video goodness  (kirotv.com) (56)
(UPI)   Nude burglar claims he was tripping on acid, thought he was God. Police are Leary  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (20)
(FARK)   Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest  (fark.com) (111)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these light-stepping linemen  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(Sky News)   Bear Grylls' survival skills save teenager. So he tried to catch imaginary rabbits, rappeled down a cliff, got stuck for two days and was picked up by a camera crew in a helicopter?  (news.sky.com) (166)
(NYPost)   Psychic predicts the winner of tonight's $330 million lottery drawing will be a gemini, from New York, and an unusual recluse because his African cowry shells told him so  (nypost.com) (86)
(NPR)   Looking for something special to do on your European vacation? How about a night's stay at Versailles? Unruly mob of bloodthirsty peasants not included  (npr.org) (31)
(Washington Post)   In the wake of the Upper Big Branch mine explosion, the coal industry is proving its commitment to worker safety... by obstructing, circumventing, and lobbying against safety regulation and enforcement  (washingtonpost.com) (71)
(Wired)   Study suggests we've hit 'peak travel.' Wonder what could be driving that?  (wired.com) (35)
(Some Guy)   In a case destined for the anals of crime history, man sues to supress body cavity search that turned up crack in his crack, dawg  (oakridger.com) (24)
(The New York Times)   And then they came for the labor unions  (nytimes.com) (354)
(Government Technology)   Houston launches website soliciting tips about gangs. With helpful pic of what a Houston gang member looks like. Tag is for pic  (govtech.com) (61)
(Talking Points Memo)   South Carolina wants specialty 'coon hunter' license plates. But it's not racist -- it's for actual raccoon hunters, of course   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (138)
(Yahoo)   Pakistani governor's bodyguard misses the point, but not the governor  (news.yahoo.com) (56)
(ABC News)   Bad: Flooded hometown. Worse: Crocodile infested flooded hometown  (abcnews.go.com) (30)
(The Hairpin)   Women laughing alone with salad. Rule 34, you so crazy. (safe for work)  (thehairpin.com) (105)
(Newsweek)   Journalists are ignoring Assange's plight out of fear of lead poisoning  (newsweek.com) (142)
(Washington Post)   Sorry, toots, but Scalia says the Constitution doesn't protect broads. Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (295)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Jimbo goes fishing, catches his roommate's wallet, 30 pills and $1,000  (nwfdailynews.com) (10)
(KnoxNews)   You have a rifle for sale, and hope your neighbor might be interested in buying it. Do you c) smack him upside the head with it and steal his wallet and bottle of Crown Royal?  (knoxnews.com) (20)
(Talking Points Memo)   Saudi Arabian officials have reportedly arrested a vulture suspected of being a Mossad spy. Nothing to see here, carrion  T-Shirt   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (34)
(Dallas News)   Four bottles of champagne, $1,400; four hours worth of dances, $3,600; four bottles of Fiji water, $25; one "Breast of Fire" dinner, $11; and one "Roman Orgy" dinner, $14. Credit cards denied...priceless   (crimeblog.dallasnews.com) (81)
(Just News)   Pole dancing studio raises eyebrows, among other things  (justnews.com) (33)
(ABC News)   The Captain of the Enterprise will be relieved of command. Isn't that the episode where they gave command to Lt. Bogomil?  (abcnews.go.com) (179)
(Daily Mercury)   Scientists say collision between massive iceberg and antarctica will reveal secrets, including next Alien v. Predator movie  (dailymercury.com.au) (20)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   If you're a highway patrolman, before you pull over a suspected drunk driver, smash his window, taser him, cut him out of his seatbelt, and beat the snot out of him, ask yourself, "Could he really just be in a diabetic shock?"  (news.cincinnati.com) (254)
(Chicago Tribune)   Good news: Missing man found. Bad news: Floating dead in a river  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   So Drew's going to Alaska in January for some reason. Anchorage Fark party Jan. 6, 8pm with Tucker Max and the Time Bandit crew. God have mercy on our livers  (koots.com) (147)
