Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Wed March 17, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		State's list of worst-at-math schools is retracted due to -- wait for it -- math error made by state (burlingtonfreepress.com)	(12)
		Domesticated dogs probably originated from Middle East wolves. Your dog wants falafel (news.yahoo.com)	(11)
(Some Guy)		Man arrested for crossing the street to buy pizza (wptz.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)		Spring break: rape, drinking, sun, beach, rape (clickorlando.com)	(93)
		Sheriff's helicopter launched to help in high-speed scooter pursuit (tcpalm.com)	(17)
(Some Booted Brit)		Man kicked off train for writing down the titles of songs and artists, including "The Killers" and "Take Me Out" (nme.com)	(35)
($ome Guy)		With $peeding ticket revenue down during the bad economic time$ the $tate i$ con$idering rai$ing $peeding fine$, you know for public $afety (wbir.com)	(75)
		Spring breaker too drunk to remember if he had been robbed. "I noted (he) had urinated on himself" (nwfdailynews.com)	(22)
		University of Texas announces that it's instituting the Van Wilder rule (abcnews.go.com)	(164)
		"So you dive out the window -- still very, very naked -- and strain to stay balanced on your tippy-toes on the lip of the ledge, dangling from the edge in more ways than one" (aolnews.com)	(32)
(Some American)		9/11 Solved. Any questions? (911disclosure.blogspot.com)	(516)
		Yo, dawg. Life herd you like dogs, dawg, so they put some Irish dogs up for St. Patrick's Day (life.com)	(58)
		US kids now getting stoned on Spice, apply for summer Guild Navigator jobs (abcnews.go.com)	(200)
		The cutest monkey snowball fight you'll see all day (dailymail.co.uk)	(42)
		You should never kick your bus driver in the head. Especially when he's driving down the interstate (sltrib.com)	(25)
		The United States Army has changed how they train soldiers for the first time in over 30 years. Apparently, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare doesn't prepare you to carry 60 pounds of gear in the desert (aolnews.com)	(172)
		The most awesome pictures of a Bald Eagle chasing down a European Starling you will see all day (dailymail.co.uk)	(155)
		Body found in golf course pond may be heir to snack food fortune. Police suspect foul play, two-stroke penalty (abcnews.go.com)	(86)
		Photoshop these finance fellows (s.wsj.net)	(40)
		Three students at a D.C. elementary school have been diagnosed with scarlet fever. In other news, we still have scarlet fever (myfoxdc.com)	(163)
(Some Greeter)		Wal-Mart: Rolling back civil rights (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(444)
(Some Looper)		Small Montana town creates 1,000 Buddhas for the Dalai Lama and he promises to visit. So they got that going for them (missoulian.com)	(56)
		Woman claims her clown shoes were defective. No word on that pesky seltzer bottle (nypost.com)	(44)
		Irish Prime Minister meets with O'Bama. Guinness Summit? (abcnews.go.com)	(59)
(Some Guy)		"Only in recent years has St. Patrick's Day become the alcohol-infused Celtic festival celebrated around the world with music, parades, leaping leprechauns and public mischief..." (vancouversun.com)	(210)
		Answering an age old question 'what would the dog do if he CAUGHT the car?', is this story from Chatanooga. BONUS: It was a cop car (accessatlanta.com)	(75)
		Seems like no one comes to visit anymore? Maybe it's because you're behind on your HOA fees (orlandosentinel.com)	(299)
(KFAB)		Showing up for your DUI sentencing with a blood-alcohol level five times the legal limit might not earn you any favors with the judge (kfab.com)	(33)
		Kim Jong Timely-Joke-About-His-Last-Name (aolnews.com)	(98)
		Country musician saw that snow a comin', it was rollin' round the bend, Then he drove his car into a drift, spent four days feeling penned (foxnews.com)	(29)
		Things you can't get arrested for doing with a laser pointer: playing with your cat. Things you can get arrested for doing with your laser pointer: blinding police chopper pilots (myfoxdc.com)	(155)
		Pilot hits own house with plane. He's gonna be sleeping in the hangar for awhile (cnews.canoe.ca)	(39)
		From the 'you're doing it wrong' department: Gunman tries to attack Lenin's corpse in Red Square (telegraph.co.uk)	(74)
		Hello, this is Phil. We found your lost vehicle. You had crashed it in a different place than you thought. But it's still on the Moon (sciencedaily.com)	(98)
		And now, the most moving story you'll read all day (thesun.co.uk)	(45)
(wsbradio.com)		"I know, let's set up our mobile meth lab in the Wal Mart parking lot. Nobody will see anything" (wsbradio.com)	(50)
		Tapping the maple trees in a cemetery is just wrong. And sticky (bostonherald.com)	(61)
		Father of the year candidate gets so drunk and stoned that he leaves his baby in the oven overnight. Authorities report that the child is safe, moist, and tender (cnn.com)	(144)
