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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun November 01, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Record (UK)) Fail Man sues after discovering his deodorant only makes him attractive to lawyers and journalists (with working link)  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (84)
(Telegraph) Scary Civilian passenger accidentally activates ejector seat in military aircraft, now knows what toast feels like  (telegraph.co.uk) (178)
(News.com.au) Cool Multimillionaire fighting the government to allow his 9-year-old grandson to drive a 30-ton front-end loader at the family quarry. "The other guys keep an eye on him."  (news.com.au) (74)
(New York) Obvious Ayn Rand was "the Evel Knievel of leaping to conclusions"  (nymag.com) (799)
(Komo) Silly Beer crossing  (tacoma.komonews.com) (38)
(LA Times) Interesting Cyclists have a lot riding on L.A. driver's trial, claim spokes people  (latimes.com) (395)
(Mercury News) Scary "You're under arrest." 'For what?' "Resisting arrest and... well, that's pretty much it."  (mercurynews.com) (298)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA If you're over 65, chances are you won't catch and die from swine flu. But that won't stop you from taking the vaccine from people who really need it: those of us in our late twenties/early thirties  (chicagotribune.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Silly San Francisco City Attorney demands proof that Cocoa Krispies will keep your kids from getting swine flu  (blogs.sfweekly.com) (48)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Turn a guy movie into a chick flick, or vice versa  (fark.com) (121)
(Telegraph) Interesting Kissing was developed "to spread germs," keep the other person quiet  (telegraph.co.uk) (70)
(Philly) Weird Man walks into the National Sudoku Championship wearing a hoodie and makes it to the final round, where he's only able to fill in two squares. For some reason, officials think cheating might be involved  (philly.com) (128)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Facebook's updated Newsfeed encourages you to reconnect with those you haven't spoken to in awhile, but it's currently unable to differentiate the living from the dead. Naturally, some people are upset about this  (consumerist.com) (69)
(SacBee) Hero It's about damn time. Hero tag and Asinine tag battle it out for supremacy  (sacbee.com) (463)
(CNN) Cool Man uses "Pints for prostates" campaign to warn other men about cancer. Beer, is there anything it can't do?  (cnn.com) (34)
(Oregon Live) Unlikely Hit-and-run driver claims he didn't see a 6-foot-tall orange rabbit on a pedicab  (oregonlive.com) (48)
(AZCentral) Spiffy Once again while the rest of the nation runs around adjusting every clock they own, trying to remember if they should fall forward or spring back, the people of Arizona smugly smile, knowing they aren't slaves to daylight-savings time  (azcentral.com) (214)
(London Times) Followup Furor erupts over Nutt sack  (timesonline.co.uk) (61)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting Groups press for tougher drunk driving laws because judges don't enforce the laws we already have  (baltimoresun.com) (145)
(Oregon Live) Asinine Oregon to spend $1.2 on windmill tax credits. Wait, that $4.1M. No, $13M. Oops, make that $21M. OK, $167M. Ah...would you believe $243M?  (oregonlive.com) (91)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Here is a damming story on the BBC and there abilitie to spell chech  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(Some Guy) Interesting Amelia Earhart's cousin wants you to know the truth that the government is concealing  (nevadaappeal.com) (167)
(Network World) Interesting What do Uri Geller, NPR, Michael Savage and Diebold have in common: "Welcome to the Takedown Hall of Shame"  (networkworld.com) (50)
(Canoe) Scary Search underway for three miners missing in Quebec's Abitibi-Temiscamingue region. In related news, search underway for more letters so that officials can write out "Abitibi-Temiscamingue"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (33)
(Cracked) Amusing Handy flow charts show the difference between men and women buying shoes  (cracked.com) (222)
(Statesman) Cool Texas is no longer a red state  (statesman.com) (120)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this long-legged fly  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (28)
(Boston Globe) Obvious DA says jury trials should be mandatory in sex cases because juries are more willing than judges to put defendants away for life  (boston.com) (79)
(Canoe) Weird Ex-Notre Dame worker to repay majority of $29,387 tip, reclaim her stapler  (cnews.canoe.ca) (55)
(Boston Globe) Stupid Smoking outdoors is now illegal after a town official was horrified to see a father smoking near his child  (boston.com) (229)
(UPI) Strange A spirit passed before me: I beheld, the face of immortality unveiled. Series of letters from poet Lord Byron sell for a record $458,000  (upi.com) (20)
(cfnews13.com) Florida School worker suspended for being a bit too enthusiastic about his pizza  (cfnews13.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Florida Man arrested at Disney World for carrying a loaded gun, is sentenced to five hours on the "It's a Small World" ride  (thedailydisney.com) (110)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass When is a scooter not a scooter? When it goes at just 14 mph it seems  (lep.co.uk) (65)
(Some Erie Resident) Strange Man moves his family into a new home, surprised to find the image of a demon on his son's bedroom door (w/demonic door pic)  (qconline.com) (165)
(UPI) Stupid If you're going to forge your boss's will to leave everything to you maybe you should write it on something besides a dog collar  (upi.com) (10)
(News.com.au) Strange Family of missing cop consults witch doctor in order to find him. When reached for comment, the witch doctor cryptically said, "Ooh eee, ooh ahh ahh, ting tang, walla walla bing bang"  (news.com.au) (58)
(Some Guy) Strange That Brazilian chick you met on the internet suddenly breaks up with you. Do you C) crash at the Sao Paulo airport, surviving on food given to you by airport workers  (heraldsun.com.au) (39)
(New Zealand Herald) Fail Churches helped raise $500,000 for man who needed treatments for his cancer. His "cancer" turned out to be a gambling addiction  (nzherald.co.nz) (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pretty parasol  (vectroave.com) (40)
(NYPost) Interesting Kerik is losing it behind bars, probably because the Trogdor comes in the night  (nypost.com) (51)
