Wed April 10, 2013
Photoshop this hunter
Vladimir Putin's name hurriedly removed from secret Finnish list of wanted criminals after police realize no one in Finland is brave enough to arrest him
Cuba pulls a reverse Janet Reno
You'll get over it
Where exactly was Drew this morning?
Florida man, misses his mom, steals $75,000 worth of soup
The world would be a happier place if we all had a therapy llama
"Boxers work to knock out Parkinson's symptoms" Briefs, however, kill your sperm and leaves you shakin' with regret
'Please help' and the 8 other things Earthlings want to say to extraterrestrials ... Turns out, we're a fairly self-obsessed bunch
Typical Drink: Obscure micro-brews, including one that they brew right on the premises that smells like a diseased elephant sh**ting out a dead cat
Now's the time to regulate the furries of Times Square and render them impotent before they multiply
Man squats a dictionary-word gmail address in 2004 and forgets about it. Finds 4,382 unread messages, 9 years later. For the New Yorker, this is a shocking story
Tunisian Blogger who is living under death threats after posting topless protest photos of herself online to activists in Europe who protested topless and burned a Muslim prayer flag in "soldiarity": Okay, you are SO not helping
Transgender high school student may wear original Wang to prom, Kerry on wayward Un, and Eric Holder is looking at the wrong porn: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/31 - 4/6
Teenager has survived on nothing but noodles since age 5 because parenting is too much work
Texas executes Glenn Beck
Turns out Waffle House is even worse for you than previously thought
Anonymous kidney donor meets the woman he saved. Also donated a ton of dust to the room
Fed releases minutes early. It's okay, that can happen to anyone
You had ONE job
Researchers discover porn sites may contain malware, porn
Parents of pregnant panda: We're going to need a paternity test -- and a shotgun
"The report does not indicate what reason the man gave for sprinting around his neighborhood in the nude"
The Marine whose flag covered the face of Saddam's statue that was toppled in the famous photo from early in the Iraq war, isn't real interested in it or him being used for propaganda purposes anymore
Smug Massachusetts laughs as backwards Mississippi town sues the gubmnt to take away horrifying wind turbines that are destroying their health. Wait, got those two states switched around; sorry
God: "Damnit, foiled again"
Mother challenges 9-year-old son to write an apology for pinching his brother in the family jewels, son knocks the ball out of the park
Washington state has filed a lawsuit against the florist who refused to do the flowers for a gay wedding due to her "relationship with Jesus". WWJD, indeed?
Elephant hurt in drive-by shooting. Witnesses described the shooter as an olde-timey fellow who was rambling about AC/DC and his license plate read "ED1-S0N"
The problem with critiquing the press's coverage of the Kermit Gosnell trial is the implication that the the press is covering the Kermit Gosnell trial
Arizona lawmaker demands to know who leaked to the media an email he sent from his public e-mail account. Bonus: The second email he sent complaining about the media leak of the first email is also given to the media
Have a 10-month-old puppy you don't want and don't know what to do with it? Tie it to some train tracks in the desert, of course. (Spoiler: puppy now up for adoption.)
Man arrested for bringing meat cleaver to maternity ward. And this is why the original cover to the Beatles album 'Yesterday and Today' was banned
An insightful, thoughtful and very personal remembrance of Margaret Thatcher and "Thatcherism." The reason for the "unlikely" tag? It's written by Russell Brand
(Some Guy)
The truths about school shootings that Huffington Post doesn't want you to read
The perfect storm of conspiracy theories: combine the energy crisis, global warming and aliens and wrap them all into one giant plot masterminded by corporations and government
Before he discovered his love of pie, Kim Jong Un was a fan of show tunes
America welcomes its very first Legoland hotel
With the impending nuclear attack by Best Korea or a million NK soldiers just going *boom*, what does the Chinese Media think about Dear Leader?
South Korea: You know what we need? Nukes. Hey US, can you give us nukes?
Having failed to do anything about the other end of the spectrum, co-developer of in vitro fertilization dies at age 87
"Another officer arrived and the two asked the people what they were doing. They said they were looking for a place to go fishing. The officers noted none of them had fishing gear"
Ronald Reagan only had the power of radio to announce "the bombing begins in five minutes." Today, the city of Yokohama has the power of Twitter to announce the same
This is it, folks. US and Japan brace for impact. Will Best Korea launch a missile as a "test"? Will the US respond with force? Will China smack a biatch? This is your official "drop it like it's Un" April 10th discussion thread
Suspicious vehicle spotted near White House. Hey, did someone actually buy Uncle Joe a biatchin' Trans Am after all?
Pakistan trolls North Korea: "Oh a ballistic missile test on Wednesday - you mean like this?"
