Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Fri September 10, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Japan is 23,000,000 years younger than previously thought (bbc.co.uk)	(9)
		ISP pulls Florida church's website before they can press the delete Quran key (mysanantonio.com)	(129)
		People living on the former site of two chemical plants and a tannery can't figure out why their cancer rates are so high. Probably the same reason their IQs are so low (mlive.com)	(20)
		Couple siphons gas from a Salvation Army vehicle, get a mouthful of karma when they both suddenly catch fire (myfoxatlanta.com)	(24)
(KLTV)		Texans brace for immigration of blacks (kltv.com)	(41)
		Man gets hard time for his accidental discharge while watching a movie (courant.com)	(29)
		Woman wakes up to three crocodiles walking around in her house. But it's ok, they're her pets and she telepathically talks to them (dailymail.co.uk)	(26)
		Pedophile surprised to discover that his "my cat is the one that downloaded the kiddie porn collection" defense didn't work out as well as he expected (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(43)
		You're covered in blood and the cops knock on the door? Might as well invite them in to see your pot plants (seacoastonline.com)	(14)
		I'm sorry ma'am, but your bra seems to be setting off our metal detectors. You'll have to remove it (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
		Consumerist article about Ikea letting 100 cats loose inside store. Outraged follow-up article when IKEA managers ask cats to see their receipts when they leave coming soon (consumerist.com)	(57)
		You're driving around with an open container of malt liquor between your legs and a crack pipe on the dashboard. Do you C) Flag down a police officer to ask for directions? (nwfdailynews.com)	(25)
(morning sun)		Man uses fertilizer to spell "Will U Marry Me" into his lawn, hoping it will mowtivate his girlfriend (themorningsun.com)	(53)
(KTLA)		Two teens killed after railroad thoughtlessly fails to post signs warning people not to sleep on the tracks (ktla.com)	(74)
		Thousands of dirty, filthy, smelly Christians threaten the Sistine Chapel. SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING (news.yahoo.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		World's largest breast implants removed, earth finally tilts correctly on its axis (myfoxhouston.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this man and his missile (vernk.com)	(16)
		Drunk driving pirates gets a hole-in-one. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(19)
(KTNV)		DA busted for DUI after resident calls 911 to report suspicious car. Bonus: It's his second DUI and he's also been arrested for embezzlement. Fark: Resident who called cops has prior DUI arrest. Double Fark: She's Heidi Fleiss (ktnv.com)	(35)
		Reasons why a cop might think you're drinking and driving: 1) Your flip-flops don't match. 2) You hand over the sales contract for the car instead of the vehicle registration. 3) You brag about having Sex on the Beach twice in one night (nwfdailynews.com)	(13)
		Old and busted: using a gun to rob a store. The new hotness: using a makeshift flamethrower to rob a store (news.com.au)	(19)
		The Fox theater in Atlanta says "no" to Jihad. Yea, that's a lawsuit (ajc.com)	(109)
		America's next big threat: Photographers in hoodies (wired.com)	(66)
(News4Jax)		5th grader refused entry into gifted program because she's too rich (news4jax.com)	(192)
		Hey guys, hate to break it to you but finally fitting into a 36 waist might just mean you're still a fatass (suntimes.com)	(121)

Thu September 09, 2010

	Village People can finally officially be in the navy (news.yahoo.com)	(226)
	Rules for sex offenders include not living near schools, registering with police, notifying them if you move, and not punching the lady who's distributing fliers about you to neighbors (cbs3.com)	(68)
(ABC 7 News)	Neighborhood in San Bruno, California, near San Francisco International Airport, just blew up. Here's live video (abclocal.go.com)	(lots)
	Woman's lost pinky grows back. Are you pondering what I'm pondering? (cnn.com)	(126)
(Some Factory Shooter)	MAC-10 and Cheese (abclocal.go.com)	(122)
	Man suspected of supermarket robbery jumps into creek to flee police. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that the creek didn't lead to a country without extradition laws (news.com.au)	(16)
	Locals warned Boulder fire may roll into city (news.yahoo.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this short warm-up (bigpicture.ru)	(33)
	YES WE CAN...hope that Capitol Hill staffers owe less than $9 million and change in back in taxes (washingtonpost.com)	(57)
(The Frisky)	Old & busted: Back scooping. New hotness: Gap-toothing (thefrisky.com)	(124)
	The bank robber is described as 5' 5" to 5' 9" and wearing a good Samaritan on his back (twincities.com)	(27)
	Ever get that feeling that you left the keys in your police cruiser? Or that you left that burglar unattended in the back seat? At least you remembered to close the rear seat divider... right? (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(24)
	Barbeque cancelled due to inclement political weather (edition.cnn.com)	(638)
	Oceanographers at the site of the RMS Titanic wreckage are scarred, even traumatized for life after what they found there (includes a pic of the horror, so use caution before clicking the link) (msnbc.msn.com)	(206)
	President Obama, having no other pressing things on his agenda, endorses Rahm Emanuel for Chicago Mayor (latimes.com)	(90)
(WBIR)	Forget about burning the Quran. This guy shot a Bible. In self-defense (wbir.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	You do not approve of a gathering of friends your wife has over to the house. Do you? C: Fill her mouth and eyes full of pepper spray after she falls asleep (fox59.com)	(63)
(Surrey Police)	Do you recognise burglar who stole the bacon? (surrey.police.uk)	(65)
	Man who crashed his car and pulled a toy gun on witnesses claims low blood sugar made him a sourpuss (news.com.au)	(31)
