GoogleWeb Fark
Sun June 03, 2007
(Goleta Valley Voice) Amusing Naked chicks and meth heads, dead pigs in the dryer, inmates playing in puddles...just another day in Goleta (3)
Independent Obvious "There is a lot of sentimentality about women. We like to think that women are kind and motherly and are not going to go to war. But it's not true, is it?" (10)
Houston Chronicle Obvious In news totally unsurprising to our dirt-eating, onion-wearing, mine-working, uphill-walking Farkers of yesteryear, today's kids don't want summer jobs (27)
(Some Guy) Strange Nude hellcat breaks into apartment, husband and wife disagree on whether to call police, police disagree on whether to take her to jail, Mongolian Midget Wrestlers disagree on whether they have had her yet (23)
YouTube Amusing They're just like us: Bears waving and begging for food (35)
(Greeley Tribune) PSA A poodle will likely not provide sufficient force to break a window (43)
Stuff Strange Giving a whole new meaning to the term "trailer trash", a man's trailer is stolen & then returned filled with garbage (11)
Yahoo Interesting Need to bump up your credit score? If you can spare a few thousand, you could literally go from 550 to 720 overnight. What can possibly go wrong? (67)
(Some Guy) Stupid Tattoo parlors are officially too mainstream, after one opens with scented candles and plasma-screen televisions set to the Disney Channel (51)
UPI Cool A San Diego hotel where rooms start at $450 a night is setting itself apart with a racy atmosphere featuring group showers and firemen's poles (43)
(LGT Example) Survey Movie brain scan: What's your favorite movie that doesn't have originally-scored music in it? (243)
( Amusing Fat, stupid, bald and covered with green paint is no way to go through life, son. It's also no way to pretend to be a Ninja Turtle. Even if someone sprays you with a hose (32)
(Some Guy) Ironic Art project mistaken for vandalism is vandalized (88)
Houston Chronicle Asinine Inmate on death row accepting submissions for funniest joke that will be read as his final statement before execution (198)
UPI Interesting Had sex with a member of the U.S. Congress? Publisher Larry Flynt is again offering up to $1 million cash if you can prove it (94)
(Some Vet) Photoshop Photoshop this cat toy (72)
(Mega Bunny) Cool I bet you just recycle your empty beer cans. Well, that's one way to do it (37)
Yahoo Unlikely A house, the worst investment ever? (358)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Hero Hell hath no fury like a guy whose daughter's swimsuit has been snatched from the backyard by a naked stranger (81)
(WBAY) Ironic Woman charged for drunk driving after crashing into a beer truck (64)
(Some Guy) Interesting Some people can't even look at whether a toilet seat is up or down without subjecting it to a game theory analysis (134)
(GJ Sentinel) Strange Weirdest police chase all week involves a man who struck two kids, crashed his unregistered motorcycle, then jumped into a river naked with his t-shirt wrapped around his head (39)
NYPost Obvious Manhattan residents continue to show their legendary grit by quietly suffering through a severe butler shortage (70)
Seattle Times Scary If you don't want to be a medical research subject, just write to the company, and wear the simple ID tag. Thank you, citizen, for your cooperation (104)
CNN Followup "'I am being buried in a box in Dublin underneath a metre of mashed potato,' he said. He did not explain why" (53)
(APOD) Interesting Scariest pic of the day: death ray from Moon colony blows up space shuttle (78)
Reuters Interesting The Dutch are trying to grow meat. Vegetarians in a quandary (217)
( Strange "When deputies strip-searched her, they saw that she had a small penis and one testicle" (92)
Stuff Weird Family hires witch doctor to revive their snake-bitten son...two days after they buried him (39) Scary Suspect held in three murders. He's only eight years old (89)
Kansas City Strange Meet new Kansas City police officer Jessica, same as the old Kansas City police officer, David (68)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this superhero and his awesome hat (53)
Local6 Florida Your advances are rejected by a family friend. Do you a) Get over it, b) Move on, or c) Frame her son for a planning a bomb attack at his high school. Bonus: He was a former reserve sheriff's deputy (46)
SeattlePI Weird Actual headline: Mayor, trolls celebrate restored Fremont Bridge (56)
(Orlando Sentinel) Hero "Any time I expelled gas in the suit, I realized nobody could smell it, it was amazing" (115) Silly "I've stopped worrying about what art is." Good reason to stick $119 million of diamonds in a skull (55)
Newsday Asinine Today's brawl at a funeral brought to you by Long Island, NY (51)
IndyStar Hero Indianapolis police hold a memorial service for Bo, a 6-year old Belgian Malinois who helped apprehend over 100 criminals and died in service. Good boy (134)
Yahoo Dumbass Iran's hard line Minister of the Interior is backing temporary marriages as a way for the average pious Muslim to avoid the danger of adultery (81)
London Times Amusing Actual headline: Save the planet, eat a vegan (146)
TBO Amusing Pink flamingo lawn ornaments will once again be manufactured in the US. In related news teenagers rejoice for once again having something to steal when bored on the weekends (35)
London Times Scary Leading chef warns of culinary apocalypse. Panic now, truffle fans (47)
Yahoo Dumbass Tired of old people getting all the limelight, a 30 year old woman plows through a crowd at 70 mph (64)
Reuters Cool Canadian dollar will be soon be at par with the American dollar, thus rendering many common Fark comments useless and stupid (209)
(WWL) Followup Barry is seeking Lexapro (30) Unlikely Teenager caught driving at 200km/h "didn't realise" he was speeding (111)
CTV Dumbass You do not like your daughter's new boyfriend. Do you a) Tell her never to see him again b) Have a beer and get over it or c) Run her down with your car GTA style (39)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this bored runner (48) Obvious Houses in Illinois' largest state park suddenly start blowing up. Explains Agent Rogersz: "It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes" (53)
Excite Spiffy South Korean government now promoting their nation's latest tourist attraction - breakdancing squads (32)
UPI Strange An Italian salami can rev up sex life. Ok, I'll take your word for it (33) Scary Nuclear waste? Yeah, we keep it out in the parking lot (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just trying to impress my friends. I feel very embarrassed and ashamed. It was the dumbest thing I ever did.'' says kid who urinated into a ketchup bottle in school cafeteria (61)
New Scientist Interesting Secondhand smoke doesn't concern you? How about secondhand radiation? (76)
Stuff Dumbass If you're doing flaming bar tricks, don't keep cleaning fluid behind the bar (35)

Sat June 02, 2007
St. Pete Times Florida City tries to figure out what to do with lawn-digging worker who moonlights by having fire ants eat his crotch on Bubba the Love Sponge's satellite radio show (61)
The Smoking Gun Silly Nick Nolte starting mug shot fashion trend? The Smoking Gun reports on a wave of scary looking Hawaiian-shirt-wearing arrestees. Highlight: #5 (56)
(Some Arborsmith) Cool Check out these cool tree trunk sculptures (49)
(WGMD Radio) Dumbass If you're going to burglarize a place, picking a daycare center--where every room has a video camera--is not the best idea (18)
(techblorge) Obvious Second life becomes a second home to sexual deviants and misfits. Pretty much just like first life (91)
MSNBC Dumbass Tractor-trailer driver enters Lincoln Tunnel with trailer six inches higher than tunnel clearance, drives entire 1.5 miles despite police yelling at him to stop (amusing photo) (125)
(Oregon Mail Tribune) Dumbass Unable to sell spec house, Boy Scouts may earn merit badge in foreclosure (37)
(Art Bell) Spiffy Drew gets a new tin foil hat from Art Bell on Coast to Coast AM tonight. 10PM Pacific, 1 Am Eastern. Find your local station, some with streaming audio at the affiliates list at the link (146)
