Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Fri July 30, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Illegal immigrant or US Olympic medalist? Why can't a guy be both? (abcnews.go.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)		The outlaw Billy the Kid may finally get that pardon after 130 years. All that's standing in the way is that Garrett clan (comcast.net)	(49)
		The five most insane improvised weapons that were animals. No, a hedgehog is not like a throwing star (cracked.com)	(38)
		"Eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb" (en.wikipedia.org)	(62)
		Last year's record high rice prices may not, in fact, have been the starting bell of the inevitable apocalyptic Global Food Wars, but just a bunch of corrupt Fillipino officials trying to make a fast buck (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
		I would like to park but my brain just exploded and is oozing out of my ears (w/ pic) (myfoxdc.com)	(53)
		Those people flying out into the street aren't stunt men on a movie set (foxnews.com)	(19)
		Majority of Americans: Immigrants are lazy free-loaders who take our jobs by working harder for less pay (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)	(420)
(Some Nuclear Physics Expert)		Nuclear Attack Information: A Few Tips For Survival: "I believe that Jesus Christ wants His followers to be informed and prepared on how to physically survive an atomic bomb attack" (breadonthewaters.com)	(89)
		Step 1: Do not look directly at lasers (abcnews.go.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)		"Officer, I only kept that marijuana plant because it was cute" (big1059.com)	(35)
		c, c, c, c, c, c, c, c, c, c? (aolnews.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)		Three local East Coast mayors defend beach driving after two four-year-olds are recently run over. "You are never going to get 100 percent of the cars off the beach." Even the rest of Florida looks over in confusion (news-journalonline.com)	(158)
(Some Dengler)		The story of Navy pilot Dieter Dengler's escape from a Vietnamese prison camp. Bet they could make a shiatty movie about this (investors.com)	(59)
		Smoking Gun Friday Photo Fun LXXII: Match the perp to their occupation. And yes, one of them has to match selection "A" (thesmokinggun.com)	(98)
		While the Gulf region is reeling financially from the BP oil spill, there is one group that is getting filthy rich. No, not the oil companies, those asshats are staying rich (abcnews.go.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Man sent to prison 27 years ago, recently found innocent and is free to go. Just kidding, a judge orders him to remain in jail because he might "freak out", man (myfoxhouston.com)	(165)
		Prosecutors say that doctor who bombed AR medical board was a weapons buff who was seeking a "2nd Amendment solution" the socialistic Board's attempt to take away his license just because a few of paitients fatally OD'ed (news.yahoo.com)	(180)
		Photoshop this smog solution (images.google.com)	(32)
		Man robs store while his ugly female accomplice assaults clerk with her horrid dance moves. Seriously (abcnews.go.com)	(62)
		Acupuncture patient stuck in office after the pricks forgot about her and went home (news.yahoo.com)	(28)
		WWF apologies for bizarre insult to Saudi Arabia, throwing folding chair at UN conference (bbc.co.uk)	(53)
(NECN)		More great whites sighted near Cape Cod. Towns refuse to close beaches in fear of losing tourist money. If only there was a popular movie to illustrate what a bad decision this is. (Mrs. Kitner unavailable for comment) (necn.com)	(105)
		French authorities say U.S. embassy employees weren't poisoned. They probably accidentally ate some snails or something (canada.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)		You guys are all my favorite people....seriously....non, CJ thread. DIT, and feel free to click the damn link (main.nationalmssociety.org)	(288)
(Some Guy)		Indianapolis GenCon Fark Party and The Art of Akira presentation. Friday August 6th, 6pm to whenever Drew falls down (downtowncomics.com)	(111)
		Cops stop kid without bike helmet, see him safely back home with a warning. Just kidding, they lock him up for two years then bill his mom for taking care of him (cbc.ca)	(285)
		Agents reportedly seize $1.8 Billion-with-a-B of marijuana in series of raids. Value of pot seized annually to exceed GDP by 2020 (cbs5.com)	(204)
(kcra.com)		While talking on the phone at the mall, 16 year old cheerleader tackles a would-be shoplifter. Receives thanks from police, commendation from her town and a starting contract with the Detroit Lions (kcra.com)	(139)
		"Officials" did not "notice" the "vandalism" for several "days" (thedenverchannel.com)	(124)
(Some Guy)		Minnesota, land of 10,000 leaks (tcdailyplanet.net)	(41)
		Not news: white male robbing a bank. Fark: The stigma of now going through the rest of your life known as "the button-down-shirt" bandit (denverpost.com)	(54)
		One thing the leaked military reports show occuring over and over: Afghanistan security personnel spend more time beating the crap out of each other than the Taliban (motherjones.com)	(88)

Thu July 29, 2010

	Preacher wants high-school mascot changed because he doesn't want his son screaming GO DEMONS at football games (ajc.com)	(216)
