Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Tue February 07, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		14 Dickens masterpieces summarized in 140 characters or less. #pleasecanihavesomemore (mirror.co.uk)	(5)
(Some Guy)		You're not really hardcore until you tattoo your inner lip. "It will only last about three months because your lip will keep rubbing against your teeth" (couriermail.com.au)	(16)
		Nebraska considers outlawing cheap beer, sanity (omaha.com)	(7)
(Some Guy)		Son, you got a panty on your head (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(12)
		Thanks to angry mathematicians, Elsevier's publishing model might be about to go up in smoke (forbes.com)	(41)
		"Police spoke to the man, who said he had just gotten out of the shower and was walking past the window. He said he did not realize there were a lot of people across the street who could see him" (palmbeachpost.com)	(15)
		I don't normally believe in conspiracy theories, but the Labrador retriever, the golden retriever, the dachshund, and the Chihuahua have never taken Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (mnn.com)	(35)
(Some rural PA town)		Stuff college kids get from vending machines: Chips, soda, gum, Plan B, candy...wait, what? (wtae.com)	(30)
		Hyena happy to get a hug. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(22)
(Some Guy)		The mountain hippie's conundrum: Why is it okay to scream bloody murder whenever Walmart tries to build a store in your town, but you can't wait for the day Trader Joe's opens shop? (dailycamera.com)	(61)
		The man who tried to keep Challenger from launching that fateful morning has been reunited with the crew (npr.org)	(51)
		Serial tuba thieves strike again sad trombone (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)		FREE LIQUOR. Shut. Down. Everything (wtae.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)		Ask to play through to get around some slower players? That's an impalin' with a nine iron (nbcdfw.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)		This just in: Alcohol and balconies don't mix (wjhg.com)	(30)

Mon February 06, 2012

	Bucket kicks the man (news.com.au)	(43)
	Good News: Researchers invent vaccines to prevent heroin, cocaine, and meth addiction. Bad News: It's in Mexico (latino.foxnews.com)	(104)
	"Institutionalizing juveniles and branding this as criminal behavior rather than dealing with it as normal behavior wrongly places juveniles in places they should not be" (npr.org)	(123)
	A handy guide to completing a collection of the most useless, disgusting things ever created by human beings that isn't a Kardashian (wired.com)	(33)
(Some Guy)	It's one thing to steal a microwave, it's another to steal a microwave tower (myvalleynews.com)	(29)
	Having seen the successes of the past decade, 49% of Americans support bombing Iran to prevent them from gaining nukes (thehill.com)	(250)
	Photoshop this idle industrial machine (inapcache.boston.com)	(22)
	Daredevil, who obviously has a death wish, is preparing to break the sound barrier with a leap from the edge of space from 23 miles high, not deploying his parachute until he's 5000 feet from the ground (dailymail.co.uk)	(175)
	Amtrak to TSA: How about no (cnn.com)	(192)
(Some Guy)	NJ bill would require kids to stay in school until age 18, leaving those who actually graduate when they are 17 in an awkward predicament (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(167)
	Pop quiz. A woman and baby are being washed away by a flood. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? c) pull out your smart phone and shoot the video (news.com.au)	(179)
	While everyone is paying attention to Iran having one of our drones, North Korea actually has several of them in its possession and is reverse-engineering them to make their own drone assault fleet (foxnews.com)	(92)
(wptv.com)	Honestly officer, my daughter with cerebral palsy said I could take 40 grand from her special needs account so my son and I could buy trucks (wptv.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)	I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave cocaine for ya (wavy.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Garage door openers stop working on entire block at the same time in St. Charles, Missouri. Some say street lights are to blame (stlouis.cbslocal.com)	(71)
	Iran bank accounts in the US frozen, basically putting them at a zero balance. Those overdraft fees are gonna be murder (newsmax.com)	(48)
(savannah now)	When at a gun show, don't point a weapon at something you don't intend to shoot. That includes your leg (savannahnow.com)	(151)
(Some Girl)	Photoshop this 70's sidesaddle (theseamericans.com)	(24)
	The rate of STDs is skyrocketing among sexually active senior citizens. Keep that in mind the next time your Nana wants to give you a kiss (mnn.com)	(91)
(Some CFC)	Student in trouble for using Old Spice deodorant spray flamethrower to set special ed student on fi...wait, they still have spray deodorant? (wtsp.com)	(116)
	Randy Travis doing first-person research for a new album (blog.chron.com)	(46)
	That 20 million year old beast slumbering in the lake under the Antarctic? Still slumbering. For now (washingtonpost.com)	(95)
(Some Guy)	District Attorney investigating the goddamn BAT vans (610wiod.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)	"The burrito's rightful owner walked up to the men and said he wanted his burrito back" (kob.com)	(86)
(Some Guy)	Sex Week vs. True Love Week, otherwise known as the loose free for all's against the prudes sparks debate on Yale campus (nbcconnecticut.com)	(119)
	Red Rover, Red Rover, let your Sikorsky S-76 come over (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	Restaurant owner faces $5,000 judgment for starting gay rumor about customer (wisconsingazette.com)	(120)
	Madagascar lemurs practicing the martial arts? SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING (dailymail.co.uk)	(38)
	You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches" (palmbeachpost.com)	(111)
	Police arrest a woman who smelled like alcohol and kept trying to take off her clothes like it's a bad thing (ajc.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Be on the lookout for the missing Department of Corrections offenders; all 30,000 of them (610wiod.com)	(24)
	Infected cruise ship pulls out of port after being cleaned. Personally, I blame the infection on bad seamen (sun-sentinel.com)	(21)
(Some Cokehead)	Protip: Ditch your coke before repeatedly dialing 9-1-1 for your chest pains (wtsp.com)	(19)
	FACT: Egyptian kidnappers are better hosts than most of your friends (shortlist.com)	(53)
	76 year-old woman launched into a stream after losing control of her snowmobile. According to reports, she may have hurt her wrist. Go Granny (unionleader.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)	"I only called that black student 'Chocolate Boy' on hidden camera, while pointing at him because I was handing out candies." Necco, please (610wiod.com)	(162)
	Mushroom-picking family lost for six days in forest describes their balls-tripping ordeal (news.com.au)	(101)
	It's the age-old story - man gets stuck in elevator, man gets rescued by fireman and taken into adjoining elevator, man and fireman get stuck in second elevator (chicagotribune.com)	(37)
	"We always get drunk together," says a) a college student about his best friend, b) a bride-to-be about her maid of honor, or c) a mother about her 11-year-old son? (dailymail.co.uk)	(47)
	Academic experts release 200 page paper showing that online dating doesn't always go well (washingtonpost.com)	(285)
	Man busted for mooning on trolley. King Friday the XIII frowns upon these shenanigans (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(28)
(Brown from the Sun)	Photoshop these two men and their Munsters (s3.amazonaws.com)	(31)
	Three-year-old defeats claw machine, shares his victory with everyone else at the arcade (news.com.au)	(104)
	Paging Dr. Zaius to the Denver Zoo (denverpost.com)	(48)
	LEVEL 1 EMERGENCY: Japan's 59% of female respondents aged 16 to 19 said they were uninterested in or averse to sex, a near 12% increase since 2008 (huffingtonpost.com)	(532)
	What movie quote or song lyric best describes you? (en.wikipedia.org)	(552)
	Elderly South Dakota man, driving in fog, accidentally escapes to Minnesota (startribune.com)	(50)

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