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Tue September 23, 2014
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Daily Progress)
 
 
 
Mary bit a little Lamb, his face was white as snow. And the reason Mr. Lamb got bit, well his penis was where it shouldn't go
source: dailyprogress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(26)
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
SpaceX facility in Brownsville promises to let people get the fark out of Texas faster than ever before
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(34)
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
"Snap, crackle, pop" -- good for cereal, bad for porn
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(46)
 
(Fast Company)
 
 
 
Young mothers posting baby pics online should check out Instagram's new "Hand That Rocks The Cradle" MMO
source: fastcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Heineken-themed lounge
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(17)
 
(WTSP)
 
 
 
Update: Boob #3 on the woman with three boobs is officially fake, according to the police report from last week when she reported it stolen along with her luggage at the Tampa International Airport. Some fine journalism there, Lou
source: wtsp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(70)
 
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
People seeking licenses to grow marijuana range from "Cheech and Chong types" to hedge fund managers
source: politics.suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
If going on a drunken rampage through a church and swimming half-naked in the holy water is wrong, then I don't want to be right
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Those runaway Afghan soldiers visited a strip club then headed for Canada when they saw what Americans look like naked
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(35)
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Woman charged with felony after chewing through back seat of police car
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(16)
 
(Poughkeepsie Journal)
 
 
 
Guy arrested at Sonic Drive-in for using counterfeit cash. This is not a $2 bill story
source: poughkeepsiejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(14)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Dog finds out just how deep the rabbit hole goes
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Today in 'old man yells at cloud,' CNBC's Jake Novak gets to the bottom of all of millennials' problems: They're just losers with tattoos
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(151)
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Humane Society accuses Kohl's of committing a faux pas because they are selling jackets labelled as being trimmed with faux fur, only the fur ain't so faux
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Realizing that they've been out-villainous-assholed by ISIS and are losing front page headline status, Boko Haram decides to release a portion of the 200 schoolgirls they abducted back in April
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Psst. Hey pal. I got 748 gallons of primo hydro here that just fell off the back of a truck. You interested?
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(61)
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
"Welcome to Costco, I love you." Err... well maybe not that guy
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(241)
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Geo-engineering an island into a 'sustainable Eden' may have challenges, but you don't have to be an Oracle to see that coming
source: valleywag.gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(28)
 
(WVEC)
 
 
 
Good news: there's a brand new way for idiots to hurt themselves on camera
source: wvec.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(120)
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Apparently, "going postal" is being privatized
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(80)
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
South Africa's pro-women, pro-gay mosque shut down four days after opening. Because nobody bothered to check local bylaws on parking
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(44)
 
(Yandex.ru)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fashion statement
source: img-fotki.yandex.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(15)
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Hearing the global outcry for wider availability of airline food, it's Lufthansa to the rescue
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
Apparently "Don't bite the hand that (literally) feeds you" is a tough idiom to translate into Korean, or North Koreans are far stupider than previously thought as the NK coast guard seizes a Chinese fishing boat and demands a ransom for its return
source: news.asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(112)
 
(KHQ Spokane)
 
 
 
In Seattle, you can be fined for not separating your food trash from your trash trash. To be fair, this is Seattle, so it can be difficult to tell which is which
source: khq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(129)
 
(Hamilton Spectator)
 
 
 
After pipe bursts, Canadian town gets sprayed with hydrochloric acid mist. "We always get funny smells around here"
source: thespec.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(42)
 
(Daily Record (UK))
 
 
 
Gun control is so effective in Britain that criminals are now down to mailing bullets to people they want to shoot
source: dailyrecord.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(61)
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Japanese police confiscate hundreds of pairs of camera shoes, effectively ending sexual perversion in the country forever
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Israeli forces kill suspects involved in death of teens who were killed in revenge for death of Palestinian. Well, I guess that's all settled, then, glad that mess is all over with now
source: america.aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(88)
 
(KMOV St. Louis)
 
 
 