Lancaster, California wants to become the "Solar capital of the universe." Well, I suppose that sounds a lot better than "Last stop until Bakersfield"
Stephen Hawking visits stem cell lab because genetically engineered henchmen aren't going to create themselves
Judge smacks down copyright trolls in porn case. Hot
Virginia's Governor Bob "The Trans-V" McDonnell would like you to know that he had nothing to do with spending $15,000 of campaign donor money on his daughter's wedding, even though the caterer's $3,500 refund check came straight to him
(Some Aquaman)
Photoshop this aquatic bedchamber
(SFBG)
In celebration of the upcoming Oakland Internet Cat Video Festival, here is an in-depth analysis of internet cat culture. With bonus illustration of famous cats playing poker
Texas based Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill chain, going with truth in advertising trademarks the term 'Breastaurant'
Vancouver BC sports parks board thinks they can make heckling parents do pushups for calling the other team a bunch of bed wetting losers
Cops say man used feces to cover grow house smell. Must have been some good shiat
Old and busted: Texting while driving. New and busted: Texting while piloting a medical helicopter
Man looking for cans to recycle finds a bag containing $4000, does the right thing and turns it in to the police. Gets a call the owner of the money wants to thank him and give him $400 reward
"Cosby continued to yell and make threats to those restraining him, threatening to slit their throats and send their genitals to their mothers." What, did someone make fun of his sweaters?
Judge orders city to pay firemen millions in--OH MY GOD THERE IS A FACE IN THE SMOKE
Girl raped at 15 and then bullied for 2 years over photos rapists took & shared online commits suicide
Police unsure why man came to police headquarters, stripped, pulled the fire alarm and injured two officers while they were subduing him. Oh, wait, this was in Trenton, NJ? Say no more
County utilities department forgets that if you charge people for backflow testing, you should probably perform said tests
Reddit user who confessed to murder turns out to be a liar. I can't believe it. I just can't believe someone would go on the internet and tell lies
... o_o ... -_- ... o_o ... -_- ... o_o
102-year-old man says the secret to a long life is "no nightclubbing and all that business"
How does Arnold Palmer order an Arnold Palmer?
Tue April 09, 2013
When the porn makes you feel like inserting an eel ... that's a moray
Smoking hot 36-year-old primary school teacher arrested for sex with student. Just kidding, she quits her day job to become a full-time pole dancer (w/pics)
Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track
British supermarket chain Asda says it is recalling all corned beef from its budget range after traces of a veterinary drug were found in some batches
Unhappy with your DUI? Do you c) drunkenly go to the house of the trooper who arrested you to complain with a beer in your hand
Photoshop this fast man going past fans
Have a question for a lesbian? Don't ask any of these ten stupid ones. Try thinking outside the box
This is the mugshot of a man who picked a fight with everyone on board his flight
The majesty of orbiting the Moon during the Apollo missions: seeing Earth float in Space, ruminating on our role in the Universe, having your turds float in Zero-G in the capsule and asking Mission Control what to do
In an effort to be recognized as something other than a measure of size, Rhode Island now boasts the country's most unpopular governor
Remember the old abandoned mansions you were reading about the other day? You can scratch one off your list
Miriam, 49, who sprouted full beard after son's birth says she is looking for love and has never felt sexier
NJ welcomes its first professional Ultimate frisbee team, the NJ Hammerh... wait, did that just say "professional Ultimate frisbee"?
Photoshop these auto workers
Ladies, 88% of men like some shrubbery down there, just keep the garden well maintained
Tired of this rampant proliferation of beer snobs? No worries, the arsenic that comes from all those fancy filtering processes they love so much will probably kill them soon
North Korea has notified nations that it plans to launch a missile over Japan on Wednesday. Japan has notified North Korea that if it does it's about to have a really bad rest of the week
Stabbings reported at Lone Star College in Texas. A suspect is still on the loose and in possession of at least one fully automatic assault knife
"It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy." The Asinine tag goes searching for another "s"
Woman tries to steal research ship for a three hour tour, a three hour tour
US man attempts a reverse Elián González
Former Rep. Anthony Weiner, a man noted for his stand-up ways, is thinking about running for mayor of New York. Suggest a campaign slogan or bumper sticker
After deciding to climb a mountain to "touch the clouds," hiker "hallucinated wildly" while lost in California forest. Well, isn't that pretty much what you go out into the forest to do in California?
