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Wed August 31, 2016
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(US News)
 
 
 
Best Korea reportedly executes Deputy Premier because of "disrespectful posture" towards Kim Jong Un, which could be anything from grovelling an inch too high to failing to nail the Asian Cartman impersonation just right
source: usnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Yes the termination has begun: America finally gets its orders from Skynet to 'immediately' build KILLER ROBOTS that could fight wars against humanity
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Yeah it's a living, but someone has to test the sex toys
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Gimīburēku wa, gimī wa kyūkei, sono o' wa sakuhin o watashi o ori. Kittokattobā
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Remains of log boat older than the pyramids proves that 5,000 years ago, Wales ruled the seas
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
First Cuban Starbucks set to open in about 11 seconds
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
You probably can't get into the Ivy League, but try the Ivy League of Budweiser
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
School officials say person in clown mask, armed with a knife, chased student at bus stop; which begs the question, how do you arm a clown mask?
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
State of emergency declared as depression nears, Prozac recommended
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Haunted pub's owner outraged after his possessed toilet ghost is 'stolen and bottled up by artist.' So much outrage
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Spain's annual tomato fight begins with 150,000 kilos of ammunition
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
I went to the bathroom this morning myself, but I didn't make it to the front page of the Washington Post
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop these shadow walkers
source: c1.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Vanity plates rejected by California DMV. Why? Fog you, that's why. (possibly Not safe for work)
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
North Korea deploys nuclear backpacks on soldiers who will mercilessly spray their foes with radiation. Kind of like nuclear skunks but with fewer pork chops
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
PSA: If you are using a cruise for a drug run, even if you are two hot chicks, try not posting your adventure on Instagram
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Maine's Governor Paul Lepage announces "I will no longer speak to the press ever again after today," but gives a refreshingly honest reason for taking this step: "I am tired of being caught"
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
In a preview of 2018's top news, Senate ousts the country's first female president after her impeachment
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Women tear apart garbage advice on talking to women wearing headphones
source: dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
Smoking pot, taking Xanax, and shopping naked at Kroger is no way to go through life, son. (with "yep, pretty much what I expected" mugshot)
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Coke returns to their original formula
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
In the competition between ISIS and White Right Wing Extremists for Most Dead Americans Since 2002, the winner is...
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Navy's new littoral combat ship literally breaks down for the fourth time in one year
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Consumer Product Safety)
 
 
 
Things which should not be in your microwave: #1 - Flames
source: cpsc.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
American Airlines has studied the horrors of modern air travel and found the problem: you
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Phallus-shaped mushroom can instantly trigger an intense female orgasm
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Man upset by 13 year prison sentence, upgrades it to death by indoor skydiving
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Think Beiber was the worst thing to come from Canada? You haven't tried our coffee
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
There once was a man from Fark, he wrote a story on a lark. It wasn't very great, and brought about much hate. Now he submits headlines 'cause fark you. THIS is your Fark Writers Thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Kayakers vs. New York ferry. Advantage: ferry
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Not content with placing people in prison for an ounce of weed, DEA decides that it's time to make possession of Kratom And Mitragynine a felony too
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Go on with with your daily routine, no need to panic now that a massive asteroid has already zoomed terrifyingly close to the Earth that we didn't know about
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"I don't let friends eat meat in my presence" says vegan who claims to have not lost any friends
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
"Qualifications?" "Cattle rustling." "That's not much of a crime." "500 of them?" "Kinky"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
PSA: If you live-trap a skunk you'll be stuck with it for the rest of its natural life
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
Science learns what college students have known all along. Pizza makes you more productive and should be part of your healthy work day. Also, beer makes you smarter
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Don't taze me, moo
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(From the Grapevine)
 
 
 
Breakfast ramen, vegetarian ramen, peanut butter chicken ramen, and other unusual ways to eat ramen that you wish you knew about in college
source: fromthegrapevine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Chicago to install up to 500 computers around the city to measure air quality and traffic. Authorities hope that by the end of the first week there will still be three or four of them that will not have been shot to pieces
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Innori virtual reality headset. NOW we're starting to look like the 1980s set in Disneyland's Carousel of Progress. What's your favorite VR content / app / website? Difficulty: no porn. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
France education minister wants Pokemon Go out of their schools, says it's tough enough to get kids to concentrate on their studies after a lunch of crepes and a bottle of wine
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
Massachusetts prosecutor says shooting a burglar breaking into your house is first degree murder. Grand jury disagrees
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveJournal)
 
