Sat May 25, 2013
Man gets fifteen months and prison and a $56,000 fine for cutting down more than two dozen black walnut trees
Attention Fearless Freaking Farkers and all around good Samaritans. Threadless and the Flaming Lips are teaming up to design a tshirt to benefit the victims of the Moore tornado. Submit your designs here
Everyone's used to gas prices climbing up on the Memorial Day weekend, but now they're faced with an even more outrageous increase in meat
#26minutes
If train A leaves the station at 7:45 AM traveling east at 45 mph and train B leaves a different station at 8:00 AM traveling west, at what time will they crash injuring seven people in MO?
Top 10 new species revealed. Behold the blue-balled monkey
Plagiarism, sex in conference rooms, wandering the halls socializing. Sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day for your average overworked city assistant attorney
Experts say that U.S. schools should make physical education a core subject. Probably because most kids' core is pretty much surrounded by several layers of fat
Prepare to be SHOCKED: some people underestimate the calories in fast food
Potatoes, once bad for you, then really bad for you, then instantly fatal, are now good for you. But not at In-N-Out cause those are just nasty
Remember how Kate Upton backed out of taking that high school teen to his prom? Well, he's since traded up
Judge arrested by feds for buying heroin and carrying a gun. Appears for arraignment wearing a t-shirt with the inscription "Bad is my middle name". It goes downhill from there
Streetlight spotted over haunted historic barn. Aw jeez, not this shiat again
Photoshop these dam kids
Man arrested near Cleveland for stealing car off Captain America set. Investigators still trying to determine why anyone would make a movie in Cleveland
Two dedicated farkers have been giving all they've got, determined to save feline lives - no matter what. Now you too can help in a very special way, and all you have to do is come join us here on Caturday (DIT)
SEE?? Even small market newspapers speak our language...(Insert gratuitous mention of Drew here)
Cool: Comedian Doug Stanhope starts an IndieGoGo campaign to raise $50,000 for the woman who said "I'm actually an atheist" after surviving the Oklahoma tornado. Really Cool: The goal was met in the first 24 hours. Fark: There are 59 days to go
Hobby Lobby says it is a ministry and should not have to pay fines under Obamacare
Stookey, lend me your home
Woman holds off cops for hours by refusing to turn over video of beating without a warrant, fearing it may be deleted. Bonus: Cops get warrant, delete video
Federal judge Ric Romero finds that Sheriff Joe engaged in racial profiling
Florida driver forgets he's in Florida and pulls a shotgun on another driver, who unfortunately is also a Florida diver who carries a shotgun and is not afraid to shoot
Fri May 24, 2013
Caption what Chris Christie is saying to Snookie
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this shadowy cove
Try not to flame your fellow citizens, but there's this, just in time for the long holiday weekend. The Great Charcoal Debate: Lumps, or Briquettes. Sober, sane, rational reasons for or against go over to the right
12 people get unhappy ending at Baghdad brothel
Meanwhile, in Wisconsin: Thong Cape Scooter Man
Lesbian teen arrested for sex with underage girlfriend refuses to take plea deal. Says she's not licked yet
(Some Guy)
Photoshop these dudes and this deer
NPR asks the question: Who drinks water better -- dogs, cats, or pigeons? FIGHT
Who lives under 1,500 lbs. of pineapples in Jersey City?
I know it doesn't quite seem possible, but it turns out there actually are douchebags out there who can even ruin something as awesome as ice cream
Topless bisexual women wrestling in mud and kissing...are just a few of the things you will not find in this week's Fark Weird News Quiz
Police solve homelessness once and for all. Key strategy: Take sleeping bags, food, and any other possessions and move them on
Man regrets calling 911 on his wife for using her teeth
Not news: mentally disabled man conned into selling property ahead of town tax auction. News: at a fraction of its value. FARK: by the governor
Decorah lawyer charged with stealing from client. More than usual?
Not news: Police bust drug trafficking ring. FARK: An 84-year-old woman on an oxygen tank
Angry waitress attacks and injures neighbor with lawn gnome. Hilarious pictures from the police car, jail, and county courthouse are forthcoming
How to use a coffee press to make your beer not taste like ass
Abercrombie & Fitch says sorry. So we're totally cool now, right?
