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Sun December 11, 2005
Survivor discussion (spoilers inside)
(Some Guy)
North Carolina woman offers forehead for advertising, except for Wiccans
(Some Guy)
10 best companies for working parents
(merlotguy)
I drew a house and this is what it said about me, what about you?
(kwwl.com)
Hookah craze hits eastern Iowa
Pigs, an integral part of American and world history
(Times Online)
Israel planning to launch massive air and ground assault on Iran as early as March if country does not halt its nuclear program
(halifaxherald.com)
Nova Scotia woman pledges live goat and maringa tree to needy this Christmas
Iran invites US to bid on new reactor. Dick Cheney experiences cognitive dissonance on a scale never before seen
(Some Guy)
What separates us from the apes? Buttocks, apparently
ABC vows west-coast viewers will no longer be subjected to three-hour old newscasts of stale news becau....This just in, Richard Pryor has died
(The Australian)
Young Australians too "fat and stoned" for Army recruitment
Hundreds of Israeli police under investigation for becoming rabbis just to leaven their paycheck with some extra dough
(KREM)
New York city opens Rodent Control Academy for city workers, which civic officials proudly boast is the Yale of rat-killing schools in the northeast
(LGN)
Theme: People getting in the way at the most inappropriate times
Police figured that the bad smell coming from the back of the cruiser was just another vagrant, but no, it was just a hitchhiking puppy
(Oakland Tribune)
Scientists discover flame retardant children have shorter distances from their anus to their penis
"Bill Gates sets Indian software professionals on fire"
(Some Moderate)
AP reports that Rove revealed Plame's identity to Time reporter Matt Cooper six to nine months before Rove "corrected" his statements
(Some Guy)
"Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up." Graffiti from the walls of Pompeii
Face transplant patient speaks out, sounds remarkably like John Travolta
(Wikipedia)
When asked how to properly greet someone this holiday, the correct answer is "Yo, Saturnalia"
Australia is trying to see if terrorists can be turned from their ways by sending them to anger management
(JPost)
Elephant gives birth to ugly-ass, artificially inseminated baby (pic)
Funeral directors look to cash in on popularity of 'Six Feet Under' by joining high school Career Day
Cincinnati North College Hill discombobulates the living hell out of rival Wellston 138-34 in the Border Battle Basketball Classic
(WSBTV)
Company tells its employees to quit smoking, or be fired
(News Observer)
Plaster cast originally used to cast the Heisman Trophy sells for $228,000 at auction. Duke sucks
(NZZ Online)
Switzerland weatherman relies on polished cow horns to predict the forecast
Pope denounces materialism from balcony of marble, gold-domed building in midst of jewel-encrusted religious icons while wearing giant gold cross
(Image)
Photoshop this daring BMX rider
(The Australian)
Billionaires trying to outdo each other with the largest submarine
(Register-Guard)
School dresses sixty students like superheroes, sends them to help hurricane-devastated town. Hero tag has never been more appropriate
(Some Guy)
Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2005 Heisman Trophy winner is :
5000-strong riot erupts in Sydney, attacking anyone of Middle Eastern appearance
Theme: Tattoos for babies. LGT example
(Some Guy)
Find out how much soda it would take to kill you
(Some Live Profanity)
Anchorperson, traffic reporter, and a bunch of Indianapolis viewers rather startled to see 'F**k off' scrawled across local traffic map during live broadcast
A series of large explosions rock England oil depot; number of casualties still unknown
(WFRV)
Seven-year-old boy, who went exploring because the arcade was closed, returns with one skull too many
Student "nobody" says he was kidnapped to Morocco and tortured under interrogation by the CIA
(Newspaper in Paradise)
Man threatens sleeping baby on flight to Honolulu; passengers open cans of whoop ass
Baby Boomers are realizing that they're really just shallow and self-centered and the 60's was just sex, drugs, and rock n' roll; they're finally coming to the realization the rest of the world had decades ago
Prewar sex education in Britain led to fears of the dreaded toilet seat pregnancy, masturbatory seizures
(Some Guy)
University of Minnesota sprays skunk scent on holiday trees to prevent theft
The next big thing in sports: Zero-G Parabolic Football, The next big thing in fans: Weightless drunk painted fat guys ogling weightless busty cheerleaders
Sat December 10, 2005
(Some Hot Mama)
Farker's step dad's 83-year-old step dad set the yard ablaze with gasoline. Share your family's dumbest moments. (Link goes nowhere)
Gallery replaces painting of a naked man with a female nude after receiving dozens of complaints
(WPVI)
How expensive is puppy love? Woman fined $50 every time she takes her dog out through the lobby of her condo and back in again
Three men escape from french jail with help of helicopter, one man heard yelling: Je l'aime quand un plan vient ensemble
