Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Wed March 10, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(WALB 10 News)		Ric Romero headline of the day: "Poor choices can end with bad results" (walb.com)	(2)
		A blind man with a seeing-eye dog who was denied entry at a Subway restaurant files outlandish lawsuits with claims that the experience has caused him unimaginable stress. Just kidding, he just won't eat there anymore (cbc.ca)	(76)
		Not news: Gunman prompts school lockdown. Fark: Gunman was wielding a Nerf gun (omaha.com)	(81)
		Now that Al Gore has a Nobel Peace Prize, his creation might be next (news.bbc.co.uk)	(74)
		Large Hadron Collider misses again. This is not a repeat from 2011 (news.bbc.co.uk)	(298)
(Some Guy)		Tips for helping your dog to age gracefully. Apparently getting him a toupee and a Corvette doesn't cut it (mnn.com)	(17)
		Next stop on the Failboni thin ice pond tour - Keystone, CO (with sinking zamboni pic) (denverpost.com)	(46)
(Eating Our Words)		10 impressive-looking dishes that are deceptively easy to make. Your dog wants some coq au vin (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(146)
		Driver charged with DUI hit nearly triple the legal threshold for drunkenness. Fortunately, she didn't hit anything else with her school bus full of kids (dailyherald.com)	(44)
		Vitamin D may help reduce the risk of almost any disease, say doctors who are trying to milk this information campaign for all it's worth (chicagotribune.com)	(79)
		More miracles from modern medicine: "They said there was a rare, but real chance that my bottom jaw would become infected and might have to be removed" (abcnews.go.com)	(54)
		The US Supreme Court cannot afford to be seen taking the side of one corporation over another corporation (cbsnews.com)	(273)
		Defectors spill details of Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il's secret network of agents, whose mission was purchasing Western goods from classified shopping lists (news.yahoo.com)	(58)
		Fresh off an armed raid of three bars for violating a silly administrative policy on beer, State Police raid a city beer distributor and seize cases of expensive Belgian and German brews (philly.com)	(103)
		Is the number of earthquakes on the rise? Are we employing sheep's bladders properly to defend ourselves? (washingtonpost.com)	(64)
		Research shows, Problem Children twice as likely to suffer chronic pain as adults. Karma tag sleeping peacefully (news.bbc.co.uk)	(58)
(Jezebel)		First day on the job, the new editor of Jezebel talked about her constipation. Of course, that attracted a dude with a fetish. So she interviewed him (jezebel.com)	(84)
		Photoshop this focused flow (s.wsj.net)	(35)
		Next time your school's booster club is having a sale of donated items, be sure to go through the stuff and remove the porn, pirated DVDs and Aryan Nation publications (upi.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)		Miami residents can now go online to report municipal problems like trash littering the street. Service to be online in time for Jersey Shore cast to arrive (govtech.com)	(17)
		If you think fish can't live to be 43 years old, you don't know Buttkiss (cbsnews.com)	(59)
		Town puts of street signs warning drivers of drunk pedestrians. With a picture that any Farker would be proud of (telegraph.co.uk)	(58)
		Car designers in 1958 thought we'd drive two-wheeled cars that were guided by radar and balanced by gyroscopes in the year 2000. Instead, we're driving Camry's with problematic pedals (life.com)	(111)
		NYPD informs public that rooftop sculptures are not jumpers, and that gargoyles are harmless as long as you DO NOT BLINK (nj.com)	(149)
		Records show Ohio State shooter had complained his bosses were treating him unfairly, had taken his red stapler (aolnews.com)	(69)
(action figures)		Mad Men Barbie dolls - now we can have sexist office politics in the comfort of our own basements - in easily washable plastic, no less (popeater.com)	(81)
		Jon Stewart to Bush crony Marc Theissen. "It's a very selective world in which you live and it must be quite lovely but here in the real world things aren't so cut and dried" (thedailyshow.com)	(697)
		Prosecutor says that ex-sportscaster was so anxious to help a 14-year old girl in distress that he asked her pimp if he could get with her again (nydailynews.com)	(74)
		"... and make sure the soldiers bring a tank, I wanna ride in a tank" (wtopnews.com)	(96)
		Cool: Teacher gives classroom full of students a lesson in structural integrity. Not so cool: she was driving her jeep at the time (freep.com)	(28)
		Another benefit of Cuba's socialized healthcare: Free sex change operations (abcnews.go.com)	(69)
(Cape Cod Times)		74-year old woman accidentally goes through car wash on the outside of her car (capecodonline.com)	(50)
		You'll be happy to know that TSA screener feeling up your daughter isn't really into her -- he already has a 14 year old girlfriend named "Kitten" (bostonherald.com)	(96)
(Providence Journal)		300-pound bronze female sculpture disappears in Rhode Island, possibly headed to the Jersey shore (projo.com)	(48)
