You might try our
for easier navigation here.
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
are still available for archive links.)
Sun December 26, 2010
A man is playing with his crossbow in his backyard. Of course, 20 cops show up, beat him to a pulp, and seize his trailer
Lack of funding cancels Oklahoma state prison rodeo. Disheartened inmates told to keep practicing bareback riding
Photoshop this moon and monument
Everyone's favorite thug decides to spend Christmas torturing inmates down at the local jail. Because hey - why not, right?
That's a nice fondue pot you have there. It would be a shame if something happened to it
Latest media scare story: credit card skimmers are stealing all of your money. EVERYBODY PANIC
Sounds like some of our friends across the pond need to re-read The Giving Tree
New Jersey woman eating 30,000 calories a day to achieve her goal of becomming fattest woman alive. Bonus for the bachelors: she's single. w/pics
$500 fine for swearing on a bus? Un-farking-believable
Your son has a raging addiction to painkillers. No problem, just blame everything except your perfect addict snowflake and shiatty parenting
With temperatures heading south of 60 degrees, Florida shelters are opening their doors to the flood of weaklings that can't take what's considered t-shirt weather for the rest of the country
Armenian police do what we've all dreamed of: crack down on kids for being emo, due to fears the kids will "damage our gene pool"
Jimmy Carter near victory in a 20-year long struggle to eliminate a truly horrific disease from the planet. Best. Ex-president. Ever
Woman stylist has a leopard porkpie hat, a whale-skin handbag, a seal coat, ivory bangles and a fur cape made from hides of the threatened Geoffroy's cat. Even Mr. Burns is impressed
Not sure what's more worrying - UK man taking 3 days for 200 mile round trip to the Airport, or the Police being able to track his car on every part of his journey using license plate recognition cameras. Your safety is paramount Citizen
Woman gets bit in the eye over her Facebook status (second story)
More states letting (fat) students opt out of (stop being fat) P.E. Classes
Slideshow: The Year in Crazy. Come for Jenny McCarthy, stay for Glenn Beck and John Mayer
After being banned from throwing missiles, riding motorcycles and hanging out with his friends, court deals teen a final crucial blow. He can no longer wear purple shoe laces
Ten years ago today a cubicle dweller from Massachusetts went back in time to kill Adolf Hitler and became one of the first murder defendants to have his web browsing habits used against him
Man retrieves stolen dog by paying $10,000 reward to a guy who wanted to pay for liver transplant and seemed displeased with the television news cameras
Shooting at a fleeing bank robber, while legal, might not be the best idea
Nope, sorry haven't got any tuna on the menu, would you like to try our lovely eel tartare instead? It's fresh from the hovercraft
Photoshop this block club
Dads: Filling the house with Christmas comfort, togetherness, and warmth does not involve stripping naked, taking your baby hostage, and setting the Christmas tree on fire
Death panels to start next week
One Texas man has discovered his life's purpose: To make life as miserable as possible for cops trying to set up speed traps
More body scanners are coming to an airport near you. Benjamin Franklin puts head down on desk, begins to cry
Withdrawn mourners banking on quick service for ATM shooting victim
Blizzard to delay holiday travel, Starcraft 2 expansion pack
Men. In belted sweaters
For Christmas 2011, ten-year-old Stephen Goodman plans to mail handmade Christmas cards to troops overseas. One card to each deployed service member. 180,000 in all
Armed man at Mormon temple meets Saints sooner than Latter
Not News: Police issue wave of speeding tickets. FARK: To ambulances
Police welcome snow as crime-busting aid. FREEZE
"Dear Vicksburg, reinforcements are not on the way. Good luck holding back the Union Army. Signed, 1863"
Hog boss charged with hazards; will have to duke it out in court
Photoshop something for these star gazers to stare at
Michigan enjoys its first Christmas with alcohol sales. Full report after someone in Detroit sobers up
Drunken snowmobiler taunts police by spinning donuts. He should've known better than to tease cops with donuts
There's something in her eye. There's something in my eye
Sat December 25, 2010
Looks like The Edge went to Detroit and shot someone
Man stuck inside Salvation Army charity box during attempted robbery
Photoshop this mobile store
Son, I am disappoint
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except the drunk intruder that just broke in, dropped a deuce, puked twice, and refused to leave
Census find only 786 mountain gorillas left in the world. Several hundred undercounted due to their lack of sending back the census form
India launches 27 billion dollar satellite in the Bay of Bengal, again
"The Board found that a reasonable person would conclude by having sexual intercourse while on duty, in uniform, in a police vehicle, that the Mountie conducted himself disgracefully." He should have removed that ugly uniform
Would you pay $129 for a Prince Charles and Princess Diana bottle of coke? No? What if it came in a satin box?