( Followup Stanley Cup Final Game 3. Let's hope that it's over in regulation time, otherwise NBC is going to cut to a rerun of Friends (507)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Interesting Los Angeles now taking applications for medical marijuana. You can barely read this headline because of that damn glaucoma (89)
(colorado confidential) Dumbass Press release from Colorado Senator: "I don’t think first responders have really done anything significant in comparison to their counterparts who have dealt with real natural disasters, I have no idea what else to say here..." (56)
( Cool Handdrawn American movie poster collection from Belarus; guess which movie they represent (72)
Daily Mail Asinine UK is going to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds to raise all their park benches three inches (62)
LA Times PSA If you're running an anti-gun advocacy group that received $1.5 million from the city of Los Angeles, it's probably not a good idea to to sell guns to undercover ATF agents (39)
Yahoo Ironic Sleeping pill wakes woman after two years in coma, which begs the question: why give a sleeping pill to someone in a coma? (92)
(Some Biker Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this badass biker dude (70)
CBS Boston Dumbass Minor League baseball manager goes postal… pulls up bases, crawls through the grass and throws a resin bag like a grenade…(video attached) (128)
(Bradenton Herald) Obvious Poll: Most residents of the Gulf Coast don't know squat about hurricanes and haven't prepared for the next one other than to blame Bush in advance (117)
Sign On San Diego Amusing Sponge Bob no longer content to live in a pineapple under the sea, will be moving to ugly-ass hotel in San Diego (48)
NYPost Dumbass Man busted for DWI golf carting after failing to find a horse to ride (27)
(Some Guy) Cool Fighter jet art - a new use for missiles and flares (69)
(Sgt. Mike T) Cool A collection of Nose Art from WW2 (56)
ABC News Strange Naked 12-year old boy helps police foil robbery, gives Michael Jackson an idea for the Best. Crimefighter. Evar (32)
BBC Interesting Chinese Vice-Premier Huang Ju dies at the age of 68. Coroner unsure if it was the toothpaste or the puppy chow (31)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Study shows police have less race bias than civilians, NBA referees (55)
CNN NewsFlash At least 146 german police officers injured in rioting before G8 summit (266)
(Some Guy) Amusing You might have a dysfunctional marriage when a fight over a parrot escalates to knife-throwing. Polly wants a lawyer (14)
(L.A. Weekly) Amusing Every English teacher you've ever had was wrong (226)
(I4U NEWS) Strange Japanese researchers develop really creepy android child named CB2. If they can teach it to fetch the remote control without spilling chocolate milk on the carpet, they might be on to something (52)
(Some Guy) Unlikely “If they had to come into our police department and get marijuana that means that my officers were doing their job and keeping drugs off the street” (55)
(Some Petting Guy) Obvious That petting zoo with the cute little animals is actually a germ-infested chamber of horrors just waiting to infect you and your kids (45)
Daily Mail Dumbass One of the Church of England's most senior women clerics has quit her job after becoming pregnant while unmarried. Oops (79)
Fox News Strange Taliban Navy sinks. No comment from Admiral Osama (75)
WFTV Interesting For most high school students, the perfect grade point average is a 4.0. But that wasn't good enough for one Hillsborough County student who graduated with a mind-boggling 8.08 GPA (235)
WFTV Cool "Dr. Carlos Schenck reported in the journal Sleep that sleepsex, or sexsomnia, is becoming more common" (57)
MDN Dumbass Pervy private school pedagogue pinched for purloining past pupil's panties (30)
WNBC News Arrests made at Kennedy airport with terrorist connection. News conference at 1 pm (277)
(Some Guy) Caption You can has Caturday - caption this lolcat (165)
The Tennessean Dumbass If you're going to run and hide after defrauding investors for tens of millions of dollars using fake oil fields, don't hold your daughter's sweet 16 party on MTV (106)
(MLive) Strange "About 50 people with baseball bats and pipes left several cars damaged and a man with a head injury Thursday at a Harrison gasoline station." (41)
(WESH TV) Florida Man chasing dog is struck and killed in traffic. Chasing anything in traffic is dangerous, doing it with untied shoelaces is plain darwinism in motion (28)
London Times Ironic Solar & wind powered town in trouble with environmentalists because the presence of so many windmills is spoiling the landscape and killing birds. Which is an inconvenient truth (139)
Detroit News Asinine Wolf whistle to co-worker gets 18-year-old fired, even though prom-dress-wearing associate wasn't offended. "I've known her since seventh grade," 18-year-old says indignantly (137)
(Chilliwack Progress) Interesting Chilliwack residents sure that what they saw in the sky was definitely a UFO, now working on theory of why aliens would be attracted to Chilliwack (65)
CBS Salt Lake City Dumbass Not News: ESPN producer stopped for having lighter by TSA. News: Has drugs in carry on. FARK: Has child porn in checked baggage (video news story) (70)
Yahoo Misc California's gay inmates to get conjugal visits, Aren't they getting these visits from their cellmates already? (59)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this smoker and her fountains (61)
( Stupid Middle school students play on global warming gets some parents hot under the collar (174)
Reuters Interesting Old and busted: speed dating. New hotness: selling your book to a literary agent in three minutes or less (19)
(Tahoe Daily Tribune) Dumbass Weekend in Tahoe: $783. Marble-sized piece of marijuana swallowed upon police arrival: $14. Being arrested naked and booked while sweating and suffering from "acute paranoia": Priceless (32)
SFGate Interesting An Indian tribe that has had no formal contact with Western civilization has been located in a remote Amazon region. Richard Dreyfuss unavailable for comment (64)
(Some Guy) Strange Strange roller coasters you don't see everyday (27)
My San Antonio Strange Have you heard the one about the dead man laughing? (24)
(Crave) Amusing Quiz: 'Star Wars' name, ballplayer, or Thai food? (32)
Local6 Florida Burglar breaks into used clothing store, accidentally kicks switch to turn on powerful ventilation fan while he's still in it. Seriously Florida, you make this too easy (51)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery covers the best and worst things to come from the Nintendo Entertainment System era. Mario cologne and underwear? Now you're playing with power (32)
Rocky Mountain News Obvious The reason that nothing good is on television is because entertainers are increasingly putting their ideas on the internet, where they have more creative freedom. Even if the idea happens to be a buddy show featuring a pair of testicles (21)
CBS News Interesting Study finds that 85% of women are content with their partner's penis size, yet men increasingly suffer from Small Penis Syndrome when they shouldn't. Except for you over there, needled*ck (173)
(NBC) Stupid Teacher sues over his death in the student film "Teddy Bear Master". Blade and Pinhead get angry, rip out your teddy's stitches (30)
Telegraph Dumbass Twenty-six people sue bus company for various debilitating injuries they claim they suffered in crash on way to wedding. Judge immediately tosses 20 when wedding video shows they weren't too badly hurt to eat, drink and dance jigs (17)
MSNBC Amusing Ancient McDonald's Uncovered in Pompei (36)
Yahoo Interesting The mayor has ordered the city's firefighters to get off their lazy asses, cut grass and trim shrubs while on duty (55)
The Sun Stupid Family harassed and tormented for being gingers. God damn it, Cartman (111)
Something Awful Interesting The Something Awful Goons go to an anime con. Hilarity ensues (96)
Boston Globe Hero College president calls for drinking age to be lowered to 18 (121)
Yahoo Spiffy A black widow found only in Chile gives men long lasting erections and can be used for spermicide as well. Bonus: The research team that discovered this was headed by Dr. Romero (45) Interesting Some sodding git says being polite will make Britain great again. What a prat (33)
