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Sun October 26, 2008
(Some Guy) Scary At least 2 shot dead at UCA campus  T-Shirt (13)
(The Sun) Amusing FOUR extra ravens are being drafted into the Tower of London because of the financial crisis - to prevent a 350-year-old curse coming true  T-Shirt (53)
(AP) Weird Caribbean beaches are disappearing because people are stealing them. Seriously  T-Shirt (27)
(Mdolla) Strange Orlando installs awesome new Jesus booths that let you pray on the streetcorner and be seen by men  T-Shirt (122)
(Some Guy) Asinine Here's this year's story about millions of kids not being able to trick or treat because their parents are too terrified to let them leave the house  T-Shirt (77)
(News.com.au) Strange 1001 things to do before you die: Near-naked man with exploding firecrackers in his bike helmet runs amok in main street  T-Shirt (36)
(News.com.au) Ironic Guerillas seize gorilla sanctuary  T-Shirt (57)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these poised policemen (29)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Georgia mom ups the ante in the "how far will you drive to abandon your kid at a Nebraska hospital" contest; beats Michigan Mom by 200 miles  T-Shirt (129)
(Seattle Times) Unlikely Moms are taking back the holidays from consumerism  T-Shirt (62)
(Newsday) Sick Newsday shows an 'ideal' school lunch including tofu and bok choy  T-Shirt (252)
(Miami Herald) Cool Key West's Fantasy Fest ends with "Pirates, Pundits & Political Party Animals" parade of Palin drag queens, nude body-painters, lipstick-wearing pigs. "We're pushing Captain Morgan for president." (63)
(Denver Post) Obvious Todays newest threat to our freedom: People that smuggle empty cans and bottles to Michigan from out of state to collect the deposit. Hmmmmm  T-Shirt (79)
(MSNBC) Amusing Sony performs act of decency, sues Fred Phelps  T-Shirt (201)
(BBC) News American forces attack Syria. Coincidentally, Presidential election is in nine days  T-Shirt (637)
(LA Times) Unlikely Wall Street wives can no longer afford maids, Sea Doo watercrafts and $400 haircuts, equate their predicaments to going back to scratchy toilet paper  T-Shirt (283)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Ten steps to retire a millionaire. Charging $15 for a t-shirt surprisingly absent  T-Shirt (79)
(London Times) Stupid The next generation of sat-nav devices will tell you when to change gear, at what speed you should take a corner, and how to drive more economically. The tentative name for the new models is "The Wife" (67)
(New York Daily News) Sad Momma Cat who rescued her kittens in a 1996 fire passes away  T-Shirt (71)
(Some Guy) Interesting Houston School District will begin confiscating cellular devices from students, holding them ransom for $25  T-Shirt (544)
(Denver Post) Interesting Rev. Robert H. Schuller fires his son as preacher on the Crystal Cathedral's weekly "Hour of Power" syndicated TV broadcast due to creationism differences  T-Shirt (82)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this artisan fence (33)
(Newsday) Cool Make a reservation, pay a $35 cover charge, don an insulated cape and gloves and you can have a vodka drink in a 27-degree room  T-Shirt (66)
(9 News) Dumbass Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through a house, son  T-Shirt (21)
(Some Guy) Amusing Circus peanuts and other candies you hope you don't get when trick-or-treating  T-Shirt (246)
(Washington Post) Spiffy The Institute of Contemporary Art in Philadelphia presents a retrospective of the work of R. Crumb  T-Shirt (44)
(Yahoo) Hero Fido foils fiery feline fatalities  T-Shirt (51)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Two men charged with shoplifting steaks and bacon. Maybe they're not so dumb afterall  T-Shirt (24)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing 25 fictional presidents who'd probably do better on November 4th than either of the guys actually running  T-Shirt (253)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Six weeks after Hurricane Ike, FEMA has only approved some 13% of requests for money, in some cases rejecting applications for errors as minor as an omitted middle initial. Heckofajob (94)
(mary-kate and ashley) Scary Oh dear God what happened to Mary-Kate Olsen?  T-Shirt (217)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting Woman shocked to learn that doctors charge extra for 24 hour access and house calls  T-Shirt (45)
(AP) Hero Typical: 9-year-old has a birthday party and tells each guest to bring a gift. Hero: For Operation Bootstrap  T-Shirt (75)
(Times Herald Record (NY)) Scary You know it'll be a scary story when "pneumatic saw", "steel pipe" and "73-year-old man's penis" show up in the very first line  T-Shirt (55)
(CNN) Sad "Give me a C Give me an R Give me A Give me S Give me a AAAIIIIIEEEIEE"  T-Shirt (142)
(Daily Mail) Strange Every time you visit England, you're soliciting the entire country for sex  T-Shirt (99)
(Boston Globe) Obvious At last, progress in the War on Drugs: potential dealers are turning to pimping and human trafficking instead. Mission accomplished  T-Shirt (28)
(Yahoo) Weird Scientists find that bees can count to four - four flowers, Ah hah hah hah hahhhhhhh  T-Shirt (44)
(AP) Stupid Since there aren't any pressing global economic concerns to worry about, the International Monetary Fund has been spending its time deciding that its director can keep his job after having fling with married subordinate (30)
(Buffalo News) Obvious If you own a Chinese restaurant, it's never a good idea to let the health inspector find employees butchering a deer in the kitchen  T-Shirt (76)
(MSN) Sad "Mastering a manual (transmission) said not only that you knew your way around a car, but that you were becoming a man. But 20 years from now, young drivers may wonder what the fuss was about." (632)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this detailed duck development (34)
(Live Science) Weird Woman gives birth to triplet granddaughters  T-Shirt (37)
(570NEWS) Fail "Hey pass me that cutting torch near the bucket of fuel, I need to remove the rusty bolts on the car's gas tank"  T-Shirt (37)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but the Crown Princess of Sweden couldn't find the gate and we'll be about an hour late, direct your anger to seat 4B."  T-Shirt (71)
(Orlando Sentinel) Scary I will haunt your dreams. I am the destroyer of sunshine  T-Shirt (259)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Eccentric 51-year-old, Ferrari-driving playboy who lives with his mother insists the 400-year-old Shakespeare book came to him by way of his 21-year-old girlfriend, a dancer at the Tropicana club in Havana (60)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida When dropping off clothes at the thrift store make sure to check the pockets for valuables, like $10,000 in cash  T-Shirt (35)

Sat October 25, 2008
(TBO) Florida When the corn is missing from your deer feeders and your tractor batteries mysteriously drain, it can only mean one thing: There's an escaped monkey on your ranch  T-Shirt (39)
(Some Guy) Followup Assaulted anchorwoman Anne Pressly has died (375)
(Some Guy) Fail Falling asleep on the job usually doesn't lead to shooting yourself to death. Usually  T-Shirt (64)
(NJ.com) Strange Convicted murder wants people to get the facts straight: "I killed a 20-year-old genetically manipulated clone of Julia Miraglia and a 5-year-old genetically manipulated clone of Leigh Martinez, the puppet master." (52)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: What life will be like once the election is over (104)
(Some Guy) Weird How does that old saying go? "If you love 31 feral pigs, set them loose, if they love you, they will come back. If not, they'll do thousands of dollars of damage to the environment" or something (42)
(News.com.au) Sick Sydney hotel serves crappy ice cream  T-Shirt (67)
(Mercury News) Stupid Hardcore middle schoolers arrested in "gang fight" outside of Starbucks. Hey, it's not like they're old enough to get into clubs  T-Shirt (75)
(AP) Misc Bank robber escapes in style  T-Shirt (25)
(CBS New York) Dumbass Your neighbor's dog keeps barking. Do you: A) talk to your neighbor; B) Call the police; C) kidnap the puppy and abandon it 15 miles away?  T-Shirt (156)
(9 News) Amusing Ok, hon. Here's the chicken taco you ordered. And your chili cheese fries. And a bag of chronic......wait, what?  T-Shirt (65)
(Wired) Spiffy 5 awesome Halloween specials from the past. You damn kids get off my lawn  T-Shirt (104)
(NBC5i) Scary 'Bisected' and 'Car Accident' are three words, when combined, you do NOT want to see or hear about. (pics, video)  T-Shirt (118)
(Boston Globe) Stupid Precious snowflakes who want just the right Halloween costume are creating headaches for frugal parents  T-Shirt (211)
(UPI) Interesting McDonald's to delay rollout of its Angus burger until they work out how to get those little velvet schoolboy outfits on each burger  T-Shirt (99)
(CNN) Asinine Image of Obama carved on helpless victim  T-Shirt (117)
(YouTube) Cool Neil Armstrong's parents on "I've got a secret"  T-Shirt (81)
(London Times) Amusing Jeremy Clarkson: "A motorcycle is much cheaper to run than a car. It takes only half a litre of fuel to get from your house to the scene of your first fatal accident. So the lifetime cost of running your new bike is just 50p" (210)
(Stuff) Obvious People who drink every day are happier than people who don't. Stay tuned for future reports on wetness of water, heat of fire  T-Shirt (95)
