Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Thu April 07, 2016

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Washington state authorities are on the lookout for two violent escaped mental patients. They fear that if the escapees make it to Portland, they'll blend in and never be found source: cnn.com \| share:	(10)
		What do you call 20,000 lesbians in a desert oasis? source: theguardian.com \| share:	(70)
		The coolest 'Viking Funeral" for a pet fish that you'll see today source: mashable.com \| share:	(21)

		Silence. Speed. Simplicity. Sbarefark.
		For National Beer Day today, here are some booze deals and handy brew facts to get you through the day of hoisting many source: foxnews.com \| share:	(23)
		Handy tip for travelers: In France, under a new law, it is no longer illegal to BE a prostitute, but it IS illegal for a customer to pay for one source: upi.com \| share:	(54)
		Libya's Tripoli-based government will "cease operation" and absolve itself of responsibility for the country's fate. Apparently they got the idea after watching elected officials in Flint, Michigan source: miamiherald.com \| share:	(25)
		Sovereign citizen's hands violently secede from his body while he was attempting to mix an explosive commonly known as the "mother of Satan" because of its instability source: dispatch.com \| share:	(134)
		It's official: "Panama Papers: Putin rejects corruption allegations". Never believe in something until it's officially denied source: bbc.com \| share:	(37)

		Infinite monkeys: Shakespeare. Ten monkeys and a couple hours: TFD
		71 years after his downfall and death, the town of Tegernsee strips Hitler of his 'honorary citizen' status source: ynetnews.com \| share:	(22)
		One of those unexpected costs of online dating is a few thousand quid for your date when she texts you to say she's been kidnapped by a sex-crazed gangster and needs ransom money source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(29)
		Fark Store Daily Deal: E-learning: C, Java, SQL, Python, C++, Raspberry Pi... Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. (Sponsored Link) source: deals.fark.com \| share:	(5)
		I stole the truck and no one noticed. Sweet Crap, now the battery's dead. Hey, there's a cop over there. He'll probably give me a jump start source: offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com \| share:	(14)
		Rick rolls again source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(41)
		For those with an appreciation for fine art ..and a healthy dose of eye bleach: Donald Trump's nude portrait to be shown at a London art gallery for the first time by artist who received over a thousand death threats because of it source: standard.co.uk \| share:	(68)
		10 ugly ducklings rescued from airport storm drain source: wtkr.com \| share:	(12)
		Baltimore police fire 56 shots into vehicle, killing father and son in latest proof their aim is getting better source: wfsb.com \| share:	(261)
		How broke is the Bay Area Rapid Transit? So broke they have to purchase parts on eBay source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com \| share:	(50)
		Many Bothans died to bring you this Star Wars Rogue One trailer source: youtube.com \| share:	(201)
		"Barefoot burglar sneaks in through doggy door" is surprisingly not a euphemism source: fox40.com \| share:	(6)
		"According to Companies House there are 354 companies in the UK with an ISIS moniker but many have now changed their name - the most understandable one being a company called ISIS Recruitment, which now no longer exists" source: plymouthherald.co.uk \| share:	(35)
		They're crazy and they're kooky / Mysterious and spooky / They're all together ooky / Two escaped mental patients source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	(29)
		Man man donates 150th gallon of blood, swears it's not for a Trump campaign ritual source: fox5sandiego.com \| share:	(55)
		WikiLeaks criticizes lack of Panama Papers availability source: usatoday.com \| share:	(37)
		FBI director says agency now has a tool to unlock all iPhones: "Imagine a world where a local police department can send us a device, with the understanding that we're never going to testify, we're never going to tell you how we opened it" source: upi.com \| share:	(223)
		Most depressing website you'll see today shows you what other people accomplished by the time they were your age source: thedebrief.co.uk \| share:	(74)
		Photoshop this big head source: pre11.deviantart.net \| share:	(31)
		Gym blasted for body-shaming advertisement claiming aliens will "take the fat ones first", even though of course they will source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(153)
		At first glance, this newly built home looks completely normal. But if you look a bit closer, there's one massive mistake. "They had one job" source: news.com.au \| share:	(120)
		Gallant buys the ladies beer. Goofus steals a 63 year old woman's beer, drinks it, takes his shirt off, challenges everyone to a fight then shakes granny violently before beating her source: wtae.com \| share:	(33)
		Instagram shuts down account over explicit photo of a cake source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(56)
		Because if there's one thing that presents the FBI's General Counsel with a significant problem, it's the possibility that a billion innocent people might get ideas source: usnews.com \| share:	(64)
		Bullet found near site of Hejaz train ambush in Arabia "almost certainly" fired by TE Lawrence. With helpful picture of what Peter O'Toole might look like source: foxnews.com \| share:	(29)
		Japanese horror movies almost write themselves source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(56)
		"We learned it from watching YOU" source: myfox8.com \| share:	(27)
		Performance of Sweeney Todd is a little too realistic source: bbc.com \| share:	(26)
		Oh yes we did (remind you that you should never order within 5 minutes of Domino's closing) source: dfw.cbslocal.com \| share:	(142)
		You know how to keep it classy if you show up at an anti-circumcision rally wearing white clothing with a fake red blood stain around the crotch source: arkansasonline.com \| share:	(94)
		So long, and thanks for all the fish source: buzzfeed.com \| share:	(31)
		Today's criminal genius attempts to elude police after burglary by spraying himself with two dry chemical fire extinguishers. (w/ mugshot goodness) source: baynews9.com \| share:	(36)
		Man arrested for a Florida DUI. That's like a regular DUI with a BAC over .08 but with a marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, and MDMA chaser source: sun-sentinel.com \| share:	(32)
		Rich douches of Instagram are making it easier to prosecute their rich parents for financial crimes source: cosmopolitan.com \| share:	(68)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 570: "Same Stuff, Different Day" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme source: farktography.net \| share:	(39)