Some cats just want to watch the world burn
Baton blows and a bite from a K-9 dog leads to heart disease
The first 10 minutes of the Moore tornado
The world's most awkward taxidermy. Come for the lion thing. Stay for the freak cat
Problem: Rampant badger population is spreading bovine tuberculosis in UK beef herd. Solution: eat all the badgers
A collection of incredible 3D sidewalk chalk drawings. Bonus: Not a slideshow
"Council members abstain from vote on abstaining"
Wearing a thong swimsuit got this woman a date--in court
"I was struck by lightning, and I'm f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f... okay"
City wants to turn public restroom into a restaurant
"Teacher, my tummy hurts." "Here's a hall pass. Go see the school nurse." "I can't. She's drunk and the cops have her in cuffs out in the parking lot for DUI"
Germany voted most popular country in the world. Well, not in Poland or France...but still
Our long DOJ nightmare is over. President Obama has ordered Eric Holder to investigate Eric Holder
While teachers are worried that sex education is struggling to keep up with online porn, the pupils are certain they have everything well in hand
Pakistan airline flight from Lahore to Manchester in England diverted and escorted by fighter jet
Let's all wish a happy 40th birthday to everybody's favorite twisted pair
The largest Florida black bear ever captured weighed in at 620 pounds. No word where he gets leather chaps big enough to fit
The owners of Amy's Baking Company are keeping busy. Not only are the attorneys representing Kitchen Nightmares threatening to sue them, they also claim to have received death threats against their cats. Meow
Set phasers to malky. Scottish fans make latest Star Trek movie in home made series
Submerged structure beneath Sea of Galilee stumps archeologists. When asked for comment, Dr. Joba Abdullah Abdullah Gorenstein said, "We don't know for sure, but we think the Hebrews did this"
It gets really boring sitting here during brain surgery, so, WHAT SONG DO YOU WANNA HEAR?
College student wins $1 million lottery prize, will now only have to borrow money to pay for her final semester
Today's maddening, Fark-ready, grammatically insulting and unrealistic headline: "Lets Get Rid of Apostrophes. We Dont Need Em." Try reading that without twitching
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this high-steppin' puffin
Passenger aircraft returns to Heathrow Airport because of smoking during the flight. Sure, it was one of the engines, but a rule is a rule
I don't trust the alien zombies either and have nothing against bikini-wearing chickens
VA operator "The average time frame they are showing at your regional office is about...wait, that can't be right. Hold on for one moment, okay...Yep, the average time your claim will take at your regional office as of today is 30 months"
Either China has become a breeding ground for Dementors, or they really need to get stronger controls on pollution
Rare color film from London shows that a Bobby with a tit on his head in 1927 looks exactly the same as he does today
Because she has no soul, and the devil's eyes
How to attract spiders to your garden. But just the cute and helpful ones. Not the big, freaky, hairy ones that eat birds and hide behind toilets and clocks
Vampires in Portland exact their revenge on Abraham Lincoln
In a new documentary series, Tom Selleck advises "Never mess with a chipmunk's nuts", which was a lesson Dave Seville learned the hard way
The US Government has locked away the remnants of Trauma Room One, where JFK was pronounced dead, for decades, storing everything from barrels of concrete debris, wires, and light switches, possibly forever
Nine things you as a f*cking asshole probably don't know about swear words
Working parents who leave the office early are getting away with an "unfair practice" and are "killing office morale." Well, according to the people without kids who are just pissed they can't leave early
Well, hello there, friendly little shake, rattle and roll
Nine-year-old girl asks McDonald's CEO why he forces kids to eat at McDonald's. Oh, and her mother is a "nutritional activist"
Powerful earthquake strikes eastern Russia, rousing Sarah Palin from her slumber
Pro tip: If you are holding your accountant hostage in a warehouse in Queens, you should probably get takeout instead of delivery for him
Fracking for natural gas or German beer--choose only one
Rubbing Alcohol sold as Scotch in New Jersey. That's the joke
Little girl's police officer father gets shot and killed in the line of duty, days before her kindergarten graduation. Rest of the Police force shows up for it in his place. Damn it's dusty here
The mystery of the human body's most annoying sensation, itching, finally explained. And suddenly you find your back itching for no reason
Thu May 23, 2013
Is it possible to have a library with no books? Yup
The Skagit River Bridge, which is part of Interstate 5, has collapsed in Washington. People and vehicles are reported to be in the water
Worst butt dial ever
Stalking a 15-year-old pupil for two straight years will get you banned from teaching for life. Yes, the crazy eyes are involved
Man files lawsuit to have President Obama declared Kenyan. The man is currently serving a 17 year prison sentence for sending threatening mail to a Texas woman whom he believed to be a clone of singer Stevie Nicks
"But, Grandma, what big fists you have." "The better to deliver a beatdown to your bullying classmate"
Your neighbor is shooting rabbits with an air gun. Do you C) grab your loaded AK-47 and start threatening him with it. (w/ best mugshot you're likely to see all day)
Man invents engagement ring that glows when he's near
Photoshop this gaze upon Gotham
Jodi Arias likes her juries just like her men: Hung
Polite young men who wear neckerchiefs, colorful badges and khaki shorts in public are now allowed to be openly gay
Women outraged by sexist new Samsung commercial. And by women, I mean men
Another day, another real-life case of Breaking Bad. Except all these guys keep getting caught
I guess the Brits have a hard time understanding screen doors, brushing teeth
It turns out many of the US cities where the most internet porn is watched are also classified as the most religious
It was a fun family party until your 14-year-old son beat everybody at poker
News: Woman run over by car. Fark: her own car. UltraFark: THREE TIMES
To prevent students from cheating, Montreal teachers decide to strip. Strip search students, that is
Under US pressure, Hamid Karzai issued a presidential order giving women basic rights like not being prosecuted for adultery when they've been raped, and not being sold to settle debts. This week the Afghan Parliament refused to make it law
(Some Food Nut)
Fark Food Thread: Extra sticks of butter not your style? What are lighter ways to enjoy your favorites without going overboard on calories? What are some tips for having/serving tasty meals without an extra pound of guilt on the side?
