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Sun January 27, 2008
Yahoo News Head of Greece Orthodox Church dies - religious leader trifecta now in play (36)
CNN PSA States to get harder...harder... harder... HARDER on teachers who sexually abuse students (21)
WebProNews Cool FINALLY: National Delete Your My Space Account Day: January 30th (63)
(Ex-Mormon TFette) News Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the LDS Church, has died. He is survived by children but no wives, believe it or not (166)
CNN News 'Major' movement of Iraqi forces, including troops, special forces, tanks and Iraqi air force support poised to deal a death blow to al Qaeda loyalists (117)
(Some Guy) Cool Haunting and beautiful photos and video of the abandoned Namibian town of Kolmanskop, a ghost town that is turning back into sand dunes (79)
CNN Asinine Today's headline: Michael Vick's pit bulls learn to be pets. Next Week: Michael Vick's pit bulls maul new owner (165)
Toronto Star Ironic Not News: We need to conserve water. News: Citizens successful in conserving water. Fark: Due to succesful water conservation programs city raises water rates to make up for shortfall in revenue (129)
MSNBC Interesting Whole Foods cashiers will no longer ask "paper or plastic." However they will still ask "would you like to finance your groceries today with low interest, adjustable rate 30 year mortgage?" (211)
ABC News Scary Machete-armed gangs rampaging through Kenya. Well no wonder they're mad, they've got machete arms (77)
MSNBC Florida Woman punches police horse outside nightclub (w/ mugshot). Horse union taps out request for Tasers (83)
(Some Guy) Cool Incredible Hi Res 3D Motion Photo Panoramas (49)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest gum sculptures you'll see today (22)
Defamer Obvious Author who infiltrated Scientology goes into hiding after receiving threatening phone calls. Xenu always calls collect (185)
CBS Boston Spiffy Players, fans, media, and prostitutes flock to Phoenix for Super Bowl (43)
(Buffalo News) Interesting Honor roll student receives 7 week suspension after trying to take on the School Board. Your tax dollars at work (118)
(Some Guy) Sappy Japanese girl's letter returned 15 years later... by a fish (45)
(Plan59.com) Photoshop Photoshop Mr Pickle (93)
Network World Amusing Confessions of a former Apple zealot: "I've been de-programmed off Apple for more than a decade now. I'm no Apple fan boy anymore." (439)
BBC Interesting The BBC discusses what makes a good teacher. Ambiguous moral compass and unhealthy fondness for preteen boys strangely absent (35)
BBC Cool "My wife was quite amazed when the plumber went down, pulled one of the legs out from this hatch and told her there were hundreds more" (76)
El Paso Times Ironic Army prohibits soldiers to travel to Mexico because of increasing violence. Travel to Iraq still OK (68)
(Gothamist) Strange An “automotive Bermuda Triangle;” a five-block dimension where vehicles mysteriously die. Welcome to the Empire State Building Zone (61)
Guardian.com Interesting Kidney snatching gang arrested. In addition to dead bodies, cops found 100 tubes of lipstick and 8,000 pounds of ice (28)
NYPost Asinine Doctor's note could serve as "get out of jail free" card for many jailed NY "sickos" under governor's plan. Michael Moore unavailable for comment (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Coming soon to an internet near you: facebook apps. Everywhere (105)
WFTV Florida If you're drunk and you really need to hand in a paper for a class make sure you don't try to hand it in at a police station (12)
Fox News Dumbass Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so (83)
YouTube Amusing Half-Life: Full Life Consequences (a nine-year old's Half-Life 2 fanfiction narrated and animated -- with spelling intact) (111)
Live Science Obvious How to tell if you are addicted to technology. Clue #1: You're reading this online on a Sunday (128)
Yahoo Strange Tantric master breaks record by immersing self in ice for 72 minutes. You're doing it wrong (53)
BBC Asinine UK may ask soldiers to wear uniforms to off-duty drunken brawls (23)
(Some Really Old Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Repair this ancient Roman ruin (47)
News.com.au Scary Don't you hate it when you step on a shark's tail and it turns around and bites you so hard on the leg the only way you can free yourself is to cut off its head? Yeah, so does this guy (45)
SMH Asinine In the good old days, people would just laugh at the five-year olds who ate chalk. Today they call in the drug counseling squad (46)
Fox News Weird Cat with five legs dropped off at shelter. Veterinarians look at it, realize something is not right with a cat that has five legs, confer among themselves, agree to remove two legs (112)
(Some Low Guy) Dumbass "I love the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it." Not this time, Mitch (155)
(Some Bunny) Silly Rabbits have taken over Fort Worth, TX and will remain in control until next weekend. EVERYBUNNY PANIC (161)
AP Amusing Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not drop the soap (60)
Reuters Obvious The WHO recommends ways to reduce the harmful effects of alcohol, then trashes their hotel room (62)
CBS San Francisco Scary Unique job posting on Craigslist: $5,000 offered to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California." (68)
(Sun Herald) Sad Northern pintail flies 6,700 miles from Japan to live on the Mississippi delta only to be shot dead by a hunter (150)
(nola.com) Dumbass If the cops pull you over on suspicion of having stolen a cash register, no matter how good your story is, they're likely to be skeptical if you have a cash register in your lap (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these computers in the window (34)
This Is Local London Cool Slutty pictures of Britain's youngest female councillor surface (314)
USA Today Cool 19-year-old girl dreams of being on Broadway, but takes a job as Miss America 2008. Congratulations Miss Michigan, Kirsten Haglund (113)
(Tribune-Herald) Strange Bad: You're suspended from school. Worse: They won't say why. Fark: You're the principal (34)
(Some Bender) Dumbass Some kids try to mythbust A Christmas Story. Don't mess with a classic (73)
CNN News The smiling general, Suharto, who ruled Indonesia for 31 years has died at age 86 (140)
(K2) Cool The kind of boy that would receive an air compressor for Christmas is the same kind of boy that would convert it into a snow machine and fill his back yard with three feet of snow overnight so he can snowboard (133)
CBS Sacramento Strange Pennsylvania church decides to just save everyone some time and will be holding confession at bars (41)
(Damn Funny Pictures) Amusing Please, please consider giving to the People Who Wear Too Much Sunless Tanning Lotion foundation. Every little bit could help children like these (336)

Sat January 26, 2008
(WTVH-5) Followup Fred Phelps & the WBC forego Army specialist's funeral in Upstate New York in order to picket Heath Ledger tribute at the SAG Awards. In other news, godhatessag.com still available (121)
The Morning Call Dumbass Allentown, PA provides one of the BEST arrest photos you will ever see (261)
CTV Scary What the hell are all of these automobiles doing on my runway? (25)
DallasNews Dumbass "Police said Mr. Robinson ... thought that he'd discharged all of the rounds, so he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger" (123)
(Sierra Vista Herald) Strange If you stole a pickup truck and abandoned it with 1150 pounds of pot, police would like to have a word with you. Oh, and bring nachos (32)
(Some Guy) Florida Sun Tzu may have been a military genius, but even he could not have predicted the horrors...of marshmallow warfare (47)
MSNBC Scary NSC announces that a huge spy satellite has lost power and propulsion, there's no way to stop it, and they have no idea where it will smash into on Earth. Have a nice day (157)
Denver Post Asinine Man counts every sheet of toilet paper he uses and discovers Angel Soft only delivers an average of 156.75 sheets of the 198 promised, so he calls the Better Business Bureau and makes a stink (149)
(Some Bivalve Arthropod) Photoshop Photoshop this ostracode carapace (50)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Judge holds a lawyer in contempt for reading a Maxim magazine in court. Lawyer gets into argument with the judge about if Maxim is considered pornography or not. Somewhere, Lionel Hutz is smiling (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting 19-year-old girl dreams of being a dancer, but takes a job as a welder to pay the bills. Somebody should make a movie about her (116)
Guardian.com Unlikely British women have drinking under control. "We know exactly how much we're drinking - yes, right up to the point when we don't" (33)
(Some stupid college paper) Scary Student busted for hoping his professor would die a slow and painful death and of AIDS. I guess those evaluations aren't as anonymous as I thought (213)
Reuters Strange Lithuania contemplates changing name to increase tourism. Torn between "Baltic State formerly known as Lithuania" and "Paris" (121)
WTOP Followup High school punk who called administrator to complain about not getting a snow day is given detention; for using his mobile phone during the school day (364)
(Anchorage Daily News) Cool "Popsicle" cat neatly trimmed and ready for adoption (pic) (144)
Reuters Interesting Britain recruiting 'twitchers' to count tits and boobies (41)
