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are still available for archive links.)
Sun March 30, 2003
Sat March 29, 2003
Fri March 28, 2003
Thu March 27, 2003
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Duke sucks one last time, then falls silent. Will suck again next year |
| (Lycos) |
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Photoshop San Francisco's finest on the job |
| (NBC5i) |
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Panhandling to be a thing of the past in Dallas,Texas. Firefighters already complaining |
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The guy who designed Cher's skanky costumes thinks low waist pants are "revolting." (scroll down) |
| (News Observer) |
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Police spot sign advertising "Crack $2.50, Skins $2." Hilarity does not ensue |
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$3 million in funding withheld from University of Kansas over class in which female students are told to explore their own genitals as homework |
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City council refuses to rename street 'Don King Plaza' following hair-raising meeting |
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CNN may lose crown for best coverage of "soft, flirtatious lesbian erotica" |
| (wtvw.com) |
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Illinois House passes bill allowing police to ticket asshats driving slow in left lane |
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When waving pot-filled baggie out of car window, it is wise to check for cops beforehand |
| (Netflix) |
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If you like "Raging Bull", NetFlix thinks you'll also like animated nursery rhymes |
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2003 NCAA Tournament All-Hair Team |
| (Post Gazette) |
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Man arrested for retail theft, released steals car, hits cop, goes on a high speed chase, wrecks, swallows a key and gets rearrested |
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Madonna says pop music is homogenised and people aren't achieving fame through their ability |
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Girl Scouts sending cookies to troops. "Friendly fire" incidents over Thin Mints, Samoas, to ensue. |
| (Lycos) |
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Photoshop this suburban Iraqi oasis |
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For your militant kids: War-themed Easter baskets |
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New police dog has to learn English as a second language |
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Girl breaks world shopping cart speed record. Also sets road rash record |
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Man caught humping cattle in museum barn |
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Snoop Dogg sued over use of answering machine message on cut from the rapper's latest album (w/ MPizzle3 download) |
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Shark drags dog underwater, other dog races into water and kicks ass |
| (Boulder News) |
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Man celebrates 100,000 miles on car with champagne. Car does not make it to 100,001 |
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Chicken sh*t truck driver fertilizes the highway |
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Man masturbating on a tram ordered over a loudspeaker to stop |
| (stltoday.com) |
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Before heading to the military base for a haircut, leave your dummy grenade at home |
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Higher speed limits result in fewer traffic accidents |
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John Ashcroft cracks down on girlspooping.com. The Smoking Gun is there |
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UN to set standards on use of the term "elite" |
| (Baton Rouge Advocate) |
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Study shows catnip kills termites. Also shows hyper cats destroy homes more efficiently than termites |
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Rollerblading gorilla given fine for causing a distraction to drivers |
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Blond or brunette? We're not sure (safe for work) |
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Town declares man playing accordian on street is legal. In other news, local real estate agent's phone explodes |
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Anime in U.S. -- "It's almost grossly obscene, realistic portrayal of genitals is really popular" |
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Now serving on Air Force One: Freedom Toast |
| (US Congress) |
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U.S. Government calls for citizens to pray and fast so God will help win the war |
| (Some Brit.) |
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Photoshop this shinty player |
| (NM) |
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Republican Representative Foley of New Mexico introduces several "Extraterrestrial Culture Day" bills |
| (NBC5) |
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Meteorite lands in suburban Chicago |
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Man drops world's biggest rubber band ball out of a plane. Bouncing does not ensue |
| (SciFiToday) |
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Scientists create androgynous bird. Decide not to name it "Big" |
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Spherical bubbles in beer diverge light because the air they contain has a lower refractive index than the surrounding fluid |
| (alc.ca) |
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Theme: Blatantly phony sweepstakes. You may already be a winner |
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Performing hawk steals and attacks man's toupee. Hilarity ensues |
Wed March 26, 2003
| (Some Guy) |
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Normisms |
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The scent of a quarter. U.S. to issue first coin with Braille |
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Man sues because of SPAM email. Uses federal SPAM fax precedent as basis and wins |
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Mister Rogers could have bridge named after him |
| (Cisco on ClubSi) |
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Awsome boobies Link. Don't click if you are on a 56k. Because this has a "Boobies" tag it is not safe for work |
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Glitch may be causing Patriot Missiles to be fired at American and British planes |
