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Mon January 30, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Dumbass Mother-of-the-year tarts up 5-year-old for TV, sues media for $30M because her snowflake is "perceived sexually"   (theclicker.today.msnbc.msn.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Sad Missing community activist found. Apparently, he fell down a well. Onto a bullet  (washingtonpost.com) (22)
(The New York Times) Obvious "Austerity in the face of depression is a very bad idea." By N. S. Sherlock  (nytimes.com) (49)
(DailyFinance) Scary The list of America's 25 most dangerous neighborhoods. Chicago? NYC? Cincinnati laughs as it robs you at gunpoint  (dailyfinance.com) (82)
(CBS-NY) Unlikely State Senator wants to ban eating on NYC subway trains. All other bodily functions still encouraged  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (72)
(NBC New York) Sad Hey, remember that "Welcome to Vassar" message you got on our early decision applicant web site? Well, about that... funny story  (nbcnewyork.com) (67)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Challenge: What war propaganda would look like if the US went to war with Luxembourg  (en.wikipedia.org) (33)
(Beatcalls) Florida You have a fight with your pregnant girlfriend - do you a) take the blame even if it's not your fault. b) walk away and come back when things cool down. c) rip off all of her clothes and leave her naked in the street. HINT: Florida Tag  (beatcalls.com) (54)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Find out what your animal name is. This link submitted by Flopsy the Laughing Rhino  (buzzfeed.com) (181)
(Washingtonian) Obvious White House sources: Obama will be forced out of the Oval Office in 2013  (washingtonian.com) (143)
(MLive.com) Followup You thought we were done with the horrible neighbors that taunted the dying little girl? They're on the Dr. Phil show today  (mlive.com) (143)
(Some Guy) Scary Woman gives birth to toddler  (abclocal.go.com) (71)
(Kitsap Sun) Dumbass Drunk 21 year old enters wrong apartment, climbs into bed with 80 year old woman. He told police nothing happened, at least nothing he wanted to admit  (kitsapsun.com) (32)
(Slate) Obvious A careful, point-by-point analysis of why Newt's moon base idea is pants-on-head retarded  (slate.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Interesting What's the most useless true fact you know?  (pmbc.com) (959)
(Some Guy) Interesting More lemmings last summer mean more snow owls on the hunt today. No, this is not a metaphor for the political scene in America  (battlecreekenquirer.com) (28)
(News.com.au) Scary School science building burning. Must have been one hell of a paper mache volcano  (news.com.au) (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Protip: when you go to pick up your ten kilogram shipment of cocaine, you should probably wait until you're off duty. And out of your uniform. And not driving your patrol car  (todaysthv.com) (26)
(NYPost) Sad Condo board bullies man to euthanize his pit bull - a "betrayal" of his best friend which drove him to suicide. Yep, there are no winners here. Unless you're the f**king condo board that is  (nypost.com) (226)
(Washington Post) PSA Reminder: When using a government computer network, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy regarding any communications  (washingtonpost.com) (100)
(CTV) Scary Not saying there is any need to panic or anything, but apparently just using one arm to measure blood pressure COULD END UP KILLING YOU  (edmonton.ctv.ca) (59)
(IOL) Interesting Muslim preacher arrested in Kenya, Secret Service plans rescue mission  (iol.co.za) (28)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Just an "accident," officer, you know how confusing those pedals are when you're angry  (tampabay.com) (40)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Dumbass Illinois man sends murder threats and mailbombs to Georgia schools in hopes of getting personal enemies investigated. How'd that plan work out for you, big guy?  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (13)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Detectives give up on murder case, turn evidence over to the public to see if they can figure it out  (heraldtribune.com) (47)
(NYPost) Hero Deceased multimillionaire leaves $1.5 million to chauffeur and doorman. Stiffed ex-wife is nonplussed, but classy: "He could f*ck a nun. I couldn't give a sh*t. We're divorced. The man is dead"  (nypost.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Strange Scientists discover an ancient Egyptian mummy died of cancer. He must have smoked too many camels  (arkansasonline.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Obvious Crowd gathers in North Carolina for chance at sexual chocolate beer. "I am very warm in my coat. Had to skin a wookie to be here, it's basically a walking sleeping bag"  (wdam.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Another Club Med closes, narrowing the list of vacation destinations for balding, hairy-backed men hoping to get invited to a swinger party as they wander about the beach sucking down pina coladas while in the full throes of a mid-life crisis  (couriermail.com.au) (39)
