Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Wed May 16, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		A new hero emerges in the quest to free OJ so that he can continue his search for the real killer (sacbee.com)	(13)
		The US war on Alzheimer's. Never Forget (bbc.co.uk)	(24)
		Haitian immigrant, rescued at sea by the Coast Guard as a 6-year-old boy, will graduate from the US Coast Guard Academy 18 years later (ap.stripes.com)	(14)
		New cut of beef discovered: "The flavor is comparable to the New York Strip Steak. It does not require aging or marinating to achieve tenderness." Kinda makes you wonder... What else have those damn cows been holding out on us? (gizmodo.com)	(70)
		Wal*Mart set to build Alabama location over burial plots of 80 slaves, stage most appropriate haunting in the South (nytimes.com)	(37)
		67-year-old man dies after receiving lapdances. That's one way to get 10 dances in a row without paying (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)	(30)
		As if being in WalMart isn't trauma enough, NJ man sues WalMart for $1 million after being "traumatized" by a 16-year-old's racist remark (hosted.ap.org)	(51)
		If you like dogs, you will love giant dogs (NSFW images below article) (dailymail.co.uk)	(54)
		University issues new contract requiring faculty to accept "Personal Lifestyle Pledge". Faculty members respond with "How about no? Does no work for you? And by the way, we're out of here " (jobs.aol.com)	(116)
		Seattle Police Department claims Justice Department proposal is unreasonable, says it will be too expensive to stop its officers from randomly bludgeoning innocent people (seattlepi.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)		"I saw a boat flying at me with its nose to the sky ... next thing I know I got a boat on top of my leg" (katu.com)	(17)
		Duck falls down chimney, survives being on fire. The Sun is there with a variety of sauces (thesun.co.uk)	(21)
		If you left $15k at Goodwill by accident, so did everyone else (stltoday.com)	(26)
		I said, NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE SUFFERS FROM "HATRED OF SOUND", SO KEEP IT DOWN PLEASE (w/pics) (dailymail.co.uk)	(129)

Tue May 15, 2012

	Gas leak shuts down elementary school. And on Taco Tuesday no less (wxyz.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)	"Man gets 15 days for masturbating at Zellers." That's a lot of masturbation days (theguardian.pe.ca)	(71)
	Brits go on sunshine vacation, die (bbc.co.uk)	(59)
	Photoshop this torch lighting (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(23)
(Duluth News Tribune)	If a voice in the sky tells you to get off the bridge because a bear is coming, you don't worry about whether it's the Voice of God or just the bridge operator on a loudspeaker - you get the hell off the bridge (duluthnewstribune.com)	(71)
	First masseur who accused John Travolta of sexual assault gets rubbed out of lawsuit (thesmokinggun.com)	(71)
(Some Guy)	Need to fill up broadcast time on your local news station? Put a newschick inside a wind tunnel, crank it up, and call it a report on tornadoes. With video (wnem.com)	(66)
(Some Cuckoo Guy)	Knowing what birds think like, Turkey accuses bird of being an Israeli spy (timesofisrael.com)	(51)
	RAF performs perfect 'ER II' formation in skies over North Wales in preparation for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee (telegraph.co.uk)	(56)
	Special K Chocolate Delight has more calories than Cocoa Puffs (consumerist.com)	(115)
	April was the 326th consecutive month with above average global temperatures, but this of course in no way proves that global warming may be occuring (washingtonpost.com)	(337)
	Man swallows $20K diamond while robbing jewelry store, is locked in cell with no toilet as police play the waiting game (cbc.ca)	(70)
(Some Guy)	Insurance company tells man to remove colourful whirly-gigs from lawn because they're distracting drivers (thepeterboroughexaminer.com)	(45)
	Martha, fetch the shotgun: The trombonists are swarming (washingtonpost.com)	(38)
	Government mouthpiece China Daily: "Will [popular US ambassador] Gary Locke please disclose his personal assets?" China Daily readers: "Um, here's his financial disclosure statement, right here" (csmonitor.com)	(38)
	Just a quick FYI: If your crazy neighbor texts you at 3 in the morning to say that she wants to be cremated with her children, you might want to pop on over and make sure she doesn't have any guns in the house (cnn.com)	(191)
	Photoshop this man's mini sub (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(17)
	You walk into your hotel room. There is a used condom on the floor. Do you demand a different room? Do you demand a free room? Do you write to the Consumerist and biatch about it? (consumerist.com)	(127)
