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Sun July 22, 2007
Personal responsibility continues to flee the country as woman sues tavern for 'allowing' her to dance on the bar
The ten best blogs for pets. Uh, thanks?
(Some Guy)
Sony To Apple: You're greedy and don't want other people to make money. In other words, Sony new business strategy is communism.
(St. Paul police)
Presenting the latest batch of prostitution arrest photos from the St. Paul police department. BWAHAHAHAHA
(Huffington Post)
New York Times bans Harry Potter from its best seller list. Subby now has to start picking his literature from another source now that NYT's best seller list is part of the op-ed section
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this unamused toddler being fingerprinted
Reading gap between boys and girls called "serious crisis." "Boys don't see a point to reading"
(Some Guy)
20 other amazing uses for beer and vodka
Man who hired a detective to find out if his daughter was cheating on her husband finds out it was actually his wife that was cheating. Doh
OPEC official says that $60-$65 a barrel oil is "appropriate." However, $59 oil is very inappropriate
(Some Guy)
12-year-old boy tries to help his family pay medical bills by opening a lemonade stand
(Some Guy)
Ever taken a milk crate to use in your dorm for storage? Well, criminal, you are part of "a thriving underground recycling network"
Judge orders rape charges dismissed because a translator can not be found for accused, who speaks an African dialect practiced by only 100,000 people world wide
Inexperienced recreational wheelchair riders please be advised that although the elevator is wheelchair accessible, the elevator shaft is not
Giant play sets can be seen from space
(Some Guy)
Honorary degrees handed out by universities "make a mockery" of the ones actually earned by students
Priest embezzles 200k from his parish so he can blow it on male strippers and shopping. If only there were some sort of instruction manual on how to help poor people, or something
(Some Guy)
Black student who applied for job with Ontario government not amused to find himself referred to as "ghetto dude" in inter-office government emails
Buicks made in China for Chinese market superior to US products because Chinese "expect" high quality. GM to Americans: suck it
The FEMA fund set up to help Ground Zero workers who got sick or hurt has spent $75 million on lawyers and expenses. It has paid out $45,000 to some guy who fell off a ladder
They are building a subway line underneath Amsterdam. What could possibly go wrong?
Chihuahua saves one-year-old from rattler by jumping in front of toddler and taking the bites itself. Your dog doesn't want snake
Photoshop this firetruck
Remember that $3.20 a gallon gas? This is what it paid for
Woman decides that giving her baby up for adoption was a bad idea. Her solution: An armed raid with her sister and another man to take the baby back
(PonderAbout)
Physicist Brian Greene shows how M Theory can account for the "amazing weakness" of gravity
(CityNews)
Moon landing footage digitally remastered into HD, so you can totally see the strings and cables now (w/ video)
Australia to name park after Steve Irwin. "Welcome to the 'Crikey... That Thing Has A Nasty Stinger' Park, enjoy your visit"
Buddhist businessman wants to call his Chinese restaurant Fat Buddha, told he can't because it might upset Buddhists
(Seacoast online.com)
I'm coming home, I've done my time, but the city say those yellow ribbons aren't mine, if you put up a ribbon, than you support the war, does anyone remember what the ribbons really for, what the ribbons really for
(Some Guy)
"Dear Amp'd customer. As of 12:01 a.m. July 24th Amp'd mobile will terminate service with all subscribers. We apologize and thank you for your patronage. P.S. we apologize for telling you this via a text message."
Deaf woman sleeps through entire five-hour police seige waking only when a police dog sent inside sank his teeth into her arm
(Some Guy)
Take heed, lil' gangster wannabes: if you go around flashing goofy fake gang signs, make sure it's not around undercover gang officers or you might find yourself facing very real criminal charges
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this panhandler
(KOLO-TV)
NV police arrest three suspects in interstate crime ring that burglarized dead people's homes during funerals. You never see a U-Haul behind a PMITA prison bus
You attempt to jump a 10-foot opening over a mineshaft, do you a) get the respect of your friends b) a kiss from that pretty girl or c) 1,000 feet of death?
Newt Gingrich claims that the U.S. has been fighting a phony war since 9/11. The families of the over 3500 U.S. coalition casualties may tend to disagree
"So a fox walks into a steakhouse. The waiter says, 'What'll you have?' The fox says 'I'm in a hurry... I'll take whatever you've got on hand.'"
(PostBulletin)
Miss North Dakota challenges Miss Michigan to an ultimate fighting competition
(NoOhioTag???)
