Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Sun May 20, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Fifth Denver Ukulele Festival draws 1,200 players and Don Ho. "For some reason people don't feel as intimidated with this instrument" (denverpost.com)	(14)
		Japanese officials to small NJ town: "We'd be much obliged if you'd tear down your memorial to abused 'comfort women' of WWII." NJ town: "How about 'NO'... and btw, welcome to the Streisand Effect" (japantoday.com)	(36)
		DEA wants to scan all license plates on I-15 in Southern Utah, notes how they already do this in California and Texas and are considering Arizona as well. Papers, please, tovarich (sltrib.com)	(68)
(Some Guys have all the luck)		List of the top 10 most famous real or fictional penises. Yup, he's on there...him too. However, regardless of what your online dating profile says, you are not. Possibly Not safe for work (toptenz.net)	(34)
		Lockerbie bomber, Abdel Basset al-Megrahi, dies after the longest 3 months in history (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(65)
		Photoshop this cheeky painter (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(14)
		Willie Nelson, tell us what you really think. Obvious tag currently sporting panda eyes, distracted by Doritos. Mmm... Doritos (guardian.co.uk)	(41)
		Survey says vacation sex is better. Doesn't mention if that is with or without your regular partner (upi.com)	(38)
		If another country brings a knife to a conflict, bring a nuclear submarine (thesun.co.uk)	(44)
		It appears that even the Brits know not to screw with the native American's burial practices (latimes.com)	(32)
		You go now. You be here four hour. But clean your plate first (dailymail.co.uk)	(57)
		Bonfire of the sensitivities (blog.chron.com)	(45)
		Think Friday's IPO was bad? Zuckerburg loses 50% of his $17.5 billion stake in Facebook in one day (newsday.com)	(108)
		Troubled freighter drifts toward Great Barrier Reef. If only there was some way to coral it (news.com.au)	(17)
		More than 100 fish stolen from hatchery. THIS ISN'T A VICTIMLESS CRIME, FOR COD'S SAKE (seacoastonline.com)	(26)
(WSVN)		Senior Prom held at same location as porn convention, to become Career Day for some lucky couples (wsvn.com)	(22)
		Man severs real estate agent's arm, puts him out of commission (japantoday.com)	(23)
		Woman injured as rock smashes into bus window. This tragedy could have been avoided if she had paper (kmov.com)	(13)
		Toxic chemical found in school sneakers. Hilarity in shoes (smh.com.au)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Masked robbers swipe $500,000 in tires. This is not going to be a good year (ocregister.com)	(18)
(ktvb.com)		I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave a corpse out for ya (ktvb.com)	(44)
		From priests to beasts, it's this weeks Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)	(78)

Sat May 19, 2012

	Fire chief angry at 'idiots' for wasting his department's time and money when they have to rescue them from roof (bostonherald.com)	(53)
(Some Weather Geek)	Ah, wasn't it a wonderful, mild winter? Yes, yes it was, says Alberto (wect.com)	(48)
(Washington Monthly)	How an angler and two government bureaucrats may have saved the Atlantic Ocean. And by "saved" they mean preventing the primary source of food for most fish in the sea from going extinct (washingtonmonthly.com)	(66)
(Some Juggalo)	Clowning is a profession in rapid decline. "We reach out constantly to try to find the younger people to come forward and to join us." ...Yes, down here, where there's cotton candy, and rides, all sorts of surprises... balloons too (dispatch.com)	(109)
	Two Northern California cities dump redlight cameras. Subby's more partial to greenlights, anyway (thenewspaper.com)	(37)
	School board takes courageous stand, says "it's up to teachers to decide whether students' clothes or haircuts are appropriate" (nydailynews.com)	(58)
(LEX18)	Businessman buys $200,000 worth of merchandise at closing Kmart store, donates it all to local county community services and also rents them a warehouse to keep it in (lex18.com)	(46)