Spanx sued for patent, good taste infringement
Olivia Wilde, Emma Stone team up for who cares, you've already clicked the link
Couple comes home to find burglar feeding their dog. Fark: Dog leaves with burglar
Premier League plans to not ask its clubs to hold a one-minute jeering session in memory of Margaret Thatcher
" U.S. special forces face the serious danger of being bogged down in a permanent game of global whack-a-mole"
Do not taunt the photobombing gorilla, he might just get up close and personal with you
"Ashley is passed out naked on the bathroom floor" is a A) Lyric from a new ZZ Top song. C) An example of a hilarious note left for roommates
Man won't stop singing 'Thrift Shop' at thrift shop, so girlfriend assaults him
Officer: Have you shot any of the meth that you made? Idiot: No way I don't want to kill myself
"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" enters download chart top 40 following the wicked witch's death
Turns out that all those "brain improvement" games do is make people better at playing brain improvement games. In other news, someone just told Ric Romero about sodoku
Liberal press does not support incarceration of Fox News reporter because
Man arrested at Burger King for having it his way on the sidewalk
This week in Sentences No One Has Said Before: "America is suffering a serious lack of lawyers"
Agents investigating insider trading are surprised to learn that so many market-busting portfolios are owned by children under 10. Whose parents just happen to be traders. Hm, odd
The bad habits that are actually good for you. Good news Cheetos in bed eaters
A day in the life of a penis enlargement surgeon (Possibly Not safe for work)
You know you're in Florida when you're reading about a skinny man in pink sunglasses rummaging through someone's garbage and it's the fourth story down on the local police blotter
Hey students, now teachers know when you're done reading your E-books, or if you've read them at all. Think of it as Big Brother but in a good way, it's for your own good
Planned demolition of a industrial chimney stack goes wrong, leaving it from standing fully erect to merely morning wood erect
Monkey chatter smacks of human speech, Twitter smacks of monkey chatter. Now I want cereal
Woman robs bank using two cans of spaghetti sauce she claimed was a bomb. Police warn people to also be on the lookout for her accomplice, a Mr. Hector Boiardi
6.3 magnitude earthquake in Iran. And nothing of value was lost
Let's just call it Birth Control Roulette
Bad: You're driving along the interstate when something crashes through your windshield and lands in your back seat. Good: Thanksgiving comes early
For a refreshing change, a mom posts a list of 10 things about which non-breeders need to ESS. TEE. EFF. YOO. (Update: Turns out the author is a dad)
Was the Iraq invasion worthwhile? Let's ask Ahmed, the Iraqi. Oh...wait, Ahmed just got pinched by a religious group. How about we go to Ollie Hussein for this report. Ollie? "LOTSA PEOPLE DEAD" Thanks, Ollie
Mexican Barbie comes complete with passport, but not visa stamp for entry into the US
Photoshop this golden flight
I shall call it... well I'm not going to call it Fukushima 2, that's for sure
The coolest video of the Navy shooting down a drone with a laser you'll see all day
Patriot missile systems rush-deployed to Tokyo
"Hey Good Lookin'" I'll be back to pick you up later"
"The secret life of cats: What you can learn by putting a GPS on your kitty." Subby learned his cat eats, sleeps, poops, and is plotting to kill him. Wait.... I thought that was ALL cats?
Good news, Catholics: Lutheran bishop gets loaded and mows down a former cop proving that protestants can fark up, too
You know how cops are always artificially inflating the potential proceeds in their drug busts? Well one guy in Colorado is suing the police for $210,000, for his illegally seized pot. Police to say this is exorbitant in 5..4
What do you get the man who has everything except a girlfriend?
Go heat up one of those Egg Rolls you've got in the freezer to enjoy while you read this
News: Cleanliness or lack of it the biggest problem, but the report also included everything from a cockroach infestation to feral cats living beneath a portable building FARK: This is a school they are talking about
NH man busted in Maine for 41 pounds of illegal baby eels, with an estimated street value of $82,000
If you pay for a 'Budget Boob Job' you should not be surprised if it's botched (Not safe for work)
Turns out Hooter's waitresses aren't supposed to have shaved heads and big scars. Clearly this isn't the Myrtle Beach Hooters
New Jersey grandmother founds "Cursive Club" to keep alive the delicate art of cursive handwriting
Man loses dart game, punches wall, crashes car, calls 911 to report himself for drunk driving, gets arrested. TA-DAAA (w/mugshot)
Everything is for sale in Florida -- even the vase off your grave
Your Best Korean troll of the day for April 9, 2013: Pyongyang issues warning for all foreigners to evacuate Worst Korea immediately
Ahh the internets. Is there anything it can't do?
