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Sun December 21, 2008
(The Tennessean) Sad Woman sets herself on fire during church services......... again (31)
(SMH) Obvious Just to prove that they are the equivalent of any other airline, Qantas has lost 750 pieces of luggage -- since Saturday (10)
(Oregon Live) Strange To save money in cold snap, Oregon women's prisons turn off hot water fuel source, forcing inmates to shower with cold water. Someone should get this outrage on film (143)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these equestrian buffoons (31)
(CBS News) Sad Twenty years ago, Pan Am Flight 103 was blown-up and the world, as we knew it, began to change (108)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Asinine Nanny state to remove sea shells from beach to protect snowflakes' feet (64)
(Someone) Strange Pagans need not appl--- oh wait, Disney's got crafts for your kiddies too (127)
(Yahoo) Fail Chevy dealer stages Monster Truck to crush a Honda in celebration of the bailout. Fail: Monster breaks down, and takes several times to finally crush Honda (206)
(Click On Detroit) Obvious In what is widely viewed as an upgrade, many people in Detroit resorting to crime to stay in jail (72)
(YouTube) Sappy This holiday season, please take a moment to think of those hardest hit (22)
(Seattle Times) Scary The next bailout? "As airlines line up to defer or cancel orders, an aviation bust is now clearly on the radar" (87)
(Salon) Hero Dying teen passes on trip to Bahamas, swimming with dolphins, pity sex from supermodels to get his only wish: establishing an orphanage in Nairobi (195)
(Daily Mail) Sick Not news: Girl files for divorce. Fark: Because she's 8 and her husband is 58. Ultrafark: Court rejects the plea until the girl hits puberty and can file herself (166)
(STLToday) Stupid Badges? We don't need no stinking $5,900 solid gold police chief badges (83)
(Wall Street Journal) PSA Jihadist ideology is "proliferating in Western democracies at a logarithmic rate" (310)
(WYFF4.com) Interesting Man pleads guilty and is sentenced to 25 years in prison. Fark: For stealing copper (116)
(AOL) Obvious AOL has a quiz to test your knowledge about weird news stories from 2008. If only there was a site with readers who might know something about those (52)
(Some Guy) Amusing New Fun Prank. Find an enemy. Get said enemy's license plate number. Make a color copy of the license plate. Speed through red light cameras. Fun for the whole family (217)
(channel 3000) Sad Family decides that Florida sucks, so they search the internet and decide to move to Wisconsin. Arrive just in time for negative degree blizzard conditions. Welcome (131)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this jet powered man (61)
(Wikipedia) Ironic [Citation needed] (90)
(CBC) Dumbass Knife wielder who threatened police with a shotgun and attacked them with a axe is taken out with stun gun. Hopes to respawn near rocket launcher (45)
(WBBM) Silly During the holiday travel season, Chicago's airports will offer carolers, blues and jazz performances and free gift wrapping. Everything but legroom on the planes and on-time departures (28)
(Yahoo) Followup IT guru turned whistleblower Michael Connell had to abandon at least two flights in the past two months because of suspicious problems with his plane, had demanded federal protection but was turned down (270)
(Cinematical) Amusing Seven Christmas movies that are prime candidates for "R" rated remakes (35)
(News.com.au) Obvious Nurses figure out they can earn more money IN beds than beside them (73)
(London Times) Misc Vegetarian gets stroppy when climate hating meat eaters insist on reminding him of how mouthwateringly delicious bacon is (387)
(Daily Mail) Silly Airport security staff stop clown cop, order strip-search, confiscate his plastic handcuffs, which were deemed a "risk" (30)
(SFGate) Interesting 2008 SF Chronicle geography quiz. Not for amateurs or Alaskan VP candidates (112)
(London Times) Interesting The most popular news stories of 2008: Times readers seem to be mainly interested in underage Asian girls and S&M orgies. As usual (34)
(JSOnline) Scary News: Bar shootout. Fark: At a polka hall. "It was like the OK Corral" (35)
(Jalopnik) Amusing Shirtless, helmetless, and riding a motorized beer crate is no way to go through life, son (45)
(SFGate) Amusing Protesters overrun shopping mall, run up the down escalators, upend garbage cans, disturb the shrubbery, and damage crystal merchandise at a kiosk. That's so farking hardcore I can't even stand it (131)
(Jalopnik) Interesting Toyota may post first annual loss in 70 years. Here comes the Scions (107)
(Telegraph) Silly Sensitive shoppers are outraged, OUTRAGED at cards urging them to have a "Merry F*cking Christmas". The f*cks (76)
(Houston Chronicle) Spiffy Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday. Happy 10th birthday (59)
(Star-Bulletin) Dumbass Good: Drive pickup 11.5 miles from big town to rural home, without stops. Bad: Run into seven other vehicles along the way (15)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shadowy scene shrouded in secrecy (61)
(AFP) Sad U.S. troops find and destroy 2.5 tons of Afghani weed. Can't we all just hit a bong? (124)
(London Times) Weird "I am the world's first fully-functioning canine artist. I pretend to be a dog until someone suspects me of being a nut" (38)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Purple squirrel mystery puzzles school. "Underneath there's a normal grey squirrel who has just given himself an unusual hair color - you would pay a fortune for that in some salons." That's nuts (53)
(Daily Express) Asinine Rich bankers release music video mocking poor people made homeless by the credit crunch (136)
(wthr.com) Sick You think you're having a crappy weekend? You got nothing on this guy (75)
(Discover) Interesting The Soullllllllllllllllllllllllll... stice (144)
(Some Tough Pup) Cool Dog survives more than 30 minutes in icy river before being rescued by firefighers who nickname him "Chili." Your dog w-wants a st-t-t-teak (20)
(MSNBC) Amusing Pigeons 1, BMW and Hummer owners, 0 (31)
(Oregon Live) Dumbass Man picks a snowball fight with large inanimate *moving* objects. On the freeway. Twice. Alcohol? Yup. With mugshot goodness (52)
(Record Online) Asinine Having solved all their other problems, Middletown, New York threatens to slap church with zoning violation for setting up a warming station for the homeless (73)
(CBC) Unlikely Canadian military officer in Kandahar sings Barbershop when off-duty, taking the War on Terror to new and frightening depths (33)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass 46-year-old woman sues college because they didn't make her homecoming queen (131)
(Denver Channel) Stupid Retailers starting after-Christmas sales before Christmas this year. Next year, December will just be renamed "Shoptember" (101)
(Telegraph) Interesting Hurricane of protest expected to follow announcement that for the first time in history, model kits of Nazi planes outsell British ones (164)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these basket boats (70)

Sat December 20, 2008
(Some Guy) Amusing Retirement home residents find use for fruitcake: shuffleboard, keeping you off their lawn (34)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida When he was told the watercraft rental cost an arm and a leg, he didn't know just how serious the employee was (45)
(Some Guy) Dumbass This evening's 40-year-old teacher busted for having sex with a 17-year-old brought to you by Idaho (pic) (97)
(Daily Express) Strange Nothing says it's Christmas like...an albino robin [pics] (50)
(London Times) Obvious No less than three movies planned about the 1066 Battle of Hastings and death of King Harold, so keep an eye out  T-Shirt (112)
(Some Shivering Farker) Scary National Weather Services predicts "dangerously cold wind chills" of 20 to 40 below zero in Iowa. Submitter hopes he can post this before his keyboard fre (224)
(TBO) Florida Don't call 911 and lie about a man with a gun and someone being injured because you "want to know what your neighbors are doing" (with mugshot badness) (34)
(KFVS12) NewsFlash Continental Airlines Flight #1404 now arriving at Gate 12...13...14...15 (197)
(Washington Post) Sad For the obese, holiday tables serve platefuls of doubt, tasty fudge (80)
(AP) Strange Italy is so posh, even the homeless eat caviar on Christmas (24)
(AJC) Asinine AmEx may cut your credit limit because of where you shop. "Other customers who have used their card at establishments where you recently shopped have a poor repayment history with American Express." (304)
(Some Piss Drunk) Strange Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rai... actually, just don't piss on my leg, period (25)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary Bus driver pulls a knife on some sixth-graders and threatens to slash their wrists because they left cookie crumbs on the seat (44)
(The Raw Story) Scary Rove's IT Guru dies after his plane runs out of gas. It's not like he was about to testify or anything, though... oh, he was? Well, he certainly didn't cross Rove, right? What's that, he did? (429)
(Sign On San Diego) Photoshop Photoshop this hot shower scene (48)
(JSOnline) Interesting $1,000 martini, made with lime and cranberry juices, being sold for charity. Unfortunately, someone dropped their diamond bracelet in it. Ewwww (95)
(ABC News) Hero Hawaii offers state school teachers a deal they can't refuse: pay raises in exchange for random drug testing (209)
(First Coast News) Spiffy Teacher gives each of her fourth graders a free ride. No, not that kind, sickos (46)
(Some Guy) Obvious Ga. teacher busted for the sex with student thing. (w/ kinda sorta want pic) (146)
