Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Thu September 09, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Surrey Police)		Do you recognise burglar who stole the bacon? (surrey.police.uk)	(44)
		Man who crashed his car and pulled a toy gun on witnesses claims low blood sugar made him a sourpuss (news.com.au)	(18)
		Two men arrested for wrestling with their python in a McDonald's parking lot, and no, that's not an euphemism (msnbc.msn.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)		Actual headline: "Sex toy study creates a buzz" (dailytarheel.com)	(37)
		Westboro Baptist Church annoyed by Florida church's Quran burning plans because they burned one in 2008 and nobody cared (kansas.com)	(117)
(Some Guy)		It was really nice of employees at the Jiffy Lube to let bank robber use their phone to call a getaway cab (myfoxphoenix.com)	(15)
		Got $10 million lying around? Purchase this Italian fixer-upper and become the Count of Carbonana. And there's a dungeon, too. Giggity (usatoday.com)	(49)
		Obvious: Man, wrongly imprisoned 24 years for rape, arrested having sex with prostitute in his car. Fark: Calls wife to come pick up his car (tampabay.com)	(39)
(News14)		Law enforcement want access to your medical records, citizen (charlotte.news14.com)	(45)
(SF Weekly)		For the three of you who didn't already know this, the people behind Farmville are a real bunch of scumbags (sfweekly.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		White House unveils www.challenge.gov - a site that aggregates X Prize-like contests you have no chance of winning (govtech.com)	(27)
		The term "Not Helping" defined: When you are running for Mayor of Washington DC and Marion Barry picks your "Restoring Public Trust in Government rally" to show up at uninvited to introduce and endorse you (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(51)
		Man suing whole foods and Starbucks because he doesn't care for their new exploding bottles of green tea (consumerist.com)	(64)
		Beneficiaries of the BP compensation fund include shrimpers, fishermen, hotels, restaurants, and realtors. Oh, and Motley Crue (blog.al.com)	(38)
		Russian airline pilot makes an amazing crash landing after getting his Bering Strait (news.com.au)	(40)
		This day in 1926: the mind-control begins (wired.com)	(30)
		GM makes 30 billion dollars appear out of thin air (bloomberg.com)	(71)
(WMAL.com)		Ground Zero Mosque problem may be solved, by the almighty dollar (wmal.com)	(182)
(Some Tarheel)		Duke's College Republicans lose their charter over accusations of homophobia, leaving Duke free to suck at will (dailytarheel.com)	(58)
(Some Guy)		Now you don't have to worry about going blind if you don't stop doing that (apnews.myway.com)	(24)
		While you slept, U.S. Marines freed a cargo ship held by pirates off Somalia. Without firing a shot (msnbc.msn.com)	(108)
(Beacon News)		Nude cellphone cutie hit with disorderly conduct charge (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(163)
		Animal Control workers to be put down in 3 weeks (mlive.com)	(23)
		Despite all our texting, talking, drinking, watching movies, GPS programming, and general piss-poor driving skills, American highway deaths are at their lowest level in 60 years (usatoday.com)	(119)
		Chess nuts toasting at an open bar (news.com.au)	(27)
		Rest in Fleece (news.smh.com.au)	(17)
		Photoshop a business card for a fictional business (LGT to inspiring Fark thread) (fark.com)	(72)
(Some Gal)		Snowflake realizes that spending $40k a year on gender studies was a mistake (thefrisky.com)	(473)
		US worldwide competitiveness has dropped, again. Hopefully we'll still get a trophy, though (washingtonpost.com)	(155)
(Some Guy)		When it comes to actually teaching facts, here's the world's five worst textbooks. Good news, Texas, you're still not as bad as Saudi Arabia. Worse than Russia, though (foreignpolicy.com)	(369)
		64-year old woman drags naked neighbor out of her house by beard (w/ pic) (kansascity.com)	(80)
		Ars gratia artis... JESUS CHRIST, IT'S THE MGM LION, GET IN THE CAR (cnn.com)	(117)
		Farmer claims global warming is causing his corn to pop on the stalk (sfgate.com)	(61)
		Sex offenders are flocking to Puerto Rico because it's laws restricting what sex offenders can do are not as strict as they are in the rest of the U.S (news.yahoo.com)	(201)
		It's never a good sign when the prison they send you has its own condom vending machines (sfgate.com)	(82)
		High school students create group to fight peer pressure. You should join. Come on, everyone's doing it. It'll make you feel good. What are you, chicken? (washingtonpost.com)	(32)
		Inmates caught sneaking back into jail. You're doing it wrong (hosted.ap.org)	(20)
		Pilots facing more danger from lasers, airborne sharks (wtopnews.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)		It might be time to call in some landscapers if the tree in your yard can be seen from space (couriermail.com.au)	(87)
		US troops in Afghanistan, winning hearts and minds, collecting fingers (guardian.co.uk)	(136)