Marine sends his sister a brocicle for her birthday
(Lord Alfred Tennyson)
Photoshop this frosted web
Cops say that the factory worker who was trapped inside a canoe-making oven ignored the warning that you can't have your kayak and heat it too
Man swallows a tropical fish to impress his friends. Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet
Grinches get away with woman's specially modified Baja. With you would hit that hard (but first you will need some rope and ceiling hangars first) pic
Merry Christmas to celebratin' Farkers all around the world. So, how's it going so far? (voting enabled)
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. A 10 year old girl writes him a letter to ask for only one present this year - to be able to adopt a former feral cat named Sylvester. Welcome to the Christmas version of Caturday
Is that the Grinch trying to steal Christmas? No, that's just your friendly neighborhood Vaseline salesman in your living room
Four people injured when Model A ford crashes into a pole. This is not a repeat from 1930
"You know if I could go back in time, I would lez it up 24 hours. Believe me, one thing I would not miss? Balls. Terrible little things." Betty White's contribution to this list of the best GLBT quotes of 2010
Funny: Setting off fireworks at your co-worker's house as a prank. Not funny: Accidentally burning down your co-worker's house during a prank involving fireworks
How naughty has Detroit been this year? Well, five tugboats are struggling to drag in its Christmas delivery of coal
Chilean miners that went through 70 days of hell to be punished with the worst kind of torture America has to offer: The "It's a Small World" ride at Disney World
Pistachios now come in six delicious flavors: plain, salted, Jason, Freddy Krueger, George Washington, and Jesus
It's not officially Christmas in Darwin until someone dies by scissors
Photoshop this tiny town
Sometimes Santa wears blue. What is this salty discharge from my eyes?
Attention: bunnies have taken over a former chemical weapons facility. I repeat: : bunnies have taken over a former chemical weapons facility
Fri December 24, 2010
Spacious home for rent in beautiful rural Ontario. Fully furnished, only $1000 per month. If you lived here, you'd -- oh wait, you DO live here
What would Christmas be without a nutcracker story?
Photoshop these long-distance lookers
Not news: Man tries to clean fireplace. News: While there's a fire inside it. Fark: He was using an aerosol cleaner
A very special Christmas Eve edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz
TFer Captain Steroid presents his First Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Santa Penguins. Difficulty: No TFers. 1st PRIZE: One month of sponsored TotalFark for the winner. Contest ends tonight @ Midnight CST on X-Mas Eve. Have fun :-)
Honey is a good cure for hangovers, say scientists, but caution that her rates are high and she only accepts cash
Baby dolphin found swimming next to its dead mother. Police are trying to determine if someone did this on porpoise
Lion baby announced at Madison's Henry Vilas zoo. With ugly-ass pics
Christmas Eve Fark Party in Lexington at the Chase Tap Room
Goat found shivering on cold Wisconsin beach now has own apartment
Study that says women make up their mind about a man in 3 minutes, is off by 2 minutes and 45 seconds
Air Jordans cause mayhem. This is not a repeat
Let us quietly reflect on the eve of the humble yet beloved birth of the True Christ Savior, the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings, by....watching a robot solve Rubik's Cube in 15 seconds
Before going in for that spine surgery, remember that (1) all those little bones look the same, (2) you have more vertebrae than your surgeon has fingers
Japan agency warned not to accept whale meat gifts. Cetacean please
Sofia Vergara appeals for aid to Colombia, and with those breasts of hers, everyone will listen
Another sign of the bad economy: burglar steals autographed picture of Jim Carrey
If the word "tits" appears in your obituary four times, you have lived a magnificent life
Shoplifter conceals shoes under breasts. That's one thieving jug-gernaut brought to heel
Photoshop this arcade
So, why not install flashing red lights at this problematic intersection? Because they will be a distraction
How do you force a president from office who refuses to concede the election? Well cutting off his access to the bank account from which he pays his soldiers seems like a great first step
Flash mobs all the rage this holiday season. Soooo, what does everyone think about this Y2K business?
