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Wed September 08, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(New Zealand Herald)   Despite the claims in his CV, New Zealand's top defence scientist was not, in fact, a chaffeur, seamstress, or curator of large mammals  (nzherald.co.nz) (23)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this crab clutcher  (insig.ht) (19)
(Some Guy)   70% of 2009 US federal spending reports don't add up. Scary tag is out getting the calculator  (sunlightfoundation.com) (47)
(Some Movie Voiceover Guy)   IN A WORLD where pre-movie commercials run too long, ONE WOMAN will decide that it's TIME to take ACTION. "Last Action Lawsuit" - this time, IT'S PERSONAL  (digitalspy.com) (101)
(www.wwj.com)   Not News: A Detroit school bus is 30 min. late on the first day of school. Fark: Guess who decided to ride the bus that day?  (wwj.cbslocal.com) (96)
(Komo)   Not news: Massive Seattle construction project draws major government officials for groundbreaking. Fark: the city's own traffic department says the project will not help anything  (komonews.com) (112)
(wthr.com)   In a crime you can almost understand, woman requires six beers to transport around her seven kids  (wthr.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   There is a growing movement of women taking on "Birth Rape"  (newser.com) (259)
(Spiegel)   Islamophobe pastor Terry Jones ran a church in Germany...until they kicked him out. You know you're doing something wrong if even the Germans don't want to burn books with you  (spiegel.de) (290)
(UPI)   Porcupines may lose their protection in Pennsylvania, prompting state residents to go on a quilling spree  (upi.com) (38)
(CNN)   Mob of angry villagers trashes and burns animal sanctuary because: c) a local psychic told them missing kids were being fed to the animals there  (cnn.com) (135)
(Some Gnome)   Nature has dozens of efficient killing machines. Sharks. Piranhas. Pit Vipers. And yes, the deadly Garden Gnome (Sponsored link)   (howtosurviveagardengnomeattack.com) (42)
(Journal Times)   Crazy white supremacist continues plan to damage jail during each visit in hopes they'll stop taking him there  (journaltimes.com) (101)
(Free Press)   Detroiter with fire-damaged house told power company a few days before: 'I hope you're taping this conversation, because if my house burns down, you're going to have to pay for it.' Tag is for power company  (freep.com) (121)
(Talking Points Memo)   It turns out that nearly $300 billion of the Stimulus hasn't even hit the economy yet   (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (164)
(The Atlantic)   "If they really want to support their troops," a soldier and sexual Tyrannosaurus told me, "folks should quit it with all the other stuff and just send more dip"  (theatlantic.com) (80)
(NYPost)   No matter the strategy behind it, it must hurt when you're in court and your lawyer refers to you as "a little Mongoloid"  (nypost.com) (94)
(Yahoo)   She was the goddamn Batman  (news.yahoo.com) (147)
(NPR)   Lipton's "tea is perfect and has antixodiants and can lower your cholesterol" health campaign has the FDA ready to declare tea a controlled drug  (npr.org) (154)
(CNN)   BP releases official report detailing findings on the cause of the Transocean/Halliburton oil spill  (cnn.com) (60)
(NPR)   New Muslim liberal arts college pre-emptively voted dead last in the "2011 Top Party Schools" list  (npr.org) (109)
(Some Guy)   Canada getting less literate. Told you are Health care was better then yous  (winnipegsun.com) (57)
(WBGG)   The best images of a boat captain taking a wake at full speed and throwing himself out of the wheelhouse you'll see, well, ever (warning: slideshow)  (pnyr.big1059.com) (144)
(Washington Post)   1 in 5 US adults remain cool, sophisticated, maybe even a little... dangerous  (washingtonpost.com) (292)
(Yahoo)   New book describes Austrian woman's 8 1/2 year ordeal at the hands of her kidnapper, including beatings, humiliation, starvation, and worst of all, the constant threat of being eaten by dingoes  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these pledging people  (insig.ht) (25)
(Some Guy)   "Woman hit by falling cat sues 200 people" with cool animation of what a falling cat might look like  (weirdasianews.com) (84)
(CBS News)   Long Island man arrested for defending his home, his property and his family  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (556)
