Drew Curtis' FARK.com

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Tue February 09, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Beaumont Enterprise)		You know how you have to break in to a store because all of the doors are locked? The same rules apply when trying to get out Einstein. With video goodness (beaumontenterprise.com)	(52)
(News on 6)		Armed robbery suspect who continually threatened to kill employees described as 'nicely dressed' (newson6.com)	(27)
		This First Amendment thing - it does not mean what you think it means (abcnews.go.com)	(348)
(Some Suit)		Photoshop this dapper gentleman on a loopy couch (contemporist.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Teacher hits student with clipboard. Student allegedly sustained bodily injury, shock, and injury to his nervous system needing X-rays, hospitalization and an ambulance (ocregister.com)	(160)
		Study shows older women have higher risk of having autistic children.... because the vaccines multiply over time in the woman's body states Dr. Jennifer McCarthy MD, PhD (cnn.com)	(153)
(Some Guy)		Those body-scanners, which will in no way invade your privacy, are being used to invade the privacy of Film Stars (prisonplanet.com)	(259)
		Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, and now Snoverkill (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(391)
(KRGV)		Couple caught with over 50 alleged fake credit cards. Multiple charges expected (krgv.com)	(89)
		Waffle House architect now scattered, smothered, and covered (mediabistro.com)	(126)
		Afghan army fills leadership ranks with experienced generals. They fought for the other side, but whatever (online.wsj.com)	(104)
		Family receives stocked antique liquor cabinet as a gift. Family has never heard of the terms "lock installation" (mcall.com)	(254)
(Some Scranton to Hoboken Guy)		Lackawanna Cut-Off cut off for Lackawanna (thetimes-tribune.com)	(133)
		Livestock truck crashes on highway, scattering cows, goats, pigs and chickens on the road. This article brought to you by Denny's Grand Slam breakfast (sun-sentinel.com)	(44)
(WHNT)		US Senator Shelby (R-ALzheimer's) releases blanket hold on 70 of President Obama's appointees after getting some attention, hugs (whnt.com)	(192)
(Dawn.com)		Taliban confirm that their leader in Pakistan is not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead (dawn.com)	(92)
(Hipster Puppies Tumblr)		Having ruined Williamsburg, bicycles, and sweatshirts, hipsters are now ruining puppies (hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com)	(266)
		Balls of steel: Taking a fire axe to dislodge a live bomb at 20,000 feet (freep.com)	(159)
		Rare coin dealer sues Google over address snafu. He's feeling lucky (tcpalm.com)	(68)
		UN very upset that some Haitian hospitals, which are treating patients with donated medical supplies and volunteer doctors, are still sending patients a bill afterwards. US insurance companies, on the other hand, are downright impressed (abcnews.go.com)	(106)
		Research shows how colors describe happiness vs. depression. The quest for the elusive fark greenlight finally explained (news.yahoo.com)	(44)
		If secondhand smoke hasn't already killed you and everybody you ever loved, then the newly discovered THIRDHAND stuff certainly will (mercurynews.com)	(272)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop Fuji from on high (bigpicture.ru)	(48)
		Ukranian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko vows to challenge the results of last Sunday's election on the grounds that she is WAY hotter than her opponent (news.yahoo.com)	(167)
		Flanders man arrested for repeatedly making hoax calls to 911. Stupid Flanders man (newsday.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Researchers say your color preference is closely related to which careers you are best suited. Here's a quick online test to find out whether you should be a CEO or a carney (careerpath.com)	(306)
		A man, a pickup truck, a theft, a chase, a hospital stay, Panama (mcall.com)	(50)
		Australian court hears that man accused of having sex at a petrol station was asleep until some time after the act had started. In legal circles, this is known as the "English defence" (news.com.au)	(46)
(Some Guy)		Wankered barmcake chibs mate for choring his pushbike as he bought his favourite tipple (getreading.co.uk)	(85)
		Eating frogs, scorpions, lizards then washing them down with cobra blood. Survival in the jungle? Celebrity reality show? Nope. U.S. Marines taking part in Asian war games (dailymail.co.uk)	(75)
(Some Bad Pilot)		This plane crash was an unauthorized landing. Please, please remember to get prior authorization before crashing your plane into people's yard. Thank you (gwinnettdailypost.com)	(45)
		It's probably not the best idea to re-name the bus route through the heart of an Asian community the "yellow line". Some people take offense to that sort of thing (ajc.com)	(237)
		Police describe man who was robbed of his Visa card while attempting to use it to purchase crack as a "seriously stupid crackhead" (denverpost.com)	(43)
		Two fourth-grade teachers help students cope with stress from testing by handing out pill bottles filled with little mint candies. Hilarity ensues (www2.tbo.com)	(137)
		Millionaire gives away his fortune because it made him miserable. "My idea is to have nothing left. Absolutely nothing, Money is counterproductive - it prevents happiness to come." (telegraph.co.uk)	(291)
		Caption this lean-in (s.wsj.net)	(52)
		Cows now outnumber humans in New Zealand. EAT MOR CHIKIN (cnews.canoe.ca)	(61)
(Some Guy)		Democratic lawmaker gets knocked out because he was blocking the view of the belly dancers. Republicans want singles for tips. Not for the belly dancers, for the guy who knocked him out (newsnet5.com)	(95)
		Teen crashes car into school and then drives down hall, detained for not having pass (denverpost.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this colourful saleslady (i143.photobucket.com)	(28)
		For sale: one French aircraft carrier. Only scuttled once (in.reuters.com)	(134)
		"When an officer approached the man, he noticed he was shirtless and wearing women's pants with a hole in the crotch exposing his genitals. The man also was wearing his underwear around his neck" (azcentral.com)	(88)

