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Wed February 22, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Local (Germany)) Misc Germany told to stop lopping off sex offenders' balls  (thelocal.de) (38)
(Time) Amusing Meet the cat bounty hunter: For $80, she'll coax your cat out of a corner and into a crate  (newsfeed.time.com) (45)
(WTSP) Florida Pirate posing with random teens at Mardi Gras celebration is accidentally stabbed with his own knife  (wtsp.com) (28)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Hero Newspaper employee stakes out vending machine, saves newspaper at least $12  (cleveland.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Sad Yeah, we'd like to help with your life and death emergency, but all the police are currently tied up with the OWS Berkely protest. Please try to not get killed until we can leave these silly kids alone for a few minutes  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man found dead at Amtrak station. Officials investigating whether he was hit by train, or just died waiting  (mega949.com) (30)
(USA Today) Stupid Unpasteurized milk, which many foodies will tell you is the Greatest Health Drink EVAR, is 150 times more likely to kill you than regular milk. But where's the reward without a little risk, amiright?  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (148)
(Forbes) Obvious Facebook's Zuckerberg now richer than Apple's Steve Jobs, aliver too  (forbes.com) (50)
(WGAL 8) Silly In another disturbing sign of just how bad the economy is, Pennsylvania cuts its $300,000 animatronic groundhog that was used to promote the state lottery. May God help us all  (wgal.com) (30)
(Wrexham News) Amusing Half marathon disrupted when vandals change some of the directional signs, sending dozens of runners the wrong way  (leaderlive.co.uk) (59)
(NewsOK) Cool 51-year-old woman graduates from Army boot camp. Don't even ask about the lawn  (newsok.com) (44)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Scientists say dino-bots will help them better understand how dinosaurs lived. Transformers already did it  (mnn.com) (15)
(All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay) Followup Has a Mormon posthumously baptized someone you know, love or respect? Now you can fight back by posthumously "choosing" homosexuality for one of their loved ones  (alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com) (201)
(Fark) Misc Weird. Today, on my way to work I saw three or four people with dirt on their foreheads. Someone needs to clean their hands more before touching their face. What is wrong with hygiene in this country?  (fark.com) (261)
(LA Times) Scary L.A. schools not adhering to "three tikes and you're out" rule  (latimes.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Stupid "OMG turn the plane around. He's got an electric cigarette"  (big106.com) (163)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Virginia Governor Robert F. McDonnell, after being featured on The Daily Show for his support of the post-rape vaginal probe bill, would like to take some time to take a long, hard look at the issue and possibly reconsider his position  (washingtonpost.com) (313)
(Siskiyou Daily) Obvious Convenience store robbed by the Worst. Samurai. Ever  (siskiyoudaily.com) (20)
(New York Daily News) Followup Former Playboy Playmate awarded $1.2 million in manhandling lawsuit against NYC police. Judge: Good luck and may the force be with you  (nydailynews.com) (50)
(Fox News) Interesting Police investigate fetus found inside city pipe. At this point they have no leads as to who the fetus belonged to, but anyone named "Cobblepot" is currently under suspicion  (foxnews.com) (41)
(Yahoo) Amusing Sheboygan Mayor faces recall election after being taped going on a drinking binge that ended with him passed out in a tavern. When did that become a BAD thing in Wisconsin?  (news.yahoo.com) (42)
(This is Bristol) Weird Burglar apologizes for breaking into a house and trying on the residents' clothes, says he was invited in by a small Chinese boy who turned out to be a bunch of flowers  (thisisbristol.co.uk) (11)
(Some Guy) PSA Keep your medicine out of reach of your pets. Bonus: Pet pig named "Crispy Bacon"  (fox5vegas.com) (20)
(Al Jazeera) Followup Iran to UN: "You can't go in there, because we're currently testing nuclear warhead related equipment. I mean, uh... Oops"  (aljazeera.com) (138)
(Huffington Post) Scary Man wins "worst commute ever" award after trying to cross a river and having a crocodile savage his testicles  (huffingtonpost.com) (23)
