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Sunday, May 11, 2008
(Some Bacon Lover) Obvious What cops want during a traffic stop. Doughnuts curiously absent (134)
(AP) Followup Holey throat, Batman Turns out that the man who performed a tracheotomy on himself has had previous experience (21)
(Some Guy) Cool The most awesome three headed bee you'll see all day (69)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid Police raid flea market, preventing sales of counterfeit Chanel, Prada and Louis Vuitton items to buyers who will now undoubtedly purchase the real McCoy. That's some mighty fine use of police resources, Lou (73)
(Yahoo) Interesting National Bicycle Dealers Association reports strong spike in bicycle sales. In other news, a National Bicycle Dealers Association actually exists (110)
(Dayton Daily News) Weird Wal-Mart store detective gives chase to woman who shoplifted baby wipes. Stroller overturns, discharging baby and wipes. Mother clobbers detective with baby wipes. Then it gets weird (65)
(WRAL) Cool Michigan lady just decided to pay $20.00 for a $1.00 parking ticket given to her back in 1976. "Please don't try and track me down. I am a respectable lady" (28)
(AP) Stupid If you're a white officer in the NYPD and are going to hassle a black motorist, make sure he isn't one of the highest ranking officers in the department (165)
(Boston Channel) Interesting Family says girl's mouth taped shut at school. Girl says, "mmm mm mmmmm mm mmmmmmm mm mmm" (91)
(CBS Philadelphia) Amusing The first rule of Cuddle Party is, you do not talk -- No wait, it's keep your pajamas on (167)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ferocious dog (37)
(WCPO 9) Weird Ohio man jailed when 18-year old daughter fails to pass GED exam (266)
(Philly) Interesting Mother's Day was invented 100 years ago in Philadelphia to make up for their deep hatred of Santa Claus (46)
(ABC News) Scary "I love her dearly," mother says of daughter who allegedly plotted to kill her. Mother's Day just got a bit... awkward (39)
(Guardian.com) Interesting "Babylosers" more educated than their "babyboomer" parents, but have worse jobs and lower standard of living. Suck it, overqualified, underpaid, hippie-spawn (337)
(Boston Globe) Sad Tourists wonder if New Hampshire could do something about the gravity, or post a sign warning of spacetime curvature ahead, or something like that (155)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth) Dumbass So you decided to rob a donut shop? And all you had was a BB gun? And this was in Texas? How did THAT work out for ya? (114)
(ABC News) Interesting Thinking of having an office affair? Before you and your object of desire head to the supply room to make the beast with two backs, you might want to check your employment contract (85)
(Guardian.com) Weird It tastes sweet, like a cross between lamb and duck. It's low-fat, free-range, and environmentally conscious. Squirrel: the new "green" meat (174)
(wtol) Silly Pulitzer candidate writes article on man who increased his gas mileage by, of all things, driving the speed limit (73)
(Some Deaf Guy) Cool Putting their heads together, the agencies decided the best thing to do was blow the fireworks up. The best way to do that, they concluded, was to use C-4 plastic explosives. Around 30 pounds (64)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Try to bite off my leg? That's a double eye-pokin' (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this creepy canine (60)
(Time) Sappy Ten best moms ever (slideshow). Happy Mother's Day (96)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida 77 year old homeowner 1, 22 year old woman burglar 0. (w/pic of hittable 22-year-old) (255)
(Jerusalem Post) Amusing "Labor MK and former cabinet minister Ophir Paz-Penis on Saturday urged..." Heh. Sorry. "Paz-Penis urged-" Dude, stop looking at me like that. That's his name. I can't do this if you keep making me crack up (58)
(AP) Scary Pelican slams into vacationing swimmer's face, requiring 25 stitches. Wait till she gets the bill (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Meet your new burger-flippers, the Class of '08. 75% of graduating Dallas seniors can't read above 8th grade level or handle enough math to deal drugs (437)
(CNN) Dumbass As an expert on the subject, the pope declares that "sex can become like a drug" (165)
(AP) Spiffy Dental student thwarts Ceiling Cat's nefarious plans by returning a wallet that went missing 35 years ago (19)
(ITV) Interesting Butt grabbed by British police to help stop explosions (18)
(Canoe) Asinine Pearson Airport hasn't stopped smugglers this stupid in a very long time (40)
(Centre Daily Times) Unlikely Cops, thinking they have a drunk driver, pull over 9-year-old. Turns out drunk is sitting next to the kid (30)
(The Local.se) Weird Never getting on women's bicyles doesn't stop man from getting off (34)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this amphipod (44)
(CNN) Sappy Saturday, for the first and possibly last time, Jenna Bush answered "I do" to a question that is not, "Do you want another drink?" (192)