(Daily Mail) Scary Should we have a page in the healthcare bill about not being forgotten in an ambulance for hours?  (dailymail.co.uk) (40)
(The Sun) Amusing Naked cheat receives cold treatment from woman's husband, takes refuge on an air conditioner vent outside: "I must point out it was a very cold day" (w/ priceless photo)  (thesun.co.uk) (101)
(OC Register) Amusing In an attempt to lob pumpkin for science project, university students manage to squash scoreboard, prompting one school official to ask, "Are these kids out of their gourds?  (ocregister.com) (35)

Sat October 31, 2009
(Cleveland) Scary Serial killer arrested in Cleveland much to the chagrin of the residents still alive there  (blog.cleveland.com) (113)
(wwltv.com) Interesting Students and parents so serious over Brother Martin High School's "Dark Knights" pep rally skit  (wwltv.com) (64)
(Denver Post) Cool Not many hotels have a ghost hunter and a psychic on the payroll. Redrum  (denverpost.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this frigid freighter  (media.englishrussia.com) (46)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass If you and your buddy are going to vandalise half of your city's school buses, forcing schools to close citywide, it's best you don't leave your cell phone at the scene of the crime  (desmoinesregister.com) (38)
(Chicago Tribune) Unlikely Four professors are denied tenure at DePaul university, claim it's because their women. Never mind the fact that they teach subjects like Women's Studies and Gender Studies, two rather irrelevant college courses  (chicagotribune.com) (337)
(Denver Post) Interesting James Dobson will separate from Focus on the Family in February 2010. Keith Olbermann sighs, tears up a year's worth of unused "Worst Person in the World" rants  (denverpost.com) (99)
(CNN) Cool Remember Farkers and Farkettes, tonight you get a bonus hour of heavy drinking  (edition.cnn.com) (81)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool World Series Game 3. If there's anything scarier than Halloween in Philadelphia, it's facing the Yankees' OTHER left-handed ace. Trick, or treat?  (blogs.wsj.com) (1489)
(Slate) Stupid Witch finds it nearly impossible to organize her coven for Halloween celebration. If only there were some magical device she could wave around to make it happen  (slate.com) (70)
(Huffington Post) Sad Paranoid helicopter parents, not content with ruining everything else, have basically destroyed the fun of Halloween as well  (huffingtonpost.com) (417)
(scoop.co.nz) Interesting School project: make controversial art. Result: art is too controversial, and now the orthodox atheists are mad  (books.scoop.co.nz) (237)
(Denver Post) Silly Sled maker on slippery slope with city hall, putting the skids on one of the town's few winter businesses. *Rosebud*  (denverpost.com) (35)
(Some Culture War Dispatcher) Unlikely How to avoid supporting the gay agenda with your consumer spending  (scienceblogs.com) (181)
(Some Guy) Interesting City of Chicago gives free bus, train rides to senior citizens, including undocumented seniors. Don't let Glenn Beck hear about this  (mobile.wbbm780.com) (71)
(UPI) Obvious Education Secretary Arne Duncan accuses states of lowering standards to near-moron levels. After a visit to the Fark Politics tab, subby finds it difficult to argue with Duncan  (upi.com) (136)
(Yahoo) Sad Only 19% of American men still have a set of brass balls  (fe19.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (257)
(The Pulse) Amusing "Now, don't get me wrong: Who doesn't love a good stabbing now and then? But a whole month of them? No, thank you, buddy."  (chattanoogapulse.com) (30)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop a scary monster for Halloween  (fark.com) (71)
(USA Today) Interesting British Govt. to Somali pirates: "give us back our citizens". Pirates: "give us $7M" British Govt.: "you know what......we're good. You can have them."  (usatoday.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Amusing Lawsuit over defective Hanes dismissed after examining the briefs  (abovethelaw.com) (38)
(UPI) Scary Subby wants to die like his grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers on his bus  (upi.com) (23)
(Fox News) Cool Finally, scientists have developed the a working model of the robot cargo loader Ripley used to kick the queen alien's ass  (foxnews.com) (90)
(Weekly World News) Unlikely This week: Dog spends $62 on Xbox points while owner sleeps. Next week: Dog spends $2000 on hooker and blow while owner sleeps  (weeklyworldnews.com) (50)
(The Pulse) Interesting "As a responsible parent trying to help keep your kids from joining in the growing youth obesity epidemic, there are ways to keep trick-or-treating healthier." Damn those responsible parents, get me a mini-Snickers NOW  (chattanoogapulse.com) (68)
(Boston Herald) Interesting "When evading a UFO is your best argument for why an aircraft did that, you're on pretty weak ground."  (bostonherald.com) (28)
(ABC News) Scary "Coyotes attack and kill: Should you worry?" YES YOU SHOULD WORRY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES RUN RUN  (abcnews.go.com) (129)
(London Times) Obvious Just in case you missed it, here's this years annual "Halloween is the work of Satan" wharrgarbl from the Catholic church  (timesonline.co.uk) (141)
(MSNBC) Hero Annoying and shouting child on a plane? Southwest Airlines implements their STFU & GTFO policy  (msnbc.msn.com) (474)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing You fill the mail with the coconuts and screw them all up, you fill the mail with the coconuts and call me in the morning  (breitbart.com) (15)
(Oregon Live) Caption _____  (oregonlive.com) (119)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing Security guards employed to protect hedgehogs from bonfires  (lep.co.uk) (22)
(Dan Savage) Cool We mate, we're straight, get used to it -- Halloween is the new Straight Pride Parade  (thestranger.com) (83)
(Independent) Scary The Brits wonder if Halloween is just harmless fun or a tacky American import. With typical Halloween graphic that will surely help the debate  (independent.co.uk) (64)
(Some Scary Cat Lady) Obvious Black cats half-price for Halloween...err, Caturday  (beavertonvalleytimes.com) (lots)
(Record Online) Fail Least ambitious counterfeiter ever discovered in Saugerties, New York  (recordonline.com) (54)
(BBC) Sad 13-year old made redundant, considers going back to school  (news.bbc.co.uk) (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tremendous tire  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (24)
(BBC) Followup Remote Brazilian tribe finds plane crash survivors alive, delicious  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (45)