		If you've had to choose between going to yoga class and getting stoned, new "Ganja Yoga" classes are for you (theglobeandmail.com)	(28)
		Photoshop this axe man (cache.boston.com)	(22)
(wlbt.com)		Baby squirrel adopted by cat, ends up learning how to purr and despise mankind (wlbt.com)	(62)
		When breaking the news that a fire station will be shut down and workers laid off, you might want to say something other than, "The city's not going to, going to, burn up if we shut down one fire station and lay off a few people" (wgal.com)	(24)
		So how much do we really pay in taxes? Even the left's heavyweight can't spin this one (npr.org)	(647)
		City to spray water at homeless people to keep them from camping in parks. If that doesn't work they will issue firm, but gentle corrections with the command "Tsst" and always show the homeless who the alpha figure is (cbs13.com)	(57)
		Eleven - count 'em - ELEVEN doctors miss telltale signs of patient's cancer. Still no cure for incompetence (thesun.co.uk)	(151)
		66 year-old man wants to talk to school bus driver about driving too fast down the road decides the best way to go about it is to throw a heavy metal object through the windshield (miamiherald.com)	(23)
		Dalai Lama gives $50K to support brain research. So they got that goin' for them (google.com)	(35)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 279: "The Camera Made Me Do It." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(249)

Wed September 08, 2010

	Mental illness costs Canadian economy $51 billion. That's crazy (money.canoe.ca)	(50)
	I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again... No, seriously, no one knows I'm being taken, if I'll return, or if I'll be tortured, but the courts are cool with it (nytimes.com)	(112)
(Some Guy)	Chicago suburb considering a dress code for cabbies, includes stipulation that sandles can only be worn with socks. Seniors welcome more job opportunities, trips through farmers markets (triblocal.com)	(23)
(ksbw.com)	Inmates upset over soap rules, refuse to drop the issue (ksbw.com)	(32)
(ksl.com)	Sprinkler system blamed in fire. IT'S LIKE RAI-EEEEEEE-AIIIIIIIIIIIN (ksl.com)	(86)
	Despite the claims in his CV, New Zealand's top defence scientist was not, in fact, a chaffeur, seamstress, or curator of large mammals (nzherald.co.nz)	(49)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this crab clutcher (insig.ht)	(34)
(Some Guy)	70% of 2009 US federal spending reports don't add up. Scary tag is out getting the calculator (sunlightfoundation.com)	(77)
(Some Movie Voiceover Guy)	IN A WORLD where pre-movie commercials run too long, ONE WOMAN will decide that it's TIME to take ACTION. "Last Action Lawsuit" - this time, IT'S PERSONAL (digitalspy.com)	(158)
(www.wwj.com)	Not News: A Detroit school bus is 30 min. late on the first day of school. Fark: Guess who decided to ride the bus that day? (wwj.cbslocal.com)	(133)
	Not news: Massive Seattle construction project draws major government officials for groundbreaking. Fark: the city's own traffic department says the project will not help anything (komonews.com)	(155)
(wthr.com)	In a crime you can almost understand, woman requires six beers to transport around her seven kids (wthr.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)	There is a growing movement of women taking on "Birth Rape" (newser.com)	(385)
(Some Gnome)	Nature has dozens of efficient killing machines. Sharks. Piranhas. Pit Vipers. And yes, the deadly Garden Gnome (Sponsored link) (howtosurviveagardengnomeattack.com)	(44)
	Islamophobe pastor Terry Jones ran a church in Germany...until they kicked him out. You know you're doing something wrong if even the Germans don't want to burn books with you (spiegel.de)	(386)
	Porcupines may lose their protection in Pennsylvania, prompting state residents to go on a quilling spree (upi.com)	(44)
	Mob of angry villagers trashes and burns animal sanctuary because: c) a local psychic told them missing kids were being fed to the animals there (cnn.com)	(141)
(Journal Times)	Crazy white supremacist continues plan to damage jail during each visit in hopes they'll stop taking him there (journaltimes.com)	(104)
	Detroiter with fire-damaged house told power company a few days before: 'I hope you're taping this conversation, because if my house burns down, you're going to have to pay for it.' Tag is for power company (freep.com)	(125)
	It turns out that nearly $300 billion of the Stimulus hasn't even hit the economy yet (tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(175)
	"If they really want to support their troops," a soldier and sexual Tyrannosaurus told me, "folks should quit it with all the other stuff and just send more dip" (theatlantic.com)	(89)
	No matter the strategy behind it, it must hurt when you're in court and your lawyer refers to you as "a little Mongoloid" (nypost.com)	(98)
	She was the goddamn Batman (news.yahoo.com)	(168)
	Lipton's "tea is perfect and has antixodiants and can lower your cholesterol" health campaign has the FDA ready to declare tea a controlled drug (npr.org)	(160)
