Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Fri September 03, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Multitasking Domino's Pizza employee makes pizzas and uses stolen debit card information to make phone sex calls simultaneously. Apparently, this is wrong (consumerist.com)	(1)
		Washington and Baltimore have the nation's worst drivers, followed closely by various cities in New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey, and New Jersey (bloomberg.com)	(49)
		Magistrate decrees logodaedaelian hoosegow cageling may retain his thesaurus. You presented this typescript with a more frumptuous epigraph (theglobeandmail.com)	(28)
		Atlanta police and MARTA are prepared for the massive crowds this weekend. I'm looking at you Atlanta Fark partiers (ajc.com)	(23)
		Sharron Angle would not have voted to give New Orleans relief funds after Hurricane Katrina because government needs to learn to live within its means (nola.com)	(82)
		September 3, 1976: Viking 2 Lands on Mars. Leave the very next day having found nothing to rape and pillage (wired.com)	(43)
		Have you ever wondered why the carpets in Vegas are so absolutely hideous? (gizmodo.com)	(169)
		Those who were unemployed during the recession are "grateful," "thankful," "happy" to have now found work. Nah, just kidding, they're whining about being too good for their jobs (washingtonpost.com)	(194)
		American evangelicals have a new crisis at hand: How to sell an abstinence-only lifestyle to China (washingtonpost.com)	(67)
(Rubberband Girl)		Cleveland FARK party set for Friday, October 15th @ The Jolly Scholar. Details in thread (wiki.case.edu)	(29)
		Bikers refuse to cancel rally despite hurricane. I told you they were hardcore (cbc.ca)	(26)
		Obama's Chief of Staff: "F*ck the UAW" Are you sure this is "the most librul president evar?" (salon.com)	(399)
		Celebrity Cougars catfighting on twitter to prove who is the hottest. Bonus: by posting bikini snapshots. (VE for uh... no reason) (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(76)
		Sheen from yesterday's oil rig explosion downgraded to Estevez (cnn.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this tour vehicle (adrants.com)	(8)
(Some Guy)		If you were planning to drink or shower in the creek, you might want to rethink it. And your life choices (thebeatmiami.com)	(41)
(ProJo.com)		Just like tourists, jobs and growth industries, Hurricane Earl dodges Rhode Island (newsblog.projo.com)	(77)
		Japanese head to haunted houses in record numbers to escape heat wave. "Japanese naturally connect summer with being scared and feeling cool thanks to that" (reuters.com)	(59)
		You've got to wonder what she thinks she'll catch after a woman puts a flash light down the back of her pants and a fishing reel down the front (nwfdailynews.com)	(52)
		The average Taco Bell is cleaner than your kitchen (wlsam.com)	(143)
		Boobies bracelets cause quite a stir in schools. Boobies (abcnews.go.com)	(241)
		Cutest picture of orangutan babysitting lion cubs you will see ... well, maybe ever (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)
(Some Guy)		We're going to need a bigger boat (nbcwashington.com)	(31)
(Some Bug)		Photoshop this beetle and bloom (animalpicture.ru)	(25)
		Japanese Doctors decry homeopathy as absurd and not scientifically based. Also cite lack of tentacles, used panties (washingtontimes.com)	(135)
(santa cruz sentinel)		Beer truck barrels down steep road and overturns. Huge traffic jam brewing. Police at lagerheads on how to clean up the mess (santacruzsentinel.com)	(27)
		Teacher suspended for spending too much time teaching about the Holocaust. You know who else spent a lot of time on the Holocaust? (foxnews.com)	(284)
		Principal bans short skirts on campus. Except for the cheerleaders. "It is tradition that they wear their uniforms on game day" (orlandosentinel.com)	(190)

Thu September 02, 2010

	Couple marries inside Walmart, will be eligible for rollback prices on inevitable divorce proceedings (consumerist.com)	(68)