You might want to sit down for this, but it looks like the St. Louis police union doesn't much care for the idea of having its officers wear body cameras. Because, you know, budgets. Yeah, budgets, that's the ticket
source: kmov.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(176)
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
And here we go, the next installment in Slate's important series, "life tips for total morons"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(79)
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Sometimes selling your place as a destination is all in the font you use in your advertising
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
If you climb a fence, go through some hedges, and jump 18 feet down into a moat, don't be surprised if the tiger on the other side decides to come and play with you. To death
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(71)
 
(JSOnline)
 
 
 
A knife fight in a telephone booth doesn't sound very tactical
source: jsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(54)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
World Fark Party IV - Chicago, Illinois: October 4
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(406)
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
For 300 years, the house sat there patiently. Until that fateful night, when the family decided to go out to dinner
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(87)
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Police extract pizza from crash scene and rush it to customers. The delivery driver sustained head and neck injuries, but the important thing is that the pizza survived
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(88)
 
(KAKE Wichita)
 
 
 
Kansas Governor to declare "Zombie Preparedness Month," put a bounty on the head of Rick Grimes
source: kake.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(76)
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
CDC announces ambitious new population control initiative that's going to go fully viral in West Africa by the end of the year
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(188)
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Pet cremation consultant shares some pet owners' unusual requests. In other news pet cremation consultant is a thing
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Heavyweight champ Mike Tyson defends, threatens to knock out anyone who touches injured biker until EMTs arrive; apparently what happens in Vegas doesn't really stay in Vegas
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(132)
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Canada really is influenced by the United States in things like entertainment, fashion, election fiascos
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(55)
 
(Tampa Bay Online)
 
 
 
Florida aquarium releases Freud back into the ocean. Symbols, symbols I tell you
source: tbo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(27)
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
When you're 8 1/2 months pregnant, craving meat, and your refrigerator is empty the logical thing to do is to grab your dad's rifle and bag yourself a moose
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(169)
 
(Yandex.ru)
 
 
 
Photoshop this woman outstanding in her field
source: img-fotki.yandex.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
As clever as that Alaskan television reporter might have thought she was being by profanely quitting on air, she just packed a big ol' nugget of legal headaches in her pipe
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(262)
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Now that Fall is here it means Phoenix can finally cool down to 102 degrees during the day
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(62)
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Man stands his ground against dog during five-year old's birthday party
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(362)
 
(KTUU Alaska)
 
 
 
A window washer at the University of Alaska Fairbanks needs a new bottle of Windex, a few Tylenol and a new pair of underwear after falling while washing windows on the third floor
source: ktuu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
Man drag races his vintage Chevy, flips it multiple times, becomes lodged in the windshield, walks away with no visible injury. TA-DAAA (w/video)
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(77)
 


Mon September 22, 2014
(Newser)
 
 
 
Starbucks' new beer-flavored latte has no actual beer in it, will still cost you three times as much as actual beer
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
England People Problems: How to wear pyjamas as daywear without looking daft
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(65)
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Pro tip: You risk losing some street cred if authorities dub you 'binky bandit'
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(27)
 
(ABC)
 
NewsFlash
 
US airstrikes get Syrious
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(614)
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Because Britain hasn't been invaded by enough giant spiders and huge rats, gigantic daddy long-legs are walking right around the corner to mate and lay eggs within the next fortnight
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(73)
 
(Yahoo Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this watery tow
source: l2.yimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(WYFF 4 Greenville)
 
 
 
"Pants down, this is a stickup"
source: wyff4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"The intruder who evaded Secret Service and bolted into the White House on Friday had 800 rounds of ammunition and various weapons -- including a machete." How many rounds can you load into the machete's magazine?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(200)
 
(LA Daily News)
 
 
 
Recording studio's soundproofing is good enough to keep out the noise of a nearby airport, but not the loud banging from the crossfit gym next door
source: dailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(95)
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Note: if you're being chased by the cops, throw the drugs out the window, not the money
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(21)
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
If you've recently lost some Afghan military officers in North America, Canada would like a word with you
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(69)
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
"Friends," which marks its 20th anniversary today, was almost canned because NBC researchers found the pilot "smug, superficial, and self-absorbed." Oddly, those qualities were the keys to the show's success
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(124)
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: "Bangor police investigating death of small dog by larger dog"
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Baby boomers? Hypocrites. Gen X? Slackers. Gen Y? Narcissists. So, what about Gen Z?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(113)
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Pucker up, baby: it's this week's Mugshot Roundup
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(64)
 
