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Sun July 22, 2007
Chicago Tribune Asinine Personal responsibility continues to flee the country as woman sues tavern for 'allowing' her to dance on the bar (1)
Fox News Interesting The ten best blogs for pets. Uh, thanks? (9)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sony To Apple: You're greedy and don't want other people to make money. In other words, Sony new business strategy is communism. (26)
(St. Paul police) Scary Presenting the latest batch of prostitution arrest photos from the St. Paul police department. BWAHAHAHAHA (107)
(Huffington Post) Asinine New York Times bans Harry Potter from its best seller list. Subby now has to start picking his literature from another source now that NYT's best seller list is part of the op-ed section (111)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this unamused toddler being fingerprinted (33)
TBO Obvious Reading gap between boys and girls called "serious crisis." "Boys don't see a point to reading" (74)
(Some Guy) Spiffy 20 other amazing uses for beer and vodka (46)
Yahoo Sad Man who hired a detective to find out if his daughter was cheating on her husband finds out it was actually his wife that was cheating. Doh (49)
CNN Interesting OPEC official says that $60-$65 a barrel oil is "appropriate." However, $59 oil is very inappropriate (56)
(Some Guy) Sappy 12-year-old boy tries to help his family pay medical bills by opening a lemonade stand (73)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ever taken a milk crate to use in your dorm for storage? Well, criminal, you are part of "a thriving underground recycling network" (98)
MSNBC Asinine Judge orders rape charges dismissed because a translator can not be found for accused, who speaks an African dialect practiced by only 100,000 people world wide (309) PSA Inexperienced recreational wheelchair riders please be advised that although the elevator is wheelchair accessible, the elevator shaft is not (27)
Philly Cool Giant play sets can be seen from space (79)
(Some Guy) Obvious Honorary degrees handed out by universities "make a mockery" of the ones actually earned by students (107)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Priest embezzles 200k from his parish so he can blow it on male strippers and shopping. If only there were some sort of instruction manual on how to help poor people, or something (61)
(Some Guy) Asinine Black student who applied for job with Ontario government not amused to find himself referred to as "ghetto dude" in inter-office government emails (120)
Washington Post Asinine Buicks made in China for Chinese market superior to US products because Chinese "expect" high quality. GM to Americans: suck it (170)
NYPost Asinine The FEMA fund set up to help Ground Zero workers who got sick or hurt has spent $75 million on lawyers and expenses. It has paid out $45,000 to some guy who fell off a ladder (85)
Yahoo Interesting They are building a subway line underneath Amsterdam. What could possibly go wrong? (70)
ABC News Hero Chihuahua saves one-year-old from rattler by jumping in front of toddler and taking the bites itself. Your dog doesn't want snake (88)
Telegram Photoshop Photoshop this firetruck (63)
CNN Asinine Remember that $3.20 a gallon gas? This is what it paid for (161) Dumbass Woman decides that giving her baby up for adoption was a bad idea. Her solution: An armed raid with her sister and another man to take the baby back (40)
(PonderAbout) Video Physicist Brian Greene shows how M Theory can account for the "amazing weakness" of gravity (286)
(CityNews) Spiffy Moon landing footage digitally remastered into HD, so you can totally see the strings and cables now (w/ video) (231)
Yahoo Interesting Australia to name park after Steve Irwin. "Welcome to the 'Crikey... That Thing Has A Nasty Stinger' Park, enjoy your visit" (81)
Daily Mail Strange Buddhist businessman wants to call his Chinese restaurant Fat Buddha, told he can't because it might upset Buddhists (124)
(Seacoast Stupid I'm coming home, I've done my time, but the city say those yellow ribbons aren't mine, if you put up a ribbon, than you support the war, does anyone remember what the ribbons really for, what the ribbons really for (142)
(Some Guy) Stupid "Dear Amp'd customer. As of 12:01 a.m. July 24th Amp'd mobile will terminate service with all subscribers. We apologize and thank you for your patronage. P.S. we apologize for telling you this via a text message." (163)
This Is Local London Scary Deaf woman sleeps through entire five-hour police seige waking only when a police dog sent inside sank his teeth into her arm (87)
(Some Guy) PSA Take heed, lil' gangster wannabes: if you go around flashing goofy fake gang signs, make sure it's not around undercover gang officers or you might find yourself facing very real criminal charges (142)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this panhandler (86)
(KOLO-TV) Sick NV police arrest three suspects in interstate crime ring that burglarized dead people's homes during funerals. You never see a U-Haul behind a PMITA prison bus (38)
Yahoo Obvious You attempt to jump a 10-foot opening over a mineshaft, do you a) get the respect of your friends b) a kiss from that pretty girl or c) 1,000 feet of death? (207)
NewsMax Stupid Newt Gingrich claims that the U.S. has been fighting a phony war since 9/11. The families of the over 3500 U.S. coalition casualties may tend to disagree (321)
Forbes Strange "So a fox walks into a steakhouse. The waiter says, 'What'll you have?' The fox says 'I'm in a hurry... I'll take whatever you've got on hand.'" (50)
(PostBulletin) Silly Miss North Dakota challenges Miss Michigan to an ultimate fighting competition (39)
(NoOhioTag???) Dumbass Not news: Two sisters had their pets taken away. News: Pets included bear cubs and lion. Fark: They were living inside a double wide trailer (20)
St. Pete Times Florida Neo-Nazi compared to MacGyver after escape plot is uncovered, despite his insistence that aliens dug hole behind his toilet (w/ scary mugshot) (46)
(SFScope) Sad Weekly World News shutting down. Suck it, Batboy (153)
(The Daily Advance) Stupid Board member votes against permitting for tattoo parlors, saying they're adult businesses because "body parts may be exposed". Doctor's offices and tanning salons next to be declared hotbeds of heathen nakedness (55)
CBS News Strange Power outage in the St. Louis Arch traps 240 inside. If there was only an invention to help people walk down to the ground floor without electricity (65)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop Prince Charles as he "inspects the troops" (53)
Yahoo Interesting LA port clerks present final offer: They're allowed free Gatorade and get to close the store to play hockey (37)
YouTube Strange How do you say redneck in South Africa? Hint: any conversation that includes "...and this here is my pet hippo" (28)
(Some Guy) Scary Want to search a guy for drugs? Take a hint from these Texas cops: just remove the guy's license plate, and then pull him over for not having it (163)
Stuff Hero Reason number 67 to be a hero: FREE BEER (18)
CBS Green Bay Strange Today's "runaway hay wagon of chaos and hellfire" story brought to you by Hart Township, Michigan (16)
Gizmodo Strange Armed gang kidnaps one of the world's top RPG gamers after one criminal's girlfriend lured him into a fake date using Orkut. Wait, it gets better (75)

Sat July 21, 2007
CBS New York Cool Old and busted: Man vs. robot in super chess challenge. New hotness: Man vs. robot in super Texas Hold'em challenge (62)
Local6 Florida Driver hits bus, does what anybody would do after an accident: he gets out of his car and drops his pants (28)
Wired Strange US Air Force wants to cover terrorists with goo (53)
