Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Thu May 17, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Coffee that was once good for you, then bad for you, then good, then bad, then good, and then bad again is now once more good for you (vitals.msnbc.msn.com)	(53)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 367: "Scavenger Hunt 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(68)

Wed May 16, 2012

(news8000.com)	Two accused of driving with portable meth lab next to toddler. That's methed up (news8000.com)	(29)
	Former NY Governor Spitzer's call girl selling her underwear. Move along, nothing to sniff here (gothamist.com)	(49)
	Car crashes into the home of Sonya and Wade Schenewolf, of Easton, PA. This is a repeat from March 2012, and also from December 2011 (gma.yahoo.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	Problem 1: Minor girls drinking in your bar. Problem 2: Cops are walking in. Solution: Stick them in the kitchen, tell cops they're your cooks. Problem 3: They don't know how to start the grill (wlfi.com)	(76)
	The Kennedy Curse is validated one more time (nypost.com)	(123)
	Photoshop these students stretching (spiegel.de)	(14)
(Some Bunny)	A Farker needs our help (nei.nih.gov)	(507)
(Some zoo's blog)	Ugly ass-snow leopards born at Woodland Park Zoo. Link goes to some sucky blog and horrific pics (woodlandparkzblog.blogspot.com)	(41)
	Tombstone water access denied. Well... bye (azcentral.com)	(114)
	You know those $100 shoes you bought to help you tone your butt and lose weight? Never mind (wptv.com)	(157)
	Height, weight, size, girth, tight, skinny, tan, rich, petite, jacked, strong, confident, go-getter, blast at parties, awesome fashion sense, musically adept, great cook, great in bed, etc, etc (gizmodo.com)	(257)
	Carlos Fuentes is no mas. He was the first Mexican author to write a best seller north of the border, an idealistic diplomat, and a brilliant wordsmith in two languages. Subby can't even write a coherent headline in one. Adios, maestro (nytimes.com)	(28)
	Four Guardian Angels knifed in Chicago. If only there was somebody to watch over them (chicagotribune.com)	(72)
(Some Guy)	"The giant penis artwork "Gaia" measuring over 4 metres was...blown up during a controlled explosion" (austrianindependent.com)	(43)
	You know you're homeless when your husband rubbing and massaging your back is actually his attempt to secretly stuff stolen Pop-Tarts and Slim Jims into your pockets (wptv.com)	(28)
	"Let's see...fever, check. Infection in the lungs, check. Coughing up blood, check. My dear, it is of my professional opinion that you're just lovesick" (telegraph.co.uk)	(78)
(Some Guy)	Yet another reason why Canada kicks Americas Ass. We have sex tours for school age kids that include a masturbation room (winnipegsun.com)	(210)
(Some Guy)	Man, who obviously has never seen porn before, gets slashy at public library on another man for not looking at porn (nbcnewyork.com)	(21)
	Photoshop this guy getting a grip (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(18)
(Some Bozo)	Group of clowns to assault police at NATO summit with pies. Guess we will find out if clown death is in fact funny (chicago.cbslocal.com)	(110)
(Some Awesome Grandma)	100-year-old Edith Pittenger has already taken laps at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway (at age 96), so how does she celebrate 100? By going parasailing (thestarpress.com)	(6)
	Bikini booster blamed for burned boobs (thelocal.se)	(319)
(wlfi.com)	12-year-old boy put in jail by mistake. Officers suspected something was wrong upon realizing that they jailed a 12-year-old boy (wlfi.com)	(67)
	Candle company now offering candles for men scented like "Riding Mower" and "2 x 4". Nothing in the flatulence, used motor oil or nitrogen-based fertilizer line yet. But we're waiting (washingtontimes.com)	(89)
(Some Guy)	"What are you in for?" "Unlawful possession of abalone" (lakeconews.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	$200,000 street value - $200,000 bail = Freedom to 52-year-old pot farmer (delcotimes.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)	Trio robs five people and shoots one, across two states, in less than two hours. And they say American work ethic is dead (fortstewart.patch.com)	(19)