Male/female shopping styles evolved from hunter/gatherers, can be seen at malls: females browse and forage, males want to kill someone
Not news: Local man turns 90. News: He's the mayor. Holy hell: He's been the mayor since 1949
You know who else celebrated Christmas?
Ellen DeGeneres donates one million meals to shelter dogs. Like any Ellen DeGeneres joke, there's no punchline here, but that's still pretty damn good on her
Joel, Servo, and Crow would like to wish everyone a happy Patrick Swayze Christmas
'I'm going to (expletive) kill you. Don't ever come back.' Oh, and Merry Christmas
France faces major airport delays as nation's supply of de-icing fluid depleted by winemakers
Note to self: If vacationing in Jamaica, don't accept food from the locals
Because "Ackbar's Jewelers" would have been a little too obvious
Sex offenders who stay in Butts will have to pay
Attempting to rob a restaurant? There's an app for that
TSA's random deadly object of the week is the Thermos. All that effort picking out the perfect gift for your significant other was for naught. Jerks
If your new husband refuses sex for the first six months of the marriage, don't be too surprised when you walk in on HER in the bathroom
(God's Own Mouthpiece)
"Urban Dictionary? No wonder it's so full of sex and drugs. It must be run by negroes"
So you finally nailed your hot teacher, and you're thinking "my friends will never bel....zzz...." and she's lying wide awake thinking "he was good for a teenager, but was he $10 good?"
Eight Star Wars-themed products the world would have if George Lucas ever sold out
Young Koreans whine about military service. Subby whines about the fact he's been there and done that for their country for the last 33 years without whining. Until now
New study proves that when states cut budgets by scrutinizing teacher benefits, the teachers unions put the best interest of the kids first. Nah. It's what you thought
The new governor of Hawaii is in on the Obama birth certificate coverup
Just in time for the War On Christmas, a report from the front lines of 'America's War On Christianity'
For the first time since 1882, Atlantans will have the opportunity to line up for bread and milk on Christmas
Pulitzer prize committee notified of ABC's late entry into this year's journalism competition
Apparently in England, you get bail if you are under 18 even if you steal something worth more than $1 million
The USA gets the McRib, the UK gets the ...hork... Brussel Sprout Whopper
NY Gov. Patterson blindly commutes a murderer's sentence
Obama government moves to take over millions of acres of public land
17 year old boy drives to a stranger's house every night to carry their son with cerebral palsy up the stairs to his bedroom because the parents can't
(Ho Ho Ho)
NORAD is tracking fast moving bogey. EVERYBODY PANIC
Police are searching every alley for the pinheads who robbed a bowling club before the turkeys can strike again
Painter and sculptor Elmo Gideon has passed away at 86. His cremated remains will be placed in hotel rooms across the nation
.335. It's great if it's your batting average, it's awful if it's your BA
Photoshop this cleanup costume
Wife of the chief minister of a state in India applies for a loan to buy (a) car (b) Christmas gifts or (c) onions?