(Some Guy)
Coolest pictures of coffee you'll see all day
(Some Kid)
Photoshop this flying kid and his finger-glasses
(Khaleej Times)
Dumb: trying to smoke a cigarette in the bathroom of an airliner. Dumber: doing so while you are also carrying some marijuana. Dumbest: doing this just before the plane arrives in Singapore
(Journal Inquirer)
Police raid fully stocked spank dungeon masquerading as a home office
New AIM virus may pass the Turing test, but only because the average AIM user is incoherent enough to fail it
Cardboard cut-outs of cops helping to decrease crime in small village
(NWF)
Coolest pictures you'll see today -- National Wildlife's photography contest winners. The winner is an owl so Fark rules require you to click on this link
If you're looking for the link about Richard Pryor's death, we posted it an hour ago (farther down the page)
(Science)
Hurricane-ravaged Tulane University announces "bold renewal plan": fire everybody who isn't bringing in a lot of outside grant money
16 year old finds .45 caliber bullet and proceeds to hit it with a screwdriver and hammer. 911 called shortly thereafter
Work crews attempt to locate Hawaiian king's time capsule, buried under Honolulu building. All they find is old tiki, decide to call it a day and go surfing
Former Minnesota Sen. Eugene McCarthy has died in Washington at age 89
(Some Guy)
West Virginian writes phony check for car insurance, gets into accident, and thinks insurance company should pay for it. The court agrees. Submitter humbly requests "W.V." tag
(Some Guy)
Map of the world weighted for population. There must be something in the water over in Asia
Senate is trying to pass bill to control the weather
(Connecticut Post)
Natural gas prices to go up because - wait for it - customers are conserving too much
Office holiday parties suck more than they used to. Your intern wants a jello shot
Apparently there is such a thing as a "professional zoo marksman", and you get to shoot chimps. No word on any additional monkey-spanking responsibilities
(Some Guy)
Richard Pryor: dead. Or fooling around. Or both -- Update: it's both
(KWWL)
Bill Clinton wants more women. And minorities to study science
Peter Jackson's "King Kong" 6th most expensive film ever. Joins elite list of successes, such as "Waterworld", "Wild Wild West", and "Speed 2"
(Some White Castle Craver)
Imitation may be the best form of flattery, but lobster? What other knockoffs have you seen recently?
Montreal has sold out of yellow rubber ducks
(Billings Gazette)
$16,000 gets you an exact replica of the 1966 Batmobile, complete with working turbo boost flame, Detect-A-Scope, Batphone, Bat-Chutes, Bat Beacon and Bat-Turn lever. Ill-fitting Bat-tights sold separately (pics)
(NBC4)
Have acne problems? Milk may be the culprit. Here comes the science
Family sues school principal after she uses the word "Christmas" ten times in one week
Miss Indiana has surgery which included removing a rib to fix a blood clot. Adam not impressed
Man tries to rob a bank over the phone
Former rugby player makes catch of lifetime when mother throws nine-month-old baby to him out of window of burning building
Miss Iceland wins Miss World pageant
(Some Guy)
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Kaleidoscopes
(Some Guy)
Shoplifter runs out of store, and directly into field where police are conducting K-9 training. Hilarity ensues
Hunter rescued after being trapped upside down on his deer stand for 8 hours
Nigeria jet crashes in flames
Two women arrested for praying prostrate at Detroit BP station. "I thought somebody had been shot, I stepped over her twice."
(Sciencedaily)
Scientists to study suburban ecosystems, first paper to be "Cat Poop: Ecological Foundation of the Sandbox Matrix"
Elephant prompts embassy warning. May be terrorist or just very horny, officials unsure
Vince Carter erects statue to himself. Statue promptly falls down clutching its ankle
Mary and Joseph stage a daring night-time escape from forced labor in small outdoor stable. Current whereabouts unknown
(Some Guy)
Microsoft plans to keep a history of its user's locations via the new Windows Live Local service
House and Senate to have intense debate over whose wealthy campaign donors will receive more tax breaks
(Some Guy)
ACLU suing Florida county because it put up a free speech zone, which ACLU claims violates First Amendment rights to free speech
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: GWAR
(Bexley Express)
Freak accident kills horse man. Race of horse men more endangered than ever
Bulls retire Pippen's No. 33 jersey during halftime ceremony. Will fit nicely between Jordan's No. 23 jersey and Rodman's wedding dress
New junk food rules in Chicago schools: Cartons of whole milk? Junk. Bag of Cheetos? Health food
Scientists spot new ocean being born in Ethiopia, start buying up beachfront land because in a million years, it will be worth something
Cecil Adams considers the reasons why statues from ancient Greece have small penises
(Link Goes Nowhere)
Do you support your local musicians and bands? Who are your favorite local bands and where are they from?
