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Fri May 18, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The New York Times) Cool In what can only be a sign of lessening tensions, it looks like Tehran might be getting an IKEA  (nytimes.com) (12)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this color change  (spiegel.de) (13)
(News-Leader) Obvious Today's "naked woman leads police on multi-city car chase" story brought to you by the great state of Ohio and the letters W-T-F  (the-news-leader.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Asinine Obamunists, Paulterians, Mittenfreaks, and maybe even Johnsoners can all agree on something: arresting a WWII veteran for "electioneering" from wearing an Obama t-shirt in a room next to a poll is pretty farked up  (wfaa.com) (72)
(Some Guy) PSA If you grunt so loud on the toilet that your neighbours call the police, it may be time to increase the fiber in your diet  (timescolonist.com) (68)
(CBS News) Interesting Woman who returned adopted child to Russia slapped with restocking fees  (cbsnews.com) (77)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Don't you hate it when you're out having a few drinks with people you know and you end up standing on a table without your pants, cursing at people? Tends to ruin your sister's wedding, you know?  (huffingtonpost.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this giver  (i.imgur.com) (25)
(Fark) Survey Clear your desks, the Fark Weird News Quiz will challenge your knowledge of what happened in the last week and simultaneously determine how busy you were at work  (fark.com) (31)
(Fark) Misc What is the funniest protest sign you have seen? "Descent is the greatest form of patriotism" is subs personal fav  (fark.com) (387)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Interesting Gas pumps have now become self-aware, and they're robbing you too  (abc2news.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting Hey, Hey, Hey, could a "fat tax" be heading our way to cure America's obesity problem?  (theindychannel.com) (337)
(Central Asia Online) Strange For those still laughing at Borat's walking chair joke, here are a collection of Kazakh jokes that will similarly leave you rolling in the aisles  (interfax-religion.com) (32)
(Newser) Amusing Network TV execs are very unhappy about Dish TV's new DVR that automatically skips commercials while recording-so they're refusing to run any Dish TV ads that tell you about the new service  (newser.com) (188)
(Fox News) Florida [tag] + penis = NO PENIS  (latino.foxnews.com) (31)
(Newser) Followup Actually, Virginia GOP legislator Bob Marshall, sodomy is a civil right  (newser.com) (102)
(Slate) Ironic New poll claims only 9% of Americans are willing to participate in polls  (slate.com) (33)
(CNN) Amusing The new French Prime Minister is such an "ai-roh"  (cnn.com) (71)
(The Sun) Followup '9/11 dust' is thought to have killed Donna Summer  (thesun.co.uk) (94)
(Some Guy) Strange Seriously, who is able to steal 110 feet of railroad tracks?  (abc27.com) (93)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida TV news anchor accused of stealing his neighbor's patio chairs, carpet, and scotch  (sun-sentinel.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Followup Zimmerman photos from the night of the incident detailing his injuries, and the 183 pages of court documents, for those who still care, have no life  (610wiod.com) (536)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ready for Fark journalism: "Police said Rachel George spat on, cursed at and kicked officers while they attempted to make her sit, and Sgt. Sean Duffy injured himself striking her in the face"  (triblive.com) (33)
(CSMonitor) Cool Humongous Volkswagen-sized turtle fossils discovered, not expected to be part of Michael Bay's turtle movie, we hope  (csmonitor.com) (32)
(KTLA) Followup Man who sewed son's buttocks shut avoids any time in the hole  (ktla.com) (53)
(PennLive) Stupid You know it's a slow news day if you read about a school board deciding that a children's book is borderline porn, with art from the book for you to decide if it is  (pennlive.com) (124)
(Telegraph) Interesting Contrarian take on Facebook IPO: "You'd be better off investing in Greek government bonds". Facebook IPO discussion thread  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (183)
(Some Guy) Strange It's easy to think UFO 'summoner' Robert Bingham is a crackpot for predicting a mass sighting on Saturday in LA. Except, he's done it before. And it worked  (news.gather.com) (58)
(The Local (Germany)) Silly Airport security to German politician: "Sorry sir, but you can't bring that axe on a plane"  (thelocal.de) (41)