Yahoo Ironic When trying to drum up interest in the circus coming to town, try not to let your crocodile escape into the sea (9)
(Some Guy) Weird Japanese man confesses to stealing more than 8,000 articles of women's clothing so he could sleep buried in them (26)
Fox News Interesting U.S. warship launches strike into Somalia (178)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this girl and her cow (63)
(JapanSugoi) Caption Caption Darth Vader in Japan (105)

Fri June 01, 2007
The Raw Story Cool Polish man in coma for 19 years wakes up, now adjusting to new world without Communism and with whiny mobile phone users (93)
(Some Extreme egg-dropper) Sad Remember those "egg dropping" contests you did in High School? This guy won't (141)
Fox News Obvious Flip This House star didn't actually own, repair or flip many houses but he did get rich quick. Caveat Emptor (75) Obvious Figures show the most commonly-uttered phrase among ATV riders on Memorial Day continued to be "Hold my beer and watch this" (32)
Canoe Amusing If you have one too many and think you can avoid being arrested by riding home on horseback, you better think again (41)
CBS New York PSA Chinese Crest toothpaste: Recommended by 4 out of 5 jealous husbands and/or homicidal maniacs (43)
CNN Asinine TB dickwad story gets even more farked up. The couple never married, TB dickwad was only in Greece for two days (197)
MSNBC Followup US officials "used expletives" when they learned that plans for the new US Embassy in Baghdad had been posted on the web. %^&*@$ing right, they did (61)
(Bloomberg) Scary Ever wonder who's holding the bag of "toxic waste" subprime mortgage loans? It's US pension funds and retirement funds. Enjoy your "retirement," boomers (77)
AJC Followup Remember the kid in Alabama who killed a half ton wild boar with a handgun? Turns out it was a farm pig named Fred, "hunted" in his pen (327) Dumbass Kentucky physicist to travel to Antarctica to find a fog-shrouded hole in the Arctic Ocean that leads to the centre of the Earth, where an unknown civilization is lurking inside the hollow core of the planet. No really (198)
(The News Tribune) Followup Ft. Lewis rethinks mass memorials for fallen Operation Iraqi Freedom soldiers (55)
(Revision 3) PSA Drew interviewed by former TechTV current Revision 3 awesome guy Martin Sargent, talks Fark, book, is drunk (not safe for work language) (65)
SFGate Strange Nothing captures the spirit of Paris quite like getting scuba diving lessons at the Eiffel Tower (22)
(Some weather guy) NewsFlash This just in: normal summer weather happening in the Gulf of Mexico, EVERYBODY PANIC (91)
CBS New York Followup Dutch kidney transplant reality show "The Big Donor Show" turns out to be a hoax. Dutch Ashton Kutcher says "You've been Tonderzwam'd" (30)
Fox News News As many as eight inmates stabbed at Baltimore jail during prison fight, or as Cincinnati calls it, "Bengals Tryouts" (114)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these two statues (71)
Yahoo Amusing Succeeding where the Mongols failed for years, a Chinese mining company ripped a hole in the Great Wall so their trucks could avoid paying tolls (95)
Mercury News Followup Dead whale spotted near Golden Gate. Coast Guard said it isn't Delta or Dawn, just some stupid anonymous whale that doesn't love you like they do (100)
(Some Smiley Guy) Obvious Wal-Mart to open fewer stores in 2008, because their only remaining competition comes from existing Wal-Mart locations. "We also have been focused this year on reducing cannibalization of existing stores" (232)
UPI Stupid One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Red Fish (233)
(Times-Picayune) Interesting Rep. William Jefferson says Louisiana may have to donate $1 billion to bail out Katrina recovery program. That's 11,000 freezers worth (152)
(Charleston Gazette) Dumbass Powerball winner Jack Whitaker is back in court, losing another lawsuit (103)
FARK Cool Reminder: Iowa City Fark Party, tomorrow (60)
Chicago Sun-Times Unlikely New soon-to-be-discredited Loch Ness Monster footage made public (128)
(not Constantinople) Dumbass Bust out your tinfoil hats, Texas. Gov. Rick Perry to attend Bilderberg Conference in Istanbul. Bonus: Paid for using campaign funds (78)
(KTRK - ABC Houston) Dumbass What do you do when you are drunk and get kicked out of a party for trying to steal an Xbox 360? You set fire to the beer of course (49)
Herald Tribune Florida Ugly-ass rare baby red-ruffed lemurs born at Lemur Conservation Foundation. It was a double triple (w/pics) (33)
Chicago Sun-Times Cool Chicago Police Dept. has new high-tech helicopter with night vision and a radiation detector. Now, if only they can keep the pilot from landing it in front of a freight train (82)
Fox News Stupid Alabama apologizes for slavery, despite all U.S. slaves and slave owners being long dead. In related news, American Indians asking for an apology were told to STFU or get better lobbyists (415)
Yahoo Interesting China blames Panama, Van Halen, for tainted products (31)
MSNBC Asinine Actual headline: "Next Hurricane Could Strike Anywhere From TX to NY." Ric Romero on the scene (44)
Denver Channel Silly "Angel/spirit" currently edging out "printing error" in online poll of source of strange apparition in photograph. W/pic and poll (179)
(Some Guy) Followup In a suprise to absolutely no one, White House pulls a Sheryl Crow and tries to downplay NASA head's controversial global warming remarks as "humor" (261) Obvious A "landmark international study" finds that bumps on the head can potentially lead to brain damage (33)
Yahoo Followup Steelers' assistant coach makes strong case for removal of "reply to all" button (75)
BBC Scary "Lucky man survives lightning hit" or "Unlucky man struck by lightning" - the choice is yours (43)
ESPN Obvious For some reason AirTran doesn't want Michael Vick as a spokesman any more (73)
CBS New York Spiffy Police save emotionally disturbed man from the top of NYC's George Washington Bridge and from the thousands of emotionally disturbed drivers stuck in the traffic mess he created (75)
(WOAI) Asinine If you left your couch in the middle of a highway in San Antonio, some pissed off wrecked SUV driver would like to speak with you (87)
CNN Followup Before traveling, TB dickwad had his conversation with doctors recorded, almost as if he knew this would happen. Submitter thinks the dickwad planned a lawsuit from the beginning (369)
(Stupidity) Dumbass What happens when you rob a bank at 9am 2 blocks from the police station and government center? You're in jail by 9:15 and on Fark by noon (27)
Boston Herald Amusing If you're thinking of drinking sangria/Don't go driving where someone can see ya/It's also not best/To skip DUI tests/Even if your pop's Justice Scalia (49)
(News Tribune) Sad Fort Lewis is losing so many soldiers that they no longer have time for individual memorials and instead will hold one mass memorial each month (138)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Chatty driver caught steering with her elbows while hauling a bus load of kids (with pics) (106)
(Spiegel online) Dumbass German man falls off balcony during "Spit for Distance" competition (42)
CBS News Strange Woman gets jail time for scamming neighbors with fake device to hide Christmas tree lights (43)
(Some Guy) Sick Married co-worker breaks off an affair with you. Do you a) send her a "Let's be friends" card, b) spin down into depression, or c) stalk her, harass her, and mail her a dead rat? (82)
Baltimore Sun Sad If you live in the Baltimore area your electric bills are going up by 50% starting today. Its gonna be a long hot summer (141)
(Hoosier Gazette) Obvious Man testifies that assault on homeless man was ‘preemptive strike’. Surprisingly, this defense doesn't hold up in court (67)
Fox News Followup Self-centered asshat with drug-resistant TB that may have infected two jetloads of people is now claiming that quarantine laws are unconstitutional (387)
Newsday Sick Arsonist claims his rough sex technique killed woman, not the fire (53)
Houston Chronicle Dumbass Police investigate possible causes of crash after man drives his SUV over a seawall and into the ocean. Did I mention he was naked? (22)