	Armed men rob adult store, beat it before police arrive (news.com.au)	(57)
(jeffandjeremy)	Officer: "Maam where did you place the handcuffs you managed to wiggle out of?" Woman: "um i don't know... oh here they are... Right here in my personal glove box" with uncomfortable news achor video goodness (kzoz.com)	(100)
(Some Guy)	Top five reasons your sushi chef hates you (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com)	(426)
(Some Law)	Photoshop this doggy directive and shopping cart (2.bp.blogspot.com)	(19)
	New Mexico National Guard deploys 82 troops to border, that's about one soldier every 2.2 miles (google.com)	(123)
	Tapped Chilean miner sends wedding proposal to his sweetheart. Article is useless without picks (nydailynews.com)	(47)
	Rescue squad volunteers arrested after taking their ambulance to buy glaucoma medication (nj.com)	(27)
	Oil seen seeping from site of Gulf platform explosion. This is also not a repeat from April (usatoday.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)	Stephen Hawking is the devil because of his malicious distortion of the Divine Truth. With a picture of what Stephen Hawking as the devil may look like (colombiareports.com)	(288)
(Some Guy)	Things you might forget and leave behind at the beach: a watch, sunglasses, towel, fetus. Wait, what? (clickorlando.com)	(66)
(Some Gator Guy)	NJ firefighters called to put out an alligator (northjersey.com)	(12)
	Farker's father going to become the first Canadian to command the space station. As there is no proud tag, cool will have to suffice (cbc.ca)	(299)
(Some Guy)	Nigerian prince has temporary condition as Princess, has baby, turns into Prince again, has large inheritance for you if you only send $5,000 and a nanny (thefrisky.com)	(39)
	Family rights campaigners flip upon hearing that girls aged 12 can get cervical cancer vaccine without parents' consent. Likely to die of shock when they find out 12 year old girls have sex without parents' consent too (dailymail.co.uk)	(175)
(Some Guy)	Fire tornados, erupting volcanoes and killer jellyfish. The next 3-D movie disaster? Even worse. IT'S A SLIDESHOW (foreignpolicy.com)	(12)
	Evolution has been caught in the act as egg-laying lizard gives birth (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(230)
(Some Guy)	Dietary supplements: The daycare snowflake silencing sleep-inducing so you can chill out medicine (big1059.com)	(61)
	US authorities indict eleven executives for smuggling illegal honey into the US. Oh bother (bbc.co.uk)	(43)
	Pregnant woman stabs lover's wife in the head eight times with a Sonic screwdriver (kansascity.com)	(86)
(Some Guy)	Ohio tourists capture irrefutable proof that there be monsters off the shore of Clearwater (wtsp.com)	(119)
(Some Concerned Guy)	There's a movement afoot on the internet to get Stephen Colbert to hold a "Restoring Truthiness" rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. This could get epic (colbertrally.com)	(408)
	See 'Miracle on the Hudson' - in Legos (communitypress.cincinnati.com)	(54)
	SAS searching for gay couple to join the mile high club (thelocal.se)	(81)
	Chinese officials are forcing families with the last name "Shan" to change it, because it requires a character that can't be typed in standard word-processing programs. In fact, you might say, the fit has hit the Shan (news.yahoo.com)	(150)
	Police say gunman killed at Discovery Channel HQ yesterday was motivated by his hatred of shows like "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". So really, he wasn't all bad, then (news.yahoo.com)	(319)
(Some Guy)	Man holds intruder at bay with a grilling fork and steak knife until police arrives. Well done (ksl.com)	(41)
	Walmart book section has something to (Jim) Crow about (ohio.com)	(243)
	UCLA fires a 36-year veteran professor for daring to posit that second-hand smoke effects are bunk. Teaching communism and income redistribution still A-OK (foxnews.com)	(215)
	Marjiuana's effect as a...umm...gateway drug are like..what's that word...overblown (physorg.com)	(259)
