Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Wed November 04, 2015

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		It's as if millions of voices all tweeted out their awkwardness, and were suddenly bonding while tripping over invisible rocks source: nytimes.com \| share:	(9)
		Photoshop this exhibitionist source: photocdn1.itar-tass.com \| share:	(21)
		Unintended side effect of driverless cars: more barf bags source: now.howstuffworks.com \| share:	(24)

		Totalfark: We offend more people before 9am than most people do in a day
		Not news: Conservatives warn of gay agenda supporters. Fark: Chick-Fil-A source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(49)
		Jesus returns... with a new coat of paint source: wfsb.com \| share:	(15)
		McIlroy might miss World Golf Championship due to going with the wrong club source: yahoo.com \| share:	(16)
		Police officer's death upgraded from homicide to carefully staged suicide source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	(85)
		Nerd Nite Providence's (which COULD be a Fark party) Inaugural event. Topics include: Evolutionary Biology, Planetary Geology, and Post-Humanity source: fark.com \| share:	(25)

		Barefark: the best thing since sliced breadfruit
		Researcher has her grant application denied because she submitted it using the wrong font. Difficulty: NOT Comic Sans source: nymag.com \| share:	(104)
		Idaho Militia group holds rally at statehouse to warn of ISIS invasion of America via sleeper agents posing as Syrian refugees: "This isn't some made up crap we're peddling" says the guy who made up the crap they were peddling source: rawstory.com \| share:	(71)
		Landings halted at San Diego's airport due to active shooter with a rifle nearby. The NRA to call for the mounting of machine guns on commercial airliners in response source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(59)
		Utah elects first openly gay minister, somehow still not budging on that 4% beer rule source: out.com \| share:	(22)
		Don't take drugs. But if you must take drugs, don't leave your residence. But if you must leave your residence, don't run around in people's backyards and break windows. And for the love of all that is holy, don't do it naked source: thewhig.com \| share:	(25)
		Douchecanoe to find out what it means to get a paddlin' source: arstechnica.com \| share:	(68)
		Lobsters, cod join climate scientists in promoting the huge climate change conspiracy source: goingcoastal.bangordailynews.com \| share:	(27)
		If your bedside manner can be described as 'he groped woman's breasts like he was polishing headlights,' maybe you shouldn't be in the medical profession source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(72)
		"Pizza delivery...here's your large pepperoni with extra cheese, mushrooms, and a new house to replace yours destroyed in a storm. Oh, and no charge for the onions" source: upworthy.com \| share:	(19)
		Photoshop this horse and carriage source: l.yimg.com \| share:	(25)
		California reminds everyone why it's not a good idea to bring a knife to a gunfight source: cnn.com \| share:	(31)
		Virginia Zoo elephants moving to Miami and will be replaced with rhinos, jut like the rest of the GOP source: wtkr.com \| share:	(8)
		"Mum died after 'excessive consumption' of caffeine from drinking 8 litres of Pepsi Max". Never mind the prescription drugs and the liter of vodka per day, it's all the fault of the soda source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(92)
		To the surprise of absolutely no one, forcing fast food restaurants to post calorie information has done absolutely nothing to change American eating habits. In fact, some saw it as a challenge instead of warning source: upi.com \| share:	(155)
		Fox breaks into zoo and massacres the penguins. Rupert Murdoch has gone too far this time source: nypost.com \| share:	(46)
		German woman spontaneously bursts into flames in park, combining mystery with tragedy and a strangely compelling pyrotechnics show source: thelocal.de \| share:	(50)
		1953: Paper boy receives 15 cent tip. 2015: Paper boy is rich because the tip included a fake nickel with a spy's microfilm inside, and he bought a strip club with it. At least, I think that's the story source: nytimes.com \| share:	(42)
		Doctors warn of the dangers of a trend known as "Chemsex", which involves days-long, drug-fueled orgies with 'an average of five partners', mostly because they never seem to get invited to parties like that source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(80)
		Bernie Sanders closer to Bush than originally suspected source: usatoday.com \| share:	(60)
