Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Tue January 12, 2016

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		How getting that catfish surgically removed from your stomach can help you feel 20 years younger source: newser.com \| share:	(12)
		New Texan gun laws backfire on open carry enthusiasts source: boingboing.net \| share:	(53)
		"Once, the table was set for dessert so haphazardly that my spoon ended up next to my water glass instead of my plate" source: nytimes.com \| share:	(24)

		Totalfark: Where the pot calls the kettle black and then gets dogpiled by the waffle iron, crock pot and immersion blender
		U.S.: Where did our ships go? Iran: Oh, these were your ships, United States? So sorry about that. Here they are back source: kob.com \| share:	(80)
		The Supreme Court rules Florida's death penalty is unconstitutional, undoubtedly because no one there is mentally competent to stand trial source: wesh.com \| share:	(25)
		Mark Cuban's advice for whoever wins the $1.4 billion Powerball lottery source: news.yahoo.com \| share:	(109)
		Ever wondered how long those Taco Bell hot sauce packets in your glove box are good for? source: atlasobscura.com \| share:	(34)
		What's worse than finding a weasel in your salad? Finding half a weasel source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(32)

		No blinking. No video. No ads. Just a blank space where the ads used to be
		Florida police need help identifying man hit by car. Now I'm no genius, but I'd guess he's the one covered in tire tracks source: mynews13.com \| share:	(8)
(Reuters)		Photoshop this man putting his foot down source: s3.reutersmedia.net \| share:	(30)
		Study shows that to get rid of your sweet tooth you should eat less sugar source: nydailynews.com \| share:	(80)
		The latest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Florida Man and his sidekick, Other Florida Man source: mynews13.com \| share:	(37)
		Drunken woman arrested while paying court fines, in latest proof that it's always better to just stay home and drink source: freep.com \| share:	(40)
		Alien abductions? Nope, just Best Korea running an (even for them) extremely weird program source: news.com.au \| share:	(45)
		Common food additive found to cause cancer... wait CURE cancer. Fark it, I give up source: gizmodo.com \| share:	(39)
		Being hangry is an evolutionary response to hunger. Ergo creationism should make dieting super easy source: ibtimes.co.uk \| share:	(61)
		NYC Fark Party at White Oak Tavern 1/31 noon source: fark.com \| share:	(16)
		Pixel analysis shows North Korea faked missile footage source: reuters.com \| share:	(87)
		Oregon judge plans on billing people that can't afford snacks 70k a day for their patriotic land use source: rawstory.com \| share:	(465)
		Meals on wheels charity unwittingly tries to give pensioners shinier coats, healthier teeth source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(28)
		Guys, this is a stick up. Guys. Stick. Up source: dailybreeze.com \| share:	(28)
		If you're a window washer and are asked which two words you really don't want to hear - "scaffolding dangling" would be at the top of the list source: khou.com \| share:	(20)
		Whisky, haggis, golf and other things that aren't actually Scottish source: scotsman.com \| share:	(52)
		A private tax system that saves the wealthiest billions using this one weird trick source: nytimes.com \| share:	(83)
		Because, let's face it ... anytime you see the words "industrial accident at the mulch company," things likely didn't end well source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(28)
		Tortoises killed by slow-moving fire source: hulldailymail.co.uk \| share:	(7)
		Prolific British bicycle thief becomes the first person to be given a lifetime ban not just from from riding a bike, but from going within four metres of a bike for the rest of his life source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(24)
		Actually, it's about ethics in interviewing escaped drug cartel kingpins source: rawstory.com \| share:	(56)
		And you thought Costco's samples were finger lickin' good source: mtstandard.com \| share:	(19)
		Ways to make sure you get your cut if your office lottery pool wins big -- without using a metal bat source: fox5dc.com \| share:	(36)
		British trains delayed due to freak weather condition called "bright sunshine" source: standard.co.uk \| share:	(16)
		That's not an UFO, it's a streetlight 'emerging from a space-time portal in the sky' source: express.co.uk \| share:	(26)
		Televangelist Jim Bakker blames the "Spirit of ISIS" for the extreme weather the US is experiencing, his low gas mileage, and that time he stubbed his toe yesterday morning source: rawstory.com \| share:	(91)
		KKK leader convicted of executing a 16-year-old black girl with a crossbow is being reviewed by the North Carolina Parole Commission because he says he found God. No word if he also murdered God with a crossbow source: charlotteobserver.com \| share:	(202)
		Has the Grim Reaper been captured on camera at an English graveyard? (No) source: northampton-news-hp.co.uk \| share:	(69)
		Photoshop this avian photobomb source: abc.net.au \| share:	(24)
		Even in Wales, 80 straight days of rain is considered excessive: "We've had rain of biblical proportions" source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(43)
		After getting called a fattie and dumped by her boyfriend, girl sends her ex a bar of soap made from her own fat. Revenge is cleanly hers source: shanghaiist.com \| share:	(79)
		11-year-old girl aces her IQ test with a perfect 162 score, says she only took the test because she figured an impressive score might be an effective way to stop her parents from nagging her to study source: mentalfloss.com \| share:	(105)
		Vulture causes power outage in Florida. People affected by it try to keep calm and carrion source: clickorlando.com \| share:	(17)
		Second-hand store valor protected by 1st Amendment source: latimes.com \| share:	(88)
		Explosion in Istanbul's tourist area of Sultanahmet. Live-updating source: theguardian.com \| share:	(107)
		♫ I hung the Sheriff ♪ And was discovered by the deputy ♫ source: fox10tv.com \| share:	(14)
		It's official: Governor Matt Bevin is dismantling Kynect, the health insurance exchange that covers 500,000 Kentuckians. Why? Because, fark you source: wfpl.org \| share:	(249)
		Y'all Qaeda attention whores have taken up destroying federal property source: theguardian.com \| share:	(485)
		SUICIDAL DEER - Next 5 Miles source: foxnews.com \| share:	(45)
		Researchers from the University of Maryland find specific brand of chocolate milk that happens to be produced by the university's sponsor aids athletes in concussion recovery source: consumerist.com \| share:	(40)

