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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun December 20, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Chicago Tribune) Sappy Ugly assed ♬baby beluga, baby beluga in the deep blue sea♬ born at Shedd Aquarium  (chicagotribune.com) (36)
(BBC) Interesting Adolf Hitler and Linda McCartney were Vegans and they turned out ok, right. Bonus: Mechanics of turkey slaughter  (bbc.co.uk) (188)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Amusing Boy gets trapped in gun safe at Costco. Parents required to undergo background checks, licensing, and wait 7 days before retrieving him  (news10.net) (102)
(Guardian.com) Followup Israel admits harvesting organs from Palestinians who didn't need them any more. Predictably, the anti-semites are making this sound bad  (guardian.co.uk) (520)
(BBC) Sad 55 dead, 38 injured in Nigerian truck crash. Hold on Tom ... we're getting word of a dead white actress  (news.bbc.co.uk) (134)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this snorkeler at the start  (inapcache.boston.com) (41)
(PTI News) Obvious Study finds most women buy clothes knowing they won't wear them. In other news, study finds rush hour traffic in LA due to large influx of automobiles  (ptinews.com) (87)
(NT News) Amusing "Police estimated they would have to give the man 20 hours to sober up in his cell before he was capable of understanding the charges he was facing."  (ntnews.com.au) (56)
(Gainesville Times) Interesting Study finds American teens are using more pills, less pot  (gainesvilletimes.com) (158)
(News Post Online) Interesting Study finds American teens are using more pot, less tobacco  (newspostonline.com) (65)
(Washington Post) Interesting Vaccine/autism scares, televised dance contests, the Blackberry.. just some of "The Worst Ideas of the Decade"  (washingtonpost.com) (143)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Genius goes hunting boar while dressed in animal skins. It ended pretty much the way you would expect  (telegraph.co.uk) (75)
(Some Kalamazooian) Hero Catholic school forces children to write Christmas letters to Jesus, not Santa, ensuring they learn what Christmas is all about  (mlive.com) (316)
(TMZ) Sad Brittany Murphy, star of "Clueless" and "8 Mile," died last night after full cardiac arrest at 32  (tmz.com) (1199)
(Live Science) Cool Ten things you've probably already heard that you won't mind hearing again  (livescience.com) (89)
(Morning Star) Amusing Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for reminding me that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states homosexuality to be an abomination. My question is, I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, what would be a good price for her?  (magic-city-news.com) (858)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Fly-covered goat and horse carcasses in uninspected, unlicensed slaughterhouses lacking basic sanitation. This is not a repeat from 1906. Upton Sinclair unavailable for comment  (sun-sentinel.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this knob twiddler  (shorpy.com) (27)
(MassLive) Scary Police are combing the streets for barber who stabbed two other barbers after a hairy altercation. Neither are expected to dye after the close shave  (masslive.com) (64)
(Canada.com) Obvious After careful consideration, government realizes that not giving free tampons to mental hospital patients would be bloody awful  (edmontonjournal.com) (85)
(Denver Post) Photoshop Photoshop this wave watcher  (denverpost.slideshowpro.com) (34)
(NJ.com) Asinine Jersey City man goes to housing agency to file bedbug complaint and is charged with lewdness after dropping trou to show evidence of injury. Across the river the bedbug will only take your thumb, Charlie  (nj.com) (33)
(NPR) Ironic Blizzard forces nude bicycle protestors to roll on Shabbos bundled up from head to toe through Hasidic neighborhood  (npr.org) (109)
(London Times) Stupid Alcohol now costs less than water in British supermarkets. Naturally the Nanny State has a bloody huge problem with this  (timesonline.co.uk) (119)
(Sign On San Diego) Interesting Mexico wants you to know Tijuana is not all about cheap tequila, diseased whores, and corrupt cops. There's a new, improved police force in the works, equipped with bilingual traffic tickets  (signonsandiego.com) (69)
(Buffalo News) Sad Target fires 7 workers for buying Zhu Zhus  (buffalonews.com) (398)

Sat December 19, 2009
(Star Gazette) Hero 6-year old girl saves her Mom's life by crawling through broken window of wrecked car, climbing back up the ravine they just plummeted down, talking to strangers  (stargazette.com) (68)
(WJLA-TV) Asinine He pulls a snowball, you pull a gun. That's the Washington, D.C. way  (wjla.com) (163)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this sign of devotion  (online.wsj.com) (50)
(BND) Fail Flight attendants are suing national weather forecasting service over turbulence  (bnd.com) (118)
(Telegraph) Amusing Should you ever find yourself likely to have to make a swift getaway from a farm, it helps to know the location of the slurry pit in advance  (telegraph.co.uk) (54)
(Huliq) Dumbass US General: You can fight for our freedom, just don't get pregnant or I'll throw your ass in prison  (huliq.com) (356)
(Some Guy) Interesting Got 7+ hours to waste? Watch this HD train trip from Bergen to Oslo  (nrkbeta.no) (91)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Not news: man jumps from plane. News: parachute doesn't open and he survives the landing. Fark: he plans to jump again  (guardian.co.uk) (89)
(TheIndyChannel) Interesting Today's "female high school basketball coach arrested for having sex with female student" story brought to you by Indianapolis, Indiana. With *maybe* pic  (theindychannel.com) (147)