(FARK) PSA High school librarian has ruled Fark as "inappropriate for school" and blocked the site. Subby needs reasons that will prove her wrong  T-Shirt (312)
(Some Guy) Asinine Student arrested and charged with felonies after alerting principal that an employee database wasn't secure  T-Shirt (215)
(Local6) Florida Mom lets son grow and sell pot, what could possibly go wrong?  T-Shirt (44)
(Boston Globe) Strange Harley bards show you can't judge a poetry book by its leather cover. "A helmetless biker named Jonah / Was marked on his form as a donah"  T-Shirt (33)
(Time) Stupid CNN: "Analysts who said oil could hit $200 by end of year now say it could hit $50." In other news... magic 8-balls in short supply  T-Shirt (107)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this goggled girl (62)
(Telegraph) Amusing Far from the pillaging rapists history remembers them as, the Vikings were stylish trendsetters considered far too concerned with their personal hygiene, thus explaining the great mystery of how the Vikings turned into the Swedes (118)
(Some Guy) Sad After a week of erection, the Tunnel of Doom gets violated by a shocker, as local official states that it would be difficult for people to get out. (with picture)  T-Shirt (63)
(Westborough News) Sappy Profile of the inventor of maple syrup. [insert random Fark cliche here]  T-Shirt (78)
(Yahoo) Obvious Department of the Blindingly Obvious concludes that teenage alcoholics don't grow up very healthy. Except for Drew Barrymore. Rawr  T-Shirt (46)
(Boston Herald) Scary Judge wants to find out if woman really slept with Satan  T-Shirt (87)
(The Times of India) Dumbass Realtor attempts to calm his family by showing them how safe it is to handle the gun he carries for safety. Oops  T-Shirt (57)
(UPI) Amusing "Italian police can taste fake olive oil." Popeye surrenders  T-Shirt (28)
(Some Bloke) Hero "And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by, From this day to the ending of the world, But we in it shall be remember'd; We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother" (110)
(PR Watch) Ironic Cigarette health warning labels actually make smokers want to smoke more  T-Shirt (97)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Meet Mr. Green Genes: the world's first glow-in-the-dark cat, sure to brighten up any Caturday (with freaky glowing cat pics)  T-Shirt (461)
(Stuff) Asinine How many city workers does it take to fix one toilet? A) 1, B) 5, C) 122  T-Shirt (41)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this levitating lamb (63)
(JPG) Caption Caption this little girl -- who may not be as innocent as she looks (114)
(AP) Dumbass While driving, don't play chicken with a cop car, because when he loses he will be very angry  T-Shirt (56)
(Some Guy) Asinine Disabled woman, 85, hauled from wheelchair and subject to full body search because she bought a one-way ticket. It's not Gestapo, it's TSA  T-Shirt (180)
(AZCentral) Interesting Kids these days are going to libraries to watch movies, drink coffee, and play "Guitar Hero."  T-Shirt (56)
(AP) Strange Single lightning strike kill 52 cows (with eerie pic)  T-Shirt (138)
(Jakarta Post) Weird Guy gets caught having sex with cow. Two months later, villagers decide to drag the pregnant cow out to sea and drown it, in order to free guy of his sin  T-Shirt (171)
(pioneer local) Cool Headline: "Residents fill shoe boxes with hope". Stacks of money would be better, but hope is acceptable  T-Shirt (44)
(channel 3000) Dumbass Teen defends hanging three black-faced scarecrows by their necks next to a Confederate flag. He says tying the rope to the neck is the only logical way to hang the figures  T-Shirt (251)

Fri October 24, 2008
(WFTV) Florida Construction worker knocks hole through wall, exposing naked woman  T-Shirt (125)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this butterfly (50)
(Some Guy) Scary Man to serve a combination of work release and house arrest for three years after running over his ex-wife. Says it was totally worth it  T-Shirt (45)
(Stuff) Amusing Dog chugs 4 litres of box wine and survives with a massive hangover, immediately swears off booze, last seen headed to the nearest pub  T-Shirt (102)
(AP) Obvious U.S. teaching Iraq how to spend surplus billions. Because if there is something the U.S. knows about, it is spending  T-Shirt (68)
(MSNBC) Sad A desperation pass may take on an entirely new meaning as woman seeks $3 million to put out a Super Bowl advertisement...to seek a husband  T-Shirt (125)
(Daily Express) Dumbass Woman sees more than 1,000 doctors to finally discover...she has a bit of food stuck in her throat  T-Shirt (72)
(Daily Express) Stupid Man enters bank. After hours. Accidentally. Sets off alarm. Waits for police. Alarm stops. No police. Man sets off alarm again. Still no police. Man shuts doors, leaves bank. Drives to police to tell them bank unlocked (43)
(Some Guy) Amusing Transformer blown by Licking Heights, smokes afterward. Optimus Prime very, very relaxed  T-Shirt (39)
(Daily Mail) Fail GPS might land you...IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER (pics)  T-Shirt (59)
(Fox News) Interesting Your doctor knows you're dumb and that's not his finger  T-Shirt (58)
(Boston Herald) Weird 200-pound Russian wild boar euthanized before Palin's helicopter can get there  T-Shirt (28)
(BBC) Amusing Butcher laments that his chances of winning Sausage of the Year contest are scuppered after burglars break into his store on eve of competition. "We're gutted, the whole team." Weeners (23)
(My Fox DC) News Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother found dead in their Chicago home (441)
(CBS Chicago) Weird What one person would possibly want with 120 tons of road salt is anyone's guess. But someone stole it from a Chicago suburb  T-Shirt (84)
(CBC) Stupid Having learned nothing from Scooby Doo and Poltergeist, construction continues on site that may be ancient Native-American burial ground  T-Shirt (78)
(CBS New York) Dumbass Today's "typo causes a gas station to sell gas for $0.59 a gallon" brought to you by Lyons, Wisconsin  T-Shirt (40)
(The Smoking Gun) Obvious The Weekly Smoking Gun mugshot roundup. Starts with a big dud, but #2 has cute dimples  T-Shirt (211)
(National Post) Dumbass Ontario appeals court upholds ban on pit bulls. Another victory in the war on terrier  T-Shirt (107)
(Boston Globe) Cool That's no moon... oh wait, yes it is. The coolest pictures you will see of Enceladus in your lifetime  T-Shirt (140)
(News.com.au) Sad Dutch border towns closing their pot-dealing coffee shops due to weekly influx of 25,000 French and Belgian drug tourists. Dude, harsh  T-Shirt (122)
(Yahoo) Interesting Italian police get crime-fighting Lamborghini. Barricade, Bumblebee unavailable for comment  T-Shirt (80)
(USA Today) Sad Even dead people are getting thrown out because of foreclosures  T-Shirt (64)
(USA Today) Strange Man accuses NYC police of sodomizing him with walkie-talkie. He could be telling the truth, or he could just be talking out of his ass  T-Shirt (143)
(CNN) Interesting Old and busted: Moving overseas to avoid the draft. New hotness: Moving overseas to avoid paying off your student loans  T-Shirt (416)
(Detroit News) Amusing Today's made for Fark headline: Women's underwear causing congestion on I-696  T-Shirt (65)
(Longmont Times-Call) Dumbass Three potential Darwin award winners blow up car after huffing, lighting cigarette  T-Shirt (65)
(io9) Photoshop Photoshop a transformer you'd like to see (47)
(Denver Post) Asinine Focus on the Family turns its focus on converting gays. "Even if homosexuality is someday proven to be inborn, inborn does not necessarily mean normal, or divinely sanctioned" (924)
(WCAX.com) Dumbass Budgetary necessities for the city of Plattsburgh: Water, Sewer, Police, Fire Department, Satellite Radio for my car, Miscellaneous Software, oh... and a "Wizard of Oz" costume (38)
(CBS Pittsburgh) Followup Yep, she made it all up. Followup tag carves a backwards "B" on Obvious tag  T-Shirt (1993)
(News.com.au) Silly Nanny state to downsize the volume of beer glasses. You can have my pint glass when you tear it from my cold, drunk fingers  T-Shirt (62)
(TBO) Florida Nothing good can happen after your ex-girlfriend the stripper sends you an ominous text reading, "You had company last night."  T-Shirt (162)
(Baltimore Sun) Florida The Florida Department of Transportation would prefer it if you wore pants when stopping at the toll plaza. Who knew?  T-Shirt (47)
(AP) Misc Stephen Hawking to give up his chair. No, not that chair, the other one  T-Shirt (79)
(Sun Sentinel) Dumbass What can brown do for you? Tell the cops you're mailing 14 pounds of weed  T-Shirt (81)
(UPI) Strange Pizza delivery driver says his car's wireless rear-view camera system shows pornography when he drives on a certain street every chance he gets  T-Shirt (137)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass pics of ugly-ass twin panda cubs to help you take your mind off your now-worthless 401K  T-Shirt (53)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Mafia gang sends donkey head to shop owner as a threat. Police: "(The shopkeeper) didn't know the donkey, he didn't own the donkey, he doesn't care about donkeys. It didn't make sense. It was the work of idiots" (117)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Sweden proposes law to ban hooliganism. Dustbins in Shaftesbörky breathe a sigh of relief  T-Shirt (64)
