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These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
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are still available for archive links.)
Sun October 12, 2003
Will Smith to run for president just to tell Al Sharpton to STFU
Commuter train derails in Chicago, injuring 100
Dave Barry's new weight-loss plan
(Some Guy)
Theme: Highly (and blatantly) rigged casino games. Difficulty = 21
Something fishy about ancients' shift to meat
"Pee II" and "Urinator" among competitors Nevada's Outhouse Race Championship
(McDonalds.com)
McD's Monopoly contest starts next week. It's rigged
Winners of wife-carrying contest get six cases of beer, even though they aren't old enough to drink
(Yosemite Fun)
Five sure-fire ways to invite a bear to your campsite (pay attention, Dave Letterman)
Alice Cooper is fed up with the current state of rock 'n roll and all its pretentiousness
Hall of Fame jockey Shoemaker dies at 72
(Some College)
What Mario and Sonic can teach you about life and love
(IMAX)
IMAX screens showing Matrix Revolutions on November 5th
Theme: Lesser-known signs of the Apocalypse
Art works inspired by world's largest ball of twine to be displayed
(Some Guy)
LaserMonks
(Some Guy)
Book-burning
Millions spent on urban renewal makes no farking difference
The greatest stories ever told (in Esquire)
(Some Drunk)
Ever wonder just how much you've drunk in your lifetime? Let the Drinkometer work it out
(Some Guy)
Yay. Now we can all dress like a 21-year-old prostitute with no substance
Here's your chance to party with P. Diddy (bring your glock)
Christmas' "Hot Dozen' Toys" (children of the 80's are now the ones with money, you can tell)
Fake police hijack truckload of chocolate
What happens when Krang, evil ruler of Dimension X, is forced to babysit half of the Marvel Universe? Something's gotta give
England crushes Georgia, 84-6. France and quite possibly everyone else surrenders
(Grand Forks Herald)
Man steals a constrution crawler/loader and parks it on top of a car
(churchcentral.com)
North Carolina pastor embarks on 400-mile horseback ride to promote creationism, refute Darwinism and get North Carolina its own Fark tag
Bus company issues curry-scented scratch-n-sniff timetable. It's tasty, tasty, very very tasty
Shoplifter stomped to death by supermaket staff
(Albino Blacksheep)
Neil Cicierega's fanimutation "Hyakugojyuuichi" (oldie but goodie)
Yeti leg found in Siberia (with pic)
(Link = Nowhere)
Theme: McDonald's has set the new standard for dumb-ad campaigns. Make it look better by creating even dumber ad campaigns for the competition
Explosion rocks Baghdad hotel, U.S. HQ
Dutch prince gives up ascension rights in the name of love for former gangster's lover
Store offers free clothes to anyone who shows up naked (pic of naked ass)
(Some Guy)
Farker needs romantic movie for intimate date with Farkette. What is the best film to rent and why? Link goes to example...
Bubble bursts for eBooks. Al Gore surrenders (after all, he invented those, too)
Theme: Photoshop a picture for an event which causes hilarity to ensue
(Some Mountain Man)
Get the gun, Cletus. That coyote's skull-humpin' Jimbo
Sat October 11, 2003
(How-Stuff-Works)
For the "Self-Healing" trifecta: Self-healing spacecraft
Two Yankees face assault charges stemming from bullpen fight
Try out the new Smoking Calculator
(Climate Prediction)
Join the worlds most powerful Earth-simulation computer and maybe save the planet
(Evil Empire?)
Would love to stop using Outlook Express. Any suggestions for a good POP3 mail client?
Self-healing computers fix themselves. Microborg rejoices
Saving Private Ryan... from pain. New invention lets wounded soldiers treat themselves
(MSN)
Eight ways to carve a pumpkin, with pics
Space junk threatening space station. (List of most dangerous debris included)
Thirteen-year-old girl avoids attack by offering kidnapper $28
Sam Raimi: "I would love to do the fourth Evil Dead film"
Why everyone lies in focus groups
(ITV.com)
New Zealand crushes Italy 70-7 in first round of Rugby World Cup
Think up new acts, draws for the Mirage now that the tigers are out (link goes to story)
Dear Mr. Vampire, please stop harrassing me
(NBC4)
"Barbie" drug promises to make you tanner, thinner and sexier
(Some Guy)
I'd like to start watching anime, but I don't know where to start -- anyone have any suggestions?
