Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Fri November 20, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Yesterday: Stop getting mamograms, they're too expensive. Today: Stop getting pap smears, they're too expensive (abcnews.go.com)	(43)
		This week's TSG mugshot round up- someone is gettin' fired at the "gun" (thesmokinggun.com)	(98)
(Some Guy)		The Great Corn Adventure (urbanext.illinois.edu)	(39)
		Human Fat found in cosmetics. You submitted this with a Tyler Durden reference (theage.com.au)	(161)
		Going to the movies this weekend? Chow down three McDonald's Quarter Pounders and 12 pats of butter before you go. It'll be healthier than ordering a medium popcorn (without butter) (consumerist.com)	(88)
(Some Guy)		Two girls make 1st Cornhole Cup a success (sbc.edu)	(49)
		If you have hacked your way into the world's most prestigious global warming center and downloaded documents indicating the whole thing is a hoax, quite a few people would like a word with you (michellemalkin.com)	(481)
(The Roanoke Times)		Tupperware crash causes delays on interstate, officials reportedly couldn't contain the spill (roanoke.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)		China's corn output is likely to drop during 2010 due to continued drought in the North East region (pr-inside.com)	(48)
		Yorkshire Ripper nearly blinded by Broadmoor Killer. No, this is not a story about pro-wrestling (dailymail.co.uk)	(35)
		When the police knock on your door, it's best not to answer it while covered in bank dye and holding a big bag of crack (tampabay.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)		Man hhhhhholds up bank armed only with his hhhhhhalitosis (pasadenastarnews.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Angry man in van terrorizes peaceful island for years; now the lead singer of the Killer Bagels is dead. Not a movie plot, unfortunately (timescolonist.com)	(37)
		Apple tells smokers who have sent their machines in for repair that their warranty is voided, because it doesn't cover damage caused by second-hand smoke. WHERE IS YOUR OS X NOW? (consumerist.com)	(590)
		Photoshop these seashore shards (cache.boston.com)	(39)
		ADM says corn chowder will be creamier for the holidays this year (reuters.com)	(61)
(Some Correctness)		Superhero Smackdown: The FINAL. Superman vs The Flash (thecorrectness.com)	(171)
(TheIndyChannel)		Doughnut shop robbed and employees forced to remove pants at gunpoint; unbelievably, police were nowhere to be found (theindychannel.com)	(71)
		AAA releases their much anticipated report concluding that many people will be driving during the Thanksgiving holiday (washingtonpost.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Woman wakes up to find a strange man wearing her bra and panties (w/ picture of what a strange man who wears bras and panties might look like) (katu.com)	(91)
		Nominations now open for Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest (repost, link goes to Monday's thread) (fark.com)	(115)
		Residents of Cockermouth are rescued from their homes by dinghys on Friday after heavy rain caused flooding in Cumbria (cbc.ca)	(59)
		Sharp-eyed researcher finds laundry instructions on Shroud of Turin (startribune.com)	(238)
(NBC New York)		I bet you weren't expecting the "She can't have been drunk; she talked McDonald's into making lunch during breakfast hours" defense (nbcnewyork.com)	(80)
(Danbury News Times)		Man arrested for assault thanks to his last name, helpfully displayed on his vanity plate. That's some F1NE police work, Lou (newstimes.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)		Man claims his friends got drunk and cut off his electronic monitoring device. Or maybe some students attacked him and cut it off. He can't decide (leaderlive.co.uk)	(6)
		The rule about wearing white after Labor Day is now being strictly enforced by men with guns (torontosun.com)	(101)
		Music teacher jailed for playing skin flute. You submitted this with A minor joke (news.com.au)	(111)
(WTVR)		Miley Cyrus' tour bus crashes in Virginia. Driver dead, no word on the condition of either Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana (myfox8.com)	(335)
		Poncho Claus, an entertainer known for leading a caravan of low riders through neighborhoods and passing out Christmas presents, has been hospitalized. Bueno suerte, señor (khou.com)	(33)
		"Predator" who posed as Australian cab driver jailed, possibly by Lieutenant Harrigan (news.com.au)	(30)
		A Bronx hospital and the city are really hEARing it from a Bronx man whose ear was thrown in the garbage. Ear we go again with another unbEARable lawsuit (nydailynews.com)	(36)
		If you've collected $150,000 in fraudulent disability benefits, you may want to keep your able-bodied ass off of national television (fe17.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(74)
		TSG Friday Photo Fun challenges you to identify the celebrity who was busted at the pictured location. Contest closes 6PM Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)	(95)
		I don't care if she is Brazilian, there's "hittable crazy", then there's "set fire to a transvestite over a missing handbag" crazy. You've got to draw the line somewhere (news.bbc.co.uk)	(83)