		Exactly how stupid are anti-vaccine nutjobs? This stupid source: scienceblogs.com \| share:	(204)
		Ex-Walmart CEO crashes plane on Arkansas highway, demands tax rebate for his development of aerospace infrastructure and creating jobs cleaning up the mess source: finance.yahoo.com \| share:	(75)
		So, is that a dead man's penis in your pocket or are you happy to see m--wait, WHAT? source: thejournal.ie \| share:	(30)
		If the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, how many good guys with guns does it take to stop three bad guys robbing a meat market when one starts shooting right away and one has a stun gun instead? Show your work source: wfmz.com \| share:	(283)
		Google developing technology to automatically reply to your emails. Humans soon to become superfluous to the whole email process source: arstechnica.com \| share:	(38)
		Philippine Jihadists seeking ransom for Norwegian man demand . . . puts pinky to mouth . . . ONE BILLION PESOS source: thelocal.no \| share:	(37)
		America is seeing the rapid growth of the "high income poor": People who make a decent income but are so saddled with debt and expenses they have no savings and live paycheck to paycheck source: theatlantic.com \| share:	(241)
		After failing 95% of audits, TSA is considering upgrading their workforce by hiring dogs. It is going to be pretty embarrassing when they start getting promoted into management source: arstechnica.com \| share:	(108)
		Maldives President, in an effort to help solidify new Democracy, arrests Vice President, declares Martian law source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(47)
		I support the guy in China who makes these magnetic ribbons source: usdefensewatch.com \| share:	(102)
		Romanian PM resigns after mass protests source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(40)
		The Life Of A Porn Star, In Black And White (Not safe for work) source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(80)
		Definitely not a Caturday thread: Your Dog may not be going to heaven ...but your cat is definitely go to hell source: thefederalist.com \| share:	(80)
		While the Twitter rage over the new heart icon continues largely unabated, at least no one is accusing Twitter of trying to kill its users...oh, wait source: theguardian.com \| share:	(50)
		There's now a price tag on human excrement. You may be sitting on a gold mine source: stuff.co.nz \| share:	(73)
		Which one of you let the Swedes try making pizza? source: neatorama.com \| share:	(114)
		They paved Acra nice and put up a parking lot source: cnn.com \| share:	(25)
		Photoshop this gymnast source: i.telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(37)
		No matter how hot she is, or isn't, Iranian clerics say they've had enough of her shiat source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(195)
		Songbirds that haven't been seen for fifty years spotted in a park. Immediately eaten by falcons that haven't been seen for sixty years source: fromthegrapevine.com \| share:	(28)
		You've got to fight ... for your child's right ... to have mandatory recess source: clickorlando.com \| share:	(76)
		You ever get so angry you jam all your electronics into the oven, set the kitchen on fire, and take on 8 cops while naked? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Well, except in Fairfax source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(48)
		Plane crashes in denial source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	(25)
		The Ayatollah wants to set the record straight and let everyone know that just because he might say 'Death to America,' that does not mean he wants death to Americans source: nypost.com \| share:	(162)
		Teen jailed for running €4 million online business from his mom's basement source: thelocal.de \| share:	(49)
		Chick-kill-a source: usatoday.com \| share:	(84)
		Back in the day we knew when winter was coming when the acorns fell, today in the 21st century you need a crazy snow map like this from NOAA that shows how much snow is coming source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(81)
		Up in smoke: Marijuana legalization amendment fails on Ohio ballot source: 10tv.com \| share:	(232)
		The answer to "How many flatulent sheep does it take to bring down an airplane?" has been discovered source: news.com.au \| share:	(60)
		AP has called the Kentucky governor's race for Republican Matt Bevin. Hats off to the 4% voting for Drew source: hosted.ap.org \| share:	(272)

Tue November 03, 2015