(ESPN) Interesting ESPN releases memo on how to treat the 2012 election: "sarcasm, one-liners, perceived endorsements, attempts at humor or political criticism should be avoided." Sweet sassy molassy, BOO YAAA BOO YAA BOOYAA BOOOYAAAA  (frontrow.espn.go.com) (52)
(BusinessWeek) Spiffy Federal Judge to DOJ: You know that part of the NDA that lets you indefinitely detain anyone you think is "supporting" terrorism? Yeah, the 1st Amendment has a problem with that  (businessweek.com) (162)
(AZCentral) Interesting Møøse reboots Logan's Run, seeks sanctuary, but ran right into the Sandman  (azcentral.com) (39)
(SFGate) Followup Minute Maid labels beverage 'Pomegranate Blueberry' despite only having 0.3% pomegranate juice and 0.2% blueberry juice. Judge: Drink up  (sfgate.com) (145)
(Some Guy) Fail You may find yourself in a strange burial plot, wearing a stranger's clothes. And you might say, these are not my beautiful clothes. And you may ask yourself, how did I get it here? But probably not because you are dead  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (36)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida If you're going to say you're too injured to work, you probably shouldn't get caught running various long-distance races and triathlons. "Her race times also improved after the claimed injury"  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)
(Yahoo) Dumbass NV state lawmaker who ran on a "family values" platform and sent out a mailing attacking her opponent's wife for wearing a dress that was too revealing is now trying to win the Maxim "Hot 100" bikini contest  (news.yahoo.com) (353)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man sues company for $50,000 because he got attacked by geese. The geese could not be found for questioning  (rrstar.com) (34)
(Slate) Spiffy Help me, Prudence, you're my only hope. My mom let me play with her breasts for years after I stopped breast-feeding, and now she's doing it with my sister. How do I stop it?  (slate.com) (92)
(Short List) Sick The only thing more disgusting than these cupcake sausages is how much Subby wants to eat them  (shortlist.com) (29)
(Stuff.co.nz) Obvious Really want to quit smoking? Give me your money, and I'll give it back to you once a blood test proves you're nicotine free  (stuff.co.nz) (57)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA It's your official Let's Pity Chicagoans Affected by the NATO summit discussion thread  (chicagotribune.com) (66)
(WTOP) Interesting The four personality styles of drivers and what it means about how they handle a car. Hint: three of them translate to "asshole"  (wtop.com) (240)
(Click Orlando) Florida Florida evangelist "Apostle Tito" is targeted by members of "Satan's team", or as the rest of us would put it, is arraigned in federal court on child molestation charges  (clickorlando.com) (54)
(NYPost) Asinine Time Warner Cable employee absolutely shocked to find his co-workers watching porn. Hopes $2 million will help him get over the trauma  (nypost.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Scary Six shot, three dead in Louisville. If only there had been an armed citizen nearby we could have prevented this tragedy  (news.yahoo.com) (263)
(USA Today) Florida Florida lowers passing grade for state writing exam. Mississippi: "We can do that?"  (content.usatoday.com) (52)
(Boston.com) Followup Tiny state famous for being tiny spends $75 million on a baseball player to develop a video game. Game over, man, game over  (boston.com) (122)
(Washington Post) Obvious Republican committee, many of whose members live hundreds of miles from DC, hold meeting to discuss DC abortion rights. Bonus: Do not allow DC's only (non-voting) representative to speak. Super bonus: She's a woman  (washingtonpost.com) (147)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Has anyone seen my Spiro Agnew collector's edition cufflinks? They were here yesterday. They didn't just get up and walk away people. They are worth a lot of money you jerks  (myfoxdc.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Hell hath no yard sale like a woman scorned  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop a recruitment poster for Fark  (google.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Scary Exceedingly creepy man arrested for hanging plastic bags full of porn & dildos on young women's doors, then standing outside their apts and fogging up their windows with his breath. Bonus: He looks vaguely like a grown up Butt-head  (newson6.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Hot woman arrested for having sex in a taxi. With pic of the kind of woman who likes to do it in a taxi  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)