(Toronto Sun) Amusing Teacher tapes porn over educational video and accidentally shows it to sixth graders. Parents shocked -- not so much that the kids saw porn but really, who still uses VHS?  (torontosun.com) (125)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop AKAT-1  (blog.iso50.com) (46)
(io9) Strange So how do you top that spiral over Norway? Well, if you're Russia, make a giant pyramid hover over the Kremlin  (io9.com) (132)
(WTOP) Scary Dating? Without permission from the government? It's less likely than you think  (wtop.com) (122)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Drunken idiot who stole bus and hit 50 other cars during a 30-mile joyride explains "he just wanted to get home"  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(The Faaaaaaamous Mr Ed) Sick New York man arrested for being a fan of the Fillies  (recordonline.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Cool Civic Christmas display takes people back 350 years when Christmas was illegal, featuring burned Christmas trees, impaled robins and severed heads choking on mince pies. Submitter wishes he lived in those times, but now he's off to the mall  (yorkpress.co.uk) (123)
(BBC) Spiffy Stowaway cat returns from Spain ferry trip just in time for Caturday  (news.bbc.co.uk) (lots)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this living lake  (inapcache.boston.com) (29)
(The New York Times) Hero Premature quadruplets beat the odds yet again when all four are accepted to Yale University  (nytimes.com) (104)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA Judge rules that City of Chicago can use eminent domain to relocate cemetary for O'Hare expansion. The move is expected to displace almost 1,100 potential voters  (suntimes.com) (127)
(ABC News) Hero Superman is Real, and He Apparently Lives in Ottawa, KS  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(Boston Globe) Stupid On one hand, third offense drunk driving hit and run with injuries is bad. On the other hand, we wouldn't want the senator to miss any important votes  (boston.com) (89)
(CNN) Scary Virginia getting slammed with 20 inches  (cnn.com) (362)
(MSNBC) Interesting Whiskey hangovers worse than vodka hangovers, still no cure for Whiskey hangovers  (msnbc.msn.com) (146)
(Denver Channel) Weird If you're traveling through Denver International Airport and find $170,000 laying around, can you give the cops a call? kthxbye  (thedenverchannel.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Scary Cows have taken over Clark County  (wxow.com) (90)
(SF Weekly) Amusing Shortage of ugly sweaters threatens to ruin ironic hipster parties  (blogs.sfweekly.com) (85)

Fri December 18, 2009
(Guardian.com) Scary Yeah, you probably have mad cow disease  (guardian.co.uk) (141)
(Some Guy) Amusing U.S. to Capture Cow Farts to Save the Planet. This should complete the Cow trifecta  (dailyfinance.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing Austin man reports cow as missing  (postbulletin.com) (33)
(Some Aussie) Sick 800 sheep and 40 cattle killed by Walla tip fire. BBQ trifecta is sick due to overeating  (bordermail.com.au) (40)
(Some Guy) Sad Unknown number of hogs become instabacon in farm fire. Accidental BBQ trifecta complete  (witn.com) (37)
(NPR) Strange Cat chewing is draining Yemen's water supply  (npr.org) (85)
(KSDK News Channel 5) Dumbass ACLU cancels Christmas, kids devastated  (ksdk.com) (433)
(The Smoking Gun) Cool Today's "Mugshot Roundup"? Watta buncha maroons  (thesmokinggun.com) (174)
(Great Falls Tribune) Dumbass Man uses cows to defraud banks. Cops heard about it, had a beef with him and branded him a criminal. His alibi's a load of bull; cash to come out of his hide while he's in the pen, where he may be shanked or poked in the angus  (greatfallstribune.com) (55)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Lingerie Football League gets it's panties in a bunch, files briefs threatening to bustier players who let slip the league's dirty little secrets  (thesmokinggun.com) (138)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colorful trio  (upload.wikimedia.org) (34)
(Associated Content) Obvious OOOooo-klahoma, where your rights go mainly down the drain  (associatedcontent.com) (363)
(CNN) Unlikely Zombie-proof baby turns one  (cnn.com) (526)
(Some Guy) Amusing Phone smashing cow is finally brought to justice... (with cow attack video goodness)  (mlive.com) (46)
(MSNBC) Interesting Study finds 1 in 110 children has autism study finds  (msnbc.msn.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Sad A tasty tragedy, 60 cows are killed in barn fire. Accidental BBQ trifecta now in play  (cumberlink.com) (58)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Website of highly repected, Pulitzer-winning newspaper based in a major metropolitian area publishes a nine-page slide show devoted to some lady's stupid garden statue  (boston.com) (57)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Naked grinch launches furious attack on Carvel ice cream shop's Christmas decorations  (sun-sentinel.com) (32)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting There has been a Tiger Woods sighting near Houston. Wait what? Oh someone saw a tiger in the woods near Houston. Ohhhhh. Well, I'm sorry. Never mind  (chron.com) (52)
(Omaha World Herald) Asinine Nebraska's supreme court rules that owners whose dogs are playful and cause injury are not liable for damages. "No, my pit bull was just being playful when he bit that kid's face off."  (omaha.com) (221)
(AFP) Scary Iran seizes Iraqi oil well. Oil well to be tried for illegally hiking on or near Iranian border  (news.yahoo.com) (122)
(ABC News) PSA When laying down spike strips during a high-speed chase, be aware cars may be approaching you at high speeds  (abcnews.go.com) (159)
(wnem.com) Silly Governor declares January "Snow Sports Month". Subby anticipating what she will declare in July  (wnem.com) (35)