Ninety-year-old war veteran has been drunk in the same pub for the last 72 years -- 52,000 pints of beer and the same number of glasses of whisky
Crayola to introduce four new colours
(Some Guy)
UFOs or pumpkins? You decide...
(NY Daily News)
Britney has no plans to let the wife of Maryland's Governor apologize to her
New J. Lo DVD of all her videos, fapity fapity fap
(Grand Forks Herald)
Why is the warm spell after the first frost called "Indian Summer"?
(Some Guy)
Pennsylvania bans man from selling ice cream
Miss Venezuela beauty pageant slideshow (safe for work)
(Paintsville Herald)
Photoshop Kentucky HS football team carrying away barrel of something or other
Emma Thompson joins the staff at Hogwarts. Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them
(Some Guy)
Man applies for Sears credit card, then tries to steal fake DVD player
Today's sports thread
(Some Guy)
Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter
(Some Guy)
An Ode to Beer
(Duluth News Tribune)
Couple is suing a hotel after being bitten by bedbugs at night
(space.com)
Coming Nov. 8: Second total lunar eclipse of 2003
(National Geographic)
Check out these fun extreme facts about U.S. -- biggest, deepest, etc.
(gamespot.com)
Steroids for gamers?
(Anchorage Daily News)
Ever wonder what happened to the Presidents of the USA? They're playing sold-out gigs up in Alaska
Chinese spacecraft armed with guns and knives
Dave Barry's take on the playoffs
Kazaa wants to start charging for downloads
(Some d00d)
TFer Colomboy's girlfriend's birthday is Sunday -- what would be a good (<$100) "romantic" gift to give her? (link goes to restaurant he's taking her to)
Jason Kidd to request trade if Nets move to Long Island, would rather play in Newark or Brooklyn. Billy Joel surrenders
Twenty pregnant cows killed by lightning, BBQ ensues. PETA scratches its head
(mlive.com)
Swarms of ladybugs are driving Michigan golfers crazy
Sadly, 78 percent of Americans don't understand bipolar disorder. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
(gazette.net)
Judge tops rookie cop in asshole competition
Dear Cheap Bastard Customers: We disabled our lame piracy protection this year, so shut the fark up, okay?
(Some Guy)
Theme: Photoshop a duck, a saw and a constellation
Mountain in Georgia may be named for Schwarzenegger
Fri October 10, 2003
Social ills keep '70s-haters in retro hell
Fan with rare disease dies after meeting the band Queensryche.Apparently one of the symptoms is having bad taste in music
(Me of course)
Farkette thinking of getting a small, tasteful tattoo. Looking for suggestions of location, image
(Some Farker)
Farker's jealous girlfriend won't let him have boys night out. Needs advice what to say. Voting enabled
Man beats up heroin dealer with son's wooden leg. Arrr, 'tis justice pirate style
(family.org)
Christian activists are getting all worked up over Halloween again. Kids, expect a bunch of Bible tracts in your goody bags this year
(Motorhead)
Alternative car competition makes gasoline useless
Hotel staff sensed the guys who rented 16 rooms would be trouble
(Some Guy)
Ten-year-old boy threatens to bomb the school
Justin Timberlake upset with date Cameron Diaz after he sees her dancing with another guy
(Guess)
Guess Girls (SFW)
(Some Blogger)
FedEx now has its own anti-terrorism police force. I, for one, welcome our new courier overlords
Parent's choice of hair gel could get him barred from football games
Maryland couple charged with slavery
(Mr. Charity)
For all those charity-minded men, help fulfill a young girls dream (not safe for work)
(Some Stud)
Farker being stalked by psycho, cokehead, cheating ex. What's a good way to scare her off without calling police?