Further proof that living in a gated golf course community does not protect you from neighbors with "hold my beer and watch this" tendencies
I used to be a bouncer at a strip club, until I took an arrow to the knee
Mon April 08, 2013
Deputy puts his gun down for a minute, a friend's 4-year-old picks it up and shoots the deputy's wife dead. That's the deputy's story, and he's sticking to it (link replaced)
"Hey baby, I'll show you why they call is the cockpit," says another drunk 20-something facing federal charges for thinking he's cooler than he is when hitting on a flight attendant
Can Michigan bring the NCAA trophy back to the B1G? Will Rick Pitino finally win one for Louisville? Is Kevin Ware resting comfortably? It's YOUR NCAA men's basketball championship thread, LIVE at 9pm Eastern on CBS
Frog-phobic elderly man wins $1.6M in lawsuit, says he hopes to spend it before he croaks
Photoshop a Farkism into an historical event
Nine of the most fascinating abandoned mansions worldwide. Subby would haunt that
Searching for the sequester in the middle of Ohio. It's always in the last place you'd look
The US Navy has developed a real, honest-to-God laser gun, mounted it on a ship, and is about to begin live-testing it with the Fifth Fleet. Next step: sharks
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 ✈
Study concludes women find men with larger penises more attractive, according to groundbreaking research from the Scientific Institute of Jon Hamm, Liam Neeson, and Submitter
Scientists prove that looking at busty women for 10 minutes a day is good for your health. In other news, FARK is now officially a nation of supermen
Photoshop this outdoor reception
The final round of The Consumerist's Worst Company in America competition is here, and it's a repeat of last year as Bank of America and EA square off in a battle to prove who sucks more
You are five times more likely to be involved in a car crash due to daydreaming versus using your smartphone according to the US Texting Institute
Did a murderer use the Confession Bear internet meme to reveal his crime? Skeptical Hippo is not so sure
WikiLeaks at it again. Releases secret data from 1973-1976. Apparently Alice Cooper is firing his band and Nixon is a Dick
Miners can't find more gold, search for 'dark matter' instead
Neruda to be retro-post-modernist deconstructed one last time
And the next catastrophe set to be caused by global warming is (spins wheel of doom): giant crabs and oyster herpes
M-I-C. See you in heaven Annette Funicello. K-E-Y. Why? Complications from multiple sclerosis, M-O-U-S-Eeeeeeee
The catapult, which was first described in the 4th century BC, will finally reach its full potential as it launches a stealthy unmanned aerial vehicle from a nuclear powered, mobile forward air base for the first time next month
So just how much is Tim Pernetti getting as his severance package from Rutgers? Try a cool $1.2 million, car expenses, two years healthcare...AND AN IPAD
The French government probably should have looked up "Le Streisand Effect" before extorting deletion of a Wikipedia article for reasons of national security
You'll never guess the type of content that gets downloaded from within Vatican City. Hint: rhymes with corn
Scanning your ass on the company copier is about to get a lot more expensive if these patent trolls get their way
NASA not going to make another moon set
The State of Florida is Tired of Seeing Your Naughty Bits..."Revenge Porn" Bill Proposed, Makes Sharing Naked Pictures and Videos a Felony
The Westboro Baptist Church says they will picket Roger Ebert's funeral. Hopefully some Chicago Farkers will stage a peaceful counter-demonstration
Meet Kim Jong-un's less responsible, Disney-obsessed older brother
You will burn. You will freeze. The moon will explode. Four gruesome apocalypse scenarios...from 1939
What do you get when you mix "bicyclists with a passion for spontaneous acts of silliness" with "very regimented" transit managers? A rare bit of common sense from both
Broadcasters fearful of the growing number of "Zero TV" people. We'll tell you why they're growing right after this 5 minute ad block. Plus: Remember to watch the debut of Buttcracks of Bel-Air on Bravo tonight
Holy cow. Third of Americans support Christianity as official religion
Apparently concerned that he wasn't looking enough like a James Bond/Bruce Lee movie villian, Kim Jong Un views military exercises by the North Korean Army's elite ninja squadrons
Greek student decided to express his not so positive opinion of the greek Parliament written on a piece of paper, "First time in a brothel". Shared it on Facebook, got a 5 day suspension and now is asking for vindication from the online community
William Faulkner: Acclaimed writer, Nobel Prize recipient, and damn serious about getting to the hair salon on time
Margaret Thatcher: destroyer of all that was good and noble about Engl-- wha? She helped invent soft-serve ice cream? THAT MONSTER
"I'd been warned my whole life about homophobia, but no one ever said anything about homophobiaphobia"
Ever wanted Nutella spread so badly that you would steal more than 5 tons of it?
Americans: We found a way to make chocolate with half the fat. British: Can it be made with alcohol? I am so proud right now. The British, asking the important questions since 3700 BC
Replace any word or phrase in a well-known literary passage with the phrase "your mom." Example: "Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do your mom." Voting enabled
"My brother and I used to say that drownin' in Corona was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks"
Steve McQueen's vintage Indian to likely fetch up to $28,000. Also, Dude, "Indian" is not the preferred nomenclature. Native American, please
C is for criminal and that is what he is. Cookie Monster jailed for fighting with a toddler in Times Square
Guess what the "safe driver act" really is. Click to see if you're right
Stupid scientists ask "Could you outrun a TRex?" when they should be asking, "Can you outrun your research assistant in the event of a TRex attack?"