Reuters Interesting What you heard in 2001: "$1 Canadian? What's that in real money, $1.60?" What you'll hear in 2007: "$1 Canadian? What's that in real money, $1?" (142)
Sun Sentinel Florida "I want my teeth back, I only have two teeth in the front here" (13)
(Some Guy) Dumbass San Diego residents taken in by blatantly obvious ponzi scheme, so if you need to make a quick buck off some stupid people, now you know where they are (58) Amusing The real reason Schwarzenegger went to Canada: to get Cuban cigars (112)
Houston Chronicle Followup If you had Sen John Kyl in the "secret senator who blocked the open govt act" pool collect your winnings at the ticket window (92)
Boston Herald Followup In the grand tradition of Turner Broadcasting paying for Boston's overreaction to some lighted signs, Bank of America will now pay for costs associated with a fax gone wrong (57)
(PR Newswire) Cool Today is "Free Doughnut Day" at Krispy Kreme. Or, as the cops call it, "Friday" (74)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this seaside attack (84)
ABC News Dumbass Sudanese government responds to U.S. sanctions with a threat that really hurts; banning export of gum arabica, the ingredient that makes your soda fizzy (90)
(AP/WFAA) Strange Clean air study in Rome finds residents are breathing cocaine and cannabis (54)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man arrested for shoplifting gets cuffed and thrown into cop car. He slips the cuffs and steals the car. Sirens blaring, he drives away and crashes into a Buick. He runs, is attacked by a K-9, jumps to his feet and says, The Aristocrats (65)
(Some Crazy Guy) Unlikely Bring back Prohibition (261)
Daily Mail Dumbass "There was a tremendous hoo-haa as it was realised the gun which he was showing off had actually 'got one up the spout'." I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad (75)
(KATU) Dumbass Not News: Man was speeding while drunk. News: He gets busted by the cops. He had been driving in reverse for several miles (23)
(9News) Dumbass Man pleads not guilty to 28th DUI charge. How does this guy fall through the cracks? (72)
Washington Post Interesting Families of victims of the military crackdown on the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests have urged the Chinese government to publish a true account of the incident and apologize so that they can finally have some closure, money (34)
London Times Strange O Hai: Weer in UR India. Downgradin UR caste (78)
Boston Globe Strange If Texas police have their way, this coffee-tossing convenience store robber will soon be tossing other things in jail (19)
London Times Interesting Rats possibly in the clear over the Black Death. May have been a virus (68)
( Asinine Canadian Health Authority dealing with drug problem on Vancouver Island by handing out free crack kits. Wait...what? (59)
( Amusing Funny: wild turkeys running rampant. Funnier: at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. Funniest: this reporter's God-awful attempts at rudimentary humor (42)
(WFAA) Scary Mom gives birth to twins. Her third set of twins. Oh, and she's only 20 years old. And unemployed. As is her 21 year old boyfriend. Hurray reproductive freedom (421)
ABC News Followup TB guy is an idiot, but picture of wife may explain why he took the flight (143) Scary Russia admits nuclear stockpile is ready to explode (59)
BBC Sad 13% of men in the UK would not donate time to help a children's charity for fear of being branded paedophiles (99)
Telegraph Asinine "Asking pupils to put their hands up when they think they know the answer to a question in class could make quiet children fall behind, according to government advice" (62)
Seattle Times Photoshop Photoshop these itty-bitty frogs (85)
Yahoo Obvious U.S. Baghdad embassy floor plans appear online, with everything except the little caption "put bomb here" (52) Cool India's richest man builds 60-storey house complete with helipad, health club and six floors of parking. Suck it, Gates (62)
The Sun Amusing Nearly half of all men think their ween is too small according to study from the Is It In Yet? Institute (198)

Thu May 31, 2007
Telegraph Scary Ше каи наs anфтнея cфld шая? (262)
(Natl Hurr Center) Misc Just in time for the first day of the hurricane season... Tropical system may be developing in the Caribbean. Step 1: turn on Caps Lock key. Step 2: Start with the letters P and A (122)
Boston Globe Hero Live Smoke Free or Die (931)
(Some Guy) Weird Today's "student sues school because teacher slept with her" story brought to you by South Dakota (78)
(Business Week) Obvious Toyota found to be the most productive automaker. Study performed by Business Week's "Duh" department (114)
London Times Obvious Woman explorer abandons North Pole trek because of "adverse weather conditions". Well, yeah - it's the North Pole (75)
(Some Hole) Photoshop Photoshop what happens next (99)
USA Today Strange Science fiction authors enlist in the War on Terror because Homeland Security needs "deviant thinkers." Suck it, fantasy fans (182)
Yahoo Ironic Nigeria files $2 billion lawsuit against Pfizer. Pfizer reportedly unable to pay until Nigerians deposit $419 million into US accounts to cover transaction fees (74)
(Some Guy) Florida City cracks down on homeowners' brown lawns while wildfires sprout all around them during current severe drought (70)
1010WINS Stupid This hour's story of teachers banging kids is a 2 for 1 special. Bonus: school is for "troubled children" (70)
Wired Followup Did you honestly think those DRM-free downloads from iTunes didn't come with a catch? (215)
Yahoo Ironic US tells Turkey not to invade Iraq as it may destabilize the country (121)
(Some Guy) Strange Minnesota woman forced to the ground at gunpoint and handcuffed by police while baking cookies for the DirectTV crew installing her new dish. And no, "baking cookies" is not a euphemism for anything (113)
CBS Sacramento Asinine Woman convicted of having sex with two underage boys will not have to register as a sex offender. Double standard FTW (81)
FARK PSA Drew's book goes on sale TODAY. Buy it today and Drew will buy you a beer - DIT (available at any major bookstore, link goes to Amazon) (255)
(Earth Times) Weird Pentecostal bus driver to sue New York Transit because they demand that she wear pants (184)
CBS Salt Lake City Amusing Student's class history project triggers lockdown of two schools. EVERYBODY PANIC (94)
This Is Local London Asinine Safety Nazis force fire department to buy special reclining chairs for firefighters working nights to sleep in, ban firefighters from using them until they get special training, then file charges when firefighters nap on the floor instead (107)
Yahoo Strange Belgian soldiers armed with Lysol and a book of matches deployed into the forests to combat man-eating caterpillars (48)
Toronto Star Followup Authorities release name of man who knowingly exposed fellow air travelers to rare, deadly form of TB. And, yes, he is a lawyer (320)
CNN Cool Coolest job ever (w/photo weirdness) (117)
Herald-Leader Weird Looking to make maximum political impact, Leninist-anarchist nutjobs strike major metro area of Lexington, KY, fill 150 parking meters with glue (with pic) (147)
ESPN Interesting Spelling Bee favorite tanks early, cries, mom says "not fair" (256)
(KTBS) Unlikely Actual headline: "Colorado State Forecast: 9 hurricanes, 5 of them intense." Hopefully the deer don't get swept away in the storm surge (63)
Yahoo Interesting If there's something you only do once in a blue moon then tonight's your chance (54)
CNN Cool Nessie's been sighted again with new video (221)
Fox News Asinine The claims from Spain fall mainly in the lame (66)
The Register Weird DARPA is creating Mothra. EVERYBODY PANIC (70)
Yahoo Asinine Authorities seize 46 toy guns from Walmart for looking "too realistic." (115)
Fox News Interesting Phil Spector's defense focuses on mistakes in collecting evidence and the fact that Chewbacca lives on Endor (64)
CSMonitor Interesting The key to protecting troops in Iraq is giving them Cougars to ride. Sharon Stone enlisting for active duty (119)
(Some exposed nipple) Asinine New York wants to make it a felony to sell games with depraved violence and indecent images to minors. Parental responsibility surrenders, new wave of Hollywood horror film makers light cigars and laugh (128)