(Slate) Sick Auschwitz' infamous "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign goes frei due to thieves' arbeit  (slatest.slate.com) (233)
(SMH) Interesting Tens of thousands of Australian washing machines to be recalled after a series of shocking complaints. Generally you don't see that kind of behaviour in a major appliance  (news.smh.com.au) (100)
(CNN) Cool To your left: 36 states report falling unemployment numbers. To your right: Debbie Downer pees in your cereal  (money.cnn.com) (324)
(Telegraph) Strange Cow jumps six feet onto roof, possibly as part of his training to break the bovine "over the moon" record  (telegraph.co.uk) (60)
(BBC) Sad Man jailed for killing wife with TV remote. Large volume of pleas for leniency through the proper channels meet with muted response  (bbc.co.uk) (74)
(Washington Post) Stupid It's taken about two decades to build Maryland's 19-mile Inter-County Connector, and now that it's almost finished the tolls are so high that nobody can use it  (washingtonpost.com) (197)
(Some Guy) PSA When jump starting a bulldozer, it's always a good idea to make sure that it's not in gear  (mycentraljersey.com) (25)
(The Consumerist) Asinine No, the local Kinko's is not going to print those naked pictures of young children for you  (consumerist.com) (369)
(Hartford Courant) Interesting 150 battle blaze at chicken farm. Fowl play suspected  (courant.com) (45)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun with the folks from TSG: Match the "Santa Con" with their crime for shot at best seller. Contest end at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Yet another group of researchers claim to have discovered the lost city of Atlantis. This time, it's apparently on a plato somewhere at the bottom of the Caribbean  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(Godzilla vs. winner) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Cthulhu vs. the Flying Spaghetti Monster  (forums.thecarlounge.com) (24)
(ABC News) Sick Al Qaeda blasts away its 'glass ceiling' by officially clearing women to become suicide bombers  (abcnews.go.com) (127)
(abc15.com) Amusing Teacher takes students choiring, then treats them to lunch at Hooters, which leads to her early retirement. Busted  (abc15.com) (221)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Once again for the slow people who haven't quite grasped it: If you're distributing a magazine for 9-12 year olds, just take the time to double check there's no references to hardcore pornography in it  (thelocal.se) (44)
(CBS Chicago) Dumbass Man waiting for teller in a bank decides to text his girlfriend that there's a man with a gun inside. Swarms of responding police officers think that joke is jailarious  (cbs2chicago.com) (116)
(SMH) Interesting Qantas 747 flight cut short after pilots discover the hidden afterburner setting on the control panel  (smh.com.au) (66)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Neighboring bingo halls battle for customers. "It gives people something to do that's not the bar scene"  (nwfdailynews.com) (27)
(Gizmodo) Interesting As more and more people are using technology for their everyday social needs, the demand for professional hand jobs is skyrocketing  (gizmodo.com) (62)
(Independent) Sick You know how it goes, you go to a party, go home drunk, have a smoke in your back yard and then try to have sex with a Rottweiler  (independent.co.uk) (128)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Fifth grader can type 119 words a minute. Big deal, so can I...ready. Asd dhasqwe lkasjdqwouer asdpqwe sdflkweoier asdlkawe weprowe l;asd ;as fkljhwer werpopiwer asdkeur asdjaserqwpo qweo alkjasdpqwerpiq asdjrutada  (myfoxdc.com) (136)
(Washington Post) Asinine Karzai announces that he will be keeping half his existing cabinet in his new administration. The other half couldn't pony up the cash  (washingtonpost.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Sappy Two-legged dog helps disabled vets make it on their own. Lil Brudder approves  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(Some Angry Jesus) Amusing Say "HO" again. Say "HO" again, I dare you, I DOUBLE-dare you, motherfarker. Say "HO" one more gotdamn time  (kcoy.com) (164)
(Abc.net.au) Amusing Truck hauling 4000 cases of beer ran off the road in Papua, New Guinea. Since this is Fark, you know what happened next  (abc.net.au) (63)
(ABC News) Dumbass Fugitive doctor tries to avoid capture by performing impromtu surgery on own neck  (abcnews.go.com) (26)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rejected Christmas cards  (images.google.com) (60)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Australian hottie swimmer Stephanie Rice wants a new boyfriend for Christmas. Any Farkers wanna help her out? (with pic)  (themercury.com.au) (318)
(Some Guy) Silly This is a bat eating a banana in the kitchen. Your argument is invalid  (i.imgur.com) (84)
(Time) Interesting Hurricanes, crime, and poverty notwithstanding, Louisiana is the happiest state in the nation  (time.com) (126)
(CNN) Obvious Fortune picks top 10 dumbest things that happened in the financial world. It apparently took dozens of staffers working three weeks to narrow the list down to 10  (money.cnn.com) (68)

Thu December 17, 2009
(Some Guy) Weird Three friends descend into a deep, dark cavern. Only the Butt brothers emerge  (montereyherald.com) (49)
(News.com.au) Amusing Anti-whalers Sea Shepard complain because another ship is following them around, reporting their location and preventing them from closing in on their targets  (news.com.au) (407)
(Petoskey News-Review) Sad Woman, 24, commits suicide by jumping off Mackinac Bridge in Michigan. "Apparently, she was depressed. That's the number one reason for suicide," says top-notch detective  (petoskeynews.com) (155)