	The newest craft liquor being embraced by smug hipsters to flavor everything from coffee to orange juice is spins wheel amaro source: talesofthecocktail.com \| share:	(59)
	Never bring a... you know what? Just don't get into a machete fight source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(23)
	Pew poll finds people are using them less source: npr.org \| share:	(91)
	New book tries to make the Borgia Pope seem tame by comparison source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(18)
	Having your hand in the pork and mutton jar at this meat market in China will get you publicly bound and humiliated source: shanghaiist.com \| share:	(22)
	Hey, free gum source: seattlepi.com \| share:	(66)
	Young child found wandering around outside without jacket or pants. Police return her to her family after mistakenly first identifying her as a farker source: toronto.ctvnews.ca \| share:	(36)
	Three Minnesota men caught with 2,000 pounds of illegal turtle meat and a really large slow cooker source: minnesota.cbslocal.com \| share:	(60)
(TZ Online)	Photoshop this German electromagnetic radiation pollution detector official source: tz.de \| share:	(23)
	Study funded by pro-charter school group finds that online charter schools are not better than nothing source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(59)
	Ireland announces plans to decriminalize heroin and cocaine, adding, "They're magically delicious" source: mintpressnews.com \| share:	(66)
	Hi, my name is Nicholas and I'm an alcoholic, and a capuchin monkey source: news.discovery.com \| share:	(31)
	No Vergnügen is being had working at Volkswagen these days source: wfmz.com \| share:	(52)
	Finally, America will have a place where youths can try to kill each other. You know, other than schools, churches, shopping malls source: newser.com \| share:	(37)
	Live thread for the Kentucky gubernatorial race source: interactives.courier-journal.com \| share:	(517)
	If there's one thing I want my damn council to provide, it's a free fruit pressing machine source: newarkadvertiser.co.uk \| share:	(15)
	Want to see know your future? Throw out the tea leaves and your crystal ball and go get your legs waxed source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(27)
	A taxidermy library. Come get your mounted ocelot and bear paws. Just remember to return what you check out source: greatbigstory.com \| share:	(24)
	Bus drivers' union warns its members are at risk of dying quietly in their sleep, not screaming in terror like their passengers source: wtkr.com \| share:	(13)
	Ahmed Chalabi, Iraqi exile who helped spur U.S. invasion of Iraq, throws his last curve ball source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(63)
	Photoshop these Oktoberfest Damen source: i.guim.co.uk \| share:	(24)
	Man tries to smuggle drugs, a knife, and a McMuffin into jail to prepare him for life in prison source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(52)
	Scientists discover that chimps moved from a Dutch safari park to an Edinburgh zoo developed Scottish accents. Researchers from outside Scotland also find that the chimps are easier to understand than the locals source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(31)
	Joey, have you ever let a grown man bathe you at an Iranian Hamam in Mumbai? source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(29)
	Bad: hoist on your own petard. Worse: videoed on your own upskirt camera source: freep.com \| share:	(65)
	"Congratulations, you have twins" THUD source: thelocal.at \| share:	(68)
	Mom of the year drives drunk with five kids in car, crashes into parked car, poses for mugshot with airbag powder still all over her source: wtkr.com \| share:	(32)
	Cop conducting an investigation asks to see a woman's phone. It took a bit, but the woman realized all of her nude photos were sent to the cop's personal cell phone source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(174)
(Elmer Fudd)	Poachers: Deer season. Wardens: Decoy season source: vtfishandwildlife.com \| share:	(83)
	The South will BOOM again source: msnewsnow.com \| share:	(119)
	Frenchman claims his garden lion is friendly and peaceful, has no idea why everyone is screaming to get back in the car source: thelocal.fr \| share:	(39)
	Why I pulled my son out of a school for gifted kids. "Because he is a dumbass" suspiciously missing from article source: mashable.com \| share:	(193)
	Woman who's totally marriage material arrested after faking illness so she could get an ambulance ride to go see her boyfriend, who has got to be delighted he landed such a prize source: news10.com \| share:	(64)