NRCC debuts "Words With Elizabeth" attack ad on Colbert Busch. DCCC to respond with "Adult Friend Finder with Mark Sanford"
Woman allegedly performs sex act at BP station to get a better car deal
Boston Dynamics, creators of the BigDog pack mule robot, create a life-like humanoid robot that will further haunt your dreams
Ex-porn star Jenna Jameson could be charged with battery. No word on where the rest of the device is
You are free to show Vladimir Putin your boobs
Andrew Cuomo has a grand plan to end corruption in the state legislature. Subby has a grand plan to seduce Kate Upton, and Drew has a grand plan to remain sober this weekend
Photoshop theme: US Mint is running a contest for a baseball coin design contest. Follow their rules if you want to enter their contest, or ignore them to enter here
Iron Lady rusts in peace
Mudslide derails three cars of an Amtrak train. No one on board injured. Or, being Amtrak, perhaps it was just no one on board
(Some Guy)
Who would have thought that a simple tool shed would be so interesting?
300 Peruvian Taxi drivers respond to radio station's call for help to light up runway so a medevac plane could make emergency take off
Cab drivers threaten to stop picking up passengers if city continues to force them to charge a flat rate. In other words, business as usual
What do you mean we atheists are Islamophobe hatemongers? That's ridi... well, that's actually pretty spot-on
Motherflippin' Best Korea better watch out, 'cause New Zealand says it's business time
Eight abandoned Antarctic whaling stations. Come for the Lenin statue, stay for the Predators
Granted that it's harder to pass the sobriety tests with one leg..But this guy has had 7 chances
Now that Chavez is gone, things are back to normal in Venezuela. Well, except for that whole "vote for me or a centuries-old curse will strike you" thing
Expensive multifunction toilet stolen from Japanese park. Authorities have nothing to go on
Sun April 07, 2013
Can a chaplain be a "bad ass?" Because this one who will receive the Medal Of Honor 62 years after his death sure sounds like it
Hikers call 911 for a rescue team after encountering a small stream and being afraid of getting their electronics wet
Hot off the grillz, it's this week's eye opening edition of the Mug Shot Roundup
If you don't know the difference between a toy poodle and a ferret on steroids then you probably deserve to get ripped off
Photoshop theme: Not to scale
(Some Guy)
The 50 fattiest foods from across the country deslidefied for your drooling pleasure. Now if you'll excuse me I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes
Outside of a dog, $500 is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, you have to follow him around and pick what's left of the money out of his poop, piece it back together, then gross out various bank tellers while trying to get fresh bills
Former cocaine kingpin goes from pushing white powder to pushing health and wellness tips
Proving they are one step away from the Westboro Baptist Church, anonymous celebrates Holocaust Memorial Day by hacking Israeli websites and replacing them with pro-terrorist and anti-semitic propaganda
FTA "Police say the women wore short black dresses with high heels and no pantyhose."...likely worked as teachers.....the male 19 year old sexual assault victim is still recovering
New York City will use payphones in the latest attempt to create a time machine
More than 700 educators from one particular state decided to better themselves this weekend. Did they do it by a.) Taking advanced math classes, b.) Researching teaching methods utilized in Europe, or c.) Attending a free gun class? Hint: Texas
Ceiling Cat is watching you go nuts
If a stranger in a back alley tries to sell you 27 cows, no questions asked, please contact the Wapello County sheriff's office
Walmart worker finds an envelope left in a cart containing $20,000. Quickly does the right thing ... and returns the money to the person who left it there
Why do we laugh at North Korea but fear Iran? Is it because Kim Jong-Un looks like Moe Howard mated with an Oompa Loompa and Mahmoud Ahmacrazyman looks like Christoph Waltz?
Time Magazine wants to answer questions internet uses have about online etiquette. Perhaps we could send a few their way
Experts believe a water shortage could be due to people watering their lawns, but they don't know for certain
World Fark Party III - New Orleans, Louisiana: April 5 - April 7
Island lion cubs / finally get their own names / and their own haikus? (Pic)
Ok, we cancelled this one, but how many ICBMs does the US launch off the coast of California anyway?