(Columbia Tribune) Dumbass Today's "Boat explodes after boaters try to start it with a flathead screwdriver" story brought to you by Missour-uh (44)
(ChicagoPoetry) Scary Chicago police raid dangerous poetry event in art gallery (49)
Yahoo Sad Tammy Faye dead at 65. Mourners turn rivers black with mascara (527)
Yahoo Followup President Bush's doctors find no weapons of ass destruction in his colon, just five polyps described as "small and not worrisome" (97)
CNN Scary Alabama most ruthless state for foreclosures. Cletus can lose his trailer in as little as 30 days (85)
(Some Guy) Asinine After 14 years in Canadian loony bin, man's condition upgraded to "should have been treated for multiple sclerosis". Oops (74)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Barry Bonds (62)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth PSA Aiming a green laser beam at a police helicopter from your house may get you a "change of address" (116)
WFTV Florida Woman upset former roommate stole her identity, arrested for prostitution using her name. Double Bonus: Roommate is transsexual who's hotter than she is (169)
Yahoo Strange In Israel, it's apparently legal to offer advice based on tarot cards and the stars, but use of coffee grounds will get you indicted (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these fire hosers (57)
Yahoo Scary The media fear mongering will begin soon. Cue wave of ASCII headlines (114) Sad Don't tell Argentina, but now would be a perfect time to invade the Falklands (138)
(Some Guy) Obvious Belgium does not exist and don't let those walking around calling themselves "Belgian" fool you (160)
(Red Skeleton) Hero Chiropractors get boned by New Jersey. Hero tag for legislators who had the spine to curtail these charlatans activities (412)
AFP Weird Woman faces prosecution for criminal damage after planting a kiss on a painting (88)
CBS News Florida Woman keeps 9 adults and teens handcuffed in her home for years. With mugshot goodne... OMG IT'S A MAN, BABY (141)
Fox News Followup All of your fears have come true: President Cheney (222)
(Some Sad Cookie Cat) Amusing Which LOLCat are you? (387)
Salon Photoshop Kellogg's is going to stop marketing unhealthy cereals to children. Photoshop some of their new cereal advertisements. LGT inspiration (123)
CNN Obvious OxyContin can produce a heroin-like high if taken improperly. In other news, Ric Romero now works for CNN (96)
( Amusing Today's weather: Sunny, High 85. Tomorrow's weather: Unavailable - Virginia State Police detonate outdoor weather reporting station because it looked "suspicious" (70) Spiffy Rural Canadian valley plans to be cell phone free and stay that way (52)
(Bradenton Herald) Florida Old and busted: Wheelchair basketball. New hotness: Wheelchair gator hunting. "His wheelchair started to tilt and we were scared he was gonna become meals on wheels" (22)
CNN Interesting Anderson Cooper visits the "penis emporium." Not a bar in the Meatpacking District, but a restaurant in Beijing (48)
(WMC-TV) Dumbass Tennessee deputy sheriff found passed-out drunk behind wheel at red light had previously been suspended after passing out at T.J. Mulligans with his handgun (42)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this Boer goat (67)
YouTube Sad Is there any doubt that Paula Abdul is the next Anna Nicole Smith? (150) Interesting An estimated 260,000 Brits are engaged in a secret affair, collectively spending £60m a month. In other news, people having a secret affair in Britain suprisingly willing to give out information to some website (45)
(Some Guy) Obvious British women say they would rather apply a fake tan or lie on a sunbed than do some exercise in order to look good - which kind of explains a lot (90)
AJC Interesting The Georgia Revenue Department has $683 million dollars of uncashed checks, bond dividends, stocks, coins and abandoned safe deposit boxes just waiting for someone to claim them (57)
Yahoo Interesting El Salvador to seek Romero beatification, the first step on the road to becoming the patron saint of obviousness (53)

Fri July 20, 2007
(WRAL) Dumbass Man tries to burglarize a police dog training facility. Hilarity ensues. "For anyone to try to run from a whole unit of canines, it's just a no-win situation." (47) Sick Forty percent of Toronto street meat carts not meeting health standards... No sh*t, Sherlock. Then check the hot dogs, Watson (67)
AP Sad Cowardly lion's head stolen from Wizard of Oz display. Widow of the man who built it hopes someone finds the courage to return it (34)
(Some Guy) Strange Man claims his landlords keep trying to steal his prized showerhead. "It's the world's best showerhead" (149)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these posers (98)
BBC Followup Turns out the vast underground lake that Boston researchers claimed could end the conflict in Sudan's Darfur region probably dried up between 5,000 and 25,000 years ago (84)
Washington Post Stupid Washington Post reveals that Hillary showed cleavage on the Senate floor. Why they're looking at Hillary's cleavage, no one knows (article includes pic of cleavage) (251)
AP Amusing Beatles fans trash song use for diaper ad. Depends considers use of When I'm Sixty-Four (117)
Philly Asinine CalDOT closes highway after road construction workers get hit by BBs, burritos, the occasional elderly driver (105)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Cool Cheese magnate pays $10,000 fine for illegally building a private airstrip. Subby moves Astronaut and Fireman to No. 2 and No. 3 on his list of things to do when he grows up. No. 1? Cheese Magnate (140)
Google PSA Charleston SC Fark Party Tomorrow, Gene's Haufbrau (47)
NCBuy Spiffy Tennessee couldn't find 1,000 people to pay an extra $35 for a specialty Elvis license plate. So some fan from New Jersey stepped in (91)
(KCCI) Dumbass If you built a duct tape roadblock, the Mason City, Iowa police department would like to have a word with you (157)
IOL Followup Elderly couple with $1.63 tax bill problem get to keep their home (99)
CBC Asinine Canada's top court rules that pointing your finger at someone and saying "BANG" is the same as using a real gun (222)
(National Geographic) Photoshop Photoshop this Italian gondola competition (87)
CNN Hero Congress keeps public-broadcasting funding intact, rejecting notions that PBS and NPR are "too liberally biased" to maintain funding (742)
BBC Followup Teenage driver who caused fatal car-crash as she sent text message is given four years in prison. When she asked for a shorter sentence, she was offered 4 YRS N PRSN (242)
Houston Chronicle Strange Inmate mistakenly released 36 years early from attempted murder sentence, finds his victim at a bar and... apologizes? (169)
(FOX19) Scary Pictures of Cincinnati couple caught having sex in median of roa... OH DEAR GOD MY EYES (314)
SLTrib Spiffy College professor calls prices "immoral," eliminates textbook requirement (329)
(Some Guy) Obvious A man who trashed a hotel room, ran naked across Donald Lynch Boulevard, pulled a fire alarm and bit a bank employee on Monday was described in a police report as a crack addict. You don't say? (43)
( Strange So if I'm shoplifting, and a cop who is driving to the store to arrest me dies in an accident, I'm guilty of murder? (561)
(Greatest. Blotter. Ever.) Amusing Sunday, June 17 1:38 a.m.: A squadron of drummers, like six / Used Stewart Park's swingset for kicks / They throttled the skins / Till coppers weighed in / And the wee-hour bopfest was nixed (33)
MSNBC PSA Bush to have colonoscopy as doctors attempt to find his head; Cheney to take temporary control (322)
CBS New York Scary Just another day in Jersey City: A woman finds a six-foot-long missile launcher on her front lawn, which happens to be in the flight path of Newark International Airport (181)