Forbes Scary When do you start saving for your child's education? At least 10 years before they're born if you want to send them to one of these preschools. With "I can see where my money is going" photo goodness (141)
SMH Scary Shrink with 30 yrs experience testifies in court that Ritalin contributes to school violence. Other shrinks get upset, so what do they do? C) order the shrink in question to treatment in a mental hospital for disagreeing with them (238)
(The Whig) Sappy Soldier deployed to Afghanistan rents ice so he can play hockey with his 4-year-old for first time the day before he goes. When his unit is sent early, the arena cancels all other rentals so the two can have the ice to themselves (105)
SFGate Interesting 29 things to be happy about. Yes, booze is there (111)
Daily Mail Stupid Kate and Gerry McCann may pocket $2 million for Oprah appearance, then planning extensive tour of world's best golf courses to search for their daughter's kidnapper (62)
(Some Guy) Followup Georgians may soon be able to water all their dead plants (37)
BBC Interesting Today's news item tailor-made for Fark involves a woman who threatened to cut off part of a man's body and leave him for dead, a "dirty old man," porn, and marijuana. The only thing missing is beer (13)
BBC Sick British Mother takes her 15 and 13 year old daughters to the US on holiday. Mother becomes ill, daughters taken to orphanage then stripped naked. Really (312)
Marketwatch Interesting The great fiscal stimulus package ... of 1929 (156)
Google Sad A helicopter is a great way to get around quickly in LA, but merging with the 110 is still hell (69)
WFTV Florida Five earn Darwin wings after flying their BMW off elevated runway at airstrip (114)
(Some Guy) Strange With this heroin, I thee wed (37)
Baltimore Sun Stupid Woman who wants to cash in 55,000 pennies can't stop congratulating herself for being frugal. Lets not spoil it by pointing out how much money she lost by keeping the hard currency for 15 years instead of putting it in the bank (102)
Toronto Star Obvious Americans rally at Canadian embassy in Washington to demand Canada allow hundreds of Iraq war resisters who fled there to stay in Canada. Apparently the U.S. doesn't want them either (165)
(Some Guy) Scary Serbian Interior Minister Dragan Jocic seriously injured in car accident. Beowulf sought for questioning (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Burglar identified and arrested after breaking into house while wearing monkey pajamas (11)
(Some Guy) Obvious This weekend Prince Charles becomes longest serving king-in-waiting in British history because Queen refuses to die. When asked if he's frustrated, wife simply replies "Neigh." (53)
Yahoo Amusing Giants fan paints his dog blue, but at least leaves the dog's privates unpainted. Because nobody likes a dog with a blue tongue (58)
Telegraph Cool Hookers For Jesus saving souls in Las Vegas, promising a happy ending in the afterlife (pic) (81)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this arboretum amphitheater (46)
Canoe Cool NYC couple finds camera in cab, spends weeks searching the pictures for clues so they can return it. Probably got the idea from the dozens of viral marketing campaigns that have already done this (35)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk driver plays chicken with police cruiser, forces cops off road and into a fence; is found to be three times over the legal limit, has weed, an open container, and illegal cigarettes. TAA DAA (31)
ABC News Dumbass Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from delivering weed right to your door (30)
Local6 Florida Florida is quickly becoming the leader of teachers having sex with students (66)
(MaineToday.com) Followup Kissing magazine-seller gets Time. Not Life of course, but the Maxim that People get Downeast (35)
(Some Guy) Weird "It's not snake oil and we are not fly-by-night," says man who's pitching $2,800 mattress covers fitted with magnets to seniors (66)
Guardian.com Unlikely New survey reveals 29% of Britons think their warmest relations are with the EU, 64% think they are with America, and 7% with various barnyard animals (111)
(The Age) Interesting Teen who had armed ripped off in shark attack surfing circles around her competition in pro event. Shark trifecta now in play (52)
(Some Guy) Amusing The five worst dating profiles (187)
(Some Guy) Strange "Officers had no choice but to use a Taser on a passenger on a Greyhound bus who was found ripping the skin off his head" (66)
UPI Florida Can't stop here- it's bat country (44)
(Some Caturday Guy) Hero Cat saved from sinking boat by Deputy Corm, just in time for Caturday (with embiggenable pic) (621)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Wealthy British lasses are plonking down tens of thousands of pounds for exotic purses made out of crocodile skin, diamonds, gold, baby seals and babies (75)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Idiot brothers tried to smuggle flip-flops, a jar of mayonnaise and hot pepper sauce over a prison fence for their convict brother, who presumably has a liking for fine dining (30)
The Smoking Gun Cool GRR, baby - very grr (88)
CBS New York Dumbass Savannah, apparently forgetting the score last time they got uppity with the north, bans the FDNY from marching in their St. Patrick's Day Parade (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Super Tube Professional STP 6 (34)
(kare11) Weird Shark attacks up at the Mall of America (40)
CBS Austin Dumbass You know the economy is in the tank when guy breaks into a house to rob a kid's piggy bank (16)
SMH PSA Happy Australia Day everyone (119)
(Some Texan) Sick Today's trailer housing a pot-bellied pig, two pygmy goats, ponies, three dozen dogs, guinea pigs and exotic birds as well as a coatimundi, whatever that may be, brought to you by Marshall, Texas. Oh, yeah, four people lived there, too (48)
Cleveland Obvious 5 youths shot at Knight's Inn. It's only a flesh wound (36)
The Sun Obvious Oh look, a story involving vampire lesbian killers who like to kiss each other. Which media outlet do you expect is there? (97)
AFP Sad Family pets fall victim to subprime crisis. Wait, what? (164)
(therecord.com) Obvious Ric Romero headline of the day: "Toy guns can be mistaken for real thing" (36)
The Sun Cool Coolest photo of a root vegetable that looks like a couple with their arms wrapped around each other you'll see in the next 47 minutes (pic) (71)
UPI Florida Middle school's web page has all the usual stuff: Students, Faculty, Staff...but you probably shouldn't click the last one (48)
MSNBC Obvious Just when you thought hardcore news reporting was dead: "Stick Car Antenna Disappearing," now with incoherent headline freshness. The bar has been raised (65)
UPI Cool The Virginia Lottery pays 650 winners who played four zeros in the "Pick-4" lottery (81)
The Raw Story Interesting Romney ex-aide nabbed on sex charges. No word yet on whether or not he oiled his Mitt (62)

Fri January 25, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Man steals Dell laptop. News: Can't crack password, seeks Tech support from a RentWay store. Fark: Manager recognizes start-up picture is his friend's child (157)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Scary No matter how much you support your little angel's athletic carreer, it is never good to call up the little league coach and threaten to shoot him "down like a dog" (w/ no-neck pic) (72)
USA Today Strange Gandhi grandson quits non-violence institute (75)
1010WINS Stupid Five-year old handcuffed after throwing tantrum at school, narrowly misses being tazed (109)
(My Fox Austin) Interesting Cat finds stash of child porn. Why don't you haz a seat right there (w/ mugshot) (142)
(KCRG) Strange Woman dies in bungee cord incident - but not the way you'd think (53)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If your sister slaps an officer in a drunken stupor, you might be a redneck. Doing it topless confirms it (52)
Des Moines Register Amusing Recession is hurting everyone, including armed robbers that are forced to settle for less money from their victims (43)
NYPost Sad NYC CEO's DUI leads to DOA victim. Next stop PMITA (92)
Deadspin Amusing With the stock and housing markets so unstable, why not invest in humans? Minor league pitcher offers shares of his future salary for as little as $20 (37)
CNN Strange Twelve year old says "Do I want to do what to my what?" (374)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these street signs (55)
Daily Mail Hero Mom succumbs to cancer in order to save unborn child. She'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine (257)
YouTube Dumbass Idiot steals from PC store while staring right at the security cameras, store owner posts to Youtube looking for help (86)
CNN Scary By the look of the pic, Mary Kate Olsen should have played the Joker in the new Batman film (340)
NJ.com Weird Man wins $800k after nagging girlfriend sends him on a three-hour drive to Atlantic City just to buy her jeans (122)
Breitbart.tv Video Fox News anchor apologizes for the "Quit You" crack about Heath Ledger's death. Great, now we ALL have to apologize (197)
Stuff Amusing Megatron admits to importing drugs; blames it on Starscream (60)
SLTrib Weird Not news: Mom finds teen daughter with suspicious $20. News: Earned from performing oral sex on two men. Fark: One of whom ran a business cutting out the "dirty bits" from movies (159)
Telegraph Interesting CIA claims hackers have broken into power systems' computers and threatened to cut off electricity to entire cities unless they're paid a ransom (93)