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Soon you'll be able to switch cell phone companies and keep your phone number |
| (Newark Advocate) |
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"Moore's tyrant about Bush, war at Oscars shameful," headline writers slender |
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DUI coordinator arrested for DUI |
| (Some Dumpster) |
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Game: What is the first thing you'd throw in a dumpster if you had the chance? Dumpster picture provided, stuffed with computer equipment |
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High school teacher finds dead raccoon while jogging, sends severed head to rival high school principal |
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Ugly-ass, rare baby white lion born in Netherlands (w/pic) |
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Google founder says IPO is not in company's future, cites laziness |
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Lenny Kravitz releases new peace song on Rock The Vote. Hasn't voted since 1992 |
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"If you like San Francisco's tap water, you can now drink it anywhere" |
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ABC columnist suggests renaming April Fool's Day for France |
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From the "decisions that look bad in hindsight" department: Saddam Hussein received the key to the city of Detroit in 1980 |
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Former Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan has died |
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Lisa Marie admits to sexing Jacko. Entire world vomits uncontrollably |
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Electrocuted cat mistaken for UFO |
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British testing inhaled anti-impotence drug. Gives new meaning to terms suck and blow |
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Loose-socks tycoon loses business |
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Eight billion people will fall victims to water crisis in 25 years |
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Barber ordered to compensate customer for a bad free haircut |
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Swallowed penny found in girl's throat after eight trips to doctor |
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What's inside your keyboard could make you sick |
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Brazilian protestors pelt U.S. embassy with "chocolate bombs" |
| (NYPress) |
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The New York Press's annual 50 Most Loathsome New Yorkers list includes cocaine and 49 people you've never heard of |
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Murder-obsessed, serial-killer-lovin', prostitute-strangling, necrophiliac ballet dancer found guilty. Mother blames Michael Jackson |
| (WorldOnline) |
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Man dies in homemade sex toy shocker |
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Man smashes all the previous records with payout on horse that doesn't exist |
| (Some Guy) |
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Red-headed women less likely to have headaches |
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NBA team expected to lose $100 million this season, the largest single-season deficit of any team in the history of American sport |
| (Palm Beach Post) |
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Man gets 90 days for stabbing pig |
| (Oregon Live) |
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Need to hide a gun? Stick it in a steamy pile of horse poo |
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The Mayor of Cincinnati is looking for a Pete Rose look-alike to attend the Reds opener |
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Celine Dion begins three-year gig in Las Vegas to audiences that couldn't get enough. In other news, Vegas audiences easily entertained |
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It may soon be illegal to not offer sweet tea in Georgia restaurants |
| (Some Guy) |
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64-year-old SC woman chooses .357 Mag over shotgun when a robber breaks into her home |
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"For guys, SOM is like an artificial vagina placed atop a stand that resembles the bottom of a fan" |
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Photoshop these marines firing a missile |
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Vault of various very velvety voluptuous volcanic vixens by Vargas (not safe for work) |
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Woman holds elevator door for armed robber. Hilarity ensues |
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High school students build rocket that reaches height of 1,500 feet towing two raw eggs, then parachutes them back unbroken. N. Korea surrenders |
| (Some Guy) |
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Anyone looking for fart time work? |
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Killers From Space -- 1950s movie about aliens with plastic eyes and an army of super-sized crickets |
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List of banned songs with "war" content. Surprisingly ,Outkast's "Bombs over Baghdad" was banned |
| (WIXT) |
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Belgian drunk driver found grazing, mering |
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Doctors can't understand why men don't get their prostates checked more. Two words: Anal probe |
| (Morning Journal News) |
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Police foot chase ends when naked man falls into briar patch |
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Woman learning to drive learns to swim instead |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Japanese band. Difficulty: Easy |
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German man eaten by his sofa bed |
| (Ft. Landerdale Sun-Sentinel) |
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Man sends underage girl naked pictures of himself -- then shows up at her home with a camera, two condoms and a lint roller. Bedroom door opened by sheriff's deputy. Roman Polanski surrenders |
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Florida hospital says it will no longer deliver babies. Stork surrenders |
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Bird poops on the live MSNBC camera in Baghdad (click "Baghdad" cam) |
| (The Home Town Channel) |
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Nipple and genital piercings causing epidemic of rashes, could poke someone's eye out |