(TSP)	Man visits campus on a stolen bike, steal sodas, says he's going to the library to study but can't remember what he's studying, later found on another bicycle with a stolen sandwich, gets arrested. The circle of dumbass is complete (thestarpress.com)	(10)
	FBI decides that while JP Morgan Chase might be too big to fail it may not be too big to Jail its executives (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(103)
	China: Me ban you long time. Vietnam: I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair (abcnews.go.com)	(55)
	On this day in 1988, scientists discovered that nicotine was just as addictive as heroin and cocaine, and yet we still allow it to be sold in stores across the country (wired.com)	(197)
	Finally someone realizes even pirates have to sit on the beach and drink fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas once in a while (bbc.co.uk)	(28)
	Students place sticky notes throughout school as a senior prank. The principal's reaction? a) Share a good laugh with the students, b) Kindly ask the students to remove sticky notes, or c) Suspend 40+ students and fire the janitor (indystar.com)	(187)
	DC Metro can't wait for you to get the hell off of its trains (myfoxdc.com)	(55)
	Fiat: The car of choice for photobombers (jalopnik.com)	(52)
	Despite years of trying to grow the donor pool, replacement organs are still in critically short supply for people whose names aren't Dick Cheney or Steve Jobs. The solution? Tax credits for organ donors (npr.org)	(164)
	"You go vertical into the light, and suddenly, instead of gray and dark, it's light and blue. You are totally connected with the elements. You are in another world. I want to live that again" (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)	You are not allowed to open fire in a Missouri bar merely because they won't serve you any more alcohol. That's really more of a Texas thing (kjrh.com)	(25)
	Couple commits suicide in a cemetery. Sad, yet convenient (desmoinesregister.com)	(34)
	Let's face it, staycations are so last year. How about a nakation instead? (travel.usatoday.com)	(72)
	John Connor reported missing from downtown Los Angeles. T-1000 wanted for questioning (wonderwall.msn.com)	(42)
	Buffalo detectives solve 1994 murder after finally realizing that the guy who "found" the dismembered corpse in his yard had spent the last forty years racking up convictions for raping and killing his way across New York (buffalonews.com)	(22)
(WSB TV)	Taekwondo World Champion vs Random Gunman. Round 1, fi- BLAM (wsbtv.com)	(118)
	Pastor busted for watching his flock a little too closely (thesmokinggun.com)	(46)
	Are you a self-centered douchebag who can't wait a few hours before yammering your life's inanities into a cellphone so that everyone trapped around you can hear every detail? Awesome, you're the man, book your next flight on Virgin (travel.usatoday.com)	(38)
	"Well, we can't give the $72 million it would take to build a new bridge because the old one is unsafe. But we can spend $10 million to paint the old one and make it look prettier" (qctimes.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)	Mother outraged that a teacher allegedly molested her 16-year-old son. Father also complains that his shoulder is sore from all the high-fiving (northjersey.com)	(32)
	Remember how the White folks stole all of the land from the Indians? Yeah, well about that (cracked.com)	(156)
	Take-home HIV test approved by FDA in unanimous vote could prevent thousands of transmissions, frat house gang bangs, annually (nytimes.com)	(32)
	Tired of the TSA shenanigans at the airport? Just climb a fence, walk across a runway, and board a flight (tennessean.com)	(38)
	What do you do with a drunken Saylor? Put some clothes on her til she's sober. HO HO and up she rises. Ear-lye in the morning (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(38)
	Man's condition downgraded from Nearly Drowned to Totally Drowned (abcnews.go.com)	(17)
	Student: It's hot, can we turn the AC on? Teacher: Of course - just one question - what is equal to the sum of the squares of the two legs of a right triangle? (myfoxdc.com)	(82)
	What a motorcycle looks like after it meets two racing Ferraris (gothamist.com)	(91)
	Four Alabama men fined for stealing cultural artifacts. In other news, proof now exists that at some time in the remote past, there was actually some culture in Alabama (wrcbtv.com)	(39)