 
 
Photoshop what this dog is really chasing
source: ic.pics.livejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Just your average 1,469-pound pumpkin
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pravda Report)
 
 
 
In 2019, Russia is going to land on the south pole of the Moon for the first time in history to prove that the Americans have never been on the Moon before
source: pravdareport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Oklahoma woman arrested for forcing religion down her daughter's throat
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Stranger)
 
 
 
You might want to put down that coffee and sit down for this: over 2,000 Seattle Police dash cam videos have been deleted due to a "glitch"
source: thestranger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Want to avoid catching ebola? Throw out those 'special' gym socks now
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IndyStar)
 
 
 
Good: Finding a worm at the bottom of your tequila. Bad: Finding a worm at the bottom of your Diet Coke
source: indystar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WIVB)
 
 
 
If you're going to get busted for DWI, the headline might as well read "Vomit-covered drunk man"
source: wivb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Chris Brown taken into custody after all-day standoff, says he'll beat the charges
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue August 30, 2016
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Why not turn an old church into a swingers club? I mean, it is Daytona Beach
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Forget the Zika virus, here come the cannibal spiders
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Creative Loafing Charlotte)
 
 
 
"The customer told employees that she saw a man put a nail gun down the front of his pants and walk out of the store, hopefully very slow"
source: clclt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Serial flasher on motorcycle torments Florida city
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this building scene
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Heated argument over Flamin' Hot Cheetos causes Crook (name and job title) to ignite his rage. He gets all fired up and tries to torch the gas station
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Nova Scotia store offers 80000 sq feet of land to any employees who work for them for 5 years. Good deal, eh?
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Typhoon Lionrock slams northern Japan. When's that giant robot coming to protect the children?
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Cincinnati experiencing an epidemic of residents realizing they live in Cincinnati
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Four-foot long alligator captured in Pittsburgh area suburb woman's back yard. Official have no idea how it got there since there are no Disney theme parks in the area
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Abu is dead. Aladdin inconsolable
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
Boobies
 
French Prime Minister weighs in on burkini debate, declaring himself for liberté, égalité, free mammaries
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Ever wonder why Detroit can't seem to move forward?
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Bexar County D.A. comes out as an Axsshole Anti-Vaxxer and jumps on the autism cause bandwagon. Two of the Xs in the previous sentence are silent. But, if you're from Texas, you probably already know that
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Study shows your dog understands when you tell him not to pee on the floor, does it anyway to show how much he values your opinion
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Subway prankster asked for understanding but all she got was crickets
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daytona Beach News-Journal)
 
 
 
Guy robs pizza delivery man, stops during his getaway to offer a stranger a slice on his way to the title of "Most Interesting Criminal In The World"
source: news-journalonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
DEA argues that the 4th Amendment doesn't apply to the prescriptions you have in your medicine cabinet
source: wcpo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
San Francisco Police: Despite a court finding us biased against minorities, Colin Kaepernick owes us an apology for hurting our feelings
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
A. Take your date out to eat and do a runner on the £80 meal. B. Get caught 8 months later by the police and pay for the meal. C. Write a bad review about the food on Trip Advisor
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Good news for the people on the south shore of Long Island, you have a great white shark nursery right off your beaches. Enjoy the kids while they're young
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stars and Stripes)
 
 
 
Major General preparing to retire as Colonel after swinging for the fences for years
source: stripes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop this work of art
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iceland Review)
 
 
 
Two of the largest volcanos in Iceland are coming back to life. FARK: Katla hasn't erupted in nearly 100 years, and is long overdue. If it does go kablooey, at least we can pronounce its name this time, unlike Bárðarbunga, so that's nice
source: icelandreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Time to book your trip to EuroFark 2016: Sept 30 - Oct 2 - Berlin, Germany
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
Microsoft's new translation engine tells users that the word 'Daesh' translates into English as 'Saudi Arabia'. In their defence, it's an easy mistake to make
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Just like Harper Valley, PTA...but with a framed PTO mom, and drugs
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Chicago: The city of second amendment solutions
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Maine's Governor Swearingen says he's considering resigning, you c*cksuckers (Not safe for work audio)
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Well, at least he didn't name it the "Live-4-Ever"
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
In Canada, milk comes in bags. Also, bikes are a luxury
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
NewsFlash
 