World War 2 pilot rescued by New Guinea villagers who spent a lifetime repaying his debt dies
Orphaned hedgehog gets all scrubbed up for our pleasure
Maximum penalty for sculpting snow penis: 1 year in jail and $5,000 fine. Sounds like a stiff penalty
Late Sen. Edward Kennedy's dog, Splash, dies at 13. Alcohol was not a factor. Splash
Those 2 Navy MH-60 helicopters that took a dip in Lake Tahoe, causing $500,000 of damage? The crews did it so they'd have cool photos for their Facebook page
World's smartest dog knows more than 1,000 words, including "It was a dark and stormy night"
FAA claims it was birds and not planes that spread red poop all over an Indianapolis neighborhood. Neighbors say that's crap
Thu December 23, 2010
Photoshop this position point
Man arrested for drunk driving in a Mercedes full of stolen sheep. He'll probably bleat the charges
EVEN THOUGH I'VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE, I'D LIKE TO WISH YOU A HAPPY FESTIVUS‼
The "Iceberg Cowboy" finds a rare iceberg archway in the ocean (w/pic)
Fark's 2010 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest
Private contractors attempt to upgrade pumping station, end up downgraded by explosion
Reindeer Eat Magic Mushrooms to Escape Winter Boredom while the herdsmen pass the time with a warm drink
Florida sheriff eagerly awaits the forthcoming NAACP lawsuit
The most vandalized church in the Cleveland Catholic Diocese refuses to take down a vandalized Christmas billboard because they say it stand as a symbol of the unbroken Christmas spirit
Former KKK leader won't let his son's girlfriend drink the good beer (Budweiser). And then it gets rednecky
There's a vas deferens between medical malpractice and paying to raise your unwanted child
Be prepared for carolers this year. Learn how to make figgy pudding
Company tweets the birth of Jesus. Okay messiah is coming out
This bod's for you
Christians once had their own War on Christmas™
Two thirds of U.S. colleges curtail free speech. If you had to go off campus to read this, yours is one of them
Mother listens to her 16-year-old son's heartbeat... in a 51-year-old man
The smokers in the group serve as church greeters because they're out front anyway
Guy jumps off Parliament's balcony. Told ya those things will kill you
Let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet
Mysterious creature found in Kentucky. It was delicious
Santa's flight plan leaked. Thanks Julian Assange
Tree that survived the collapse of WTC on 9/11 replanted at Ground Zero
"She told dispatchers that her neighbor had emptied a cat litter box in her front yard, so she had responded in kind, pouring her own cat's litter box over the neighbor's car." Then it gets weird
Meet the world's suingest atheist, 14 years of God-hating litigation and not one single victory
"Americans are hardly more religious than people living in other industrialized countries. Yet they consistently-and more or less uniquely-want others to believe they are more religious than they really are"
Leading social conservative: "Obama is selling us out to the Indians." He then clarified: "Teepee, not turban"
"The results showed that people living in the stroke belt...were about 30 percent more likely to eat two or more servings of fried fish every week"
Retiring senator just happens to find moon rock which was presented to the state of Missouri in his pile of memorabilia
Man accused of arson after getting trapped in blackberries. He probably had Verizon
Photoshop this emotion expressed
(Telegraph & Argus)
The maximum punishment for reporting a dead pigeon in your garden is six months in jail
HA HA, EXPLOSION REPORTED AT CHEMICAL LAB NEAR QUAKERTOWN
Active duty Army Ranger, Master Sergeant Mark Morgan is no cream puff, but he can bake you a mean one
Man who ordered 178 pizzas as prank agrees to hand over dough
Dude. If it's been a month since the election and the world is saying you lost and it's become necessary to use mercenaries to kill 173 people and arrest 500 others to keep from being forced out, let it go man. Cause, it's gone
Norwegian reindeer owners tell Santa to put reflective collars on his reindeer...you know...so the airplanes won't mistakenly fly him over
Experts advise that a Christmas tree can ignite in 3 seconds, so keep that in mind when selecting a gift for that hard-to-shop-for pyromaniac on your list
Habits for Humanity? Almost 100 elderly nuns descend on New Orleans to rebuild houses destroyed by the flood. After all that practice with rulers, I bet they swing a mean hammer
Here's the world's smallest Christmas card for all you scrooges out there
"Before I sign my name to this report saying you should get reduced prison time, would you like to have sex?"
Chicago airports think holiday travelers will enjoy annoying music and free package wrapping while the TSA gropes your goods
177 nations guarantee paid leave for new mothers; the U.S. does not. 74 nations guarantee paid leave for new fathers; the U.S. does not. 163 nations guarantee paid sick leave; the U.S. does not
People criticizing Nina Totenberg -- excuse the expression -- are full of shiat
Senate apparently decides we don't need a Nobel-prize winning economist from MIT to be on the board that sets our monetary policy, because hey, what the fark would he know about anything?
On the heels of their latest WTF, CIA tells terrorists to STFU
Storm causes Canadian beaches to close. Wait, what?