I said.... THiS IS WHAT HEARING LOSS SOUNDS LIKE
T206 Honus Wagner baseball card sells for $2.1 million. Your 1983 Topps #55 Mookie Wilson card is still only worth $0.39
Photoshop the Best Korean Bassist
North Pole man acquitted of kidnapping. So that's what Santa does in the off-season
Orangutans cling to the last tree in the forest as bulldozers plow down their home. Damned dirty humans
The world's 20 most beautiful living spaces that nobody can afford to actually live in
Trying to get word out that there's been an Exxon oil pipeline spill? That's an arrestin'
Not news: School bans kindergartener from class. FARK: because his mohawk haircut is too distracting
Video of a flaming Lamborghini Miura SV is the saddest thing you'll see today
Americans hold about $1 trillion in student loans, and the debt burden is only getting heavier, and few students are asking questions about what type of loans--if any--they should take
Twin Cities Fark Party, Saturday April 13th 7pm-NOW WITH LOCATION
Meet the doctor who can revive heart attack patients who have been dead for hours
What middle school teacher hasn't wanted to tie up a rambunctious sixth grader?
Love concierge specializes in turning successful Silicon Valley geeks into sexy Silicon Valley studmuffins. mostly by telling them Weird Science was just a movie and that they should spend $20K and up on better wardrobe and bleached teeth
(She's your daughter you retards)
Parents of the year put their 16 year old daughter up for adoption after learning she is gay. Too bad she couldn't have gotten away from them earlier
Just got arrested for sending texts to a cop asking him if he wants to buy drugs? Turn that frown in your mugshot upside down
Sat April 06, 2013
Pastor Rick Warren's son no longer living a purpose driven life
So many news organizations kiss Fark's ass, but only HuffPost Weird News plies Farkers with beer and Rum (w/ World Fark Party III slideshow)
Troopers found several items destroyed inside the office and the word "surcharge" written in feces on the wall of the lobby, the affidavit said
Those movie casting flyers around the grade school looking for "fun, open minded people with a nice look," might not be legit
The crime spree ended near a local elementary school with a simple, spray painted message that said "sorry"
Fark Party Chicago - 13APR - 8pm-11pm - Lincoln Tap Room
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this helpful hombre
After careful analysis of mass shootings, police advise that members of the public who find themselves in the midst of one should "run away, hide, or fight back." This report was delivered by police spokesmen Capt. Obvious and Detective N.S. Sherlock
Whoever wrote this list of 10 ways to cure boredom at work, was so bored that they missed, "Just do your farking job or you're fired"
Arm yourself, it's 'International Pillow Fight Day'
Homeless guy who shares the same name as an apartment building owner continually tries to take ownership of it. Fark: He successfully got out of jail by using it as collateral. Bonus: His day job is being a blind street photographer
News: People arrested at a protest. FARK: They were arrested for protesting a bylaw which requires protesters to submit a route prior to the start of the demonstration. Irony: They didn't submit a route
Turns out, the best way to convince people to get the MMR vaccine is an old-fashioned measles outbreak
Paris is going to cut its grass by putting sheep in charge, expected to be very ewes-ful
The Battle Over Top Speed: Since 2010, the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport "World Record Edition" has held the mantle as the fastest production car in the world, but Hennessey Performance of Texas says not so fast
Cats may have catnip, but dogs get medical marijuana
(Some Hairy Guy)
Photoshop theme: Historical people in modern jobs. LGT inspiration
Pork found in Ikea's møøse lasagna. In other news Ikea now sells møøse lasagna
Sheriff lands in the middle of pastry brouhaha, bringing unkneaded controversy to one Iowa town
Mexicans fined in Canada for trying to export: A) Guns, B) Drugs, C) Polar bears?
He's seven. His mom has Lou Gehrig's Disease. He thought up a fundraiser for her, and his aunt and several volunteers are making it happen. The dust is strong with this one
You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Bikini Photo Op
Yes we all agree that topless feminists are great but its time to talk about the real revolution, the Topless Beer Can Revolution
Wanna bet how long Intrade will be around?
Who has the best sex in America? Let's start this with "NOT Subby" :(
Transgender high school student wins right to wear dress to prom. No word on whether it will be an original Wang
Police departments receive training in dealing with 'sovereign citizens'. Regicide?
