Fri February 03, 2012
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"You put your naked supermarket burglar in my chocolate and peanut butter" -- "No, you put your chocolate and peanut butter on my naked supermarket burglar" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Busch Gardens welcomes ugly-ass baby giraffe to.....oh who are we kidding. She's adorable (mysuncoast.com)
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Buying generic is now just as expensive as buying name brands (consumerist.com)
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Man died while playing video games at internet cafe, but the blank stare and smell of soiled clothing allowed him to go unnoticed by fellow gamers for nine hours (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dejected bank robber wearing shorts on his head, not covering his face, leaves without money when teller nearly laughs at him. With pic of what a shorts-on-head bank robber looks like (keysnet.com)
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Photoshop this hall of hams (boingboing.net)
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1-800-GET-THIN: "They cut her liver three places during the surgery and put her in a wheelchair and sent her home to die" (huffingtonpost.com)
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features assaults, DUI's, bench warrants and wait........... they arrested a melted candle? (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (Asheville Citizen Times) |
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I-40 in western North Carolina which was closed due to a rockslide is now closed due to two rockslides (citizen-times.com)
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Worker falls into nuclear reactor pool trying to recover flashlight. Worst. Origin. Story. Ever. (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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London's first "shared space" road is a misery for drivers, blind people, and cleaners, but at least it looks weird (thisislondon.co.uk)
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Miami named most miserable U.S. city by panel of judges who have never been to Hartford (old.news.yahoo.com)
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37 people gunned down at South Sudan peace conference (bbc.co.uk)
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Photoshop this out of the world probe (farm6.staticflickr.com)
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Fark Quiz time, you know the drill. Can you beat your score from last week? (fark.com)
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| (LA Weekly) |
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There's dick, there's douchebag, and now there's "dart player" (laweekly.com)
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Bad: You're repairing a yacht when it sets sail with you on board. Worse: It's going to Antarctica. Fark: The skipper's last trip there sank (telegraph.co.uk)
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Canadian Senator wants to give prisoners the option of being in the loop (ctv.ca)
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All right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what has infrastructure done for us? (huffingtonpost.com)
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Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit? (wral.com)
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February is National Children's Dental Health Month, or as it's abbreviated in Mississippi ... February (marketwatch.com)
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Spokeswoman says that a few thefts by TSA agents shouldn't make us forget all the good that they've done. You could tell the Spokeswoman was a pro, because she managed to say that with a straight face (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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College student gives up cell phone and all social media for three months--and actually survives to tell the tale (chicagotribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you buy a hotdog near the Super Bowl over the next few days, you will be buying from an unofficial undercover Homeland Security Agent (infowars.com)
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Komen reverses funding change due to it not having broad appeal (npr.org)
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Jewish Indiana Jones faces 20 years in prison. He chose...poorly (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most clever, conniving way to adopt your own baby ever (nbcphiladelphia.com)
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World Court says Germany has immunity from lawsuits over Nazi atrocities, says the country was only following orders (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark ready headline "Christians Boycott Starbucks - Because Romans 1 Explains Starbucks Hates God" (usachristianministries.com)
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Court battle over cat ownership collapses after star witness dog dies (news.stv.tv)
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Rabid 900-pound cow attacks Georgia farmer. Okay, okay, we'll eat more chicken (wrcbtv.com)
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Things you don't want to have written in your obituary: "Killed by hair extensions" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Come down to Marina del Rey. Enjoy the seafood, marvel at the yachts, see the bales of pot floating near the dock (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Machete wielding rapist deemed dangerous offender. You don't say? (torontosun.com)
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| (WJAR) |
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Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic) (www2.turnto10.com)
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| (times-tribune) |
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Cain not able to explain why he attacked his brother (thetimes-tribune.com)
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Woman takes crack at driving (ctpost.com)
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America: Love it or leave it*. *$450 charge for leaving it (nydailynews.com)
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| (Wait, what?) |
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Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec (thechronicleherald.ca)
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Woman picking her kid up from school enters through bus-only lane, hits gate with her car, drives over curb, and exits through entrance, and is busted for DUI and other charges. Ta-da (orlandosentinel.com)
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Utah prosecutors clear police of all charges for using pepper spray and batons on a group of Polynesian students performing a haka at a football game, because no one in Utah can be expected to have the slightest idea what a haka is (stuff.co.nz)
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The violence is spreading across Egypt as the football riots continue. Here is a timeline of the events (telegraph.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Heck of a job, Brownie (nbcdfw.com)
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No happy ending for masseuse who gave customer unexpected discharge (mcall.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sure, we've all sped when we were running late for work. It's just that most of us didn't have weed and meth on us, nor did we decide to start a fight with the cops who stopped us (dailycommercial.com)
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| (Some Shoggoth) |
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Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials (globalpost.com)
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Researchers say men become nicer, kinder, more caring when a beautiful woman is nearby. Well, duh (dailymail.co.uk)
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The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I (rollingstone.com)
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College student sues fraternity for negligence because he fell off a deck after a bottle rocket went off in another student's rectum (upi.com)
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| (wptv.com) |
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Drunk woman tells officer she cannot take DUI test because "of these big boobies" ...it almost worked until she started to dance (with mugshot goodness) (wptv.com)
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Jack Sparrow injured "in the fight that included Cat Woman, an alien and a second pirate" (ktla.com)
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My Father always told me, "If you're doing something that will make you wanted by the police, remember not to ask the police if you're wanted" (chicagotribune.com)
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| (NosINT) |
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In March there will be four carrier battle groups in the gulf region. Sleep tight, Ahmadinejad (nosint.blogspot.com)
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Russian attack plane headed for Everett. WOLVERINES (komonews.com)
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Woman dies on her 110th birthday. Perhaps the surprise party was a bad idea (suntimes.com)
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| (Stroked Out Daddy) |
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Yeah, that's pretty much my exact reaction upon hearing Kenny Chesney, too (theboot.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Susan Komen Foundation introduces pink handguns to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Really (wisconsingazette.com)
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Sure, I know a little Nepalese. He's right over there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can tell Valentine's Day is near, because the media has produced the first "ZOMG, PERVERTED CANDY HEARTS" story of the season (kcra.com)
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Woman holding baby gets into argument over rent with boyfriend. After boyfriend douses woman in lighter fluid and sets her on fire, woman throws baby out window, where it is caught by attentive neighbors. The Aristocrats (nydailynews.com)
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Vulcan man arrested for sexual assault. Look, there are better ways to deal with Pon Farr, dude (calgary.ctv.ca)
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"Yeah, fill 'er up and check the radiator Josés under the hood" (ktla.com)
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Photoshop a flag for the new lunar state (popsci.com)
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Meet the man with over 1,500 boardgames and exactly 0 girlfriends (omaha.com)
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A game similar to freeze tag being played at school "except that a person had to be humped to be unfrozen" (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Woman who slept with 1,000 men reveals: "I was born a man" (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)
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The number of Brits dying from alcohol related causes is equivalent to a major plane crash every 17 days (mirror.co.uk)
