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Wed March 22, 2017
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
The first rule of doggy daycare fight club is don't talk about doggy daycare fight club
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this vision of beauty
source: napervillecounseling.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Ancient earthquakes prove that Otisburg is a potential reality
source: ca.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Christian school principal suspends 12-year-old girl for selling kids' toys in class because he mistook them as sex toys. "In your wildest imaginations, no adult could possibly view this as a sex toy, this is a water-filled bag"
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
How about a Liter selfie thread? C'mon, Mods, make it happen
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Comet TV)
 
 
 
"1984" is returning to movie theaters for one night only for those of you who think the current real-life version lacks any substance
source: comettv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Rising polonium prices and a stagnant economy force Russians to use gravity poisoning to save rubles
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
The Sheriff is looking for a needle in a crate of needles
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
It's now a crime to harass livestock with a drone in Utah, so change up those bachelor party plans
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Five-year-old accidentally packs her school lunchbox with a frozen vodak sorbet pouch after her mum told her to get a 'juice pouch' from the freezer. An 'accident' yeah, that's the ticket
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Do people keep telling you how much you look like Alexander the Great? No? Well, upload your head shot here and you may find your historic match, if it exists amongst the world's great statues
source: monsosie.mcq.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Now that we've reached the point where a degree in law has about as much value as one in art history, law schools are starting to rethink the LSAT
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this peaceful morning on the lake
source: d6d2h4gfvy8t8.cloudfront.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
How Alabama locks people up for life over nonviolent marijuana possession
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
High school anatomy teacher arrested for fulfilling job requirements
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
The Florida House of Representatives considers banning red-light cameras statewide, in a rare display of sanity and reason that makes up for at least three Florida headlines
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Opium-dependent parrots begin razing entire poppy plantations, stealing money to fuel the addiction, beating their wives and talking all sorts of shiat
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: Maine man trying to kill ants accidentally sets house on fire, officials say
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Air Force man AWOL for forty years finally found living under a false name. On the bright side, think of all the back pay he's owed
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
American farmers are hacking their tractors with Ukrainian firmware because John Deere and other manufacturers have made it impossible to perform "unauthorized" repair on farm equipment
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Time to play Sherlock Holmes. 2 teens killed. They were unloading and loading a semi-automatic handgun. FTA: both teens were holding the gun, it accidentally discharged hitting one teen. It then accidentally discharged again and hit the other teen
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
You're a serious parking violator when your tickets total 17 times the value of your car
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(41 Action News)
 
 
 
"There is activity at your front door. It appears to be the apocalypse"
source: kshb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
The Trump Tower...you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Australia to remove 'gay panic' defense from criminal code. Now, a murderer can't claim they were simply scared because someone gay grabbed them down under
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chew Boom)
 
 
 
It's time to Mac America Saucy Again. McDonald's is selling Big Mac sauce as well as Filet-O-Fish, and McChicken sauces in grocery stores There's just one catch. Only in Canada
source: chewboom.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Inmate who beat up Jared Fogle now receiving tons of fan mail. "I am writing this letter to thank you for your service," said one little boy, who also sent $2
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Trump tries to shame Seattle and King County by putting them on his 'naughty' list, apparently forgetting that a city of people who worship the Seahawks probably can't be shamed by anything
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Dateline: March 22. You are feverishly trying to spit out a competent story for Heart of Farkness 2 when suddenly, your cat walks across your keyboard and submits the story. What do you do? You come here. THIS is your Fark Writers Thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Hooray for cheese: Scientists say eating it all day long won't kill you after all
source: studyfinds.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
Police officer stabbed inside UK Parliament. Alleged assailant shot by armed police
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talk Radio (UK))
 
 
 
After 32 years, Arkansas finally realizes it's a bit weird to celebrate Martin Luther King on the same day as a southern Civil War general
source: talkradio.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Vatican reports brazen daylight theft of Pope's hat by... daaaaaw
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Zoo handlers chainsaw off the horns on 21 rhinos to keep poachers from chainsawing off the horns from 21 rhinos
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Pope Francis now going after blasphemous Fark headlines. No level of Hell declared yet for the Politics tab
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop the crater rim of the Kilauea caldera
source: c1.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Donald Trump invokes David Chappelle's "If George Bush Were Black" strategy
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
"Well, they are called MISSiles not HITTiles, amirite, Dear Leader?"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
There is no better way to scream for attention than to ride your horse through the aisles of a Walmart and then post video of it to your Facebook page
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
Supermarket manager offers "plentiful pizza" in lieu of overtime pay. It goes over as well as you would expect
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
It's spring at Warm Springs Ranch, time for some new Clydesdale foals..Daaawwww
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
What do you call a Russian lawyer injured in a freak bathtub hoisting accident?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Tue March 21, 2017
(USA Today)
 
 
 
If you live in Seattle, Cincinnati, or Columbus, Alexa will now bring you a beer
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space.com)
 
 
 