(BBC) Scary After sticking A Fistful of Metal in his arm trying to attain A State of Euphoria, Scotsman is no longer Among the Living after shooting up with anthrax-laced heroin. \m/  (newsvote.bbc.co.uk) (127)
(AFP) Spiffy 'Green' vibrators promise sustainable pleasure. Article says nothing about emissions  (news.yahoo.com) (146)
(CBS News) Fail The national debt has, "at least numerically," surpassed the new limit set by Congress just last week. "At least numerically"? Do we owe New Zealand a couple billion tons of sheep or something, too?  (cbsnews.com) (165)
(Some Guy) Asinine ProTip: When riding a bicycle drunk make sure you leave your obsolete thirft shop police jacket at home  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (30)
(Some Parrot) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely plumage  (showstudio.com) (48)
(CTV) Cool Darwin has already used his pardon for the year 2009 so don't go doing anything stupid over the holidays, kids  (ctv.ca) (93)
(Yahoo) Misc BlackBerry users dealing with network outage. This submission will greenlight at 1:30, but you won't see it until 6:00  (news.yahoo.com) (97)
(Yahoo) Interesting Computer hacker asks for a reduced sentence because he as Asperger Syndrome, but he'll have to convince the judge that a computer expert could be socially awkward, lack communication skills and be physically uncoordinated  (news.yahoo.com) (326)
(Fox News) Interesting King Henry II's mistress may have died from consuming too much gold. That's Auful  (foxnews.com) (193)
(wsmv.com) Misc Tractor-trailer spills load of adhesive on highway. Traffic reportedly stuck for miles  (wsmv.com) (34)
(Asbury Park Press) Dumbass You think the woman you are driving behind is going too slow. Do you, c) pull alondside the car and threaten the passenger with a knife?  (app.com) (163)
(wigantoday) Silly Elf and safety concerns at Santa's Grotto sees children turned away in tears  (wigantoday.net) (56)
(Local6) Florida Pricipal . Caught sayof sex acts on child  (clickorlando.com) (225)
(Wired) Interesting Star Trek stops women from becoming computer scientists, ensuring a galactic future more Janice Rand than Leah Brahms  (wired.com) (388)
(CNSNews) Stupid A private Canadian company says it will plant 1,176 trees to offset the carbon emitted by Air Force One when it carries President Barack Obama to Copenhagen for the international climate conference  (cnsnews.com) (240)
(ABC News) Obvious Not doing anything to help the sterotype, texas becomes hos to the largest US city without a single bookstore as Laredo's last one closes  (abcnews.go.com) (291)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida High school newspaper does investigation that reveals that kids don't do drugs because of peer pressure, they do them because school sucks  (wtsp.com) (85)
(Kansas City) Obvious Earthquake jolts Nebraska, nobody notices  (kansascity.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Wiring Christmas lights in your car and hanging cotton balls from the ceiling apparently is not just news, but makes your vehicle a "Snow Globe" (w/pic of 12VDC to AC inverter)  (newsnet5.com) (52)
(Wet Paper News) Unlikely Australian government internet filter expected to be 'great, glorious success'  (wetpapernews.com) (81)
(Fox News) Fail Predator drone: $4.5 million. Off the shelf software: $26. Knowing the Iranians just hacked your high-tech surveillance with a program you can get at Best Buy: priceless  (foxnews.com) (421)
(Dallas News) Asinine Hippie suspended from school for long hair. Pay no attention to the fact that :a) The kid is four years old, b) this is a Pre-K class, and c) this is Texas. With photo of what an extremist, anarchist, terrorist toddler may look like  (friscoblog.dallasnews.com) (408)
(Some Guy) Spiffy America's Sheriff says "People everywhere deserve a little Christmas cheer. Especially those incarcerated during the holiday season." Not surprisingly some inmates have a problem with this  (wbaltv.com) (156)
(USA Today) Hero Christmas comes early from Citigroup: no home foreclosures for 30 magical days  (usatoday.com) (70)
(PressHerald.com) Obvious The good news is you've weatherized your house so now you're only paying one third your previous energy cost. The bad news is now you'll need that money for your medical bills from all the bad air you're breathing in  (pressherald.mainetoday.com) (49)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Gloria Allred will be representing at least two of Tiger Woods' mistresses in what could soon become a class action suit  (guardian.co.uk) (181)
(USA Today) Obvious The Nebraska Humane Society is looking for a new home for two adorable pugs named Harry and Sally. They like to play fetch and tug-of-war, enjoy long walks, snuggling on an available lap, and feasting on human flesh  (usatoday.com) (80)
(UPI) Photoshop Canadian nuns launch national advertising campaign to recruit new members. Photoshop a recruiting poster  (upi.com) (22)
(ABC News) NewsFlash Bengals receiver Chris Henry catches his death  (abcnews.go.com) (694)
(ABC News) Obvious Santa's a bad role model, because he's a pipe-smoking fattie who makes minorities toil for no pay in a factory located in a harsh environment in order to pass out gifts based on his own subjective value judgements  (abcnews.go.com) (105)
(Washington Post) Interesting Mexican naval forces kill drug cartel chief in apartment complex, which must have had a really, really big pool  (washingtonpost.com) (93)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious The 10 most irritating, obnoxious, attention-whoring people of 2009  (theglobeandmail.com) (300)
(Some Alternate poop chute) Interesting Special toilet means jail guards no longer have to search for contraband with latex gl--MOON RIVER  (thechronicleherald.ca) (68)
(Denver Post) Caption Caption these august world leaders  (denverpost.slideshowpro.com) (84)