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Long lost Indonesian twins run into each other three decades later in Sweden living 25 miles from each other. Bonus: After viewing pic, you would wish you were a couch pillow (telegraph.co.uk)
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How do you say, "Thank you for your service, sergeant. May you rest in peace," in Navajo? (azcentral.com)
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Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Ocala Star Banner) |
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Deputy's attempt to apprehend suspect results in foot chase, pitbull attack, Tasering, and a bystander stabbing himself twice (ocala.com)
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Is Hillary Clinton styling herself to be the next Bond villain? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Subby's looking for a new beer to try. I know you won't disappoint, Fark (fark.com)
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This is why you don't let the inmates print the logos for the side of your police cars (news.yahoo.com)
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Thu February 02, 2012
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Secret of red wine as revealed by scientists: "You'd have to drink more than 600 bottles of wine to get the amount of resveratrol that would deliver any noticeable health benefits." Subby: "Challenge accepted" (news.yahoo.com)
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Everyone in town wins. Except you, you get nothing (wgal.com)
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Disabled artist paints beautiful landscapes with his mouth. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Girl) |
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Komen for the Cure goes full derp, halts funding for stem cell research (lifenews.com)
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Photoshop this bronze statue beginning (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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| (DCist) |
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Three Occupy DC protestors are on the fourth day of a "sleep strike" to protest the Park Police's ban on camping in McPherson Square and the bugs BURROWING UNDER THEIR SKIN (dcist.com)
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John Boehner (R) claims providing co-pay free birth control to women is unconstitutional (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
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| (Calgary Sun) |
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New distracted driving law leads to drivers who are even more distracted than before (calgarysun.com)
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NJ power station spills 10,000 gallons of mineral oil. Hazmat teams describe the scene as "regular" (nj.com)
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Theme: Make truly honest movie posters for any movie. LGT examples (uproxx.com)
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Susan G. Komen Foundation's top public health official resigns over new anti-Planned Parenthood policy (theatlantic.com)
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A look at how classic cereal boxes have changed over the years. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was even creepier in 1963 than he is today (buzzfeed.com)
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I could be wrong, but I believe that this resort advertisement has been Photoshopped (boingboing.net)
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Online singles seek parenthood but no sex, which is like going to a strip club only for the beer prices (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Sum Gai) |
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Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights (woodtv.com)
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So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid" (cnn.com)
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How hardcore are bears? They're purposely killing themselves to protest the horror of bile farms (mnn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teen boy who had sex with his 36-year-old fitness trainer tells a judge his life is ruined because girls in his class want to date him because he's experienced and boys come to him for sexual advice (thespectrum.com)
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For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please (latimes.com)
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Ugly ass baby gorilla born in Florida zoo (nwfdailynews.com)
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Lions apparently not enough to keep intruders out of animal refuge, may have to switch to the Cover-2 defense (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yet another example of Facebook shares no one wants to see (duluthnewstribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Man arrested after attempting to move the vehicle blocking his car. News: It was an ambulance. Fark: Paramedics were loading it with a patient at the time (y100.com)
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Woman robs bank for denture money after being turned down for bridge loan (usatoday.com)
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| (Some Rustled Cattle) |
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Florida's new red light cameras are catching video of interesting things besides red light runners. Like cattle rustlers. With video (wtsp.com)
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| (Some Fake Agent) |
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Apparently, the idea of pretending to be a federal agent and pulling people with Ontario plates who visit strip clubs so you can check their car for bombs hasn't gotten old in Hudson (newportrichey.wtsp.com)
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Crackers recalled due to egg allergen concerns, white people problems (reuters.com)
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Problem: the renters you have in your flat aren't even paying close to the prices with which you could gouge Olympic tourists. Solution: evict the tenants. Wow, that wasn't even really much of a problem, now, was it? (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Bike riding in Tampa Bay just got a little more Mad Max-y (tampabay.com)
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| (Public Intel) |
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If you like online privacy, yooooouuu might be a terrorist (publicintelligence.net)
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Woman criticises your website for stating that 85 per cent of rapes go unreported is 'good odds'. Should you C)Take to Twitter to ask if she is a lesbian? (thisisplymouth.co.uk)
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Employees taking stacks of cash from a bank vault for an auditor to count, forget to remove the ones with the exploding dye packs (denver.cbslocal.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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NASA releases video of the dark side of the moon, which surprisingly syncs perfectly with the soundtrack to "The Wizard of Oz" (geek.com)
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Quake strikes off coast of Vanuatu, only one survivor (abc.net.au)
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Taco Bell customers may be spending even more time on the toilet than usual (link updated) (uk.reuters.com)
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10000 people placed on the No-Fly List in 2011. Take that, really lousy terrorists who didn't have a backup plan (hosted.ap.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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74-year-old man dies after choking on his dentures while having sex with a 62-year-old prostitute (asiaone.com)
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Virginia may be about to pass a law that separates school year planning from King's Dominion's schedule. In other news, Virginia currently plans its school year around King's Dominion's schedule (wtop.com)
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Step 1: Counterfeit buffet restaurant chain certificates Step 2: Go on cross-country roadtrip Step 3: Arrested (dailybulletin.com)
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Remember back in 2009 after the economy shiat the bed and the experts said Americans had learned how to be frugal again? Well, we're back to buying expensive lattes and renewing magazine subscriptions (mnn.com)
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Tonight on Hoarders: Top secret (thesmokinggun.com)
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: "Put down those damn teabags and use me, you lout" (mirror.co.uk)
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Photoshop this man taking his dog for a walk (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)
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Woman caught after high speed chase through Seattle in stolen cherry picker tells cops it was always on her bucket list (seattlepi.com)
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Seattle library lets man watch internet porn, presumably because it's easier to clean the computer screen than to unstick book pages (seattlepi.com)
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Woman's body found in Lawrence Welk (utsandiego.com)
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Residents complain about too many bare pekas on Peka Peka Beach, Sergeant Bigwood sent to investigate (stuff.co.nz)
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Hey, good news everybody. Your frequent flier miles might now be taxable (travel.usatoday.com)
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| (brobible.com) |
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Larry, Curly, and Moe busted for running $1 million LSD ring at Drexel University (brobible.com)
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Ferry in New Guinea carrying 350 sinks. That's a lot of sinks (ajc.com)
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Couple sue In Vitro Fertilization Doctor for giving them what they wanted, but not how they wanted it (foxnews.com)
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Yreka Gold found in California; this is not a repeat from 1848 (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Chicago Tribune) |
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Groundhog Day festivities where the movie was filmed may be canceled due to a blizzard. Now where have I seen this before? (articles.chicagotribune.com)
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"Yes, your bum does look big in that" (thesun.co.uk)
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Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill: "If you double a teacher's pay scale, you'll attract people who aren't called to teach" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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145 skiers, 1 boat (motorboatsmonthly.co.uk)
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Remember that lady who sued Honda over false mileage claims? Well, she just taught them a lesson in civics (suntimes.com)
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You've traveled in time from the present to 1985. Paradoxes aside, how would you explain the world of 2012 to a group of high school kids? (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ladies, your chance to be the 2012 Bacon queen is upon you (desmoinesregister.upickem.net)