(montanakaimin.com) Obvious "If a guy has a little money to spend and not a ton of dignity to keep, he can walk around Missoula next Friday night as giant nipple"  T-Shirt (78)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Police officers often have to turn the other cheek in conflict situations. But baring both of them in a country pub is generally frowned on  T-Shirt (30)
(WRCB-TV Chattanooga) Interesting Halloween prank floods 911 center with calls. Police not amused  T-Shirt (99)
(Herald-Leader) Cool Henry Earl checks into rehab. Bonus Fark mention in article (128)
(Quad City Times) PSA If you spend $10 on "grass," don't be suprised when it's lawn clippings. And don't report it to the police (w/mugshot)  T-Shirt (94)
(Baltimore Sun) Interesting Marauding dirt bikers are terrorizing metropolitan Baltimore. Too dangerous to chase, city passes law allowing police to confiscate any unlocked dirt bike they see and destroy it (479)
(News.com.au) Strange Woman attempts to smuggle bananas through airport by hiding them in her undies. Customs officials became suspicious because she was the only one smiling as she went through security check (42)
(Yahoo) Scary Layman's terms: market futures all plummet, oil below $65, Asian markets tank. Technical Term: Friday  T-Shirt (370)
(Pittsburgh Live) Followup After reviewing video evidence from ATM, Pittsburgh police have requested Ashley Todd take a polygraph  T-Shirt (685)
(IMDB) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop an action hero who accidentally wandered into a chick flick (119)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Explosion at Indian fireworks factory kills 27, according to Lt. Frank Drebin who was assigned crowd control  T-Shirt (50)
(AP) Dumbass Man steals from police station while being booked for stealing because it was "cool"  T-Shirt (22)
(AP) Asinine So it begins, NY town draws fire for dropping the word Christmas from their Christmas parade  T-Shirt (141)
(Green Bay Press Gazette) Strange Your roommate refuses to have sex with you. Do you: A) Argue with her until the neighbors call the police, B) Key her car and throw a bottle through the kitchen window, or C) Urinate on her dog? (79)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When recording History Channel programming to show to your students, be sure to select a tape that has not been used previously  T-Shirt (75)
(AP) Stupid Woman with nearly nine foot long dreadlocks hopes to set record....for the longest, smelliest, most matted and unkempt hair in the world  T-Shirt (97)
(FARK) Interesting What will be the effect of the "fairness doctrine" on Fark?  T-Shirt (1090)
(Some Guy) Scary Teenagers operating your commuter train? In Chicago, it's more likely than you think  T-Shirt (39)
(Guardian.com) Spiffy Reporter travels through all 32 counties of Ireland in order to bring us the top 10 traditional Irish pubs  T-Shirt (72)
(Some Guy) Ironic News: City doesn't want hockey nets left in front of houses. Fark: In Canada  T-Shirt (63)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these chubby cheeks (47)
(WTMJ) Fail The definition of 'Not News'  T-Shirt (181)
(Forbes) Sad The current economy is forcing senior citizens to raise cash by selling their burial plots  T-Shirt (82)

Thu October 23, 2008
(apan Today) Scary Woman loves Cup o' Noodle, but doesn't dig the Cup o' Paradichlorobenzene  T-Shirt (50)
(The Electric New Paper) Silly Malaysian parliament Q&A session thrown into chaos after use of "buttocks" in shouting match, namely, the familar locution "enter via the buttocks." Botty  T-Shirt (25)
(Some Guy) Cool Historian discovers early film showing life on the streets of London in 1904. Most likely the first time protesters have been caught on film  T-Shirt (117)
(Boone's Farm) Dumbass Your boyfriend doesn't intervene when another person looks at you in a sexual manner do you: C) douse him in costly gasoline and light his insensitive ass on fire  T-Shirt (76)
(Abc.net.au) Scary Study finds that men also have a "use by" date, and that turns out to be age 35. After that, the DNA in his sperm um...... turn "special"  T-Shirt (198)
(AP) Ironic How do you celebrate getting the "Police Officer of the Year" Award? With a DUI of course  T-Shirt (28)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Our son came home and told us the school taught him that boys can marry other boys. He's in second grade "  T-Shirt (842)
(The Sun) Interesting From the imaginatively named Big Hole in South Africa to Bingham Canyon in Utah, take the plunge and check out some of the biggest, deepest and most awe-inspiring holes on Earth (107)
(Some irrational Guy) Dumbass Iranian speaker says his country is leaning towards Democratic in US presidential election 'because he is more flexible and rational' the way their President is flexible and rational  T-Shirt (195)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Chicago's Mayor Daley nixes plan for a gay-friendly high school until he figures out a way to tax gayness  T-Shirt (64)
(Boston Channel) Interesting Drive by saucing epidemic sweeping Boston. Where's my s'ketti? (65)
(Telegraph) Stupid Nanny State says that 16 year-old can join army or get married, but using a vacuum cleaner, in his job at a cleaning company, is too dangerous  T-Shirt (50)
(Some Guy) Stupid Top 10 new magazines of 2008. In more proof that the publishing industry is out of ideas, most are about dogs, making babies or what to do when you have one  T-Shirt (31)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman robbed at ATM. Robber becomes angry when he sees McCain sticker on her car, carves B into her head  T-Shirt (959)
(WHJJ) Dumbass Women fakes prescriptions for crack, gets 10 years  T-Shirt (45)
(AP) Asinine Creative ways to distract and entertain kids during hard times include arts & crafts, part-time jobs, hit-a-Jew day. Wait, wut?  T-Shirt (116)
(Canada.com) Obvious Saskatoon becomes new murder capital of Canada. If you lived there, you'd pray for the sweet release of death too  T-Shirt (140)
(TMZ) Asinine Three women sue website, claiming they have had to undergo "medical treatment and psychological therapy" as a result of pictures of them being hot with douchebags  T-Shirt (263)
(Seacoastonline.com) Asinine Dude decides to graffiti wall in daylight and in front of cop, making his story about it being his first time believable  T-Shirt (20)
(Think Progress) Dumbass Newt Gingrich makes the perfectly rational claim that SNL should be sued for slander. This in no way contradicts his previous claims that if you sue a corporation you are destroying America (206)
(Some Feminine Founder) Photoshop Photoshop this whimsical woman with her wireless (43)
(Some Guy) Fail Python: "I don't want the medicine". Owner: "Take it". Python: :"No." Owner: "I said take ...agghhauuggggggg ........."  T-Shirt (85)
(Free Press) Dumbass "...I was about to jump your bones in Ford Field LOL" texted the former Detroit mayor. Not to his wife, or to his mistress, but to yet another woman  T-Shirt (124)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing If you lost your tongue in Cincinnati the police would like to have a word with you. Urrrrr Urrrrr  T-Shirt (59)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Harvey mail carrier gets police escort due to shots fired on her route. Amazingly it wasn't the carrier doing the shooting  T-Shirt (91)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida News: Masked robbers hit a Dunkin Donuts. FARK: Can't get the register open. ULTRA-FARK: Who robs a cop hangout? Tag says it all  T-Shirt (44)
(Newsday) Asinine First Salvo of "War on Christmas" explodes. Both sides blast each other. 1812  T-Shirt (402)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Actual Headline: Man gives keys to stranger, loses truck. Tag says it all  T-Shirt (42)
(Omaha World Herald) Asinine Golfer being sued for striking another golfer in the head with his tee shot. The victim was 160 yards away and the ball first caromed off of a tree. Ta da  T-Shirt (240)
(Some Brick in the Wall) Dumbass Genius arrested for child endangerment after her 10 year old daughter drives the family car into a brick wall. As god as my witness, I thought kids could drive  T-Shirt (46)
(23/6) Followup McCain "C*nt" soundbyte is now a downloadable ringtone  T-Shirt (408)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman pays hip-hop band £200 to kill her husband, then claims they were only supposed to "frighten and scare" him. However, she is still trying to explain why she ran him down in a 4x4 she rented under a false name (61)
(FARK) PSA Drew will be giving a talk on how to fix Mainstream Media and signing books at the Cambell Lane Barnes and Noble in Bowling Green KY tonight at 7pm. Probably getting a beer after, all are welcome (115)
(Florida Today) Florida Pensacola bar offers free beer in exchange for "I voted" stickers. Some guy from Kentucky seen heading south with an entire roll of stickers  T-Shirt (117)
(London Times) Fail UK home office says recent spike in violent crime figures is nothing to worry about, they've just been undercounting the incidents for the past decade and now have the numbers right  T-Shirt (55)
(23/6) Video Tight race between Sneezing Obama and Sneezing Panda (58)
(The Virginian Pilot) Interesting City: Maybe we should throw out detective promotion test since no women or blacks passed. Police Union: Uh, not so fast there  T-Shirt (198)
