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Sun August 19, 2007
The nation's hip-hop community embraces Barack Obama, dubs him "B-Rock" -- which is sure to go over well with Iowa voters
Senator from NJ, apparently with no other worthwhile things to do, proposes a Bon Jovi song as the state's official song
Carbon monoxide leak sends Virginia Tech students to hospital, sparks pro-CO nuts to call for all students to be armed with CO tanks so they can defend themselves
European survey says Americans are the second best tourists overall .... also the shabbiest dressers and most likely to complain. Worst overall you ask? The French
(Post Chronicle)
Florida woman unexpectedly leaves 60's singer Connie Francis $300,000 in her will. Then it gets weird
Today's "Man shoots self in the yambag while fleeing police" story brought to you by the nation's most republican state
Old Scam: Nigerian Banks. New Scam: Buried gold, repeating the Rosary, building an altar to a pagan god and laying $45k on it all
Man buys a medical clinic and decides to start playing doctor. Jailarity ensues
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Chef Gordon Ramsay
Rare 10-foot long Florida crocodile considered somewhat of a neighborhood mascot ..... until he decided to turn a boxer from a resident's backyard into a quick lunch
Elvira Arellano, the illegal immigrant who has been holed up in a Chicago church since last year and took her activism to the road this week, gets arrested
It's nothing your wife doesn't tell you six times a week, but scientific poll finds women regret their choice of spouse more than men, with one in five wishing they could go back in time and marry someone else
Restaurant manager tries to bribe state inspector with cash and gold teeth. ''This woman, the inspector, she doesn't have good teeth. Some were missing,'' Jailarity ensues
(El Passo Times)
Man stabbed at Hiney's restaurant makes his way 4½ miles to a Hooter's restaurant seeking medical help. Apparently all of the other female anatomy restaurants between Hiney's and Hooter's were already closed for the night
(Some Guy)
World's oldest blob of chewing gum found in Finland. This article would be just fine without pictures of a 5,000-year-old chunk of Juicy Fruit, but they're there
(Some Guy)
"A show called Circus Of Horrors lived up to its name when a dwarf accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner"
(KSL.com)
911 Operator: "I know where you are." 7yr old: (giggles) "No you don't"
BBC decides to stop calling Jesus a B.A.S.T.A.R.D. - Jesus' dad unavailable for comment as he's too busy smiting BBC officials
(Some Guy)
There has been a "disturbing rise" in pirate attacks. Global warming nay-sayers frantically searching for new statistical strawman
Boiled octopus, goose barnacles, and $160 per pound ham make it clear that the Spanish don't want people eating there
Grog, porn bans begin next week and the pirate community is all "aaargh" over it
(Sunday Herald)
In an effort to create a vehicle less safe than China's Chery, India's Tata Motors to produce a $2,400 plastic car
Former monk on path to become Army's first Buddhist chaplain. Where is your karma now?
The Department of Justice wants movie producers to give them an official list of every porn star in America, complete with photos. Perverts
(Some Guy)
Half of all cats and dogs in the UK are now overweight and need to spend more time exercising and less time in LOL threads
Man complains when his heart stops after drinking eight Red Bulls. Dumbass tag thinks he should be happy it didn't explode
Psychiatrist: "Internet addiction should be grouped with extreme addictive disorders such as gambling, sex addiction and kleptomania"
(Some Guy)
Photoshop Karl Rove's future after leaving the White House
That monster ad, for that monster job you've been searching for on that monster job search website? Really a monster trojan that stole a monster amount of identities for monster hackers
(F'burg.com)
Why is it news when a waitress calls in to a talk show to laud the minimum wage hike?
You know who else likes champagne?
More proof that kids today have it made
(Chattanoogan)
Violent protestor disrupts anti-tax "tea party" in a vicious attack with... a water balloon. Handcuffalarity still ensued
Blogger gives props to Fark for number of hits and to Photoshoppers' skillz: "Think about the power that could be harnessed if this group was specifically organized and coordinated toward a common objective"
(Some Dobbs)
Hottie SubGenius Mom gets her son back because the dad gets his third DUI
(Some Guy)
Inland hurricane hits Oklahoma. I-40 closed. 8-9 inches in parts of OKC. Seriously God, WTF?