(Al-Jazeera)
Muslim youths in Indonesia to stand guard at Christian churches on Christmas to help protect them against attacks
(Some Guy)
Engineer outwits fingertip-recognition devices with Play-Doh
(Some Guy)
It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating
(Some Sailor Guy)
Want to go for a sail but don't have a boat? Simple, just strap some flotation to the side of your car and drive into the Mediterranean Sea. (w/ pic)
Fri December 09, 2005
Not letting intelligent design steal all the kansas fame, school suspends student for speaking spanish
(9News.com)
Substitue teacher in Jacksonville decides to bring a bag of blow for show and tell
(Physorg.com)
Dead Dutch sparrow to be put on display as a monument to all other sparrows who died needlessly during domino world record attempts
(Yet more WOOD)
Today's shoplifter who left his cellphone behind, called it, then returned to the scene of the crime into the waiting arms of Police brought to you by Bay City, Michigan
Texas Child Protective Services apologizes for inventing story about young hurricane victim in order to boost donations, vows to stick to its core mission of helping Nigerian princes
(Some Hawk)
Photoshop these Philly fans celebrating... nothing
Scottish Lords upset they now have to haul their own garbage bins to the curbside like commoners
Matt Damon marries girlfriend in NYC. Heartbroken Ben Affleck boycotts ceremony
(Some Guy)
Century-old tortoise adopts ugly-ass baby hippo. With pics
Man runs away with neighbor's wife, offers his own wife in return
Atlanta man arrested and handcuffed for selling one of his subway tokens at face value to another man who couldn't get one out of a vending machine
Chinese security forces kill 10 in biggest crackdown on dissent since Tiananmen Square
(PalmBeachPost)
Photos of 'Banana Boy' being arrested...is looking forward to vindicating himself on appeal
(Left Behind)
Top 5 signs of the coming rapture
(Science News)
The science of beer taste
(information week)
Proving the music industry's anit-piracy stupidity knows no limits, SonyBMG announces they f-ed up some more CDs with copy protection that'll leave your computer open wider than gap between the music industry and reality
(Mlive.com)
Shaquille O'Neal sworn in as reserve Miami Beach police officer with $1.00-per-year salary
(Herald Journal)
Need a hole in your roof for Santa? Just have a neighbor crash his 80-foot crane into your home. (With pic goodness)
Your tax dollars at work: Homeland Security terrorist-target list included miniature golf course in San Jose. Bonus: Listed with an incorrect address
(Some Guy)
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Stacks
2006 World Cup site teaches handy German phrases, such as "He was sick as a parrot" or "He puked his guts up."
Japan to experience "thud thud thud" sounds of execs jumping to their deaths after $225 million botched stock trade caused by typo.
Jeweler Tiffany and Company fears their customers will have dinner at Tiffany's rib joints.
The Sci-Fi channel sues NASA, alleging a UFO cover-up in some Pennsylvania woods 40 years ago. Or it could just be a lame publicity stunt, what are the odds?
"Modernized" Winnie the Pooh to feature female friend instead of Christopher Robin. If they wanted to be really modern, they should have just kept the boy
Hamas will not renew cease-fire with Israel at end of year. Renewal fees will still show up on Hamas' credit card bill in March, though
(WorldNet)
Intelligent Design supporters launch comprehensive scientific research into validitiy of professor's claim of beating
(SouthFlorida.com)
Nothing says "happy holidays" like a photo of sweet little toddlers screaming at Santa, and here's a whole gallery of 'em
Illegal cigarettes manufactured with "no regard for health." In other news, legal cigarettes considered to be manufactured with regard to a person's health
(The Mirror)
Dumb: Stealing a car with your buddies. Dumber: Speeding through a red light where there's a speed camera. Fark.com: Turning around to give the speed camera a full face shot, with big smiles
(LA Daily News)
Study finds baby boomers fatter, angrier and they really want you to get the hell off their lawn
(Whitehouse.gov)
Bush mediates in festive White House rivalry. (Links straight to video -- skip to 5:40 to limit the pain). "Silly" tag trumps several contenders
Riot erupts when Pakistanis ban kites
The Utah Department of Transportation wants you to know that, this year, it won't be shooting errant 105mm Howitzer munitions into people's houses. In other news, they have to announce this?
Intel announces that poor people in third-world countries don't want $100 laptops. Unless they are made of chocolate
(WFAA)
If you're going to try and outrun the cops, it will help if you have some gas in the car's tank
(WABC)
Man spends more than half a million bucks creating his dream bar, Legends Sports Pub & Grille. Then discovers it's in a dry county
Man wins legal battle after sending copy of "genitalia in action that may offend" to every Member of Parliament (pic may be NSFW)
Woman's nuts in a wringer after squirrel-feeding hobby attracts rats, neighbors' anger, city inspector's attention
Stepdad forced to pay child support after ex-wife marries the child's biological father
(The Whig)
NORAD marks 50 years of tracking Santa on Christmas Eve, 50 years of not shooting him out of the sky. But they want the little fat man to know that at any moment, they could
Train driver fired after his wise decision to take naked pictures of himself while the train was moving at 200 kph
Having solved all of state's problems, Illinois House Minority Leader pushing to have Legislature declare 1985 Bears greatest football team of all time. Duke sucks
Magnetic north will soon be magnetic kinda-north
(LA Daily News)
Real ones aren't as perfect but they feel nicer, while fake ones are often bigger and stand up better but are criticized as "plasticky." Let the Christmas tree debate begin
(WSB)
U.S. life expectancy hits all-time high. Unfortunately, all the extra years come at the end
International Atomic Energy Agency losing patience with Iran's nuclear development. Threatens 20 minute time-out
(NY Daily News)
New York breaks out the haz-mat equipment after the city's usual stale-bum smell once again changes to a sweet maple-syrup smell. Crepes anyone?