Woman raises flap after parts of 747 wing fall on her house
Photoshop this train car troupe
Jesse James shockerless
I don't want to overly alarm you or anything, but they just found a Dalek lurking at the bottom of some British pond. Biding its time, just biding. Its. Time
Dear Prudie: I accidentally responded to a Craigslist personal ad using my work email. Should I run for mayor of New York?
When running from the police, a sure fire way to get caught would be c) run INTO the police headquarters building
A quick look at the breast-feeding habits of Neanderthals. And yes, we're doing it wrong
1:1 scale model LEGO X-Wing uses 5.3 million bricks, weighs 46,000 pounds. However, its S-foils do not lock into attack position. WORST. MODEL. EVER
Black honor student expelled from school and arrested for doing science is cleared of all charges and is getting a free trip to space camp from a retired astronaut
Same-sex married couples can teach straight married couples a lot - first, know how you remember every single real or imaginary mistake your spouse has ever made, and hold it over them until the end of time? Stop that
Congress passes 'Stolen Valor Act' to criminalize lying about military medals. In completely unrelated news: Subby would like to clarify a some things he might have said after a few beers in the past that could have possibly been misunderstood
If you have to steal a piece of meat because it reminds you of your dead grandmother, you might have issues. Just sayin'
Pro tip: If you are planning to shoplift make sure your pants aren't going to fall down when you're making a run for it. Wearing underwear is a good idea too, ma'am
Man accused of bestiality porn gets off on a technicality. Also, a horse, several dogs, a lemur and a pack of ferrets
You know how at the end of Silence of the Lambs, the Senator's daughter got to keep Buffalo Bill's dog? Officials in Cleveland seem to like that idea
Five TV shows that are shaping world politics. And this isn't some silly list put out by an entertainment website
How to steal the mini-bar like a boss
You've lost faith in our systems, witnessed a parade of lies and deceit. So you look for comfort, a friend in this darkest hour - a nice bowl of ice cream. There's just one problem. Ice cream is also a lie. A damnable lie
Charles Ramsey awarded free McDonalds for life, which will now be about six months
(Colo. Springs Gazette)
Newspaper investigation concludes that soldiers with injuries, PTSD, are being drummed out of the military to save money
Ginger columnist ponders a future without redheads, whose genetic mutation will soon come to a natural evolutionary end
Battle to keep people with money out of the Bronx is a success
Teabagger fired from his job for lying on Facebook. Thanks, Obama
The 'stand your ground' defense doesn't work in Louisiana if you use a scoped rifle to shoot a stranger in the head just because they're laying in your neighbor's driveway
"Hey coppers, see this AK-47? It's mine because I built it. It's totally legal. And you can not trace it what-so-ever"
Florida vigilante justice: Woman is accused of etching image of male genitalia on stranger's SUV at supermarket after SUV's driver failed to stop for pedestrians. Fark bonus: Vandal also left explanatory Post-it note on windshield
If you happen to find a tiny kangaroo hopping around northern Illinois this weekend, the DeKalb County Sheriff's Office would like to hear from you. Tag is for owner
Turns out white men aren't the most persecuted group on the planet, after all
I don't care how much you like Macklemore, "Thrift Shop" is not an appropriate request for a strip club DJ. And when they refuse, it's not a reasonable response to shoot up the place with an AK-47
Fishermen busted by DNR officials for having a few too many fish over the limit. 332 over, to be exact
Former 'Silver Spoons' star produces video series for US Army. Worse, it's not Erin Gray in a shiny jumpsuit
You mean you don't buy your designer handbags, watches and sunglasses from your butcher?