(WRCB-TV) Amusing City sued for not approving a new IHOP. They take their pancakes pretty damn seriously down south  (wrcbtv.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Sad Pete has died from advanced kidney failure. He was 24, and a rhinoceros  (big1059.com) (17)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting Bolivian farmers zipline high over mountain valleys. Why yes, cocaine is involved  (aljazeera.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Amusing The world's strangest beer commercials, including beer for kids, a man being killed by a harpoon, and Van Damme sporting a remarkable mullet and discussing his talking nipples  (marketingmag.com.au) (10)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Bet no one saw this coming. Mormons target Anne Frank for posthumous baptism  (huffingtonpost.com) (140)
(NPR) Interesting Supreme Court decides limit of men's pickup lines in bars  (npr.org) (108)
(Daily Mail) Scary If ever there was a reason to jump off a cliff, this would be it  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man steals and crashes an ambulance because "the voices inside his head told him to"  (ledger-enquirer.com) (17)
(CBS News) News Female journalist killed in Syria just hours after broadcasting news. Yaaarrr, 'tis a sad story  (cbsnews.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Fark Vegas World Party 2012 predictions  (pledgebank.com) (22)
(Short List) Unlikely Scientists call for dolphins to be classified as "non-human persons", which would place them above Kardashians, Lohans and the cast, crew and fans of Jersey Shore  (shortlist.com) (40)
(Independent) Asinine 15,000 die on Indian railways every year because the toilets on the trains just empty onto the rails, corroding them to the point of breaking. Indian officials charged with not keeping track  (independent.co.uk) (110)
(KTLA) Followup Man facing charges he paid teens to spit on him for sexual gratification gets off  (ktla.com) (29)
(WFTV) Florida Good news if your school system paycheck isn't cutting it and you get busted robbing a bank...you're suspended WITH pay  (wftv.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Asinine Right-wing radio host says he only went to gay bar for the beer  (wisconsingazette.com) (227)
(io9) Interesting "Why Mass Effect is the most important science fiction universe of our generation"  (io9.com) (348)
(News.com.au) Scary F*CKING MORANS, why am I the only one on the right side of the road? (w/video)  (news.com.au) (47)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Family discovers "rarest football card in existence" while cleaning out old farmhouse  (fox17online.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Headline: "Female photographer travels America to peer inside a truly masculine domain... that doesn't always involve cars". Article: 8 out of 16 pictured involve transportation  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Plug Couple gets electric bill for $108,000 saying they used 1.6 million kilowatt hours in a month  (suntimes.com) (96)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Following in the footsteps of Jesus, Swedish pastor saves (porn onto church computer)  (news.com.au) (41)
(Telegraph) Dumbass You know who else liked flower beds?  (telegraph.co.uk) (41)


Tue February 21, 2012
(LA Times) Interesting Personal gun ownership in India is surging, with as many as 3 guns for every 100 Indians. Americans react: *cough*rounding error*cough*  (latimes.com) (119)
(Fark) FarkBlog Gun accident leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou, LHC goes to ludicrous speed, and a bison as a best man, Tatonka very much: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 2/12 - 2/18  (fark.com) (8)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Vietnamese man who never saw the season finale of M*A*S*H* thinks the proper response to a screaming child is the airplane emergency ramp  (consumerist.com) (87)
(Telegraph) Fail British Treasury discovers new tax rate of 50% actually results in less revenue  (telegraph.co.uk) (285)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this censer  (henningers.com) (35)
(Discovery) Interesting New research suggests that human beings are not 'nasty' by nature, though scientists who have ever been on the Internet disagree  (news.discovery.com) (76)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious New venomous snake discovered. Guess where  (abc.net.au) (117)
(ABC) Unlikely Angel resembling Olivia Newton-John instructs man to grease co-worker's husband  (abcnews.go.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Stupid Next up on the hipster agenda: raising goats in the city  (utne.com) (203)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: This bud's for you  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(NBC Bay Area) Amusing Dog chases a cat up a tree. Cat happens to be a mountain lion  (nbcbayarea.com) (141)
(970 WFLA) Florida Police are still unsure why he killed himself, but they're starting to think it may have had something to do with that other body he had in his garbage can  (970wfla.com) (33)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely "Police are not yet certain" what led to the death of autistic 17-year old found face-down at the bottom of a garbage chute after 47-floor fall  (suntimes.com) (125)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Ohio man busted in misguided attempt to stomp out breast cancer  (thesmokinggun.com) (32)