White House fence jumper wanted Chelsea Clinton's hand in marriage, shares of E-Toys
Latest reason offered by oil companies for high gas prices: It's snowing
(boing boing)
New alarm clock wakes you up by flying around your head
Prince William gets £20,000 flight home in RAF jet as part of "routine training" and "plane familiarization." BBC suspects "bullsh*t"
Ringling Brother sued for setting up a spy operation on PETA. Bearded lady didn't seamlessly blend in as hoped
Scientists report promising progress in drilling three kilometers into the San Andreas Fault. What could possibly go wrong?
(Zwire)
You know it's been a good night when you wake up and you're still in your truck, and the truck is still in the tree
(Pittsburgh Channel)
In retrospect, bar manager realizes it was a bad idea to untie his co-worker's top after she refused to flash her breasts to drunken golfers
(WTOP)
Five gold coins found in Salvation Army kettle in St. Louis, proving that even pirates have hearts
Many British security dogs being retrained to sniff out nuclear weapons, especially when hidden in crotch/ass area
(Scoop.co.nz)
British mercenaries shoot at Baghdad motorists as a form of entertainment. With video (old video, media just catching wind of this now apparently)
(Female First)
James Bond won't smoke in new film "Casino Royale" because of "need for Hollywood to set an example to young people." Torture scene where Bond has manhood whacked with a carpet-beater still okay, though
(CincyPost)
Pilot union authorizes strike against Delta. In other news, two fat men fight over empty pie tin
Clinton to make surprise visit to UN Climate Conference. Not exactly sure how being on the front page of CNN constitutes the element of surprise
(KIRO)
Peck's pecker not present at purported perversion. Partnership presumed platonic
Sixty New Orleans cops asked to turn in badges. Also guns, which should probably be returned to that Wal-Mart down the street
BBC warning of imminent Korean airstrike
(Some Party)
Help a poor farker this holiday season: I need a hilarious caption for this photograph for use at a company Christmas dinner slideshow tonight
Soccer/football/futbol/calcio/etc. World Cup 2006 draw thread. Possible USA vs England match
(Bakersfirld Californian)
Man's front yard Christmas display is a tribute to Paris Hilton
(Some Cowbell)
Do your best or worst attempt at covering Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper"
(Some Guy)
Theme: The secret lives of gingerbread men
(Some Farkstick)
Reminder: CT Holiday Fark Party on Saturday, Dec. 10 at 8:00 p.m. Come have some holiday cheer at The Playwright Irish Pub & Restaurant, 1232 Whitney Avenue, Hamden, CT 06517
Playing the plays: New machines will let casinos take bets on every play in a sporting event
A Ric Romero exclusive: Houses sometimes get moldy. Film at 11
Great lakes ecosystem is nearing a major breakdown. In other news, Lake Erie has an ecosystem
Photoshop an awkward video game scene
Sheriff's deputy arrests man in banana suit wielding prop knife. "Oh my God, don't shoot the banana" goodness ensues
(Some Snowman)
Good: You beat the cops in a high-speed chase. Bad: You're so drunk you pull over and pass out and they catch you. Worse: you've got a bag of cocaine up your butt. Fark.com: You eat it
(Some Guy)
2005 list of banished words
DEA having a good week. Doritos consumption expected to hit all-time lows this holiday season
(Gulf Daily News)
"Daytime drinking binge" leads hotel guest to turn into a one-man Led Zeppelin
Thu December 08, 2005
(insidebayarea.com)
Gang member, affectionately nicknamed "Lucky," currently a suspect in three separate homicides
Madonna admits she misses a little heat on her butt when in Japan
You can lock your doors and not answer the phone, but there's little you can do when a hot-air balloon filled with salesmen crashes in your backyard
Desperate to win "Attention whore of the year" award, cash-strapped Michael Jackson plans to re-release a hit song per week. First up is "All I want for Christmas is a new nose"
Italian lawmakers to consider porn tax, but want to make certain they get the syntax right
(Top Ten Tom)
Top 10 good ideas that are otherwise bad
Barbara Streisand cancels newspaper subscription. In other national headlines, Seal barks, Darryl Hall passes gas
Not weird: Stoners get craving for McDonald's apple pie. Weird: They crash pickup into drive-thru, then try to steal apple pie -- with employees in full view
This week's dumbass burglar, who left footprints in the snow that went from the scene of the crime directly to his front door, brought to you from Lansdale, PA
Goldfish gets cosmetic surgery. Vanity, thy name is Carassius auratus auratus
(CBS4Denver)
Playboy Playmates arrested for being unruly on flight. Air marshals issue stiff penal response
(NBC5.com)
Plane slides off runway at Midway Airport in Chicago and into nearby street
(WOOD TV)
Beer truck overturns, spills load. Spontaneous Fark party breaks out
The Cheat has his own waterfall, bridge and rail car in West Virginia
"Joyous day in history": December 8, 2005. Fifty-nation Muslim summit agrees to fight terrorism and promote tolerance
(Media Orchard)
Dallas police close down Dealey Plaza after finding "a plywood rat maze scrawled with prophetic messages and attached to a kitchen timer." Not sure why anyone would freak out about that
Kayne West's asinine Grammy nomination acceptance speech
(ABC 7)
Ric Romero educates us on holiday light safety. Amazing new label, called a UL logo, means your bulbs are A-OK
(Some Guy)
Top 10 legal tips for your office Xmas party. Tip No. 11: Don't invite the lawyers
(Some Guy)
TFer Ignorant McNugget and his musical associates are in desperate need of a new look. Photoshop one for them