(Some Guy)
The Utah miners are presumed dead. No signs of life are seen. Sadly, it seems will be left to die where they fell. Brave men, all. RIP
(Some Guy)
Caption this wedding shot
(palmbeachpost.com)
iChurch thinks using iPods will help get the iHeathens into iHeaven
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this long-jump landing
Australian woman humped to death
Saudis plan fence around Iraqi border, a 560-mile barricade designed to keep out extremists. No word yet on any effect it will have on migrant workers
If your diet drink tastes sharp and edgy it's probably because it has Chinese made aspartame mixed with metal shavings
The last rhinoceros in the Houston Zoo has died of old age. Feel free to snark, he had a pretty thick skin
Wayward parasail drags two teenage girls through second story hotel roof and across building before rope breaks, dropping them into palm tree, then another palm tree. No "Ta-Da" yet
Sat August 18, 2007
Baby carrots recalled due to faulty dirt
(My Plainview)
Prosecutor sleeps with mother of victim in one case and with mother of the defendant in another. Can't be more fair than that
Court in France Two orders school board to re-hire teacher, who was fired because he sorta, kinda forgot to tell the school board he is a convicted killer
Why do people look younger and younger all the time? Formaldehyde-rich spiderman pajamas from China
(Some Clog)
Photoshop this giant clog
TV show will feature Muslims lecturing Christians they're all wrong about Jesus and he was never crucified
(WebUrbanist)
Google Street View moves to new cities, catches new lurkers, gawkers, and unbelievably obese people ... oh and OJ Simpson sharpening knives
Medicare will no longer pay for hospital mistakes, invokes "you broke it, you bought it" policy
(Some Guy)
Woman arrested after taking her boyfriend for unwilling ride on roof of her Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder
Seven-alarm fire erupts at Deutsche Bank, NYC Ground Zero. Two firefighters critically injured
If you see your neighbor being led away by the police, don't walk over and offer $50 for all the meth
Colorado officials amazed to be flooded with complaints after removing a bullet-ridden road sign with a typo
When planning the perfect murder, using a rattlesnake, DON'T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT
Girl: "Umm guys, I think a shark just bit me..." Guys: "Yeah, ri - SWEET BABY JESUS - where's the rest of your side?"
Today's sighting of Virgin Mary brought to you by a dripping vat of chocolate. No, really [w/video report]
Shakespeare's plays being rewritten as comic strips for pretards who find his poetry boring
Weirdest things found in hotel room include "a dirty adult diaper" and "my girlfiend ... while I was with someone else." 9.2% of survey respondents had also "rented hotel room by the hour"
Telephone company puts woman on hold for a total of twenty hours. In other news, woman with apparently too much time on her hands stays on her phone while being put on hold for twenty hours
"Beer goggles" stop teens from drunk-driving, cause them to wake up with that pudgy cashier from the Piggly-Wiggly and a strange genital itch
Subjects of a 1930's experiment called "The Monster Study" that attempted to induce stuttering in children through harassment awarded $925,000 each in damages. Psychologists at Stanford seen looking nervous
(Some Guy)
Man suffering from a stroke gets left on a bench at the Orlando airport for three days before anyone figures out something is wrong
Spencer Tunick strikes again: Hundreds pose naked on Swiss glacier, against that global warming thingie(w/micro-nudity)
(NY Times)
It's simply stunning that parents of children who participated in a no-supervision child reality show are suggesting that their children were injured due to a lack of supervision
Best. perp. name. ever
American Airlines is the latest company to claim you can't search for them unless you're searching for them, and so no one else can either so there
(Some Guy)
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Weathervanes
(Statesman.com)
Couple celebrates 50th anniversary at burger place of their first date. Today, the date would've made him a sex offender
(NBC13)
Want to get on TV? In a newspaper? On a billboard? In Birmingham, AL you will soon be able to pay for this service and all you have to do is offer the nice lady standing on the corner a few bucks
Detroit may have finally figured out how to get people to come back - build more casinos. Private police force still being debated
Owner calls SPCA to unload pet he can no longer care for - "This spider is so aggressive, it will bite you just to bite you. This is the kind of spider that nightmares are made of." Suck it, clock spider
(Wvgazette.com)
Satan purchases ad space to vent his frustration with local church (w/photo)
Public defender jailed for attempting to properly represent his client. Apparently forgot PDs aren't supposed to try
(Lubbock Online)
Fight in a gun store? That's a stabbin' (w/ scariest mugshot you'll ever see)
Michael Vick in legal trouble again. When will the insanity end?
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this shoe
(NBC 5)
I can has parachute? Cat survives 18-story fall
When a crocodile eats a shark, The Sun is there (pics)
I'd hit it, but somebody else already did. The Smoking Gun presents a black eye mugshot gallery
Plane hijacked in Turkey by self-proclaimed al Qaida members, passengers reportedly released. Pilot asks hijacker if he's ever been in a Turkish prison
Popular evangelist explains why his followers don't mind donating money to him: "They believe that God heals and they want to see something like this go on. They also understand it takes money to rent stadiums."
(Orlando Sentinel)
Police offer free shoes for unwanted guns, get over 250 guns and a missile launcher. Forget it Jake, it's Florida
State provides a self-medicating morphine pump for inmate in a wheelchair with MS who was sentenced to 25 years for illegally possessing 100 percocets that he was using to self-medicate his chronic pain
(WJLA-7)
Megamillions closing in on $150 million, Powerball jackpot hits $210 million -- never has Rev. Jack's misery been so within reach to so many
The Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa voted "most disappointing tourist attractions". Sacre bleu
Nearly 200 missing after flood overtakes mine in China. Trifecta complete
Photoshop these old guys walking
Fri August 17, 2007
(News-Press)
Ugly-ass baby jaguar finally makes it's public debut at the Brevard Zoo (pics)
If you're in Harlem and you see Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley walking your way, turn around and run
(myfoxDC)
Two female prison guards charged with sleeping with inmate. Mugshots remind us just how fake those Skinemax movies are
(Nat'l Hurricane Center)
Hurricane Dean upgraded to Category Four, continues with Jamaican vacation
(Some Hairball)
Artist creates art out of seven and a half miles of human hair. ''I know it probably has some other meaning, When I think of it, I don't think of that other meaning. I just think of, like, hair.''