When you operate a medical marijuana dispensary you expect protesters. But when the protesters are marijuana patients and caregivers you may want to rethink your business strategies
When you're dancing naked in the middle of the street at 8:00 AM because you crashed your car after smoking a mix marijuana and embalming fluid, it's time to do some soul searching
English pub carved from flaming wrecks of 1588 Spanish Armada, which survived the firebombs of the Nazis, ordered to paint over woodwork in case it catches fire. Beer will still be warm
You don't have to wear a wedding ring to prove to your spouse that you're committed...but pawning it to pay for a hooker might cause some trouble at home
Seattle to build nation's first food forest. Finally, a place where you can make your own trailmix by hand
Millions of underground bugs with orange legs, red eyes, and clear wings with orange veins, that have been sucking fluids from tree roots, are about to burst from the earth in the biggest inundation of Magicicada septendecim since Brood X
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these waste watchers
Dogs Wearing Pantyhose is newest meme in China right now and OH GOD MY EYES (w/pics)
Lazarus, the "vampire" kitty with a cleft palate, is in training right now to become a therapy pet. Hopefully he will be out in time for Caturday to bite you with love
God threatens to kill President Obama and the entire Lee County Sheriff's Department
Georgia man attempts to make bacon. Fresh bacon. Really, really fresh bacon. Bonus: In front of children
Cracking your knuckles can't give you arthritis, but it sure as hell can annoy the hell out of everyone around you
Deal reached in Trayvon Martin case
Women love their dogs more than they love their men. Those biatches
A last ride in a 1941 Packard for a man who loved cars
Fri April 05, 2013
If you want to study an asteroid, all you need to do is lasso one with a robotic spaceship. This according to a US Senator
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude
How to put a Russian billionaire's nose out of joint? Build a bigger super-yacht
Maryland town begins taxing rainwater. Residents wonder what precipitated the decision
Robynn Fried was two weeks away from being homeless when she heard a knock at the door, that's when a 14-year-old boy selling newspapers helped turn her life around
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these brussels sprouts
"She had been starving after spending two weeks in the wild when she devised an innovative way to catch fish using her private parts as bait and then trapping her meal between her legs"
Please don't use a normal dishwasher to clean your gynecological instruments. Even if it leaves them spot-free
How friendly is the relationship between China and Best Korea right now? Well, when Chinese officials refer to Kim Jong-Un as "Fatty Kim" or "Fatty The Third", what does that tell you?
Parental oversharing is a social-media nightmare, and one woman has declared war on cuteness
Fusion? Really? C'mon guys. All you need is a little dilithium and a tippling Scotsman in a red shirt
Journalist and filmmaker who immersed himself in homelessness for story research strays just a little too far into method-acting territory
The awesomeness of being a firefighter: cooking chili with the boys, the cool dalmatian, washing the fire engine, getting paid to work out, sliding down the pole, sending emails of penis-shaped pasta to co-workers
When parking your car always watch that last ramp in the parking garage, it could be a doozy
A photo captures the awe inspiring terror induced by the rare Tigerador. Be afraid, be VERY afraid
Photoshop these New Yorkers going for a ride
English major accepts reality, inquires if thou dost desire a portion of a potato-based comestible of substantial magnitude with thine meal
(Some Guy)
Meals on bricks
The food in your freezer might kill you. Film at 11
It's Friday, and that means it's time for the Weird News Quiz. Also time for drunken shenanigans on Bourbon Street, but that's a different story altogether
Brooklyn judge slaps Birther with $177,000 fine for being an idiot
Stop me if you've heard this one before: There's a new Apple-killer about to hit the market. No, I'm serious
Old and busted lottery winner: I'm not going to quit my job. New and hot lottery winner: I'm going to stay homeless, I like my tent
Rare turtle species, driven to extinction by human activity, suffers even more by being driven to having never existed in the first place
Please note: If you request time off for the deaths of your parents, uncle, aunt, brother and ex-husband, you're either going to be fired for lying, or for being bad luck to be around
An interview with Haiti's hottie tourism Minister. Yes, I'll say that again: Haiti has a Minister of Tourism
Are you ready to panic? Bird flu has already killed 6 people in China. SIX PEOPLE. Quick, everybody get vaccinated again
South Korea deploys warships to track North Korean missiles if launched, possibly by following the trail of debris floating in the ocean
Passenger takes care of security problem instead of TSA. The current score appears to be: Passengers - 3, TSA - 0
Guns are welcome on the premises. Please keep all firearms holstered unless the need arises. In such case, judicious marksmanship is greatly appreciated by all. Enjoy your meal
For what it's worth, switchblades are about to be legalized in Kansas. Abortion, Sunday liquor sales, medical marijuana and the study of evolution still waiting
Officer: "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time. Oh, also, here's your pot back"
If you want to help feed the poor in Miami, you have to have the proper permits...even if you're a nun
When Fidel Castro tells you to knock it off you've officially pissed off everyone in the world
Photoshop theme: Photoshop what might happen at this year's World Fark Party
Man who police described as "most notorious child porn downloader they've taken into custody" looks exactly the way you think he does
A federal judge in Brooklyn has ordered the FDA to make the morning-after birth control pill available over the counter to people of any age without a prescription. Some people are sure to have a problem with this
(Some Scout)
Cool and Scary tags hold on to Sad while touring this abandoned Masonic Retirement home hidden just outside of NYC
Hey, let's go to the great Philadelphia Pong meet
Cooling system at Fukushima nuclear plant fails for the second time in a week after workers fark it up trying to keep rats from eating it. D'oh
You may think you've heard of tough battles, but try 11 Victoria Crosses awarded to members of 150 man force. Oh, and a forgotten man of that force has now been found
Photoshop this unopened poppy, bud
Kim Jong-Un: A mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a windtalker wrapped in Scooby-Doo episode wrapped in bacon
Rare twin ponies born on Easter Sunday. No word on whether one was a unicorn and one was a Pegasus
Police Chief resigns to devote more time to his newfound interest in "fine art" photography of college students, rather than face charges
This changes everything: KFC to go boneless
Drunk, naked and peeing on the front door of the police station is no way to get a room for the night, son. Oh wait, yes it is
Freedom is truly on the wane in this country: Alaska town considers banning public defecation
The folks at national pretzel sellers Auntie Anne's want their customers to know that an incident last week involving an employee who flung nacho cheese at some customers was not part of the chain's 'pretzel perfect' experience
After being robbed and shot at, and the attackers scamper off to their pick-up truck to flee, do you A) call 911, B) thank the good Lord that you are alive, or C) jump into the bed of the truck as it drives off to try to retrieve your purse?