Not news: Two sisters had their pets taken away. News: Pets included bear cubs and lion. Fark: They were living inside a double wide trailer
Neo-Nazi compared to MacGyver after escape plot is uncovered, despite his insistence that aliens dug hole behind his toilet (w/ scary mugshot)
(SFScope)
Weekly World News shutting down. Suck it, Batboy
(The Daily Advance)
Board member votes against permitting for tattoo parlors, saying they're adult businesses because "body parts may be exposed". Doctor's offices and tanning salons next to be declared hotbeds of heathen nakedness
Power outage in the St. Louis Arch traps 240 inside. If there was only an invention to help people walk down to the ground floor without electricity
Photoshop Prince Charles as he "inspects the troops"
LA port clerks present final offer: They're allowed free Gatorade and get to close the store to play hockey
How do you say redneck in South Africa? Hint: any conversation that includes "...and this here is my pet hippo"
(Some Guy)
Want to search a guy for drugs? Take a hint from these Texas cops: just remove the guy's license plate, and then pull him over for not having it
Reason number 67 to be a hero: FREE BEER
Today's "runaway hay wagon of chaos and hellfire" story brought to you by Hart Township, Michigan
Armed gang kidnaps one of the world's top RPG gamers after one criminal's girlfriend lured him into a fake date using Orkut. Wait, it gets better
Sat July 21, 2007
Old and busted: Man vs. robot in super chess challenge. New hotness: Man vs. robot in super Texas Hold'em challenge
Driver hits bus, does what anybody would do after an accident: he gets out of his car and drops his pants
US Air Force wants to cover terrorists with goo
(Columbia Tribune)
Today's "Boat explodes after boaters try to start it with a flathead screwdriver" story brought to you by Missour-uh
(ChicagoPoetry)
Chicago police raid dangerous poetry event in art gallery
Tammy Faye dead at 65. Mourners turn rivers black with mascara
President Bush's doctors find no weapons of ass destruction in his colon, just five polyps described as "small and not worrisome"
Alabama most ruthless state for foreclosures. Cletus can lose his trailer in as little as 30 days
(Some Guy)
After 14 years in Canadian loony bin, man's condition upgraded to "should have been treated for multiple sclerosis". Oops
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Barry Bonds
Aiming a green laser beam at a police helicopter from your house may get you a "change of address"
Woman upset former roommate stole her identity, arrested for prostitution using her name. Double Bonus: Roommate is transsexual who's hotter than she is
In Israel, it's apparently legal to offer advice based on tarot cards and the stars, but use of coffee grounds will get you indicted
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these fire hosers
The media fear mongering will begin soon. Cue wave of ASCII headlines
Don't tell Argentina, but now would be a perfect time to invade the Falklands
(Some Guy)
Belgium does not exist and don't let those walking around calling themselves "Belgian" fool you
(Red Skeleton)
Chiropractors get boned by New Jersey. Hero tag for legislators who had the spine to curtail these charlatans activities
Woman faces prosecution for criminal damage after planting a kiss on a painting
Woman keeps 9 adults and teens handcuffed in her home for years. With mugshot goodne... OMG IT'S A MAN, BABY
All of your fears have come true: President Cheney
(Some Sad Cookie Cat)
Which LOLCat are you?
Kellogg's is going to stop marketing unhealthy cereals to children. Photoshop some of their new cereal advertisements. LGT inspiration
OxyContin can produce a heroin-like high if taken improperly. In other news, Ric Romero now works for CNN
(WDBJ7.com)
Today's weather: Sunny, High 85. Tomorrow's weather: Unavailable - Virginia State Police detonate outdoor weather reporting station because it looked "suspicious"
Rural Canadian valley plans to be cell phone free and stay that way
(Bradenton Herald)
Old and busted: Wheelchair basketball. New hotness: Wheelchair gator hunting. "His wheelchair started to tilt and we were scared he was gonna become meals on wheels"
Anderson Cooper visits the "penis emporium." Not a bar in the Meatpacking District, but a restaurant in Beijing
(WMC-TV)
Tennessee deputy sheriff found passed-out drunk behind wheel at red light had previously been suspended after passing out at T.J. Mulligans with his handgun
(Wikipedia)
Photoshop this Boer goat
Is there any doubt that Paula Abdul is the next Anna Nicole Smith?
An estimated 260,000 Brits are engaged in a secret affair, collectively spending £60m a month. In other news, people having a secret affair in Britain suprisingly willing to give out information to some website
(Some Guy)
British women say they would rather apply a fake tan or lie on a sunbed than do some exercise in order to look good - which kind of explains a lot
The Georgia Revenue Department has $683 million dollars of uncashed checks, bond dividends, stocks, coins and abandoned safe deposit boxes just waiting for someone to claim them
El Salvador to seek Romero beatification, the first step on the road to becoming the patron saint of obviousness
Fri July 20, 2007
(WRAL)
Man tries to burglarize a police dog training facility. Hilarity ensues. "For anyone to try to run from a whole unit of canines, it's just a no-win situation."