Honey, does your chicken and caustic soda taste a little odd?
Good news, everyone: Sequestration cuts to the Coast Guard will let $1 billion more worth of cocaine into the US
You have 30 minutes to move your cube
Fark Philly Up - Spend the day in Philly taunting animals and ringing bells, or meet us at night for a couple drinks. Saturday, July 20th at Oscar's. - 2 Month Countdown
Do you look like Taylor Swift? Boot to the head
Morphine: Apply directly to the wound. Morphine: Apply directly to the wound. Morphine: Apply directly to the wound
Yeah, I tested positive for THC, but can you prove I was high?
After a UK soldier is brutally massacred in Britain, CNN asks the burning question: "Are UK soldiers targets at home?" Well duh
Baltimore teachers forgot to review this study guide: books, desks and pencils are good purchases with tax money. Cruises, fancy dinners and catered lunches are not
Don't look now, but we might soon be finding a lot of the globe is unprepared for ............. carrier lost
Hipsters driving up the price of Pabst Blue Ribbon and other "sub-premium beers". Subby sips his Bayer-Bräu Schwarzes Röslein and chuckles at the hipsters and their idiotic beverage choices
New home sales tick up to highest in three and a half years. Especially in Oklahoma
Begun, the Anime Wars have
Spain spends $680 million on submarines. For a few dozen million more, they may even be able to surface
Amidst allegations that he smokes crack, the Mayor of Toronto has been fired. FARK: As high school football coach
You don't have to be drunk and homeless to direct buses for NJ Transit. But it helps
FBI makes arrest in Washington State ricin case. Dammit, Walter
Two FBI agents involved in Dzhokar Tsarnaev's arrest fall from helicopter and die. Strange tag trumps Sad
Snake-handling police officer hit by his own patrol car
McDonalds drop their highest-calorie bomb ever on Japan. Too soon?
Science now says if you get a wound, you should rub dirt in it. Up next, a scientific report on the benefits of eating mud pies and how to protect yourself against the cooties epidemic
Bride whose husband is stationed overseas poses in solo wedding photos. Subby can't wait to see the solo honeymoon video
Alex Jones loses whatever remaining shred of sanity he had left, claims Oklahoma tornado was a government "false flag" operation
If any of you were taking bets on how long it would take the WBC to announce plans to picket the funerals of the children killed in the Oklahoma tornadoes, come forward and claim your pot
Chinese rice tainted with cadmium. Investigators puzzled as to how it ended up in rice instead of baby formula, dry wall, children's toys
Photoshop this tense trio
Some words are so vile, so despicable, that they cannot be uttered in a courtroom in Wisconsin
"3rd Grader Who Loved to Sing Among the OK Tornado Victims": That is one disturbed 3rd grader
First female amputee to climb Everest looks forward to final leg
Montreal mom arrested for stabbing man who attacked son says she'd do it again. Finally, an arrested mother who actually deserves mother of the year candidate
The 2013 hantavirus season officially kicks off in Arizona, EVERYBODY PANIC
Doodle 4 Google's national winner. A very compelling, very moving image from a young artist. Never knew the tubes could get quite this dusty
Standardized tests show our children isn't learning in voucher schools
AAA: expect less traffic this Memorial Day weekend
AAA: expect more traffic this Memorial Day weekend
Scientists puzzled as to why so many frogs are croaking across the USA
Tesla pays back half a billion dollar federal loan a decade before it's due
FDA objects to new sleep drug because it "impairs driving", presumably by making you sleepy
Teen wins contest by producing blandest, most sterile cursive writing imaginable
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 420: "Monochromatic Masterpieces". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
Wed May 22, 2013
Photographer snaps a really great picture of a guy proposing to his lady on a cliff, decides to find them and provide them with a lasting memory
New thinga-ma-hooey keeps people from being abusive and neglecting their beer
"You are going to lose", says London woman. Unknown if the armed terrorist she was directly confronting could hear her over the sound of her giant brass balls clanging together
PNG becomes GIF, Oswald's keyboard player honored by the Dallas PD, and Marcus Bachmann finds happiness: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/12 - 5/18
Photoshop these waterfall walkers
We secretly replaced the person in charge of delivering the opening prayer at the House of Representatives with an Atheist. Let's see if anyone notices
News: Man commits suicide by driving off a cliff. Fark: Doesn't get discovered for 26 years
Old and busted: Latte foam art. New hotness: 3D latte foam art
Deposed Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis says his "retarded jury" should be "shot dead". Oh, his case will just sail thru the appeals process