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Dog comes home after seven-month absence, refuses to explain itself |
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Man convicted in blow-dart attack on deputy |
| (Some Ad Guy) |
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According to TiVO: Julia Roberts most paused Oscar moment |
Tue March 25, 2003
| (Weather.com) |
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Dayton, OH hits scorching 122 degrees Fahrenheit today, feels like 194 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Driving car over curb -- $800 in repairs. Driving car into planter -- $200 for new bumper. Driving car into Dollar Store -- priceless |
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Experts consider changing BMI scale for Asians, expected to increase the number of overweight and obese people worldwide to 1.7 billion |
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Florida or Louisville screw up your tournament bracket? You have a second chance. Team name fark, no password |
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Court of Appeals doubles teen's sentence |
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Ten of the Sweet 16 schools graduate less than half of their basketball players. Oklahoma has a zero-percent graduation rate |
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Photoshop this ice skater trying to impress the judges |
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Australia to be powered by pig poo |
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Comedy goldmine: Misunderstood computer terms |
| (via ObscureStore) |
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Librarians want $450K each for putting up with porn-loving patrons |
| (Florida Today) |
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Teacher busted for helping students cheat on state comprehensive exam; blames it on pressure imposed by state for kids to do well on test. Actual teaching of material apparently not considered helpful in this endeavor |
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If you join the Iraqi military, choose to be a sailor |
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Stinky protest potato shuts down hospital emergency room |
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Bizarre crash leaves car propped on SUV (with pic) |
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Teen killed by shovel in odd game with car |
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Suspicious package that closed bridge contained dead cat |
| (Some Guy) |
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Laziest. Case-mod. Ever |
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Scientists conclude session at radio telescope searching for life in space. Faint signal heard, "Duke sucks." |
| (Intelligencer) |
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Man drives truck into house: Strange. Man drives truck into burning house: Bizarre |
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Marine killed in Iraq was orphan immigrant who enlisted to thank U.S. for his new life |
| (Encycmet) |
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Metallica gets new bassist from Ozzy Osbourne; Ozzy to get new bassist from Metallica |
| (Some Guy) |
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Man finds briefcase with $60,000. Turns it into police, rightful owner claims money |
| (Some Census Taker) |
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96-year-old woman has 100 grandchildren, getting 101st in June. Plans on getting bigger shoe |
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U.S. enlists dolphins to seek out underwater mines in Iraq. Bumblebee Tuna responds: "WTF?" |
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Handcuffs, a blind fold and a paring knife |
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Man finds a baby in a laundry basket on his doorstep |
| (Niagra Falls Review) |
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You know what they say about a man with a huge pumpkin... |
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Doctor uses text messaging to talk to patients: "u hav cancr OLOL...11..." |
| (Green Thumb guy) |
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55-year-old lady sentenced to jail for not mowing her lawn... says her house is "visible from the street" as required |
| (Some Guy) |
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Farker's friend is meeting Dubya, she's got one question, what should it be? Link goes to the White House (voting enabled) |
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Panty raid costs Victoria's Secret $5,000 |
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Wicked pissah: Miss Massachusetts wins Miss USA crown |
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Fashion designer Calvin Klein kicked out of Knicks game after confronting Latrell Sprewell on the court |
| (albany2go) |
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Arkansas to get a free standing Starbucks.... double latte in a double wide |
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Photoshop these Russian children playing |
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New front-fastening velcro bra promises to make life easier for women with arthritis... and sexually inexperienced men |
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Every U.S. citizen to get a parcel of Iraqi land |
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Ice cream van forces footballers to chill |
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Iraqi GPS jammers destroyed by GPS-guided weapons |
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Teacher in trouble after having students write "you will die" to a fellow student |
| (bessiebardot.com) |
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Hot supermodel Bessie Bardot (not safe for work) |
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Casino security camera operators welcome women wearing red |
| (Some local TV station) |
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Cult expert says being Mormon made Elizabeth Smart more vulnerable to fanatics |
| (Some Farker) |
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Photoshop my angry tortoise |
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7-11 clerk spends first shift alone drinking beer and stealing everything in sight |
| (Some Baby Dangler) |
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Yes, you too can own a sculpture of Michael Jackson dangling his baby for only $50 |
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Ghostbusters' Slimer: Slime Gum, Ecto-Cooler and other merchandising triumphs... |
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Adventures of Drew and Fark in Europe. France surrenders |
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Pony bolts through auditorium back door, stops traffic, caught by man named Boltz |