(Gizmodo)   PowerBalance admits their hologram wristbands are a scam-for dumbwits and gullible people  (gizmodo.com) (69)
(wavy.com)   Duck hunter drowns. Cue the giggling dog  (wavy.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   To hell with the public. We know what's best, and voters should just shut the hell up already  (news-journal.com) (117)
(Sky News)   Man solves his own murder by taking a photo that even Barney Fife could figure out  (news.sky.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   Man sentenced for cremation of casket company  (syracuse.com) (6)
(Huffington Post)   'For a Cure' Koman Charities spends millions of donated money to sue other charities for using their trademarked "For A Cure" in their name. "Sue For a Cure"  (huffingtonpost.com) (169)
(WESH Orlando)   Top 5 foods from the 70's. Bring back the McFeast and Quisp, Quisp , Quisp  (wesh.com) (274)
(Guardian.com)   "Bees in freefall as study shows sharp decline" Haha The Saints suck  (guardian.co.uk) (50)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Northwest Faily News editor sure does love a good homo-bashing story:"Crush them, God"  (nwfdailynews.com) (128)
(TC Palm)   Sometimes when a cow is attacking your husband the only thing you can do is hit it with your truck a few times and shoot it in the face with a .22  (tcpalm.com) (43)
(News.com.au)   "It was like, 'Who can be the biggest d---head?' And it was me"  (news.com.au) (24)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   The secret to a long and healthy life may be as simple as eating garlic, picking your nose, and dunking your head in hydrogen peroxide  (cleveland.com) (61)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette)   Small town Iowa Mayor says she was "unaware" she had purchased $400K worth of condos - that she flipped for a profit - from the developer of a new 80 condo development she just approved for her town despite unanimous opposition to it  (thegazette.com) (53)
(My Fox DC)   Fire department assigns lieutenant to monitor wasteful overtime spending. FARK: It must have been a tough assignment that called for long hours because he earned an extra $100K each of the last two years  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(Mother Nature Network)   After 100 years of progress, scientists still haven't won the war against the plague, tuberculosis, and a disappointing lack of personal jetpacks  (mnn.com) (94)
(The Courier)   Coast Guard helicopters spend two hours searching cliffs for 81-year-old man, before anyone thinks to check the next-door neighbor's  (thecourier.co.uk) (14)
(NYPost)   Surprisingly, surveillance video that caught NYC Sanitation Department supervisors buying six-packs of beer and then heading back to their official car during last week's blizzard have been erased  (nypost.com) (98)
(Some KGB Defector)   That Carnival cruise ship that got disabled a few days ago? Turns out a Chinese sub took it out. Fark: Tin foil actually works  (whatdoesitmean.com) (168)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man busted for stealing 36 packs of batteries. The charges against him just keep going and going and going and going  (nwfdailynews.com) (38)
(USA Today)   Add Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to the list of companies BoA is throwing billions in settlements at in advance of its crucifixion by WikiLeaks  (usatoday.com) (115)
(Foreign Policy)   You're living Red Dawn right now. And no it's not the communist in the Whitehouse so much as the communist made television you hurl insults at when he's on  (foreignpolicy.com) (98)
(My Fox DC)   There is a direct correlation between the number of drinks you have and the number of meteors you spot coming right at your face as you leave the bar  (myfoxdc.com) (11)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these ready reeds  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(Telegraph)   Cambodian wedding held for two snakes. Ceremony almost cancelled when one wanted his diamondback  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (39)
(AP)   Man who spent 30 years in prison for rape becomes 41st person cleared by DNA in Texas - which leads nation in number of wrongly convicted inmates  (hosted.ap.org) (239)
(Billings Gazette)   If you're driving with oxycodone and morphine in your pocket, you probably want to instruct your passengers not to open fire on other cars  (billingsgazette.com) (24)