(CNN) Amusing CNN reporter is nostalgic for the day when Christmas toys were "magical." Y'know, back in the days of Lawn Darts, lead paint, and the Bag O' Glass (131)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass Germany's biggest stolen-data scandal caused by two couriers who ate a Christmas cake and then switched package labels to cover up their heinous crime (22)
(Post Crescent) Dumbass Patty Wagstaff, a pilot attending an annual air show, was arrested for using the airport runway. Of course, since this occurred in Wisconsin, she was drunk and driving an SUV (76)
(Daily Star) Obvious Here's the annual story about how much it would cost today to buy all the crap from that 12 Days Of Christmas song. You knew it would be coming(w/Not safe for work-ish pic) (43)
(Cracked) Interesting The 6 worst "Vacations" people actually pay for...Euro Disney not included (112)
(Reuters) Obvious Tuareg rebels kill 14 in raid. Submitter always knew Volkswagens were revolting (35)
(Mercury News) Obvious Proposition 8 legal battle climaxes with duelling briefs (563)
(Toronto Star) Sad Corned beef market in turmoil as Shopsy's loses fight to keep location in Toronto (36)
(Sign On San Diego) Weird Deranged woman's hobby is stealing playthings children left at the beach -- hundreds of children return to the place they lost a toy and say "mommy where's my shovel?" (28)
(Press-Enterprise) Scary Man is mauled to death by his dogs when he steps outside for a smoke. He evidently hadn't read the Surgeon General's warning  T-Shirt (241)
(USA Today) Obvious Restaurants have expanded their open hours by 33% to accommodate customer demand to eat at 3 a.m. Sweatpants manufacturers do a happy dance (44)
(BBC) Asinine When it comes to driving, are you a Homer Simpson or a Mr. Spock? Anyway, it's all highly illogical (60)
(BBC) Misc China says it will "consider" any requests Taiwan makes for financial "aid" during the economic downturn. Then it will "laugh" (10)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Men may engage in risky behavior to attract females, also say things like "hol' maaah beer, y'all, 'n watch thee-yiss" (52)
(kenosha news) Obvious The kids at the Salem School are officially the most unpopular children in the county. Local newspaper announces lice outbreak using the terms "parasitic insect" and "creepy-crawlies" (22)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Florida church creates living Nativity scene, although they had to recruit the three wise men and a virgin from out of state (56)
(News.com.au) Sad Chinese face transplant patient suffers about-face (88)
(Some Guy) Florida Next time you're naked and police are asking you why you were trying to smother your girlfriend with a pillow be sure to grab the right jorts (62)
(The Sun) Strange 38-year-old woman hasn't seen her 18-year-old son for 14 years, finds him on social networking site. So they do the only logical thing and sleep with each other  T-Shirt (224)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tangerine tunnel (72)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Cool Hope comes back to Green Township, OH. Hope, the three-legged cat, that is. After being gone for seven weeks, it's a Caturday miracle (450)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Silly "...and at the end of the massages, the therapists grabbed the officers' genitals" leads to unhappy ending for massage parlor (81)
(News.com.au) Asinine The world's most spoiled dog has two luxury cars at his disposal, travels with a Louis Vuitton carrier bag, wears silk kimonos and Gucci collars, eats organic food, drinks mineral water, and gets a new toy everyday (94)
(BBC) Cool The Earth will soon welcome its first baby who is immune to breast cancer (132)
(AL.com) Dumbass Weaving in out of traffic at 100mph is a sure way to attract the attention of the police. Being drunk while doing it in front of Police Headquarters just takes the sport out it (14)
(Some Guy) Hero "It seems word is getting around that there's a crazy guy out there that knocks on doors and tries to sell vodka for the benefit of veterans." (32)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Followup California Supreme Court may nullify 18,000 same-sex marriages (470)
(TC Palm) Florida Jewish deli creates a 15-foot-high Hanukkah menorah made of kosher salami. "Head to toe, salami baby" (58)
(Reuters) Obvious Condi Rice: "You'd have to be an idiot to trust the North Koreans" (119)
(Yahoo) Obvious This photo is an amazing photo that shows how reporters can really get into what they're photographing and give you information that is great but also might be information which if thought about could be construed as other information that (87)
(Yahoo) Obvious The media thinks the media's obsession with the media's coverage of the media's influence on that shoe-thrower in the media might be bad news for the media, says the media (97)
(AP) Hero Oprah Winfrey named PETA's 'Person of the Year' (177)
(usnews.com) Obvious Osama....Terr'ist in disguise (54)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these faceted Christmas lights (57)
(AP) Obvious Feds say Tamiflu might not be as effective as you think. Also, "HeadOn" might also not actually cure headaches, and chiropractics can't cure diabetes (54)
(Detroit News) Unlikely Gilbert Gottfried banned from Brighton, Michigan (106)

Fri December 19, 2008
(MyFox Champaign) Florida Church counsels woman who is "living in sin," promises to keep her confessions confidential. Just kidding, they're going to tell the entire congregation next month (210)
(KSBY) Asinine Having solved all other problems, the city of San Luis Obispo considers banning smoking, wait for it, outside (182)
(WCBS 880) Amusing Nuns can put up with a lot, but stinky food? Get the lawyer (37)
(The Sun) Unlikely British doctors warn up to ten people a week are being hospitalized for Wii-itis and Wii-knees. Heh heh, Wii-knees  T-Shirt (99)
(Kansas City) Spiffy Inmate escapes from the third floor of the jail by scaling down the wall using Christmas lights (23)
(AP) Dumbass Lawyer arrested for giving his shackled client a piece of candy in court. "What are you going to do, arrest me?" (105)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Passed out drunk, with your emergency lights on, in front of a high school is no way to go through life officer (59)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool Every teacher in the school gets $10,000 check during a lunch honoring them (115)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSG mugshot roundup for Christmas: Saint Nicked (190)
(London Times) Amusing Sick of end-of-year newspaper lists of crap? Well, here's a roundup of the top 20 newspaper lists of 2008 (22)
(London Times) Misc Somebody broke the interwebs. India basically shut out totally. Good luck getting through to any tech support tonight (146)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida The key to surviving a gunshot wound is to get shot in the keys (28)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this startled creature (71)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Obvious Duke now sucks 19% more (37)
(WBIR.com) Dumbass The "Cross Dressing Bandit" has robbed three banks so far this month. What a drag (35)
(UPI) Interesting Roman Coliseum to host gladiator events. This is not a repeat from LXVIII  T-Shirt (154)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Police release photos of Florida bank robber. White male, mullet, wearing camo. Over two million sightings reported so far (74)
(Komo) Scary Two tour buses give scenic, upclose views of I-5 overpass (pics) (233)
(TC Palm) Florida High school food fight sends five teen girls to jail (89)
(Daily Express) Dumbass Shepherd can't afford a sheepdog...so he uses a giant poster of a wolf instead [pic] (102)
(Some Guy) Florida Robber threatens gas station employee with a tree branch. Hey it was a stick up  T-Shirt (52)
(CTV) Interesting Russia to cut arms if U.S. drops missile defence plans. Who knew Russia was emo?  T-Shirt (123)
(UPI) Obvious Most of Canada will have a white Christmas this year. And it'll probably snow a lot too (162)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Step 1: Build a new light rail system in Phoenix Arizona Step 2: Don't change old law limiting fares to five cents Step 3: Profit??...not likely (103)
(AFP) Cool Cash-strapped Australian traveler who borrowed 5 pounds from British man in 1969 repays loan; there isn't a whole lot of interest in this story (53)
(CNN) Followup Police confirm remains are Caylee Anthony (483)
(Newsday) Asinine The Grinches at the US Postal Service have suspended Operation Santa, where thousands of volunteers (used to) answer children's letters to Santa (178)
(WFTV) Asinine Man discovers hardware store failed to charge him $1.50 sales tax and decides to do the right thing and mail it directly to the IRS. IRS thanks the man by fining him $50 and threatening to prosecute him for stealing money from the state (171)
(Boston Herald) Obvious The Massachusetts workforce, much like your mother, decides to stay home after learning it could receive seven inches this afternoon (202)
(Philly) Asinine News: 13-year boy has sex in elementary school. Fark: It wasn't with a teacher. Farkier: The boy is the only one suspended (231)
(IC Press-Citizen) Followup Canadian mounties always get their man, Iowa City police always get their ninja (28)
(BBC) Sad Nearly one hundred dead in Toronto revenge killings (171)
(The Local (Germany)) Obvious German materials testing institute discovers firecrackers are dangerous. Bonus: The institute's name is BAM (29)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary You may not like your father-in-law, but, hey, at least he never told the FBI that you were an Al-Qaeda member because you pissed him off (55)
(Some Guy) Interesting Disabled man loses noble lawsuit against restaurant because he can't reach their soap or soda dispensers. Just kidding, Del Taco wants $100k legal fees because he has filed nearly 200 similar lawsuits earning over $60,000 in 2008 (140)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Researchers at Texas A&M drink a bunch of eggnog, say Santa's reindeer were probably steers, because only two things come out of Texas (51)