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Man fishing for cod nets 200 kilos of fresh whale meat instead |
| (Lycos) |
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Photoshop the new Miss USA |
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For timely anti-war opinions, people turn to Wil Wheaton |
Mon March 24, 2003
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Passengers give plane a push to start |
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Iraqi civilians are pretending to be soldiers so they can surrender to the U.S. and get something to eat |
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X-E reviews the Return of the Jedi "Presto Magix" Kit. Jedi art? |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Transform a song (lyrics or title) into an image. Provide link to lyrics, if needed |
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War causes earthquakes |
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Who listens to the music in a porno? No one -- but some musicians in the San Francisco Bay Area are out to change that |
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Director makes six-part film named after the muscle that raises and lowers your scrotum |
| (www.WarBlogging.com) |
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The YellowTimes has been suspended by their ISP for hosting U.S. POW photos |
| (nydailynews) |
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Walken : "I posed naked snuggling with two cats" |
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Morocco offers the U.S. monkeys to detonate mines. PETA surrenders |
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Salamander crossing preserved |
| (Washington Times) |
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Divine visions linked to epilepsy and brain tumors |
| (Some Seal) |
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Man wanted to prove swimmers, seals can coexist |
| (Some Military Guy) |
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How a FARP works |
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E-love crashes when couple meet in real time, hack each other to death with knives |
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Artist shows how war kills real people by pretending to bury fake people |
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Woman robs house, forgets where her car is, calls 911 |
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70-year-old man to ski down Mount Everest in only 30 minutes |
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Attacking cop with four-foot branch not the best way to get out of speeding ticket |
| (Bernama.com.my) |
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Indonesians direct witchcraft at Bush |
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New Yorkers paying big money to have dinner with strangers in total darkness with waiters wearing night-vision goggles |
| (Contra Costa Times) |
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Male stripper killed during brawl with rival exotic dancer |
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Smokestack resists demolition charges, then collapses |
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Hospital chief investigating deadly flu virus catches deadly flu virus |
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Inmate escapes by posing as another inmate |
| (record-eagle.com) |
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Newsroom mourns loss of obituary clerk. Gone away to a better place... Ohio? |
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Farker Batmn42 got a new cell phone that downloads pics -- what should he put on it? (difficulty: hard, size limit 120x90) |
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NBC soap pushes envelope with hot monkey action |
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It looks like Walken won the Oscar last night after all. |
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Yao Ming was mobbed at a fast food place and forced to eat in Rockets' team bus |
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Jail discovers 75-year-old food stockpile |
| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Guys love to repeat lines from their favorite movies |
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Los Angeles burger joint added to the city's list of historic cultural monuments |
| (Zanesville Times-Recorder) |
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Despite constant press conferences, U.S. suffers fertilizer shortage |
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Man who has a seven-month-old baby finally found out how it was born |
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Drug suspect found in refrigerator |
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Back pain linked to shrinkage |
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Contact lenses may be used to deliver drugs |
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U.S. confirms helicopter down in Iraq |
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Michael Moore gets booed at Oscars |
| (Some Guy) |
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Annoying roommate gets drunk and thinks he's in the Middle East. Photoshop what would happen if he were really there |
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It's a dark day for track and field in the latest Strong Bad e-mail |
| (Some Northern MI Guy) |
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Ready for the prom? Blow on this |
| (Oscars.com) |
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2003 Oscar results |
| (some girl) |
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Get "beaver, bone-in" here for your next party |
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The Sun heckle French military ship on the Thames |
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Apparently, Indiana lawmakers don't need breast enhancements |
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Please don't let a little thing like war stop you from playing your April Fool's Day pranks |
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Tax breaks for cyclists in the works |
| (ADN) |
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When eating ice cream, know when to use your fingers and when to use a spoon |
| (9News) |
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Remember the crazy stripper/mayor? Looks like she is a thief too |
| (silive.com) |
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Woman rams estranged husband with Dodge Caravan. Minivan sues for physical distress |
| (ADN) |
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Musher redesigns harness: Finishes race with more dogs than anyone |
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