DEA takes down the Cartoon Network, New York's leading marijuana home delivery ring. Great pictures of the hydroponic product -- complete with cheery holiday greetings
(The Advocate)
Fifteen-year-old arrested for false imprisonment after he locked another student in a locker. When asked why, he replied, "I don't know," only to be covered with green slime
The Cypriot soccer team, banned from international competition for 50 years, stripped naked in protest while holding a small banner that read "Balls to Embargoes"
Iran's president suggests Holocaust didn't happen, but if it did, Israel should move to Europe
Japan wants the American hot beef injection again
(Some Guy)
L.A. Farkers: Catch Wil and a crew of Hollywood's funniest tonight at 8:00 p.m. at Second City L.A. in "Monogram Sweater"
Six weeks will always be the delivery time given for your new sofa regardless of where it is made, according to findings by team of British mathematicians
Oakland Raiders bench QB Kerry Collins. Raiders fans celebrate by snorting another line of crank, shampooing their mullets, tuning up their Harleys and Trans-Ams
Man finds lost lottery ticket, inexplicably credits Carson Daly
Cop -- in trouble for stealing a skull fragment from accident scene in order to make a killer ashtray -- is appealing his punishment
New wireless police camera can be thrown into dangerous situations, like the girls' shower
(Angry Alien)
Just in time for the holidays: The classic "It's a Wonderful Life," done by bunnies in 30 seconds. Repeat from last year, but funny all the same
Help-desk workers eagerly looking forward to Christmas and calls from people who can figure out how to use a phone but not a USB connection
(WebWire)
Fifty percent of households with HDTV aren't watching anything in HD, and half of those think they are watching HD but don't have it hooked up properly
College class teaches students how to get inaccurate and fictional stories into newspapers, as though there was a shortage of those already
(Dark Horizons)
Hollywood suck factory pinches off a "CHiPs" remake starring Fez from "That '70s Show" as Ponch
(wsoctv.com)
Possible chance of snowflake or two in Carolinas tonight. Bread and milk distributors high-five each other, light cigars with $100 bills
(That Guy)
VideoEdit someone being "That Guy." (Due Dec. 19th)
(Some Guy)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8th, 1997. Steve Austin loses his intercontinental title to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Post "where you were" stories here
(Some wiki)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8, 1961. The birth of Ann Coulter. Post "where you were" stories here
Some stores in the UK think Springer singing opera isn't acceptable Christmas material, so they pull them from the shelves. Hilarity ensues
(jamon serrano)
The weight of the girl at the sub shop is directly proportional to the amount of ham she is going to put on your sub. Discuss
(on-this-day)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8, 1960. Fabian visited Elvis Presley at Graceland and lent him his pants when Elvis ripped his own demonstrating karate. Post "where were you" stories here
SF police create spoof video for internal use only. What could possibly go wrong?
(Captain's Quarters)
UN high commissioner for human rights takes the occasion of Human Rights Day to scold the U.S. for its human rights record. Fails to mention Syria, Cuba, et al and the evidence of exploitation of refugees in almost every camp run by the UN
Proving the Grammy voters don't know music from a sound coming out of their asses, Mariah Carey leads Grammy nominations
(LancasterOnline.com)
Ten-year-old and her cat okay after crashing her father's car during four mile joyride. In other news, 10-year-olds with no experience drive better than 80 percent of out-of-state travelers
University of Colorado football player sends racist, hate-filled email to Hispanic runner, calling him "bean eating peace (sic) of sh**"
Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer's children do not have Xbox 360 yet, either
(EHOWA)
Ernie's House of Whoopass' annual Let's Bring Em Home is underway. Donate money or skymiles to bring home troops for the holidays
"Strawberry milk-flavored fish sausage" returns to becoming staple of Japanese diet
(eBAR)
Store owner follows advice of ACLU and Farkers to uncover his big penis (pic is NSFW)
Jamie Moyer re-signs with the Mariners after finding the dugouts of other ballparks are unfriendly to walkers and oxygen tanks
(Boston Herald)
Middle school principal to suspend students who create or spread rumors. School to be completely empty this time next week
Theme: Fark.com wrapping paper
Mad Max might challenge Governator. Two men enter, one man leaves
(Press Herald)
Woman may have crapping dog to thank for solving burglary after suspect leaves footprint in poo that was apparently just laying around. Your dog wants fiber
(Captial News 9)
Newspaper rethinks their Those In Need holiday profile when one of them turns out to be a registered sex offender
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8th, 2005. Slim Pickens rides a thermonuclear warhead to his grave
They live together, play together, wear their hair long and sometimes dress up and beat each other with bamboo sticks, but "cohousing" advocates insist they aren't hippies
Tampa commissioners fight the legality of mobile strip clubs, but it looks like they are safe under the First Amendment
Man given painting by dEAR aunt EARly on, nEARly 50 years ago, endEARed to find it is Van Gogh bEARing £26-million value
MPAA gives film about itself an NC-17
(PR Web)
Dentist says that it's important for people with braces to avoid oral sex
Woman convicted for posting death threat on AOL connected to Terry Schiavo case. Faces five years in prison, $250,000 fine and 100 free hours