Saturday, May 10, 2008
(nwfdailynews.com) Florida Wild turkey crashes with a beer truck. Boilermakers are served (42)
(US Census Bureau) Interesting The 6,666,666,666th person alive on earth was born today. If four horseman have just ridden past, don't panic (244)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these two cousins as a storm approaches in rural Argentina (74)
(money.co.uk) Dumbass You fraudulently acquire an extra credit card from your dad's account, and decide to take your friends out on the town, hiring hookers by telling them you're a group of midgets in a traveling circus. Do you: C) Play Halo with the hookers (153)
(Some Guy) Weird All your childhood fears made real in these disturbing pics. SFW but you'll still cringe (276)
(Some Flyguy) Spiffy Today is National Train Day. I choo-choo-choose to get there faster by taking an airplane (104)
(Daily Bulletin) Sad New Age bookstore in a tizzy after their Crystal Skull is stolen, blames Indiana Jones;"I have no idea why someone would take that and not the other things that are equally valuable on the altar." (252)
(Some chick) Photoshop Photoshop this overly compulsive lawn-mowing man (60)
(TBO) Florida There's only one state where mothers are celebrated with a free lunch at Arby's; "This is the best Mother's Day present I've ever gotten." (62)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy The world's largest Lego tower. Seeing as how this is in England though, it probably has police cameras hidden in it (47)
(Some Guy) Cool You can have anything you want at Alice's Restaurant - including this tribute to the real life Officer Obie, who turns out to be a Norman Rockwell model and a fairly cool guy for a cop with a garbage fetish. (w/pics) (87)
(Riverfront Times) Weird College decides to investigate public radio station general manager. Apparently this involves stalking allegations, a DUI arrest, strutting about the office in miniskirts, halter tops and a leather dominatrix outfit. Who said NPR was boring? (54)
(Time) Interesting Time poses the question on all our minds: is it time to invade Burma? (271)
(WWL) Hero New Orleans FBI chief resigns, rather than be transferred back to DC. Something about wanting to stay and help the city, "primarily the African American kids an opportunity so they don't have to gravitate to the street drug trade." (104)
(New York Daily News) Followup Dove says they did not airbrush their MILFs au naturel (95)
(SeattlePI) Unlikely This year's study that says moms' work is work over $100K a year based on false assumptions brought to you by Salary.com (367)
(New York Sun) Asinine NYC to judge: That gun shop owner we're suing? Gag him from mentioning the Second Amendment in his defense (249)
(Seattle Times) Dumbass Alaskan oil production halted by an errant snowplow just in time for the summer driving season. Mission accomplished (41)
(WISN) Interesting "Behavior Detection Officers" added to more airports. Who watches the watchmen? (124)
(Telegraph) Sappy Baby deer decides great dane is its mom (with "awwwwwwwwwwwwww"-inspiring pics) (84)
(Charlotte) Unlikely Salvation now available in a 16.9 oz bottle for $2.00 (336)
(reagan land) Interesting Good: School is working to cut down on salt in student meals. Bad: by cutting back on vegetables (88)
(AOL) PSA Cat's out of the bag. Christine rides again. Stephen King says "No comment." (75)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Australian artist wants to give England a 164-foot-high statue of a horse. English haven't read about Troy, forget that Iocaine comes from Australia, and as everyone knows Australia is populated entirely by criminals (55)
(Pocono Record) Amusing Another year, another duct-tape prom dress story. Prom dress trifecta now in play (72)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine ♫ Ohh.... whose face has been painted on our chim-i-ney? ♫ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♫ (54)
(Some Guy) Silly Britney Spears has phone sex with K-Fed at least once a week. Sure, why not (90)
(kxxv.com) Scary Chinese passenger airplane forced to land because of onboard fire alarms; three injured after exiting airplane, running around it, and getting back in (41)
(Some Chinaman) Obvious Alaska, which produces most of the nation's oil, has highest gas prices. Invasion scrapped at last minute when Alaska determined to already be a US state (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cross-eyed kitty (59)
(UTV) Sad A Limerick man just for a lark, went out for a ride before dark. He fell on his head; he's thoroughly dead; and now he gets posted to Fark (54)
(NYPost) PSA When reading about how the Irish defeated the Ku Klux Klan, make sure you're not doing so on the campus of Nanny State University (209)
(KARE-11) Sick Grandma passes away at home. Do you: C) Prop her up on the only toilet in the house for two months while you pray for her resurrection and force the kiddies to use a pail and shovel? (154)

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