(AJC) Obvious Contest offers $10,000 for couples who abstain from sex before marriage.Fark: Deadline is a week away and still no takers  T-Shirt (275)
(CNN) Scary Catholic church creates secluded private garden to honor sex abuse victims. Where they can sit and meditate and be comforted by the clergy  T-Shirt (76)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Stupid Not news: Divorcee bitter about divorce. News: She kills her ex. Fark: They were married online and she killed his avatar  T-Shirt (121)
(BBSpot) Florida US mulls sale of Florida to raise funds for bailout packages  T-Shirt (97)
(Wikipedia) Hero 25 years ago today 241 American service men gave their lives in the Beirut barracks bombing  T-Shirt (332)
(The Register) Dumbass "Oi Nigel, whaddaya think this 'ere cable's for?" "I dunno Rodney, let's cut it and see." "Right, then we'll go have a pint."  T-Shirt (46)
(Contact Music) Asinine Britney Spears "too fragile" to face jurors. She's fine with going nude for a music video, attending award ceremonies, and publicizing her new album, but standing before a jury? Nope, can't do it (100)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass "Next game...B-14." "I-27." "N-72." "I-16." "Bingo." "Hey, wait a minute..."  T-Shirt (65)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Fail Guy will never live down that time he took Ecstasy, burned his parents house down and led police on freeway chase. In a Saturn  T-Shirt (115)
(The Day) PSA If you're a Wiccan priest claiming religious discrimination because the town won't let you hold a witchcraft demonstration in the public library, make sure the police don't have a warrant on you for stalking a teacher (97)
(Boston Channel) Spiffy Lost wedding ring found in massive aquarium tank. Returned more than three months after it was lost. That's a moray  T-Shirt (42)
(CNN) Interesting Meet the ACORN worker who registered 2,000 people, not one of whom existed. Adding to his shame, he's apparently a big Chiefs fan  T-Shirt (466)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool Pig-Wrapped Pig-Stuffed Pig wins Ultimate Grilling Challenge, though it would have been better if he had wrapped the whole thing in bacon and deep-fried it  T-Shirt (54)
(Washington Post) Sad Police officer volunteers to play role of victim during helicopter water rescue training session, proves to be better than expected  T-Shirt (70)
(Villafane Studios) Cool Best. Carved. Pumpkins. Ever  T-Shirt (90)
(ABC News) Spiffy Think your kid is on drugs? Now you can hire yourself your very own drug dog  T-Shirt (77)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida The West Palm Beach Veterans Day parade is saved, thanks to generous donations by dogs, strippers, and aliens. Dog bless America  T-Shirt (11)
(My Fox DC) Obvious Study: The rich cheat on their taxes more often. Also, ground is moist where it rains  T-Shirt (175)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Followup Football-stealing granny will not face charges after all, but is asked to not hold the balls of the neighbor children from now on  T-Shirt (82)
(OneIndia.com) Cool Image of deity manifests within flower, miraculously cures worshipper. Jesus must be taking a day off, because this time it's Lord Ganesha. (with elephantastic pic)  T-Shirt (60)
(MaineToday.com) Obvious The organizer of a pro-marijuana festival is SHOCKED that the police would target his venue to catch people with drugs. Well, not as much shocked as kinda bummed  T-Shirt (321)
(Washington Times) Asinine Our new RFID-enabled passports are manufactured and assembled offshore, the blanks are shipped around using unsecured couriers, and they're sold to US citizens at an 85 percent profit. Dontcha feel safer already? (88)
(CTV) Obvious Pakistan: "Hey, guys, you'd better stay off our soil in your War on Terror." America: "Sure, no problem. Enjoy our shiny guided missile technology."  T-Shirt (99)
(Liverpool Daily Post) Scary 'Purr-muda triangle' responsible for numerous feline disappearances  T-Shirt (47)
(Yorkshire Post) Sad British pubs becoming too pretentious. "Add to that the number of pubs which are refuges for binge-drinkers where ambulances take as many people home as taxis and the situation is dire" (45)
(Daily Mail) Strange Bizarre farming accident makes man perfect candidate for Coneheads sequel  T-Shirt (50)
(Yahoo) Obvious Mortgage foreclosures up more than 70 percent in the third quarter, as morans who work at Taco Bell get kicked out of their $450,000 tract homes financed by no-down-payment balloon mortgages (295)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Man goes on rampage at a towing company with an AK-47 style rifle and is shot by police, or as they call it in Florida: Wednesday  T-Shirt (87)
(Daily Mail) Obvious So, Bridget, what was it that made you think of remarrying your lottery winning ex-husband?  T-Shirt (96)
(Telegraph) Amusing If you work in a costume shop and your boss tells you that he's sending you on a round the world trip, you can be sure there's a catch  T-Shirt (63)
(Some Guy) PSA If you're a school bus driver you should probably wait until after you've dropped all the kids off before you stop for a beer  T-Shirt (33)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this nyckelharpa (38)
(New Scientist) Scary Military funding? Check. Packs of armed, human-hunting robots? Check. Screw this, I'm outta here  T-Shirt (155)
(News.com.au) Hero Today's Balls of Steel Award goes to the Melbourne cop who avoided being shot by grabbing the cylinder of the revolver pointed at his head and jamming his finger in front of the hammer (156)
(AZCentral) Sad New wave of migrant workers being recruited to do another job more Americans won't do. Teaching  T-Shirt (103)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Naked man screams about Satan at 5:55 in the morning, says he couldn't wait for 6:66  T-Shirt (61)
(AP) Sad Asian Longhorned Beetle becoming established in New England. Go see the pretty trees, taste the maple syrup, before they disappear  T-Shirt (92)
(London Times) Interesting Your talking is annoying the other passengers, please come into First Class to have sex: The world's most accommodating airline?  T-Shirt (174)
(News.com.au) Amusing Now, normally, "poking your fingers into several pies" would get you several high-fives from your male friends  T-Shirt (25)
(Some Guy) Weird More parents are so paranoid about the "dangers" of vaccinating their children, they would rather home-school them than have their children immunized  T-Shirt (292)
(News.com.au) Stupid Australian Government concerned use of word "drought" is too depressing for suicidal farmers. Wants to use "lack of rain" or "kinda dry" instead. We have always been at war with Eurasia (41)
(Cracked) Obvious Six of your favorite things that are secretly making you fat. At least pie is up front about it  T-Shirt (100)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this nutty growth (43)
(NineMSN) Fail If your boss is a friend on Facebook don't take a sickie and then brag about it in your status  T-Shirt (158)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 181: "Middle of the Night" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (230)

Wed October 22, 2008
(BBC) Followup $4.5 Billion pledged in support for Georgia. Will be spent entirely on confederate flag mug flaps  T-Shirt (60)
(Canoe) Hero Police officer issues ticket to mayor for yapping on her cellphone while driving, judge throws the case out. Police officer proceeds to go to mayor's home and issues another ticket (160)
(CNN) Obvious It's Wednesday, so that must mean that US forces have taken out another Al Qaeda #2 in Afghanistan  T-Shirt (66)
(NBC 4) Scary Good: Subway train doors open to let passengers off. Bad: While the train is over the Potomac River  T-Shirt (113)
(Seattle Times) PSA Expert says it's a mistake to humanize dogs. Your dog disagrees, still wants steak  T-Shirt (197)
(WSAZ) Stupid Woman in Star Wars costume robs bank in Ohio. Empire immediately blames Rebel Alliance  T-Shirt (107)
(AP) Amusing Man breaks into a church to play a drum solo for God  T-Shirt (60)
(WSRZ) Florida Teenage boy decides he's capable of talking on the phone and playing with a loaded gun simultaneously. Teenage boy is wrong  T-Shirt (70)
(WTOP) Followup Like an unkillable force from a Halloween movie, the $54 million pants case returns to court  T-Shirt (181)
(WNBC) Weird Suspect fingered after being caught red handed for armed robbery  T-Shirt (28)
(/Film) Spiffy Ten minutes to put it on, five minutes to take it off, and just sixty seconds to get shot down by all the ladies. The coolest Transformers costume you'll see in time for Halloween  T-Shirt (88)
(Seacoastonline.com) Cool Stealing liquor from the Elk's lodge during your cousin's wedding reception is one thing; threatening the relatives with gas and a lighter during the after party is shaping up to be four felonies (18)
(AP) Spiffy Not news: Man asks bank for a refund. News: because mice ate his $1000 in cash. Fark: He gets it  T-Shirt (44)
(Merced Sun-Star) Amusing You know the economy's bad when gang members resort to drive-by rock-throwing  T-Shirt (33)
(Wonkette) Interesting Police departments in cities across the country are beefing up their ranks for possible civil unrest and riots after voting day. Suck it, citizens, move along now, nothing to see here  T-Shirt (315)
(Daily Star) Amusing Finance chiefs are still spending millions going to strip clubs. What a bunch of bankers  T-Shirt (12)