(NMA)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8th, 1995. National Motorists Association's victory over the 55 mile per hour speed limit. Actually, that's kind of cool
Volcano from "Survivor" now erupting, villagers evacuating
Subway tunnel workers uncover fortification gun emplacement from NY's pre-Revolutionary War era; are immediately told by NY ghosts to "go fark ye selves"
(Some Logical Smartass)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8, 1864. The death of George Boole, inventor of Boolean Algebra. If (you were there) {share stories;}
(Infoplease)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8, 1997. Spice Girls win the Billboard Music Awards album of the year, completing the downfall of pop culture. Post "where were you" stories here
((Some Guy)
"Tragic day in history" continues: December 8, 1854. The Immaculate Conception's dogmatic recognition. Post "where you were" stories here. Trifecta complete
(KCCI)
A Surge of anger lead a police officer to give his partner a Jolt from a taser after partner didn't Like idea to stop for a Coke. No word on what his Tab will be
(WOAI)
News: Road rage fighting hospitalizes one man. Fark.com: Men stopping their cars on icy freeway, throwing punches and falling off overpass
It's that magical time of year again, when the snowflakes are falling and a camera is strapped to the head of the president's dog
(Fox11.com)
Al Qaeda still unable to mount crippling Internet attacks. Apparently, worldwide terror network doesn't have intraweb expertise of an 11-year-old
December 8th, 2005: Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell's murdered. Share "where you were" stories here. Trifecta in effect
(Farktography)
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 31: "Fountains." Link goes to next week's contest. Please read first post
New survey shows 87 percent of Americans hate their jobs, the other 13 percent won't admit it
New "Yotel" at Heathrow and Gatwick airports to feature rotating beds, and will be rentable by four-hour blocks. Austin Powers unavailable for comment, baby
Kansas professor who offered class on "Intelligent Design, Creationism and other Mythologies" has resigned post. Flying Spaghetti Monster giveth, and he taketh away
Bad: Breaking into a woman's apartment, trying on her underwear and indulging in self-gratification. Worse: Woman has a hidden camera set up. Worst of all: Video seen by millions on Fark. But Wait, There's More: morning radio shows read Fark
December 8th, 2005: The anniversary of the death of John Lennon. Share the "where were you" stories here
President's approval rating up five percent, probably a result of all that progress in Iraq. Is this front page news anywhere? Nooooooo
(Some Guy)
"Podcast" named word of the year. UFIA anxiously awaiting results for acronym of the year
(Some Guy)
Photoshop some unlikely Christmas cards
Thirsty county drinks toast to first legal wine and liquor sales since 1933. "Finally, we don't have to drink the iced tea anymore"
Man arrested after taking hostages at the Phoenix airport exactly 20 years after he was arrested for taking hostages at the Phoenix airport
(Buddha)
Zen and the Art of Marijuana Maintenance
Melbourne's plan to have 2000 Santas in one pub crawl killed over concerns about insurance, cleaning up after 18,000 reindeer
(wibw)
For some odd reason, the state that teaches intelligent design ranks last in the nation's science standards
Hecklers interrupt Ann Coulter's speech at the University of Connecticut, forcing her to return to Grayskull Castle 15 minutes earlier than expected
(International Herald Tribune)
Christmas warriors mistaken about how Americans traditionally celebrated holiday throughout history
(Breitbart)
The U.S. has 412 satellites in orbit, compared to 382 for the rest of the world
Wed December 07, 2005
Washington State breathes a sigh of relief. Cancer sticks banned tonight
(TNMC)
High school senior decides it would be cool to take three cases of beer and a couple shotguns to school. The sheriff's department thinks differently
Scientists decode dog DNA code. Your dog wants poison glands and retractable claws
(NewsWatch50.com)
Food poisoning causes Lindsay Lohan to miss appearance on Regis and Kelly. In other news, you can get food poisoning without eating
(Farmington Daily Times)
Pocket pair player pre-empted as destroyed DSL DSLAM deals disconnect. QWest rep suggests flop buy-in to prevent random gunfire from causing further fouls
(Times of India)
Hundreds of London School of Economics undergraduates pay flat £5 entry fee to drink as much as they liked between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m., then turn drunken eyes towards nearby King's College. Hilarity ensues
Cartoon Network busted for selling pot. This would explain some of the lineup of Adult Swim
Call of nature saves man from garbage crusher
Manchester United crash out of Champions League. A nation rejoices
(Ho ho ho)
Photoshop an ornament for the Fark.com Christmas tree
(Some Guy)
Best-ever Christmas light display shut down after causing car wreck, nightly traffic backups
Reggie Bush, Vince Young and Matt Leinart are your three finalists for the Heisman Trophy. Duke sucks
Peg Entwistle's diving board sells for $450,000
Sex.eu most requested domain name on opening day for European Union registrations. YouForgotPoland.eu a disappointing fifth
Hispanic food pyramid released. No word if it will be used for sacrifices to Quetzalcóatl
Man caught stuffing 39 tubes of toothpaste into his pants. Says he wanted "April Fresh" feeling. Cops guess that his theft was for "other uses" in that he didn't have a cavity to fill
(Some Rodent)
Caption this unhappy-looking squirrel (voting enabled)
Lion at Rome zoo treated for arthritis with injections of gold. Yelps "Au!"