Fox News PSA Today's "pro wrestler found dead" story brought to you by New Hampshire (80)
AJC Obvious Study finds the more exposure middle school students have to anti-smoking ads, the more likely they are to smoke (157)
Herald Tribune Florida Man claims he has "mental problems" after shooting at "Iraqis" running loose in neighbor's backyard. Guess which state (73)
MSNBC Obvious TSA slowly waking up to the fact that feeling your balls and taking your spork may not be the best way to prevent terrorist attacks (242)
(Some Guy) Amusing Just another day in the life of the Sandusky police -- called to a gas station to settle a brawl between two cousins who were fighting over biscuits (second item) (52)
Jalopnik Followup Chrysler mistakes YouTube for all of Internet in fight to pull down Dodge dog electrocution video (83)
Marketwatch Hero C-Span's Brian Lamb: "Who cares if a movie star has an opinion unless the person is very well informed? We're overly interested in having a celebrity culture" (142)
(Der Spiegel) Obvious "Tiny brain no problem for French tax official" (59)
Yahoo Sad "The performance of the Department of Veterans Affairs has contributed substantially to our sense of national shame." Forty years later, court rules VA must pay benefits to Vietnam veterans harmed by Agent Orange (120)
(WCHS) Sad Cattle hauler overturns on Interstate 64. Most likely a steering problem (94)
( Dumbass At last, the perfect solution to America's woes: Ban Harry Potter books, beat your children, ignore scientists, deny welfare to all sinners and, of course, live your life by the Bible (772)
Fox News Followup Senator Byrd (D-ramatic) wants to have Michael Vick executed for dogfighting. Funny, who knew the Senate had that power (553)
(National Geographic) Cool Thirty-eight years ago today, half a billion people watched some guy make one giant leap for mankind (with video) (195)
Sun Sentinel Florida Attempting to attach a propane tank to an already heated grill sometimes results in a fireball to the face. The more you know (30)
Local6 Florida Large World War II "gravity" bomb magicially appears near road -- trifecta of bombs/missiles found in Florida now in play (with bomb pics) (81)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Create an Olympic logo for a city you think should get to be a host city (summer or winter). (Link goes to inspiration) (108)
Daily Mail Amusing Seagull fingered filching Doritos. Dude... wait, what? (53)
SFGate Stupid Not everyone can win Mother of the Year. But ditching four kids while you go into the woods to take nudie photos will give you a good shot at Best Supporting Babysitter (120)
London Times Stupid How far would you go to make sure your kids felt like winners? Would you drug a horse? (52)
(Free-Lance Star) Dumbass Fired university president told cops he drank six bottles of cough syrup before getting two DUIs in two days. He needs to retake Chem 101 (44)
(Times Argus) Cool Ben & Jerry's to unveil "Duff & D'oh-Nuts" ice cream at "The Simpsons" premier. Doughnuts: Is there anything they can't do? (76)
(Some school) Photoshop Photoshop this excited Professor (83)
SFGate Strange Tip for the day: When you get that old urge to have some dude handcuff you and wrap your face in plastic, choose the aforementioned dude carefully (23)
CBS New York Asinine It's no wonder Bloomberg wants to charge money to enter Manhattan. He has employees who spend $4,000 a month on one SUV (39)
(WJLA) Dumbass Hot dog vendor uses the old quarter-on-a-string trick to rip off parking meters outside the U.S. Department of Interior. It was a brilliant idea until he got caught (42)
(Brooklyn Paper) Dumbass Why do Americans keep receiving Nigerian money transfer scams in their email? Because Americans keep falling for them (68)
Canoe Obvious Congratulations to Winnipeg on its promotion to Canada's crime capital (71)
(OC Register) Dumbass Woman passes bar exam on 14th try. Yeah, I'd hire her (132)
( Strange Gong show host, author and possible CIA agent Chuck Barris tries to evict his 85-year-old neighbor after she threatened him for using her herpes doctor (44)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy gently touching his car (257)
(WINK) Florida State Farm to drop 50,000 homeowners' insurance policies because they can (118)
ABC News Obvious Costco finds its "Black Widow Surprise" surprisingly unpopular among people who bought its grapes (88)
AP Amusing Roswell car dealership sends 50,000 scratch off promotional tickets to residents ... and all of them were the $50,000 grand prize winner. Cue the X-files music please (65)
Free Press Dumbass Detroit cop accused of replacing $2.4 million worth of cocaine from the evidence locker with powdered doughnuts. That's some fine police work there, Lou (42)
Reuters Stupid Average worker goes into the red 27 days after payday (104)
(Some Guy) Interesting "West Memphis Three" case reopened, DNA evidence does not place the three convicted boys at the murder scene (234)
Daily Mail Interesting Reign of terror of 12-year-old nicknamed "Chucky" finally brought to an end. "When he's drunk, he's out of control. Some have said that his behaviour is like that of an animal" (with mugshot goodness) (202)

Thu July 19, 2007
(Palm Beach) Asinine Mom wants schools to ban books filled with sin. There goes my trigonometry textbook (257)
Wired Cool The coolest 11 pics of tiny computers you'll see today (52)
( Cool Capitol Records has been ordered to pay the $70,000 legal bill of a woman it tried to sue for downloading music illegally (112)
Daily Mail Obvious "If Americans keep gaining weight at the current rate, fat will be the norm by 2015." IN YOUR FACE, MILWAUKEE (292)
AJC Followup Nike drops Zoom Vick V shoe set to come out in August. "We consider any cruelty to animals inhumane and abhorrent." That is, unless they can manufacture a pretty decent shoe (108)
BBC Strange Having cured cancer, reversed global warming and figured out the plot from "Lost", scientists create a computer program that can beat you at checkers. Every time (96)
(The Spec) Weird "The officer kept her firearm holstered, made no attempt to retaliate against assailant. Under use-of-force guidelines, she probably would have been justified in at least using a TASER to defend herself." (74)
MSNBC Obvious So the Catholic Church was all like "Uh huh", and a Baptist leader was all like "Nuh uh" (206)
(WRAL) Amusing Former baptist minister, totally against alcohol and gambling, but all for prostitution (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this grenade-chucker. Complete with chroma key screen goodness (108)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Politician sends drug dealer profanity-laced letter. The Smoking Gun is there (268)
UPI Unlikely Scientists insist Restless Leg Syndrome is a real disorder, like Beatlemania, or the dreaded Achy Breaky Heart (298)
( Stupid Fark cliche busted again (with mugshot goodness) (264)
Yahoo Obvious Twenty cheap date ideas. Submitter regularly overdoes #1, which keeps #16 from happening (181)
Telegraph Cool Old & Busted: Marijuana potency getting stronger. New Hotness: Wine potency getting stronger (38)
Daily Mail PSA Even if you think your 17-year-old student's breasts would make a great cell phone holder, you should just keep it to yourself. Especially if you're her driving instructor (120)
(Some Guy) Cool Lion... cub... baby... gaahhh cuteness (130)
MSNBC Asinine Kentucky Christian group showing up at drug court cases to make sure offenders get what they "deserve". Bonus: a judge named Cletus is quoted (254) Cool Finally. Jury Duty you'd show up for (90)
(Some Fed Up Guy) Scary RIP Fifth Amendment, U.S. Constitution, 1791-2007 (1163)