	Two men arrested for wrestling with their python in a McDonald's parking lot, and no, that's not an euphemism (msnbc.msn.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)	Actual headline: "Sex toy study creates a buzz" (dailytarheel.com)	(65)
	Westboro Baptist Church annoyed by Florida church's Quran burning plans because they burned one in 2008 and nobody cared (kansas.com)	(238)
(Some Guy)	It was really nice of employees at the Jiffy Lube to let bank robber use their phone to call a getaway cab (myfoxphoenix.com)	(19)
	Got $10 million lying around? Purchase this Italian fixer-upper and become the Count of Carbonana. And there's a dungeon, too. Giggity (usatoday.com)	(76)
	Obvious: Man, wrongly imprisoned 24 years for rape, arrested having sex with prostitute in his car. Fark: Calls wife to come pick up his car (tampabay.com)	(50)
(News14)	Law enforcement want access to your medical records, citizen (charlotte.news14.com)	(85)
(SF Weekly)	For the three of you who didn't already know this, the people behind Farmville are a real bunch of scumbags (sfweekly.com)	(80)
(Some Guy)	White House unveils www.challenge.gov - a site that aggregates X Prize-like contests you have no chance of winning (govtech.com)	(37)
	The term "Not Helping" defined: When you are running for Mayor of Washington DC and Marion Barry picks your "Restoring Public Trust in Government rally" to show up at uninvited to introduce and endorse you (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(62)
	Man suing whole foods and Starbucks because he doesn't care for their new exploding bottles of green tea (consumerist.com)	(80)
	Beneficiaries of the BP compensation fund include shrimpers, fishermen, hotels, restaurants, and realtors. Oh, and Motley Crue (blog.al.com)	(47)
	Russian airline pilot makes an amazing crash landing after getting his Bering Strait (news.com.au)	(54)
	This day in 1926: the mind-control begins (wired.com)	(42)
	GM makes 30 billion dollars appear out of thin air (bloomberg.com)	(112)
(WMAL.com)	Ground Zero Mosque problem may be solved, by the almighty dollar (wmal.com)	(245)
(Some Tarheel)	Duke's College Republicans lose their charter over accusations of homophobia, leaving Duke free to suck at will (dailytarheel.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)	Now you don't have to worry about going blind if you don't stop doing that (apnews.myway.com)	(26)
	While you slept, U.S. Marines freed a cargo ship held by pirates off Somalia. Without firing a shot (msnbc.msn.com)	(129)
(Beacon News)	Nude cellphone cutie hit with disorderly conduct charge (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(180)
	Animal Control workers to be put down in 3 weeks (mlive.com)	(24)
	Despite all our texting, talking, drinking, watching movies, GPS programming, and general piss-poor driving skills, American highway deaths are at their lowest level in 60 years (usatoday.com)	(131)
	Chess nuts toasting at an open bar (news.com.au)	(31)
	Rest in Fleece (news.smh.com.au)	(20)
	Photoshop a business card for a fictional business (LGT to inspiring Fark thread) (fark.com)	(92)
(Some Gal)	Snowflake realizes that spending $40k a year on gender studies was a mistake (thefrisky.com)	(487)
	US worldwide competitiveness has dropped, again. Hopefully we'll still get a trophy, though (washingtonpost.com)	(160)
(Some Guy)	When it comes to actually teaching facts, here's the world's five worst textbooks. Good news, Texas, you're still not as bad as Saudi Arabia. Worse than Russia, though (foreignpolicy.com)	(382)
	64-year old woman drags naked neighbor out of her house by beard (w/ pic) (kansascity.com)	(82)
	Ars gratia artis... JESUS CHRIST, IT'S THE MGM LION, GET IN THE CAR (cnn.com)	(119)
	Farmer claims global warming is causing his corn to pop on the stalk (sfgate.com)	(65)
	Sex offenders are flocking to Puerto Rico because it's laws restricting what sex offenders can do are not as strict as they are in the rest of the U.S (news.yahoo.com)	(215)
	It's never a good sign when the prison they send you has its own condom vending machines (sfgate.com)	(84)
	High school students create group to fight peer pressure. You should join. Come on, everyone's doing it. It'll make you feel good. What are you, chicken? (washingtonpost.com)	(33)
	Inmates caught sneaking back into jail. You're doing it wrong (hosted.ap.org)	(22)
	Pilots facing more danger from lasers, airborne sharks (wtopnews.com)	(56)
(Some Guy)	It might be time to call in some landscapers if the tree in your yard can be seen from space (couriermail.com.au)	(89)
	US troops in Afghanistan, winning hearts and minds, collecting fingers (guardian.co.uk)	(142)
	If you've had to choose between going to yoga class and getting stoned, new "Ganja Yoga" classes are for you (theglobeandmail.com)	(32)
	Photoshop this axe man (cache.boston.com)	(22)
(wlbt.com)	Baby squirrel adopted by cat, ends up learning how to purr and despise mankind (wlbt.com)	(67)
	When breaking the news that a fire station will be shut down and workers laid off, you might want to say something other than, "The city's not going to, going to, burn up if we shut down one fire station and lay off a few people" (wgal.com)	(25)
	So how much do we really pay in taxes? Even the left's heavyweight can't spin this one (npr.org)	(703)
	City to spray water at homeless people to keep them from camping in parks. If that doesn't work they will issue firm, but gentle corrections with the command "Tsst" and always show the homeless who the alpha figure is (cbs13.com)	(59)
	Eleven - count 'em - ELEVEN doctors miss telltale signs of patient's cancer. Still no cure for incompetence (thesun.co.uk)	(166)
	66 year-old man wants to talk to school bus driver about driving too fast down the road decides the best way to go about it is to throw a heavy metal object through the windshield (miamiherald.com)	(25)
	Dalai Lama gives $50K to support brain research. So they got that goin' for them (google.com)	(35)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 279: "The Camera Made Me Do It." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(262)