(The Daily Press) Spiffy "Excuse me, sir. A tiny red light on this old dusty console has been blinking all morning. What does it mean?" My God, it works. The system works. A criminal actually tried to purchase a handgun via the criminal background check" (84)
(WTOP) Scary Plane carrying convicts collides midair with another plane; fails to produce any injuries or a Nicolas Cage movie  T-Shirt (28)
(Starpulse) Fail The 10 best epic fail videos of all time  T-Shirt (203)
(News.com.au) Followup Skateboarding (at 80 km/h) is not a crime  T-Shirt (65)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Today's hot for teacher story comes from Daytona Beach. What 17-year old boy in his right mind wouldn't hit this?  T-Shirt (164)
(Canoe) Dumbass Man shoots himself in the head with a crossbow, possibly while looking to see if it was loaded. Alcohol may have been a factor  T-Shirt (53)
(Marketwatch) Misc KB Toys releases its list of hot holiday toys that your kid doesn't want this Christmas, but you will end up buying them anyway because it's on this stupid list  T-Shirt (74)
(Boston Channel) Dumbass Coach of the Year award goes to this guy who spent the team's uniform money at a strip club  T-Shirt (38)
(BBC) Spiffy Relatives of sailor born in 1836 hear him singing sea shanties thanks to American who paid him $5 to sing into his can in the 1920s  T-Shirt (98)
(Dallas News) Amusing After tasering masked intruder who broke into a home, police "determined the suspect was a raccoon"  T-Shirt (55)
(PennLive) Strange Pennsylvania woman receives $19,000 settlement after swearing at her toilet. In other news, Pennsylvania now lobbying for its own tag  T-Shirt (70)
(Google) Cool Scientists grow mouse prostate from single cell. There was some taint in the samples, but that's to be expected  T-Shirt (43)
(San Mateo Daily) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: "Insanity unclear for accused fork wielder"  T-Shirt (25)
(News.com.au) Amusing Sydney resident Maria Reitano is looking to lose her virginity and would like to know if there's a man out there for her. With pic  T-Shirt (255)
(CNN) Asinine File under: More fake trends from CNN  T-Shirt (130)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Retiree sues after police damage her signed picture... of Adolf Hitler  T-Shirt (163)
(Red Raider Sports) Amusing You're the No. 8 ranked team in the nation and have a place kicker that couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat, so what do you do? Why not give the kid that won free rent by hitting a 30-yard shot at halftime a go? (92)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these suspended suspension bridge builders (46)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Dumb: Making a bomb threat from your cell phone. Dumber: While you're sitting in class. Fark: While the school is on lockdown due to a death threat  T-Shirt (31)
(AL.com) Asinine City councilman in Alabama trying to make DWP (driving while phoning) worthy of 10 days in jail on first offense  T-Shirt (201)
(WGAL 8) Spiffy Nobody knows if it's space ice or a chunk of mega-sized hail, but one thing is certain, it fell from the sky, punched through a roof and hit Mary Ann Foster in the head  T-Shirt (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing Miss Teen Louisiana attempts to dine and dash, forgets purse behind with her identification in it. And her weed  T-Shirt (148)
(KFBK) Ironic Cop gets in trouble for having a mustache  T-Shirt (103)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Man tries to donate Ford Focus with baby inside to Goodwill. Also included: street signs, a fire hydrant, a concrete pillar, vomit  T-Shirt (38)
(Slate) Strange "Crossing party lines with the inflatable running mate" -- female writer reviews the Sarah Palin love doll  T-Shirt (170)
(HelenaIR.com) Dumbass Library votes unanimously to keep "The Joy of Gay Sex" on the shelves despite protest from man demanding its removal because kids could find it on the shelves, right here, where he himself found it, by, er, accident (156)
(WFIE) Scary Shots fired at Western Kentucky University campus  T-Shirt (198)
(Metro) Amusing TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL capslock DAY  T-Shirt (156)
(Stuff) Amusing Osama bin Laden "liked a hug," but didn't like too many kisses. And don't get him started on the ass grabbing  T-Shirt (36)
(The New Editor) PSA How accurate are the 2008 polls? Well, when the Dems won the 2006 aggregate US House vote by 7.9%, an average of the pollsters' predictions was off by more than 6% points  T-Shirt (239)
(TV 20) Florida School board member arrested for having his member looking for glory in the wrong place  T-Shirt (28)
(MSNBC) Florida If you can't afford your car payments, don't torch the vehicle and report it stolen. You probably can't afford to make bail either  T-Shirt (37)
(BBC) Amusing Researcher attempts to link male dancing style with perceived attractiveness, demonstrates large random movement dancing. Dep't of Silly Walks wonders where funding went (92)
(CNN) Obvious Much like Paris Hilton, credit markets get much looser after giant money shot  T-Shirt (84)
(HelenaIR.com) Weird Woman, 61, takes Ungulate Fighting Championship belt after getting into fistfight with deer that attacked her poodle. Bonus: Poodle's name is "Little Fighter"  T-Shirt (32)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Florida man uses BB gun to steal deodorant, doesn't understand what all the stink is about  T-Shirt (25)
(Some Guy) Dumbass News: Woman drives the wrong way down interstate while drunk. Fark: Guy she hits has a half-empty(or half-full) bottle of vodka in his Oldsmobile. Conclusion: Everyone wins  T-Shirt (56)
(Abc.net.au) Fail Burglar attempting to get into the Christmas spirit early found stuck in chimney. Naked  T-Shirt (26)
(Starpulse) Scary Five creepy places to visit this Halloween. Oddly, Gary Busey's house doesn't make the list  T-Shirt (75)
(Daily Mail) Weird Retired Ministry of Defence boss settles into new career. Is it: A) Security analyst? B) Hollywood consultant? Or C) Transsexual geisha?  T-Shirt (68)
(Denver Post) Amusing Simpson trial witness sues Dr. Phil for defamation after he re-cuts his interview to make it look like he is nodding in agreement with everything coming out of Dr. Phil's big mouth (76)
(Canada.com) Scary After a four-foot-long flying saw chops his arm off, logger picks up his detached limb and runs to the first-aid room. Actual quote from badass: "I got my arm, I can't complain"  T-Shirt (116)
(AL.com) Dumbass What do you call an oncologist who, according to a peer review, didn't confirm his diagnosis of 20 out of 107 patients, and provided questionable or inappropriate treatment to 40 out of those same 107 patients? Congressional candidate (104)
(WTMJ) Sick Let the children come unto me, so I can take pictures of them at a church picnic and add them to my child porn collection  T-Shirt (96)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene  T-Shirt (379)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida School board debates changing name of high school that celebrates the KKK's first grand wizard after complaints over football team called Forrest High Sheets  T-Shirt (90)
(BBC) Silly Firefighters spend five hours using a chocolate-covered camera and a vacuum cleaner attempting to rescue Fudgie the Hamster from a deep, dark hole. ARMAGEDDON  T-Shirt (46)
(New York Daily News) Sad Terminally ill former ironworker who helped build the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in the early 1960s returns to the bridge for a final plunge  T-Shirt (83)
(Public Opinion Online) Obvious Archaeologist discovers confusing slogans, proving that 170 years ago, political discussions were just as retarded as today  T-Shirt (112)
(nbc11news.com) Followup Protester who got in the way of the Palin motorcade explains the use of excessive force by police. Asked why she didn't follow directions of police, gives priceless answer  T-Shirt (1030)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man buys $100,000 worth of land, sight unseen, at a strip club, and is shocked, SHOCKED to find it was a scam. Seller must have been wearing an industrial G-string to hold the money (52)
(Newsday) Amusing DWI photos on "Wall of Shame" is unconstitutional. But some of them are pretty funny, so you should look  T-Shirt (269)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these men in the woods (76)
(AL.com) Stupid Hockey game canceled because "Disney on Ice" farked up the ice surface  T-Shirt (137)
(Philly) Followup Ted Stevens fate to be decided by a jury of his peers. Still no word on where they found 12 giant assholes  T-Shirt (124)
(The Sun) Dumbass Watch this, honey -- I'm going to go swimming with these sharks. See? It's easARRRRRGGGGGHHHH  T-Shirt (84)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing "We'd also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice." (NSFWish image) (94)
(Telegraph) Weird Israeli spa offers new massage service which involves covering people in snakes (with creepy motherfarking snakes on a motherfarking woman pic)  T-Shirt (73)
(The Local (Sweden)) Hero Charges dropped against elderly couple accused of smuggling 2,692 litres of beer, 27 litres of wine and four litres of hard liquor into Sweden after court accepts that it was for personal use (62)
(Some Guy) Scary Ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha  T-Shirt (85)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Running a ship aground once may be considered unlucky, but twice in 48 hours is enough to earn the title "Captain Calamity"  T-Shirt (25)