Telegraph Followup The Chilean Seabass Al Gore served at his daughter's wedding were actually "Green" seabass that were neither endangered nor illegally caught, and came from one of the world's few sustainable toothfish populations (313)
Yahoo Obvious Valerie Plame, who was a secret CIA agent but then wasn't but really was, has her lawsuit against the Bush administration tossed out of court. Suck it, libs (331)
(Some Guy) Followup NYC Fark parties last call -- drink tonight -- drink Saturday with Drew, DIT (131)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Nebraska senator known as "Hair Force One" blames his new 'do on hair rinse gone wrong (with before and after pics) (132)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this old mailbox (103)
(Some Guy) Cool Impromptu Chicago Fark Party August 25th. Fountains of Wayne Double Door. Drew's coming, FoW are Farkers. DIT (82)
( Hero Lance Armstrong on the ball, organizing cancer forums for presidential candidates (119)
(D_nv_r P_st) Sad Merv Griffin, creator of "Wheel of Fortune," hospitalized with PR_ST_T_ C_NC_R (139)
Local6 Scary Ten thousand bees found in lounge chair. Bee-infestation trifecta now in play (129)
Newsday Stupid Jon Bon Jovi wants the owner of the Mijovi energy drink to change its name, arguing it is too similar to his famous moniker (223)
CTV Obvious Canada's crime rate is at a 25-year low, but this has nothing to do with last week's revelation that Canadians smoke more weed than any other country. "Dude, let's break into.... nah, let's twist another one" (249)
Reuters Amusing German police spring into action after report from woman of a dangerous masked criminal trying to steal van. Turns out the criminal was a large toy beaver (35)
Salon Obvious Tom Tomorrow distills down exactly how the news media works. Someone should write a book about this (248)
Examiner Stupid New website will keep track of questionable news stories. Wow, what an original idea. Wonder why no one ever thought of that before (69)
(Some Guy) Followup Turns out Chinese news reporter faked that story about replacing meat with cardboard in buns. Will have different kind of meat in his buns when he goes to Chinese PMITA prison. Also, "Bangkok," huh, huh (109)
CBC Dumbass Tired of waiting for iPhone lineups to end, thief converts 60 payphones to mobile variety (53) Interesting Norwegian capital pretty much an outdoor bordello these days -- with blurry, pixilated picture (113)
( Obvious "Aw, look at the cute woodchuck" turns into rabies shots for a woman (70)
(Oregonian) Interesting Three dozen U.S. military deserters have fled to Canada instead of patriotically showing up at their AWOL hearings in an evening gown and pearls (623)
WFTV Florida Surface-to-air missile found in Tampa scrap yard. Awesome (108)
Herald Tribune Florida Now we know why the cops in Fark thread 2404492 were taking all that money from stop-light runners: To pay for the department's crack-and-hooker habits (35) Stupid Robbers take the pizza and wings, leave the money (38)
11 Alive Amusing Dog eats $800 in cash. Your dog wants change (60)
Yahoo Followup NY pipe explosion rescue workers trying asbestos they can to clean site up (103)
(Some Indians Fan) Cool The Long-Awaited Cleveland Fark/TFark Party (100)
( Dumbass Using hairspray (like in "Charlie's Angels") to detect infra-red doesn't work. In fact, it will set off the alarm, as these two teens found out (113)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this bottle opener (105)
Jalopnik Dumbass Stay classy, Dodge: New Nitro ad shows dog being electrocuted (142)
(Some guy . . . with three eyes) Scary Not wanting Japan to get all the attention, New Jersey nuclear power plant leaks small amount of radiation. I'd say everybody panic, but it probably improved NJ's air quality (77)
Telegraph Interesting Hours after the UK deported their diplomats, Russian long-range bombers came closer to the UK coast than any time since the Cold War ended, causing the deployment of RAF fighters to intercept. Slim Pickens approves (148)
MSNBC Dumbass Homeland Minister Chertoff warns that unless we give Wichita Falls the same amount of funding as New York City, the terrorists will win (229)
Yahoo Dumbass Climbing into a hippo exhibit and throwing rocks at it is not the best way to impress chicks (67)
Stuff Spiffy Eighteenth-century painting enters a small British auction house with an estimated worth of a couple hundred pounds; turns out to be a Renaissance masterpiece worth millions (29)
WFTV Florida In a state where it is more usual to lose your false teeth or your glasses, zoo goes one better and loses a giraffe and a hippopotamus within days of each other (29)
Telegraph Obvious Eating beef found to be more harmful to the planet than driving (399)
(WMC-TV) Cool Why pay little Timmy to mow your lawn when you can chip in a little extra and get a bikini-clad hottie? Bonus video (SFW) (142)
MSNBC Stupid Now you didn't hear this from me, but I heard that some researchers think gossiping might actually be good for you (37)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Man arrested for exposing himself. News: He's 90 years old. Fark: His name is Dickman. With mugshot goodness (72)
(Some Guy) Florida Today's "man stabs wife with sword while shouting 'Show me the money'" story brought to you by Hudson, Florida (49)
MSNBC Sad Large erection in India city of Mumbai collapses, killing 22 less-endowed victims (37) Obvious Kroger recalls cans of hot dog chili sauce, and not fondly, as they are found to contain special botulism surprise (59)
(WLWT) Ironic Needle still in his arm, man OD's on heroin while driving his SUV, crashes into a drug treatment center. Ironic tag spins, jumps with glee (84) Dumbass Bloody warfare errupts over a fungus (38)
CBS Philadelphia Dumbass Urinating man helps to bust alleged drug ring (30)
CBS Sacramento Obvious Are you okay with hearing: "Dude, your mom's hot"? These kids better be (187)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Linux trashcan (78)
CNN Followup Marine convicted of murder in Hamda.. Hamda.. Hamda.. ain't gonna work here anymore anyway (105)
(farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 115: "body mod photography." Pictures themed on tattoos, piercings, & other body modifications. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (134)

Wed July 18, 2007
LA Times Sick Billionaire had plans to construct a "secret and convenient lair" for sex and drugs. Brazillionaire already has 50 of them, shakes head with look of pity (90)
Houston Chronicle Sick Today's house with one miscarried fetus, 7 filthy children, 4-foot-high stacks of dirty diapers, no running water, and a plethora of rats, roaches, and lice brought to you by Lubbock, TX (160)
Washington Post Spiffy Bacon Ice Cream (83)
Yahoo Asinine Environmentalists smash the windows of a man's new Hummer then slashed the tires and scratched into the body: "FOR THE ENVIRON" (520)
CBS Salt Lake City Unlikely Teacher says french kissing 9 year-old student wasn't sexual in nature. Michael Jackson called in as expert witness (79)
Houston Chronicle Sick It took an elderly man wearing only a fanny pack and wandering through the center of town last week for the Select Board to decide it had seen enough (49)
Local6 Florida Beach-blanket thieves are targeting Daytona Beach tourists (with hidden cam video) (37)
WFTV Florida Mom has young kids steal puppy from store (with surveillance video, pics). Your dog wants company (76)
(Some Guy) Walken Finally... a farking great interview with Mr. Walken (128)
Yahoo Followup $300,000 Porsche stolen a second time, this time from a police impound lot, by the same man who drove it through a dealership plate glass window (81)
CBS Salt Lake City PSA FBI warns Americans about opening three dangerous emails. Ooh, what's inside?? (109)