(Pat's Papers)	Woman whose car broke fall of 39th-floor jumper annoyed that she just had oil changed (patspapers.com)	(196)
(Some Guy)	Being upset that your estranged wife is seeing a new man is understandable; flying to another country to stab her mother is not (yorkshirepost.co.uk)	(45)
(Some Kid)	Photoshop this bookworm (4.bp.blogspot.com)	(33)
(WDSU)	Oil rig in Gulf of Mexico just south of Louisiana explodes. This is not a repeat from April (wdsu.com)	(1051)
	There's a new breed of patent troll out there (online.wsj.com)	(199)
	Nose-diving hawk halts mail delivery. "The attacks got so bad that she was resorting to wearing a bicycle helmet" (cbc.ca)	(60)
(Some Guy)	Officer arrests man because he doesn't like his bagel with locks (app.com)	(93)
	Showing the country is becoming more Americanized every day, Afghan government forced to bail out the country's largest bank to keep it from collapsing after it invested heavily in risky real estate ventures (news.yahoo.com)	(35)
	Your Fark-ready headline of the day: "Thieves Steal Man's Car, Money And Pants" (wftv.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)	Tow truck driver takes kids for a ride. Beneath his truck, still in their stroller. Drugs may have been involved (940winz.com)	(67)
	Allah Ackbear (theregister.co.uk)	(55)
	Drew's DragonCon Schedule: Sat 11AM: Book signing w/ Joe Peacock (Mentally Incontinent) and Ian Spector (Chuck Norris Facts) in Comics & Artist's Alley, SAT 1PM: Fark Party @ Hilton Bar, rest of con at the Art of Akira Exhibit (fark.com)	(49)
	Caption this picture of Britney Spears and her boytoy looking creepy (i.dailymail.co.uk)	(176)
	Man does not pass go and goes directly to jail for driving drunk on Boardwalk with six kids in his car (nydailynews.com)	(30)
(Some Guy)	But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun (clickorlando.com)	(117)
	Ever wonder what the insides of a Qantas 747 engine looks like? Wonder no more (with video) (dailymail.co.uk)	(78)
	Australian school bans gay Kookaburras (stuff.co.nz)	(48)
	Wife of trapped miner finds another hole he was stuck in (myfoxdc.com)	(114)
	A humpback whale which had been stranded on a western Australia sandbar for almost two weeks was humanely euthanized this morning. And by "humanely euthanized" I mean " blown-up with an explosive charge" (news.com.au)	(112)
	Hurricane Earl likely to spare Jersey Shore, despite massive letter-writing campaign (philly.com)	(54)
(Public Opinion)	Man tells cop he doesn't know why he's naked. Yes, alcohol was involved (publicopiniononline.com)	(27)
	Top 20 tools everyone should own. If you dont't have all of these you are well, a tool (shopping.yahoo.com)	(432)
	Zombie Castro admits "injustice" for gays and lesbians during revolution, still desires brains (cnn.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this ocean contraption (awi.de)	(20)
(Some Guy)	Pennsylvania man wearing only underwear beaten with Wiffle bat, police on lookout for three white men rapping about Revolutionary War heroes (with accompanying picture of what a Wiffle ball and bat may look like) (huliq.com)	(55)
	Woman with barbed wire wrapped around thighs says she's never had sex. No kidding. (With "Oh, yes you would" pic) (dailymail.co.uk)	(261)
	If you are a sleepy Semi driver, watching porn is not the best way to stay awake (abcnews.go.com)	(27)
	Today's Fark-ready headline: Angry grandma allegedly knifed 12-year-old's ear. Dispute involved sassing and a jigsaw puzzle (startribune.com)	(22)
(Some Chick)	Two teens thought it would be cool to take apart 22 caliber shells to use the gun powder to blow things up. Since this is Fark you know it didn't end well (nbc11news.com)	(181)
	Ugly-assed baby black rhino born in Cleveland zoo. W/awww pics (wtam.com)	(29)
	Dangerous chemicals found in tinned food; still better than cockatrices (news.com.au)	(84)
	"'I molested your honor student". Come see the softer side of Sears (cbs2chicago.com)	(96)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 278: "Waterscapes." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)	(275)