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Tue March 31, 2015
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Turns out Florida Man is neither faster nor more powerful than a speeding locomotive
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(3)
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Ugly assed newborn jaguar cub makes his debut at the San Diego Zoo, immediately freaked out by Jack Hanna. Then again, who isn't?
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(9)
 
(The Drinks Business)
 
 
 
Ever been so drunk you tried to resuscitate a rubber dinghy? This man has
source: thedrinksbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(17)
 
(Kansas City)
 
 
 
Millennials: I know you're trying to declutter, mom, but I really can't use your 14-foot leather sectional in my 475-square-foot apartment
source: kansascity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(63)
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
Dear parents, When giving medicine to your kids, a spoon for tea is not the same as a teaspoon. Sincerely, American Academy of Pediatrics
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(65)
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Coffee shop employee "accidentally" clicked on a spam email while at work, resulting in the company's Facebook page becoming a porn stream
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(36)
 
(ITV)
 
 
 
Airline passenger leaves "touching" note to pilot in which she thanks him for not killing her and everyone on board by flying the plane into a mountain
source: itv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(48)
 
(ABC)
 
 
 
US military to hold exercises in Ukraine "just because"
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(60)
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
So why DO we dye eggs for Easter? Here come the theories
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(69)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Experts identify ultimate cause of Germanwings disaster: it was the Nazis
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(77)
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this tiara on someone who needs an image boost
source: blogcdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(42)
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
The good news: Somebody finally moved into that vacant building next door in your New York City neighborhood. The bad news: It's coyotes
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(64)
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
There's nothing more adorable than a wanted felon arguing he has an inalienable right to grow marijuana and protect his crop with a sawed-off assault rifle
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(134)
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Want to see a perfectly executed PIT maneuver to stop a suspected DUI driver in an SUV? California Highway Patrol gives a textbook demonstration on the 101
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(129)
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
The risk of living in a state with its own Fark tag is that you never know when you're going to walk into your son's room and find a naked burglar lying down next to him
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
If you injure yourself on croutons, you probably deserve that $2000
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(33)
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Man killed by falling tombstone while hanging Easter decorations at the family gravesite with his wife. Well, at least it was a convenient way to go
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
We're not saying that global warming is the Devil's work, but swarms of flies never seen before in Alaska are being documented there thanks to the state's freakishly warm winter
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(42)
 
(When On Earth)
 
 
 
As the War on Terror approaches its 15th year, never forget that the shortest war on record lasted 38 minutes
source: whenonearth.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(29)
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
How it feels to be circumcised as an adult. Thanks for the tip
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
LBJ was obsessed with his dick. Aren't we all?
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(43)
 
(My Fox Orlando)
 
 
 
"A public library is not a suitable place to have a shrine to the Confederate States of America"
source: myfoxorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(53)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Turn left onto demolished bridge then proceed to your final destination, a fiery death, on right
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(44)
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
Judge gets pissed off when attorney refuses to waive speedy trial for his client. "If you want to fight, let's go out back and I'll just whoop your ass" Attorney: Challenge accepted. Judge: Punch. Attorney: How ya like assault charges?
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(85)
 
(Global Times (China))
 
 
 
South Korea annoyed that China and Japan are attention whores when it comes to cherry-blossom hoopla, declare that those nations' cherry trees are in fact Korean. And so began the Cherry Blossom Wars
source: globaltimes.cn   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(38)
 
(WTFark)
 
 
 
Police raid classic pot and pizza parlor. Police point out that "You'd have to be high to put pineapple on pizza." (With Scrimshaw guest hosting for WTFark)
source: ora.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(54)
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Kid receives a joke "cry baby" certificate from his youth centre basketball team, and predictably, social media goes nuts. Not so predictably, the kid is fine with it and his mom says everyone needs to relax
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(47)
 


Mon March 30, 2015
(NPR)
 
 
 
The creation of the religious right and the birth of Supply Side Jesus
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(157)
 
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
Man shot when two motorcycle clubs get into a fight at an Applebee's. Wait, Applebee's?
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(87)
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Windsor Castle staff holding strike vote, will soon see the violence inherent in the system
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(26)
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
California's death row, the nation's largest, runs out of room. You know, there's a solution for that
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(70)
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
McDonald's will be testing a 24-hour breakfast menu in several markets...just not yours
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(121)
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Just for future reference - If you re-aggravate a neck injury while riding a roller coaster, the court will rule you're 60% at fault. So your payoff will only be $1.5 million
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: 'Ello, guvna
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(42)
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
Teacher arrested for obsessively stalking 11-year-old girl via text message, homework sheets. "Alcorn hid her phone number on a math worksheet by telling the girl to dial numbers that had been circled"
source: wpxi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(110)
 
(Thrillist)
 
 
 
Photoshop these incredibly strong soldiers
source: assets3.thrillist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(22)
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Give a h00t, vote for W00t - stout, that is (round 2)
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(23)
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Taxis are supposed to get you to where you need to go fast, but it shouldn't be because the police are chasing him for a possible DUI
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(12)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
In Rod We Trust (not safe for work)
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(46)
 
(National Journal)
 
 
 