The world's 25 most ridiculous laws. Some of them were not passed by the Bush administration
8-year-old girl afraid of hurricanes decides to leave her new home in Florida and ride her bike back to Ohio
Virginia is for gang bangers
(Some Guy)
Two residents said they were scared to leave their home on the Fourth Of July because of their neighbor's fireworks. And since they don't like fireworks, the two argue that fireworks should be banned from the entire city
As if all the banking mistakes they make weren't enough, Bank Of America employees lock 73-year-old woman in branch office when they close up for the day
"This job has been such a pleasant surprise in how much I like it. I love it."
Hurricane threat may force Endeavour to land in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and Florida earlier than planned
(Some Spiegel)
German made organic soda ready to take on the world, with flavors like elderberry, raspberry, and snozzberry. And the snozzberries really taste like snozzberries
Arkansas bill would allow children of any age, even toddlers, to wed with parental consent. State legislature says it's just a mistake in the wording. Suuuuuuuuure
Photoshop these citrus fruits
Is that the deadly radioactive isotope Polonium-210 in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Police across U.S. facing ammunition shortage because troops in Iraq are using up so much of the nation's strategic bullet reserve
(Some Moptop)
Man attempts robbery wearing a mop on his head. Stupid disguise trifecta in play
College kids everywhere alarmed by Instant Noodle price-fixing scandal. Who can afford 15 whole cents for lunch????
One-stop shopping reaches logical extreme as police share space with doughnut shop
Bonds sold steroids to nuns, and hid the rest in the hollow portion of Hank Aaron's bat. The Smoking Gun is there
(The Olympian)
Paintballers allowed to redecorate auto yard before its scheduled demolition. (Bonus: Angry libs talking about promoting gun violence in comments section)
(KSL.com)
Federal mine-safety official says the underground search for six miners has been suspended indefinitely after deaths of three rescuers
(Some Glacier Surfer)
One good thing to come out of global warming: The glacial surfing is better than ever
If you can't stop yourself from sending voicemails that say "the only good Arab is a dead Arab" and "fark the Arabs... they will burn in hellfire," then perhaps senior U.S. diplomat is not the right career choice for you
FDA warns against feeding codeine to infants. Exhausted parents look longingly at the Sudafed bottle
Dutch priest fined for early morning church bell ringing. Points out that it's not uncommon for men to ring their bells first thing in the morning
(Metro)
Boy hooks a real big one while fishing. Unfortunately, it was a scuba diver. With awesome artist's representation of the event
(St. Clair Record)
Photographer sues church after walking on water
Man discovers alligator in creek while vacationing in Pennsylvania, does the only logical thing one can do in that situation: he dives in and wrestles that sucker
Could Abramoff's taint affect the '08 elections? Analysts say voters could go nuts over it, or it could slip through the cracks, but it'll likely be somewhere in between
Fark founder accuses FoxTV Memphis television reporter of hacking
Hurricane Dean prepares for Jamacia by upgrading to Category 3, mon
(Some Guy)
Police replace normal air in their police car tires with nitrogen to save money, apparently not realizing that regular air is already mostly nitrogen
Five-year-old boy helps his mom deliver his baby sister. Luckily, he'll have lots of time to get that image out of his mind
Day Crew reminder: Indianapolis/GenCon Fark party, 8:00 p.m. tonight at Vito's on Penn. Drew will be there. LGT previous threads
"The Internet is the new Afghanistan"
If you think your friend is playing a prank by appearing to a rob store with a gun, you might want to make sure it's him before going up and grabbing him in playful manner
(Some Guy)
Man sues McDonald's over bloody Band-Aid in food, even though it probably had more nutritional value than the burger
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Reward offered for stolen blueberries
Chocolate is better than fluoride for your teeth. Suck it, Alcoa
(The Local)
Scotsman runs up $20,000 restaurant bill before finding there are no deep-fried Mars bars on the dessert menu. Refuses to pay. Jailarity ensues
(Some Guy)
Police: 1, crazy naked guy: 0
(NY Sun)
Want to meet that hottie at the dog park but don't have a dog? No problem, simply rent a pet
(Some Guy)
In honor of the 25th birthday of the compact disc: Can you remember the first CD you ever purchased?
WHO warns against Beijing pollution, urges people to carpool, ride magic bus
Man fights off bear with hunting knife, making your day at work seem even lamer than usual
(Some Guy)
If you're going to stage a shooting to frame your son for your attempted murder, don't leave a to-do list where the police can find it
(Some Guy)
How these 11 nerds managed to score with the opposite sex is a mystery. (Sponsored Link)
(SeacoastOnline)
Childhood obesity can lead to missed school, drug use, and... teen pregnancy?