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Dad hangs on to his son who was clinging for his dear life after slipping from a chairlift, finally dropping him 25ft to rescuers below (dailymail.co.uk)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 352: "Go out and get some strange" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)
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Wed February 01, 2012
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Mona Lisa had a twin sister (thestar.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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For most 9 year olds, cancer is the most terrifying thing in the world. For some, a transplant is even more so. Meet the only 9 year old who gave the finger not once but 6 times to her tumors (boston.cbslocal.com)
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Intent on losing all 10 of its customers, Spirit Airlines unveils a new $2 fee to protest a new rule allowing passengers to change their flight without penalty (cnn.com)
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How to be black (npr.org)
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| (WBNS) |
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Look, let's go over this one more time. If you rob someone, don't brag about it on Facebook (10tv.com)
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Eighteen percent of Americans would give up sex for six months in exchange for someone else paying their bills for just one month (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Want a job in 2020? Become a nurse, teacher or fast food worker (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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A little kid kicks dirt on your car, do you A) tell him to get lost B) Threaten to tell his parents C) Pick him up and dangle him over an aggressive, chained pit bull? (charlotteobserver.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crystal collection (api.ning.com)
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Scientists say sugar is as toxic as alcohol & there should be a drinking age for soft drinks (io9.com)
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Tiny amount of radiation 'could have' leaked from nuclear power plant but there's absolutely nothing to worry about, say officials in Japan. Oops, I mean California (mercurynews.com)
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Having solved all other problems, Illinois wants to ban texting while biking (stltoday.com)
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| (Some Frakkin' Guy) |
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Cylon monitors are analyzing American energy consumption (businessandleadership.com)
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Tanning beds PREVENT cancer. And treat lupus and fibromyalgia. And skin cancer comes from sunscreen, anyway (theatlanticwire.com)
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The FBI likes to intimidate suspects by using a chainsaw to go through apartment doors, a technique that's especially intimidating when they saw through the wrong door (thedailybeast.com)
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Dinosaurs that can't hit a chip shot, a note from Epstein's mother, and the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 1/22 - 1/28 (fark.com)
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| (Readers Digest) |
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26 Things to do with petroleum jelly. Uhm, yea...that's not one of them (rd.com)
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Teacher suspended for putting hot sauce on crayons to keep the special ed kids from eating them (wftv.com)
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Researcher who spent 18 years seeking a cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease dies. Of Lou Gehrig's Disease. Still no cure for Lou Gehrig's Disease (latimes.com)
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Photoshop this view of Lake Egirdir Golu in Turkey (nasa.gov)
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At least 73 people dead and scores injured as rivals clash in Egypt. Against the government? No, football (aljazeera.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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20 common grammar mistakes even the grammar nazis get wrong (litreactor.com)
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I'm not a doctor, but I think you died after inhaling carbon monoxide at a Holiday Inn Express last night (msnbc.msn.com)
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Russia's fifth-generation Sukhoi PAKFA T-50 fighter jet loses competition without battle (english.pravda.ru)
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Problem: Australia infested with invasive African grass that fuels wildfires. Solution: Import elephants and rhinos as lawnmowers (canada.com)
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So you want to join my credit card-fraud gang? How do I know you're not an undercover Fed? *WAKKA CHIKKA WAKKA CHIKKA* (wired.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Large cock attacks Deputy Wood with his pecker. Guess where (newsplex.com)
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Anthrax mailings, once the tool of domestic terrorists, are now being used by wannabe rappers and apartment hunters (slate.com)
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Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske (suntimes.com)
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Pfizer advising pharmacies to pull-out contraception (boston.com)
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This super slow motion video of how great tits move comes with a bonus -- a porn music soundtrack (newscientist.com)
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Zookeeper: "Now watch, children, as the barn owl majestically soars over the lion's head and OH MY GOD" (thesun.co.uk)
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Not News: The director of "Priscilla Queen Of The Desert" comes out of the closet. Excuse me while I put on my shocked face (abc.net.au)
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UK remains in full EVERYBODY PANIC mode as temperatures plunge to 14°F, which newspaper notes is colder than Antarctica (where it is currently summer) (thesun.co.uk)
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*Yoink* (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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US Army develops new method for dealing with overweight soldiers: injecting them with more fat (wired.com)
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Inner-city school enters NASA contest. Apparently, there was some kind of misunderstanding when the students were asked how high they'd like to get (schoolsofthought.blogs.cnn.com)
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Washington, D.C. desperately needs a groundhog. No prairie dogs need apply (washingtonpost.com)
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Mayor bans Rocky Horror Picture Show performance from city-owned theatre for being 'too risque', so supporters rally funds and move the performance to a theater that's just a jump to the left (carrollton.11alive.com)
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Birdwatchers? They kidnapped birdwatchers? What kind of crazy terrorists think anyone would want to ransom birdwatchers? These are the people that make stamp collectors seem interesting (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you hate when you get wrongfully arrested as a pedophile and have your face plastered on all the newspapers? Again? (kfoxtv.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Roll over. Stay. Good car (whiotv.com)
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Los Angeles classroom teacher arrested after being too dumb to use a digital camera (latimes.com)
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Police seize 1500 pounds of pot from NY apartment, estimate its street value at $7.5 million. Dude, $5000 a pound? In New York? Must have been some crappy stuff (foxnews.com)
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Just for the taste of it, Diet Stroke (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you don't stop masturbating in front of the bank teller your face might freeze like that when they take your mugshot (blogs.riverfronttimes.com)
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"The best thing I can do for today's youth is quit" (theglobeandmail.com)
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Girls of the Vancouver hockey riots 2011. Hhhmmmmm....yeah, want some of 'em (vancouversun.com)
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Prospective Olympic luger was just underwear company PR stunt (thelocal.de)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It is a most elusive fish (heraldextra.com)
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Aussie boss sells business and gives $15 million bonus to staff (rawstory.com)
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Houston faces penalties over 1970's smog limits, 1970's Astros uniforms (chron.com)
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Good: Set meeting to balance budget. Bad: To avoid emergency state takeover. Detroit: Majority of city council doesn't bother to show up (freep.com)
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Americans about to create super weapon of the future - railgun. Russia surrenders (english.pravda.ru)
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Arab League goes before UN to plead for help in stopping Syrian govt massacring its own people. Guess which nation is putting a kibosh on any assistance (aljazeera.com)
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The latest home product that can kill you? Your dishwasher (wxyz.com)
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How to survive tornados. Step 1: leave Missouri and Oklahoma. Step 2: repeat Step 1 as necessary (huffingtonpost.com)
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NYPD officers no longer allowed to wear NYPD clothing (nypost.com)
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Polo club founder adopts his adult girlfriend. He incests he had a good reason to (palmbeachpost.com)
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World's strongest boy does push ups the hard way (youtube.com)
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Man busted for driving around on a moped armed with a Walther P22, a Steyr M9, and a Japanese dagger-shaped martial arts weapon while looking for "the man" (palmbeachpost.com)
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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Jesus saved (billingsgazette.com)
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For those keeping track of the dissolution of the Occupy movement, you can now cross Miami off your list (upi.com)
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American home ownership has plummeted to record lows on news that home values are plummeting even more (usatoday.com)
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After 20 years of drilling, scientists have almost reached a subglacial lake in Antarctica that hasn't seen daylight in 20 million years. Which means great scientific advances or the release of an unstoppable evil from its tomb, hard to say (washingtonpost.com)