(CNN)   In nomine Patris et fillii et Spiritus Sancti, Uhh, in medico et examen hepatitis  (cnn.com) (44)
(Stars and Stripes)   Local companies pay US service personnel, their family members to bring tourists onto American overseas military installations to check out the sights. What could possibly go wrong?  (stripes.com) (28)
(WLSAM)   Brother fights with his sister over his Polish sausage. Sure, if that's what you kids are calling it these days  (wlsam.com) (20)
(Globe and Mail)   While you were getting drunk New Year's Eve, this 10-year-old girl became youngest person to discover a supernova  (theglobeandmail.com) (69)
(Entertainment Weekly)   New edition of "Huckleberry Finn" to eliminate the n-word. Persons attempting to find a motive in this plan will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be shot  (shelf-life.ew.com) (376)
(Slate)   "The archetypical sword murderer, for his part, is a 20- to 40-year-old white male who still lives with his parents." Now, why does that demographic sound familiar?  (slate.com) (184)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this childlike combo  (spiegel.de) (16)
(Some Guy)   "...My condolences to your family for your loss of your son, Serviceman, *INSERT FIELD* signed, Senator (D)umbass"  (mynorthwest.com) (204)

Mon January 03, 2011
(IndyStar)   "Show me your Facebook page." "No." *STAB STAB STAB*  (indystar.com) (88)
(The Times of India)   Gangsters attack Maddelacheruvu Suri. That's easy for you to say  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (23)
(Telegraph)   Queen is the champion again, thanks to YouTube  (telegraph.co.uk) (69)
(NewsOK)   Taco Bell manager calls police after 2 employees show up drunk and start accepting $2 bills  (newsok.com) (132)
(Chicago Tribune)   Microsoft says it has located some lost Hotmail emails, but it still hasn't located the emails that were lost when Hotmail users went to Gmail  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (98)
(Denver Post)   Give an inmate a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach an inmate how to raise fish and he can trade them for cigarettes in the prison's black market  (denverpost.com) (75)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   Search for dogs that attacked guard llama continues. In other news, there's such a thing as a guard llama  (sunjournal.com) (68)
(Live Science)   Reasons why your horoscope for 2011 is wrong. "Because Astrology is complete BS" conspicuously absent  (livescience.com) (188)
(Some Guy)   Car hits pig, knocking out a headlight. Pig is said to be re..reco..recov..recover... He's fine  T-Shirt  (theday.com) (44)
(CSMonitor)   Could Sarah Palin be right about Michelle Obama?  (csmonitor.com) (521)
(The Smoking Gun)   The last Mugshot Roundup of 2010, three days late  (thesmokinggun.com) (119)
(Gryllotalpa brachyptera)   Photoshop this little digger  (en.academic.ru) (30)
(WGAL 8)   Man sacrifices his car to save blowup doll  (wgal.com) (51)
(Salon)   Apparently, General Petraeus likes playing Sim City - only, in Baghdad and with taxpayer dollars  (salon.com) (131)
(Ric Romero)   Ric Romero sits down with the Hulk to warn the country about celebrity philanthropy scams. RIC CALL HULK SCAMMER?? RAWR SMASH  (abclocal.go.com) (32)
(Mother Nature Network)   Disposable hand warmers may be toxic. That's why I play it safe and keep my hands down my pants  (mnn.com) (85)
(The New York Times)   Man discovers fire. Man invents wheel. Manhattanites discover in-condo laundry. "It is the ultimate convenience," said Doug Steinberg, whose one-bedroom condo, at 315 Seventh Avenue in Chelsea, is now on the market for $739,000  (nytimes.com) (291)
(The Consumerist)   Prisons are trying to crack down on the latest threat to their institutions: smuggled cell phones that inmates use to: a) orchestrate escapes; b) run their criminal empire from behind bars; or c) play Farmville  (consumerist.com) (74)
(Slate)   The ravages of cancer aren't enough to keep Christopher Hitchens from teaching us how to make a decent cup of tea  (slate.com) (120)
(Yahoo)   The latest Wikileak "revelation": cables between the US and Japan indicate that the douchebags from "Whale Wars" are doing more harm than good when it comes to stopping whaling  (news.yahoo.com) (183)
(Network World)   630,000 Wikipedia readers pony up so they won't have to stare at Jimmy Wales' mug anymore  (networkworld.com) (158)
