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When the porn makes you feel like inserting an eel ... that's a moray |
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Smoking hot 36-year-old primary school teacher arrested for sex with student. Just kidding, she quits her day job to become a full-time pole dancer (w/pics) |
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Giant penis causes closure of world-famous Nurburgring racing track |
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British supermarket chain Asda says it is recalling all corned beef from its budget range after traces of a veterinary drug were found in some batches |
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Unhappy with your DUI? Do you c) drunkenly go to the house of the trooper who arrested you to complain with a beer in your hand |
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Photoshop this fast man going past fans |
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Have a question for a lesbian? Don't ask any of these ten stupid ones. Try thinking outside the box |
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This is the mugshot of a man who picked a fight with everyone on board his flight |
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The majesty of orbiting the Moon during the Apollo missions: seeing Earth float in Space, ruminating on our role in the Universe, having your turds float in Zero-G in the capsule and asking Mission Control what to do |
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In an effort to be recognized as something other than a measure of size, Rhode Island now boasts the country's most unpopular governor |
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Remember the old abandoned mansions you were reading about the other day? You can scratch one off your list |
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Miriam, 49, who sprouted full beard after son's birth says she is looking for love and has never felt sexier |
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NJ welcomes its first professional Ultimate frisbee team, the NJ Hammerh... wait, did that just say "professional Ultimate frisbee"? |
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Photoshop these auto workers |
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Ladies, 88% of men like some shrubbery down there, just keep the garden well maintained |
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Tired of this rampant proliferation of beer snobs? No worries, the arsenic that comes from all those fancy filtering processes they love so much will probably kill them soon |
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North Korea has notified nations that it plans to launch a missile over Japan on Wednesday. Japan has notified North Korea that if it does it's about to have a really bad rest of the week |
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Stabbings reported at Lone Star College in Texas. A suspect is still on the loose and in possession of at least one fully automatic assault knife |
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"It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy." The Asinine tag goes searching for another "s" |
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Woman tries to steal research ship for a three hour tour, a three hour tour |
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US man attempts a reverse Elián González |
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Former Rep. Anthony Weiner, a man noted for his stand-up ways, is thinking about running for mayor of New York. Suggest a campaign slogan or bumper sticker |
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After deciding to climb a mountain to "touch the clouds," hiker "hallucinated wildly" while lost in California forest. Well, isn't that pretty much what you go out into the forest to do in California? |
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Spanx sued for patent, good taste infringement |
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Olivia Wilde, Emma Stone team up for who cares, you've already clicked the link |
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Couple comes home to find burglar feeding their dog. Fark: Dog leaves with burglar |
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Premier League plans to not ask its clubs to hold a one-minute jeering session in memory of Margaret Thatcher |
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" U.S. special forces face the serious danger of being bogged down in a permanent game of global whack-a-mole" |
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Do not taunt the photobombing gorilla, he might just get up close and personal with you |
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"Ashley is passed out naked on the bathroom floor" is a A) Lyric from a new ZZ Top song. C) An example of a hilarious note left for roommates |
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Man won't stop singing 'Thrift Shop' at thrift shop, so girlfriend assaults him |
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Officer: Have you shot any of the meth that you made? Idiot: No way I don't want to kill myself |
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"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" enters download chart top 40 following the wicked witch's death |
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Turns out that all those "brain improvement" games do is make people better at playing brain improvement games. In other news, someone just told Ric Romero about sodoku |
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Liberal press does not support incarceration of Fox News reporter because |
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Man arrested at Burger King for having it his way on the sidewalk |
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This week in Sentences No One Has Said Before: "America is suffering a serious lack of lawyers" |
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Agents investigating insider trading are surprised to learn that so many market-busting portfolios are owned by children under 10. Whose parents just happen to be traders. Hm, odd |
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The bad habits that are actually good for you. Good news Cheetos in bed eaters |
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A day in the life of a penis enlargement surgeon (Possibly Not safe for work) |
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You know you're in Florida when you're reading about a skinny man in pink sunglasses rummaging through someone's garbage and it's the fourth story down on the local police blotter |
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Hey students, now teachers know when you're done reading your E-books, or if you've read them at all. Think of it as Big Brother but in a good way, it's for your own good |
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Planned demolition of a industrial chimney stack goes wrong, leaving it from standing fully erect to merely morning wood erect |
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Monkey chatter smacks of human speech, Twitter smacks of monkey chatter. Now I want cereal |
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Woman robs bank using two cans of spaghetti sauce she claimed was a bomb. Police warn people to also be on the lookout for her accomplice, a Mr. Hector Boiardi |
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6.3 magnitude earthquake in Iran. And nothing of value was lost |
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Let's just call it Birth Control Roulette |
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Bad: You're driving along the interstate when something crashes through your windshield and lands in your back seat. Good: Thanksgiving comes early |
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For a refreshing change, a mom posts a list of 10 things about which non-breeders need to ESS. TEE. EFF. YOO. (Update: Turns out the author is a dad) |
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Was the Iraq invasion worthwhile? Let's ask Ahmed, the Iraqi. Oh...wait, Ahmed just got pinched by a religious group. How about we go to Ollie Hussein for this report. Ollie? "LOTSA PEOPLE DEAD" Thanks, Ollie |
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Mexican Barbie comes complete with passport, but not visa stamp for entry into the US |
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Photoshop this golden flight |
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I shall call it... well I'm not going to call it Fukushima 2, that's for sure |
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The coolest video of the Navy shooting down a drone with a laser you'll see all day |
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Patriot missile systems rush-deployed to Tokyo |
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"Hey Good Lookin'" I'll be back to pick you up later" |
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"The secret life of cats: What you can learn by putting a GPS on your kitty." Subby learned his cat eats, sleeps, poops, and is plotting to kill him. Wait.... I thought that was ALL cats? |
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Good news, Catholics: Lutheran bishop gets loaded and mows down a former cop proving that protestants can fark up, too |
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You know how cops are always artificially inflating the potential proceeds in their drug busts? Well one guy in Colorado is suing the police for $210,000, for his illegally seized pot. Police to say this is exorbitant in 5..4 |
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What do you get the man who has everything except a girlfriend? |
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Go heat up one of those Egg Rolls you've got in the freezer to enjoy while you read this |
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News: Cleanliness or lack of it the biggest problem, but the report also included everything from a cockroach infestation to feral cats living beneath a portable building FARK: This is a school they are talking about |
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NH man busted in Maine for 41 pounds of illegal baby eels, with an estimated street value of $82,000 |
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If you pay for a 'Budget Boob Job' you should not be surprised if it's botched (Not safe for work) |
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Turns out Hooter's waitresses aren't supposed to have shaved heads and big scars. Clearly this isn't the Myrtle Beach Hooters |
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New Jersey grandmother founds "Cursive Club" to keep alive the delicate art of cursive handwriting |
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Man loses dart game, punches wall, crashes car, calls 911 to report himself for drunk driving, gets arrested. TA-DAAA (w/mugshot) |
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Everything is for sale in Florida -- even the vase off your grave |
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Your Best Korean troll of the day for April 9, 2013: Pyongyang issues warning for all foreigners to evacuate Worst Korea immediately |
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Ahh the internets. Is there anything it can't do? |
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Further proof that living in a gated golf course community does not protect you from neighbors with "hold my beer and watch this" tendencies |
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I used to be a bouncer at a strip club, until I took an arrow to the knee |
