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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun May 23, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious She's the "worst doctor in Norway"? Well, that might make her the best doctor in Sweden  (thelocal.se) (62)
(SFGate) Dumbass If you decide to go around breaking the law, you probably don't want to have an identifiable lip tattoo that reads 'East Side.' "It's hard to miss him."  (sfgate.com) (39)
(News.com.au) Cool 40 year old, unimpressed by teenager's Mt Everest effort, swims under it  (news.com.au) (61)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man creates customized rubber stamps for businesses to advertise on sandy beaches without hurting the environment. "You can see where people walk around them."  (nwfdailynews.com) (53)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man gets life in prison for stealing a pair of $4 socks  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (137)
(Fox News) Asinine After granting the imprisoned hikers a visit from their mothers, like any good peace loving nation would, Iran now demands a humanitarian gesture from the US in the form of a prisoner exchange, or else they will likely be executed  (foxnews.com) (200)
(Kansas City) Sick Want to protest the controlled killing of deer in a local park? Well, that calls for a heaping dose of insanity and some cow's blood  (kansascity.com) (72)
(WFSB) Sad If you're on a cliff, drinking with friends, and someone's phone falls to a lower ledge, just let it go, man, because it's Darwin's phone now  (wfsb.com) (109)
(Des Moines Register) Interesting Researchers for the University of Iowa are studying student drinking at the school. At least that's what they're telling the co-eds before handing them another Long Island iced tea  (desmoinesregister.com) (48)
(The Consumerist) PSA Prepaid funerals are for suckers. Also, you should probably go the cremation route, because we really don't need one more potential zombie  (consumerist.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this scientist and his ice hole  (ljplus.ru) (30)
(Daily Herald) Dumbass Not news: Older brother jealous of younger brother getting some. News: from teacher. Fark: Older brother rats on them  (dailyherald.com) (107)
(Fox News) Interesting Attention lazy mothers: at least someone is thinking of your children as Congress is poised to ban drop side cribs, which means you have to touch your child for 5.3 more seconds each day  (foxnews.com) (130)
(Post Crescent) Asinine Wisconsin embarrasses itself even more with new drunk driving laws. "...seventh, eighth and ninth OWI offenders serve a mandatory minimum prison term of 3 years, while 10th OWI offenders will serve a mandatory minimum of 4 years"  (postcrescent.com) (271)
(Yahoo) Interesting 57 ancient tombs with mummies unearthed in Egypt. Brendan Fraser sighs  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(AP) Strange Job Dedication 101: Detective who also serves as department spokesperson sends out press release about a person being arrested and booked complete with mugshot. That person was himself  (hosted.ap.org) (39)
(AP) Strange Man claims he had permission to park his car for 6 mos. behind a diner. Tow company crushes car, which also contained the ashes of the man's father and grandfather  (hosted.ap.org) (41)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You pick up a hooker. Do you: a) Take her to your real home so she can swipe your blow, b) Get drunk, c) Call the cops and file a complaint about the stolen drugs, or d) All of the above?  (onlineathens.com) (37)
(Mother Nature Network) Unlikely After four months of data scientists can accurately say 2010 will be one of the hottest years ever, and we know scientists are never wrong  (mnn.com) (220)
(tmj4) Dumbass Cross-dressing car thief caught while shopping at the mall. And looking fabulous (with pic)  (todaystmj4.com) (29)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Fail "No, we don't have your car that was towed to our impound lot, stop asking about it." Five months later "Hey, we found your car in our lot, and we aren't even going to charge you $3,000 in storage fees"  (startribune.com) (64)
(Denver Post) Misc Why would an insurance company care about a car stolen 30 years ago which has turned up stripped in an impound lot? When the car in question is a 67 Shelby Mustang GT500  (denverpost.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Scary Haven't messed with your kids' heads enough? Get them a 7-foot-long sleeping bag shaped like a great white shark. "Just imagine the joy of tucking your child in the shark's throat each and every night"  (treehugger.com) (54)
(Orlando Sentinel) Unlikely "We prefer [inmates] not smile because suspects are not usually smiling when they commit a crime and it makes it difficult for victims to identify them"  (orlandosentinel.com) (55)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting New economic reality facing young people means it can take up to age 34 to transistion into adulthood, stop eating Lucky Charms for dinner  (chicagotribune.com) (355)
(My San Antonio) Fail Local eatery processes all credit card info via the internet. The tag says it all  (mysanantonio.com) (101)
(Canada.com) Silly Women increasingly spring tungsten carbide or titanium "mangagement" rings upon unfortunate boyfriends as they pop the question  (vancouversun.com) (236)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida High school football coach loses job after girlfriend's parents report he sent "inappropriate pictures" to their 20-year-old daughter. Wait, 20?  (jacksonville.com) (141)
(Yahoo) Cool Bombardier worm, psychedelic frogfish, and bizarre "dracula-like" fish top newly discovered species list. Matthew Broderick objected to the term "discovery", saying he's been married to the dracula fish since 1997  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Washington Post) Strange Back in my day we had to get our rubbers at a place called a "Drug Store". And we LIKED IT  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(MSNBC) Stupid Your girlfriend is sleeping with the owner of the topless coffee shop where she works. Do you a) share your feelings with her, b) break up with her, or c) burn the place down after telling everyone that's what you were going to do  (msnbc.msn.com) (84)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious Though students are still taught about the Constitution in school they will be disciplined for exercising just about any of the rights guaranteed to them therein  (chicagotribune.com) (154)
(AZCentral) Spiffy There's one group of people that refuse to boycott Arizona: Pokemon players  (azcentral.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this stairway  (photo.auditory.ru) (31)
(Washington Post) Cool I have a dream that my four fat and ugly children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the beauty of their face or the tonnage of their skin, and that those who do will go to jail  (washingtonpost.com) (129)
(Salon) Asinine Australia blows the whistle on WikiLeaks  (salon.com) (123)
(Globe and Mail) Unlikely The wars on drugs and terror having been fought and won, governments now turn their attention to a new foe: sugar  (theglobeandmail.com) (114)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely That time I stuffed you in a locker back in high school was for your own good  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Scientific American) Sad Mathematical games over. Martin Gardner dies at age 95  (scientificamerican.com) (76)