		Is it still considered stealing if you pay for it? (boston.com)	(63)
		Not news: Facing a year in jail for criminal possession of a weapon after hitting a cop. Fark: With a snowball (nydailynews.com)	(104)
		Study finds obesity and depression to be a vicious circle. Circular, like a doughnut right? (news.yahoo.com)	(70)
(Some Old Fart)		Your mom may not be the slut we thought she was but your dad is still a horny old bastard (ottawacitizen.com)	(73)
		New theme park opening for people with special needs. Cartman already preparing with a rock montage (abcnews.go.com)	(46)
(LehighValleyLive)		Just a tip: If you need to drive over to the police station for business, sober up first (lehighvalleylive.com)	(10)
		Think about your six closest friends. Now try to guess which one has herpes (reuters.com)	(195)
		By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Man and ... pillow (metro.co.uk)	(141)
		Corey Haim officially out of the running for Lost Boys sequel (tmz.com)	(710)
		If you're a police officer who enjoys rubbing your penis on cars, you might want to skip mentioning that in your blog (thelocal.se)	(55)
(The Register Citizen)		Psycho killer...signs himself...out of the ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hospital, then he...runs runs runs runs, runs runs runs away (registercitizen.com)	(85)
(Psychology Today)		It's official: Good-looking women like Lara Logan, Melissa Theuriau, and Debra LaFave still have edge in virtually everything over plain-looking women (psychologytoday.com)	(150)
		Nicholas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni are both having affairs. France surrenders (telegraph.co.uk)	(95)
		Iron Photoshop: Hotwheels (hotwheels.com)	(19)
		Ten coolest college courses, or; Why college is a joke nowadays (huffingtonpost.com)	(236)
		The nicest nurse in the world fired for having sex with grieving men who just lost their wives to cancer (thesun.co.uk)	(155)
		Today's female teacher arrested for having sex with student brought to you by sunny Burbank, California (w/you know you'd hit that pic) (nbclosangeles.com)	(108)
		Chuck Norris would be 70 today if time wasn't afraid of him (en.wikipedia.org)	(327)
		And the next extreme sport is: Coupon clipping. Wait, what? (online.wsj.com)	(64)

Tue March 09, 2010

	Water consuption in Edmonton during the Gold Medal hockey game; the beer consumption chart would probably look the same, but upside down (blog.canoe.ca)	(118)
(WGME.com)	Bigfoot spotted in Maine, solid brown everywhere else (wgme.com)	(86)
	I'll bet you thought you wouldn't encounter a news story today about a wolverine making sweet, sweet love to a tree. Well sir, that's why you have Fark (sfgate.com)	(96)
	Theme: Movie poster for movie that never existed, but should have (images.google.com)	(137)
	From the "Are you sure this is a good idea?" department: Water and Sewer to be merged. Bonus: gas company may handle merger (indystar.com)	(59)
(Sioux City Journal)	Iowa Senate passes bar nuisance law. Maybe now we've seen our last cocked-hat over the eyebrow popped-collar douche who orders Glenlivet with Diet Coke (siouxcityjournal.com)	(89)
	Achievement Unlocked : Throw back a grenade before it explodes. Bonus : "I remember thinking that if I didn't pull this off, it was going to hurt" (news.sky.com)	(204)
(Some Guy)	Windows kill up to 1 billion birds in North America each year. "I see no immediate reason why these figures would be erroneous" (mnn.com)	(237)
	Many Americans say they're too tired for sex. But really, they're just not into you (wellness.blogs.time.com)	(149)
	When asking someone to find a hitman to kill hubby, make sure that person isn't a former NYPD detective (abcnews.go.com)	(42)
	Protip: If the Chevy conversion van is rocking (at 3:30 AM in the mall parking lot, under a lightpole), the cops will bother knocking (thesmokinggun.com)	(228)
	The flu symptoms that make you miserable are all in your head (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)
(ScienceBlogs)	Proving yet again that suckers and their money are soon parted, people are paying a New Mexico spa over $100 to smear Japanese bird poop on their faces (scienceblogs.com)	(60)
	Former employee: I'm a huge social networker and stuff so if you don't like pay me $200,000 I'll bring the company down through spam emails. Company: Oooooooo, we're scaaaaared (myfoxdc.com)	(88)
(news4jax.com)	Well, NOW where am I supposed to take this Grade-3 Plutonium runoff? (news4jax.com)	(25)
	Calling Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez a dictator is a criminal offense worthy of jail time according to Constitutional scholar Sean Penn (foxnews.com)	(563)
(Press of Atlantic City dot com)	Actual headline: "Police say fake veterinarian - apparently dressed as a man this time - arrested again". With pics of what a cross-dressing fake veteranarian looks like (pressofatlanticcity.com)	(54)
	Turkey is discovering nothing exposes shoddy sub-code construction and bribed housing inspectors quite like a magnitude 6 earthquake (abcnews.go.com)	(74)