(KSAT) Strange Police seize 6,000 bootleg cd's...estimate street value at $1.2 million (69)
(DailyCamera) Hero Man donates $25,000 to have his name on university bathroom (68)
Denver Post Dumbass Nothing says "I'm sorry we held you at gunpoint for an hour" like a check for $14,000 (60)
(Some Hebrish) Amusing Despite getting it wrong, some translations are right on the mark: "Your newspaper most whorable thing in the world" (23)
The Newspaper Hero Identical twins fighting speed camera citations catch ticket company forging documents (85)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Further proof that the stimulus package is working: Super Bowl bets in Vegas expected to exceed $100 million for first time in history (36)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Wanted: Women who are 21 or older, of light weight, nimble, exhibit poise and control, and most importantly, enthusiasm. Oh, and they should not mind being tossed up to 20 feet in the air. No experience required (56)
Herald-Leader Interesting News: JoJo gets an obituary in the local paper. Fark: He's a frog. Awesome: He was 23 (73)
(Bloomberg) Silly Rumor of beer prices rising was true. Beer now $400 a glass (128)
CNN Obvious Operation "Here We Go Again" about to commence in Mosul, Iraq. Soon to be followed up by the obligatory "We got Al-Qaeda's second-in-command" announcement (298)
(Slice) Cool A guide to regional pizza styles. It covers everything from the classic New York slice to that phony pizza casserole they serve in Chicago (493)
WTAM Interesting Not news: Woman proposes a gun buyback program. News: She's a principal, and she wants it for her students. Fark: She's an elementary school principal (86)
Canoe Dumbass Canada suffers its own version of mall violence as a guy takes out six people, including a pregnant woman, with a hockey stick (103)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cougar to be fitted with tracking device after being tagged by 15-year old boy (95)
Seattle Times Photoshop Photoshop this blessed pug (90)
Daily Mail Amusing Old and busted: Crop circles. New hotness: Sheep circles (pic) (55)
Discovery Interesting Hidden Afghanistan: The Recovered Treasure (54)
Breitbart.com NewsFlash Four alarm insurance fraud in Las Vegas at the Monte Carlo (442)
(Some Guy) Obvious Actual headline: "Breast augmentation available at Moundview" (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tennesseean reporter quits her job in the middle of writing a sto (83)
Telegraph Weird Grandmaster Bobby Fischer is odd even in death, having pre-arranged his own guerilla burial. Nobody understands why he picked that spot, but it'll keep Boris Spassky from crossing diagonally across it in 20 years (82)
(Some Guy) Hero Superhero wearing nothing but metallic underwear and handcuffs assists police by forcing stolen vehicle into telephone pole (86)
(Some Guy) Stupid When leaving on vacation, most people worry about leaving the iron on or how their pets will be taken care of. Most people don't worry about a construction crew demolishing their entire house by accident (57)
Denver Channel Asinine Jesus died for your chins (129)
Cleveland Interesting Cleveland man sentenced to 24 hours of being homeless after stealing Salvation Army kettle (64)
Google Stupid Yes Virginia, there is a Sangria clause (94)
National Post Misc Israel wants to "disconnect" from Gaza, still remain friends. Booty calls okay, too (223)
Guardian.com Obvious Japanese whaling fleet accuses the Australian government of helping the anti-whaling protesters. A spokesman aboard the HMAS Stands Out Like A Shag On A Rock was unavailable for comment (77)
ABC 2 Sick Man accused of electrocuting wife during kinky sex. He tried to blame the hair dryer for her death, but couldn't explain the burns on her nipples (199)
BBC Weird Not news: Campaign launched to build memorial for WW2 veteran who enjoyed a smoke and a beer. Fark: It's a bear (37)
(Samaritan's Feet) Sappy IUPUI hoops coach Ron Hunter hoped to get 40,000 shoes for charity by coaching barefoot last night. Instead, he's up to 110,000, and counting. LGT charity he's helping (50)
(Some Guy) Asinine In England, a man's home cannot be a castle (140)
(Some Guy) Asinine Steal catalytic converters for quick cash, especially ones from Toyota trucks that are easy to reach. Well, thanks for that tip (98)
Seattle Times Scary Behold the latest cinematic trainwreck brought to you by Hollywood: "Teeth," a film about a girl with teeth in her vagina. Seriously (303)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Drunk college student walking home from bar mistakes state's tax building for his dorm. Hilarity, audit ensues (48)
ABC 2 Silly So uh, Dad, will you dress in drag to win us tickets to the Hannah Montana concert? (48)
(AL.com) Weird Police catch Alabama man in the act of removing flowers from his wife's grave. Again. With bolt cutters (52)
Wired Spiffy Scientists map brain, hoping to understand the female compulsion to ask for directions (59)
Local10 Florida Ceiling Cat spontaneously combusts in Florida elementary school (68)
(Some Guy) Asinine Spanish driver sues dead cyclist he killed for damage the accident did to his Audi's bodywork (236)
Guardian.com Scary If you were in London last winter and were either shagging on a roof or dogging in a park, prepare to be very worried (64)
WTMJ Obvious It's cold in Wisconsin. People flying south to get warm. WELL DUH (95)
CBC Ironic In an interesting twist on history, Egyptians use water to repel people trying to escape from Israel. Sweet Moses in a basket (693)
The Sun Unlikely A photo showing the ghostly face of a child has been captured on a teenager's cell phone. The Sun is there (223)
St. Pete Times Interesting High school senior researches origin of the N-Word, gives oral presentation to class. What could possibly go wrong? (320)
Komo Unlikely Candy company is shocked.... SHOCKED, I tell you.... to learn their new product looks too much like illegal drugs (114)
The Raw Story Strange Teen attempts to hijack Southwest Airlines flight so he can crash it into a Hannah Montana concert (135)
Globe and Mail PSA Warning: Canada is a haven for terrorism, crime, and tornadoes. This according to The Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (111)
WTMJ Hero Group putting up bronze statue of The Fonz in downtown Milwaukee. City's aldermen veto a Potsie mural (58)
(Some Guy) Florida "At first I was scared," she said. "But then you see this naked guy getting the crap beat out of him. In a strange way, it was kind of funny" (49)
(Earthtimes.org) Scary Car bomb in Lebanon kills six. Speaking of Lebanese tragedies, tomorrow is Ellen DeGeneres' 50th birthday (121)
(wlbz2.com) Florida Disabled couple receive a $99,999 light bill for their one-bedroom mobile home (66)
(Teh Bukket) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Two famous people enter the teleporter at the same time and their DNA gets all mixcombobulated. Photoshop the hybrid person that emerges (LGT inspiration) (247)
JSOnline Dumbass Dumb: Trying to commit suicide. Stupid: Failing at it. Fark: With a nailgun (65)
CNN Followup Judge gives Bush Administration three weeks to explain destroyed CIA tapes before he gives them another three weeks, followed by a stern letter explaining how this "is a serious matter" (280)
Herald-Leader Dumbass Lawyer for co-pilot in the Comair crash last year in Lexington says the 47 victims are to blame for the crash. The "they bought their tickets, I say let 'em crash" defense needs a little tweaking (86)
Yahoo Obvious Mexico rolls out women-only buses, because of all the groping on buses that contain men (133)
(wmtw.com) Amusing City battles giant blob. Steve McQueen, where are you? (With pic of blob) (109)
Yahoo Silly California employers can fire medical marijuana users for "illegal drug use" even though it's legal for them to use medical marijuana in California. Dude, wait, what? (129)
Baltimore Sun Dumbass Apparently a .45 caliber gun wasn't enough power for this guy, so he modified it to fire shotgun shells. Which was dumb enough, but they he managed to shoot himself in the foot mid-robbery (117)
UPI Obvious If there ever is a nuclear war or the world is hit by an asteroid, Norway has a bank of 200k varieties of crop a d plant seeds in a vault in the arctic permafrost. Alrighty, but... where would we plant them, Sven? (71)
(Some poetic justice of the peace) Amusing Landlord sentenced to live in his own flooded apartment building, serve as Kramer's butler (30)
Daily Mail Strange “They arrive by the coach-load, spray their hair green and squirt silly string in the street.” Yes, they are talking about French tourists (29)
News.com.au Obvious "All these people stopping just to take the beer. They're all obsessed with the free beer" (with video) (19)
BBC Scary Scientists build synthetic life. Mwaaahahahaha (173)
Yahoo Ironic "Brazil to crack down on deforestation" (42)
CBC Amusing Danny Glover convicted of trespass, is getting way too old for this shiat (29)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police arrest a man after a two-hour car chase that involved 2,240 officers, 460 police cars and one helicopter. Jake and Elwood unavailable for comment (77)
(Some Guy) Amusing Are you REALLY desperate to meet that special someone? You can find her here, but there's a catch (144)
ABC News Interesting Salmonella outbreak tied to contact with pet turtles. EVERYBODY SLOWLY PANIC (51)