Is Chris Brown in your deadpool?, 'cause he's in a stand-off with LAPD over a gun incident, hurling a duffle bag of drugs & guns out his window while declaring "come get me" & posting potty-mouth Instagram videos
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Second couple have hedge stolen sparking fears of serial bush burglar
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 12 West Palm Beach)
 
 
 
Vladimir Putin arrested at Publix after screaming at employees (w/mugshot)
source: cbs12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Pokemon Go hunters find the rare Copulator (not safe for work)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Perth Now)
 
 
 
You can tell the age of a tree by counting the rings, and the number of years in prison by weighing the methamphetamine hidden inside
source: perthnow.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Springfield News-Sun)
 
 
 
It's rush hour, bumper to bumper traffic on I-75 near Cincinnati. What a great place for a father and son to try heroin together
source: springfieldnewssun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Man turns himself in for mislabelling how much nuts the contents of his package truly contained
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Talk about a 'scapegoat', this one helps a Clydesdale go on the lam for five whole days
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Crime in this neighborhood is so bad, these young teens were shot at while driving a stolen car
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Hey, if you ran a daycare full of screaming kids you'd find yourself keeping meth in your office pretty quickly too
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
As if we didn't have enough to worry about, monster slugs are now attacking birds in Poland
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Women in New York stage "Go Topless Day" celebration to prove that there is nothing dirty about the female body. Result: Every perv in a 30 mile radius shows up to take pictures. With Not safe for work pictures...mostly of clothed male pervs
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KUOW Seattle)
 
 
 
In late August, Seattle Mariners fans are used to kissing the season goodbye, not each other at the game. Fark: And they were threatened with ejection from the game. Total Fark: On Pride night
source: kuow.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
The problem with all the people going to Burning Man to experience the time of their lives is that the rest of the time of their lives sucks bad enough to to want to go to Burning Man
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1190 KEX Portland)
 
 
 
10,000th Syrian refugee arrives in the U.S. and is welcomed with a double wide trailer full of complimentary back bacon and Crystal Pepsi
source: 1190kex.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Whoever keeps riding up to random people in downtown Anchorage just to blast them with pepper spray before riding away, please knock it off
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Slow News Day: Smoking hot 20-year-old can lick her own eyebrow (w/pics)
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTAR Phoenix)
 
 
 
You never want to hear 'skydiving' and 'hard landing' in the same sentence
source: ktar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Alex Jones' InfoWars website hacked, 50,000 users info stolen. So, for unscrupulous types wanting a list of easily gullible people willing to give away money for just about any reason, it's like Christmas morning come early
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
If you're a critic of Vladimir Putin and living in Russia, your life expectancy has just sharply decreased, as evidenced by the number of Putin critics who have died recently. Of entirely non-suspicious causes, of course
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
EU rules Apple owes its home country $14.5 billion in unpaid taxes
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
Actual headline: Famed Louisiana pink dolphin not pregnant, but 'dates' often
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: HDR Projects 4 Pro software. 82 choices to play with your photos. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(From the Grapevine)
 
 
 
Your boss might be a cheap alcoholic if he rents work space from local bars that are mostly empty during the day
source: fromthegrapevine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this dangerous stunt
source: img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Globe)
 
 
 
Kevin Spacey threatens to kill Obama, attack a mosque, and put bombs in police stations. Anybody could have worked for Spacey. You never knew. That was his power
source: bostonglobe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Stanford rapist to be released after serving only three months, hopefully his long stint behind bars didn't have "too severe of an impact on him"
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
You know you're a hardcore vegetarian when you tattoo images of vegetables to your arms to prove to everyone that you're a hardcore vegetarian
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
Bad: You are overdosing on drugs. Worse: People stop to take you to the hospital, drive by it, strangle you with jumper cables, put a hat and sunglasses on you while getting gas and then leave your body in the woods
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
So wearing Indian headdresses on the first day of school was wrong for teaching about native communities in Quebec? Should the teachers not have done that?
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Man arrested for feeling a little horse
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
Remote Nunavut communities invaded by tourists asking them if Nunavut is open all year and where is the maple tundra?
source: news.nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
New York store charges $585 for torn up shoes put back together with duct tape in order to make the buyer look fashionably poor. They can Derelicte my balls
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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