Fox News Dumbass Reason #75482 not to have a public MySpace page: Wal-Mart employee fired after posting the fact that dropping bombs on all the Wal-Marts would raise the national IQ average (225)
Yahoo Followup Coming to a movie plaza near you: Harry Potter and the opening in U.S. theaters two days earlier than expected (89)
Yahoo Interesting Good news: the economy is still growing. Bad news: your toenails are growing faster (65) Dumbass Kids takes three bombs to school, possibly for the most awesome show-and-tell ever (45)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman to navy: "Somebody set us up the bomb". Navy: "Uuhhh, could you call back tommorow?" (103)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Obvious Get out the torches and pitchforks - male band teacher arrested for alleged sex with 17-year-old female student (167)
Reuters Amusing Almost half of Rotterdam's coffee shops will be forced to stop selling cannabis because they are too close to secondary schools. Kids these days need some exercise. A walk to get some drugs will do them good (82)
EITB24 Cool Councilor in Elvis flares promises nude pool and pink town hall (32)
FARK PSA Lexington, KY Fark Party and Drew's book signing tonight at 7pm at Joseph Beth. Come out and help us drink them out of beer. DIT -Drew (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this robotic tea pourer (56)
Philly Silly Adult recess -- the one article you should make your boss read (107)
CNN PSA France's new president wants his countrymen to take shorter lunches and stop kissing coworkers in the morning. Next he plans to outlaw Jerry Lewis movies (130)
Telegraph Interesting Up to 90 percent of Britain's ubiquitous CCTV surveillance cameras are "illegal" (95)
(WRAL) Obvious Today's car dealer facing fines for flying American flags comes to us from Raleigh, NC (387)
(Plymouth Herald) Silly Couple have wedding blessed in a cemetery (51)
Slate Scary Wine is now more popular than beer in the USA (331)
Miami Herald Florida Court has reservations about Indian tribe caring for foster child. Group says they may Sioux (73)
MSNBC Dumbass If a state agency randomly sends you a check for $2.5 million, should you: a) Call and inform them of their mistake,b) Throw the check away, or c) Immediately spend all the money on cars and electronics (204) PSA If your friend does not enjoy your cooking, hitting them in the face with a frypan is not a way to convince them to try it again (37)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Security guard at karaoke bar shakes hands of customers. Possibly news: Dances along as one of them sings. Fark: Shoots singer dead because he's out of tune (46)
BBC Obvious Air Torture faces ACLU lawsuit for failing to provide beverage service and hot towels (174)
(Victoria Advocate) Stupid Dad Of The Year Candidate: "No Officer, The cocaine is my son's high school graduation present" (29)
(The Moscow Times) Obvious Bodyguard of the Year 2007 given out early to Russian who saved his employer despite having been shot in both kneecaps (55)
Yahoo Dumbass "The main reason for the deaths is that people bathe in places where they are not supposed to ... but at the same time 75 percent of them are not sober." And no, this was not said in Florida (29)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Sad Fatass, Inc. offers Lardo-Americans lawn chairs that can support 800 lbs, toilets rated to 1200 lbs. Remaining tatters of personal dignity drown their sorrows with a box of bon-bons (264) Amusing Photos of the PMITA cell where Paris will do her time, the prison guard (99)
Slate Sad Other languages don't have spelling bees because they would be too simple (115)
Mercury News Unlikely Charges dropped against Mr. Universe. It turns out it was diabetic shock that made him assault that officer, not 'roid rage (25)
BBC Scary Ukrainian president Viktor Yushchenko, Alexander Litvinenko, and now Kyrgyzstan Prime Minister Almaz Atambayev. The KGB poisoning trifecta is complete (33)
BBC Amusing 89-year old British woman doesn't want to endure airport hassles, takes taxi to Greece (37)
(The Moscow Times) Interesting Moscow may alleviate traffic congestion by building roads on top of residential and commercial buildings (38)
(Knuttz) Photoshop Photoshop these scary rugby dudes (53)
Boston Globe Dumbass Promotional clip-art fax mistaken for bomb threat. Suspect described as wirey, goes by the name "Clippy" (with pic of fax) (62)
The Sun Obvious Confirming so many cliches, new study finds 12 percent of Brits never brush their teeth, and those that do see nothing wrong with using drill bits or wood saws to floss with (43)
SeattlePI Stupid New breed of cat retails for $22,000 (+$1,500 S&H). INVISIBLE CHECKING ACCOUNT (245)
Denver Channel Weird Man suffocates in pile of malted barley at Fat Tire brewery (88)
(Galesburg Register-Mail) Asinine Not news: Kids denied high school diplomas because of graduation behavior. News: Claim it is because they're black. Fark: Hold news conference at the adult bookstore (162)
( Weird Kansas City woman wants to serve Paris Hilton's sentence (74)
(Brooklyn Paper) Strange Brooklyn man attempts to have his five-inch-long nipple hair certified as Guinness world record. No, really (w/photo creepiness) (53)
( Scary Is that a bomb in your pants or are you just happy to see.... no, that's a bomb in your pants (31)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 108: "Solitude" Please read first post. LGT next week's theme (271)

Wed May 30, 2007
C|Net Amusing Livejournal accounts deleted on a massive scale by abuse team. In related news, stock in razor blades doubles (200)
SMH Cool Ugly-ass baby binturong debuts at Sydney zoo. With both pic goodness and an excuse to say "binturong" (42)
ABC News Scary Gang beats Staples employees for wearing red shirts. Easy button nowhere in sight (149)
Denver Post Interesting Church organist fired for being too focused on the wrong organ (130)
Slate Obvious New study reconfirms that abstinence pledges don't really accomplish much, and that the sky is indeed a lovely shade of blue (272)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this roller derby (62)
The Tennessean Amusing Tennessee teacher fired for being a smartass, including telling a student to "put on fishnet stockings and get a job as a blackjack dealer in Las Vegas" (153)
MSNBC Sad Strike two for the ethanol boom: German beer prices are rising drastically (138)
(WGAL) Unlikely 40 volunteers building 41-foot-long raft made of reeds and eucalyptus to sail across Atlantic. Engineer, who plans on going along on trip, can't swim. Look for future FARK headline here this summer (76)
ABC News Spiffy "American breasts are getting bigger while shirts are getting smaller" (2370)
(Korea Times) Scary Hi-tech robots to guard schools. This cannot end well (141)
Toronto Star Spiffy 84% pass Canadian literacy test... which is almost three quarters (127)
CBC Sappy Father, son, granddaughter graduate from high school within days of each other. Since you're reading this here, you can guess which sta—oh, wait, it's Utah (42)
Yahoo Interesting How much does it cost to get a cabbie license in New York? Try $600,000. English lessons not included (101)
BBC Followup LAPD admits making "mistakes" during May Day riot, such as leaving witnesses alive (118)
(Bay News 9) Florida FOX waiting patiently to start filming at Disney's "When Water Rides Attack" (38)
Yahoo Stupid Fully 65% of Americans agree with the idea that corporations make too much profit. Capitalism surrenders (691)
Chicago Tribune Asinine Once again people flip out over so called racy billboard. (with pic of "offensive" billboard) (279)
(Some guy who says "Meep") Cool Comic store in Toronto recreates a scene from Lord of the Rings for a window display... using Muppet action figures (92) Interesting New study links childhood obesity to... *shakes Magic 8-ball* ...lack of sleep (79)
Daily Mail Amusing Battle lines are being drawn on the MILF front (147)
CBS New York Scary School's closed by *BOMP BOMP* Tainted soil *BOMP BOMP* Tainted soil (85)
(Eagle Tribune) Obvious Police respond to scene of gas price cutting (46)
590 KLBJ Stupid Texas high school withholds diplomas after seniors bounce beach balls and blow bubbles at graduation ceremony (190)
