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Fri January 29, 2016
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Local 12 Cincinnati)
 
  
 
 Best late-for-work excuses include "my hair caught on fire", "I was detained by Homeland Security" and the ever popular, "a Vaseline truck overturned on the highways and cars were slipping left and right"
source: local12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 
(The New York Times)
 
  
 
 Zika virus "spreading explosively", thereby gaining 25 DNA points
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(Oregon Public Broadcasting)
 
  
 
 FBI video shows Tarp Man reaching for a concealed handgun before being shot (Warning: video may be disturbing)
source: opb.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(201)
 
(WUSA9)
 
  
 
 Don't you hate when you go to the dentist to have a tooth pulled and wake up with his penis in your mouth?
source: wusa9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(62)
 
(National Geographic)
 
  
 
 Photoshop this view at an aquarium in Atlanta
source: images.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 
(Blackmore Vale Magazine)
 
  
 
 Norma the tortoise, 35, defies vet's expectations to pull through after rat attacked her while hibernating. If she was 17 years younger and called Raphael there would be a pun here
source: blackmorevale.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
  
 
 First rule of construction work for a migrant worker: If the boss doesn't pay you your damn money for your labor, encase his car in scaffolding
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(60)
 
(Telegraph)
 
  
 
 Meet the ultimate crazy cat lady. She hisses at dogs, hates water and claims she can even see better at night
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(98)
 
(ABC News)
 
  
 
 Caption this meeting between one of the most powerful men in the world and Pope Francis
source: a.abcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 
(Click Orlando)
 
  
 
 When you're at an animal park in Florida and a snake falls from a tree and bites you, it can be hard to determine for legal purposes if the snake escaped an enclosure or if it's just a wild beast
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
  
 
 A teacher can make $138,000 per year after 15 years of educating young minds... in Luxembourg
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(73)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
  
 
 Some dude is hanging around Sundance pretending to be Bradley Cooper and apparently it's working. What celebrity could you use to score tail?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(150)
 
(NBC News)
 
  
 
 If you have any old Circuit City gift cards laying around, I have some good news
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 
(Click Orlando)
 
  
 
 In order to keep its tax exempt status, the Holy Land Experience theme park needs to have one day a year when admission is free. And this year it will be Wednesday, February 24. "Please be advised the gates will close when park capacity is reached"
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(74)
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
  
 
 Man reunited with prized canoe after serious oar deal
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
  
 
 Because when buying an apartment in a hi-rise building the first thing you think about is skiing down it
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(15)
 
(Metro)
 
  
 
 Woman, 112, attributes her long life to smoking 30 cigarettes a day
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(30)
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
  
 
 If you're going to steal a safe, bring a truck, not a Camry
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(Metro)
 
  
 
 Tony the Tiger doesn't like furries? That's all right, Chester Cheetah has an open mind
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(77)
 


Thu January 28, 2016
(Washingtonian)
 
  
 
 Jefferson Hotel moves on up to second place on U.S. News and World Report's list of the best hotels, finally gets piece of pie
source: washingtonian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(16)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
  
 
 In a bid to end poverty, the Swiss government proposes to pay every adult £425 a week - whether they work or not. Critics point out holes in the cheesy plan
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(135)
 
(NPR)
 
  
 
 The anonymous source who confirmed Challenger's fatal cold weather flaw finally reveals his identity. Bob Ebeling, 89, told his wife the night before the launch "It's going to blow up"
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(99)
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
  
 
 Let them eat lead-cake
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(40)
 
(CBS Boston)
 
  
 
 Pizza joint owner told to hold his pepperoni
source: boston.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 
(680 News Radio)
 
  
 
 Meanwhile in Canada, four cops actually charged with perjury and obstruction of justice for planting drugs on a drug dealer
source: 680news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 
(Fox 4 Now Fort Myers)
 
  
 
 Floridians are so accustomed to seeing plastic pink flamingos, they apparently have forgotten how to act around actual flamingos
source: fox4now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(19)
 
(Lifehacker)
 
  
 
 Article on biggest wastes of time we regret when we get older. TotalFark subscriptions surprisingly not mentioned
source: lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(51)
 