(Daily Mail) Cool Not content to walk the plank or become shark food, Chinese sailors fought off Somali pirates with Molotov cocktails. With cool pics of the action (232)
(Dallas News) Unlikely Debbie Downer hosts bar mitzvah at holocaust museum (89)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this parachute (47)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Some evil parents may be altering their child's behavior by forcing them to abuse cough medicine. Why can't they just get the kid diagnosed with ADHD and stuff them with Ritalin like all the other normal, responsible parents? (67)
(CNN) Followup Doctor who performed first U.S. face transplant says the patient is happy. He thinks. It's a little hard to tell (69)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Police publish nine "absolutely impossible" phrases for drunks, including "I'm not interested in fighting you", "No, no one wants to hear me sing", and "Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you" (113)
(Reuters) Interesting Study finds "good citizens" will torture if ordered. This is not a repeat from 1961, 1972, or 2005 (107)
(Some Guy) Interesting Today's "32 year old woman picks up 14 year old from school" story. This is Fark, so you know what happens next (75)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Spiffy On Tuesday while shopping at Home Depot, Gil found a wallet with almost $1000 in it and found the owner. Two days later at the same place he finds a bag of money and turns that in, too (92)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If you're a law school professor, don't hire a hooker. But if you do, don't hire a hooker who is a student there. If you must, however, try not to do something that will attract the attention of the police, like slapping her (107)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Rachael Ray writes recipe for dog magazine to promote her new line of dog food; magazine has to pull it when they realize it includes onions, which can be fatal to dogs (w/ pic - Ray is the one on the left) (214)
(WFTV) Strange Man protests higher property taxes by showing up at city-county office building wearing a sign that says "Property taxes gone wild" and paying his $21,300 bill in coins. That'll learn 'em (77)
(Sure, Go Ahead) Dumbass "Think the ice is thick enough yet?" "Let's drive the truck across it just to be sure" (42)
(Anchorage Daily News) Interesting Little Zamboni Palin-Johnson almost got to visit grandma in the White House. Now he gets to visit grandma in jail. No, the other grandma. For now (127)
(Telegraph) Amusing Had too much to drink tonight? Then have this free bag of condoms, bottled water, flip-flops, and lollipops, with our thanks for supporting the economy. Don't use them all at once (24)
(11 Alive) Scary One dead, many injured due to bridge collapse at Botanical Gardens in Atlanta (68)
(Yahoo) NewsFlash Bush administration rescuing auto makers with a 17 billion dollar bailout. Shoemakers not so much (528)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing If your Christmas lights decoration is visible from space, perhaps you need to tone it down a bit (83)
(USA Today) Interesting Shoe-thrower offered solemate (128)
(YouTube) VideoEdit Attention Photoshoppers: Videoedit your favorite creations of 2008. Link goes to example from last year (83)
(NYPost) Spiffy News: 92-year-old woman wins $1 million on scratch-off lottery ticket. Fark: Throws ticket away. Totalfark: Clerk double-checks ticket, gives it back to woman, saying "It would have been bad karma if I kept it" (177)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Margaret Thatcher nutcrackers, the Art of Napkin folding and the Barry Manilow snowglobe all feature on this list of worst presents ever. The only thing missing is the hot cocoa sampler box (96)
(Google) Fail If you steal gold from a pawn shop, it's probably a bad idea to try selling it back to the same pawn shop (15)
(Some Guy) Sad Deep Throat deep sixed  T-Shirt (170)
(People Magazine) Scary Michelle Duggar gives birth to her 18th child, Jordan-Grace Makiya Du...Breaking news: Michelle Duggar pregnant with 19th child  T-Shirt (507)
(Some Guy) Scary Bomb scare at University of Iowa, students evacuated, corn reported to be safe (51)
(Kansas City) Dumbass Missouri lawmaker files bill to officially declare Dec. 25 as "Christmas", himself as a dumbass (65)
(News.com.au) Strange Not news: convicted murderer angry about sentence. Fark: he thinks it should be longer (21)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Police secretly install GPS devices on their colleagues' vehicles to find out where they go all day. Answer: Home (64)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Advertising blimp, meet shotgun. Shotgun, this is advertising blimp (66)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this daft dive (48)
(Gizmodo) Weird Kosher food machine only serves 24/6 because it's shomer shabbos; Walter Sobchak approves, but this is f***ing weird, Dude (100)
(AJC) Cool Ever wanted your own White House? For only $9.8 million it can be yours, with only one downside, you are stuck living in Georgia (58)
(Some Guy) Fail Plane tries to land on a truck on the PA turnpike, charged highest toll for lost ticket. With pics (72)
(OK! Magazine) Strange Healthy hippo inexplicably turns bright pink overnight [pic] (92)
(Stuff) Fail Two 16-year-olds put plastic bags over their heads and attempt to rob store. They are fended off with a flyswat, spotted by their mom and it only gets worse from there (40)
(CSMonitor) Fail Why the US isn't having any more luck with Afghanistan than the Soviets did. You know, aside from the whole weakening our forces by splitting them in two to invade Iraq (336)

Thu December 18, 2008
(CNN) Florida Guy who found Caylee Anthony's skull called police three times, four months ago, directing them to the same location. Police reply it was hot then, and there were maybe snakes out there, and whatever, we're doing all we can, sir (139)
(BBC) Fail Fifty Israeli police officers injured by fellow officers playing the part of Palestinian rock-throwers during a training exercise in riot control (47)
(ESPN) Misc NASCAR settles harrassment/sex discrimination lawsuit for $225 million, or the cost of about twelve firey crashes (57)
(Independent) Asinine New code of conduct for teachers calls for them to be be fired for getting drunk on their own time (109)
(AP) Sad The United States, where all are equal, refuses to condemn anti-gay laws--the only Western nation to do so. That's change you can't believe in (675)
(Some Guy) Weird Man arrested for looking women's addresses up on Facebook and sending them packages with blank paper and Sharpie markers inside, in the most elaborate game of Win, Lose or Draw yet devised (62)
(SFGate) Asinine If you are in California and see someone drowning or in a burning car think twice because the California Supreme Court says you can be sued for injuring them during a rescue (170)
(The Consumerist) Sick In a late entry for scummiest company of the year: Insurance company claims that people who died in an office fire died due to "Pollution" in order to get out of paying the $25 million claim (101)
(Buffalo News) Scary First-grader takes a loaded handgun to school. If he asks you to swap lunches, you swap lunches (51)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman faces 10 years in prison for hacking mattress company's network. Sentence would have doubled if she had removed the tags (54)
(WSB TV) Sick 45-year-old female teacher gives "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" a new meaning with 13-year-old male student (with "I'd hit it" pic) (128)
(CNN) Scary USAF fails nuke inspection. Again (134)
(Houston Press) Asinine Cops get report of white prostitute, drive to wrong neighborhood, snatch 12-year-old black honor student from her front yard, beat her for resisting, arrest her for assaulting an officer. That's some fine police work, Lou (439)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop this locator listening (44)
(CBC) Sad She's dead, Jim (388)
(Fox News) Sick Woman tries to sell "gothic kittens" with ear, neck and tail piercings. Jailarity ensues (336)
(MSNBC) Stupid FBI agents picked up $45,000 in "overtime" pay for watching movies, working out and going to parties. Basically they got paid for being frat boys in Iraq (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting You know, it's a crazy idea, but it just might work: "58 percent of newspapers offered some form of user generated content in 2008 compared to 24 percent in 2007" (48)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass P-p-p-p-p-pro t-t-t-t-t-tip: If you st-st-st-st-stutter, d-d-d-d-d-don't r-r-r-r-rob your f-f-f-f-f-former employer (65)
(Boston Globe) Cool The past year, summed up in a stunning collection of the best photos you'll see in the next 26 minutes (188)
(Marketwatch) Cool "Beer is the new wine" (251)
(Telegraph) Stupid This week's story about a girl not knowing she was 9 months pregnant until she almost gave birth on a rollercoaster comes from Warwickshire, England (156)
(NJ.com) Asinine Having solved all of Jersey City's numerous problems, the mayor finally tackles that whole "lack of Christmas CDs" issue (40)
(Daily Herald) Dumbass If you're going to stick a camera in a women's restroom, don't take a picture of yourself in the process (35)
(Denver Post) Unlikely World's worst stripper making $18 a day due to the economy, can't pay heating bills (469)
(WTOP) Followup Our long national nightmare is over: 54-million-dollar-pants-guy loses his final appeal (241)
(TMZ) Sad Shark commits suicide by jumping on waterslide. Huh? (124)