	Lindsay Lohan wants $100M over E-Trade ad because "the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna." (nypost.com)	(336)
	The CIA recommended the use of Ensure Plus for the liquid diet so that detainees wouldn't die from inhaling their own vomit during torture. Seriously (salon.com)	(303)
(Some Guy)	Good idea: Asking helpful policewoman for directions. Bad idea: While driving a stolen car (officer.com)	(15)
	Half of Americans have less than 10K saved for retirement. Those who have more will no doubt be asked to share their pie (money.cnn.com)	(769)
	NYC infrastructure is crumbling, and there are few funds for repairs, but one artist may have a solution: Legos (nypost.com)	(53)
	Due to low sales, Walmart discounts Black Barbie; obviously some people have a problem with this (abcnews.go.com)	(307)
	Never before seen episode of Star Trek TOS has Kirk dealing with a terrible alien threat (youtube.com)	(133)
	Two idiots in a fraternity at submitter's Alma Mater allegedly wrapped some kid in TP and set him on fire. What was the stupidest thing you ever did in college? Bonus: look at the smirk on their mugshots (kentucky.com)	(318)
	Write that on the tombstone: Second person nationwide ever to die in static-sparked fire at a fuel pump (pennlive.com)	(51)
	Ars Technica asks readers to turn off ad-block on its website to help save the site. On that note, if Farkers out there don't mind turning off adblock for Fark we'd sure appreciate it too -Drew (link fixed) (arstechnica.com)	(690)
	"Holy criminy, you just shot the map" (abclocal.go.com)	(97)
	The Florida Senate race is getting hairy: Crist accuses Rubio of using a RNC credit card to get his back waxed (myfoxtampabay.com)	(75)
	Window cleaner commits suicide by stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with a jumbo souvenir pencil. "If you were choosing to take your own life, that's not the way you would do it." (mirror.co.uk)	(112)
	Man Surrenders In Fatal Stabbing. Dude, that's when you should be fighting back the most (cbsatlanta.com)	(12)
	Lil' Wayne gets a year in pris...MAKE HIM PUT THE SUNGLASSES BACK ON (news.bbc.co.uk)	(224)
	Photoshop this stack o' flapjacks (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(34)
	Germany criticizes Greece for being babies who refuse to fix their financial problems, while Greece says they'd have more money if the Nazis hadn't stolen their gold and all their kebab vendors (washingtonpost.com)	(132)
	Auctioneer sells souls to highest bidder, one "Mr. Mephistopheles" (hosted.ap.org)	(46)
	"Milking water out of a cow made of wood with rubber teats is a favorite activity there" (usatoday.com)	(20)
	Brooke Shields says fame is "like a drug." She must be getting desperate for a fix, though, as she's suffering post-partum depression from her career (contactmusic.com)	(57)
	Senate preparing to donate another $66 billion to its slacker bailout fund. Get your Mountain Dew and Cheetos now before it's too late (news.yahoo.com)	(380)
	"Gasoline prices want to decline" says expert, apparently trying to use the Jedi Mind Trick on them (suntimes.com)	(106)
	87 percent of USA Today readers believe dogs are smarter than we think they are (usatoday.com)	(118)
	"Cable guy finds kids home alone": more proof that Hollywood is out of ideas or actual headline? (clickorlando.com)	(53)
	Jon Stewart proves that the SEC is run by those three monkeys with their hands over their eyes, ears, and mouths (thedailyshow.com)	(125)
	What better place to allow an exemption to the smoking ban then at the indoor benefit boxing match for children without health insurance (myfoxdc.com)	(25)
(610 WTVN)	News: triple shooting on Ohio State's campus. Fark: didn't involve a football player (wtvn.com)	(146)
(lohud.com)	Ugly, skankifed, dirty suburban wasteland slum objects to being called a 'hellhole' on SNL (lohud.com)	(133)
	Caption the Queen of the World and James Cameron at the Oscars (telegraph.co.uk)	(77)
	Detroit mayor to unveil plan to bulldoze a quarter of the city. Why stop there? (news.yahoo.com)	(221)
(Some Pill Popper)	Condemned prisoner's execution postponed because...well, because the state of Ohio has to first save his life (clevelandleader.com)	(55)
	Not News: LA City Council can't say "no" to any expenditures. News: Because they have a computer that automatically votes "yes" when they're not in chambers. FARK: Giving them more time for lobbyists and cigarettes (latimes.com)	(46)
	That giant puckering sound you heard was Sheriff Joe Arpaio's sphincter clenching after he found out the controversial emails he thought had been deleted were actually archived by a third-party vendor (azcentral.com)	(148)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this soaring cycle and airborne extemist (lh6.ggpht.com)	(34)
	911: What's the emergency? Caller: Somehow I got my Prius up to 94 (sfgate.com)	(315)
(state journal register)	Not news: Man has heart attack while on the phone with his cell provider. Fark: the operator that saves his life is named Hart (sj-r.com)	(55)
	Goat Boy's mom has been found (dailymail.co.uk)	(97)