(AZFamily.com) Scary Gladiator Fire now at 6500 acres. Nitro, Zap, Blaze inconsolable  (azfamily.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Stupid Man gives sucky TED talk. TED opts not to publish the talk. Man goes full media censorship outrage troll. Internet falls for it hook, line, and sinker  (tedchris.posterous.com) (138)
(Some Guy) Ironic The sex-tourism capital of the world protests Lady Gaga's shows as too provocative. Wait, what?  (abclocal.go.com) (43)
(Wired) Followup 32 years ago today, Mount St. Helens really lost it  (wired.com) (49)
(ESPN) Fail Not News: The Yankees and Red Sox are fighting for a spot in the AL East Standings. News: Last place  (espn.go.com) (91)
(Marketwatch) Unlikely Facebook trading a sign of hope for investors  (marketwatch.com) (54)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Facebook trading a major red flag for investors  (marketwatch.com) (13)
(SFGate) Interesting San Francisco fire chief declared a deadbeat and has a court ordered garnishment of her wages... wait it's a she... checks photo... wait it's a she?  (sfgate.com) (119)
(Mirror.co.uk) Scary Oceans full of "dead zones" where nothing lives could only be 40 years away - and in some places that is already reality  (mirror.co.uk) (142)
(The Sun) Strange Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the quikrete. We have the capability to build the world's first living statue  (thesun.co.uk) (26)
(BBC) Spiffy Grooming tips from the owner of a 14-foot-long mustache  (bbc.co.uk) (27)
(Some Guy) Obvious Infographic of what the average American eats every year. Mmmm...29 lbs of french fries and 23 lbs of pizza...mmmm  (naturalsociety.com) (69)
(Oregon Live) Spiffy It's nice to know that even in this crazy, mixed-up world, a picture of a miniature toy horse can still bring two young lovers together  (oregonlive.com) (30)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Fail Fulton County 911 center is pro-choice. Female employees have the choice to get pregnant, or keep their jobs  (ajc.com) (78)
(Some Guy) Stupid Desmond Hatchett of Tennessee is pleading with the state to help him pay for child support. Hatchett, 33 has fathered 30 children. "I had four kids in the same year. Twice"  (thegrio.com) (185)
(Telegraph) Sick And today's tough lunch choice, real boiled pigs ear or fake boiled pigs ear?  (telegraph.co.uk) (16)
(Telegraph) Weird Running a half-marathon on a treadmill aboard a hot-air balloon proved harder than expected  (telegraph.co.uk) (25)
(AZCentral) Obvious If you're on death row, it's kind of pointless to ask the state to pay for your expensive hip surgery  (azcentral.com) (65)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Two Tennessee dudes take their Mickey D's very seriously  (thesmokinggun.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Cool It's not a hero, it's FARKMAN (some NSFW language & semi-NSFW animated images)  (umop.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Stupid Woman's Center = Groundbreaking. Men's Center = "A room with a PS3 and a bunch of douche bags playing video games"  (www2.macleans.ca) (216)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Support for President Obama amongst the U.S. prison population expected to rise, as the administration ordered federal, state and local officials to adopt zero tolerance for prison rape  (news.yahoo.com) (114)


Thu May 17, 2012
(WVUE) Scary "Police search for three armed men in home invasion." STANDARD HANDCUFFS WON'T WORK, PEOPLE  (fox8live.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Amusing British MP is butt of jokes after seating accident with colleague. In related news: The British are easily entertained  (telegraph.co.uk) (15)
(io9) Scary Warning, baby teeth may cause nightmares  (m.io9.com) (92)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this coal man smoking a cigar  (msnbcmedia4.msn.com) (30)
(MLive.com) Misc Sad: Puppy Mill. Weird: Run by senior citizens. Scary: The Mugshots. It is a Fark Tag Trifecta  (mlive.com) (76)
(Newser) Followup We were hoping it had gone away, but John Travolta's Gropegate lives on: He just couldn't resist a quickie with Kenickie  (newser.com) (125)
(Long Island Press) Scary LIRR train kills man. Earth on verge of war with Omicron Persei 8  (longislandpress.com) (61)
(Click On Detroit) Hero 81-year-old Detroit woman rescued from burning home by grandson. Everyone's happy until they realize that they still live in Detroit  (clickondetroit.com) (31)
(CNN) Followup Happy ending for John Travolta  (cnn.com) (48)