Department of Homeland Security reduced to using not safe for work language and trolling discussion boards
Is part of the reason that Obama has so many enemies that we know too much about him? An ironic question posed by NPR, especially since that most important bit of info, his country of birth, remains so clouded in mystery
If you're a teen lesbian, you might wanna consider getting the f*ck out of East Texas
Best Korea threatens South with nuclear 'Holy War' over military exercises at Pocheon. Gotta catch 'em all
If you're behind in your child support in Colorado, then you're encouraged to go to casinos, play the ponies, and buy lottery tickets
Canadian airport screeners are rude and smell of pot
New evidence of explosives that can be used in controlled demolition has been found in the dust traces of the World Trade Center
If you've ever wanted to hear 'Bohemian Rhapsody' played on four violins, then today is your lucky day
Want to finally know for sure whether or not you're nuts? Try tickling yourself
Gardasil approved for anal cancer. Still no cure for the pains in the ass you'll be spending Saturday with
Not news: China on schedule to launch its first aircraft carrier in mid-2011 News: It's actually an old Soviet carrier that they bought and are retrofiting. Fark: After it had already been converted to a floating casino
Mom, I know I lived with you until I was 27, but I'd really rather you didn't come live with us after you retire
11 year old girl scares of three burglars with pink rifle
Dog Owner decides that a litter of 17 is quite enough and decides to have his pet neutered, hopes maybe the Duggars will take the hint
Canadians realize that giving time and money to charities means less time and money for yourself
Parcel bombs explode at Swiss and Chilean embassies in Rome. Great, now we won't be able to take embassies onto airplanes
Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December (voting closes at 11AM EST)
Photoshop this man bicycling in a blizzard
Good news, Florida. Almost every type of crime is on the decline. Bad news: Except murder, which is out of control
Two birdbrains thought they would build a nest egg with smuggled pigeons. Yolk's on them
Drunk driver detained outside of Bush's Dallas home. No, not the guy you're thinking
The average man experiences just under three hours of orgasms in his lifetime. That's shorter than "Titanic," but far less painful
In case you were wondering, your mailman can accept gifts up to $20. But no cash or booze, since that might conceivably improve service
Police hunt Triangle Man after shooting someone who presumably lived in a garbage can and was hit on the head with a frying pan
Airline pilot films TSA checkpoints, points out flaws and posts it to YouTube. Naturally, the TSA has a problem with this
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 294: "Farktography Classic: Seasons Greetings 4" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed December 22, 2010
Photoshop these awkward awardees
Sad: Man tells woman he sees into the future and she will die if she doesn't have sex with him. Stupid: It works
Driver of 1000+ HP 'vette posts Youtube video of himself driving 190 mph. Also video of car's license plate. Predictably, he's arrested
Even Julian Assange wouldn't touch this one: Retired Santa Claus leaks children's wish lists
Man threatened to carve smile onto woman's face. Why so serious?
13 year old student in Oklahoma City arrested for possessing a permanent marker
Man tries to run over three sheriffs with a stolen tractor. Cops charge him with being plowed
Doctor gives a medical marijuana prescription to a woman who is 6-months pregnant. Yes, some people have a problem with this
Another story about how the people of Sweden have too much money and not enough to do
Fox News declares Elie Wiesel winner of the Holocaust. Well, he didn't die, so I guess that's winning
Obama hasn't had a cigarette in nine months
As you get groped at the airport, the TSA would like to remind you of who the real victims are: the TSA
Photoshop these motoring men
Senate passes 9/11 responders bill unanimously after publicly shamed Republicans relent their objections
Need help on that last minute gift for the geek in your life? This guide may help. Whatever you do, don't get the poster of The Riddler reading "Why So Serious?"