How you sleep determines personality. For example, if you sleep around, you're a slut
Drunk-driving suspect kicks window out of police car to escape only to get run over and killed by another police car
Worst fire in American history happened 132 years ago today. Most people know nothing about it
SoCal Farkers... Get yer food NOW. Supermarket workers to go on STRIKE
Kill Bill is an orgy with just enough love (spoilers?)
Full Rush statement regarding drugs
Pat Robertson needs to put the crack pipe down and back away
(Some Guy)
Theme: What if farm animals ruled the planet? Link goes to inspiration
When planning a life of crime, don't get distinctive tattoos such as one on your butt that says "Made in Canada"
Archive box holds piece of the hide of the snake that tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden
Tucked inside $368-billion defense bill approved by Congress is $1 million for Shakespeare performances
Teachers to undergo sensitivity training for mocking homecoming queens
(Ghanaweb)
Food fight with girlfriend ends in castration
Today is 70th anniversary of first attack on a commercial airline
Woman survives 13 hours in upside-down, submerged car
Woman fakes being nurse for 15 years, avoids punishment because none of her patients complained
(Rocky Mountain News)
Blind students excited to be driving for first time. Objects in mirror might not appear at all
(Some Guy)
Theme: AudioEdit clips from episodes of The Twilight Zone that never aired
(Boston Herald)
Woman claims to be radioactive, crashes car through gate trying to get to Air Force One
Woman survives 13 hours bobbing in the Gulf of Mexico, swims to oil platform. Survives on moldy bread, finds spraycans and paints SOS on deck. She'll be over to kick your ass and fix your truck at 7:00
In a move sure to keep him from being evicted, man kills his landlord over $10
Man's irritating cock earns him £1,000 fine
Genetic research says the Welsh originated from Siberia, not from Celtic stock as previously thought
(Drunk Stunts)
Katja Schuurman slideshow (not safe for work)
Zoologists studying pack behavior discover that the beta males will band together to tear down the alpha
Women offer four-hand sensual massage with happy ending in exchange for Yankee tickets
There's a very good reason why auto makers are only churning out ugly cars
(Megagames)
Hacker who stole Half-Life 2 code claims to have entire build and will release his own illegal beta -- if he can find time in busy social schedule and girlfriend doesn't want to have sex
Many NYC store owners refuse to accept new $20 bill
(Las Vegas Sun)
If your truck carrying nuclear waste breaks down, just park it next to a school and gas station
Artist receives $3,760 grant for making jewelry from mouse droppings, toenail clippings and pubic hair. Legislator not amused
(Boston Herald)
If a "machete-wielding stranger" knocks on your door and asks for a glass of water, don't let him in your house
High school puts special-ed students to work picking up trash. Parents not too pleased
Woman's claim against cinema for injuries received after not noticing her seat had automatically retracted rejected by court
Australian batsman breaks world run record just before tea on the second day
Photoshop Schwarzenegger eating at an "In-n-Out" burger
Speaking of fake boobies, here's a perfectly decent-looking woman ruined by mutant fake boobs (not safe for work)
African penis snatcher is, well, hung
(Casper Star Tribune)
Film crew fails to notify anyone that actor would be waiving prop gun on street corner. Hilarity almost ensues
(Some Guy)
Were Diebold voting machines used to manipulate result of the California gubernatorial election?
(Some Guy)
What is the dumbest thing an emplyee/employer has ever said or done to you. (Link goes to funny client quotes)
ABC to air U.S. version of UK reality series, Wife Swap. Former Yankee pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich unavailable for comment
FBI seizes Mayor Street's BlackBerry, still looking for the strawberries
Coming soon to a McDonald's near you: Phone in orders and zoom-thru's
(Some Lincoln Farker)
Lincoln, NE, Fark party. Link goes to list of bars. Where should we meet?