(Houston Press)	Teacher fired after rant about Jesus, Mary Magdalene, UFOs and the Apocalypse, none of which was on the standardized test (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(86)
	"You really are not apologizing to me at all, are you? Here are 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All (cracked.com)	(121)
	Alex, I'll take "Chris Matthews will bomb on this show" for $200 (newsbusters.org)	(160)
	World exclusive Diablo III review (venturebeat.com)	(246)
(Dacula Patch)	LOL headline of the day: "Woman to Officer: 'Those Aren't My Pants'" (dacula.patch.com)	(45)
	Your official Error 37 thread continues... (fark.com)	(523)
	Russia's break dance champion loses leg due to medical negligence (english.pravda.ru)	(35)
	Babies in walkers wielding lawn darts are coming to kill us all (cbc.ca)	(46)
	Polish hooliganism leaves two giraffes dead (seattlepi.com)	(39)
(Some non-federal worker)	It's good to be a federal worker (wusa9.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)	Suspect: I was running away because they were beating me. Cops: We were beating him because he was running away (dnj.com)	(144)
	Ousted Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson will not receive any severance package for being forced to resign, and will have to make do with only the $7 million in cash and stock options he got paid four months ago (money.cnn.com)	(35)
	Headline: "Man Shot In Central Toledo". Story: "The victim was struck in the groin". Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a new euphemism (toledoblade.com)	(70)
	Mississippi police would like to warn drivers that if an officer pulls you over and shoots you in the head, they most likely are not affiliated with any actual government organization (cnn.com)	(63)
	Wife calls Blagojevich's prison "one of the world's saddest places." The only thing that would make it sadder is one of the world's tiniest violins (news.yahoo.com)	(69)
	Dear France - Bailout Greece if you know what's good for you. Sincerely, Zeus (cnn.com)	(144)
(NBCNewYork)	Feds open probe into JPMorgan $2 billion trading loss (nbcnewyork.com)	(58)
(BizJournals)	Funny: "The Onion" claims that media savvy professionals working for fracking industry are being hired in droves to mislead the public. Fark: Media savvy professional working for fracking industry responds by misleading the public (bizjournals.com)	(90)
	Mississippi legislator gleefully describes returning to the age of coat hanger abortions as a "moral value". FARK: When asked to clarify his statement, he blames the blacks (maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com)	(330)
(Some Guy)	"Investor" is planning on putting his daughter's entire $25,000 college fund into Facebook IPO. "If it goes the Google route, I'll be in good shape" (businessinsider.com)	(211)
	Ever notice that when you yawn, your dog yawns with you? Now there is science to back it up. Also, bet you can't finish reading this article without yawning (washingtonpost.com)	(53)
	MSNBC therapy column tries to explain why women don't like nice guys. Meanwhile, Twilight BDSM fan fiction continues to be a bestseller thanks to women living out their fantasy of....bad writing (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(277)
	What does a judge say to a 26-year-old who abandoned children to have sex with a 13-year old? a) life without parole. b) chemical castration. c) if you were male, I'd send you to prison, but instead here's a little probation (mysanantonio.com)	(165)
	Apparently unable to acquire pepper spray, moms dressed in combat boots and military fatigues spray Lysol on dirty dancing teens at prom (thesmokinggun.com)	(84)
	Okinawa celebrates 40 years of independence from America, where independence is apparently defined as having one gigantic U.S. air base on your territory (japantoday.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)	Don't you just hate it when the neighbors are all up in your business? Especially if you're a burglar and the neighbor is an off-duty cop (dacula.patch.com)	(7)
	It's not really Mother's Day until the whole family goes to jail after a bar fight (desmoinesregister.com)	(9)
	Just when you thought President Obama couldn't get any gayer (gawker.com)	(117)
	Times sure have changed when an egg fight between neighbors ends up in the death of a high school superstar athlete (mysanantonio.com)	(16)
	From the Romero Institute, report finds that for-profit hospitals are pushing patients out too early. Chain restaurants nod in approval. Sick Tag is for how you left the hospital (huffingtonpost.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)	Remember those postal workers who were upset about having to deliver to nudists? Well, turns out they never saw anyone nude and were just retaliating over complaints about their inability to deliver mail correctly and in a timely fashion (wtkr.com)	(33)