(Daily Mail) Interesting A most peculiar case of blue balls  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(The Sun) Asinine Tourism tip: If you're planning a visit to the U.S., don't tweet about your plans to "destroy America" or dig up Marilyn Monroe  (thesun.co.uk) (124)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Supermarket IDs woman buying pack of spoons, because spoons can be used to shoot heroin. With helpful instructions on how to prepare heroin with a spoon  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Woman's rape claim suddenly loses credibility when police notice all her bruises wash off  (news.com.au) (157)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Cool Facebook detective tracks down attackers  (lep.co.uk) (13)
(NPR) Asinine Employees at new casino facing "term limits"  (npr.org) (134)
(NPR) Interesting Man leaves Catholic church, can't get off god's mailing list  (npr.org) (97)
(Washington Post) Obvious Rick Santorum: We need to cap medical malpractice awards to $250,000. World: Didn't you file a $500,000 malpractice suit against your wife's chiropractor in 1999? Santorum: That was different  (washingtonpost.com) (195)
(Some Guy) Scary Colorado ranchers are using an aggressive breed of sheepdog that will savage any wolf, coyote, or tourist that gets too close to the flock  (gazette.com) (121)
(Gothamist) Silly Two neighbors, one cup. Or, how to deal with thin walls when your neighbors are screwing like mink  (gothamist.com) (100)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting Yoga can make grandma flexible enough that she can get her legs behind her ears again  (sun-sentinel.com) (21)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop these screw stools  (contemporist.com) (19)
(BBC) Followup CEO of government-owned bank decides he doesn't need that £963,000 bonus after all, would rather not go through life with everyone in the country hating his guts  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(ABC) Scary *Knock knock* "What is it Leftenant Sebastian?" "It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here and they've brought a flag." "Damn, that's dash cunning of them"  (abcnews.go.com) (60)
(UPI) Dumbass If you break into the CNN newsroom, it's probably best not to use their computers to check your Facebook status  (upi.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Asinine If you're in the Phillippines, do NOT put on your robe and wizard hat  (abs-cbnnews.com) (29)
(BBC) News 6.3 earthquake hits Peru. Twelve injured, flights delayed, travelers still not able to get over Machu Picchu  (bbc.co.uk) (70)
(Mirror.co.uk) Fail CNN graphics department doesn't know where London is  (mirror.co.uk) (81)
(Some Guy) Weird Another foot washes ashore on Vancouver beach, is immediately offered roster spot with Baltimore Ravens  (huffingtonpost.ca) (48)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Special ed teacher, who had sex with one student and performed oral sex on six others, to serve only 60 days. Guess the gender and level of attractiveness (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (171)
(News.com.au) Sad American insurance company is branching out to act like dicks in the international market  (news.com.au) (70)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 88-year-old former Marine reveals his life as a Hollywood rentboy. Nailed Katharine Hepburn and had orgies with every celeb of the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's. Semper Fi bro, you're now my hero times two  (dailymail.co.uk) (104)
(HelenaIR.com) Stupid Fisticuffs at Cowboy BBQ: "The argument began over whether food was done cooking, with the cook saying it wasn't done and that he would cook it until it was"  (helenair.com) (45)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Five things to never feed your kids, which is basically everything we ate as kids  (huffingtonpost.com) (118)
(Fark) Silly Change one word from the title of movie or TV show that it sounds like it could be something shown on late night Showtime or Cinemax  (fark.com) (413)
(BBC) Scary Ow, My Balls  (bbc.co.uk) (105)


Sun January 29, 2012
(io9) Amusing That'll do, rabbit. That'll do  (io9.com) (74)
(9 News) Interesting Caffeine may alter women's estrogen levels, BUT YOU BETTER KEEP THAT COFFEE COMING, YOU SON OF A BIATCH  (9news.com) (78)
(SeattlePI) Sappy Restaurant owner discovers that over the years, people have tacked more than $10,000 in one-dollar bills to his cafe's walls. Donates 3-grand to the Boy Scouts and the rest to a hospital. Man, did those bills have a lot of dust on them  (seattlepi.com) (72)
(The Sun) Sappy How does a paralyzed man end 19 years of silence? With the phrase: "I love you, ma"  (thesun.co.uk) (43)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange I have no idea what you're saying so here's a picture of a bunch of Indian kids dressed up like Gandhi  (chron.com) (39)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup features some retarded tattoos, a bunch of drunks, plenty of mustache wax, and someone who keeps a disorderly house  (thesmokinggun.com) (107)
(Fairbanks Daily News-Minus) Cool How many people are willing go through with a 10k fun run at -49 degrees? Six, apparently  (newsminer.com) (56)