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Don Cornelius starts Black History month off with a bang (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Defense Tech) |
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Sexiest headline of the week (defensetech.org)
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Glowing nebula looks like giant human face in new photo (with "ehhh....if you say so" photo) (space.com)
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Claiming you fought in Vietnam War to the press while serving in Afghan War is double daft (stripes.com)
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Things not to say to same-sex couples, such as "I'm so thrilled to meet you. I was bisexual in college" (huffingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man crashes the boards at hockey rink. While drunk. While driving the Zamboni. Surprisingly, this story does not take place in Canada (duluthnewstribune.com)
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Cardinal Bevilacqua paternos his way out of testifying at upcoming church sex abuse trial (msnbc.msn.com)
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High school English teacher under investigation for showing former female student how to use his Longfellow in porn video (theage.com.au)
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If you've stayed at Las Vegas's Luxor hotel recently, congratulations, you've won a case of Legionnaire's Disease (upi.com)
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| (Jezebel) |
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The 21 Most Lesbianish Cities in America (jezebel.com)
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Photoshop Challenge: a bean, a queen, and a magazine (google.com)
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Skyrim: The Andy Richter voiceover reel (youtube.com)
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Prince William deploys for six-week tour of the Falklands. Presumably Harry is busy infiltrating Argentina, because one more person in a Nazi uniform over there wouldn't stand out (guardian.co.uk)
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Last surviving member of original SAS dies at age 92, will be buried in a quiet ceremony together with his enormous brass balls (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Laughing Squid) |
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Breaking Bad gets the retro 8-bit makeover (laughingsquid.com)
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Backlash: Osama Bin Laden death photos may be released after all. Judicial Watch has sued for release of the materials under Freedom of Information Law, and they apparently have a case (nydailynews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Federal Government would like to charge pro weed Montana state lawmakers as "conspirators" to sell and distribute medical marijuana (missoulian.com)
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Dust off all the usual comments, it's time for today's hot teacher with teen student story. Seriously, can we get a tab for these? (mcall.com)
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Women reveal their "morning face" and OMG KILL THEM WITH FIRE (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Tue January 31, 2012
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After hearing some sports cars are being driven dangerously police revoke the license of the next guy they find driving a sports car. Judge finds a flaw in their cunning plan (ctvbc.ctv.ca)
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| (Some Communicator) |
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Caption this inter-species communication (i.imgur.com)
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So while we're all talking about global warming, Canada didn't have a winter this year (cbc.ca)
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Two women sexually assault man with pliers, article includes a helpful picture of what a pair of pliers may look like (twincities.com)
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The hell with pizza, you can have a sex toy delivered to your residence in 60 minutes or less (brooklynpaper.com)
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Secret NATO report seems to indicate that Pakistan intelligence and the Taliban are BFFs (bbc.co.uk)
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People in Seattle after a major snow storm in 2008: We don't have enough snowplows. People in Seattle after a major snow storm in 2012: We have too many snowplows (seattlepi.com)
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Photoshop this disgusted drop (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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The most polite "Fark you, you S.O.B." letter it's ever been subby's pleasure to read (news.yahoo.com)
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| (KDGE) |
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"It's not what I fought for...to be treated like this. It's not right to think they can come into your house and do this to you," says disabled Vietnam veteran who lives in fear of the authorities taking away his monkeys (kdge.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five beers no man should drink after 25. I don't know about you, but after 25 beers, I stick to shots (Sucky beer slideshow) (mademan.com)
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New tapes of the day JFK was shot were found back and to the left of the archive (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Cop) |
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Sir, I'm going to have to ask you for your license, registration, and man card (thecabin.net)
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Lazy New Jerseyans don't like pumping their own gas or using parking meters where you have to walk back to your car to put the receipt in the windshield (nj.com)
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| (Mail) |
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20-year-old babysitter's diary entry about 14-year-old boy: 'I don't care about the law.' The law: 'Ahem' (middletownpress.com)
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Shipwreck hunters find second streetlight on floor of the Baltic Sea (huffingtonpost.com)
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Photoshop this stranded ship (cdn.theatlantic.com)
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Woman learns the hard way that pythons don't like to cuddle (upi.com)
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Man in clown costume robs convenience store, seen escaping in small car with 15 to 20 accomplices (wxyz.com)
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John thought he could casually walk into the supermarket, pour bleach on the chicken and pork, and slip out without anyone noticing. But something - SOMETHING - made him stand out (w/ mugshot goodness) (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man beats ex unconscious, sticks around to discuss repairing their relationship (thecabin.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's nothing quite like buying a car, taking it for a spin, picking up the ladies, and watching it roll down a hill into a brand new swimming pool (heraldsun.com.au)
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| (The Gloss) |
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Designer unveils bizarre 'boob gown' at Rome fashion week. Looks like a 'One Tit Wonder' to subby (thegloss.com)
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Twilight as reimagined by Wes Craven (thelocal.se)
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Protip: Before you post your crazy driving antics on YouTube, remember that the police watch the internets, too (news.com.au)
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Government report says Japan's population will shrink by one third by 2060, which is shocking considering how short they already are now (bbc.co.uk)
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Porsche Girl's father gets $2.37 million for enduring epic trolling (latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man shot in thigh near McBaine Ave. MENDOZA (columbiamissourian.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 10 colleges where kids in America pretend to be wizards and compete in Harry Potter Quidditch...is this really higher education? (collegemagazine.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just because your grandmother snuck you a shot of brandy when you were a kid doesn't mean you need to give yours Methadone and Nyquil (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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So Newt was told he couldn't use Eye of the Tiger as music for his campaign anymore. What song do you think he should use from now on? (fark.com)
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| (KCCI Des Moines) |
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Losing your house or car in bankruptcy proceedings can be bad enough but this guy just lost his flock of llamas (kcci.com)
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| (WUSA9) |
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And now the opening scene to Season #3 of "The Walking Dead" (wusa9.com)
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| (charlotte observer) |
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Made for Fark headline brought to you by North Carolina. "Cox indicted in Flying Biscuit Death" (charlotteobserver.com)
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Fourth-largest Spanish airline collapses. You'll have to forgive them; they're from Barcelona (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Demon Ocracy) |
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Wondering just how large the Euro debt problem is? This frightening infographic shows you using 18-wheelers packed with 100 Euro notes (demonocracy.info)
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Banning zombies is discrimination, AND IT'S WRONG (ajc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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HOLY JEEBUS. Your two favorite things are now combined. Could be four if served between boobies (esquire.com)
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| (WSB TV) |
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You know your day is going to suck when it starts with a police chase ending on your ass, literally (wsbtv.com)
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Man pleads no contest to multiple counts of assault and battery with toy lightsabers, and one count of impersonation of a jedi. With "that's no jedi" mugshot (msnbc.msn.com)
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"Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised we may experience some chop up a head" (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Why not spice up your stale sex life with some hot threesomes between you, your husband and your 15 year old cousin? Apart from the court case and the awkward family dinners of course (stuff.co.nz)
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Nurseries urged to look for signs of drug-addicted babies, such as if the babies sleep a lot, soil themselves, or speak only in incoherent babble (latimes.com)