		Police officer missing after "Biblical floods" hit Northern England. Authorities expect to begin the search in 40 days (news.com.au)	(38)
		Scientists have learned some amaizing kernels of truth from mapping the corn genome. "They're just popping up" (washingtonpost.com)	(64)
		Royal Carribbean launches "Oasis of the Seas," a ship that's five times as big as the Titanic, can't dock in many ports because of its size, and can spread Hantavirus to almost 7000 people at once (usatoday.com)	(263)
(Only in Vantucky)		Not News: Woman organizes charity carwash for hit and run victim's family. Sorta News: Woman steals from carwash. FARK: To bail out the suspect in the hit and run case (columbian.com)	(46)
		Top S. Korean model found hanged in her Paris apartment. Police are unable to determine a time of death, because, as a model, she's looked like a corpse for some years now (news.yahoo.com)	(89)
		Here it is, this year's USA Today bit about what infrequent fliers can expect at airports, including less flights, higher fees, longer lines, alligator pits,and a Muzak version of "Oops I Did It Again" played on an infinite loop (usatoday.com)	(77)
		Urlee Inglesh lurneeng comz undurr acuhdemik atak (thelocal.se)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Iowa town needs emergency coconuts after massive lime spill (timesrepublican.com)	(29)
(Awww)		Cameraman captures photos of a polar bear viciously attacking a human (magic-city-news.com)	(96)
(Some Chicken Lover)		Apparently, the idea of putting on a giant chicken suit and crashing a city council meeting hasn't gotten old in Colorado (wtsp.com)	(34)
		Not news: coming home from a weekend trip and discovering that your house was broken into. FARK: broken into to hang Christmas decorations (hosted.ap.org)	(34)
		If you're so exhausted after a three day coke and hooker orgy that the pimp cuts you off, it might be a sign you need to slow down. Wouldn't you agree, Rabbi? (timesonline.co.uk)	(95)
		Man accused of using squeegee to attack another in fight over gas pump. Victim says he clearly saw what happened (baltimoresun.com)	(30)
		Photoshop these Himalayan horn blowers (cache.boston.com)	(23)
		Sunnyvale, CA named happiest place in America, Crappyville still least happy (cbs5.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)		Couple arrested for refusing to pay a mandatory 18 percent gratuity at a restaurant. "I had to get napkins and silverware for the table myself" (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(576)
(Chronicle-Herald)		UK man invents humane lobster killing device. PETA buys two, ships them to Arizona for promotional lobsterfest. Courier company loses the devices. PETA forced to boil hundreds of lobsters alive to avoid crustecean-craving lynch mob (thechronicleherald.ca)	(149)
		Three French hens, two turtle doves, and 316,000 bongs disguised as christmas ornaments in a shipping container (foxnews.com)	(59)
		Gardener finds a squash in the shape of a duck. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(37)
		500 sheep die in crash. Try not to lose any sleep over it (news.com.au)	(48)
		Jeanne-Claude, co-creator of "The Gates," and wife of Christo, dies at 74. That's a wrap (huffingtonpost.com)	(57)
		New L.A. ACORN sting: "Why, sure I'll help you launder money to pimp underaged girls" (hotair.com)	(379)
		Squirrels, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved more flexible ankles. Cats, having trouble climbing down trees, evolved humans with pulleys (boston.com)	(84)

Thu November 19, 2009

	Photoshop theme: Awkward family holiday gatherings (fark.com)	(39)
	John Kerry's Daughter arrested for DUI. If she moves back to Massachusetts, that's bonus points for a Senate run (google.com)	(167)
(Some Guy)	If you're trying to rob a home, the only thing scarier than looking up and seeing the homeowner aiming a gun at you is when the homeowner is a 91-year-old naked man. "He was screaming." (newsherald.com)	(52)
	800-pound man stays eight months in his recliner without getting up. What a lazy boy (chron.com)	(342)
	Toddler falls into baptismal font. To answer the obvious question: Yes, he was saved (blog.al.com)	(70)
	Car slams into bakery. THAT'S the way the cookie crumbles (mcall.com)	(72)
	"Correction: A headline incorrectly stated 'stolen groceries.' It should have read 'homicide.' " (nzherald.co.nz)	(55)
	Owner of famous NYC bagel company charged with tax fraud. Prosecutors say they have more than enough to lox him away, though his lawyers say he's the victim of a schmear campaign (nydailynews.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this cowgirl ringing the dinner bell (historiann.com)	(60)
(News Times)	Uranus stolen from school's model solar system. Staff are all butt-hurt about it (newstimes.com)	(46)
(WTAE-TV)	Actual headline: "Pittsburgh Police Want To See Junk In Your Trunk" (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(80)
	Compact fluorescent bulbs save energy by getting dimmer over time (news.bbc.co.uk)	(442)
	What happens when the irresistable force of "think of the children" meets the immovable object of "not in my backyard"? (nj.com)	(110)