(USA Today) Scary This is your Captain speaking. We'll be flying at 30,000 feet. The flight attendant will be serving refreshments soon, and, Oh yeah, I'm not qualified to land this airplane. Have a good flight (125)
(E! Online) Asinine NBC to auction tissue that Scarlett Johansson used to blow her nose. No, really (116)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange Woman who spent £1 on a plant at a boot sale has sold the glass container it came in for £32,000 (41)
(Yahoo) Obvious How [shop] do [buy] advertisements [want] work? [desire] Here [consume] comes [purchase] the [acquire] science (77)
(CNN) Sad "It's not easy to tell your child she has cancer." Stay tuned for next week's hard-hitting article, "It's not easy to pull a tractor with your foreskin" (80)
(Komo) Dumbass They're abandoning their cars and driving the wrong way on freeways. Hurricane evacuation? Nope, a few inches of snow fell in Seattle (226)
(Google) Spiffy People behind Rwandan genocide sentenced by UN to life in prison-- wait, you mean the UN actually did something? (154)
(Examiner) Cool "How Stuff Works" takes a look at beer, tonight at 8 p.m. on Discovery. Are you ready to get Duffed? (86)
(Some Golden Guy) Photoshop Theme: Create a poster for The Ultimate Oscar Winning Movie (113)
(WFTV) Sad Woman dangling from cable during Christmas show falls to her death. I don't mean to string you along, but wire reports say show has reached the end of its rope and all remaining performances have been cancelled (145)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Breaker breaker, Unstable CB Radio Addict here, they'll stop me from threatening that elderly couple over the air when the pry my cold, dead hand off the microphone (88)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Cultural differences #437: American kids give the class geek atomic wedgies and purple nurples. German kids use poison (72)
(Some Guy) Florida Man hit by stray bullet goes back to his job in real estate with the bullet still lodged in his skull, says given the current state of the housing market he needs to take time off like he needs another hole in the head (33)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Man goes on Listerine-fueled bender at Walmart. Fresh breathalarity ensues (59)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool Happy Free Shipping Day (42)
(NJ.com) Strange 72 people died in preventable hospital errors in NJ this year. That's bad. Hospitals say it's due to better reporting. That's good. But some hospitals didn't report at all, and the toppings contain potassium benzoate (75)
(11 Alive) Weird "I have to say it is the first cow I have ever hit in 22 years' flying" (60)
(Globe and Mail) Dumbass People, please. Armored car trumps pellet gun EVERY TIME. Got that? (21)
(WFTV) Florida Looks like the police got some more prostitutes off the streets. Let's check out these hot...OH, GOD, MY EYES. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? (213)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny state bans use of "obese" in letters home to fat little snowflakes (178)
(Yahoo) Obvious Dept. of Research into the Blindingly Obvious wants us to know that drunk driving accidents are more prevalent during the holiday season. Pass the eggonog, Einstein (35)
(Yahoo) Strange Tumor in boy's brain discovered to be a foot. Well ain't that a kick in the head (162)
(London Times) Cool Great. There will be no living with Dan Brown now (108)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass We are sorry your son died in the Marines but we mean to get back the $53,144 college loan. Love, Sallie Mae (247)
(NW Florida Daily News) Weird Husband punches through wife's rear (73)
(Citizen Times) Sappy Best Secret Santa, free advertising story this week (28)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Judge's daughter sues truck driver she rear-ended and 15 other defendants for negligence in the death of her boyfriend, despite the fact she was drunk and tested three times the legal limit after the accident (230)
(WLWT) Dumbass Ole Miss coach breathes in Cincinnati air, goes all Chris Henry on cab driver (65)
(Toronto Star) Hero In these tough economic times Chief Justice of Ontario hosts filet mignon dinner - for 600 homeless people in Toronto (116)
(Boston Globe) Followup Authorities scrambling to find stolen truck full of eggs, hope to crack the case soon, poach the perpetrators (32)
(My Fox DC) Sad Granddaughter of the world's richest man can't afford cable TV, DTV converter box for regular TV (279)
(Telegraph) Amusing Monopoly banned for British Royal family: The Queen doesn't like to be reminded she doesn't own it all anymore (49)
(11 Alive) Dumbass Bank robbers leave the bank an early Christmas gift - detailed photos of themselves shopping in the sporting goods store next door (7)
(News.com.au) Scary Eight-foot crocodile spotted near Darwin playground. Probability of future Fark headlines is high, I repeat, high (30)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Knife, knife, knife, knife, knife-wound hits me so hard. Makes me say,"Oh my lord, thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet." Stop. Hammertime (82)
(Google) Interesting Fed releases proposed list of new credit card rules, which strangely don't include: live within your means, dumbass, pay off your bills, dumbass, and most importantly: read the farking terms of agreement. Dumbass (417)
(Some Guy) Strange Police respond to 911 call about man who's been flying American flag upside down (182)
(Telegraph) Amusing A new collection of weird words and phrases from around the world. Stroitelmitter thinks there are some particularly good ones (92)
(I swear I'm 5'6") Weird Yeah, yeah, a guy was tortured with barbecue tongs. But more importantly, 5'5" is considered "very short?" (483)
(BBC) Cool Bbrriittiisshh TTVV vviieewweerrss ccoommee oonnee sstteepp cclloosseerr ttoo hhaavviinngg 33DD tteelleevviissiioonn bbrrooaaddccaassttss  T-Shirt (33)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Mum tries to buy pedigree puppy for her young son...online...from Cameroon...for a real bargain price...and wonders why she is still waiting to get her money back (40)
(TC Palm) Florida You suspect your husband is cheating on you. Do you A) Ask him and trust that he'll be honest? B) Secretly check his cell phone for suspicious calls? C) Demand to smell his genitals? (152)
(TC Palm) Florida It's never a good idea to download child porn to your laptop...and then leave it in your patrol car (51)
(Reuters) Obvious 35 arrested over Iraqi coup plot. And what rhymes with coup? Shoe. The connection is clear (67)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Officer asks to see man's identification, receives a bag of marijuana. Whoops, wrong pocket (41)
(St. Petersburg Times) Sad Sign of the times: 136 people apply for 3 available $9.50/hour landfill jobs. "I actually had some people down on their knees begging me." (249)
(Some Guy) Weird Three people killed by Japanese foot farkin' master (28)
(USA Today) Strange Feds release "Zagat-like" ratings for US Nursing homes. Food: 17; Diaper Changing: 15; Sponge Baths: 28 (24)
(1010WINS) Hero Pit bull, sick and with her leg in a cast, saves her family's home by chasing out intruders. Runs into and hides in the woods, afraid to come back. Your dog is organizing a rescue party (116)
(The Earth Times) Interesting Why being a lighthouse keeper is the most hellish job on earth, despite the fact it pays $100,000 a year and your boss is an airplane flight away: "There is a lot of isolation" (102)
(Some Tfette) Caption Caption these two royal fillies (41)
(Las Vegas Now) Strange News: school cancelled tomorrow because of snow. Fark.com: in Las Vegas (169)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop this chamber of horrors (69)
(Some Guy) Stupid Jewish mom complains about her son having to sing Christmas songs with religious overtones like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (234)
(The Tennessean) Dumbass Woman goes shopping and leaves baby to guard vehicle. Smart decision..... there's been a lot of theft this year (33)
(USA Today) Sad Town of 13,000 lays off more than half its population. Not workforce population, total population (135)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 189: "Still Life" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (226)

Wed December 17, 2008
(CBS Salt Lake City) Strange Bad: You're addicted to cigarettes but you don't have any. Good: You find someone who will give you a pack, but first you must drink a warm beer and eat a live snake. Bad: Now you're addicted to warm beer and live snakes (41)
(Telegraph) Scary Pet monkey beats his owner with a stick. Damned, dirty ape (76)
(National Post) Followup Ice caused ski lift collapse. In all fairness, who would expect freezing temperatures and ice at a ski resort. In Canada (70)
(MSNBC) Weird Human-sized heart found at car wash. In related news, doctors at a local hospital are trying to figure out how to transplant a roll of quarters and a hot wax into a cardiac patient (54)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Muslim waitress says she was fired for refusing to wear a 'sexually available' red dress. "If you put this dress on, you might as well be naked." (295)
(Livenews) Asinine Harvard scientists "shatter the belief" that Coke can be used as spermicide. In other news, there was a belief that Coke could be used as spermicide. Still no cure for cancer (87)
(Some Guy) Florida Most dangerous parts of America revealed by "Death Map. For once Florida doesn't look so bad (108)
(Some Guy) Stupid World's dumbest police impersonator arrested after pulling over someone and using Chipotle gift card as police ID (w/ pic) (37)
(Thum Gii) Cool Jerman def-moots haff a noo skoul... I THAID, JERMAN DEF-MOOTS HAFF A NOO SKOUL (40)
(Reuters) Misc Massachusetts get $16 million for the naming rights of the sky is falling tunnel (47)