(Deadspin) Florida Protip: If you want to remain a member of your exclusive golf club, you might want to make sure the "modeling agency" you've rented your condo to isn't actually making a video for a site called "Ass Parade"  (deadspin.com) (80)
(Seacoastonline.com) Unlikely The old "I'm not drunk, I'm just too fat to walk in a straight line" defense actually works, for once  (seacoastonline.com) (82)
(Some chick) Dumbass Woman jailed on $7,500 bond for not returning the 53 DVDs she borrowed from the public library. W/"whatever" mugshot  (kcrg.com) (133)
(Slashdot) Dumbass You're an obscure ex-legislator from a small state convicted of a horrible crime. Do you c) email first amendment experts threatening $50,000 copyright fines for using your name in news stories without permission  (yro.slashdot.org) (112)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The Morning After  (images.google.com) (67)
(NBC San Diego) Cool Man's best friend becomes Farks' No. 1 party animal  (nbcsandiego.com) (66)
(Evening Tribune) Asinine City issues ban on smoking in all public parks, then agrees not to have police enforce it, opting istead for "peer enforcement". This should end well  (eveningtribune.com) (273)
(News.com.au) Amusing Catholics predictably pissed off about billboard ad that suggests the second coming might not have been all that great  (tools.themercury.com.au) (212)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Right on schedule, it's time for a "Companies are downsizing their holiday parties" story  (boston.com) (126)
(News.com.au) Obvious Do not taunt the taekwondo monkeys  (news.com.au) (43)
(WRCB-TV 3) Strange Drinking beer while crossdressing is no way to go through life, son. Especially when you're just four years old  (wrcbtv.com) (57)
(Denver Post) Cool A teen who was flashing her breasts at passing cars was found guilty of disorderly behavior after a distracted driver hit her with a car  (denverpost.com) (147)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 241: "White". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (198)

Wed December 16, 2009
(News.com.au) Asinine It's a bad day when you fall and impale yourself on a fence. But you know god really hates you when it takes 45 minutes for the nearest ambulance to reach you and they aren't allowed to turn the lights and siren on  (news.com.au) (56)
(MSNBC) Interesting Top Pictures of the decade. Come for the Obamas and stay for the Squirrel-Fu action  (msnbc.msn.com) (182)
(Jalopnik) Cool Got a RV equipped with GPS, an empty Nevada desert and a lot of time on your hands? Then you, too, can make the world's biggest piece of art  (jalopnik.com) (74)
(Dallas News) Amusing Student's bold strokes in a high school art class lands him a jail sentence, sex offender title  (crimeblog.dallasnews.com) (168)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this raised beef  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (53)
(USA Today) Scary Lunchlady Doris is in hot water  (usatoday.com) (140)
(Canoe) Weird If you go see Aunt Gladys and see she's unconscious and not breathing, call 9-1-1. If you go see Aunt Gladys and see she hasn't been conscious or breathing for 8 months, let it go man, cuz she's gone  (cnews.canoe.ca) (109)
(BBC) Cool Chilliest place in the Solar System ever measured by spacecraft found on the Moon, eclipsing the previous record held by your ex's cold, dark heart  (news.bbc.co.uk) (115)
(Denver Post) Dumbass "I voted for medical marijuana, but I didn't expect it to be in my backyard," says dumbass who should probably just buy some Roundup if it's in his backyard  (denverpost.com) (298)
(Some Ex) Florida Man wins lottery, does what most men only dream of doing. Sail away to some tropical island? No, leave wife, evict her from house  (justnews.com) (258)
(Cracked) Obvious "Please have a heart and donate...so I don't have to kill you and put your head on a pike"  (cracked.com) (47)
(Jacksonville.com) Amusing Your Christmas tree should be a reflection of your family. Subby wonders what garland goes with soul-crushing criticism and recrimination  (jacksonville.com) (92)
(Yahoo) Scary "Nobody can eat fifty sewing needles." "My boy says he can eat fifty sewing needles, he can eat fifty sewing needles."  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(Washington Post) Obvious Come to the upscale suburbs to sell heroin and oxy to bored white kids, and we'll throw in this federal anti-drug task force for free  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(The Local (Sweden)) Weird Today's Fark-ready headline: "Plot thickens over Russian pantyhose probe"  (thelocal.se) (35)
(ABC News) Dumbass "I work at a call center, and I make $10 an hour," he said. "It's surreal. I feel like a loser." Said by a guy who owes $125k in student loans and ended up with a degree in theater. Theater? Really??  (abcnews.go.com) (783)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The worst thing about the kidney exchange program is that by the time your body gets used to it, the semester is over and you have to pack it up and give it back  (myfoxdc.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious Parents' Television Council files indecency complaint against "Family Guy" with the FCC. This is not a repeat from every other year beginning with a 2  (broadcastingcable.com) (330)
(WTAM) Amusing Nothing says Christmas like a deranged snowman setting fire to foreclosed homes (w/ pics)  (wtam.com) (59)
(Telegraph) Interesting Mad scientist facing 5 years in jail if convicted of testing his earthquake generating technology on a Swiss city  (telegraph.co.uk) (92)
(ABC News) Interesting Tiger Woods named AP and AshleyMadison.com Player of the Decade  (abcnews.go.com) (94)
(Boston Globe) Followup That little boy suspended and ordered to take a psychological evaluation because he drew a stick figure Jesus on a cross? Yeah, not so much  (boston.com) (368)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Unlikely Santa's helpers  (crossfit.com) (42)