North Carolina school on lock down after seven arrested in Dihydrogen Monoxide attack
"Crowdfunding" is a method to finance projects. Like publishing games, designing prototypes, releasing a video showing the mayor of Toronto smoking crack cocaine, protecting natWAIT WHAT
Doctors who performed life-saving face transplant on accident victim say there's hope he'll recover and be able to be released under someone else's recognizance. (w/ somewhat graphic pics)
If you knocked a cyclist off his bike and then boasted about it on Twitter @NorwichPoliceUK would like to have a DM with you
The real reason the NYPD likes stop-and-frisk is not to keep weapons off the street: It's free weed
13 NJ TGI Fridays accused of selling well drinks labeled as premium brands, also not wearing enough flair
Mom dies, gives birth, then gets brought back to life
An underground nightclub in a rooftop water tower
Looks like the IRS is targeting another non-profit group seeking tax-exempt status
Survey reveals men think women's beauty peaks at age 29. Reversely, women think men peak during every aggressive handshake
As a general rule things that you would bring to a Fark party should not be sent as disaster relief
Amazon takes cue from cinema in designing its new office complex. Fark: the movie 'Biodome'
Photoshop this Kidde Kokoon
Teenagers unlike Facebook
And now to commit the perfect crime, right after I paint my master plan all over the Facebooks
Not news: Giant tiger needs surgery. Fark: To remove giant hairball
Cadet soldier butchered on London street by terrorists - who then hang around the body, ask the public to film them, and are then shot by police
18 things we love about Oklahoma. The Flaming Lips, illegal pigeon races, and a 73 year old grandmother weed kingpin (warning - slideshow)
Couple flees Wal-Mart with $37 printer, almost runs over cop in parking lot, flees across city flinging meth and pot out the window, caught by off-duty cop who happened to have spike strips with him. TAA-DAAH (W/ faces o' meth mugshots)
Washington Post: Sure, Oklahoma, you had some pretty bad tornadoes. But we've got tornado problems, too. Why, we've had two in the past year alone and another one could be really, really bad for us. Keep us in your hearts as you rebuild
Just another normal morning in a Tampa newsroom. And then Hulk Hogan shows up and wants to do the weather, Brother
Teenager taken to court for hacking in to a friends computer and taking her savings. FARK: Her virtual savings on RuneScape
Atuk zug zug, caca Lana
(Some Brewmeister)
Lawsuit trolls aren't just for technology apparently. Some poor little brewery in Kentucky is being attacked... help 'em out
Darth Maul lobster found; Disney sues for licensing rights
FEMA's quick measure for how hard hit a disaster area is--check out the local: A) Department of Transportation, B) Department of Public Works, or C) Waffle House
My psychiatrist said I do not have a mental illness, therefore I have every right to call 911 100 times in a month to report satellites that are crushing my chest and squeezing my brain
Congress in 2010: Why isn't the IRS looking at these political groups filing for 501c more closely? Congress 2011: Why is the IRS scrutinizing these organizations? Congress now: Why can't the IRS read our minds?
Man finds rare comic book during home remodel, then has it torn during argument with in-laws. "That was a $75,000 tear"
A newly-wed couple got back from honeymoon to find their home painted in the style of Mr Blobby - as part of a revenge prank by the groom's brother
"Fu𐑙k Cancer" hats get sisters tossed from mall. FARK: They were shopping for funeral dresses after their mom died of cancer
(Some Guy)
"Temporary Tattoos May Put You at Risk," Yeah, the risk of being a complete douche
The suspect reportedly said "What?" one more time
Rich people problems: For $43,000 a month, you'd think you could get a little peace and quiet in the Big Apple at your 72nd-floor duplex. But no, you have to sue your neighbor over the noise
(Christian Post)
Jodi Arias feels betrayed by jury. And you know how she deals with betrayal
Parents of identical Down's Syndrome twins applied for state benefits for their children - one child was accepted the other refused by the authorities
How to: Hit on your bartender. The correct answer is D) Just don't even bother, because you'll either come across as a drunk asshole, or a creepy stalker, which in your case is probably closer to the truth than you're willing to admit
Imaginative plumber builds the world's fastest fully-functioning toilet that can doo doo 55mph - still trying figure out what's squirting out the exhaust
Facebook pics led to arrest of alleged members of Crazy White Boys gang who will now be called the Crazy Dumb White Boys Gang
In response to yesterday's story about suburban poverty, it turns out that suburbia has more poverty than cities because suburbia has more people. Math, how does it work?
