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There's a push to make movie theater snacks more healthy. It sounds reasonable until you find out it's being helmed by Bill Clinton (mnn.com)
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Ever have a teacher who kept chewing your ear off? Probably not like this (aolnews.com)
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11-year-old boy files claim asking for $500,000 after he trips and burns his foot on beach fire pit. Apparently he was unable to read the DANGER HOT COALS sign or comprehend what a fire pit might contain (ocregister.com)
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Investigators looking into deaths of two teens linked to "miaow miaow". Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry sought for questioning (telegraph.co.uk)
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I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a picture of an alpaca surfing off the coast of Peru (telegraph.co.uk)
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Photoshop these two on the floor in a store (bigpicture.ru)
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300-pound "White Boy" calls Mom to tell her he left his coke stash at Spank's house. From jail (orlandosentinel.com)
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Not news: City wants a statue for its anniversary celebration. News: 400th anniversary, making it one of the oldest in the US. Fark: They hired the guy who sculpted Yoda (dailypress.com)
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Major Case Squad investigating body found in cemetery. Wait till they start digging around for clues (ksdk.com)
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Trade schools are as useful as bartending school (finance.yahoo.com)
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Life of US soldier in Baghdad saved, thanks to a concerned roommate and a stolen firing pin (politicsdaily.com)
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NTSB says 2008 helicopter crash that killed 4 in Aurora, IL was caused by "inadequate preflight planning", which apparently should have included "try to miss that huge radio tower" (suburbanchicagonews.com)
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Hipsters buying organic salmon, imported cheeses and perrier with food stamps? It's more likely than you think (salon.com)
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In hopes of circumventing anti-smoking laws, man opens up a smoker-friendly tobacco store inside a bar. "The tobacco shop has no walls. Its boundaries are marked off by duct tape." (cjonline.com)
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Indiana man catches wife in bed with another guy. Guy winds up naked on TV. Actually vice versa, TV winds up on naked guy (wbbm780.com)
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Court rules that an ad depicting giant lawyers with superhuman speed who regularly defend space aliens is not likely to mislead consumers (courthousenews.com)
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Boss says "ex-drug dealers, convicts and child molesters" make better employees than former soldiers. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (news.com.au)
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Encyclopedia Dramatica author faces possibility of criminal charges because an article on his site offended an Aborigine (news.ninemsn.com.au)
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Thief makes off with Starbucks tip jar containing $25, or enough to buy about half a latte (ultimateclearlake.com)
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Photoshop this Korean cotton picker (inapcache.boston.com)
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Steve just joined "Making new friends on Facebook who I hope aren't narcs" (abcnews.go.com)
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Ten different ways to cook with Guinness. Not included: Getting wasted on stout then buying a death dog at 7-11 at 2 a.m (chow.com)
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NYPD detectives getting hours of overtime to retrieve their unmarked cars from the impound lot after the NYPD tows them. Brilliant (nydailynews.com)
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"...dinosaurs were born of Satanic angel who has sex with woman and the animal kingdom that created ungodly reptilian creatures," said the former jail guard wondering why he no longer has a job (dallasnews.com)
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News: Police officer on trial after an internal affairs investigation. Fark: For stealing a $24 garden hose that was later found in the police station (valley.newhavenindependent.org)
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"Modern British cooking feels more adventurous than a lot of American cooking." Why? Do they put ancho peppers and heirloom tomatoes in their spotted dick now? (theatlantic.com)
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Kentucky schools tackle the "cheese sandwich issue," decide to crack down on all these deadbeat kids who keep forgetting their lunch money (courierpress.com)
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Study: Men with erectile dysfunction twice as likely to be broken hearted (abcnews.go.com)
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Ring ring ring, bananas prevent HIV infection (mnn.com)
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Study finds that women between 2000 and 2009 had an average of 5.65 different sexual partners by the time they were 24, none of which were you (news.yahoo.com)
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Tiger Woods to return to golf at Mistress ... I mean Masters, Masters (news.blogs.cnn.com)
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13-year old killed with knife in the library. Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet wanted for questioning as police have no clue (nypost.com)
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Great: saving your life by making an emergency landing on a nearly-deserted beach. Fark: the beach was nearly deserted, so you know how this ends (foxnews.com)
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Obituarial lolwuttery: "For love and stability they turned to their father's old nanny, Marie, an uncompromisingly down-to-earth, one-eyed Swiss peasant who, having lost her own baby, kept a picture of his corpse above their beds." (telegraph.co.uk)
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Your disgusting fat is saving your fatty life (newscientist.com)
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A: Cow's tongue, rump steaks, lamb chops, limes and onions. Q: What's that in your pants sir? (cairns.com.au)
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Tilting at windmill kills two (heraldsun.com.au)
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The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It convinces employment agencies to apologize for throwing us out (thesun.co.uk)
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After birthday party, parents accidentally leave the birthday boy behind at the restaurant. Realizing their mistake after getting home, they frantically look for him 36 hours later (detnews.com)
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Young, black men should avoid changing license plates in public in Carrolton, Texas. Even if they are a car dealer and are required by law to do so after a sale. Trust me on this one (dallasnews.com)
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Let those of you who have never stolen a severed hand from a bar cast the first stone (telegraph.co.uk)
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Thanks to the crystal-clear sound of its PA system, the Port Authority will always have the citizens of Brooklyn prepared in the event of a zzb frzzkd sxpldts (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com)
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Photoshop these mirrors (antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov)
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Ugg boots aren't only the fashion equivalent of a train wreck, they're bad for your health, too. Here comes the science (telegraph.co.uk)
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In just one day, English police caught a motorist steering his car with his elbows while using both hands to roll a cigarette and reading from a clipboard placed across the steering wheel, and another woman driving with her hood up (dailymail.co.uk)
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Soldier wounded by RPG learns to lick his blindness (guardian.co.uk)
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Flight Attendants want Congress to limit carry-on bag size because people are not wanting to pay for baggage. If only there was some way to have the same outcome without legislation, perhaps a repeal of some prior policy (kstp.com)
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"Female driver rolls car after leaving bar, gets DUI" says headline with five extra words (helenair.com)
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It is a forward, assertive vintage, with dominant notes of oak, dark currant and tooth shards, the perfect bottle for rousing your sleeping brother who refuses to leave your easy chair (breakingnews.iol.ie)
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If you don't have a driver's license and have been arrested for it 14 times already -- for the love of God, put on your seat belt (tampabay.com)
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If you still can't get credit to buy a home, there's good news: God's issuing mortgages in Montana (missoulian.com)
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To Americans who don't fully grasp how popular Tim Hortons is in Canada, this pretty much sums it up (torontosun.com)
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It was a giant penis with water shooting out. Parents were rushing their children away from it so they would not have to explain why grown men wearing fur were drinking the white fluid and dancing in it, too (news10.net)
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