(KTVB) Amusing Underwear bandit breaks through the backdoor, in Fruitland Idaho  (ktvb.com) (24)
(Team Coco) Amusing Thumbs, Dolphins And 98 Other Things That Will Not Exist In 1,000 Years  (teamcoco.com) (68)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Fed to study how banks manage deposits. Their timing is impeccable  (bloomberg.com) (52)
(Miami Herald) Stupid More than 53,000 dead people found to be on Florida's voting rolls, most thought likely to vote for BRAAIIINNNSSS  (miamiherald.com) (212)
(Forbes) Obvious Facebook is a Ponzi scheme  (forbes.com) (195)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Fail Mercury for sale on Craigslist. What could go wrong?  (myfoxtwincities.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this flaming mustache  (img3.etsystatic.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Followup Pentagon reveals scale model of bin Laden's compound used to plan attack. Suck it, Hasbro  (wiod.com) (148)
(Yahoo) Interesting Rodin Museum to reopen in July, Mothra Museum still on hold  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(Connecticut Post) Dumbass Hospital patient caught with pot and psychedelic mushrooms, demands to speak with giant lizard  (ctpost.com) (49)
(CSMonitor) Cool ATTENTION DC FARKERS: Betty White will be at the National Zoo tomorrow. Line up and take your best shot, boys  (csmonitor.com) (41)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA Security experts claim that if you're carrying a laptop or a smartphone in Chicago this week, you might come under a cyber attack because people may think you're part of the NATO summit  (suntimes.com) (126)
(Washington City Paper) Fail D.C. Tour Bus Driver: Numbskull tourists always ask for directions to Private Ryan's grave  (washingtoncitypaper.com) (325)
(Some Guy) Cool Google Earth: Product Placement Central  (technology.gather.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Weird A horse can run out to sea of course, but nobody can think a horse can swim of course, so we had to swim a mile out and rescue this poor horse of course  (abc27.com) (61)
(Gizmodo) Amusing If your neighbors refuse to close their windows while having sex do you C) record the act and post the audio file to Soundcloud for all the Internet to hear?  (gizmodo.com) (287)
(Food and Wine) Cool The best part of waking up is "coffee tincture made by infusing grain alcohol and rum with cracked coffee beans "  (foodandwine.com) (25)
(Yahoo) Sad Babylon's Hanging Gardens--one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World--is about to get boned by oil whores  (news.yahoo.com) (109)
(Marketplace) Spiffy Those silly hippies of the "Occupy" movement have never done anything worthwhile--except get half a dozen major cities to pass the most signficant bank "transparency" laws enacted in a generation  (marketplace.org) (83)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) PSA If you're traveling in Northwest Iowa today, be advised that a massive buffalo breakout happened earlier today and now more than 200 buffalo are roaming around five separate counties  (press-citizen.com) (61)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Man accused of paying prostitutes with heroin and food from the McDonald's dollar menu. That stuff could kill a person, what with all the grease and salt  (suntimes.com) (32)
(Entertainment Weekly) Amusing Will Smith's kung fu son gets right to the point and asks President Obama about the space aliens  (popwatch.ew.com) (83)
(USA Today) Sick 96 percent of the meals that you can get in any restaurant fail to even get close to meeting USDA standards for nutrition. Uh, maybe we should lower the standards? It works for education  (usatoday.com) (85)
(WTOP) Hero Not news: Bartender walks female patron home. News: Thief tries to steal her purse. Fark: Bartender fights him off, gets stabbed eight times. Totalfark: He has no health insurance; the bar is hosting a fundraiser to pay his bills. Can we help?  (wtop.com) (130)
(TMZ) NewsFlash The rainbow flag flies at half-mast. RIP Donna Summer  (tmz.com) (373)
(C|Net) Followup Eduardo Saverin says that he is not dodging taxes by renouncing his US citizenship, in the same way that subby discovered table salt  (asia.cnet.com) (204)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "His voice is so high, it sounds like a ringtone." Reporter meets the new, improved, manly Bieber 2.0 on his 18th birthday  (gq.com) (44)
(USA Today) Unlikely Greek government denies there is a run on the bank as everybody looks to cash out euros now instead of taking drachmas later  (usatoday.com) (64)