Forty percent of Toronto street meat carts not meeting health standards... No sh*t, Sherlock. Then check the hot dogs, Watson
Cowardly lion's head stolen from Wizard of Oz display. Widow of the man who built it hopes someone finds the courage to return it
(Some Guy)
Man claims his landlords keep trying to steal his prized showerhead. "It's the world's best showerhead"
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these posers
Turns out the vast underground lake that Boston researchers claimed could end the conflict in Sudan's Darfur region probably dried up between 5,000 and 25,000 years ago
Washington Post reveals that Hillary showed cleavage on the Senate floor. Why they're looking at Hillary's cleavage, no one knows (article includes pic of cleavage)
Beatles fans trash song use for diaper ad. Depends considers use of When I'm Sixty-Four
CalDOT closes highway after road construction workers get hit by BBs, burritos, the occasional elderly driver
Cheese magnate pays $10,000 fine for illegally building a private airstrip. Subby moves Astronaut and Fireman to No. 2 and No. 3 on his list of things to do when he grows up. No. 1? Cheese Magnate
Charleston SC Fark Party Tomorrow, Gene's Haufbrau
Tennessee couldn't find 1,000 people to pay an extra $35 for a specialty Elvis license plate. So some fan from New Jersey stepped in
(KCCI)
If you built a duct tape roadblock, the Mason City, Iowa police department would like to have a word with you
Elderly couple with $1.63 tax bill problem get to keep their home
Canada's top court rules that pointing your finger at someone and saying "BANG" is the same as using a real gun
(National Geographic)
Photoshop this Italian gondola competition
Congress keeps public-broadcasting funding intact, rejecting notions that PBS and NPR are "too liberally biased" to maintain funding
Teenage driver who caused fatal car-crash as she sent text message is given four years in prison. When she asked for a shorter sentence, she was offered 4 YRS N PRSN
Inmate mistakenly released 36 years early from attempted murder sentence, finds his victim at a bar and... apologizes?
(FOX19)
Pictures of Cincinnati couple caught having sex in median of roa... OH DEAR GOD MY EYES
College professor calls prices "immoral," eliminates textbook requirement
(Some Guy)
A man who trashed a hotel room, ran naked across Donald Lynch Boulevard, pulled a fire alarm and bit a bank employee on Monday was described in a police report as a crack addict. You don't say?
(ksdk.com)
So if I'm shoplifting, and a cop who is driving to the store to arrest me dies in an accident, I'm guilty of murder?
(Greatest. Blotter. Ever.)
Sunday, June 17 1:38 a.m.: A squadron of drummers, like six / Used Stewart Park's swingset for kicks / They throttled the skins / Till coppers weighed in / And the wee-hour bopfest was nixed
Bush to have colonoscopy as doctors attempt to find his head; Cheney to take temporary control
Just another day in Jersey City: A woman finds a six-foot-long missile launcher on her front lawn, which happens to be in the flight path of Newark International Airport
Today's "pro wrestler found dead" story brought to you by New Hampshire
Study finds the more exposure middle school students have to anti-smoking ads, the more likely they are to smoke
Man claims he has "mental problems" after shooting at "Iraqis" running loose in neighbor's backyard. Guess which state
TSA slowly waking up to the fact that feeling your balls and taking your spork may not be the best way to prevent terrorist attacks
(Some Guy)
Just another day in the life of the Sandusky police -- called to a gas station to settle a brawl between two cousins who were fighting over biscuits (second item)
Chrysler mistakes YouTube for all of Internet in fight to pull down Dodge dog electrocution video
C-Span's Brian Lamb: "Who cares if a movie star has an opinion unless the person is very well informed? We're overly interested in having a celebrity culture"
(Der Spiegel)
"Tiny brain no problem for French tax official"
"The performance of the Department of Veterans Affairs has contributed substantially to our sense of national shame." Forty years later, court rules VA must pay benefits to Vietnam veterans harmed by Agent Orange
(WCHS)
Cattle hauler overturns on Interstate 64. Most likely a steering problem
(Timesnews.net)
At last, the perfect solution to America's woes: Ban Harry Potter books, beat your children, ignore scientists, deny welfare to all sinners and, of course, live your life by the Bible
Senator Byrd (D-ramatic) wants to have Michael Vick executed for dogfighting. Funny, who knew the Senate had that power
(National Geographic)
Thirty-eight years ago today, half a billion people watched some guy make one giant leap for mankind (with video)
Attempting to attach a propane tank to an already heated grill sometimes results in a fireball to the face. The more you know
Large World War II "gravity" bomb magicially appears near road -- trifecta of bombs/missiles found in Florida now in play (with bomb pics)
(Some Guy)
Theme: Create an Olympic logo for a city you think should get to be a host city (summer or winter). (Link goes to inspiration)
Seagull fingered filching Doritos. Dude... wait, what?
Not everyone can win Mother of the Year. But ditching four kids while you go into the woods to take nudie photos will give you a good shot at Best Supporting Babysitter
How far would you go to make sure your kids felt like winners? Would you drug a horse?
(Free-Lance Star)
Fired university president told cops he drank six bottles of cough syrup before getting two DUIs in two days. He needs to retake Chem 101
(Times Argus)
Ben & Jerry's to unveil "Duff & D'oh-Nuts" ice cream at "The Simpsons" premier. Doughnuts: Is there anything they can't do?