AFP Followup Japan to push ahead with humpback whale hunt. Plan to deploy ships to San Francisco Bay and stop the media frenzy around the two lost whales (68)
(Chattanoogan) Sad Not news: bad traffic accident. Sad News: family of four killed in accident. Fark: accident caused when driver swerved to avoid hitting a deer (151)
WNBC Dumbass Cop owns gun. Cop has daughter. Daughter sounds like intruder while sneaking back into house after porking boyfriend. What happens next? (365)
(Some Jesus Camp Counselor) Florida Valedictorian doesn't understand why lengthy, unapproved graduation speech telling audience to find Jesus or suffer the consequences is drawing criticism (307)
BBC Asinine Woman whose wheelchair wouldn't fit through train door forced to crawl to seat while passengers do nothing. The age of chivalry isn't dead, but it seems not to be into the public transport thing any more (60)
SFGate Followup Whales have left the bay. NOW EVERYONE BACK TO WORK (45)
Newsweek Asinine Americans spend $40 billion a year pampering their pets. Your dog wants a Dead Sea mudbath and manicure (63)
(Some Guy) Interesting 10 reasons why sex is financially rewarding, Your mom knows #11 (82)
(MSN) Obvious Congress wants to be in ur tubez, taxing ur emailz. No, really (151)
CBC Interesting Texas hunter fined $10K for exceeding duck hunting limit in Canada, violating the Saskatchewan "gratuitious use of middle initial and silly Roman numeral after last name" statute (68)
(Some Guy) Obvious Elderly woman who tried to smuggle heroin given 14 years in prison. Should never have gotten the hell off the grass (20)
(Some Guy) Asinine Applying for a job? Not without the approval of the Department of Homeland Security you're not (241)
London Times Obvious And this week's "YouTube blocked by oppressive régime" brought to you by the good folks at Morocco (24)
Washington Post Spiffy How to completely stock up on liquor for the summer for under $300 (195)
Newsday Asinine Martha Stewart seeks to trademark the name "Katonah" for furniture brand. Indians object asking if Martha Stewart should "be allowed to trademark George Washington's name?" (59)
1010WINS Obvious Eight indicted in over thirty donut shop burglaries. That's nice work, boys (40)
iWon Interesting Malaysia to form canine unit to battle pirates. Your dog wants a cutlass and peg leg (42)
(Some Gay) Spiffy 40% of Americans have a friend or family member who is faaabulous (218)
Yahoo Spiffy Anual speling bee starts today (93)
Boston Herald Stupid Massachusetts may ban good-tasting food from schools (270)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this water-skier (66)
(Some Guy) Stupid Woman forced to email local news show for help after becoming trapped in room behind knobless door. "I will sit and await to see if you go this message, if not then I will scream" (96)
Sun Sentinel Florida You know the drought is bad when the lake catches on fire (84)
Philly Amusing Unruly passenger that groped women and shouted "I am a man" in the courtroom isn't insane after all. He's just from India (104)
BBC Weird Artist protests Royal family's treatment of animals by eating a dog during live radio show. Your steak wants dog (105)
BBC Amusing Man rushed to hospital in serious condition after a gruesome mauling by his pet hamster (101)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Dumbass Two suspects rob diner, attempt to run out door, accidentally run into each other, causing one to shoot himself in the leg. Cue the Yakety Sax soundtrack (30)
Yahoo Amusing Hotels don't really like when you steal their towels, but they get really pissed off when you steal their gold bathtub worth ¥120,000,000 (37) Spiffy Amputee uses crutch to beat off gunman (69)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Off-duty cop at wedding reception handcuffs bride and groom as a joke. But what's really funny is that he didn't have a key to unlock them (46)
(Sun Amusing Actual headline: "2 charged over electric cord". Wait, watt? (70) Obvious Apparently it's inappropriate to refer to union bosses as "wankers" in Parliament (43)
SeattlePI Scary Title match: Mitsubishi Eclipse vs. black bear. Result: draw (77)
London Times Scary Forget about your resumé - What your next employer's checking out is that Girls Gone Wild video you ended up in (120)
(The Daily News Online) Interesting Who do I have to mow to get a green around here? (43)
CNN Scary Russia tests new intercontinental ballistic missile in to response to U.S. plans to deploy a missile defense system in Europe. This should end well (240)
( Sappy Ugly ass golden eagle chick hatches in Ireland, first for 100 years (with pics) (22)
Reno Gazette-Journal Strange Man caught with 1,500 stolen pairs of girl's shoes: "He liked to smell them" (35)
The Sun Stupid Terrorist sex toy shuts down English village (31)
CBS New York Hero Moviegoing experience in NYC just got more enjoyable, unless of course you're an inconsiderate douche (169)
SFGate Followup Phone hotline about lost whales gets hacked, informs people they've been killed. In related news, there's a whale hotline (25)
The Sun PSA If you want a personal trainer to help you lose weight, get booked into jail in the UK (22)
The Straight Dope Obvious So wait, the media overstated and misinterpreted this whole disappearing bee thing? That stings (94)
BBC Weird As God is my witness, I didn't know frozen chickens could fly (51)
SFGate Florida Sometimes you should just hand over the chili sauce (58)
(International Herald Tribune) Interesting There are 42 skyscrapers in the construction or planning phase around the world that are over 1,000 feet tall. Only five are in the United States (168)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Farker DiamondDave's co-worker (74)

Tue May 29, 2007
MSNBC Scary Ethanol boom could cause tequila shortage. Lick, slam, suck while you can (132)
My San Antonio Stupid Not News: Man stabbed while breaking up drunken brawl. News: Between his two nephews. Fark: Who were fighting over which was older. Difficulty: Pitchfork (59)
(Helsingin Sanomat) Amusing Clowns employed in Finland to raise morale of city employees. That wouldn't work in America as there are laws against paying people twice for the same job (38)
(a-woof) Caption Caption this cute dog eating Tinky Winky (now with voting goodness) (95)
(WSB-TV) Asinine It's one thing for your child to be bullied by another student. It's a whole different story when the bully is a teacher (159)
(Water Polo Pony) Caption Caption this rather confusing photo (133)
CNN Stupid Mexicans get pissed at Miss USA for speaking English while in Mexico. Seriously, if she doesn't know the language, get out (292)
Yahoo Spiffy Egghead scientist suggests using humans to fill potholes. Submitter wishes they would work on that homeless problem first. Hey... wait a minute (54)
First Coast News Florida Having secured the nation's airports, malls, arenas, office buildings, and bridges, Homeland Security announces the country's newest terrorist threat: Recreational Boats (74)
WTOP Stupid Bank robber gains street cred, increases rep massively with high-speed chase in a Lexus, throws cash from windows, loses everything when he crashes and is arrested by a bicycle cop (18)
TBO Florida "$35 Waffle House Bill Leads To Brawl" (135)
(nzherald) Sick Not News: Woman needs oxygen machine to live. News: Woman dies after oxygen machine fails. Fark: Because the power company cut her off for unpaid bills even after being told she needed it to live (379)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shy walrus (116)
Philly Amusing Teamsters union is pissed that Yuengling employees flushed them down the drain like so much used beer (171)
The Smoking Gun Asinine NBC producer fired after raising concerns that "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" series violated several NBC News ethics and standards (292)
Chicago Sun-Times Florida ♪ Who can take some sensi, deliver it to you? ♫ Cover you with bullets with his trusty .22? ♪ The handyman can... ♫ Yes, the handyman can... ♪ (37)
Herald-Leader Dumbass Why KY needs its own tag: Birthday-balloon dispute escalates; teen injured, two people arrested (40)