Man eating sandwich behind wheel chokes, blacks out, and hits another car. Seat belt administers "Heimlich" maneuver, causing him to wake up. Taa-daa
Apparently, society is getting tired of whiny, cross-dressing emo boys as manly men are making a comeback (with pic that doesn't help the cause)
City plans to fine victims of graffiti, because it's a lot easier than catching the perpetrators
Add one more item to your list of how to silence your political opponents: Poisoned underpants
(Some Guy)
Eleven of the 2,324 possible Texas felonies can only be committed with an oyster. None of those require sex-offender registration
Not news: Knot noose. News: Noose. Fark: Not noose
No matter how important your meeting might seem, it's definitely over when an 18-wheeler drives into your conference room
Actual headline: "At some stores, Christmas season is already under way"
Cop was having sex while on duty, but court acquits him of charges because he was in constant radio contact and could have responded to any emergency
(Enfield Independent)
Whiner complains about big model of a crashed WW2 German fighter because it has swastika and might frighten children. Model builder, 81, who actually spent WW2 fighting the Germans, tells him to man up
(Some Holy Roller)
Chinese police raid Vacation Bible School. Millions of bored American kids hope vainly for same
How do you know when your deputies are underpaid? When their wives turn to prostitution. With pic of said wife (wear your goggles)
(myTelus)
Goat farmer wins millions. If he moves his family to Beverly Hills, he's practically guaranteed a TV show
(Albany Times Union)
Food prices taking a big chunk of people's money, but the truly shocking part of the story is that half of families earn below the median family income. HALF
If you're ever in this guy's meeting, don't tell him what time it is, because his watch says that it's beatin' time
Because your "first time" should be special and memorable, be sure to use lots of candles so the fire brigade can be there to congratulate you and the media can put your naked, sooty photos in the paper
Federal Reserve cuts discount rate by 0.5 percent to stem melting markets
(UpstateToday)
"...who at the time was staying with their mother -- a self-confessed drug attic." Wait, what?
Photoshop this cat staring down a garden gnome
(Some Guy)
Wal-Mart comes up with brilliant idea: Open some small stores, sort of like a neighborhood grocery. Why didn't anyone think of this before?
(The Trentonian)
Concealing merchandise under your shirt is difficult when you're shoplifting topless
Rip Van Winkle Disease causes adolescents to sleep for weeks, binge or become hypersexual. In other words, they act exactly like teenagers
(The Age)
News: Local business offers discount with gas receipt. Not news: The business is a brothel. Fark: The scheme is called "Pump and Save"
(NZ Herald)
You're a newly arrived Canadian tourist. You encounter heavily tattooed skinheads. Do you: A) Walk away? B) Run away? Or C) Invite them out for drinks while boasting about being an ex-gangsta?
Hotel mistakes Nobel Peace Prize winner for bag lady; does the humane thing and throws her out of the building
Coalition death toll in Iraq reaches the 4000 mark
Bus drivers accused of drag racing, running red lights and endangering the lives of passengers. Otto unavailable for comment
Garage-sale coloring book for kids: $2. Original ink sketches for Avengers comics found inside: $48,000. Handcuffs at the art appraisers because sketches are stolen: Priceless
Coroner's assistant sues government because he suffered "mental trauma" after having to deal with dead bodies as part of his job
Three rescue workers confirmed dead in Utah mine
(Tom Brady)
With football season approaching, photoshop this picture of Tom Brady looking very special
(Some Guy)
The same soft powder used to prevent painful chafing between the thighs of marathoners, on babies' bottoms, and in new hiking boots may also prevent California from sinking into the ocean
Todays "Bank robber captured after leaving his resume and photo at scene" story brought to you by the great sunshine state
(1330 WHBL)
FOLLOW UP tag going for record with 3 years under its belt
Top six surnames that reveal a pirate ancestry. No word on Ninjas
(Some Monsters and Critics)
The most shocking story of the century: Siegfriend and Roy have announced that they're gay
Life on the iList: Kathy Griffin dating Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak
One of Alaska's largest and most active volcanoes getting ready to massively improve the state
Fewer than four out of ten Americans now believe that premarital sex is wrong. Giggity
(Some Guy)
Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement dares to drop D.A.R.E. anti-drug education program, after realizing it doesn't do anything
This week's "world's oldest person" found in Shelbyville, IN. She likes a man who wears an onion on his belt
Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl. Congratulations, it's a girl
Thu August 16, 2007
(Some 1st Amendment Lover)
$80,000
Biden: His time
"I had to kill him." NYPD agrees, lets 14-year-old slide
NASA decides no shuttle repairs needed. This should end well
Ambulances race to Utah mine after report of another collapse
(The EP Rollers)
Police in El Paso, TX stun Star Wars nerds and Cryptozoologists by arresting an actual Ewok
Photoshop this midflight hummingbird
Horrific photographic evidence suggests that Jenna's got a bun in the oven
Taking water through the airport checkpoint? That's a cavity search. Not taking your shoes of at the airport? That's a cavity search. Not smiling or looking happy enough at the airport? You better believe that's a cavity search
(U. of Washington)
Disney to University of Washington: Retract news release on research on effects of "Baby Einstein" videos. UW President: Suck it
Paperboy alerts family to housefire, demands $2