(Some school)
Photoshop this excited Professor
Tip for the day: When you get that old urge to have some dude handcuff you and wrap your face in plastic, choose the aforementioned dude carefully
It's no wonder Bloomberg wants to charge money to enter Manhattan. He has employees who spend $4,000 a month on one SUV
(WJLA)
Hot dog vendor uses the old quarter-on-a-string trick to rip off parking meters outside the U.S. Department of Interior. It was a brilliant idea until he got caught
(Brooklyn Paper)
Why do Americans keep receiving Nigerian money transfer scams in their email? Because Americans keep falling for them
Congratulations to Winnipeg on its promotion to Canada's crime capital
(OC Register)
Woman passes bar exam on 14th try. Yeah, I'd hire her
(Law.com)
Gong show host, author and possible CIA agent Chuck Barris tries to evict his 85-year-old neighbor after she threatened him for using her herpes doctor
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this guy gently touching his car
(WINK)
State Farm to drop 50,000 homeowners' insurance policies because they can
Costco finds its "Black Widow Surprise" surprisingly unpopular among people who bought its grapes
Roswell car dealership sends 50,000 scratch off promotional tickets to residents ... and all of them were the $50,000 grand prize winner. Cue the X-files music please
Detroit cop accused of replacing $2.4 million worth of cocaine from the evidence locker with powdered doughnuts. That's some fine police work there, Lou
Average worker goes into the red 27 days after payday
(Some Guy)
"West Memphis Three" case reopened, DNA evidence does not place the three convicted boys at the murder scene
Reign of terror of 12-year-old nicknamed "Chucky" finally brought to an end. "When he's drunk, he's out of control. Some have said that his behaviour is like that of an animal" (with mugshot goodness)
Thu July 19, 2007
(Palm Beach)
Mom wants schools to ban books filled with sin. There goes my trigonometry textbook
The coolest 11 pics of tiny computers you'll see today
(Variety.com)
Capitol Records has been ordered to pay the $70,000 legal bill of a woman it tried to sue for downloading music illegally
"If Americans keep gaining weight at the current rate, fat will be the norm by 2015." IN YOUR FACE, MILWAUKEE
Nike drops Zoom Vick V shoe set to come out in August. "We consider any cruelty to animals inhumane and abhorrent." That is, unless they can manufacture a pretty decent shoe
Having cured cancer, reversed global warming and figured out the plot from "Lost", scientists create a computer program that can beat you at checkers. Every time
(The Spec)
"The officer kept her firearm holstered, made no attempt to retaliate against assailant. Under use-of-force guidelines, she probably would have been justified in at least using a TASER to defend herself."
So the Catholic Church was all like "Uh huh", and a Baptist leader was all like "Nuh uh"
(WRAL)
Former baptist minister, totally against alcohol and gambling, but all for prostitution
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this grenade-chucker. Complete with chroma key screen goodness
Politician sends drug dealer profanity-laced letter. The Smoking Gun is there
Scientists insist Restless Leg Syndrome is a real disorder, like Beatlemania, or the dreaded Achy Breaky Heart
(WTOV.com)
Fark cliche busted again (with mugshot goodness)
Twenty cheap date ideas. Submitter regularly overdoes #1, which keeps #16 from happening
Old & Busted: Marijuana potency getting stronger. New Hotness: Wine potency getting stronger
Even if you think your 17-year-old student's breasts would make a great cell phone holder, you should just keep it to yourself. Especially if you're her driving instructor
(Some Guy)
Lion... cub... baby... gaahhh cuteness
Kentucky Christian group showing up at drug court cases to make sure offenders get what they "deserve". Bonus: a judge named Cletus is quoted
Finally. Jury Duty you'd show up for
(Some Fed Up Guy)
RIP Fifth Amendment, U.S. Constitution, 1791-2007
The Chilean Seabass Al Gore served at his daughter's wedding were actually "Green" seabass that were neither endangered nor illegally caught, and came from one of the world's few sustainable toothfish populations
Valerie Plame, who was a secret CIA agent but then wasn't but really was, has her lawsuit against the Bush administration tossed out of court. Suck it, libs
(Some Guy)
NYC Fark parties last call -- drink tonight -- drink Saturday with Drew, DIT
Nebraska senator known as "Hair Force One" blames his new 'do on hair rinse gone wrong (with before and after pics)
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this old mailbox
(Some Guy)
Impromptu Chicago Fark Party August 25th. Fountains of Wayne Double Door. Drew's coming, FoW are Farkers. DIT
(Statesman.com)
Lance Armstrong on the ball, organizing cancer forums for presidential candidates
(D_nv_r P_st)
Merv Griffin, creator of "Wheel of Fortune," hospitalized with PR_ST_T_ C_NC_R
Ten thousand bees found in lounge chair. Bee-infestation trifecta now in play
Jon Bon Jovi wants the owner of the Mijovi energy drink to change its name, arguing it is too similar to his famous moniker
Canada's crime rate is at a 25-year low, but this has nothing to do with last week's revelation that Canadians smoke more weed than any other country. "Dude, let's break into.... nah, let's twist another one"