Riots in Stockholm spread to suburbs. Look, we *all* can't win the Eurovision contest
WaPo fact checker gives three "Pinocchios" to the doctored Benghazi emails claim. Proving once and for all that we cannot trust a single soul within a 50 mile radius of D.C
McCain upset about Apple forcing him to update his apps
Alcohol-stealing thief leaves apology note, cash for the beer ... because God told him to
Bystander to fatal accident becomes an accomplice to a hit-and-run homicide in just one sentence
New study shows massive jump in amount teenagers are willingly sharing online, growing amount of yelling at their parents for looking at the information, plus an increase in door slammings
NASA and Google announce formation of Skynet
If you're visiting the Craigslist 'missed connection' posts regularly, perhaps consider moving to Prague
If you happen to be in Boulder, Colorado today and have a spare $8, a Croatian faith gazer will heal you and everybody else in your group with his loving stare. Or for $72 you can get a full-day pass to his gazing sessions
Louisville offering classes in making moonshine; bathtub gin production triples
Boston Marathon bombing suspect gets death penalty
Great, now Baby Boomers want to pretend they're 20-somethings living in group houses again
(Some Guy)
Photoshop this old shoe
3rd Annual Geek Pride Night @SkyBar in Bowling Green, OH, 8p May 22, Farkers welcome to the party
That's going to leave a tan mark that may be hard to explain
All in all it's just another brick in the haul
"If you're going to act like Nellie Olsen, you're going to dress like Nellie Olsen." Mom punishes bully daughter by making her wear thrift store clothes. With Before and After shots
Real estate tip: Just because your house overlooks a golf course doesn't mean it will always be a golf course
Man breaks into fortune teller's home to get his money back after love spell fails. Guess she didn't see that coming
Marijuana bacon. Dude
You run out of gas along the interstate. Do you A: Call a friend for help? B: Call a tow truck? or C: DRUM SOLO?
Thanks to generous donations a 91 year old WWII vet will not be evicted from his home of 56 years by his daughter
News: 31-year-old woman spends £20,000 on clothes for her 8-year-old son. Fark: She's hot (w/pics)
Obligatory before and after images of Moore, OK
Sami Bouzaglo, co-owner of Amy's Baking Company, faces deportation after it's learned he has convictions for.....wait for it.....extortion, threats and drug distribution. Meow
Tue May 21, 2013
If you're going to rob a bank, it's probably best to wear a disguise, not a floor-length, green ball gown with your hair done up and face exposed
One of the last three surviving Jewish fighters from the Warsaw ghetto uprising of 1943 has died - here's one last l'chaim from Fark to Boruch Spiegel
Senator who voted against disaster aid for Sandy: now is not the time to discuss my position on Federal disaster aid. Did we mention he is from Oklahoma?
Gay man comes out as Boy Scout
Vertical Pink Houses may be the future of farming. John Mellencamp unavailable for comment
Photoshop this foxy gaze
From a new romance novel inspired by Michelle Bachmann: "He touched the void inside her, pollinating her pink flower like a master bee." I have the weirdest boner right now
Hey, anyone want a free lighthouse?
Elizabeth Smart is awesome for many reasons. Most of all - telling Nancy Grace to STFU
Tornado Relief Photo Caption Contest; What is this relaxed survivor telling the Fire Fighters. Link goes to the Red Cross disaster relief donation page
Missing pregnant goat returned home after being found tied to a post alongside the road with sign saying "FREE LAWNMOWER"
Man kills self in Notre Dame cathedral in Paris. Tour guide not surprised, says he had a hunch back at the bell tower
Photoshop these munching marmots
High school teacher put on suspension after touching student with a banana. "That is disgusting, very disgusting," said the grandmother of a student at the school
Want to buy a blood sample that came from Mahatma Gandhi? It is up for auction in London
Ron Paul says, Fix the IRS by Shutting It Down 'once and for all'. Ron Farking Paul
Don't you love it when you buy an old watch at a garage sale for $40 and it turns out to be the geiger counter watch James Bond used in Thunderball and might be worth $90k?
Amy's Baking Company is hiring. Wait... Amy's Baking Company... that name sounds familiar. OH HELL NO
Thing you can scratch off your bucket list: Having to call the Icelandic search and rescue team because the iceberg you decided to use as an outdoor dinner spot drifted too far from shore
Eyewear company seeks assistance to give two patent trolls important life advice, specifically on how they can go f*ck themselves. Bonus: I'll buy a beer for anyone who wears this t-shirt to a Fark party -Drew
You can do a lot of bad things as a priest and hang on to your job. Plagiarizing sermons from sermons.com is not one of them
Sponsored Content is Pretty Farking Awesome (Featured Partner)
Guatemalan ex-president convicted of genocide last week gets a mulligan
Is Pope Francis a wizard?