(CBS News)
 
  
 
 Psychic fails to predict her own involvement in a murder investigation
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(14)
 
(CBC)
 
  
 
 Welcome to Ontario - where you can legally smoke medical marijuana as long as you don't use an illegal ashtray
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(23)
 
(NPR)
 
  
 
 Gas company "believes," "expects," "anticipates," "plans," to "estimate," "projects," "forecasts," "contemplate," "intends," "depending," "should," "could," "would," "will," fix "confident," "may," "potential," "proposed", leak "possibly"
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(The Big Story)
 
  
 
 Gas blast from NJ garbage truck damages four homes, residents impressed by improved smell
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(15)
 
(BBC-US)
 
  
 
 In a headline subby swears he isn't making up: Stalin 'used secret laboratory to analyse Mao's excrement'
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(Livestream)
 
  
 
 Oregon Standoff episode 6: Season Finale. LGT Livestream of FBI presser
source: livestream.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(1354)
 
(Deviant Art)
 
  
 
 Photoshop this boat
source: img04.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 
(KUOW)
 
  
 
 Construction crews unearth ancient mammoth bones beneath Oregon State football stadium end zone. Experts believe they were stomped to death by ancient ducks during some prehistoric civil war
source: kuow.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(16)
 
(ABC News)
 
  
 
 They just do it better in Florida: The woman who sued Casey Anthony for defamation stole a cancer patient's credit card
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(13)
 
(The Local)
 
  
 
 Smoking e-cigarettes can cause tooth loss. The onset is reported to be quite rapid
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 
(Details Magazine)
 
  
 
 Millennials drink more wine than any generation. "But lest you Millennials get too smug, the very first members of the iGeneration turn legal in all states this year. There are 61 million of them, and they are coming for you"
source: details.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(51)
 
(NJ.com)
 
  
 
 USGS says that series of eight loud rumbles heard from NJ to CT were not an earthquake, blame sonic boom. NOAA: Yep, probably sonic boom. NASA: Wasn't us. NORAD: We didn't observe anything. DOD: Nope, not any of our aircraft
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(58)
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
  
 
 Georgia lawmaker: The KKK wasn't *all* bad
source: investigations.blog.ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(91)
 
(Talk 910)
 
  
 
 So, if I pee in public over here I'm a sex offender, but if I pee over here I'm keeping the park clean?
source: talk910.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(27)
 
(Lacrosse Tribune)
 
  
 
 Disease, wolves, extreme sports top list of Minnesota moose killers
source: lacrossetribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(17)
 
(Boulder Daily Camera)
 
  
 
 Topless gardener convicted of swindling blind senior citizen out of his trailer home after failed presidential assassination attempt. Florida tag stares wide-eyed
source: dailycamera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 
(SeattlePI)
 
  
 
 Duct tape season, Dumbass season, Duct tape season, Dumbass season, Duct tape season, Dumbass season, Duct tape season, Dumbass season
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(58)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
  
 
 That 'treat' you always love giving your pooch? Yeah, it's not a treat. That and other foods you should never feed your pet
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(101)
 
(Yahoo)
 
  
 
 Measure twice. Cut once?
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 
(Some Food Nut)
 
  
 
 Fark Food Thread: Do you recall times when the light went on and you learned a new way to prepare foods that dramatically simplified or improved the quality of your cooking? Share suggestions to the right for all the local cooks
source: cookinglight.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(277)
 
(Fark)
 
  
 
 Photoshop theme: Create a monument
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(21)
 
(LA Times)
 
  
 
 How to pair wine with your favorite Girl Scout cookies
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(54)
 
(Reuters)
 
  
 
 Metal object believed to be aircraft debris washes up on Malaysian shore
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(44)
 
(Twitter)
 
  
 
 David Bowie is reborn in the form of an ugly-ass Colobus monkey named Ziggy at the St. Louis Zoo
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 
(CNN)
 
  
 
 Armed man arrested before he can do something Dumbo at Disneyland Paris
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(85)
 
(NPR)
 
  
 
 Dr. Margaret Chan of The WHO calls the spread of the Zika virus "Alarming and Explosive", just like their new album
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(106)
 