(Some Guy) Florida Animal escapes after show-and-tell at school. Tag will help you determine the animal  (newsherald.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Interesting Largest cruise ship ever, Oasis of Seas, to set sail. Guests can expect booze-fueled tirades, constant fighting amongst the crew all in a whiny, obnoxious tone  (news.yahoo.com) (115)
(LA Times) Obvious PETA wants Oregon to stop using elephants to give car washes because, sheesh, they're not very good at it  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Florida If a drunk man riding a stolen lawmower slams into your bus, don't make things worse by laughing at him (although feel free to laugh at his mugshot)  (ocala.com) (68)

Fri October 30, 2009
(Pacific Daily News) Asinine Thanks to paranoid Christians and over-sensitive Wiccans, more and more schools are replacing Halloween with "Happy Costume Day"  (guampdn.com) (290)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these cadets collecting crime-scene clues  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(ABC News) Interesting 'Fingernails on a chalkboard' may soon be as meaningless as other obscure phrases, such as 'cat's pajamas', '23 skidoo', and 'make the tagline funny'  (blogs.abcnews.com) (199)
(Reuters) Dumbass CDC is shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that not everyone goes to the doctor when they get the sniffles  (reuters.com) (150)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room."  (limelife.com) (162)
(Washington Post) Scary In cost-saving measure, Virginia to make it harder for the mentally-ill to get antipsychotic medications  (washingtonpost.com) (95)
(CBS New York) Sad "Mikac was rushed to St. Barnabas Hospital and pronounced dead a short time later." Fark: see Mikac's first name  (wcbstv.com) (136)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing An eye-opening look into this week's Halloween-themed TSG mugshot roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (247)
(BBC) Dumbass Instead of getting a reward, BP is fined $87 million for trying to blow up Texas  (news.bbc.co.uk) (79)
(CBS Minneapolis) Scary I guess she won't come out tonight, come out tonight, come out tonight  (wcco.com) (88)
(LA Times) Obvious Some things are just not meant to go together. With that said, the Asian American jazz festival begins today  (latimes.com) (148)
(USA Today) Cool Lego-themed hotel planned at Southern California's Legoland theme park. Guests will have to build their own rooms  (content.usatoday.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Scary Halloween gets extra creepy: Octomom to dress as a pregnant nun accompanied by her eight little devils  (ocregister.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this velocious vessel  (neptunuslex.com) (55)
(BBC) Obvious When making a baby, British women advised to lie still and think of England  (news.bbc.co.uk) (173)
(AP) Interesting West Virginia leads the nation in lack of sleep -- which is understandable, what with all those teeth falling out and clattering on the floor  (recordonline.com) (100)
(FARK) Scary It's almost time kids. It's Fark's annual "Scary Story Thread" a day early due to the weekend. Don't miss it. Don't forget to wear your mask.The clock is ticking, it's almost time. Silver Shamrock  (fark.com) (568)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Firefighters spend four hours trying to free a man after he stuck his finger in his car's gas tank  (mlive.com) (56)
(C|Net) Amusing One of this season's top costume searches: Adult Care Bear  (news.cnet.com) (102)
(Some Superhero) Cool Superhero Smackdown quarterfinals: Superman vs Wonder Woman  (thecorrectness.com) (205)
(The New York Times) News 7 civilians, 2 military members feared deceased after mid-air collision  (nytimes.com) (137)
(Sun Sentinel) Ironic "I've fallen and I can't get up because I'm being strangled by my MedicAlert necklace"  (sun-sentinel.com) (49)
(Yahoo) Scary Here is the church, and here is the steeple, have some bad weather, and it falls on the people  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(BBC) Misc Actual headline - "Nutt faces sack"  (bbc.co.uk) (84)
(AL.com) Strange After a break-up, it's completely normal to leave things behind: toothbrush, clothes, your 17-year old son living in the shed. Wait...what?  (blog.al.com) (80)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG. Match the criminal with the band. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (87)
(Yahoo) Misc U.S. rubber company disputes Liberia pollution study, argues that the study calls for too many prophylactic measures  (news.yahoo.com) (23)
(LiveLeak) Amusing Drunken nordic underwater fireworks: you gotta think the fish are not enjoying this one little bit  (liveleak.com) (65)
(The New York Times) Cool Hmmm, thousands of tiny earthquake generators driving around Manhattan 24 hours a day? How could that possibly backfire?  (wheels.blogs.nytimes.com) (98)
(Metro) Strange Drunken hedgehog taken to hospital, possibly after his drinks were spiked  (metro.co.uk) (101)
(Telegraph) Unlikely You say transubstantiation, I say bacterial contamination. Let's call the whole thing off  (telegraph.co.uk) (102)
(The Morning Call) PSA PROTIP: If you're going to steal $244 worth of video games at Kmart, leave the heroin bags and needles at home. You're only going to make a bad situation worse when the cops inevitably arrest you  (mcall.com) (48)
(SMH) Interesting Qantas plane makes emergency landing with pilot incapacitated by sickness. And don't call him Shirley  (smh.com.au) (162)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Massachusetts reprograms computers to mail unemployment checks out faster by skipping time-consuming decisions like "is the recipient eligible for unemployment?"  (bostonherald.com) (125)
(CBC) Obvious Iqaluit hotel bomb scare a false alarm. All surfaces of igloo inspected by RCMP, found to be clean  (cbc.ca) (22)
(wishtv.com) Scary Farmer killed by grain auger. You know the drill  T-Shirt  (wishtv.com) (98)
(Free Press) Followup FBI defends decision to shoot Dave Chappelle  (freep.com) (145)
(Orlando Sentinel) Amusing Scantily-clad Mormons - The perfect stocking stuffer  (blogs.orlandosentinel.com) (260)
(London Times) Followup Somali pirates move British yacht couple to a floating prison ship. Wait, I've seen this movie  (timesonline.co.uk) (83)
(STV) Amusing Scientists begin $288,000 baby feeding study. That's gonna be one fat baby  (news.stv.tv) (28)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Next up on H1N1 Fearmongering Today: Your toothbrush, which will surely give you swine flu and kill you  (mddailyrecord.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Followup State Supreme Court overturns juvenile convictions made by judge who jailed kids for cash. All 6500 of them  (timesleader.com) (111)