(CNN) News Chrysler to shut down all plants for a month, apparently to try and figure out how to produce a car that doesn't suck. Good luck with that (331)
(AP) Stupid Please President Bush, if you pardon our son, we'll take away his Wii, and ground him for a year (169)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Northwestern University mistakenly sends acceptance letter to rejectees. Surprisingly, it's not the psych school (45)
(New York Daily News) Obvious And so it begins: Protestor at board meeting inspired by Iraqi who threw shoes at Bush (89)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Man writes check on roll of toilet paper to pay for ticket he thought was unjust. Police haul him into court, and then as we like to say around here, things got weird (pic) (50)
(Huffington Post) Obvious John Edwards' mistress is broke and living in New Jersey. She's also not certain which is the worse fate (68)
(Reuters) Spiffy Sarah Palin named among runners-up for TIME Person of the Year -- which by rule makes Tina Fey at least third (92)
(Sign On San Diego) Sick A 65 year old man and a 20 year old women have discovered that molesting minors is a sure fire way to get coal in their stockings. Molesting miners, same thing (70)
(AOL) Fail Planning on giving tickets to the Humanitarian Bowl as a Xmas present? Better hurry, "As of Monday afternoon Maryland says it's sold about 16 tickets to the game. Nevada says it's sold 8 so far." (103)
(Slate) Obvious "Before we get too weepy about lost journalistic jobs and folded publications, let's ask how often reporters lamented the decline of other industries, products, and services swamped by the digital typhoon" (125)
(Some Mom) Photoshop Photoshop this Farkette's son about to ignore the sign (73)
(Some Guy) Florida Kids, always remember that a loaded gun is not something you bring to show and tell (25)
(Some Illinosian) Fail Illinois AG: Let's pretend that Blagojevich is physically incapable of holding office. Illinois Supreme Court: You're retarded, go away (81)
(3 News New Zealand) Stupid Rival cobblers claim credit for shoes hurled at Bush (72)
(RedOrbit) Scary Chinese man was killed by rocket, not lightning, as was discovered when rocket detonated during cremation (51)
(WIOD) Florida In an attempt to make a stealth and inconspicuous car theft, man steals hearse... parked outside of a funeral (36)
(WLWT) Dumbass Robbery ends quickly when robber tells clerk "Never mind, I'm drunk" and leaves (23)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Store refuses to sell Christmas crackers to student because they're "an explosive risk" and she couldn't prove she was over 16 (76)
(Reuters) PSA Bad news: economy's in the tank. Good news: cheap beavers (41)
(ABC Raleigh-Durham) Dumbass If you forget and leave your drugs at the mall food court, maybe it's not the best idea to go to security to reclaim them (20)
(Livenews) Interesting Italian scientists find the G-spot in 25% of women. The other 75% were left smiling politely and trying not to hurt their feelings (253)
(Some Guy) Hero McDonald's cashier laughs at and then tells the man trying to rob the place to get a job (99)
(SFGate) Interesting 1,500 parakeets rescued from an apartment. That's 3000 keets (68)
(Denver Post) Cool Economy may be down, but alcohol sales remain steady. "Historically, beer has been a fairly recession-proof category." (137)
(The Tennessean) Obvious Police in Franklin, TN looking for things to steal in cars, leaving "crime prevention" cards. Criminals in Franklin looking for cars with Crime Prevention cards, thank for police for making their work easier (82)
(Daily Mail) Cool Best ever Christmas Toy: RC Tank that can pull your car. Suck it, Nerf Crossbow Set (117)
(MSNBC) Obvious Hoping to get bailed out, GM halts construction of Chevy Volt engine factory. Hummer engines still rolling out en masse (189)
(Politico) Interesting American Society of Newspaper Editors proposes removing the N-word from its name (30)
(Google) Unlikely 67 percent of pet owners say they understand and even talk to their pets. The other 33 percent have already been committed (168)
(RedOrbit) Silly Woman loses her two emus, but thankfully is hot on the case with reported sightings like "the birds chased down bicyclists on a nature path" and "your Texas turkey is back here." (28)
(SLTrib) Weird What to do about unfair bank fees? Why, abolishing the separation of church and state would be a good start. But really, it's all the fault of the extraterrestrials anyway. Where's my coffee? (36)
(Reuters) Followup In honor of the near-miss, Egyptian man offers his daughter in marriage to the Iraqi shoe-thrower (206)
(CNN) Amusing CNN says this is big news (screencap) (124)
(WTAM) Misc Worst...Stormtrooper costume...ever (151)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Stuck on the tracks? Train approaching? Let's call 911 instead of getting out of the car, shall we? Tag is for the driver (153)
(CBS New York) Followup CBS asks, "Who Will Vouch For Bernard Madoff?" If by "vouch" they mean "spit fire and hurl giant herpe-infested turds at," subby is in (46)
(Breitbart.com) Unlikely President of Bolivia urges all Latin American countries to expel US ambassadors until the embargo on Cuba is ended or Jimmy Smits gets another prime-time series (97)
(Some Guy) Asinine Grand jury refuses to indict 17 year-old for sex with 14 year-old girlfriend. Prosecutor prosecutes anyway, and the boy is jailed. Grand jury foreman reads about it in the newspaper, and gets conviction tossed. Prosecutor charges him again (286)
(London Times) Followup Having failed to secure bail money, Bernard Madoff will be forced to stay at his $7 million apartment between 7pm and 9am each day. OH THE HUMANITY (78)
(BBC) Fail Russia is going to send free MIGs to Lebanon, to help create stability in the region (117)
(BBC) Asinine South Korea does its best North Korea impression by sending actress to jail for eight months for adultery (119)
(USA Today) Followup Blagojevich: Want to 'tell my side of the story' ..... to whoever pays the most for my story (59)
(The Raw Story) Interesting Swimming trunks? $25. Bottle of scotch? $60. The director of the CIA in the pool of a Saudi prince, ranting drunkenly about neocons and Jews? Priceless (122)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Latest victim of the collapsing economy. A half million dollar ring worth $250k was stolen. Be on lookout for man in mid 15's about 3 ft 1in tall (62)
(Denver Channel) Ironic Tom Cruise stalker sent to psychiatric hospital for treatment (59)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange University of Houston's Downtown campus will get name change, but still undecided. Let's give them some suggestions (voting enabled) (140)
(My Fox) Asinine And the Golden Douchebag Award goes to: The NY traffic cop that ticketed Santa while he was passing out gifts to children (68)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's here: Top 20 mug shots of 2008, courtesy of The Smoking Gun (220)
(Newsday) Obvious Annual media fearmongering: Christmas trees are a fire hazard and could kill us all (65)
(SFGate) Scary Thief cuts through fence at highway patrol office, breaks into patrol cars, steals semiautomic rifle and ammunition. Police are looking for a well-armed fugitive pushing a wheelbarrow containing his balls (76)
(Some Guy) Fail When experts suggest you should be more involved in your kids' activities, they don't mean driving the get-away van (10)
(Philly) Amusing If you live in Toronto and haven't received your ceremonial African carvings packed with a leafy green substance, the police would like a word with you (39)
(WRAL) Florida Armed men break into house, check. Men demand homeowner's eggbeater, check. Men leave without taking anything else, check. "Florida" tag, check (79)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Why Rahm Emanuel has been on lock down by the Obama camp since the Blago scandal has erupted -- he's on 21 taped conversations with Blago discussing Obama's Senate replacement (770)
(Daily Mail) Amusing British company makes Christmas card you can eat. Tastes better than most other British food (45)
(WBBM) Dumbass Naw baby it's cool, the media is out to get me, i never killed anybody, no not my last three wives, baby it's me Drew Peterson, i love you lets get married. "OK" says the 23 year old (254)
(CNN) Followup Officer from YouTube cyclist video pleads not guilty, in the process he gets nominated for douche of the year award (381)
(Local6) Spiffy For the third year in a row, coin worth $1,000 dropped into Salvation Army kettle allowing the Sally Ann to save a beloved local UHF station from Channel 9 (109)
(Metro) Interesting Dolphin army in training for full scale amphibious attack. EVERYBODY PANIC (102)
(postbulletin) Interesting ♬ When you're sprayed in the face ♪ with UV dye and mace ♩ that's a failed attempted robbery of a pizza delivery woman in the upper midwest ♬ (27)
(UPI) Obvious Airborne "cold remedy" settles $7 million lawsuit, agrees to stop claiming it does anything except taste like fizzy ass (165)
(Some Guy) Amusing The Night Before Christmas: ASBO edition (29)
(WSBTV) Amusing Not News: Thieves robs a game trading store. Fark: Two teens do not notice while playing in-store demo (56)
(UPI) Amusing Dutch dictionary company asks Web site visitors to vote on word of the year, gets Dic-rolled (44)
(Yahoo) Amusing Wacky things that get dropped on New Year's Eve; your mom's inhibitions strangely absent (48)
(Nola.com) Obvious Detroit all butt hurt. No this is not a repeat from every thirty minutes for the last month (142)
(Metro) Spiffy Newly discovered Christmas manuscript lets you party like it's 0399. Otters' noses and ocelot spleens optional (42)
(STLToday) Interesting New cyber-bullying law gets its first test with a 21 yr-old woman who sent threatening text messages to a 16 yr-old girl, also poured a can of beans on her car roof after pelting it with eggs & thumbtacks (101)