	Domesticated dogs may have been the reason why we flourished over the Neanderthals (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
	Usually making faces in the subway would get you punched in the nose (nytimes.com)	(10)
	There's no way he'll get it right next year (mysanantonio.com)	(28)
	So, apparently July 9th, 2012 is the Internet Apocaypse. WHO KNEW? (salon.com)	(45)
	Judge doesn't buy that a 16-year-old girl actually raped a 47-year-old man and not the other way around (cnews.canoe.ca)	(86)
	Luckiest journalist in the world gets paid to find the "Greatest Beer in the World". His answer? Russian River Brewing Company's Pliny the Younger (slate.com)	(191)
	Female genitalia... or Pac-man? (SFW) (3news.co.nz)	(65)
(Some Guy)	What do you get when you combine a Sparkling Princess and Royal Horse Barbie set in pink wrapping paper, a digital camera and Viagra? C.) PMITAP (post-gazette.com)	(38)
	30 years from now: some predictions (buzzfeed.com)	(66)
	Coyotes force trail closures in Golden Gate Park due to conflicts with pets, shipments of rocket sleds and giant crossbows from Acme Corp (nytimes.com)	(39)
	TV crew catches carpet cleaner creating a few stains of his own (3news.co.nz)	(40)
	Loyal ally Pakistan allows the US to reopen supply line to troops in Afghanistan. For $365 million US. Annually (csmonitor.com)	(87)
	After getting caught shoplifting an 18 pack of Bud Light from a store, man admits to the cops that it was "a bad decision." No word if he's talking about the act of stealing or the type of beer he stole (nwfdailynews.com)	(61)
	Judge orders suspect freed on $150,000 bond as long as he wears his ankle monitor and gets his book reports in by Friday (upi.com)	(9)
(Some Player)	Church Softball team dropped from league because preacher plays for both teams (ksdk.com)	(85)
	Not that it will change the opinion of a single person one way or the other, but the prosecution's own records show the Zimmerman had two black eyes, a broken nose, and two cuts on the back of his head the night Trayvon Martin was shot (azcentral.com)	(657)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this powdered person (rit.edu)	(14)
	A new hero emerges in the quest to free OJ so that he can continue his search for the real killer (sacbee.com)	(50)
	The US war on Alzheimer's. Never Forget (bbc.co.uk)	(55)
	Haitian immigrant, rescued at sea by the Coast Guard as a 6-year-old boy, will graduate from the US Coast Guard Academy 18 years later (ap.stripes.com)	(43)
	New cut of beef discovered: "The flavor is comparable to the New York Strip Steak. It does not require aging or marinating to achieve tenderness." Kinda makes you wonder... What else have those damn cows been holding out on us? (gizmodo.com)	(192)
	Wal*Mart set to build Alabama location over burial plots of 80 slaves, stage most appropriate haunting in the South (nytimes.com)	(70)
	67-year-old man dies after receiving lapdances. That's one way to get 10 dances in a row without paying (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)	(59)
	As if being in WalMart isn't trauma enough, NJ man sues WalMart for $1 million after being "traumatized" by a 16-year-old's racist remark (hosted.ap.org)	(82)
	If you like dogs, you will love giant dogs (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)	(84)
	University issues new contract requiring faculty to accept "Personal Lifestyle Pledge". Faculty members respond with "How about no? Does no work for you? And by the way, we're out of here " (jobs.aol.com)	(236)
	Seattle Police Department claims Justice Department proposal is unreasonable, says it will be too expensive to stop its officers from randomly bludgeoning innocent people (seattlepi.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)	"I saw a boat flying at me with its nose to the sky ... next thing I know I got a boat on top of my leg" (katu.com)	(30)
	Duck falls down chimney, survives being on fire. The Sun is there with a variety of sauces (thesun.co.uk)	(26)
	If you left $15k at Goodwill by accident, so did everyone else (stltoday.com)	(35)
	I said, NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE SUFFERS FROM "HATRED OF SOUND", SO KEEP IT DOWN PLEASE (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)	(170)

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