(NJ.com)
 
  
 
 Come in for the crossing guard suspended for texting the mayor directly about unsafe conditions, stay for the intelligent and well thought out nj.com comment section
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(82)
 
(Yahoo)
 
  
 
 Feh, one of a million boring real estate listings *clicks next pic* WHOA
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(158)
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
  
 
 Barbie will now come in three new body types like petite, tall and one that actually likes to eat
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(117)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
  
 
 Man who lives next to beach complains to his council about: A) Loud parties B) Trash C) SAND
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(Guardian)
 
  
 
 Two U.S. sailors who have already had to be rescued nine times before even leaving Europe, on a planned attempt to sail across the Atlantic, become a sterling example of the Dunning-Kruger Effect as they insist they are "totally capable guys"
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(82)
 
(Vice)
 
  
 
 You can now study tacos at the University of Kentucky
source: munchies.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(57)
 
(Fark)
 
  
 
 March 2, 2016 at BWW in Cary, NC - Drew is headed back to Cary. Come hang out
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(35)
 
(NL Times (Netherlands))
 
  
 
 Police kick in opera singer's door after confusing singing with screaming, tell him to immediately leave the aria
source: nltimes.nl   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(Blabbermouth)
 
  
 
 2016 continues to take its toll on the entertainment world
source: blabbermouth.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(166)
 
(Connecticut Post)
 
  
 
 Sharing your high school sexting photos and videos is so last year. Selling them to your classmates is far more lucrative
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(94)
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
  
 
 Have you ever wondered what a cat's undercarriage looks like while it's lying on a glass table? Well first, look no further and second, seek professional help
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(74)
 
(CBS News)
 
  
 
 New survey finds that Americans hate their government more than ever. Especially when the government is late with checks for Social Security, unemployment, disability
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(205)
 
(Guardian)
 
  
 
 Australian coffee shop advertises opening hours on "National Dickhead Day." Death threatery ensues
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(73)
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
  
 
 The most important thing you'll learn at DeVry is that your degree isn't worth what they told you it would be
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(266)
 
(ABC 27)
 
  
 
 It's been 30 years since the space shuttle Challenger exploded. What do you remember from it? Where were you when it happened?
source: abc27.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(494)
 
(Gannett Images)
 
  
 
 Photoshop this tennis grimace
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 
(NYPost)
 
  
 
 ♪ Who can take your trash out? Stomp it down real low? Screw a hooker then say he was hit while clearing snow? The garbage man can, oh the garbage man can ♫
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
  
 
 Like the fist of an angry god
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(82)
 
(News.com.au)
 
  
 
 That's not a white elephant......... THIS is a white elephant
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(52)
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
  
 
 Comic super-villain level of terrorism achieved as ISIS supporter planned on stuffing kangaroo full of explosives then releasing it into crowd
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(73)
 
(ABC News)
 
  
 
 Pastor released from Iranian prison gains his freedom
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 
(Bloomberg)
 
  
 
 Pharma Bro testifies before Congress, continues to fark with the Wu-Tang Clan
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(103)
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
  
 
 Man faces deportation because immigration officials now consider ballroom dancing a sport, not an art
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(43)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
  
 
 Nailed it
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(81)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
  
 
 Stoned, hallucinating coyotes may be terrorizing California drivers, buying unsafe ACME products
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(43)
 
(CNBC)
 
  
 
 Wounded Warrior Fund spends more money on themselves than on wounded veterans
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(263)
 
(Channel 3000 Madison)
 
  
 
 Three legged pit bull from WI takes a bullet defending family from robber
source: channel3000.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(26)
 
(Slate)
 
  
 
 Guess which country got a little less free last year?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(85)
 
(ABC News)
 
  
 
 Nine-year-old collects Barbie dolls for homeless girls her age. No Barbie dollhouses please...it would be mean to rub it in like that
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(31)
 
(Some Guy)
 
  
 
 Wisconsin school district actively seeking proofreader, PR specialist
source: riverfallsjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(78)
 
(Farktography)
 
 Farktography
 
 Theme of Farktography Contest No. 560: "Shades of Gray 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(70)
 

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