(London Times) Interesting Competition to find hottest Asian hot chick ends in scandal as wrong Asian hot chick selected as hottest Asian ho....awww hell, you're already over there looking for pictures, aren't you? (386)
(Reuters) Unlikely Japan concerned about marijuana use "because it is spreading in places like colleges, where it hardly existed before" (64)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool Obama named Time's "Person of the Year"; critics of the choice want proof that Obama is, in fact, legally a "person" (257)
(Cleveland) News Cleveland: 42-inch water main broken, several pumping stations down. But the river isn't on fire. Yet (56)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Interesting The Age's biggest online stories of 2008. Subby wants to know why #17 had to be written in the first place (36)
(Flickr) Photoshop ♫ Take me back to my boat on the river ♫ I need to go down, I need to come down ♫ Take me back to my boat on the river ♫ And I won't cry out any more ♫ (48)
(Some Guy) Florida Nine year old girl handing out cough drops accused of selling drugs at school, smelling mediciny (78)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Local residents grab rakes and brooms, sweep up all the leaves on their street, filling twelve bags. Council thanks them by charging them $66 to pick up and dispose of the bags. Each (61)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Strange Authorities throughout New England were advised to be on the lookout for an unmarked truck transporting eggs. That should go ova well (22)
(BBC) Cool Syrians invent lingerie which springs open for loud noises. I SAID, IT OPENS FOR LOUD NOISES (93)
(KFWB News 980) Interesting Given their success at preventing massive civil unrest, the L.A. Sheriff's Department are being deployed to help with crowd control at Obama's inauguration to ensure Obama is treated like a King  T-Shirt (43)
(Gizmodo) Amusing 30 different ways you can die from electrocution. Be careful where you pee (60)
(Livenews) Amusing Qantas staff member slapped by passenger banned from flying for 24 hours but not charged. "You would be charged with assault if you did that on the street. But if you do it at the airport there's a level of acceptance" (48)
(Some Guy) Strange Man subdues the woman who stabbed him by sitting on her. Yes, they were drinking together (7)
(MSNBC) Sad ♫ Grandma got abducted by three hoodlums/ theft is what they wanted to achieve/ Nothing that they did can be compared to / the pounding in the ass they will receive ♫ (73)
(Spiegel) Caption Caption this Christmas scene (56)
(Boston Globe) Cool The best Greek riot photos of the year (371)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Not News: Man gets drunk on overseas flight. News: Man beats wife on plane. FARK: Couple sues airline for overserving him (49)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Swedish town to implement new 'Soylent Green' heating system  T-Shirt (45)
(Fox News) Spiffy It may soon be legal to use yellow margarine in Missouri. But this could still go either way. It's on the knife's edge  T-Shirt (53)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Judge orders new trial for murder suspect because he had the worst attorney ever. "Everyone on the jury agreed. We were saying, 'I hope this guy wasn't getting paid much'" (51)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Driver that killed old man blames "Top Gear" (91)
(The Scotsman) Asinine Having solved all of the world's problems, scientists study whether or not sharks enjoy listening to Christmas pop songs (46)
(Daily Mail) Interesting British engineers say the reason the Millennium Bridge was so woobly was because pedestrians were walking like somebody from a Monty Python sketch (61)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bubble eater (49)
(WTOP) Stupid Not News: Man fires shotgun at deer, misses. News: hits daycare center 270 yards away, breaks window. Fark: is to be criminally prosecuted even though he was outside 150 yard safety zone (251)
(CNN) Scary When taking a scenic mountain gondola ride at a ski resort, did you ever wonder what might happen if say, a freaking tower were to crack in half? (with pics) (92)
(Wordpress) Interesting 12 most common beer myths debunked (270)

Tue December 16, 2008
(Some gaping bird) Amusing Man caught stealing 4,000 bags of stuffing. Judge gives him a one-year supply of same  T-Shirt (30)
(Fox News) Scary Old and busted: RON PAUL. New, er, hotness: RU PAUL (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police say a man in a wheelchair broke into an Italian restaurant four times in one week and stole cash and $40 bottles of wine. That's just how he rolls  T-Shirt (38)
(Washington Post) Stupid Afraid they might stifle the dreams of precious snowflakes who are less academically inclined, Maryland school district decides to stop putting students who get higher grades on the honor-roll (266)
(Telegraph) Obvious Man survives nine days stuck in Outback; never wants to see a bloomin' onion again (61)
(Some Guy) Cool Chest hair making a comeback. You're not gonna need more wax. Subby's sweater does come in a V-neck (285)
(CBS New York) Scary If you like beer and movies and mp3s and limousines and jewelry and clothes and boats and sugary drinks and satellite radio and cable TV, don't live in New York (337)
(Guardian.com) Strange If you have a habit of peeing in closets, jumping through windows, eating beans on toasts or singing loudly while sleeping, you're not alone (87)
(PhysOrg.com) Obvious Want to save on fuel costs? Remove that big spare tire from your car. No,not that one - the one around your middle, tubby (125)
(Spike) Misc 10 most important mustaches...EVER (273)
(MSNBC) Stupid If it looks like a bomb, if it ticks like a bomb, it must be a hoax, right? Hey, guys, let's open this... BOOM (114)
(Vancouver Sun) Ironic Gay teenagers at higher risk of pregnancy. You're doing it wrong (165)
(Q104.3) Amusing How you open your Christmas presents reveals your personality. But what about if you don't celebrate Christmas? Well I guess you don't have a personality (83)
(AP) Interesting Toilet-maker pledges to repair electric bidets that overheated and emitted vapors; customers skeptical, believe the company is blowing smoke up their asses  T-Shirt (62)
(BBC) Obvious Must be about time for the media to start running stories warning that burglars are breaking into houses to steal Christmas presents. Yup, there it is (37)
(nbc5.com) Amusing Woman sues doctor because having a baby hurts a lot (295)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this almost too tall tree (45)
(SeattlePI) Fail Man sets fire to cover his burglary. Police still discover the crime using clues, such as his burnt corpse (64)
(Reuters) Obvious 2008 set to be the coolest year since 1997, despite the fact that Nickelback released a new album  T-Shirt (264)
(BBC) Obvious Ric Romero lets you know that watching lots of romantic comedies can give you delusional expectations of love and relationships (228)
(CBS New York) Silly Arrest warrant issued for man who legally paid his $56 traffic fine with 112 rolls of pennies (442)
(Charlotte) Fail Spelling bee champ is honored at a middle school with a big entrance sign that misspells his name (82)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny State leaving tens of thousands of CCTV cameras unmonitored because it can't afford to pay people to watch them (67)
(Boing Boing) Amusing The 9 best shoe tossing animated gifs on the internets (so far) (137)
(It's Texas, y'all) Obvious DALLAS is UNDER ATTACK. MYSTERY SUBSTANCE FALLING FROM SKY. GOD HELP US ALL. SEND BOTTLED WATER, AMMO, PLYWOOD, GENERATORS FAST. WE DON'T HAVE LONG TO LIVE (310)
(CBS Miami) News Fed cuts interest rates to 0 to 0.25 percent (254)
(Washington Post) Interesting Mumbai terrorists revealed their motives during a phone call: The 1992 demolition of a mosque, the battle over Kashmir, and the cancellation of "Pushing Daisies" (54)
(Reuters) Weird What's more surprising, the fact that Kirk Douglas has a blog or that he's 92 years old? (76)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Blind man kicked out of Indian restaurant after owner complains the animal offended his Muslim beliefs. Your dog wants vindaloo (290)
(Telegraph) Interesting Faulty gene causes some drunks to be angry. What are you lookin' at? Yea, well you're ugly (116)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Sexy french maid costume for teen comes with mini-dress, pink satin apron and garter which is made from "Best Quality Material with your child in mind." Condom purse optional (210)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Stupid: Pointing gun at loaded school bus. Fark: Pointing it at the bus carrying your seven-year-old daughter (with mugs) (38)
(Metro) Amusing Taiwanese man arrested for snatching politicians wig. In other news, Taiwanese politicians are a lot furrier than previously thought (13)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange List of insults from around the world. Americans, check out number 10. It's a real head-scratcher (516)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest pictures of a 20-story deep underground city in Turkey you'll see today. Sadly, only the first eight stories open to the public due to concerns about preservation, goblin infestations, Balrogs (121)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting President-Elect Obama and his entourage have such secret service code names as PEOTUS (Obama), FLEOTUS (Michelle), and the lesser-known CLETUS (governor of Alabama) (76)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Homeowner told by association that he can't park his pickup in his driveway. Judge to HOA: not so fast, biatches (227)
(The Local (Germany)) Interesting Expats rank Germany best place to find love, scheiße pr0n (63)