(Yahoo)   Since nobody else seems to be using it for anything, "urban gardeners" planning to use downtown Detroit to grow crops  (news.yahoo.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   New study shows walking makes you smarter. Stephen Hawking unavailable for comment  (y100.com) (56)
(WLBZ2.com)   Students at a New Hampshire middle school got to study yellow jackets up close and personal. Some of them up to 25 times  (wlbz2.com) (64)
(My Fox DC)   You know you're in trouble when you're being " targeted by someone in the bird-keeping community"  (myfoxdc.com) (23)
(The New York Times)   If you go through this scanner, you'll get cancer. If you don't go through, we'll have you arrested. Have a nice flight  (travel.nytimes.com) (180)
(Gizmodo)   The greatest atomic bomb controversy you've never heard of  (gizmodo.com) (118)
(Metro)   You can no longer regurgitate fish in Australia. Vegemite still okay  (metro.co.uk) (22)
(Some Guy)   Reminder Halifax Fark Party Saturday Sept 11 @ 6 pm @ the Q. Wear red so we can find each other  (qmeats.ca) (53)
(The Local (Sweden))   The smartest people in Sweden come from the north of the country. So that's at least one thing they have in common with the USA  (thelocal.se) (343)
(Some Guy)   Former CIA officer is now a training contractor teaching interrogators the finer points of power tool usage  (www2.ljworld.com) (126)
(Brisbane Times)   ♫ ♪ The panties on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, the panties on the bus go up and down, all day long ♫ ♪  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (145)
(Some Guy)   Man found defecating, vomiting in street after spilling load of computer printers. Guess his buffer was full  (krdo.com) (58)
(SMH)   ♫ ♪ I sued the sheriff, because i'm still only a deputy ♫ ♪  (smh.com.au) (10)
(Yahoo)   Xbox Live suspends gamer for living in Fort Gay, West Virginia. Soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey are totally screwed  (news.yahoo.com) (175)
(My Fox DC)   Mom, Snoop Dogg is at your door and wants to know if you want to buy a cartoon-like Doberman  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Daily Mail)   Parasailing: more fun than you can stake a chick at  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Stuff)   "During the mostly no-comment interview, Willis consented to police taking photos of his penis"  (stuff.co.nz) (33)
(Some Guy)   Restaurant owner puts up sign stating, "Screaming children will not be tolerated." Some people have a problem with this. Tag is for the restaurant owner  (wect.com) (785)
(Some small town editor)   Man charged with battery after power outage near airport  (romenews-tribune.com) (13)
(CNN)   Shooting in Honduran shoe factory claims 18 soles  (cnn.com) (28)
(Stuff)   Berlin's toilet tours growing in popularity, quickly becoming the number two tourist attraction in the city  (stuff.co.nz) (26)
(Free Press)   News: Two dozen fires rage through Detroit, destroying hundreds of homes. Fark: Who knew there were hundreds of homes left in Detroit?  (freep.com) (70)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Your wife may be crazy if she tries to to burn your boat, go-kart and Jacuzzi because she didn't like you watching a Jennifer Lopez movie (w/ "yep, penis went there" mugshot)  (nwfdailynews.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these men in a propelling career  (news.bbcimg.co.uk) (7)
(Wall Street Journal)   New Jersey Transit unveils "quiet cars" on trains, where self-monitoring commuters can do work without being disturbed by loud cellphone jabberers, leaky iPods, or guidos  (blogs.wsj.com) (68)
(The Newspaper)   Attention admins, mods, and other queue-meddlers: I am a sovereign of Farkistan. Your red lights do not apply to me. You have no jurisdiction to deny this submission  (thenewspaper.com) (106)
(France24)   Egyptian Presidential candidate blames rivals for hacking daughter's Facebook page, publishing photos of her drinking alcohol, wearing bikini. George Bush nods in sympathy  (france24.com) (38)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Woman gets ultimate revenge against boss who fired her from her job: She marries him  (tampabay.com) (36)
(Florida Today)   Two asteroids just discovered last Sunday will pass Earth inside Moon's orbit tomorrow. Everybody still has time to panic  (space.flatoday.net) (175)