News.com.au Scary Hair removal technique in Brazil goes from wax to machete (17)
Breitbart.com Amusing Strategies You'll Never See on "Perry Mason," No. 387: "My client's genitals are so small he'd be too embarrassed to be a flasher" (38)
Philly Dumbass Okay, tasing the man to wake him up was bad enough, but it really made him mad when the police tased him two more times for good measure AFTER he showed them identification and explained that he lived there (265)
WPXI Amusing Checkmate. *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* (48)
(Some Guy) Amusing BBC creates experiment where all women from one town leave the kids and homes in the hands of men for a week. What could possibly go wrong? (108)
Daily Mail Obvious Woman admits she has not had sex with her husband in four years. After you listen to her for a little bit, you'll sympathize for the husband (516)
UPI PSA Quebec Ministry of Labour upholds hospital's "No Fat Chicks" policy (75)

Thu January 24, 2008
News.com.au Sad Company fires hot blonde for sexually harassing other female employees (with pic) (174)
The Sun Interesting Airship crashes in GODDAMMIT Tourettes. (with SHIAT COCK pic) (96)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Wisconsin woman busted for DUI. News: She had a .27 blood alcohol level. Fark: she was on her way to work (47)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Texas' highest criminal court adopts a policy prohibiting filings covered in "corrosive or dangerous chemicals, blood, food, feces, urine or other bodily fluids." Writ happens (65)
ABC News Interesting Scentists say there is no chance of an asteroid smashing into the earth next Tuesday BUT EVERYBODY PANIC ANYWAY (123)
IndyStar Scary Four out of every five black babies in Indiana are born out of wedlock. The bastards (636)
(Some Guy) Amusing Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. A comprehensive list of EVERY reason why Bill Bixby changed into Lou Ferrigno (96)
TampaBays10.com Ironic Woman has largest collection of Gasparilla beads in all of Tampa. GOOD GOD MY EYES WHO GAVE HER THOSE BEADS??? (111)
(MSN) Amusing Etiquette "expert" list top 10 things not to say to a woman...."Are those real?" and, "Is you sister as good in the sack as you are?", conspicuously missing from the list (426)
(JPost.com) Stupid Hamas stages "blackouts" and holds press conferences by candlelight. Problem: "Some journalists noticed the candles weren't necessary because it was daytime." SOME journalists noticed it was daytime? (283)
(Some Guy) Strange Nude Self-Portrait Rug Returned To Artist, The Dude Abides (possibly Not safe for work pic) (57)
1010WINS Interesting Orange Juice tanker involved in a collision in Newark Bay. Mortimer, we are back in business (47)
(Some Guy) Cool Dog survives 135 foot fall and doesn't need a helmet...not like that other dog. With encouraging photos of dog (79)
WVEC PSA If your house contains an "eleborate marijuana growing operation" and you have been burglarized, calling the police should probably not be your first move (67)
St. Pete Times Florida Only in Florida would a road-raging driver assault someone successfully with an orange (58)
(Some trailer park guy) Followup After reading Fark, man decides against burning his house down with propane torch, chooses heat tape to burn his and two others. video and commenty goodness (77)
My Fox Colorado Florida Couple find Jesus in a potato (128)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Rival Kenyan leaders meet, promise to work for peace, go for 26 mile run (47)
ABC 2 News Kucinich quits race to spend more time with his family. His incredibly hot, redheaded, gorgeous family (444)
(Some Local NewsStation) Dumbass Another man burns down house trying to thaw frozen pipes with propane torch. Apparently he failed to read FARK yesterday (62)
ABC 2 Silly Man uses bucket of paint and the "F" bomb to exact his revenge on the FAA (86)
Examiner Spiffy Perez Hilton awarded $85,000 from Lohan defamation lawsuit. Plans on spending it all on blue hair dye (103)
Google Amusing Gamblers discover a sure thing when one casino change machine starts giving out $20 bills instead of $5 bills (61)
Local10 Florida Five injured at Cracker Barrel drive-thru incident. You are correct, Cracker Barrels do not have drive-thrus (83)
(JuanaBeleev) Followup USAF: Our bad, there actually were F-16s flying that night, but they weren't chasing UFOs, like you witnesses say ... so there (270)
Guardian.com Interesting Study finds that the more crocodile attacks a region has, the more tourists want to visit to meet the crocodiles. Vicious cycle (26)
My Fox Colorado Amusing Colorado cops got a little something-something from hookers they were supposed to be arresting. Now they're in deep trouble. (great audio of the actual sting operation included) (113)
(Newsnet5.com) Ironic Sources say the bar will now be renamed "What Did You Think Our Name Meant?" (90)
Yahoo Photoshop Photoshop theme: If cartoon characters were U.S. politicians (113)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to vandalize a school in Alaska in the winter, make sure police can't follow your footsteps in the snow (19)
NewsMax Asinine Professor found guilty of racial harrassment and forced to undergo mandatory monitoring for telling students "wetbacks" is a perjorative term some use for Mexicans (230)
(The Superficial) Ironic They tried to make me go to rehab and I said yes, yes, yes (NSFW images in sidebar) (181)
(WSB Atlanta) Sad Teen gets shot taking out the trash. Manages to tell mother "I told you so," before he dies (121)
Local6 Sad Delta Airlines takes care of dispersing son's ashes (60)
Globe and Mail Amusing A mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician prove that being lazy is more efficient. Fred Thompson is vindicated (84)
(Some Guy) Interesting List of top ten weird science stuff you didn't know. Post-death erection stands out (so to speak) (164)
Gawker Obvious John Gibson clinches the title of Douchebag of the Year 11 months ahead of schedule (w video) (223)
(Truemors) PSA Jan 30th is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day (147)
(Storm Lake Pilot Tribune) Dumbass If you're a Muslim leading a prayer in a statehouse, it might be a bad idea to ask Allah for "Victory over those who disbelieve" (487)
Fox News Dumbass Man starts fight on bus. From his mugshot, one might think he started a fight with a bus (31)
WTMJ Followup ...or maybe not. Packers' bikini girls refuse to show the boobies (104)
USA Today Followup Kathy Griffin remains the only D-List Celebrity who can insult Jesus (172)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Once again, guys transporting marijuana decide to tailgate a police officer (64)
AP Obvious Missing? Check. Woman? Check. White? Check. Beautiful? Check. Here comes the media (186)
(2008 Bloggies) Interesting Fark is up for "lifetime achievement" award in 2008 Bloggies. Don't get excited, because PerezHilton.com is up for "weblog of the year." Feel free to vote away though (51)
Chicago Sun-Times Silly Controversy over poster featuring Chicago Cubs' new Japanese player and Japanese flag -- it might upset "long-ago enemies of Japan". As former enemies of Great Britain, let's get rid of that offensive Union Jack thing, too (117)
Starpulse Stupid Jamie Lynn Spears will give her baby to her mother in order to concentrate on her career (313)
CNN Dumbass Kids shocked to find out that their parents know how to read and respond to their MySpace pages. In related news, Drew's mom added him on Facebook last night (no joke) (96)
AP Strange AP: Martians to interfere with Presidential Elections (See last line of story) (37)
Google Strange If you type "Heath Ledger is dead" into Google translate (English to Spanish) you get something... unexpected (292)
(New Line) Plug Does anyone have a better story from high school than sleeping with your teacher? (Sponsored Link) (113)
NBC 11 Interesting California man finds a new use for his Web cam: a burglary in progress. Cops love it too (15)
BBC Interesting Scorpion found in UK produce section said to be "putting together a new hard-rock supergroup." Francis Buchholz, Jurgen Rosenthal express interest (32)
(koco-tv) Asinine High school gets tired of teaching kids, starts showing them movies - over 46 since October, including Dodge Ball, Men In Black, Home Alone 3 (232)
(Drew) FarkBlog On Dan Brown, Heath Ledger, and Britney Spears’ cooter (139)
(Some Blue Guy) Obvious Americans resigned to the fact that every serious Presidential contender can't wait to fellate some really large corporations (157)
FARK Survey Tax Rebate time people: What are you going to do with your $300-$1,200 of extra monies? Voting enabled for best idea (724)
USA Today Interesting Anti-inflammatory patch makes U.S. debut. Scientists test it on Bill Clinton's mouth (32)
1010WINS Obvious NYC testing cabbies' etiquette. Sting operation consists of a dude getting in the car ranting about how he hates the farking Eagles, man (64)
The Morning Call Dumbass County prosecutors order 40 high school students to turn over their cell phones so they can be examined for “child pornography” featuring the students themselves (202)
ABC News Asinine Could there be a bomb under your house? Could a giant demon goat swallow the planet? EVERYBODY PANIC (65)
UPI Strange If you know who threw an egg at a 7-Eleven cashier and ran off with a burrito in Bedford, Texas the police would like a word with you (35)
(London Free Press) Obvious "Drew Curtis is a purist with high standards," as anyone who frequents the Foobies tab knows perfectly well (68)