(Canoe) Asinine If you're a U.S. contractor hired to teach Iraqis about good government and lose $185,481 in cash, just expense it. Uncle Sam is good for it  T-Shirt (59)
(Some Asian Guy) Strange Chinese man accidentally discovers he can shoot water out of his eyes. Calls it calligraphy. Puts Mr. Squiggle out of a job  T-Shirt (28)
(Newsweek) Silly British couple tries to join wild wolf pack, even switching to meals of raw meat, kidneys and intestines. Reasons include upgrading diet from normal English fare  T-Shirt (61)
(Star Press) Strange Biting a nine-year-old boy, holding a white-supremacist rally at City Hall and casting spells on high school teachers: All in a day's work for an Aryan sorcerer  T-Shirt (84)
(LA Times) Scary Runaway steamroller careens down hill. Everybody PANCAKE. Wanda and Roger Rabbit commemoration thread to the right  T-Shirt (44)
(HelenaIR.com) Strange Missing man found unhurt -- in top of pine tree. City leaves nothing to chance, uses multiple branches of rescue team to root him out. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the guy was needled mercilessly, the poor sap (42)
(Local6) Florida The prospects of finding a Playstation this Christmas in Florida just got a little tougher  T-Shirt (55)
(700 Club) Stupid "Those who celebrate Halloween either are unaware of its roots, or are intentionally promoting a world where evil is lauded and viewed as an ultimate power." Aside from that, enjoy trick-or-treating (496)
(WRAL) Dumbass How to Get Arrested 101: While impersonating a police officer and "improperly using red flashing lights," attempt to pull over a real police officer. Backup will arrive shortly  T-Shirt (23)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this virid vehicle (64)
(CBS New York) Amusing Not news: Pickpocketer arrested in NYC. News: She's 76. Fark: She has 36 aliases and says her address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave  T-Shirt (42)
(Canoe) Dumbass Not news: Judge orders couple to stay away from each other after woman bites her fiance. Fark.com: Their wedding is in two weeks. Awkward...  T-Shirt (47)
(Daily Express) Asinine Nanny state fines man $600 for "wrapping his sandwich" without a license  T-Shirt (195)

Tue October 21, 2008
(News.com.au) Scary You know it's a rough school when up to 22 students get suspended each day for violent behavior  T-Shirt (76)
(Cleveland) Obvious Officials are trying to determine if a man who would cover his hands in Vaseline and toss liquid mercury from one hand to another died of mercury poisoning  T-Shirt (129)
(AP) Fail If you nearly sideswipe a Connecticut patrol car, don't tell the officer you're on your way to meet Beyonce underneath the George Washington Bridge in NYC. And when that fails, don't ask for directions to Detroit and then speed away (51)
(Post Bulletin) Dumbass Woman arrested for stealing money from her employer; to send to a Nigerian attorney who contacted her by email claiming she is owed millions of dollars  T-Shirt (107)
(Washington Post) Fail Virginia Lottery shuts down new game in 4 hours after it proves to be a little more lucky that they planned  T-Shirt (63)
(9 News) Amusing Morons (AKA, left-wing radicals) stand in busy intersection, attempting to block Palin's motorcade. Police proceed to teach them the proper way to throw a chop block, wrap up a clean tackle (298)
(CBS Sacramento) Spiffy San Francisco to vote on decriminalizing prostitution  T-Shirt (197)
(AP) Interesting Federal agents arrest Mongols after 800-year investigation  T-Shirt (56)
(TC Palm) Florida Woman arrested for beating up a man who didn't want to kiss her. With "would not kiss her either" mugshot  T-Shirt (85)
(News.com.au) Amusing School prank involving balaclavas and knives seemed like fun until a real armed holdup was committed nearby  T-Shirt (25)
(WFTV) Florida Ugly-ass jaguar cubs born at Brevard Zoo, with ugly-ass pics  T-Shirt (25)
(Canada.com) Weird Montreal cop open fires in gym club, hops on treadmill while waiting for a hail of rubber bullets from co-workers  T-Shirt (58)
(Wired) Amusing Pentagon spends $50K for 2nd portrait of Rumsfeld  T-Shirt (87)
(News4Jax) Florida Obese inmate facing additional charges for hiding bags of drugs between his belly fat folds. Heavy  T-Shirt (44)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Another day, another hunter accidentally Darwins himself  T-Shirt (75)
(Some Guy) Amusing Steal a McCain/Palin sign, get a free pizza  T-Shirt (223)
(Some Crime Guy) Followup Was KATV reporter Anne Pressly attacked and beaten because she played Ann Coulter in "W"? Some of the crazier parts of the blogosphere seem to think so  T-Shirt (106)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these dashing beauty queens (51)
(TBO) Florida Convicted animal torturer violates probation three days after being released. This is good news... for a llama  T-Shirt (65)
(Daily Star) Obvious If you leave your phone lying around, other people may look at it. Also in this series: Cash, and why you shouldn't drop it in the street  T-Shirt (24)
(PennLive) Dumbass Hershey sues furniture delivery company. "Our consumers are suffering confusion over the deceptive image on their trucks". The image in question is a sofa  T-Shirt (105)
(Dallas News) Dumbass Not news: Man exercises right to conceal and carry. News: At a county courthouse. Fark: In a diaper bag  T-Shirt (32)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state bans white people from eating curries  T-Shirt (123)
(BBC) Cool French wine named after American beer  T-Shirt (70)
(CNN) Spiffy Oh let the sun beat down upon my face with stars to fill my dream. I am a traveler of both time and space to be driving on a trade route closed for the past 60 years  T-Shirt (39)
(Houston Chronicle) Stupid Today's "SWAT team surrounds empty home" story brought to you by Houston, Texas  T-Shirt (28)
(Daily Kos) Obvious You know all that Alaskan oil and natural gas the GOP wants to "drill baby drill" to provide energy independence for the lower 48? It seems the DOE has already approved a plan to "sell, baby sell" it to the Japanese (184)
(Houston Chronicle) Sick What to do with all that hair from brushing your dog? Make a furry doll doppelganger, of course (with pics)  T-Shirt (69)
(Reuters) Interesting Iraq seeks to alter agreement with U.S. over troops. Pray they don't alter it any further  T-Shirt (115)
(wnnf) Interesting Research shows women avoid cycling because they don't want to get sweaty or helmet hair. Still no cure for cancer  T-Shirt (167)
(SFGate) Obvious Mortgage bankers gathering in San Francisco for their annual convention are greeted with the same welcome given to child-molesting neo-Nazis who enjoy the comedy stylings of Carrot Top (128)
(Stuff) Unlikely Mary-Kate Olsen angers waitress after tipping her some chewing gum after meal. In other news, Mary-Kate Olsen actually eats meals  T-Shirt (88)
(Boston Globe) Hero Doing the work Americans won't: Mexico to deport Cubans illegally headed to the United States  T-Shirt (72)
(Denver Channel) Fail Bwahahahahaha -- *breath* -- hahahahahaha  T-Shirt (93)
(BBC) Hero London buses to tell you there is no God  T-Shirt (496)
(AP) Obvious LAPD stops blacks, Mexicans more frequently than whites, even though whites more frequently found with guns or contraband. In other news, genetic diversity allows for more detailed descriptions of white suspects. But that's racist science (210)
(LA Times) Dumbass In addition to charges of corruption, tax avoidance, and pandering to the worst elements of her party, Sarah Palin may now be guilty of identity theft  T-Shirt (49)
(Telegraph) Weird Coming soon to an X Games near you, the exciting new sport of extreme napping  T-Shirt (25)
(USA Today) Fail The man who brought you "The fundamentals of the economy are strong" and "We're winning in Iraq" has a new hit: "We can overcome our funding mismatch with Obama"  T-Shirt (219)
(PETA) Asinine My sushi has a new name: S-E-A K-I-T-T-E-N-S  T-Shirt (248)
(Fox News) Dumbass Teen takes a explicit picture of herself on her cell phone for a few friends. Seems now she has over 200 friends in school  T-Shirt (220)
(KSL) Dumbass Protip: Don't accidentally call the Department of Corrections and have them record all your conversation about stealing scrap metal  T-Shirt (15)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Police officer asked to go to massage parlors, wait until the masseuse puts a condom on him and starts a sex act, then excuse himself to use his phone. No one will suspect a thing  T-Shirt (77)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Meet "Lumpy Bumpy," the man too ugly to find a job. Surprisingly, he looks nothing like Shane MacGowan  T-Shirt (98)
(Dayton Daily News) Scary Ominous package with foreign-looking writing found in chapel at Christian university. Panic and bomb squad-larity ensue. Homeland Security investigating militant Ump Al'Loompa tribe and their mysterious leader Walid W'Anqa (42)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Woman waits 19 hours in emergency room but ends up never seeing a doctor. That will be $162, please -- cash, check or Visa  T-Shirt (201)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Scary: Election machines begin to fail. Scarier: Uncertainty if functioning machines are recording votes properly. Fark: "Humidity" may be an explanation. Cherry on top: In Florida (101)