(CNN) Florida Charlie Crist want BP to pay for a $35M advertising blitz to reassure tourists Florida beaches aren't as lubed as he is  (cnn.com) (93)
(Some Guido) Unlikely I call shenanigans (and dibs on the honey in the wetsuit)  (pressofatlanticcity.com) (42)
(The Raw Story) Dumbass Texas cops mistake actual weed for marijuana, spend hours doing yard work  (rawstory.com) (138)
(Some Geezer) Strange Get off my laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn   (news.ninemsn.com.au) (23)
(New York Daily News) Sad Jews for Jesus founder finds out if it was all worth the trouble  (nydailynews.com) (160)
(CTV) Cool Man eats 13 lbs of poutine in 10 minutes - no, he's not Canadian, believe it or not  (toronto.ctv.ca) (103)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this canine committee  (spiegel.de) (18)
(AnnArbor.com) Silly "The 'bucket list' for pets: What does your dog want to do before he dies?"  (annarbor.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Fail An inmate's escape attempt came down to the wire. Specifically, the bare electrical cords in the crawlspace  (johnsoncitypress.com) (45)
(The Sun) Silly England finally wins a world sporting event. They beat out Germany and South Africa to be crowned World Custard Pie Throwing Champions  (thesun.co.uk) (39)
(PennLive) Obvious Note to businesses: You can't award someone $100,000 in a contest, then get out of it by changing your name  (pennlive.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest 3D motion illusion projections on buildings you will see all day  (vimeo.com) (68)
(CTV) Strange Local Buffalo News: woman killed by train. Local Toronto News: man killed by train. Fark: the same train  (toronto.ctv.ca) (55)
(Some Grub Guy) Cool Anthony Bourdain to publish new book of essays in June, in which he unleashes his wrath upon new group of food-world frauds in addition to Sandra Lee and Food Network  (newyork.grubstreet.com) (186)
(Fox News) Spiffy Darwin Akbar  (foxnews.com) (119)

Sat May 22, 2010
(Orlando Sentinel) Fail Apparently, GOB Bluth visited Daytona Beach today  (orlandosentinel.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these onlookers  (s.wsj.net) (37)
(Miami Herald) Florida Gay male high school senior runs for prom queen and finishes among top 3 vote-getters. Rather than going all Westboro Baptist Church on him, they instead suspend him from school ... over a parking ticket?  (miamiherald.com) (408)
(Somewhere in the OC) Asinine What is the jail sentence for running into a tree with your car? A) 9 days, B) 9 weeks, or C) 9 years  (ocregister.com) (88)
(NYPost) Spiffy Judge rules a sex-ed teacher is allowed to talk dirty to students  (nypost.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Woman banned from having men in her apartment at night after court finds she funded her drug habit with pole dancing and prostitution at her home (w/ Hell, yeah, you'd hit it pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(New Zealand Herald) Sick As if you didn't have enough to worry about when you fly, now there are reports that some airlines may reuse the plastic silverwear up to 10 times before being thrown away  (nzherald.co.nz) (100)
(Orlando Sentinel) Cool 90+ beach photos of the hottest bikini-clad celebs you may or may not have heard of (warning: slideshow)  (orlandosentinel.com) (105)
(Some Guy) Interesting An Evangelical delegation visits Morocco regarding explusion of 40+ Christians. Do they a) urge data gathering and rational discourse, b) protest outside the Moroccan capitol, or c) tell Morocco to copy Uganda's homosexual death penalty law?  (christiantoday.com) (84)
(Breitbart.com) Spiffy After a 14 year battle, Native American may actually win one over the feds for a change, due mostly to one tough lady  (breitbart.com) (154)
(io9) Cool You know what the most interesting thing about this miniature recreation of Bag End is? A girl did it  (io9.com) (51)
(Daily Caller) Followup Forget sending in hair to the Gulf -- engineers have tried it and it doesn't work very well  (dailycaller.com) (54)
(Salon) Stupid When a candidate for the U.S. Senate says he's a military reservist who was "shot at" in Lebanon, he meant someone shot a gun near him while he was a college student on a media tour  (salon.com) (83)
(Washington Post) Stupid New social networking site lets users broadcast what they buy on their credit cards. Not surprisingly, it's a big hit with American consumers  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(The Consumerist) Spiffy You know how sometimes you want some good barbecue ribs but wish they didn't take so long to make at a restaurant? Well, Burger King listened and will begin serving ribs nationwide this summer  (consumerist.com) (253)
(Seattle Times) Cool ♫ Everybody was chess-fu fighting ♫  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (35)
(Some Guy and Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this sidewalk scene  (20jahrespaeter.com) (28)
(ABC News) Obvious With spring heating up, it's time for the annual "Are You Swimming in Filth?" stories. Someone should write a book about these media trends  (abcnews.go.com) (35)
(Yahoo) Obvious From the Pew Research Center For Confirming The Blindingly Obvious comes news that teenage girls are far more likely to send text messages than are teenage boys  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Tow truck thief crashes into car and hits several parked vehicles. Victims relieved that damages and costs were far less than dealing with a real tow truck driver  (suntimes.com) (21)
(My Fox DC) Obvious Watch it Romero, you've got yourself some competition  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(ABC Action News) Florida And first prize in the "Number one reason I'm sorry I ever called my mom a biatch when I was growing up" contest goes to... This biatch  (abcactionnews.com) (349)
(Some Thriller) Strange Japanese businessman's newest money-making idea? Charge people over $1,000 so they can spend the night with Michael Jackson's possessions  (digitalspy.com) (27)
(Toronto Sun) Asinine Surrey high school students determined to find out how many times 17 will go into 13½  (torontosun.com) (103)
(The New York Times) Asinine You can retire at 44 on a $101,333 pension from a $74,000 job. If you are a public employee. Is this a great country or what?  (nytimes.com) (308)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Swine flu software is being recycled to track an epidemic that is actually killing people  (boston.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man arrested for harassing television weather reporter (with a hit it like lightning thrown from an angry Thor picture of said reporter)  (perthnow.com.au) (127)
(Some Shocking Guy) Cool A Russian man is working on Taser 2.0. For those times when a single person crying "don't tase me bro'" just isn't enough  (wired.co.uk) (59)
(Yahoo) Cool Not News: 13 year old boy from California uses satellite phone to call his mother. News: From the top of FARKING Mt. Everest  (news.yahoo.com) (151)
(CNN) Scary Skydiver prepares for supersonic fall  (cnn.com) (141)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Dumbass Maine man caught growing pot says he was doing it to pay the attorney he needed for drug-related charges  (sunjournal.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beach bulb  (unrecnow.com) (31)
(Sioux City Journal) Caturday Stray cat survives being shot in the head with a nail gun. Please welcome "Amazing Grace" to Caturday  (siouxcityjournal.com) (908)