I pity the fool that don't wish Mr. T a happy 61st birthday
As if the lightning, tornadoes, rain, and hail weren't bad enough, the Midwest is bracing itself for a Pollen Tsunami
Confused former UK Cabinet minister thinks gay marriage will force him to marry his son
Thieves buy convenience store with rubber check, sell gas at a big discount, mark everything in the store at 50%, collect $50,000 and scram before the downpayment check bounces
Man attacks cop outside Planned Parenthood, almost gets a late-term abortion after the cop shoots him
Feel free to cross Moscow on Syria or missile defense but hose them on Eurovision? ГОВНО ПРОСТО СТАЛ ПОДЛИННЫМ
Just when you thought you've seen it all on the Internet along comes the "cat beard" people
Apple is so hip, they've been making up Irish-American corporations that reside in both countries yet pay taxes in neither. That's like...whoa, man. My mind just got blown by your bodacious use of tax loopholes
Remember that mentally-handicapped newlywed couple that had to live in separate group homes? Well an offer has been made to let them live together in a group home. Clearly someone realized how retarded this all was
Football Coach can't beat up the other teams cheerleaders so he a) has players come help b) punches senior citizen defending them or c) both
Best Koreans are serious as hell about protecting their fishin hole
Man whose face was chewed off in zombie-like attack still recovering -- by strumming guitar. Wait, what?
Hard to believe but something good comes out of an interview with one of the survivors of the terrible tornado in Oklahoma
Hey, who we got to do a porn story in Kenya? Well, Odongo is free. Perfect
Teenager taunts cops on Facebook, "catch me if u can." Since you're reading this on Fark, you probably know what happened
Obama making move requested by Republicans for more than 5 years
Scientists say penguins traded their power of flight for swimming prowess. Which makes sense, if you've ever tried to catch fish in the air
Clearwater police show Washington D.C. how to handle a scandal
Hey, who put that giant hole in the middle of the street? Somebody could drive right into tha
The printer isn't working, so come back next week to finalise your divorce: The excuses made by Chinese marriage registry clerk credited with thwarting 500 divorces
For sale: Most expensive single-family home in the U.S.: 13,519 square feet, 12 bedrooms, 50 acres spread over two islands. $190 million. Negotiable
A little too late, but the 1845 Irish potato famine pest has been identified
If you are going to flash your fake badge to get into a strip club free make sure real cops are not around
Obama giving the finger to treaty to help get e-books to the blind
NASA is funding the development of 3D printing food for deep space missions
"Some problems may occur several days after the consumption of this product" - The waiver you have to sign before eating the new world's hottest pie
Photoshop this 7-minute workout
Who's the luckiest person in Florida? Even luckier than the Lotto ticket holder of the $590-million jackpot? The estranged wife of a man whose gun malfunctioned three times as he tried to shoot her
Would-be bank robber kicked out of bank, so he goes across the street to rob a CVS
Obama to deliver statement at 10am today regarding the Oklahoma Tornado. Will admit he only heard about it when the rest of us did, despite receiving memos hours earlier stating otherwise. THIS....is Twisterghazigateloo
Big Candy is at it again. Suck it, haters
Bass fishing. Dolphin protection. Veteran support. All these license plates that support causes, but how much money do said causes get? The answer won't surprise you because of the tag
Burglar destroys home and runs from cops, but stops mid-chase to grab a couple of beers by breaking into another home and then continues fleeing
Bomb shelters of the rich and famous
News: Canadian climbs Mount Everest. FARK: Double amputee conquers Mount Everest
Part-time model addicted to tanning in sun beds, admits she suffers from low-self esteem and tans to make herself feel better (w/pics)
Licensed volunteer wildlife rehabilitators help nurse animals back to health so they can reenter the wild and OH MY GOD BABY FOXES AND RACOONS
Oklahoma tornado thread #3. LGT live updates/streaming
██ ████ to know if ███ ██████████ ██ ███████ your email
A church gave out free $25 Chik-fil-A gift cards to straight married couples attending its "Day to Honor Biblical Marriage" event. So far, no gay couples are reported to have reconsidered their sexual preference at the prospect of free chicken
Mon May 20, 2013
18' 8" Burmese python, about 10 pair of boots, caught on side of the road
Amazing: Matching all six Powerball numbers. Fark: On a ticket you bought too late
Photoshop Dr. Tobias Fünke, who is ready to be inserted anywhere
Oklahoma tornado thread continued. LGT live updates/streaming
Attention all highly experienced, seasoned employees of RollingStone.com: your new boss is the 22-year-old son of the owner. Have a great day
ACTUAL HEADLINE: Big rig carrying fruit crashes on 210 Freeway, creates jam
Who knows what evil lurks in this week's Mugshot Roundup? The Shadow knows
Police round up two baby goats running in traffic ... *sigh* ... kids these days