German police spring into action after report from woman of a dangerous masked criminal trying to steal van. Turns out the criminal was a large toy beaver
Tom Tomorrow distills down exactly how the news media works. Someone should write a book about this
New website will keep track of questionable news stories. Wow, what an original idea. Wonder why no one ever thought of that before
(Some Guy)
Turns out Chinese news reporter faked that story about replacing meat with cardboard in buns. Will have different kind of meat in his buns when he goes to Chinese PMITA prison. Also, "Bangkok," huh, huh
Tired of waiting for iPhone lineups to end, thief converts 60 payphones to mobile variety
Norwegian capital pretty much an outdoor bordello these days -- with blurry, pixilated picture
(MyFoxNY.com)
"Aw, look at the cute woodchuck" turns into rabies shots for a woman
(Oregonian)
Three dozen U.S. military deserters have fled to Canada instead of patriotically showing up at their AWOL hearings in an evening gown and pearls
Surface-to-air missile found in Tampa scrap yard. Awesome
Now we know why the cops in Fark thread 2404492 were taking all that money from stop-light runners: To pay for the department's crack-and-hooker habits
Robbers take the pizza and wings, leave the money
Dog eats $800 in cash. Your dog wants change
NY pipe explosion rescue workers trying asbestos they can to clean site up
(Some Indians Fan)
The Long-Awaited Cleveland Fark/TFark Party
(MaineToday.com)
Using hairspray (like in "Charlie's Angels") to detect infra-red doesn't work. In fact, it will set off the alarm, as these two teens found out
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this bottle opener
Stay classy, Dodge: New Nitro ad shows dog being electrocuted
(Some guy . . . with three eyes)
Not wanting Japan to get all the attention, New Jersey nuclear power plant leaks small amount of radiation. I'd say everybody panic, but it probably improved NJ's air quality
Hours after the UK deported their diplomats, Russian long-range bombers came closer to the UK coast than any time since the Cold War ended, causing the deployment of RAF fighters to intercept. Slim Pickens approves
Homeland Minister Chertoff warns that unless we give Wichita Falls the same amount of funding as New York City, the terrorists will win
Climbing into a hippo exhibit and throwing rocks at it is not the best way to impress chicks
Eighteenth-century painting enters a small British auction house with an estimated worth of a couple hundred pounds; turns out to be a Renaissance masterpiece worth millions
In a state where it is more usual to lose your false teeth or your glasses, zoo goes one better and loses a giraffe and a hippopotamus within days of each other
Eating beef found to be more harmful to the planet than driving
(WMC-TV)
Why pay little Timmy to mow your lawn when you can chip in a little extra and get a bikini-clad hottie? Bonus video (SFW)
Now you didn't hear this from me, but I heard that some researchers think gossiping might actually be good for you
(Some Guy)
Not news: Man arrested for exposing himself. News: He's 90 years old. Fark: His name is Dickman. With mugshot goodness
(Some Guy)
Today's "man stabs wife with sword while shouting 'Show me the money'" story brought to you by Hudson, Florida
Large erection in India city of Mumbai collapses, killing 22 less-endowed victims
Kroger recalls cans of hot dog chili sauce, and not fondly, as they are found to contain special botulism surprise
(WLWT)
Needle still in his arm, man OD's on heroin while driving his SUV, crashes into a drug treatment center. Ironic tag spins, jumps with glee
Bloody warfare errupts over a fungus
Urinating man helps to bust alleged drug ring
Are you okay with hearing: "Dude, your mom's hot"? These kids better be
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this Linux trashcan
Marine convicted of murder in Hamda.. Hamda.. Hamda.. ain't gonna work here anymore anyway
(farktography)
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 115: "body mod photography." Pictures themed on tattoos, piercings, & other body modifications. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed July 18, 2007
Billionaire had plans to construct a "secret and convenient lair" for sex and drugs. Brazillionaire already has 50 of them, shakes head with look of pity
Today's house with one miscarried fetus, 7 filthy children, 4-foot-high stacks of dirty diapers, no running water, and a plethora of rats, roaches, and lice brought to you by Lubbock, TX
Bacon Ice Cream
Environmentalists smash the windows of a man's new Hummer then slashed the tires and scratched into the body: "FOR THE ENVIRON"
Teacher says french kissing 9 year-old student wasn't sexual in nature. Michael Jackson called in as expert witness
It took an elderly man wearing only a fanny pack and wandering through the center of town last week for the Select Board to decide it had seen enough
Beach-blanket thieves are targeting Daytona Beach tourists (with hidden cam video)
Mom has young kids steal puppy from store (with surveillance video, pics). Your dog wants company
(Some Guy)
Finally... a farking great interview with Mr. Walken
$300,000 Porsche stolen a second time, this time from a police impound lot, by the same man who drove it through a dealership plate glass window
FBI warns Americans about opening three dangerous emails. Ooh, what's inside??