(ABC Action News) Florida You might be too hammered to drive if you get pulled over by a fire truck  (abcactionnews.com) (31)
(Some Robot) Dumbass "I assumed (Bender) shot my cow in some bizarre 'Godfather' move to try and intimidate me"  (mlive.com) (67)
(Jalopnik) Cool Is it any surprise that the owner of a beer-dispensing VolksWagen is a Farker?  (jalopnik.com) (60)
(TampaBays10.com) Hero Kindergartner saves her daddy after he falls face first into oyster bed: "My daddy is all bleeding."  (wtsp.com) (109)
(Daily Mail) Obvious New study confirms what married men have known for decades: Your wife isn't happy unless you are miserable  (dailymail.co.uk) (209)
(Newsweek) Followup If you can remember back to yesterday and the mefi human trafficking rescue, here's Newsweek interviewing Internet Fraud Detective Squad to tell the rest of the story (still no pics)  (blog.newsweek.com) (94)
(CNN) NewsFlash Jetliner crashes in India with 165 aboard  (edition.cnn.com) (243)

Fri May 21, 2010
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this court celebration  (cache.boston.com) (35)
(Ocala.com) Florida If you're going to complain about mice damaging your property inside a storage facility, make sure your property isn't 18 pounds of pot  (ocala.com) (26)
(Seattle Times) Strange Officials are using Krispy Kreme doughnuts to lure a bear out of hiding in a Seattle-area neighborhood. Apparently they couldn't find a pic-a-nic basket  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (49)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Scary Woman, 72, drives 100mph to hairdresser, almost dyes  (myfoxla.com) (45)
(UPI) Obvious U.S. Constitution becomes popular to read, even more popular to misunderstand  (upi.com) (254)
(KOB) Sick Actual headline: "Neighbors worry someone may be severing cats' heads." What tipped you off, all the cat heads?  (kob.com) (120)
(Some Guy) PSA Alfalfa sprouts recalled due to salmonella, buckwheat crops said to be o-tay  T-Shirt  (kptv.com) (46)
(ABC News) Followup Dalai Lama finally uses his Twitter account. Trending topics: #Gunga galunga  T-Shirt  (abcnews.go.com) (61)
(ABC News) Scary Flint, Michigan mayor claims rash of arson fires work of terrorists, laid-off fire fighters or both  (abcnews.go.com) (76)
(The Smoking Gun) PSA Friday night + The Smoking Gun = muggin' it up, mugger Farkers  (thesmokinggun.com) (223)
(ABC News) Dumbass If you absolutely must pull somebody off a plane and submit them to four hours of interrogation, try not to pick a billionaire with lots of political ties  (abcnews.go.com) (143)
(AOL News) Obvious The Geek Quiz: separating the geek from the weak  (aolnews.com) (174)
(The Scotsman) Obvious Actual headline: "Drunken Scotsman guilty of killing teenage jockeys in fireball attack"  (news.scotsman.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious 50 ways census data is used. Only two are constitutional   (california.tenthamendmentcenter.com) (322)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this at attention  (s.wsj.net) (37)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Man running for chairman of the school board makes his mark at a forum by reading from the Bible, telling Obama to withdraw his Supreme Court nominee, and announcing that he's a 53-year-old virgin  (orlandosentinel.com) (109)
(NYPost) Amusing New York City's posh and famous Tavern on the Green is about to become a snack bar  (nypost.com) (73)
(Some Guy) PSA Atheists do not burst into flames when sprinkled with holy water  (sfltimes.com) (562)
(TechnologyReview) Fail BP: "Basically, we're out of ideas"  (technologyreview.com) (616)
(Philly) Fail Builder: Oh, you mean the five-story building I constructed was supposed to have block walls filled with rebar and concrete? I thought that was optional  (philly.com) (110)
(WGAL 8) Strange "The staff and management at ManorCare Health Services are disheartened" that one of their patients was blasted with a shotgun last night  (wgal.com) (19)
(Canada.com) Obvious Anarchist bank bombers didn't fit in with poetry crowd  (calgaryherald.com) (63)
(KATU) Fail Reporter goes 'undercover' to see how easy it is to get a medical marijuana card in Oregon. Fark: She has scoliosis and has been in three car accidents  (katu.com) (185)
(Cracked) Interesting Five guilty pleasures the web killed while you weren't looking  (cracked.com) (105)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Heroin traffickers register a phone card in the name of a well known recording artist. Who is it? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (77)
(BuzzFeed) Strange Sixteen items exclusive to Chinese Wal-Marts. I just can't see there being a big enough demand in the states for crocodiles or pig faces  (buzzfeed.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Amusing Warning: Heroin may cause dyslexia  (wenatcheeworld.com) (52)
(ABC News) Obvious US Army discovering that it's M-4 rifles are no match for the Taliban's more primitive, but longer range, weapons; a discovery previously made by the Soviets in the 1980's and the British in the 1830's  (abcnews.go.com) (467)
(Fox News) Followup Remember the Minnesota parents who prohibited their son from getting chemotherapy because it was "untested science"? Well, the god of irony is giving the family another bite at the apple  (liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com) (138)
(Some Guy) Sad You know it's getting near the end of the year when the seniors take the special ed kid out to have profanities and swastikas tattooed on his butt  (wmur.com) (113)
(Boston Globe) Followup That "father of the year tries to trade baby for beer" story is totally inaccurate. It was for crack  (boston.com) (44)
(WRAL) Dumbass Man convicted of first degree murder asks for death penalty because being on death row "would give him respect from other inmates and also more chances to appeal." You're doing it wrong  (wral.com) (38)
(some blabbermouth) Sad The Westboro Baptist Church, apparently unaware of the assbeating ability of a large group of metalheads, are planning a picket at Ronnie James Dio's funeral  (roadrunnerrecords.com) (503)
(Some Guy) Cool Their new album is online and you can listen for free. Yes, the original lineup. Yes, even the lead singer (sponsored link)  (billboard.com) (245)
(TinkyWinky) Sad Just when we came to grips with Bert and Ernie being gay, Arizona determines Dora the Explorer to be an illegal immigrant  (justnews.com) (249)
(The Virginian Pilot) Asinine Bible-Borg school teacher hands out plush fetus dolls to elementary school students as anti-abortion message. Bonus: "Squooshy" used in article  (hamptonroads.com) (235)
(My Fox DC) Cool Wounded soldiers showing homeless dogs some love to get them ready for adoption  (myfoxdc.com) (44)
(Daily Mail) Scary Sure, you will likely suffer liver dysfunction, acute kidney failure, cataracts and a muscle damage known as myopathy. But, it'll lower your cholesterol, and that's a good thing  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Some Guy) Asinine Today's fearmongering household item that will kill your children is: The wicker toy chest  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (50)
(News.com.au) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: "War crimes prosecutors seek Naomi Campbell"  (news.com.au) (21)
(Some Guy) Followup Detective tells student in sexting case : Hey, if you waited until you were 18 to post these you wouldn't be in trouble - you'd be in Playboy. Call me  (thetimes-tribune.com) (220)