Mon February 08, 2010

(Some Guy)	School secretary fired for speaking Spanish in violation of school's no-Spanish rule. ¿Espera, qué? (charlotteobserver.com)	(382)
	Our Iranian friends, in an effort to demonstrate their benevolent intentions, announce Feb. 11 unveiling of "Fist of Peace" (foxnews.com)	(396)
	"Sheen Remains Weeks After Port Arthur Oil Spill." I bet he'd go away if they offered him some hookers and coke (abcnews.go.com)	(82)
(Some Relic)	Photoshop your cell phone's granddad (s3.amazonaws.com)	(58)
	San Francisco finally steps up to help the people of Haiti (jamesfallows.theatlantic.com)	(133)
	Apparently the Battle of the Java Sea was so chaotic, the Japanese navy didn't notice the small tropical island moving around (boingboing.net)	(99)
	Hair extensions cause baldness (news.bbc.co.uk)	(76)
	Six shockingly evil things babies are capable of (cracked.com)	(209)
	Activists break out the ultimate weapon against anti-Indian violence in Australia: Vindaloos (news.bbc.co.uk)	(125)
	Twenty percent of adults would rather spend Valentine's Day with a pet than a person. Unknown how much peanut butter is involved (news.yahoo.com)	(118)
	Definition of parental overkill: waterboarding your four-year old daughter (abcnews.go.com)	(232)
	Study shows that actually being a parent may prevent your kid from being a fat, lazy, slob (health.yahoo.com)	(60)
	Dr. Conrad Murray charged with involuntarily manslaugtering Michael Jackson (contactmusic.com)	(131)
	Researchers are pfinally turning their attention to the health benefits of Ginger, Garlic, and St. John's wort. The pfacts are in: herbal pfixes are pfatal (nytimes.com)	(130)
	Rep. John Murtha (D-ead) (abcnews.go.com)	(628)
(Some Guy)	Scientists are one step closer to finding a cure for aging, ensuring young people will not know the humiliation of senility but will know the thrill of dying amidst a hunger and disease-strewn, overcrowded world (montrealgazette.com)	(121)
	Half-naked women protest Ukrainian election. In other news, Ukranian elections are awesome (news.com.au)	(165)
	If you're a veterinarian, it's considered "inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour" to put a dog's testicles in your mouth. Huh, who knew? (metro.co.uk)	(94)
	One artist's amazing miniature origami. I can barely see what she did there (metro.co.uk)	(64)
(Not Drew)	While Drew's recovering from his party last night, here are some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/31 - 2/6 (fark.com)	(11)
	Photoshop this red carding (cache.boston.com)	(47)
	GM is working with NASA on new space-travelling android. But they're still striking out on that whole warp-drive thing (content.usatoday.com)	(70)
	Once the province of the young and the hip, blogging is now considered as modern and stylish as spats and poodle skirts (news.yahoo.com)	(107)
	North Dakota, which has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation, has an exploding homeless population as desperate job seekers flood the state. Yes, this actually is a repeat from a Steinbeck novel (abcnews.go.com)	(139)
	God of Nerds Alton Brown picks the five cookbooks you should have right this very instant (online.wsj.com)	(261)
	Get your popcorn. Verizon blocks 4chan (gizmodo.com)	(800)
	While police work can include long periods of boredom, you probably shouldn't stage an armed robbery at a pharmacy you know to be under surveillance (news.com.au)	(13)
	City dog park comes complete with its own beach with replenished sand, offshore rip-rap barrier. Your dog wants sunscreen (www2.tbo.com)	(42)
	Cool aerial photos of Washington, D.C. covered in snow (myfoxdc.com)	(136)
	New research finds that beer is good for your bones. In a related study, researchers concerned that Farkers are damn near indestructible (abcnews.go.com)	(62)
	Have a Coke and a pancreas full of cancer (rawstory.com)	(228)
	Ain't no party like a Facebook party 'cause a Facebook party don't stop until your $1.5 million home is destroyed (metro.co.uk)	(155)
	Dead man found in landing gear. IT'S STILL WHEEL TO ME, DAMMIT (news.com.au)	(104)
	Sheriff's deputy finds out the hard way that his car wasn't as stuck as he thought (ajc.com)	(88)
	Massachusetts governor wants to fire toll collectors, replace them with surveillance system tracking and tolling every vehicle on Turnpike. In other news, Raytheon's check cleared (bostonherald.com)	(138)
	Caption this talk-show threesome watching the Super Bowl (i.usatoday.net)	(74)
	Elderly woman forced to crawl under cars to leave her house after CSX parks train in her driveway. Two months ago (upi.com)	(118)
	Jack Nicholson is considering a sky burial. Wait 'til the vultures get a load of him (contactmusic.com)	(71)
	Photoshop this snow throw (online.wsj.com)	(31)
	God's billboard wars are getting ugly (tampabay.com)	(480)
	Reason # 4559 to not trust a door-to-door salesman (nzherald.co.nz)	(61)
	A hard act to swallow (abc.net.au)	(42)
	Laura Chinchilla set to become Costa Rica's first female, rodent President (news.bbc.co.uk)	(68)
	If you have a temporary crown, some sticky poster putty, and a yellow highlighter, you too can fix a broken eagle's beak (denverpost.com)	(28)