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...and the horses will never look at him the same way (thesun.co.uk)
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Award-winning teacher had sex with two students, kissed a third and sexted a fourth. Yeah, I'd say that at least deserves an award for effort, if nothing else (cbc.ca)
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Recipe for fun: downtown Des Moines Marriott to be shared for a week by just two groups---Chinese government officials and high school wrestlers in town for the state high school wrestling tournament (blogs.desmoinesregister.com)
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When having an amorous encounter with your mistress, check first to make sure your wife is not also in the room. That way you can avoid getting strangled and having the cops show up. With pics (blogs.tcpalm.com)
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Three-year-old boy in Peru has an abortion (cbsnews.com)
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Home birthing advocate dies giving birth in own home. Alanis Morissette tapped to perform at funeral (au.news.yahoo.com)
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England soiling its collective pants as temperatures may drop to 12°F. What ever happened to "keep a stiff upper lip"? (dailymail.co.uk)
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Beware the Jabberwock, my son / The jaws that bite, the claws that catch / Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun / Celine old Bandersnatch (blog.sfgate.com)
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About that female douchebag who dumped her cancer boyfriend and took the Super Bowl tickets? Yeah about that. Pro tip guys: You have to meet a woman more than once to consider yourself in a relationship (dailymail.co.uk)
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Photoshop these lanterns on a lake (inapcache.boston.com)
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Alaska gears up for a hostile takeover of Central Park (mnn.com)
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Illinois needs more female prison guards. Giggity (qctimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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This just in: Fat doctors less likely to tell you you're fat (medpagetoday.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Walkin' your dog off leash? That's a taserin' (hmbreview.com)
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Mother: Okay kids, here you go. Bye bye. Good luck (dailymail.co.uk)
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Fark headline recipe: article about female teacher having sex with students (check), vodak (check), Not Sure if Want pic (check) (dailymail.co.uk)
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Don't let their oppressive shyness, lack of collaboration skills, unwillingness to speak up, and self-imposed isolation fool you -- introverts can be a real benefit to the workplace (npr.org)
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Religious leaders falling over themselves in scramble to excommunicate philosopher who's building a temple to atheism (dailymail.co.uk)
|
Mon January 30, 2012
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An elephant in Amsterdam's zoo has made history after vets fit her with jumbo-sized contact lens. Win Thida sees what you did there (spiegel.de)
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Can a woman be a douchebag? This is important, because I'd hate to use the wrong word to refer to the woman who dumped her boyfriend when she found out he had bladder cancer, but still wanted to take his Super Bowl tickets (news.yahoo.com)
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Wal-Mart is now getting rid of door greeters entirely. But now who will harass us, demanding to see the receipt for the 24-pack of toilet paper we just bought but was too big for the bag? (bloomberg.com)
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Baffled homeowner finds man on his porch at 2:30 AM screaming that his house is possessed. Creepy red-eyed pig refuses comment (tampabay.com)
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| (the daily wilton) |
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Connecticut teachers will now be evaluated mainly on student performance, which makes you wonder what they were being evaluated on before. No, seriously. What were they evaluated on before? (thedailywilton.com)
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Man found passed out in SUV urinates on Chicago police station floor, insists his air piano performance sounded awesome. The percussive handcuffs really killed it (chicagotribune.com)
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Man returns $8K left near road, forgets about the "Finders Keepers" clause (wftv.com)
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Husband turns in dance teacher wife after he finds out her 15-year-old student is tapping that (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio's offices evacuated because something white and powdery was found there other than Sheriff Joe Arpaio (news.yahoo.com)
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Photoshop a little bit more action into this placid scene (cdn3.spiegel.de)
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A thief breaks into a car and steals c) a woman's false teeth (wpxi.com)
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In Phoenix you can get a bacon-wrapped hot dog piled high with beans, mayonnaise, cheese, onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, guacamole, salsa and jalapeño peppers. Your move, Chicago (azcentral.com)
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Scientists determine global warming caused by the Wall Street Journal's and Daily Mail's pants being on fire (blogs.discovermagazine.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother-of-the-year tarts up 5-year-old for TV, sues media for $30M because her snowflake is "perceived sexually" (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Missing community activist found. Apparently, he fell down a well. Onto a bullet (washingtonpost.com)
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"Austerity in the face of depression is a very bad idea." By N. S. Sherlock (nytimes.com)
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| (DailyFinance) |
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The list of America's 25 most dangerous neighborhoods. Chicago? NYC? Cincinnati laughs as it robs you at gunpoint (dailyfinance.com)
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| (CBS-NY) |
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State Senator wants to ban eating on NYC subway trains. All other bodily functions still encouraged (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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| (NBC New York) |
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Hey, remember that "Welcome to Vassar" message you got on our early decision applicant web site? Well, about that... funny story (nbcnewyork.com)
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Challenge: What war propaganda would look like if the US went to war with Luxembourg (en.wikipedia.org)
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You have a fight with your pregnant girlfriend - do you a) take the blame even if it's not your fault. b) walk away and come back when things cool down. c) rip off all of her clothes and leave her naked in the street. HINT: Florida Tag (beatcalls.com)
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Find out what your animal name is. This link submitted by Flopsy the Laughing Rhino (buzzfeed.com)
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| (Washingtonian) |
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White House sources: Obama will be forced out of the Oval Office in 2013 (washingtonian.com)
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You thought we were done with the horrible neighbors that taunted the dying little girl? They're on the Dr. Phil show today (mlive.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman gives birth to toddler (abclocal.go.com)
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| (Kitsap Sun) |
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Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit (kitsapsun.com)
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A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded (slate.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's the most useless true fact you know? (pmbc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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More lemmings last summer mean more snow owls on the hunt today. No, this is not a metaphor for the political scene in America (battlecreekenquirer.com)
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School science building burning. Must have been one hell of a paper mache volcano (news.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: when you go to pick up your ten kilogram shipment of cocaine, you should probably wait until you're off duty. And out of your uniform. And not driving your patrol car (todaysthv.com)
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Condo board bullies man to euthanize his pit bull - a "betrayal" of his best friend which drove him to suicide. Yep, there are no winners here. Unless you're the f**king condo board that is (nypost.com)
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Reminder: When using a government computer network, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any communications (washingtonpost.com)
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Not saying there is any need to panic or anything, but apparently just using one arm to measure blood pressure COULD END UP KILLING YOU (edmonton.ctv.ca)
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Muslim preacher arrested in Kenya, Secret Service plans rescue mission (iol.co.za)
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Just an "accident," officer, you know how confusing those pedals are when you're angry (tampabay.com)
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| (Gwinnett Daily Post) |
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Illinois man sends murder threats and mailbombs to Georgia schools in hopes of getting personal enemies investigated. How'd that plan work out for you, big guy? (gwinnettdailypost.com)
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Detectives give up on murder case, turn evidence over to the public to see if they can figure it out (heraldtribune.com)
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Deceased multimillionaire leaves $1.5 million to chauffeur and doorman. Stiffed ex-wife is nonplussed, but classy: "He could f*ck a nun. I couldn't give a sh*t. We're divorced. The man is dead" (nypost.com)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Crowd gathers in North Carolina for chance at sexual chocolate beer. "I am very warm in my coat. Had to skin a wookie to be here, it's basically a walking sleeping bag" (wdam.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis (couriermail.com.au)
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A most peculiar case of blue balls (dailymail.co.uk)
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Tourism tip: If you're planning a visit to the U.S., don't tweet about your plans to "destroy America" or dig up Marilyn Monroe (thesun.co.uk)