School inadvertently teaches kids how capitalism works in the real world. Now everyone is pissed off about it
"Son, stay in the car while I go pistol-whip that woman. Shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes"
Doggers: People who have sex with strangers in public while others watch, The Sun is there (w/pics)
Dementia called costliest illness after pancakes, clean cheese, and picnic apes says Socko the Happy-Turtle
Six things you need to know about the Arkansas oil spill
This may come as a shock to some of you, but the Church of Scientology ran a sham drug treatment center to recruit members and scam people out of money
Know your cuts of meat? Think again
Thu April 04, 2013
If you've cut millions in benefits and services to the disabled because you claim the system is "broken" and abused by "scroungers", you probably shouldn't let your chauffeur park your £50,000 land rover in a disabled parking space
Majority of Americans: "Legalize it"
Now THIS is a face of meth
Thirty-five years ago, a hiker stumbled upon a plane crash in the mountains of Montana, with no evidence of survivors at the scene. Now, the crash seems to live only in its discoverer's memory, as not even the NTSB has any record of it ever occurring
Indian man has axe to grind, takes it out on 5 girls and 4 women
CDC to prepare bird flu vaccine, Just. In. Case
Photoshop this man in a pan
World's best dad pushes his disabled son through more than 1,100 endurance events, gets his own statue. Bonus: They've never finished last
(Some Guy)
Ugly-ass baby river otter gets a none-too-gentle swimming lesson from Mom
Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo. July 24, 6pm
$4,500 in cash ✓ Marijuana ✓ Xanax ✓ Oxycodone ✓ Toddler ✓ Double Texting ✓
Latest from entitled, butthurt, college-rejected high schooler whose open letter was posted by the Wall Street Journal: "It's a satire"
Your homeowners' association can probably kick you out for smoking pot. Start stocking up on incense now
So you know that phrase where someone says, "I'm going to shove my foot up your @$$"? Yeah, about that
Norway forced to cancel class testing due to: A) Teacher's strike; B) Controversy surrounding the content of the exams; or C) Justin Bieber is playing a concert
Georgia: Hey Tennessee, mind if we move our border a bit and take your river water? Tennessee: You can have our whiskey, but you ain't getting any of that water
You can tell Spring has arrived in Indiana because the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and the locals keep getting arrested for wearing little to no-clothing. "So what if they saw my (breasts)?"
Imagine having this family for inlaws: a Google Senior VP, a Stanford Physics Professor, a UCSF Pediatrics Professor, a Time Magazine "Invention of the Year" founder, and an award-winning teacher. But one son-in-law is doing ok--he co-founded Google
Photoshop this bather and big bunny head
U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency openly frustrated that they cannot crack Apple's iMessage encryption to listen in on suspects
Two thumbs down
'I resented the time my children consumed. Like parasites, they took from me and didn't give back`
Scooter companies may be swindling the nation's seniors. Those rascals
Four officers responsible for sinking that US Navy minesweeper have been "reassigned pending investigation." Any predictions on what Aleutian island they're going to be sent to?
Stop me if you've heard this one before: A stolen goat walks into a bar in Butte
Worst. Treehouse. Ever... is actually pretty cool
There is unrest in the forest, There is trouble with the trees, For the maples want some respite, From the farking syrup thieves
(ICIJ)
Someone just leaked to investigative journalists 260 gigabytes of data containing 30 years worth