	BP releases official report detailing findings on the cause of the Transocean/Halliburton oil spill (cnn.com)	(63)
	New Muslim liberal arts college pre-emptively voted dead last in the "2011 Top Party Schools" list (npr.org)	(114)
(Some Guy)	Canada getting less literate. Told you are Health care was better then yous (winnipegsun.com)	(59)
(WBGG)	The best images of a boat captain taking a wake at full speed and throwing himself out of the wheelhouse you'll see, well, ever (warning: slideshow) (pnyr.big1059.com)	(148)
	1 in 5 US adults remain cool, sophisticated, maybe even a little... dangerous (washingtonpost.com)	(305)
	New book describes Austrian woman's 8 1/2 year ordeal at the hands of her kidnapper, including beatings, humiliation, starvation, and worst of all, the constant threat of being eaten by dingoes (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
(Some Guys)	Photoshop these pledging people (insig.ht)	(27)
(Some Guy)	"Woman hit by falling cat sues 200 people" with cool animation of what a falling cat might look like (weirdasianews.com)	(91)
(CBS News)	Long Island man arrested for defending his home, his property and his family (newyork.cbslocal.com)	(596)
	Since nobody else seems to be using it for anything, "urban gardeners" planning to use downtown Detroit to grow crops (news.yahoo.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)	New study shows walking makes you smarter. Stephen Hawking unavailable for comment (y100.com)	(58)
(WLBZ2.com)	Students at a New Hampshire middle school got to study yellow jackets up close and personal. Some of them up to 25 times (wlbz2.com)	(64)
	You know you're in trouble when you're being " targeted by someone in the bird-keeping community" (myfoxdc.com)	(23)
	If you go through this scanner, you'll get cancer. If you don't go through, we'll have you arrested. Have a nice flight (travel.nytimes.com)	(187)
	The greatest atomic bomb controversy you've never heard of (gizmodo.com)	(133)
	You can no longer regurgitate fish in Australia. Vegemite still okay (metro.co.uk)	(22)
(Some Guy)	Reminder Halifax Fark Party Saturday Sept 11 @ 6 pm @ the Q. Wear red so we can find each other (qmeats.ca)	(81)
	The smartest people in Sweden come from the north of the country. So that's at least one thing they have in common with the USA (thelocal.se)	(346)
(Some Guy)	Former CIA officer is now a training contractor teaching interrogators the finer points of power tool usage (www2.ljworld.com)	(128)
(Brisbane Times)	♫ ♪ The panties on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, the panties on the bus go up and down, all day long ♫ ♪ (brisbanetimes.com.au)	(153)
(Some Guy)	Man found defecating, vomiting in street after spilling load of computer printers. Guess his buffer was full (krdo.com)	(60)
	♫ ♪ I sued the sheriff, because i'm still only a deputy ♫ ♪ (smh.com.au)	(10)
	Xbox Live suspends gamer for living in Fort Gay, West Virginia. Soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey are totally screwed (news.yahoo.com)	(180)
	Mom, Snoop Dogg is at your door and wants to know if you want to buy a cartoon-like Doberman (myfoxdc.com)	(32)
	Parasailing: more fun than you can stake a chick at (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)
	"During the mostly no-comment interview, Willis consented to police taking photos of his penis" (stuff.co.nz)	(32)
(Some Guy)	Restaurant owner puts up sign stating, "Screaming children will not be tolerated." Some people have a problem with this. Tag is for the restaurant owner (wect.com)	(823)
(Some small town editor)	Man charged with battery after power outage near airport (romenews-tribune.com)	(14)
	Shooting in Honduran shoe factory claims 18 soles (cnn.com)	(29)
	Berlin's toilet tours growing in popularity, quickly becoming the number two tourist attraction in the city (stuff.co.nz)	(26)
	News: Two dozen fires rage through Detroit, destroying hundreds of homes. Fark: Who knew there were hundreds of homes left in Detroit? (freep.com)	(70)
	Your wife may be crazy if she tries to to burn your boat, go-kart and Jacuzzi because she didn't like you watching a Jennifer Lopez movie (w/ "yep, penis went there" mugshot) (nwfdailynews.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these men in a propelling career (news.bbcimg.co.uk)	(7)
	New Jersey Transit unveils "quiet cars" on trains, where self-monitoring commuters can do work without being disturbed by loud cellphone jabberers, leaky iPods, or guidos (blogs.wsj.com)	(68)
	Attention admins, mods, and other queue-meddlers: I am a sovereign of Farkistan. Your red lights do not apply to me. You have no jurisdiction to deny this submission (thenewspaper.com)	(121)
(France24)	Egyptian Presidential candidate blames rivals for hacking daughter's Facebook page, publishing photos of her drinking alcohol, wearing bikini. George Bush nods in sympathy (france24.com)	(38)
	Woman gets ultimate revenge against boss who fired her from her job: She marries him (tampabay.com)	(39)
(Florida Today)	Two asteroids just discovered last Sunday will pass Earth inside Moon's orbit tomorrow. Everybody still has time to panic (space.flatoday.net)	(177)