(MSNBC) Strange Latest funeral trend: Burying loved ones with Blackberrys and iPods, calling the phones during the funeral (133)
(Daily Mail) Stupid British woman forced to travel 250 miles between 4 hospitals to give birth. Hooray socialized health care (158)
(Fox News) Followup Iraqi journalist who threw shoes at President Bush has been turned over to the Iraqi military after suffering a broken arm and broken ribs from falling down some stairs (389)
(ABC Action News) Florida Spitting is now legal in Sarasota. Lugi McHockenflem seen breathing a sigh of relief (30)
(WBBM) Dumbass Another example of the bad economy, or, more likely, just bad judgement and lack of holiday cheer (14)
(Sky News) Cool French wines surrender to US plonk in the battle to destroy British livers (74)
(CBS Philadelphia) Scary Man arrested for plotting to castrate his ex-son-in-law. Going through with that takes balls  T-Shirt (40)
(The Onion) Satire "$700 Billion Bailout Celebrated With Lavish $800 Billion Executive Party." This only counts as satire because no-one's got photos yet (36)
(Canoe) Stupid Mall Santa outraged that some parents take pictures of their kids sitting on his lap without paying him (73)
(Denver Channel) Obvious This Just In: Staying Warm A Challenge In Frigid Temps. Rick Romero decides he's not going out in this farking weather (23)
(AFP) Dumbass Social Darwinism example #17: wanted criminals continue to maintain Facebook pages (31)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Fail She got arrested for drunk driving in a McDonald's drive-thru, but at least she got some fries with that DUI (45)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Colonoscopies not as useful as believed, unless you're using them to stretch your turd cutter or enjoy setting off car alarms with flatulence while departing hospital (88)
(Manchester Evening News) Dumbass If your'e claiming state benefits on the grounds you can't walk, it's probably best not to be photographed taking part in a 10k run. The whole TV show thing was probably a mistake too (38)
(Newsday) Weird Top three concerns for a Long Island legislature: Teen heroin use, the diner's daily lunch specials and sales of candy cigarettes (37)
(Adweek) Weird Playboy and Skoal celebrating their 55th and 75th birthdays together. That's a whole lot of sticky juice. Possibly Not safe for work naked chick whose bits are covered in Skoal cans (65)
(Reuters) Obvious Your annual "how can Santa deliver all those toys in one night" story has finally arrived. Someone should write a book about lazy reporting (45)
(CNN) Stupid Obama to name Chicago school chief as Education Secretary since the Chicago school district is a shining example of efficiency and higher learning (339)
(AP) Sad "Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is for my relative to stop molesting me." Jailarity ensues (181)
(CNN) Stupid The cure to a slow news day? Run an 8 month old murder story with no new evidence. It's not news, it's Nancy Grace (55)
(Some Dumb Cop) Fail Academy 101: When working one accident and you discover an "abandoned" vehicle from a previous accident its good form to search the vehicle for a potentially dead driver. Or you could just tow it. Mighty find police work there, Lou (55)
(TC Palm) Florida Adam Walsh case may finally be solved (103)
(Some Sezz) Interesting If you were to read one news piece today about a female geek living in Las Vegas who is a Totalfarker, survivor of breast cancer, out to find a job despite this recession, etc etc, this is the one (139)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Before you implement a brand new £55M computer system, it's always advisable to double check that its interface actually uses a language that you speak (48)
(Time) Interesting A history of safe sex. Alligator dung is spermicide? How'd Egyptians figure that out? (60)
(SFGate) Followup Obama officially names physicist Steven Chu as Energy Secretary. That's Δx/Δy you can believe in (331)
(AP) Interesting Fed Reserve ready to slash already nearly non-existent interest rates to .....uh..... minus eleventy (113)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Kitties and Beer (76)
(Telegraph) Amusing If you ever find yourself arrested for speeding and debating whether or not to steal the officer's car, make sure that your original passenger can't tell them where you live (11)
(Cracked) Interesting Six insane discoveries science cannot explain (396)
(The Local (Germany)) Stupid Don't wonder when standing at a red light and being "contacted" by the skinhead in the next car... it's probably your "Nazi coded" license plate (110)
(CBS Sacramento) Amusing City officials unamused after residents say their new addition to intersection corners look somewhat phallic. "By God, they're penises. And it's a nice sturdy one at that." (109)
(Reuters) Interesting Mental health experts say the economic downturn spurs rash behavior and "survival panic" for those suffering from spending withdrawal. Suggest they just close their eyes, relax and say "owemmm" (43)
(MDN) Sad Man thrown into the air in celebration at retirement party doesn't live long enough to retire. Butterfingers (46)
(BBC) Scary French police disarm multiple explosives found in Paris department store. Since the bombs were placed near the deodorant section, police say they have no idea how long the bombs have been there. Months, at least (38)
(Newsday) Sick Police catch Long Island PTA mom half-dressed and making out with a 13-year-old boy. An obviously blind 13-year-old boy (85)
(3 News New Zealand) Spiffy Nevermind the dog's bollocks - vets are putting the 'man' back into man's best friend  T-Shirt (48)
(BBC) Misc Pinochet museum opens in Santiago, receives Chile reception  T-Shirt (54)
(MTV) Amusing Halo-themed wedding planned by video game fans. Master Chief to officiate, Mastur Bation to resume for groom in 6 months (76)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious Police charge woman with "sly-grogging". That's right, "sly-grogging" (68)
(The Sun) Cool Interesting: Family brings home a 35 foot Christmas tree. Difficulty: House is only 30 feet tall. The Sun is there with the solution (58)
(Mirror.co.uk) Fail Worker steals £19k in Lotto scratchcards, and wins £50. Tag is for her, and everyone else who wastes money on lotteries (138)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this power supply (69)
(NJ.com) Followup Large breasted Giants fan asked to cover up. Submitter did you a favor and found a link with pictures. If 'large breasted' and 'pictures' doesn't buy a greenlight, it is the end of Fark as we know it (229)

Mon December 15, 2008
(AL.com) Asinine Alabama governor decides ignorance is cheaper, cuts public education funds the most in 48 years (309)
(Some Guy) Florida Man steals a fridge full of urine samples from a probation office to destroy his own tainted sample. Probation officers really pissed off (40)
(Telegraph) Interesting Snorers burn more calories says article in journal of "otolaryngology"--which oddly enough, is exactly what submitter sounds like when he snores (42)
(UPI) Silly Concerned over bears who roam too close to homes, parks and businesses, Anchorage is considering hiring a "bear cop" (81)
(CNN) Scary "Iraq crud" is the new Desert Storm Syndrome. Cough, cough (162)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Scary You bang? (167)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state bans Christian cross from chapel in case it upsets Muslims (231)
(WFTV) Florida Meter reader, who found alleged Caylee Anthony's skull & bones, ineligible for $5000 reward because he called 911 first, not crime tip line (125)
(Google) Weird Peruvian drugs agents intercept 3 ton shipment of cocaine mixed with bat guano for shipment. If only there was a phrase to describe quite how insane this plan was (66)
(Weekly World News) Amusing Dalai Lama defends Playgirl Tibet's sexy Buddha cover: "The physical world doesn't exist, so why get upset?" (125)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida "What's that officer? This isn't a nude beach? Maybe I should drop my shorts. Oh, yeah..I'll kill you." (with still-drunk mugshot) (51)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Egg stealing gay penguins given the opportunity to be fathers. Turn out to be the best parents in the zoo (128)
(Some Guy) PSA Farker Hulkster's remote control Christmas display to raise money for Celiac disease is up and running. Needs votes to win KFC contest. Details on the page somewhere, damned if I can find it though -Drew (138)
(Hot Air) Fail Obama: "When Blagojevich and I met on Nov. 5 to talk about my Senate seat, we didn't meet and we didn't talk about my Senate seat." Media: "Well, that makes perfect sense. Case closed" (687)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man and his bridge (60)
(WCBS 880) Caption Caption Jessica Simpson (171)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida The holidays are a truly magical time when everyone comes together to detain a purse snatcher for the cops (24)
(24 hours Vancouver) Cool You can now have a beer at the movies in Toronto (96)
(Sheboygan Press) Amusing If you're going to pretend to rob pretend Santa's pretend train, make sure you use pretend bullets (17)
(CNN) Interesting "Sex under the northern lights is an amazing experience," and other misleading quotes to get people to vacation in Yellowknife (75)
(WBBM) Followup Ill Guv's wife to neighbors: 'Dear Neighbor, My husband and I would like to apologize to you and your family for the media barrage that has descended on our neighborhood.'' but not for trying to sell that Senate seat so f-off (47)
(23/6) Amusing Questions for the Secret Service: 1) Shouldn't you have jumped in front of that shoe? 2) Or at least the second shoe? (290)