AP Spiffy Snickers introduces a caffeine/taurine energy candy, so you can work off the 300 calories you just ate (47)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Dumbass Not News: Police involved in chase. Fark: Chasing their own squad car because cop left keys in ignition. (With video goodness) (36)
American Thinker Interesting This Sunday will mark the 10th anniversary of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. Celebrate by drinking the blood of Democratic babies and laying off some employees (224)
Globe and Mail Ironic Plane that crashed in Warsaw was returning from a flight safety conference (45)
News.com.au Asinine Landlord sues for unpaid rent after tenant dies, tells judge "A tenant has died. Is that my problem?" (97)
Fox News Dumbass Woman gets maximum sentence for laughing about the man she ran over with her car (106)
Boston Globe Unlikely Alabama student sentenced to death for insulting Jesus (210)
TBO Florida Unlicensed massage therapists arrested. Yes, that type of massage. Bonus: w/ mugshots. Double Bonus: One was a dude named Robert "Dickie." Bob Dickie anyone? (78)
UPI Hero Cat saves 8 from house fire in Michigan. I can haz medal and purrrade? (69)
Washington Post NewsFlash Stimulus agreement reached. If you work, you'll get $300, plus $300 per child, up to $1,200 per family. Note: That doesn't include kids from a drunken hookup, your cats you treat as children, or imaginary alien kids (1174)
Wired Interesting A virtually unknown bunch of scientists are working to make the United States grow by 386,000 square miles, and the oil, gas, and other resources contained in that area could be worth about $1.3 trillion (61)
AZCentral Hero After intentionally getting their ad banned to create publicity, Go Daddy trims suggestive beaver ad (with pic, video) (92)
Detroit News Dumbass Elected officials: If you insist on keeping a paper trail of your sexual affairs they will be discovered, put on the front page and you will be rightly mocked (71)
STLToday Amusing Man sues Blue Man Group after he claims group members shoved an "esophagus cam" down his throat during a Chicago performance. Not that there's anything wrong with that (135)
(WND) Florida County decides against purchasing a new camera that will "talk back" to people, telling them not to have sex on the beach (46)
CBC Dumbass France's second largest bank surrenders $7.14 billion US to fraudster (131)
Washington Post PSA You're gonna get diptheria ANY MINUTE NOW (92)
Local6 Followup NASA says mystery monster seen on Mars is a 2 inch wind-carved rock (with pics) (116)
(NOLA.com) PSA When robbing a bank to pay a drug debt, don't bring your dealer along in case he develops morals mid-heist (16)
(The Indy Channel) Ironic Anger management teacher breaks student's finger during classroom scuffle (40)
Breitbart.com Interesting Unbelievable as it might seem, Suge Knight was named in Compton gang injunction (73)
Fox News Interesting Woman and her dog share a rare neuromuscular disease that can't be treated medically (35)
CBS 46 Dumbass If you're going to rob a bank and use the bus for your clever getaway, it's really crucial that you know the bus schedule (13)
Google Interesting Virgin's Galactic spacecraft to begin testing in 2009. You'll still get stuck beween a fat guy and some lady that won't shut up, but you'll be in SPACE (63)
(Some Guy) Followup Bigfoot is not alone on Mars. The same picture clearly shows a polar bear, a duck, Gonzo, Jabba the Hutt, a high speed turtle (50)
USA Today Obvious More colleges than ever have endowments worth over $1 billion, which naturally means your tuition and boarding costs will be going up again next year (108)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this lab apparatus (46)
Boston Herald PSA Massachusetts lawmakers decide that all those people talking on cell phones while driving would make a great source of revenue (152)
ABC 4 Dumbass In retrospect, perhaps text-message spam may not be the best way to advertise your drug dealing business (27)
(Salina Journal) Obvious Al Schwan to be inducted in the Frozen Food Hall of Fame. In other news, there's a Frozen Food Hall of Fame (31)
Sky.com Interesting Landslide at Chipping Sodbury prevents London-bound trains from Wales stopping at Bristol Parkway, Mornington Crescent (164)
First Coast News Florida Woman arrested for deleting $2.5-million worth of data files from company's servers after believing she was about to be fired. Except the company had no intentions of firing her. At least, not before (191)
Guardian.com Interesting President Ahmadinejad to become first Iranian leader since the revolution to visit Baghdad. What could possibly go wrong? (100)
AP Weird Thieves squeeze cow into back seat of car, wreck car into tree (52)
(Some Guy) Hero Precious little snowflake calls administrator's home to complain about not getting snow day; gets angry voice mail from his wife instead: "Get over it kid, and go to school." (235)
News.com.au Spiffy Teenage liver transplant recipient no longer needs anti-rejection drugs after her body spontaneously switches blood types to match new organ (131)
News.com.au Amusing Suicide bomber straps on his explosives. Leaves house. Trips over, falls down stairs. This is Fark, you know how this ends (143)
Fox News Interesting Live rocket discovered in Maryland museum. France surrenders (28)
Google Unlikely One-third of teens drink to get drunk. Two-thirds of teens reported to waste alcohol (79)
The Sun Weird Man denies impregnating the woman who also gave birth to his brother's child. However, the son is there (83)
The Sun Sappy Six-inch long dog officially smallest in the world, and just in time for Cursday. With cute, captionable pic (166)
AFP Sad The world's largest snow cap has gone missing (148)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Poorly designed playground equipment (78)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 142: "Farktography Classic: Teh Funnay 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (200)

Wed January 23, 2008
(Princeton University) Photoshop Photoshop this mouse on a platform (76)
Newsday Weird Man offers undercover cop 90 Oxycontin pills to kill the girlfriend of a man he wanted to be with, then gives him $5 bill for a down payment. Charges include Aggravated Dumbassery and First-Degree Cheapassery (64)
Newsweek Unlikely Men aren't more smarterer then women (278)
(WSB T.V.) Strange "I didn't really know that I got hit until I was flying through the air and I was laying on the ground and I turned around and looked and I saw the train" (69)
The Daily Cool For the wildest foam party come to Australia. Pics included (safe for work) (58)
News.com.au Amusing Electrical appliance store openly encourages people to go into debt by shopping there. What could possibly go wrong? (51)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass Barry Bonds asks court to throw out his perjury case because the questions were confusing and unclear according to his attorney Keyrock (54)
CSMonitor Cool A 3-foot-1-inch tall man with no legs propelling himself by skateboard photographs people staring at him. 32,000 stares (157)
CBS Sacramento Dumbass A woman is facing 10 years in prison for cutting down 100-year-old trees on someone else's property because they blocked her view of Lake Tahoe (202)
(Some Guy) Interesting Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN (206)
WCBS 880 Interesting Confirming once and for all he is not running for President in 2008, NYC Mayor Bloomberg (I-$$$$$) says Bush's plan to put cash into voters' hands is a bad idea. No flat screen TV for you (132)
Google Survey It's Subby's 21st birthday. Help pick his first beer (and give him his first greenlight) (555)
Chicago Tribune Asinine Win a date with alleged wife-killer and former cop Drew Peterson (78)
(Some Guy) Interesting The evidence showed that on school time the principal had been negotiating ad prices for an adult gay magazine (54)
ABC News Followup NASA investigation finds no drunk astronauts. Now the ground crew? That's a different story (26)
My Fox DC Dumbass Long lines at DMV explained: Employees busy looking at porn, instead (61)
Valleywag Obvious Marketwatch editor on stock market: oh sh*t (with screencap) (62)
Entertainment Weekly Followup Heath Ledger update: police confirm that the official symbol for cocaine use was found in his apartment (313)
Stuff Amusing Quote "Defence lawyer Wayne Jones said Pritchard had been drinking alcohol since 5pm that night and was not aware it was a police car approaching." Yes the answer is C .... He flashed it (17)
Daily Mail Interesting Why having a screaming fight with your wife can help you live longer. You submitted this with a better headline but it got rejected BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID WHORE COW (137)
News.com.au Amusing Transplant eyeball delivered to pub (62)
Yahoo Amusing Newspaper accidentally runs "Horse for Sale" classified ad under "Good Things to Eat" category. Hilarity ensues (66)
NBC 11 Strange Man accused of attempting to burn down San Francisco's Grace Cathedral described by his attorney as "eccentric." His mugshot describes him as "batshiat crazy" (108)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this series of translucent tubes (60)
Fox News Followup Scotland Yard probing Amy Winehouse's crack. I may have read that wrong (152)
The Raw Story Scary Nuclear power could be the solution to all our problems. Unless there's a drought that prevents operators from cooling the facility EVERYBODY PANIC (163)