U.S. spy director says, "[Using satellites to watch us] will also help with security during natural disasters. Spy satellites were used for Hurricane Katrina efforts." And look how well that worked
800 year-old gold cross seized by the Nazis and missing since WWII is found by a dumpster diver in Austria. Police still mystified how it got all the way to the Land Down Under
Good news: Testosterone patch improves sexual desire in women. Bad news: Testosterone patch causes women to grow man sized testicles
Today's "prostitution sting mugshot" thread brought to you by New Port Richey. It's a man, baby
Padilla iced, iced baby. Yes, that is how it is pronounced
Jenna Bush gets engaged; open bar at the wedding reception intuitively obvious to the casual observer
Pentagon paid South Carolina company nearly $1 million to ship two 19-cent washers to Texas. This is unusual, as most of the 19-cent washers in Texas come from Mexico
(Channel4)
On the less sinister side of Wikipedia editing, someone in the Tory party central office thinks baby warthogs smell of poo
(Some Guy)
Newspapers gives handsome Farker his own blog. Suits say, "Get some web hits or else," making throat-slash jesture. Stand back and behold Fark's major awesomeness
Couple sees Jesus in kitchen cabinet. Apparently the J-man had a wicked forehead tattoo
German scientists claim to have broken the light-speed barrier and gone straight to plaid
(Some Guy)
♪♫ Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature rising ♪♫
New Images in Mine Cause for Optimism. According to the pic in this article they are fine, have hot chicks with them, and are making out with them. (With really inappropriate pic)
"This market is going down like free beer. ... I would say if there had been a day when we're trying to price in a worst-case scenario, this might be it."
Reporter crashes racing toilet, doesn't realize she's live
(Lansing State Journal)
The two-toed sloth is still on the loose in Lansing, MI. Everybody walk for your lives (second article)
(Some Guy)
The passengers are revolting, and it's about time
(Break.com)
How not to impress the opposite sex: perform a faceplant right in front of them while showing off. (Sponsored Link)
Boomers in the media claim that their sagging, wrinkled, counterparts in Hollywood are still sexy
(Some Dwarf)
Gamers take second jobs to begin saving for new sourcebooks as Wizards of the Coast announce D&D 4th Edition coming soon
We're in ur magazeen, puttin werds on ur mo-duhls
(Law.com)
In case there was any confusion, Judge rules that using the Wayback Machine is NOT computer hacking. Nostalgic farkers rejoice
Another rising GOP star goes down in flames following arrest for larceny
Chinese couple tries to name their baby "@" because it roughly translates to "love him" in Mandarin. Does you know where I can get one of those little gold 'T's? That's a cross. Across from where?
(Wilmington Star)
That 40-year-old coach who married the 16-year-old student? You just knew it wouldn't be long before the lawsuits began, didn't you?
Man tosses wife over balcony, but not before giving her a kiss good-bye. So it's okay then
(NewsChannel 5)
Horse found with axe protruding from head. Skull-splitting hilarity ensues. (Includes pics and video)
(Hollywood Reporter)
ABC's "20/20" is investigating Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Pervert." No word on if it will air on CBS or Fox
Undercover police officer's plan to check bar for underage drinkers fails when he forgets to bring his ID, decides instead to arrest bar owner for "impeding a public officer"
NASA opts not to repair gouged shuttle tiles. Mission control seen crossing fingers
Man, 350 pounds and wearing a pink tu-tu, wins the national cannonball title
(WebbAlert)
Uber-hottie Morgan Webb mentions Fark again today on her vlog
Thirty years ago, Elvis Presley became the butt of jokes forever
Photoshop this high-flying poser
(All Africa)
I'll see your "cheerleading coach sleeps with student" and raise you a "teacher involved in a nude dancing orgy with students"
(The Age)
Outrage: Owner on alert after man enters Australian bookshop and defaces bestsellers. Embarrassment: It was the author signing his name. Kill me quickly: Author was Stephen King
(tPC)
Pornstar Mia Rose no longer welcome at "World Of Warcraft." It appears the geeks at Blizzard Entertainment didn't appreciate "World of Whorecraft" as much as others did
It has been 86 years since a major hurricane hit Tampa Bay. Hoo boy, those trailer parks need cleaning
(LVRJ)
Jabba the Hutt falls asleep in court, sexually harrasses a bailiff, wants to kill the convict it is married to and tries to scare a witness by using an old Jedi mind trick
The network that brought you "Designer Vaginas" and "World's Biggest Penis" will entertain you this fall with their new television program, "Drug Binge TV"
(Some Guy)
Naked man explains to police that he thought he was at a nude beach
(Some Hamptoner)
Didn't pay your 15-year-old stripper for the show? That's a shootin'
Giuliani's repeated assertions that he was exposed to health risks like the firefighters at Ground Zero now raise questions about whether he can sustain his health as president
DC police somehow manage to place woman in male detention unit. After strip searching her
(WLBZ2.com)
A lawyer from Maine has been suspended for five years for taking a client's $14,000 and doing nothing in return. If this case sets any precedent, we all should be lawyer-free soon
Man frustrated because hospitals refuse to help him. Which is bad, because he's limping around with a bullet in his groin
Fetus gets its own profile on Facebook. Suck it, Planned Parenthood
(Star Gazette)
Man stopped in robbery attempt by french-fry grease
When asked why he burnt down a 7000-foot house, man replies, "I don't know. Jesus asked me all kinds of questions"
Man pleads guilty for glass-eating scheme targeting restaurants and grocery stores in order to bilk insurers. May we suggest the chardonnay?