Epic win from when the Cleveland Browns actually knew what that meant
Three more days to Christmas. Time for the annual "Did you know there's an actual SANTA CLAUS INDIANA?" story
Moms who take iron supplements more likely to have kids who attend magnet schools
If you've ever spent time in Sacramento then this story about a pitbull attacking a horse probably doesn't surprise you
Latest enlistees in the war on Christmas? Extraterrestrials. With really unhelpful picture of how to tie a Christmas tree to the top of your flying saucer
"Mini Ice Age coming", says man who beats weather experts ... with, like, a stick or something
Police arrest 'unruly' female Santas. "Rudolph was charged with criminal trespassing, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, including public intoxication"
Jesus 'ultrasound' billboard turning heads, stomachs
When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a HH-60 Pave Hawk with Santa rappelling out of it
Town spends $17,000 to defend itself over a $5 dispute
Deal in the works for 9/11 health care bill. Unfortunately, it will likely exclude all pre-existing injuries and symptoms consistent with being a first responder on 9/11
Kaplan University giving students an MBA in dirty tricks
Judge orders 62-year old woman who has held the same job for 40 years, to jail after ruling her "a flight risk". Of course for those 40 years she was Bernie Madoff's secretary, so that might have something to do with it
Yes, but who would win in a fight: Chuck Norris or Kenny Loggins?
Is it tacky to ask for cash for christmas?
"And I was way too sophisticated to let myself get farted on by an animal that looked like a coat rack"
Nothing says Merry Chistmas like suing a Santa Claus parade
This lawyer dad is a pucking a**hole
Philly police tell residents that serial rapist may be climbin' in their windows snatchin' their people up; but they still aren't allowed to form an angry vigilante mob to hunt him down and kill him
NLRB requires another piece of paper you'll never read to be posted in a place in your office you never visit
Men hit barber, shoot customer, and flee shop without shave and haircut. Talk about two-bit criminals
Vatican and China argue over who gets to wear silly hats
As China's obsession with plastic surgery grows, so do the pitfalls, as illustrated by this story of two Wangs
Unlike the TSA, CIA, FBI, Federal Government, and Geek Squad technicians, Al Queda learns from their mistakes
Apparently "trying to invoke the beast" in a public park is a no-no
British spy who was found dead inside gym bag had transvestite cabaret show tickets that never got used. What a drag
The TSA requests, instead of bring it on a plane with you, please leave any and all stuffed chickens at home
Despite having a doctor's note, school won't let girl wear sweatpants because it violates the dress code. "I don't write prescriptions for them and they should not write prescriptions to circumvent our dress code"
CIA creates Wikileaks Task Force...WTF
Village overwhelmed by visitors looking for underground UFO garage to hitch ride when world ends in 2012. "Many come and pray on the mountainside. I've even seen one man doing some ritual totally nude up there"
News anchors unable to report breaking story about SWAT standoff because police evacuated their news room
STOP THE PRESSES: Man claims his bag of Doritos contained only THREE CHIPS
Why your stupid Prius means we'll all be paying more for steak
The 12 strangest holiday-related patents
Remember the movie Backdraft? The finale is being reenacted in Chicago right now
The real question now is whether or not Obama will strut out to his next news conference, spike his notes on the ground, and do a victory dance around the podium
Winter's here, and so's the annual scary "a cough that won't go away could be a sign of something worse" for both of you who didn't already know
North Korea retaliates for live-fire drills with technology previously unknown to exist above the 38th parallel
Witch-doctor jailed for making four guys' penises disappear. Subby suggests looking on 2nd Ave near St Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
"I know for some of the faithful enforced secularism in the public square is perceived as an assault on religion but that's like saying an empty glass is an attack on booze"
Neighbors say French farmer jailed for shooting suspected truffle thief was never really what you'd call a fun guy
New Zealand military releases 2,000 page History of Streetlights report
"Former Inmate: Jews Used Witchcraft on Guantanamo Prisoners, Made Me Feel a Cat Was Trying to Penetrate Me"
Flaming Snowplow of DEAAATH (with flaming pic)
Photoshop these professional painters
Man caught hiding in pharmacy ceiling charged with burglary, disturbing sanctuary of the Divine Feline Observer of Your Self-Stimulation
Swallowing pieces of glass to collect insurance money is usually worth the pane, unless the company sees right through it
Florida has declared tourist hunting season open
Man in pink tutu runs 20 miles in snow.... and isn't being chased by police
Al Qaeda mulled the idea of poisoning US salad bars. Luckily for us, Americans don't eat salad
Deputies catch woman trying to smuggle drugs into jail by hiding them in her bra. That's quite a bust
Things you would not plan on finding in a meth lab: c) Monkeys
US teen birthrate fell dramatically in 2009 thanks to MTV's '16 and Pregnant'
There's speeding, and then there's "112 mph over the limit" speeding
Man unemployed for 18 months goes to McDonald's for McRib, wins $1 million Monopoly prize. Is there anything the McRib can't do?