(WTAP)	Great news, West Virginia farkers - your state just decided the first DUI doesn't really count (wtap.com)	(94)
	Yes, I can help you recover your nude photos from your computer (sfgate.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)	Father of the year candidate stops to snap pictures before taking daughter to the hospital after she is bitten by a barracuda. With pic that says it all (fieldandstream.com)	(148)
	Today's teacher/student sex story is brought to you by Stockton, California, complete with "only if it's 1:59am" pic (news10.net)	(61)
	500 foot billboards are coming to Miami (consumerist.com)	(55)
	NPR strikes to the heart of their target audience by exposing the dark world of people who use an alias at Starbucks (npr.org)	(162)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this devilish watercross racer (kenoshanews.com)	(28)
(KPTV)	Headline: Police Say Man Took Up-Skirt Photos At Target. Sounds like he got a bullseye. (w/ derp perp pic) (kptv.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)	Teens smoking legal, synthetic version of pot. It doesn't get you high and it costs $20 a gram, reminding us all that teenagers are stupid, stupid people (staugustine.com)	(204)
	"He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there" (bbc.co.uk)	(65)
	YouTube decreases the number of parts a pirated sitcom needs to broken into from three to two (physorg.com)	(66)
	Japanese officials visit the home of Tokyo's oldest man to honor his 111th birthday, and then things get weird (bbc.co.uk)	(71)
	What happens when you mix sci-fi with burlesque? Full-frontal nerdity (aolnews.com)	(60)
	Amy Fisher, AKA The Long Island Lolita, signs a deal to get shot in the face (huffingtonpost.com)	(151)
	The police are flush with charges for a man found sleeping in a toilet (seacoastonline.com)	(28)
	Obama stops by "The View," has no clue what a "Snooki" is (celebitchy.com)	(250)
(Some Guy)	Stepping on an IED leaves marine: a) dead b) seriously wounded c) pissed off (marines.mil)	(369)
	Boston Police have begun their three-month dedication to slowing youth violence by: c) Converting a cruiser into an ice cream truck and handing out thousands of free Hoodies. That'll learn 'em (myfoxboston.com)	(91)
	1500 years later, Rome still suffers at the hands of vandals. That really Gauls me (foxnews.com)	(110)
	Did Juneau that a cruise ship struck and killed a whale? (msnbc.msn.com)	(113)
	Infants who get plenty of affection from their mothers cope better as adults, complain researchers who were neglected as kids (upi.com)	(70)
	For a website devoted to transparency, WikiLeaks itself is on par with North Korea when it comes to functional transparency (askmen.com)	(126)
	"Indiana Jones of Torah Scribes" must stop fabricating dramatic stories about rescued Torahs unless he can prove they are kosher. What's next? Jailing grandpa because he didn't really walk to school uphill in a blizzard? (washingtonpost.com)	(46)
	Criticized for a profanity-laden e-mail showing it was screwing its customers, Goldman Sachs decides to ... ban swearing in e-mails (online.wsj.com)	(54)
(Some Fast Food)	Photoshop this snatched snack (animalpicture.ru)	(25)
	Beer saves another life as guy keeps his drunken promise to donate bone marrow to a friend (cnews.canoe.ca)	(33)
(Some Guy)	Local pastor, who is definitely not gay, is upset about "pornographic" men's underwear packaging. Again, not gay (cullmantimes.com)	(137)
	Global warming "undeniable" say scientists who have clearly never read Fark (cbc.ca)	(335)
	The U.S. has never apologized for the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And we're not going to this year either (myfoxdc.com)	(389)
(The Virginian-Pilot)	In an interview with William Shatner, the Beltway Sniper confesses more killings. Wait. What? (hamptonroads.com)	(49)
	Schadenfreude (n) : The feeling you get when you see a picture of two $2.3m cars with wheel clamps on (dailymail.co.uk)	(113)
	Women cops get treated to an appearance of the ball-grabbing Bull Cop -- hilarity ensues, followed by payouts of 3/4 of a million in gender bias lawsuit settlements (heraldtribune.com)	(33)
(Some Shriner)	Pay attention, butthurt teabaggery right-wing palinbots mad at the Mooslimosque at Ground Zero: know what's right around the bend from the Pearl Harbor memorial? A Shinto shrine (e-shrine.org)	(384)
	To the driver who left his or her car running underneath the Throgs Neck Bridge just before the start of rush hour, a few thousand angry New Yorkers would like to have a few unkind words with you (wcbs880.com)	(76)
	People, seriously, stop pretending your dog is a person (boston.com)	(286)
	Russian PM signs bill giving new powers to the the FSB, including the power to punish crimes you haven't committed yet (news.yahoo.com)	(37)
	A list of Iranian President Ahmadinejad's more notable dislikes. Photoshop learning curve suspiciously absent (telegraph.co.uk)	(50)
	British sex clinic to stay open longer, harder (bbc.co.uk)	(21)
	Massive oil spill threatens to be a "tragedy of historic proportions." This is not a repeat from BP (news.yahoo.com)	(112)
	People begin to drop their guard, unload their rifles, and unseal their panic rooms as the death panel Gestapo has failed to haul away Grandma (washingtonpost.com)	(79)
	Windows-based ATM hack gives cash on demand (networkworld.com)	(94)
	First evidence of a parallel universe found as study shows that libraries lend more DVDs every day day than Netflix rents to its subscribers (news.yahoo.com)	(104)