Arnold appoints HP's Carly Fiorina to transition team. California to be shut down and moved to third world country in three months
(Some Guy)
Make this barber chair more interesting
FBI wigs out, raids Philly mayor's city hall office in corruption investigation
Jaguars punter miscalibrates while using an axe, misses block of wood, strikes non-kicking leg instead
(WCCO)
Mall of America bans guns. Man believes this infringes on his rights, starts carrying guns around in the mall. Hilarity ensues
Man arrested for popping a cap in his own ass
Thu October 09, 2003
Tommy Chong reports for nine-month prison sentence. Dave's not here, man
"Rent-a-Protester" will come protest at your rally and take off all her clothes (with pic not safe for work)
Social rejection registers in same area of the brain that feels physical pain
The perpetually graceful, eternally classy Courtney Love is being charged by police for her latest escapade. The Smoking Gun is there
Lance Bass isn't afraid of aliens. "I think they'll be friendly"
Attention terrorists: The DC skies are guarded by slow, unarmed helicopters -- but on a high note, the guys in the helicopter have guns
Senator Orrin Hatch wants to alter the U.S. Constitution to allow the foreign-born to become president so The Terminator can run (repeat, now more relevant)
(Some Guy)
Dorkiest hobbies analyzed and reviewed
(LondosHair)
Farker LondosHair wants to put a custom message on his new checks. In 26 characters or less, post your ideas. Link goes to BankOne.com. Voting enabled
Aircraft powered by frickin' laser beams
Foam paint brush purchased at Wal-Mart to be space shuttle's emergency kit
Wildest pitch ever thrown in postseason. Just a bit outside
Student who posted paper about defeating CD copy protection: "I don't think telling people to press the 'Shift' key is a violation of the DMCA"
(Click On Detroit)
One in every five homes (and now one in every 50 governor's mansions) speaks something other than English
(NBC4)
Pizza-faced kid throws himself in front of train, parents sue acne-medication manufacturer
Underwear designed to call 911 in case of emergency. Does not include gerbil detector
(Click On Detroit)
One in every 20 people age 25-35 run screaming from Detroit. Other 19 bound and gagged in car trunks somewhere
(Phonelosers.org)
Using radio gear, pranksters videotape themselves taking over the frequencies of a Taco Bell drive-thru
Pop star on trial for beating up woman for lollipops in a toilet
Photoshop a very acrobatic Derek Jeter
Hospital's poodle fetches charts on command. Beer fetching currently in training
Man, trying to sneak razor blade onto plane, says he puts them on his tongue to ward off airsickness
Ugly-ass baby rhino cam
Disney-style Dracula theme park is back on track in Romania
Man sends gun, silencer to federal prosecutor to assert right to bear arms. Prosecutor not amused
Teen jacks himself free after being trapped under overturned Jeep
Farmer's market crasher has yet to be charged, five claims against city dropped.
(Fredericksburg.com)
Two men arrested in N.J. in kidnapping of senator's wife
Kobe Bryant announces first-ever conjugal press conference; wife to attend
Swedish hikers find 70 shoes filled with butter
(Nature)
Beer and obesity: A cross-sectional study
(TheStar.ca)
Canadian justice minister's daughter is a stripper
Why don't we live longer? Here comes the science
Bank robber caught due to sore feet blames crimes on ugliness and bad B.O. (with pic)
The history of U.S. currency flops: From technicolor George to boobies
"The poppy is our emblem of supreme sacrifice and must forever hold an honoured place, and that doesn't include the ass of a dog"
America will soon be inundated with more fake boobies
Inhaled vaccines are slowly turning syringes into antiques
Alanis Morissette claims she said "Thank you, bless you," not "thank you, Brazil" at the end of her concert in Peru
Anyone got any contacts for Game 6 NLCS tix? If so, email Drew at Fark.com
Pop star admits she needs to strip to keep career going
World's worst Internet pervert sends naked picture of self to girl. With face visible. And address on back. Jailarity ensues
(Newsfilter)
Stella. Stellaaaaaa! (not safe for work)
No more Arnold movies. At least until 2006
Siegfried: Tiger was trying to help Roy, accidentally mauled him
Couple gets married to make divorce official
Massachusetts named smartest state, New Mexico is dumbest (with list)
(NY Daily News)
Daryl Hannah says she's suing Playboy over this month's photos
Ben Affleck does hair commercial so embarrassing that managers ban it from the U.S.