(Pocono Record) Fail If you're going to chase young girls around campus, take off your police uniform first  (poconorecord.com) (49)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Condo residents decide to get rid of a beehive with fire and hairspray. What could possibly go wrong?  (cfnews13.com) (33)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing The Homestar cartoon custom-made for Homestar haters.... watch them all die  (homestarrunner.com) (66)
(CBS Pittsburgh) Scary Is your pet at risk for H1N1? Your dog wants Tamiflu  (kdka.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Sad So like, here's the thing man, it's it's Dennis Hopper alright? and he's got this thing man, this thing with his prostate; and it ain't too good, no sir, it ain't too good at all  (news.yahoo.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these strange seats  (vitra.com) (36)
(nbcdfw.com) Amusing Man loses his ass at a Chick-Fil-A  (nbcdfw.com) (46)
(News.com.au) Sick Satanist creates fake gothic society on MySpace to lure young teens to cemetery. Clearly, real goths use Facebook  (news.com.au) (156)
(News.com.au) Interesting "If we gave $10,000 to certain people and said 'we'll voluntarily sterilise you' then all of society would be better off"  (news.com.au) (276)
(Google) Scary 112-year-old man has a seat over there  (google.com) (89)
(KTLA) Spiffy Negatives snapped up for $45 at garage sale exposed as Ansel Adams originals. Story developing  (ktla.com) (92)
(Yahoo) Scary Bullet hits Lou Dobbs' house, where his wife sleeps and his children play with their toys  (news.yahoo.com) (201)
(USA Today) Scary EPA finds manganese threat at two schools. Just wait until they learn about the tentacle rape  T-Shirt  (usatoday.com) (79)

Thu October 29, 2009
(Vancouver Sun) Misc Today's 'truck spills metric assload of random food item onto roadway' brought to you by Vancouver and 13,600 kilograms of yogurt  (vancouversun.com) (75)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: It was a dark and stormy night  (fark.com) (59)
(Nola.com) Dumbass Your landlord serves you with eviction papers. Do you: A) Move in with relatives, B) Sue to block the eviction, or C) Light the building on fire, then ambush the firemen with an AK-47  (nola.com) (112)
(Google) Interesting There are two levels of accomplishment in the little-known sport of the radio-station-sponsored water-drinking contest: Grand Master Champion, and Dead  (google.com) (140)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Gallant obeys the rules of the road and practices safe driving techniques. Goofus drives his car into a police officer and punches him in the face repeatedly  (news.com.au) (36)
(AP) Dumbass Conservative tv star Elisabeth Hasselback demonstrates the dangers of "abstinence only" sex education by announcing her plan to avoid future kids is to "dress in a way that won't get me pregnant."  (usmagazine.com) (280)
(Some Guy) Weird Man arrested for exposing and fondling himself...at a courthouse...twice in three weeks. Where's Ashcroft and his drapes when you need them?  (katc.com) (19)
(CourierPress.com) Stupid Your soon-to-be-ex-wife cuts off the cable you've been stealing. Do you c) Break into her freezer and steal her ground beef?  (courierpress.com) (52)
(AFP) Scary It's generally considered a bad sign when your airline pilot gets on the PA system and asks you to pray  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Cracked) Scary Six urban legends that just happen to be true. Sweet dreams  (cracked.com) (125)
(Google) Sad Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands  T-Shirt  (google.com) (43)
(CTV) Dumbass It takes a moron to park on top of a car, then drive away. It takes a special kind of moron to go back and park there the next day  (toronto.ctv.ca) (71)
(Billings Gazette) Dumbass Family that plans to sell joints together, lands in cell joints together  (billingsgazette.com) (32)
(The Frisky) Interesting 5 things women are horrified to learn when they begin living with a guy. "If you've got plants, better check to make sure they're compatible with a whole lot of urine."  (thefrisky.com) (370)
(Fox News) Sick Fox News now running interference for Somali pirates. If only there were a word for a group or organization that gives aid and comfort to our enemies  (foxnews.com) (329)
(jacksonsun) Strange Nothing happened  (jacksonsun.com) (206)
(Engadget) Photoshop Photoshop this dedicated Windows 7 fan  (lh5.ggpht.com) (47)
(Toronto Sun) Dumbass If you're not smart enough to step outside for a smoke, then maybe do-it-yourself furnace repair isn't for you  (torontosun.com) (36)
(SacBee) Spiffy Bill to legalize marijana for recreational use in California gets legislative hearing. There was a "lively but mellow debate," however, "no joint consensus was reached."  (sacbee.com) (306)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Sad Wallabies are now extinct in Minnesota  (startribune.com) (46)
(Missoulian) Scary Five whitetail deer, four black bears, two gray wolves, one wile coyote and a turkey vulture electrocuted by dangling power line. Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa  (missoulian.com) (62)
(CBS News) Obvious Are you a bad driver? If you said yes, a new study says that it's in your genetics. Also, the study indicates that you are a woman  (cbsnews.com) (215)
(The New York Times) Asinine Plastic surgery didn't go well the first time? Why not go back and let the doctor give it another shot?  (nytimes.com) (41)
(Flickr) Stupid I just won a radio contest to have backup dancers follow me around for a couple hours this Saturday. Sadly there is no cash equivalent. How can I best utilize this weird, semi-retarded prize?  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (599)
(Some Guy) Interesting Add 'Cooking Meth' to the list of things it's illegal to do while driving  (wsbtv.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Sick Hay, get a barn, you two  (arkansasonline.com) (84)
(South Park Studios) Amusing Come for the senseless slaughter of dolphins and whales, stay for Cartman singing "Pokerface"  (southparkstudios.com) (202)
(Huffington Post) Hero 84 year old granny finished last at the 150 mile New Jersey MS bike charity ride. To her defense, her front bike basket was not very aerodynamic... neither were her dress, jacket and high heels (with pic)  (huffingtonpost.com) (128)
(Boston Globe) Strange Wake me up early? That's a brooming. What, what's a brooming?  (boston.com) (39)