Washington Post Obvious Energy Task Force papers finally revealed. Enron and Exxon-Mobil helped Cheney create our nation's energy policy. If you're surprised by that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you (205)
( Amusing This thread is worthless without pics (111)
Yahoo Followup NASA discovers that a metal chunk that crashed through a roof in N.J. is part of a commercial woodchipper (35)
CNN Obvious Anheuser-Busch to start selling bottled water, thus confusing consumers who can't differentiate it from Bud Light (97)
eBay Amusing Do you have an extra $30k lying around? If so, you can buy (40)
1010WINS Followup Large explosion in New York City near Grand Central. Turns out it was a transformer (287)
FARK NewsFlash Explosion at 3rd and 42nd in New York; link goes to cellphone video, no story yet (345)
Yahoo Obvious In a sweeping landmark study, it is found that Americans are too self-absorbed to understand others. Suck it, everyone (102)
Newsweek Amusing Despite what some boobs claim about boobs, this article about boobs states there's no boobs thing as a lunch hour boob job. Boobs boobs boobs (118)
Wave3 Strange Guy who's trying to visit every Starbucks says he doesn't like Starbucks or coffee. Submitter feels the same way about midget pr0n (78)
Local6 Followup Jailed boy band creator Lou "Big Poppa" Pearlman doing 200 sit-ups a day, preparing court case in Paris Hilton-like isolation (with video) (34) Obvious Saying "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock" will not get you into a woman's drawers. Here comes the science (248)
(Some NYC Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this... umm... Hunger Advocate (75)
Reuters Unlikely Forty percent of Americans say they would curb their driving habits if gas prices hit $3.50 a gallon (244)
AP Amusing Inmates copyright their names and demand millions from prison officials for unauthorized use (82)
(Springfield Journal Register) Asinine Chicago starts gun buyback program. So exchange your crappy, broken gun for $100 gift card and buy a new one (117)
Sports by Brooks Dumbass Report: Michael Vick's cousin ratted out Atlanta QB to feds about dog abuse after Vick outed him to the media (155)
IOL Strange Officials order donkeys to wear nappies (27)
CNN Interesting "Dead Zone" exists in Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Louisiana. If you swim in it, you can see George W. Bush nuking Iran (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you're trying to scam a kid on Ebay by sending him $90K instead of the PS2 and two games he purchased, you're doing it wrong (81)
(WISH TV-8) Obvious Indianapolis-area cornfed suburbanite "massage therapist" arrested for prostitution, complete with OMG DO NOT WANT (71)
CBS Philadelphia Weird Police, the FAA, the U.S. Air Force and even NASA don't know what it was that crashed into a N.J. home (60)
( Obvious Is it ever good to keep farm animals inside your home? – Neigh (23)
IOL Strange 'Goose Whisperer' controls unruly flocks of fowl. "It's all about respect for the geese" (29)
CBS News NewsFlash Turkey bombs northern Iraq. They're hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement (211)
CNBC Obvious Stock market crashes on news that oil hit $75, you can use the U.S. dollar for toilet paper, and Fed Chairman Bernanke opened his mouth (142)
Yahoo Dumbass Fidel Castro said that he has been so engrossed with Cuba's performance at the Pan American Games in Brazil that he hasn't tortured or killed anybody in weeks (48)
Reuters Obvious Chrysler dumps plans to build the 6000-SUX (111)
CSMonitor Interesting The unknown world of Ethiopian donkey welfare activism (28)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Any conversation that starts with "Hey, two-dollar hooker... want a ride?" isn't going to end well (120) Asinine Shark bites diver in the fjord. For you Americans out there, a fjord is the region usually covered by mom jeans (93)
Yahoo Interesting Thousands of bees turn Pennsylvania home into Honeycomb Hideout. Entomologists say "it's real big, yeah, yeah, yeah" (84)
Reuters Stupid Reuters perks up a slow Wednesday by reporting on the ever-growing Love Doll craze in Japan (185)
ESPN Cool Is anyone going to watch Bernard Hopkins vs. "Stinky" Winky Wright this Saturday? Subby is pulling for Hopkins (95)
CNN Unlikely Woman sues terrorists for terrorism (79)
Reuters Weird Supposed "Al Qaeda" group in Iraq is a myth and its leader is a fictional character (160)
( Stupid Guy goes for swim at North Pole for 19 minutes. Credits his survival to training, mind power and retractable genitalia (51)
(Athens Messenger) Strange While you listen to an Ohio police scanner, keep an ear out for the code for "genital problems" (67)
( Dumbass Forwarding an email around the office that shows a black man lying on the street surrounded by watermelon rinds and chicken bones captioned "fatal overdose?" may not be the best idea, especially if you're a member of the CT state police (510)
iWon Obvious The Internet is a great place to view news, sports, porn, Harry Potter spoilers (313)
Daily Mail Asinine Bank mistakenly credits mom's account with £135K. Mom promptly goes on spending spree, starting with £30,000 in sex shops. Still doesn't look happy (258)
SuperDeluxe Plug Proof that Barry Bonds took steroids and Bud Selig knew it (84)
AP Spiffy Wal-Mart is meeting its ambitious environmental goals. Suck it Gore, you seabass killin' hypocrite (269)
Yahoo Spiffy U.S. military officials triumphantly announce the capture of a VERY high-ranking member of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. In fact, you might say he's the No. 2 guy in the whole organization (259)
(NBC30) Obvious Connecticut facing school bus driver shortage now that the state is actually doing background checks on the drivers (31) Obvious Remember that paragon of social welfare where everyone paid taxes and the goverment took care of the people and everyone was content? Well, that story was bullsh*t (271)
Local6 Florida 52-year-old woman at Disney World beat, choked "tea cup" rider over place in line (with mug pic) (231)
NYPost Followup From his jail cell, estranged husband of high school dropout mom who wants her son held back says his boy should be promoted to the next grade (124)
BBC Spiffy Mind-controlled bionic hand goes on sale -- just try not to think about certain things (112)
MSNBC Asinine Authorities must balance vigilance with overreaction. NY, for example, through its "See something, say something" campaign has increased the number of suspicious packages reported from 800 to 38,000 (105)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this beach chair (109)
CNN Interesting Orphaned cub released from black bear rehab. Not like it'll do any good, really -- she'll be back on the pic-a-nic baskets in no time (33)
(The Age) Cool New Zealand is considering degrees in prostitution. As if college students are not getting enough sex already (74) Dumbass Just a week after dumping tons of CO2 in the atmosphere to promote not dumping CO2 into the atmosphere, Al Gore again shows his commitment to Mother Earth by serving a threatened species of fish at his daughter's wedding (838)
(NBC30) Obvious No matter how nice of a top a woman has on, mom jeans ruin the outfit (423)
(Some Fat Arse) Spiffy Reese's produces special Elvis Peanut Butter Cup with banana creme layer. Hail to the King (78)
(Blackpool Gazette) Amusing Bumbling armed robbers told off by pensioner, then get trapped in their getaway car (17)
The Sun News Russians plot to kill exiled billionaire and Putin critic Boris Berezovsky at the London Hilton foiled by British police. Guess who broke the story. Go on... guess (151)
ABC News Scary Woman discovers 24 Hour Fitness does not mean "open 24/7" or "Give a damn who's locked inside the building" (144)
