Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Fri August 19, 2016

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Clear your desks, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Now 100% sobriety free source: fark.com \| share:	6
		A look at how Gawker justifiably died source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	22
		'This text has no meaning except to scare people who don't understand it.' Cue totes panic source: aljazeera.com \| share:	14

		Was there an angel over Mississippi last night? The state that ranks last in almost everything positive needs all the help it can get source: wjtv.com \| share:	17
		Exxon-Mobil behind the worst mass coral bleaching in history. BLEACHING, CORAL source: rawstory.com \| share:	35
		Texas girl gets prosthetic arm from library. It's due back in two weeks, but can be renewed twice source: foxnews.com \| share:	7
		Hamburgers used to be awesome until scientists came along and started adding seaweed to it source: mnn.com \| share:	24
		'Drug resistant super lice' have invaded forty-eight states. Of course, they're not really all that super, but that's just nit-picking source: 13newsnow.com \| share:	25

		CEO fines 200 employees for not commenting on his social media posts. Spokesperson says "the purpose was to improve morale, especially among young people who needed mentoring" source: usa.chinadaily.com.cn \| share:	23
		22 Irish Travelers indicted under Federal RICO Laws. Thanks, O'bama source: postandcourier.com \| share:	15
		"Dock that worker a day's pay for napping on the job" source: pennlive.com \| share:	26
		Educators continue to fail all basic logic tests, expanding zero tolerance....Just kidding, these guys said "We have not seen zero tolerance be very effective" and they are actually citing evidence and softening policies that remove kids from school source: philly.com \| share:	35
		Australian man in Dubai shares a Facebook post about how to help refugees, winds up getting detained by security forces source: time.com \| share:	28
		Fark Store Daily Deal: Self-stirring camera lens mug. For World Photography Day, and the photographer in your life who knows what an f-stop is and how to take a photo without the autofocus engaged. (Sponsored Link) source: deals.fark.com \| share:	2
		Officials unsure who is dumber; the police chief who tipped off his friend prior to a raid, or the friend who hid the stolen goods but left the meth and guns lying around source: startribune.com \| share:	15
		The pros and cons to including your pet in your wedding ceremony. Pros: Everybody thinks your pet looks adorable dressed in human clothes. Cons: Your dog decides to mark his territory while walking down the aisle source: mnn.com \| share:	18
		NASA now says a large earthquake is 99.9% likely to hit Los Angeles within the next two years. And if any agency is qualified to know when disaster is imminent, it's NASA source: express.co.uk \| share:	74
		You may want to rethink your criteria for choosing friends when your best man fails to book flights and accommodation for the stag party, pockets the money and pretends to have terminal cancer. Bonus, you don't find out until you are at the airport source: theguardian.com \| share:	49
		Man pulled over by cop, cop points gun at him and daughter, threatens to shoot dad in the back twice. Cop spokesman calls it a "teachable moment" source: sfgate.com \| share:	268
		How could you even think something sinister was afoot? source: bbc.com \| share:	29
		Gothic tag recoils in horror; Bela Lugosi's still dead source: archdaily.com \| share:	32
		Zoo shocked to discover that female Komodo dragon who died a month ago had hidden a nest of eggs, only realizes when two babies hatch and crawl into the exhibit source: wtkr.com \| share:	42
		Asshat caught on video kicking girlfriend unconscious in parking lot says he's the victim source: fox5sandiego.com \| share:	132
		Patients in Welsh hospital now able to choose natural lube option for colonoscopy source: bbc.com \| share:	25
		Woman finds out the hard way that it's illegal to happily stab a gila monster in the head with a screwdriver (warning: disturbing pic of dead lizard) source: azfamily.com \| share:	136
		"Baton Rouge has seen more rainfall in just the last seven days than Phoenix has gotten in over the last two-and-a-half years" source: ktar.com \| share:	89
		Apparently, George Lucas has entered into his second career as professional wedding photographer source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	50
		Photoshop this failing Olympian source: i.huffpost.com \| share:	23
		Mom with an autistic daughter makes a simple request on her Facebook page for help in finding a discontinued t-shirt that her daughter loves. 78 shirts later she is overwhelmed with the kindness of strangers source: metro.co.uk \| share:	105
		Not to freak you out, but there are monkeys out there who will steal your hair and use it to floss their teeth source: treehugger.com \| share:	36
		For the record, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is not officially yet done investigating President Obama's birth certificate source: azfamily.com \| share:	110
		TV presenter was in a coma, now not in a coma source: theguardian.com \| share:	43
		I'm better than you because I sweat like a pig source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	123
		TV presenter in a coma, I know, I know, it's serious. TV presenter in a coma, I know, I know, it's really serious source: bbc.com \| share:	55