Want to get around moonshine laws? Just don't call it "moonshine"
Photoshop Theme: If I could do it all over again
Scientists breed singing mouse. Disney not overly impressed
Tue December 21, 2010
Man stabbed in Woolloongabba. I'm not familiar with these hoity-toity medical terms
Socialist country passes law drastically reducing internet freedoms
"Pants Fire not Crime, Police Say," although it can serve as evidence of perjury
Someone finally noticed that the UN stinks
Year of change exemplified: The average American wage declined about 4%. Happy Holidays
Redneck manners meets Colorado ski slopes - if a 14-year old girl bumps into your little snowflake: c) punch her in the face
Internet shock jock and government informant Hal Turner gets 33 months in federal prison for being a tad too shocky
The top 10 most divisive issues of 2010. Yes, Justin Bieber made the list
Israel's Holocaust memorial says it has now identified 4 million of the 6 million Jews who were killed by Nazis in the Holocaust of World War II. Take pause to let those numbers sink in
Twenty-three percent of HS students who try to join the military fail its entrance exam, which is a real sad statement about our education system. At least the military still has standards
Today's Fark-ready headline: "Vatican: Condoms OK, but not as contraceptive"
Photoshop this desert drinker
Headline: "Man in jail for repeated exposures". If he had a digital camera he wouldn't have wasted all that film
The last batch of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/12 - 12/18, and an update on the 2010 Headline of the Year contest
Actual headline: 'Man acquitted of creating family trees without a license'
The number of Americans who believe in strict Creationism is down. That's good. It's still 40%. That's bad. At least we can all agree that the frogurt was divinely inspired. Mmm, frogurt
So how are military personnel reacting to DADT repeal? "You're gay? OK. Get back to work"
Brazilian shotgun wedding. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
You've been asked to leave a convenience store. Do you: C) pee in the freezer
Liam Neeson's comments about Narnia's Aslan leads to political correctness, which leads to Sharia, which leads to SUFFERING
Chocolate better cure for common cold than echinacea, claim women researchers
TSA patdowns are forcing sexual assault victims to re-live the trauma that many of them barely survived in the first place
When you work out, you're working out with STAPHYLOCOCCUS
Another sign of the bad economy: free yoga classes
The Grateful Dead are grateful for the $615,000 our government spent to digitize dirty hippie archive
Not news: Another royal wedding. News: It's the only hot one who was actually BORN royal. Fark: And she has a tongue stud
I SAlD, IT TAKES 41 YEARS FOR A HUMAN TO CULTIVATE A PEARL IN HIS EAR
"U.K. officials greased Lockerbie bomber's release, report finds". Giggity
The USS Harry S. Truman returns home, and 119 new fathers are first off the carrier to meet their new kids. Tag is for the parents
Fourth actor sustains serious injury in Bono's broadway show: "Spider-Man: Turn on the Fark"
Giant African tortoises are taking over the Arizona desert. Very slowly
Could someone please help me shovel out the driveway so people can see my 'stop global warming' sign and know that I care?
British Undersecretary for Business: "I have declared war on Mr Murdoch and I think we are going to win"
Stephen Baldwin assures the world he will not fling forks at any of his pinko-commie brothers during Christmas dinner
The first step in Obama's nefarious plan to take your guns away has finally begun: ATF to ask gun dealers on the Mexican border to report purchasers of multiple high-powered rifles. Thank god the NRA is already fighting this
Inmates turn trash into toys for Christmas. "Mommy, why is there a razor blade glued to this toothbrush?"