(Yahoo)   Western visitors to Zimbabwe are snapping up 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollar banknotes as souvenirs. Because economic misery is such a fun thing to show friends and family when you get back to the states  (news.yahoo.com) (143)
(USA Today)   Darrell Issa (R-eally?): " I regret saying that Obama is 'the most corrupt president of modern times.' I meant to say the entire administration is the most corrupt"  (content.usatoday.com) (174)
(Fox News)   Man Says He'll Live in Lions' Den for 30 Days to raise money for wildlife center, his funeral  (foxnews.com) (33)
(AFP)   According to Leaked cables, Israel is apparently planning to get medieval on the rest of Middle East's ass real soon now  (news.yahoo.com) (163)
(Toronto Sun)   Chased by men with guns? Check. Getting doused in gasoline? Check. Police suggesting you amscray? Check. Welcome to the terrifying world of shark finning Gordo  (torontosun.com) (35)
(MSNBC)   A collection of zoo births from 2010. So full of cute that you might explode just looking at it  (msnbc.msn.com) (23)
(Yahoo)   Now that he's out of a job, former governor Schwarzenegger say's he'll use his free time to speak out on environmental issues, possibily write a book, find Sarah Connor  (news.yahoo.com) (49)
(CNN)   Facebook worth $50 billion after investment. That's a lot of cherry trees and chickens  (money.cnn.com) (54)
(Some Guy)   All eleven Dr. Whos as nesting dolls  (doctorwhotv.co.uk) (131)
(Slashdot)   A single-source tip can now lead to a name being placed on the watch list. Nothing will go wrong this time for sure  (news.slashdot.org) (70)
(TC Palm)   Man allegedly slaps girlfriend's buttocks after she didn't "service" him properly. Little did he know what would go down next  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (103)
(NYPost)   NY Post outraged, outraged I say, that convicted criminal will be living in the lap of luxury when he inherits a quarter-million dollars from his victim when he gets out of prison in two decades, which should buy him a subway ride by then  (nypost.com) (57)
(Fox News)   Iran claims to have shot down several western spy planes. However, this is fine with Obama because he has an SR-71 that he has been waiting to use  (foxnews.com) (200)
(Yahoo)   Mexican drug cartel says it is taking the month of January off; but says not to worry, it'll be back in February, refreshed and rarin' to commit crimes again  (news.yahoo.com) (27)
(AJC)   Georgia to evaluate teachers based on students' test scores. This will either a) cause tests to be easier; b) make the classes based around a test; or c) this is the correct answer, just pick this one so I can get paid and you can get an A  (ajc.com) (256)
(Pop Matters)   Michael Jackson's posthumous 2010 album "Michael," the first in nine years, reminds us that the best of Michael has already been released  (popmatters.com) (76)
(BBC)   Oscar-nominated Pete Postlethwaite dies at age 64. You couldn't make out his last words, save for "disappointment"  (bbc.co.uk) (145)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Today's kids would rather stink than take a shower in school after gym class. In other news, today's kids still have gym class  (orlandosentinel.com) (311)
(MSNBC)   Man shoots roommate after kitty makes mess in bathroom. Caturday, no laughing matter  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(NYPost)   Photoshop these flipping fighters  (nypost.com) (23)
(CNN)   100,000 of one species of fish found dead in Arkansas river, not too far from where 5,000 blackbirds died the other day. Looks like 2011 is being really picky  (cnn.com) (175)
(News.com.au)   Parents repeatedly remind infant to breathe until they're blue in the face  (news.com.au) (60)
(Washington Post)   New Robert E. Lee documentary airs tomorrow night. Spoiler Alert: The South loses  (washingtonpost.com) (272)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   People are using technology to control the problems technology creates  (suntimes.com) (36)
(Chicago Tribune)   Colleges consider renting textbooks, degrees  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (114)
(The Smoking Gun)   Selling Adderall on Craigslist is not the best idea. Cause if you get caught farkers will Photoshop that ridiculous picture you and your hot sister took  (thesmokinggun.com) (42)

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