(SunJournal.com)
Massachusetts man charged with assault with a deadly water balloon
Bigfoot found in Canada. Oscar Goldman and The Office of Strategic Investigations dispatched
In an effort to give them a "cooler" image with kids, police to be taught how to skateboard. Submitter looking forward to pursuit footage
Terribly distraught over the deaths of Chris Benoit and family, his mother-in-law wants to know the order in which the family died... to determine how much money her family will get
Playing loud music late at night is bad, but when it's Wham's "Last Christmas" non-stop, it's just plain insanity. Especially in May
Someone has apparently left the drain plug out on the Great Lakes. The cement overshoes and three-eyed fish may soon be visible
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Bottles
Otter doesn't like swimming. Perhaps, like most Farkers, he fears shrinkage
Guy arrested for DUI tells police he thought he was in Rochester, New York. Tag to left of this headline should let you know he was off a bit
Legend of mystery visitor to Edgar Allan Poe's grave revealed
We want those baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs, baby bibs back
Today's "woman hoards 30 diseased cats, two dogs, and a potbelly pig with testicles the size of a basketball" story brought to you by Palm Bay
In a shocking coincidence, man who suffered a heart attack at a hardware store revived by salesman who just happened to be demonstrating a defibrillator to store staff. Clear
Army suicides at highest levels in 26 years
First wave of iPhone bills a staggering 300+ pages
(Palestine Herald)
Prosecutors surprised to discover naked man walking around local courthouse. "When we asked him what his name was, he said he was a friend of Jesus"
NYC Farkers: Anyone down for drinks Thursday?
Raising a baby in 2006- $290,000, sending said baby to college in 2020-$105,000
Sorry we ate your forefathers
Police arrest a man who practiced dentistry for 29 years with no medical training while treating patients at his home in a cast-off examining chair. His life long goal of opening a London practice now on hold while jailarity ensues
(Farktography)
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 120: "Streetlights" Difficulty: No UFOs. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed August 15, 2007
Sounds heard from collapsed mine in Utah
Hurricane Dean announces that its gonna gain strength, then it's going to the Gulf of Mexico, and then Texas, and then Georgia, and then Florida, and then all the way to the White House Yeeeeaaaaaaarrrgh
(Some Guy)
Fire chief evacuates city hall due to a bag of overcooked microwave popcorn
This is probably the coolest one-of-a-kind wooden bicycle built for two that you'll see this week
Dumas arrested with $435,000 worth of marijuana. Bonus: Elvis was riding shotgun
Death toll from yesterday's coordinated suicide attacks in Iraq reaches a staggering 500 people
(Some Guy)
Photoshop the Tangaroa Raft
Couple in their eighties say McDonald's has left them slim and healthy after eating at their local franchise every day for 17 years. Yummy yummy good
(KOLD-AZ)
Today's "Teenage girl kills herself and another motorist while text messaging" brought to you by Peoria, AZ. Double-Darwin Bonus: Driver ejected from vehicle due to lack of seat belt
Colleges love the free publicity of the annual U.S. News & World Report's college rankings. Unless, of course, it is a negative assessment. Then they should DIAF
Ford 'fesses further factory farkups following fires fueled from faulty fabrications
Police investigate a sham marriage proposal to an online escort, an envelope stuffed with cash, and a body in a Minneapolis hotel room. Then it gets weird
(BillOReilly.com)
Having failed to defeat Daily Kos and "The Bourne Ultimatum," Bill O'Reilly sets his sights on Nas and the Virgina Tech memorial concert
Smokers are less productive than non-smokers. Obvious tag is on a smoke break
Dozens of women's organizations want to see the Camel No. 9 cigarettes go the way of the chastity belt
(Some Guy)
Moderate blood alcohol levels may protect the brain after head trauma. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
(KNBC)
Peru struck by magnitude 7.7 & two magnitude 7.5 earthquakes. Trifecta already complete
Got a song stuck in your head? Can't figure out what it is? Now science can help
New poll shows 94 percent of Americans are happy with their lives. I blame Bush
Reminder, Indianapolis/GenCon Fark Party, 8 pm, Friday Aug 17th at Vito's on Penn. Drew will be there. LGT previous thread
Having gone through the foie gras ban with such little controversy, Chicago plans to implement 10-25 cent tax on bottled water. Who could have a problem with this?