	"I predict in the year 2020, New York and other enlightened states will decriminalize the world's oldest profession, namely prostitution. And I'd like to give a shout-out to Billy Ray Cyrus" (myfoxdc.com)	(37)
	First appearance of the Judean People's Front, high school students succumb to pier pressure, and Oden keeps his alcohol problems loki: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/6 - 5/12 (fark.com)	(7)
	Study says 1 In 3 sleepwalk. Does that include dazed walking to the kitchen for coffee in the morning? (thedenverchannel.com)	(45)
	Haha, that was an awesome prank, buddy. You totally showed me. I'll call 911 now so that we can get you to the hospital and dig that bullet out of your chest (abc2news.com)	(76)
(Rachel Held Evans.com)	News: when asked for one word to primarily describe Christianity, 91% of young non-Christians answer "antihomosexual." Fark: so do 80% of Christians (rachelheldevans.com)	(408)
(640 WHLO)	Cops find gun and naked Barbie dolls inside creeper's car (640whlo.com)	(33)
	Road rage showdown: Stun gun v. baseball bat (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com)	(40)
	Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-29 to Sat 2012-05-05 (fark.com)	(3)
	Henry Kissinger subjected to "the full Monty" of groping while at TSA checkpoint at LaGuardia airport. In other news, Henry Kissinger still alive (foxnews.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)	Fark-ready headline: "Labor board says Boner retaliated against pair" Bonus: Boss says he wouldn't have sexually harassed fired workers because they weren't "young and pretty" enough (dnj.com)	(23)
	"Hey Shawn, can you do me a favor?" (news.yahoo.com)	(23)
	Fark ready headline: Australian shooter Russell Mark to wear mankini at opening ceremony of London Olympics as bet backfires (shortlist.com)	(16)
(azfamily.com)	When selling your computer, you might think you've wiped out all your personal data from the computer's hard drive. But did you remember to do the same thing to your printer? (azfamily.com)	(55)
(NBCMiami)	How you like that? Miami fire captain demoted for disparaging Facebook post about Trayvon Martin (nbcmiami.com)	(140)
(Biz Journals)	Not only does Arizona now allow bosses to veto your birth control, the state also agrees that you owe debt collectors whatever they wish (bizjournals.com)	(147)
	Greece chooses to continue not collecting taxes, rather than pay their debts. Germany seen preparing das boot (guardian.co.uk)	(118)
	Theme: Awful tribute bands (fark.com)	(20)
	Ninety laxatives a day ruined my body -- along with my underwear, my sheets, my rugs, my carpool van (thesun.co.uk)	(94)
	Retail sales PROBABLY slowed. Maybe. Perhaps. Fark it, we don't know, we fired the guy who ran those numbers (businessweek.com)	(10)
(NBCNewYork)	First a NYC janitor graduates from Columbia. Now a NYC janitor saves a kid from a would-be kidnapper. Is there anything a janitor can't do? (nbcnewyork.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)	Actual headline: "Vatican mystery intensifies: Bones found in grave." Oh, sure, it may seem obvious to everyone here on Fark, but Dan Brown will be laughing all the way to the bank (staradvertiser.com)	(23)
	Newspaper editor rips off local blogger post and reprints it verbatim. Blogger takes camera to newspaper and confronts the editor and gets $500 for violating his copyright (gizmodo.com)	(89)
(KOTV)	Protip: If you're going to be bounty hunters, make sure that A: You have the right address, and B: You and your buddy don't already have outstanding warrants on your own heads (newson6.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfarking snakes in this motherfarking Walmart (standard.net)	(51)
	New Jersey douchebag community is seeing orange over underage tanning ban (cbsnews.com)	(46)
	Nanny state sends police to a toddler's birthday party because. A) Parents got in a fight. B) Pedophile was present. C) Mom tried to light the candles (thesun.co.uk)	(49)
(Some Guy)	LOL, school makes students sign pledge to not write acronyms in their yearbooks. OMG, TSNF (wsbtv.com)	(84)
	According to some guy's book, the Zodiac Killer is a 91-year-old dude still living in Northern California (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(96)
	Man cares for Maine's largest elm tree since 1956, until it died 2 years ago. When his "turn came" at 103, he's buried in a casket made from its wood (hosted.ap.org)	(73)
	When a company has a monopoly they can raise power rates for the 7th time in 11 years and then throw a lavish party the next day (cbc.ca)	(97)
(Some Guy)	Fruit truck bursts into flames. IT'S AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR (blog.ctnews.com)	(42)

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