(WPTV) Florida Protip: When kidnapping teens, make sure to take away their cellphones so they don't text for help from inside your trunk  (wptv.com) (197)
(CBC) Amusing Iranian hardball: If the world refuses to buy Iranian oil, Iran will refuse to sell it  (cbc.ca) (182)
(Time) Interesting Recently discovered photographs suggest that, decades ago, Mardi Gras was a refined, subdued, elegant affair ... uhm ... can someone ask those obviously hammered dudes in bras and garters to move it along?  (life.time.com) (81)
(AP) Obvious The new reality for the Baby Boomer generation is 'work til you drop'. So what does that mean for you younger people? Well for starters, less jobs  (hosted.ap.org) (340)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious If your infant is teething, it's okay to wipe a little bit of whiskey on their gums to numb the pain. But don't let them have so much alcohol their BA is .09  (desmoinesregister.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Hero Megachurch gives the pastor a week off, so he runs off to campaign with Santorum....just kidding, he spends a week living under a bridge with homeless guys and writes up their stories  (breakpoint.org) (128)
(Slate) Interesting The high art of desktop cooking, or, how to get a decent meal when your heartless boss won't let you have a lunch break  (slate.com) (106)
(AZCentral) Interesting School board updates dress code to ban jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops, and shirts that show too much cleavage and midriffs. Fark: The dress code is for the teachers, not the students  (azcentral.com) (66)
(NPR) Scary New antibiotic-resistant superbug infecting humans across the globe is coming from pork. Delicious, tasty, pork. Isn't this how that Contagion movie started?  (npr.org) (88)
(CNN) Followup Outed Arizona sheriff says politics behind charges. That's not the only thing that's behind him, if'n ya know whut I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (219)
(Forbes) Obvious From the editors at Forbes comes this groundbreaking expose: the five leadership mistakes of the Galactic Empire  (forbes.com) (124)
(BBC) Sad "Mummified man was heavy drinker" - presumably of formaldehyde  (bbc.co.uk) (11)
(NPR) Cool George Washington's ice cream recipe: first, have slaves cut ice from river  (npr.org) (36)
(BBC) Amusing Nooooooooooo  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk switches seats with friends after being pulled over. Friend also drunk. Both arrested for DUI. Some days it's easy to be a cop  (fremonttribune.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Weird It's generally considered to be tacky to talk about the perkiness of your wife's breasts with her best friend. Especially at your wife's funeral  (couriermail.com.au) (104)
(Some Guy) Interesting Research: 35% of men sleep with bears, your mom  (610wiod.com) (95)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass If you're going to have road rage, you might as well do it so over-the-top that nobody questions whether you have it. Like these guys  (myfoxdc.com) (62)
(Click Orlando) Florida I'm a little farked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to farkin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?  (clickorlando.com) (23)
(Den Of Geek) Obvious Answer: Fark themselves  (denofgeek.com) (117)
(BBC) Spiffy A student at Oxford University has learnt 11 languages and uses them all to explain how in this video. Monolingual subby feels inadequate  (bbc.co.uk) (127)
(Some Taxi Driver) Florida Apparently, the idea of calling 911 repeatedly to ask for a taxi hasn't gotten old for homeless guys in Hudson  (wtsp.com) (19)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird Designer creates a house that will float when caught up in floodwater. The homeowner is responsible for gathering two animals of every species  (mnn.com) (43)
(My Fox DC) Scary Kansas City Zoo turns gorilla exhibit into a petting zoo  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Asinine Not news: Researchers testing new Alzheimer's drug. News: studies show the drug actually impairs memory. Fark: "The new findings are not a red light for [the drug's] development"  (myhealthnewsdaily.com) (33)
(Herald Tribune) Florida We know how to hang a chandelier in Sarasota  (heraldtribune.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Interesting Denver police have issued their first "Medina" alert and are asking people to be on the lookout for man described as "funky, cold"  (y100.com) (56)
(miami new times) Florida When teaching high school kids about the severity of a 0.112 blood alcohol level, it's probably best not to use yourself as the live example  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (32)