(Effingham Daily News)
Thief manages to get stolen Dodge Viper a whole four blocks before wrapping it around a parked tractor
(koin)
Cops pepper spray and taser 71-year-old legally blind woman
Exploding cell phones blamed on fake batteries
Scientists say the universe is shaped like a soccer ball. Americans promptly lose interest
Cheater gets shock of his life when all four of his girlfriends corner him at his local pub
Execution drug leaves prisoners dying in agony
Ghost photographer says celebrity cemeteries are best -- entertainers are more likely to mug for the camera because they're "hammier" than ordinary Joes
When asked by police how much you've had to drink, do not reply, "Way too much"
Puzzled Canadians wonder, "Who's running the country?"
Teen allegedly ate pizza, bet on Tampa and watched TV during triple murder
(Procor)
When rich and poor kids eat the same diet, poor ones get fatter
Photoshop Ahnold paying no attention to the man behind the curtain
Holy cow. Six-legged ugly-ass cow given to monks as present (w/pic)
(NBC 17)
Don't get your child porn photos processed at Wal-Mart
Cats may prevent allergies in kids
Beetles and leaf-squirters have waged war for 112 million years
Sixteen percent of Americans are absolutely unique
British museum in battle with government over display of handguns owned by Elvis that "he used to shoot at squirrels from the comfort of his toilet seat at his home in Graceland"
Complete molecular-scale picture of photosynthesis obtained
Fatal Alaska bear mauling was taped. Tape hits the Internet in three... two... one...
(Some Guy)
AudioEdit some Halloween sounds
Turn your cell phone into a Gameboy
(Florida Today)
Colored $20 hits consumers' pockets Thursday
NBA plans to expand to Europe in the next few years
(hephNet)
Crappy children's toys
(TheForce.Net)
Current Star Wars EP3 Working Title: "Revenge of the Sith"
(Some Guy)
Why Star Trek sucks: "Why don't we have the captain beam down to a planet run by apes. That hasn't been done before..."
Vatican says condoms don't stop AIDS
Photoshop Craig Kilborn
Dumb and Dumber III: Beer Run
The hotness that is Gina Gershon is not safe for work
(Some Guy)
Frat boy found dead outside frat house after celebrating his birthday the night before. Cause of death is pending an autopsy and toxicology report
Food Network's Rachael Ray gets sexy with food
(Lordoftherings.net)
Extended versions of LOTR films to be released in theaters in December. Marathon of all three films on December 16. Link goes to list of theaters
Farker Corporate Mofo will be appearing on "A Dating Story" on TLC tomorrow (Oct 10) at 11 AM. Set TiVos for "humilation"
(restaurantville)
For the second year in a row, Chick-Fil-A finishes on top of drive-thru service rankings
Man who robbed two banks with can of Miller beer arrested after he stops to rest feet
(NBC)
Restrooms at MSU have message boards to discourage graffiti
Iowa police dealing with quantum suicides
Some media outlets reporting that Dow Jones loses 1206 points in aftermarket trading. Not true, read Fark comments for details
Microsoft Patents IM Technology. Was that really unexpected?