Yahoo Obvious Shocking no one, Cheney says he wants surveillance laws expanded (467)
The Smoking Gun Asinine Not news: Woman gives man oral sex on New Year’s Eve. News: She’s now facing a sex-assault charge. Fark.com: She’s a 20-year-old jail guard. He’s a 37-year-old inmate. With dual mug shot goodness (240)
(Some Guy) Obvious Marion, Illinois residents, “in particular the town’s wives, daughters, mothers and other female relations and acquaintances," can rest more easily today after naked driver busted (66)
SeattlePI Unlikely Today's media scarejob: Disappearing topsoil rivals global warming as an environmental threat. Yes folks, we are facing a fatal shortage of dirt (167)
AFP Amusing The aircraft carrier HMS Illustrious defeated by a refrigerator (113)
CBS Sacramento Obvious Man convicted in deadly bombings described himself at times as a pagan high priest, a vampire or -- if he really wanted to scare people -- a lawyer (61)
Yahoo Sad Longtime PGA tour caddy shoots -6' (122)
(Zug.com) Followup Zug.com's $500 photoshop contest for the funniest ad created for a male enhancement supplement ends this Friday. Bonus: Fark cited for exhausting all the good penis jokes (42)
BBC Obvious New version of children's story 'Three Little Pigs' called "offensive to Muslims." Like everything else (451)
CNN Amusing Stephenville, Texas trying to become UFO landing site after sighting last week. E.T. trifecta now in play (63)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Followup Air Force confirms that the only aliens in Texas are Mexicans (101)
MSNBC Followup Catholics sell headquarters in L.A. to pay for sex abuse settlement (179)
Telegraph Amusing “It has made my hands quite tingly” -- British member of Parliment after taking herbal Viagra on live television. Maybe he's doing it wrong (49)
(Some Guy) Plug Farker: This Saturday I'm jumping into freezing water to raise money for the Special Olympics. My team is the SnoCaps and subby's name is Kris (second from the bottom). The more money I get, the longer I'll stay in (243)
AP Obvious Fire up the iPods, it's time for the "Midwest Teen Sex Show" podcast (130)
(Some Guy) Ironic Because Fred Phelps may be “the most important gay rights activist in America," “Phags for Phelps” has been formed to spread his message in order that it may be ridiculed and despised by the widest audience possible (216)
Fox News Strange Anyone who has the heart of a 19th-century Argentine friar is asked to contact the Buenos Aires police department (49)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Strange Surveillance video shows thief playing "capture the flag" at retired general's home (58)
(Some Pilot Light) Dumbass I will see your "dumbass burns down house thawing pipes with a blowtorch" and raise you a "six bug foggers cause house explosion" (44)
(Some Guy) Interesting Darwin finally starts thinning the hipster herd... Sushi in New York found to have more mercury than a hallway thermometer (198)
BBC Cool The force be with you, and alllsssooooo with youuuuuuu. Jedi church planned in the UK (167)
(NY Daily News) Florida Unlikely: Woman "accidentally" packs her cat in her suitcase before her flight. Strange: Someone else picks up the bag at its final destination (170)
(adn.com) Sad Last native speaker of Eyak language passes on. Fark: Her totem was the Pillsbury Doughboy (88)
11 Alive Obvious Iowa couple who find holes in ice on pond near their home come to only logical conclusion and blame extraterrestrials (pic) (144)
Detroit News Interesting You want an ashtray in your new car? It's an option that will run you up to $100, you filthy smoker you (307)
AZCentral Obvious Teacher accused of offering female student an athletic massage and then ejaculating on her gets off again (with pornstache pic) (225)
Reuters Stupid Belarus border guards foil man who tried to smubble 277 parrots with his bicycle. Two of them were Norwegian Blues. Obviously (153)
(Real reel) Photoshop Photoshop this 150th anniversary edition CFO reel (61)
Boston Globe Interesting Vermont legislature set to vote on decriminalizing possession of small quantities of marijuana. Please note that in Vermont, a truckload of marijuana counts as a small quantity (189)
Chicago Sun-Times Cool I will see your "dumbass burns down house thawing pipes with a blowtorch" and raise you a "massive water-main break destroys city street" (41)
Reuters Interesting Hamas to Egypt: The Israelis have shut off their border, will you open your border wall so we can get supplies?" Egypt:"No." Hamas: "Pretty please with high explosives on top?" (657)
(Some Guy) Stupid Westboro Baptist Church to picket funeral of Heath Ledger, because apparently God hates The Joker now too (538)
(Some Guy) Scary Former senior military officials: "NATO must prepare to launch nuclear attack." What could possibly go wrong? (99)
IOL Strange Used panty user only used to use used panties once (103)
The Sun Weird Heath Ledger once filmed himself "committing suicide" in an eerie tribute video to British songwriter Nick Drake, who killed himself in 1974 (157)
CBS New York Asinine Man on trial for killing his seven-year-old daughter presents "World's Greatest Dad" mug as evidence for his innocence. No, he really did (93)
BBC Stupid Bad girls, bad girls, what you Ghana do, what you Ghana do when they come for you? (31)
Toronto Star Dumbass Inmate suspects another of stealing his snack cake. MAJOR EXPLOSIONS OF PLATES followed by homicide (35)
MSNBC Florida Fewer people moving to Florida. Hurricanes, Fark headlines blamed (74)
Guardian.com Stupid Binge drinking in UK starts at 13, by which they mean 1pm GST (49)
Breitbart.com Dumbass Well, the good news is that the pipes aren't frozen anymore (35)
News.com.au Stupid Idiot teenagers are committing suicide to gain recognition among their peers with a Bebo memorial. In my day all it took was high score on Frogger (170)
My Fox DC Dumbass Students from feuding schools videotape fight on DC subway, post on YouTube. BONUS: One of the schools is named the Friendship Collegiate Academy (53)
CBC PSA Lingerie recalled due to fire hazard. You're doing it wrong. Or maybe you're doing it very very right (51)
Local6 Florida Everybody knows sex sells, even local churches using suggestive billboards to bring in that fresh meat (66)
BBC Obvious Bad: you're bitten by a croc. Worse: An idiot with a gun shows up to save you. Worser: He shoots you instead of the croc, leaving you with one bite mark and two gunshot wounds (84)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you have a "history of conflict" with the police, you should probably leave the handgun out of your briefcase when you enter the courthouse (19)
(kfor.com) Obvious The good news: "You are now American citizens, with all rights and responsibilities." Bad news: "You're shipping out to Iraq" (69)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Citrus Hall of Fame to induct trio. In other news, there's a Citrus Hall of Fame (23)
(Some old guy) Unlikely Strange: unknowingly fathering a child, and then hiring her as a maid 40 years later. Whacked: not realizing it for more than 7 months (57)
Telegraph Obvious "Most households could benefit from men being more actively involved in childcare, but women are secretly reluctant to cede their time-honoured martyr status" (248)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Tip for restaurant patrons: If you hand your expensive jacket to some random guy and ask him to hang it up for you, make sure he works for the restaurant first (51)
(Some Guy from the 1950s) Photoshop Photoshop this fruity offering (76)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Although it's a great idea in a porn flick, one officer learns the hard way that you should not pull a driver over and have sex with her in exchange for not giving her a ticket (160)
(Some Guy) Florida Man admits to partying all night with naked women and waking up on the beach, but swears to the credit card company (and his fiance) he didn't spend $9000 at strip club (30)
Boston Globe Unlikely Boozy bachelor parties spent in strip clubs increasingly being replaced by guy-bonding long weekend getaways (104)
(Siberian Light) Interesting Days before Hitler invaded Poland, the USSR and Japan fought a massive tank battle on the Mongolian steppe. The battle shaped the course of WW2, but few have ever heard of it (78)
(LoHud.com) Dumbass Today's "MILF bangs underage kids and throws pot and alcohol party" is brought to you by New City, New York. Bonus: she's the Police Chief's wife. Unfortunately, there is a pic (159)
Daily Mail Sick For just £2, giggling visitors tie terrified chickens onto bamboo rods and dangle them in front of the lions, just as a cat owner might tease their pet with a toy (232)
Yahoo PSA Pro Tip: Don't steal a car to ride to your court hearing for stealing cars (20)
The Sun Sad The world's hairiest man has joined an online dating agency. "I feel like King Kong, hideous, but with a soft and tender heart." (64)
(Air Force Times) Stupid So long Area 51, the Air Force has officially renamed you "Homey Airport." Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot (130)
News.com.au Strange China bans reincarnations without prior approval (57)

Tue January 22, 2008
(Some Guy) Sad When all you have is a hammer, every man urinating in a dumpster looks like a nail (35)
(Some Guy) Misc 5 permanent members of UN Security Council draft resolution calling for tougher sanctions against Iran. We're getting closer and closer to that sternly worded letter, folks (168)