(CBS News) Florida Voters in America's wang try to vote early and avoid long lines, but high turnout means most of them have to spend some time dangling their chads  T-Shirt (43)
(Washington Post) Asinine Walk your two miniature poodles on a neighbor's lawn? Oooh, you better believe that's an arresting, a shackling and a hauling-off-to-jail  T-Shirt (85)
(The Daily Press) Obvious Government lies are the new "normal"  T-Shirt (183)
(AP) Dumbass Voter registration materials sent to Princess Nudelman in Chicago suburbs. Difficulty: Princess was dead. Difficultier difficulty: Princess was a goldfish  T-Shirt (84)
(My Fox DC) Scary Barack Obama sign set up in the yard of a black Virginia man is stolen and replaced with a Confederate flag  T-Shirt (427)
(CNN) Amusing Roses are red / Violets are blue / Do you have a rash? / 'Cuz I've got one, too  T-Shirt (52)
(National Review) Asinine For more than 40 years, Medicare has provided financial rewards to providers when a patient requires follow-up care following a medical error  T-Shirt (44)
(Newsblaze) Cool News from Awesome World: A bacon-scented bacon print tuxedo  T-Shirt (46)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Former Chicago Police Commander arrested on federal charges after two decades of suspects falling down and/or walking into walls  T-Shirt (61)
(Rian.Ru) Weird Brazilian inmates escape prison by tunneling into neighbouring kindergarten. If only there had been some sort of cop there who could stop them...  T-Shirt (62)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Another positive side to the tanking economy: Dumb rich kids will soon have the Ivy League schools all to themselves, as smart middle-class kids can't afford it any more (197)
(SMH) Cool Bali bombers will face execution by a firing squad within 14 days  T-Shirt (255)
(WGEM.com) Amusing Bartender figures out she can make more money working naked. Too bad she wasn't working in a strip club  T-Shirt (106)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Houston paper asks the question: "Who are the 15 percent who say the U.S. is on the right track?"  T-Shirt (339)
(USA Today) Scary The real crisis of the economic downturn: homelessness is starting to spread to white people  T-Shirt (147)
(Some Guy) Amusing Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah  T-Shirt (130)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this gorilla (71)
(Boston Herald) Scary Father of the Year candidate takes kids on high-speed, late-night gun battle in SUV reeking of pot and containing a loaded firearm, and open 12-pack of Heineken. Bonus: The kids' mother says he's the victim (118)
(AZCentral) Amusing Man breaks into home. To charge his cell phone  T-Shirt (50)
(Yahoo) Followup A decade ago this headline would have been a lot hotter: Gwyneth Paltrow says she's "helping" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie  T-Shirt (155)
(Salem News) Dumbass Man and woman assaulted with own case of Bud Light, which in the long run is better for them than actually drinking it  T-Shirt (154)
(MetroWest Daily News) Dumbass Man gets car stuck on train tracks. Good thing an oncoming train was there to knock him free so he could drive away  T-Shirt (35)
(Daily Mail) Amusing The kite-eating tree has moved on to horses. With om-nom-nom-nom pics  T-Shirt (60)
(Metro) Weird Meat pie leads to six years of "massive throbbing pain," proving that everything you've ever heard about English food is true  T-Shirt (134)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Your dog still wants steak, but will settle for Hamburger Helper until the Dow cracks 10,000 again  T-Shirt (68)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Dumb: Driving drunk. Dumber: Hightailing it from the cops when they ask for a breath test. Dumberer: Removing your license plates and torching the car before getting busted  T-Shirt (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Fark the costumes, cheap candy and haunted houses - here are twenty-four actual ghost towns and abandoned cities to scare the fark out of you  T-Shirt (167)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Thirteen-year-old won't behave? Bribe her with cigarettes  T-Shirt (84)
(Yahoo) Stupid Kim Jong Il, angry because of his own receding hairline, orders all North Korean long-haired athletes to go clean-cut  T-Shirt (56)
(WISN) Scary Wisconsin homeowner surprised to discover land mine in backyard  T-Shirt (50)
(News.com.au) Stupid Too many teenagers are getting pregnant. Clearly the schools are to blame for this  T-Shirt (188)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Extreme cliche makeovers (144)
(News.com.au) Scary Creepy: Having a stalker. Extra creepy: Stalker is following you around in a hearse  T-Shirt (62)
(BBC) Interesting An attempt to ban parents in England and Wales from smacking their children as a punishment has been spanked in a vote of 424 to 75  T-Shirt (156)
(AP) Florida Woman goes to jail over $7.45 bill at Waffle House  T-Shirt (127)

Mon October 20, 2008
(Some Guy) Obvious Parental gem "just use your words" finally replaced with more realistic "Round-house kick the kid in the face"  T-Shirt (81)
(AP) Interesting Church burns 100 reels of pornographic movies found stashed at a drive-in theatre they bought, plan to rake up used condoms to create huge burning bush  T-Shirt (122)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing All new Homestar's Running Halloween customes & broducts  T-Shirt (41)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Heckler inaugurated as VU president," interrupts his own acceptance speech more than a dozen times  T-Shirt (30)
(NPR) Sad Iraqi woman sleeps with soldier, gets pregnant, then married. Moves to US, gets a stripper job, abuses her kids and the courts take them away. Then her husband throws her out. Guess whose fault all this is. Go ahead, guess (288)
(Some Guy) Hero Heroic sliding glass door and a brave yellow concrete post foil getaway of Walmart shoplifter  T-Shirt (46)
(Columbia-Tribune) Spiffy Elderly couple take "get off my yard" one step further with an electric fence around their campaign signs , and the husband is armed with a BB gun. Police chief says he can't wait for the political process to be over (110)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man admits stealing copper from cemetery. Cu later, dumbass  T-Shirt (54)
(Salem News) Asinine The police in Peabody, Mass want holiday pay for 9/11. Because when you think first responders on 9/11, you think of Peabody, Mass  T-Shirt (49)
(USA Today) Unlikely U.S. Mint is pushing for people to switch to using dollar coins. Apparently these government dorks NEVER go to strip clubs  T-Shirt (247)
(Statesman) Interesting Death row inmate busted for hiding cell phone. Texas plans to execute him twice to really teach him a lesson  T-Shirt (28)
(Fox News) Asinine Man gets excommunicated by the Mormon church and BYU revokes his diploma because he produced a calender showing hunky Mormon guys without their holy long johns on  T-Shirt (131)
(Canada.com) Followup Man who killed bear in self-defence now fending off animal rights activists. "Followup" tag wins out over "Asinine" on technicality; subby bemoans lack of "Ignorant pile of douchebaggery" tag (176)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida In retrospect, a dorm room is probably not the best place to set up a meth lab  T-Shirt (47)
(PennLive) Strange Pennsylvania woman ordered out of her aluminum-foil-wrapped metal box. Woman: "I am allergic to radio" Husband: "My wife is not a lawnmower"  T-Shirt (52)
(AP) Obvious Federal prosecutors say that men who plotted terror attack against Fort Dix were inspired by Al-Qaida, Beavis and Butthead  T-Shirt (23)
(CNN) Scary Thanks, Dan. Now for some breaking news: Someone is stabbing me in the face  T-Shirt (46)
(Reuters) PSA Obama to suspend campaign on Thursday, put grandma first  T-Shirt (353)
(SeattlePI) Asinine Boy checks out "Bunny Suicides" book from his school library; his mom sees it and has a good laugh. Just kidding, she's not returning it, and plans to burn it  T-Shirt (125)
(KFYR) Ironic Water tower burns down  T-Shirt (44)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Scary Autistic boy climbs 6.03746-foot fence and onto rollercoaster track at Mall of America  T-Shirt (49)
(UPI) Interesting 62 yr-old woman doesn't understand why her 38 yr-old boyfriend assaulted her with a roll of toilet paper, said he was always a charmin gentleman up until now  T-Shirt (30)
(KWTX) Fail When you rob someone, don't forget about your cell phone  T-Shirt (6)
(CNN) Interesting Once again Futurama predicts the future as suicide booth goes live in Sweden  T-Shirt (115)
(JSOnline) Dumbass Today's Tip: When robbing a bank, try to disguise yourself somehow. Perhaps a mask  T-Shirt (10)
(Jalopnik) Spiffy Ten cars you can live in after your home gets repossessed  T-Shirt (80)
(SacBee) Sad Much like kids who peek at their presents on Christmas Eve, old people have the highest rate of suicide  T-Shirt (45)
(Examiner) Obvious You can trust the government -- with pictures of your naked body  T-Shirt (54)
(Jack Chick) Asinine Halloween's coming, and you know what that means: The most ridiculous Jack Chick tract you'll read all year  T-Shirt (95)
(Seattle Times) Strange ʇǝǝɟ sıɥ oʇuo plǝɥ ǝɟım sıɥ sɐ ǝpup ǝɥʇ pıɐs ,,'dlǝH,, (54)
(Journal Times) Florida Man caught with bags of shrimp down pants. Offers to put them back. Offer declined  T-Shirt (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bride with intentions (51)