(NineMSN)		Pictured on the cover of a large Swiss daily while naked on a ledge outside a burning transsexual brothel is definitely not where you want to end up, son (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(45)
		Photoshop Theme: Sequels to movies that quite frankly shouldn't have been made in the first place (en.wikipedia.org)	(47)
(Reader's Digest)		From the rolling green hills of Tennese, to the rocky beaches of Masachusets, Reader's Digest ranks states' road netwurks (rd.com)	(89)
		Man buys scissors from 7-11 so accomplice can hold-up another 7-11 250m away while first man waits in taxi driven by vigilante. And then it gets weird (couriermail.com.au)	(25)
(Some Guy)		If you abandoned 15 pounds of cocaine at a Cincinnati airport bathroom, some very nice men in suits would like to talk with you (wlwt.com)	(53)
		$75 million in pharmaceuticals stolen from Eli Lilly & Co warehouse; thieves said to be happy, erect, steady-legged, may be unable to sleep, pee, breathe, eat, should contact a doctor if symptoms last more than four hours (online.wsj.com)	(55)
		Dentist is accused of using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts inside the teeth of root canal patients. He's expected to be charged with wire fraud (hosted.ap.org)	(68)
		Man arrested after firing shotgun at his own fence. Sigh another story about a pro-gun picketer (hosted.ap.org)	(60)
		Tragedy today, as schoolteacher-eating wolves were killed by Alaskans. They were delicious (msnbc.msn.com)	(144)

Tue March 16, 2010

(Some Guy)	There's a push to make movie theater snacks more healthy. It sounds reasonable until you find out it's being helmed by Bill Clinton (mnn.com)	(138)
	Ever have a teacher who kept chewing your ear off? Probably not like this (aolnews.com)	(43)
(OC Register)	11-year-old boy files claim asking for $500,000 after he trips and burns his foot on beach fire pit. Apparently he was unable to read the DANGER HOT COALS sign or comprehend what a fire pit might contain (ocregister.com)	(125)
	Investigators looking into deaths of two teens linked to "miaow miaow". Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry sought for questioning (telegraph.co.uk)	(88)
	I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a picture of an alpaca surfing off the coast of Peru (telegraph.co.uk)	(54)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these two on the floor in a store (bigpicture.ru)	(29)
	300-pound "White Boy" calls Mom to tell her he left his coke stash at Spank's house. From jail (orlandosentinel.com)	(72)
	Not news: City wants a statue for its anniversary celebration. News: 400th anniversary, making it one of the oldest in the US. Fark: They hired the guy who sculpted Yoda (dailypress.com)	(38)
(KSDK)	Major Case Squad investigating body found in cemetery. Wait till they start digging around for clues (ksdk.com)	(27)
	Trade schools are as useful as bartending school (finance.yahoo.com)	(204)
(Politics Daily)	Life of US soldier in Baghdad saved, thanks to a concerned roommate and a stolen firing pin (politicsdaily.com)	(178)
(Suburban Chicago News)	NTSB says 2008 helicopter crash that killed 4 in Aurora, IL was caused by "inadequate preflight planning", which apparently should have included "try to miss that huge radio tower" (suburbanchicagonews.com)	(71)
	Hipsters buying organic salmon, imported cheeses and perrier with food stamps? It's more likely than you think (salon.com)	(533)
(Some Guy)	In hopes of circumventing anti-smoking laws, man opens up a smoker-friendly tobacco store inside a bar. "The tobacco shop has no walls. Its boundaries are marked off by duct tape." (cjonline.com)	(409)
	Indiana man catches wife in bed with another guy. Guy winds up naked on TV. Actually vice versa, TV winds up on naked guy (wbbm780.com)	(102)
(Courthouse News)	Court rules that an ad depicting giant lawyers with superhuman speed who regularly defend space aliens is not likely to mislead consumers (courthousenews.com)	(33)
	Boss says "ex-drug dealers, convicts and child molesters" make better employees than former soldiers. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (news.com.au)	(376)
	Encyclopedia Dramatica author faces possibility of criminal charges because an article on his site offended an Aborigine (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(296)
	Thief makes off with Starbucks tip jar containing $25, or enough to buy about half a latte (ultimateclearlake.com)	(128)
	Photoshop this Korean cotton picker (inapcache.boston.com)	(35)
	Steve just joined "Making new friends on Facebook who I hope aren't narcs" (abcnews.go.com)	(109)
(Chow.com)	Ten different ways to cook with Guinness. Not included: Getting wasted on stout then buying a death dog at 7-11 at 2 a.m (chow.com)	(119)