(Fox 13) Weird In Utah, delivering your food order via "rap" is now a punishable offense  (fox13now.com) (341)
(ABC News) Cool Hey, y'all prepare yourself For the Rubberband man. You never heard a sound Like the rubberband man. You're bound to lose control, When the Rubberband starts to jam  (abcnews.go.com) (81)
(Some Geek) Obvious Headline redundancy: "Windows Broken, Computers Damaged"   T-Shirt  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (74)
(CSMonitor) Weird Clones (and perhaps zombies) of North Korea's Kim Jong il might be roaming the countryside  (csmonitor.com) (64)
(WESH Orlando) Scary Trick-or-Treaters are like little Swine Flu commandos, who will infiltrate your home and infect you and everyone you love  (wesh.com) (136)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Man fights with sister, accidentally shoots his mother. Oh man you are SO grounded  (suntimes.com) (32)
(USA Today) Sick So I asked myself what could be better than an actual headline reading "Unused bestiality law put to the test" and I have to say none. None more better  (usatoday.com) (148)
(This is London) Ironic TV presenter making documentary about badly-behaved students duck-taped to wall by badly-behaved students  (thisislondon.co.uk) (121)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Chicago researcher invents bra that, in an emergency, can be removed to become a face mask. Disasters are going to be so much more fun from now on  (chicagotribune.com) (143)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this tongue touchup  (inapcache.boston.com) (29)
(Canoe) Dumbass ♫ Sending cards with dirty photos ♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫ These misdeeds are seen as no-nos ♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫  (cnews.canoe.ca) (81)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man pleads guilty to stealing $69,000 in antique coins, will be sent to £MITA prison  T-Shirt  (mcall.com) (70)
(Local6) Florida You get pulled over for an illegal left turn. Do you C) Spit on the officer, make a racial slur, threaten him with the KKK and pee in the patrol car?  (clickorlando.com) (129)
(SMH) Stupid If spending your lunch break in a cemetery with an 18-year old stripper and a box of sex toys is wrong, then subby doesn't want to be right  (smh.com.au) (182)
(Yahoo) Fail So customs lady, would you like to see my trouser geckos?  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Stuff) Strange Woman mistakes massive rotting whale head on beach for an alien being (w/pic)  (stuff.co.nz) (98)
(CNN) PSA The fifteen jobs with the highest stress and lowest pay. Noticably absent: your job  (money.cnn.com) (427)
(Some Guy with a Limp) Strange .3048 meters washes up on Canadian beach  (vancouversun.com) (107)
(Washington Post) Obvious As a public service, DC ABC affiliate will show uncensored breast self-exams on 5pm and 11pm broadcasts. The fact that it's also the beginning of sweeps is merely a happy coincidence  (washingtonpost.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Strange Strange: Woman walks up to random guy and violently kicks him the groin. Stranger: Her kick caused him to lose his testicle. Strangest: He didn't notice his testicle was missing until later that night  (calgaryherald.com) (166)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Vote Whoring  (images.google.com) (62)
(Yahoo) Sad Sex, booze, and bacon: the things that make life worth living. Also the things that are going to kill you  (news.yahoo.com) (89)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 234: "Heebie Jeebies". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (190)
(Some small town paper) Amusing Burglary reported in North America. No, really  (dailyregister.com) (76)

Wed October 28, 2009
(NewsOK) Stupid Mother in uproar over "humiliating and disgusting" punishment her snowflake was subjected to for not turning in his homework  (newsok.com) (300)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Someone misdials your phone number. Do you c) arrange to meet them at a local parking lot then shoot them  (savannahnow.com) (82)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Even robbers are feeling the recession; opting for sharpies instead of ski masks  (thesmokinggun.com) (123)
(Boing Boing) Ironic Nanny state bans helicopter parents from playgrounds  (boingboing.net) (99)
(Newsweek) Obvious Obama administration preaches abstinence to school districts looking for federal funding for abstinence only sex ed  (newsweek.com) (228)
(Major League Baseball) Cool Talking's over. It's the Phillies and the Yankees, Game 1 of the 2009 World Series, and by "World" we of course mean a 100-mile stretch of highway in the northeastern United States (7:57pm ET, Fox)  (mlb.mlb.com) (lots)
(Some Guy) Weird Your WTF moment of the day--Meat hands  (notmartha.org) (121)
(Denver Channel) Fail Your city is facing a major snowstorm. Do they, a) implement a well coordinated snow plow plan? b) say fark it?  (thedenverchannel.com) (209)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this high flying daredevil  (markshannon.com) (37)
(ABC Action News) Spiffy Today is National Chocolate Day. So dump your girlfriend and give her an excuse to overindulge  (abcactionnews.com) (116)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Focus on your accomplishments and make your resume pop with keywords. Hopefully 'recently paroled' isn't one of those keywords  (myfoxdc.com) (92)
(Local6) Florida Florida man expected to introduce the ChewBacon defense in his murder trial  (clickorlando.com) (62)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Baltimore restaurant owner fights city hall by putting hundreds of plastic pink flamingoes on the lawn. W/ cool pic  (baltimoresun.com) (91)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Obvious If you live at 13 Cemetery Road, you might as well get in the Halloween spirit. "It's not a good Easter address."  (sunjournal.com) (84)
(Some Angel) Sad Little girl's brain tumor takes her ability to speak, so she leaves notes stashed around house for family to find after she dies. Hundreds of notes, causing something in subby's eye  (wlwt.com) (452)
(My Fox Philly) Followup Woman arrested for allegedly offering sex for World Series tickets gets them free from local radio station. See how well karma works?  (myfoxphilly.com) (157)
(NewsBusters) Strange Apparently "cruelty-free" whips and other BDSM gear are all the rage these days amongst the irony impaired  (newsbusters.org) (162)
(IFC) Amusing "Illusion, Michael. A trick is what a whore does for money....or cocaine" (Sponsored Link)  (ifc.com) (248)