	Dude-bro who assaulted Uber driver on video was mid-level manager at Taco Bell, sees his job Meximelt away source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	(262)
	Skydiving rule #1 - Jump clear of the plane source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(34)
	United Nations called upon to stop a madman who has caused the suffering of millions source: westerndailypress.co.uk \| share:	(118)
	"Coked-up, gun-wielding Indiana woman leaves blow-up doll and poop-covered sex toy on porch" source: rawstory.com \| share:	(52)
	Today is National Sandwich Day. Be a hero, join the club and post your favorite, unless you're a sub human or just a Po' Boy who can't afford one source: mynews13.com \| share:	(155)
	And now, an article on the growing popularity of penis pastries in Sweden. By reporter Ron Dicker source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(31)
	Israeli cabinet minister proposes mass deportations of unwelcome, unregistered residents. Specifically, stray cats source: 10news.com \| share:	(38)
	"My body didn't belong to me, it belonged to the U.S. Military" An in-depth look at the sex industry surrounding U.S. military bases source: politico.com \| share:	(185)
	New evidence suggests internal explosion took down Russian airliner source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(62)
	If your school counseling session ends up with the counselor putting acupuncture needles into your testicles, it's fair to say that you've gone into the weeds a bit source: brisbanetimes.com.au \| share:	(30)
	Christians are sneaking their own form of Sharia law into binding arbitration agreements. Better pray you are satisfied with that hardwood floor you bought source: nytimes.com \| share:	(283)
	New UK passport design is launched featuring tougher security measures, increased sexism source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(62)
	Bake sale to raise money for orphans is ruined by the old "dildo in a cake" prank source: deathandtaxesmag.com \| share:	(67)
	It's your average, everyday, "Man crashes car, emergency workers get charged by bull, sheriffs kill farmer" story source: boiseweekly.com \| share:	(109)
	Unforgettable train stations from around the world that are so much more magnificent than the one made of cardboard under the bridge where that one hobo took you on a date (slideshow) source: mnn.com \| share:	(23)
	Lawsuit claims that a college coach provided sex to students. Weird: Academic coach. Weirder: Notre Dame. WTF: Coerced students to have sex with her daughter source: maxim.com \| share:	(96)
	Thanks to everyone for a fantastic Scary Story thread this Halloween. Here are the winners source: fark.com \| share:	(45)
	Photoshop this fashion whatever source: i.guim.co.uk \| share:	(19)
	Office air is making you dumber, lazier, less healthy. Open a window source: arstechnica.com \| share:	(92)
	Come to Lexington on Tuesday and celebrate with Drew the end of the campaign at the best Election Night party you've ever seen source: fark.com \| share:	(53)
	Protip: Never get into a shootout with Batman in a strip club parking lot source: bradenton.com \| share:	(33)
	It was a sign from God source: latimes.com \| share:	(81)
	Here's a look at just how much caffeine is in coffee from nationwide chains. I've never heard of Deathwish Coffee, but suddenly it is important to ensure we have one built in this area source: foodbeast.com \| share:	(81)
	Good news, DC Farkers. Metro is about to allow food and beverage sales in its stations, so at least you won't be hungry or thirsty while you wait for the late train that's going to trap you in a smoke-filled tunnel to die source: wtop.com \| share:	(33)
	Colorado proves that the state did not descend into drug-fueled anarchy after legalizing marijuana source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(200)
	Grandfather of the Year nominee leaves 5-year-old granddaughter out in the middle of the desert with a loaded handgun as he went to find help...or maybe just a jalapeno cheeseburger, a few Smirnoff Ices, and a "Not Your Father's Root Beer" source: 12news.com \| share:	(65)
	Fairfax County (Virginia) high school system bans fire source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(52)
	That Anonymous operation exposing high-ranking KKK members? Yeah, about that source: gizmodo.com \| share:	(140)
	Man decides it's a good idea to let his 4-year-old daughter tattoo him source: orlandosentinel.com \| share:	(60)
	Guinness to change centuries-old recipe for vegans. No more fish bladders source: ctvnews.ca \| share:	(115)

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