(WUSA9)
 
 
 
Teacher bites toddler to teach the toddler why he shouldn't be biting other kids in the daycare
source: wusa9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(86)
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: Awkward dinner parties
source: en.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(18)
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"It makes you never want to have another orgasm for as long as you live"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(231)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
If you're hiking in the Swiss Alps today and come across a giant flesh cube, don't worry--it's just art
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(79)
 
(Exeter Express & Echo)
 
 
 
Grandma says she accidentally grew cannabis in her garden. Grandchildren delighted
source: exeterexpressandecho.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(72)
 
(Gwinnett Daily Post)
 
 
 
Argument over puppy escalates into a stepfather-stepson sword duel, except only the son knew they were dueling
source: gwinnettdailypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
A reporter quitting live on air by saying, "F*ck it, I quit" is awesome, but doing it so she can go run a cannabis club that she just reported on? That's just bananas (with video)
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(174)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Attorney for police claims shooting of man armed with sword was not driven by race, but by the fact that he was some kind of geeky anime role player or something
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(229)
 
(BigTex.com)
 
 
 
Deep Fried Shrimp Boil, Deep Fried Ice Tea, Deep fried Nachos. These are just a few of the fares you can sample at the Texas State Fair. Sponsored by Lipitor
source: bigtex.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Municipal courts in St. Louis County - particularly the northern portion - issue warrants, file traffic cases, and collect more revenue than any other area of the state
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(129)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter #5: Scotland? In my UK? It's more likely than you think
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
ISIS declares John Kerry an 'old uncircumcised geezer' before crashing into a farmers' market
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(184)
 
(Thrillist)
 
 
 
The oldest bars in every state listed alphabetically. One of these millennia, they may actually get around to cleaning the beer taps and men's room
source: thrillist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(102)
 
(Above the Law)
 
 
 
Biggest tool in law school forces his study group to sign confidentiality agreement with $5000 penalty clause
source: abovethelaw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(114)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Rockefellers trust divests out of oil companies. Tag is for how they made their money in the first place
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(70)
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
If you're a witness in a murder trial, you might want to make sure that the policeman's cellphone which you just stole doesn't ring during cross examination
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(19)
 
(Hexus)
 
 
 
Crooks are buying up cheap PC games in Asia by the hundreds, selling the activation and DLC codes back to western gamers, then throwing away the game and they're making a fortune doing it
source: hexus.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(181)
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Six strange facts about marriage. Turns out number five explains what happens at Fark Parties
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(159)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Atlanta Falcons team suspended after video emerges showing savage beating of Tampa Bay, MIT researchers trying to imagine what a real breast is like, and man takes 1d8 damage from short spear: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/14 - 9/20
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(4)
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
If all the Heaven's Gate cult members committed suicide in 1997, who's keeping their website running? [cue dramatic music sting, followed by haunting melody]
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(79)
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop these wood turners
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(23)
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Woman has third boob implanted so she will be unattractive to men. It didn't work
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(263)
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
At the next UN conclave, the General Assembly will discuss the two biggest terror threats to the world: Ebola and ISIS
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
The Lake Tahoe Ironman triathlon has been canceled due to smoke from a 82,000 acre fire. Wimps
source: blog.sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(26)
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Alcohol was involved
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(21)
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Massachusetts National Guard has misplaced three visiting Afghan Army soldiers. If you see them, please report them. At this time, there is no threat to the public. Repeat, at this time, there is no threat to the public
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(111)
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Oh god, not this story again
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(106)
 
(Fortune)
 
 
 
The latest trend sweeping through luxury resorts that people are willing to pay for? Silence
source: fortune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(152)
 
(San Bernardino Sun)
 
 
 
A high school teacher reassigns classroom seating for some students. A student notices that only blacks were being moved and asks why. The teacher responds, "Because I want to move all the n-----"
source: sbsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(337)
 

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