(The New York Times) Scary Azithromycin may increase the likelihood of sudden death in adults, especially those who have heart issues. Hey, my dentist prescribes that for me, because of my heart operation. Seriously she does. THUD  (nytimes.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Followup Saggy Pants Bill falls on Alabama Senate floor  (1035superx.com) (47)
(Network World) Interesting A 19th Century Bart Simpson placed history's first prank phone call to Mo's Funeral Home  (networkworld.com) (27)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious It turns out getting a pedicure by allowing tropical fish to gnaw off dead flesh from your feet may give you an antibiotic-resistant disease. Who would have guessed?  (mnn.com) (63)
(Kotaku) Amusing If you are French, and your man is making more love to the new Diablo III game than you, you may be eligible for a free vibrator (Not safe for work pic of woman's second-best friend)  (kotaku.com) (122)
(The Atlantic) Followup FYI: JP Morgan's $2 billion loss is now $3 billion  (theatlantic.com) (102)
(Major League Baseball) Amusing Team trainers to player hit by wild pitch: "Who are you?" Player to trainers: "I am Batman"  (tampabay.rays.mlb.com) (73)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Unlikely Newest urban scourge? Geese. Department of Natural Resources: They'll be handled by the coyotes, which will be handled by the gorillas, which come winter, will simply freeze to death  (ajc.com) (110)
(11 Alive) Amusing After decades of being largely ignored, Atlanta's sizable group of transvestite prostitutes have decided to start group muggings to get themselves back in the spotlight  (11alive.com) (52)
(ABC) Sad As new revelations and charges surface, it's looking more and more like Bigus Dickus was the lead centurion of "The Legion of Christ"  (abcnews.go.com) (119)
(USA Today) Followup Remember the fine print of the Verizon contract that states they can change the terms any time they want? Well, it's that time  (usatoday.com) (252)
(Some Guy) Obvious If you're going to send someone a text inquiring about buying some illegal moonshine, make sure you don't accidentally text a state trooper  (adn.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Strange Don't you hate it when the rocks you collected at the beach spontaneously combust...in your pocket?  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Uh, North Korea, just a little tip? When there is only one country in the whole world that will even speak to you, it's probably best not to hijack their fishing boats and hold their crews for ransom  (washingtonpost.com) (83)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious 16th century home for sale. Exposed wooden beams, oak-panelled dining room, fire place and swimming pool that has been drowned in once. Oh, and Pooh. Lots of Pooh  (torontosun.com) (32)
(Bloomberg) Interesting When you buy your Facebook stock today, understand that Goldman is selling 1/2 of their stock in Facebook, and sit smug knowing you're smarter than Goldman  (bloomberg.com) (48)
(AP) Interesting Majority of US Children now being born to minorities. EVERYBODY HISPANIC  (hosted.ap.org) (272)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this reflection  (i.imgur.com) (30)
(The New York Times) Interesting You know how your doctor calls HDL 'good' cholesterol? Yeah, about that  (nytimes.com) (89)
(Daily Mail) Fail After two years and a $1.5 million stimulus, study on erectile dysfunction doesn't stand up  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(MLive.com) Sick For once, Arby's sandwich found to contain real meat  (mlive.com) (116)
(AOL) Asinine City employee finds gun while mowing. Does he: A) sell it to a 14-year-old who robs a 7-11, B) pawn it and get arrested as it was used in a murder, or C) Turn it in and get fired for possessing a weapon while on the job?  (jobs.aol.com) (216)
(Kansas City) Sad Fisherman's body found at lake. He was ten feet tall and 700 pounds  (kansascity.com) (41)
(Des Moines Register) Fail "One in eight students at Iowa State University didn't realize they would have student loan debt after graduation"  (desmoinesregister.com) (225)
(Albany Times Union) Strange Naked woman walks into lumber store, causes customers to sport wood  (timesunion.com) (92)
(MSNBC) Obvious Coffee that was once good for you, then bad for you, then good, then bad, then good, and then bad again is now once more good for you  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (132)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 367: "Scavenger Hunt 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (98)

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