Two federal investigators were just arrested for stealing bitcoin... while investigating criminals who use bitcoin
source: nationaljournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(50)
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
What they don't teach in Med School: Doctors who commit malpractice must then get elected to the state legislature so they can repeal laws named after their dead patients
source: alreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(202)
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Former spokesman for Missouri Auditor Tom Schweich follows his boss's footsteps in the worst possible way
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(96)
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Photoshop Challenge: Create an ad for a new show on the History Channel
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(56)
 
(Medium)
 
 
 
Payday lenders: "Hey, at least we're not the mafia"
source: medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(252)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Grandma not included
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(22)
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Idiot who walks his dog by having it run behind his car named "the laziest pet owner on earth," tied with every other halfwit in your town who does the exact same thing
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(80)
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
If your cunning plan involves snatching the Girl Scout money box from the kids selling cookies in front of a store, then jumping into a getaway car, you may want to rethink your career plans
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(62)
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Malls across new Hampshire hosted a special event for special-needs children in an effort to provide seasonal trauma for all
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Mass exorcism of schoolkids leaves dozens in hysterics as priest attempts to 'banish the Devil.' Church spokesman said: "We haven't received any complaints so far, so there's no problem" (pics of problem)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(119)
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Investigators find that the co-pilot who deliberately crashed an airliner in the Alps had previously undergone treatment for suicidal tendencies, but it was years ago, so it didn't raise any black flags and he was considered a minor threat
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(227)
 
(The Peninsula (Qatar))
 
 
 
Miami Beach celebrates its 100th birthday. Which still makes it four years younger than the average Miami Beach resident
source: thepeninsulaqatar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Apparently God is as effective as a co-pilot as Andreas Lubitz
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(67)
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
New research shows that while treadmill desks do score quite high on the "smug douche" factor, their "actual exercise" score is much lower than expected
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(39)
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
How Yemen could spin out of control. Uh....well...more out of control. Like in a bad way
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(122)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Indonesian police spark impromptu block party after smoke from 3.3 tons of burning cannabis wafts through urban neighborhood. Intrepid journalist reports the high was so intense, he had to "sit down and have a cup of tea"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(49)
 
(Telegram)
 
 
 
What kind of person would glue watch parts to the back of a stag beetle? The same kind of person who would post a want ad for dead bats on Craigslist
source: telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(24)
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
These guys were driving around East LA taunting people. You'll believe what happens next
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(90)
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Caption this curious cow
source: pbs.twimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(41)
 
(ABC News Radio)
 
 
 
America's pets are as obese as their American owners, and that's the problem: "95 percent of owners of overweight dogs and nine out of ten owners of fat cats think their pets appear normal"
source: abcnewsradioonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(85)
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Speeding tickets are down nationwide and fine-dependent courts are having financial trouble
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(127)
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
England's new council bans propose bizarre laws against buskers, pigeon feeding, and the sale of lucky charms, contending such bans are magically judicious
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(25)
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Gay Passion of the Christ" deemed blasphemous. Because an unmarried single guy living with 12 dudes and talking about "loving everyone" is the straightest motherfarker this side of Oedipus
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(155)
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Something's happening at NSA but it's real secret so don't tell anybody
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(204)
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
"While high-profile units like SEAL Team Six and Delta Force get most of the media attention, the number of specialized troops in the U.S. Army National Guard is quietly growing"
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
GermanWings meets FrenchAlps, a collapse in New York that somehow doesn't involve the Mets, and Shi'ites about to be on fire, yo: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/22 - 3/28
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(6)
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
China invites foreign armed forces to take part in a lavish military parade in Beijing this fall marking the 70th anniversary of victory over Japan in World War II. US feels awkward about the invite, but not as much at Japan getting an invitation
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(74)
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
James Bond-themed swinger party at $5 million mansion canceled at the onset after guest drowns. The Aristocrats
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(59)
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
You've heard of marijuana cookies, but heroin-laced hearth bread?
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(14)
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
FBI says a plot to steal seed corn is a "threat to national security"
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(52)
 
(Sydney Morning Herald)
 
 
 
7.5 earthquake off coast of Papua New Guinea, tsunami warning issued
source: smh.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(40)
 
(Yahoo Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this de-escalation
source: l.yimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(20)
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Just because marijuana is legal in Alaska does not mean you can smoke it in the police department parking lot
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(61)
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Paramedic recalls saving physician's life after car crash...who was the same doctor who saved his life as a child
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(57)
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
We bow and toke our joints in praise for the Lord Almighty
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(52)
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
This is why you and your wife should avoid breaking into the home of a female weightlifter. "He hit me, so I socked him in his eye." (Bonus: His & Her mugshots)
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(64)
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
By today's standards, Coney Island's 87-year-old wooden Cyclone roller coaster is tame and dull ... except when it gets stuck on opening day and you have to walk down on the wooden side planks, while looking over the ocean. Now that's excitement
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(26)
 
(7 Deadly)
 
 
 
Coming this Easter: Cadbury Creme Egg milkshakes blended with cheesecake batter
source: 7deadlymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(43)
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Polio eradicated but still no cure for cancer. Wait, reverse that
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
(98)
 

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