Wed October 08, 2003
Cubs, Red Sox win, both are 3 games away from the apocalypse
Most Canadians are "driving with underinflated tires"... of course the rest of the world already assumed that
Japanese TV show features men losing their virginity to porn stars
Woman mugged on doorstep, mugger gets away with bag of dog poop
Special-ed student elected homecoming king at Tempe high school, plans to crack down on arguing on the Internet
Kobe shows off new tattoo of wife to go along with $4 million ring. Translation: Still cheaper than divorce
Airbag technology being used to protect laptop computers
Mother wants workman's comp for son -- who shot three coworkers, then self -- because he died on the job
(Daily Press)
Decal maker misspells state name on sticker for Virginia police cars
Flock of 700 sheep being herded through town mistake bright white pedestrian crossing for cattle grid. Hilarity ensues (with pic)
(Some Leg Man)
PA school bans short skirts for cheerleaders. Wisconsin rhymin' reverend approves
Racy lingerie advertisements cause French to surrender (pic)
(KPRC Click2Houston.com)
Teen saves girlfriend by sharing inhaler during asthma attack, promptly arrested for delivering dangerous drugs, suspended from school
Photoshop the judging of judges
The question as to who is America's Team is finally answered: It's Bryan Reichel
Scientists have finally figured out why we sleep
Harlem tiger guy calls tiger "my only friend." Apparently, the crocodile was just an acquaintance. Authorities still looking for the lion he only met on occasion
(Some Guy)
AudioEdit these clips from Spaceballs
(FindLaw)
Man charged with one count of stalking Sheryl Crow, one count of aggravated bad taste in women
LeapFrog to sue Mattel over Talking Books. Will follow up with lawsuits against parents caught reading books to their kids
Nobel Peace Prize committee says Michael Jackson is not a favorite to win
Chinese frog poachers busted in croak-and-dagger smuggling operation
Prude rude to nude. Fine ensued
12,320 Californians voted Gary Coleman for governor. 4,669 voted for Gallagher
The eavesdropping device found in Philly's mayor's office had nothing to do with the upcoming mayoral election
(Omaha.com)
Kansas legislator brings a tapped keg to work
Rael cloning story was a hoax
LeBron James' series of shoes modeled after Hummer. Will make him plod along and get poor mileage
Haggis crisps have been hailed as solution to Scotland's financial crisis
Fans file suit against Fred Durst for 17-minute obscenity-laced concert. The Smoking Gun is there
(Some Guy)
Glow in the dark fish without radiation poisoning (pic)
Walgreens accidentally prescribes seven-year-old synthetic heroin instead of ritalin
(stltoday.com)
The wife of Maryland's governor says, "Oops! I didn't mean it"
Kerry accuses Dean of liking the Yankees
Today, every Alaskan gets $1,107.56 from the oil trust fund
Questionable meat-packing practices shut down abbatoir run by inmates
(Some Guy)
Theme: Jesus in today's society
Seattle to build a 75-unit apartment building and stock it with chronic alcoholics. What could go wrong?
Adults prefer pets to children. Teens preferred over leprosy, little else
The mob finally figures out how to run business on the Internet
Why legal pads are yellow
Run to the hills! Mount Fuji's about to blow
When using the Whizzinator, make sure it doesn't arouse suspicion by clinking against the plastic cup
Who makes the best doughnuts? Krispy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts, Tim Hortons or other? Voting enabled. (Link goes to renovated Krispy Kreme)
One in 12 Welsh school children do, in fact, have cooties
(Some Guy)
Can you name the movie references that occur in the Simpsons?
Norwegian LOTR fanatics start freezing three-week wait for tickets (with pic)
Supermarkets beefing up security for cardboard cut-outs of David Beckham
New gadget allows blind to "see with sound." Daredevil unavailable for comment (pic)
Second Annual International Rock Paper Scissors Championship is set to take place Oct. 25 in Toronto
Theme: Photoshop what Arnold Schwarzenegger's first act as governor of California will be if he is elected
Cambridge, Ontario party, Friday 10/10 through Saturday 10/11 (possible Sunday night in Toronto). Hosted by Melinika
((Farkers DoorsFanRob & dwarchbol)
Omaha Fark Party this Saturday... Link has the details
Student makes good use of online learning website, sends 160,000 emails to his teacher
(Hegre Archives)
Pretty girl to help get you through the day (not safe for work)
Mandy Moore: "Just eight months ago, I got boobs. Who knows where they came from. When I wear a push-up bra, they're out of control"
Judge awards $455,000 to man who had towel left inside him after surgery
(Some Guy)
Piret Aava: Strange name, hot Estonian Playboy model (not safe for work)
Clark violates election law, is endorsed by Psi Corps
(Deseret News)
DMV tells Dennis Udink that his last name is vulgar; won't issue personalized plate
(Anchorage Daily News)
Alaska brown-bear expert -- who got close enough to bears to touch them, crawled along the ground singing to them, went on Letterman calling them "harmless party animals" -- found mauled by bears
Man surprised to receive paycheck issued in 1944
Outback travellers, stranded in desert, saved by coffee cup
Milwaukee Fark party. Friday, October 17th, 8pm. The Safehouse. Info in thread. Link goes to beer
Record-setting pinch-hit homer in 11th lifts Marlins over Cubs in series opener
Tue October 07, 2003
(Some Guy)
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could drive
Japanese businessman ordered to stay away from Britney Spears
Radio station fined only $4000 for calling the widow of dead Cardinals pitcher and asking for a date
(signonsandiego.com)
Parents are more "cautious" after finding pair of human legs in a dumpster.