(Des Moines Register) Stupid Girl suspended for bringing empty shotgun shells to school. "I wanted to show them to my science teacher because he's into stuff like this."  (desmoinesregister.com) (239)
(Topless Robot) Amusing Mattel releases Palm Beach sugar daddy Ken doll. No, really  (toplessrobot.com) (138)
(Daily Iowan) Obvious A profile of the first person to undergo in-patient treatment for Internet addiction. Yes, WOW was involved  (dailyiowan.com) (275)
(Cleveland) Strange Man caught driving with a stash of X-rays and mammograms of women and children, proving Rule #34 is alive and well  (blog.cleveland.com) (135)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man charged with disorderly conduct for throwing coins at school bus. That's change we can't be heavin'  (mcall.com) (48)
(The New York Times) Cool The artist's latest project: a 19-foot-long aerial view of NYC, drawn from memory after a 20-minute helicopter flight  (nytimes.com) (95)
(Yahoo) Spiffy You can now travel as far as 375 miles on Southwest for $25, or put another way about $5 more than United and American charge you just to check your bag  (news.yahoo.com) (158)
(Canada.com) Hero Five-year-old girl saves mother's life after accident. Your five-year-old is barely potty-trained  (calgaryherald.com) (76)
(National Post) Scary Toronto hiker killed by coyotes in Nova Scotia. Police deny reports that Acme anvils were found at the scene  (nationalpost.com) (237)
(WRAL) Scary Duke sucks. and handcuffs and whips and gags and sodomizes and  (wral.com) (76)
(News.com.au) Scary Ain't no party like a Morayfield party 'cause a Morayfield party will stop when the deck collapses and injures 15 people  (theaustralian.news.com.au) (29)
(NYPost) Dumbass Some people see passing three warships in the Indian Ocean looking for pirates as a warning sign to turn their yacht around. Then there are those who boast that the waters they sail are too rough for pirates -- with the obvious Fark results  (nypost.com) (155)
(WBBM) Scary Insulin needles being recalled, but don't panic, only 250,000,000 of them could be bad  (wbbm780.com) (57)
(CBC) Sad Next wave of car flu kills 80 in Pakistan  (cbc.ca) (80)
(News.com.au) Sick Ever wonder what that odd smell was at the police station downtown? The odd smell that's been stinking up the place for the last two years? It's not the fridge, it's the corpse on the roof  (news.com.au) (99)
(My Fox DC) Interesting 'Relatively Small' works when describing the type of goldfish you're thinking about buying. It doesn't work so well when describing a fire in a locomotive that's pulling passenger cars at 100mph along a wet track in the dark  (myfoxdc.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Obvious (c) Take the salesperson on a 100 mile an hour drive, watch him jump from the car, go back to the dealer and set the van on fire  (timesleader.com) (43)
(The Morning Call) Strange HA HA, QUAKERTOWN POLICE TAKE UNSTABLE MAN INTO CUSTODY  (mcall.com) (327)
(The Morning Call) Scary Two robbers wearing "Scream" masks invade man's home. That is *SO* 1996  (mcall.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ear on the sky  (butdoesitfloat.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Stupid All the questions you have about H1N1, answered. Yes, "will my child's Halloween candy be infected?" is one of them  (chicagotribune.com) (90)
(CNN) Dumbass We've secretly replaced this couple's alarm clock with a Chevy Malibu. Let's see if they notice the difference  T-Shirt  (edition.cnn.com) (100)
(CBC) Obvious Grrrreat study shows unhealthy cereals marketed to children. Submitter hopes for green light but will settle for yellow moon or purple horseshoe  (cbc.ca) (108)
(Wikipedia) Weird On this day back in 1943, absolutely nothing even remotely interesting happened at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard. Nope, nothing to see here, move along  (en.wikipedia.org) (173)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Punk is dead. On the plus side, it does have an awesome grave  (thelocal.de) (88)
(Some Guy) Fail PTA turns elementary school kids into walking billboards for a she-male phone sex hotline  (ocregister.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Dumbass After holding up the cashier at a Taco Bell, master criminal asks the manager for an employment application  (lohud.com) (33)
(paw nation) Interesting Missing: Baby daddy of ugly-ass Tasmanian devils. Bugs Bunny wanted for questioning (w/pic)  (pawnation.com) (26)
(heraldsun.com.au) Dumbass Some people can't tell the difference between plasma TVs and LCD TVs. These thieves can't tell the difference between plasma TVs and cardboard displays  (heraldsun.com.au) (69)
(Cracked) Obvious "Most of our front end is simply Fark with some different colors"  (cracked.com) (47)
(The Consumerist) Unlikely "Some Ford cars are reliable and actually worth buying," says once-reliable Consumer Reports  (consumerist.com) (206)
(The Consumerist) Scary Well, some good news; there were only 93,784 foreclosures on homes in third quarter 2009. While it may not be a...oh. I forgot a zero. Sorry, 937,840 homes were foreclosed  (consumerist.com) (112)
(Computerworld) Fail Microsoft finally eliminates the BSOD  (computerworld.com) (459)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this bridge background  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (51)
(SLTrib) Amusing Ahhhh...remember when you were bad in school and had to go to ISS as punishment? Sitting in a desk all day, basic sensory deprivation, getting laid by the supervising aide, ... wait. I don't remember that last part  (sltrib.com) (150)

Tue October 27, 2009
(SFGate) Scary San Francisco Bay Bridge rod snaps during rush hour commute, hits vehicles. Bridge closed both directions until further notice. Broken piece was part of Labor Day weekend repairs. Missed submitter by ten minutes. In rod we trust (pics)  (sfgate.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man knocks on door seeking assistance. In a cow suit. Soaking wet. Because he had just climbed out of his car that he drove into the Niagara River. Surprisingly, alcohol was involved  (lockportjournal.com) (33)
(Columbia Tribune) Spiffy Columnist: "my oldest child was drinking full cans of Dr. Pepper by the time she was 3 months old, whereas my youngest wouldn't touch the stuff and preferred Red Bull". What could possibly go wrong?  (columbiatribune.com) (170)
(Tulsa World) Strange Man with a burning desire to avoid going back to prison sets himself on fire when the cops come for him. Makes a big ash of himself  (tulsaworld.com) (52)