(The Morning Call) Stupid Thieves steal $100,000, 1,200 lb., antique, religious statue, chop it up for scrap and sell it for $952 (73)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Nittany Lion mascot named Sheep gets DUI. Might lose scholarship and go on the lamb. In other news, there is a scholarship for mascots (50 one-armed push-ups required) (63)
(Some Guy) Amusing Two year old breaks into Family Dollar to play with toys. As this happened in Texas, he will be sentenced to life (103)
(Cracked) Scary The 6 deadliest creatures that can fit in your shoe (180)
(Daily Mail) Asinine In America they ring annoying bells. In the UK the Salvation Army rattle donation cans...well, they used to...until some asshat worried it might offend other religions (127)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida At this year's Chumuckla Redneck Christmas Festival, expect some redneck fishing, a mullet toss and cow patty bingo. Isn't redneck fishing just fishing? (40)
(The New Yorker) Scary Stumbled across some plutonium or U-235? Here's what you do next (128)
(Some Crazy-Ass Nazi) Dumbass Parents crushed because cruel store refuses to make birthday cake for their little 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell. Siblings JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Himler Jeannie Campbell too young for comment (520)
(The Morning Call) Strange Not news: Subway employees run out the back door after a would-be robber demands money. Fark: the robber doesn't know what the hell to do and runs out the front door (13)
(Reuters) Followup Mugabe: I don't understand why the microbes don't respond to my threats. France: Maybe because you won't let in our aid workers (63)
(AP) Ironic Anti-kidnapping expert gets kidnapped while on his way to give advice on how to stop kidnapping (56)
(LV Review Journal) Weird Snow forecast for Las Vegas today. Hilton Sports Book taking odds on when the milk and bread will run out (36)
(23/6) Obvious Bush's handling of the shoe-toss incident is far and away his most measured, calm, and reasonable response to a crisis on record (253)
(CNN) Followup Reporter who threw shoes at Bush tossed in jail, begs for mercy on his soles (208)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this chain gang (32)
(FARK) Amusing Headlines of the week, 12/8 through 12/14: autism, magnet swallowing, Greece fires, and a little dig at Boston because we never forgot 1/31/07. Bonus: Drew explains why there's so much SEX in the news lately (35)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Third guy over the last month arrested in Florida for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend. Coincidence? With mug shot goodness (94)
(AP) Misc Time Warner Cable to distribute 2009 calendars, expected to arrive sometime between 2009 and 2011  T-Shirt (48)
(News.com.au) Followup Shoeter gets bravery award (224)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Tickle-Me Elmo facing stiff competition this year from another oddly-colored doll with strangely proportioned features (64)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Russian woman named Miss World; Courtney Love demands recount (63)
(Yahoo) Scary If you want OPEC, we'll try to love again, we'll try to love again, but we know. Your supply cut is the deepest, baby we know. The oil supply cut is the deepest (140)
(AP) Silly Not news: Man ticketed for driving an unregistered vehicle. Fark: Said vehicle was a couch (29)
(News.com.au) Cool Clock spider, move aside. New species of plate-sized spider discovered, along with striped bunnies and cyanide millipede (254)
(Guardian.com) Followup Old and Busted: shoes off before getting on airplanes. New Hotness: shoes off before Presidential press conferences (123)
(Funny Or Die) Amusing "I understand you won a Golden Globe award". "Mark that under who gives a shiat" (40)
(Daily Mail) Followup Greek police: "Disperse and go home." Protesters: PEW PEW PEW (67)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Today's run of the mill holiday story: this is the busiest mailing day of the year for the U.S. Postal Service (14)
(Bloomberg) Followup During 9/11 With Shoes™, Press Secretary Dana Perino was hit in the face with a microphone stand, just clap your hands just clap your hands (84)
(Fox News) Dumbass Belgian mother attempts a "Tots for Tits" campaign (57)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing How to stock your bar for a cost-effective party. Step 1 - get lots of Early Times and Natural Light Ice. Step 2 - find new friends (98)
(AL.com) Cool University of Alabama to name the visitor's locker room "The Fail Room" (119)
(New Scientist) Cool Air Force's airborne laser fires on first target. Popcorn everywhere (208)
(Spiegel) Stupid Holland, the land of tolerance, celebrates the holidays with their annual blackface "Santa's slave" (53)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Night of the Lutzing Dead: zombies hit Chicago park for some ice skating (38)
(Buffalo News) Weird Today's Fark-ready headline: "Employee kidnapped, taken to work, then paid" (43)
(Guardian.com) Asinine Police report 70 injuries in clashes with climate protestors. Those injuries in full: insect bites, toothache and several unfortunate cases of the brown laser (39)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man's fiance pulls butcher knife on him. Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? (106)
(Seacoastonline.com) Amusing Helloooooooo, nudity. Goodbyeeeeee, University of N.H. Freshman camp (59)
(The London Paper) Weird If you've reached the point that you need to hire two fully armoured knights to engage in single combat over which is the better cheese, is that not a hint that you should agree to disagree? (50)
(Des Moines Register) Sad New invention lets blind and deaf people see movies, which is pretty cruel considering what's playing in theaters these days (56)
(WBBM) Cool Another example of the bad economy: the urban chicken movement. Somewhere the Colonel is smiling (69)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary The Christmas Tree Mafia is tough. If you cross 'em, they'll cut off all your heads and spray you with diesel (29)
(Jerusalem Post) Interesting Quickie dentists' course for Botox raises eyebrows in medical world (12)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: Famous historical events - reenacted by animals (140)
(Daily Iowan) Followup More sorority girls duped into paying for bogus self-defense courses taught by a guy who instructed them to grab his crotch. Now, if attacked, they will be able to render their attacker unconscious or, in the least, very sleepy (91)
(Metro) Amusing Zoo apologizes to visitors for Gorillas in the Mist (25)
(Google) Spiffy North Korea gets new mobile network. Users will be able to dial three numbers: Glorious Leader Hotline, Kim Il-sung Hero of People hotline and Death Camp hotline (44)
(Metro) Strange Dante Knoxx banned from eBay for trying to sell his soul after they suspected infernal plot (19)
(NYPost) Spiffy New Jersey considering allowing medical marijuana. That should help improve the smell at least (44)
(SMH) Dumbass If your black magic healer tells you that the only way to remove your curse is to have sex with him, then go right ahead and believe him, what's the worst that could happen? (65)
(Forbes) Spiffy Don't panic, books aren't going anywhere. "Publishing is still with us, like some doddering, cultured aunt who smokes and drinks and refuses to kick the bucket" (143)
(NYPost) Dumbass Con Ed is shocked, SHOCKED that so many New Yorkers are being shocked, SHOCKED by electrified objects on city streets (49)
(BBC) Cool Teen wastes $30,000 in taxpayers' money after prank goes wrong, walks 6,000 miles to earn it back and joins the Marines on the way (72)
(Boston Herald) Obvious Victims' kin demand 9/11 justice. By "justice", of course, they mean "big wad of cash" (44)
(TampaBays10.com) Scary Expert predicts that more laid-off IT professionals will turn to cybercrime. All your base are -- uh oh (100)
(News.com.au) Dumbass No matter how ugly the prostitute is, putting a bag over her head is NOT a good idea (47)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Weird Old and busted: Guard Dogs. New hotness: Guard Ghosts (21)
(Some Guy) Sad Nanny State orders woman to remove Christmas lights from her house so they don't offend her non-Christian neighbors (122)
(USA Today) Followup Nearly frozen sea turtle heading to rehab. Glad to be off streets, smack (12)
(NT News) Dumbass Darwin trio allegedly bared all at a jetty before "shaking their genitals at each other" and jumping into a sea of deadly box jellyfish (67)
(News Of The World) Weird Brit sent to jail for a month after flipping the bird in Dubai. "[Another] man was locked up for breaking wind" (77)
(TBO) Florida Mom buys newspaper ad asking for help in finding her son a wife by Christmas, guaranteeing he will never get laid again (59)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Cat gets contact lenses to avoid life-threatening operation. Elderly rescue cat has something in his eye (134)
(Sunday Mercury) Dumbass Store owners banning sale of plastic Star Wars lightsabers to anybody under the age of 18 because "they think it could be mistaken for a gun" (100)
(Canada.com) Interesting Wal-Mart deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. No, seriously (267)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the bad boy of badminton (43)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Divorces increasingly being fought over 'Who gets the dog?" after the question of 'Who screwed the nanny?' has been established (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Loan sharks increasingly targeting people who can't afford to heat their homes this winter (32)
(Kotaku) Stupid Worst. Head tattoo. EVER (287)
(London Times) Hero Beer returns to the Sudan after 25 years of Islamic rule. "We will not only be consuming but producing alcohol" (81)
(KGW) Strange Two inches of snow shuts down Portland, Oregon (322)