Davis out, Arnold in in CA
(KVBC)
Man, 28, severly burns himself after trying to kill weeds with gasoline
Bad-ass nun with a heart condition beats off two burglars in the convent chicken coop
Psychic tells old lady that her money is cursed. Old lady gladly hands it all over
One Glade air freshener will not hide the odor of 170 pounds of marijuana plants roasting in a 100-degree apartment
In a return to normalcy, Angelina Jolie confesses to eating cockroaches
Drudge: "Exit polls show recall, Schwarzenegger poised for easy win... Early afternoon exit polls show 57% vote 'yes' for recall...47% for Schwarzenegger, 34% for Bustamante"
Pre-marital sex still illegal and punishable by jail in Utah
Sony's new video-game console will do everything but take out the trash
When you try to steal a roll of copper wire, make sure 27,000 volts aren't running through it
(newsaskew.com)
Kevin Smith to photograph his wife for Playboy. Collective sigh of relief that it's not the other way around
If you are aware that Chicken of the Sea is in fact tuna fish, that platypus is not pronounced "plat-a-ma-puss" and that Buffalo wings are not made of buffalo, then you're a genius compared to Jessica Simpson
"Do not call" list can proceed
Convenience store worker laughs at robber begging for release after being trapped behind bullet-proof glass
(WXII)
Lawyers for former Miss Carolina say judge is obsessed with seeing her topless photos, no longer impartial
Just like fans at their home games, the Arizona Cardinals announce Emmitt Smith out indefinitely
Sting and Mrs. Sting see ghosts in their bedroom. No word on ghosts in the machine
(Some Guy)
AudioEdit the sounds of Happy Days. Heeeeyyyyyy
New CD copy protection software defeated by holding the Shift key
Elderly man washed out to sea by strong current survives by treading water for 13 hours. Apologizes to Coast Guard for putting them through trouble of rescuing him
(Some Dinosaur)
Photoshop Farker Coelok being chased by the dreaded Arkansaurus Rex. Link goes to original
Farker PlumsDeify ran into a female acquaintance at the video store while he was renting porn, how should he redeem himself? (Voting enabled)
German wives may now drop off hubby at weekend German kindergarten that offers beer
Water-purifier salesman poisons reservoir in hopes of increasing sales
Meteor over Western Australia creates sonic boom. Aerosmith power ballad coming soon
(Daily Mirror)
Autistic hacker jeopardises shipping at America's busiest port over argument in chatroom
Wild boar raids hospital. Gets stuck in waiting area for three hours
Mexican version of Coke tastes better than other countries' versions
132,000 morning commuters affected by bucket left on train tracks (with dramatic pic)
Wally George, dead at 71. Hairpiece was 22
The Onion pulls op-ed piece by Roy that appeared two days *before* his tiger incident. Link goes to Google cache of article
Mob used double-decker coffins to hide murder victims
(Newsfilter)
Tera Patrick, before the disfiguring boob job (not safe for work)
What's it feel like to be a Bay Area sports fan this week? Sort of like getting a big kick in the nutsack
(USGS)
SoCal has mild earthquake, SoCalians say *yawn*
Russian roulette TV stunt was pure hoax. "It wasn't even a real gun"
(MachoMan)
Pro wrestler and Fark lurker Macho Man Randy Savage releases rap album. With audio samples
(Amazon)
Dr. Wank's latest outpouring gets rave reviews on Amazon
Maryland's first lady says she would shoot Britney Spears
(Racing Post)
Race-horse trainer to be investigated after wrong horse went to races and didn't come home
Giant rat moves in with the Osbournes, not thought to be related
Oakland players interpret Red Sox Derek Lowe's celebratory fist-pumping as a jerking-off gesture
Train hits bicycle: "The train did not sustain major damage"
How to add insult to injury. Get mauled by a tiger, then get faxed by PETA
Florida fans who camped out for tickets to National League championship series are beaten to the punch by Chicago fans on the Web
(Click10.com)
Officials have no grounds to ban "Bad Ass Coffee Company" sign because name of the franchise refers to the donkeys that haul coffee from the mountains in Hawaii
(Herald Sun)
"He sits on a towel on the boss's shoulder, bobbing up and down in agreement as you get told off"
Gang upset over article on how to get sex from Muslim women, beat the hell out of man with same name as author
Useless keyboard keys explained
(Herald Sun)
Women in the workplace need to stop complaining and be less emotional in order to be accepted by their male colleagues
"And so in a matter of days, as the gravy's being poured and pumpkin pie doled out, hundreds of university students will stand united to proclaim 'it's not you, it's me.'"