Thu August 18, 2016

	CNN launches UAS with FAA promoting CNN AIR. UFIA by POS CNN source: engadget.com \| share:	36
	Meet the guy who cleans up after Mexico's worst murders: "Forensic cleaning does not exist in Mexico" (great read) source: aljazeera.com \| share:	40
	You'd think a disease that can kill 95% of its victims would be on everyone's radar, but not in this case source: stuff.co.nz \| share:	91
	Student pilot gets a crash course in what to do if your propeller falls off source: clickorlando.com \| share:	65
	You can't make all your problems go away by having your husband phone people and tell them you just got killed in a car wreck, particularly if one of your problems is that you're going to prison source: getsurrey.co.uk \| share:	19
	Jessie Pinkham arrested for armed robbery, biatch source: wcax.com \| share:	32
	That time you got arrested for prostitution on the day your son was sentenced for murder source: abcnews4.com \| share:	26
	Woman turning 105 knows exactly what she wants for her birthday, and what she wants is a hot fireman with tattoos to bring her cake source: metro.co.uk \| share:	60
	Handlers allow tourist to sit on six-foot long alligator's back and hold its head. What could possibly go wrong? source: express.co.uk \| share:	36
	Who the hell robs an ice cream truck with an assault rifle? source: dnainfo.com \| share:	64
	How to get 1,000,000 frequent flyer miles? Have your baby in-flight source: cnn.com \| share:	14
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this extreme security source: i.kinja-img.com \| share:	24
	In further 'everything in Australia wants to kill you' news, goldfish are growing to the size of footballs and planning to snack on you source: aol.com \| share:	47
	Some genius Rickrolled the NSA hackers source: dailydot.com \| share:	48
	Turns out most of the "holy" men you might meet on a trip to one of China's most sacred Buddhist temples are about as qualified as Miss Cleo source: sputniknews.com \| share:	62
	YEEHAW...Jester's dead source: bigstory.ap.org \| share:	76
	Protip for women going swimming with sharks when on their periods: Be very careful source: metro.co.uk \| share:	69
	Hindu monk who claims to be 120 years old says the secret to a long life is not having sex source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	83
	Seven pit bulls involved in vicious attack source: ktla.com \| share:	113
	Italian bishop says Pokemon is like Nazism. To be fair, the Nazis tried to catch them all, too source: thelocal.it \| share:	36
	On this date in 1587, first child born in America to English parents. Birth certificate and the rest of the Roanoke colony disappear shortly thereafter source: wtop.com \| share:	51
	Fark Food Thread: Do you prefer to make some condiments yourself over store bought options? Share your favorite flavorful condiment recipes to the right source: epicurious.com \| share:	131
	"This is the police, I'm commandeering that bicycle" source: thelocal.de \| share:	19
	Don't drink and text. But if you do, describe it in this article source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	27
	It's always amusing when reporters from competing television stations get into such a heated argument over tweets the cops have to be called. "We'll continue to cover the trial in a professional manner moving forward" source: arkansasonline.com \| share:	13
	Photoshop this bracer source: i2.cdn.turner.com \| share:	15
	Attempts world's highest bungie jump with a GoPro, records his iPhone falling out of his pocket source: wtvr.com \| share:	26
	A teacher named Butts has an "inappropriate relationship" with a female student. And people say Fark isn't their personal erotica site source: sfexaminer.com \| share:	40
(Some Guy)	Man goes through compactor on Albany garbage truck. Again source: waste-management-world.com \| share:	16
	40 people arrested for child pr0n in NJ. They all look exactly what you would expect them to look like source: nj.com \| share:	120
	Due to incredibly critical reports about the private prison system in America, the DOJ announces they will no longer use the private prison industry. Thanks, Obama source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	202
	"Right, next vote: All in favor of staying here and being washed out to sea, please raise your right hand" source: foxnews.com \| share:	19
	"Readers open up about their colonoscopies" source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	61
	Gawker receives its final leg drop source: cnbc.com \| share:	205
	I don't know what's worse -- that this Slate author thinks everyone who follows a Twitter trend to list their first seven jobs is a privileged, elitist scumbag or that this Slate author thinks Twitter users are going to agree on hashtag uniformity source: slate.com \| share:	30
	Why are New York City's streets ALWAYS under construction? source: nytimes.com \| share:	62
	Could you stand up for a moment? Just as I thought, you're doing it all wrong source: philly.com \| share:	25
