Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Tue December 01, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Dancing queen attending the "World's Largest Disco" Saturday night spills his beer on a man. Tries to hustle away but the man and his four friends le freak on him, turn him upside down. The good news is he's stayin' alive (buffalonews.com)	(4)
		Former Miss Argentina dies from cosmetic buttocks surgery - and she thought all her problems were behind her (huffingtonpost.com)	(24)
		Tiger charges at photographer. OH SNAP (w/ amazing picture) (thesun.co.uk)	(28)
		North Korea sharply revalues currency. With the new exchange rate, it will now take two wons to make a wight (news.com.au)	(30)
		Owner of the Three Stooges Deli moidered (nj.com)	(27)
		Photoshop this levitating soccer player (cache.boston.com)	(13)
		Just in time for the holiday not-news Mad Lib season, it's the top ten (noun) TOYS that will (verb) KILL your (noun) CHILDREN (orlandosentinel.com)	(35)
		Italian police turn their £150,000 Lamborghini Gallardo into a jump ramp for mini cars. (pics) (dailymail.co.uk)	(54)
(Some Guy)		If an Amtrak train leaving Boston with 48 passengers going 60 miles per hour is due to arrive in Portland at 9:25 p.m., how many whiplash lawsuits will occur when it hits the abandoned car on the tracks at 5:42 p.m.? (updates.pressherald.mainetoday.com)	(37)
		Time again for gold coins to start showing up mysteriously in Salvation Army kettles. Yup, there's the first one (abcnews.go.com)	(82)

Mon November 30, 2009

	Not News: Woman leaves message telling her daughter she will miss a mortgage payment, to send her money for food, on wrong number. News: Owner of wrong number calls back, pays for groceries so woman can keep her house (nbcsandiego.com)	(137)
	"Teen stabbed in Anaconda." Ouch (montanasnewsstation.com)	(91)
	For the last time, people - if you're going to rob the Wendy's drive-thru, make sure your mom isn't working that night (msnbc.msn.com)	(79)
	Palo Alto parents stand by railroad tracks all day to prevent suicidal teens from jumping in front of trains. Because that's waaaaay less boring than actually listening to suicidal teens (npr.org)	(234)
	Photoshop this soaring sculpture (icons-pe.wunderground.com)	(43)
	German tourist tells Disney World security that he had bombs in his backpack. Ha ha, just kidding (hosted.ap.org)	(162)
(Some Guy)	Your mother is in a car accident, so you pull over and C) Kick the reponding State Trooper in the groin (wptz.com)	(125)
	Someone stole Simon? ALLLLLLLL-VINNNNN (620wtmj.com)	(69)
	Instead of providing light during a power outage, lamp oil in a sauce pan will only provide you with pain (knoxnews.com)	(93)
(Mankato Free Press)	Ready-for-Fark headline: "Drive-by gooseing in North Mankato park" (mankato-freepress.com)	(85)
(Daily Nonpareil)	Man tells cops he's wearing nylons and making sexual gestures to passing vehicles because the meth messed with his hormones (southwestiowanews.com)	(47)
	Man 'walking like Frankenstein' says 'hemmer, hammer hammer' while smashing TVs inside Target (myfoxtwincities.com)	(156)
(Drew)	Welcome to the best month for recycling. No, not white elephant gifts, but crap that passes for news. Also, Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/22 - 11/28 (fark.com)	(49)
	IPCC's new plan for saving us all from Global Warming floods: Build a huge Stone Wall. Yep thats the plan, plenty of stonewalling (guardian.co.uk)	(404)
	FAA grounds 130 Boeing 777s over risk of icing up and causing midair engine shut-downs. Just kidding. They rejected NTSB and ALPA warnings, allowing them to stay in the air until 2011. Have a nice flight (cbsnews.com)	(141)
	Photoshop this festive fellow (online.wsj.com)	(42)
	Man who fell neck-deep into a cesspool: "If you panic, that s- - - will suck you right in." (nypost.com)	(60)
	"She puts her hands flat against his chest and leans into him in a simulacrum of a swoon, making a mewling sound " (news.bbc.co.uk)	(161)
	Burglar patiently explains to residents' children that "Obama let him in" while taking a shower (nwfdailynews.com)	(95)
(Some Guy)	Some guy sues because people have been photoshopping his mugshot (phillyburbs.com)	(276)
	Men and women respond differently to danger, brain scan shows. Especially if written by Andrew Lloyd Webber (news.bbc.co.uk)	(87)
	Two Illinois cities have been planning for a pandemic like swine flu for years, and their efficiency is so great that they're offering drive-through H1N1 vaccines (chicagotribune.com)	(58)
	Moller skycar nearing 'virtual flight testing', says company spokesman Duke Nukem (theregister.co.uk)	(146)
	Illinois IRS says it has more than $3.6 million in undeliverable tax refunds. Hey, that's enough to buy a senate seat (chicagotribune.com)	(30)
(Cape Cod Times)	Guy finds large U.S. Navy flare on the beach and brings it home. Doesn't notice the "Do Not Handle" stamped on it. Hilarity ensures as bomb squad called in (capecodonline.com)	(74)
	Pakistan soldiers fighting in Waziristan have killed 100 terrorists a week for the past six weeks. Just two weeks away from the free chicken dinner (bloomberg.com)	(162)
	"On one occasion a milking parlour had been entered and he had stripped down to his pants and climbed into a huge vat of manure." (telegraph.co.uk)	(42)
	Just the thing for this holiday season: His & Hers DUIs. Make the tag a double, barkeep (toledoblade.com)	(35)
	Rockville Police shoot Jesus. Awwwwwkwaaaaaard (msnbc.msn.com)	(116)
(Some Sexist Store)	Store apologizes for suggesting that men should make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a rotary clothesline (digitalspy.com)	(240)
(Cape Cod Times)	"She wanted to get rid of a World War II hand grenade a relative had given her on Thanksgiving" (capecodonline.com)	(61)
	That sound you just heard was Mike Huckabee's political career going down in flames (talkingpointsmemo.com)	(651)
	Two dogs in Beijing diagnosed with swine flu, will be treated with soy sauce (news.com.au)	(45)
	Austrian government moves to ban Santa Claus, saying he is a foreign invader who threatens the racial purity of traditional Christmas celebrations. Don't ever change, Austria (telegraph.co.uk)	(135)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this piece of paper (cdn-www.airliners.net)	(38)
	When driving your pickup into your ex's house just doesn't send the right message, try setting the truck on fire first (stltoday.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)	Organizers of prison raffle realize that offering a first prize of "get out of jail free" may have been a bad idea (digitalspy.com)	(14)
	Church finds success using football to bring people to God, because football is real and can change people's lives (nj.com)	(104)
	British officials spend two years and $500,000 on study proving that 10-pin bowling is a health and safety hazard and should be banned (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
	New Zealand church fined for using cell phone jammers so people's phones don't go off during services. Tag is for the church (earthtimes.org)	(167)
	The 40,000 British parents who home-school their children may be required to undergo a criminal background check to qualify them to teach their children (dailymail.co.uk)	(201)
	Woman says a deranged man followed her off the bus and stole her teeth. "He kept thaying how my teeth were beautiful, like the moon and the starth." (sfgate.com)	(49)
(Some Guy)	Man arrested running down London street in only his socks, with photo of what a sock might look like (lfpress.com)	(24)