Wed April 06, 2016

	Let's just say that if doctors need to surgically remove an 18-inch vegetable from your rectum, perhaps farming isn't for you source: news.co.cr \| share:	(104)
	High school senior accepted by all eight Ivy League schools, plus Johns Hopkins University, MIT, New York University and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. What, no Stanford? source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(63)
	Toilet training is never easy - especially when it ends in a visit from paramedics source: adelaidenow.com.au \| share:	(16)
	Australian university students try to engage in some extra-curricular chemistry experiments in New Orleans, instead receive a lesson in anthropology and modern American culture source: abc.net.au \| share:	(24)
	School cop provides WWE body slam lesson to 12-year-old girl source: kens5.com \| share:	(148)
	Tigers declared extinct in Cambodia source: theguardian.com \| share:	(59)
	Ugly-ass polar bear cub born in German zoo. With ugly-ass pics source: thelocal.de \| share:	(9)
	WVU fraternity finds out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(127)
	Uber driver wakes up from a nap to find his fare has gotten them into a high-speed police chase. Lot of bad decision-making going on here source: newser.com \| share:	(29)
	Let me play for you the song of my poophole source: news.nationalgeographic.com \| share:	(82)
	Photoshop this lizard that's about to make a speech source: marksheridan.imgur.com \| share:	(28)
	Britain's stupidest criminals include the thief who left his wig at a crime scene to the robber who tried to pay for a packet of crisps with cheese source: coventrytelegraph.net \| share:	(18)
	In California, birth control prescriptions are now available from your pharmacists. So you can stop asking for them at the bank or the car dealership, if that's what you were doing before source: nymag.com \| share:	(131)
	Voters in small Wisconsin town end 163-year ban on alcohol sales upon realization that they live in a small Wisconsin town source: foxnews.com \| share:	(47)
	New bill would allow any Oklahoman over 21 to openly carry firearms without a license, training or background checks. This should end well source: koco.com \| share:	(287)
	Matt Foley has moved his van to the U.K source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	(46)
	Coal King Don Blankenship given a year in jail and a $250,000 fine violating mine safety rules causing an explosion that killed 29 and if that sentence seems light, remember, he IS "fabulously wealthy" and that's like 20 years in rich people time source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	(111)
	Florida's governor signs a law officially voiding Florida's 148-year old law making it a criminal offense for unmarried couples to live together. Tag is for how long it took them to do this source: orlandosentinel.com \| share:	(73)
	Perp denies owning crack pipe hidden in her vagina, says she was just storing it for a friend source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	(37)
	Photoshop a Millennials view of the corporate world source: ic.pics.livejournal.com \| share:	(19)
	We have reached peak porn. "There are only so many ways we can show people having sex, and we've basically run out of ideas" source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(251)
	Crocodiles figure out how to climb fences. In related news, all of Australia is dead now (pic) source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(33)
	Country music legend Merle Haggard passes away on his 79th birthday. In a related story, 2016 moves up on the list of all-time serial killers source: tasteofcountry.com \| share:	(259)
	"As is the case with many iconic dishes, the exact where and when of the Frito pie's invention is heavily disputed" source: eater.com \| share:	(76)
	Obama is at it again, restricting your God-given constitutional rights to own, possess, and use tigers source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(74)
	What do you get when a fat ass sits on a little ass? A dead ass, a court case and utter humiliation source: thelocal.es \| share:	(51)
	Problem: TV personality commits well-publicized suicide. Solution: Ban ceiling fans source: indiatvnews.com \| share:	(56)
	Judge approves $20 billion settlement in the 2010 BP gulf oil spill. Executives scramble to find a way to make up for the three days worth of profits source: dfw.cbslocal.com \| share:	(40)
	"Casino evacuated after penis ring causes terror alert" source: thelocal.de \| share:	(37)
	Torn from the Front Page of the Bangor Daily News: Moose trots up the road and does a little dance (w/video) source: hashtagmaine.bangordailynews.com \| share:	(74)
	Imprisoned Manson family murderer Tex Watson is mailing Wikipedia handwritten edits of his pages in longform and demanding his entries be changed to include them source: refinery29.uk \| share:	(51)
	Hunters kill massive 15-foot alligator that was snacking on cows source: whnt.com \| share:	(53)
	The Villanova Wildcats shut down I-95 through Pennsylvania at rush hour yesterday afternoon when they flew back from the national championship and no one complained or threw batteries at the team or anything, which is weird for Philly source: delcotimes.com \| share:	(39)