	Dear Florida, I hope you never change. The world would have nothing to laugh at or nothing to raise their own self esteem without you source: rawstory.com \| share:	64
	Man arrested after he couldn't lift things up and put them down in the place he wanted to source: pennlive.com \| share:	26
	I guess I'll have to MacGyver my lunch... Someone get me a rubber band, paper clip and some sort of power source source: wftv.com \| share:	46
	Uber to launch JohnnyCab in Pittsburgh this month source: gizmodo.com \| share:	53
	Gun advocates file lawsuit, claiming they should be able to carry guns in any manner, such as openly, concealed, mounted on a hat, possibly as a BDSM ball gag source: foxnews.com \| share:	274
	Wisconsin farmer and 16 cows died in what local colleague called a "perfect storm" of shiat. No word have far upwind the Trump rally was held source: foxnews.com \| share:	53
	Ten years and 916 threads ago, our forefarkers brought forth on this site a new abomination, conceived in stupidity and dedicated to the proposition that all posts are created equally worthless. Except the LAST POST-- (LGT LP #1) source: fark.com \| share:	1257
	Oetzi the Iceman's wardrobe was a ragtag mismatch of skins from at least five different species from like 5,300 seasons ago. I wouldn't want to be caught dead with that fashion nightmare on source: bbc.com \| share:	66
	Before you go on vacation, check to see you haven't left your dog on the roof of your house source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	33
	Study from the N.S. Sherlock Institute concludes that low cost airlines aren't actually a value source: flyertalk.com \| share:	55
	Senior citizens in Fark's favorite state face skyrocketing rates of STD transmission. Two in the pink, one in the wrink source: mysuncoast.com \| share:	47
	Fark Store Daily Deal: Big Data e-learning bundle: Hive, Hadoop, Spark, Pig, Cassandra, Oozie, Flume, Sqoop. Big Data πακέτο e-learning: Hive, Hadoop, Spark, Χοιρινά, Κασσάνδρα, Oozie, ρέμα, Sqoop. (Sponsored Link) source: deals.fark.com \| share:	3
	Making sushi requires years of learning the delicate art, and hours of preparation, and ultimately artful presentation. Or hire a robot to do it in seconds source: businessinsider.com \| share:	75
	Paul Manafort tried to stop the Trump Taco Tweet, urging him to call tacos sandwiches source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	160
	Overcomplicate your favorite movie quotes. Example: changing "That rug really tied the room together" to "That carpet produced an aesthetically pleasing effect when viewed with the surrounding furniture and decor" source: fark.com \| share:	718
	Drunken ass falls from 11-story building in Colombia, lives. Behold the power of alcohol (w/ vid) source: belfasttelegraph.co.uk \| share:	29
	I don't want to shock you, but turns out it's very easy to identify the American tourists on a Brazilian beach source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	175
	18 year-old pregnant woman dies after car crash, but baby survived. Initially, woman complained only of leg injury from crash. She was a passenger in the car driven by a man, not her husband. He survived the accident. Move on, nothing to see here source: sfgate.com \| share:	120
	Photoshop these boxing boys source: cdn4.spiegel.de \| share:	14
	Hey guys, riding on the U-Bahn naked, not cool source: thelocal.de \| share:	21
	Workers of the world, fear not the robot revolution ..for you will be taken care of by your new overlords source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	58
	Three men confront 77-year-old woman with plans to mug her. Things don't go as expected source: metro.co.uk \| share:	58
	Can't join the 'mile high club'? Well there's always the 'roof high club' source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	39
	Melbourne ranked the most livable city in the world for the 6th year running. Residents really just too afraid to leave the city and brave the Australian wildlife source: abc.net.au \| share:	80
	Facebook commenters rage on TV station for showing footage of cross burning in SoCal wildfires source: patheos.com \| share:	113
	Navy's goat mascot in training Bill XXXV euthanized after brief illness. Will be remembered fondly, likely with a robust brown sauce and some cumin source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	32
	Dog with a GoPro discovers Bigfoot source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	64
	Latest traffic delay in Calais caused by refugees running around with chain saws attacking cars: "It was something that I can only imagine would resemble a war zone" source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	154
	Autoerotica source: click2houston.com \| share:	52
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 589: "Software Hootenanny 6". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme source: farktography.net \| share:	55

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