(Some Farker) Cool Reminder: Joint Mentally Incontinent, Fark book signing and Fark Party- downtown Indianapolis tonight  (downtowncomics.com) (101)
(TechEBlog) Amusing Real men of genius. Today we celebrate you, Mr "Why the hell shouldn't I mount a rocket launcher on my motorbike?" guy  (techeblog.com) (344)
(SFGate) Weird German quartet sensibly and efficiently chased into freezing shipping container by marauding wild pigs in the dead of night  (sfgate.com) (61)
(Stars and Stripes) Sad Wal-Mart loves supporting the troops, except when it comes to overcharging them for shipping  (stripes.com) (367)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this man meeting the media  (online.wsj.com) (39)
(The New Yorker) Strange Subby can't decide if this is genius or simply idiotic, even for the New Yorker  (newyorker.com) (213)
(CBC) Stupid Canadian healthcare still better than U.S., except for that little glitch where old people have to divorce in order to afford nursing homes  (cbc.ca) (207)
(FoodNetworkHumor) Amusing 'Tis the season for best of 2009 lists so without further ado, here are the Food Network top 10 foodgasms  (foodnetworkhumor.com) (122)
(TVWeek) Cool Obama to appear in a WWE special. Teleprompter Tag Team? Kenyan Cage Match?  (tvweek.com) (155)
(Fox News) Obvious "Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country" returned to library 99 years overdue. Fact #1: If you hold out long enough, you can get away with anything  (foxnews.com) (42)
(Google) Interesting If you could bring a person (real or fictional) from the past to the present for 48 hours, who would you choose and what would you do?  (google.com) (610)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "A curse on these smug types who buy you a goat in Africa for Christmas"  (dailymail.co.uk) (191)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Plight of Shinnecock members pricks conscience of US government  (nytimes.com) (37)
(Wired) Interesting Nearsightedness has increased since the 1970s, presumably because the Internet is for porn  (wired.com) (91)
(Manchester Union-Leader) Fail Six students arrested in brawl with police at a Manchester, NH college. Come for the story, stay for the incredible flame war in the reader comments  (unionleader.com) (250)

Tue December 15, 2009
(Some Guy) Hero City commissioner is asked to put nativity scene on courthouse lawn, but decides a flashing T-Rex and Loch Ness monster would be better choice for a religious display  (chicagotribune.com) (216)
(Some Highlander) Spiffy Ultimate conundrum: there's a naked woman in your yard, but she has a sword and is screaming. What's your move, smart guy?  (topofthenudes.com) (178)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Woman led long campaign to have window blinds and shades recalled, all because she didn't pay attention as her daughter was strangled to death by a mini-blind cord  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (194)
(Mirror.co.uk) Cool Swallow rehab for chicks. This could also work for boobies and tits  (mirror.co.uk) (57)
(CBS Sacramento) Fail You are a responding officer on a call about a woman on a school campus "injuring herself" with a large knife. Do you: (c) shoot her in the head, thus "eliminating the problem"?  (cbs13.com) (219)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this man jumping through hoops  (cache.boston.com) (45)
(AnnArbor.com) Stupid Guy who landed on sex offender registry for having sex with his 15 year-old girlfriend when he was 17 now faces a year in jail for playing basketball in his own driveway  (annarbor.com) (348)
(Sky News) Obvious Chinese cop who "died in the line of duty" declared a revolutionary hero. Fark: For drinking himself to death during official dinner  (news.sky.com) (49)
(NJ.com) Strange NJ pharmacist charged with stealing 3,670 Valium. Asked to comment, he said, "Mmmrrrphhlll" and lolled his head around  (nj.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Hello, this is the Sheriff's office. Your husband is about to come home drunk with a gun and catch you with the pool boy. Just, you know, FYI."  (kxly.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Cool Farker releases 2009 version of the controllable Christmas lights. Sadly, the web design is still stuck in 1991  (komar.org) (132)
(LA Times) Ironic Think you have cancer? Get a CT scan. Just be careful not to get cancer in the process  (latimes.com) (67)
(BBC) Obvious Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang banana war  (news.bbc.co.uk) (59)
(Yahoo) NewsFlash Jesus prepares to receive Oral  (news.yahoo.com) (913)
(Canada.com) Amusing Labour arbitration panel hears name-calling case between priest and "Attila the Nun"  (calgaryherald.com) (37)
(Canada.com) Interesting Calgary considers mandating sprinkler systems in every new house. They must be really love their lawns  (calgaryherald.com) (138)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Meth users in the Cape Girardeau, MO region: The local Sonics no longer offers their $20 crank special, so don't bother asking  (consumerist.com) (134)
(BBC) Cool Drinking tea and coffee 'can prevent Type 2 diabetes'... 1 large Caramel Brulee Frappuccino Blended Crème whip, please  (news.bbc.co.uk) (122)
(Guardian.com) Weird "After claims last year of cough linctus in the gravy, Wigan event sees anger and a walkout over switch to Adlington pies"  (guardian.co.uk) (66)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Not news: Man hit by train, killed. Fark: Train was a dinner theater murder mystery train full of shocked old people. With pic  (wtsp.com) (102)
(MyFox8) Dumbass If you are expected in court to face a fleeing charge, you might as well go all in and firebomb the place  (fox8.com) (35)
(IFC) Amusing Drink a beer, spit, then scratch your crotch before using this handy flowchart to find a Manly Movie that matches your testosterone level (Sponsored Link)  (ifc.com) (126)