	Two cheetah cubs have a romping good time. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(16)
(Some Guy)	The war on drugs is working: Police spend several weeks investigating drug dealer with a whole quarter ounce of marijuana (host.madison.com)	(100)
	Photoshop this tunnel of love (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(29)
(WSVN)	Who wants to volunteer to teach TSA employees to not play with the pepper spray they've just confiscated? (wsvn.com)	(28)
	Law enforcement concerned that some marijuana being grown in California is not being used for medicinal purposes (rockcenter.msnbc.msn.com)	(93)
	San Diego Fark Party, Saturday May 26th 6:00pm at Pizza Port Solana Beach [updated] (fark.com)	(220)
(Some Guy)	Headline: Shrubbery Stolen, Knights Who Say 'Ni' Remain at Large. Fark: No, realli (weston-ct.patch.com)	(34)
	Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the World Expo of Beer (mlive.com)	(21)
	Man steals swan eggs and scrambles them, now finds goose cooked (clickorlando.com)	(64)
	Naked man fleeing police falls through ceiling, breaks through glass door and then it gets interesti.... No, actually that's pretty much it. Ta Da (chicagotribune.com)	(13)
	Plane nearly collides with Denver street light. With helpful news graphic of flying question mark (dailymail.co.uk)	(39)
(Some Woods)	Photoshop this rustic residence (bigpicture.ru)	(27)
	The USS Iowa will make its final mission Sunday, as it departs the San Francisco Bay on its final voyage to LA to become a floating museum (contracostatimes.com)	(118)
	The best restaurant review you'll read all day. "Moments of cooking so cack-handed, so foul, so astoundingly grim you want to congratulate the kitchen on its incompetence" (guardian.co.uk)	(87)
	Boot shaped chicken nugget from Quikmart up for auction. Yes you read that correctly (upi.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)	Turns out that some men love the Zooey Deschanel iPhone ad. You know the one where she's too lazy to open a can of soup, clean her pigsty (cultofmac.com)	(176)
	NASA's Google Map shows where tomorrow night's annular eclipse can be seen from Earth. Sorry, states not named California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, and Texas (pcworld.com)	(60)
	FARK: Target fires "well-liked" employee after 16 years. TotalFark: For leaving late to take her meal breaks. UltraFark: 3 times in 18 months. Law$uitFark: She has a disability that makes it difficult for her to keep track of time (sacbee.com)	(162)
	Me fail English? Unpossible (ca.news.yahoo.com)	(72)
	Geek Pride Night 9pm 5/23 at Skybar in Bowling Green, OH. Farkers most definitely welcome to our party (fark.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)	Not to be done by New Jersey, upstate New Yorkers find their tap water is now horribly saline. Tap water trifecta, anyone? (wcax.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)	SWAT team arrests Chicago protesters for the heinous crime of...making beer. Glad we're safe from THAT particular scourge (chicago.cbslocal.com)	(238)
	RAF pilot lands helicopter on beach... to pick up ice cream. What flavor did Prince Harry prefer? (thesun.co.uk)	(32)
	If you see only one picture of Shaq posing with a Madagascarian mouse lemur today, let it be this one (blogs.scientificamerican.com)	(36)
	"Captain, we're going to take a look in your pilot's case." "OK, let's see. Nav charts, gun, log book." "How long have you been flying with the gun?" "Oh, at least two days" (huffingtonpost.com)	(51)
	Lucky Luke: A man's implanted heart defibrillator may have saved his life in an unexpected way, by stopping a knife during an attack ack ack ack (news.yahoo.com)	(27)
	Penthouse sells for $90 million. Subby remembers when you could buy them for $5 at the 7-11 (money.cnn.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)	Foul-mouthed characters are more likely to be rich, attractive and successful? Well, I'll be goshdarned to heck (trebuchet-magazine.com)	(45)