(Bitten and Bound) Sad Billy Poole, extreme skier: 1980-2008 RIP (138)
Newsday Obvious The fat and out of shape tend to die sooner (89)
NBC 11 Obvious It's official. Rich countries really are making life hell for poor countries. The researchers even put a dollar amount on it (191)
SLTrib Obvious Grieving father doesn't understand why cops fatally shot his son when all he did was throw a tv, Christmas tree, and toy Santa from his apartment balcony, and then swing a sword at an officer (181)
AP Amusing Not news: Phone book misprint confuses callers trying to reach MD Governor's office. News: by directing them to a phone sex line. Fark: for the second year in a row (51)
Independent Interesting "The more successful you are, the more you drink." In related news, submitter is apparently successful (144)
My Fox DC Scary Guy gets through security screening at Reagan National with a handgun. Realizes it, goes back and is given a "thanks for helping us improve" award from the TSA. Just kidding, they gave him a misdemeanor (179)
Fox News Asinine Need the police more than 8 times? That'll cost ya (141)
(statesman.com) Dumbass University of Texas professor ends hunger strike after a week for "personal reasons." Translation: University of Texas professor ends a hunger strike after a week because they got hungry (111)
(Some food freak) Spiffy I see your cheese-filled bacon wrapped hotdog and raise you a bacon-cheeseburger cake. (possible bacon trifecta in play) (123)
The Smoking Gun Dumbass New online first-person shooter game lets you shoot paintballs at presidential candidates. The Smoking Gun is there (71)
London Times Dumbass "Playing videogames, children are mentally imprisoned, wired into their evil creators' brains" (221)
(Some Guy) Stupid Today's "student/teacher sex" story from Biloxi, MS. With "would hit it" pic. Stupid tag is for student telling his parents (207)
(Some Herpetologist) Photoshop Photoshop this chameleon (73)
Canada.com Cool Best. History. Course. Ever (92)
CBS New York NewsFlash Actor Heath Ledger found dead in his NYC apartment at the age of 28 (2029)
(Some Bacon Eater) Spiffy The best cheese whiz filled, bacon wrapped, deepfried hot dog you'll see today. Or ever. Bacon (66)
(Arthur's Hall) Amusing Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness reviews the manliest video game consoles of all time (73)
(Some Thin Minty Guy) Misc Latest Girl Scout cookie sales pitch: "It's for the troops". Cookie trifecta complete (111)
The Sun Interesting One in four people facing bankruptcy blame porn, lap dancers or brothels for it (101)
(Pocono Record) Obvious Criminals sometimes stake out Automated Teller Machines (sometimes called ATMs) to rob unsuspecting patrons. With pic of so-called "ATM" in case you are unsure of what one looks like (123)
(spiegel.de) Stupid Crooks in Sweden smuggling a "short person" into a suitcase in order to ransack bags inside bus luggage compartments, because we all know that bus luggage compartments are jammed with jewels, cash and gold ingots (65)
(Metro) Cool World's biggest fish finger unveiled. With pic that is totally worth the click (220)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Busy downtown Orlando intersection closed due to suspicious package... which turns out to be cookies (80)
IndyStar Interesting Have $400,000? Get your name on a high school football stadium in Indiana. Cheerleaders not included (77)
Guardian.com Sad I shot an arrow into the air / Where it fell I know not where / But I heard the thud of a marathon runner / Now all I can say is "bummer" (81)
HelenaIR.com Amusing With nothing better to do, stay-at-home dad likes placing bogus classified ads claiming he's found H.G. Wells' time machine or an old Academy Award – and even Nick Nolte has been suckered in (78)
Houston Chronicle Silly Houston lifestyle writer searching for perfect phony company name to sponsor kids' Little League team. Let's give him some suggestions (voting enabled) (541)
Wall Street Journal Obvious "This is a dark time in cookie history. And for those of you who say, 'Get over it, it's only a cookie,' you have not lived until you have tasted a Hydrox" (229)
SuperDeluxe Amusing Fifty Fark bucks to the farker who decodes UMIA (161)
WTOP Interesting Seven lighthearted tales of superpowers, cavemen and fire-breathers will cost Budweiser $2.7 million each during the Superbowl (88)
ICNetwork Interesting The town of Bedworth buries a £1m cheque in a beer keg time capsule. Why? Apparently so they have something to talk about for 200 years (48)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Errors are the low-grade virus of newspapers -- always there, mostly benign. In an era of public mistrust of the media, fed by Internet scrutiny of the news, errors are dangerous to the health of papers" (113)
London Times Silly Some full-of-himself columnist rants and raves about declining etiquette in cyberspace-based communication. What a twunt (89)
Yahoo Stupid Yesterday was "ZOMG CAFFEINE CAUSES MISCARRIAGES" Day. Today is "Wait, But It Can Help Lower Ovarain Cancer Risk" Day (67)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Apparently sugar leads to communism. First Cuba, now the U.S. sugar industry, which wants a cartel in order to keep prices high (110)
(MyFOX Chattanooga) Dumbass News: Stripper reports to police she was raped. Newsier: By a 13-year-old boy and his uncle. WTF: She's charged with touching the boy inappropriately (with video not-so-goodness) (245)
CBS Sacramento Sad Former porn theater may become a family-style buffet. Another prime piece of American culture lost. Another buffet with sticky floors (85)
The Sun Sad Amy Winehouse smoking a crack pipe. The Sun is there (440)
(Some Guy) Interesting Number of avian flu cases among humans down over last year. But it could still sweep the world ANY SECOND NOW, SO DON'T YOU DARE STOP PANICKING DAMMIT (31)
Yahoo Cool "If someone wanted to be Captain Starpower... we would probably do that" (54)
USA Today Obvious It's getting harder and harder for state DMVs to winnow out the retards seeking vanity plates with acceptable messages from the retards seeking vanity plates with profane messages (183)
News.com.au Dumbass Secondary school teacher had weekly sex with a student in a school darkroom. Developing story (99)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these children holding signs and jumping for joy (42)
(Some Old Goat Woman) Amusing Goat upgrades from barn to condo, takes it on the lam when cops arrive. (With video) (15)
(The Metro) Amusing Scots outdrank by Southern pansies, and the brickies outdrunk by them all (30)
CNBC NewsFlash Fed cuts funds rate three-fourths of a point in response to global stock plunge (883)
Daily Mail Amusing Not news: Goth walks fiancé on a leash. Fark: Goth has to keep walking after bus driver refuses entry, saying, "No dogs allowed." When you see the pic, you'll say it was a good call (744)
(Press Citizen) Cool Once an endangered species nationwide, bald eagles are now nearly as common as pigeons in Iowa City. Big, badass, deadly and cool-as-hell pigeons (with awesome photo gallery) (115)
Marketwatch Scary The world market bloodbath continues for the second straight day, leading to speculation that civilization as we know it may end when Wall Street re-opens for trading (163)
News.com.au Misc A Canadian man survives 96 hours pinned under his ATV by drinking melted snow and eating rotting animal carcasses. Mmmm, carcassy (70)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "The thought of him calling a taxi from my house phone and then just sitting on my wall with all my stuff, waiting for it to arrive, is just ridiculous" (20)
BBC Interesting Cookery lessons are to be compulsory in England's secondary schools for children aged 11 to 14. Now there's no excuse for not getting my TURKEY POT PIE (87)
News.com.au Amusing John McCain threatens to sic his 95-year-old mother on Chuck Norris for saying he is too old to be president (100)
Telegraph Obvious Saudi Arabia to lift ban on women drivers, fatwa in three... two... one... (99)
The Scotsman Spiffy Scottish Cops embed CCTV cameras in uniforms to capture video evidence of crimes, yum-yum dunking (26)
(Sam) Photoshop Photoshop this Atlas rocket (48)
Daily Herald Scary Being a high school teacher isn't all about having sex with minors. Sometimes you get stabbed (47)
Yahoo Cool Woman, 87, tells New York Times about how she has one vice, chocolate. Then she gets boxes and boxes of chocolate sent to her. Sweet (41)
(Some Guy) Ironic City snow-removal equipment immobilized by roof collapse caused by extreme snowfall (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious This just in from our Romero bureau: Three out of 10 Americans don't even bother to respond to a summons for jury duty, let alone post a thread to Fark asking how they can get out of it (180)

Mon January 21, 2008
(Some Guy) Interesting A 1971 vision of futuristic mobile home construction. Still no cure for tornadoes (137)
AJC Spiffy 11-year-old Girl Scout earns every single merit badge possible. Someone needs to tell this girl that she ought to slow down a little (168)
(Las Cruces Sun-News) Dumbass Not news: driver attempts to outrun cops. Fark: driving a 1992 Geo Metro (103)
News.com.au Hero 11-year-old boy gives his dad CPR after horror car crash, runs 3 kilometers, barefoot, in the dark, to get help (with pic of the little hero) (150)
(Some Blogger) Amusing Old news: Some moran claims to have photographic proof of Bigfoot. News: Photos are of Mars (112)