Mars Volcano died at same time as dinosaurs. In other news, Mars apparently had dinosaurs
source: space.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
Where to go if a nuke falls in your city, you know just in case you're not blind and still have all your skin after the apocalypse starts
source: lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
When you try to force a dairy to label its real milk as "imitation" milk, you might be a Florida
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The forbidden love of Tad and Elizabeth continues to be misunderstood. Next, on the Bold and the Beautiful and the Illegal
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Japanese funeral home offers elderly drivers a 15% discount if they stop endangering society
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
India declares the River Ganges is now legally a human being; they insist it's not because all the garbage and pollution has caused it to mutate and become self-aware
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
Insulin pump saves woman's life--when she uses it to escape trunk of car she's been kidnapped in
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
The kid who crashed his mom's Charger near Mar-a-Lago is same kid who called CNN, pretended to be refugee
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Let's celebrate Yahoo's long life as Internet pioneer by remembering its longest-lasting contribution to society
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: What does Duke do?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: "And here we have an excellent specimen of Florida man, in his natural environment of the glare of television cameras, police sirens, and handcuffs"
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop our future Gastropoda overlords
source: d6d2h4gfvy8t8.cloudfront.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
You can't steal 22 liquor bottles from Walgreens. Thief: Hold my beer
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Australian police minister takes a funny picture of a sheep in a car, turns himself in after he was informed it was illegal to use his cell phone while driving
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Flight attendant wrestles 5-foot snake from plane; Samuel L. Jackson unimpressed
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Rule 36 strikes again: Family doctor's hip hop video urges safe sex for seniors
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
At this rate, future air travel security will necessitate flying naked, without luggage, anesthetized, and being revived at your destination. On the plus side, you'll never know you spent 9 hours next to a fat slob with B.O. that could kill a horse
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Caption these feasting guinea pigs
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Once again, people: Being racist, stupid, and on Facebook can be career limiting
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
Change your travel plans: sex with animals illegal in Ohio starting today
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Virginian-Pilot)
 
 
 
Oklahoma state senator found with underage male prostitute plans to resign, spend more time getting to the bottom of things
source: pilotonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Judge limits info on the trial of drug kingpin El Chapo, saying only that his name is Spanish for "The Chap"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Unfortunate dude who decided to share a beer with Dylan Roof gets two years for lying to the FBI. Sometimes hanging out with lunatics is a bad thing
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
15-year-old drops acid, three stories
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Idaho State Journal)
 
 
 
After family dog is killed, an Idaho Sheriff asks the USDA to stop planting cyanide bombs across the county. In other news the USDA is planting cyanide bombs
source: idahostatejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this early morning hoopster
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
$3.7 million restoration returns Jesus' tomb to its original splendor. Search for it with keywords "Jerusalem tourist trap"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Daily News)
 
 
 
Broccoli and cabbage can help you live longer but they taste terrible. That's where lemon juice and cheese come in
source: dailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Women are spending tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to get the "natural beauty" of Ivanka Trump. That's the joke
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
In today's episode of Canadian Problems; diplomats have been told to stop using life-size, cardboard cut-outs of Justin Trudeau at promotional events
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida woman arrested after toddler shoots out car window at church school. To be fair, in Florida, that's called doing a bang-up job of parenting
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Police claim woman not wearing gloves tried to shoot them without leaving any fingerprints or DNA on the gun. In a terrible coincidence, all six body cameras mysteriously failed at the same time
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fay Observer)
 
 
 
It bears repeating: If you insist on going to an unlicensed, trans-gender person's home to receive silicone injections, don't expect medical-grade silicone to be used
source: fayobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Best Korea says it's not afraid of US strike in statement describing their 'treasured sword of justice,' simultaneously ratcheting up the tension and giving World of Warcraft players a new reason to invade
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Vista support, Obama's tapping, and grammar Nazi judges. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-03-12 to Sat 2017-03-18
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Think that flying a commercial airliner is an easy gig? Cockpit footage of a pilot battling turbulence and intense winds shows some serious skill that very few have
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Labrador retrievers are again #1 in America's most popular dog breeds, narrowly beating out German shepherds, golden retrievers and meth labs
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Operation March Sadness nets thirty-eight prostitutes, fifty-one johns, fourteen pimps and one award for 'the worst name for a prostitution sting ever'
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
China tortures lawyers. Rest of world issues statement of general approval
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
How can politicians really say they're making America great again when they keep trying to ban RV camping in Walmart parking lots?
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Infant mortality rates in the US plunge 15%
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
If you've got so much weed it's literally coming out your butt, maybe it's time to cut back
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Appeals court rules that pleading the 5th doesn't protect you from being forced to decrypt your hard drives if everyone already knows you've been downloading illegal materials to them in the first place
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this flooded fuel stop
source: media1.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
In today's episode of 'Causation vs. Correlation' we have global warming and diabetes
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ArcaMax)
 
 
 
ICE pretends to be police, just like they pretend to serve justice
source: arcamax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
You know those packets of wildflower seeds Cheerios gave away to help grow flowers for honey bees? It turns out in some states the seeds are considered noxious, invasive, and illegal
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
In adult movies when your wife recently discovers that she's gay, things get kinky. In real life, bleach gets thrown in your face
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Prison guards won't face charges after boiling a man alive
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NOW Toronto)
 
 
 
Hermaphrodite frogs and feminized fish, as well as low sperm counts and reproductive problems in humans. Not my Toronto
source: nowtoronto.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Weird Asia News)
 
 
 
Chinese archaeologists baffled by newly discovered 2,000-year-old pyramid scheme
source: weirdasianews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
RESCHEDULED: The Boston Farkers Pub Crawl Returns April 2nd @ 1:00 PM, detail in thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
The war on cannabis is more deadly than cannabis
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Me TV)
 
 
 
Hidden treasure of old candy wrappers and boxes found at historic Chicago movie theater in the midst of being renovated, for those of you wondering where your JuJuBes went missing in 1946
source: metv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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