(ABC News) Cool Hey, Boo-Boo, Iya may be able to uh help you witha that uh cancer  (abcnews.go.com) (15)
(Great Falls Tribune) Fail Man convicted for shooting a bald eagle, despite novel "I thought it was a porcupine" defense  (greatfallstribune.com) (62)
(CBS 46) Asinine Taking cues from self-checkout kiosks, 911 adopts new "why don't you drive your dying child to the ER yourself" campaign  (cbsatlanta.com) (67)
(CBS Boston) Fail How to lose your job and your girlfriend all at once: "Break up with me and I'll crash this plane"  (wbztv.com) (44)
(Billings Gazette) Scary If your double-murderer father is carrying a 24-ounce beer when he shows up on his motorcycle to pick you up from school, don't get on the bike  (billingsgazette.com) (51)
(Metro) Strange Pop quiz, hotshot. What do you do when a naked woman jumps onto the roof of your car? (NSFW pic)  (metro.co.uk) (188)
(NJ.com) Cool Pimp sentenced to 18 years in prison, but that news pales in comparison to the most amazing hairstyle you will ever see. Ever  (nj.com) (192)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this viewing villager  (s.wsj.net) (38)
(Metafilter) Hero Guy asks MetaFilter users to help Russian friend who's being conned into a human trafficking ring. MetaFilter users come through  (ask.metafilter.com) (346)
(azfamily.com) Unlikely You've seen his image in trees, tortillas, and carport oil stains. But have you ever seen Jesus in a boy's thumbprint? "I got a little freaked out."  (azfamily.com) (108)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Ever since he was a young boy, he played the silver ball. From Plainfield to Chicago, he must have played them all. You ain't seen nothing like him, in any amusement hall. That 6th grade 12 year old kid, sure plays a mean pinball  (chicagotribune.com) (56)
(Daily Mail) Strange Old and busted: TV commercials for condoms. New hotness: TV commercials for abortions  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)
(Some BBW guy) Florida High school assistant principal sends nude photo to 14 year old student. Student learns the term "BBW" is one "B" too many (W/pic of what a "BBW" assistant principal should look like)  (wtsp.com) (217)
(Courier Mail) Cool Not news: Kids build treehouse out of old junk. News: City council condemns it, then knocks it down. Fark: City then agrees to build $60,000 fort as replacement  (couriermail.com.au) (35)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "I'll give you my cell phone when you take it from my cold, dead hands"  (nwfdailynews.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Amusing Upon finding thousands of bees swarming on his front lawn, man does the logical thing and posts an ad for free bees on Craigslist  (vancouversun.com) (121)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this dirty work  (bigpicture.ru) (25)

Thu May 20, 2010
(ABC6) Stupid Demonstrating that hate has no political boundaries, Rhode Island Democrat introduces an immigration bill rivaling that of Arizona  (ww.abc6.com) (544)
(Talking Points Memo) Asinine CNN would like to know if the new Miss USA is a spy for Hezbollah. They're just asking questions   (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (239)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this Catholic camera phone  (s.wsj.net) (47)
(Boston Globe) Cool Groom-to-be pops the question at Whole Foods in Cambridge. Subby would have been classier and done it at Trader Joe's  (boston.com) (83)
(Daily Mail) Silly Bizarre creature washes up in small town. This creature was first discovered by "Sam the Dog, a local dog"  (dailymail.co.uk) (148)
(Billings Gazette) Cool Henry Rollins explains the universe  (billingsgazette.com) (195)
(Wall Street Journal) Spiffy Scientists create $30 million one-celled artificial living organism, inadvertently prove Intelligent Design  (online.wsj.com) (553)
(St. Louis Globe-Democrat) Weird Antelope given giraffe pregnancy test, tests negative for baby giraffes. You can pretty much guess the rest  (globe-democrat.com) (47)
(The New York Times) Fail EPA complains that the oil-dispersant chemical BP is using is too toxic. That sounds like information that would have been useful 700,000 gallons ago  (nytimes.com) (144)
(ABC News) Interesting Day 29 prediction: "I now hate the entire world"  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(Dayton Daily News) Scary Ohio's largest industry goes up in smoke  (daytondailynews.com) (168)
(Examiner) Fail The search for the world's dumbest tattoo has come to an end in a spectacular display of FAIL  (examiner.com) (365)
(NJ.com) Obvious There's a reason why the saying is "like trying to find a needle in a haystack" and not "like trying to find a burglar in a pile of clothes."  (nj.com) (19)
(La Canada Daily Sun) Asinine Followers of the Lord Jesus Christ cast the first stone, paint, saws, etc at an adopt-a-highway sign sponsored by United Atheists  (lacanadaonline.com) (429)
(Discovery) Stupid CSI: HOA will run DNA tests on dog poo to determine who isn't scooping  (news.discovery.com) (104)
(NYPost) Silly It's come to this: New York City is now dividing its sidewalks into two lanes so locals don't have to be delayed by slow-moving tourists  (nypost.com) (350)
(Discovery) Hero Seven score and seven years ago, a wounded soldier stood his ground, fought and died at Gettysburg, is now finally getting his Medal of Honor  (news.discovery.com) (88)
(The Onion) Obvious New social networking site will change the way we -- oh Christ, please just kill us already  (theonion.com) (108)
(VentureBeat) Amusing Things Mark Zuckerberg surely wouldn't ever do in a million years: Securities Fraud  (venturebeat.com) (88)
(Some Creep) PSA When showing your pregnant girlfriend photos of your time in Iraq, make sure there aren't a few mixed in of you molesting your former girlfriend's two-year-old  (wwmt.com) (223)
(AOL News) Amusing If you've ever been so drunk that your high-speed police chase ends up with you being carried out of a corn field in the bucket of a tractor, you might just have a drinking problem  (aolnews.com) (39)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass God may have put marijuana on this earth, but He's not the one who planted it behind the church  (bostonherald.com) (83)
(BBC) Sick "I don't know much about art, but I know I don't like looking at photos of puking fat people"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (95)
(WXYZ Detroit) Dumbass Woman arrested for stealing over $20,000 worth of jewelry and rare coins from a dentist. Police found the items after an intensive cavity search  (wxyz.com) (36)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass So what do you and your wife, who are under investigation for crashing President Obama's first state dinner, do the night of his second state dinner? Why, cruise around the White House in a limo running red lights of course  (myfoxdc.com) (102)
(Some T. Rex) Photoshop Photoshop these dusty bones  (bigpicture.ru) (31)
(ABC News) Sad Oil hits the wetlands. Louisiana to throw flour on it  (abcnews.go.com) (191)
(News.com.au) Scary Man gets hand caught in wood-chipping machine, doctors expect him to be all right  T-Shirt  (heraldsun.com.au) (74)
(ABC News) Followup North Korea warns that they will consider it an act of war if South Korea takes any action in reprisal for North Korea's act of war  (abcnews.go.com) (446)
(Some Guy) Asinine News: City wants buildings brought up to code, or they will tear them down. Fark: buildings were built in the mid 1800's and are historic cabins that housed slaves  (wxii12.com) (77)