Mon January 11, 2016

	General Mills: Our yogurt is low calorie. That's good. Chobani: But it's laced with potassium sorbate. That's bad. Dannon: Our yogurt is low calorie. That's good. Chobani: But it's laced with sucralose. That's bad. GM & Dannon: YOU'RE GONNA GET SUED source: startribune.com \| share:	(147)
	Cincinnati Zoo names ugly-ass baby penguin after David Bowie, complete with ugly-ass picture source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(25)
	Hey thief, is that a python in your pants or are you .....hey that IS a python in your pants source: abc7ny.com \| share:	(32)
	1906 San Francisco earthquake leaves no survivors source: abcnews.go.com \| share:	(48)
	Fark NotNewsletter: The stars look very different today source: fark.com \| share:	(25)
	Affluenza mom's lawyer: "Just play dumb" source: cnn.com \| share:	(176)
	Photoshop this ship sight source: i.imgur.com \| share:	(25)
	US now fighting ISIS in the most American way possible: Literally throwing money at the problem source: cnn.com \| share:	(69)
	If you recently lost a foot, BART authorities would like to have a word with you. You may also want to check into the nearest emergency room source: latimes.com \| share:	(36)
	You're telling me you've never had an all female, bikini wearing, Mahjong pool party before? Sure you haven't source: 620wdae.com \| share:	(83)
	Well, it's "No Pants Day" on the DC Metro, and what have we learned? Mainly that pants exist for a reason source: wtop.com \| share:	(76)
	Fox News continues its tradition of sound economic policy by telling viewers to "buy as many lottery tickets as you can afford" source: gawker.com \| share:	(233)
	In what's starting to become de rigeur among the criminal set, the Walmart-engagement sex-toy-bandit couple has set up a GoFundMe page source: mlive.com \| share:	(33)
	Caption this wet babe source: image.pennlive.com \| share:	(31)
(Some Guy)	Your slow cooker may be slowly killing you by slowly leeching lead into your slow-cooked food source: blog.grasslandbeef.com \| share:	(170)
	Bison named Sparky who was struck by lightning in 2013 is still doing well and has even fathered three calves, tentatively named Smokey, Ash, and of course Rod source: news965.com \| share:	(27)
	Photoshop this takeoff source: photocdn2.itar-tass.com \| share:	(35)
	Experts conclude that if you're good enough to write a meaningful message with bullets in Call Of Duty, you're probably wasted in terrorist communications source: thestack.com \| share:	(38)
	The state of Kansas has found a solution to its budget problem: win the lottery. Oh PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE source: kshb.com \| share:	(168)
	TarpMan's new novel features good ranchers, bad gubmint, guns, killing, cannibalism, guns, killing, the Constitution, a rampage against raw milk, and a cowboy lynching a mayor. And guns and killing source: buzzfeed.com \| share:	(287)
	News photographer gets an unwanted scoop as a $250,000 Rolls-Royce plows into the side of his yard source: fox10phoenix.com \| share:	(38)
	North Carolina in your vagina? It's more likely than you think source: gawker.com \| share:	(279)
	ISIS gunmen attack Baghdad mall, reportedly after being denied a new outlet for their brand-name store Beheading Butchery and Beyond source: bigstory.ap.org \| share:	(59)
	Random Cop: Hello, I'm from the DEA. Can I have your drugs? Sheriffs department: Sure. We aren't using them source: rawstory.com \| share:	(51)