Tue September 07, 2010
(Telegraph)   British fail to understand the Tea Party. This is not a repeat from 1773  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (466)
(The Smoking Gun)   Secret Service arrests fraud suspect, discovers $1540 tied to his scrotum with a shoelace. And how big are your balls?  (thesmokinggun.com) (39)
(The New York Times)   Your study habits are wrong  (nytimes.com) (42)
(Daily Mail)   Two legs, two arms, severed torso found inside shark's belly. So far, no one has had the guts to claim them  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(People Magazine)   The school that missing eight-year-old Kyron Horman attends is "saving a desk for him" in hopes he will be returned safely to those that care about him. Man, I really need to dust my apartment  (people.com) (94)
(Time)   Quit even trying to blend in while on vacation - Europeans can always spot a fat, loud American  (newsfeed.time.com) (491)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this unstable statue  (online.wsj.com) (17)
(I'm not a Cracker)   Can't decide whose turn it is to walk the dog? Do you (c) stab your father  (wtsp.com) (12)
(Jalopnik)   Airline pilot discusses how he saved a 747 with a stuck rudder from plunging into the Pacific, fondness for gladiator movies  (jalopnik.com) (126)
(Sun Sentinel)   Pro Tip: Don't call 911 three times to report that someone stole your booze. That's a jailin'  (sun-sentinel.com) (15)
(CBC)   Things Canada beats the U.S. on: hockey, health care, quality of life, and kids who don't go to school  (cbc.ca) (86)
(Some Guy)   Cool: Artist photographs the same McDonald's hamburger and fries every day for 137 days. Fark: There is basically no change  (good.is) (131)
(Fox News)   Not even warnings from General Petraeus can deter Pastor from commemorating 9/11 Anniversary by burning Korans. This should end well  (foxnews.com) (501)
(CNN)   John Lennon's killer denied parole for the sixth time. Well, it was worth a shot  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (125)
(Orlando Sentinel)   OMG, Pwnies  (orlandosentinel.com) (117)
(SeattlePI)   Although she looks nothing like Robin Williams or the cross-dressing character he plays in the movie, cops insist on calling a female bank robber, "Mrs. Doubtfire Robber"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Lawyer tells client that she is channeling the spirit of his dead wife and the dead wife wants them to have sex. Somewhere Lionel Hutz is taking notes  (law.com) (58)
(SFGate)   Washington Post attacks Jack Kimble (R) of the 54th District in California. Despite the fact that he nor his district exists seems to matter  (sfgate.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   80 year old Army vet arrested for talking to his plants and even giving them names. Who calls an eight foot tall pot plant "Don" anyway?  (tokeofthetown.com) (63)
(3 News New Zealand)   "They were then held against their will and forced to dance until police arrived"  (3news.co.nz) (66)
(New York Daily News)   Rodney King engaged to one of the jurors who awarded him $3.8 million. Is that how it works nowadays?  (nydailynews.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   Florida's finest manages to shoot himself with taser during arrest  (clickorlando.com) (36)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Early 20th century beer tunnel found. Hopes are high for a bacon cave to be found nearby  (news.cincinnati.com) (23)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago's mayor Daley will not run for re-election. Voters will have to vote for someone else three times  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (123)
(Some Guy)   Jehovah's Witnesses seek protection from outspoken views of "the new atheists." Relax guys, it's not like they're knocking on your door trying to hand out "learn to be godless" pamphlets  (blog.newhumanist.org.uk) (468)
(APP.com)   HOA removes 150-year-old headstones from local graveyard because they didn't conform to standards. To be replaced by white placards flush to the ground, killer clown dolls, and child-abducting TV sets  (app.com) (241)
(Boston Globe)   Woman stung 500 times by wasps, mostly by insulting her shoes, lack of Ivy League education  (boston.com) (51)
(Time)   Q: What's with Google's homepage today? A: We don't know. That's fine reportin' there, Lou  (newsfeed.time.com) (120)