(UPI) Stupid Mysterious library patron censoring naughty words from books. Other readers forced to deal with vandalized copies of "Moby ████" and "Madame B█████"  (upi.com) (215)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Fifteen students left with permanent scars after branding themselves with heated coat hangers at a house party. Don't kids these days play spin the bottle anymore?  (dailymail.co.uk) (176)
(Yahoo) Amusing Woman scares off burglar by 'scratching at the door and acting like a large dog.' Good girl  (fe12.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (65)
(News Net 5) Interesting Now Lake Erie has pirates?  (newsnet5.com) (116)
(Yahoo) Cool Data behind global temperature decline is rapidly cooling off  (news.yahoo.com) (453)
(Yahoo) Obvious Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years  T-Shirt  (fe20.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (64)
(Culpeper Star Something) Sick "If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you'll have greater control over it."  (www2.starexponent.com) (318)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: What's really at the end of the rainbow  (fark.com) (54)
(MSNBC) Scary Middle-aged men who exercise and eat healthy to ward off heart attacks could keel over any second from ... a heart attack  (msnbc.msn.com) (134)
(Daily Express) Weird 'It took my fish a little while to get used to drinking milk from my plastic teet'  (express.co.uk) (42)
(Some Guy) Cool Explorer Ernest Shackleton's Whiskey uncovered in Antarctica, 100 years later  (globalpost.com) (158)
(Reuters) Dumbass Drunk clown nabbed after police see him driving funny  (reuters.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Amusing Church Ousts accused molester from priesthood. Priest Pledges innocence, insists that trial will be a Febreeze, and is Glade to have chance to Mr. Clean his record  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (60)
(Google) News DC sniper to get one shot, one kill  T-Shirt  (google.com) (731)
(TC Palm) Florida Man arrested for being three inches shorter than allowed  (tcpalm.com) (167)
(Canoe) Followup Balloon mom's admission that the whole thing was a hoax may be a hoax  (cnews.canoe.ca) (205)
(Albany Times Union) PSA Voters are advised not to use spaghetti sauce to fill out their absentee ballots in Schenectady, where else?  (timesunion.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Cool State registrars to hand out wipes for polls. Giggity  (nbc29.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Scary Rhode Island man hits pedestrian with car, drives for one mile with man stuck in windshield. Driver charged with leaving the scene of an accident, which is odd, since technically he took it with him  T-Shirt  (fe8.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (126)
(The Desert Sun) Unlikely Police urge people planning to attend a Phish festival this weekend in southern California to refrain from smoking marijuana  (mydesert.com) (270)
(wdbo.com) Florida Police responded to a report of a cliché occuring at a Seminole County intersection early Monday morning  (wdbo.com) (137)
(wate.com) Scary Massive rockslide blocks interstate. YOU SHALE NOT PASS  (wate.com) (144)
(WBBM) Dumbass If you are going to have 'a few beers', best not to park your car on a fire truck  (wbbm780.com) (18)
(Yahoo) Fail Korean man braves razor wire, land mines, and heavily armed patrols to defect TO the North. Has anyone ever done it quite this wrong?  (news.yahoo.com) (171)
(Gizmodo) Weird Some people undertake inexpensive hobbies like bird-watching, cooking, or gardening. Then there's the guy who spent $50,000 to recreate a vintage Pan Am first-class cabin in his garage  (gizmodo.com) (111)
(Yahoo) PSA While throwing your feces may earn you dominant male status in a chimpanzee troop; doing it in a courtroom during your trial will more likely get you 30 years  (news.yahoo.com) (52)
(Metro) Dumbass Baltimore cop suspended for pulling his gun on a man waving a chainsaw in his face  (metro.co.uk) (228)
(gunaxin.com) Followup "Event Organizers stopped short of actually forcing the Atari into Jack Thompson's rectal cavity"  (gunaxin.com) (97)
(kptv.com) Strange Robotic elk targets poachers, has been reprogrammed to protect John Connor  (kptv.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Weird Well, the world is officially coming to an end. You can now get wigs for your cats  (clipmarks.com) (85)
(BBC) Ironic Down's pregnancies up  (news.bbc.co.uk) (410)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this rural road  (flickr.com) (71)
(WPBF.COM) Dumbass Robbery 101: 1) Plan your heist, 2) Execute with precision and timing, 3) Make perfect getaway, 4) Oh yes, don't forget your cellphone when you leave  (wpbf.com) (18)
(Boston Globe) Strange Don't want to go all the way to Florida to wade into a leech-infested swap and wrestle an alligator? Visit scenic Fall River, Massachusetts (pic)  (boston.com) (63)
(thecabin.net) Dumbass Stealing a half-million dollars worth of tampons is no way to go through life  (thecabin.net) (77)
(The Sun) Dumbass ♫ You wait 16 days ♫ And what do you get? ♫ Five drug-filled condoms and lots of regret ♫ Saint Peter, don't you call me ♫ 'Cause I can't go ♫ Gonna have woe and a glass of Pepto ♫  (thesun.co.uk) (30)
(Some recovering cow tipper) Scary Fly-tipping on the rise. That's how it starts. First flies, then cows  (thetelegraphandargus.co.uk) (48)
(My Fox Dallas) Obvious Anthropologists determine modern man and Neanderthals had "sex across the species barrier." This did not end well  (myfoxdfw.com) (321)
(The Moscow Times) Unlikely Russian lawmaker wants to legislate time itself, cut three time zones  (themoscowtimes.com) (35)
(Google) Weird ♫ See this Illinois man, that's the way you do it ♫ Got on the payroll for a firm in Jersey ♫ Never worked a day there but the paychecks kept coming ♫ Money for nothing and chicks for free ♫  (google.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Strange 'Racist' cookie removed from shelves in Australia; now if they'd only do the same with vegemite  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (179)
(Some Guy) Scary Five people are charged with torturing and robbing two loan modification agents they thought falsely promised to save their home from foreclosure  (ktla.com) (91)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these snowy signals  (flickr.com) (56)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Woman kills two men in two different car accidents in the same way at the exact same intersection seven years apart  (news.com.au) (190)
(MacWorld) Amusing Eight steps to Internet unpopularity, or "How To Survive A Fark Politics Thread"  (macworld.com) (165)

Mon October 26, 2009