	Drones to be used in coyote hunt after traps baited with watermelon fail. If only they'd tried baiting traps with sun dried zucchini, or maybe Big League Chew source: mynews13.com \| share:	(98)
	Fark parents: Here's how to awkwardly talk about sex with your kids source: nymag.com \| share:	(145)
	It's weird, one minute you're just sitting there drinking 18 cans of Foster's Lager and the next you're dressed in a onesie and setting fire to your landlady's porch source: miltonkeynes.co.uk \| share:	(37)
	Police are using your social media postings to calculate a threat score for you source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	(124)
	The Kid's in the Hall, a license to krill and the difference between "one night stand" and "Mormon": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/3 - 1/9 source: fark.com \| share:	(0)
	Will new dietary guidelines make school lunches healthier, or will they always be questionable? source: motherjones.com \| share:	(78)
	Las Vegas casinos are seeing tremendous losses as people realize gambling makes no sense source: money.cnn.com \| share:	(208)
	Photoshop these skiers source: i0.gmx.net \| share:	(25)
	Massachusetts politicians head to Colorado to "study" marijuana source: bostonglobe.com \| share:	(130)
	CAN ADA source: cbc.ca \| share:	(184)
	David Bowie dies following an 18-month battle with cancer. The music world mourns source: billboard.com \| share:	(945)
	81 percent of the products in a Dollar Store contain chemicals that make people more likely to shop in Dollar Stores source: themindunleashed.org \| share:	(79)
(Some Spidermonkey)	Under Maryland law, one can be in a special legal status whereby they're not allowed to have sex with anyone. In the rest of the country it's simply called "marriage" source: carrollcountytimes.com \| share:	(80)
	Two years after the water crisis in Flint began, governor Snyder is finally providing the city with clean drinking water source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(101)
	American woman found murdered in Italy. Authorities plan to blame a Satanic alien plot, arrest a French woman, convict two Africans of the murder, then try a British woman for the crime source: cnn.com \| share:	(43)
	Buried power cables abandoned by Coast Guard are now exploding, hurling one woman and her beach chair ten feet into into a rock jetty source: dispatch.com \| share:	(23)
	Iraqi dam on the brink of collapse could cause up to 500,000 deaths. Or, as they measure it in Iraq, about 0.8 George W. Bushes source: nytimes.com \| share:	(72)
	Woman suffering from Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome vomits up to 15 times an hour. In related news, CVS pharmacies consider name change source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(55)
	Naked Portland violinist loses claim that cops infringed on constitutional rights by interrupting his solo performance outside federal courthouse. "The judge said Mglej's nudity didn't advance a specific message, so it wasn't protected" source: komonews.com \| share:	(30)
	China cancelled its One Child Policy because ratios of male to female hit 117 to 100. In Sweden the ratio is currently 123 to 100 source: abc.net.au \| share:	(73)
	Twenty-one benefits of having a cat - summed up in cartoon form source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(48)
	While NASA gets by on a shoestring, Americans spend four times its budget annually ... on lottery tickets source: npr.org \| share:	(71)
	Fark this house, fark that house, fark this garbage can in particular source: news-press.com \| share:	(44)

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