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Tue January 16, 2018
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Thanks to on-board GPS and other car-based monitoring systems, your car company probably knows more about you than your spouse. And no, they're not interested in a three-way with that hot bartender, either
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
I am William H. Gates III, founder of Microsoft. Now that Nigeria's vaccination program has achieved zero new cases of polio in 2017, I am willing to transfer the total amount of $76,000,000 (seventy-six million) dollars to the Bank of Japan
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Since 2001, seventy-five women have been strangled or smothered, and the majority of their killers have gotten away with it
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Oh great, now I feel even worse
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Shiathole sends Donnie a blast of karma
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 


Mon January 15, 2018
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Another virgin is selling off her virginity to bankroll her college education and buy her parents a house (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Woman orders hit on romantic interest's partner, gets Florida-quality results
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
It turns out Steve McQueen's iconic Mustang from the movie 'Bullitt' is alive, well, and has been living in a New Jersey garage for the last few decades
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
A Christian group at University of Iowa rejects a gay member's bid for vice-president. Ultra Fark: Then sues the school for discrimination when their group is shut down
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
A cautionary tale: Don't try to hold back a sneeze
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
A special place in hell awaits: Parents charged after 13 abused siblings rescued from California house after 17-year-old girl escapes
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Alaska Dispatch News)
 
 
 
Jail says they "forgot" confidential inmate-lawyer meetings were being recorded for the last 4 years
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Is it too much to ask that you potheads in Oregon to stop growing so much marijuana? You're harshing the buzz of other states that want to let people grow their own
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
When your kids are legally adopted by another couple, just let them go, dude
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this surfer
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Woman dies after getting hit by a stray bullet in the Arizona desert. And since it happened in Arizona, police have no idea who pulled the trigger because there were literally hundreds of people in the desert randomly firing their guns
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
On Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM ET) more oldies.....from 1960 and 1961. Only took a little more than 3 years to cover 1955 through 1989
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Army vet sues VA over scalpel left in body after surgery. VA plans counter-suit for theft and unauthorized possession of Government property
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Nazi begs for his freedom. Ironic tag stares down its nose at him in silent fury
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
If your 6-year-old gets scratched by a sick bat take him to the emergency room ASAP. Even if he does he cry when he's told he would get shots
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Triple Dog Dare goes horribly wrong
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Over 1000 kids charged with distributing explicit material by sharing video clip on social media of two 15-year-olds having sex in very conservative state of ... Denmark?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Police report many loaves and fish were confiscated
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
The most Walmart crime of the year goes to the two stealing a credit card at a Pa. Walmart, then scurrying away on scooters (With Meme-worthy Pic)
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Want proof that Guinness was started by Farkers? Look no further than the company's Managing Director Hugh Beaver, who founded the now-famous Book of Records to settle bar arguments
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Get on cruise ship, aware it is heading into "bomb cyclone". Experience "bomb cyclone" on cruise ship. Whine online about unpleasant "bomb cyclone' experience on cruise ship. Demand refund. Whine online about how unfair the cruise line is
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
A well-known NC pastor and his wife tested their faith... against a train
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Ivana Trump says ex-husband is not racist, merely confused. "And sometimes he says silly things"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Have you no shame, Colonel? Have you no decency?
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this puppy sculpture
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
School superintendent resigns over inappropriate relationship. On the one hand, the student had graduated from HS by the time it got physical. On the other hand, the dude totally has a porn name
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
*collective male wince*
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PJ Media)
 
 
 
And the state with the highest poverty rate is....California
source: pjmedia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Driver of a company that contracts for Amazon is robbed of his delivery van and 62 parcels so of course he is responsible for damages to the van and the stolen items
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Yes, it is a crime to share your opioid stash with a friend, causing him to overdose and die. Yet some people are outraged at this
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Cranberries singer Dolores O'Riordan dies suddenly at age 46. Insert your own tasteless Zombie joke here
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Police asking for help identifying masked suspect believed to have robbed Boost Mobile store of thousands of dollars. With 27 8x10 color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back to help catch thief
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTMJ)
 
 
 
Semi driver mashes truck loaded with potatoes under low-height bridge; driver knishes he hadn't scone this way. Gnocchi, I'll stop roasting now
source: wtmj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deviant Art)
 
 
 
Caption this awesome otter
source: img00.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Interesting facts you may not have known about Martin Luther King, Jr., which may or may not include that his shirts never wrinkled, his blood smelled like cologne, his hands felt like rich brown suede, and that you could see his charisma from space
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
When figuring out that you've had too much to drink and shouldn't be driving, it's best to pull over and sleep it off. Just not at the Holland Tunnel blocking traffic
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
There's actually a scale that exists that can measure a man's likelihood to sexually harass someone, but judging by the illustration used in TFA it only works on giants
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
20 arrested after a fight broke out over a missing iPhone at John's Incredible Pizza. Fark: nobody checked the lost & found
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
States that have legalised the evil weed now reap what they sow with their evil crop: violent crime and murder are way down in all of them
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
In most of the country, it's MLK Day, but in Alabama and Mississippi...Happy Stigginit Day, everybody
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this rocky road
source: s.w-x.co   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Guy outraged by his stepdaughter's ability to grow up decides to teach her a lesson by photoshopping her head onto women he was having sex with. That'll teach her. Oh, by the way, he's going to jail (NSFW)
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Apparently farting at the gym keeps the sweaty dudes from hitting on you (page might be NSFW)
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Pennsyltucky Baptist church decides that the day before MLK's birthday is the most appropriate time to hold a special service thanking their community's civil servants
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Two European breeds added to the AKC registry. In related news: American dog lovers trying to figure out how to pronounce Nederlandse kooikerhondje
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
"The American civil-rights movement began in 1951, in Brevard County, with the assassination of Harry and Harriet Moore on Christmas Day"
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." --Martin Luther King, Jr
source: en.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
In other news, women in Sri Lanka have been dry since 1955
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
The key to a happy and sustained marriage is proper planning of that nasty hot make up sex
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
54-year-old UKIP leader dumps 25-year-old racist former glamour model after racist tweets about Meghan Markle went public
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
"If my dog doesn't have to wear pants, why should I?"
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Indonesian stock exchange collapses. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A FARKING METAPHOR
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
You can't park here. Try upstairs
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
When robbing a store, it's a lot easier to have a getaway car waiting, rather than having to go knocking on neighbors' doors and asking for a ride while still wearing your masks
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Man spends decades torturing innocent people trying to heal, and nobody stops him
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Last week's news summary in 74 seconds
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
U.S. ambassador to North Korea charged with DUI
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Welcome to January 15th, enjoy your misery. Here's the math as to why
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Casino going up in flames. Surprisingly nothing to do with Trump
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 

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