Yahoo Followup Asshat military sniper who allegedly killed his wife at a bar while she was singing onstage has allegedly killed himself (174) Misc Rio de Janeiro police have killed 652 people in the first half of 2007. That's twice the total kills of New York police for all of 2006, but only a fraction of the number killed by Cecil B. DeMille (56)
ABC News Hero "A woman who hates spiders is crediting them with helping save her from a house fire" (97)
(KGW) Stupid Old and busted: Doing wheelies. New hotness: Ghost riding. Darwin is pleased (155)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man breaks into baseball stadium and steals truck containing 51 kegs of beer. As it was Coors Light, police are searching for thief with no taste and a bladder the size of the Goodyear blimp (72)
(WREG) Dumbass Tennessee sheriff's deputies charged with taking deer out of season. Fark: While on-duty, in a public park, with a spotlight, after posing for pics with dead deer in patrol car (26)
(Der Spiegel) Strange Checkpoint Charlie museum curator kicks stripper dressed as East German secret policeman, then wraps Checkpoint in blue tarp to protest something. Stripper wraps himself in toilet paper to protest something. Then it gets weird (39)
The Sun Hero British minister of education warns that kids are being robbed of childhood pleasures because of "molly-coddling staff" who refuse to let kids throw a snowball or go on class trips for fear of being sued (75)
(Missoulian) Amusing Man misinterprets sign language of deaf man as some sort of “disrespect,” but after responding aggressively, has no problem interpreting the universal language of a good old-fashion country whoopin' (73)
Local6 Florida Boy arrested for pointing loaded gun at passing cars -- for fun (with video) (59)
Yahoo Strange They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Pair of 130-year-old outhouses test this theory (28)
Houston Chronicle Obvious Bush aides admit their Bin Laden strategy is FUBAR (255)
ABC News Sick "I told him, 'I will love you through your maggots'" (83)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this piggyback ride (50)
(Some Slinky) Photoshop Now that Transformers has made it to the big screen, photoshop some other movie adaptations of classic toys (187)

Tue July 17, 2007
STLToday Amusing Rush hour traffic on St Louis bridge treated to free street theater when car smashes into several stopped vehicles, followed by bloody man exiting vehicle being chased by very angry stripper with no pants on (96)
The Smoking Gun Followup Michael Vick is a dog killer, feds say. The Smoking Gun is there (300)
( Florida Burglar leaves a big clue at crime scene, her own corpse (41)
Fox News Stupid Here's to you, Mister "I had sex with a 13-year-old but don't have to go to jail because I'm only 5 foot 1 inch tall" guy (214)
(Some Guy) Amusing Roving gangs of feral children are attacking college students. Wildlife agents suspect the smell of pizza attracts them (93)
Arizona Star Sad Any mom can leave her infant alone in the home or the car, but it takes a really special Mother of the Year to leave her child in a stroller in a neighborhood at one in the morning (58)
Seattle Times Interesting Super-rich buying world class submarines at hard to fathom prices (with super cool artist renderings) (79)
(WIVB) Strange Woman comes home to find neighbor naked in her bed. Surprisingly, she has a problem with this (30) Dumbass Magazine offers teenage girls free vodka, tequila or margarita lip balm. Predictable outrage ensues (43)
SFGate Dumbass California court rules that NFL can do pat-down searches of fans attending games. Lawsuits can be expensive, but freedom is still just a buck oh five (62)
Yahoo News Airliner carrying 170 Brazilian people crashes into a gas station in Sao Paulo. That's a lot of people (193)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this man and his instrument (66)
(Some Guy) Amusing Keith Olbermann describes his feelings about Bill O'Reilly: "It's, to some degree, the way a virus feels about its host" (249)
Fox News Sad Step 1: Take in five orphaned siblings. Step 2: Get "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" to come turn your house into a mansion. Step 3: Profit by kicking the kids out of your new mansion (138)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dude and his ... thing (83)
ESPN NewsFlash First herpes, then pot in a water bottle, and now dog-fighting felony charges--what's next for Ron Mexico? (260)
Boston Herald Obvious Police and firefighters answered an Elvis impersonator’s 911 call and found that the homicidal King had pinned a half-naked guest to his living room floor with a 2-foot-long machete (47)
( Weird In addition to the swimsuit category, Beauty Queen's home game includes elusive "Helmet and mittens pinned to your jacket" category (57)
MSNBC Asinine Vatican says child sexual abuse isn't just a Catholic problem. In related news, other companies make facial tissue but we still call it all Kleenex (226)
CBS New York Followup Suspicious package found at library. Police cordon off library. Package is bag of discarded clothing. Anticlimax at its worst (29)
CNN Asinine Indian condom wins taste test. Yeah, but you should see the bubbles you can make (58)
CBS Minneapolis Spiffy Which is funner: the fact that a fat guy had to be rescued by a helicopter with a winch or that the Pine County EMS has hovercraft (118) Florida Silver Star hits truck on same line where 4 died yesterday when same train hit their car. Amtrak vehicle tossing trifecta now in play. (w/video) (84)
Local6 Obvious Crazy woman who killed neighbors over "bad" cookies is found to be crazy (67)
(Post-Gazette) Amusing Pittsburgh Police, in their ongoing effort to be more like Boston's Finest, evacuate courthouse over suspicious salad (62)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Singer Bobby Brown confesses that he believes he is being targeted by Osama bin Laden (90)
ESPN Amusing Spectator's dog wanders into path of Tour de France rider; bike wrecked, dog and cyclist unhurt. In other news, the Tour de France began 9 days ago (100)
(Some Guy) Followup Chris Benoit tested positive for Xanax, hydrocodone, and steroids in his body when he killed his family (342)
(Austin American Statesman) Interesting Sharks, rays, blood and bacteria: What's not to love about wade fishing? (61)
Reuters Dumbass Judge cancels father's visitation rights after asshat dad took his 10-year-old son running with the bulls (124)
(Some Guy) Florida If someone in a moving vehicle snatches your purse, it would be wise to let go (28)
(myTelus) Amusing Canada Border Services asks that you please stop mailing bazookas to Canada. Thanks (60)
CNN Unlikely From the department of "I just made this number up, lets see if anyone runs with it" -- Back to school shopping will generate $18.4B in sales this year (62)
Fox News Followup Senator Vitter (R-andy) publicly apologizes again for bogarting all those hookers, promises to leave more for his constituents next time (129)
Washington Post Asinine Surge 2.0 coming to Middle East this September. Because hey, if it doesn't work the first time, try it again until you get it right (418)
Fox News Hero "I stuck him in his butt" Woman apprehends pedophile rapist with barbecue fork (189)
Wall Street Journal Obvious Supply-side theory of religion shows resurgence in European churchgoing when non-state-run options are offered (74)
iWon Obvious What's worse than summer TV programming filled with lame reality shows and reruns? This fall's upcoming schedule (160)
WFTV Florida Beware what may be in your backyard... like a 15-foot python (with video, pics) (46)
BBC Interesting Sting stung (89)