(KOMU)	Farker gets injured in Iraq. Now the government refuses to give TSGLI benefits, claiming that his paralysis doesn't qualify as a "traumatic event". W/Video containing pics of what a traumatic event might look like (komu.com)	(361)
(macon.com)	Trial near for woman accused of dismembering husband now that prosecutors have the put pieces of their case together (macon.com)	(39)
	Welcome to Australia, where the men are men and the koalas are all dying from stress-induced chlamydia (washingtonpost.com)	(66)
	US Postal Service, Grinch suspends Santa letter program in North Pole, Alaska after one of the elves turns out to be a registered sex offender (cnews.canoe.ca)	(76)
	"Slapping stuffing on the outside of the bird was an inspired way to hide the fact that it had been partly eaten by a raccoon." (nytimes.com)	(115)
	Scientists continue to go down the list of things in the world and study them to see if they save us from the flu. Right now, they're on "caterpillar ovaries" (bloomberg.com)	(29)
	Alan Moore, destroyer of library workers (kentucky.com)	(431)
	Today is World Toilet Day, and around the globe, people are flushed with excitement (wbbm780.com)	(60)
	Posting a naughty word on the internet can cost you your job these days. Farkers back away from their computers, slowly (stltoday.com)	(263)
(Some Guy)	"A child, two guys, can of Quick Start, Bic lighter: How could this not go wrong?" (failuremag.com)	(53)
	Two thirds of respondents in national poll say they do not plan to get swine flu vaccine, will just sue somebody later on if they get sick (washingtonpost.com)	(199)
	How to tell if your car mechanic is scamming you. Step 1: Look down -- do you have boobies? (consumerist.com)	(306)
(Some Guy)	Charter bus returning from casino rolls over, kills two. What are the odds? (albertleatribune.com)	(25)
	Communist era draws to a close after 10,000 years...in British Columbia (cbc.ca)	(37)
	Crane takes out house while trying to remove a tree. If do right, no can defense (metro.co.uk)	(81)
	Not News: Woman gives birth. News: Woman gives birth during her wedding. FARK: She's eleven years old (myfoxla.com)	(295)
	Cook County out $14,000 for toilet paper injury; though officials believe the claim is crap, they hope the settlement will wipe the slate clean (suntimes.com)	(30)
	From the Research Department of the Institute for the Bleedin' Obvious: bacon = heroin (washingtonpost.com)	(27)
	Drinking alcohol every day can cut a man's risk of heart disease by a third, says a study by the University of Freaking Awesome (news.bbc.co.uk)	(140)
	"In addition, employees and students spent an unexpectedly large amount of time visiting websites featuring pornography" (thelocal.se)	(39)
	Here's your annual "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THE WAY GRANDMA'S HOUSE" article for Thanksgiving (money.cnn.com)	(71)
	Pennsylvania residents fight for right to hang laundry. Laundry demands jury trial (foxnews.com)	(75)
	The TSA would like to provide you with their annual reminder that Thanksgiving leftovers are not allowed in carry-on luggage (wtop.com)	(98)
	In the red corner we have Dean Affleck, the 18 year old burglar with a meat cleaver, and in the blue corner we have Chloe Edwards, aged 5. Place your bets now (dailymail.co.uk)	(72)
(TSP)	After losing a game of 'Strip Yatzee', a woman heads to the bedroom with her exboyfriend. Her current boyfriend finds out, and she claims it was rape. But you just want to know the rules to Strip Yatzee (thestarpress.com)	(309)
	Any landing you can walk away from is a good one, unless you land in LAVA (news.yahoo.com)	(62)
	Holiday tipping guidelines so you can be generous without overspending. And I think I speak for all of the waitresses and waiters out there when I say, if you can't tip at least 18 percent stay home and make a sandwich (myfoxdc.com)	(606)
	There are two stories here - the world's worst hippy mother and the fact that in India you can be charged with "assault with intent to outrage a woman's modesty and administering a stupefying drug with intent to harm" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(50)
	Bad: Your jeep overturns and you're thrown out. Fark: Into a pride of lions (dailymail.co.uk)	(60)
	Konnie Huq wants to know what it would take to get you to kiss her (guardian.co.uk)	(184)
	Photoshop these Forties dudes (farm4.static.flickr.com)	(61)
(Houston Herald)	Five Licking Teens Hurt in Wreck. Well, at least they weren't texting (houstonherald.com)	(51)
	Racism in my math homework? NO WAI (phillyburbs.com)	(489)
(Some Guy)	If you're going to rob an 82-year-old lady, pick one who doesn't have a hairbrush (newsletter.co.uk)	(17)
	Spilled drink leads to gunfight in Cypress Hills bar. Ever heard a Glock go click like a camera? (nydailynews.com)	(82)
	There has to be a better place to start a large-scale marijuana growing operation than behind a Los Angeles police station (myfoxla.com)	(57)
(WWL)	Federal judge rules Army Corps of Engineers responsible, and liable, for much of the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans (wwl.com)	(337)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 237: "Filtered For Your Protection" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(91)
	Teen calls 911 after parents take away Xbox (dailyherald.com)	(121)