Patrick Swayze: The best actor for food. Ironically, will also work for food
(kbtoys.com)
Class-action settlement against KB Toys gets you 30 percent off all purchases of $30 or more during October 8-14, 2003
Japan to investigate orgy complaints
Study shows two-thirds of drivers ignore or violate stop signs. Numbers much higher for old men driving white luxury cars while wearing checkered hats
(FCC.gov)
FCC says it is okay to say fuck
(snponline.com)
Safetytown road rage
Cubs beat Braves, BoSox beat A's, and Colts score 21 points in four minutes to complete weird sports trifecta
(Some Guy)
Baseball fan? Football fan? Talk about it here
(Some Dumb Guy)
Theme: Cheap ways to keep a moron occupied
MP3.com goes offline because they forgot to pay a domain renewal fee. Farker (and MP3 artist) Gulliver pays it out of his pocket to get the site back online
Family takes time out from praying at church to beat each other up
I bet you can't fit in that safe. Yes I can, watch
Mon October 06, 2003
(ITV)
Teacher removes noisy students from classroom by throwing them out window
(10NBC)
Visitors to new jail accidentally lock themselves in cells
Protestor in crowd of devout believers takes holy garments, sneezes on them, and rubs them on his ass. Hilarity ensues
Man allowed to keep ten toilets on his roof
(ohio.com)
Kent State document's appearance on "Antiques Roadshow" stuns some viewers
New $20s debut this week. Be the first to be accused of passing phonies
(Channel Cincinnati)
Today's baby-born-in-toilet story brought to you by Cincinnati, Ohio
Car backfire ignites dog, dog ignites yard, hilarity ensues
Patron goddess of Fark, Jennifer Connelly, nude, lovely (NSFW)
Farker is confused by some charges on his credit card after a bender of a night on the town. What are the oddest charges you have had?
Man doesn't believe wife, who tells him he won Nobel prize
(newyorker.com)
Golden Gate bridge jumpers often regret their decision in midair
(San Diego Union-Tribune)
If you lost both your legs this weekend, the San Diego police department is holding them for you
(Some Guy)
AudioEdit something annoying going BOOM
Google is spying on you on behalf of the vast Right/Left-wing conspiracy
Thirteen tons of pigeon crap and counting removed from Philadelphia's City Hall
France's Filthy Swine and My Arse Go to Eat Onions
Experts say time between college and marriage is an important stage in life development, liver damage
(Some Guy)
Crazy Aaron's Puttyworld, owned and operated by Farkers. One $50 and four $25 gift certificates given for designing both 125x125 and 300x100 ads for use on Fark
Failure is not a four-letter word
University of Michigan suspends frat. Hazing incident involved pledges being deprived of food, water. One has kidney failure
"Hogging" sweeps Cleveland: Men try to sleep with lots of fat women
Doctor ordered to pay 20 years of child support for failing to sterilize woman
Apparently Harlem has rules against keeping 325-pound tigers in your apartment, but Ohio is okay with them
(wtopnews.com)
Woman, 107 pounds, beats out seven men in barbecue-eating contest
(The Australian)
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't neuter your friend's dog
(Desert Sun)
Insomnia tonight? Not to worry, Ken Burns' new documentary on PBS