(9 News)   Non-word "refudiate" gets perfectly cromulent number of online searches  (9news.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Just so you know, bathing in the restroom of a Five Guys is now a capital offense  (chronicle.augusta.com) (37)
(Some Canuck)   Vancouver to install 3D speed bumps that look like children. Somehow they think that'll make people drive SLOWER  (good.is) (95)
(Straits Times)   Politician's son demands apology from in-flight magazine that called him a murderer, since all he did was order the murder of that judge  (straitstimes.com) (20)
(SLO Tribune)   Texting your ex-wife while hiding in a cardboard box in her closet is apparently a violation of your four restraining orders  (sanluisobispo.com) (36)
(CBS Philadelphia)   Man tries to put out his burning house with a garden hose to save his reptiles. Do police A) help him put out the fire, B) call the fire department, or C) tase him  (cbs3.com) (105)
(WBTV)   News: Woman breaks husband's nose. Strange: follows up assault with breaking-and-entering a middle school. Fark: Naked (with do-not-want pic)  (wbtv.com) (41)
(Toronto Sun)   NO CAPES  (torontosun.com) (77)
(FARK)   Helicopter parent crashes, jailbreaking DNA, and the fit has hit the Shan: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 8/29 - 9/4  (fark.com) (14)
(wavy.com)   Marathon runner reaches the finish line  (wavy.com) (107)
(Yahoo)   As the recession deepens, more and more Americans are embracing Depression-era values like frugality- and we're willing to shell out big bucks for any piece of plastic crap that promises to help us do it  (news.yahoo.com) (198)
(Marketwatch)   The Earth doesn't care if you're a locavore, drive a hybrid, or have a negative carbon footprint. Humanity will go extinct because of our inherent tendencies for fecundity, greed, and willful ignorance  (marketwatch.com) (214)
(Japan Times)   Who is to blame for Engrish? "After more than two decades' experience in the industry, I posit that language teaching in Japan suffers from a severe case of group psychosis"  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (102)
(cfnews13.com)   Gator aided out of storm drain  (cfnews13.com) (40)
(Telegraph)   The coolest picture of an F-22 you'll see all week  (telegraph.co.uk) (227)
(Pat's Papers)   If your dog is stupid enough to swallow a golf ball, it'll cost you $1844 to have it removed  (patspapers.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   One of nature's phenomenons, having withstood the test of time for millenniums, is destroyed by some bored teenagers with a crow-bar  (sanluisobispo.com) (233)
(Some Guy)   WikiLeaks: "Our 'insurance' file is hosted by The Pirate Bay and is therefore safe." US: "We're forcing the EU to raid every Pirate Bay and WikiLeaks office in Europe"  (thinq.co.uk) (175)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this small scale model  (online.wsj.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Smart people are boring. Here comes the science  (610wiod.com) (57)
(wtsp.com)   If you bought an exotic pet at a shopping mall kiosk, the BBB has a little advice for you  (wtsp.com) (121)
(AZCentral)   Protip: Don't try to steal a keg at a party in Arizona. "People in Arizona carry guns"  (azcentral.com) (250)
(Denver Post)   Boulder County, CO is on fire. Residents as far away as Denver reportedly getting a contact high  (denverpost.com) (82)
(The Sun)   Just because you call a confidential government hotline about the sex toy stuck up your butt doesn't mean your problem is going to stay confidential  (thesun.co.uk) (32)
(Some Red Head Loving Guy)   There is such a thing as Redhead Day and you missed it. But don't fret, here are the pics  (totallycoolpix.com) (350)
(Some Guy)   Boy calls 9-1-1 after father passes out behind the wheel. "I saw daddy crush a pill and suck it into his nose with a straw"  (wiod.com) (64)
(The Sun)   Obese man fired as a preventative step just in case he fell on a co-worker and crushed them  (thesun.co.uk) (101)
(News.com.au)   Russian teen suffers police beating so severe doctors may not be able to save his genitals - except in a bottle  (news.com.au) (86)
(katu.com)   Smoking hot Pussycats Club closes Canyon Road in Beaverton  (koinlocal6.com) (58)