	Man wakes up to discover that overnight, the city has turned the parking space in front of his house into a disabled spot and fined him for parking his car in it (pics) source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(44)
	Brandenburg bans the posting of "noodle mass" signs. Brother Spaghettus says, "This is pasta joke" source: thelocal.de \| share:	(21)
	One in 50 men are raising a bastard and don't even know it source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(159)
	This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home. And this little piggy was slathered in grease and chased through the streets by Spanish school children source: thelocal.es \| share:	(14)
	Tourism chiefs outraged over pop song slur that suggests Ibiza is favourite party spot for drug takers. As if source: thelocal.es \| share:	(26)
	Australian police come upon naked woman, whip out their--you know what, let me rephrase this whole headline source: perthnow.com.au \| share:	(24)
(Some Guy)	The ISIS media department now has a publishing arm, and among the more notable titles on its spring list are "How to Handle Your Slaves" and "How Women Should Behave and Dress" source: newscastmedia.com \| share:	(49)
	A self-claimed 'prophet' said he went to Heaven and took pictures on his smartphone and is willing to share.... I mean sell them to you source: enca.com \| share:	(48)
	For decades, owner of no-tell motel used hidden cameras to watch guests have sex. He would have gotten away with it if not... wait, he did get away with it? source: denverpost.com \| share:	(52)
	China, jealous of Jessica McClure, throws kid down well then shows dramatic televised rescue source: cnews.canoe.com \| share:	(18)
	Icelandic PM says he "did not resign", he just told his staffers and other MPs that he will be leaving Parliament, effective immediately, to spend some more time with his offshore money, but that's not "resigning", just...you know, leaving your job source: icelandmag.visir.is \| share:	(24)
	A father covered in Nazi tattoos and who named his children Adolf Hitler and Arian Nation claims he is being unfairly singled out source: news.com.au \| share:	(93)
	I have run out of wit, Please bring some honey. Also, try to write a little and share some of your stories. We have a book we're compiling. An anthology of sorts. Also, there's a Fark Book Fair coming soon. THIS is the Fark Writer's thread source: fark.com \| share:	(64)
	Fark Store Daily Deal: Complete C# Coding Bootcamp. Alternative B♭basic training scheduled for next spring. (Sponsored Link) source: deals.fark.com \| share:	(6)
	Photoshop this POV source: timedotcom.files.wordpress.com \| share:	(39)
	A Kentucky lawyer, a former administrative law judge and a psychologist walk into a bunch of bars source: yahoo.com \| share:	(28)
	Pakistan catches up to Texas source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(30)
	This morning all of London is asking, "The hell is that thing swimming up the Thames?" source: gizmodo.co.uk \| share:	(115)
	Woman shot with her own gun after a struggle with intruders inside her own home. Your move, NRA source: arkansasonline.com \| share:	(254)
	Woman refuses to be vaccinated against whooping cough during pregnancy because she is a "healthy, fit, organic woman." You know what happens next source: bbc.com \| share:	(218)
	Pakistan just made it possible for women to not be killed for any old reason by family members. Some Pakistani men have a problem with this source: news.com.au \| share:	(53)
	So now that Bernie has all this momentum from 7 straight wins, could he actually win a contested Democratic convention? Short answer: No. Long answer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no source: slate.com \| share:	(204)
	Reporter: Because of my work, I was able to inform the people that there's a terrible murder, hours before my competition even got to the scene. In fact some of the adult-run newspapers were reporting the wrong news, or no news at all. Fark: She's 9 source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(45)
	Leave it to Japan to make full-body masturbation sex suits weird (Not safe for work, sanity) source: attn.com \| share:	(76)
	Being British and breaking a British record means having triplets when you're a 55-year-old grandmother ....So very British one guesses source: thesun.co.uk \| share:	(16)
	If you know how to make a bomb out of popsicle sticks, duct tape and a chalupa, the defense department would like a word source: albanydailystar.com \| share:	(44)
	You're gonna need a bigger litter box source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(38)
	RIP #ASSoL #ASSLAW source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(70)
	Motorcyclist chased and nearly driven off the road tries to file a police report but is told that road rage is a common problem and that he shouldn't bother. Guess which state source: wsvn.com \| share:	(83)
	Driver of SUV flees cops at a Navy base and crashes into an FA/18 Super Hornet. Subby just wants to know how the hell he got that high in the air source: cnn.com \| share:	(66)

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