	TORONTO FARK PARTY - June 2nd. 1pm Blue Jays v. Red Sox, 8pm variety show at The Comedy Bar - stand-up, music and burlesque acts put together by our very own Mike "Nug" Nahrgang (AKA The Mustard Man). Come mooch a beer off Drew (fark.com)	(135)
	Three shipwrecked fishermen survive on clams and seaweed for 10 days, by the end are a little dinghy (thedenverchannel.com)	(25)
	73 year old woman scales Mt. Everest. This is a repeat from 2002 when she was only 63. Showoff (news.com.au)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Third-graders raise $600 for injured Marines. That's like a billion dollars in kid-money (wwaytv3.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)	That awkward moment when you realize the vehicle you reported stolen a few hours ago has been parked in the weeds in your front yard the whole time (dacula.patch.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)	FDA releases little page on their web site stating that within the past ten years 1,000,000 people have been killed by drugs the FDA had previously deemed "safe" (infowars.com)	(162)
	Osaka mayor unrepentant about his crusade against tattooed city employees, says he would refuse to hire Johnny Depp or Lady Gaga (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(67)
(Some Hobo)	Illinois requires your home address when applying for a homeless identification card. No word on the filing fee for a pan-handling permit (PDF link) (cyberdriveillinois.com)	(44)
	According to Captain Johnson, the "Beavis and Butt-head duo" has been arrested for a series of arson fires. Captain Johnson uh, huh huh (stltoday.com)	(17)
	The most annoying cities in America (npr.org)	(162)
(Some woman)	Peanut butter cup brownies. You're welcome (noshandtell.com)	(43)
	No matter how bad things went for you last night, at least you didn't have to call 9-1-1 to report you've been locked inside a Dollar Tree store (nwfdailynews.com)	(17)
	The reason so many men these days aren't vegetarians is because Charles Bronson and John Wayne spent so much time eating bloody steaks and charred burgers while sitting around in bacon-stitched robes (mnn.com)	(110)
	High school goes on lockdown because: a) a nearby bank was robbed; b) a tiger escaped from a local zoo; or c) a food fight broke out in the cafeteria (sun-sentinel.com)	(20)
(Some Screen)	Photoshop this visual void (pdnphotooftheday.com)	(32)
	She works hard for her money... unfortunately this reporter does not (gma.yahoo.com)	(65)
(albuquerque news)	New Mexico governor issues drought warning, names buzzard as the new state bird (bizjournals.com)	(33)
(whptv)	Toms River, New Jersey homeowners find green tap water. Residents panic, ask city officials to do whatever they can to return it to its natural shade of brown (whptv.com)	(23)
(press republican.com)	Bushytail, a baby squirrel who fell out of his nest, has been adopted - by a feline who recently gave birth to five kittens. While all animals are welcome on Caturday, this is starting to get a little weird (pressrepublican.com)	(374)
	Cookie Monster sentenced to fifteen ah-ah-ah, fifteen days in jail. Ah ah ah (palmbeachpost.com)	(35)
(Some Guy)	Police: Son, if you don't cooperate, we can't catch the guy who shot you in the buttocks (timesunion.com)	(27)
	Limbless Frenchman completes first leg of swim challenge handily (bbc.co.uk)	(16)
	SpaceX Dragon spacecraft makes history ... just not the way they intended (bbc.co.uk)	(121)
	Homeless and jobless? Florida woman lives in her car and gets a college degree (mysuncoast.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)	Tired of dealing with a couple drunks on your police shift and the jail is full? Drive them a mile outside of town and abandon them on the side of the road (billingsgazette.com)	(46)
	Gulf oil spill was so big, it reaches Minnesota (twincities.com)	(43)
	Sometimes there is a man who wears a mask, and drinks terrifying amounts of booze. Challenge accepted (dailymail.co.uk)	(51)
	India's richest family decided to release photos of their 27-story, $1 billion home because "there have been exaggerated reports in the media about it" (upi.com)	(136)

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