Vet holding cat hostage until bill is paid. Merry Christmas
This guy takes "crashing at a friend's house" to eleven
Flash mob trying to sing "Hallelujah Chorus" results in evacuation of mall. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
How to get a raise and avoid a hot coco sampler. No, seriously, the article talks about hot coco sampler avoidance. Tag is for the fact that it's so true
Like the blind leading the blind, Ohio will help Florida teachers combat their illiteracy
Last minute gift ideas for the weirdos on your list
Case of "Rules don't apply to me" or "Workers did not block off properly"? Either way, karma is a real biatch
Biologist rages at council after riding bike into bollard. What a cyclepath
Newspaper faults judge for releasing suspect on bond, because it "helped him avoid almost six months in jail before the felony charge was dismissed"
First picture of woman jailed for having sex with 14-year-old boy. Yeah, you'd hit it
Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security: "Our people are working 24/7, 364 days a year." Well, someone's got to keep all 57 states safe
The city of London without any humans in it - spooky photos of the city on a Christmas morning
The story of how one philanthropist is bringing real treatment to veterans suffering from traumatic brain injuries, treatment the Pentagon won't give. Warning: dusty
Ah, summertime in Australia. The sun glinting off the barbie. The whiff of roasting kookaburra in the air. And the snow. Lots and lots of snow. Crikey, what?
For the discerning woman in your life; A mugwort and wormwoord tea vaginal steam bath
Sixth-grader will unfortunately forever be known as "the molester's son" after Dad got blitzed on vodka while chaperoning a field trip and decided the girls looked cute
Twinkies, tapeworms, and pregnancy hormone - the list of the most ridiculous fad diets of 2010 is out. Eating less, exercising more notably absent
Today we salute you, Mr. Found $22,000 Worth of Savings Bonds in a Recycling Bin and Worked on Your Own to Track Down a Living Heir and Deliver Them Just in Time for Christmas Recycling Plant Worker
Father pulls daughter out of a van on the side of the highway and they fall to the ground fighting until the van rolls over the daughter's legs at which point they get back in and drive to a gas station, then things get weird
You knew this was coming. Slideshow of last night's Lunar eclipse
(Free Lance Star)
Man's pants mysteriously catch fire; that's what he gets for lying
But the worst part of being a mall Santa? No beer. "I immediately knew I made a mistake. Beer is a major no-no for Santa"
NJ Supreme Court has ordered the six largest mortgage lenders in the country to appear before it and explain why ALL thier foreclosure actions, some 30,000 total, shouldn't be thrown out of court for bad/fraudulent paperwork
Visitor Don'ts for five major cities. L.A. list fails without "get on the 405"
Spend $50 on greeting cards, get a free pole dance
So, who's really not looking forward to spending an extended amount of time with the family? Will you be traveling? Will you be drinking?
Thomas Edison was a twisted little doll maker with visions of cyborgs dancing in his head
For a good time, go to Fark.com, ask for Ric Romero. Courthouse bathrooms are a haven for lewd graffiti artists
With four neighboring states belonging to the 70 mph faction and only one at 65, Ohio switches sides
News: €5 million worth of stolen art recovered after thieves tried to sell it. Fark: to a scrap iron dealer for €30
Photoshop this bunny kiss
Dog gives birth to 17 puppies. Owner fined for littering
After a 2500 year drought in language contribution, Greece steps up and delivers the 2010 word of the year
Nine-year-old girl has been raising money to buy gifts for hospitalized children for the last four years. This year she raised $15K
High school puts the smack down on (a) a gang (b) a group of bullies, or (c) the Xmas Sweater Club
"Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. Be sure to check out the latest Skymall catalog, located in your seatback pocket, just behind the blood and mucus-filled airsickness bag"
Like any other teenage boy, he thought the "I'm a vampire" pickup line would work
Junior high teacher reprimanded for posting "list of fools" on school corridor, labeling some of his students "pathetic" and "troublesome"
The Orlando Police Department would like to assure the public they aren't going to use the Taser anymore. No, they are just going to plain ol' shoot you instead
Photoshop these Santa shenanigans
A New Zealand brothel for women is looking to hire male prostitutes for $176 per hour. Difficulty: Have to perform on demand with real women
If police are investigating reports that you exposed yourself to children, it helps if you don't answer the door with your pants down around your ankles. "That's him"
Man breaks record with 25K Santa items, says, "When I think about them I touch my elf"
Breastfeeding linked to better grades - especially if the teacher is really into it
Hey, kids -- we're going to take away your toy guns and smash them for Christmas. Ho ho ho
"I just don't remember [segregation] as being that bad," says Governor who grew up white and wealthy in 1960s Mississippi
Mon December 20, 2010