(WSBT) Dumbass "It is not known why he was riding a snowmobile in a plowed field."  T-Shirt (55)
(Des Moines Register) Scary Some people throw rice at weddings. Others throw brass-knuckle punches  T-Shirt (53)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly Iceland's innovative sales pitch to woo foreign tourists: "no shortage of food or other goods"...oh yeah, and the ATMs work too  T-Shirt (115)
(MSN) Stupid Hooked on tanning-or even popsicles? Here are ingenious treatments for 9 bizarre addictions  T-Shirt (130)
(Examiner) Sappy More cute dogs in costumes than you can shake a steak at (with must see Chi-Obama pic goodness)  T-Shirt (104)
(CBS New York) Asinine You live in an apartment above New York's Carnegie Hall, and they ask you to move out. Do you: A) comply B) compromise C) demand $10 million?  T-Shirt (142)
(Philly) Obvious For those who think peace between Israel and the Palestinians is possible, be aware that right now they're attacking each other over the olive harvest  T-Shirt (194)
(FARK) Survey To all the musical Farkers out there- what's your favorite "perfect" album? In other words, what album do you feel has the perfect ordering of songs, best segues, best liner notes, best artwork, etc. in addition to great songs (1531)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Jail tells inmates they cannot "just sleep all day." So they riot  T-Shirt (145)
(JSOnline) Interesting High school senior portraits becoming less about using Stridex the night before and more about professional photographers and Photoshop. With slideshow. Don't miss the chick dressed as Batman (370)
(Yahoo) Obvious Al Qaida denies organized DOS attack on its website. Blames "some bimbo at Go Daddy"  T-Shirt (77)
(WBBM) Amusing Caller: I just got hit by a car. 911: Did you see the car that hit you? Caller: Yes, it was blue and white, with lights on the top and 'serve to protect' on the side  T-Shirt (70)
(BBC) Strange Doctors will now be given tips on how to tell when someone is dead. Paging Dr. McCoy  T-Shirt (80)
(USA Today) Stupid Airlines will be cutting up to 3000 flights over Thanksgiving, which should do a lot to make that trip to your in-laws' just crackle with excitement  T-Shirt (85)
(Canada.com) Interesting Motorcyclist... buffering... arrested for... buffering... speeding on... buffering... YouTube  T-Shirt (95)
(Canoe) Asinine The Canada Revenue Agency doesn't regularly lock its doors. It's a good thing they don't have millions of people's personal tax information in there  T-Shirt (28)
(BBC) Amusing Nicolas Sarkozy's bank account surrenders to hackers  T-Shirt (23)
(OK! Magazine) Silly Idiot students who forgot to apply for anywhere to live get put-up in five star hotel with their own jacuzzis  T-Shirt (38)
(News.com.au) Scary Hash anybody seen the (hic) keesh tooo the (hic) plane,,, i dunno waaart the fledgsht i did with em  T-Shirt (27)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing Sculpture depicts Noah's adventures with dinosaurs on the ark (with pic)  T-Shirt (176)
(The Chattanoogan) Photoshop Pick a ho, any ho and give her a make over, Tyra-style GIRLFRIEND! Rules: Just these headshots, no bodies. Extra bonus for taking the more difficult ones (178)
(CNN) Stupid Sure, it's a big planet. But it's also a little planet. Little enough that you don't want to piss off a bunch of suicide bombers with the background music of your computer game  T-Shirt (177)
(London Times) Asinine You can be as sick as you like, but this here shiny £1 coin says you're not going to hospital  T-Shirt (73)
(ABC News) Florida Mainstream media finally realizes what we have been saying for years "Florida may be one of the most bizarre state in the nation" With bonus mention of Drew and Fark (76)
(Daily Mail) Interesting You probably won't notice the girl in the bikini because of the ugly-ass tiger cub playing in the water  T-Shirt (111)
(Buffalo News) Scary Man stabbed during bowling alley brawl. Fortunately, his life was spared  T-Shirt (48)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious Remember all those people who thought they were being really smart by locking in their heating oil prices over the summer? Today, not so much  T-Shirt (68)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Scary Family told not to worry about the three-foot, possibly venemous snake in their attic: it'll come out again once it gets hungry  T-Shirt (40)
(American Journalism Review) Obvious Newspapers offer "all-you-can-eat buffet of content," but decline in quality as budgets get thinner: "Absurd choice because the audience least interested in news has already abandoned the newspaper" (36)
(The Register) Followup Due to system anomolies, the reactivation of the Hubble Space Telescope has been suspended. The year 1990 wants its headline back  T-Shirt (41)
(Some Guy) Misc Medical marijuana gardens in Oregon welcomed by patients and advocates, while neighbors are alarmed and police are confused about how to handle it. Owner of snack shop next door indifferent (75)
(BBC) Amusing Paul McCartney's head left on train, goes on magical mystery tour  T-Shirt (45)
(Some Guy) Obvious In Chicago the question we have to ask ourselves is, is our teachers learning?  T-Shirt (55)
(WYFF4.com) Interesting Man wins first prize at state fair by building his own coffin. Coincidentally, this also enabled him to judge the chili contest  T-Shirt (30)
(Some Guy) Sad Top 10 American icons that are not American  T-Shirt (169)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Interesting Pennsylvania's new anti-smoking law applies to people smoking in their own home if they are foster parents. Beating their foster child inside their home is still fine  T-Shirt (78)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Dumbass Bungling parking warden hands out tickets to a string of vehicles in a pub car park - even though it was free to use  T-Shirt (19)
(Chronicle of Higher Ed) Obvious The American bachelor's degree is becoming increasingly expensive and unnecessary for the world of work. Especially for you English majors, because "fries" is an easy word to spell  T-Shirt (300)
(Daily Express) Ironic Nanny state department responsible for security has lost 3,500 staff security passes  T-Shirt (19)
(CBS San Francisco) Dumbass Protip: Wait until after you've burglarized the liquor store to start drinking  T-Shirt (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting White female, 17, blond, blue-eyed - check. Missing under mysterious circumstances? Check. Cue the 24-hour media feeding frenzy in 3... 2... 1  T-Shirt (526)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop this bocce player (46)
(Telegraph) Silly Jesus in the sky with diamonds  T-Shirt (55)
(News.com.au) Amusing The joys of a country race meeting in Australia: jockeys refusing to race until they've watched another race on tv, horses starting from the wrong barriers and a fashion model bitten by a snake (21)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Not news: Man surfing the web at work infects entire network with computer virus. News: He was surfing porn sites. Fark: He's a priest  T-Shirt (84)
(Telegraph) Silly Inspiration is most likely to strike at 10:04 PM, at least according to these scientists who'd made it to 4:33 on a Friday afternoon without producing anything that week  T-Shirt (19)
(Some Caddie) Interesting Goft cart man. Golf cart man. Does what ever a cop car can. Jump a ditch. Any size. Look out. It's golf cart man  T-Shirt (52)
(Metro) Strange Historic windmill withstands lightning, German bombs and the British weather for 150 years, but may be eaten by parakeets  T-Shirt (33)
(International Herald Tribune) Sad Mr Blackwell's latest ensemble will be a perfectly coordinated designer pine box  T-Shirt (53)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida 23-year old woman gets her hair cut for the first time. The Gainesville Sun is there  T-Shirt (85)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing Writer asks "has Target robbed Domo-kun of his dignity?", mentions Fark's photoshop of Domo. "A Target spokesperson laughed off the idea of their kid-friendly new mascot being used for such poppycock." (141)
(Daily Mail) Silly Old and busted: Nose and breast jobs. New hotness: Having your toes shortened and canklectomies  T-Shirt (63)
(Daily Star) Amusing Drunk who moved his car 3ft in a car park is fined and banned from driving. But spitting in the policeman's face probably didn't help (warning: site ads are NSFW)  T-Shirt (24)
(News.com.au) Sad Yo mamma's so fat, she's making you sick  T-Shirt (59)
(Stuff) Weird A pigeon laid an egg. Inside someone's home. On their stove (with pic)  T-Shirt (41)
(The Sun) Strange RAF Top Gun says he was ordered to shoot down a massive UFO over the East of England  T-Shirt (149)
(Some Guy) Interesting High school teacher uses fantasy football to teach his students about math. "There were some kids who didn't even know what a quarterback was."  T-Shirt (79)
(SeattlePI) Sad Man has his home burglarized but in all fairness it wasn't the worst thing to happen to him this week  T-Shirt (35)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass More than half of all new teachers fail entry-level math test. That's like nearly five out of 10  T-Shirt (86)
(Daily Star) Dumbass How NOT to beat drink driving: Sat Nav unveiled that helps motorists find the nearest pub  T-Shirt (24)
(Stuff) PSA If car surfing is a bad idea, then mooning while car surfing is probably not going to end well, either  T-Shirt (34)