Norwegian TFer has cereal abstinence. Can someone help? LGT desired product
Greyhounds tackle high speed bends better than humans. "It is quite a surprise," says shocked researcher Dr. Obvious
Dumb: Kidnap boss' wife. Dumber: Get drunk right before. Dumbass: Lead police to apartment full of your illegal immigrant friends
Spokane mayor recalled after using city computer to woo gay men over Internet
"Outcry at Hong Kong Disneyland over Chinese pissing and spitting everywhere"
Man with tanker steals over one million gallons of fuel. Oil exec immediately knew something was amiss after diving into the money bin
ESPN/ABC signs eight-year deal to broadcast the last half of the Nextel Cup schedule and entire Busch Series, starting in 2007
Childcare tips from the good old days: If your toddler won't sleep, just smack them whenever they wake up. You'll soon have restful nights
Frederick L. "Dick" Ashworth, the weaponeer aboard the B-29 that dropped the atomic bomb on Nagasaki in 1945, has died at 93
575-pound drug dealer who argued he was too fat to go to prison sentenced to 14 years in federal-pound-me-in-the-folds prison
In the latest battle over the so-called "War on Christmas," conservatives find themselves stabbed in the back after receiving a generic "holiday" card from the White House. Bill O'Reilly's head asplode
Design a shirt for the FarkStore. If we like the design, we'll ask your permission to use it, give you $100, a free shirt and a credit in the shirt description linking wherever you want. Multiple winners possible
Shots fired onboard AA Flight 157 at Miami-Dade
Michael Irvin's mugshot from his latest drug arrest. Duke sucks
(The Olympian)
More Americans are injured by opening toy packaging than are hurt in skateboard accidents
Japanese deal with invasion of six-foot jellyfish in their traditional manner: By eating them
In case you haven't noticed, it's ass cold outside
Ozone layer healing faster than expected. Should be back to normal by 2050, assuming that Whitesnake doesn't launch a comeback tour
Needing new lyrical material, Eminem gets back together with ex-wife Kim
Shed beats off hummingbird and buttocks for prestigious art prize. Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson not available for comment
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this large telescope
Coca-Cola to launch new coffee-infused soft drink called "Coca-Cola Blak" in 2006
Plane crash on U.S.-Canada border was false alarm. Bernie Lomax sought for questioning
CBS to offer NCAA Tournament online for free
(Bloomberg)
Delta Airlines may have misused funds. Ex-Enron execs practicing their putting skills in anticipation of new foursomes
(KWTX)
Breaking new ground in overturned-truck news: Canceled checks -- now with bonus identity-theft angle
Cuba celebrated Elian Gonzales' 12th birthday with ceremony during which Castro tried to suck the boy's life force out of his ear
Santa Claus will have to use his sleigh this year after speeding in his beemer and losing his license for three months
Sony had backup anti-piracy plan. It too leaves holes in your operating system. Trifecta now in play
(Free Market News)
Chicago street performers asked to shut the hell up, discovering that residents don't really want hours of plastic-bucket drumming or six-hour saxophone loops of "The Flintstones" theme
(Venice Gondolier)
PETA's attempt to attend unveiling of circus statue foiled by police chief: "No -- because I said so, you can sue me later"
Scientists expose lower regions of Antarctica for first time. Continent claims shrinkage
Volcano featured on "Survivor" starting to erupt, threatens thousands (with video)
Colorado coach Gary Barnett -- who kept his job despite one of the nation's worst recruiting scandals, and who classlessly disparaged a female kicker who said she was raped by a teammate -- to be fired for losing games
Light-rail system in Houston is leaking electricity into the ground. City doesn't care, because they aren't paying for it
Worried about bad publicity? Just buy all the papers before someone reads them
(ABC 33/40)
Study shows drivers who live near churches are safest, except those who live between church and Cracker Barrel
(Some Finn)
Finland getting mighty annoyed at Swedish textbooks that describe Finnish youths as poorly educated drug users who are good at sports
(KIROtv)
Store agrees to discontinue "Stop Snitching" t-shirts because police feel the shirts intimidate murder witnesses
Megachurches closing for Christmas, cite historically low attendance
It had to happen: A plane crashes right on the Canadian-U.S. border. Where do they bury the survivors?