	NYPD detectives getting hours of overtime to retrieve their unmarked cars from the impound lot after the NYPD tows them. Brilliant (nydailynews.com)	(47)
	"...dinosaurs were born of Satanic angel who has sex with woman and the animal kingdom that created ungodly reptilian creatures," said the former jail guard wondering why he no longer has a job (dallasnews.com)	(212)
(Valley Indy)	News: Police officer on trial after an internal affairs investigation. Fark: For stealing a $24 garden hose that was later found in the police station (valley.newhavenindependent.org)	(49)
	"Modern British cooking feels more adventurous than a lot of American cooking." Why? Do they put ancho peppers and heirloom tomatoes in their spotted dick now? (theatlantic.com)	(176)
(Courier Press)	Kentucky schools tackle the "cheese sandwich issue," decide to crack down on all these deadbeat kids who keep forgetting their lunch money (courierpress.com)	(161)
	Study: Men with erectile dysfunction twice as likely to be broken hearted (abcnews.go.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)	Ring ring ring, bananas prevent HIV infection (mnn.com)	(116)
	Study finds that women between 2000 and 2009 had an average of 5.65 different sexual partners by the time they were 24, none of which were you (news.yahoo.com)	(461)
	Tiger Woods to return to golf at Mistress ... I mean Masters, Masters (news.blogs.cnn.com)	(148)
	13-year old killed with knife in the library. Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet wanted for questioning as police have no clue (nypost.com)	(53)
	Great: saving your life by making an emergency landing on a nearly-deserted beach. Fark: the beach was nearly deserted, so you know how this ends (foxnews.com)	(177)
	Obituarial lolwuttery: "For love and stability they turned to their father's old nanny, Marie, an uncompromisingly down-to-earth, one-eyed Swiss peasant who, having lost her own baby, kept a picture of his corpse above their beds." (telegraph.co.uk)	(61)
	Your disgusting fat is saving your fatty life (newscientist.com)	(89)
(The Cairns Post)	A: Cow's tongue, rump steaks, lamb chops, limes and onions. Q: What's that in your pants sir? (cairns.com.au)	(23)
(Herald Sun)	Tilting at windmill kills two (heraldsun.com.au)	(40)
	The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It convinces employment agencies to apologize for throwing us out (thesun.co.uk)	(236)
	After birthday party, parents accidentally leave the birthday boy behind at the restaurant. Realizing their mistake after getting home, they frantically look for him 36 hours later (detnews.com)	(164)
	Young, black men should avoid changing license plates in public in Carrolton, Texas. Even if they are a car dealer and are required by law to do so after a sale. Trust me on this one (dallasnews.com)	(326)
	Let those of you who have never stolen a severed hand from a bar cast the first stone (telegraph.co.uk)	(43)
	Thanks to the crystal-clear sound of its PA system, the Port Authority will always have the citizens of Brooklyn prepared in the event of a zzb frzzkd sxpldts (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)	(47)
	Photoshop these mirrors (antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov)	(24)
	Ugg boots aren't only the fashion equivalent of a train wreck, they're bad for your health, too. Here comes the science (telegraph.co.uk)	(291)
	In just one day, English police caught a motorist steering his car with his elbows while using both hands to roll a cigarette and reading from a clipboard placed across the steering wheel, and another woman driving with her hood up (dailymail.co.uk)	(46)
	Soldier wounded by RPG learns to lick his blindness (guardian.co.uk)	(82)
(Some Guy)	Flight Attendants want Congress to limit carry-on bag size because people are not wanting to pay for baggage. If only there was some way to have the same outcome without legislation, perhaps a repeal of some prior policy (kstp.com)	(197)
	"Female driver rolls car after leaving bar, gets DUI" says headline with five extra words (helenair.com)	(73)
(Ireland OnLine)	It is a forward, assertive vintage, with dominant notes of oak, dark currant and tooth shards, the perfect bottle for rousing your sleeping brother who refuses to leave your easy chair (breakingnews.iol.ie)	(20)
	If you don't have a driver's license and have been arrested for it 14 times already -- for the love of God, put on your seat belt (tampabay.com)	(35)
(Missoulian)	If you still can't get credit to buy a home, there's good news: God's issuing mortgages in Montana (missoulian.com)	(34)
	To Americans who don't fully grasp how popular Tim Hortons is in Canada, this pretty much sums it up (torontosun.com)	(214)
	It was a giant penis with water shooting out. Parents were rushing their children away from it so they would not have to explain why grown men wearing fur were drinking the white fluid and dancing in it, too (news10.net)	(213)