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Supermarket IDs woman buying pack of spoons, because spoons can be used to shoot heroin. With helpful instructions on how to prepare heroin with a spoon (dailymail.co.uk)
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Woman's rape claim suddenly loses credibility when police notice all her bruises wash off (news.com.au)
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Facebook detective tracks down attackers (lep.co.uk)
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Employees at new casino facing "term limits" (npr.org)
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Man leaves Catholic church, can't get off god's mailing list (npr.org)
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Rick Santorum: We need to cap medical malpractice awards to $250,000. World: Didn't you file a $500,000 malpractice suit against your wife's chiropractor in 1999? Santorum: That was different (washingtonpost.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colorado ranchers are using an aggressive breed of sheepdog that will savage any wolf, coyote, or tourist that gets too close to the flock (gazette.com)
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Two neighbors, one cup. Or, how to deal with thin walls when your neighbors are screwing like mink (gothamist.com)
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Yoga can make grandma flexible enough that she can get her legs behind her ears again (sun-sentinel.com)
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| (CONTEMPORIST) |
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Photoshop these screw stools (contemporist.com)
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CEO of government-owned bank decides he doesn't need that £963,000 bonus after all, would rather not go through life with everyone in the country hating his guts (bbc.co.uk)
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*Knock knock* "What is it Leftenant Sebastian?" "It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here and they've brought a flag." "Damn, that's dash cunning of them" (abcnews.go.com)
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If you break into the CNN newsroom, it's probably best not to use their computers to check your Facebook status (upi.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're in the Phillippines, do NOT put on your robe and wizard hat (abs-cbnnews.com)
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6.3 earthquake hits Peru. Twelve injured, flights delayed, travelers still not able to get over Machu Picchu (bbc.co.uk)
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CNN graphics department doesn't know where London is (mirror.co.uk)
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Another foot washes ashore on Vancouver beach, is immediately offered roster spot with Baltimore Ravens (huffingtonpost.ca)
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Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic) (dailymail.co.uk)
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American insurance company is branching out to act like dicks in the international market (news.com.au)
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88-year-old former Marine reveals his life as a Hollywood rentboy. Nailed Katharine Hepburn and had orgies with every celeb of the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's. Semper Fi bro, you're now my hero times two (dailymail.co.uk)
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Fisticuffs at Cowboy BBQ: "The argument began over whether food was done cooking, with the cook saying it wasn't done and that he would cook it until it was" (helenair.com)
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Five things to never feed your kids, which is basically everything we ate as kids (huffingtonpost.com)
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Change one word from the title of movie or TV show that it sounds like it could be something shown on late night Showtime or Cinemax (fark.com)
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Ow, My Balls (bbc.co.uk)
|
Sun January 29, 2012
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That'll do, rabbit. That'll do (io9.com)
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Caffeine may alter women's estrogen levels, BUT YOU BETTER KEEP THAT COFFEE COMING, YOU SON OF A BIATCH (9news.com)
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Restaurant owner discovers that over the years, people have tacked more than $10,000 in one-dollar bills to his cafe's walls. Donates 3-grand to the Boy Scouts and the rest to a hospital. Man, did those bills have a lot of dust on them (seattlepi.com)
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How does a paralyzed man end 19 years of silence? With the phrase: "I love you, ma" (thesun.co.uk)
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I have no idea what you're saying so here's a picture of a bunch of Indian kids dressed up like Gandhi (chron.com)
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features some retarded tattoos, a bunch of drunks, plenty of mustache wax, and someone who keeps a disorderly house (thesmokinggun.com)
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| (Fairbanks Daily News-Minus) |
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How many people are willing go through with a 10k fun run at -49 degrees? Six, apparently (newsminer.com)
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Candidate who was barred from running because she doesn't speak English proficiently vows appeal. At least that's what they think she said, not really sure (news.yahoo.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this professor with a post-it (rit.edu)
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Massive car wreck looks like something out of a bad disaster movie (latimes.com)
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Subby can't speak for you, but this is the first time he has seen 'unibrow' in a legitimate news article (bangordailynews.com)
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| (AnnArbor.com) |
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And this month's Penn State award for delay in informing the authorities of child sexual exploitation and/or pornography goes to the University of Michigan (annarbor.com)
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150 years after the war, a state struggles to heal the wounds that still cut deep. No, not that state. Aaaand, not that war (startribune.com)
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Parking Wars, Cupcake Wars, Storage Wars, etc... What kind of _____ "Wars" show would you want to see? (en.wikipedia.org)
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Teachers to parents: "We've had enough, it's time to raise your own kids" (news.com.au)
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Philadelphia city council puzzled at lukewarm reception to its "Have another drink for the kids" proposal (philly.com)
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Somebody actually paid money to find out that travelers don't like the TSA (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)
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You you own an Apple iProduct? Well, then you are a horrible person and you should feel bad (cbsnews.com)
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| (Lake Wallenpaupak) |
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Photoshop this drilling dude (pdnphotooftheday.com)
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This 6,000 calorie breakfast - 12 slices of bacon, 12 sausages, 14 eggs, 4 black pudding slices, 12 slices of bread, 2 hash browns, saute potatoes, mushrooms, beans, and tomatoes - weighs more than a baby. Get in mah belly (dailymail.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Six year old charged with sexual assault over game of tag. That is going on his permanent record (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)
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This just in: retailers will pay people to write positive reviews of their products (consumerist.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's hard to organize a quality beer festival when 90 out of the 100 highest-ranked beers in America are illegal in your state (wlox.com)
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Aviation experts warn: don't try to launch your own half-assed "experiments" into space, they could bring down commercial aircrafts (thestar.com)
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| (Some Cool Guy) |
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The coolest snow structures you will see today. Just chill and enjoy (mailonsunday.co.uk)
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Pub landlord suspended for serving pints "too full" of beer (mirror.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Teenagers not wired as whistleblowers." Well, to be fair, a good locker stuffing or swirlie can be considered as a good deterrent (ksl.com)
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You know it's a slow news day when the Los Angeles Times takes issue with the accuracy of Google's Snowflake Doodle (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Which would you rather have: a kiss or a hug? Why? (fark.com)
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CNN Asks "Who should be allowed to teach Yoga?" If their answer is anything other than "hot, flexible broads in tight pants", they're wrong (cnn.com)
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| (San Sebastian) |
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Photoshop this Tamborillero (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)
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Boston to boost the attractiveness of public transportation by raising prices 40% and eliminating night and weekend service (metrowestdailynews.com)
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A New York inmate proves that if you have enough time, you too can figure out how to use the IRS Tax Refund system (denverpost.com)
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Don't you hate it when you come home from jail just to find a burglar in your house? (tampabay.com)
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Mystery lottery winner knows he's won $14.3 million but doesn't want it. That's a lot of trips back to the Bizarro world (huffingtonpost.com)
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George Washington may have been America's first president, but was he nearly America's first zombie-in-chief? (io9.com)
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I had to decide to stop the doctors from feeding my dad tonight. Want to say if you Farkers have dads-bad or good, call them and say, "Hello,"; it'll be important in the end (fark.com)
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55-year-old Florida man claiming Indian descent wears war paint, headdresses, and performs sacred dance ceremonies at heritage festivals across the state. Some Native Americans have a problem with this (w/ pic of alleged Indian) (heraldtribune.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off... wait a minute, are you just holding on to the can?? (wwlp.com)
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Video of student dancing naked in nightclub paddling pool goes viral: "I'll bet she's regretting it now" (dailymail.co.uk)
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Sat January 28, 2012