(AP) Amusing Not News: Thief breaks into house. News: Police arrest thief. Fark: As he was taking a bath, in victims bathroom  (hosted.ap.org) (62)
(Slate) Dumbass Thugs shoot their handguns sideways because it looks gangsta...and they've been missing their intended targets for more than a hundred years  (slate.com) (531)
(IMDB) Photoshop Theme: Unlikely Martin Scorsese movies  (imdb.com) (34)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Illinois prison to take Gitmo detainees, making this the second time that an Illinois inmate is on a mission from God  (chicagotribune.com) (176)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Testicularly gifted photographer stares down whirling dragster of doom  (dailymail.co.uk) (127)
(WHIO) Asinine Not news Cop goes to party. News: with underage girls drinking. FARK: In uniform, immortalized on this 'my space' thingie that girls like to post pictures on. BONUS : Pictures of the cop 'busting' the underage girls at the party  (whiotv.com) (238)
(LA Times) Cool Pilots With Altitude: Compton general aviation airport teaching kids to fly in exchange for volunteer community service hours  (latimes.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Italian prosecutor sets up a nativity scene with a historically accurate dark-skinned Holy Family to troll an anti-immigrant group that's been staging a "White Christmas" campaign to harass foreigners  (news.yahoo.com) (276)
(Iu viro) Silly Google festas Esperanton ial  (esperanto-usa.org) (67)
(Slitty eyed-guy) Dumbass Poking fun at a cadet blinded in a bomb attack? All in a day's work for Britain's King of Comedy, Prince Philip  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk) (142)
(Yahoo) Interesting New geneological research reveals that Obama and Warren Buffet are actually distant cousins. Orly Tiatz immediately files suit demanding to see Buffet's birth certificate  (news.yahoo.com) (145)
(New York Daily News) Fail Apparently this needs repeating: Before exposing and fondling yourself on the subway, remember that cell phone cameras work whether the user can get a signal or not  (nydailynews.com) (59)
(My Fox) Dumbass Thief uses tow truck to steal cars off police impound lot. Police believe the tow truck was originally used to tow around the thief's enormous iron balls  (myfoxatlanta.com) (35)
(New York Daily News) Stupid You get into a dispute with another gym member over first dibs on the elliptical machine. Do you, c) call your two pals over to help you knife and clobber him with a hammer?  (nydailynews.com) (114)
(BBC) Ironic Burglar makes magician's belongings disappear  (news.bbc.co.uk) (30)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Fraudsters get paid to take driving tests on behalf of dozens of cheaters. Bonus: They ended up failing most of them  (lep.co.uk) (35)
(Taunton Gazette) Asinine Jesus Christ, they suspended an eight year old student for that? (with stick figure goodness)  (tauntongazette.com) (756)
(Some IChuckPens) Obvious To Drew, Farkers and TotalFarkers, a Thank You from IChuckPens and family  (ichuckpens.info) (117)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Dumbass The Great Firewall of Australia given the green light  (theage.com.au) (105)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Swedish troops in Afghanistan in trouble for not paying local women for "massages". Tune in next week to find out if the story has a happy ending  (thelocal.se) (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Just in time for Christmas, veterinarian becomes the first in the world to perform a laproscopic "keyhole" surgery on a reindeer  (thecourier.co.uk) (16)
(WEAU 13 News) Fail "He smelled like alcohol. So I knew it wasn't the real Santa because Santa doesn't drink alcohol"  (weau.com) (81)
(Sgt Shultz) Strange Need a last minute gift idea? How about sending a loved one to a re-creation of a German POW Camp  (powescapes.com) (59)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop these standing stones  (ballybegvillage.com) (35)
(Daily Mail) Followup Remember the Brit who was arrested after beating an attacker who took his family hostage? The Nanny State has just sentenced him to two-and-a-half years while his "victim" is spared  (dailymail.co.uk) (555)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Women more likely to fondly remember their favorite pairs of shoes than to remember their boyfriends  (dailymail.co.uk) (147)
(Quad City Times) Weird As God is my witness, I thought Pomeranians could fly  (qctimes.com) (111)
(The Sun) Dumbass If you MUST rob a bank, don't make your getaway in your BMW with personalized plates bearing your name  (thesun.co.uk) (33)

Mon December 14, 2009
(Fox News) Asinine White House computer technicians discover 22 million previously missing Bush administration emails despite having to use keyboards lacking "W" keys  (foxnews.com) (258)
(Some Guy) PSA Oh, yes, Hain Celestial Split Pea Soup. Full of country goodness, and milky peaness  (just-food.com) (48)
(Mirror.co.uk) Obvious Supermarket unveils line of Christmas cards making fun of redheads. Naturally the gingers have a problem with it  (mirror.co.uk) (272)
(Daily Mail) Amusing The Gin And Titonic Ice Tray lets you make four icebergs and one ice-replica of the Titanic. "Sick and distasteful."  (dailymail.co.uk) (155)
(WJLA) Misc Postal Service says today is busiest mailing day of year, with 84 million pieces, of which 83.99 million will be junk mail or bills  (wjla.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this panel of experts  (rit.edu) (43)
(Google) Sad Female veterans finding it difficult to find acceptance after combat tours. Come on guys, they've bled for this country more than anyone  (google.com) (429)
(Telegraph) Interesting Let's see now, √((r²-l²)+(l+k)² - (√(r²-l²)-w)²)-l-... GOD DAMMIT, Get out of my parking spot  (telegraph.co.uk) (160)