(Washington Times)   Two-thirds of you Americans believe that one magical person out there, somewhere, is your soul mate. The rest of you already gave up and are married  (washingtontimes.com) (295)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Drunken guy sees how long he can hang from a 5th floor balcony. Answer: not long  (mirror.co.uk) (44)
(CNN)   At age 60, Erin Gray is now a celebrity handler at events such as Dragon*Con. (w/ yes you would like an angry fist of god pic)  (cnn.com) (365)
(My Fox DC)   Cops: So...we have these pictures of you stealing your opponent's campaign signs. Candidate: Actually, what you're looking at, is me helping the community grow by focusing on the needs of the citizens. Cops: Nice  (myfoxdc.com) (88)
(CNN)   Having nothing else to do, NASA passes the time by helping with the Chilean miner rescue effort  (cnn.com) (54)
(SMH)   Miss Australia donates her body to good causes. BRB, registering as a charity  (smh.com.au) (24)
(SMH)   Hot redhead on top down under, again  (smh.com.au) (113)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   You know things have gotten primitive in Cincy when the gangbangers start using a bow and arrow for drivebys  (news.cincinnati.com) (88)
(USA Today)   Steel columns salvaged from the WTC site are being installed at the entrance of the 9/11 museum. Hope they cleared off any remaining thermite  (usatoday.com) (82)
(My Fox DC)   Doctor will stop at nothing to ensure his patient's health even if it means he has to suck her nipple during a breast exam. Wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com) (96)
(Gawker)   Shocking new research reveals that one third of young Britons drink to get drunk. Presumably the rest drink to stay drunk  (gawker.com) (31)
(Craigslist)   "Bring your cat to the gangbang" day turned out badly for this girl  (i.imgur.com) (204)
(Some Guy)   "Eccentrically dressed in open-necked shirts, gold chains and tight trousers, the swarthy, afro-haired kamakis formed a class of their own"  (couriermail.com.au) (26)
(Some Guy)   Things you're not allowed to keep in your home: grenades, missiles, rocket launchers, cannons. That sort of thing  (swns.com) (53)
(Washington Post)   Who loses when fiscal austerity sweeps a continent? Scientists  (washingtonpost.com) (150)
(Breitbart.com)   Nevada considers a unique way to earn income: for just $25, you can speed all you want for 24 hours. Yeah...this will end well  (breitbart.com) (105)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this fish being refastened  (online.wsj.com) (21)
(Huffington Post)   The new "Three R's of School": Reading, wRiting, and Rape  (huffingtonpost.com) (203)
(Lincoln Journal-Star)   Prison inmate visits the facility doctor, who finds the man had a shard of glass lodged in his arm for 16 years due to him smashing in a window. So, the prisoner is suing the hospital and doctor that originally treated him  (journalstar.com) (49)
(Telegraph)   Scientists find reason why not cleaning your teeth caries risks for heart attacks  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(BBC)   People with a severe mental illness are no more likely to be violent than anyone else. My girlfriend's ring marks on my face come from sleeping on her hands  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(New Zealand Herald)   Amidst the devastation of the New Zealand earthquake lies an intolerable silent horror: beer shortage  (nzherald.co.nz) (24)
(Daily Mail)   American version of Joseph Fritzl arrested in Ohio, and you thought farked up shiat like that only happened in Australia  (dailymail.co.uk) (83)
(Yahoo)   Rare color footage of London blitz found on eve of 70th anniversary  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(CNN)   Old and busted: Medical Marijuana. New Hotness: Medical 'Shrooms  (cnn.com) (142)
(CNN)   General Petraeus says burning the Quran could betray us  (cnn.com) (588)
(Bloomberg)   Best Korea bowling game based on The Dude. This aggression will not stand, man  (bloomberg.com) (41)
(BusinessWeek)   $75,000 a year. That's is the exact income amount you need for money to buy you happiness. Everybody below that? Bunch of angry assholes  (businessweek.com) (179)
(Pressconnects)   Mayor of a city gets a speeding ticket. Being a model citizen for everyone, he decides to plead guilty and pay the fine. Just kidding, he decides to fight the ticket because he believes the police were influenced by politics  (pressconnects.com) (44)

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