(Des Moines Register) Hero Norman Borlaug, who saved the lives of billions, to get congressional medal to go with his Nobel Prize. "Hero" tag has never been so appropriate (210)
Yahoo Obvious Army spokesman Captain Obvious announces al-Qaida wants to attack U.S (95)
Fox News Stupid Al Sharpton's next target? for calling Beyonce a "roboho" for wearing a silver metallic dress (262)
MSNBC Hero Judge denies the asshat who still wants to sue for 54 million dollar pants suit (139)
(The Daily Redundancy) Stupid NAACP's "N-word" gravesite desecrated by vandals (235)
The Scotsman Amusing Man frustrated with his computer, threw it out the window in the middle of the night. Won't be charged because the police said "Who hasn't felt like doing that?" (91)
Seattle Times Stupid Wisconsin legislators introduce bill outlining how divorcing couples should handle custody battles over pets. Your dog wants a good attorney, the house, the car, and visitation rights (49)
(Reason Magazine) Obvious It's not that the world is "running out of oil," it's that 77% of the world's oil is controlled by morons and nutjobs (330)
MSNBC PSA Today's reincarnation of the Nigerian email scam uses US soldiers. Grammar still ridiculous (89)
Local6 Florida Your local playgrounds are full of germs. ::shaking hands menacingly:: ooooOOOOOOoooo (83)
IOL Dumbass $300,000 Porsche recovered after thief runs out of gas shortly after driving it through showroom plate glass windows (63)
Yahoo Spiffy Dow hits 14,000. Cars overturned, gun shots going off in celebration in Lower Manhattan (535)
UPI Interesting Are your fingers elongated and knobby? Do your fingertips glow? Can you heal others with your touch? These may be signs of a serious condition known as AHS (53)
(Some Guy) Dumbass RIAA spends thousands to obtain $300 judgement (77)
Toronto Star Obvious Actual headline: Toronto's population ages. Captain Obvious wants everyone to stay off his lawn (36)
USA Today Interesting Vatican re-opens papal dungeon to show exactly what happens when you fark with the Jesus (83)
CBS Minneapolis Followup 29 year old teacher aquitted on sexual assault charges involving 17 year old student. Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm not hot for this teacher (w/photo) (133)
(ProJo) Followup Rap-lovin' ex-university chairman donated $4 million less than he claimed. Swears he will make up the difference as soon as he's done praying for Omarion (58)
Yahoo Interesting Surging nearly 10% in the polls since March, None of the Above is now the clear front-runner in the GOP presidential primary race (199)
Comedy Central Hero Stephen Colbert's Difference Maker: Johnna Mink - Pole Dance Instructor (84)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this nocturnal mammal of the Procyonidae family taking a walk (144)
(just kill me now) Florida Florida gets Floridier every day as Ghostbusters-type franchise opens, compete with a UFO team leader -- I don't want to believe, I just want to leave (136)
Daily Mail Unlikely Camilla: “I don't want to be Queen” & "The oats shan't be any better" (91)
AFP Stupid Australia believes "maps, radios and running shoes" will save you from a natural disaster or terrorist attack (78)
Yahoo Scary Michael Moore was right. Man receives 49 million dollar hospital bill (268)
CBS New York Interesting Parents to teens: MySpace is ours, not yours. Go talk on the phone or something (124)
MSNBC Florida Man in bar calls 911 because A) bartender shortchanged him on bar tab, B) it's nearly closing time and the girls aren't looking like movie stars yet, or C) he's surrounded by police (28)
Toledo Blade Followup Toledo mom pleads guilty to sex with adult son, says incest is best if kept in the family. Dire warning: pic of mom (263) Amusing "In his written complaint, Kim said he opened his hotel room window for fresh air when the monkey made his move" (29)
(OC Register) Hero Kim pharc (Vietnamese napalm girl) comes to terms with her ordeal. Hey, I didn't say "pharc," I said "pharc." WTF. pharc. P then h then u then c (173)
Fox News Strange Pet injuries peak during full moons. Your dog wants a helmet (30)
(Some Guy) Asinine What better way to disagree with your church pastor's sermon than by stabbing him and four others (55)
Wall Street Journal Followup Murdoch to WSJ: DEAL (88)
London Times Interesting I pushed open the door. My publisher was slumped over her desk. She was as dead as Vaudeville. I noticed her prized Siberian dagger was missing, but then that's my game--I'm a shamus (62)
( Sappy Chino, the special-needs sea lion, roadtrips from Los Angeles to St. Paul in search of . . . mah bukket?? (34)
The Sun Sad “Those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it” (138)
BBC Amusing Vanuatu rated as happiest nation on Earth according to Happy Planet Index. In other news, there is a Happy Planet Index. In even more news, there is a country named Vanuatu (80)
SMH Obvious Everything you need to know about life can be learned from watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (124)
(Some Guy) Scary "I pushed my eyelid open with a bloody finger" - What it feels like to be mauled by a bear (38)
Reuters Scary The most farking ugly-ass pair of newborn baby pandas you'll see, well, in your whole entire life, born in China. Christ, they look like hairy Johnsonville brats with teeth (50) Strange Koalas are dirty, STD infected whores (44)
Newsweek Silly Alas, poor comma, I knew him, although, not well (140) Obvious One in three people have a "weapon" in their home to use against intruders. As this is Britain, those weapons include golf clubs, cricket bats and showing their teeth to burglars (172)
(Some Sack Racer) Photoshop Photoshop these sack racers (60)
CBS Austin Dumbass Guy Hijacks City Bus To Drive Him Around Town. Apparently he didn't know they do that anyway (32)
UPI Strange British woman plagued by phone sex calls. And by "plagued" we mean "totally turned on" (43)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Sick Girl orders tall stack of pancakes at Denny's, leaves fetus as tip (158)
Seattle Times Asinine Having solved all other problems, Seattle to require mandatory recycling of food scraps. Your dog wants steak compost (113)

Mon July 16, 2007
(New Zealand Herald) Obvious Girl in stable condition after horse stands on her face. Stable condition. She's stable. A horse stood on her face (132)
(World Net Daily) Followup The Good, the Bad and the Do Not Want: A roundup of nearly 100 female teachers who has sex with their students, complete with photos displaying their various states of TILF-iness (276)
( Scary Woman beats hell out of boyfriend with baseball bat, then soaks him in charcoal fluid and chases him around with a lighter. Scary-ass mugshot goodness included (153)
Yahoo Dumbass Senator Vitter is shocked, SHOCKED I say, that people would believe rumors about him having sex with a prostitute in New Orleans (137)
Miami Herald Dumbass Like Charlie Sheen, Fidel Castro believes that 9/11 was an inside job, and hookers should dress like cheerleaders. "Truther" tri-fecta in play (241)
ABC News Obvious Michigan now more boring than ever before (117)
London Times Interesting Steven Spielberg sued over purchase of painting listed on FBI's List of Most Wanted Stolen Artwork. In other news, FBI has a list of Most Wanted Stolen Artwork (52)
( Interesting The following prostitution busts are trademarks or service marks of Major League Baseball entities and may be used only with permission of Major League Baseball (38)
(The Age) Followup News: Man refused bail after destroying cell phone towers with stolen tank. Fark: he believed they interfered with his mental state (51)
(WFTS) Florida Amtrak train and car collide near Tampa, fatalities confirmed. LGT short text story, streaming video on homepage (83)
Google Photoshop Theme: Kid's movies... if they were directed by an emo director (156)