Yahoo Stupid Finally, an airline shows films with nudity and violence. To nobody's surprise, of course, there are complainers and whiners who want to protect the children (151)
(Pensacola News Journal) Obvious Today's case of liberal judges keeping God out of our schools comes to us from the God-hating, Harry Potter loving state of Georgia (289)
The Newspaper Misc New York legislature is skeptical about Buffalo's request for permission to put red light cameras on commuter routes to raise revenue after messing with signal timing to encourage red light running (80)
Network World Asinine Michigan man fined for using free Wi-Fi (328)
(Pioneer Press) Cool Booze. Nudity. Exploding road kill. Swarms of exhaust and noise spewing two wheeled vehicles racing around town, raising heck. Welcome to the Sturgis of mopeds (95)
(Some Guy) Sad What kind of world do we live in where you can't go around duct-taping kids to trees anymore? (81)
(Drivl) Amusing The 22 worst town names in the world, and yes, Taumatawhakatangihanga (gasp) koauauotamatea (whew) pokaiwhenuakitanatahu is on there (227)
Yahoo Scary If you sat next to a coughing guy on a flight from Prague to Montreal last week, the CDC may want to quarantine you (63) Obvious Nineteen thousand dollars a year will not buy you the greatest employees America has to offer. Obvious tag bores the Newsflash tag to death (127)
UPI Obvious South Korea to promote world peace by hosting an international soccer tournament, because soccer fans are shining examples of nonviolent conflict resolution (31)
(Journalism) Obvious BBC launches new not-news section, prompting the inevitable Fark comparisons (35)
(Pendleton Today) Weird Here's a headline you never, ever thought you'd read: "Armed robbers steal two truckloads of toothpaste and deodorant." In Britain (41)
(CNW Telbec) Obvious Actual headline: New poll reveals Canadian parents believe teaching their kids to swim is the best way to prevent drowning (90)
( Scary Office evacuated after discovery of a yellowish liquid puddle causes employees to become sick. Which is a shame, because that rug really tied the room together (104)
(Some Guy) Asinine Lots of senior class pranks will land you in jail, but a food fight? (70)
AFP Weird Something old, something new, something borrowed, something ripped from the body of a freshly slaughtered cow (warning: graphic dead animal pic in link) (63) Asinine Police take tough action against other cops caught speeding or running red lights by writing one ticket for every 200 offences (147)
(Channel 3000) Dumbass Kid grows pot at home and has a MySpace account. You already know where this is going (97)
Toronto Star Obvious Proving super-low limits and aggressive prosecution have solved the DUI problem once and for all, drunk driving deaths hit highest point in 14 years (203)
(KTLA) Asinine When they outlaw smoking outdoors, only outlaws will smoke outdoors (427)
Globe and Mail Weird Hundreds of elephants have been hiding on a treeless island in Sudan for the last 20 years. "We flew out of a cloud, and there they were. It was like something out of Jurassic Park" (46) Sappy If you speak French and live in Edmonton, there's a Siberian tiger that would like to talk to you (41)
Philly Interesting Transsexual Cambodian spotaneously mixes androgynous forms to create controversial self-portrait mural on Philadelphia building. Submitter has been waiting years to write this headline (34)
USA Today Asinine For only 10,325 years of TotalFark membership you can pay your share of the national debt (129)
LA Times Interesting One more reason to have a beer while flying: Some flight attendants are paid on commission (28)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Gas prices actually fell during the Memorial Day weekend. Whatever will we have to complain about now? (121)
STLToday Scary Teenaged girl as-salted with a "peppering" of shots, will need thyme to recover (75)
(Wikinews) Amusing McDonalds doesn't like the word McJob, meaning you should work it into your daily conversations. In related news, McJob is actually in several dictionaries (124)
ABC News Obvious ABC News shocked and surprised to find "No Child Left Behind" policy is acually working (239)
(A Velvet Brick) Obvious Evangelical School to consider teaching students that being adversarial and obnoxious may not be the best way to promote Christianity. Dawkins sucks (547)
Washington Post Obvious Everyone's favorite pole vaulter featured in internet article about how everyone on the internet is featuring everyone's favorite pole vaulter (349)
Boston Globe Obvious Not news: Guy finds a way for his organization to save money. News: It's $350 million. Government agency blows him off (58)
Google Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Mirrors -- srorriM (83)
The Sun Cool 26 year old man who lost his virginity in a UK TV programme now has hundreds of women after him (200)
London Times Amusing Thieves, flies, and Robot cabs: Just another day at the airport (32)
AFP Amusing New York museum recreates Summer of Love, minus the drugs. Which was rather the whole point. That and a lot of hippies getting busy anywhere they could (74)
(Some PETA PITAs) Followup That 11-year-old kid that shot the 1000-pound pig? Yeah, he's been getting a lot of hate mail (485)
Yahoo Florida Our long national nightmare is over... Florida finally comes to an agreement with the "confusing bathroom door" pub (60)
(Greenville Online) Amusing South Carolina weather forecast: "It's raining perverts" (53)
Seattle Times Sad Nigerian 419 scam given new twist as victims asked to front thousands of dollars to rescue bulldog puppies (57)
Wall Street Journal Obvious To lure students, American colleges introduce Facebook study programs into their curricula (28)
USA Today Obvious Audit finds the IRS has absolutely no idea how to track terrorist financing. Don't worry, if you don't declare your $25 winnings from Vegas you'll still go to PMITA prison (38)
( Weird Japanese shopping center mascot accidentally named for slang term used to describe gay-themed manga. Since this is Japan, he is now wildly popular with nation's youth (49)
London Times Amusing No TV, no broadband for a week: One family's harrowing survival diary (70)
SFGate PSA If you rob the local Uhaul, the girl working there will not want to go out with you (30)
Daily Mail Hero Increasingly annoyed at the German habit of leaving their towels on the sunbeds before breakfast, Welsh coach driver sets fire to them. Jailarity ensues, Germans surrender (62)
London Times Obvious Quirky sporting bets to be outlawed. I'll wager you can't guess why (34)
Daily Mail Interesting Taihsllub si aixelsyD (231)
The Sun Obvious Sometimes, one is tempted to ask, "How did they not see this coming?" This isn't one of those times (37)
London Times Scary News: two Australians survive 24 hours in the outback with no food and no equipment. Fark: They're both under 4 (39)
(Korea Times) Unlikely Korean government to explore other planets by 2017, expose aliens to glories of spiced cabbage (50)
CNN Sappy "Logan, I am your father." (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Darth Vader going through airport security. Design your own Star Wars airport poster (63)
CBS New York Interesting Stale make-up can cause bacterial infection on face. Fresh make-up can lead to bacterial infections in other places (30)
Yahoo Dumbass If you are going to break into someone's house and rob them, you have a decent chance of getting caught if you break into their car to go to sleep (13)
(WorldNetDaily) Amusing Israelis capture terror leader. Fark: In his jeep, parked near Arafat's grave and taking an advance for one those virgins waiting in heaven (59)
( Interesting Falsely accused "terror suspect" wins huge settlement from federal police in Australia (25) Sad Doctor dies after eating One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish (77)
Newsweek Amusing The "alpha male" is dead. Say a quiet hello to the "beta male" (278)
Rian.Ru Cool Archaeologists discover world's oldest indoor bowling alley in ancient Egyptian ruins. The Pharaoh abides (43)

Mon May 28, 2007
(Some Guy) Followup Pakistan "same-sex" couple jailed , even though one of them is hairier than Robin Williams (83)
FARK Spiffy Stanley Cup Finals thread, Game 1. Ottawa at Anaheim, 8pm ET (584)
