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Wed January 17, 2018
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Tapir)
 
 
 
Ugly-ass baby Malayan tapir born in Minnesota Zoo. Who am I kidding, it's adorable
source: mnzoo.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Family discovers hidden room after sinkhole opens in garage, Pennywise unavailable for comment
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
If you're living so well that you don't notice your assistant stole $1.2 million of your wine, then good for you
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Treatment)
 
 
 
Photoshop this spa session
source: plesnik.si   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Having studiously crunched the numbers, Church of Satan arrives at the conclusion that only Sex Robots are capable of saving society
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ECNS (China))
 
 
 
Chinese youth falling prey to dangerous mew drug. "As a veteran sniffer, if I don't get my fix I feel absolutely terrible. I have a serious addiction"
source: ecns.cn   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
If you're kicked off a train by the police, don't try to jump back on when it starts moving again. Especially if you're about 50 pounds overweight
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ledger-Enquirer)
 
 
 
Morons perplexed as to why cars don't drive up icy hills. Maybe they should have bought those snow tires after all (with exciting video)
source: ledger-enquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
'It's a log / It's a log / It's round, it's happy it's woOMG FLYING THROUGH MY WINDSHIELD
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Straits Times)
 
 
 
Police were in hop pursuit
source: straitstimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Price of beer going up this spring O DEAR GOD, DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER MASS HYSTERIA
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
This Florida Woman filmed her neighbors with camera. And this Florida Woman ran same neighbors off the road. And THIS Florida Woman cried "I'll fark you all up anytime" at her neighbors when at home
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Llouts lleave llamas llacking llids. Llocals llament lloss
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Russians laugh at Americans and their "cold" weather
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Part of I-78 in NJ is now the cleanest stretch of highway in the country
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Outside Online)
 
 
 
Cyclists are more law-abiding than motorists. More smug, too
source: outsideonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Magazine)
 
 
 
European Parliament bans electric fishing even though it's safer to environment. Fishermen can't believe results, not sure if they're being trawled
source: sciencemag.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
My hovercraft is full of eels. Sorry, my English is bad. That should be "mall restroom"
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
She got better
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Illinois governor's office clarifies that their boss does believe a former KKK leader is a racist
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"A 'potentially hazardous' monster asteroid the size of Hyde Park is heading towards Earth at 67,000mph." That's roughly 45 RPM...or 45 Rhode Islands per minute
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Walmart offers way to turn leftover opioids into useless gel. But who has leftover opioids?
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Hawaii's Emergency Management Agency insists an employee pushed the wrong button and they weren't hacked. But then there's this news photo showing the system's password written on a sticky note. Can't we just go back to blaming Trump?
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this rear wheel
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Researcher says your dog wants steak. Difficulty: prairie dogs. Enjoy your Woofday Wednesday
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Can you pass the test President Trump had to take to prove his mental health is not deteriorating?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Actually, America doesn't need any Norwegian immigrants because for starters, they're just too good looking
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AccuWeather)
 
 
 
If you're planning on traveling to a southern state tonight, don't
source: accuweather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Famous Bayeux Tapestry 'to be loaned to Britain for first time' from France to show Brits how they got their arses handed to them by the Normans after the Battle of Hastings in 1066
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Some Carillion directors will continue to draw a salary for most of 2018, while 5,000 small businesses are likely to go under in the wake of the giant's collapse
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
What barks like a dog, has no legs and runs on tracks? Difficulty: Japan
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
Twenty seven years ago today, and only seventeen days into the 1990s, the First Gulf War (aka Desert Storm), began, after the entire 1980s passed without a single boot on the ground in combat
source: en.m.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KRTV Great Falls)
 
 
 
This is either a story about: 1) a very clever criminal or 2) the deputies who didn't check her butt cheeks closely enough
source: krtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio Alt 102.3 FM)
 
 
 
Fake buttocks injection doctor's reign of terror comes to an end in prison
source: alt1023fm.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Did you vote Giant Meteor 2017? Apparently its first act was to try to wipe out Detroit
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Mother of children found shackled to their beds and starving was "perplexed" as to why the cops were there
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Department of Justice wants to start arresting state and local elected officials. Let that sink in
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bozeman Daily Chronicle)
 
 
 
Dean Wormer puts his foot down
source: bozemandailychronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Sanctuary city concept dealt a blow
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Former CIA Officer, accused of supplying China with information that led to the arrest or execution of 20 American agents, arrested flying into New York
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sydney Morning Herald)
 
 
 
Man takes his wife's surname when they get married. Naturally, people think he should kill himself for this
source: smh.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Moscow's 2017 December was 'darkest' on record. Look, you guys chose this timeline, don't come whining to us
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue January 16, 2018
(NPR)
 
 
 
Captain, since you were asleep in your bed at 2 AM when you were almost killed we decided to go ahead and charge you with negligent homicide
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Cops protect infants with "Invisible Cloak" made out of the Emperor's new clothes
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WOWT Omaha)
 
 
 
Counterfeit money used to buy winning lottery ticket. Bonus: Not Florida
source: wowt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Examiner)
 
 
 
Attorney on Nixon's enemies list says his journalist wife wants a Trump fake news award
source: washingtonexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
VA won't study effects of medical marijuana on veterans leaving it up to veterans to conduct self testing
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Amarillo Globe-News)
 
 
 
Pointing a BB-gun at someone while robbing a pizza joint in Texas goes as expected
source: amarillo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Sure, he abandoned his girlfriend to die after crashing their car into an icy river - but at least he asked bystanders to help her before he ran off
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: An update to the Google hullabaloo
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
It is with a very heavy heart that I have to inform you all that gremlin1 - who was an active and very much loved member of the Caturday family - has crossed the bridge ☹
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washingtonian)
 