(TILL)
Get caught peeing in the street of this village and police will hand you a ticket or a bucket of hot water, your call
(WAFF Huntsville)
Skipping the overwhelming demand for flying cars and female robots that look like porn stars, researchers instead making great strides toward hypo-allergenic peanuts
(New Yorker)
The Al Thagher Model School class of 1976 had a class reunion recently. Fifty people showed up, but they still don't know where their classmate Osama bin Laden is
Businessman develops tasty, musical sandwich that plays Christmas carols
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this roller-blader flyin' high
(ScienCentral)
Remember fogging up the windows in the backseat of your car after the homecoming dance? MIT students don't either, but they might have found a way to prevent it
(NASA)
NASA allowing people to put their names on a microchip being sent on the Dawn spacecraft to the asteroid belt. Tinfoil hat sales said to be reaching astronomical levels
Let us pause a moment to remember the "Queen of the Mountain Bootleggers" whom juries would not convict and who is dead at 101
Pearl Harbor survivors to celebrate 64th anniversary
Ten reasons to drink during the holidays
(Then they came for me.)
In a poll of free nations worldwide, a majority nod approvingly at torture of bad people
New York Stock Exchange issues its own IPO. Seat holders plan to buy Aeron chairs, foosball tables, AOL
"It's called Apophis. It's 390m wide. And it could hit Earth in 31 years' time"
Scientists, in their infinite wisdom, develop cure for cancer that is delivered in the one food that most people won't eat
(WLS)
Need an alibi? New website lets you buy one, complete with fake documents and pics
(Some Guy)
Bill Gates pledges $450 million to test every prostitute in Kenya and build a mosquito that spreads Vitamin A instead of malaria
(Some Rat Fink)
Rat brain chunks in petri dish can fly a jet. NYC cabbies scramble to update their resumes
(City Pages)
Smorgasbord of violence breaks out at Minneapolis nightclub when rapper Lil' Flip takes stage. With thoughful commentary and tasteful photos. Except the "thoughtful" and "tasteful" parts
(Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
Former Delta exec, who made millions while with the company, fights to keep her "free flights for life" perk
Five deer that managed to make their way up a five-story parking garage suddenly leap to their deaths. Pied Piper unavailable for comment
Man arrested after biting the head off of a gecko. But the good news is he saved a bunch on his car insurance
Tue December 06, 2005
Bad: Dropping your cell phone down a toilet. Worse: Getting your arm stuck trying to retrieve it and needing firefighters to rescue you. Worst: Winding up here
(Waldo)
Theme: Where's the Fark.com squirrel?
(WND)
83-year-old woman, who was worth more than a million dollars once, fined $1.8 million for refusing to cut her lawn and is now penniless
(mb.com.ph)
For some reason, customers of a restaurant that served boiled pig's ear, cheek, tongue and brain mixed with vinegar, black pepper and red onions come down with food poisoning. For some reason
(WCTV)
Tornado sweeps through cemetery leaving trail of dead bodies behind it
Showing supreme confidence in his team, undefeated Texas' coach votes USC No. 1 in the Coaches Poll
Mugshots of the two "Lost" stars picked up on a DUI in Hawaii. Visine put on high alert
(CJAD)
Battle of the Network Popes fails to draw television audience. Your dog wants absolution
(Raw Story)
Diebold insider claims their machines are big pieces of junk that have produced weird results which favored Republicans
(MySA.com)
Researchers discover that people who have lost all their sh*t in a hurricane are sad
(Save Manny)
Jennifer Aniston: Warns over topless photos (not safe for work)
Nashville strip club exempt from three-foot rule since building is too narrow to keep customers that far away from strippers
It looks like Saddam Hussein has thought it over and now is not ready to be executed. Tells court to "go to hell" and refuses to play anymore
New generation of robotic "artificial muscles" to be used to perform tasks currently impossible for humans, from carrying out dangerous repair work to sleeping with Courtney Love
(WKRN Nashville)
Nashville Sounds baseball team proposes that, if Nashville pays for new stadium a mile from their old stadium, they will get half a million fans visit a year, which is 490,000 more than they currently have. Location location location
(wral.com)
Bad: Having a stroke. Worse: Dying from a stroke. Fark.com: Dying after a stroke because you pissed off the EMS workers, stole the ambulance and crashed
Sami-Al-Arian to walk: USF professor accused of terrorism acquitted on all eight counts
VideoEdit: Create a movie trailer for a movie classic (pre-1960) but done in the style of today's trailers (quick cuts, fast music, etc.). DUE TODAY (since it wasn't posted yesterday)
RealNetwork CEO calls Apple founder "pig... [buffering]... headed"
(WTVF)
It's a sad day for America's youth when a Sonic waitress manages to foil your counterfeiting schemes. Bonus mugshot goodness
(Some Trampopomoline)
Photoshop these two enjoying the pleasure of a trampoline despite being far too old for it
If you decide to swing from a large construction crane after the bars close, you might want to take into account wind gusts to keep from hitting a building across the street
(Findlaw)
Will Tom Cruise come out of the closet? He may in order to file suit against "South Park"
(Lincs Echo)
On a slow day in the newsroom, journalists try to find logic in the mind of a local feral cat
Good news for those who like to spend $10 to go to movies to watch commercials: More commercials are on the way
(Mirror.co.uk)
"Well, if I'm going to be well known for eating a kangaroo testicle, then so be it," says reality show winner Carol "Margaret's Daughter" Thatcher
(news-press.com)
Getting behind the wheel while drunk is never a good idea, especially with your two-year-old hanging half way out the back window
Political candidate denies that he was going to sell those 1100-pounds of cocaine to raise funds for his campaign