Hey Virginia, move over, eh? Canada's got a $10,000 speeding ticket
Due to increases in the cost of zinc, the penny's main metal, it now costs $0.02 to make something worth $0.01. That's some nice economic analysis, Lou
Everyone who's polling over 40 percent, take one step forward. Not so fast Bush, Congress, Iraq, direction of the country
(NOAA)
Natl' hurricane center blurb about Dean approaching the Gulf: "In combination with very deep warm waters, this pattern would favor the development of a powerful hurricane." Might might want to go ahead and stock up on ice and beer
Iraqi woman shows two bullets she says hit her home. Now what's wrong with this picture?
(McGruff)
Police arrest man in his home for dealing meth. Get bonus arrest when client arrives and asks the cops to sell him meth. Another citation written when third guy shows up with a weapon to make the dealer stop selling drugs to girlfriend
(TheLocal.se)
Swedish PE teacher arrested for cocaine in fridge, behind the chicken
Police say prostitution suspect has HIV. Based on her mugshot, if you pay this woman for sex, you deserve to catch something
Game-fixing NBA ref Tim Donaghy stars in new movie
(enquirer.com)
Sometimes you should steal the pizza instead of the cash
(WOOD-TV)
Eight-year-old steals car; hits house and his own bike before crashing in an embankment. Dumbass tag points, nods approvingly
If you're going to drive your supercar at 300 kph on public roads, don't videotape yourself doing it. But if you must videotape it, don't post it on the Internet as an advertisement
NSW police issue PSA that PMA is not MDMA
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this earplug
Following the success of such hits as "mancation" and "metrosexual," we bring you "he-tox" and "she-tox," also known as "getting over an ex"
(Some Wiccan)
Woman arrested for yelling witch chants. Complete with I'll-get-you-my-pretty mugshot goodness
(Kingston Sub-Standard)
Trial of mentally-ill comedian in Canada called "a profoundly sad situation and a disgrace and an embarrassment for our society." Worse than the Toronto Maple Leafs, even
(WOODtv.com)
High winds prevent debut of wind turbine
Only two things in Antarctic life are certain: Penguin sex and taxes
Researchers discover that one species of squirrel scares off snakes by getting its appendage hot and then waggling it aggressively at the snakes
Man who stuck a hot poker into his drug dealer sentenced to 20 years of finding out how it feels
Prosecutor wins 20 year sentence in rape case, forgets minor detail of sending rapist to prison for 20 years
Man drives through window of auto repair shop. Bonus: Was coming in to get new brakes
If you're stupid enough to swim in the ocean during a tropical storm, God is willing to give you a pass on stingrays
(Traverse City Record Eagle)
Not News: Woman driver hits hotel. News: Then hits a different hotel. Fark: Runs over her own leg doing so. Shouldn't this be in Florida?
(WPVI)
News: Man accidentally sparks a fire in his garage when starting his lawn mower. Fark: His wife accidentally burns the house down when she misses the window throwing a can of gasoline out of the garage
Problem: Burglars break into woman's house. Solution: Leave them food so that they'll take that and go away. Problem: Burglars break into house again to get second helpings
It happens sometimes. Sewage pipes just explode. Natural causes
The good news is, there's a guy selling widescreen TVs out of his car really cheap. Unfortunately, the only channel you get is a roasting turkey
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one person to appear upon a coin, and to assume that he works for the US Mint, thusly is getting a kick out of the replies to the righthand side
Russian region announces a National Day of Screwing. Here in the US we already have that, and it's on April 15
Chinese officials say bridge collapsed "like a blade slicing bean curd". Technicians from the International Metaphor Standardization Agency have been dispatched to introduce them to hot knives and butter
Quote from mom with porn star name: "When she started puking green, that's when I knew something wasn't right," Captain Howdy and the makers of the Ouija Board unavailable for comment
Considered the 'Panda of the Sea,' the Shark-Ray debuts at a New Jersey aquarium. (w/ swimmingly awesome video)
(Some Guy)
Today's "hot teacher having affair with student" story brought to you by Powhatan Virginia. Bonus: this one is a cheerleading coach
Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh marked the 60th anniversary of independence from British rule by asking everyone to please not offer his god a peanut
NASA confident that the space shuttle Endeavour will not need repairs for when it re-enters the atmosphere at 18 times the speed of light
(Some Jihadist)
I guess if your name is "Jihad", we can't really be surprised when you resist arrest
Before calling your husband's boss an a-hole, make sure she can't lock you up in jail for the weekend on contempt charges
Drunk guy crashes $400,000 Lamborghini hours after buying it -- then leaves injured wife in car to flee police
45 parrots missing: If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM Feeweeweewee
(We're Gonna DIE!!!)
U.S. Government approves funding for new Manhattan Project
Man seeks asylum in Canada because he's gay, is denied because he's not gay enough. What test do you have to do in Canada to be gay enough to stay there?