iWon Amusing Desperate for attention, New Delhi zoologists announce discovery of a new "limbless" lizard. Locals have named it "a snake" (88)
MSNBC Dumbass Father of the Year drives off with three kids while downing a Bud Light. Oh yeah, in front of the cops (64)
Daily Mail Asinine Bad: Being falsely accused of rape. Worse: Getting convicted and imprisoned for it. Fark: Getting billed for the three years you spent there (148)
(Some Guy) Weird Man obsessed by cleanliness dies from the disinfectant he compulsively bathed in (99)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Strange Vassar commencement speaker Terry Gross (of NPR) has to back out at last minute, delivers speech via radio on podium; grads mystified as to what this "radio" device might be (73)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oregon man whose house was in foreclosure does the only logical thing: locks three pigs inside hoping they'll trash the place. What, like you've got a better idea? (51)
Reuters Strange Chairman Mao isn't dead, he just got into a new line of work. After a sex change (28)
(Some Tfette) Asinine Witness one of the most poorly written pieces of crap ever passed off as journalism (204)
Local6 Florida What happens when Florida opens its beaches: Beach closed after lifeguards have to rescue over 200 people in a 3-hour period (59)
Rocky Mountain News Amusing Actual headline: Woman acquitted of illegal poop use (43)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this condiment fan and his friends (55)
BBC Stupid Will someone kindly tell the media that Diana, Princess of Wales has been dead for 10 years now? (91) Obvious Man wrestles leopard in his underwear, raising the inevitable question, "How on earth did a leopard get into his underwear?" (39)
Daily Mail Interesting Study finds at least half of all women have been injured by their high-heeled shoes (95)
(Associated Content) Amusing Wig thief escapes by a hair but his brush with crime finally comes to a split end (24)
(Metro) Strange 5 car pileup caused by driver swerving to avoid goldfish in road (39)
Homestar Runner Amusing The cast of join Stomp... or something (66)
Yahoo Followup Rescuers find a body of New England Patriots defensive end in Lake Pontchartrain (122)
(The "It" Book) Amusing Parasols are trendy. Mary Poppins approves (54)
CBC Obvious Man sought by police for approaching random women and asking them to kick him in the groin. You'd think this sort of fetish would be self-correcting (46)
(MSN) Stupid Some article about uh... well... I don't remember. I was playing WOW, reading FARK, and talking on my cellphone while watching TV (78)
IndyStar Asinine Shark petting zoo opens. This should end well (80)
UPI Unlikely Scientists say we are “hard-wired” to be generous. Can I have a greenlight, please? (94)
Daily Mail Obvious Who do I have to throw to get a green around here? (55)
BBC Stupid "One radio station asked its listeners to vote for the most suspicious children's show. Some e-mailed in to point out that Winnie the Pooh had only male friends." (170)
Yahoo Dumbass To protest society's diminishing support for the printed word, Missouri bookstore owner begins burning his own books. Someone didn't think their cunning plan through very well (141)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Swedish police caution youth there not to set themselves on fire and jump into lakes (31)
Yahoo Obvious Men feign stupidity to get out of household duties. Who knew? (118)
(City News) Stupid It is possible to buy prime real estate in Hawaii for only $39.95, as long as you're willing to wait 10,000 years for it to surface (32)
Daily Mail Obvious Ten years ago, man vowed $25 million lottery jackpot would not change him. And it didn't: he's a 40-year-old virgin still living in his mom's basement (99)
Yahoo Asinine Alabama Department of Homeland Security takes down website that targets gays and anti-war protestors as possible terrorists. In other news, Alabama thinks it's important enough to have a Homeland Security Department (118)
Yahoo Amusing Utah town near Las Vegas growing so fast, they can't keep up with the demand for alcohol. Utah Farkers placed on high alert, urged to stockpile in case of complete disaster (68)
(Some Inventor Guy) Hero Inventor working on cure for cancer, accidently discovers method of burning saltwater for fuel. Still no cure for cancer. No, wait. It might kill cancer. Cool video link too (217)
(Winchester Star) Stupid In order to appear religiously neutral, school will be open on Good Friday even though nobody will show up (41)
Local6 Florida County won't fly the flag during the Memorial Day holiday because they can't afford to pay someone to come and raise it (69)
(Daily Camera) Cool Spelling bee participant Maithreyi Gopalakrishnan's favorite word is pneumo­oultramicro­copicsili­coolcano­oniosis. Ow, my tiny hed hurtz (90)
(Some Fella) Asinine Gilbert Arizona firefighters sit back while family home burns to the ground. County firefighters respond to fight fire too late. Bill $10,000 (212)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this friendly guy in the office (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these staring football players (70)
USA Today Asinine Menu Foods, company behind contaminated pet food, has been bullying those launching lawsuits, "remember what happened to Lucky? Drop the case, or else" (64)
Yahoo Asinine Gas prices expected to climb as oil prices drop below $65 a barrel. Wait, what? (179)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Dutchman plans to climb Mount Everest wearing nothing but shorts, and then paraglide down with two Frenchmen (51) Strange Psychopaths fight smoking ban (252)
(Some Free Guy) Hero "Happy" Memorial Day. And of course, "happy" means somber. Remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice here. Many thanks. (LGT WWII Memorial site) (326)
(koco-tv) Dumbass If you are transporting $140,000 worth of heroin in your shoes, don't take Greyhound (52)
(Some Guy) Advice Now's a good time to invest in Oregon chicken manure (24)
BBC PSA UK booze will have newer, naggier labels by the end of 2008 (60)
The Sun Scary Nurse who told patient he had “no f*cking right” to complain about being left in his own urine decides to find another career path, perhaps in the DMV or Microsoft or another job where customer satisfaction is not valued (103)
The Sun Amusing 560 pound woman goes to the bathroom, gets stuck. Ten hours later, relative finds her and calls paramedics, who can't budge her. Paramedics call fire department, who take 4 hours and 15 men to free her. The Aristofats! (217)
Telegraph Weird Scottish villagers fight to save tree that eats bicycles (49)
The Sun Asinine After workers at the Department for Education and Skills got heads split open by spring-mounted toilet-paper dispensers, what else could they do but issue a health and safety warning against these deadly boobytraps? (23)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this empty diner (55)
BBC Sad Japanese farm minister commits suicide over office expense scandal, thereby explaining why there aren't Republican or Democratic parties in Japan (97)
(The Moscow Times) Strange Former prime minister of Thailand robbed of $20,000 while at McDonald's. Most definitely not loving it (28)
USA Today Strange Cathay Pacific Airlines has limited their crews flying the Hong Kong to New York route to twice a month because it causes cancer (44)
BBC Obvious Older people, people who bought Rachael Ray's new cookbook, afraid to leave their house due to lack of easily-accessible public toilets (57)
( Strange Ice cream theft leads to fatal shootout. You just can't make this stuff up (44) Sad Latest victims of today's high fuel prices: neighborhood ice cream trucks (55)
(Some Guy) Sad Dumb Dora Was SO DUMB that when she heard Charles Nelson Reilly had died, instead of praying that he would Rest In Peace she prayed that he would Rest In (blank) (246)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Joyriding in your car at night on an airport runway and you only get moderately injured? Darwin is apparently on vacation this weekend too (26)
ABC News Interesting WABC7 in NY is on fire (62)

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