(Some Guy) Amusing Teacher cuts off a student's braid after she wouldn't stop playing with it in class. "I wasn't playing with it that loud."  (wisn.com) (427)
(Yahoo) Florida Legionnaire's invade hotel in Florida, killing 1 and injuring two others  (news.yahoo.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Amusing Animal rescue organization asks that if you see a seagull looking "sad" in 2010, don't make an emergency call to it for help. Not like you did this year  (newspostleader.co.uk) (78)
(LA Times) Strange Pair of shadey characters robbing optometry stores last seen driving away in a 20/10 Cataract. Police are focusing in on them. Call if you have any contacts  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (45)
(Huffington Post) Interesting The nominees for Time's Person of the Year 2009 are Steve Jobs, Ben Bernanke, The Chinese Worker, Nancy Pelosi, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, Usain Bolt, and President Barack Obama. And subby, for saving you from another slideshow  (huffingtonpost.com) (203)
(Fox News) Sad 46 injured in 50-car pileup that stretches across entire width of Connecticut  (foxnews.com) (241)
(City Pages) Asinine Ray Comfort isn't just a moran, he's also a lazy, plagiarizing moran  (blogs.citypages.com) (380)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Golfer sues golf club after slipping on wet shower floor. Because you wouldn't expect a shower floor to be, like, wet  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(Oddee.com) Spiffy Some of the coolest Christmas ads from yesteryear that you'll see all day. Who knew Santa was such a nicotine addict and dirty old man?  (oddee.com) (184)
(Guardian.com) Stupid Like Christmas decorations, the annual "we're running out of salt to de-ice roads" hysteria seems to come to the UK earlier every year  (guardian.co.uk) (35)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Two supermarket customers both want the same shopping cart, so they do the only logical thing and attack each other with a salami and a four-pound hunk of cheese  (telegraph.co.uk) (56)
(WSMV Nashville) Sad SpaghettiOs to require additional salt  (wsmv.com) (181)
(The New York Times) Weird Gang violence is on the rise in Nebraska. It just happens to be on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. Yes, I said Indian Reservation. Sioux me  (nytimes.com) (105)
(The Consumerist) Followup Remember that psycho American Airlines flight attendant? And remember how American would neither apologize for nor correct the situation? Yeah, Delta decided to issue free Gold Status to anyone from the American flight  (consumerist.com) (169)
(UPI) Photoshop Photoshop these martial artists  (photos.upi.com) (33)
(Economist) Unlikely Prepare to have your dearest preconceptions utterly shattered - British kids have the best teeth in Europe  (economist.com) (63)
(WFTV) Florida Police charge master baiter and six jerks with cockfighting  (wftv.com) (29)
(MSNBC) Obvious Three Americans who accidentally crossed into Iran will be tried. And not just becase Iran learned from N. Korea that you get great political concessions for convicting Americans and then negotiating their release  (msnbc.msn.com) (221)
(Palm Beach Post) Amusing Merry Christmas arrested; doesn't have presents of mind to beat the wrap  (palmbeachpost.com) (45)
(Telegraph) Interesting Yes Virginia, Father Christmas is buried in Ireland  (telegraph.co.uk) (36)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Dear advice columnist: "I'm nearly 40 and still a virgin, what should I do?" Advice columnist: "Just go get a hooker, they're more or less legal nowadays anyway." Wait, what?  (suntimes.com) (543)
(SFGate) Sad Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and the recession's farked him over, too  (sfgate.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious All Norwegian women have beards, so the reporter is excused  (cphpost.dk) (53)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Conductor tells a group of families that he is not their Polar Express train and the right train would come in ten minutes. The train never showed, so naturally "He ruined Christmas"  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (133)
(BBC) Dumbass The official Bishop for the British armed forces would just like to apologise for expressing his admiration for the Taliban  (news.bbc.co.uk) (48)
(Brisbane Times) Ironic "Police expose serial flasher"  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (36)
(The Frisky) Stupid Not news: Women are embarrased by baldness. News: In their babies. Fark: So now we have baby wigs  (thefrisky.com) (147)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Judge rules cyberbullies still have First Amendment rights. "If all cruel teasing led to suicide, the human race would be extinct." And Fark would be nonexistent  (boston.com) (531)
(Telegraph) Sad Priest dressed as Santa banned from delivering presents to children at an immigration asylum because some feared he was a security threat  (telegraph.co.uk) (46)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Despite little outward evidence, proposed Botox and plastic surgery tax evoking deep emotional reactions  (chron.com) (123)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this beaming bum  (flickr.com) (41)
(Abc.net.au) Asinine Over 65 researchers and medical students confirm that removing a Band-Aid quickly is less painful than removing one slowly. Still no cure for cancer  (abc.net.au) (59)
(Washington Post) Strange Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi struck in face by flying cathedral  (washingtonpost.com) (137)
(The Register) Dumbass Good: You receive BIE. Bad: They're your own/ Fark: Thanks to the Dell tech logged into your machine  (theregister.co.uk) (lots)

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