(Yahoo) Asinine Candidate who was barred from running because she doesn't speak English proficiently vows appeal. At least that's what they think she said, not really sure  (news.yahoo.com) (221)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this professor with a post-it  (rit.edu) (27)
(LA Times) Sad Massive car wreck looks like something out of a bad disaster movie  (latimes.com) (134)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Subby can't speak for you, but this is the first time he has seen 'unibrow' in a legitimate news article  (bangordailynews.com) (34)
(AnnArbor.com) Fail And this month's Penn State award for delay in informing the authorities of child sexual exploitation and/or pornography goes to the University of Michigan  (annarbor.com) (224)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Sad 150 years after the war, a state struggles to heal the wounds that still cut deep. No, not that state. Aaaand, not that war  (startribune.com) (87)
(Wikipedia) Survey Parking Wars, Cupcake Wars, Storage Wars, etc... What kind of _____ "Wars" show would you want to see?  (en.wikipedia.org) (303)
(News.com.au) Obvious Teachers to parents: "We've had enough, it's time to raise your own kids"  (news.com.au) (207)
(Philly.com) Interesting Philadelphia city council puzzled at lukewarm reception to its "Have another drink for the kids" proposal  (philly.com) (20)
(MSNBC) Obvious Somebody actually paid money to find out that travelers don't like the TSA  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(CBS News) Obvious You you own an Apple iProduct? Well, then you are a horrible person and you should feel bad  (cbsnews.com) (449)
(Lake Wallenpaupak) Photoshop Photoshop this drilling dude  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Cool This 6,000 calorie breakfast - 12 slices of bacon, 12 sausages, 14 eggs, 4 black pudding slices, 12 slices of bread, 2 hash browns, saute potatoes, mushrooms, beans, and tomatoes - weighs more than a baby. Get in mah belly  (dailymail.co.uk) (186)
(Some Guy) Asinine Six year old charged with sexual assault over game of tag. That is going on his permanent record  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (155)
(The Consumerist) Obvious This just in: retailers will pay people to write positive reviews of their products  (consumerist.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Stupid It's hard to organize a quality beer festival when 90 out of the 100 highest-ranked beers in America are illegal in your state  (wlox.com) (103)
(Toronto Star) Followup Aviation experts warn: don't try to launch your own half-assed "experiments" into space, they could bring down commercial aircrafts  (thestar.com) (140)
(Some Cool Guy) Cool The coolest snow structures you will see today. Just chill and enjoy  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (40)
(Mirror.co.uk) Asinine Pub landlord suspended for serving pints "too full" of beer  (mirror.co.uk) (165)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Teenagers not wired as whistleblowers." Well, to be fair, a good locker stuffing or swirlie can be considered as a good deterrent  (ksl.com) (76)
(LA Times) Silly You know it's a slow news day when the Los Angeles Times takes issue with the accuracy of Google's Snowflake Doodle  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (34)
(Fark) Survey Which would you rather have: a kiss or a hug? Why?  (fark.com) (278)
(CNN) Interesting CNN Asks "Who should be allowed to teach Yoga?" If their answer is anything other than "hot, flexible broads in tight pants", they're wrong  (cnn.com) (165)
(San Sebastian) Photoshop Photoshop this Tamborillero   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(MetroWest Daily News) Fail Boston to boost the attractiveness of public transportation by raising prices 40% and eliminating night and weekend service  (metrowestdailynews.com) (143)
(Denver Post) Interesting A New York inmate proves that if you have enough time, you too can figure out how to use the IRS Tax Refund system  (denverpost.com) (40)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Don't you hate it when you come home from jail just to find a burglar in your house?  (tampabay.com) (29)
(Huffington Post) Unlikely Mystery lottery winner knows he's won $14.3 million but doesn't want it. That's a lot of trips back to the Bizarro world  (huffingtonpost.com) (79)
(io9) Scary George Washington may have been America's first president, but was he nearly America's first zombie-in-chief?  (io9.com) (44)
(Fark) Sad I had to decide to stop the doctors from feeding my dad tonight. Want to say if you Farkers have dads-bad or good, call them and say, "Hello,"; it'll be important in the end  (fark.com) (422)
(Herald Tribune) Florida 55-year-old Florida man claiming Indian descent wears war paint, headdresses, and performs sacred dance ceremonies at heritage festivals across the state. Some Native Americans have a problem with this (w/ pic of alleged Indian)  (heraldtribune.com) (164)
(Some Guy) Cool I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off... wait a minute, are you just holding on to the can??  (wwlp.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Video of student dancing naked in nightclub paddling pool goes viral: "I'll bet she's regretting it now"  (dailymail.co.uk) (220)

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