(WFTV) Florida Denny's Free Cooler Imprisonment Day promotion goes over as well as you can imagine  (wftv.com) (75)
(SMH) Stupid Australian customs agents get new powers to search incoming travelers for pornography  (smh.com.au) (151)
(Some Guy Eats) Florida Not news: woman renews driver's license by mail. Fark: license arrives with Fark-worthy address change  (nbcmiami.com) (165)
(LA Times) Ironic Nadya Suleman would like to remind you to help control the pet population by having your pets spayed or neutered  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (123)
(Some Guy) Obvious Despite how easy the bad guys make it look in the comic books, in reality it's actually quite hard to lug a safe out of the store you've broken into  (kitsapsun.com) (20)
(CBS News) Scary Remember citizens, if you don't have papers, don't tell your 2nd grade daughter. She might turn you in to the President's wife  (cbsnews.com) (431)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this big Buddhist bronze  (bigpicture.ru) (32)
(Abc.net.au) Amusing Want your mugging to succeed? Don't chase your victim to a school of ninjas  (abc.net.au) (56)
(Reuters) Interesting Apparently we were wrong about emergency rooms being overrun by the uninsured  (reuters.com) (228)
(News.com.au) Followup U.S. apologises to American Indians for maltreatment and neglect inflicted upon them. Oh c'mon, "Dances With Wolves" wasn't that bad  (news.com.au) (196)
(KMOV St. Louis) Strange School goes on lockdown and police respond after student A) brings weapons to class B) posts hit list of classmates C) flips off teacher and runs out of school  (kmov.com) (45)
(Clarion Ledger) Misc Jabba the Hutt executed in Mississippi [pic]  (clarionledger.com) (299)
(CNN) Interesting Viagra can affect men's hearing. I SAID VIAGRA CAN AFFECT MEN'S HEARING  (pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com) (64)
(9 News) Followup Slot machine player: I won 42.9 million dollars! Casino: STFU, here's your $20.18. Division of Gaming: Yep, definitely a malfunction. Definitely  (9news.com) (163)
(Chicago Tribune) Spiffy Neighbors and former teachers are upset that schoolhouse has become strip club. Former students, on the other hand, eagerly looking forward to class reunions  (chicagotribune.com) (62)
(CBS News) Spiffy News: US Coast Guard threats to arrest CBS news crew trying to film oil slick. Fark: Because British Petroleum gave the USCG the authority to do so  (cbsnews.com) (280)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 263: "Skylines." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (229)

Wed May 19, 2010
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this goat and guy  (christiehemmphoto.com) (33)
(Salon) Hero The GOP has once again heroically stopped science in its tracks. Take that, "science"  (salon.com) (646)
(Huffington Post) Fail Epic parenting fail. w/pics  (huffingtonpost.com) (354)
(NJ.com) Strange Father, son die in tragic boating accident. A tragic TOY boating accident  (nj.com) (96)
(CNN) Silly London exposes its one-eyed monster to the world  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (137)
(CNN) Obvious Congressionally mandated minimum noise levels for electric cars? It's more likely than you think  (money.cnn.com) (165)
(UPI) Silly CBS plans to air interfaith religion special called "Ministry of Animals." Where is your dog now?  (upi.com) (35)
(Gawker) Interesting Apparently, death hoaxes and the like have caused people not to believe anything they read on the Internet anymore, but I call BS  (gawker.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Plumber hides video camera in crack to catch woman in the shower  (newschannel5.com) (48)
(NPR) Scary Gulf oil spill upgraded from disaster to Chernobyl. The oil has now entered the Loop Current, meaning it will reach the states along the Atlantic coast  (npr.org) (252)
(MSNBC) Scary Walmart selling highly toxic Miley Cyrus trinkets; jewelry also contains high levels of cadmium  (msnbc.msn.com) (107)
(AOL) Interesting Journalist says what most of us were thinking: "Think you have food allergies? You probably don't"  (aolhealth.com) (219)
(Dallas News) Cool "I was overwhelmed after I did that with how amazing that felt, knowing that I changed their day and maybe restored their faith in human nature."  (dallasnews.com) (109)
(UPI) Sad In news that will surprise no one, North Korea found to be logging in protected U.N. forest reserve  (upi.com) (101)
(BBC) Silly Woman fined for picking up the wrong dog's poop. "I felt as if my integrity was being questioned"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (73)
(STLToday) Asinine Student complains after being shown 'Sicko' in class because she opposes Obamacare  (stltoday.com) (518)
(The New York Times) Interesting Long considered among the finest wines in the world, Bordeaux doesn't thrill American wine drinkers, who consider it "stodgy and unattractive," the Olympia Dukakis of wines  (nytimes.com) (105)
(Daily Mail) Cool Drinkers who down a half bottle of wine a day are healthier than people who don't drink at all  (dailymail.co.uk) (131)
(Some Guy) Photoshop A horse is a horse, of course, of course  (pics.livejournal.com) (37)
(ABC News) Obvious Health-conscious Americans force Kentucky Fried Chicken to abandon new 'Double Down' bunless sandwich. Just kidding, KFC extends sales of the Double Down indefinitely after selling 10 million since April 12th  (abcnews.go.com) (446)
(NJ.com) Dumbass NJ man arrested for having a minor, amount of cocaine in his car  (nj.com) (42)
(Houston Chronicle) Ironic Act of God topples a tree with the image of the Virgin Mary in its bark  (chron.com) (73)
(Some Naked Gal) Amusing "Naked duo in Portsmouth escorted back to strip poker party to retrieve clothes"  (fosters.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Sad Show your support of following the rule of law? Not at a Phoenix Suns' game  (dailycaller.com) (532)
(Washington Post) Dumbass TSA agent suspended for unauthorized secondary inspection of $500 cash  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (73)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ethnic violence prompts Kyrgyzstan to declare a state of mrgncy  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(Sky News) Hero "So what if he had a gun? He was very impolite and I don't take kindly to that."  (news.sky.com) (208)
(ABC News) Scary Another seemingly random "burst into classroom and stab everybody" in China. In the USA, we just tip cows  (abcnews.go.com) (87)
(Free-Lance Star) Dumbass Yearbook time . . . Headshots - check. Sports teams - mostly check. Anonymous sexual confessions - check. What could possibly go wrong?  (fredericksburg.com) (157)
(Washington Post) Ironic Still no cure for cancer, but turns out the cure for HIV may be the first vaccine ever invented back in 1796. Whoops  (washingtonpost.com) (152)
(AOL News) Spiffy Trial of man accused of organzing swinger's parties online has prompted a growing outcry from people that believe the government has no right intruding into people's bedrooms. The Chinese government, that is  (aolnews.com) (51)
(The New York Times) Cool Widepsread marijuana use among chefs and cooks has created a new stoner-centric restaurant and food culture. This is apparently news to people who've never had to work in the food industry, like New York Times reporters  (nytimes.com) (224)