(Some Guy)	"I poured it in the toilet and it started to fizz." Story about assassination attempt in Afghanistan, not Lindsey Lohan's drug tests (ninesheets.com)	(51)
	This is sure to be even funnier after you miss your connecting flight because airport security detained you for a few extra hours (myfoxdc.com)	(28)
	Ousted USDA employee Sherrod plans to sue that cracker Breitbart (abcnews.go.com)	(698)
	IPhone 4's FaceTime video chat gains traction because of: a). Girlfriends showing off new haircuts. b). Deployed soldiers looking at ultrasounds of their unborn children. c). Porn (washingtonpost.com)	(119)
	Eternal salvation can be yours for just $39 (news.yahoo.com)	(83)
	Monogamy isn't natural, says the psychologist whose wife is about to find out about his affair (cnn.com)	(180)
	Judge rules that the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to look like a dumbass wearing baggy pants that hang halfway down your legs (nypost.com)	(93)
	Stealing a vechicle is one thing. Listing it on Craigslist and letting the owner spot their stolen vehicle is not too bright (orlandosentinel.com)	(19)
	Obama wants FBI to be able to get individual's internet usage data without a warrant. That must have been what he meant by transparency (washingtonpost.com)	(515)
	St. Albert Minor Baseball Association says city overreacted to its tradition of setting baseball diamonds on fire (cbc.ca)	(31)
	"Missing California woman reportedly seen in Las Vegas" Apparently, however, neither CNN, the Las Vegas PD nor the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office can contribute a photo. So be sure to be on the lookout for her (cnn.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)	Peach flavored placenta, plus seven other disturbing inventions from Japan. (slightly Not safe for work) (guyism.com)	(18)
	Suspicious device found in Chelsea. Guess she couldn't wait for the wedding (myfoxboston.com)	(56)
(GCDailyWorld)	When forging a check, it's best to pick an amount that will fit through a teller's window (gcdailyworld.com)	(36)
	South Korean Prime Minister offers to resign... again. Presumably to give speeches on the lucrative Tea Party circuit (edition.cnn.com)	(23)
	Portland doing its best to control child sex trafficking with its two vice cops. Meanwhile the drug unit has 18 officers and 4 sergeants. You're doing it wrong (washingtontimes.com)	(94)
	In a completely fair and balanced article, a prostitute explains that all men cheat (glo.msn.com)	(174)
	News: 100 million facebook users have their personal information hacked and put in a file. Fark: MSNBC posts the story, tells what site it's on and puts up a screenshot of the file description on the site (msnbc.msn.com)	(104)
(Some Wheaton Guy)	Wil Wheaton is 38 in Earth years (he looks younger because of all that time traveling at light speed) (wilwheaton.net)	(189)
(Some Ted Rall)	"When fascism arrives in America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross" Not to mention oblivious to sexual double entendres (boiseweekly.com)	(324)
(Milwaukee of course)	12-year-old girl survives shooting due to being shot in the God (todaystmj4.com)	(526)
	You talkin' to me? YOU TALKIN' TO ME? (news.com.au)	(46)
	Disparity in sentencing between crack and coke fixed, the 1980s smile and nod (cnn.com)	(204)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this creature coming to get you (animalpicture.ru)	(36)
	Styrofoam packing peanuts are being replaced with mushrooms. Keep that in mind the next time you order a ten-foot tall purple bat-winged fire breathing llama from Amazon (mnn.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)	All electric cars qualifying for California's $5000 rebate and permission to carry a single rider in an HOV lane please roll forward. Not so fast there, Chevy Volt (greencarreports.com)	(292)
	From the well of over-tapped WWII heroism, here are the dentures that won the war (bbc.co.uk)	(24)
	Retirees - some as old as 90 - accused of playing loud music and having parties lasting into early hours of morning (dailymail.co.uk)	(31)
	It's Viagra. You know, for kids (nypost.com)	(69)
	56-year-old woman becomes the slowest person to ever swim the English Channel. A WINNER IS YOU (thesun.co.uk)	(28)
	If you put a flightless bird on a conveyor belt will it take off? (stuff.co.nz)	(44)
	Urban ninja mothers urge women to take back the streets. Your move, urban pirate mothers (news.com.au)	(56)
	Beer laced with cheese helps sexual performance. Which explains how a small town like Green Bay can sell out a stadium for 50 years straight (metro.co.uk)	(47)
	One in five Californians say they need mental health care. That explains Pelosi (latimes.com)	(93)
	If you're an overweight, middle-aged, balding man who keeps showing up in the background of reporters' live shots, the English news media is onto you (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)
	Gulf oil is disappearing on its own, Anderson Cooper will have to find somewhere else to wear his muscle shirts, Oh the humanity (examiner.com)	(234)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 273: "Dirty Pictures." Note: Nothing sexual. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(129)
(Some Feathers)	Photoshop a reason for these two to be doing what they are doing (i.imgur.com)	(44)