The Newspaper Asinine If you just bought a new automobile, the state of North Dakota would like to arrest you (222)
ABC News Spiffy Mexico captures senior drug cartel member. No word if they were assisted by mysterious man carrying guitar (64)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Create a self portrait using inanimate objects (75)
(Some autistic farker) Asinine Autism Speaks, a charity that claims to speak for autistic people sues 14-year-old autistic kid when she starts a parody website about autistic people being able to speak for themselves. K-Mart sucks (290)
The Morning Call Amusing Don't you wish your local news was like this? "Pot Belly Pig farm puts out All Pigs Bulletin on Mirabelle" (19)
BBC Spiffy Asshole Uzbekis stricken by severe gas shortage. High five (137)
Yahoo Hero Cool: Hospital decides to donate all the trinkets and crap given to them by pharmaceutical reps to the poor. Fark: It took 20 shopping carts to fit it all. Hero tag to the hospital for trying to end this nonsense (175)
Houston Chronicle Amusing Grand Jury to Texas Supreme Court Justice: You're indicted. District attorney to Grand Jury: No he's not, oh, and you're a gay activist with a political agenda (71)
Independent Amusing BBC Newsnight host is upset company leaked his complaint letter saying their undercrackers are too slack in the gusset. Also wants to see more blokes on the back of buses (31)
CBS New York Interesting On this Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Arkansas, Alabama and Mississippi celebrate both the civil rights leader, and Confederate General Robert E. Lee (372)
(Some Guy) Asinine U.S. troops in Iraq caught on video encouraging children to smoke (180)
The Sun Scary Meet the stripper grannies, the oldest of which is 74 (with pics and probably a nightmare or two) (171)
News.com.au Interesting U.S. warplanes drop 30,000 pounds of bombs on Al-Queda safe haven in Iraq, essentially rendering it unsafe. Even more impressive, the air strike did not kill a single allied soldier this time (247)
(seacoastonline) Dumbass Avoid tickets by claiming wife's in labor. Just make sure you don't get the police escort to the hospital. In a stolen car (26)
Washington Post Hero The story of how MLKJ Day came to be. Also, the first time Ted Kennedy has ever got the Hero tag (183)
Yahoo Obvious Ralph Nader contemplating ruining the US for another eight years (412)
Sun Sentinel Florida Waste management company wants to extend local landmark "Mount Trashmore" to 280 feet tall (119)
Guardian.com Obvious "In the US, the alleged bastion of property rights, religion is robbing Americans of their birthright. Everyone is wandering around with a quarter of a million dollars of transplant material but they cannot cash in their chips" (498)
Google Photoshop Photoshop your very own road to nowhere (86)
CBS News Unlikely Police search for 13-year-old girl with bi-polar disorder who ran away with her 15-year-old boyfriend, the family minivan, an X-box and a cocker spaniel. That's either a sad family emergency or the setup for a crappy sitcom on FOX (154)
CBS 46 Followup Ex-con who violated probation by buying lottery ticket allowed to keep his $1 million in winnings (100)
(Earth Times) Amusing Thieves steal unmarked $150,000 police car after officers left it unlocked with the keys in the ignition. Oopsie (59)
Flickr Sick A tree grows in a pile of rotting paper in the abandoned Detroit Public Schools Book Depository (262)
Homestar Runner Amusing "I'm an abomination, and I'm coming over to your house after school" (60)
BBC Interesting Yawsserpxe no selim 5 rof yaw gnorw gnivird htiw degrahc nam dlo-raey-08 (78)
Independent Asinine Amsterdam turns famed red light district into showcase for fashion designers. Stupid Flanders (87)
(Exploding Unicorn) Amusing When the rules gets stupid, the stupid get creative (121)
(via Familyhack) Cool The bitter homeschooler's rant: "I didn’t have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don’t need a degree in teaching to educate my children." (944)
Toronto Star Interesting The donut is as Canadian as politeness, Molson beer and a smug sense of superiority over Americans (179)
Daily Mail Amusing Three-year-old girl strolls out of nursery, crosses four roads, and heads for highway, all to escape nursery school lunch (39)
BBC Spiffy Man rescues beached dolphin, swimming with it to guide it back to sea. Hopes to receive thank-you note from mice any day now (32)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Cool Old man who attacked burglar: "He was making off with all my guns, and that ticked me off." (26)
News.com.au Spiffy Researchers find flame-retardant chemicals in Tasmanian devils, solving the age-old question of how they spin around that fast without catching on fire from the friction (39)
Free Press Followup Jesus has returned (107)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Ford auto worker has their butt slapped, nipples pinched, pants pulled down and is forced to touch a co-workers testicles. In court, Ford argues that because both parties were male its not sexual harassment, seeks to have the case dismissed (223)
Herald-Leader Ironic Storage building full of fireproofing materials destroyed in fire (81)
BBC Stupid You have £180 in speeding tickets. Do you C) Fake your own death to avoid paying them? (38)
BBC Obvious Leader of Arab militia that commited war crimes in Darfur made official in Sudan's government. Obvious tag pulls out a machete and cuts off Asinine tag's arm (50)
Telegraph Weird An evangelical preacher named General Butt Naked confesses to nude killings. Wait, what? (76)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Hospital sues man's estate for the $1.5 million donation he promised before his death ... from the cancer the hospital failed to diagnose (70)
NYPost Obvious Most American women would rather be fat and rich rather than poor and thin. Your wife is halfway there (279)
Boston Globe Followup Boston turns over investigation of death of firemen to firefighters union, which finds its members did nothing wrong by showing up for work drunk and on drugs (48)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine The Chicago Police Department, already reeling from series of highly publicized instances of cops beating up innocent citizens, have now been caught on tape beating up a 62 year old man who was handcuffed to his wheelchair. (With video badness.) (257)
News.com.au Stupid Two thieves steal $30,000 which turns out to be a bag of bread rolls. Bonus: Thief accidentally shoots his accomplice (27)
BBC Sad Scores dead in Afghan cold snap. If only there were some sort of knitted, woolen blanket they could have used to keep warm (127)
(Some Cold Guy) Obvious Alaska leads nation in dog bites. Your dog wants to move somewhere warmer (41)
MDN Strange "It is extremely rare for police to form a case against a driver for negligent driving over a traffic accident that occurred when he was not aboard the vehicle involved" (61)
The Sun Sad “No more is vindaloo the undisputed national dish of Britain” (96)
Yahoo Obvious 2 in 3 Australian travelers are either members or would like to be members of the Mile (1.609 km) High Club (39)
MSNBC Obvious Today's Romero Award goes to: "Car burglars target unlocked vehicles" (32)
CBC Scary Whiteout causes 100-car crash in Ontario. Man, that's a lot of Liquid Paper (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pet rock (54)
London Times Obvious "People are also going into the sea to get the timber, which is madness." (77)
AP Scary If you see an increase in panhandler signs reading "was attacked by chainsaw wielding lunatic," you will now know why (29)
Canada.com Asinine You can now get out of a DUI by speaking fluent Klingon (114)
Daily Mail Unlikely Psychologist pulls complex mathematical formula out of his ass and uses it to declare Monday the "gloomiest day of the year" (46)
Lancashire Evening Post Sappy More than 50% of men still get down on one knee to propose to their partner. Who says romance is dead? (168)
SFGate Stupid Not news: Breast implants are increasing in popularity. News: Among men. Fark: Thread filled with pictures of Ren Hoek (77)
Breitbart.com Amusing Eight hospitalized after eating "questionable muffins," aka "loaded with cannabis." In related news, The Questionable Muffins would be a great band name (84)
The Sun Obvious Britain's oldest working fridge is 77 years old. Slow news day (50)
AZCentral Hero News: Couple celebrates wedding anniversary. Hero: She's white, he's black, and they got married 50 years ago when it was illegal for whites and blacks to get married (231)
News.com.au Scary American poker player wins A$30,000 in tournament, only to lose it later at knifepoint. Apparently he knew when to walk away, but not when to run (63)
News.com.au PSA When a woman handcuffs you to a chair and takes out a vibrator, it's always a good thing (154)
Guardian.com Scary Australian outback. Quad-bikes. River. Swim. Flood... Big teeth ... Ouch (26)
Herald-Leader Interesting Program in Kentucky will provide deaf drivers with cards to help communicate with police during traffic stops: one card to read "DON'T TAZE ME BRO" (76)
Local6 Florida Won't pull your car up at Mickey D's drive-thru window? That's an arrest (160)
Google Weird Feliberto Carrasco was known for his modesty. His only request when waking up in the middle of his own funeral: a glass of water (48)
Guardian.com Sad Proof the UK is turning into the US: The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer (164)