(IndyStar) Interesting Not News: Business owner petitions for and wins disaster relief. Fark: His disaster is the Indiana Pacers  (theindychannel.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Cool You'll never take a self portrait this cool....EVER  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(The Consumerist) Followup Unlike your good neighbor, State Farm returns your stuff  (consumerist.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Stupid City requires lingerie store to get food permit for edible undies  (kens5.com) (95)
(Washington Post) Sad Man boards Metro to go to work Monday morning, then it gets all Weekend at Bernie's  (washingtonpost.com) (61)
(PennLive) Dumbass Hershey sues Williams-Sonoma because consumers might confuse Williams-Sonoma's 18" metal brownie pan for a chocolate bar  (pennlive.com) (190)
(Washington Post) Interesting Will "Meatless Mondays" catch on in restaurants, schools and homes? How about "Raw Meat Fridays?" "Blood of the Innocent Tuesdays?" or "Coney Island Whitefish Wednesdays?"  (washingtonpost.com) (485)
(AZCentral) Dumbass After serving 19 years for a fatal DUI, what better way to celebrate your release than heading out for a few beers, stealing a car, and crashing it down an embankment?  (azcentral.com) (235)
(RT) Interesting Not news: vending machine installed in Moscow government office. Not news: it breaks down the next day. Fark: it was selling caviar  (rt.com) (28)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Chicago's police superintendent has devised a strategy that has lowered the city's homicide numbers by at least 35% this year alone  (suntimes.com) (256)
(Yahoo) Asinine Not news: Workers given bonus. News: The county overpaid and would like it back. Fark: Bonus paid in 1994  (news.yahoo.com) (111)
(MSNBC) Followup Thai broken between Red Shirts and military  (msnbc.msn.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this... this... oh heck, we don't know what it is, either, just do something cool with it, okay?  (cbimg6.com) (61)
(TwinCities.com) Dumbass Criminal Justice 101: Never, never place the witness to a murder in the same holding cell as the alleged murderer  (twincities.com) (69)
(ABC News) Followup This is how World War III begins. Straight out of a Clancy novel  (abcnews.go.com) (341)
(io9) Silly Colorado psychic scores $290,000 by telling clients their money was possessed by evil spirits and she needed to take it away from them. Gullible subby goes to work another day  (io9.com) (88)
(Gawker) Stupid Some guy took the time to trace the origins and evolution of the word "fanboy." Wow, what a total research fanboy  (gawker.com) (50)
(AP) Asinine In Nebraska, they choose their sheriff the old fashioned way..... hanging chads be damned  (hosted.ap.org) (54)
(Sign On San Diego) Obvious Former NASCAR driver demonstrates to police why he's a former NASCAR driver. With mugshot goodness of a former NASCAR driver  (signonsandiego.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Strange When you decide to generously donate to Goodwill, they would appreciate it if you refrain from including grenades  (officer.com) (34)
(Boston Globe) Weird Foul odor shuts down Boston subway station. New Yorkers, feel free to scoff  (boston.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these women at the beach  (ljplus.ru) (43)
(Spiegel) Interesting In 1633, German villagers vowed to put on a Passion Play every decade if spared from the plague. Almost 400 years later, it's a tourism cash cow starring Protestants, Muslims, and the non-Virgin Mary  (spiegel.de) (56)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious CNN anchor Campbell Brown admits she's quitting because she can't get ratings with simple journalism against O'Reilly and Olbermann's rants  (blogs.tampabay.com) (249)
(The Consumerist) Followup Judge rules that rapping your order at a McDonald's drive-thru is not criminal. It is, however, quite stupid  (consumerist.com) (129)
(Des Moines Register) PSA In Iowa, if you don't yield to a state trooper driving the governor's SUV, you'll find yourself in a world of hurt  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (91)

Tue May 18, 2010
(News.com.au) Fail 1. Get drunk. 2. Fall down and stab a toilet brush handle into your buttock. 3. Spend two years listening to doctors say nothing is wrong. 4. Get surgery to remove it. 5. Profit. Just kidding: I mean, 5. Die  (news.com.au) (118)
(WNEM) Asinine Mom brings daughter to job on Take Your Daughter To Work Day where little girl learns valuable, real-life lesson--watching mommy getting fired  (wnem.com) (354)
(SeattlePI) Amusing Nothing strikes fear in the heart of a female hiker quite like seeing a naked man on the trail. "I saw his butt. I saw his hair. He's naked. He's naked, you know"  (seattlepi.com) (120)
(CBS News) Obvious Study shows you're more likely to be convicted of a crime if you're ugly. Who says Justice is blind?  (cbsnews.com) (84)
(ABC News) Interesting ABC News wonders if you have a pair or not  (abcnews.go.com) (244)
(The Times Union) Interesting Photoshop detection software creator puzzled when beta test finds 4,420 pictures of Patrick Tribett  (timesunion.com) (73)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: create your own lunchbox  (google.com) (46)
(Some Hot Guy) Unlikely Todays climate alarmist headline: "Over 4.5 Billion people could die from Global Warming-related causes by 2012"  (agoracosmopolitan.com) (292)
(Mother Jones) Amusing Orly Taitz, the queen bee of the birther movement says President Obama is persecuting her with a placenta painting of a nude Taitz, legs splayed, giving birth to... a pancake  (motherjones.com) (212)
(Some Lost Guy) Unlikely Lost hikers get found...by more lost hikers  (missoulian.com) (84)
(Time) Sad Scientists finally fess up and admit that deliciousness causes cancer. Still no cure for baby back ribs  (wellness.blogs.time.com) (84)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Not news: Husband sues Hispanic Catholic wife over divorce because she doesn't follow Orthodox Jewish rules with the kids. News: Court rules that she must adhere to Jewish Orthodox rules. Fark: Ex-husband isn't Jewish, his new wife is  (huffingtonpost.com) (167)
(Fox News) Asinine You throw a jelly bean, he throws a chair. That's how substitute teachers roll  (foxnews.com) (88)
(Bloomberg) Unlikely The odds that an investment bank's trading desk will make money every single day for an entire quarter are one in 5.7 billion. With no shenanigans involved, Goldman, JP Morgan, Citi and B of A each did exactly that last quarter  (bloomberg.com) (207)
(BBC) Obvious Men more honest about lying than women  (news.bbc.co.uk) (290)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police bust up an HIV/AIDS pyramid scheme. Obviously, Ramses wasn't involved  T-Shirt  (mg.co.za) (51)
(Some Guy) Amusing Not satisfied with the intimidation level of your current pruning shears? Meet the Alligator Loppers  (ijustwanttofitin.com) (63)
(AL.com) Dumbass Alabama geometry teacher goes off on tangent, lectures kids on angles needed to assassinate President Obama, drawing acute interest of Secret Service. How obtuse  T-Shirt  (blog.al.com) (157)
(ABC News) Ironic Pope condoms, get your Pope condoms here. Pope condoms  (abcnews.go.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Hero "To the ignorant neighbor who keeps calling the building inspector on me- f#$% off. There is no lead paint on this building. It was stripped in 1983."  (ktvu.com) (310)