(CNN) Sad RIP GeoCities  (cnn.com) (374)
(AJC) Sad In a finding that will surely have nothing to do with too much TV, video games, internet, unhealthy diet, poor parenting, not GOING OUTSIDE, 1 in 5 US kids not getting enough vitamin D  (ajc.com) (123)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass "He was trying to get snakes out of his homeless camp by pouring gasoline in his camp and igniting it"  (desmoinesregister.com) (62)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida It's always safer to hire a taxi to take you home after a night on the town. That's assuming your taxi driver isn't stinking drunk as well  (tampabay.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Sad Canadians can all sleep soundly knowing that "mountain of magic mushrooms" is off the streets  (calgarysun.com) (236)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this lonely phoner  (flickr.com) (61)
(Drew) FarkBlog "The U.S. is facing an epidemic of swine flu...stories." Don't worry, coming to Fark is an innoculation against media panic. A short post by Drew, then a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/18 - 10/24  (fark.com) (107)
(Engadget) Followup The motorized Lay-Z-Boy featuring a stereo sound system, nitrous oxide booster, parachute, headlights, a steering wheel, and a sticker that reads: "Hell yeah, it's fast." is going up for auction this week on Ebay with no reserve  (engadget.com) (66)
(WFTV) Amusing Survey: 85 Percent Of Floridians Buckling Up. Yeah, I misread the headline too  (wftv.com) (59)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Mug shots of Florida hotties arrested for topless "Girls Gone Wild" bar hijinks, including breast spray painting  (thesmokinggun.com) (413)
(Kansas City) Amusing Thankfully, "Why people on PCP take off their clothes" is just a blog entry, and not a multi-million-dollar scientific study  (blogs.kansascity.com) (107)
(AP) Strange Man arrested for having 14 snakes in his pants... and, yes, he is single, ladies  (hosted.ap.org) (66)
(Some Goat Rustler) Amusing "Everyone understood immediately that these animals are both pets and a means of helping troubled children build confidence and skills." Fark: Goats  (haaretz.com) (82)
(Boston Herald) Amusing Your dog wants a truck crash  (bostonherald.com) (53)
(AZCentral) Spiffy Despite all the economic worries and woes, it's comforting to know these days a guy can still buy a $78 steak inside an Arizona shopping mall. "It has to be gorgeous, welcoming, lush, vibrant and gracious"  (azcentral.com) (245)
(MSNBC) Photoshop Photoshop theme: in honor of the "fat" Ralph Lauren model, please photoshop some meat onto a model  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (49)
(News.com.au) Interesting Sandra Bullock locked in battle with porn star. Giggity  (news.com.au) (458)
(Reuters) Interesting Fidel Castro's sister says that she collaborated in secret with the CIA. That's one way to get a green card  (reuters.com) (17)
(BBC) Scary Concept by Golden Corral, cooking by the British. This is what hell looks like  (news.bbc.co.uk) (235)
(YouTube) Video What You See Is What You Hear: The most awesome Pulp Fiction mix you will see all day  (youtube.com) (59)
(SMH) Spiffy Today's "hot naked teacher in trouble for being hot and naked" story comes from New Zealand. Did we mention she was hot and naked? (SFW)  (smh.com.au) (379)
(Seattle Times) Scary Police respond to hair salon after reports of bangs, victims were frazzled and frayed, thankfully nobody dyed  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (24)
(WPXI) Scary There's a right way and a wrong way to win bingo money. The right way is to complete a row or column on your bingo card and collect your jackpot. The wrong way involves running down the game's organizer and stealing a briefcase of cash  (wpxi.com) (23)
(Some non-Audiophile) Amusing The best customer reviews you've seen since you checked out that wolf T-Shirt at Amazon  (parts-express.com) (424)
(WFTV) Florida Man "accidentally" fires his shotgun through the "wall" and hits his next-door apartment "neighbor" in the "head"  (wftv.com) (108)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing We've secretly replaced this mugger's intended victim with a black belt in karate. Let's see if anyone notices  (thelocal.de) (147)
(The Sun) Scary Can I borrow a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really big towel? My train just hit a water buffalo  (thesun.co.uk) (59)
(Metro) Strange One legged man held after stealing a single shoe. Store workers reportedly hopping mad  (metro.co.uk) (31)
(CBS Sacramento) Fail Reminder: Your emergency satellite locator doesn't make up for your complete inexperience in the wilderness. Corollary: Don't push the panic button because your water "tasted salty."  (cbs13.com) (196)
(The Morning Call) Obvious Bridge to undergo facelift. If only your mother were so lucky... or at least not used as often  (mcall.com) (10)
(Photo District News) Photoshop Photoshop this camouflage class  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (27)
(The Electric New Paper) Amusing Magician offers magic-trick lessons to help single guys seduce women of their dreams. "Some guys use fast cars, I use a pack of cards"  (tnp.sg) (81)
(MSNBC) Obvious MSNBC explains why FARK exists  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(Google) Amusing Japanese university plans to support academic study of comic books by opening 2-million-volume "manga" library. Officials hope to find donors willing to raid parents' basements for unsoiled copies  (google.com) (84)
(Daily Mail) Obvious The Throne Clones: How inbreeding has made the British royals look alike for generations  (dailymail.co.uk) (117)
(asahi.com) Obvious "Finally, a solution to the invasion of giant jellyfish--just eat them"  (asahi.com) (59)
(CBS Minneapolis) Amusing Running pantsless in handcuffs down the freeway is no way to go through life, son  (wcco.com) (23)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Amusing Man kicked out of the mall because of his seizure-alert ferret. No, that's not a euphemism for something  (digtriad.com) (139)
(Dlisted) Unlikely LaToya Jackson still speaks to Michael: "When I go to his house I say, 'Hello, Michael. How are you? If you're here, please, please let me know'. And the lights start blinking"  (dlisted.com) (128)
(Boston Herald) Scary We've secretly replaced this Harvard research team's usual morning coffee with deadly poison. Let's see if they notice  (news.bostonherald.com) (128)
(CBS Sports) Obvious Yankees win 40th pennant. Somewhere, Darth Vader, Lex Luthor, Mr. Burns smile  (cbssports.com) (455)

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