Energy Task Force papers finally revealed. Enron and Exxon-Mobil helped Cheney create our nation's energy policy. If you're surprised by that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you
(xkcd.com)
This thread is worthless without pics
NASA discovers that a metal chunk that crashed through a roof in N.J. is part of a commercial woodchipper
Anheuser-Busch to start selling bottled water, thus confusing consumers who can't differentiate it from Bud Light
Do you have an extra $30k lying around? If so, you can buy michaelvicksdogfights.com
Large explosion in New York City near Grand Central. Turns out it was a transformer
Explosion at 3rd and 42nd in New York; link goes to cellphone video, no story yet
In a sweeping landmark study, it is found that Americans are too self-absorbed to understand others. Suck it, everyone
Despite what some boobs claim about boobs, this article about boobs states there's no boobs thing as a lunch hour boob job. Boobs boobs boobs
Guy who's trying to visit every Starbucks says he doesn't like Starbucks or coffee. Submitter feels the same way about midget pr0n
Jailed boy band creator Lou "Big Poppa" Pearlman doing 200 sit-ups a day, preparing court case in Paris Hilton-like isolation (with video)
Saying "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock" will not get you into a woman's drawers. Here comes the science
(Some NYC Guy)
Photoshop this... umm... Hunger Advocate
Forty percent of Americans say they would curb their driving habits if gas prices hit $3.50 a gallon
Inmates copyright their names and demand millions from prison officials for unauthorized use
(Springfield Journal Register)
Chicago starts gun buyback program. So exchange your crappy, broken gun for $100 gift card and buy a new one
Report: Michael Vick's cousin ratted out Atlanta QB to feds about dog abuse after Vick outed him to the media
Officials order donkeys to wear nappies
"Dead Zone" exists in Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Louisiana. If you swim in it, you can see George W. Bush nuking Iran
(Some Guy)
If you're trying to scam a kid on Ebay by sending him $90K instead of the PS2 and two games he purchased, you're doing it wrong
(WISH TV-8)
Indianapolis-area cornfed suburbanite "massage therapist" arrested for prostitution, complete with OMG DO NOT WANT
Police, the FAA, the U.S. Air Force and even NASA don't know what it was that crashed into a N.J. home
(CBS47.tv)
Is it ever good to keep farm animals inside your home? - Neigh
'Goose Whisperer' controls unruly flocks of fowl. "It's all about respect for the geese"
Turkey bombs northern Iraq. They're hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement
Stock market crashes on news that oil hit $75, you can use the U.S. dollar for toilet paper, and Fed Chairman Bernanke opened his mouth
Fidel Castro said that he has been so engrossed with Cuba's performance at the Pan American Games in Brazil that he hasn't tortured or killed anybody in weeks
Chrysler dumps plans to build the 6000-SUX
The unknown world of Ethiopian donkey welfare activism
Any conversation that starts with "Hey, two-dollar hooker... want a ride?" isn't going to end well
Shark bites diver in the fjord. For you Americans out there, a fjord is the region usually covered by mom jeans
Thousands of bees turn Pennsylvania home into Honeycomb Hideout. Entomologists say "it's real big, yeah, yeah, yeah"
Reuters perks up a slow Wednesday by reporting on the ever-growing Love Doll craze in Japan
Is anyone going to watch Bernard Hopkins vs. "Stinky" Winky Wright this Saturday? Subby is pulling for Hopkins
Woman sues terrorists for terrorism
Supposed "Al Qaeda" group in Iraq is a myth and its leader is a fictional character
(dailymail.co.uk)
Guy goes for swim at North Pole for 19 minutes. Credits his survival to training, mind power and retractable genitalia
(Athens Messenger)
While you listen to an Ohio police scanner, keep an ear out for the code for "genital problems"
(Courant.com)
Forwarding an email around the office that shows a black man lying on the street surrounded by watermelon rinds and chicken bones captioned "fatal overdose?" may not be the best idea, especially if you're a member of the CT state police
The Internet is a great place to view news, sports, porn, Harry Potter spoilers
Bank mistakenly credits mom's account with £135K. Mom promptly goes on spending spree, starting with £30,000 in sex shops. Still doesn't look happy
Proof that Barry Bonds took steroids and Bud Selig knew it
Wal-Mart is meeting its ambitious environmental goals. Suck it Gore, you seabass killin' hypocrite
U.S. military officials triumphantly announce the capture of a VERY high-ranking member of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. In fact, you might say he's the No. 2 guy in the whole organization
(NBC30)
Connecticut facing school bus driver shortage now that the state is actually doing background checks on the drivers
Remember that paragon of social welfare where everyone paid taxes and the goverment took care of the people and everyone was content? Well, that story was bullsh*t
52-year-old woman at Disney World beat, choked "tea cup" rider over place in line (with mug pic)
From his jail cell, estranged husband of high school dropout mom who wants her son held back says his boy should be promoted to the next grade
Mind-controlled bionic hand goes on sale -- just try not to think about certain things
Authorities must balance vigilance with overreaction. NY, for example, through its "See something, say something" campaign has increased the number of suspicious packages reported from 800 to 38,000
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this beach chair
Orphaned cub released from black bear rehab. Not like it'll do any good, really -- she'll be back on the pic-a-nic baskets in no time
(The Age)
New Zealand is considering degrees in prostitution. As if college students are not getting enough sex already
Just a week after dumping tons of CO2 in the atmosphere to promote not dumping CO2 into the atmosphere, Al Gore again shows his commitment to Mother Earth by serving a threatened species of fish at his daughter's wedding