(Sign On San Diego) Fail Protip: If you are going to be a cat burglar and break into occupied homes at 2:30 in the morning, don't just walk into the bedroom and turn on the lights as this tends to wake the occupants  (signonsandiego.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Scary The BC Government has secretly collected over 800,000 DNA samples from newborns over the past 11 years, let's see if anyone notices  (bccla.org) (89)
(ABC News) Interesting Prison inmate is into fruits  (abcnews.go.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Ironic Russian anti-spam czar accused of being a spammer  (krebsonsecurity.com) (32)
(ABC News) Misc What to do with 4 kidneys? ENTER EVERY DRINKING CONTEST  (abcnews.go.com) (56)
(Drew) FarkBlog Astronaut dogmeat, plowed farmers, and Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/9 - 5/15  (fark.com) (10)
(My Fox DC) Weird Nothing screams 'Sexual Harassment Lawsuit' like showing your female colleague a paper on bat fellatio  (myfoxdc.com) (133)
(Some foodie) Amusing Drunken headbutts, fistfights, and arrests ensue over the heritage of a pig. Rednecks? Hillbillies? Worse: foodies  (blogs.wweek.com) (41)
(AP) Interesting Forget the rest of Obama's net worth, that presidential pet is a kidnapping waiting to happen  (hosted.ap.org) (62)
(ABC News) Stupid Clerk at the Loaf 'N Jug convenience store was lucky to have been assaulted with Bud Light rather than a heavy robust beer like Coors  (abcnews.go.com) (49)
(AJC) Stupid "The squirrel's condition was not immediately available"  (ajc.com) (64)
(MSNBC) Obvious As we move closer to a barter economy, man attempts to trade three-month old girl for two 40 oz. beers  (msnbc.msn.com) (88)
(News.com.au) Sick Guy invites ill, homeless man into his house... and rapes him repeatedly. To be fair, he also served him lemonade  (perthnow.com.au) (232)
(Yahoo) Florida Florida officials testing tar balls that washed up on Key West to see if they're from the Gulf oil spill or just the usual post-Spring Break hair gel and Axe Body Spray runoff  (news.yahoo.com) (102)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: string  (google.com) (22)
(My Fox DC) Followup The radio show that took the pictures of Miss USA pole dancing will not entertain requests to drag her name through the mud. That is, aside from releasing the pictures and posting them all over their website. Just that, but no mud though  (myfoxdc.com) (101)
(UPI) Interesting Caffeine may slow Alzheimer's disease, speed up everything else  (upi.com) (58)
(Telegraph) Sick Pizza makers in Naples may soon be coffin-up some heavy fines  (telegraph.co.uk) (79)
(Cracked) Interesting Five reasons you should be scared of Google  (cracked.com) (179)
(MSNBC) Fail New site compared to a "Facebook for conservatives" launches, saves money by leaving out spell check, lowercase letters  (msnbc.msn.com) (643)
(ABC News) Dumbass AW Ex -Obama Pastor: "Obama threw me under the bus". If only  (abcnews.go.com) (286)
(Some Guy) Cool Motion induced blindness  (msf-usa.org) (53)
(Seacoastonline.com) Unlikely New Hampshire Public Works is inviting their electric customers to pay up to twice their regular power bill and they'll give them a nice new bumper sticker if they do  (seacoastonline.com) (43)
(USA Today) Scary Drive a Ford Windstar? You might want to keep that sucker below 40 mph. Unless you *are* looking to end it all, which is probably understandable  (usatoday.com) (122)
(Stars and Stripes) Obvious US Army recalls over 44,000 defected combat helmets for failing ballistic tests. Just as soon as they can find them, that is  (stripes.com) (79)
(Fox 5 Atlanta) Dumbass Georgia bar sign says illegals should go, and spells it out with words they'll probably understand  (myfoxatlanta.com) (398)
(Salon) Fail From the "I swear we're not making this up" department: Outgoing MMS regulator gave Transocean a "Safety Award for Excellence" last year  (salon.com) (81)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Bristol Palin signs a deal for $30,000 per speech. I tried to make this headline funny but my nose won't stop bleeding  (huffingtonpost.com) (484)
(CBC) Ironic Construction workers demanding rights are picketing at their job site... the Human Rights Museum  (cbc.ca) (52)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: if celebrities had real world jobs  (fark.com) (56)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Student at Harvard completes 3 years there and collects $45,000 in financial aid and scholarships before the admissions office learnt he falsified his entire application. Sounds like a smart kid  (boston.com) (96)
(New York Daily News) Obvious 30,000 year old sex toy used to start fires, your mom  T-Shirt  (nydailynews.com) (87)
(KREM) Spiffy Furniture liquidator finds $40,000 in armoire; boss traces $30,000 to an estate sale, returns the $20,000 to its rightful owner  (krem.com) (35)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Drunk and kicking paramedics and spitting blood on cops is no way to go through your H.S. prom, young lady  (thesmokinggun.com) (193)

Mon May 17, 2010
(NYPost) Dumbass Store clerk who received package of mysterious white powder in the mail relieved to discover it was only cocaine, not anthrax. Agitated, talkative, excitable, and bleary eyed, but also relieved  (nypost.com) (37)
(ABC News) Cool Bangladeshi Nobel winner brings his "lending for the poor" to NYC, where he can focus on extending credit to those earning under $250k/yr  (abcnews.go.com) (93)
(NJ.com) Obvious "'Are strippers part of any business lunch?' Romankow asked the jury."  (nj.com) (81)
(io9) Weird The bad news: you have cancer. The weird news: ...in the form of Jesus  (io9.com) (96)
(KPTV.com) Interesting Comic book-style brochure about sex crimes sent home with Portland kindergartners. Kids now wary of Solomon Gropeme, Bizzaro Pooperman, and the Poker  (kptv.com) (130)
(Geek Dad) Plug Farker's new book is out, will teach you how to turn your children into the kind of geek that made your parents sad, but would make you prouder than a peacock. If the peacock was a Level 80 mage that scratched out messages in 1337 speak  (amazon.com) (100)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Video games for Conservative players  (fark.com) (51)
(The New York Times) Interesting This is Obama's Hiroshima   (thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com) (415)
(Telegraph) Scary Al Qaeda second in command plots terrorist attack at the World Cup. I think he's overestimating American viewership and whether or not people would notice that a bomb went off in South Africa  (telegraph.co.uk) (80)
(ABC News) Followup Video contradicts Detroit cops version of how sleeping 7-year old got shot. By showing them firing into the house before they even went up to the door  (abcnews.go.com) (503)
(Miller-McCune) Unlikely The U.S. military wants your kid to learn foreign languages, specifically Chinese, Arabic, Hindu, Farsi, Japanese, Russian and Urdu. Right, I'll get my third-grader into immersive Urdu classes immediately  (miller-mccune.com) (212)
(Guardian.com) Amusing "Any plague spot of indeterminate location is always compared to Wales. Wales is not quite sure how to take this"  (guardian.co.uk) (78)
(SB Sun) Fail A high school senior carries a 4.09 grade-point average and has been accepted to UC Berkeley. It's a shame she's an illegal immigrant  (sbsun.com) (1367)
(Yahoo) Obvious BP is siphoning 42,000 gallons a day from the leak, severely reducing the flow. Which is amazing considering they claimed only 5,000 gallons was leaking a day  (news.yahoo.com) (194)
(Ars Technica) Hero For the 2,094 of you who downloaded(and, what's worse, apparently watched) Uwe Boll's Far Cry, you may have a white knight at your side; your ISP  (arstechnica.com) (210)