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Remember: If you're out shooting in the desert, a 14-year-old on an ATV should not be treated as a moving target (azcentral.com)
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You have some sort of beef with a trucking company. Do you C) drive a flatbed truck though the company's window and set all the computers on fire after you spray paint "DO NOT ENTER-BOOBY TRAPPED" on the front of your house? (stltoday.com)
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Maybe trying to arrest your fellow officer while he is at work wasn't the best plan (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)
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Seattle woman attempts to marry 107 year old building. Says despite their differences, the marriage will have a solid foundation (komonews.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this patented motorcar (auto-kaufberatung.at)
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Dutch town with no roads, only waterways. So you'll need a Dutch boat with some sort of Dutch steering mechanism (dailymail.co.uk)
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Recently evicted woman tries breaking back into her apartment, bites cop on the hand. Isn't this how the zombie apocalypse starts? (chicagotribune.com)
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South Korean activists send valuable socks to Best Korea via giant hot air condom (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Awkward places for the Duck Hunt dog to appear (th08.deviantart.net)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Q: How does the .001 percent tell when it's time to murder a hobo for kicks? A: With a $1,650,000 watch encased in pure sapphire. Oh, and you couldn't buy one, even if you could afford it. There are five, and they're sold out (hodinkee.com)
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Artist photographs couples after sealing them in shrink-wrap and vacuuming out the air. Why, yes, he is Japanese -- thanks for asking (cbsnews.com)
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Man uses the old "statue of liberty" play to stop a curling iron wielding robber (toledoblade.com)
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Christian leader condemns new Star Wars MMO because it allows gay relationships -- forgetting, of course, that gamers don't have sexual relationships of any kind, gay or straight (rawstory.com)
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| (WBZ) |
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Massachusetts schools celebrated No Name Calling Day, which played hell with attendance rosters, statistics statewide (boston.cbslocal.com)
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Wisconsin's National Mustard Museum gets last-minute reprieve, will not have to shut down. In related news, there's a National Mustard Museum in Wisconsin (upi.com)
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| (detroit news) |
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Student grows his hair long to donate it to cancer survivor. School: "You're suspended" (detroitnews.com)
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A history of men's hairstyles (latimes.com)
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| (Citrus County Chronicle) |
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Lucky little Lu hit 52 (chronicleonline.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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11 year-old, super tough guy-in-training, picks on woman with baby stroller. Has to pull his gun to make sure everyone knows he is a true gangster. Ends up in jail. Next up-stealing candy from 5-year-old girls (katu.com)
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| (WINK) |
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Legislature considering bill to allow parents to fire teachers if they don't give their little snowflakes an A (winknews.com)
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Theme: Me and My Shadow (LGN) (fark.com)
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Yet another example that Canada is cool: Dwarf-tossing event to take place, despite objections from busybodies and naysayers. You submitted this with a shorter headline (foxnews.com)
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Random stuff exploding in a microwave oven. Don't try this at home (dailymail.co.uk)
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Libyans face tough challenges in building a new nation, thanks in part to a crazy, wild-eyed scientist giving them nothing but shoddy casings filled with used pinball machine parts (cnn.com)
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| (nbc miami) |
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1500 live turtles found in luggage at Indonesian airport. Security officials wary of yet another international shell game (nbcmiami.com)
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Gemma the cat undergoes surgery to remove a huge tumor from her stomach - which turned out to be a hairball that weighed almost a half a pound. Your cat wants a good brushing on Caturday (dailymail.co.uk)
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Northern Kentucky Vegas Warm-Up Party - January 28 - Molly Malone's Irish Pub (fark.com)
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In this era of civil unrest, divisive politics, and polarizing opinions, it's nice to know firemen will still rescue a cat from a tree (palmbeachpost.com)
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In today's episode of "This Should End Well": Syrian rebels capture 7 Iranians, including 5 members of the Revolutionary Guard, in Homs (news.com.au)
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| (Some Guy) |
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If subby ever decides to go into stand-up, the last four weeks of online dating has given him enough material for a 50 State road tour with new bits every night. What are your online dating horror stories? (okcupid.com)
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In 40 years, people will flock to the palm-fringed beaches of England (telegraph.co.uk)
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That's one small block for LEGO man, one giant block for LEGO-kind (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (The Sun News) |
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School changes mascot back to original, non-PC Indian. "It's hard to cheer for a lighthouse" (myrtlebeachonline.com)
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Researchers observe how a new virus evolves and how diseases can quickly gain dangerous mutations. Interesting tag rapidly mutates into Scary tag (upi.com)
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Canadian orange juice banned in U.S. What's next, Mexican maple syrup? (money.cnn.com)
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A dying child, a rescued dog... Damn, it's dusty in here tonight (today.msnbc.msn.com)
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Toddler chews head off snake, gets cease and desist order from Sharon Osbourne (telegraph.co.uk)
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Subby is in the midst of his 5th distinct career change at age 36. Some have been more successful than others, but the journey overall has made for a pretty interesting life so far. Let's hear your career change stories (fark.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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On May 19th, 1942, BBC engineers were recording nightingales singing in a garden when 197 Lancaster bombers flew overhead forming a compelling counterpoint to the birdsong (retronaut.co)
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Warm winter weather covers most of the lower 48. Al Gore quickly trying to blame oil companies for "Arctic Oscillation" (latimes.com)
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Fri January 27, 2012
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Four-year-old girl with cancer has accident at school. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that her teacher was a scumbag about it (thesun.co.uk)
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According to scientists, some women can store sperm for years. Your mom finds that a little hard to swallow (huffingtonpost.com)
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Even with those Nude-O-Scopes, the TSA is still not able to tell the difference between a gun and an insulin pump (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Flying Spaghetti (eattv.com)
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If you're ever stranded on a desert island, the one thing you should be sure to have is an abundant supply of breast milk (io9.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's worse than a casino collapsing during construction? A bus crashing into a news van during the press conference about the casino collapsing. (With Interrupting Bus Video) (schnittshow.com)
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Three adorable bunnies abandoned because they only have two ears between them. And we all know the ears are the most delicious part (dailymail.co.uk)
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Convicted of stealing copper pipes from abandoned building, man offers plausible explanation: "I'm not saying it was ghosts, but...it was ghosts" (news.cincinnati.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When your little snowflake loses a toe in an escalator accident, do you C) sue the manufacturer of Crocs? (ocregister.com)
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Clear your desks, everybody. It's Friday, time for the Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)
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Why are so many animals in need of adoption? Because holier-than-thou animal rescue groups don't believe anybody is good enough to be a pet owner (slate.com)
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Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that (hosted.ap.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this landing bird (strategypage.com)
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| (wcnc.com) |
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Uggs banned from school. It's a start (wcnc.com)
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Irish Anti-Defamation Federation supports the cancellation of the Hoboken St. Patrick's Day parade. In other news, there's an Irish Anti-Defamation Federation (nj.com)
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Will Egypt's Boobies-revolution parliament make a difference? (guardian.co.uk)
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10 most hated jobs, as compiled by someone who has never worked in a restaurant or school system (cnbc.com)
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| (Say Cheese) |
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Man steals security cameras, neglects to steal the recording equipment (turnto23.com)
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I have a question about my friend's "gf" (fark.com)
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I would say that "a sex game spiralled out of control" is quite an understatement when it involves one of the partners being cooked, and scattered around the apartment (thelocal.de)
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Girls with big boobs date football players, have more fun, and apparently deserve to live longer (myfoxdc.com)