(NBC30)
No matter how nice of a top a woman has on, mom jeans ruin the outfit
(Some Fat Arse)
Reese's produces special Elvis Peanut Butter Cup with banana creme layer. Hail to the King
(Blackpool Gazette)
Bumbling armed robbers told off by pensioner, then get trapped in their getaway car
Russians plot to kill exiled billionaire and Putin critic Boris Berezovsky at the London Hilton foiled by British police. Guess who broke the story. Go on... guess
Woman discovers 24 Hour Fitness does not mean "open 24/7" or "Give a damn who's locked inside the building"
Asshat military sniper who allegedly killed his wife at a bar while she was singing onstage has allegedly killed himself
Rio de Janeiro police have killed 652 people in the first half of 2007. That's twice the total kills of New York police for all of 2006, but only a fraction of the number killed by Cecil B. DeMille
"A woman who hates spiders is crediting them with helping save her from a house fire"
(KGW)
Old and busted: Doing wheelies. New hotness: Ghost riding. Darwin is pleased
(Some Guy)
Man breaks into baseball stadium and steals truck containing 51 kegs of beer. As it was Coors Light, police are searching for thief with no taste and a bladder the size of the Goodyear blimp
(WREG)
Tennessee sheriff's deputies charged with taking deer out of season. Fark: While on-duty, in a public park, with a spotlight, after posing for pics with dead deer in patrol car
(Der Spiegel)
Checkpoint Charlie museum curator kicks stripper dressed as East German secret policeman, then wraps Checkpoint in blue tarp to protest something. Stripper wraps himself in toilet paper to protest something. Then it gets weird
British minister of education warns that kids are being robbed of childhood pleasures because of "molly-coddling staff" who refuse to let kids throw a snowball or go on class trips for fear of being sued
(Missoulian)
Man misinterprets sign language of deaf man as some sort of "disrespect," but after responding aggressively, has no problem interpreting the universal language of a good old-fashion country whoopin'
Boy arrested for pointing loaded gun at passing cars -- for fun (with video)
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Pair of 130-year-old outhouses test this theory
Bush aides admit their Bin Laden strategy is FUBAR
"I told him, 'I will love you through your maggots'"
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this piggyback ride
(Some Slinky)
Now that Transformers has made it to the big screen, photoshop some other movie adaptations of classic toys
Tue July 17, 2007
Rush hour traffic on St Louis bridge treated to free street theater when car smashes into several stopped vehicles, followed by bloody man exiting vehicle being chased by very angry stripper with no pants on
Michael Vick is a dog killer, feds say. The Smoking Gun is there
(Gainesville.com)
Burglar leaves a big clue at crime scene, her own corpse
Here's to you, Mister "I had sex with a 13-year-old but don't have to go to jail because I'm only 5 foot 1 inch tall" guy
(Some Guy)
Roving gangs of feral children are attacking college students. Wildlife agents suspect the smell of pizza attracts them
Any mom can leave her infant alone in the home or the car, but it takes a really special Mother of the Year to leave her child in a stroller in a neighborhood at one in the morning
Super-rich buying world class submarines at hard to fathom prices (with super cool artist renderings)
(WIVB)
Woman comes home to find neighbor naked in her bed. Surprisingly, she has a problem with this
Magazine offers teenage girls free vodka, tequila or margarita lip balm. Predictable outrage ensues
California court rules that NFL can do pat-down searches of fans attending games. Lawsuits can be expensive, but freedom is still just a buck oh five
Airliner carrying 170 Brazilian people crashes into a gas station in Sao Paulo. That's a lot of people
Photoshop this man and his instrument
(Some Guy)
Keith Olbermann describes his feelings about Bill O'Reilly: "It's, to some degree, the way a virus feels about its host"
Step 1: Take in five orphaned siblings. Step 2: Get "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" to come turn your house into a mansion. Step 3: Profit by kicking the kids out of your new mansion
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this dude and his ... thing
First herpes, then pot in a water bottle, and now dog-fighting felony charges--what's next for Ron Mexico?
Police and firefighters answered an Elvis impersonator's 911 call and found that the homicidal King had pinned a half-naked guest to his living room floor with a 2-foot-long machete
(SABCNews.com)
In addition to the swimsuit category, Beauty Queen's home game includes elusive "Helmet and mittens pinned to your jacket" category
Vatican says child sexual abuse isn't just a Catholic problem. In related news, other companies make facial tissue but we still call it all Kleenex
Suspicious package found at library. Police cordon off library. Package is bag of discarded clothing. Anticlimax at its worst
Indian condom wins taste test. Yeah, but you should see the bubbles you can make
Which is funner: the fact that a fat guy had to be rescued by a helicopter with a winch or that the Pine County EMS has hovercraft
Silver Star hits truck on same line where 4 died yesterday when same train hit their car. Amtrak vehicle tossing trifecta now in play. (w/video)
Crazy woman who killed neighbors over "bad" cookies is found to be crazy
(Post-Gazette)
Pittsburgh Police, in their ongoing effort to be more like Boston's Finest, evacuate courthouse over suspicious salad
(Some Guy)
Singer Bobby Brown confesses that he believes he is being targeted by Osama bin Laden
Spectator's dog wanders into path of Tour de France rider; bike wrecked, dog and cyclist unhurt. In other news, the Tour de France began 9 days ago
(Some Guy)
Chris Benoit tested positive for Xanax, hydrocodone, and steroids in his body when he killed his family
(Austin American Statesman)
Sharks, rays, blood and bacteria: What's not to love about wade fishing?