(Concord Monitor) Obvious 45% of insurgents in Iraq are from Saudi Arabia - which is troubling to the Bush Administration, according to the Duh News Service (264)
Wall Street Journal Interesting The New New Atheism sells books but lacks substance (854)
(Mental Floss) Followup Famous news kids, then and now, from Baby Jessica to the "Potatoe" kid (77)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Comcast service has gone from terribly annoying to actually dangerous (85)
(WRAL) Unlikely "The n-word slipped out because I listen to so much rap music," says 80 year-old ex-university board chairman (191)
TBO Florida If you name your new baby after Chevy cars and Dale Earnhardt Jr, you might be a redneck (109) Dumbass New reality show coming to FOX: What happens when you give an old crazy man with no understanding of economics the reigns to a wealthy country? Will his "free plasma TVs for everyone" initiative really work? (200)
eBay Unlikely For sale: a solution to the war in Iraq. L@@@@@@K!!!!!11!!!!1!!!1!1!!11eleven (370)
Yahoo Spiffy Archeologists unearth 2,400-year-old golden mask, take turns fighting crime, singing Cuban Pete, and boning Cameron Diaz (71)
CBS 4 Denver NewsFlash There goes Colorado's slow news day: Shots fired in Colorado State Capitol building, near governor's office. Governor not hurt, intruder shot and killed by State Patrol (108)
CBS New York Ironic Bomb squad blows up dynamite-shaped toy to keep it from blowing up (38)
(Metadish) Scary Scott Baio confuses a corduroy couch for Erin Moran's vagina and "makes love" to it. Still not clear who this reflects worse on (135)
Denver Channel Obvious Today's "rock found with face of Elvis on it" story brought to you by the Colorado media and a slow news day (pic) (41)
Denver Channel Sad Woman dies after freak trampolining accident. Doctors had hoped she'd bounce back (69)
AJC Scary Robot Squadron headed to Iraq. Cyberdyne approves. Sarah Connor unavailable for comment (122)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Raleigh News & Observer reporter writing story on healing powers of plain water relies entirely on Internet for research. Resulting piece "had more errors than the 1982 Twins" according to one irate doctor (53)
(Pew Research) Interesting Nearly half of Americans want it bigger, while nearly half want it smaller, and a very small percentage are satisfied with it the way it is (117)
The Sun Amusing Pagans pissed off that someone painted a 180-foot long Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut next to their most cherished 17th-century fertility symbol (pic) (267) Dumbass One man killed, another one grounded after trying to steal copper from live power lines in Ohio (111)
NYPost Asinine 9/11 conspiracy theorists go from crazy to scary, slanderous stalkers as they accuse 9/11 widow's husband of being in on it, and publish her personal info (731)
Fox News Interesting Google gets to be the test case for the DMCA's Safe Harbor provision (34)
ABC News PSA How to keep your stupid kids from getting even more ignorant over the summer (104)
(Some Guy) Cool Not news: someone hacks into your computer. News: and steals nude photos your boyfriend took of you. Fark: you're Lindsay Lohan (541)
Homestar Runner Amusing Find out: Who is lying? Who tells the truth? Who has an egg? (116)
(Some Guy) Cool NYC Fark Party Updates - Small Boozer Thursday - Big Boozer Saturday With Drew (130)
Houston Chronicle Weird Some Americans don't consider vacations worth the effort (423)
( Hero Man lives the American Dream: runs over carjacker. "I got him pretty good." (133)
Boston Globe Interesting New Orleans to ban portable taco trucks run by Latinos, citing health and sanitary issues. Never mind that non-Latinos still sell shrimp and sno-cones out of coolers from the backs of pickup trucks (226)
Yahoo Obvious Louisville ranked the #3 place to live. Not that Louisville, the other one. Drew unavailable for comment (144)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colorful art exhibit (67)
CBC Sad Monday morning Sad-Lib: Pair of *noun*-s detonate in *place,* *verb*-ing 71 (98)
Newsweek Sad Modesty and prudishness are making a comeback (347)
(Pontiac) Interesting Live the life you've always know, the one that your significant other wouldn't approve of (sponsored link) (61)
Local6 Florida Group to sue Florida cities over "unconstitutional" red-light cams (82)
Local6 Interesting Jesus action figure doll to be sold at Wal-Mart (with action figure pics) (225)
Reuters Scary What's worth a combined $300 billion dollars, has crappy coverage, abysmal customer service, and when combined will form Voltron? (62)
Yahoo Amusing "Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus." (265)
Yahoo Interesting Barbie helps Mattel increase profit 15%. It's so nice to see women making a difference in the workforce (34) Followup A few hours ago, we were told that a harmless transformer fire at a nuke plant in Japan caused no public safety risk... Uh, radioactive water leak? You don't say (122)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these two graduates striking a pose (54)
BBC Followup Chastity ring girl loses court case -- no doubt leading to the loss of something else soon (333)
CNN Interesting White trash suburbia rejoice: IHOP is buying Applebee's (307)
USA Today Interesting And at 4:20, a report that one in twelve American workers are using illegal drugs (139)
Telegraph Spiffy British dog gets carbon fiber prosthetic paw. Oscar Goldman, Max, unavailable for comment (42)
The Sun Asinine Nanny state takes action on latest environmental health threat facing British citizens: birds singing too loudly in people's yards (pics) (43)
SMH Sick Central Chinese solve their rat plague - by trucking rats south and telling locals they're a delicacy (85)
Stuff Amusing Unbelievable, amazing, astounding, death-defying rescue of housekeeper (with pics of 12-foot Ladder of Life) (90)
Daily Mail Strange New TV detector can reach into any home. "We have the technology to ensure that anyone watching TV without a valid licence can and should expect a visit" (with strange pics) (278)
(NineMSN) Amusing Dolphins thwarting submarine sex - apparently enough people are having sex on submarines for this to be a problem (120)
Yahoo Spiffy The key to peace in the Middle East is: A) establishing a permanent Palestinian homeland, B) removal of all American troops or C) Owls (70)
The Sun Unlikely Coming to a driveway near you: cannabis cars. Trunk said to hold three cases of Cheetos (28) Dumbass This guy wants to bring attention to one of the world's most polluted seas by swimming across it. Wouldn't it be more sanitary to have people sign a petition? (19)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy with swords (68)
(Courier-Post) Strange New Jersey tire store owner says he converted his 18-foot tall Miss Uniroyal statue into a superhero because of the War On Terror (with pics) (55)
Houston Chronicle Strange Two jurors who met during murder trial to wed. Matlock named best man (29) Interesting Woman dead for 20 minutes, comes back to life. Take that Jesus (121)
SFGate Sad President of JanSport killed in car crash. Coffin will feature charging iPod pocket, extra carrying strap, ripstop nylon, and genuine YKK zippers (94)
Local6 Florida Man, in possession of marijuana, begs uniformed cop for late-night ride home, not realizing that everyone who gets in a cop car must be patted down (77)
(Some Guy) Florida Sometimes it's best to let the professionals trim the trees around power lines (28)
MSNBC Dumbass After watching fireworks over the 4th of July holiday, man decides he can make them better home-made style in his garage. Since you're reading it here, you can guess what happened (54)

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