(WGAL 8) Sad Four days and seven hours ago, casino planners brought forth upon this historic battlefield a stupid idea, conceived in avarice, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created greedy  (wgal.com) (111)
(Guardian.com) Obvious "There are two phrases that can be used to describe every law faculty in Canada. The phrases are: 'feminist seminary' and 'psychotic kindergarten'." Why limit it to law? Or Canada?  (guardian.co.uk) (81)
(Mirror.co.uk) Silly UK actually thinks we would have a top secret prison within a prison. That's so silly. Right?  (mirror.co.uk) (105)
(Gamma Squad) Amusing Not news: Three guys achieved their dream. Fark: Of crossing a lake in a bouncy castle  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (54)
(Globe and Mail) Scary Turkey mine explosion leads to gravy situation  (theglobeandmail.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Interesting Speeding tickets are down 60% in Scotland now that half of drivers have satnav systems that warn of speed cameras  (topnews.co.uk) (45)
(Telegraph) Strange Buddhist monk brought in to purge iPod factories of evil spirits after 9th suicide  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (113)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this double duty  (s.wsj.net) (27)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass The newest threat to America? The family-owned farm. Thank Jeebus the DHS is here to protect us from terrorists  (boston.com) (155)
(New York Daily News) Sad Celebrated World War II flying ace dies at 91. Curse you ghost of the Red Baron  (nydailynews.com) (109)
(CNN) News Supreme Court rules that sex offenders can be locked up indefinitely to 'protect communities from dangers they may pose'. Next up, those damn hippies  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (655)
(ABC News) Followup MMS "We conduct safety inspections on offshore oil platforms at least once a month. Would you believe a couple times a year? No? How about we occasionally fly by in a private jet them while an oil executive snorts coke off our ass?"  (abcnews.go.com) (101)
(AZCentral) Interesting School invaded by parasites. Student told to flea  (azcentral.com) (35)
(ABC News) Obvious Modern farmers shocked to find out that what every agricultural civilization since the dawn of time believed to be true is actually right: Flooding your fields before planting is good for the crops  (abcnews.go.com) (73)
(Fox News) Followup San Diego didn't expect any backlash for voting to boycott Arizona, now realizing that every action has an equal and opposite reaction  (foxnews.com) (484)
(NJ.com) Silly Woman stays home from work and spends all day crying after squirrel gets into her bedroom  (nj.com) (79)
(AP) Weird Los Angeles preservationists rally to save historic...freeway?  (google.com) (68)
(My Fox DC) Fail Emails are making it not easy to say stuff to people you need to when you're working at the computer from work  (myfoxdc.com) (121)
(Gawker) Scary According to the wackjob lawyer trying to change Texas state text books, "Moses had a greater influence on the US Constitution than Thomas Jefferson did" along with other frightening changes  (gawker.com) (303)
(News.com.au) Obvious Telemarketers talk themselves sick, but if they stay on the line, they can hear about helpful ways that they can improve their health with only six monthly payments of $19.95  (news.com.au) (37)
(Time) Asinine The world's lamest war ever: Justin Bieber fans take on Twitter  (newsfeed.time.com) (216)
(ArabNews) Strange Residents in Southern Gaza who supported Hamas because Israeli troops were beating them and bulldozing their houses have just been beaten and had their houses bulldozed. By Hamas  (arabnews.com) (172)
(Some Burgher) Hero When you get to prison, Mr. Would-Be Molester, be sure to tell them an eight-year old boy kicked your ass  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (146)
(News.com.au) Obvious At the end of the day, journalists - unsung heroes for concerned residents - would use cliches in a split second. In a last-ditch effort to do an about face, one writer provides an outpouring of support and points out the most overused cliches  (news.com.au) (78)
(Mojo In The Morning) Obvious Photos surface 12 hours after being crowned of Miss USA on a stripper pole (not exactly safe for work, plausible deniability available however)  (mojo.channel955.com) (231)
(CBS Chicago) Scary Chicago-area waterways are becoming so polluted that only four bodies were pulled from them this past weekend  (cbs2chicago.com) (52)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Springtime 2010 candidate for Dumbest Criminal of the Year announced. Why yes, an "unknown intoxicant" was involved  (nwfdailynews.com) (17)
(Toronto Star) Asinine Not news: Woman has an affair. Still not news: Husband finds out and walks out on her. Fark: It's all her cell phone company's fault and she's suing for $600,000  (thestar.com) (368)
(Google) Scary United "Premium Service" nonstop flights between New York and California, popular with celebrities, offer spacious seating, better food and service, and diversions to Washington DC with the cockpit on fire  (google.com) (25)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Man killed by heat from cannabis farm in his home. Dude, he was SO baked  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (72)
(CNN) Sad Pro-peace cleric in Afghanistan fails his saving throw vs the Taliban  (edition.cnn.com) (66)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Mayoral candidate explains to police that burglars broke into his house and planted marijuana rolling papers inside  (nwfdailynews.com) (57)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this blue moon  (spiegel.de) (54)
(The Morristown Daily Record) Cool College valedictorian proposes onstage to her boyfriend, whom she'd beaten out by .001 points to become valedictorian. Get used to taking second place, buddy  (dailyrecord.com) (137)
(Lake Wylie Pilot) Asinine Not news: TV station reports police officer failing polygraph test. Fark: Police station issues search warrant and raids studio to recover document used in news report  (lakewyliepilot.com) (51)
(Guardian.com) Scary Proposed Texas school curriculum includes "a belief in America as a nation chosen by God as a beacon to the world"  (guardian.co.uk) (451)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida County closing woman's hot dog stand for business zoning violation even though it's been in same place 20 years  (tampabay.com) (62)
(Free Press) Cool Arab American crowned Miss USA. The terrorists have won  (freep.com) (374)
(The Union Leader) Stupid School board in New Hampshire decides that drugs and alcohol get you paid leave, but that wearing jeans is grounds for disciplining teachers  (unionleader.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Retired man spends seven years on 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle only to discover one piece is missing  (dailymail.co.uk) (135)
(UPI) Amusing Animal rights groups, Frank Burns outraged by school contest that involves placing ferrets down trousers  (upi.com) (55)
(CNN) Interesting Ultralight aircraft crosses US border from Mexico. 2 F-16 Falcons intercept. Ultralight pilot's pants become ultra-heavy  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (178)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these guys(?)  (i397.photobucket.com) (32)

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