Judge cancels father's visitation rights after asshat dad took his 10-year-old son running with the bulls
(Some Guy)
If someone in a moving vehicle snatches your purse, it would be wise to let go
(myTelus)
Canada Border Services asks that you please stop mailing bazookas to Canada. Thanks
From the department of "I just made this number up, lets see if anyone runs with it" -- Back to school shopping will generate $18.4B in sales this year
Senator Vitter (R-andy) publicly apologizes again for bogarting all those hookers, promises to leave more for his constituents next time
Surge 2.0 coming to Middle East this September. Because hey, if it doesn't work the first time, try it again until you get it right
"I stuck him in his butt" Woman apprehends pedophile rapist with barbecue fork
Supply-side theory of religion shows resurgence in European churchgoing when non-state-run options are offered
What's worse than summer TV programming filled with lame reality shows and reruns? This fall's upcoming schedule
Beware what may be in your backyard... like a 15-foot python (with video, pics)
Sting stung
(Des Moines Register)
Norman Borlaug, who saved the lives of billions, to get congressional medal to go with his Nobel Prize. "Hero" tag has never been so appropriate
Army spokesman Captain Obvious announces al-Qaida wants to attack U.S
Al Sharpton's next target? TMZ.com for calling Beyonce a "roboho" for wearing a silver metallic dress
Judge denies the asshat who still wants to sue for 54 million dollar pants suit
(The Daily Redundancy)
NAACP's "N-word" gravesite desecrated by vandals
Man frustrated with his computer, threw it out the window in the middle of the night. Won't be charged because the police said "Who hasn't felt like doing that?"
Wisconsin legislators introduce bill outlining how divorcing couples should handle custody battles over pets. Your dog wants a good attorney, the house, the car, and visitation rights
(Reason Magazine)
It's not that the world is "running out of oil," it's that 77% of the world's oil is controlled by morons and nutjobs
Today's reincarnation of the Nigerian email scam uses US soldiers. Grammar still ridiculous
Your local playgrounds are full of germs. ::shaking hands menacingly:: ooooOOOOOOoooo
$300,000 Porsche recovered after thief runs out of gas shortly after driving it through showroom plate glass windows
Dow hits 14,000. Cars overturned, gun shots going off in celebration in Lower Manhattan
Are your fingers elongated and knobby? Do your fingertips glow? Can you heal others with your touch? These may be signs of a serious condition known as AHS
(Some Guy)
RIAA spends thousands to obtain $300 judgement
Actual headline: Toronto's population ages. Captain Obvious wants everyone to stay off his lawn
Vatican re-opens papal dungeon to show exactly what happens when you fark with the Jesus
29 year old teacher aquitted on sexual assault charges involving 17 year old student. Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm not hot for this teacher (w/photo)
(ProJo)
Rap-lovin' ex-university chairman donated $4 million less than he claimed. Swears he will make up the difference as soon as he's done praying for Omarion
Surging nearly 10% in the polls since March, None of the Above is now the clear front-runner in the GOP presidential primary race
Stephen Colbert's Difference Maker: Johnna Mink - Pole Dance Instructor
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this nocturnal mammal of the Procyonidae family taking a walk
(just kill me now)
Florida gets Floridier every day as Ghostbusters-type franchise opens, compete with a UFO team leader -- I don't want to believe, I just want to leave
Camilla: "I don't want to be Queen" & "The oats shan't be any better"
Australia believes "maps, radios and running shoes" will save you from a natural disaster or terrorist attack
Michael Moore was right. Man receives 49 million dollar hospital bill
Parents to teens: MySpace is ours, not yours. Go talk on the phone or something
Man in bar calls 911 because A) bartender shortchanged him on bar tab, B) it's nearly closing time and the girls aren't looking like movie stars yet, or C) he's surrounded by police
Toledo mom pleads guilty to sex with adult son, says incest is best if kept in the family. Dire warning: pic of mom
"In his written complaint, Kim said he opened his hotel room window for fresh air when the monkey made his move"
(OC Register)
Kim pharc (Vietnamese napalm girl) comes to terms with her ordeal. Hey, I didn't say "pharc," I said "pharc." WTF. pharc. P then h then u then c
Pet injuries peak during full moons. Your dog wants a helmet
(Some Guy)
What better way to disagree with your church pastor's sermon than by stabbing him and four others
Murdoch to WSJ: DEAL
I pushed open the door. My publisher was slumped over her desk. She was as dead as Vaudeville. I noticed her prized Siberian dagger was missing, but then that's my game--I'm a shamus
(twincities.com)
Chino, the special-needs sea lion, roadtrips from Los Angeles to St. Paul in search of . . . mah bukket??
"Those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it"
Vanuatu rated as happiest nation on Earth according to Happy Planet Index. In other news, there is a Happy Planet Index. In even more news, there is a country named Vanuatu
Everything you need to know about life can be learned from watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
(Some Guy)
"I pushed my eyelid open with a bloody finger" - What it feels like to be mauled by a bear