(Fark) Survey We've got lots of Louisiana transplants here in Texas, so Fat Tuesday is a pretty big deal. How are you celebrating Fat Tuesday?  (fark.com) (154)
(Some Melon Head) Florida When soccer goalposts attack: TV station points out the dangers of soccer goalposts by using one to smash a skull-like water melon. Gallagher surrenders  (wtsp.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Florida Pastor registers as a sex offender after pleading guilty to lewd conduct with underage girls from congregation. To ensure this problem won't happen again, church bans kids from attending services  (news4jax.com) (95)
(Houston Chronicle) Survey Southern Baptists consider name change. Let's hear your suggestions, voting enabled  (chron.com) (249)
(Sun Sentinel) Strange South Florida residents finding sticky white goo all over cars and plants. Ron Jeremy, Peter North claim they were in California the whole time  (sun-sentinel.com) (20)
(LA Times) Stupid "Plastic surgery does make you look younger, study finds." Obvious tag hands Asinine and Stupid tag a needle of Botox, with eventual result of Sad or Scary  (latimes.com) (33)
(Short List) Strange NASA recruiting chefs for Mars. Might be getting slightly ahead of themselves  (shortlist.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Dominic Strauss-Kahn, who definitely didn't rape that maid in New York, or the other several women who alleged it, nor has he frequented prostitutes, is now being held on suspicion of using company funds for prostitute sex parties  (msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(WRCB-TV) Amusing 4.0 earthquake shakes four Southern states. West Coasters nearly pull a stomach muscle laughing  (wrcbtv.com) (77)
(Yahoo) Strange At campaign rally, Ron Paul denounces Woodrow Wilson, who he ran against several elections back  (news.yahoo.com) (122)
(MSNBC) Asinine Iran threatens pre-emptive strike if tensions do not ease. What sort of savage, barbaric, war-mongering super villain would attack another country pre-emptively? We really need to ... oh, wait  (msnbc.msn.com) (172)
(Boston.com) Obvious Those ads offering a free ticket to another country and a good job as a bartender, maid, or nanny? Hell yes they're a trap  (articles.boston.com) (35)
(TC Palm) Florida It's all fun and games and requests for sexual favors until the Taser comes out. With gratuitous "Alice" reference and SFW photos  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (39)
(WTOP) Stupid Headline: "Mom warns of energy drink dangers after boy falls out of car." Article: "her son had been drinking an energy drink laced with alcohol"  (wtop.com) (65)
(Canada.com) Dumbass It would appear that the scheme of giving your license to a stranger, leaving the scene of the crash, and returning hours later to the scene of the crash after pounding back two shots of vodka to evade charges wasn't entirely accurate  (canada.com) (20)
(Herald-Leader) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Drew is going to mentor entrepreneurs and help startup companies. Photoshop some of the ideas he'll be pitched. LGT article  (kentucky.com) (11)
(NPR) Obvious Headline: Is our society about to turn into the Matrix? Article: No  (npr.org) (27)
(Daily Mail) Strange Anderson Cooper gives Courtney Cox a bowl of his creamy white "dressing" which Courtney proceeds to gulp from the bowl as she tells him how good it tastes. Subby was confused by the lack of Japanese dialogue  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(News.com.au) Amusing Jazz FM temporarily rebrands as Jizz FM  (news.com.au) (37)
(Some Guy) Sick You know you have a hoarding problem when your mess is visible from space  (abclocal.go.com) (127)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool Helllllllllllloooooooooooo Nurse  (thelocal.se) (451)
(The New York Times) Spiffy 22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief  (nytimes.com) (38)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida You're gambling with fate if you abandon a 95-year-old dementia patient in your car while you hit the casino for a couple of hours  (palmbeachpost.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Scary Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the English man, itsy bitsy spider bit him in the neck  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)
(Some Guy) Followup A Seattle cop caught on tape threatening to "make stuff up" about two men to get felony charges against them say that he was merely "bantering" with them  (blogs.seattleweekly.com) (155)
(Daily Mail) Florida Not news: Fast food CEO works a shift at one of his restaurants for an episode of "Undercover Boss". Fark: He's so shocked by the abusive behavior of the shift manager that he breaks cover and confronts him (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (288)

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