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Mentally retarded man fired from a grocery store for "stealing" $0.20 has been offered his job back, though he's not sure he wants to work for the kind of dicks who would fire a retarded man over twenty cents (news.yahoo.com)
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American sniper with 255 kills asked if he feels remorse. "When I do go face God there is going to be lots of things I will have to account for, but killing any of those people is not one of them" (bbc.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who lost rowboat off the Massachusetts coast surprised when Spain calls asking when he'll swing by to come pick it up (newyork.cbslocal.com)
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Best animal photobombs you'll see today (huffingtonpost.com)
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You shouldn't transport marijuana in your car. Especially if it's still growing in a pot (nwfdailynews.com)
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| (wptv.com) |
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"Your honor, I accidentally beat my wife with a hammer. Then I accidentally doused her with gasoline.... and then I accidentally tossed a lit candle at her" (wptv.com)
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We know that bacon is the delicious nectar of the gods, but beware of its evil cousin, ham, the silent killer (dailymail.co.uk)
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NC Death Row Inmate who mega-trolled his hometown newspaper saying, "Kill me if you can suckers" has been outed by his own sister. Guess he'll get an alt and try again (boston.com)
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NYC Tfers: If you've seen this kid recently, let the police know. LGT details. Dad is subby's co-worker (articles.dailypress.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some folks won't pay $628 to remove a skunk, but then again some folk'll (uticaod.com)
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| (Some Guy with an Optigrab) |
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Bad news: today is the last day you can apply to be an astronaut. Good news: you can use the application as identification when cashing checks for 250 donuts (wptv.com)
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Why did the U.S. drop nuclear bombs on Spain? (boingboing.net)
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Other Somali pirates holding Americans hostage were just a mite rattled by Wednesday's rescue mission (news.yahoo.com)
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NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass (tmz.com)
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Costa Concordia owner raises compensation offer to passengers from three used toothpicks to two marbles and a jar of navel lint (bbc.co.uk)
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Chysler 300C once leased by President Obama now on eBay. He drove it until 2007. That's when he started to run for president and coincidentally traded it in for a Ford Escape hybrid (wgal.com)
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Crazed doctors revive vampire baby. It's even immune to the Sun, which is there (thesun.co.uk)
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| (Some Guy) |
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AT&T CEO actually comes out to say AT&T customers, not AT&T execs, must pay for failed T-Mobile merger (9to5mac.com)
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"I've had sex with 1000 men, and I don't care if people judge me," says woman who apparently has sex with a lot of drunk men (mirror.co.uk)
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Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades (washingtonpost.com)
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Despite what Americans say about wanting more civility from their politicians, they generally only reward rude behavior. My goodness, Americans liking rude behavior. That's just crazy talk (npr.org)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Russian officials want to outlaw political protests that use soft toys, plastic penguins, Lego men and South Park figures (couriermail.com.au)
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Ship-bridge collision leaves Kentucky driver with great story for his grandchildren (usatoday.com)
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Revealed at last: from Roald Dahl to Alfred Hitchcock, the stars who told Queen Elizabeth to piss off (mirror.co.uk)
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Europeans' too honest perceptions of other Europeans. Isn't this how WWI and WWII started? (guardian.co.uk)
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What if D-Day and the Moon Landing Had Failed? What Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon planned to say if tragedy occurred (theatlantic.com)
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It's kind of tough to market yourself as a socialist champion of the people when your 14-year-old daughter is posting bling pictures online (foxnews.com)
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Accidental slide deployment delays Virgin Airline flight for several fun-filled hours. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)
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Joran Van Der Sloot's health deteriorating in new Peruvian prison, still doing better than Natalee Holloway and Stephany Flores (dailymail.co.uk)
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Iran says they are alone in this world and thus, must preemptively strike their enemies. Just kidding, it was Israel that said it (nytimes.com)
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It's Dumbolicious : A new taste for eating elephant meat, everything from trunks to sex organs has emerged in Thailand (news.yahoo.com)
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Researchers analyzed DNA remains of 12 thoroughbred stallions born between 1764 and 1930, 330 elite performing modern Thoroughbreds, 40 donkeys and two zebras. And of course Henry the Horse danced the waltz (myfoxdc.com)
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| (daily breeze) |
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California students get an F in grade tampering (dailybreeze.com)
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If you lost your cat about 200 years ago, good news, someone just found it (dailymail.co.uk)
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Major southern university launches statewide obesity initiative to great fanfare, until residents realized they were against it. They can have my porkrinds when they peel them out of my greasy, chubby obese fingers (wrcbtv.com)
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The Dumbest Super Bowl commercials ever. Wait, this article implies that there have been Super Bowl commercials that weren't dumb (bleacherreport.com)
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If Iran didn't already know how to cause serious problems for the US in a future Persian Gulf conflict, they sure as hell do now (msnbc.msn.com)
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"Bus sized asteroid to give Earth a close shave." It looks younger with the beard (msnbc.msn.com)
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| (miami new times) |
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If you're publishing a high school newspaper article about the dangers of STD's, it's probably best to use a commercial stock photo rather than a picture of a former student (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)
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Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots (cnn.com)
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"It was more of a political statement ... It's not like they were going to go out and shoot the president," said the cop photographed alongside several teenagers with guns posing next to a bullet-ridden Barack Obama T-shirt (myfoxdc.com)
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Drew Carey splits with fiancee after a five year engagement. *sad trombone music* (people.com)
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Proof that if you're going to get trapped in a well, it helps to be an 18 month-old baby girl rather than a 53 year-old black guy (myfoxdc.com)
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| (Some Guy) |
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High heels destroy a woman's feet and warp the way she walks. Wow, and here I thought walking on your toes while balancing on a five-inch-high spike was good for you (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)
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| (Some Eye) |
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Photoshop this eye of cat (img.fotocommunity.com)
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Woman orgasms during MRI... here are the nuclear launch validation codes, and the coordinates for multiple targets, have at it (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)
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Rare color photos show Hitler's hidden life of luxury in Berlin and Bavaria. Wait until Hitler hears about this (mirror.co.uk)
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Swedish company inadvertently invents ATM for cats (thelocal.se)
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No, you can't dig for buried treasure in the chancel of the church. Not even if it's your church, padre (news.com.au)
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Don't want to shock you here, but it appears that the new "free" Libya might slightly resemble old "torture" Libya (breitbart.com)
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Another politician learns the valuable lesson on the difference between the "reply" button and the "reply to all" button (wral.com)
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PSA: If you stamp your cocaine shipments with the symbol of the UN in an attempt to get them past customs without inspection, there's a good chance they may get delivered to UN headquarters (bbc.co.uk)
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Woman finds $1 million winning lottery ticket in the trash. Naturally, 2 people are suing her (abcnews.go.com)
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Minor altercation escalates when first knife, then gun pulled out. 'Minor' because it was in a 7th-grade class (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Haiti = Fail: 520,000 people remain in squalid camps, many more returned to wrecked homes rather than endure the camps' inhuman conditions, blamed for driving up violence, rape and pedophilia (dailymail.co.uk)
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Next up on Storage Wars.... granny (www2.tbo.com)
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How tough is the real estate market in LA? Well, agents are now using unmanned aerial drones (latimesblogs.latimes.com)
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Of course it's noisy, you bought a home beside a rail yard (cbc.ca)
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Alcatraz fighting tourists trying to break into historic prison in search of fictional room seen in TV show. Bat cave isn't real, morons (dailymail.co.uk)
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