 
 
Axe-throwing divorce parties are a thing
source: washingtonian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Kazakhstan is switching from the Cyrillic alphabet to the Latin alphabet, in a bid to underscore independence from Russia and simplify language learning. Very nice
source: kazakh-tv.kz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Alaska says their emergency system won't issue false alarms like Hawaii, because by the time workers have manually typed in a warning, remembered the password, clicked multiple buttons, and typed a confirmation, the missiles will have already hit
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KERO 23 Bakersfield)
 
 
 
Pro Tip: Don't steal cars. But if you do steal a car and there is a dead guy in the front seat, either ditch the body or steal a different car before driving through a police checkpoint
source: turnto23.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wicked Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this thing that Hell Met
source: img-new.cgtrader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Danish inventor accused of having sex of a "particularly dangerous nature" aboard his submarine, also murder, dismemberment and indecent handling of a corpse
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. But teach a man how to grow a fish using heat generated from Bitcoin mining and he eats until the Bitcoin bubble bursts
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Man takes explicit pics of woman he's dating to later blackmail her, sends them to the preschool where she works, lets his identifying tattoos get caught in the images
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Totally Not Stoned Guy)
 
 
 
Apparently, sightings of flying dinosaurs are on the rise in NC, even though recreational marijuana use is still illegal. (with pic of what a flying dinosaur over NC might look like)
source: charlottestories.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Richard the pony is finally getting a new richard
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Baking relative supports family with rare form of diabetes. Boiling a relative considered not as effective
source: calgary.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Magazine)
 
 
 
People in Billerica are upset at the word "douchebag" despite living in a state full of them
source: bostonmagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Your body is throttled and contorts at such breakneck speed when you sneeze, it's kind of like having an orgasm while being in a car accident at the same time
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
California declares independence from California
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikia)
 
 
 
As of 2018, Greedo has shot first longer than Han shot first
source: starwars.wikia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Porn star says she did have year of sex with Trump although collectively only about ten minutes
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
Man calls 911 to report armed gunmen, but when police find him bloody and dead woman wrapped in plastic, they decide his claim was cheap and easy to see through
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
It takes a certain set of nads to steal a hundred pot plants from the police at a guarded crime scene
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Controversial cannabis sex party is the name of my Cypress Hill tribute band
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Well, Johnny, how was school today? OK, I guess. Tommy farted in homeroom, and we had pizza for lunch, then the cops came in and shot up the armed robber, so can you come an pick me up early?
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wicked Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this free image.. don't screw it up
source: wallscover.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Bonnie and Wide the Walmart bandits turn themselves in, and are 'deeply sorry'
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Woman complains to social media when restaurant enforces ban on outside food
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Why did Disney chuck the Star Wars Expanded Universe into the trash bin? The bastards killed Chewie
source: io9.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Caption this photographer and his friend
source: cdn.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
"Nobody expects to find a Rembrandt sitting under the ping-pong table in the basement." Of course, Rembrandt's chief weapon is surprise
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
North Korean expert suggests we bomb Kim Jong-un's toilet. Others warn this may launch a new arms race we could lose, considering the relative effectiveness of weapons grade Taco Bell versus Kimchi
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Llama fetuses, owl feathers and dried frogs: Inside the witches' market in Bolivia
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(We Are Central PA)
 
 
 
I-80 in central Pennsyltucky is all Road Warrior and shut down and stuff. Watch out for the other guy out there
source: wearecentralpa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Nope vs. Nope
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Today in "What Could Go Wrong?" Someone creates a "legally-binding" sexual consent app
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Trump did that umbrella thing again
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belfast Telegraph)
 
 
 
Religious man visiting Jerusalem suffers delusions and is now wandering the desert, a thing so common it has a name: Jerusalem Syndrome
source: belfasttelegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
I submitted this earlier, but clicked the wrong link
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Isn't this how WW1 started?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Bunny Ranch brothel hoping to accept bitcoin payments for sexual services. Come one, come all
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 61 Connecticut)
 
 
 
If you're tired of your dog shedding all over the house or just want to shame the poor creature for existing: Dog leotards
source: fox61.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Old man with cane goes full waffle house on cops in a Dairy Queen
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Rookie police officer saves toddler's life on his first day on the job
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Crappy Denver to Hawaii flight forced to turn around in middle of the Pacific because the toilets were all full
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
New strap-on modules expected to bring Littoral Combat Ship to peak performance, and will bring it to the climax of its abilities. Critics still think it will get reamed
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Media: "What is it that they've sent us regarding the Russian probe?" House Committee: "Hope"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Some airline passengers will go to great lengths to avoid excess baggage fees, but wearing ALL of your clothes will get you barred from most flights
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wicked Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Family Tree
source: hopedealer2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"10 workers dead after bridge unexpectedly collapses." So bridges are expected to collapse now?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Poison, poison...tasty fish
source: amp.theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
There it is. The stupidest headline you will read all day
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Japan does its best Hawaiian impression, issues ballistic missile alert
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
What Would Jesus Do? Stab a neighbour then punch him in the face, apparently
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
Woodward killed Bernstein because he was getting too close to deep throat
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Thanks to on-board GPS and other car-based monitoring systems, your car company probably knows more about you than your spouse. And no, they're not interested in a three-way with that hot bartender, either
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
I am William H. Gates III, founder of Microsoft. Now that Nigeria's vaccination program has achieved zero new cases of polio in 2017, I am willing to transfer the total amount of $76,000,000 (seventy-six million) dollars to the Bank of Japan
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Since 2001, seventy-five women have been strangled or smothered in Chicago, and the majority of their killers have gotten away with it
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Oh great, now I feel even worse
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Shiathole sends Donnie a blast of karma
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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