(WRAL)
Former DA Mike Nifong complains about "the fundamental unfairness" of bar association's handling of his ethics case
(JournalGazette)
"Only employee" robbed by unarmed woman at Subway drivethru. Consoles self with newly purchased "Gears of War" disk
Behold, pictures of the duct-tape bandit
Three reasons the cassette tape refuses to die: blind people, audiobooks, and religion
Even if the cops have you cornered for DUI, saving the beer's important. (with hilarious pic)
Photoshop Theme: FARK, THE MOVIE (because Hollywood is out of ideas that don't suck)
(Some Guy)
It might get your goat to hear about a guy who got rammed by a bull in a cow pen while he doggedly gathered his pigs. Should have ducked
As a mayor concerned about the weight of his citizens, do you: A) Introduce a healthy living civic program, B) Pay residents to lose weight, or C) Enact a controversial "no fat chicks" policy?
(WINK News)
Guy faced child sex charges, so he jumped off his cruise ship to escape. Then the 16-year-old victim admitted he lied just to get out of school
Clown complains of becoming a "laughing stock"
Adorable-ass Persian leopard cubs born in Budapest - with "Mama said knock you out" pic/slideshow goodness
Man "angry with God" drives truck into church. Guess where
Man finds keys left in a small plane and does the logical thing ... figure eights in the grass until he manages to tip the thing on its nose. Jailarity ensues
You know it's hot when your local playground spontaneously bursts into flames
(WZZM 13)
"It really shows what the Class of '08 is all about - It's a thing of beauty." (with helicopter video of said beauty)
Man protests his high property taxes by paying $12,000 in coins and $1 bills. That'll show those city employees who had to count it and had nothing to do with setting tax laws
Tue August 14, 2007
Photoshop this trippy corridor
With college apparently failing to prepare her for a real job, Rutgers basketball player files suit against Imus
(NY Times)
The New York Times is more than 20% sure we live in an artificial universe
(Some Wise Ash)
When depositing a plastic bag of cremated human remains into a mail collection box, don't forget to include the return address and proper postage, otherwise the mail carrier probably won't know what the fark to do with it
(Damaris Sarria)
Space Shuttle engineer describes the tile situation and possible fixes on her "How I Am Becoming An Astronaut" blog. Bonus: she's hot
(little green footballs)
Professional and unbiased New York Times caught editing W's Wikipedia entry and adding the word jerk. Wikipedia editing trifecta now complete
Ladies & Gentlemen, Pavarotti is leaving the hospital. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
Judge NoPants officially filed his appeal today in the $54 million drycleaning lawsuit. He really really really REALLY liked those pants
Much like how they remove votes, Diebold removes information critical of Diebold from Wikipedia. Wikipedia editing trifecta now in play
(Some Guy)
The International Tribunal on Hurricanes will convene in the Chocolate City to discuss ethnic cleansing. Cynthia "Hurricane Hair" McKinney will co-chair the event
(Chattanoogan)
Trying to break up a dog fight set up by neighborhood teens? That's a stoning
Asshat at fault for getting ass hit after his hat hits the asphalt
"Before there was Elvis, there was nothing"
(Some Guy)
Fox News caught editing Wikipedia articles. As if we didn't expect them to be this weaselly already
18
(Some Guy)
Lawmaker who sponsored a bill that allows a Bible-study course says it's not a means of teaching religion in secular schools but as a way of boosting students' knowledge of the "best-selling publication of all time."
Jurors in Butler County forbidden to watch "CSI," in order to prevent creating unrealistic expectations about what forensic science can do
I'd-breathalyze-it-worthy pic of woman cop booked for DUI by her husband. The Smoking Gun is there
If you're into child porn, it's probably not a good idea to bring your computer in for repairs. If you're a "Law and Order: SVU" actor, that makes it even weirder
Four separate suicide bombers strike in possibly coordinated attack in Iraq. At least 175 dead, 200 wounded
(Some Guy)
Man with gun: 0, snapping turtle: 1
Yet another study asserts that busing doesn't work. Hippies look for yet another excuse to avoid blaming the parents of underperforming kids
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these collegiate cavemen
As it turns out, men who have large breasts don't stay home and play with them all day long. In fact, they kind of don't like 'em at all
Imus settles and may be preparing a comeback. Possible new radio-show titles include: "Ain't No Thang but a Chicken Wang" and "NappyHeadedHoSayWhat?"
(Aero-News)
UFO investigators dismayed to discover that the Class VII Declaxian Starship that fell out of the sky was actually just the landing gear door from a commercial jetliner
"Temps hit century mark in South," according to reporter living under a rock for past two weeks
Google wants to depose Stewart and Colbert in Viacom lawsuit. Why does YouTube hate America?
(Some Little Newspaper)
The city of Dawson, TX attempts to dissolve its entire police department, and she's not too happy about it
Iraqi Deputy Oil Minister kidnapped during Baghdad Oil Ministry raid, 10 killed
(Some Guy)
Trooical Depression #4 shows that therapy can really help. Upgraded to Tropical Storm Dean. EVERYBODY PANIC
O.J. Simpson's book "If I Did It" is back on the printing press. Take that, common decency
Man who ran out onto Wrigley Field pleads not guilty to running out onto Wrigley Field
(via MSNBC)
The Internet makes it easier to discover just how much of a cheating whore your wife is
(Florida Times-Union)
Cops cart man away after fight with wife. Wife tells cops to look for stolen $180,000 sports car in garage. Bonus: Argument was over wife's Hooters job. You know the state by now