How many people does it take to 'rescue' a naked college girl out for a hike high on mushrooms? a: 10, b: 20 or c: 35
Large tornado on ground right now -in- OKC
Attention all straight people with children, anything with the word "gay" in it is "inappropriate for kids," says anti-gay activist John Stemberger who is fighting to keep you-know-what out of the Boy Scouts
Photoshop this man and his fine hat (link fixed, not that it really matters)
Educators worry that students pretending to assassinate each other could lead to real violence, re-enacting other crappy Anthony Edwards movies
Not news: Woman can't find changing table for infant News: Staff gets upset when she changes diaper on Starbucks table Fark: Husband dumps coffee on floor, gestures were exchanges, police were called. Tag is for everyone involved
Dear Americans, please stop eating healthy. Sincerely, the Food Industry
Manager of Chicago's Navy Pier rides Ferris wheel to world record, gets off and tumbles into water
Someone bravely tried the new Taco Bell breakfast tacos so you don't have to
Blind gunslinger is told he's hitting his targets "80 or something percent" these days, up from 20% accuracy, in about a half second. Just tap the top of the target and get the hell out of the way... FAST
Here's a story, of a lovely reunion, 40 years after they were at Kings Island Park with their folks, one with hair of gold, like her mother, the other two men all alone
23-year-old man's attempt to turn his 9-year-old daughter into his chauffeur fails
It doesn't make math any easier, but Barbie is trading in her Mailbu home for a more sophisticated one in Manhattan. "It's a place for her to meet with great minds"
Nigerian forces hunting Islamist rebels kill seventeen members of Boko Haram. You'll never hear "A whiter shade of pale" played live again
Three people figure out a way around those pesky background checks at the gun store
CBS' Bob Schieffer to administration, "This isn't Watergate, so why are you acting exactly like the Nixon administration did when faced with Watergate?"
A restraining order against a crazy ex-girlfriend doesn't do you any good if she still has the key to your house
Couple flying to Dakar learn what it's like to be airline baggage
Fox News CEO Roger Ailes wins award for 'visionary of American journalism'. In other news, Tim Tebow named NFL player of the decade
"The Manatee Sheriff's Office said Krystle Harrison made several advances toward her boyfriend of three years and he rebuffed her. According to an arrest report, she grabbed him and bit his genitals"
Video camera set up to record ghosts captures evidence of paramoural activity
Usually, if your soon-to-be father-in-law doesn't approve of you, he will tell you to your face, not stab you. Usually
LivingSocial's gun-shooting events do not mix shooting with booze... at least, not in the "Hey, y'all, hold my beer and watch this" sense of things
Justin Bieber loses his monkey at midnight. This is not code for his virginity
Turns out AP wasn't the only news outlet Obama was tapping, FOX News also was spied on. Come on Obama, you just completed the right-wing conspiracy trifecta in just two weeks, At least make it hard for them
ADHD linked to adult obesity, study fi...ooh, donut
The coolest looking subway stations in the world. Suck it Jarod
If it wasn't for the neck tattoos and the tattoo under his right eye, maybe the officer would have believed him when he insisted that the meth found inside his sock was left there by his friend
While Congress goes back and forth over how to solve the nation's financial problems, four specialized mechanics in Florida are quietly saving the Air Force millions each year
Gospel singer files glass action lawsuit against McDonald's for ruining her singing voice
Long-time Obama speechwriter, Jon Favreau says that Obama is different, and handles crisis different. Also mentioned that he might still be experiencing PTSD from the New York fight with Loki
Video shows Florida men harassing manatees
If you've been in the oncology wards of these hospitals, cancer might not be your biggest concern
Bad Chinese food causes man to get arrested for running from runs. Police let him go an hour later
With nukyuler extortion not currently paying the bills, Best Korea again playing the kidnapping card
"Dude that's harsh, why is it always about the money? How much is my legal marijuana habit going to cost me again?"
Want to really piss a woman off? Swipe the purse with her phone inside...and her gun, and badge
UK children 'need early porn warnings.' Because telling a kid, "No" has never fanned the flames
Photoshop something interesting happening on this river. Difficulty: No you know who
(Some Guy)
According to Porter Stansberry, we're all doomed. Again
Men with iron bar rob UK delivery van. Inanimate carbon rod vows to bring the perps to justice. In rod we trust
Flower show for millionaires allows garden gnomes for the first time
How to save money while dining out on the town if you're the sort of cheap bastard who should just be eating at home, anyway
A good roommate will tolerate a lot of things. Giving away his beer to somebody else is not one of them
Behold the Pedal Pub. "Within the last few years, human-powered taverns have become fixtures in more than two-dozen U.S. cities." What could possibly go wrong?
